(Continuing with my theme of titling blog posts with lyrics from songs that I’ve been listening to a lot. This is a lyric from “You’re Not Alone” by Mavis Staples, which a great friend of mine shared with me when I was feeling homesick at the end of training. It’s a good reminder that when you’re having a hard time, there are others out there who are maybe experiencing the same thing, and can offer support. It’s a song- and an idea- that I relied upon a lot during my first week at site.)

I’ve now been at site for just under 2 weeks, and although there’s so much I want to talk about in regards to life here, I first wanted to finish a blog post I’d started about the end of pre-service training.

On May 4th, 2012, myself and the other 28 trainees were sworn in by John Reddy, the director of Peace Corps Madagascar, and officially became volunteers! As I sat there under the tent, dressed up for the first time in 2 months, it was hard to believe that 9 weeks of training had passed by, and suddenly everything was becoming real: I am no longer in training to become a Peace Corps volunteer, I really am a volunteer now, and I was soon to be set forth on my own to figure out life at my site, a multi-day journey away from the area I’d called home for two months. The last couple days of training were a blur of packing, partying, and preparation for our moves to site. On Saturday May 5th, the sleep-deprived lot of us said tearful goodbyes and packed off into cars, with each car headed to different regions of the country (and some going to the airport, for those volunteers living in the far reaches of Madagascar). My car headed first to Fianarantsoa for the night, then went east and continued down the southern coast to Farafangana, where myself and the other 2 volunteers in my region were welcomed heartily by 6 volunteers currently living in the area. The drive to Fara from Fianar was beautiful, with the landscape unfurling itself and transforming before my eyes: from the mountainous highlands to the palm- and banana-tree dotted landscape of the south. With the change in vegetation and increase in temperature, it almost felt like I was entering a different country. But whereas the highlands area of Madagascar sometimes doesn’t actually feel like Mada (or Africa at all), there’s no mistaking that you’re on a tropical island when you’re in the Sud Est. As we neared closer to Farafangana, I began to feel a sense of fear and anxiety about the fact that I was leaving so many friends whom I’d become so very close to during the last month of training—how could I bear to eat dinner without their company, let alone live a 2-day taxi brousse ride away? But our boisterous welcome by the group of current Sud Est volunteers helped allay some of my fears, and although I miss my friends terribly every day, it’s a source of great comfort knowing that I have a Sud Est family here. So thank you, Maria, Abe, James, Paul, Erika, and Yu Sun, for making us feel at home.

As I neared the end of my time at the Peace Corps training center (which we’d moved back to after 4 weeks at homestay and a 1 week technical trip), I tried to remember what it felt like arriving at the PCTC my first night in country and the foreignness I felt. It was difficult to transport myself back to that feeling, since those once unfamiliar corners were so very home-like at the end. My comfort level at being in-country went up substantially, and so did my language skills. When speaking with the other trainees, we couldn’t seem to talk in English without peppering it with Malagasy. Now, it’s hard to imagine a vocabulary that doesn’t include mahay, misy/tsy misy, tsy mety, betsaka, or misaotra betsaka (“’saot’ bets’”).

I had read advice tidbits from a lot of current and former volunteers before coming here, and one thing that echoed across all countries of service is that Peace Corps is a rollercoaster, where you’ll experience the highest highs and lowest lows. Thinking about this, I’d say my my lowest point during training was the moment during our tech trip, eating breakfast in Antsirabe, when our outdoor table was surrounded by sickly beggar children asking for food. When a piece of cheese fell from my sandwich onto the ground, and a boy lunged for it and put it in his mouth, I crumbled inside out of powerlessness and heartbreak. And possibly my highest moment was a day during the end of pre-service training when I went running through Mantasoa with two friends, exploring the beautiful river as it wound its way through the woods and towards the dam that created Lake Mantasoa. I remember running along the river, through the rice fields and basking in sunlight, and being awestruck that I was running, in Madagascar, on the most beautiful day I could remember. Of course, the rollercoaster can sometimes happen within one day, which is something I wasn’t expecting. The day before our final language exam I was at a low point, stressed out over studying and anxious about my abilities. But then a package arrived from two of my best friends back home, full of candy and magazines, and my heart leapt with gratitude from the magnitude of their gesture. Overcome with emotion, tears of happiness and relief sprang forth from my eyes.

I haven’t been experiencing too much homesickness, although a toothbrush bearing my dentist’s name and a 212 phone number has become a talisman of my former life in NYC that I can’t bear to throw away. There have been a few small Proustian moments when I am whiplashed into thinking of home, such as when the maintenance crew mowed the lawn at the PCTC, and with that distinctive scent in the air, all I could think of was summer in Vermont. Sometimes an olfactory memory will pop up unexpectedly in my head—eggs for breakfast at Shelburne Farms, the scent of the creamy grass fed yolk meeting the air, the slightly sour scent of O-Bread toast. And when refrigeration is barely existent, I long for a glass of clinking ice cubes, or just one scoop of ice cream. How bizarre to think that when I lived with my parents pre-Peace Corps, ice cream was a daily foodstuff for me, not the true luxury it is. The things I long for now are all things I took for granted back home, and perhaps that magnifies the pang of their absence.

Physically, I look slightly different after nearly 3 months in country: I lost 20 lbs during homestay and tech trip (and then gained 10 of them back after a month of being spoiled at the PCTC, then lost 5 of them again after moving to site). I have substantially more freckles now, all over my hands and arms and face, even though I am religious about sunblock. My hair is bleached from the sun and the bottom half of it has taken on a reddish color all its own. And, I have a Z-shaped tan line on both feet from my Chacos (the unofficial footwear of Peace Corps volunteers). I’ve postered the walls of my house with pictures from back home, and how funny it is now to look at pictures of myself in New York, dressed up and wearing high heels and makeup as an everyday occurence. Sometimes I long to return to it, but for now, that era of my life is on hold.

More to come soon (I hope) on life at site… internet access is incredibly slow when I do finally get on it, so once again, I apologize for being out of touch on email.

Stomping Out Malaria: World Malaria Day in Mantasoa

April 25th is World Malaria Day, and because Peace Corps volunteers of all sectors are heavily involved in malaria prevention efforts across Africa and Asia, our training group participated in a special event today in Mantasoa.

Last Saturday we gathered there to paint a mural on the wall of the fokontany building (kind of like a town office), which illustrated the dangers of not sleeping under a bed net. Although malaria is not as prevalent here in the chillier highlands than it is in the coastal area, there were 2 cases reported in the area last week. Many people have a false idea that they can’t get tazo moka (the Malagasy word for malaria, which translates to “mosquito fever”), so a lot of education is needed. Today’s event presented the mural to the residents and lehibes(town authorities such as a the mayor, chief of the fokontany, head of the gendarmes, etc), as well as the press. The director of the malaria initiative at USAID gave a speech about the goals for eradicating malaria in sub-Saharan Africa and in Madagascar specifically, and there was also a demonstration on how to make natural mosquito repellant using the neem plant, which grows wild all over Madagascar.

Peace Corps’s malaria prevention efforts work in tandem with PMI (President’s Malaria Initiative), which is a program started by President Obama. All volunteers are supposed to incoporate malaria prevention activities into their work, and for me, it will be especially important because my site, Vangaindrano, is in an area with high malaria rates. I’m really excited to incorporate tazo moka education and neem oil training into my projects at site.

When I joined the Peace Corps, I knew I’d have to make some sacrifices and adjustments to the lifestyle that I’d been accustomed to— chief among these was how I practice Judaism and observe holidays. From conversations with my Peace Corps placement officer I knew I would have to tread carefully since I’d be living in a country where most people probably don’t know what Judaism is. And, let’s be honest, I wasn’t really expecting to be able to find matzoh anywhere in a country like Madagascar. One thing I did know for certain, however, is that I didn’t want to lose the Jewishness from my identity, because among other things, I credit its influence with helping me be the person I want to be—someone who serves as a Peace Corps volunteer, quite honestly. In fact, my short answer to the oft-asked question of “why did you want to join the Peace Corps?” could probably be two words: tikkun olam, which is the Hebrew phrase for the Jewish ideal that translates to “repairing the world”.

So when I realized at the end of March that Passover was coming right around the corner, I knew that I wanted to do at least something to observe it. Obviously it wasn’t going to be feasible to observe the dietary laws when I still have to eat whatever they serve us at the training center, so that part was out of the question. But as fortune would have it, I discovered during our tech trip that one of my fellow volunteers, Emma, is also Jewish and was hoping to do something for Passover as well. So, on the second night, we held a verymodified seder at the training center. One of our non-Jewish friends also joined in, and we had a fun time making the best of it given our limited resources. I made a Peace Corps-version seder plate using, among other things, cooked potatoes in place of matzoh, and sakay(hot pepper relish that’s popular in Madagascar) in place of horseradish. My crowning achievement, however, was my Macgyver-ed “wine” for the 4 cups, which I made using vodka and water mixed with Cran-Grape drink mix packets. Hey, you have to work with what you’ve got. After the seder, a few more friends joined us at the table and Emma and I ended up talking about Judaism and Jewish holidays with them—trying and failing to remember any Passover songs, and making plans for celebrating Rosh Hashanah together, somewhere in Madagascar. The night ended up being perfect, and just what I needed to help me keep some bit of connection to my Jewish identity and my life back home. I haven’t had that many moments of homesickness since being here, but when I got to thinking about not being able to celebrate Passover (or any other holidays) in New York with my close friends, it all hit me at once. Realizing that I could keep up some sort of observance during my time here was a balm that smoothed some of the rough edges of that little bit of homesickness. At the end of the seder, after we said “next year in Jerusalem” (but let’s be honest, it’s more likely to be “next year in Antananarivo”), we went around the table and talked about what Passover meant to us being here. For me, I have a very distinct connection between Peace Corps and Passover, because it was while I was at my friend Jesse’s parents’ house for a seder last year that I got the phone call from Peace Corps saying that I was finally medically cleared for service. So it was a great moment to be here in Madagascar, exactly one year later, celebrating the holiday with new friends yet remembering everyone back home, and reflecting on my good fortune to exactly where I am right now.

Because I’m a Peace Corps volunteer within the CED (Community Economic Development) sector, my technical training during PST has been focused on applying business principles to developing countries, and specifically to Madagascar in some instances. We’ve done numerous projects to help us practice the kind of work we’ll be doing at site, such as meeting with and consulting on existing small businesses in the town of Mantasoa (where we lived during homestay). One of the more memorable projects, however, was when we had to create an IGA (income generating activity) for the market at Manjakandriana, the big market town an hour’s drive from Mantasoa. The intention of this was to help put us in the shoes of a typical Malagasy person who we’d be helping.

The 14 CED volunteers were split up into 4 different groups, and we had to brainstorm something to sell at the market, then determine how the business would operate and what our expenses would be, then buy all the materlals and figure out how to price our product. My group members and I decided that we wanted to sell a food item, and make it something that would be somewhat familiar to Malagasy people but with an American twist. Out of our initial 3 ideas of Rice Krispie treats (because rice is the most widely eaten food here), corn on the cob, and french fries, we settled on fries, also known as “ovy frites” in Malagasy. Emma, Monica, and I spent the day before the market washing, peeling, and cutting 4 kilos of potatoes and getting everything ready to take to the market. Peace Corps told us we had to be in charge of getting ourselves to the market (to further simulate a real-life experience), so we all “reserved” spots in a taxi-brousse (similar to a bush taxi and how probably 90% of people here get around) for 5 AM, in order to get to the market by 6:30 when we could start setting up.

On market day I got up at 4AM, and my host family did too—they insisted that I needed to at least have some coffee and bread, so they got up to start the fire and brew the coffee, and then my neny(host mother) and sisters walked with me to the taxi-brousse station in the pitch-dark early morning. (This was one of the moments during which their kindness astounded and humbled me.) All 14 of us waited around for an hour with no sign of the taxi-brousse, which at this point we had been prepared for due to the cultural indifference to timeliness here. At 6:00 AM, a truck with a covered bed pulled up, and two guys from our group inquired if it was the taxi-brousse to Manjakandriana. The driver told us to get in—and we stopped to debate it for a minute. It didn’t look like a taxi-brousse, which are more like maxi-vans. But we had been waiting for so long, and we were already running late. So we proceeded to pile in, which ended up becoming a clown car experience as we tried to fit 14 people plus materials for 4 market stalls (tables, groceries, etc.) into the back of what was essentially a large pickup truck. Midway through trying to cram everyone in, one of the volunteers who was squished in the back started to have a panic attack because her claustrophobia was setting in. A small amount of chaos ensued as we tried to get her out of here plus get more people in—and then all of a sudden the truck pulled away, leaving 6 people behind. Those of us in the back of the truck stared at one another in shock for about 10 seconds, then burst out in nervous laughter as we realized that we were on our way to the market in a truck of questionable safety standards, and there was nothing we could do about it. There were 8 of us crammed in the back of the truck, plus another passenger as well as the driver’s assistant. I was wedged in next to the hitch and was just praying that it wouldn’t open during the trip. To make matters more interesting, there had been an epic rainstorm the night before, and the roads to the market was even worse than normal (which is still really bad.) What should have been an hour-long journey took 2 hours, and at one point the truck got stuck in the mud and we had to all get out so the driver could get it unstuck.

But, we made it to the market at long last around 8AM, and the rest of the group made it about a half hour later (the real taxi-brousse showed up shortly after our truck left.) We set up our ovy frites station, which involved using a fatana-charbon (portable charcoal stove), and started cooking. I began calling it Iron Chef Madagascar because it was hands-down the most stressful cooking situation I’ve ever been in: I had to haul a heavy stove from my host family’s house, on a truck that should have been a taxi-brousse, then set it up in the middle of a crowded market, light the charcoal and keep the fire going, and cook french fries as crowds of Malagasy people stood around me, staring and telling me I was doing it wrong. Yes, it was a difficult morning. The french fries were really slow to cook, and I realized after the fact that I should have used a different pan and more oil. Needless to say, our group was not the most profitable of the 4. We sold all the french fries we cooked, but we didn’t break even on our expenses (mostly because we bought ketchup to serve with them, which is really expensive here, and because we spent more money on cooking oil than we should have.) But the true lessons there were about how to deal with failure, which unfortunately happens often as a Peace Corps volunteers, and how to approach daily challenges, like what to do when the taxi-brousse doesn’t show up? I also reminded myself to think of the small victories: I managed to figure out how to cook french fries in the middle of a crowded market in Madagascar. I’d like to extend that challenge to Bobby Flay, or any of the other Iron Chefs. Team "ovy frites"! Thanks Leslie for the pic. (It was

[Note: I've decided to title my blog posts with lyrics from whatever song I've been listening to a lot lately. 'Can't Hardly Wait' by the Replacements has been on heavy rotation lately, and the first lyric is ringing true for me. Exhaustion comes more quickly here in Madagascar, with the extra exertion required of living in a foreign culture, and at night my grand plans of letter writing often gives way to a 9PM bedtime. So, please know that I am thinking of each and every one of you, even if you haven't seen a letter from me yet.]

With my new friends Sarah, Christina and Amy in Sandrandahy

Internet access at last (albeit just for a few hours), and how can I begin to sum up the past five weeks in Madagascar? My life has changed so utterly and completely over the last month that it’s impossible to even begin to describe it. I’ll offer a few favorite moments to color in the lines: goofing off and dancing to Europe’s “The Final Countdown” with my host sisters while doing dishes. Getting pineapple (mananasy) juice on my Malagasy notebook because I brought it to the dinner table to practice sentences. (The pineapple here is the best in the world.) Taking a truck of questionable safety standards to the market in Manjakandriana with my fellow trainees, and then having to get out while the driver worked to get it unstuck from the rainstorm-ruined muddy road. However, probably the most Peace Corps poster-girl moment was when I sat with my host sister eating cassava sweetened with the Vermont maple syrup that I’d brought my host family as a gift.

To get to Madagascar, you fly to the edge of the earth, and then you fly even further. It is unfathomable to think about how far away from home I am now. After a day of staging in Washington, DC, the 30 of us trainees boarded a plane in Dulles to start the long journey to Mada. After 10 hours we landed in Dakar, Senegal for refueling, and then promptly lifted back up into the sky to continue our trip, arcing over the coast at sunrise as the small Senegalese fishing boats set out from the beach in search of the morning catch. After an overnight stay in Johannesburg, we boarded another plane to Madagascar, and all felt our hearts jump as we began our descent over the lush mountain ranges in Madagascar’s highlands.

The most immediate feeling I had upon arrival was that of relentless uniqueness. From the black worms that I accidentally crunched under my sandal twice in one day, to the green burrs that clung to my jeans when I walked around the training center campus, everything is new and different here. I remember listening to birds calling early in the morning as I law awake with jetlag insomnia on my first night at the Peace Corps—what bird was crying out? My constant companion during my month-long homestay was an electric blue butterfly that flew along with me everyday as I walked down the hill from my house, its wings beating in a shade of blue I’d never seen before in nature.

It’s hard to shake the feeling that I am simply not designed to be in Madagascar; my fair Scottish-Eastern European skin and blue eyes require constant applications of sunblock and donning of sunglasses and hats, and my ample height causes me to constantly whack my head on low ceilings in the houses that are designed for the very petite Malagasy. The country seems to know I don’t belong here, too, and has been exacting revenge for my transgression in the form of constant insect bites (mosquitos and fleas), searing sunburns after just an hour of exposure (even when wearing sunblock), and intermittent gastrointestinal distress (which is to be expected anywhere, of course). It’s a bit ironic that the two items helping me most to survive here are a British water filter and extra-strength French sunblock—funny how colonialism breeds ingenuity.

But despite that, I’m walking up relentlessly happy every morning, and I’m beyond thrilled to be where I am and doing what I’m doing. Someone asked me last night if it felt weird to not be sitting behind a computer all day, and I have to say that I am loving it. The month-long internet diet that was forced upon us actually felt very liberating and freeing, although I am nevertheless thrilled to be back online for a short bit. The strangest part of pre-service training has had to be the change in scale of my life. What I mean is that I now find everything in life to be magnified—things that would not be a big deal at home are suddenly gigantic here. For example, my biggest stress lately was a small Malagasy language test. Would a somewhat insignificant language test cause me to wake up with anxiety every morning back in the US? Probably not. Additionally, there are some other stresses and anxieties that come with being thrust into a fishbowl, where you’re suddenly paired with 28 other people you’ve never met before, and everywhere you go, people stare/laugh/point/yell “vazaha!” (white person) at you. But I think I’ve been handling it as well as can be expected.

Our month-long homestay ended last week and we’re currently on a 6-day tech trip visiting current volunteers to get a sense of what it’s like “in the trenches”. It’s been a whirlwind but generally a lot of fun, because we’d all been itching to get out of Mantasoa and see a little bit more of Madagascar. My homestay family were just simply awesome, and I feel that I really lucked out. Not only did they live on top of a hill with the most beautiful view in town, they were probably the kindest, most loving people I’ve ever met. I can’t even begin to describe the fear I felt on my first dinner with them, when I’d only been studying Malagasy for 2 days and suddenly had to communicate with them. But the days got easier as my Malagasy got better, and I was able to sit around the table and have short conversations with them after just weeks of study. As one of my friends remarked, we learned more Malagasy in one week than he did in an entire year of French class at home. On my last night with them, the family presented me with a birthday gift: a beautiful lamba hoany (traditional Malagasy printed fabric) as well as some inexpensive jewelry. Tears welled up in my eyes from the sheer magnitude of their generosity. This is not a wealthy family by any stretch of the word, and the gesture was both humbling and overwhelming. I once read a piece of advice from a former PCV which said “let people be generous, no matter how poor they are”, and it was what ran through my mind as I tearily thanked them for welcoming me into their family for a month.

With my host family on my last day in Mantasoa.Language note: my favorite Malagasy words are “skoubi-dou”, which means flip-flops, and was undoubtedly started by someone who had a pair with Scooby-Doo on them; ”mitsangatasangana”, which means to take a walk for pleasure-- this I mainly like because I can finally say it; and “umby” (oom-beee), which means “cow”, because it just sounds cute. However, I now need to start learning my specific dialect, Antesaka, which requires me to turn all my S’s into “sh” sounds. (Example: “salama” becomes “shalama”.) This causes all kinds of hilarity among my fellow trainees.

My dialect is one spoken in the Sud Est region (“Oh yeah, Sud Est yeah!”) in Madagascar’s southeast coast. Yes folks, this means I’m going to the beach! I’ll be serving in a town called Vangaindrano and will be working with an organization called COLDIS to help spice producers improve their exports—so my projects will involve cloves, cinnamon, ginger, and other spices. YES! I’m really thrilled that I will get to use my culinary background, and I’m already brimming with ideas. I have one more month of pre-service training, and then I head down there (a 2-day journey from Tana) around May 5th. I’ll be joining an (in)famous group of tight-knit volunteers down in the Sud-Est (with the aforementioned slogan), so I am looking forward to beach bonfires, eating lobster for Christmas dinner, and gorging myself on the thousand different kinds of local fruit that’s available there.

I’ve been cobbling together memories and vignettes from the past month, which is giving this blog post a smorgasbord-esque feel. I apologize for not being more concise. It’s just nearly impossible to sum up a month that has seen my life swing in such a different direction. I hope that future blog posts will help do it more justice.

Greetings from Johannesburg! I probably won’t be able to blog again for a little while, so I am taking advantage of having internet access in the hotel to write a quick update. It’s amazing to realize that I have made it this far. When I got to the airport in Vermont and strapped on my giant hiking backpack, on my way to our two-day staging event in DC, that’s when it really hit me: I am finally a Peace Corps volunteer. I’ve been talking about it and planning for it for so long (3 years? 4 years?) that it always seemed like such an abstract idea—until now. And then when I arrived at the hotel in DC, it suddenly hit me that the feeling of foreignness I was experiencing, just by being in a different city and strange hotel, was going to be one that will pervade my life for the next 2+ years. I know that once I get my site placement and am well settled there, it will start to feel like home, but there will always be a sense of foreignness, and that is scary to think about.The staging event itself was fairly low-key, and it was great to finally meet the people with whom I’d been talking on Facebook for the past few months. It’s funny to think that although none of us know each other very well yet, we are undoubtedly going to become incredibly close, mostly by virtue of proximity and necessity. On Tuesday we all boarded a bus to Dulles to catch our 17-hour flight to Johannesburg, and despite everyone’s stress about packing and bags being over the weight limit, we checked in without any difficulty. The flight itself was not as bad as I thought it would be—I’ve had worse long-haul flights-- though it was funny to be getting on a plane at sunset one day, and then go through another cycle of sunrise/sunset, all while still in the air. I’m doing pretty well considering the time difference—I’m about to take a couple Tylenol PM in order to drug myself into the right time zone and get some sleep!Because of flight schedules, we are all spending the night in an airport hotel in Johannesburg (the Southern Sun—it’s actually quite nice) and then we board a flight to Madagascar at 10 AM tomorrow. The local Peace Corps staff will be picking us up from the airport in Antananarivo (the capital of Madagascar) and driving us to the Peace Corps training center in Mantasoa, about 20 miles away. Then we stay there for 1-2 nights, and then we go to our host families!I sent an email to my Peace Corps recruiter yesterday, just thanking her for helping me get to this place and sending her my blog details, and she sent this a really amazing piece of advice that I thought was too great not to share. She said:

My go-to advice for departing volunteers is always this: imagine every small (and I mean, TINY) accomplishment as a tiny pearl, or jewel of your choice. Imagine that each time you achieve one of these pearls, that you string it on a necklace. And on those days when you feel like you have gotten nowhere and wonder what the heck you’re doing there, take a look in the mirror at the necklace and realize that Peace Corps service is not one, big project that is either successful or unsuccessful. It is an accumulation of minor, small, incremental adaptations, words learned, habits formed, etc. And the proverbial necklace you wear is your evidence of that.

As I've been preparing to enter a new phase in my life, I've spent a lot of time looking back on this phase as it comes to a close. During my month at home in Vermont, I've been working on a long-delayed project to scrapbook all the fun mementos from my New York life: concert tickets, restaurant business cards, etc. (And when I say "scrapbooking" I don't mean the crazy-crafting-lady type... I am basically just pasting things in a book and writing notes about them.) Doing this has reminded me how many wonderful opportunities I have had and how blessed I have been, both career-wise as well as in my personal life. So, I thought I would write a blog post to honor these incredible experiences, as well as give credit to some of the wonderful people who have made my life what it is.

My Top NYC Memories:

10. I started out my adulthood with only very basic cooking skills, and I cringe when I think of some of the things I used to cook when I was 22 and first living with Claire and Jess in our apartment in Hoboken. But along the way, I started to love cooking-- I became inspired by it and really enjoyed experimenting and trying new things, and I grew to love hosting people for dinner in my Brooklyn apartment that fortunately had a dining room. I have recipes in my binder that I remember tearing out of the NYT Dining section or Gourmet, and being so daunted by them, but thinking "someday I'll make this". Those recipes that seemed so difficult are now things that I can confidently make, such as 24 hour brisket, challah, princess cake, lattice pie crusts, and many more. It's something I'm eminently proud of, because aside from some inspiration and basic instruction from my mom (and inherited baking skills from Grandma Lillian), I'm entirely self-taught.

Latticed and braided pie crust.

9. When I was in high school and college I was interested in connecting with my Jewish heritage, but didn't really know where to start. I attended a Shabbat dinner at a friend's house in high school, and explored Passover during college, but it wasn't until I was 24 and someone told me about Birthright Israel that I really got involved. Until that point I thought it was only for college students, and I'm so glad that someone told me otherwise. I went on a trip when I was 25, gained an amazing friend and future roommate (Bridget), and was really inspired by everything I'd learned. I wasn't "brainwashed", as some people accused-- mostly I was energized by getting this crash course in Judaism and Israel, especially when I learned about the ideals of tikkun olam and chesed. Ultimately, learning about these ideals helped me become the person I wanted to be: I had wanted to do more volunteer work and get involved in my community, and soon enough, I did. (I also credit these ideals with pushing me to finally pursue the Peace Corps.) In 2009 I went back to Israel on the Israel Diplomatic Fellowship, a short-lived program of the Israeli Consulate and Birthright Israel NEXT. I wasn't originally planning to apply for this, but I am so thankful that I did, because I made such incredible friendships that last to this day, and the knowledge I gained during the classes and subsequent trip helped give me a much greater worldview.

With my IDF trip gals, at Jesse's "funky hat" birthday party.8. As mentioned above, in my mid-twenties I found myself really wanting to do more volunteer work, which I was heavily involved with in high school. Gaining inspiration from the Jewish ideals of chesed and tikkun olam, I started volunteering with City Harvest and later joined their junior board, "Generation Harvest". I also joined the junior board for Gilda's Club (now Cancer Support Community), started volunteering with the Greenpoint Soup Kitchen (I baked desserts nearly every week for their Wednesday night dinners), and became a volunteer leader with Met Council, where I ran a lunch program for low-income seniors and helped with job training workshops. New York is a city that is rich with opportunity for helping others, and my volunteer experiences were so rewarding. It was one of the hardest things to say goodbye to.

With 3 desserts that I helped create for the soup kitchen. 7. When I lived in Greenpoint, Brooklyn, I was fortunate enough to have a great group of friends who lived in a house with a backyard just a couple blocks away. The boys and girls at 166 Newel- Devin, Wells, Ben, Peter, Amerah- threw some incredible parties that formed the backbone of my social life from 2006-2010. They were usually themed, always had one of them DJing in the front room, and made great use of the backyard. When they moved out, it was like the end of an era.

With Wells and Jess at a 166 holiday party.6. Although New York is a place for meeting new people, I also loved that I could stay in touch with old friends, too: fortunately my grade-school buddies Laura and Zena both moved to New York a few years after I did, and my college gals Jess and Claire both moved there with me in 2004. I have so many great memories of movie and cocktail date nights with Claire and Jess, dinner parties with Zena and Laura, running in Central Park with Zena, seeing shows with Claire, and just generally loving having my old friends around in the big, sometimes scary city.

Zena helping to celebrate my birthday last year.5. My first job out of college was working for a record label, Astralwerks, and that afforded me some truly epic musical experiences: attending CMJ every year (standout memory: closing down Southpaw with Tobi and Gilad as we danced to Diplo's DJ set), seeing Kraftwerk and OMD, taking bands to radio sessions (Royksopp to XM, Phoenix to WFUV, Candi Staton to the Wendy Williams show, where she sang me a new song she'd written, Dust On My Pillow), going to SXSW and having a keyboard stand fall on my foot, then being bandaged up by a member of Hot Chip and going dancing all night anyway.... there are too many great moments to list.

Backstage bandaging.

4. My next career after the music world was working for Food Network, where more amazing experiences came my way: appearing live on the Pix 11 Morning News to promote FoodNetworkStore.com (thanks Alexis for being my PR trainer!), being in an episode of Food Network Star, getting to partake in the New York City Wine & Food Festival, and just generally having the best coworkers you could ask for: Deb and Angela keeping me sane with grammar and spelling, trading goofy pics with Alex, my cubicle quad girls Danielle/Dria/Clay, and working on Good Food Gardens with Carrie and Sarah. I also worked for some really great people (Bob and Lia), and I can't believe I was lucky enough to call this place home for 4 years.

I said "uh huh" way too much, but in general I think I did ok on live TV!3. As my culinary acumen expanded, I began to partake in as many of New York's gastronomic offerings as I could afford. I was fortunate to have had some truly epic dining experiences: buying myself a birthday lunch at Jean-Georges, going to brunch at the Waldorf-Astoria with Phil, joining Chelsea for Sasha's gajillion-course birthday dinner at Maialino, having dinner at Momofuku Ko with my former coworker Tom (I walked over to his desk and asked: "what are you doing Tuesday night?" Tom: "oh, I have some show to go to, kind of have plans...". Me: "I finally got a reservation at Momofuku Ko. Wanna go w--" Tom, cutting me off: "YES. I AM THERE."), and right up until the end, my transcendent experiences at Minetta Tavern. Sure, I'd have about 50% less credit card debt if I ate in every night, but some of those tastes and memories are just priceless.

Meeting Marcus Samuelsson at a different one of Sasha's birthday dinners.

2. I will never forget the feeling of being 22, newly transplanted in New York and on my own for the first time, and finally getting my very first adult paycheck. I felt like the world was my oyster (even though looking back, I can't believe how small that paycheck was), and it was a feeling of finally being on my way in life. Then, several years later, I will never forget the memory of moving into my very own Manhattan apartment, something I had worked so hard to achieve. It was tiny, but I loved it, because it was my own. During the year I lived there I worked harder than I ever had in my life, and on days like the one where I got into work at 5AM to launch a website, and didn't get home until 6PM, there was nothing like being able to close my own door to the world for a little while.

1. My #1 New York memory, and perhaps my #1 memory in life, is unquestionably my experience training for and running the NYC marathon. I started preparing for it nearly two years prior, when I spent 2008 running nine NYRR races to get myself a guaranteed spot for 2009's marathon. I then devoted my summer to training, which became a second job, but the training runs were almost as rewarding as the race itself. I have so many wonderful memories, like doing a 10 mile run with Tori from Harlem to Battery Park, and seeing the tourists turn in shock as we high fived and said "yeah, 10 miles!" I loved doing 14 mile long runs with Laura, going from Greenpoint to Manhattan over the Queensboro bridge, then running down the west side and back into Brooklyn over the Williamsburg Bridge. And I loved my Wednesday night tempo runs, where I would run home 6 miles from work, and I found myself actually looking forward to a commute for once. And although I was sidelined in August due to an SI joint problem, I was able to run (ok, run/walk) the marathon thanks to intensive physical therapy. It was so incredible to see my friends and family (Jess, Wells, Brad, Brooke/Roz/Haley, Bridget, Sasha) cheering me along on the sidelines, but probably my favorite memory of the entire marathon was coming off the Verrazano Bridge and going into Bay Ridge, Brooklyn. I was wearing my homemade "Emily From Brooklyn" shirt and and my Brooklyn Dodgers hat, and the cheering I got nearly brought me to tears: everyone from old salty Brooklyn guys to hipsters to little Hispanic kids to Orthodox Jewish ladies saw me and said "yeahh Brooklyn!" I got more high-fives than I'd ever had in my life. And it that moment that made me love New York more than ever.

I think I started crying right after this.

I just happened to read that Madagascar once had a species called an "Elephant bird" on the island, but it is sadly now extinct.

Doesn't this look EXACTLY like the bird from "Up!"? Hmmm....

Does everyone know that there was a fairly terrible 80's comedy movie made about the Peace Corps? It is called "Volunteers". Set in the early 60s, it stars Tom Hanks as a rich-boy Yale student whose dad won't pay his gambling debts, so he gives his roommate his car in exchange for taking his place on a Peace Corps assignment to Thailand. Basically, he shows up at the airport and jumps on the plane, which should be a laughable notion to any of my fellow volunteers who have experienced the long, drawn-out agony of the application process. I stumbled upon it serendipitously when browsing the movies that HBO had on offer this past fall. Also in the cast are Rita Wilson, John Candy, and the guy who played Long Duck Dong in "Sixteen Candles"!

Here's the trailer. When I'm in Madagascar I expect to be like Rita Wilson at the 2:16 mark, except holding a lemur instead of a monkey.

The best part of the movie is at the very beginning when Tom Hanks brings his snobby date back to his room, and she looks at his roommate and says in the bitchiest, most condescending tone: "Where aaaaare you going? The [snort] Peace Corps?" This is my new slogan.

This article and photo essay is a really good primer on Madagascar and the ecological and economic challenges it's facing.

Where has the time gone? That's really all I can say as I look at my blog posts from summer, reminders that I pitifully haven't updated this at all since August. After a summer of agonized waiting, finally getting my Peace Corps invitation brought about such a wave of relief and satisfaction that I sort of felt it necessary to take a break from this. And then there just became too much to say, and the idea of updating became daunting. So now that I am finally doing this, be forewarned: this is long.

When I got my invitation I was in the midst of trying to figure out what to do with my life during the waiting time pre-departure, because I already knew I wouldn't be leaving until 2012. I already had an agreement with my job that I would leave in September (because that's when I thought I'd be departing for Peace Corps), but with my revised departure date of 2/28/12, I suddenly had 6 months to kill. I got a great part-time opportunity (thanks to Tanya and Angela!) to do some freelance work updating FoodNetwork.com while they worked on filling a job vacancy, and I could do that remotely from Vermont. I was also able to go back to my very favorite place on earth, Shelburne Farms, for some cooking work during September and early October, and that was fantastically fun and exhilarating to be able to get away from a computer and get in the kitchen again. But the restaurant is seasonal, and the FN job was filled by October, so I had to find something for October onwards. By some stroke of luck or kismet, my former Food Network colleague Allison happened to be reading this very blog via one of my Facebook links, and she saw my earlier plea for ideas on how to fill my time. And so because of that, I got another offer to come back to Food Network once again (thanks Allison and Deb!), this time back in the New York office, my old stomping grounds, to cover for Allison's job while she went on maternity leave from October until February. The timing could not have been more perfect given my situation, but I was hesitant at first about going back to New York. I felt like I had already said my goodbyes to the city and had some closure. I also was worried about where I'd live and if I could save any money while there. And frankly, I had left New York and spent the summer/fall in Vermont for a reason, because I thought it would help me transition into the Peace Corps lifestyle a little better. (Going from Manhattan to rural Africa would be a pretty huge shock, but rural Vermont to rural Africa? Not as huge.) Ultimately I decided to take the job, because I decided that it was going to be best opportunity that would come my way. And I wouldn't need a car if I went back to New York, which would have been an issue if I'd tried to stay in Vermont and work. Additionally, because I'd be working for a company where I'd previously worked for 4 years, I knew it wouldn't be as daunting as going into a brand-new environment where I would have to learn the business and the culture from scratch, and then have to turn around and leave.

I figured it would be a snap to go back to New York, a city where I had lived for 7 years and already had a strong support network of friends. But I won't lie, being back in NYC was much harder than I expected. I thought it would be all lighthearted fun and spending more quality time with friends. I thought it would be easy and chill since I had already packed up my apartment and left my stressful job-- I had done all the difficult stuff already. But I was very wrong. The biggest stressor was housing: I hadn't expected it to be so tough to find a 3-month sublet for someone like me, but there I found myself, bouncing from housesit to sublet to housesit, until I realized I had moved 5 times in 3 months. I also became deathly ill for nearly the entire month of December, was spending way too much money on going out and buying things for Peace Corps, and then stressing out about how I was going to pay off my credit card before leaving. The final blow came was when I was kicked out of apartment #4 for inadvertently breaking co-op rules by subletting my friend's apartment. I once again started to look for a new place, but was just so defeated by the whole ordeal that I said to myself, "I just can't." I found a friend's place that I could sublet until mid-January, and then made an arrangement with my boss that I could finish up the job remotely from Vermont. Ultimately, I think it worked out for the best in the end. My fears about transitioning to Peace Corps from NYC became even more acute, and the longer I spent there, the more detached I felt from my upcoming giant reality change. How can you prepare yourself for a slow-paced life in rural Madagascar, in a town that probably doesn't have electricity or running water, when you have 24 hour Duane Reade on the corner and your reality embodies the very idea of the New York minute? I found myself in a weird headspace-- I was trying to not have too much fun in New York, but also trying not to look forward to Peace Corps too much lest it (god forbid) not happen for some reason. Towards the end of my time I loosened up a bit and just went balls-out with restaurants, bar, socializing, the works. I'm paying for it now (hello, Amex), but I think it helped me go out with a bang and really feel like I could say my goodbye to New York.

Now I'm ensconced in the quiet Vermont countryside, where my big outing involves a trip to the grocery store, and I am generally practicing what it will be like to not have my friends quite so available. That was another concern I had about being in New York, that I was relying on my friends too much when I'd soon not be able to talk to them more than once a month. So this time in Vermont is allowing me a gradual draw-down of my connectivity, and a ramping up of my level of independence and self sufficiency. I'm able to spend time packing thoroughly and thoughtfully, take care of loose ends like a 401k rollover and obtaining property insurance, and also spend time with my parents. I'm also carefully packing up the last bits of my current life, paring down my belongings and saying goodbye to things I won't see for 2+ years, until all I'm left with are two packed bags and a drawer full of old clothes that I can wear until I throw them out before I hop on the plane.

So here we are, 2012, which seemed so foreboding and far away just 6 months ago. I was so adamant about not wanting to depart for Peace Corps in 2012, because it seemed light years away and I was worried the delay would derail me from my path. But six months later, I'm still here and on track, and parts of me are even wishing for a bit more time before I go. We finally got our travel information, and on Sunday 2/26 I leave for Washington, DC where we have 2 days of staging with our whole group, and then on 2/28 we all board a plane for Johannesburg. After an overnight there, we take another flight to Madagascar on March 1st. And then the adventure begins.

MADAGASCAR!!!!

I had kind of guessed this is where it would be, based on info I found on the Peace Corps Wiki site. And I am most definitely THRILLED! So if anyone out there has also received an invite for Madagascar/February 2012, give me a shout!

I knew yesterday that I was getting an invitation, but this morning I got an email saying my toolkit was updated. I logged in to the toolkit and saw this, and then it hit me: this is really happening! After so many months of agony and delay and speculation, all of sudden I am officially a Peace Corps volunteer!

After my call with Peace Corps placement on July 28th, I was expecting to receive some news about an invitation within days, as most people seem to do after that call. But a week passed, and then 2 weeks, and I began to get worried that I was being pushed to the bottom of the stack. I sent a desperate email to my recruiter, and she advised me to send an email to the placement office to ask if I was transferred to another placement officer or something. I did that Tuesday-- and lo and behold, last night I got an email from my original placement officer saying that she'd call me tomorrow (aka today.)

This morning my mom told me that at noon, Vermont Public Radio was running a story about the 50th anniversary of the Peace Corps, and talking about the fact that Vermont has the highest number of returned Peace Corps volunteers per capita than every other state. As I was listening I thought, how funny would it be if my placement officer called right now? And just like that, I saw a 202 phone number appear on my cell phone! It was indeed her, calling with a couple follow-up questions (to confirm I'd be ok serving in a Muslim country, that I'd be ok not being open about being Jewish, and that I am willing to learn a local language in addition to French.) I said yes to everything*, and then she said that she is inviting me to serve as a small business development volunteer in Francophone Africa, departing in February 2012! I did a little dance and an internal squeal, and thanked her profusely. I won't know the actual country until I get the physical invitation in the mail next week, but I am incredibly happy because it's exactly what I wanted to do-- just 5 months later than I was hoping for.

At this point, knowing about my posting is a relief more than anything else. The past 4 months have been excruciating as I waited for placement to contact me, but the past 3 weeks have been absolutely horrific. I kept having dreams that I'd be delayed for a year or that I wouldn't get an invite, and every day that passed after that call without hearing from my placement officer made me continually question my self-worth and suitability as a volunteer. So to know when and (sort of) where I will be going will go a long way to putting my mind at ease. I will have a country update next week!

So now the question really becomes about what to do with my time between now and February? Unfortunately my job is ending at the end of the month, and although I have some work lined up, one is a seasonal cooking job that ends in mid-October, and the other is freelance work for my old company (Food Network) which I am not sure how long it will last. One thing I've been thinking about doing is applying to be a WWOOF volunteer on a farm in France, maybe for a month, where I could work on my French before leaving. Apparently I will need to learn an indigenous language even though I'll be in a French-speaking country, so I want my French to be as good as possible before I leave for Peace Corps. But I do still need to make more money before I leave, even though I have now (finally!) paid off all my credit card debt and saved a decent chunk of change for traveling within Africa during my vacations. What job would hire me for 3 months? Maybe I could find a temp thing... let me know if anyone has ideas! I am open to pretty much any location, but if it's an expensive city to live in (like NYC), I would need to be making a good amount of money...

*The part about not talking about being Jewish is somewhat difficult for me, because it's not that am ashamed of my faith and identity. It's that I recognize that in order to become a Peace Corps volunteer (which is a manifestation of my commitment to chesed and tikkun olam), I will need to not talk openly about being Jewish. In essence, in order to practice my faith, I will need to pretend that I am not. Ideally this would not be an issue, but according to my placement officer, it is pretty necessary to serve as a volunteer in Africa.

I've been a "planner" my whole life- relentlessly envisioning and planning for months or even years ahead- but it's something I've been trying to rid myself of in the past few years. And if the Peace Corps process has taught me anything, it's that you can plan as much as you want, but you also need to anticipate 180 degree changes in those plans. Case in point: I found out Thursday on my call with placement that I will definitely not be leaving until 2012, most likely in February or March. I knew that I was delayed from my original September nomination, but I was hopeful that I could still leave in 2011, or January if I had to wait till 2012. But February or March? That's painfully close to a rather ominous birthday that I was hoping to be out of the country for.

The actual call with the placement officer was pretty good-- I talked about my desire to use my business background to make a difference, on how I could apply my skills to small businesses in developing countries. She asked me a lot about my feelings on being Jewish in a country where I might encounter a lot of anti-Semitism, or not actually be able to say that I'm Jewish (my answer was that I'd be comfortable not self-identifying as Jewish if that was for the best, but I'd prefer not to serve in the Middle East/Northern Africa due to my connections with Israel, which, if they came to light, could put me in danger if someone misinterpreted them as being extreme Zionism.) At the end of the call, I asked the question I was desperate to ask but dreading hearing the answer to: when could I expect to leave, and what could I expect to be doing, given the Peace Corps budgets cuts? Her answer gave me the aforementioned 2012 timeline, but also the news that I might not even be able to serve as a business volunteer-- I may only be qualified as an English teacher. Really, an English teacher, despite the fact that I've had 7+ years of real-world business experience? Yes, she said, and gave some examples of projects that require skills such as accounting, which I don't have. I begrudgingly said that I understood, but also said that given that I'll be taking 2 years out of my career, I'd much rather do it to be a business volunteer so that at least the time is somewhat contextual to my goals in life. I can't see it looking that great on a resume to see someone dropping off the career ladder to teach English for 2 years. I want to use my time in the Peace Corps as a springboard for pursuing an MBA and transitioning to a career path focused on promoting sustainable businesses around the world as a way to enhance living conditions without aid [again, me with the planning]. Would teaching English put me on this track? I'm not sure. She did also remind me that the actual project I end up working on could be totally different from what I am nominated for-- I could end up getting to a village to work on business development, and then they could say their greatest need is help rebuilding a school. So that was a good reminder that again, you can plan however much you want, but you can't plan for everything.

The other question I asked was about location, and if I could at least get my requested destination if I had to wait until 2012. Unfortunately, I didn't get the answer that I wanted there either. Apparently, due to my medical conditions I'm restricted from serving in many French-speaking African countries, and there are only a handful that I could serve in. This was heartbreaking because the nurse assured me there would only be a few countries I couldn't serve in. So the chances of me serving in Africa, in a Francophone country, are low. Once again, heartbreaking: I've been reading about Africa, studying businesses and social enterprises there- I have been doing everything with the idea that that's where I'd hopefully end up. I have a French language background so why wouldn't they send me there? But I decided that I've made it this far in the process that I won't not take an assignment just because it's not my ideal location. I can go, and if it's awful and I hate it, I can always leave. But something tells me that probably won't happen.

Now this brings me to the question of: what to do with my life between now and then? My current job is ending in mid/late September, and unfortunately I need to keep making money before I depart. I'd love to spend the time traveling, but I don't have a bottomless pit of funds. Ideally I could freelance remotely for a company, which would allow me to live somewhere and still make money. My dream is to spend about a month in Paris, renting an apartment and working while there, so if I could find a freelance gig that would let me do it, it'd be a dream come true. And, the silver lining to this whole thing is that I can go to my very close friend's wedding in October, which I was going to have to miss. As of now, my tentative plan is:

Now until October: continue working for my current job, in Vermont. I want to plan 1-2 more trips to NYC.

October: traveling and visits from friends! My parents are going out of the country so I can have some friends come to Vermont for a weekend. I have a wedding in California on 10/14, so I want to plan an LA visit around then. And, it looks like there might be an opportunity for me to go to London in October and stay with a friend for free, so if it works out I'd ideally stay longer and visit St Andrews for a day or so, and then go to Paris.

November: it's a pipe dream, but I'd really love to spend the month of November in Paris. No it's not the most beautiful time to be there, but I could hopefully rent an apartment for a month and work while there, and spend my time improving my French and doing a bit of traveling.

December: not sure... one idea I have is to apply to work at Kalani, the yoga retreat in Hawaii where my brother just spent 3 months. You do a "co-op" type thing where you pay about $1000 for a month for room and board, and you work about 10-20 hours a week. In exchange you get unlimited yoga classes and the experience of living in paradise.

January: I'm going to apply to staff a Birthright Israel trip, which a few of my friends have done and loved. I'd like to stay for another week and see some friends, plus see places that I've never been to, like Haifa and Caesarea.

(Other things I'd love to do- just throwing it out there: work on a polo farm in Argentina. Work at a winery in France. Travel to Thailand and lose myself on the beaches. Go back to Greece and observe the insanity going on there now.)

Who knows if any of this will work out, and perhaps something will come along to keep me busy and employed between now and then. I'm not sure if I would move back to New York-- it's hard to be there and save money, but it depends if I find a great opportunity or an affordable place to stay. So if anyone hears of any cool opportunities, let me know! At this point, I'm pretty open to anything. I realized that this is probably the only time in my life when I will have this kind of untethered time, so I'd like to take advantage of it. And as a good friend of mine said to me in a very heartwarming text message, perhaps there's a reason my Peace Corps service is delayed-- perhaps something important is supposed to happen to me in this time period. At this point, I don't know, but I've got hope.

So far I've been using this blog mostly for navel-gazing and long winded explanations of my convoluted life situation at the moment. But because at this point in the summer I've been reduced to quietly going insane while waiting for Peace Corps to call me or email me about where or when I am going, I am trying to find ways to busy myself. One of them involves cleaning out my room and continuing to get rid of things, and this weekend while doing so I found a long-forgotten journal from a few years ago. Contained inside were random notes and writings, including a hurried entry about an old movie that became a new favorite. It's a 1960's French film called La Vie de Chateau, starring Catherine Deneuve at her girl-womanly best. The English title is "A Matter of Resistance", which speaks to the film's setting during the French Resistance, in 1944 or 1945. Catherine's character, Marie, lives in a crumbling old chateau with her new husband. Bored with country life and longing for the glitz and action of Paris, she meets a handsome French Resistance fighter and is smitten. However, a German patrol stations themselves at the chateau, and soon their commanding officer starts desperately trying woo Marie. The movie is pretty much as funny as a movie can get when the plot involves Nazi soldiers and war-torn France. I was trying to analyze why I liked it so much, and what I realized is that it pretty much has all the things I love: stories of WWII bravery, French country houses, apples, Calvados, cute bicycles, and of course, a romance. It also has a memorable scene of Marie looking unfeasibly gorgeous at breakfast, eating thick slices of buttered boule dipped into a steaming bowl of cafe au lait-- it's a food movie without even trying to be. Also, I am 99% sure that the sound clip in the middle of the Beirut song "Nantes" is taken from this movie.

Unfortunately it's a pretty hard film to track down. Netflix hasn't had the DVD in years, though I believe Blockbuster has it in their online collection. I've had my eye on movie poster on eBay for a while, so if anyone feels like buying me a gift....

When talks of the federal budget, and possible cuts that were to made to it, were all over the news this spring, I didn't really pay attention. Yes, I'm ashamed-- I am such a bad citizen, I should be as familiar with the current federal budget as I am with the details of Kim Kardashian's engagement ring! But you get busy, and life takes over, and Us Weekly is just a little more enticing to read after a long day than www.senate.gov.

And then I realize: wait, aren't I applying for a program that's fully funded by the United States government?

Oh.

So for those of you inquiring, ever so kindly, as to whether or not I have heard anything from the Peace Corps: yes I did hear something, and no it wasn't quite what I wanted. After submitting an updated resume and additional volunteer experience to the Business Placement office, I received the email that so many applicants are getting right now: the Peace Corps experienced budget cuts, a lot of programs were cancelled for 2011, and you may not be able to depart until 2012. I wasn't exactly surprised to receive this email, but I wasn't thrilled, either. I started my application process in February 2010! If I leave next year it'll be a 2 year process. I've gone through so much in this application process that I think a delay would kill me. The recruiter asked in the email if I would not be able to leave in 2012, and I responded and said that while I'd rather wait until 2012 than not be able to join the Peace Corps at all, due to personal circumstances such as my job and housing, a 2011 departure-- which I was originally nominated for-- would be ideal for me. Additionally, I asked them to consider my applicant qualifications when deciding who to grant the remaining few invitations to this year; not to sound self-important, but as a 29-year-old with 7+ years of real-world business experience, I think I'm a little more qualified for a business volunteer position than some kid fresh out of college who happens to have a business degree.

I wasn't expecting to hear anything from them for weeks, but fortunately the placement assistant emailed me on Friday to say she had completed the preliminary review of my file and just needed me to re-write an essay, which I am working on later tonight. Once I submit that, my file will go to a placement officer (the final step!) so I am hoping that's a good sign and that I might still possibly be able to depart this fall.

Fortunately, I am not alone in my predicament, and I have been commiserating online with a lot of fellow applicants who are also staring down the barrel of a possible delay. Everyone's blog I read seems to indicate that they're getting the same email; also, it seems like most of the people getting the September departures are those who were actually trying to leave in June/July/August. Obama said he wanted to double the Peace Corps by its 50th Anniversary, which was this year. Needless to say, that did not happen. (Fun fact: the number of Peace Corps volunteers now is about half of what it was in the 60s, when the program was launched.)

I have to count my blessings, though. While I sit out and wait to hear from the Peace Corps, I at least have a wonderful home to live in, and (for now) a job that I can do remotely. My mom's garden has exploded in lush summer color, with riots of pink from the peonies and roses-- my favorites. The bumblebees are in heaven as they buzz around the flower bush in front of our door, and the butterflies flutter peacefully around the backyard. I can sit on the back porch and absorb some sunshine while I eat lunch, and instead of an afternoon Starbucks break I can take our dog outside to play fetch for a few minutes. The fact that I am, above all, a very fortunate person, is not lost on me.

Friday evening after work I went trail running at Shelburne Farms, possibly my favorite place on earth. I worked here every summer in college, and it was here that I fell in love with getting lost in the winding forest trails, and where I learned to appreciate food that has been dug up from the ground just hours before eating. I hadn't gone running at Shelburne Farms in years, but I decided on Friday it was too beautiful not to. So I went, and chased the setting sun through the woods and meadows, getting myself lost and soaking my shoes with the remnants of the day's rainstorm. I didn't see a single other soul on the trails, except for the quietly grazing Brown Swiss cows and the little brown bunnies that chased ahead of me. A smile crept over my face as I set off, and it did not leave until I finished my run just as the dark was coming. I ran those trails and thought of my 18-year-old self, the summer before I was to set off to college, winding my way through the forest as I listened to my running mixtape on my walkman (I know). It was on these runs that I dreamed of my adulthood and wondered what it would turn out to be. My life that summer seemed to be so imbued with promise and possibility, that youthful spark that comes from the closing of one chapter in one's life and the opening of another. As I re-contemplate the direction of my life 11 years later, I am comforted knowing that I haven't fully lost that feeling. I still think about how my life will turn out, albeit with a little more reality. I still have dreams, some of them wild and never-to-be-realized. But I'm still young enough to know that there are more adventures out there waiting for me.

View of Shelburne Farms looking across the meadows to the lake.

Cute little neighbor cow.

It’s now been just over a month since I officially moved out of New York, and it’s hard to believe how much my life has changed in just a short period of time. I’ve given up my apartment in a Manhattan doorman building, my fancy gym membership and my other NYC luxuries like delivered groceries and dry cleaning, and I’ve traded it all in for bucolic pastures, beautiful lake sunsets, and quiet solitude in my parents’ house in the Vermont countryside. The night I arrived I walked outside to stare at the sky for a while—it was like I’d forgotten that the sky could have that many stars.

The actual move and subsequent unpacking was difficult and trying—as all moves are, yes, but this one had the added component of packing up 7 years of my NYC life, and putting things into boxes that I may not open up for years. I was too busy and overwhelmed to really focus on getting rid of any possessions before moving, so that became my project during the 5 vacation days I took before officially starting to work remotely. I wasn’t expecting that part to be so difficult or time consuming, but I was faced with a monumental amount of stuff acquired through jobs that gifted me with clothes, CDs, or kitchenware, as well as a tendency to want to save everything. The extent of my collection never fully hit me until now, but once I got everything unloaded from the truck and brought in the house, I suddenly felt liberated enough to start getting rid of things right and left. I donated about 1/3 of my clothes to a local charity shop, and I sifted through mountains of papers and cooking magazines to select only things that were truly necessary to save. Old tax returns and credit card statements from 3 years ago went into the woodstove in our garage, magazines were cherrypicked only for the recipes I really wanted and then sent to recycling, and although it pained me as a true environmentalist, many things went in the trash. I also spent a good deal of time going through all the things I had kept in my bedroom at home and that never made it to New York with me—photo albums, yearbooks, letters and more. Things got painful when I’d happen across something and embarrassing or regretful memories came up, and I realized that essentially going through your life’s possessions is a process that’s riddled with landmines; memory bombs that go off when you least expect it. I cringed when I read clippings of the music column I wrote for my school newspaper— “I wrote that?” I’d think to myself, groaning. “What must my professors have thought?”

But undertaking this process also brought a tremendous sense of unburdening; a lightening of my life’s load that I knew I needed but had always been too afraid to do. It was almost like I needed the permission to get rid of things, and my potential Peace Corps deployment brought that. Even though I’m still not sure if I’m going to be invited yet, in terms of my possessions I’m acting as though I’m in. Because even if I don’t end up going, I know I needed this paring down of my life in order to make the fresh start I need, whatever shape it may take.

After that solid week of sifting through absolutely everything in my life, I’ve just about finished. My bedroom finally became habitable, and save for a few piles of bags and papers that I need to finish dealing with, I essentially feel like I’ve completed it and can get on with my summer. I also spent 2 weeks traveling at the end of May, visiting a client in San Francisco, friends and family in LA, and then spent 10 days in New York to get some face time with my colleagues at the office. It was unbelievably weird to be back in NYC just a few weeks after moving, but not actually be living there. I was cat-sitting for a friend and staying in her downtown apartment while she was out of the country, and it felt so strange to not have a NYC home base. In general, I feel like my life is in limbo right now, and it’s a strange feeling to have. But I am fortunate that I have a roof over my head and plenty to keep myself busy with while I wait for Peace Corps to finally give me an answer.

An update there: everyone keeps asking me if I’ve heard from Peace Corps yet, and the answer is no. But what I did hear is that I am medically cleared for service—yay! This means my appeal worked and I am no longer medically deferred. So now that I’ve been medically cleared, my file is off to the placement office for the final review. I’m nervous and anxious about this because it’s the last part. Also, I’ve been hearing some rumblings on various other Peace Corps applicant blogs that programs have been cut for 2011 due to federal budget woes, and some people who are getting invitations to serve right now are getting them for April 2012 placements! What will I do with myself from September to April if that happens to me? But I guess I really can’t worry about it until I actually know something.

Finally, a friend of mine sent me an email with something that really resonated with me in regards to this giant life change I’m making. I know I will take a beating from some people about posting this, but what she sent me was a quote from Oprah from her last show (I know, I know). Make fun of me if you want, but her words sum up exactly why I am embarking on this journey, and I felt heartened when I read it. What she said was:

“Your real job in life is to figure out what your calling is, and then do it…. Start embracing the life that is calling you, and use your life to serve the world…. Take responsibility for your life... You are responsible for the energy you create for yourself and the energy you bring to others.”

Ultimately, this is exactly why I am applying to become a Peace Corps volunteer. I need to start embracing the life that is calling me.

Now that I've made the official announcement about my application to become a Peace Corps volunteer, I've been getting a lot of questions about the logistics of the whole process-- which is understandable, because it's a crazy leap for me to be making, and also a program that a lot of people are not very familiar with. Since I seem to be getting asked the same questions over and over, I thought I'd post some FAQs here:

Q: When do you find out if you've gotten in?

A: I don't know, but I am hoping/expecting that I'll know in June. In a nutshell, the whole process works like this: you apply and interview with a local recruiter; if they think you'd be a good candidate, they nominate you to the national office. Then the national office sends you the dreaded medical packet, which takes several weeks and lots of time and money (in doctor fees) to complete. Once you submit that and the medical office reviews it, they'll often ask for more information or lab results before they can medically clear you. And your file doesn't even get sent to the placement office until you are medically cleared. My status now is that I am nearly done with the medical part-- they sent me to get a test to submit updated results, and once I get the results from that I'm hoping that I will be medically cleared. And once that happens, I am hopeful that the placement office will review my file and invite shortly thereafter.

Q: Do you know where you're going if you do get accepted? How do they pick which country to send you to?

A: You don't have any control over which country you're invited to serve in, although you can certainly list your preferences. I listed sub-Saharan Africa (Francophone countries) as my first choice, and the Caribbean as my second choice. There are so many factors involved with which country a volunteer might be placed in, such as your skills and availability, a particular project that they might need volunteers for and when that starts, etc-- plus they also need to factor in any medical issues or religious concerns. (For example, I said that I didn't want to go to any country where I would feel uncomfortable saying that I was Jewish-- so that rules out Jordan and northern Africa.) They also look for language skills, notably French and Spanish, so because I have a substantial background in French I'm hopeful that they will listen to my request and place me in a French-speaking African country. Looking at the information I see online, I am guessing that this could put me in Cameroon, Burkina Faso, Benin, or others. But again, there's no guarantee.

Q: Do you know what kind of work you'd be doing?

A: I don't, but I've been nominated as a business volunteer. Just like the location, there's no guarantee that if I'm invited it will be for a business role, but I hope that's what I get to do. I'm guessing that kind of role could mean advising local community members on how to successfully start and run a small business.

Q: If you're applying for a fall program, why are you leaving New York in May?

A: This is a question with a complex answer, because there are many reasons why I am leaving right now. First of all, my lease is up at the end of April, and if I were to stay it would be tough to break the lease (also, they are raising my rent!) Second, because Peace Corps often gives only 1-2 months notice pre-departure if they invite you to serve, I thought it would be easiest to pack up my NYC life now and move in with my parents while I wait to hear from PC. That way, I can be a little more nimble if I get the invitation, and not have to deal with packing up wineglasses and cancelling my gym membership while also planning an overseas move! Third, I also feel like spending the summer in Vermont will be a good segue for me if I am to be living, most likely, in a small village somewhere halfway across the world. Going straight from NYC to that would probably be too much of a shock to my system, but a summer in Vermont will allow me a bit of a breather and a way to take a step back from the hectic and privileged lifestyle I am lucky enough to lead in NYC. Fourth, and final, is money. I need to seriously save money if I am going to be out of the job market for 2 years, and although Peace Corps does pay you a small amount while you are a volunteer, it's basically just enough to buy your groceries. I want to be able to have some savings to use for traveling as well as have something to fall back on upon my return.

Q: Can we get drinks/dinner/coffee before you leave?

A: I'm running around like a madwoman right now as I finish packing (and I am slowly being closed in upon by the towers of boxes in my tiny apartment), so I am pretty slammed up until I actually move on Saturday. However, I will be back in NYC throughout the summer, in May, June and most likely July, so let's go out then!

"I'm leaving NYC and moving to Vermont for the summer, and then hopefully moving to Africa in the fall to join the Peace Corps!" Yes, that's the 'news' in my life right now, but it requires a lot of backstory, so I am using this post as a way to explain what's going on in my life in a channel outside of Facebook.

A bit of background: I moved to NYC in June 2004, just 2 weeks after graduating from Drew University, and have been working and living here ever since. My first job was at Astralwerks Records, and I had actually been interning there for nearly a year before I started my job, first during the summer of '03 and then commuting in from NJ by train to work all day on Fridays during my senior year. I left Astralwerks in fall 2006, then moved to freelance work with Sugar Communications and Food Network for 6 months after that. I transitioned into full-time work at Food Network and stayed there for nearly 4 years before taking my current job at Venda in March 2010. In short, I've been working non-stop since graduating college. I haven't taken any time off between jobs (though I do feel fortunate to have been continually employed!), and I didn't get to do the requisite post-college backpacking and traveling because of my job. So, I have decided that I need a break from the corporate world. It's been nearly 7 years now in NYC and if I am going to continue on this way, I feel that it's important for me to take a step back and pursue something that's been on my life list for 10 years. Which brings me to...

Peace Corps: I had been interested in joining the Peace Corps since high school, a desire which was magnified during a 2002 volunteer work trip to Honduras with Drew. I attended the info sessions but ultimately decided to put it off due to my job offer. (Picture the legions of people saying "What? You got offered a job at a record label in NYC? You'd be crazy to turn it down!") So I moved to NY and spent my time learning the ropes of the New York business world. I also began to spend a lot of my free time doing volunteer work with City Harvest, the Greenpoint Soup Kitchen, and Met Council. Nonetheless, I still felt the pull of Peace Corps and so in 2009 I decided to finally apply. However, in early 2010 I was contacted by a headhunter and ultimately received an amazing job offer at Venda, so I elected to put Peace Corps on hold to take on the new opportunity, which I knew would be an incredible learning experience. It also enabled me to move to Manhattan and live by myself, which let's face it, was on my "life list" as well. The job at Venda has been challenging but rewarding and I have grown immensely in just one short year. But again, I still felt like there was something greater that I needed to pursue in my life, so I re-opened my Peace Corps application at the end of 2010. And this brings me to...

Logistics: I have applied to become a Peace Corps volunteer, and the program I've been nominated for is doing business advising in Africa, in French, leaving in September 2011. I am indescribably excited about this, because it's exactly what I am interested in pursuing as a career: using business skills as a tool to improve the lives of people around the world. I subscribe to an idea that I term "compassionate capitalism", which means that enabling someone to start their own business and become successful is ultimately a better way to solve global problems than simple foreign aid, whether it be food or monetary donations. Creating strong community-based economies has an enormous trickle-down effect that helps combat problems like malnourishment, disease and lack of education. (Nicholas Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn write about this in length, specifically about the impact of women-owned businesses, in the NY Times as well as their book "Half the Sky".) I am excited about sharing the business skills I've learned in the past 7+ years, and ultimately it's made me glad that I waited to apply for Peace Corps, because 7 years ago I would not have known what I wanted to be a volunteer for-- it took me getting out there in the world to know that the business aspect is what interested me the most.

The program I am applying for leaves in September, but the lease on my apartment is up at the end of April. So, I have decided to move back home to Vermont at the end of this month. In addition to the lease aspect, I feel that living in the countryside for a few months will do me good and allow me to re-center myself before (hopefully) leaving for Africa in the fall. Additionally, because Peace Corps often gives volunteers only a few weeks' notice before they are due to depart, I decided that moving to Vermont and tying up as many NYC loose ends as possible right now (cable bill, gym membership, etc) would allow me to be more nimble and flexible should I receive an official Peace Corps invitation with not much advance notice. Which brings me to...

My current status as an applicant: I have spent an enormous amount of time and money going through all the hoops necessary to become a volunteer. I have completed the application, gotten the recommendations, done the interview, studied for and passed the French language exam, visited my doctors and dentist (10+ visits), and though I am feeling confident about my qualifications as an applicant, I am still waiting for my medical clearance to come through. Once I receive my clearance (hopefully in the next few weeks once I submit results of one final test), my application will go to the placement office, which is where they make the official decision. In terms of timing, I'm hoping to hear from them by June or July. So this brings me to...

Today: Despite the uncertainty of my departure, I've nevertheless decided to go forward with my move to Vermont. I have spoken to my boss and will be working remotely for my company for several months at least, although I don't have a guaranteed end date. My official move date is Saturday April 30th, and on that day I'll be driving a U-Haul to Vermont that's filled with my NYC life.

I apologize for this long post, but for those of you who I haven't been able to speak with about this at length, I felt that it was important to share the background and current status of my plans. Those of you who know me well will probably not be surprised by my desire to join the Peace Corps, so as sad as I am to leave New York and my friends here, I am hoping for everyone's support and understanding as I (hopefully) launch into a new journey in my life.