Melinda and I were considering buying a car, when a friend recommended we check out Zipcar. It’s called “car sharing,” and basically allows you to rent a car hourly in 50+ cities in the US. Insurance and gas are included (each car has a special debit card in the visor for refueling), and hourly rates [...]

My resolutions: Health To run a 5k two to three times during the week, and a 10k every weekend. Spirit To spend at least 30 minutes each day praying, meditating, studying the Psalms, and journaling. To find a spiritual community. Work To take time each week to learn what one other person at the company does, and how. To keep better records of [...]

My generation has a flair for deriding and ridiculing things that are considered “commonplace” or “popular” in an attempt to elevate ourselves “above” the average. This of course does not involve actually rising above anything, only belittling other things. Things that are commonly derided are watching television, all music which has ever been played on [...]

“Yesterday (11/11/09) they found Niña Emma. I was there in the exact moment they found her, and it was sad to see them giving thanks to God for having found her, even though she was dead.” I received this note yesterday from one of the Salvadorans who works for the Peace Corps. Later, another staff member [...]

I have not heard anything more on my host family, but reports in the news are saying that rescue workers are making progress on locating all those who are missing. An article from the BBC estimates that some 10,000 Salvadorans have been left in dire need of food and water as a result of Sunday’s [...]

Last night, shortly after posting, I got more information about my host family. In a newspaper article (in Spanish), it was reported that David, Emma’s husband, spent Saturday night in his corn field, as the heavy rains prevented him from traveling home. The landslide struck in the middle of the night, but he was able to [...]

If you have been following the news out of El Salvador, you may have noticed that one town has been receiving the most coverage; Verapaz. For the first three months I was in El Salvador serving with the Peace Corps, I lived in this town. The moment I saw the headlines, I picked up the phone [...]

In June I found out Pearl Jam had recorded a new album, to be released in September. Their last album, released three years ago, had re-tread the ground covered in their 18 year history, so a new album could only mean that the band was heading in a new direction. A few weeks ago, I picked [...]

I remember the day, about 12 years ago, that my brother came into the family room to play a song for me off a CD he’d just bought. The album was Yield by Pearl Jam, which a friend of his had recommended. The song was “Wishlist,” and he was mesmerized by it. I was 13 at [...]

I’m studying the beatitudes, but haven’t gotten any farther than the second one– “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” “Blessed” is not a word we use often today, so I checked a different translation to see how else it might be stated: “Happy are those who are sad: for they shall [...]

I found the book of Lamentations during college. As a young, conservative, evangelical Christian, I had made several attempts to read through the entire Bible. There was even a time when I tried to read through every line of the genealogies—not because I really wanted to or thought it would benefit me in any way, [...]

“I said to myself, ‘The Eternal One is my portion, so I will hope in him.’” This line is from an ancient Hebrew poem in the Biblical book of Lamentations. “Lamentation” means complaint, mourning, dirge, or sadness. Another word for lamentation is jeremiad, after the author of the book, the Jewish prophet Jeremiah, who wrote the [...]

Unfortunately, I forgot to activate the new blog before yesterday's post, so if you tried to look it at, you would have been unsuccessful. I just took care of that, however; go have a look at threetwofour.wordpress.com. I'm just now putting the finishing touches on that new post I mentioned, so keep an eye out.

As I write this, I am sitting in the airport in San Salvador about to board the plane for Atlanta, and then to Syracuse. Last Monday I ceased being a Peace Corps volunteer, and tonight at 11:30 I will be back home. With the scenery of my life about to change drastically, I felt it was perhaps time to change the scenery of this blog as well. This is the last entry that will appear at this address; from now on, all new entries will appear at threetwofour.wordpress.com, so please update your bookmarks. If you are subscribed via email or RSS feed, you will continue to receive updates as usual. Look for a new post later this week.

The days that I spend at city hall are now split in three parts... First, a couple of hours in the morning working on my projects here; preparing English and computer classes, showing a friend how to upload information to Torola's website, getting supplies ready to paint a world map. Then another few hours working on my Document of Service, my final report in English, and my final report in Spanish; all the stuff that the Peace Corps requires me to do before leaving. And then I spend the afternoon looking for jobs in New York City. Staring these three things down in the course of a single day is gut-wrenching and confusing; am I a busy Peace Corps volunteer in the midst of it, interacting and working with the community I have come to call my home? Am I on the brink of finishing my service, trying to justify the money the government spent on me over the past two years? Or am I an ambitious engineer, looking forward to taking the first “real” job of my life in the city where my fiancée will be living?

In high school chemistry we did an experiment to test the hardness of different substances—we took a tiny pinch of whatever it was, and rubbed it against a piece of glass, then looked at the glass under a microscope to see if it left a scratch. Anything that did was harder than the glass, anything that didn't was softer. Sometimes I feel like somebody has been trying that experiment on me. I'm the test subject, El Salvador is the glass—but I haven't left a single mark. I've been picked up, pinched in a pair of pliers, and smashed against the glass over and over again. Parts of me rub off and stick to the glass, and then get burned under the light magnified by the microscope, which only reveals that I haven't left a single scratch.

But I am different. And though I feel like I'm a better person for it, many days it does feel like being squeezed and smashed and torn up and burned. It feels like for all the good intentions I had, for all my dreams of changing people's lives, for all those great project ideas, it's all just come back like so many boomerangs whanging into my head.

There is so much more I could have done... helped more kids apply for scholarships, started sooner on that water project, repainted the community center, met more people, learned more names... all things that I planned on doing at some point, but never did—and now there's no more time. Now, when I finally feel like the mayor will listen to me, that the teenagers on the street corner aren't too shy to say hello, that my Spanish is good enough to tell jokes, that parents will listen to me when I tell them what their kids need... Now is when I'm leaving. I've just figured out which direction I've got to face when the chemist smears me on the glass in order to leave my mark, but he just gave up and left the lab.

During training they told us to spend time coming up with a development philosophy which we would modify according to our experiences in our sites. At the time, I knew exactly what development was. Even last month, I knew all about development, and it was so much more than that bit of silliness I'd thought up during training. But now I'm on the brink of leaving, and I realize: I haven't the faintest idea what development is. And that doesn't bother me.

What's got me down is the fact that for all the amazing things I've learned in El Salvador, for all the life-changing experiences, the challenges overcome, the paradigms shifted; all of those great lessons that all Peace Corps volunteers learn and that none can put in to words, none of the benefit of that will stay in El Salvador. Yes, I did cause lasting, positive changes here. But Torola made of me someone who will continue making lasting, positive changes in the world—greater by far than what I've done while here. Torola made me the person that I will be, but I'm taking all of that with me and going home. I owe so much of who I am to this country, this community, and the people I've met here—but just at the point where I feel I'd be ready to pay them back, I have to leave.

And coping with that is proving to be the most difficult part of this transition.Disclaimer: All of these opinions are mine, and don't reflect the position of the Peace Corps or the US Government.

The days that I spend at city hall are now split in three parts… First, a couple of hours in the morning working on my projects here; preparing English and computer classes, showing a friend how to upload information to Torola’s website, getting supplies ready to paint a world map. Then another few hours working [...]

We must always be willing to accept that we are wrong. When Jesus came, he went all over the place telling people they were wrong. And who were the ones that listened to him? Not those who devoted their life to studying the law (the lawyers and scribes) or even those who devoted their lives to applying the law (the Pharisees). It was a rag-tag group of fishermen, militants, and tax-collectors. It isn't that they didn't know anything about the law, or that they didn't spend any time trying to apply it. On the contrary, they did both—even confronting Jesus several times.

But they were willing to accept that they were wrong.

If Jesus came today, and went throughout the religious establishments of the world, he would probably have to spend at least as much time telling people they were wrong.

And here I start to get haughty: “Jesus would tell the fundamentalists they are wrong to interpret things so literally.” “Jesus would tell the evangelicals they are wrong to spend money on tracts and Bibles instead of food and water for the poor.” “Jesus would tell the Catholics they are wrong to emphasize tradition over scripture.” And on and on I could go, offending so many, justifying myself in the thought that they would be just as offended if it were Jesus saying those things.

But what would Jesus tell me that I had wrong? And would I listen? Or would I just tell him to go tell all of those other people what they were wrong about?

"Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?" --Jesus, in Matthew 7:3

Perhaps the even harder question: Who among the people that I see as foolish, ignorant, self-deceived, and misdirected, would Jesus devote his most intimate time to?

"God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong." --Saint Paul, in I Corinthians 1:27

Disclaimer: All of these opinions are mine, and don't reflect the position of the Peace Corps or the US Government.

We must always be willing to accept that we are wrong. When Jesus came, he went all over the place telling people they were wrong. And who were the ones that listened to him? Not those who devoted their life to studying the law (the lawyers and scribes) or even those who devoted their lives [...]

Late last night, Mauricio Funes was declared the winner in El Salvador's presidential elections. His victory is historical for several reasons. Funes is a former television reporter who asked to be the candidate for the leftist FMLN party because of his disillusionment with the policies and actions of the rightist ARENA government. He was the party's first presidential candidate who is not a former guerrilla. As the first FMLN candidate to win the presidency, his electoral victory is seen as the ultimate realization of the party's original goals.

In 1980, the Farabundo Marti National Liberation Front (FMLN) was created out of five leftist guerrilla groups fighting the government forces of El Salvador. They fought in a civil war which claimed the lives of over 70,000, and forced hundreds of thousands of civilians to be displaced, and eventually ended in a stalemate. In 1992, U.N. chartered peace accords were signed, and the FMLN was transformed from militia to political party. Yesterday, despite fears of fraud, the elections went off smoothly, with approximately 60% of the eligible population showing up to vote. Only minor irregularities were reported. With over 99% of the results tabulated, Funes has a 2% lead over the rightist candidate, Rodrigo Avila, former chief of the national police. Throughout the campaign season, Peace Corps volunteers have been discussing the various pros and cons of a victory by the left (which the polls had been predicting from the beginning). Would El Salvador join the “leftist bloc” of Venezuela, Nicaragua, and Cuba? Or would party leadership align with the center-left governments of Honduras and Brazil? Would Funes wield true power, or would the more militant elements of the FMLN, along with the vice president, a former guerrilla, boss him around? Would the legislative assembly, still controlled by the right, be able to accomplish anything under Funes? Would a transfer of power go smoothly? According to the two major national newspapers, both of which are rightist, a victory by Funes would align El Salvador with Castro, Ortega, and Chavez, end the Temporary Protective Status of Salvadorans in the US, and end the flow of their remittances. However, the week before the election, the US embassy officially assured Salvadorans of the United States' neutrality, stating that remittances and TPS would not be affected by the outcome of the election. Funes and his new administration will take power on June first. In the meantime, Tony Saca, the current president, has already begun work to transfer power. By all appearances, things are going smoothly. Here in Torola, despite all the hype, the elections last night were quieter than the local elections which took place in January. And this wasn't because of a lack of enthusiasm—more people showed up to the polls here, and the FMLN won just as soundly as they had in January. I stayed with Marleni and Josue, my neighbor and her son, to watch the election coverage on TV. She asked if I thought remittances would be cut off, but was by no means fearful. And even though she stayed up later than I to watch the coverage, she showed little emotion, positive or negative, once the results had been announced. She had not voted, and when I asked her son, who is seven years old, who he would vote for, he said, “No one. I don't like politics. They all do lots of dirty things.” This morning, I asked the maid what she thought. “Even the sky is sad today,” she said, referring to the covering of clouds above us. We discussed the results, and while she was disappointed that her party's candidate had not won, she remained hopeful that Funes would respect the laws and constitution of the country. One person Melinda talked to was more pessimistic. When she, trying to be positive, reminded him that the country could choose a new president in just five years, he told her he didn't think so: “there won't be another election in El Salvador.” Friends of mine, supporters of the FMLN, were joyful but sober. Asuncion, an employee at city hall who is always talking about Che Guevera, Cuba, and communism, spoke to me about the need for cooperation between the two halves of the population (right and left) under the reforms that Funes has promised to bring. “We're either [leftists] or [rightists], but we're all Salvadorans.” Throughout his campaign, Funes promised to bring change. As the country's first leftist president in decades, this is one promise that will of course be fulfilled, for better or worse. Regardless of Funes' quality as a president, the transfer of power that will result from his victory will be a necessary test of the strength of the Salvadoran democracy. Perhaps the most profound aspect of this election is the fact that yesterday, the FMLN, whose founding coincided with a bloody civil war, has now successfully won control of the nation in a free, fair, and transparent election, and that the current administration is already working towards a peaceful transfer of power on June first. This is a testimony to the strength of the hard-won peace, and the sense of “God, Union, and Liberty” which the Salvadoran people share as their motto.Disclaimer: All of these opinions are mine, and don't reflect the position of the Peace Corps or the US Government.

Late last night, Mauricio Funes was declared the winner in El Salvador’s presidential elections. His victory is historical for several reasons. Funes is a former television reporter who asked to be the candidate for the leftist FMLN party because of his disillusionment with the policies and actions of the rightist ARENA government. He was the party’s first [...]

And one of the scribes came up and heard them disputing with one another, and seeing that he answered them well, asked him, “Which commandment is the most important of all?” Jesus answered, “The most important is, ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. And you shall love the Lord your [...]

Director to director

Originally uploaded by LShave. My parents have been processing their trip to Central America for several weeks now. They tell me they still think about it every day. Recently, I told my mom that if she wanted to write something about the trip, that I would put it up on my blog. Here is what she had to say.

I went to the place where the water was blue and there was Lee standing on the sidewalk waiting for me. Writing about a trip is not hard; writing about a trip that is part of a life long dream: that’s hard! In Lee’s post he said it was almost surreal that his parents had actually been in Torola staying in his room. That experience was a blessing that defies words. Writing about it, knowing words will not capture the immensity of the privilege, almost tarnishes the experience.

Those of you who know Lee know he is on an adventure. Those of us who have known him forever, know he always has been. In the initial stage of his Peace Corps process people asked if I was surprised at what Lee was doing. Could I get used to the idea of him being so far away? You don’t think of getting used to something you’ve always known. The question just wasn’t relevant. Had I imagined that God would bless us with such a delightful 16 day trip to Central America? – No, not even close.

One great joy of parenting is as your child reaches adulthood the relationship becomes two way – a brotherly love – a friendship not possible with a toddler. This young man, whom we conversed with at the Black Orchid in Belize City, was the very toddler who had once tyrannized his brother, who used to hide himself and the dog and put all manner of things down the laundry shoot. Going in his room at night you’d encounter a third grader explaining the theory of relativity. He might run up to his brother's bed and make faces at him and then claim it was not him making faces, but his shadow. And he believed it! He wrote stories of epic battles, invented a cartoon series, preached sermons to stuffed animals, made up games, invented things, collected things, drew things, wrote poetry and read. And read and read and read – in bed with a flash light. He won accolades from teachers, won awards – scholarships, and the praise of grown men. He preached real sermons, made speeches, became an editor and starred in plays he’d never auditioned for. He dreamed, he lead, he advised, and inspired. Was I surprised that he chose the Peace Corps? No, just proud.

At the Black Orchid in Belize as we listened to his plans for the future we could see his love for Christ and for his word had deepened. We knew this Peace Corps experience would forever translate into some form of service. We heard about the green-eyed girl who captured his heart (and eventually ours) and together we toured the incredibly beautiful country that has been their home for the last 15 months. One wonders how their hearts bear the poverty and hopelessness one sees in the cardboard dwellings that line the modern four lane highway outside San Salvador. In La Union our hearts were thrilled and tears flowed freely because of the welcome lavished on us by Compassion International. We saw the warmth and joy that draws many Peace Corps Volunteers to this country of contrasts. Many people look away or walk away.

When we began to plan our visit to see Lee, new questions emerged. Is it safe, people asked? Can you drink the water? Do you need shots? HELLO, my son lives there; these are the questions you want to ask me? What a premium we Americans have come to place on safety and comfort. How proud I am of all the PCVs I met. Really proud that they are my son’s friends and that they asked the right questions. What a disservice for me to have focused on drinking water, illness or bugs. Even though it was only for two weeks, I wanted to believe I’d done my best to live where he lives—walk where he walks—eat what he eats and to take away names and places, faces and foods that have become the El Salvador of Lee’s heart and to cherish them in mine.Disclaimer: All of these opinions are mine, and don't reflect the position of the Peace Corps or the US Government.

The local youth group recently performed this song at a cultural fair. They play Andean-style music, using traditional bamboo instruments - the zampoña, or pan flute, and the quena, or recorder. The charango, what looks like a ukulele, is another traditional instrument often made from armadillo shells. Melvin, playing the zampoña, teaches the other members of the group to play the bamboo instruments, and is also learning how to make them himself. He is also hoping to attend music school in San Salvador next year.

The song they are playing here is called Llorando Se Fue, "she left crying." The group is constantly gaining new members, whom they teach to play the various instruments, and losing others who go on to high school or leave to work. They practice twice a week, and play at events here in Torola as well as in some of the surrounding towns and villages.Disclaimer: All of these opinions are mine, and don't reflect the position of the Peace Corps or the US Government.

Day 1 - Busride

Originally uploaded by LShave. A year ago today, I traveled to Torola for the first time. And approximately one year from now, I will be saying my last goodbyes. In view of this landmark date, I've decided to start a new project. For each of the next 365 days I will be posting a photo on my flickr page. I'll try to capture something unique each day, and provide an explanatory caption.

If you've signed up to receive my photos by email, you'll already be getting each update. If not, you can do so by clicking here. Or, if you'd like, you can subscribe to just the "365 Days of Peace Corps El Salvador" set by email or feedreader.

Click here to see the set - I'll also leave a link to the right under "sites of interest."Disclaimer: All of these opinions are mine, and don't reflect the position of the Peace Corps or the US Government.

Day 62 - Scholarship opportunity

Originally uploaded by LShave. The Women and Youth in Development committee is a group of Peace Corps volunteers who, among other things, award scholarships to bright, motivated girls who for financial reasons could not otherwise continue their education. Many girls from poor families are forced to abandon their studies in order to care for younger siblings and help around the house. Though it is free to attend Salvadoran schools, students are required to purchase books, uniforms, and pay matriculation fees. And when families are forced to decide which of their children they can afford to continue sending to school, it is often the boys who are given preference.

WYD is awarding 31 scholarships this year, three for university students for $400, 17 for high school students at $250 each, and 11 for middle school students for $200.

$400 would not even have been enough for my freshman year calculus textbook. But in El Salvador, $400 is enough for tuition, supplies, and class fees at college for a full year.

The goal of the scholarships is to provide young girls with the means to break the cycle of poverty. If a girl drops out of school to support her family, it is unlikely that she will ever be able to return. But if she is given a head start, she will not be forced to choose between her family and her future, and will have the opportunity to assist her family more completely in the future. And it is often the girls who have the greatest ability to break the cycle for their families, as many of the boys will travel illegally to the United States as early as they can, many of whom will never be heard from again.

This year I have been teaching English in the community of El Progreso. Working here three days a week, I got to know several of my students. When I talked to the school director about the WYD scholarship program, we quickly determined six girls in seventh and eighth grade who would greatly benefit from a scholarship.

Today I had a meeting with the parents of these girls. We explained to them the details of the scholarship, and had them sign a statement wherein they promised to keep track of their daughters’ studies, and attend all activities for parents in the school. Afterwards, we met with the girls and gave them their part of the application. Each girl will have to answer the following essay question, among others: “In detail, why do you want to study, and what are your professional goals and your hopes for the future?”

On Monday the girls will return with their completed essays, which the other teachers and I will review with them. Then the teachers and I will each write a recommendation. Early next week I’ll post some pictures of the girls and a few excerpts from their essays.

In the meantime, I would ask each of you to consider donating to the WYD Scholarship fund. The majority of the money for the scholarships is raised through volunteers’ family and friends. Though the committee has planned to distribute 31 scholarships for the following year, this number will need to be reduced if enough money is not raised.

If you are interested, or would like more details, you may either contact me, or email WYD directly.

UPDATE (30 October 2008): WYD also established a project page, where you can go to read more about the project and make on-line, tax-deductible donations.Disclaimer: All of these opinions are mine, and don't reflect the position of the Peace Corps or the US Government.

Old room - Richard

Originally uploaded by LShave. A couple months ago my friend Richard came to me and asked me to move.

"Why?"

"So I can put a cybercafe in your room."

"What?!"

"My brother is sending me money to buy computers and set up a cybercafe, and we want to put it in your room."

I was a bit incredulous, and hesitated for a while. But then the phone company came and installed a phone line in my room, a prerequisite for getting DSL internet.

So, I moved to the other side of the wall into a vacant room, so Richard could have the room that has a door to the street. A few days after that, the computers came from San Salvador. Yesterday the internet service was successfully connected.

The computers have lots of games for kids, web cameras and headsets for making phone calls, and a printer and fax machine. We'll see how much business they get. Before, anyone who wanted to use the internet had to make a two-hour round trip to Perquin, paying $2 for the bus. Having the internet here in Torola will mean that students can expand their research abilities, and people can stay in better touch with friends and family in the US. It also means that I can stay in better touch, since the wireless signal reaches into my room.
Disclaimer: All of these opinions are mine, and don't reflect the position of the Peace Corps or the US Government.

The teachers I work with tell me that Milagro used to struggle with her schoolwork. At the beginning of this year, due to her poor grades and limited resources, she had all but decided to stop attending. At the last minute she was awarded a $12 monthly scholarship because of her involvement in the Catholic Church. To maintain the scholarship, she was required to work harder. As a result, she has learned to be a disciplined, hard worker, and has steadily improved her grades.

I spoke with Milagro, her mother, and the teachers at the school to gain an understanding of the family's economic situation. When I mentioned the possibility of a scholarship for intelligent girls with economic need, all of the teachers immediately insisted that Milagro be considered.

Milagro lives alone with her mother – her father died as a result of the recent civil war. The walls of their house are made of bamboo, and the roof consists of a patchwork of shards of metal and plastic. Her mother is growing older, and while she used to tend a small plot of land, she is no longer able to do the work. The $12 a month from the Catholic Church is their only steady source of income. The only meal which Milagro can be sure of everyday is the snack served at school.

In her essays, Milagro said she wants to continue studying because it is necessary to fulfill her desire of becoming a nurse. She dreams of being empowered to help other people who are suffering. Despite her own suffering and obvious needs, she seeks support not just to improve her own lot, but to reach out to others.

When I asked Milagro if she would be able to attend school next year, she said she didn’t know. The director gave me a knowing look, and said afterwards that Milagro won't come to school next year if she doesn't win a scholarship.

If you are interested in how you can help Milagro and other girls like her continue attending school so that they and their families can be empowered to break the cycle of poverty, please visit the WYD scholarship fund web page, where you can read more and make a donation. WYD, which stands for Women and Youth in Development, is a group of Peace Corps volunteers working with organizations in El Salvador to create a sustainable scholarship fund for empowering young girls through education and job-training.Disclaimer: All of these opinions are mine, and don't reflect the position of the Peace Corps or the US Government.

We can keep two things in mind at once. Indeed we cannot keep one thing in mind more than half a second. Mind is a flowing something. It oscillates. Concentration is merely the continuous return to the same problem from a million angles. We do not think of one thing. We always think of the relationship of at least two things, and more often of three or more things simultaneously. So my problem is this: Can I bring God back in my mind-flow every few seconds so that God shall always be in my mind as an after image, shall always be one of the elements in every concept and precept?

I choose to make the rest of my life an experiment in answering this question.In the late 1920s Frank C. Laubach arrived on the island of Mindanao, in the Philippines. He had already been a minister and missionary for 15 years, and considered himself capable of the work laid out before him. But the obstacles he faced and the solitude which surrounded him soon forced him to re-evaluate his capabilities. In the face of these frustrations, he called out to God--and began the experiment documented in Letters by a Modern Mystic.

He continued the experiment for the rest of his life. The letters he wrote home document the hundreds of methods he attempted, the trials he faced, and the victory he found. Even after practicing for years, he still found it a daily, an hourly struggle, to keep the thoughts of God in his mind. But it was this very struggle which he found to be so rewarding--the thought that every failure could be followed by a new attempt, not only uninhibited, but strengthened by the lessons learned through previous attempts.

The results of his experiment were at first personal: He found inner peace, an inner dialogue with God guiding him through his daily choices, and an ability to see the world through the eyes of God. But other results began to manifest themselves outside of his own soul:

[The Muslims'] responsiveness is to me a continuous source of amazement. I do nothing that I can see except to pray for them, and to walk among them thinking of God. They know I am a Protestant; yet two of the leading Moslem priests have gone around the province telling everybody that I would help the people to know God.

He developed a new understanding of what it means to evangelize, and was overwhelmed by what he discovered to be the requirements of a true evangelist:

My teacher, Dato Pambaya, told me this week that a good Muslim ought to utter the sacred word for God every time he begins to do anything, to sleep, or work, or even turn around. A good Muslim would fill his life with God. I fear there are few good Muslims.

But so would a real Christlike Christian speak to God every time he did anything—and I fear there are few good Christians.

What right then have I or any other person to come here and change the name of these people from Muslim to Christian, unless I lead them to a life fuller of God than they have now? Clearly, clearly, my job here is not to go to the town plaza and make proselytes, it is to live wrapped in God, trembling to his thoughts, burning with his passion.His experiences in the Philippines and the results of his "experiment" lead him to begin a new type of missionary work. Working with illiterate Filipinos, he developed the "Each One Teach One" literacy program, which has since been employed to teach an estimated 60 million people to read in their own languages. He felt that illiteracy, injustice, and poverty were the chief obstacles to world peace, and devoted the later years of his life to speaking and teaching about these issues and the means to resolving them.

These efforts were founded in his belief that God is most present on this earth when his followers are seeking out and meeting the needs of others:

If anybody were to ask me how to find God I should say at once, hunt out the deepest need you can find and forget all about your own comfort while you try to meet that need. Talk to God about, and—He will be there. You will know it.He found that when the followers of God are engaged in meeting the needs of others, they will be drawn into communion with him themselves, and demonstrate his power and love to those around them. He saw this to be the truest definition of the ministry of Christ. Who but Jesus had unbroken communication with God? And who but Jesus lived out the command of God to love others?

What we often see as two commands: Love God, and love others--Frank Laubach saw as one. Through constant communication with God, we become the vessel through which he serves those we interact with daily. Or, conversely: Through constant service of those around us, we open constant communication with God.

Disclaimer: All of these opinions are mine, and don't reflect the position of the Peace Corps or the US Government.

An American photojournalist working in El Salvador recently published a website of his work under the pseudonym "Jesus Flores." His pictures capture some of the darker sides of the country, including gang activity, violent public demonstrations, and the most impoverished communities. Please note, some of the photos are quite graphic.Disclaimer: All of these opinions are mine, and don't reflect the position of the Peace Corps or the US Government.

How is loving others the same as loving God? Loving others requires the exhibition of God-like attributes in the world – mercy, grace, forgiveness, generosity – and thus increases his presence in this world. And if you love someone, you desire more of them.Disclaimer: All of these opinions are mine, and don't reflect the position of the Peace Corps or the US Government.

We can keep two things in mind at once. Indeed we cannot keep one thing in mind more than half a second. Mind is a flowing something. It oscillates. Concentration is merely the continuous return to the same problem from a million angles. We do not think of one thing. We always think of the [...]

The teachers I work with tell me that Milagro used to struggle with her schoolwork. At the beginning of this year, due to her poor grades and limited resources, she had all but decided to stop attending. At the last minute she was awarded a $12 monthly scholarship because of her involvement in the Catholic [...]

Day 62 – Scholarship opportunity Originally uploaded by LShave. The Women and Youth in Development committee is a group of Peace Corps volunteers who, among other things, award scholarships to bright, motivated girls who for financial reasons could not otherwise continue their education. Many girls from poor families are forced to abandon their studies in [...]

From El Salvador...

Next year elections will be held in El Salvador - all 262 mayoral offices, all 84 seats in the Legislative Assembly, and the office of the president are up for grabs. For the past 20 years, the right-wing ARENA party (Nationalist Republican Alliance) has held the presidency. This is the first time that the opposition party, the left-wing FMLN (Farabundo Martí National Liberation Front) has shown much promise of winning the election. Their presidential candidate is currently well ahead in the polls. Many people feel that a victory by the FMLN would be a true test of the democratic system in El Salvador, which has not seen a change in party since the end of the civil war in 1992. Though they question the FMLN's ability to lead, it is commonly felt that a change is necessary. In fact, the FMLN's campaign slogan is "Hope is Born. Change is Coming."

...To the United States

Which reminds me of another election season, and another campaign slogan: "Change We Can Believe In." The opposing candidate is also promising some changes with his slogan: "Reform. Prosperity. Peace." Within the next two months I will be getting a ballot in the mail, and I will have to choose which kind of change to vote for.

The last time I voted for a president, I based my choice on a single issue which I believed I understood. I felt (and feel) that abortion is a tragedy, and voted for the party that claimed it should be made illegal.

Since that election, I have come to see that this and other issues are more complex than I had imagined. A blog on religion and politics that I follow recently talked some about official party positions on abortion. I read with interest, then looked at the party platforms myself.

Here is a portion from the 2008 Republican Party platform section on abortion (page 52):

We all have a moral obligation to assist, not to penalize, women struggling with the challenges of an unplanned pregnancy. At its core, abortion is a fundamental assault on the sanctity of innocent human life. Women deserve better than abortion. Every effort should be made to work with women considering abortion to enable and empower them to choose life. We salute those who provide them alternatives, including pregnancy care centers, and we take pride in the tremendous increase in adoptions that has followed Republican legislative initiatives.

What is significant here is the absence of the following sentence, which did appear in an earlier draft (section 6, page 5): "We invite all persons of good will, whether across the political aisle or within our party, to work together to reduce the incidence of abortion."

The 2008 Democratic Party Platform includes this section on abortion (page 50, emphasis added):

The Democratic Party ... strongly supports access to comprehensive affordable family planning services and age-appropriate sex education which empower people to make informed choices and live healthy lives. We also recognize that such health care and education help reduce the number of unintended pregnancies and thereby also reduce the need for abortions.

The Democratic Party also strongly supports a woman’s decision to have a child by ensuring access to and availability of programs for pre- and post-natal health care, parenting skills, income support, and caring adoption programs.Republicans seek to outlaw abortion. What progress have the last eight years shown in reaching this goal? Democrats seek to reduce the incidence of abortion. What effect could this policy have on the number of abortions over the next four years? A recent study shows that certain Democratic Party economic policies could result in a 37% reduction in the abortion rate, while laws which seek to reduce abortion rates have little effect. (The study is published by an organization of Catholics, who have historically supported Republican candidates because of their stance on abortion.)

As citizens of the Kingdom of God, do we vote for the party which believes as we believe? Or do we vote for the party whose policies could make a difference for the life of the next child whose mother will consider abortion? Do we vote for those who cite the same reasons as we do for being against abortion, or do we vote for those who are committed to reducing abortions, even if they do not feel, as we do, that it is fundamentally wrong?

What I am getting at…

I do not write these things because I hope to enter a political debate. I am not trying to convince anyone how to vote. I am asking that all of us seek a deeper understanding of the issues (which are invariably more complex than even the politicians would have us to believe). When you go about doing this, look at the issues from an angle you might not have considered. Listen to voices you would normally tune out. Read liberal and conservative newspapers. Listen to speeches from both candidates. Watch the debates. Talk to people you disagree with, listening before you speak. Allow yourself to be made uncomfortable.

Jesus said, “As you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me” (Matthew 25:40). Let us apply this principle in considering each issue: How could I vote in the interest of “the least of these?”Disclaimer: All of these opinions are mine, and don't reflect the position of the Peace Corps or the US Government.

From El Salvador… Next year elections will be held in El Salvador – all 262 mayoral offices, all 84 seats in the Legislative Assembly, and the office of the president are up for grabs. For the past 20 years, the right-wing ARENA party (Nationalist Republican Alliance) has held the presidency. This is the first time that [...]

Director to director Originally uploaded by LShave. My parents have been processing their trip to Central America for several weeks now. They tell me they still think about it every day. Recently, I told my mom that if she wanted to write something about the trip, that I would put it up on my blog. [...]

The local youth group recently performed this song at a cultural fair. They play Andean-style music, using traditional bamboo instruments – the zampoña, or pan flute, and the quena, or recorder. The charango, what looks like a ukulele, is another traditional instrument often made from armadillo shells. Melvin, playing the zampoña, teaches the other members [...]

El Salvador

Originally uploaded by 178er. Late one night a few years ago, a good friend of mine, Nathan Didlake, asked if I would join him for a couple of hours to keep him company as he patrolled the LeTourneau University campus. I had lots to do, but was tired of doing it, and decided I could put it off a couple of hours. I ended up putting it off a bit longer, as I stayed with Nathan for the duration of his 12-hour shift, and then of course slept the duration of the following day.

During those 12 hours we patrolled the sleepy LU campus, listened to one CD at least 12 times, and talked. We talked of friends, of God, of girls, of family, of frustrations. It was a good night.

After that, Nathan graduated, and I became a senior. He was involved in some difficult life-related things, and I was the team leader for a difficult engineering project. We more-or-less lost touch during that time.

After that, I graduated and left for El Salvador, and Nathan took a job as a tower man to clear his head. We got back in touch. Separated by hundreds of miles, poor cell-phone connections, and infrequent access to the internet, we managed to communicate quite effectively. We found that God was working in our lives in very similar ways, and teaching us similar things. We grew to be better friends during this time.

On the evening of June 2nd I met Nathan in the San Salvador airport. We spent the next 10 days together, exploring El Salvador, teaching English classes, hand-copying hundreds of fliers, eating pupusas, and talking. We talked of many of the same things as we had during that late-night security shift.

But it was two different people who talked of these things the second time around. Two guys who have learned to love life because of the trials and challenges. Two guys who have gained a deeper understanding of who God is making them to be, and who are excited to see what else there is to learn.

See more photos from Nathan's visit on his flickr page:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/178er/sets/72157605604415259/Disclaimer: All of these opinions are mine, and don't reflect the position of the Peace Corps or the US Government.

El Salvador

Originally uploaded by 178er. Last Thursday morning I went around the local school announcing our fund raiser to purchase computers. Students from fourth through twelfth grade are selling raffle tickets to win a "canasta basica;" about $40 worth of basic foodstuffs and cooking supplies. A recent UN survey established $40 as the amount required to feed an average family for two months. Whichever class sells the most tickets will win a party for their class. Each ticket costs 25 cents, and we are asking the students involved to sell at least three tickets.

As I mentioned in an earlier post, the school is working to purchase 12 computers for the existing computer lab. There are currently 15 computers in the lab, divided among classes ranging in size from 30 to 40 students. In classes that last about 45 minutes, this means that each student averages from 15 to 20 minutes per week actually using the computer. By adding 12 more computers, students will have more time using the computer. And, because these new computers will be school property, and not property of the Ministry of Education, we will be able to use them however we want - including offering weekend and evening classes to non-students.

The computers are being purchased through Interconnection, which assures that they are fully updated and functional when they leave the US. The cost per computer is $110 to cover maintenance and shipping. We are purchasing 12 for a total cost of $1320. Since this is a hefty sum for a small, poor town, we have set up a Peace Corps Partnership fund. The school has promised to provide $330, $200 of which we hope to raise through the raffle. The remaining $990 is being raised through contributions from individuals and organizations in the US.

$990, the price of one mid-range computer in the US, will help provide 12 computers for students in El Salvador who are eager to expand their skills, giving them opportunities for educational and vocational advancement as they work against the cycle of poverty.

If you are interested in contributing to this project, please visit the project page, which includes instructions on how to donate online. Please note that the Peace Corps also offers a matching gifts program. All donations are tax-deductible.Disclaimer: All of these opinions are mine, and don't reflect the position of the Peace Corps or the US Government.

El Faro ("The Lighthouse"), a national Salvadoran newspaper, came to Torola a couple of weeks ago to do a piece on the poorest town in El Salvador. You can read the article in Spanish here, or a roughly translated version here. I highly recommend the photo gallery, for which there is a link right above the first photo in the article.

In reading the article myself, I discovered that I was mistaken in saying that $40 is the amount required to feed a family for two months. That information was from a report done in 2005, and applies to one adult, not a family. Currently, the cost to feed a rural family of four for one month is $124.15. The chart at the bottom of the article shows the trend in how this price is rising.

If you scroll about half-way down you will see a brief interview. I've included my own translation here as the Google translation is a bit rough:

-- And why don't you roast [the chicken]?

-Because in a soup it goes farther.

-- What about [beef]?

-Ha, ha, ha. From where? We hardly ever go to buy [beef], it's very expensive. Beans are more abundant, but now are also very expensive. [Beef] no... we're not able to buy it.

-- You don't buy beans?

-Today they say they are a dollar a pound. These days we have not purchased beans because they are very expensive. We used to buy beans when they were $1.50 for two pounds.

-- You don't have beans saved?

-No, because we already finished the little we had.Disclaimer: All of these opinions are mine, and don't reflect the position of the Peace Corps or the US Government.

Melinda and me

Originally uploaded by LShave. This is Melinda. She and I are dating as of 12am January 1st.

When I first met Melinda I didn't think we had much in common. In fact, we once had a conversation about how little we had in common.

But when being stuck on a bus with someone for six hours becomes a regular occurrence, you begin to discover all the things you do have in common.

It has been wonderful having her around to share this experience with. When I am frustrated, bored, or discouraged, she is there to encourage me - whether that means scolding me for being lazy, or holding my shoes while I repeatedly attempt to climb a greasy, muddy pole with 10 other men - all to win $1.25 and a tamale.

And I do my best to help her out as well. Sometimes this means pretending to be bubbly and outgoing so I can run parties which she is unable to because bacteria have taken over her stomach. And sometimes it means nothing more than a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on.
Disclaimer: All of these opinions are mine, and don't reflect the position of the Peace Corps or the US Government.

When I showed up I had this hazy idea that my work in Torola would come to me—that opportunities where I would be the missing link for making progress would present themselves to me. I thought I would complete some project, gain recognition for doing so, and from there everything would come easily. I used to go to the Alcaldía every day just waiting for this process to start. For a while I thought securing funding for the soccer stadium was going to be my “big break.” But that never turned into anything more than frustration. Most days I ended up piddling my time away, with endless cups of coffee to keep awake, lots of games of hearts and solitaire to fill in the dead time, and fixing the same five computers repeatedly, even when there really wasn’t anything wrong with them.

Eventually things started to change. I’m not sure exactly what caused it, but I’ve got a few ideas. I went on a week-long trip with a bunch of Salvadorans that really helped improve my Spanish. The doctor at the health clinic and I became friends. I started dating another volunteer who encouraged me to be more outgoing and search out projects in my site. I got involved at a rural school, where I fell in love with the students, the teachers, and the community.

I can’t say that I’ve really taken advantage of this change yet. But I’m starting to. Now that I have relationships with various community members, I am more invested in local development. Torola has started to feel like my community, and not just my jobsite. I don’t just sit around waiting for people here to tell me of problems in their community which they think I can help solve. Rather, I search out problems and opportunities in my community, and work to address them. In some cases, this means striving against other community members – those who don’t see the importance of the work I’d like to do, or those who don’t think the community is capable of sustaining the projects.

I guess I’ve gotten to the point where I realize what it means to be a Peace Corps Volunteer, and how this is different than just showing up with plans and funds. Development is still the goal, but the method has changed. I realize now why we’re given two years. At first this seemed like forever; now it seems like hardly enough time to get started.Disclaimer: All of these opinions are mine, and don't reflect the position of the Peace Corps or the US Government.

Tikkun Olam core

Foundation of Western faiths

Message touches all

(Written by the discussion group I was a part of during a recent spiritual retreat, organized by a fellow volunteer. Our assignment was to write a poem that would address stereo-types about Jews.)Disclaimer: All of these opinions are mine, and don't reflect the position of the Peace Corps or the US Government.

And when they were in the field, Cain rose up against his brother Abel and killed him. Then the LORD said to Cain, "Where is Abel your brother?" He said, "I do not know; am I my brother's keeper?" And the LORD said, "What have you done? The voice of your brother's blood is crying to me from the ground.”

(Genesis 4:8-10, emphasis mine)

A few weeks ago I listened to a sermon in which the speaker mentioned Cain’s murder of Abel, biblically considered the world’s first murder. The speaker described it as an “unspeakable horror.” I thought to myself, “yes, it was bad, but shouldn’t we reserve words like that for genocide, serial killing, and mass murder?”

But then I did some more thinking and reading. Genesis 9:6 explains why murder is wrong—“Whoever sheds the blood of man, by man shall his blood be shed, for God made man in his own image” (emphasis mine). I am currently reading chapter 13, “Image of God,” in Christianity in Jewish Terms. The author quotes a rabbinic source explaining this passage; “whoever sheds blood cancels the image.” Injuring a human injures God. The sanctity of human life is bound up in our resemblance of God. Every murder cancels the image of God borne in the victim. Every time one human kills another, the image of God is affected. To kill a human is to commit an “unspeakable horror.”

I thought about all of this several days ago on a bus ride. A Steven Seagal movie was playing. He was the good guy, trying to save someone, and the only way to accomplish this was, of course, for him to kill a lot of people, as though their lives were simply obstacles to be pushed out of the way. I was disgusted. Growing up in a conservative Christian background, I had long understood that film and TV distorted the truth about sex; glorifying adultery, fornication, and casual sex. But violence was never a big issue.

Sitting there on the bus, trying to read but distracted by the sound of gunshots, fistfights, breaking bones, and last dying gasps, I realized that it should be. Killing is not necessary for good to triumph over evil. Killing is a sin against God. God sanctified humans as the bearers of his image. Each human life is sacred to God as a piece of himself. The gratuitous violence of movies distorts this truth, teaching that the life of an “evil” person is less important than that of a “good” person; that it is therefore acceptable to kill the “badguys,” and that the “goodguys” should feel good about doing so.

Film and TV makes killing a routine, glamorous thing. In the opening scene of The Last of the Mohicans, the hero and his Native American father and brother say a prayer of forgiveness over a deer which they killed for food. Through the rest of the film they wantonly kill humans, moving on to the next before even watching the last fall—in sharp, ironic contrast to their concern over the slain deer.

Some evenings my Salvadoran friends bring movies over to watch on my computer. Last week they brought The Condemned. It is about a TV producer who takes 10 death row convicts and puts them on an island to kill each other, promising liberty to the last one left alive. All of this he films and broadcasts over the internet. In several scenes, the film presents a moral dilemma—is it right to sell human killing as entertainment? “No,” answers the hero, and to punish the perpetrators he kills them all. And the real-live audience is thus entertained by human killing.

But is the media the whole problem? The media entertains with things which its audience finds entertaining. If we did not enjoy watching people die, people would not die in films and TV shows. Have we allowed ourselves to become so desensitized to the “unspeakable horror” of the taking of a human life that we now accept glamorized, mass-produced killing as a form of entertainment?Disclaimer: All of these opinions are mine, and don't reflect the position of the Peace Corps or the US Government.

Working through Interconnection a school in my community secured shipment of 12 new computers to add to our existing lab, where a new teacher will soon be giving computer classes to students from first through twelfth grade. Some of these classes have over 40 students, so adding computers will enable each student to have more time on the computer.

According to a 2005 census, Torola had the highest poverty rate in El Salvador. Since the report came out, much has been done by national and international organizations to alleviate poverty. The local school has been the focus of much attention. The hope is that giving the next generation skills and education will enable Torola to develop in sustainable ways.

Given El Salvador's rapid industrialization, education in information technology has been made a priority of the Ministry of Education. Learning how to use computers early provides students with resources to enhance their own education during school, and upon graduation broadens their opportunities for work or further education.

In Torola, the combination of a well-equipped computer lab, qualified teacher, and cooperative, interested school administration is an opportunity which must be taken advantage of.

To pay for the new computers, the school set up a tax-deductible account with the Peace Corps Partnership Program. As part of the program, the faculty, students, and parents will be working to raise 25% of the funding necessary. If you are interested in helping the community complete this project, please log on to the project page: computers for Torola.

Please contact me if you have any questions.Disclaimer: All of these opinions are mine, and don't reflect the position of the Peace Corps or the US Government.

My new job

Originally uploaded by LShave. Six a.m. on Monday I started hiking downhill. I progressed through various sections of steep trail, alternated with very steep trail, and after about an hour arrived at the canton of El Progreso, which, roughly translated, means “The Progress.” I was accompanied on my hike by Veronica, Iris, and Sebastian, teachers at the school in El Progreso. Cesar, another teacher, passed us on his motorcycle as we were coming into town.

These four are my new co-workers – having heard that the school in El Progreso was lacking an English teacher, I volunteered to help out while they continue the search. I will be teaching six classes a week to seventh and eighth graders, which means that every Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, I will be taking this same breathtaking hike through the mountains. I’m told that in the rainy season there will be some rivers to cross and waterfalls to gape at.

We got to the school, dropped our things in the teacher’s office, and went across the street to a little store to get coffee and cookies. Around 8:00 we walked back over to the school, where most of the students had assembled. They began their day with the Salvadoran national anthem, the pledge of allegiance to the Salvadoran flag, the Lord’s Prayer, and a recitation of the definition of liberty, the value of the month. I observed a few classes, and chatted with various teachers and students, until lunch time. Sebastian prepared soup and tortillas with guacamole for us. The kindergarteners through third graders left, and in the afternoon fourth through eighth graders arrived. They began their day as had the younger students, with the addition of my introduction.

I taught two classes that day – in both we spent several minutes learning how to pronounce my name. “Lee” is easy for Spanish speakers (when you spell it “Li”), but “Shaver” is more difficult, as our “sh” and “v” sounds do not exist in Spanish. It takes a while to convince them that their mouths are capable of making these sounds, and that my name is not “Chahber.” After they got my name down, I spent a little while explaining that there are more places to live in New York than Long Island and the Bronx.

At the end of the day the other professors and I walked back up to Torola. None of the teachers are from Torola originally, and go home each weekend. During the week they stay together in the same house, where they take turns cooking. In exchange for my help with classes, they have invited me to dinner each night after I teach. Sebastian is the head chef, and is rather protective of his kitchen. When I insisted on helping, he let me prepare the green beans while he made me a cup of coffee. I suggested some day in the future I could prepare an American meal for all of them. He agreed, but I think he was just being polite.
Disclaimer: All of these opinions are mine, and don't reflect the position of the Peace Corps or the US Government.

A couple of weeks ago I accompanied Ranulfo, a health promoter who works for the local health clinic, as he went out into the rural areas of Torola on his rounds. Every pueblo in El Salvador has a health clinic, administered by the Ministry of Health, and each clinic employs several health promoters. It is the promoters’ job to visit expecting mothers, children under two years old, the elderly, and anyone else who is unable to come into the clinic to visit the doctor. They check vitals to watch for early signs of sickness, administer vaccines, and teach people about the measures they can take to improve their health. Local health clinics also sponsor medical brigades, classes about health in schools, and trash collection campaigns. The promoters arrange and run these events with the collaboration of leaders in the communities where they work. To be a health promoter one must have a high school degree, receive classes from the Ministry of Health, and attend regularly scheduled trainings and review sessions. Ranulfo, whom I accompanied, is 23 years old, and has lived in a canton of Torola for most of his life.

On Monday we went to about six different houses to check up on expecting mothers and infants. Unfortunately, we only ended up encountering one of the people we were looking for. We walked to three different caserios (hamlets) – Maragua (roughly translated, “Bad Water”), El Limón (“The Lemon”), and Trueno (“Thunder”). I’d been through Maragua, but we mostly covered trails I had never seen before. Ranulfo knew the country very well, and we took a lot of shortcuts. I was quite confused by the end of the day.

Wednesday we went to the same three caserios, but visited different houses, where Ranulfo administered flu vaccines to children between one and two years old. By the end of the day I felt like I knew my way around.

The people we spoke with were quite friendly. Ranulfo did a good job introducing me, and explaining to folks what I’m doing here. As we were walking, we talked about life in El Salvador, and politics – both here and in the US. I learned a lot about the communities I visited. We went to two caserios which do not have potable water. I’m going to speak with the mayor to see if they’ve looked into dealing with this, and if not, see what I can do to start the process.

Each week for the next month or two I will be accompanying a different health promoter, until I’ve visited every canton and caserio in the municipality of Torola. I worked with the doctor, who started in January, to set this up. From August to December of last year Torola’s health clinic changed doctors three times for reasons I haven’t really been able to figure out. But the new guy seems pretty solid, so I’m hoping he’ll be around for a while. He is excited to have my help, even though we’re still trying to figure out exactly what there is for me to do.

(Look for pictures on my flickr site.)Disclaimer: All of these opinions are mine, and don't reflect the position of the Peace Corps or the US Government.

I am currently working on a blog entry to be titled "What does it mean to be a Christian in the Peace Corps?" While thinking about the topic, I spent some time on the internet trying to see what ideas others may have had. I found the following article:

Interview with Ron Tschetter, Peace Corps directorDisclaimer: All of these opinions are mine, and don't reflect the position of the Peace Corps or the US Government.

"For we cannot do anything against the truth, but only for the truth." -- II Corinthians 13:8

...Since the essential nature of the spiritual is truth, every new truth means ultimately something won. Truth is under all circumstances more valuable than nontruth, and this must apply to truth in the realm of history as to other kinds of truth. Even if it comes in a guise which piety finds strange and at first makes difficulties for her, the final result can never mean injury; it can only mean greater depth. Religion has, therefore, no reason for trying to avoid coming to terms with historical truth.

How strong would Christian truth now stand in the world of today, if its relation to the truth in history were in every respect what it should be! Instead of allowing this truth its rights, piety treated it, whenever it caused her embarrassment, in various ways, conscious or unconscious, but always by either evading, or twisting, or suppressing it. Instead of admitting that new elements toward which she had to advance were new, and justifying them by present action, she proceeded with artificial and disputable arguments to force them back into the past. Today the condition of Christianity is such that hard struggles are now required to make possible that coming to terms with historical truth which has been so often missed in the past.

-- Albert Schweitzer, Out of My Life and Thought, 1933.Disclaimer: All of these opinions are mine, and don't reflect the position of the Peace Corps or the US Government.

I joined the Peace Corps to “represent Christ,” but my ideas of what this means have changed since joining.

I originally joined as a stepping stone to ministry. It was to be a pragmatic step. Once accepted and looking at El Salvador on the map, I realized there might be some things I could do to serve Christ while in the Peace Corps. I was enrolled at a conservative Christian university at the time. My friends and I joked that I had found a way to trick Uncle Sam into spreading Christianity. Maybe because I didn’t have the guts, or maybe I thought better of it, but I decided early on I wouldn’t use my time in the Peace Corps for direct Christian missions. That is, I wouldn’t go against Peace Corps policy by handing out tracts and Bibles, working with one church only, or starting new churches. There are missions established for these purposes, and I could have joined one of them.

Instead, I thought of other ways I could serve Christ as a Peace Corps volunteer. I could form close relationships with locals and share my faith in the context of these friendships; I could work with churches doing human development projects; and I could help them establish relationships with churches in the US. Someone suggested that I could also share my faith with other volunteers, and without considering this much I added it to my list. In all of these ideas, I considered how I would be serving others.

But since arriving I’ve learned about the ideas God had for me.

My relationships with other volunteers have been more important than I had imagined, and my work with the church has been less fulfilling than I had hoped. While two years seems like a long time, it is not enough to learn and integrate into a culture. I realized this last Sunday while praying in church. If you have been to Latin-American church services, you are familiar with the style of praying – the pastor begins softly, and the congregation joins in. Everyone prays simultaneously until the pastor signals it is time to end with a long series of “amens.” It is very emotional and can be very spiritual. I realized that for foreign missionaries working in churches here, it must take a significant amount of time to learn and become comfortable enough with the language and culture to be able to lead one of these prayer sessions. This realization was a disappointment. I have friends in the church, support them by buying food at all their fund raisers, and have offered my services as an electrical engineer. But I feel far from integrated.

In some ways I have been “distracted” by what is going on in my relationships with other volunteers. They found out quickly that I am a Christian – I went to a Christian college, and though I’m not often outspoken, I was not bashful about discussing my faith. I think some were disarmed by the fact that though my faith is fervent I did not talk like Jerry Fallwell, condone the war in Iraq, nor condemn anyone for choices I did not agree with. Instead, I spoke of my desire to display the love of Jesus in action; to put feet to faith; to learn how to live in an environment where the only acceptable means of sharing faith was through actions, not words. Seeing this, they were emboldened to question me about conclusions which Christianity has traditionally drawn. They helped me to see inconsistency and hypocrisy within my tradition. They showed me a new way to look at things.

Thesis + antithesis = synthesis. This is the engineer in me speaking. Scientific truth advances thusly—a thesis is proposed which confronts an antithesis. The result is a synthesis, which becomes the next thesis or antithesis as the process continues. Things that are not correct are diminished so those which are correct can be seen more clearly. Newton’s Laws of Motion are replaced by the Theory of Relativity, which is already on its way out. But nothing is really lost, only re-arranged; given proper emphasis; put in perspective.

My heart and brain have been undergoing a process of synthesis ever since I got to El Salvador. I went through the same process when I went to college. But this time around, I am allowing theses from a wider variety of sources, and I am allowing them to be tested more rigorously.

Before the process started, if you had asked me, “what does it mean to be a Christian in the Peace Corps?” my answer would be much different. In another year and a half, my answer will be different still. But here is how I answer now.

To be a Christian in the Peace Corps means the opportunity to grow closer to God and to share your faith in new and exciting ways. It is the opportunity to learn through trial what of your tradition and background is really yours, and what is just baggage. It is a way to test your faith in action. It is to be stretched in ways that are at times scary and uncomfortable. It is to lose your footing in theology, doctrine, morality, orthodoxy, teaching, scripture, ritual, and belief—and to regain it in relationship with God, where these things can be properly understood and applied.

“Neither shall they say, Lo here! or, lo there! for, behold, the kingdom of God is within you” (Luke 17:21). To be a Christian in the Peace Corps is to see what kind of hold the Kingdom of God really has inside of you, and then to learn how to manifest it in the world around you.Disclaimer: All of these opinions are mine, and don't reflect the position of the Peace Corps or the US Government.