In this post, I want to get a few things out. Recently I was asked by my sister, an educator, to remove the quote that is on the front page, the quote by Hayduke from The Monkeywrench Gang, to be more appropriate for her class. I don't normally curse; I often find it vulgar and a poor choice of words. However, in this case, the curse word is appropriate and the curse word will stay, if for no other reason than I am completely against censorship. Really, though, it is the idea of altering the quote that I can't, in all good conscience, do. The passion with which Hayduke speaks is that strong that he can do nothing but swear. When the book was originally written, to say the f-word was a sign of rebellion and intensity. Hayduke was that incensed and that emotional about protecting the wilderness that he did swear. And yet it's more than that: it's the simplicity of his goal, of saving the wilderness, that requires such a colorful adjective. His job, he says, is to save "the fucking wilderness." The wilderness, this thing that used to surround us but has been degraded and disappeared, this thing that keeps us all alive and which sustains us, is really such a simple, self-regulated organism. Yet, it is developers that turn wilderness into an "idea" that is so complex and fraught with debate that it requires the unbridled, unrestrained passion of the lead Monkeywrencher to wake us up with his simple statement of saving the fucking wilderness as his job- the only, only, thing worth doing in this world. (Here's a brief synopsis of the book: a group of concerned individuals gets together to wreak havoc on the machines that are destroying nature and natural areas- they put a wrench in the plans of venture capitalists who destroy natural areas. They come from different backgrounds and each have different motives and means. But they are all moved by what they see as being detrimental to the future planet.)

It's a sentiment that I identify with.

And really, if you think about it, wilderness is the only thing worth saving or preserving or fighting for. Sure, there are plenty of causes in the world that need our attention. But if you look at the root of them all, they go back to the land and its resources. Even cultural and social ills of the world return to what the wilderness gives us and what we take from it. We need wilderness (which I'm equating with nature) to keep our planet alive to keep us humans alive and our food sources alive. See where I'm going with this? All struggles ultimately come from what we do with nature and wilderness and how it is utilized today. Struggles come from the wild wilderness and the tamed, cultivated wilderness.

So if you're offended by Hayduke's quote, I challenge you to read the book and to think critically about why he was compelled to say what he said. How does his comment affect you personally? Does it move you or anger you or bore you or inspire you? Does it even have any meaning anymore? Is "fucking wilderness" necessary? Does it fit in with Hayduke's character? Do you find anything worth saving as strongly as Hayduke find the wilderness worth saving? Are there times and places where curse words are inappropriate? Is saving the wilderness a noble job? Is it simple? What do you think Hayduke refers to when he says, "That's simple, right?"

“How are you readjusting?” I am often asked, usually by fellow Returned Peace Corps Volunteers.

“It’s bearable,” or “I’m managing,” are sometimes my responses. It’s not awful, and things are much easier now than they were three months ago.

It’s almost six months since I’ve been back in the U.S. I notice things now about life and culture and what’s important that I never fully noticed before. I think more deeply about things that before had flashed through my brain.

I’m not astounded by the vast selections of food at grocery stores or the number of cheeses that exist here. The rushing of the cars only vaguely surprises me and the trains and airplanes sometimes go unnoticed. I’m getting used to living alone but totally surrounded by people. Always people are rushing everywhere.

I am on the verge of becoming the person I always wanted to be. I set goals for myself and I’ve achieved them. Now I’m lost. Like many others in my position- RPCVs and otherwise- I’m almost a young professional. Yet I still yearn for other things, like a solid group of friends or a romantic partner.

I am dissatisfied with the place I live and I do not feel competent to hold down a career. “What is wrong with me?” I wonder. I take comfort in knowing that I am not alone in my feelings.

But for RPCVs, I think the feelings run so much deeper. I don’t want to idolize us, but I had read stories from others about readjusting to American life. It took experiencing it to realize what they meant. It’s not that I’m unwell. My mental clarity is clearer than it’s been in ages. But I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. I don’t know anything anymore. I’ve seen life from a different perspective. The smallest things are the most important and the biggest things, well, they’re not really so big, after all.Of course there are the creature comforts I’m glad to have: hot showers, convenience, phones that you can use anytime and anywhere. But now I think about everything I do, everything I use. When you live on an island, where does your waste go? Fiji is by no means a very “undeveloped” country. Nor is it “developed.” It lacks two things that countries like China and the U.S. have: space and money. There is limited land to bury garbage and no money to ship things overseas. So every material thing is disposed of in what way? You can watch your bleach or dish soap or laundry soap go from your receptacle out the pipe and into a drain and then into the ocean. Goodbye, coral. Goodbye, fish. Every plastic bag you put your produce in, that your bread comes in, that you toss out after you finish your sandwich or that you get at any store, goes where?

In no way am I perfect. I still empty a bin of recyclables into a bigger bin every few weeks. I still buy things unnecessarily and then wonder what I did that for. My house is still cluttered with too much stuff. I love my books. I’ve owned far too many computers in my lifetime for a person of my age. Does that really offset the fact that I don’t have a TV or a microwave? Does my excessive need to reuse every scrap of paper or forgo a car count for anything?

I like to think it does. At the end of the day, I’m not being naïve and I’m not being narcissistic. I’m not egotistical. I was in third grade when I remember reading about endangered whales and greenhouse gases. I was in fifth grade when we studied the destruction of the rainforest. I don’t see things as black and white as I did then, but the impact of our actions has finally impacted me.The glory days of the revolution of science- plastics, medicines, pesticides, chemicals as beauty products- have backfired into unforeseen consequences.

I was a child in Fiji. I had nothing, knew no one, and couldn’t communicate clearly. I had to relearn how to walk, how to sit, how to eat. If I was mad at my family, I had to deal with it. There was no escaping. I relied on people for everything- food, medicine, advice, and help doing the most basic chores.

None of this makes me better than anyone else. It just gives me a new perspective, a different outlook. While convenience is great, it’s not as wonderful as it appears. I rarely eat out anymore. If I didn’t cook it or it isn’t in a consumable state, I don’t eat. I lived from the earth in Fiji. That sounds silly, but it was true. We went out to get our food every day. You had to work for what you wanted. There was no snacking, no coming home at night and opening up the fridge or the phonebook to find food. Water is a precious resource, not an irreplaceable commodity. I think about that with every load of laundry I wash and every shower I take.

Bless the beasts and children- when I thought of that, I meant to refer to what the chemicals do to our ecosystem. The algal blooms from toxic substances dumped in water may look pretty, but they’re deadly. The bleach we use, the powerful cleaners we like for their efficiency and ability to scrub so much, leaves floating fish and drooping grasses in its wake. We hear at the same time that we need religion in our politics, or that religion can save us. But we export individually wrapped junk foods to small island nations and then look critically upon them when the wrappers and sticks and packaging are tossed haphazardly into the ocean. Where is the religion in that? Where is the blessing of the beasts- all creatures great and small- in the careless pitching of plastics? In the tossing of trash? In the factories polluting gray masses of particles into the air, disguised as progress. You may laugh at my venture into making my own cosmetics and toiletries, but who said we must succumb to the beauty norms that say we need them? Do we need pH balanced anti-perspirant/ deodorant? No. Who told us we needed to smell like a lilac bush to snag a man? Do we need shaving cream? Do we need to shave? We’re confined into these contrived notions of a Eurocentric beauty. Don’t get me wrong; I enjoy my People magazines every now and again. But that’s not sustainable or realistic or even pleasurable. I’m not being radical, either. It’s sensible. It makes sense to know what you are putting in and on your body. You have to know what you’re breathing in and ingesting. And you have to think about the full cycle: from inception to use to destruction. Where does it all go?

Yet I’m torn. I’m stuck in this grey area of not fully belonging to a place. Life has moved on in Madison without me. It’s hard to comprehend, but I have to do it. Madison and I have grown apart. This is a place that holds many happy memories, but those are in the past. I’m not trying to elicit pity; it’s the truth. If we don’t take advantage of all the truths that we learn, what is the point?

The truth is, time keeps moving. People keep changing. We try to move forward. Sometimes we’re pushed backwards, but we continue on. I don’t just subtly mean politics I mean people and circumstances. We can hang on to material possessions, but they’ll fade or break or tarnish. Pictures will fade or rip or scratch. Each generation experiences different traditions and skills and styles and places. We’re not static. We’re ever changing. We learn from the past and we cajole in it. But we have to keep moving forward, even if it means returning to some ideas we’ve let go of, like a return to simplicity. Like understanding where things go when we’re done with them. Physical objects, they go nowhere. Organic objects return to the earth. People go to our hearts and memories. My memory is not your memory. What I hold dear is not what you hold dear. We have to embrace what is important to each of us. It makes us human. It makes us unique. It connects us.

I’m not callous. After all this, I’ve learned to accept things. I’m not pessimistic. I’m not too idealistic. I know that our earth is in trouble, and we’re wasting time arguing over evidence and numbers and money and politics. I know I have opportunities to seize and I’ll take them while I can.

I’m the feminist my mother put on hold and justified with the “I had a choice” argument. It’s a fine one, really. I admire her for it. But I set out to do only four things: graduate college, join the Peace Corps, go to graduate school, and have a partner and kids around age 30. Check, check, semi check, close. I was raised with the idea that I can do anything. I'm doing it.

My thoughts are scattered. I wanted to comment on readjusting to life after Peace Corps. It’s a wake up call. I wouldn’t regret my experience for anything in the world. Did I miss out on a lot of cool things that happened those two years I was discovering who I really am? Of course. Did I miss out on family events and happenings? Of course. Does that mean my family doesn’t matter? No. Does that mean nothing cool will ever happen again? No. I learned a lot of other valuable lessons. I re-evaluated my values and re-enforced important life tenets.

I told myself a long time ago not to regret anything. While I would change things that happened in my life, I can’t feel guilty. I can’t hang on to regret. I cannot apologize for needing to find my way in life. Family matters, of course, but part of being a family means you grow together and develop into more courageous and sensible beings. I have family in all corners of the world. From my Fijian family who took me in and made me a part of their family and shared everything with me and taught me an infinite number of lessons to my family in Wisconsin who raised me and has seen me through my entire life to my friends who are like sisters and brothers and cousins to me and who now live from the west coast to east coast.

I titled this “Bless the Beasts.” When I composed this piece, walking home from work one night, I focused heavily on things and life cycles of things. I included some quips about religion and environmentalism. When I sat down to write, my thoughts steered towards family and commitments and regrets. “I do not regret the things I’ve done but those I did not do.” I’m sure it’s actually famous, but I remember that quote from Empire Records.

I think I wanted to justify my Peace Corps experience. It was the most powerful thing I’ve ever done in my short life. It was the most meaningful. I wouldn’t take it back for anything in the world, not even every Christmas with my family. Those Christmases wouldn’t mean nearly as much to me now if I hadn’t missed two of them. I feel insurmountable. And like I can do anything. I was challenged, and I succeeded. I survived. I made it through those 27 months, through the best and very worst experiences of my entire life. I learned so much more than I had ever dreamed I could.

Compounding the readjustment process is the realization that almost everyone my age- mid to late 20’s- is going through the same thing. Adolescence is hard, of course, but then you enjoy your early 20’s with invincibility and forming life-long bonds only to be catapulted into post-college, pre-marriage/ partnership womanhood. (I can only speak on behalf of women, my main source of knowledge.)

Am I readjusting? Slowly. Slowly. I’m moving forward, and that’s a good sign.

(When I saved this document as a Word file, I titled it: "In Defense of Peace Corps." Comments?)

It's been about six weeks or so since I've been back in the U.S. I had a really great, wonderful experience and I'm very fortunate to have made it through my 27 months safely and healthily. I miss Fiji an awful lot, especially the people, both Fijian and American. It wasn't easy and it wasn't always fun, but I know I'm different now because of the experience. I would recommend doing this, but I'm a lot more wary now and my views on Peace Corps are also much different now than they were before I left. I can't believe that the past two years happened! They seemed to have flown by and everything now is like a dream.

I thank everyone for the support and encouragement, boxes of magazines and chocolates, letters and postcards. Sometimes it felt like I was all alone and didn't know anyone or anything, and then I'd get a dose of reality when I'd go to town and check my mailbox, both the physical one and the computer ones. I cannot thank people enough!!

If anyone ever gets a chance to visit Fiji, I highly recommend it. I was fortunate to have my placement in a country like Fiji, which is truly a tropical getaway. The diving was amazing, the people are wonderful, the weather is heavenly, and the sweets are delightful. I miss the relaxed, lazy days and conversation, but I'll admit: hot showers are a great, great invention. Probably the thing I love the most about being back in America.

If anyone ever wants more stories, I'd be happy to give them. Or answer questions, either about Peace Corps or about Fiji. I do feel part of an "elite," a small group of us who have had this experience. Not everyone can say they've done what I've done, and I apologize in advance if it seems like Fiji is the only thing on my mind. Some days I get confused about where I am, and why certain people aren't here, and why Americans do the things they do, and why the government is the way it is, and how easy and complicated life really is. It's funny, how easy life is in America but at the same time, it's unbelievably difficult and complicated. Maybe someday I'll explain that in greater detail. But for now, I have a bazillion readings to do for tomorrow and Thursday and a thesis proposal to hone. No rest for the weary.

I would be a Peace Corps Volunteer forever if it weren't for Peace Corps as an organization. Oi lei turaga jisu.

Well, the worst is over. Remember how I joked about hoping the roof was still on my house?? When I left Savusavu Wednesday, I immediately saw the effects of Tomas. Town didn't get hit too hard, but as soon as you got out of town, you could see where the storm hit. The road along the ocean was covered in sand and debris. Trees were down the whole way up to K. Death was everywhere in the foliage. Surprisingly, there was very little structural damage, save for a few lost roofs. The wind and salt from the sea killed most breadfruit trees, blew down banana and vudi (like a plantain, the 'big brother' to the banana) and coconut trees, and has basically taken out our main food supply: dalo, cassava, waci (a.k.a. rourou, or dalo leaves), breadfruit, eggplants, bele (a spinach like leafy green)... Everywhere are downed trees. It looks like someone took a 'spray', some kind of weed killer, and aerially sprayed for miles. It was depressing going back to the village, seeing some really, really big trees taken down. But I was definitely glad when I saw how much was intact. Then I got closer to my house.

My house is still there, yes. But the boys had moved everything, everything I own in Fiji, into Tui's house. Half my roof lay in a pile on the ground and in the compounds of four other houses. (I asked Kanu one day, "Who cut down the dridriwai [the leaves my roof is made out of]?" He looked at me and laughed, said, "That's your roof; no one cut it down." The insides were moved, pushed in by the force of the wind. Debris and dirt and leaves littered the ground, the shower, the sinks. It smelled of mold and rot. In short: my house in uninhabitable. And everything I own is now parceled out between three different rooms and everyone else in the village. I guess now is as good a time as any to clean house.

So I moved in my Nana and Maku, in my my sister Leti's old room. The rest of my things are in Tui's room and in Pita's room. (To further complicate things... Pita moved into Tui's house because his house was taken over for the kindergarten, which is now not going to happen either, in the foreseeable future.) Let me back up...

Here is my Fijian family:

-Nana and Maku (short for 'tamaku', which means my father. Half the village calls him this): my parents

-Tui, their son, my brother, who's the same age I am (There is another son who lives in Suva and a daughter, Leti, who got married a few months ago)

-Pita, their nephew, my brother, who's 27-ish and whose parents are deceased

-Kiri, who was married into the family whose husband died last year

-Koro, Kiri's brother-in-law, a perpetual bachelor

We're a family of orphans.

Tui stays in the house next door to Nana and Maku's. This is Maku's uncle's house (I think?), who lives on Viti Levu. Tui has stayed there for years in this three bedroom house. Pita just moved in a few weeks ago. The third bedroom, which would be ideal to be mine, is full of paint, nails, windows, and other things for the building of the church. My belongings share their time between both Pita and Tui's rooms. This is the place I spent the most time anyway, prior to the storm. Really, not too much has changed. I've slept many nights in both the houses, in Leti's room and with the boys as one big slumber party. But, I will admit, it is a change being in the house 24/7. Especially the bathing part. In my bure, I had the shower and toilet right inside with me. Now, everything's outside, across a lake of mud. I shower wearing a sulu wrapped around me, in an open to the sun with no door shower. I feel like I am seriously on my way to being a Fijian woman. My role in the house has changed, too, and no one feels bad having me pull my share (washing dishes, hauling in buckets of water, serving the boys/Maku).

It would be nice, in all honesty, to have my house back. I miss my autonomy. But, this is good too. The problem is, it could take weeks to fix the roof and floor, especially because the storm took out all the dridriwai, so there's no way to fix the roof even if we wanted it done ASAP.

What else... We just got cell service nearby (as close as it can get) yesterday afternoon but landlines are still down... Friday I went with Pita and we collected coconuts, well, I did and he cut what dalo was left. Saturday I went fishing with a couple of the women. That was a trip, because we actually went fishing with our lines out in the reef. We walked out there and had to catch our bait (small prawns) in a stream before heading out to the sea. We walked out across the coral to where the reef drops off and then we cast out our line- literally fishing wire with a hook on the end and a small weight wrapped around an empty bottle- and reel it in again. I have some problems actually 'casting' my line out and usually S had to do it for me. I ended up with about 8 really small little buggers and a horrible sunburn. But it was fun. Uncle Bruce would have been so proud of me! I had to take the hooks out (when they swallow the hooks, we have to bit the top of the end, essentially killing the fish, in order to pull it out) and I even de-scaled and gutted them!!!!! Imagine... then I went to choir practice and drank grog until 2:30 am. And then I got sick. Now I'm in town trying to get a whole plethora of things done and it is hot hot hot.

By the way, do I think it was necessary to be in town during the cyclone? No. The guys keep telling me all the stories from their side- how they played rugby Monday morning, drank grog every night, talked about how I should be there experiencing this with them... all I could say was, "I wanted to be there!!!!!"

This should be longer, but I'm going to make it very prompt because I'm trying to hitch a ride with some governments folks back up to my village this afternoon (yay!!). Savusavu town was okay, all in all, after the storm went through. We, PCVs here in Savusavu, gave a collective, "That was it??" after the storm passed. We were expecting more, but I guess it's good that it wasn't any worse. Which is not at all to minimize the damage that Tomas did cause to some villages and islands. There was a lot of damage and flooding, and I'm anxious to see my village.

I thank everyone for your prayers, thoughts, wishes, e-mails, etc etc. It's always nice to hear from people, even when it's just to offer support during natural disasters!!

Here's a little 'nother hint into my life here, one that I'm getting really sad to leave the closer it gets (and being stuck away from the village for almost a week): you know those people that say they never ever kill anything? Not a single living thing? People that say that have obviously never had lice. If you have an outbreak of head lice, you want to kill those little bloodsuckers as soon as possible. They are awful. You want to smash their little (or big) bodies in two. And watch your blood spurt out of their bodies. It's gross, yes, but welcome to the life of a Peace Corps Volunteer in a village! This is by far the worst outbreak I've had yet. Three weeks now! (that's a conservative estimate) They're driving me nuts nuts nutso.

Until later...

An Open Letter to Tropical Cyclone Tomas:

Dearest Tomas,

Please be kind to us. You're on your way over, that much is for sure, but your arrival date is a little unclear. You're coming at 11 km/hr, but your offspring, wind, will be moving up to 213 km/hr (currently, FYI, your winds are at 120 km/hr: you better watch your speed, Casey Jones). You made me leave my village, which I "resisted" (apparently, because I asked if I could stay in the village in the health center, which is what I'm hearing my boss very professionally told other Volunteers), to ride in an unsafe vehicle to head directly into bad weather only to find the town bustling with activity and the ATMs out of money and one that is tricky and costs a lot of money because it's not my bank's ATM. So I was left hungry (had a very rushed tea at 7:30 and we didn't get to town until almost 1) and penniless and in town against my will not really getting a very good idea of your visit being as how I came from the village and don't understand Fijian, or how cyclones work, very well. So you see, we did not get off to a very good start. I wasn't afraid of you, oh no, not until I got to town and until my superiors at the office put panic into me. Normally, when I panic, I like someone with strength to talk me through my issues (think: "Papa, it's 3 am and I'm lost and have no money somewhere in Rome." Or, "Mom? Papa? I'm in Amersterdam and I have no money, sorry to wake you up at 5 am." Or most recently relying on my brother Tui to fix my house - the guy is seriously the calmest person I know- during the non-tsunami tsunami, for which I received a 3 AM wake up call telling me there was a tsunami warning for the next day and turns out...nothing happened. Or anytime I go to Josie, saying, "Josie, I need help.") and here, in town, I don't have that. I'm staying at a house where the homeowners are not here and I still haven't received much information about what to do except to "stand fast" and "stock up." And...? Now I'm waiting for you to come, and I hear maybe on Monday? You're a category 4; that's pretty strong.

I've eaten and showered and stocked up. I got money. I've calmed down some, but I still freak out when I think that I'm going to be here for anywhere from 4-7 days and our power is going to go out (eventually) and maybe even the water (or just get undrinkably dirty). But I'm okay. And I guess we have to reschedule our workshops that have been organized for Tuesday and Wednesday with three different villages/women's groups. Ahh!! I have so little time left in the village and now I'm stuck here. I wanted to spend a week in the village and would have done so, if not for this.

But I'm here. And I'm okay. And you're somewhere on your way. Here's a list of our rations:

-about 100 or so liters of water

-four bottles of wine

-a block of cheese

-mango licorice, oreos, popcorn

-avocadoes, eggplant, onions, bananas, garlic, pineapple, potatoes, tomatoes, carrots, cucumbers

-pasta

-beans, dried and canned

-eggs

-canned corn, tomatoes, tomato paste

(pictures of our food rations coming later!)

-4 boxes of tuna

-toilet paper, mosquito coils, matches, kerosene, lantern

-Movies, playing cards, batteries, books, crossword puzzle books, journal

...and you get the picture.

So, Tomas, in closing: I'm waiting for you. We're charging everything. I've heard hurricanes are fun. I could use some fun.

Some things to note:

I have a long list of people to write letters to: Morgan, Mrs. Rowley, and Michele are some of them.

I'm a certified open water diver!!! Whoo hoo! So exciting! Getting scuba certified is something I never, ever in my wildest dreams imagined doing. But I did it! Even when I was a little seasick and nauseaus and dizzy, I still did it. And it was incredible. Swimming in the ocean amid corals and fishes of all shapes, sizes and colors, seeing sting rays and sharks up close, and being that far below water is so cool and so beautiful. I hope I use this skill a lot (even though it is an expensive hobby), especially because my time is so short here in Fiji and money limited. But who knows? If not, I'll be certified forever and I'll always be able to tell the story of getting scuba certified. It's scary, that's for sure. And my ears hurt. And now I have an ear infection! But, it was totally worth it.

That's about the only cool thing that's happened in a while. On the work end, we finally got the fish pond dug- yay!!! It only took a year! I'll be curious to see what happened while I was away on some much needed leave time. And, the women got their co-op store back! That's been exciting, and a battle. It hasn't been easy but for the most part, people are really excited and happy about it. It's great training and working with the women. They just have to keep it up! They'll show those stodgy old men that women aren't lazy, they are smart and just as educated, and they do have business sense! The goal of the store is to earn money for more store improvements and to put towards a kitchen/bakery for the community hall.

Whew! While I felt like this wasn't enough, like I haven't been doing enough in the village, I learned that this is quite a lot. I suppose it is. We do a lot of other, smaller things that I think are just as valid and mean a lot, too. Does this mean Peace Corps should continue work in my village? That will be decided soon, but I can't say for sure. It's tricky- do you want the village to rely on outside organizations like PC or be independent after having two PCVs in the village?

I also realized so much else about my site. 1. I love Vanua Levu. It's so beautiful up here!!! Everything is so lush (outside of the Labasa side) and green and healthy. There is a diversity of plants. The ocean provides an astounding view as you're driving. It's so wonderful up here, compared to northern Viti Levu (sorry!). 2. The life is better, in my opinion, also. It's so laid back and people are so helpful and fun and work hard. And very self-sufficient. My village is so lucky to be so educated and motivated. At times it seems like they're not, but compared to other villages... we're pretty awesome. 3. As a PCV, you get out of this experience what you put in. i feel like that's a lame statement, but I think it's very true. If you spend a lot of time in your house by yourself, or in town with other PCVs, that's the experience you'll have. Sure, you'll take away big issues and changes and attitude adjustments, but you're not in America and you can't pretend that you are or live like you are. I'm excited to go home, but I do so with a very heavy heart. I really love my village and the people in it. We have had some hard times, but we've had a lot of good. I've had my share of tears and troubles and heartaches but that happens anywhere you are. I love that I spend so much time outside of my house. Sometimes I'm so busy I haven't touched a book all week. And while it might not look like a lot of tangible 'work' has been accomplished, my garden, my yaqona plantation, fishing, cooking, gathering food, drinking grog, singing with the choir, going to church, helping prepare for big gatherings, going to other villages, and being a part of the community has left me little time to sit around wishing I was someplace else. This only lasts for so long. After this, I'll have to go back to America with a job that probably won't pay me much. I'll be so dependent on money and I wont' have the luxury of 'kere kere'ing from my neighbors, or going over to someone's house in the middle of the day and sitting around talking, or learning from the people around me like I have here. I've been forced out of my comfort zone and maybe I have just spoken into an empty hole a lot of the time but I know that some people have heard me. I will have left something behind, tangibly, emotionally, environmentally, mentally. It goes both ways.

Lecture over.

taylar, out.

Anyone else want to come visit me? Great times are bound to be had! Morgan is about to leave, and I thought I'd share a little bit of our time together. The plan was to be in the village Tuesday through Monday, then head to town Monday and go to Taveuni Tuesday-Friday, then she would leave Saturday. However, as happens in Fiji, the plan changed as we were in the place to buy tickets for the ferry on Tuesday and they say, "There's no ferry this week." Excuse me? You didn't say this when I just talked to you two days ago! There wasn't another ferry that would get us there in the time we had left, so we turned around and headed back to the village. So Morgan got to experience almost two weeks in a rural Fijian village, a life very different from the one to which she is accustomed.

Tuesday she got welcomed with a traditional grog drinking circle and met all my family and tried the dalo leaves, which she loved. Wednesday and Thursday we attended two weddings in other villages which were long, hot days full of eating, grog, and dancing. Lots of dancing. Late nights and wild parties were had. Thursday we rested and Friday I guess we did, too, with grog in the evenings. Morgan brought Uno and that was our entertainment every night in the shed. Saturday we wanted to go out in the boat on the water, but while waiting for the boat we ended up in the river. A bunch of the boys wanted to show Morgan the traditional Fijian way of cooking, called the 'lovo.' This is an oven made of heated stones and then covered. That morning, I had gotten up and after making breakfast for all of us (Morgan, my brothers, the uncle that eats with us, and a few other visitors), I set out to pick the dalo leaves. I come back hot, sweaty, dirty and find Morgan, Tui, Nemani, and Kanu playing cards in my house! The Little Red Hen, was I. We ended up cooking dalo and palusami, which is dalo leaves with coconut cream and then we cooked them in coconut shells (no tin foil). We also killed a chicken and threw that on. While waiting, we ended up in the river. Normally, I stay as far away from this water as I possibly can but I wanted to bring Morgan a 'bilibili,' which is a bamboo raft so I went to where the kids were playing and begged them to come down to our end of the river. To do that, I had to get in all the way. We swam, I was pulled on the raft, paddled our way down and pretty much everyone ended up in the water until church started and we got called out. Then we waited for the lovo to be done and when it was, it was delicious! This was an extremely fun day and very memorable. Makes me realize how much I love the kids and how great my brothers are.

Sunday we went to church in the morning, had a big lunch, and then went swimming at a natural pool nearby. Again, the kids were great hosts and we had a lot of fun swimming around. The weather has been hot, hot, hot. Then we went to church again (i went to church again, where I nodded off so much I had to leave) and after that had a big tea, then drank grog and started the first of Morgan's many farewell parties. I have to leave the adventure off here, because she wants to get going. More to come...

Merry Christmas! Christmas Eve, my favorite day of the year. It's bloody hot. I'm en route to church, which I'm spending with the Catholics in town. Our choir has been practicing for a few months now.

Apparently the Prime Minister said that starting in January, all girls either in town or the village, have to wear long skirts, down to their ankles. No pants/shorts at all, no tank tops at all (in the village these things are taboo anyway, but allowable in town).

My Fijian parents have gone to Suva for the holidays leaving this other gentleman that eats with us, me, and my brother alone. They asked another grandma/grandpa to stay with us but really she and i are doing all the cooking. It's such a big job. I've known how much work the women do, but it wasn't until it was my responsibility that I realized just how much work the women do. I mean, they are busy busy all the time. Cooking, eating, cleaning, cooking, eating, cleaning and in between they make mats and wash all teh clothes and go fishing and take care of the kids and do everything else. Cooking with the fire is time consuming, as is preparing all the food (everything's fresh). Then preparing to eat and cleaning up after eating are big jobs, too. It's exhausting and I don't even do that much- most of the preparing/cleaning.

Dec 4

Long time, no post. Let's see... while I've been really busy, it's really just village life occupying my time. Unfortunately, my camera is still kaput so I have no pictures to show, which is really unfortunate because last Friday the kindergarten class had their 'graduation' and concert. It was adorable! The kids did a bunch of 'meke' (songs and dance, where they wear skirts and bracelets made of leaves and flowers with flower necklaces) and sang songs. Then they wore these robes and hats to receive certificates for completion. Very cute. And we had a huge, wonderful tea afterwards (multiple kinds of 'pie' and scones and breads and cassava sweets, roti parcels and sandwiches and cake. it was a feast!).

We had a lot of grog for awhile so my gang and I switched to new entertainment at night: watching movies. My brother stays in this empty house in a nice decent size room. We hook up my laptop, shut all the curtains, and watch movies for hours. Some sprawl on the bed, the rest on the floor. We pull in another mattress and cuddle up. It's great.

14 December

As I'm writing this, a tropical cyclone has decided to grace us with his presence. His name is Nick, andhe's somewhere east of Nadi, south of Labasa. I actually don't knowwhere he is at the minute, havingchanged course of direction over night. All I know is I have plywood coveringmy window and it has been raining allridiculous like for the past few days. Sometimes it will let up for a fewminutes or an hour or two, but mostly it's non-stop. Last night was super heavy winds. If it comes, it'll be a Category 1 storm, says the radio. And thank heavens for Fijian radio, with hourly (and more, if needed) reports about the situation.

Something came up at lunch today, which I have to address. I tried to promise myselfnotto be too political, given that I actually have readers (a big old 'Welcome!' to my 7th and 8th grade pen pals!) and I should control myself. That said, I do have to address something. I think sometimes we in the U.S. forget that we do not, in fact, live in a bubble and that things that are said, even small blips or soundbytes from newspapers and TV, can indeed have a big impact, maybe for the wrong reasons, on very easily influenced media markets. I'm speaking specifically about comments made from extreme right wingers and the overtly, zealously religious (or both- conservative religious folks) made traveling from one country to the next, to un-democratic developing countries with similar characteristics (conservative, religious). Case in point: I have heard multiple times that Hurricane Katrina was a result of states legalizing/ recognizing same-sex marriage. Apparently, severe tropical storms that kill thousands and render thousands more homeless, particularly affecting poor, black families is God's revenge on equality. This assuming that there is not only (a) god but one that feels it necessary to kill his (her?) followers as punishment for enacting his (her?) “Good Work.”

To clarify, what is said perhaps facetiously, perhaps seriously, from TV pundits or evangelists or just plain old bullies, has been construed as something much more serious in a place like Fiji, a country where A) Freedom of the Press is not a constitutional right protected by government but seriously censored and monitored; and B) the media is uncompetitive and fledgling with limited means and resources; and C) mostly influenced by Australian/ Aussie companies, well... statements like “Katrina happened because of gay people” do make it over here. And statements like that are taken seriously. Here, there is no separation of church and state.

If that is part of the way to “Win Souls to Jesus at Any Cost” (a sign I pass by a church on my way into town), no thank you. What kind of god would allows thousands of innocent people to have their homes and lives ruined, families torn apart, all their earthly possessions swept away as part of a lesson, or again, as a revenge for providing access to civil rights for all human beings? I don't understand it, and I can't- again- subscribe to that line of reasoning. Religion shouldn't be a war, or a battle, and it shouldn't be the lame excuse for the kind of damage caused by global warming, bureaucratic fuck-ups, racism, classism, and a really shitty act of a pissed off nature that, four years later, still hasn't received nearly enough attention as it should have.

The fact that people here, in Fiji, laugh about that kind of behavior on behalf of their God (both times I have heard this people have been from different religions, mind you), while their own compatriots are suffering the same weather patterns, to a lesser degree, is troubling. Knowing that Fijian press will print what influential, or loud-mouthed, people print/say in America, as probably happens all over the world in developing countries, do we not have some sort of responsibility, obligation, to think before we go off on behalf of “God”? I think for me, this also is stemming from having read a lot of (American) articles about the American press lately. I mean, if Newsweek and Time can be critical of their peers (as maybe is their responsibility being capitalists before being journalists), can't the American public be critical, or a little more discerning? Ultimately, it is us/you all, who dictate who is able to be heard. (I.e.: don't like what Limbaugh or O'Reilly or the rest have to say? TURN THEM OFF!) We do, despite what they will have you believe, have the power.

Lecture done. Wait, one more thing- what in the world has Time done to their format??? It's awful.

16 December

Ah, Christmastime... see the decorated houses with their hurricane proofing materials, feel the nice hot sun beating down on you on the busy streets unsealed, wonder at the multitude of mysterious bites- mosquito? Flea? Spider? Bedbug? Other random creature?,

Wouldn't you know it, sun is shining and hot and humid and barely a cloud in the sky. Been this way since Tuesday.

Our mangroves are hanginginthere, despite the near-hurricane and the poor timing for planting (while we planted them about five or so weeks ago, this is still really bad timing for planting mangroves along floodplains). These mangroves are being planted in thenext village up from me, where they have embraced natural flood prevention measures, as opposed to cutting down mangroves or expensive, environmentally destruction measures (as is happening in my village).

Well, I'm back and... I'm sick again! Yay! This time it's really bad. I have a head cold again and I've been coughing so much I lost my voice. That, in addition to the fact that the school bazaar just ended. It started Wednesday and my last day was yesterday, but I think some people are still going. Different villages sent up a stall and sell food and other stuff. Each stall/ mataqali (different families) raise money for the school. There is also a really big 7's rugby tournament. Our team, Pusi loa (black cats, but yes, pusi is the same as pussy), was boys from three different villages nearby and they had two teams. They made it to the semi-finals but lost. Unfortunately, it's been really busy in the village and having a wedding Wednesday didn't help anything. (weddings mean busy-ness and lots o' grog drinking)

Ah, the wedding. This was my brother's wedding, which was supposed to be on Tuesday. Then it changed the day before. Why, you ask. Well, I don't really know. But guess who was the bridesmaid/maid of honor?!? Yup, me. I had about 20 minutes notice. Really all it meant was that I wore the masi cloth, had sandalwood in my hair, stood next to the bride, and had to shake a bajillion hands. And gets lots of kisses. Oh, and I got the best part of the fish at lunch.

But back to the bazaar. Our stall sold different styles of fish (curried, fried parcels, with lolo), turtle, sausage stew, pie, tuna sandwiches (bread with tuna and butter and grated carrot and tomatoes and more butter), and tea. I had to help collect the money, which made for really long, tiring days. At night, there's grog drinking and dancing. It was fun, but would have been more fun had I been healthy. Add to the cold and late nights/early mornings (up before 5 am!!!) and grog drinking, there was a lot of cheering for the boys. It was a riot: all these big old Fijian women with their fancy sulu jaba (the dress/skirt outfit) with a purse on one arm and a big old knife in the other running out into the field screaming and cheering and hugging the ref when they scored.... and jumping up and hitting the roofing iron with your knife... and general merriment. For 15 minutes. No, really, it was a lot of fun. People come from all over for this. I've been hearing about it for almost the entire year I've been in the village. I only danced on Thursday; Friday I was just too tired. People think it's a hoot when I dance and there's nothing like dancing a hill in a space about four feet by four feet with about 100 boys and men watching you and another boy dance.

Speaking of dancing in small spaces... have I mentioned my sure-fire stress relief/ warm up for the bathroom cure? Well, it's like this: first I close my doors, then my curtains. Then I make sure I'm wearing something comfortable and I tie up my hair. Then I grab my iPod and head for my shower, a very very small space. I turn on my iPod, play my 'favorites' playlist, and crank the volume. And then I dance. And dance. I shake it like you wouldn't believe. Every kind of danc emove, I do it in the privacy of my shower. You'd be surprised what you can do in a small space. Definite dance favorites: Brother Love's Traveling Salvation Show, Friends in Low Places, anything Violent Femmes, Debaser (Pixies), M.I.A., Santogold, some Wilco, some Regina Spektor, Everlong (you forget that the Foo Fighters used to know how to rock it out. I forget that sometimes I can headbang. Try it to this song!), Son of a Preacher Man, and of course, Total Eclipse of the Heart! Only thing missing: Like a Prayer. Would you believe it, I didn't put the Immaculate Collection on my iTunes!!!!! Of course, there are others (Chris Brown's Forever, anything from Kate) but those are foolproof songs to make me sweat. And it makes the freezing cold shower water bearable in the cold weather and coldness of my shower. My bathroom is the coolest place in my house- it's really dark and the cement bottom stays cool.

Yeah, it'd be even funnier if you saw it in real life. Before, I used to just stay in half of my bure. But then I got really paranoid and so I've moved into the bathroom, which does have its limitations (like almost falling when it's slippery from water). But it makes me feel rejuvenated. My favorite time is before church on Sundays. it's actually the worst time to do it but no one knows how awful I'm being by breaking the rule of not doing anything physical on a Sunday and it inevitably makes me late for church.

Oh, to explain the title of this post, "Extreme Stationary" is the name of one of the rugby teams. I don't know what it means, because that's not really anything in English, is it? They're an army group, so I think they're thinking along the lines of "stations" or maybe that they're so good they're immovable objects? Hmm...

Unfortunately, I can't post any pictures because I only have a couple from the past week. Wednesday at the wedding my camera decided to stop working. The screen is black. I took some pictures and then it went black and I can't do anything with it. It worked a couple hours later but yesterday the team wanted a picture (we've been talking aobut this picture for six months!!) and my camera didn't work. :( What to do?!? I wanted a picture of my family here, too, because we don't have one of all of us.

hopefully things will slow down in a couple weeks and I can kick these bad things out of my immune system. During Diwali I binged on sweets, then during the bazaar I didn't eat anything healthy and I'm sure that has a lot to do with it, too!

Well, things have been busy (at least, they seem busy until talking aboutthem...). I got back from MST last week Monday after a nice week on Viti Levu. And I realized a couple things: 1. we have a really good group of Volunteers! 2. I'm not alone in anything I'm thinking/ feeling about Fiji and Peace Corps, and 3. time is flying. As soon as I got back,though, my bag wasn't delivered on the same plane and I ran around and stressed out for a few hours before actually getting it back in time for the bus. Then, my friend at the post office (the customs official helping me out with all my packages) told me I'd gotten fat! That evening in the village, we had an important meeting about the electricity. Tuesday I went up for the village workday to help cook and weed the yaqona. That's when I saw this little caterpillar who looks like he came directly out of last month's National Geographic article on mimicry! (Those aren't really his eyes)

That evening we had a village meeting. Wednesday my sister and I went up to our yaqona plantation to weed. Then I slept. Friday was Fiji Day, and I was called over to see a family making “vakalolo.” This is a Fijian delicacy made from dalo and cassava, and not often made. After seeing it made, I can understand why. Let me explain...

First, you cook the dalo (taro) and cassava.

Second, you mash it up like this:

and like this:

until you get a gum-like consistency.

Then, you soften up the banana leaves.

Next, you squeeze it into little balls and mix it with lolo (coconut cream), which is mixed heavily with sugar.

Then, if you're selling them like Nau Ma (Grandma Makareta),you packagethem in the leaves like so:

Finally, you eat!

It's really yummy, really rich, and really gooey. It takes a ton of work to mash up the dalo. Which is also why Fijians are so strong- andwhy thefoodtastes that much better once you're finished!

Then I did a bunch of other thingsand that afternoonlearned how to make “Rourou balls.” (I'm sure I've mentioned it before, but rourou is the leaf from the dalo plant, a staple Fijian village food. Some villages call it veisiga, which means “everyday” because of the frequency it is eaten.) I made these specially for a fundraiser the women's group was having. We all cooked something then people gavea donation to eat.

Unfortunately, I don't have any pictures of this. But here's how these yummy little balls of fried goodness are made: First you cook your rourou. Then you roll it in flour. Then you fry it. Then you cook it in... lolo! Of course, because what else accompanies every main course you eat in a place populated by coconuts?

Oh, and I've been training with some of the young women for the netball team! The school is having a big bazaar-the bash of the year- next week. There are games and grog drinking and eating and buying and selling and lots of money exchanging hands. This is one of those “it takes a village to raise a child” kind of things, because literally everyone participates and apparently the villages just empty out as everyone stays on the school compound for like four days. Sports options in a Fijian village are limited to three: for boys, there is rugby and volleyball. For girls, there is netball and volleyball. So, the boys have a rugby team and the girls have a netball team.

What is netball,you might ask? Well, let me put it like this: it's basketball, but invented by the Brits. It's very polite. It's not very fast. Right along my lines.

Then I got sick Saturday and Sunday. Saturday was the worst, with diarrhea and vomiting and a head cold (sinuses?). Too much lolo! Every meal I had that day had lolo. I just can't take so much of it! Sunday it was better but I haven't had a head cold like that for a long time.

Monday I got to go fishing again with the women! It was hot and sunny when we left, but half way through the weather changed and it rained and the wind picked up but then it got nice again. We were catching “nini” and “dreu” fish, both small fish that travel in schools. We ended up with a decent amount. The way it works is this: there is one woman at each end of the night. We're reallyquite and stealthy, watching for the bigger fish preying on the small ones or for gulls diving to catch them. Then we move in, swiftly but silently. The women spread out and then come together to enclose the net, splashing the water to scare the fish. Then they swim away and get trapped trying to swim through the net. Then we pull them out by their heads. Yes,some heads are lost in this. I got to carry the bag with the fish and help pull them out. The moving stealthily in the ocean thing doesn't really work well for me. It started out just the three of us and then two more people ended up with us. When we had enough- we probably were successful five times- we went ashore, divided them up, and then scaled them. I fried a couple of mine with onions and a couple I threw right into my fire. That's how I'd prefer to eat them.

I've decided to have a Halloween party. Mom sent me decorations last year, but at this time a year ago I didn't have a village orplace to live so I didn't get to use them. This year, though, I will. I hung the decorations and they've been very popular so far. We're going to make masks and I'll give out candy. I'll make a witches brew (hot chocolate, a treat) and something else... dirt cake,maybe? Maybe just cookies, which are always popular. I'm taking ideas for other games to play. I did think about bobbing for apples, but apples are so expensive I don't really want to go that all out.

What else... one of my brothers is getting married on Tuesday.

I'm posting some random pictures from around the village. Some are from the church building, the crew of boys building the church. Kele is the boy with some of our creations we've made drawing. One night it turned into homework help where I worked with his sister on her multiplication and division problems. It has been a long time since I've done those kind of problems. But really, I do use that stuff a lot. I remember being younger and thinking, “When am I ever going to use this?” And I do! And I'm really glad I know it, and my multiplication tables. I just wish I could explain it better. I am definitely not a teacher. I wonder at what age we learned things like multiplication tables and mental math. I think I'm going to make some flashcards- Morgan, I'm kicking myself that I didn't take you up when you offered to send me flashcards! They sure would come in handy.

There is also a picture of my snail dinner and some of the younger kids from the area.

I know I said I didn't really want anything, but I do have a few specific things for my wish list:

-latex house or acrylic paints (for a world map project at the school)

-white ankle athletic socks

-gum

-a frisbee (200 gm)

-Clif bars

-any other food items you might want to send... baking things, condiments, sauces, seasonings...

Garden update! Mom, I have the same things happening with my tomatoes as happened with yours! I talked to another PCV about it and he said it's this tomato rot disease and some people even grow their tomatoes upside down to prevent it. It's common, I guess. Overwatering might have something to do with it, he said. But, my toms are finally growing and my carrots are close. The cabbage has been eaten by moths.

My Birkenstocks, after nine faithful years and millions of miles, have finally been lost to Fiji. They were a good shoe, very good shoe.

**This is an unfinished post (damn computers!) but I thought I'd post it anyway...

Just got back from spending time in Suva and Nadi. It's such a different world on the other island! I got to eat real Indian food (soooooo delicious!) and learn about a lot of things I could still do in/with the village. We have ten months to go, which seems like a lot but really it will go by quickly (maybe?). I have a lot to look forward to the next couple of months.

I wish I had something new to share about Fiji/ village life, but I don't. Sorry! It's finally warming up, so that's exciting. I field all questions, however!

https://www.peacecorps.gov/index.cfm?shell=resources.donors.contribute.donatenow

www.peacecorps.gov, go to "Donate," "Donate to Volunteer Projects." Search for Fiji, then click on a project to donate to. There are three people from my group who have projects where you can donate money. Help them out!!! Any amount helps! (I'm offering this as an alternative for people who want to help us out but without sending lots of things!)

On another note... (I promise, no politics)

Some snippets of thought:

Etiquette: Always carry dishes, either with food or empty, with two hands.

Tabua: Give to father of bride-to-be, the more the tabua, the more she's worth(I would be worth 5 or 6)

Frogs are nuts here! They are everywhere at night, especially when it rains! And it's like they want you to step on them because they're always underfoot when you're walking. It's insane and ridiculous and I have stepped on a ridiculous number of frogs- with and without shoes!

There's been a little revival in my garden because of so much rain. The English cabbage is growing well, even some that I planted that I thought weren't going to make it have hung in there. So has some Chinese cabbage that I transplanted and the beans are still coming. I also think my tomato plants are not all dead yet. There are a few that are still healthy and I think they're just a little slow... the carrots are slow, too, and not dead but not ready to eat yet, either. The eggplant are doing extremely well! If only I could plant some pumpkin and basil and other herbs...And I'm still bummed about my peppers.

One of the most annoying things ever: having a mosquito stuck inside your mosquito net! Oh wait, having two mosquitoes stuck inside your mosquito net!

That said,I know some people are crazy about saying “That can give you cancer!” about things like mosquito coils, but I don't care. It's worth a decent night sleep every night to burn one for a few hours so I can doze off and notscratch myself to death the next day. And really, if you let it anything can give you cancer for cripes sake. Avoid the obvious things like cigarettes and keep healthy, and I think my odds are no greater or worse from using/not using a mosquito coil.

Never guess what I did yesterday. I was supposed to go fishing with one of the women in the village but because the wind was too strong she decided we would go get the “vivili.” I had no idea what that was; they explained that you get the vivili from under the rocks. So we go to the river/ ponds and I discover that we are going diving for snails. There were three of us. One wore the goggles/snorkel, one looked for snails without the goggles, and then there was me. I swam around, sloshed around, really, on the slippery rocks, and held the bag which held all our finds. I did collect a bunch of snails- a lot, really. Some were really hard to get off the sides of rocks. Those little suckers can really stick. Some were just on the bottom of the river. Some were long and narrow, others round little bumps. A lot of them really had perfected the art of mimicry. It's incredible! You really have to run your hand (or feet) over the rocks to find them, because just looking won't always work. And then they were cooked in lolo, coconut cream. Speaking of snails (I could really say a lot about them), there are some really cool ones. I saw one yesterday morning that looked just like a leaf. It was long and narrow and black, with a little gold strip along its back. The only thing identifying it as a snail, other than its snail-like pace, was the two little antennae. I've seen some cool snails. Of all colors and sizes and styles. And every time, I think of Pat and Snailish Records (shameless plug!).

Saturday my sister and I went to tend to our yaqona plantation. We only have about100,but they were really healthy! We planted them in early July I think it was. We hadn't checked on them since and what we did Saturday was to weed a little and unbury the seedlings. When you plant yaqona, you cut up one of the trunks of the plant that has little nubbins of buds on it and then bury those pieces. The new plant grows up from the old pieces, usually 3-5 pieces in each overturned plot of soil. How it works is you have to weed your area, then turn a little soil, then put the pieces in the soil, but not too deep. Then you cover it with the weeded area, grasses and sticks and stuff. After a couple months, you go back and uncover the plots and they should have sprouted again. Ours did! Only a couple had died- which is good. We had to replant the village yaqona because they all died. But anyway, it's exciting. This was part of a youth project. The youth group planted 1000 plants, paid work. Then we planted mine and Leti's, and we planted another young woman's. After another 3-5 years, Leti can harvest her plants and sell it. You have the literal roots, called waka, which is stronger than the cut pieces (lewena) which is the root going further up. The waka is what is used as your sevusevu and for more formal occasions when drinking grog or going someplace. The waka goes for about $20 or so a kilo and the cut pieces for about $16-18 at our village store. If you buy the waka for yourself, it's $26/kilo or $3/100 grams. The selling price depends on how mature your plant is. The longer you let it grow, the more mature it is, the stronger it is, and the more money you get for it.

I realized something yesterday. I've been way too cautious throughout my life. I'm not very brave. I mean, to a point I am- I'm in Fiji for two years. But I don't take chances. Never have. I was a fairly active child, I think, but I wasn't brave or daring. I played it safe, always. Sure, I jumped off a really high cliff into the jellyfish filled Mediterranean Sea once, drive a car (driving is still like the most unsafe thing to do ever), fly, swim in the ocean, travel by myself to completely foreign countries, and sometimes put myself in situations where maybe I shouldn't, but things like walking on rocks freak me out. Make me all cautious. That's just me, and I wish I would have done more when I was younger to get over that. I see these kids here, and they're fearless. They jump off these big rocks into the same pool where I'm looking for snails, afraid to put my feet down. They run and jump and slide and twirl and flip over and into and off of so many different substances. Then they grow up to be just as fearless!

(Note: I’m trying to fix them all, but you might notice words run together. This is because the spacebar on my laptop sticks and doesn’t really work and I wrote this on my laptop.)

So, let's see where to start. Not too much has happened/ been happening lately. I've been in a cranky mood, so I have to apologize for some of these posts and Facebook stuff. I haven't been agreeing with the decisions being made in the village, and how they're being made. Most people don't agree with what is happening, but given Fijian hierarchy and structure, you don't question the Chief's decision. Except me, and everyone else just rants to me, and I internalize that. Oilei. Some of the recent decisions: to cut down mangroves and to replant logged areas with non-native species so they can be logged again in another 20-30 years. And what is the purpose of me being here? I want to ask the village. So I'm trying a new approach. Not sure what that is yet, but I'm working on it. I hear comments that give priority to human beings over the environment/nature. And while I want to agree that yes, you are here right now and your way of life is worth keeping, you are not going to be here for that long. These forests and mangrove stands have been here for hundreds of years and will continue to do so as long as humans don't keep murdering them. And the way of life here depends so heavily on the natural environment that you can't destroy it and keep your way of life. But people in the US don't understand that either, and in the US we logged the hell out of our lands and destroy nature in unmendable ways, so who am I to say anything?

I've been reading a lot; I'm up to 70 books finished so far and reading a lot of magazines. And watching a lot of Gilmore Girls. I might need Season 7 to appear in my mailbox... or on a plane from America in December :) I've also been cooking a lot, making different curries and trying to perfect my roti (I think I did it yesterday! The secret: lots of hot water and lots of kneading and oil when they're cooking!) I made my own pasta- if anyone has a better recipe than an egg, salt, and flour, I'd love to know it. I made my own pasta and then made macaroni and cheese (I bought cheese... Kraft blue box... it's so sad... I'm embarrassed to admit it... sorry, Wisconsin!) and another day I made my pasta and then made a white cream sauce with tomatoes. It was delicious and totally fattening. And I've been eating lots of beans- black, kidney, chickpeas.

I'm on kind of a hating mode. I realized that there are two creatures I absolutely hate, detest: ants and cockroaches. I'm not a hater, but this two things are so disgusting and annoying I just can't take it! Sandra Cisneros said it best in Woman Hollering Creek when a character describes her frustration with cockroaches- it's not their antennae, their flying around, their inability to die but their activity at night. It drives me crazy! They're so loud! And they eat anything. Anything! It's like the cockroaches and ants work as a team. The cockroaches chew a hole first and then the ants come in. I mean everything. Spices, vitamins, dry pasta, fresh veggies. I also have to take a few paragraphs to go on a political rant, something I’ve been trying not to do so much but I feel it is my civic duty (and stress relief) to rant about a person I hate. Really, there is no person living or dead I have ever or will ever hate as much as this person. (If you're an identified Conservative, you might want to skip ahead.) I'mtalking about the darling child, Ronnie. A couple of things have sparked this renewed hatred, mostly things I've read. The first was National Geographic's cover story this month about solar power and the second is the Vanity Fair interview with Nancy Reagan (I've also decided I hate Vanity Fair. Really, what's the point of this magazine if you don't care about being a media whore or reading about media whores?) I have nothing against Mrs Reagan, no, really I pity her no one ever helped her with her anorexia and her puppy doggish idolic worship of her husband. I like that she had a sense of style, elegance, and really seemed like a strong, foreceful woman (maybe, if not unopinionated. It makes me wonder how many First Ladies disagree/d with their husbands' politics. Obviously not HRC- of course!- or Rosalynn Carter, whose husband I absolutely love, maybe just the Republican ones? Poor women.)

My point is, I hate Ronald Reagan and his legacy. This hatred is so strong. Every time I think of him, my blood just boils. AHH!! What's wrong with people that they think he was so amazing? I mean, do you see the state of the country (America) right now? You think that has anything at all to do with his absolute deregulation and encouragement of a limitlessly free economy? It's not just economics (in no way, shape or form has Reganomics shown to be positive for most people); I think his social policies have been just as detrimental and long lasting. (And, I might add, many of them are directly linked to economics) Where to start? Environmental. I mean, right off the bat he couldn't have left a couple of freaking solar panels on the roof of the White House?? What an arrogant asshole. Seriously. I hate to be reduced to name calling, but all I think of is arrogance when I think of Ronald Reagan. If his administration would have encouraged alternative, renewable energy resources right away in the Carter vein, holy jesus where in the world could energy be right now?!? Not in such a crisis and not with climate change about to wipe out our entire existence as we know it. No, I'm not exaggerating. It's time to be honest about climate change and its ramifications. Anyway, he's screwed over the environment- of course those crazy pot smoking hippies didn't know anything, so... lets lock up any drug user! Of course! “Just say no! to drugs!” Isn't that right? Just lock up anyone having a good time. Reagan says drugs are bad, so they must be, and those who use them must go to jail, so let’s build more prisons! Of course, seeing as no one has ever died from the result of smoking marijuana, it must be more dangerous than other things like cigarettes (how many hundreds of thousands of deaths caused by cigarettes are there each year in the US? And from second hand smoke? Compare that with marijuana and you'll see striking statistics). I mean, everyone knows the way to fight drugs is with more police and more prisons, right? But you have to find a way to pay all these new police officers and for all these prisons- oh wait, that's why we privatize prisons! Duh, silly me! Why is it that every single thing can be privatized except the responsible sale of and consumption of narcotics, hallucinogenics, and pot? Hmm... instead lets just lock everyone up or fine the shit out of them.

Okay, so far we have economy, environment, and drugs/prisons/increased police force (might I add that increased police doesn't mean a safer public). Now, the biggie: AIDS/HIV. This one really, really gets me. It makes me almost violent to think of his arrogance in this area. The potential was to 'contain' or fight off this disease right from the very beginning. And what did Reagan do? Deny it was an issue. Say that it was a 'gay' disease. Again, picking on anyone not straight, white, Christian, or a mail and any of the above. It's criminal what he did when he had every opportunity to fight AIDS right away. And what did he do? Not a goddamn thing. Nothing! It makes me so sick to think about. His speeches from this era make me physically ill. I just can't believe that this was happening. AIDS is now a huge global epidemic. Maybe it would have been anyway, but had any kind of action been taken from the federal government, education or research or something, the effects could have been reduced and millions of lives saved. And if it wasn't the gays, it was the drug users who were all being locked up anyway so what the hell, right?

I think I'm done. This is the stuff I wish I would've learned when I was younger. This is the real stuff that we never were taught at PHS. Maybe it wouldn't have made any difference when I was younger to know any of this. Or maybe I wouldn't have understood what it actually meant. But isn't it our responsibility to make sure the same mistakes aren't repeated? I guess I just wanted to rant about how much I hate Ronald Reagan and if I ever hear anyone defend his actions in these areas, I will seriously lose it. And I didn't even get into his involvement with any of the different Latin American countries he helped screw over, too! Ultimately I suppose it doesn't matter: the rich got richer and snorted their fancy pure cut cocaine while the poor got screwed over and imprisoned and the middle class grew to ultimately fatal proportions (see: 2008 recession/housing bubble). I mean, if you don't pull yourself up by your bootstraps, it's your own fault.

I digress... I winter seasons anywhere in the world just stink. I'm ready for it to warm up.

Just a note... I know I said I wanted mail (and I do!) but I don't need any things (except for maybe a pair of low cut athletic socks, please!) and people in my village don't really need anything, either. Our kindergarten is on hold for awhile-- I'm too busy to be there everyday and thre are no villagers who will take over-- and between all the fees, I'm going broke from my allowance picking up packages. Any values declared over a certain amount (good thing my computer battery and iPod stereo weren't accurately listed!) requires an extra fee. Anything not for personal importation use requires an additional fee, this is all on top of the $2.40 fee for picking up any parcels. So... make it light, make it only necessary things! (Honestly, a couple of CDs or some chocolate and trashy magazines is plenty!) Thank you for wanting to be connected to the village; I really do appreciate it!

I've been back in the village for about three weeks now. Nothing too much happened; in both my American life and Fijian life no major changes happened in three weeks and all was as it was before and after leaving. I guess it's good, to have that consistency in life.

It's starting to warm up again. Weather was a little cool, for Fiji, especially at night. Projects are a little stalled in the village, through no fault of mine (I can't force anyone to come to meetings, make decisions, or talk about things that might be unpleasant), and without the blessing of now two PCVs and the University of the South Pacific. It's been a little stressful in the village, so now I'm in Labasa for a few days promoting PC as an organization in and around Fiji and catching up with other Volunteers. The good thing is, as my village was cutting down mangroves- directly in opposition to every bit of common sense and piece of advice that I and USP have given the village- the next village up came to me asking about replanting mangroves along their coast to protect their shoreline. It was a small but really rewarding gesture. So that'll be a new project I'm excited to take on soon.

I don't really have much of anything to share. Sorry! It's burning season right now and everywhere are patches of burnt hill. It's also sugar cane cutting season up in the north and there is burning because of that, too. And it smells. Really bad.

When I got back, all my Chinese cabbage had been eaten so I turned the soil and planted some English cabbage. My tomato plants are pretty much all dead, which I'm really bummed about because that is the one thing I really wanted to eat. I've been eating the beans- long and French. Eggplant is doing well and so are my carrots, if not taking a long time. I think some peppers are on their way, if I can get some. A lack of water is prohibiting my garden from reaching its full potential :)

It was nice to be back in the US for a short while! Getting to eat my favorites (there was no shortage of cheese and Wisconsin beer), see my friends, catch up on Weeds, see some new movies, and indulge in American amenities was a nice, if not whirlwind and overwhelming, trip. But, I'm glad to be back here where it's warm and laid back and quiet! So thanks, everyone, for the escape, and I hope things in America improve (it was a little depressing hearing about everyone's state of employment) soon so y'all can come on over to this little corner of the world for a visit. I won't be here forever, you know!

Right now I'm at the Seoul airport on a really long layover and found a free (yes free!) Internet station at the transit lounge. Thought I'd write down some thoughts from my recent trip to Thailand as I'm en route to Fiji. I have to say I miss the quiet, simple, slow pace of the village and the warmth and friendliness of Fijians.

So many things are going through my head. I've been composing this e-mail for the past four days or so so hopefully I can get it all down. I guess I'll start with negatives: I am so not a big city person. I know that, yet I keep ending up in these big old places that turn me off. Like most big cities, Bangkok smells. Bad. I know, I know, given the lack of waste/sewage/water disposal, this should be expected. But it still surprises me (and given that people spray after they use the toilet and use t.p. to dry with, then throw that in a wastebin that sits around all day, the smell compounds). I'm surprised, also, at how unfriendly everyone is. And how expensive things have gotten. Every guidebook I read quoted prices far, far less than what they ended up being (Grand Palace: 350 baht, in the books: 300 baht. This palace/park in Phechaburi: quoted price 40 baht. Actual price: 150 baht)

As a disclaimer, I will say that I spent most of my trip in Bangkok, spending two days traveling to areas outside the city. I didn't make it to a National Park, which is why people really go to Thailand. If I ever go again, I'll head right to the woods because that's where I think I belong.

Anyway, Bangkok does have some amazing charms. (I feel like I could write a guidebook!) There are many beautiful, incredible temples filled with fantastic Buddha images. The detail of the architecture is fascinating and the temples shine and sparkle like nothing else. But, the same way that after you've seen a hundred churches in Italy you get a little tired of them, I got a little tired of the temples. Still, the serenity was wonderful in the smaller, less touristy temples.

Here are some highlights:

Day 1: Arrive in Bangkok. Passport control was nuts crazy at 6 am and took forever to get through. Fast forward to 10:30 and I try to order lunch and realize, "It's only 10:30?!? Are you serious??" After lunch I explore the area around my hotel, which is a backpackery area. There are lots of backpackers and food vendors and markets lining the streets. I stumble upon a giant Buddha statue, the first of many.

By 5 pm I'm exhausted and by 9 pm I'm fast asleep until I wake up at 3:30 am.

Day 2: Explore Bangkok properly. Hit the big touristy spots, like the Reclining Buddha, the Grand Palace, the Emerald Buddha (made out of jade... it's actually really tiny!), and some of the more famous temples. I only spend 7 1/2 hours walking around and call it a day when my thighs are chafing so badly i have to walk bowlegged. (This was due to a minor directional error that took me 1 1/2 hours in the wrong direction...) I'm again wiped out by only 9 pm, and this time don't wake up until 4:30. I also do my first survey, a marketing study by folks wanting to open Madame Tussaud's in Bangkok. Basically, I was like, "No, I'm not interested in that and I don't think it really fits here." But after I saw the area (Day 5) where it's going to be, it totally fits.

Day 3: This is when things get really interesting. I visited Ayutthaya, which was the former capital of Thailand until being sacked by the Burmese and then it moved to Bangkok. I rented a bike once there and biked around looking at/photographing old ruins. I visited the elephants (being rehabilitated after abusive trekking use) and got a little terrified of them. The ruins are amazing. I do second survey for some kids at a Vocational College. I make it there and back with no transportation issues- has my traveling luck changed?? But I realize that with the train schedule and lack of transport, I'm unable to make it to the park I wanted to visit. So, I change my plans and decide on another day trip.

Day 4: Day trip #2, to a city called Phetchaburi south of Bangkok. A king had built a summer house there on a hilltop surrounded by monkeys. Plus, the area doesn't have many tourists and is famous for desserts, so I chose it. Well, it started off rough when the ticket was about twice what I expected to pay! I hemmed and hawed then finally went for it and got on the train. I got lost in the city trying to find the bus depot so I could find out when I had to leave and how much it would be. Then it rained, a lot. No umbrella, no raincoat. Uh, oh. I visit a temple then head to this summer home. I see monkeys. Aww, cute monkeys, I think! I head up to the gate and lo and behold, the price is almost four times what my book said. I don't have enough cash on me to cover it and my way home. So I'm bummed, sit down on a bench to think about next option and watch the monkeys. Big daddy monkey slowly makes his way down. I take his picture and then he turns and heads towards me (see FB picture). And he keeps coming. There are warnings that the monkeys are aggressive, but I was taking my chance because I didn'th ave any sweet things they might want. And he keeps coming. I throw all my stuff in my bag and pretty much run away, with him on my heels. I get down far enough away then go to an overlook and then decide to explore the other direction of this mountain, where I see pretty 'chedis.' I discover the pretty and old thigns are actually a cemetary, inhabited by a gazillion monkeys swinging in trees and climbing things and eating things. I take some pictures, mind my business, look at the cityscape. Then I hear the call to arms. They start making noises. Then they start gathering. A gang (flock? herd? gaggle? family?) start following me. I speed up. They speed up. I'm running, they're running. They're squawking. I'm yelling, No no no don't hurt me i don't mean any harm! Then I encounter the feral big nasty dogs. Good news: they scare away the monkeys. Bad news: they scare away me. I'm literally at a fast paced run down a slippery brick path. I'm trembling when I reach the bottom, where the monkeys are much nicer and nothing's nipping at my heels. Needless to say, this is when Thailand starts to get the better of me and I want out. I make it back, enjoy a nice dinner (and a Changa beer), and head off to bed after starting Gone With the Wind.

Day 5: Okay, now I'm a little worn down. I decide to explore another part of Bangkok, Siam Square area. This is where all the malls are. This is a good day. I wander around, get frightened by all the noise and commotion of a loud Asian mall, and enjoy the Bangkok Arts and cultural Center. This is a gem, and I highly recommend it! It's free, the bathrooms are free (this is hard to find!), it has A/C, and some really, really cool exhibits. People rent or buy a space and do their own installations. The coolest was this young women who does ice cream designs. Giver he a theme/ event/ etc, she comes up with the ice cream flavors and whole package. It was cool. But the malls are overwhelming.

Day 6: Last day! I'd been saving a ticket to go to this palace, which came free with admission to the Grand Palace. It's near my hotel and sounded really neat and quiet and pretty. A perfect leisurely way to end my last morning in the city. I walk down there, full spirited, and find that it's closed. Instead I discover it's the H.M. Queen's birthday, so everything's crazy. It's a holiday. Traffic is a mess (took me about four hours to get to the airport, and transfering about three or four? different buses) and people are EVERYWHERE. Good news: another palace had free admission! It was a nice day, but I got to the airport super early and enjoyed the feeling of going home to Fiji. Now I have this hella long layover in Seoul, and I'm so anxious to be on solid ground for awhile!

Basically, I think Thailand is best experienced with a rented vehicle, group of people, and with either more time, or less time than what I had. But I'm glad I went; fulfilled a long awaited dream.

I have to go now, but I might continue later because I thought many many things about the necessity for urban planning. My biggest complaint of Thailand: it's too auto dependent!!!! Mad crazy traffic and motorbikes and too big cars! I saw 14 lanes of traffic today! It's so not pedestrian friendly at all!!!

Just saw the headline: hurray for Sotomayer!!!!! Makes me very happy.

In other news, I'm in Bangkok. BANGKOK! Crazy, huh? That's the first word to describe the city: crazy. Lots of cars- mad cars! Lots of little vehicles and people in masks and a mish mash of architecture. Lots of beautiful ornate gold temples and signs with altars to different people. Lots of markets, stands, signs, billboards, flowers, and colors.

My hotel is very cool. Very "hippie"ish and relaxing. I have a teeny tiny room, but I'm only there for sleeping so no worries.

It's hot. Mad hot. Makes Fiji feel like winter in Wisconsin. Well, that's a litte exaggeration but it is really humid here. Really really. And no sun. Lots of air pollution. Okay, I'm going to go eat some pat thai and gain more weight because I didn't gain enough kilos in Wisconsin!

I'm still waiting for someone to wake me up from this year-plus long dream. Am I really in Thailand???

My garden is done! (Almost) We still need to finish the fencing but most of that is done, everything's planted, and I even got a big old compost bin! Yay! And, in less than a week, everything has started to sprout. I have capsicum (peppers), carrots, tomatoes, beans, Chinese cabbage, bele (a local leafy green- it's yummy) and cucumbers planted. Still to go is eggplant and maybe a couple pumpkins. I didn't have a chance to take some pictures but I will do that the next time around.

Some of the kids playing. They love the "skip!" (Jump rope)

This is DiLala, one of the kids I've gotten to be good friends with. She's working on a project about mangroves.

This is Kasa, her sister (one of them; this is a family of 7 kids!).

One of the big projects the village has been working on for a year or so now is rebuilding the church. After the flood a few years ago that almost took out the village, it damaged the church. With money from the logging, they have been able to renovate the church. Things were underway when the carpenter died in March. They recently resumed working, and the following pictures are what the guys took this week. I've been taking some time for myself in the village lately. Really, I've just been doing things that I should've done the first week I was here. Namely, gardening. A few weeks ago one of the couples in the village started cleaning up a vacant piece of land next to the house with our generator. I asked, finally, after months of general asking, very bluntly if I could have a couple plots to plant some veggies. He said sure. A few days later, I continued his weeding. Weeding is, of course, hacking down the grasses, weeds, and overgrowth with a big knife. I started and soon I had a group of people stopping to help me and in no time we had it down. It was another week maybe before he burned away some of the brush and dug the drainage ditch (it's a wet area). Then this week, Wednesday, I borrowed a big fork and started to turn over the earth. No machines in Fiji. I got another older man to help me and a while later one of my friends, who should have been in school since she's only 17, came to ask for my help on a school project and ended up helping us. After lunch the three of us and DiLevu finished it up. With four people the work went pretty quickly. Thursday I dug the drains between plots. We're pretty much done except we need to break up the soil more and put up a fence. And plant the seeds. Throughout this whole time my little pal Poso was there (DiLevu's 7 yr old son). Poso is something special. I've become really attached to this kid, as long as he's not biting me or in my house. Sometimes he's really goofy, like he has been Wednesday and Thursday. He's been our little foreman and always there to “help” me when no one else is there.

Another Volunteer once asked me what the best thing I bought was. My answer: my gumboots. I wear them all the time. When it rains. In the bush. Making my garden. Going to the ocean. Anytime I go anywhere there is mud or sharp weeds or rocks. You see them a lot in pictures of me.

Big news in the village!!! We got a pool table!! Yup, we're big time now. It arrived a couple weeks ago. People are crazy over this pool table. I haven't played yet. It's been over a year now I haven't played and not many women play (I've only seen maybe two or three women play so far on this one) here.

I had some sad news on Saturday. My host dad I stayed with when I first got here to Fiji died. He was really sick the last time I saw him, in April. I'm glad I visited.

Below are some videos. The first is a traditional "meke" dance that was performed last year at our 4th of July celebration. The second is the secondary kids singing at their prize giving ceremony last December. the third is my chief at the construction of the bread oven back in January.

I don't really have much to write today, and I promise no more rants about the state of America.

On the radio right now is Take That's "I Want You Back." Sometimes it's Michael Jackson, last week I heard MJ and Paul McCartney singing some song like "Doggone that girl is mine." How have I never heard that before??? Sometimes you'll hear Mili Vanilli and other forgotten jems.

If anyone wants to send me any books, I'd love some John Steinbeck or Julia Alvarez's How the Garcia Girls Lost Their Accents. But really, any mail, anything at all, would be so greatly appreciated. Even just an envelope. Something! My mailbox partner gets mail all the time. Seriously, all the time. And personal mail, not just Peace Corps mail! Even my Peace Corps e-mails outnumber personal e-mails 5:1. Where are you, everyone?!? Send any lovin to:

PO Box 642, Savusavu, Fiji Islands.

Things have been really busy lately. Sometimes I say that but this time I really mean it. I've been organizing the library at the secondary school. It's been a big job. I unfortunately had to let go of such treasures as a Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints textbook about the "Human Condition." It made the to go pile at the first page I turned to, which described the different "types" of people in the world: Caucasian (with an illustration of a 'typical' white person's face), Negroid (a very stereotypical picture of all black people's faces), and the Mongoloid (an even more stereotypical picture of people from Asian descent). Other than that, they have a surprisingly good collection of books ranging from classics (poetry by Emily Dickinson, Dickens, lots of Steinbeck, Rachel Carson's Silent Spring) to really good nonfiction. And lots of books by Rumer Godden, whose name I'd only heard of, thanks Demi and Bruce, but never actually seen a book by her. And lots and lots of books about American history. An embarrassing amount of books about the US, actually. Plus like Ralph Ellison, David Halberstam, Margaret Mead, and a b unch of other popular titles- oh, and even a Taylor Caldwell.

We had a clean compound day in the village yesterday where we toured everyone's compounds to make sure they're clean and disposing of rubbish properly, etc. I turned in our application for funding for septic tanks for the village. I've been giving a lot more talks about the environment and rubbish and logging. And I think people are actually listening. I was told that when I speak, everyone listens. I guess that's nice.

I've heard other volunteers say, "There's only so much cheese you can eat, you know?" But you know what, nope, I don't know. I miss cheese. I've realized that it's like a staple food for me. I ate cheese literally every single day, for breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks. With eggs, on sandwiches, with crackers, on salads, pizzas, burritos and other Mexican foods, on pasta, as is, with bread, on veggie burgers... Gorgonzola, bleu, Havarti, Cheddar (mild, sharp, medium, white, Vermont, you name it), Munster, Pepperjack, Montereyjack, Ricotta, Asiago, Mozzarella, Parmaggiana, Swiss, provolone, feta, goat... I mean, seriously, there are a lot of cheeses in the world. And I love them. All. Here, the options for fresh cheese are "Pizza" or "Mild." Or the Kraft blue box processed cheddar. Which makes a really mean macaroni and cheese, let me tell you. Of course you spend like half your allowance on imported cheeses, but who can/ wants to do that?? I love cheese.

This is how we cut the copra, cut the copra, cut the copra. This is how we cut the copra all day long.

The sun is back!! It's hot again- yay! I had a really good conversation with a guy about wind/ hydro power- yay! And I'm getting quotations for our market project and the fish pond guy is finally coming out next week! So wow! This week is a much better week, but yesterday was a sucky sucky day. The kind of day I just want to go out for a vodka tonic with Chris and Josie and Beth and the whole gang and rant and listen to indie rock music. Oi lei.

I'm trying to upload more videos, but it takes a hella long time. Wait for it, wait for it...

Early on in my stay in the village it was the end of the term at the school. I was the "Chief Guest" and didn't know anyone (seriously, it was my second week there!). But, I took this video of this kid who's maybe 14 or 15 from my village. His name is Vocea and you can't see him; he's behind the kid to the right in the black shirt. He has an awesome voice and actually plays guitar pretty well. (His dad was a really good, popular singer from my village and they made a CD)

So I started reading a Joan Didion book called "The White Album." It's a memoir about the late 1960's. She's at an interview with Huey Newton, who was the co-leader of the Black Panthers, after he was shot and then arrested. She quotes him who quoted James Baldwin: "To be black and conscious in America is to be in a constant state of rage." And then I thought about it and thought, the same can be said anyway: "To be conscious in America is to be in a constant state of rage." And then I thought, that's not entirely fair given the current leadership. Which led me to thinking about how Obama is our president... and wait, Obama's black. And wow! the country has really come a long, long way. But, Obama is not full of rage. Where's the disconnect? But still, it's like the adage, "If you're not outraged, you're not paying attention." Because really, if you are paying attention, you'd be pretty pissed off at things in the US, such as social justice issues and climate change in-action. Especially at the policy level. You know, like how car companies have had the potential to get like 80 mpg in EVERY single car but they didn't do it because it would have been too expensive ten years ago? yeah, they're dumb because look who's laughing now, all the way to the back... Toyota and Honda. Sorry, GM. You suck. You made thousands of people lose their jobs because you chose to think in the short term profit gain rather than the long term... for financial and environmental reasons (and oh, I don't know, jobs for all those people you've been laying off). Anyway I'm enjoying Didion immensely.

As a side note, I'm outraged. Still. Because what happens in the US trickles down, to places like Fiji.

This is my favorite Fiji 7's rugby player! His name is Nasoni Roko. He has great hair. And he makes great tackles!

It was really rainy in the mountains in the bush. It's been really cold all week. Yuck.

Altar to Mary.

I realize I haven't really posted anything of substance lately. I always think what to say, but haven't really had time to post. So lets see if I can recap the past few weeks...

A week or two ago I went to Taveuni, finally, for a big meeting for our province. Taveuni is beautiful and wonderful and I had big plans to travel and visit some other PCVs. Alas, something spasmed in my back and it was the most excrutiating pain I've ever had. (Sorry Mom... but really don't worry) It was pretty awful and I could barely move, so I had to cut my trip short, which I was/am really bummed about. Good thing is: it's a lot better now and I had some great massages. So it was pretty depressing to be 25 with the body of an 80 year old.

This is in Tutu, the place I visited to check out hydropower. It's a Catholic mission/ training center. Very cool place run by a very very cool old Australian priest. It's what I'm going to write my thesis about! This is one of the chapels. Has an amazing view!

Soemthing I love about Fiji is all the colors. Everything is so colorful and vivid, from all the different greens of the forest (more than are in a box of Crayola 64!) to the blues of the sky and sea to the flowers (bright fuschias and deep purples, blue and purple and white morning glories, bright hibiscus) to the insects (the butterflies! the grasshoppers! the mantis!) to the birds (so many different birds! and also so many that aren't here anymore, vinaka mongoose). The sulu jabas (the women's dresses, see picture) and bula shirts the men wear. It's nice. See sulu jaba, above. This is in Taveuni, at the International Date Line. Technically, the date line runs right through Taveuni; but to make things simple, they keep it all in one time. Taveuni is the first place in the world where the new day/ new year starts! My back was hurting so badly in this picture.

This week I was really busy. Monday we went to plant and weed yaqona. Below is a video I took from the bush. Hehe. Below are also a few pictures from up there. Maria and I cooked the lunch, rice and dhal soup. It was cold and rainy. Tuesday we went to cut copra, but I forgot to put those pictures on my thumb drive, so next time. Copra is the dried coconut flesh that's the bread and butter of our area up here. It's what they use to make oil with and lotions and soaps and all those fancy shmancy things Americans and Westerners like to buy with coconut. We did it as a village project to help pay off the debt for the diesel for the generator. there was a group of about 20 of us who collected coconuts, piled them up, chopped them with an ax, and then cut out the flesh with a special little knife. Then you have to dry it. It's a three- four day process and we should get maybe $200. Wednesday I worked at the school and Thursday I did a major cleaning of my bure and then weeded a lot for my garden- finally! Friday was a open house outside Savusavu for fish ponds/ agricultural stuff. Needless to say, I'm ready to rest. And I've been helping the high school kids with their homework again and we had a soli (they give money) for the women. So nights have been busy, too. But we're finally making progress with our market at the road at the bus stop and on our septic tanks. Yay!

I have some time to spare, so here is something I think about a lot, which has absolutely nothing to do with Peace Corps or Fiji:

Most disappointing live show: The Pixies, Marcus Amphitheater, 2005 (Okay, seriously, what are the Pixies doing opening for Weezer in an amphitheater?!?!? Not cool.)

Show I purposefully walked out on: Weezer, Marcus Amphitheater, 2005

Band I saw that is now kind of famous: Art Brut, Rome, 2006

Openers I liked better than headliners: Pixies (for Weezer, 2005), Glass Candy (Vampire Weekend (?), 2008), Saul Williams (Mars Volta, 2003), Ben Harper (String Cheese Incident, 2002), Tegan and Sara (Ryan Adams, 2002)

Shows I forget I saw: The Sea and Cake, High Noon Saloon, 2007; Yo La Tengo, Barrymore Theater, 2002; Gillian Welch, Barrymore Theater, 2003 or 2004; Black Keys, High Noon Saloon, 2007?; Pearl Jam, Alpine Valley, 2003; Architecture in Helsinki, High Noon, 2007?; Ryan Adams, Orpheum Theater in Minneapolis, 2002

Most Underrated/ Biggest Surprise: Black Keys; The New Pornographers, Orpheum Theater Madison, 2008; Kings of Leon, The Rave, 2007; Bright Eyes, Minneapolis, 2003

Should've Stayed Home and Listened to CD and Saved $25: Neko Case, Barrymore Theater, 2007

Worst Sound: Pixies, Modest Mouse (Eagles Ballroom)

Most Energetic: Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band, Bradley Center, 2002

Would Love to Relive only Because of its Awesomeness: Ani DiFranco, Eagles Ballroom, 1999

Glad-I-Didn't-Spend-$$-On: Jack Johnson- Do I really need to spend $30 to hear a song with my name in it about a prostitute?

BandIendeduplovingafterseeingliveforthefirsttime: Bright Eyes (Thanks, Alicia!)

Best Encore: Neil Young, Greendale Tour, Marcus Amphitheater, 2003

Should've Not Been Sober For: String Cheese Incident, Alpine Valley. Maybe add in Phish?

Best all 3 Performers On One Stage: Tie... Ani DiFranco/Greg Brown/ Gillian Welch (Civic Center, Madison, 2000) and Mars Volta/ Queens of the Stone Age/ Red Hot Chili Peppers (Dane County Coliseum, 2002)

Wish I had known better first: Deerhoof

Best Dancing: Violent Femmes, Memorial Union Terrace, 2005 (Close second: Big Wu and G Love, Apple Valley, 2002. So much mud!) (Very very close next up: New Pornos)

I Wasn't Bored But Everyone Else Was: The Shins, The Rave, 2005

Wished I Could've Danced More: Cake, Orpheum, 2005

Shortest Show: Sparklehorse, High Noon, 2007

Longest: Phish, Alpine Valley, 2004 (Bruce is probably very close...)

Artist I've Seen the Most: Ani DiFranco (1999 Eagles Ballroom, 2000 Civic Center, 2000 or 2001 Eagles Ballroom, 2001 Orpheum, 2004 Orpheum, 2006 Bonnaroo, 2007 Pabst Theater)

Should've Gone To: Andrew Bird, MUT, 2007 or Feist, Orpheum, 2007

Shows that made me feel old: Wilco, Overture Center, 2007 (Should not be a sitting show!!!) and Ani DiFranco, 2007 (We're all old now!)

Was too young to get: U2, Popmart Tour, Camp Randall, 1997

Most Funny But Serious Band: Skid Row, Summerfest, 2005 **tie** Dogstar, Summerfest, 2001 or 2 (Also wins category for Best Rockstar/Musician Concert. I love you Keanu/ Neo!)

Shittiest Seats That Ruined Experience: Bjork, Chicago Theater, 2007

Coolest Show for Free: Flaming Lips, Willow Lake, 2007

Best Festival Line-Up: Bonnaroo, 2006: Beck! Radiohead! CHYSY! Tom Petty! Andrew Bird! Cat Power! So much more!

Worst to skip at aforementioned concert: all of My Morning Jacket

Best Festival Line-up that Never Happened that I had Tickets For: Field Day Festival

Missed Opportunity: Low, Minneapolis Record Store, 2002. Alicia went. I think I went to Borders or something.

Best "local" band show: Houses in Motion, Majestic Theater, 2008: Happy Birthday Me!; Masoko, Rome, 2006; That brass band whose name I can't remember but I'm pretty sure it's not Mama Digdown's... they did a show at the High Noon... Zeke's friend's band... then they left to go on tour... awesome show, 2006 or 7

Most Bizarre: Glass Candy

If I Could See Anyone Live: Smashing Pumpkins, ca 1996ish; R.E.M, ca 1988-1994ish; Janis; Violent Femmes/ Pixies, ca 1984-1990; Prince, 1990's; Madonna, 1992; Lilith Fair; David Bowie, 1978; Bon Jovi, ca 1989; Blind Melon w/ Shannon Hoon

My best year for live music: **tie** 2003 and 2007 (2003: RHCP, Bright Eyes, Neil Young, 2 Mars Volta shows, Yo La Tengo, a zillion other shows at the Barrymore)

I miss live shows. The person I've probably been to the most shows with is definitely Josie. Close second is Katy. And Pat. We made a nice trio of groupies for awhile. And Chris. Wow Chris and I have seen a lot of shows, too. And Beth. Beth was almost always at all those High Noon shows, too.

That's all. Now I have to go.

I've been trying to get out and around more, see more of my island. Last week I went to church in a village up the northeastern coast and then last weekend I checked out a village even further up the coast, right on a point across from where the bay ends. To get to the village you have to cross a bridge. It's literally on the coast. At high tide it was hard to tell where the village ended and the ocean began. I did a lot in a really, really short amount of time! It was great. The purpose of my visit was to check out a waterfall that the village wants to make into a tourist attraction. We hiked through this amazing canopy of cocoa trees, bright fuschia (redudant?) flowers, coconut trees, and thick overgrowth. The waterfall, below, is up a hill, with four big pools leading up to it and little waterfalls- I'm sure there's a name for them but I don't know it- all along the way up. It happened to be pretty dreary and the water was freezing but it was great. Beautiful. Very pristine, untouched, like most of the area I saw. We swam (it was freezing) and one of the women went fishing for prawns.

We went to the beach, swimming and fishing and exploring all there was to offer in the ocean. At low tide you can walk out to this island. The first creatures we saw were trees full of sleeping bats. Crazy with bats! They all got up and flew away when we came and I remembered that bats have super sonic hearing. Then we saw some sea snakes, which are as deadly as cobras if they bite you. They crawl on land to lay their eggs. There aren't many of them left because the mongoose eat them, I'm told, if they go to the mainland. Damn mongooses. Saw some sea cucumbers, starfish, cool creatures with long legs that looks like they could break except they were actually really strong and tough and the bodies were whispy little things. But you could pick them up with no problems. Saw some really cool sea shells. Went digging for small clams. Some people went diving for the giant clams, called vasua here. I saw the bright blue and oh so deadly big starfish, an eel, another kind of sea snake, crabs, and fish. They came back with oysters and a piece of coral just for me. I had to then give a lecture as to why killing the coral is a bad idea. When he handed me this round flat disc of coral I asked what they use them for. "Oh, for ash trays." My jaw dropped and my heart sank. Can I use any more cliches in one sentence?

We ate the clams, cooked with chili and lemon juice and salt. And later, when there wasn't time to cook them, ate them raw. And now I just find out they're extremely endangered. And I'm very very very mad at myself. But they found like three this day! And they had empty shells everywhere! Oh man. But they're delicious, and I don't blame people for eating them. I just wish it didn't leave me with such a bad feeling. This is the hard thing: they did it all for me. They went diving for clams and oysters and other creatures in gorgeous shells and coral just to impress me.

I also took a boat ride to a village accessible only by boat, with only four houses. I had tea there and delicious roti in lolo and "bani vakalolo"- literally a homemade bun soaked in coconut cream. Delicious. I then had this depressing realization that my village isn't really the ocean at all. It's the bay. We went in towards the bay, away from the open sea. I've known I'm in the bay, but when I really thought about it, it hit me.

They sent us home with brooms and coconut oil and sea shells and cocoa pods. Oh, and did I mention I taught them how to do the Chicken Dance? Oh yes. Fiji is soon to be rockin the Chicken Dance. We also did some "screw in the lightbulb" dancing and crazy finger pointing dancing. I think I should go on the road.

That's the biggest thing that's happened lately, other than actually doing big projects. We're still working on septic tanks and a footpath and prawn farming and a kindergarten. Whew.

In other news, I've been addicted to Gilmore Girls lately. I popped in a random disc which turned out to be disc 2, season 2. I'm working my way through the season and lo and behold, I discovered an episode I never remember watching! I couldn't believe it, but nothing about the espisode seemed remotely familiar. It was the one after Richard retires and Emily sends him to spend the day with Lorelai and Dean gives Rory the car. I realized I don't like Dean. At all. No, he just didn't do it for me. Obviously Jess wasn't all a peach but he wasn't drippy and dippy and had passion. I'm still very hung up on this even after how many years? I also discovered that I kind of don't like Lorelai. Sometimes I really don't like her behavior or the way she talks to people. And she's so patronizing to Sookie. And Rory was always just pouting and saying "I'm not naive" while Lorelai was just condescending even to Rory: "She's such a sweet innocent girl... She's so naive... She's so nice to everyone..." But I do love the show still, nothing can change that.

This blog might be all over the place, so I apologize in advance. I have a lot of time to think here in Fiji and the thoughts that run through my head, man they're all over.

It's so bizarre that we who choose to do this whole Peace Corps thing just stop these lives we have in the US, most of us with really privileged lives. And for two years we're living in another country. I'm totally helpless most days, depending on the kind of kindness of strangers that I didn't even know still existed outside of movies and novels. But it does! And here we are, learning and re-learning all these things, all these cultural and emotional and built up characteristics of life. I don't know why turning 25 seems really old, really different. My friends are growing up- are already grown up. They're married and have houses and really really serious relationships and are getting laid off. I'm running around Fiji living in a bamboo house and swimming in the ocean. I have absolutely no clue what I want to do when I get back to the US. I used to know, but now I have no clue. I think I was just biding time. I hope in the next year something will change, will happen that will be the lightbulb, the finger snap that will set the rest of my life on some kind of course. Maybe it's just that our lives are so broadcast over the computer now it seems like we have so many possibilities, so many opportunities to question our lives and re-examine everything and everyone. This again leads me to believe I need to detach myself from Facebook.

I'm reading Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance right now and maybe I'm just thinking about the whole issue of technology. Something like Facebook is in a whole new technological dimension separate even from computers. Oh man though the computers are soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo slow here in Fiji. It drives me absolutely nuts. Nuts!

I was in Suva a couple weeks ago for a workshop. Man I hate being in Suva. There's something about being in a city here that I don't like, but I do miss city life in the US. But does Madison really count for a city?? It does. The really nice thing for me was to see all the other Volunteers that I haven't seen for so long. I realized that I miss them and I need them. I need that touch with, for me, reality outside the village. It felt good to be so unrestrained and honest and to relate to other PCVs. I tend to stay in my village a lot. I have this fear about leaving it!

That said, let me talk about dancing. Fijian dancing is very different than American dancing, or at least Midwestern dancing. There's no Alicia head shaking, no booty shaking. There is the traditional "meke" dance but then there is the "waltz" or the "jive." That's what dancing is called- the waltz. It involves a lot of thumbs up, finger pointing, shoulder rolling, and leg twisting. And it's also very 1 on 1; group dancing doesn't really fly here. It's a very orderly dancing.

I made my way up the coast a bit for the first time on Sunday, to go to an Assemblies of God service. Wow. It was great! There's a church I could get into, except that they don't drink grog or alcohol and have all these other taboos. I'm not down with churches telling people how to live. That said, this was an inspirational service in this small church, very haphazardly built but with two guitarists who belted out English language hymns beautifully and we danced and clapped. Very energetic, and very interactive. However, I discovered the resort that is being built along the coast. It depressed me and made me cry. I know I'm just being selfish in that I don't want Fiji to lose the character and innocence it has. I feel like the land is really just being pillaged by greedy businessmen and their skinny fad dieting pale snotty wives. Okay, maybe I'm a little harsh. But you have to look at the kind of person who razes a forest and mangrove swamp and builds these godawful ugly massive "villas."

That's all my ranting for now. Other than that things are going well in the village.

I think I'm just scared ev erything will be so different in the US when I go back.

Hi all-Just an FYI: if you're going to send me any packages, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE tape them up really really super duper well!!! the last two packages I've received have been opened during transit and I've lost stuff from them!!!! So, please make sure they're sealed up really well if you're going to send anything! I know it's expensive and I don't want you to be wasting your money into a black hole of Fiji post.

Not too much is new since I was last on here but I had a good week in terms of getting work done. We finally- FINALLY!!- got the Health Inspector out to our area to survey for septic tanks. I have two big projects going on in my village and another village in my tikina to put in septic tanks for all the houses in each village. I've been trying since early March to get the Health Inspector out here and each time he was supposed to come there was a problem. But we got a lot done Friday and now we just need to figure out measurements and quotations and complete the proposal, which is due the end of June so I like the timeline. It seems, from my experience, that a lot of the government jobs only have one person who can do the job. For example, the Health Inspector. He's the only one that could do what we needed to get done. There is only one guy who does prawn farming up here. He's also been busy for two months now so of course that means there is no one else to help us (seriously, I've tried/ been trying). There is only one person who does beekeeping. He was also out of the office the day I was in Labasa (I had to go to Labasa to see him!) so that meant no one could help me. And now the government has decided to force retirement on civil service positions at age 55. I'd like to think there are a lot of other things I could be doing without relying on any sort of government assistance, but that's not what the village wants and we need to be setting a good, legal example of following the rules.

Popcorn- it's my addiction here. You can buy seeds pretty commonly and inexpensively. Just a few make a lot of popcorn. I cook it on my gas stove in the frying pan with a little oil. It took me a few tries to get the heating right but when I get a good batch, it's good! Last night I tried it for the first time over the fire. Last week I discovered my cylinder was empty so I've been either eating out of my house or cooking with the fire, which I enjoy. I was doing really well starting my fires at first, and then the flood happened and I lost momentum. After that, it took me a really long time to get my fire going. But now I think I have it again and I don't use kerosene! That, for me, is the best part. So I made the popcorn and basically it tasted like it was barbecued. It was fine but I think the smoke added a taste that didn't quite go. Needless to say, popcorn has been a great discovery for me! I miss those salty snacky foods!

Sunday I spent the morning making samosas- over the fire!

There is one thing I absolutely hate here, more than I've ever hated anything: mongooses. There is one particular mongoose (perhaps it's more) that is always eating my food! The thing about the mongoose that I hate worse than the rats is that mongooses aren't scared of anything. They come during the day, during the night. They can open containers, chew through packaging. No shame! And they eat birds; they've helped kill off native birds.

I've been facing some difficulties with my village. Nothing major, and most of our projects are still underway. But for me, I've been looking at my role here as a “job.” Of course I know that being a PCV is a job, but the distinction between being a villager and this being my work has been easily blurred. Thus far I've demurred my opinions on village topics and decisions but lately I find myself having a hard time doing that. I've been speaking up when I notice a problem. For instance, two cows were grazing inside the village limits over the lovo- where food is cooked during gatherings- next to the river. It was gross and is against the laws of the village to have animals inside the village. So I spoke up about it drinking grog that night. At the last village meeting, I gave a little talk on the dangers of burning plastic. The secondary school is a disaster; this is something I've been hearing for a few months now but it wasn't until Friday when I actually saw just how bad the facilities are. And it's bad. The thing is, the fees are really high and I don't see where the money goes. So I've been speaking up. I don't feel bad about not selling cigarettes to kids anymore at the store, either. It says on the package that it is unlawful to sell tobacco to anyone under 18. Cigarettes are bad. I'm sure it sounds like I'm being really negative but the thing is, the village wanted me to come here for a reason. I can't go along with things if I notice something is wrong just because I don't want to challenge the status quo; we as PCVs are about changing the status quo. I finally feel like I'm at a place in the village where I can speak up and be honest and start telling it like it is (so to say). I've wrestled with how much I should say and when and to whom, but the thing is people don't question much here. It is how it is, and if the elders don't have a problem with it, no one says differently. The hierarchies are very difficult to navigate here. People are very afraid to challenge or ask questions if the decision comes down from above. And while I respect that and need to work within that, I'm also given more leeway to do things like ask why or what the alternatives could be or to say that I see a problem if I see one. I guess for me, I'm looking at it that I only have so much time here and if I don't say something, no one will and then nothing will change.

Part of my frustrations also lie in the definition of “development.” I hear a lot of key words thrown around here: “development,” “food security,” or “education” to name a few. It sounds good- “Hey, let's do this because it's development and development is good!” But not all development has positive effects. Is education at a school that's falling apart really development, especially if kids aren't encouraged to go to school on a daily basis or study in the evenings? Like a lot of decision making, here the price that's paid for development comes at the expense of short term gains rather than thinking long term. Log the forests now for fast cash (and a lot of it) because there are a lot of trees. I mean, just look around you and all you see is forest. And then, plant mahogany and pine (non-native species) because reforesting is good (another buzz word) and look, in ten, twenty, thirty years they can log again and our grandkids' kids can get a good education! That's the mindset. But the problem is, in ten or thirty years, the village probably won't be here if things stay as they are. I got so mad at our last village meeting when they were talking about planting these trees because what's the point of doing any “development” projects in the village if the village won't be here? And it won't be if they continue to log and degrade the land the way they have been. I've been trying to think of ways to talk about this issue of development and to give examples. I guess what I keep thinking of is Wisconsin. (I know there are millions of examples of adverse effects of development, especially big picture ideas like sprawl and air pollution from factories but that doesn't really resonate if it's not specific.) I think I'm going to talk about the transition from timber as our main industry to family farming to now tourism and service industries. Gone are so many of the small farms that used to dot our beautiful Wisconsin landscape. The fact that so few crops dominate the farming industry, too, is another issue. The recommendation to only eat so little fish from the rivers and lakes is something very relative here. The increased bad air days in Madison. Being a car dependent society is another. Low paying service jobs in a tourism dominated industry will also resonate, I think. Maybe. Maybe not. If anyone has any ideas, I'd love to hear them.

Saturday night I asked a question of a bunch of the men: “Would you be willing to use eco-tourism as a way to bring money to the village if it means you couldn't ever log the forest again?” This started a discussion and I think the conclusion we came to is, No. I talked about the two best assets of the village, the ocean and the forest, and some of the activities that could be done. But in a roundabout way we got back to that, and this I said, the village is destroying these two beautiful things and no one will want to come hike through a logged forest or go snorkeling when all the coral is dead. The idea came up for visitors to see a meke (song and dance), eat, watch the women weave, visit a cave that's up the river in the forest. But is that enough of a draw to bring tourists all the way out here? It's a long and bumpy ride to watch some women who may or may not be weaving a mat. The hike to the cave? Through the clear-cut forest. So I guess we'll see.

This week I'm in Suva for a workshop and then headed to Taveuni to visit a hydropower project. Should be exciting!

Here are a few pictures from my Easter weekend out of the village.

Happy Birthday!

this is Lusi. She's so adorable! She was enjoying her ice cream.

Some of the fish caught Monday night. There were lots more- and bigger ones.

Pretty pretty sunset on the wharf

The one catch of the day Friday!

This was not a posed picture...

I'm on my way back to the village from my very first weekend away. I spent it in Bua, the province in the West, with some families I've gotten to be close with. I think for me one of the hard things that I can't do is separating myself from my "work." I like being in the village, I like people I spend a lot of time with, and I'm enjoying the experience that I'm experiencing. The emotional ties for me are really strong; ironically, I have a hard time with this in the US but here it seems so much easier. I wonder if it's because of the close proximity in which we all live?

Anyway, this weekend was a nice change of pace. Where I was isn't a village per say but a government station. I left my village at 7:30 am, got there at 7 pm, three buses later. As soon as I stepped off the bus, I rushed to put on my sulu over my shorts, but then I found out, it didn't matter! Since I wasn't in the village, village rules don't really apply. Shorts! Tank tops! It's weird how that makes you feel naked. We went swimming off the wharf with a fishing line and hook. Our bait was flour and tuna, which is not a good bait. You should use bread, I guess. We didn't have much luck. But last night they went out in the boat and caught lots of big fish. I'll post pictures after I get back to the village and such. We ate a ton of fish and bananas. They have lots of banana trees there! I went swimming in the ocean, slept, watched a gazillion movies. I felt like I was in an alternate universe. One of the sons of the family I was staying with is a successful businessman in Suva. He and his girlfriend and his kids came up. They brought a Playstation, a handheld PSP thing, like two dozen cell phones, a portable DVD player, and all these crazy electronic gadgets I haven't seen for a long, long time. The kids all spoke English and could barely speak conversational Fijian. Urban Fijians lead a much different life than us in the bush. The kids were obsessed with TV and their games. I had a really hard time with it because, well, I hate that stuff. And I hate the influence Westernization has had here, for the most part. The good part: I got to eat chocolate cake and ice cream. Yum! That is a good influence.

One more note before I go... over the weekend some stuff went down with the government here. Rest assured, all is well with me and the PCVs. It's all happening over our heads, and besides, I'm in the bush! We remain untouched by volatile political situations.

I have a big huge post with pictures and lots of info ready to go- but I had a problem posting it so until I ahve more time, that's all I have! And my e-mail is down and I have no phone!!! Technology is failing me!!

The gang in the mountains on Tuesday. L-R, Akei, Uraia, Tucika, Kanu, Tui, Paulo, Lou, Turaga

Tuesday I went "up" with the Youth. I work a lot with our Youth Club, which is 19 men ages 20-40 and two (sometimes more) women, both 31, one of them my counterpart. We have a lot of projects we want to get going, including prawn farming and beekeeping. To raise money, one of the older men is paying the group to plant 1000 yaqona plants. Tuesday we went up to the mountains, to his farm. There were 11 of us, including one of the two young women. We were in charge of the food preparation. This meant that we had to keep the tea boiled. We had tea I think about three times that day. Lunch was 5 tins of mackerel and 8 tins of tuna both with sliced onion, with cassava, followed by tea and biscuits (breakfast crackers). I learned how to plant the yaqona, which was great finally getting my hands dirty. The view was, of course, beautiful. It felt good to get out of the village and do some work. See pictures for more details.

Bavelo and Mereseini preparing the voivoi to weave the mats. First they take off the sharp parts then roll the leaves up, then they boil them. After they're boiled, they need to dry for a few days in the sun. They're then rolled again and again to get smooth. There's more of the process, too, before they even begin to start weaving.

Kanu at the end of the day Tuesday.

The most popular sport in Fiji is rugby, especially Sevens. There are two kinds of rugby, 7's and 15's. Seven's has seven players and two- 7 min halves. Fifteens has fifteen players and each half is 40 mins. Fiji was the two-time world championship team in 7's a few years ago. Rugby is mainly tournaments; teams are in pools and play a dozen times in a span of three days. The thing abour rugby is that it's awesome. It makes American football look like absolutely nothing. They don't wear padding. They don't wear padding. They run up and down the field for the full 14 minutes. It's so intense! The last full weekend in March was the Hong Kong 7's Tournament. There's only one TV in our village with a satellite dish, so everyone crowds around this TV during the rugby games. People from my village and nearby villages come over to watch- laying, sitting, standing, anywhere there's room. It's kind of like having a Super Bowl Party with the Packers playing every week or so. Well, Fiji won! It's the first time in ten years they've won this tournament, beating the South African team (who has the best record right now, but the world champs is Wales). South Africa is really good, so is England (who Fiji beat) and Kenya. The other Pacific Island teams are also really good. At the last tournament last weekend, Fiji lost a heartbreaker to Kenya in the semi-finals, with Kenya going on to lose to South Africa. But, alas, the US team won the Shield tournament! (There were four different pools of championships: Shield, Cup, Plate, and Bowl being the best.)

Fun tidbit: A popular saying, and one you should learn if you come to Fiji, is “Vinaka vakalevu” or “Kana vakalevu.” Vinaka is thank you, kana is eat, and vakalevu is literally, very big. So the literal translations are “Thank you very big” and “Eat very big.” However, that's not what we say in English. But try explaining why you thank “very much” but eat “a lot.” I get a lot of people saying to me, “Eat big!” It's always hard to not laugh a little at that.A little bit more about rugby: the most famous Fijian rugby player is Weseli Serevi. He's retired now, but is a coach sometimes. All the kids know him; it's like Brett Favre was to Wisconsin kids. When tournaments are on, everything else (except church) stops. It's such a big deal! But oh so fun. During Hong Kong, our generator went out at a really intense moment in the game. Everyone just threw up their hands and sighed. It was awful! They won, which redeemed it, as they hooked up a smaller generator.I've slowed down my reading a bit, partly because I was trudging through Sense and Sensibility (I read Pride and Prejudice in a heartbeat, but I just couldn't get into this one) and partly because I've been spending more time with the friends I've been making. It's good to have people to talk to and I feel close to them. One of the guys I've gotten to be good friends with is also considered my brother; my counterpart's family took me in right away, and I have “Maku” (short for “tamaku,” meaning my father), Nana Mere (mother Mere), the one brother in Iraq, my CP/ sister, and then Tui, my brother. I like it because they, especially Tui, really look out for me and it's like I really have a brother, something I've obviously never really felt before as an adult. We've gotten to be really close and I'm starting to feel less like an outsider. (Mom, I know what you're thinking but please don't read too much into it. He's my brother!) The conversations I've been having with these guys have been great; we're at the point where we feel comfortable asking/ telling about ourselves and having the kind of deeper conversations I miss having with my girl friends. The hard part for me has been bridging the gender gap. In Fijian culture, there are some relationships that can't talk. The woman that I went up to the farm with Tuesday (DiLevu) can't talk to a couple of her uncles/ cousins. She can talk to the younger ones but not the older ones. They can't really even be together; she has to sit away from them. One of her cousins (I think that's the relationship) is the leader of the youth group so if she wants to ask questions in the meetings or when we were serving the food, she has to go through someone else, usually me, in order to achieve whatever it is she was doing. It's so frustrating for me as an outsider because I don't know these relationships and I don't have them. She said that they used to play together when they were younger, but around age 14 or 15, that had to stop. They learn when they're young who they can and cannot talk to. It's the same with a lot of the older women, too. They can't dance in front of or drink grog with a lot of the older men. I'm curious to know, from the younger generation, whether or not they think things like this will ever change. Will these relationships/ hierarchies ever change? Will girls ever be able to wear shorts in the village? How do boys and girls have a relationship if they can't show any affection in the village? Stuff like this.This is DiLevu (her son is Poso, see picture at bottom)Here's part of my gang: Tui, Tucika, and Pita. This is a regular night for us. A lot of people in the village right now are taking a break from drinking grog so we usually just talanoa (tell stories).A bowl of grog. I think one of the hardest things to reconcile as a PCV is how to transcend those boundaries that we don't have. As a guest, I'm allowed into the men's circles. I'm allowed to talk to anyone and everyone. I can be with the men, the women, the kids, the youth. I can drink grog. I can go to the farm. I can dance in front of anyone. I can eat first before everyone else (trust me, I hate this), or before the women. I don't have to help as much sometimes (again, something I hate but it's almost more of an offense to disobey the nau's (grandmothers). Trust me again, I have a lot of grandmothers! And kukus, grandfathers. When whence I had no grandfathers, now I have a dozen or so.Nau Tupou and her basket of rubbish. Here's an update on the widow of the man who just died. I found out she's only 28! (He was, get this, 58!) She was pregnant, but now she isn't. Apparently there's this thing, I was told, that happens in Fijian culture where women will be pregnant, or show signs of pregnancy, but then won't be. So she was pregnant, but then during later ultrasounds there was no fetus, no heartbeat, just water. She is showing signs of being pregnant, like her stomach, but I guess there's nothing in there. I don't get it... I still need to do more research on this but this is what I was told.It's almost my birthday! I'm getting old. I actually feel like I'm getting old, even though I'm nowhere need old. I'm getting old and I'm in Fiji! What?!? Fijian for Easter is “Day of the Dead.” I kind of hate thinking my birthday is on Easter if that's what it means!Here I am, this past Tuesday while farming yaqona. (Do those clothes look familiar, mom???)

Palm Sunday is the children's service and the Sunday school kids (both Methodist and Catholic) put on the service. Here are some of them.

This is Aleposo. He's such a doll. He has some issues (emotional/ mental things that put him behind other kids his age, 7) but I love him.

I heard the crying first. Initially, I thought it was a child screaming and crying. Then the crying intensified and I started to get worried. I was in my bure, it was around 10 am on a Saturday. I stepped outside and women were coming over to my family's house across from me carrying their kids, grandkids and hankies. My first thought was the family's son who is a soldier in Iraq. I had just talked to him on the phone the day before. But when I asked what happened, they said, "Tata Kimi sa mate" (Daddy Kimi died). "What?" I had to ask, just to be sure I heard correctly. Apparently he was returning from the farm when he had a heart attack and died. I cried, and went to join the rest of the women. Mourning is very public in Fiji. I haven't decided yet whether that's a really good thing or not. On the one hand, everyone gets it all out at once and then moves on. So all the women gathered to cry together, loud wailing and sobbing. But this was such a surprise. Everyone was- still is- in shock. He was 53 and in fine health. His wife, who is much younger, is pregnant with their first child. This is a man who is hugely involved in the village. He is a carpenter and I was working with him on many projects. His biggest project is the church. He is on the right hand side in the picture above. So, last week was spent preparing the village for the funeral. It was a huge funeral. Mon- Wed we cut the grass, raked, weeded, prepared the eating hall. Thursday we started cooking and guests started arriving. Friday, more cooking, the funeral and serving all the people. I was so tired. I had to do most of the food serving (I was assigned that area), which is fine because people are fascinated to see me and see me working like a Fijian girl and they want to speak with me and gawk. It was fun. Sunday things finally got back to normal, sort of. I think all the guests left yesterday. It's put everything else on hold.

What else... other than that things are going well. Busy.

Last week I FINALLY got to go fishing with the women! They didn't actually tell me we were going fishing but I got so excited to go swimming in the ocean and it was so hot that I jumped at the chance! We rode the bilibili (bamboo raft) out to sea and there they set up their net. I went with two women. Each one holds an end of this big net. Then they make a circle, stir up the water, and close the net to capture the fish. Then they wait, and check to see what they got. I held the bag while they bit the heads to kill the fish. I decided I have to be a vegetarian for real again and I can't eat fish anymore. And I don't think I want to go fishing with them anymore!! I probably will, because it's the only time I can really go to sea. Let me tell you, it is so gorgeous. So amazing! We went as the sun was going down. The view as the sun sets behind the mountains and the glare of the sun lights up the village, and clouds come into view through the forest and the coconut palms wave... spectacular. And in the other direction, there's water. Blue blue water. Waves and sun and sky and fish jumping. It's really h ard to imagine the rest of the world somewhere out in that expanse of water. It was an exciting end to the day, though. We caught seven big ones, kanace (the Fijian name) and a another smaller type. A pretty good catch. But it was nothing like the really huge, I mean HUGE, fish they caught from out by the reef for the soko.

This is at the funeral- we say it's a soko- and Mela is fishing. The Catholics here also don't eat meat on Fridays during lent, and the 7th Day Adventists don't eat meat either so there was a shortage of fish. So, the women sat on the river (we did all the cooking right there, too) and fished and then fried it up for dinner.

At the burial

It was a Catholic funeral.

The meat that the men slaughtered and the women stayed up all night cutting/ preparing

Taking a break after all the animals (7 pigs, 2 cows, a bunch of fish) have been slaughtered.

This is one of the pots- seriously, you could fit like five kids in here. The witch that would've cooked Hansel and Gretel, would have had a pot like this. Sorry the pictures look so bad- there was so much smoke!!!

Cutting the meat

Baking pie for morning tea

This is called waitai: scraped coconuts, water, sugar, breakfast crackers.

Pounding scraped coconut to make lolo, a coconut cream used in just about everything here.

Weeding

My kindergarten (kidi) kids and Fruit Roll-ups

Kasa finger painting.

The older kids

My gang

Waiting for the school bus

Fiji is a constant surprise, both good and bad. It was a funny scene this morning on the bus when two women from my village tried passing a box of tea to another woman in another village. The bus was moving, mind you, when the box of tea was flung out the window and the women were yelling to a kid about who to give the tea to. Lets hope the tea made it there, but I'm a little skeptical it's not stuck in a ditch somewhere.

It's so hot, I don't even have words to describe it. I hope next year I'll be better accustomed to the heat but do you ever get used to this?

We just wrote a five year action plan for the village. Can you believe it???

I visited a village in the mountains yesterday. Sooooooooo beautiful!! Everything's so lush and green. And of course it included crossing rivers/ ditches on a 2x2 piece of wood or a bent coconut trunk and, surprise!, swimming across a dirty river/pond/stream/mangrove stand.

This weekend we lost another Fre-6er. We started out as 32 in the group and are now down to 28. Al of us made it through PST and were sworn in as Volunteers, which has to be some kind of Peace Corps record. But we've lost two people to medical separations and two people have "ET'd", Early Termination. It's sad when we lose people and usually I don't find out until weeks after it happened. We're still probably an anomaly of a group but... it's sad to lose one.

And I realized, after reading the articles, that I did know Dan Thompson. I remember him mostly from band. (I think. Was he in band?) Anyway I know I remember him and that makes me sad. Will it make people actually think a little bit more about what's going on in Iraq? Did he really give his life to make you or me or anyone in the US more "free" or "safe," as if we weren't already? I mean, the war in Iraq has by all measures restricted Americans' freedoms and intensified/ instigated/ encouraged terrorist activities and violence towards Americans. So really, what has been gained, again, by this bungled mess of Iraq? I don't feel quite as hostile towards Iraq as I did with Bush so come on, Obama. Make us peaceniks and rational thinking Americans proud.

I also forgot, in my movies list, to mention the hilarious Tropic Thunder. For those people who think I don't have a sense of humor, I laughed like crazy at this movie. Hilarious. Tom Cruise? Who knew he had it in him??

I'm back after a week in Labasa, in the north, and I can't wait to get back to the village! I think I'm the only Volunteer who likes being in the village more than being in town. everything's expensive and the food's totally fattening.

I finished The Confederacy of Dunces (LOVED it!!!! so funny!) and I've moved on to movies, bolstered by my engrossment in the top lists of 2008 (thanks mom, Morgan, Kelsey!!) and the Oscars. Where to start?? Lets see... I've watched The Wrestler (Darren Aronofsky, of course, made another unbelievable movie and Mickey Rourke was so awesome. This was so powerful to me.), Slumdog Millionaire (Danny Boyle, again of course, also made such a fantastic film! I was surprised by how much I loved this and how obsessed I've become with it! So glad it won!), Gran Torino (a big surprise by how much I loved this one and it's commentary on race in America), Ghost Town (okay, Ricky Gervais is hilarious no matter what role he's in!), The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (this left me with such a strange feeling; I can't quite describe how I feel about it. I loved Cate Blanchett, especially as an older woman. I didn't really get the whole Hurricane Katrina thing- was that necessary? I suppose it was, being born with a bang, dying with a bang. For the most part I give this a thumbs up. Then again, rounding out my favorite directors is David Fincher.), and Burn After Reading (maybe I need to watch this again but I was a little disappointed, and sick.). Some of the other big ones of 2008 weren't available yet but I hope to get to Milk, The Reader, Vicky Cristina Barcelona, Revolutionary Road, and who knows what else. And, the more I read and the more I thought about it, let me comment on The Dark Knight. I saw it, in the theater. I loved, loved, loved Batman Begins. But The Dark Knight was totally disappointing. And one of the best films of 2008? Hardly. Yes, Heath Ledger was terrifying and gave a powerful performance. But I'd argue his performances in Brokeback Mountain, Candy, or even I'm Not There were just as good. TDK had too many storylines and too many big blow 'em up action scenes. It was too long and wasted really good actors, especially Christian Bale. It focused too much, I thought, on Gary Oldman's Commissioner Gordon and was just all over the I get Nolan was trying to be dark and philosophical but I don't think it worked at all. I think the hype overshadowed the reality.

Whew. I've settled into a routine here and there isn't too much more that is shocking or surprising about the culture. I feel like I've adapted and life is just what it is here. We have a lot of projects going in the village, or ideas for projects, so I'm excited to delve into them. No, not all of it necessarily pertains to environmental stuff or even to land use/ planning but I'm here to work for the village. The village wants a prawn farm and beekeeping and a new footpath and so I'm here to support that and make it happen.

Animal updates... Princess Buttercup, my kitty, is doing okay. I think she might be sick and I think it might be because I gave her a bath. But the bath really helped! She was dirty. She looks healthier than other kittens except for some gunk in her eyes and I think she's losing hair. It seems I have a never ending zoo parading through my bamboo house. I had a mongoose that kept coming inside my house last week. That was kind of gross. There are so many frogs here in Fiji it's ridiculous. Seriously, they are everywhere. And they don't move when you're walking! I've kicked/stepped on so many frogs it's disgusting. I'm still surprised though by how few animals there actually are in Fiji. Another PCV told me it's probably because Fiji was formed by volcanoes and its ecosystem is still young. The nights are really quiet and the forests really safe. Mongooses were brought in by foreigners as were rats, dogs, and cats but if not for those, there would no mammals, just birds, sea life, and insects. And the mongoose eat all the birds.

Sorry for the short update! All's well and good here. Hot, of course. Rainy sometimes. I drink a lot of kava. The kindergarten kids are crazy. Avocado season is almost over. I made some banana jam that was really good. I'll post more when there's more to say!

Well here y'all go! Pictures... I tried what I could with what little time I had last night to get pictures onto my flash drive and on here. I'll try to do some more soon.erosion. we lost almost 2.5 meters in the storm.

waiting to dress the groom

kids at school

half of these kids will be in my kindergarten class

Workshop about the erosion problem, before this last storm.

The completed bread oven.

Celebration of the completion of the bread oven.

Having some fun while building the bread oven. We had to redo the shelves.

Drinking grog.

The much anticipated posting of pictures is here! Above is the pool where we go swimming. It's pretty clean (all things considered) and cold and there are great rocks to lay out and suntan on. The kids jump off the rocks and trees. There are some small waterfalls up here, too. Very pretty, very relaxing.

This is from the first wedding I went to before Christmas. Yup, it's turtles.

Me and the Chief, who's also the chief of the tikina (what would be similar to a county).

I love this little girl! This was at a birthday party I attended for a 5 year old and 1 year old. They have relatives in the US who sent a ton of birthday party things- goodie bags, plastic cups/plates, balloons, banners, hats, horns... it was like walking into America.

My "namesake" (her name's Alisi too; we call each other "yaca" because we have the same name) sitting on her mother's lap. Her mom is the preacher's wife, and I call the preacher "Tamaku" meaning "Father." They're eating the candy canes from Aunty Lani.

I think this picture speaks volumes... I love this kid. He has some learning disabilities and doesn't quite realize what's going on around him. He's holding a pig's tongue.

We're scraping coconuts to make coconut oil, which Fijians use like we use lotion. We scrapped a hundred coconuts!

My Christmas tree! These kids helped me decorate it. It's a mangrove.

A view looking towards the mountains from the Chiefly burial site in themiddle of the village. It's pretty high up...

...but this is the other side, facing the ocean. My house is below the big tree right in the middle of the picture.

A big 'ol bowl full of dalo at last weekend's wedding.

The wedding gifts from aforementioned wedding. The wedding outfits are in the middle. People bring blankets, pillows, mosquito nets, and the woven mats as gifts, then it's all laid out like this. What's shown is what is left after giving some to the preacher man and the bride's family.

And here's the groom, on the right. He's actually dressed in the traditional Tongan wedding dress. The different colored 'masi' cloth on his arms represent that he is part of the Chiefly family and that his wife (the opposite color) is also from a Chiefly family. His best man is to the left, wearing the Fijian outfit.

Me.

Our lovo ni madrai! The bread oven. Our first bake will be this Monday. We're having a tea party. I get to bring my kindergarten class. Yes, folks, I am the new kindergarten teacher! But we can't call it kidi (kindi) because we're not registered... yet. The women in the village wouldn't let the former teacher teach because she just had a baby and that means she has to sit inside all day with a 2-month old watching it sleep. We've had issues over who's going to teach the kids.

The Hero award goes to... Kate! Thank you, thank you, thank for the 5 (FIVE!)! CDs!!!! And Katy, for the book! Thanks, ladies.

All's well in the village... we had a funeral this week, a wedding last weekend. I have to ask people not to send me things; I'd rather you wait because I'm going to kerekere (a Fijian system of borrowing or asking for something to be done. you're not supposed to refuse when someone kerekere's you) some money soon. We need to build a school for the kindi class and we're going to need some $$$. Peace Corps has a way of donating to causes; more info to come.

Well, I survived the cyclone. Up here in the north we didn't get hit too hard. Needless to say, it was the worst wind I've ever seen and after the 8th? 10th? day of rain, I had had enough. Then finally, the sun was out! The heat was back! Humidity! Sweat dripping down your face unstoppably! The worst damage in my village was along the river. A flood in either 2006 or 2007 destroyed a lot of the village; numerous homes were lost. The erosion of the river only intensified with this storm. We lost up to 2.5 meters in some places. Our bread oven is now threatened to go in the river! And yet, the elders are still not convinced that logging is bad. Landslides occurred all along the road. One of our buses is indefinitely stopped due to landslides. The only thing that really held up in the village: my bure. I have the strongest house in the village, so I'm told. And it's true: no leaks (i did lose a lot of the leaves of my roof but no leaks!), no flooding, no cracks. But all is back to normal. We're working on a community health profile, interviewing every family in the village about spirituality, education, finances, health, and social structures. The surveying would make Frank start beating himself up with his cane! But, by using the secondary education students, we were able to get most of the families interviewed and it was helpful for them- I hope. Some of the questions ask about where thevillage's water comes from. The answer, from a lot of the students, is "the pipe/ tap." Um, well, yes, but from where? A never ending, always flowing pipe? I love things like this and am excited to start compiling the data. But how Fiji is this: they made these really nice booklets, one for each family, and one for the community where you compile all the information. Except, there is no spreadsheet or database or anything, really, to keep track of all the info. Thus, I will design a spreadsheet so I can tally each response by hand and give that to the Ministry of Health for a template. Otherwise, what good is the data if it's just sitting inthese books?There is plenty for me to do in the village, which I like. I've started working in our co-operative, which is technically the Women's Store except the women don't seem to have much input. Not that they don't have the opportunity. They just aren't really interested. It's me and this older man who's really lovely. He speaks excellent English. He laughs a lot. There are only a couple windows in the store and it's hotter than the blazes in there. But, this man, Maciu, aka Shopkeeper, just installed this little solar energy power unit, with three flourescent light bulbs. And I guess we're getting a solar powered fridge (for ice cream)! The village owes the store over $600 in diesel for the generator, so something has to change in the village. That's about all for now. Things are going well. I've come to the conclusion that I did something to my camera that isn't allowing me to view the pictures online. I don't know what in the world I did or happened but I'd love to get more pictures up!!!And, what would a blog post be without another exclamation of joy and excitement for America. I listened to Obama's inaugural speech twice and watched him take the oath a few times. So he bungled it a little; he's human and he was excited and nervous- just look at him! he giggled! it's so exciting!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What a great speech, particularly the part about rights and equality for all and how America is a patchwork country and how great that is.Sigh. Now to buy some veggies and catch my bus back. MWAH.

Not really, but it sure feels like it. I'm in the middle of my first tropical storm, what they call a tropical depression. That means it's been raining for a week straight now and tomorrow it's supposed to pick up again. The wind has been nuts crazy strong and I've never seen so much rain in my life! Luckily, my little bure is holding strong. I've lost a lot of my roof but no leaks... yet. And yet, life goes on as normal. Except that I do have a litter of puppies that keep coming to me for refuge from the storm. I can't help but take pity on them they're just so small and cute! And flea/pest infected, sadly. I feed them sometimes and let them stay in my kitchen (which is outside and really just where my stoves are) out of the rain but they really want to come in and snuggle! If they were clean, I would totally let them. They're just so helpless.

There's not really anything new to report, we've just been staying in. Things are finally quieting down in the village after Christmas. I've done a lot of cooking, trying out new recipes. Some things I've made that were good include: mango jam (during mango season, people kept bringing me armloads full of them! I whipped up some yummy jam in no time and shared it with a bunch of families, some thought I had bought it), a pumpkin risotto which actually was more like pumpkin risotto soup even though I didn't have Parmesan or parsley, samosas, Spanish rice, boiled eggs (I'm trying to recreate a salad I love at the Old Fashioned and at Culver's with hard boiled eggs, avacadoes, almonds instead of walnuts, blue cheese (a splurge), pumpkin seeds, tomatoes) and calzones... I'm perfecting my tortillas/roti making skills as well as my pancake recipes (mostly banana pancakes, of course). I made gulab jamun which sort of turned out. I'll need to try that one again. Pretty much everything I make has eggplant in it; eggplants grow really well here and there are plenty of them. There are also a loto f pumpkins so I'm experimenting with them. If anyone has any advice on drying/roasting the seeds, I'd love to know. It's avocado season and I'm trying to eat as many as I can, but I don't really know what to do with them honestly, except make guacamole but trying to have ripe avocadoes and tomatoes at the same time is a little tricky. I just watched "Waitress" and I think my next project will be pie. But where to find a pie pan? is the first question.

I really apologize about not getting any pictures up. I'm honestly trying at every computer/ internet place I go. I think something happened on the camera end that's not allowing me to open the files on the computers. Once I figure it out, I promise pictures.

That's right: Brrrrrrr. Who would have thought I'd say Fiji is cold! But it is, at least where I'll be living. All those jokes about me living in the bush? Yup. I will be. I'm in the jungle mountains of Fiji and it's chilly. I guess it warms up around October and gets hot but I actually need to buy a hat! People were dressed in winter boots, wool coats, hats, and scarves. Riding the bus- which has no closed windows- is the worst. But, I have the most amazing, spectacular view! It's beautiful in the mountains. My village is actually down in an open valley but surrounded by hills and trees. It's really big for a village. There's only one road in and two buses go through a day. It's really secluded. My house is cute, small but nice. I have a "caretaker" who owns the house and lives in her own house next door with her two sons. I met some really cool people there already, including this 50 year old single woman who has a son w/ a British businessman and speaks really wonderful English. When we were talking about church I told her I don't really go to church and she said, "That's okay my dear, that's okay" and was very okay about it. She's really tall and skinny and walks gracefully around in these men's old sport coats. There's this other old woman who's 68 and widowed and doesn't smoke or drink grog or eat meat and retired from the Ministry of Health. I call her Nana, which is ironic, especially because we sat and talked for a long time and it feels like I already have a grandmotherly figure in the village. She's really sassy and doesn't like to be bored or be idle. She likes her alone time and keeps her doors closed a lot. She says "frankly" a lot and doesn't care what the village thinks about her keeping her door closed. She doesn't like television and thinks the schools place too much emphasis on sports rather than education and reading.

But, I'm going to miss "Host village" and all the people I've met there.

I made my first political faux pas though, yesterday. We're not supposed to talk about politics, which I know and have been really good about, but then at our conference earlier in the week it came up that it's okay to talk about American political perspectives as long as you clarify you're speaking on your own behalf and not as a representative of the American government or Peace Corps. I thought I was reading the situation okay when I was asked who I think is going to win in November: Obama or McCain. Well, I wasn't too serious about it but I said, in Fijian, that I hope Obama wins. "And McCain?" "I don't really like him and I think if he wins the whole world is in trouble." "I like McCain. He's a war hero. Did you know that?" yeah. And? It ended there, but I just keep thinking about politics when I really don't want to. That's the message the world is getting: McCain is a war "hero" and that should determine who the president of one fo the most powerful countries in the world is. Uh, no. But I can just picture what is happening in the US right now, like what happened with Kerry and to a point with Gore: McCain's camp is going to be all negative and his supporters are going to throw out the "war hero" story over and over again as if that really means anything. Obama's going to play nice, play fair (which I like, really) and never stand up for himself. he's going to roll over and be the moderate, middle of the road guy who tows the party line. I hope this isn't happening. Why can't we as liberals, as self-entitled "Progressives," stand up for ourselves? We don't need a president who is middle of the road and bows to the other side! We need a president who isn't afraid to stick to what s/he believes. If the Right can do it, we can do it too.

Enough. I think I'll head back to my first village. I'll be changing my address when I head to N. in a couple weeks, but until then PC mail gets to PCVs. Hope everyone is well! Stay cool, eat some cheese for me, and let me know what's up!

In honor of Independence Day, I've put together a little quiz for you. Here are some songs w/ America in the song; let's see how many you can get:

"`Cause we`ll put a boot in your ass/It`s the American way/Hey Uncle Sam put your name at the top of his list/And the Statue of Liberty started shakin her fist" TOBY KEITH- BLECH

"Some folks are born made to wave the flag,/Ooh, they're red, white and blue./And when the band plays "Hail to the chief",/Ooh, they point the cannon at you, Lord,/It ain't me, it ain't me, I ain't no senator's son, son." CCR

"As they stood there hungry, I stood there asking/Is this land made for you and me?/Nobody living can ever stop me,/As I go walking that freedom highway;/Nobody living can ever make me turn back/This land was made for you and me." WOODY GUTHRIE

"Born in the U.S.A.

I was born in the U.S.A.

I was born in the U.S.A.

Born in the U.S.A." BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN

"They're coming to America

Everytime that flags unfurled

They're coming to America

Got a dream to take them there

They're coming to America"

NEIL DIAMOND

"See the rain through a gaping wound/Pounding on the women and children/Who run/Into the arms/Of America"

JOHN MELLENCAMP?

"There's pride in every American heart/and it's time we stand and say:I'm proud to be an American

where at least I know I'm free"

LEE GREENWOOD. BLEEEEEEEEEEEEECH

"Living in America - hit me

Living in America - yeah,

I walk in and out

Living in America"

AEROSMITH?

"Counting the cars on the New Jersey turnpike/They've all gone to look for America/All gone to look for America, All gone to look for America" PAUL SIMON/ SIMON & GARFUNKEL

"Oh but ain't that America for you and me/Ain't that America somethin' to see baby/Ain't that America home of the free/Little pink houses for you and me " JOHN MELLENCAMP

"Bye bye Miss American pie, drove my Chevy to the levy but the levy was dry" (TOO EASY, I know...) DON MCLEAN

"Oooh, whoa, everybody's dreaming big/Oooh, whoa, but everybody's just getting by/That's how it goes in everyday America" No idea

And, just for you...

"Well she was an American girl/Raised on promises/She couldn't help thinkin'/That there was a little more to life somewhere else/After all it was a great big world/With lots of places to run to"

TOM PETTY!

that was fun. Thanks, Morgan! Happy 4th of July. Yesterday we and found out our sites. Drum roll: I'm in a village 2 hours northwest of Suva, in the interior! it's a big village, about 400 people. My projects sound wonderful and I'm really excited to check it out next week! I am bummed that I'm not going to Vanua Levu (really really bummed) and that I won't get to see any other parts of the country. But, all in all it sounds really good.

I had a touch of stomach troubles but I'm feeling okay now. We just watched a local rugby game which was a lot of fun, and muddy as it rained again.

Every time I'm able to use the internet, I keep forgetting what I want to say so I'll leave it at this for now. Hope everyone's enjoying their barbecues and beers and sparklers!

First order of business, the group has started a Photobucket site for all our pictures. Here is the address: http://photobucket.com/Fijifre6 I'm not sure how it works on your end, but I think you should be able to go there and look at pictures. Alas, nothing is posted... yet! Hopefully we can get some pics up there soon. I'm just as anxious to show my pictures as I'm sure you are to see them.Second, thanks so much for the comments!! It's so wonderful to hear from people. kelsey, I totally appreciated the updates! The only news I get is about the Fiji 15s rugby team. I also eagerly await any and all packages, large and/or small! But I don't expect them because I know it's expensive and I still have a good two+ years to go here in Fiji.What else. My nickname in the village is "Di Tela." "Tela" means tailor and "Di" is a shortened word for aunt or a sign of respect and chiefly position in the village. It's fun. Kids shout out my name as I'm walking around and call me stuff like Mommy Taylar. Friday we're finding out our site announcements and celebrating the 4th of July. Next week we go visit our sites then return to our villages for two more weeks. It's starting to go fast now!Foods I've taken to liking are "rourou" which is the leaves of the dalo plant and sosopi, which in English I'm told is soupsop. It's this delicious fruit that is both sweet and sour at the same time and so utterly delicious I can't even describe it!Once I get to my site I'll get a new address, so I'll keep you posted on that. I'll also get a mobile soon, too. Technology is amazing sometimes.Fiji is full of a lot of paradoxes. The more I learn about the country, too, the harder the problems seem to be to solve. There aren't really a lot of resources here except for the natural ones and space is really limited so it's hard to start up industries, especially because the infrastructure also isn't really here. The investment in the country is all foreign and with an interim, not democratically elected government, it's hard for anything to be accomplished. I'm excited about what we'll be doing because we'll actually be working with people who will most benefit who aren't being heard or don't know where to go. A lot of the kids are sick (always with runny noses, coughs, etc) or have boils and scabies. Medical care is free is some areas but the tradition is so strong in the villages that they don't like to go. [Speaking of which, I have my first PC injury: a little heat rash spot on the inside of my left elbow. I have no idea how it happened.] I'm really encouraged by the way PC goes about their work, but Training is a whole different story. It's pretty unorganized and we spend a lot of time waiting. We don't have any free days except Sundays and by then we're just tired and our families want to spend time with us. Balancing "American time" and organization with "Fiji Time" is a really hard place to be.I think I'll stop there. If there are any questions, shout them out. I forget what I write.Much love!!!!!

Hello again.

I don't know if anyone is even reading this, but I'll keep updating anyway. Today we learned about beekeeping and had to wear some fun beekeeping suits that were really really hot. It's now super hot, everyday. Yesterday our village hosted the "hub day" when we all got together. We did a meke, which is a dance, about mongooses. We wore grass skirts and the boys danced all crazy and it was a lot of fun. Next Friday we find out where our sites are and I'm really really excited.

I miss coffee, ice cream, cheese, beer, mushrooms, and pasta. I've become a chocoholic and crave lots of chocolate. So if anyone is looking to send me anything, a bag of M &Ms would be delicious; I almost bought a $7 bag of them! Yikes.

Things are going well. I'm ready to be own my own again (if that isn't clear) and find myself frustrated with living with a family and living with in a family within Peace Corps structure while being a woman. It's pretty restrictive, to say the least.

Lets see... I think I should clarify that I'm not actually in a choir, though I am always encouraged to sing, especially during church. My attendance at church has pretty much tripled total for the last two or three years. Scary indeed. Needless to say, there is no way I will ever be a "Born Again" and also my feelings towards organized religion and imperialism have only deepened. it's awful seeing what the churches have coerced people into doing. People here are poor. They don't have money for education, food, clothing, etc etc etc yet churches charge outrageous dues and make you give a significant amount of money you don't have each week. They call each family's name out loud for the offering. Ahhh!

What else.

I'm having a horrible time trying to open my e-mail so I don't think I'll be able to answer any e-mails. Morgan, I tried calling yesterday to wish you a Happy Birthday but there's really no way for me to use that phone card. Hope you were able to do something fun!That's all for now- if anyone can let me know what's going on in the world, I'd appreciate it!

That pretty much sums up the weather for the past two or three weeks! It's the dry season and yet it's rained a lot. Today is sunny and hot, though. I'll try to give as much a summary as I can about Fiji and my life!

DAILY LIFE

I initially wake up around 6:30. For awhile the family was getting up around 4 to pray, but they haven't been lately. I bathe, using the bucket method of showering. Then we kana (eat). A typical breakfast for me is bread and butter with some fruit- papayas or bananas or apples. We drink instant coffee (oh Alterra I miss you!). Marika, my 25 year old brother, goes to work and I go to my language trainer's for language and cross-cultural learning. Lunch is usually some kind of stir fried veggies, rice or roti, or bread. Sometimes soup w/ veggies and tavioka (cassava). After lunch is technical training and we usually travel to different villages. WE've had speakers from different ministries talking about fisheries, agriculture, and the ecology of fiji. Last week we did reef monitoring and I snorkeled for the first time! it was, needless to say, quite a sight. I had no training and was with a group of certified SCUBA divers and marine biologists. it was amazing though. The ocean is beautiful. We've learned about waste management (let me sum it up: there is no waste management legislation in Fiji and basically the introduction of packaged/processed goods has basically ruined Fiji), conservation, etc. There isn't environmental policy from the government, which is pretty inactive and will be until elections can take place, and the villages aren't concerned with environmentalism, at least they can't name it as suych.

I usually go to bed around 8 or 9. It gets dark at 6. My Na is 62 and has bad ankles. She stays at home everyday and does all the cooking. My Ta works in the plantation/farming and is also the Turaga ni koro, which is the village spokesperson/unofficial policeman/mayor and if you want to come into the village, you need to see him first. Basically, you want to see my dad if you want to do anything in the village.

Sundays is church day; the Methodist church is huge in Fiji and in our village. Uit's the place to be. Our first Sunday in the village we were very cordially welcomed and had to make a speech and everyone greeted us. On Sundays you can't do anything- I'm not kidding. YOu go to church and you eat. No reading in public, no running, no playing, no laundry, no teaching Americans how to cook. Fridays and Saturdays are grog (kava) drinking and socializing days. The parties go well into the night.

GROG

Very ceremonial in Fijian life. When you're first meeting someone or entering a village, you present the "sevusevu" to the Turaga ni koro and/or Chief. There is a formal presentation of the yaqona, a blessing of the tanoa (the bowl you mix the grog in), clapping and each first boli(cup) is drank with a "vinaka" (thank you) to each participant. Then you can be more informal- you can talk, stretch, etc. (you have to sit cross-legged) There are rules to drinking grog, such as where women can sit, how you walk, what you can do, etc. A thing to note is that Fijians drink grog the way we drink alcohol-socially, celebratory, or to relieve the stress of work. They can be mixed genders or more often the women have their own and the men have their own.

GENDER

Yup, strict gender roles. As a woman, I can't walk alone. I have very prescribed roles. This is tough.

Best gear I brought: Chacos! Except they're slippery. Very slippery.

Worst regret not bringing: sleeping bag! (Laura, I should have listened to you!!)

Biggest packing regret: brining too much stuff!!!! Especially clothes I can't wear. Like shorts.

If anyone feels like sending me anything, my host mom wants a mug with USA/ American flag on it. I would like a recent family photo and pictures of the family (cousins, aunts, uncles). And: MIX CDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please! My iPod is my sanctuary because all I hear are church hymns, bad pop songs from two or three years ago, and I think it's Natasha Beningfield. It's a realyl really annoying song. Shania Twain is pretty popular here, too (I even know that she and Mutt Lange are getting divorced), and so is a lot of R and B- Chris Brown? i'm itching to get to a nightclub here in Suva, but my brother doesn't really go out and my family doesn't like us to be out late so... it's difficult. Last night we went to a "Gunu Sede" which literally is drink cents. It' was a fundraiser for the rugby club. You pay for bilos of grog for people, 20 or 50 cents a cup. Then they're supposed to return the drink. There was dancing (you can pay for dances for people, too) mainly by/for me which everyone seemed to find hilarious. Picture an 8th grade dance in the 1950's and that's what this was like, except outside and with 17-35 year olds (the youth of the village). No one really talks to one another, especially not the opposite sex. It was fun. I have a friend in the village named Vara who is 30 and not married (gasp!) I went with. It's nice being able to talk to someone my own age, and a middle class professional at that! We have lots of plans for things to do so hopefully next time I'll be able to talk more about them!

I found some peanut butter and let me say never has PB tasted so deliciuos! I am about to go drink a beer (I'm dying for a beer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) but other than that I dont' crave too much. I was on a chocolate kick but Cadbury is pretty easy to get.

Miss you all! My family doesn't go to town that often and PC keeps us really really busy so I dno't have too much time for stuff like internet! Please write me letters! Send me CDs! I'd love you for it!

Hi-

Here I am again quickly trying to type away. I want to get some pictures up but I keep forgetting my camera cord. Today my host brother marika and I went to Suva. Hope to spend some more time there another day.

I'm in a village which has about 400 people in it. There are three other PC people in the village, too, and in all there are about 6 sites. We rotate villages for "hub-sites." We'll have language in the morning and in the afternoon we do technical training- so I'll learn about programs Fiji already has for conservation and environmental ed, etc. I'll be doing a lot of waste and sanitation stuff, including piggery locations and other pretty stuff. I'm excited because our training is all built around community participatory action.

The villages are all pretty special. When I told people about going to Fiji a lot of the comments were like, "oh white sandy beaches" and "oh that must be rough." let me tell you it's not all pretty beaches. The villages are very community oriented and everyone is willing to help out their neighbors. There are giant feasts where everyone chips in food and supplies. It's quite amazing to see people coming together so much. There is poverty in Fiji and the living conditions are nothing glamorous. The cities/towns are like most cities/towns: polluted, dirty, busy. Suva, for being the biggest city in the country, didn't have many tourists and there certainly weren't resorts. We do have a water safety training next week so we'll get to go to the ocean swimming!

Last night another village came to my village for a Methodist "rally" which meant after the service there were skits and songs and interpretive spiritual dancing. Then there was a giant feast and a "sevusevu," a traditional ceremony where yaqona root is presented and everyone thanks one another for coming. Having four Americans joining your celebration was exceptionally exciting for both villages, too!

Okay, all for now. Sorry it's not a big report but there's so much happening that it's hard to keep track of everything. Hope all is well and let me know if anything is happening in the States; I feel a little out of what's happening in the world!

And Alicia, I willd efinitely teach you all about boils. Apparently they're one of the most common ailments Volunteers get in Fiji! Not looking forward to those... Thanks for all your comments and support!

Bula, hello, from Viti! (Fiji)

Well, it's hot. And busy. I only have a few minutes in which to type so if this is crazy, bear with me. We should have more time Saturday, maybe, otherwise not until August when we're at our sites. Right now we're pre-pre service training- basic language classes and everything we need to know about PC. Today we learned about boils, scabies, diarrhea, and all that fun medical stuff. We eat a lot, and very heartily. Fiji is not quite the place for vegetarians, let me tell you, but I'm bearing with it.

Sunday was by far the best day so far. We went to a village a little ways from where we're staying for a traditional Methodist service where we sang a song and were sermoned at for a good 1.5 hours (i think it was closer to 2). Then we had a kava welcoming ceremony and a giant feast. yes, a giant feast. On the floor in two long rows. We ate with our hands and tried dish after dish after dish of fish, fruits, and other crazy concoctions that were really quite delicious.

The kids took us on a tour of their village (the largest on the Viti Levu island, which literally means Big Fiji) and were so happy to see us. It was quite an amazing experience.

Alright, all for now. I'll try to keep in touch but it will be difficult. Morgan, thanks for the reading lamp! So far I've read Love is a Mix Tape and recommend it to all my music lover friends.