Alright, here we go. Many of you might have noticed some abnormal behavior on my part during the past couple of months. I have posted NOTHING in MONTHS, and have been on the internet way more than normal. This is because I have been enduring some rather LARGE life changes and needed some time to sort things out, and have some serious fun.

Firstly, I am no longer in Namibia and I am no longer in the Peace Corps. I decided at the start of April that being in the Peace Corps wasn't the right fit, it wasn't for me, and this is for many reasons. I don't want to get into the reasons here because they are very personal and not appropriate to place in such an open forum. But I derived after thinking things through and through that I wanted to leave, so I came home to see where life takes me in America. Now, you might be wondering why I have kept this a SUPER SECRET until now, and I will tell you.

I have a friend, well I have many MANY friends, but one friend in particular who means a whole lot to me. This person and I went to college together and they were very sad that I would not see them graduate this year. SO I decided to keep my returning home a secret so I could surprise them at UMF the night before graduation, which was today, and last night's surprise was GREAT! My friend Ducky was speechless with glee and everything was WORTH IT. The five weeks of waiting, the lying to friends to keep it a secret and the anxious anticipation was perfectly fine when I saw the look of absolute surprise and happiness that came from this boys eyes.

There have been many other surprises along the way since I have been home. There were a few on the streets of Brooklyn, after an impromptu road-trip from a surprise in the Westfield, Mass Applebees, and several in living rooms across NH and Maine. I have made people cry, go into shock, and scream out with happiness upon seeing their friend out of the blue. Maybe some day I will go into greater detail about all of this, but for now this will have to do, because to be perfectly honest I am exhausted. It has been a really long 5 weeks since I decided to come home, but I have had AMAZING friends and family help and support me - most notably my father, our family friends Linda and Bob, my Uncle Peter, my friends Lucy, Katie, Nancy, Jacob and Ryan. You have all helped me so much, and I honestly don't know what would have happened if you all weren't so supportive, understanding and patient with this sudden and unexpected shift in plans.

So, recap - I am not in the Peace Corps, I have been home for a little while, just a few weeks after all of the paperwork was done, and I am okay. I realize this is a HUGE shock to most of you and you probably have MANY questions, which you are more than welcome to email me but there are absolutely no guarantees that I will be able to respond anytime soon.

I am in a whirlwind of reverse culture shock and life readjustment for sure, but I have some super amazing friends who are helping me out while I start anew in Portland, Maine - which is where I am. I have no idea how any of this will work, but that's okay, because I am definitely supposed to be here now, and not unhappy doing something I didn't love.

Thanks for supporting me on the journey, it's been a hell of a ride, but it's time to end. This blog will most likely not be posted on by me unless I decide to reflect or go into greater detail about the last few weeks.

It's a quick ending to a shortened experience, but it doesn't make it any less meaningful or extraordinary; I've just taken a turn on the road of my life, as I assume I will do countless times in the days ahead. And let's be honest, it's not very "Renee" unless there's a twist.

Hello friends and fans, nearest and dearest, it is I, the Renee Scott, back to report on the most recent of findings and Namibian experiences.

First off, I am doing much better. Much, much, much better. Just thought you would want to know. I have done a lot of thinking and processing and I am getting there little by little, to that happy stride where I feel really adjusted and confortable here. But the reality is it doesn't just happen. I am crossing that threshold in between visitor and regular, and as you all know, this is hard to do - especially in such a foreign environment. That being said I feel like now would be the best time to remind you all of how much I love Namibia.

I love Namibia, it is unique and truly extraordinary. Everyday when I go to school I look out over the desert grasslands and think to myself "How did I get so lucky? Why me?" because it is truly that extraordinary, and that's where I live! I stargaze at night and am overwhelmed with how crystal clear and profound the stars are in the night sky, with no lights for miles - our house lights aren't nearly strong enough to reach the upper part of the atmosphere. And I feel truly amazed, truly amazed and truly blessed. I love it here, I really do - and that's what makes the bad days worth it, that's what makes the harsh (and hard) reality that I don't want to teach a little bit easier to cope with, in between the constant planning, instructing and grading - knowing that I only have a limited amount of time to treasure this, and I am going to treasure it while I am here. Every bit.

I notice it all, all of it. There are tiny little flowers on the bush next to my latrine that remind me of the crazy gobstopper from the original Willy Wonka film. There are moments when I don't and can't believe that the sky is real, it has to be a painting, it has to be false because it is so true, (which reminds me of the Grand Canyon, which I still don't believe was real, but I didn't try to "jump in" to prove my point"). I notice the smiles on the learners faces when they see me, and I see the anger and frustration when they learn that I'm not just the "easy teacher" - god they hate me sometimes.

Last week we finished up two weeks of silent reading and written comprehension where I made them read either Shiloh or Charlotte's Web (sweet book-set finds in Windhoek) and they were on both ends of the spectrum as one day I fought tooth and nail with them to read, and the next I couldn't get the books from their hands. I started doing "Read Aloud Lecture" with my history class where I read the text out loud for them (the words are too big for them to understand the text) as they follow along in their textbooks, and then I synthesize the information on the board for them section by section.

I couldn't have been more proud when last Thursday my Principal came to my grade 9 history class to observe me (and I was not phased at all, just protocol) and every question I asked was met with atleast 20 of the 39 learners in my room eagerly shaking their hands at me to answer the question. It was simple, they wanted to show the Principal how much they knew and how much they respected me. It's a pretty basic test, you can tell a lot about a teacher based on how their students act when a supervisor enters the room. And mine were great, they were better than great, they were amazing. And it wasn't until that moment that I felt that I had truly done something here, made a difference, even if it was only in the minds of 30-39 9th grade learners, and it all became worth it. The year long excruciating application process, the struggle of the past few months, and the insanity that has been my life for the past (almost) seven months, it all became worth it as these 15 to 22 year olds were fighting, straight up fighting, to answer the questions I asked them in front of my supervisor. I will never get this when no one is watching, but it's nice to know it's there.

Today we started Simple Present Tense and discussing the basic foundation of sentences in English. We will get there. Next we are doing practice exams (formal exams start in 3 weeks) and then some short reading comprehension and listening and speaking activities to wrap up the term. At the end of the term I am going to two workshops, one on gardening and the other on project development and male engagement. All good stuff. And it's all these things, the little things, that amass into something greater - something so much larger than ourselves.

There is a lot of discussion and controversy about whether or not the Peace Corps is effective in any way shape or form, whether or not it comes close to touching the goals it sets out to achieve and whether it does more damage than anything, and here is what I have come to realize - the Peace Corps works not because of it's goals or aims. It works not because we taught "X" number of learners and were in a country for "X" amount of years, no. It works because when you get down to it, it changes you, and consequently everyone you come in contact with after.

Everyone who works with Peace Corps is changed in some way, shape or form. And yes, sometimes it is bad - I'm not gonna lie. But most of it is good, because surrounding that puddle of bad is an ocean of good that we will never be able to understand, gauge or measure. The ripple effect is in it's truest form here, and for generations to come there will be people who have been changed because of Peace Corps, whether it's the 1st grade learner I hold hands with on the way to school (teaching them that not all white people are racist) or it's the man I meet on vacation in Swakopmund and explain more about Americans than he would ever know. Let's not even get into the metaphysics of the people I will come in contact with upon arrival back in the states, but you know it is infinite.

And so folks here I am, I'm still inside of sometimes upset and struggling Renee. This inner voice of idealism and hope still lives amongst the fog and confusion, don't worry. We can only hope that because of this experience that inner voice will learn how to shine better, brighter, and wiser.

And so what if I don't want to teach, that's not what I spend most of my time doing here anyway. I spend most of my time changing, making mistakes, messing up, crying, moving on, and looking up. My life here is spent in a constant state of transition, a never ending state of change. And it will only continue as I continue to change, whilst encouraging others to do the same.

Kala po nawa ookume gwandje,

(Be well my friends)

Renee

The Peace Corps is like boxing. One minute you’re in the ring, you have your footing and then out of no where comes a right hook you couldn’t see to block. You jab and punch and sometimes they work, you are effective, and other times you fail completely and end up tripping in your own inertia.

The Peace Corps is like boxing, sometimes you win a round, and go into the next over confident and cocky, just to be taken down by surprise because your guard wasn’t up. Sometimes you lose a round and have to work up the strength and courage to get back out there, to give it another go. You have to sit in the corner and rethink your move, redo your strategy and get ready for the next round. This is where I am.

I am gearing up for another round, another go of it if you. The start of the school year for me was hard, really hard, but I didn’t tell anyone or talk about it – I pretended like everything was okay and I was doing fine because I didn’t have it in me to see the bad that was going on around me. I was run down emotionally and was just trying to get through the day. And that can happen here, especially if you don’t let it out, you keep it in, and you try to pretend like everything is great and cheery all the time. But the truth is it’s not. It’s not, and that’s the hard part. The hardest part, is trying to remain positive at such a time of change and transition in a new culture. I am very much still a youngin’ in this environment, and I am adapting as fast as I can, but it’s hard to orient yourself to begin with, especially if you are denying that it is even happening inside of you. And that’s what I did. I denied that it was happening, that it was bad and rough at times. I was pretending that it wasn’t hard. But it is, and that’s what I am here to tell you about.

My good friend Lucy Webb and I have been talking a lot about the Peace Corps and my experience lately, and she said that she appreciates that I let readers in; I let them into the good and the bad. I don’t lie and only write about the great things here, I try to show both sides to capture the true experience that I am having. They tell you when you get here to be careful about what you say to your readers back home, to be sensitive to the fact that negativity can project the image that you are miserable and need to come home. I completely agree with what they have told me with one amendment to the idea. It’s a Mom thing. Mothers who read about the bad days that their Volunteers have FLIP out, they legitimately call Peace Corps and DEMAND to know how their child is doing. Which makes complete sense to me, it really does. Maternal instinct takes over the software of the mind and causes them to go into protective mode, not resting until they know the emotional welfare of their young. Given the fact that this warning, disclaimer and caution is mostly because of concerned mothers I feel that it is okay for me to share the gross of the trenches with you. My father, although very caring and concerned, is not going to freak out when he knows I have a rough patch. And chances are he has already heard about it from me in an email. He understands how capable I am and how I don’t always know how capable I am myself. So I don’t worry about freaking him out with my tales of woe.

As you know, from one of the last posts, I have been in a weird place of delayed emotional processing and staying true to my feelings. All of this suppression had a very real effect on me, and I ended up coming into the capital of Windhoek for the past two weeks to try and sort some things out. So, in case you were wondering why I have been more accessible in the past few weeks that is why, I have not been in my village. I left my students in capable hands and came to the capital to take care of myself. I have figured out a lot of things, a lot of the reasons why I have been struggling and a lot of reasons why I haven’t been happy. I return to the village on Sunday, fyi.

First and foremost I have an announcement to make. This might come as a huge shock to some of you, others might breathe a sigh of relief and think, “it’s about time”.

I don’t like teaching.

I knew this a while ago, just before graduation last May, and was really upset about it. I had been on my education soapbox for so long. Riding into college on the ideals of my high school teachers I just thought that was what I wanted to do, what I was born to do, what I had to do. But, I was wrong, boy was I wrong.

I don’t like teaching for a lot of reasons, but I didn’t just want to give up without trying it for awhile and finding out why, seeing exactly what I didn’t like about it. And it’s many things, too many things to keep me in the profession. I always knew in my heart that I had another calling, that my true passion was laying beneath the surface and I had to work to find it. And I did. That was my reason for coming into the Peace Corps, to find myself. I just didn’t think it would happen so damn fast.

I came here knowing that I would change, that I would grow, and relishing the fact that it would happen. I did not anticipate the degree of difficulty it would be at, and how quickly I would change and progress here. I was talking to another Volunteer about the personal growth and development that happens during service and he summed it up as: “You gain 10 years of maturity in 2,” which I completely agree with on so many levels. It’s insane how fast you change and grow here, whether you know it or not. It's kind of mind boggling.

As I was walking through the fog of confusion and fighting with myself in those first weeks of school I had a realization, and I knew that I hated teaching once I knew what I wanted to do.

I want to be a writer.

I want to do the thing that I have been doing for so long, but never knew was my true calling. I want to tell people’s stories and travel the world to learn them. I want to be a nonfiction writer and pour my words onto the page for others to see. It’s an informal way of teaching for sure, but it’s what I really want to do.

Now you might be asking yourself, “how are you going to teach for 2 years if you hate teaching?” and to that I say: I don’t know. I am figuring it out, and you are coming along with me on this path. I know that I have to teach, and I will teach and try not to let it get me down or get in the way of my happiness. Because there is one thing that keeps me going, and it’s the students. It’s the learners who come in and out of my everyday life that I find happiness in. It’s the same ones who misbehave or suck up, and I like seeing them and their personalities everyday. I like the people I am around at school, and that will help keep me going. There is also a fundamental need to have a meaningful sense of purpose in everything one does in life, so I must find my new one, the original being figuring out if I want to teach and then learn what I really want to do.

Many people have said that my motivation could be material, gaining experiences to write about, but that doesn’t do it for me. I already have a plethora of life experience to draw from, so it doesn’t spark my inner inspiration. Others have suggested writing, just writing all the time, but the problem with that is I am an impulse/compulsive writer, I write because it breaks down structure, so to structure it in itself would be going against myself and what I stand for. So that’s out. And the students can’t do it all, they can’t keep me going all the time. A) That’s not fair to them, and B) it’s not enough, I am very stubborn. So I have been thinking and reflecting, trying to figure out what the one thing I can latch onto for the next two years is, the one thing that will keep me going and make me feel actualized throughout this experience.

Not one for external incentive the whole “resume builder” or “look good for a grad school” argument doesn’t really work on me, neither does the “get the Peace Corps benefits package” one. I need to find something inside of myself, inside of my soul, that will keep me here happily, and make me never want to leave. I need to find that stride in my step and that hope in my heart here, and it’s a process. Every experience here is different, and every volunteer is trying to find their own way. So I ask and draw from the opinions of others, and as of right now only know that I need to find something that I love here, or I'm not going to last.

I need to find my love here, my passion. And that’s the current round I am gearing up for.

It's amazing what your Peace Corps experience makes you think of. All day today I could not stop thinking about the last time I saw my mother. For those of you who don't know my mother died just after I turned 14 in August 2002, it will be ten years ago this August.

The last time I saw her was the day before she passed away, in the living room at my uncles house. She was sitting on the couch eating steak, corn and potatoes (three things we eat often in my family). At that point in her struggle with cancer, and cancer related illnesses, she was long past the point where she knew she was going to die. She had known for some time by then, we all knew.

In the fall of 2001 she was diagnosed with cancer and endured the struggle with chemotherapy and radiation for less than one short year. I remember that year profoundly, as it was one of the defining years of my development. I was in 8th grade and only 13 years old. Going to middle school with a dying mother was a struggle. I acted out, was constantly restless, but I went because it was a safe place. I went because the men and women of Great Brook Middle School made it better in their small ways, and each small way added up to a big feeling of love. No one cared when I got kicked out of (or left) spanish class because I hated the teacher, because at least I was at school. No one cared when I wanted to stay late to help me get through the day, because they knew where I was. They knew and they cared. Countless days and evenings I spent in and out of the office that year, doing good and not so good things. But what do you expect from a 13 year old girl who couldn't even go see her own mother because she could have gotten her sick with the common cold?

December and January of that year were particularly cold, or maybe I just remember it that way. I didn't get to see her a lot, and when I did her blue winter hat never left her bald head, inside or outside. I remember my sisters and I had the idea of all of us shaving our heads together, to help us all with the pain. We never did, we never had the time.

Less than a year was all we had from when we knew to when she was gone, less than a year of my adolescence and my childhood. My life was altered on that day, the last day I saw her, more than any other day of that year. Sure I remember the times I couldn't function or feel, the days when spanish, science, math and humanities didn't matter much. The days when my advisor Mrs. Gnade would let me sit in the corner of the library by myself. I read all four of the first Harry Potter books in one month that spring. But that day we had a connection, my mom and I. I couldn't take my eyes off of her, I couldn't stop looking. I stared at her for a long time, in that single moment, sitting on the couch with her side to me as she ate and watched television. I knew it would be the last time I would ever see her, and I didn't want it to end. I couldn't let it end as long as I was sitting there. No one else knew it was her last day on earth, no one else felt it like I did.

I remember leaving that afternoon, after I looked at her for the final time, with my three sisters and my father. As we walked up the hill in the driveway I told them that she was going to die the next day, I just knew. They didn't, or didn't want to, believe me. Everyone else in the family was talking about weeks, maybe a month, left. But I knew. I always knew things like that. I'm the different one in the family. The eerie one who can feel something before it happens, or tell you where you left your watch. But I knew, and I was right.

At 7:07am I woke up the next morning. It was a monday in August, my first day of high school was only a few weeks away, so it was strange to be up at 7:07am. I rolled over and the phone rang at 7:27am. My dad was at work, so my older sister answered the phone. Someone asked if our dad was home, I can't remember who called but it was either our uncle or step-father, and he wasn't - he had already gone into work. They said okay, and hung up - but we knew. We knew what it was before our father came home from work with tears in his eyes to tell us. We sat in the living room and it was as if nothing moved. She had died at 7:07 that morning. She was at peace, with our uncle telling her it was okay to go. Everything in the room was still. She was gone and it all stopped. There were no wails of crying or break-downs of devastation, we just stopped. Sat together, the three of us. It had always been the three of us, my sister, dad and I, since my parents divorce when I was 2. The actual divorce was more like 4 or 5, but I could see the divide when I was 2, I could feel it had happened.

And so we sat. I think we went school shopping later that day to get our minds off of it and out of the house. We had known it was coming. We knew it was going to happen. None of us expected it to happen that fast, least of all me - the baby of the family. I was the one who spent the least amount of my life with her, and I hate it, I can't stand it. But every perspective has it's pain, for if I knew her as long as my other sisters I would be feeling a different kind of pain. But mine is all mine.

She never saw me go to high school, or drive a car. She didn't know me past the age of 14, and she didn't get the chance to see me go to any of the proms I went to (4). She didn't see me graduate from high school, or move to college, and she wasn't there when I got my degrees last May. She didn't watch me get on a plane for Africa, and she doesn't have the the arduous task of worrying about me from 8,000 miles away like my dad does.

My mother didn't watch me grow up, she wasn't here with me, and that's the hardest part of all. That as time passes more of my life will be without her than with her, this will never be easier, just harder. But, everything comes with grace, and I do not remember her in vain. The small amount of time that we had together was good, and it was real, because much like myself my mother was never anything she was not. She never pretended to be someone different. She was who she was, flaws and all. And for that I remember her fondly, and I aspire to be like her. To be strong enough to be true to myself, regardless of how others perceive me. I want to be strong like her, and to make mistakes and have regrets, because that means you lived.

That day, one afternoon, we clicked and connected. I knew it was her time to go, and she knew I knew. She was in a state of mind all her own at that point, but I knew she knew. She saw me looking at her, looking through her, into the person she was inside, and that person looked back. That person was scared, scared for her children and for herself, but she knew it was time, and she stayed true to who she was, death and all.

I am fierce and feisty, just like her. Strong and argumentative. Opinionated, brilliantly smart and capable. I have in me the same fire that lived in her. The fire that pushed her to the edge and brought her back. The thing that put her in control of her own life and drove her to start her own businesses. She never took no for an answer, she got the things she wanted in this life.

She was a fighter, a survivor and a warrior. Sure, she pissed a lot of people off and let her kids down more often than we like to admit, but she lived. She worked her ass off and was there when she wanted to be. She wasn't perfect, no one is. She hurt me more times than she will ever know, but she is still a person I want to be like, a person I want to become. Fearless and on the path of her own life, and she didn't give a shit if anyone liked it or not, she did what she wanted to do, bottom line. She knew what she wanted and how to get it.

I haven't thought about all this for a really long time. I guess I try not to, because of the overwhelming devastation it makes me feel. How do you expect someone so young to process and cope with something so hard, something so big that they watch happen and unfold right in front of their eyes? You can't. It's impossible at such a time of transition and growth. And so now, almost 10 years later, I think of these moments, these fragments of time that have come to define me so well, and I understand. I wasnt' ready, didn't have it in me, to face this until now. To face the pain, the reality, and the peace of accepting this. To let go of that day and to know that yes, my mother is gone, but she lives through me. And let me tell you, I am my mother's daughter. I do what I want and go after my dreams. I walk through this life with a different rhythm in my step, I am different, just like she was.

So maybe I'll stop running, running away from all of this. Avoiding it and dodging it like a train. I don't like to be in one place for too long, and it's because this catches up with me. But it should, it's time. Time to let go, to turn and face what I have been running from for a decade. Time to learn I have been running from peace, not pain, as I accept and forgive more and more. As I look at my mother not with the "you let me down" attitude I have had in previous years, but with the "you were so much more than I knew" one, I am glad for this change in heart, this growth and change. I want to remember my mother the way she was, not the way my pain tells me she was. And the more I see her for who she really was the more proud I am to have had her as my mother. She was an incredible woman, in her own very unique way. I think that's where I got it.

It has come to my attention that I have been pretending, putting on a face, and for lack of a better personality trait adjective, lying to you in some small ways. No, I have not been actually lying to you - everything I have posted/written has been completely true, accurate and factual. No, I feel more like I have been lying through omission, things I have chosen to leave out or not discuss here, and I feel like it is causing me a great deal of emotional, mental, and physical stress. So, guts and glory here we go! (Please note the disclaimer to the side that clearly indicates that this is 100% me, no one else).

There are certain choices you have to make as a PCV when it comes to loved ones who are watching your every move because you are now living in Africa. One bad day (or 45 built up without release) can lead to a bad blog post (like this one) which can lead to a HUGE international over-reaction (please don't have this), which can also go the other way too - both of these are things I am experiencing right now.

When something goes wrong here, we write about it. We send sadness home on tear stained letters and fury through the glory of the internet. We expel our pain and stress into the world and onto you at the most random of times (thanks time difference) and in the most intense of ways (insane and chaotic writing?). So, naturally, being the super awesome fantastic amazing supportive people you are, YOU FREAK OUT. You freak out and ask what you can send, write letters as soon as possible, and you demand that we come home, NOW. You freak out because we are freaking out, or have within the past 1 to 73 days, depending on how the mail situation went. It happens. It's life, and Peace Corps Life is a whole new ballgame.

It's kind of like a secret life, a double life, of an American and a Namibian, and then one day they fuse together as one, one day you are Namerican. When this happens I will let you know.

Anyways, so we freak out - because contrary to popular belief PCVs are actual human beings, not just angelic "super good-doers" that appear out of no where (storks?), or are from a secret society of Mother Theresa followers. And when we freak out we freak out BIG. "Go Big or Go Home" has a whole new definition here in PC land. And we freak big because of the internalization that jacks us up like walking pressure cookers. Really, it happens all day everyday. And it happens because we can't freak and/or flip out when we see something that we don't agree with, because then we would never stop and no work would ever get done. We can't vocalize the screaming inside of our heads when we are exhausted, frustrated, irritated and exacerbated two hours into a six hour staff meeting being held in a boiling hot room just to choose who is going to decide how many pens each learner gets to have. So, we hold it in. And we try to let it out, we really do, it's just hard to find emotionally safe places to do it, to let our guards down, and vent, bitch, and release the pressure in the cooker. But more times than not our chosen activity is yet another cause for stress and anxiety as it is strange, weird, stared at and often requires explanation. Who can wind down with they have to explain why they run? So, alas, the pressure continues on the stress path that is the Peace Corps. And when people back home learn that we are upset, not so happy or dancing with unicorns - because that's what we do here, obviously - then they boost sales at the local post office sending large amounts of Cheez-Itz or graduate school brochures. But, the over-reaction goes the other way too.

When we find out that not so good/bad things happen in America we FREAK OUT, in our own way. Which is hard, super, really, amazingly and agonizingly hard at times to deal with. Because we want to be there, or we want to know what is actually going on, but we can't. And we have to get through it in our own crazy PCV way, and we do. It just sucks knowing that something is going on, but not knowing what exactly is going on, or how you can help in any way shape or form.

The point of all this irrational, angry, borderline negative ranting is that PCV blogs are tricky. When you have one you have excitedly given yourself the task of deeming what is and is not okay to write and send out into the world. You have to selectively pick and choose the things that you tell, instead of just throwing it all out into the world - you inadvertently censor yourself in your own creative space. Which adds to the pressure. So, what do you do? Because people back home aren't stupid, they aren't dumb. They know that when you post less you are upset and that when you aren't excited all the time things are lack-luster, because at some point this becomes less of a soul-searching incredible adventure and it just becomes your life, and with such an intense life comes higher highs and lower lows, it's just harder when you can't talk about the lows.

So dear blog readers, this I say to you: yes this is a clear demonstration of me letting too much stress and pressure build up in my mind, body and spirit, and expelling it at way too intense of a rate in too small of a space without actually saying anything as I remain purposefully vague, but maybe it's less of the details I want known and it's more of the fact that I want to be allowed to be angry, I want to be allowed to be upset, and to not just have to behave and keep my mouth shut all of the time because we don't want to upset anyone, which is my own fault. I have been so worried and concerned with behaving, not rocking the boat and not wanting to offend anyone that I think I have caused a lot of my own distress. I have been pretending to be something I'm not, I have been wearing a "happy mask" to please everyone but myself. So maybe it's okay to get upset sometimes, just when it's appropriate.

When I find better coping mechanisms to deal with all of this culture shock and adjustment stress I will let you know. And when I reach a point where I don't feel like I have to be someone I'm not I will also let you know. It's just hard for me. You all know me, as complex, defensive and emotional as they come, but maybe somewhere in this madness it's where we are all supposed to be, and you need me to feel these ways and write these words because you need to be the one reading them.

PS - I really am ok. Just adjusting to a lot of things and learning through some trial and error. But you can still send Cheez Its.

PPS - Namibia and Namibians are still amazing. None of this is from me having had bad experiences with Namibians or Namibia, I'm just a tadpole becoming a frog.

I was making a history test the other day testing the first three topics in our term syllabus that we had covered in history class. The three topics were "European Interest in Namibia", "Protection Treaties" and "Resistance and Increase of German Troops". As I was making this test I came across my greatest weakness as a teacher, writing tests - specifically multiple choice options. I wrote the question "Why did the Germans build roads throughout Namibia in the 1880's?" and listed the options: A) To gain more control of Namibians, B) For hunters and traders to get exports to Walvis Bay, C) To make more jobs, and D) For rhinos. Literally all I could think of was "For Rhinos" for the last one. Having already listed the correct answer (B) there was no harm in adding a whimsical and just down-right hilarious and not entirely comprehensible answer. For some reason the simple listing of "For rhinos" made me incredibly happy and full of laughter as I printed the test from our one working computer at 4:30pm alone in my school. It was just the best moment of the week last week, as I sat in this small staff room in the dark, I don't turn lights on all the time, it just sent me into a giggle-fit. This giggle-fit returned to me when I had students answer the question by circling D as they were taking the examination, which I thought was awesome. Who even knows what "For rhinos" means? I don't, and I even wrote the test. I don't know what I will do about marking this one. I might give partial credit just because it makes me laugh, although that would be a fickle way of properly assessing knowledge, but it is still really funny. Maybe I will have them defend their answer to me in an verbal dialogue about rhinos and rhino like issues. Maybe the rhinos needed the roads to organize, or to herd easier. I dont' really know, but maybe sometime 100 years ago Namibian rhinos really did need those roads.

It is FEBRUARY!! What? How can it possibly be February

already?! I have been here for just over 5 months now and I am still

completely into it. I love it! I finally got classes, a classroom and

students! And, so course, I love it! Haha.

I teach three classes, but only two different groups of students. The

two groups are 9B and 11A, at my school grades are split into two

different groups by letter indication. 9B has 39 students and 11A has

32, which brings my total to 71. I teach History (Namibian, African

and World) and English to 9B and just English to 11A. So I see 9B way

more and have made a crazy connection with them already. It’s really

nice. It’s not that I am not connecting with 11A, it’s just that it

hasn’t happened yet. All of the 11th graders are new to our school and

are at completely different levels of fluency, so it makes it hard to

cement a relationship in the classroom early on. 9B has been together

for years, so they already know each other and have just let me into

their circle of trust. The reason why all of the 11As are new is

because here after you pass the grade 10 examination you have a Junior

Secondary Certificate and don’t have to go to school anymore to get an

“education”. If you want to continue on the Senior Secondary

Certificate you go to a Senior Secondary School and take grade 12,

which is split into two years – one of grade “11” and then grade 12.

Even if you fail grade “11” you can go to grade 12 because it is

technically the same exact course. And there is no syllabus or

assessment for grade “11”. They have one test at the end of each year

(and you can fail the grade 11 one) and that’s it. Whereas grade 9 has

CASS Marks (Continuous Assessment Marks) where we as teachers are

required to implement predetermined assessments at set times of the

year based on the generated syllabus and scheme of work (curriculum)

that we receive from the Ministry of Education. Anyway, back to my

original point (sorry!) when you go to grades 11 and 12 you go to a

Senior Secondary School that has a good reputation and pass rate.

Since we just became a Senior Secondary school two years ago we do not

have a good reputation or pass rate, our English pass rate for grade

12 last year was 1.6% - that’s one learner. So we are working on it.

And because of this we receive all of the learners who do not

necessarily perform the best, because that’s how it goes. And grade 11

learners come from all around Ovamboland, so they are new to our

school, community and each other, not on old stomping grounds like the

grade 9s. So, needless to say, the 11s are cautious because they are

still adjusting. It makes sense, and I am trying to remain strict and

open. It will all be fine.

I really like my classes. I get a long really well with all of my

learners and they really like me, haha. I marked (graded) all of their

English books yesterday (yeah, 70 books in one day, it was rough) and

gave them all these awesome stickers that they loved getting - send

more stickers!!! It was a joyous occasion. Then we talked more about

Parts of Speech, and they got grumpy, HAHA! Which brings me to my next

topic: teaching English. I think I was born to be a literacy

specialist or reading and writing instructor – I LOVE IT. AH! I keep

handing out books to children and making them write, write, write!!!!

It’s awesome. Granted I am learning the content the night before

(grammar technicalities and actual ESL teaching) I don’t mind. It’s to

be expected. People who assume that they can teach a language since

they speak it are really naïve, and I haven’t really been there. I

have been in the “oh snap, I have no idea what I’m talking about”

moment, and them googled Parts of Speech (I never really paid

attention to formal English writing and technicalities, I paid more

attention to Mrs. Cochran’s “don’t let rules limit your writing

creativity” philosophy from my own 9th grade English class and never

cared for the rules of it all – but then again I have never cared much

for rules of any kind have I?) Needless to say I have been talking to

my colleagues who teach English and have gotten some good resources to

work with. We are going on to Rules of Concord tomorrow – so we’ll see

how that goes. Haha. I figure that once I get a really good base about

English grammar I will feel a lot better about it all, but right now I

have no idea how teach children how to read and write English – so if

you have any good resources or tips let me know. I need all the help I

can get!! ☺ I know I will figure it out, and I am not getting down and

out about it, but it’s just a reality I am facing. But I am really

excited about how much better I will be with my English when it’s all

said and done. So that’s nice.

We have started a few cool things in class. I have a huge world map up

in the back of the room and they all keep staring at it. They have

never seen the world map, let alone talked about it. So yesterday we

talked about the English language, past and present. We talked about

England and the 2 billion people on the planet who can speak English.

It blew their minds that 20ish countries have English as their first

language, and 70ish have it as their official language. They never

knew they were so connected to the world through learning English,

which was pretty cool. I think my favorite fact was that the amount of

people who speak English as their 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th, 8th, 9th,

and 10th languages (750 million) is the same as the amount of people

who speak English as their first and second language (775 million).

That’s pretty cool. Planning and marking has been a nightmare, I’m

still trying to figure that out. Because it all depends on the day

before. Will they get to where I want them to be? Will they be where I

need them to be? Did they understand? What do they even want to do?

It’s a juggling act, which all of my teacher friends more then

understand. And this is nothing new to me, the day by day dance – I

just assume it will get easier with experience. Which is fine, but

then throw marking into the mix and everything topples, but we’re

working on that. Marking (grading) is rough because there are so many

learners and I give them daily exercise to do in their workbooks.

Being me I want to edit all of their English, so this takes awhile

with the daily tasks, notes and assignments in their books. And if I

ask for all of them at any point in the week I will have 112 books to

mark in a matter of hours – they will need them for the next day.

Haha. I could do one grade on the weekend and the other on Monday or

something like that. We will see. If you have any thoughts,

suggestions, advice please throw it my way! I will be forever

grateful!

Other then that there is nothing else to report on really, my life is

school and my focus is entirely on my learners and myself right now. I

did meet up with some volunteers this past weekend for some hang out

time. It was nice. Spent some quality time with friends and met a

bunch of new ones. Even met a World Teach volunteer from New

Hampshire! He’s from Durham, and we immediately fell back into our New

England accents when we started talking to each other. He was wearing

a Boston baseball cap and I felt so close to home, it was really nice.

He is only a few kilometers away which is cool. I still haven’t met

the other PCV from Maine, all in due time right?

My host family is great. I have started to help cultivate (garden) our

fields with them. Here in Ovamboland we grow mahango to live off of

for the rest of the year. We make our traditional porridge out of it,

which is Namibia’s #1 food. Everyone here loves traditional porridge.

It’s really hard for me to describe it. It is like a really starchy

paste that you serve with meat and we eat with our hands. It is

typically eaten for dinner every night this way, and I love it! So

without mahango people wouldn’t have food, my family wouldn’t be able

to eat. So I have been gardening, which in giant fields is hoeing out

all of the weeds for hours at a time everyday. It’s how Namibians stay

fit. They cultivate for 5 hours at a time twice a day, and then they

eat mahango to refuel!! It’s awesome. My Tate and Meme are better than

ever, and I have been having a really good time with the learners I

live with. Walking to school, talking about school, giving them a hard

time joking around – we get a long really well. My host sister and I

have really been bonding, we started talking about relationships and

all that jazz – the common female conversation starter here. I taught

her Egyptian Ratscrew the other day, which is a card game, and it was

HILARIOUS. She still doesn’t understand when she has won a face-card

battle, but maybe in time. I taught another one of my learners Uno,

which was hilarious. They are still working on that one.

I have sent a bunch of mail to the USA and have also received a ton of

mail from the USA. More packages from Dad, Ryan and Meg, Aimee and

letters from Jade, and Ashley, I even got the Farmington First sent to

me from Maine! Haha, nice to see my Farmington girls are still looking

out for me!! So I dropped some correspondence in the NamPost box. I

hope it finds you all well.

I know that people are interested in helping out by sending things and

I have a few things on a short list. Paper here is a different story.

Learners have exercise books for every subject that they write in to

keep all of their paper together – they don’t use loose leaf paper

here. I can already tell that I am going to need more with them, so if

you find a sweet deal on exercise books let me know and I can tell

people to send them to me. We have ones that are 96, 72 and 35 pages

here, so anything will really do. For those of you who don’t’ know,

exercise books are basically just Composition Books that have bigger

pages and no cardboard cover. Check a Staples near you! I also need

drawstring backpacks. I know this is weird and random, but they don’t

have anything to put their school stuff into, so they carry books and

6 exercise books around in plastic shopping bags from the grocery

store as they walk the two hours to school, so I really want to see if

I can get something for them. Drawstring backpacks are used all the

time and everywhere here, so if you find any let me know and I can

spread the word!! Other then that I really don’t know right now. There

is no water or food crisis here (and sending food and water is not

good to do anyways) and they all seem to have pens (plus Ryan and Meg

sent me a TON). I have a bunch of crayons, and am still trying to

figure out how to use them. Maybe an Art Club? I don’t need books per

say just yet. We have a library and it could use more books, but I am

thinking of going through Darien Book Aid – if you know of any group

or organization that donates books (the shipping and the tax) then let

me know. If you are sending a package and want to throw a couple Young

Adult Lit books in then by all means go right ahead, but it’s not an

emergency. I don’t need clothes for them, but I think I could use

needles and thread (white, black and grey) for a sewing project. Their

uniforms will get worn out and will need to be mended soon, they wear

the same uniform to school everyday. That’s all I can really think of

right now. I live in an area where people have a lot of resources and

access to the things they need. I know that my village will need help

fundraising for a community center that we will be starting to write a

grant for soon (and we have to raise 25% of the total cost to qualify)

so if you are interested let me know. The community center would help

bring people in my village together, which is essential when there are

things like alcoholism, unemployment, domestic abuse, HIV/AIDS, and TB

all around. People could come together and make life a little better

with a place to go, and I am excited to try and make it happen.

I have heard about recent American happenings (thanks to Ryan Robert

Reed and Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me) and I can say without a doubt that

I might be missing one of the most hysterical times in American

politics, but I am glad I am not there right now because I would

probably just be consumed by the GOP ridiculousness and the social,

economic and political injustice that is happening in our country (if

you didn’t know already I’m not really into wasting time, hurting

people or degrading quality of life). I’m still really happy that

TIME’s Person of the Year was The Protester, that was really cool, and

I am a huge supported of Warren Buffet calling America onto the

carpet, although I still wish he backed up his words by cutting a

check for the amount of taxes he should have paid last year based on

his own thinking. Empty actions mean empty words Warren. The Superbowl

is around the corner and I heard that we might have finally gotten

some snow back home. That’s nice. I know that Jay-Z and Beyonce just

gave birth to the child that will either be the most musically

talented person to ever meet the universe, or who will just be

agonizingly average. And I know that the 7 billionth person was born.

So, I have faith that I am more in touch with what is going on in the

world then most people, and to do that from the middle of the African

desert – while teaching 71 students everyday – is pretty good. And I

guess that sums it all up; I am doing good.

(Insert your preferred goodbye here),

Renee “Nankelo” Scott

PS – Nankelo is my Oshindonga name. It means last-born. Ngame nankelo

moyanegumbo moNamibia na koAmerica. (I am last-born in my family in

Namibia and in America).

January 19th, 2012 – Half Birthday!

January is just flying by! I realized this afternoon that in just two weeks it will be February, phew. My half birthday is today, and my 5 month anniversary of being in Namibia is on the 24th. Where has it gone? The time? Speaking of time, the time has now come to start teaching the children. I know how excited I was a few weeks ago in preparation for the start of the year, but that has proven to be just a bunch of administration days. Being that there is a lack of infrastructure here they do not have the capacity to prepare for one school year before it starts. So unlike the planning of classes and schedules before the end of one year, they just start with that during the beginning of the new one. The first day we got back as a staff we went over the Grade 10 results, here you pass with a Junior Certificate if you successfully complete Grade 10 and a Senior Certificate if you pass Grade 12 – these two grades are what they judge their success by. We got a 79% pass rate, which is really, Really, REALLY good for Namibia. I don’t’ know the national average for Grade 10, but our region (Oshikoto Region) got 1# in the country, which is pretty awesome. We find out Grade 12 soon. But, for my school it wasn’t good news, because I have been placed with one of the BEST schools in Namibia. A few years ago they had a 100% Grade 10 pass rate, and last year was 88% - so they are slowly slipping down, and aren’t happy about it. And I can’t blame them, but I keep saying how amazing 79% is, and how some schools in America aren’t that high. This was on Thursday January 12th. Friday we didn’t do much (there are gaps of time where nothing is done) and Monday we played Hangman. I taught them and encouraged my colleagues to use it with their learners. Tuesday was the start of the year with learners, and much to my surprise we had a four-hour long Opening Ceremony at the church where there were motivational speakers, the School Rules and Learner Code of Conduct were read a loud (to all of the learners in both the Primary and Secondary schools). We were then prayed for and blessed after the students were told to avoid teenage pregnancy and the boys were told to stay away from the girls. It was the longest four hours of my life because I did not feel especially good on Tuesday. So, I sat in the hard pew listening to a language I didn’t understand for four hours, and have the bragging rights now! Haha. Yesterday the learners were allocated into their register classes (basically homeroom) and given their register teacher (homeroom teacher). I am not a register teacher. Peace Corps Namibia requests that we are not register teachers, they want our time and energy focused on other things. So I spent a lot of time reading and wandering as things got straightened out. The homeroom groups are together all year. They travel from class to class together and all take the same subjects. Every grade has the same subjects, but the groupings stay together. For example, all of Grade 8 has the same classes but they are divided into 8A, 8B, and 8C because there are so many of them. So they all have the same subjects, but at different times and in these three groupings. So 8C will have all of its classes together, as will 8A and 8B. In addition to these three Grade 8’s we have 9A, 9B, 10 (they are still deciding if they want to split them into two – 10A and 10B), 11A, 11B, 12A, and 12B at our school. I still have no idea what or whom I am teaching, I really hope that I find out today. So, yesterday, the learners were split into their grade groups and were given the exercise books that they will need. Here there is really no way to have binders and loose-leaf paper so every learner is given an exercise book for each subject to write in. They pass the whole thing in when an assignment is to be graded, and are responsible for it at all times. Some textbooks were given out, but not all (like mine for instance). The Management of our school, which is the principal, the Head of Department (basically the Assistant Principal) and two others (I don’t know their official titles, but they are teachers too) is in the process of writing out the school timetable (schedule). They have the complicated task of figuring out who teaches what and when they will have class. Which also coincides with when classes should be and how every grade gets the classes they need. So imagine four people in a room trying to figure out how 320 students are going to get to class with their 15 teachers, its chaos and I am so glad that I don’t have to do it. Makes me respect the ways I have made my schedules in the past. And this is what I am waiting on to know what I am teaching and why. Being that I am a supplemental teacher, and not a “real” teacher here, my teaching is even more up in the air. What I mean by that is I am not regarded as a full teacher here. I am not here to replace a Ministry paid teacher; I am just an ad on, here to help. So they have just as many teachers as they would have if I were not here, and then me. Trying to cover everything and make sure everyone is qualified to teach what they are teaching is probably hard, so I am really trying to stay patient with it all – although my frustration, disheartenment and at times utter fury need to be put back in perspective from time to time. I really want to get started and have students and a class to teach stuff to. The carrot in front of my nose is getting awfully annoying to look at. But, all in due time, right? And before you know it (probably next week or something) I will be complaining about learners and assignments and getting chalk on my ass again – so in retrospect Renee, calm down. You’ll have everything you want and so much more in just a short time! (Probably hours based on my luck, haha). That all being said, you already know that I have a sweet plan laid out that I want to try with the learners I get involving a lot of good Meaningful Engaged Learning stuff and a few tid-bits of initiatives, teambuilding, goal setting, and just plain old fun waiting. And I can’t wait to try it out. And maybe that’s why I am so frustrated and disheartened about this delay, because I am a few steps ahead with the excitement. ☺ Well that’s school. When everything changes I will let you know about it.

Moving on, the family is good. Like, really really really good. I get along really well with them, and they think I’m funny, so it’s a win win. I had to go into Ondangwa on Saturday to do the usual (check the mail, mail out like 15 letters, get groceries, eat pizza, etc.) so I asked my meme to drive me halfway, where I could just get a taxi for the rest of the way. She had my tate drive me and it’s hilarious when the two of us get into a car alone together. He speaks NO English. Like seriously, he understands a TON of it when you say it, but he does not speak A WORD of it, which is totally fine with me and I love our dynamic because of it. So picture me, chatterbox McGee, in a car with an amazingly kind, gentle man who doesn’t speak a word of this language I am fluent in. And he understands most of it, he just can’t (or won’t) respond in English. So he speaks in Oshindonga, and I only understand like two words, so he says words until I figure something out and we just pretend like we both understand. HAHA. It’s hilarious!! I love it. And I really love him. He’s so awesome, and he reminds me so much of my own Dad. American Dad is a big teddy bear and works like a bull. Like, seriously. I’ve never seen anyone work harder than my dad. I’ve watched him build walls of houses in just a few hours and renovate houses in minutes. He has busted his ass working sometimes 60 or 70 hours a week to provide for my sister and me. And it hasn’t been easy. My Dad is also like the sweetest person in the world. He is a softy. Not that he won’t kick your ass if he has to, he is just a gentle man with a right hook. Well, my tate is basically the exact same. He works from 6AM to 8PM out in the fields and just doesn’t stop. He chases our cattle and goats around and probably does a million other things that I don’t know (or understand) but he reminds me of my father most because of the way he carries himself, and his eyes. You can tell everything about a person from their eyes. When he does something it is done well and is done with consideration. He is just gentle, which is a huge contrast to the aggressive men that I have encountered here in Namibia. I sometimes feel like I have gotten the calmest man in Namibia as my host Dad, and I feel so lucky for it. And really for all of us, I don’t react well to overly machismo and aggressive men. So anyways, after our hilarious ride, I ran my errands in Ondangwa (packages from Dad, Ashley, and Ryan – letters from Dad, Jade, Aimee, UMF) and went home. As a thank you I got my tate a pack of cookies and I watched in utter and pure delight as him, my meme, and my sister played a game of steal and eat when he wasn’t looking. HAHA. They ate a bunch of them and he just kept eyeing them, and the diminishing pack. It was hilarious. He then took the half full pack and hid it in his lap, and I laughed out loud, and then we were all laughing. It was awesome. But I get a long really well with them all. Especially the kids. There are only three here right now (because one is figuring out what they are doing for school). Here, in Namibia, students will go live with a family if it is near their school and pay a fee or work on the farm as room payment. When I first moved here there with four (Jacobina, Damono, Tangeni, and Foibe). Now there are just three (Jacobina, Tangeni and Foibe). Damono failed grade 8 and her mom is seeing if there is a different school that she can go to. If not then I think she will come back here. But, anyways, Jacobina and I got along really well during the week and a half before school started. We really bonded, and started playing hangman in the sand and stuff. I think we just have a better connection now. Tangeni and I always got a long, and I just gave him a book to read. I’m trying to get him addicted to reading (it’s the best way to learn a second language). He is now at the secondary school, which I am SO excited about (grade 8). This kid makes me laugh so much. It’s incredible how funny he is. Foibe and I are having trouble because she is shy. She is 10, or maybe 11 now, and is in 4th grade again. She is really shy about her English, and probably about living with a crazy white American lady, so she has some walls up. I gave her a toy to play with, and to keep, so I think that we are starting to chip away at some of the armor. I’ll keep you updated. You know me, always wanting to have meaningful connections with the people in my life. Forgive me for wanting to live a life of meaning. ;) Meme and I are rockin’. We went to church on Sunday and it was good. We then had to go on an electricity hunt, which was a little long. Here you buy electricity on credit and then type it into a little box back at your place. Sunday nothing is open here, so we went on a hunt and were successful, but I was taking a turn downhill after the service and had to get home and sleep. So we had a sweet little outing together and then I crashed. She brought me to school on Monday and Tuesday because of the topic that I have saved for last, THE FLOODING!!!!! Okay, so those of you who don’t know, living in a flat land with soil that can only absorb a little water is a NIGHTMARE when the rainy season comes. For those of you who are confused thinking, “but wait, you live in the desert”, you are correct, but you will now know that deserts are known for periodical torrential downpours and flash floods. Well here we have a rainy season that lasts a few months and consists of lots and lots and LOTS and LOTS of rain. Like, seriously, we have gotten at least 3 feet of rain since Sunday. You can only imagine the situation. I can’t walk to school without walking through the floodwater, and Monday and Tuesday I didn’t have to be at school until 8 (the time meme goes to work at the clinic across the street from school) so I rode with her. But yesterday I had to walk to school in the rain and the floodwater (school starts at 730). It was gross, but an adventure nonetheless. So I guess I will get used to it. HAHA. There are ponds of water everywhere where roads and fields used to be. Seriously, I have never seen anything like this before. And I have very mixed feelings about it. Sometimes I’m okay with it, others I am so frustrated and angry, and others I am delighted. Depends on the hour. But that’s the situation; there are water levels a few feet high in some places, and rising. It’s been raining since Sunday, and won’t stop for a few months. It reminds me of Boys Camp, days of rain on end with mud everywhere. And that part I like, being reminded of camp. ☺ God I love camp. In a lot of ways this experience would not as pleasant as it has been without camp in my collective experience. I learned a lot from that place that I have put into action here, and let me tell you SEND YOUR CHILDREN TO SUMMER CAMP. I don’t care which one it is – although I hear that Camp Takodah in Richmond, New Hampshire is a fantastic place – just DO IT. And if you have to ask why you have to do it more than anyone else reading this. Look up “Because of Camp” and know that it’s real. It’s real because I know it’s real, it’s my life. This blog post is HUGE. I know. But let your eyes drink up! And tell your heart that it’s okay to dream of doing this, because you should. I know that some people read my blog wishing they could do something like this, or are living vicariously through me (whether they admit it or not), but you know what? YOU ALL CAN DO THIS. If I can do this anyone can. I mean, only if you have a pulse and a brain, which I presume you have if you are reading this (and are even understanding it in the slightest.) So what are you waiting for? Go live your dreams, and to the Graduation looming Seniors I say: What do you want to do?

Love and PeaceRenee

As it is the start of 2012, and the close of 2011, I have been thinking about the past year and have come up with the following thoughts I would like to share.

2011 is all kind of a blur for me. If I were to describe it in three words I would say “Incredibly Life Changing”. The year started with some really difficult personal stuff, which lead me to change a lot about who I was and where I was headed personally. (Apologies for the cryptic dialogue. For the dramatic depiction grab a copy of my memoir when it gets published). These struggles lead into the crazy countdown to Graduation and preparation for LIFE AFTER COLLEGE!! At this point Peace Corps was still in the air, and I was completely absorbed in the Carefree Senior vs. Concerned Young Adult battle, my thesis having already been written, and my courses at the time having been introductory. Nevertheless, I had an incredible final semester of college, mostly thanks to the amazing adventures I had with my also graduating friends, and amazing roommate Ashley. My Graduation Day was incredible. It was one of the best days of my life. I felt so accomplished after all of the hard work I had done, and so many people came out to celebrate with me. Upon this fateful day in May I still had no idea what I was to do with my near future life, and I had two weeks left in my apartment, haha. But low and behold the Peace Corps called the Monday after graduation and gave me this position in Namibia. Funny how it all works out. So. I left Farmington two weeks later at peace with it all. At peace with graduating and leaving a place that had become my home; leaving the place where I had found who I really was, and met some of the best people in the world. Whilst en route to the New Hampshire, for yet another summer of Monadnock Region and Takodah, I had a remarkably peaceful car ride, a rite of passage ride if you. The sun was shining, and tunes were blaring, and everything I owned was in my car with me (if it didn’t fit it stayed in Maine). This led into 2.5 months of Peace Corps preparation and being with my nearest and dearest in the woods of south-western New Hampshire. I spent an incredible amount of time with my families, all of them, before I left in mid-August, and all of my affairs were in order. In between Power of Attorneys and Life Insurance papers there were trips to Portland, Boston, and goodbye parties all around. And as I said a teary-eyed goodbye to my father in the airport there was a distinct sense of finality to it all, I had gotten there, it was really happening. I was free. I was free from the stress, the anxiety, and the uncertainty that had haunted me for the better part of the year. And as I flew to Philadelphia I had never felt better. Then I got here, and everything changed. Everything about me and my life has changed. And for the past 4.5 months I have been in these in-between states of existence, in the grey areas. I have been transitioning and transforming into a new person every day, in every new place I go to. I am changing at an exponential rate and it is beautiful. I can’t really sum up this experience beyond that right now, and that’s okay. Because right now the simple pleasures of Africa make me really happy. Walking to school in sandals and speaking a Bantu language without thinking or missing a beat. Realizing that I live very close to the Equator, and being okay (somewhat satisfied) with some sun burnt skin. Its all incredible, and I haven’t even gotten started. So to 2011 I say, thank you. Thank you for being exceptionally challenging in both the beginning and the end, but in two beautifully different ways. It’s our struggles and flaws that make us beautiful, and 2011 brought out all of my beauty.

As for 2012, I hope to be the best me I can be, and to maybe change some lives along the way, (hopefully my own most of all). I want to stay in Africa for all of it, truly getting the most I can out of this experience, and I want to keep connecting people around the world. There is so much for the world to gain from something like this; I just hope I don’t get lost as the in between.

Thanks for reading!

Love forever,Reneeeeeee

So, 2011 is over and we are faced, yet again, with the reality that time is movin' and groovin'. A presidential election is coming up in the next year, and the world might, MIGHT, end. Although this girl thinks that is highly improbable. Just sayin'.

New Years in Namibia seems to be like every other holiday, which in reality equates back into every American holiday. They eat, drink, and are merry with their loved ones. Here the definition of family is much more broad than ours, or the typical American's (which could be an oxymoron), so everyone is always invited anywhere for the celebration.

Every holiday here is essentially the same, with differing amount of church attendance. Animals are slaughtered (commonly goats and cows) and potato salad is made in the pounds. There is lots and lots of cooldrink. Cooldrink is literally just drinks that are cool. And it encompasses a wide variety of different drinks. There are sodas (mostly Coke, Sprite, and Fanta Pineapple), beer, wine, ciders, and the ooccasional (although rare) bottled water. So, lots of food and drink at every holiday - hmm, that sounds familiar. Haha!

Activities include meal preparation and clean up and the men sitting with the men and the women in the kitchen. The children race around like children do, and guests/visitors chat it up with everyone. So, New Years is coming!

As the new year approaches here in Namibia this PCV has a few things on the radar. The school year starts on January 12th and I need to look into grants for a project idea I am focusing on. I am also trying to compile a list of things that people can send me for my learners, which is way more difficult than one might realize, and I think I have more student loans to defer.

I have yet to do my super heavy self reflections about the old year out, new year in jazz. But, it's coming. I have been reading books and relaxing this week. Next week will be the heavy reflection time.

Just thought I would send out a quick hello, Happy New Years - and a remember, you are amazing - to everyone.

Love Always,

Renee

Hello and Merry Christmas from Namibia!

I wanted to write on this Christmas Night to wish all of you the best on this merriest of evenings! I myself have celebrated the holiday in the company of many other PCVs. We cooked and we cooked, then we cooked some more. Then we ate and ate and ate. Lots of food and friends. I spent a better part of the past 48 hours eating sugar and playing games. :)

I had a good time. This was not my first Christmas away from home, so it was not too bad. Still not home though. Normally my family would all be congregating at my house as me and my Dad and sister scrambled to get everything ready for the masses. But, alas things are changing, and I am in Africa.

The New Year is right around the corner. It is times like these, this time of year, that I love to get all deep and personally reflective and ask myself a few key life questions, like: "A year ago where were you? What were you like and what were you doing?" and "A year ago did you picture yourself here?" I am also a huge fan of "What did you accomplish this year? And what do you want to accomplish next year?" And I can't forget the good old "Am I happy? Am I doing what I want with my life and following my heart?" question. I can't be happy if I'm not following my dreams. But, we can quickly forget and lose these dreams from season to season if we don't actually stop and take the time to figure out what they are. And what better time is New Years to align your morals and values with your heart and dreams. Try and stay on the right track and have a great end of one year and start of the next. Kind of an Annual Report of sorts, but a lot more rewarding and meaningful. Give it a try!

Christmas is here, and now it has past, and I can say (without a doubt) that 2011 has been a year for the books. But, that entry will come later this week. My first Peace Corps Christmas was good. I was with people who care about each other and there was celebration in the air. Namibians don't celebrate Christmas much differently than Americans. They eat a lot of food too, and travel great distances to be together - one I see less of in the states. They do go to church a lot more than we do for the occasion. They have Santa here, and yes, they know it's Christmas.

Merry Christmas All!

Renee

Hello from Swakopmund Namibia!

I have been vacationing in this small coastal town in central Namibia. After a week of training last week in the capital city of Windhoek my group and I found ourselves headed to the coast, and away from the scorching temps inland. The coast has been quite cold in comparison to the rest of the country that we have become so accustomed to. Almost four months into this and we are getting more comfortable by the day it seems. We have traveled around and around to and from our respective sites, covering virtually every inch of the place. Although there are a lot of places in country that we don’t have the capacity to be at, we cover a good amount of it. There are only 130ish PC volunteers here, there’s only so much we can do!

Speaking of volunteers, training went really well for me. I have such a better idea of what I am supposed to be doing and how I can try to do it. I am really motivated, excited, and inspired to get going with my ideas and projects. I feel a great sense of excitement in my community too. Which makes me so excited. I am excited to get going at school on January 12th, and to have learners, content, and a class. It was a good week for me to reconnect with my peers of group 34 and to learn more from the Peace Corps about resources and opportunities. A more exciting fact is that I registered as an absentee voter and will hopefully be getting my absentee ballot for the Presidential Election coming up soon. I’m pretty excited. I didn’t think that the Peace Corps would help me in getting that done, and I had no idea where to start, so it’s nice to have it done and the paperwork filed. I also have all of my paperwork in and am up to date with the Peace Corps, we have stuff to do and submit every once in a while and it is very easy to forget about it as you float in and out of these realms. “These realms” refers to the general confusion that is being a PCV. Sometimes you never really know what’s going on or where you are in your head. For example, right now I think I am in Belgium and have no idea what is going on with my life given the physical location of my body. This is because of the constant transitioning in and out of foreign places for me.

I think I am in Belguim because Swakopmund looks like it. There are strong German influences here in the architecture and culture because of the occupation before/during WW1. They developed the place so naturally it’s a reflection of their culture. The town also attracts a lot of tourism from that area of Europe, so they keep up the feel to fuel their economy. But, nevertheless, being in a constant state of transition for the past 8 months has put my head in a bit of a cloud.

Since June 1st I have been in transition, in and out of different places with different faces. And here has been no different. PST to Site Visit to more PST (with two different host families) into Phase Two, then Reconnect and holidays – phew, this girl is tired of the transitioning and the craziness. I am SO looking forward to having one place to be and all the time to get there soon, after the New Year when I head back up to site in Ontananga.

But we, as PCVs, are always floating in and out of these mental and physical spaces that we rarely have time to process. From thinking of your American family to thinking of your siblings on your homestead, and from thinking of your fellow PCVs to remembering to mail out all your letters to your friends states-side, it’s a lot to handle and wrap your mind around. Especially when you are lesson planning and writing grants for your village to get food in between. Lots of mind widening stuff. In and out of these giant and small ideas and concepts – and then you go to a city in your developing African desert country that is 50 degrees F on the Atlantic and looks like Germany, and you get seriously confused.

So Reconnect went well, it was in the mountains – which made me really really happy! I love the mountains. Then I headed up and over (northwest from Windhoek) to Swakop. Since we have been here (37 of us) we have done a ton of stuff. We have been staying in two bungalows by the ocean. I’ve been staying with 22 other PCV 34ers and it’s been awesome. I slept outside in a tent for a few nights, then inside on the floor under a girl in a hammock and now I have scored a bed for the rest of the time. I have never appreciated Takodah more than this week. I have become accustom to living in close quarters with large amounts of people for most of my life thanks to the CT. But not everyone here has, and they are struggling. But, I try to help out where I can and just keep the peace. Since I have been here I have had quite a lot of adventures as well.

I have walked and walked and walked around this place and know it exceptionally well for only being here since Sunday. I visited this second hand shop where I found three sweet books amongst the German texts and friended an elderly German man named Tom. We were talking about Swakopmund and America and as he was giving me directions to another store in town a man walked into the store carrying a plastic grocery bag. Tom finished giving me the directions and we finished our conversation about the underground in tourist towns and he randomly looks at the grocery bag guy and says “Give her two of those”. Come to find out the man was delivering fresh crayfish from the ocean to Tom! Crayfish goes for N$200 a plate here (expensive!) and he just up and gave me two. It was quite nice. I don’t like seafood so I gave them to Steven and Shawn to cook up for the two of them in the bungalow. They have been cooking quite a bit this week on our bungalow hot plate and I figured they would appreciate it.

After meeting this man I had a conversation with a vendor outside of a park along the coast about how he failed grade 10 and brought his little brother around with him as he sold things to tourists to show him that staying in school was important. I talked to the both of them about it and then bought a keychain from him. They make keychains out of the hard nut center of the fruit of their palm trees. We have these palm trees in my village, but no one carves them. So here it’s nice to see it done. They put animals and plants on the side and then carve and engrave things for you on the spot if you want it. I’ve bought a few and have had them engraved for a few special people. Check the mail in a few months. It could be you!

I have been bumming around the beach drinking tea and eating pastries. I have watched the sun set over the Atlantic a few times, something I had never seen before, and I have loved seeing it from this side. (see blog title for further excitement). I went duneboarding and basically sledded down mountainous piles of scalding sand for half of a day and enjoyed incredible views only found in the best of paintings. I have seen the desert stretch for miles and I have felt the African sun burn the tip of my nose. There has been lots of food eaten and lots of places explored. It has been nice. I have met a few really nice people and even other PCVs. A few guys from Uganda showed up the other night and we went out to karaoke with them. It rocked. We were hilarious, which reminds me that on my way here to Swakopmund I was listening to a radio station and started texting in requests and was the only one doing it! So I basically got to hear everything I wanted to hear. It was awesome!

And now I am here at the end of my Swakop vacation. Tonight we did a Secret Santa/Gift Swap of sorts to celebrate Christmas and it was adorable. We put all of our presents under a palm tree and put headlamps in the tree on the red setting for a festive mood. There was Christmas music playing and then we started singing Christmas songs afterward. It was hilarious. I leave on Monday morning, so I still have the weekend to eat more food, take more pictures and stroll along the beach. But I’m getting bored here and am ready to move on! The next adventure is afoot! Christmas! Spending it with friends and food, going to be a good time all around.

That’s about it for now. Happy Holidays!

Renee

Hello from Windhoek!

I have officially "reconnected" and finished a week of training. We just did general In Service Training (IST) where we talked about a lot of stuff and covered many topics. From here I am headed out to holiday! I will be backpacking around Namibia to various places and will have many stories and pictures to share in the near future (which is now defined as within the next six months).

I hope all is well with all of you! I am good. Just keep learning things about this place and feeling more and more comfortable with being here. The more informed I become the more comfortable I am here. Which is why I am now off to discover, explore and learn more about this great place!

:) Happy Holidays! Christmas is two weeks away!!

Love,

Renee

In response to my mass email update last night I have received a few questions that I imagine many of you might be curious about. So I am going to answer some questions before I fall off the grid for a month. I'm not brining my laptop on this adventure. I am impulsive and adventurous, but not stupid.

Some of you wondered about my colleagues, and their reaction to me being here. I have worked very hard to not consider myself an "expert" on anything, I have never alluded to the idea that I am smarter than them. Whenever I have had meeting I always talk about how we need to work together and teach each other. I have never told them, or thought, that I am here to be the education or development expert. I think I am hardly qualified to tell these people what they need, how would I know? They are the only ones who know what's best for them. Hence my primary goal for the past 6 weeks, which has been to get to know people, their ideas, and concerns. As for my colleagues, they are very aware that I am a teaching novice and this is my first year teaching (gah!) so I don't think they are intimidated or upset about it. Once in a staff meeting they were trying to decide which subject to cut of two and my Principal asked: "And Miss Scott, what do you think? You are the expert opinion." To which I professionally responded "I don't know. I don't know enough about either subjects or the needs of Namibian children. I hardly consider myself qualified to form an opinion." which I think went really well. I have worked hard to make sure that everyone knows that this is OUR school, not theirs with me in it. I have worked hard to not speak often, to do as much listening and observing as possible. Things here are quite different and I am doing my best to include the small amount of knowledge I do have at appropriate times. But it is mostly just Leading By Example here. That's where I will do the most good, showing people the type of person I am. So I don't think that people are feeling judged or insecure by me being there. I only talk about America when asked, which can contribute to feelings of shame and disappointment sometimes, and I am constantly praising Namibia and being positive about the situations here.

As for their curriculum, behavior management and instruction I am hardly qualified to form opinions about these teachers and their practices. I only know my learners, and I don't know what is going on most of the time in my own classroom. Who am I to tell them they are wrong? I don't know if they are better than five years ago, or if they are miracle workers in comparison to the rest of Namibia. I do not form opinions or judgements about the teachers here, other than the positive ones! I am in no place to do that. No one is. My only purpose is to show through demonstration - that's my preferred model. Teach through demonstration and showing them what works/doesn't work. And what do I know? Half the stuff I will do will probably not work, but I'll still try!

In response to the needs of my community. I have formed a list of the needs of my community that they have provided me with. I met with countless people and asked them what they wanted, so I do have a very long list. It goes as follows: my school wants more sports, library and computer development in addition to me looking into funding to build a school hostel and to renovate our buildings (we have one block that has no walls). They also would like to see English language development. The Primary School needs a sewing program, library and teaching resources. The community at large is interested in learning English and having a transportation program set up for the HIV/AIDS patients out in the desert who can't afford to get a ride to the clinic to get their medications. They also would like to see feeding and clothing programs for the Orphaned and Vulnerable Children here, right now they meet once a month and they are out of food. My village would like to see some type of Work for Food program - we have a lot of unemployment and starvation - and a community center built to facilitate events and activities. My headman also wants to look into mental health services for our village neighbors. There is a lot of abuse/alcoholism. There are probably more that I can't think of right now, but I have them written down somewhere. I have no idea how to fund these things, but I will get some of them done, and anything else that comes up in between. I assume I will learn how to grant-write pretty quickly, and that some American and Namibian organizations will be hit up. One of the good things Bush Jr. did was setup a lot of aid here, so I will probably frequent the PEPFAR and American Embassy to see what I can do. At Reconnect I fully intend on pushing people to get the information I need. I will find the money, don't you worry! The Peace Corps does not provide any money for projects. It's against the rules. Which is fine, because we should be using host-country funds and organizations anyways. An independent project I am thinking of doing on my own is some type of Art program. There are no art classes here, and I think we would have a lot of fun. But I would have to find the money to buy the supplies. That's my ONE idea. HAHAHA. It's all good. I would much rather give my community a more meaningful experience by helping them with things that they want to see helped and by not pretending to be the Super Hero Volunteer, and just by being here.

There are many different versions of PCV. There are the super into it, on top of everything Volunteers whose lives are consumed by this. Then there are the ones who kind of coast along, do what they have to, but go into town every weekend and don't give it 110% often. Then there are those of us in the middle. I am taking on a very relaxed approach. I just want to live here, co-exist like I were no different than anyone here. I forget that I am different all the time, and I just want to be here. Not as "PCV" or an "American" I just want to be here and do some stuff. Help out when/where I can and have a good life. I forget that I'm in the Peace Corps all the time, and when I remember I am so happy and impressed. It's kind of like Christmas a few times a week - HAHAHA. Like seriously, imagine waking up and going "Oh yeah! I'm in the Peace Corps!" Who would of thought that glimmer of an idea I had one day Junior of high school outside of the LHT would have actually happened? (FYI - getting into the PC was never a huge crusade of mine. I had the idea for like 4 seconds in high school and then just went my own way. Then after my 4th year at UMF I was like, "why not? I'm definitely not ready to teach yet. seems cool!" and everyone was surprised. No one knew that I wanted to do it. I guess I just got up one day and decided to do it. I still don't understand how competitive it is, I just did it. But that happens to me often. I just do things. This is just where I am in life. No big deal.

In response to the conditions in my village. I don't like the term "primitive conditions" (that implies superiority). The conditions of my village are what is to be expected of any developing area. There is poverty on every level, and considerable wealth disparity. Educated Namibians have more, but white Namibians have most. The bottom is the 51% with no jobs and alcohol addictions. Most people find places to live, with the emphasis on extended family here, but there are plenty of OVCs who don't know who their parents are/were and are roaming in trash fields and sleeping in tents with their fellow disadvantaged youth. Men do not marry more than one wife, that would go against their strict Christian code of ethics. Adultery is rampant, but that's not just here, that's for sure. Children are not kept home to work in stead of going to school, school is very much encouraged here. But in the unfortunate cases where they cannot afford to go to school (they have to pay here) they do stay home. All children take care of the house, not just the ones that don't go to school. They all cook and clean everyday. Of the population of educated Namibians the universal Education level is 3 years of college with a certificate or a 4 year Bachelors. Most parents are unemployed though, since over half of the population is unemployed.

So that's a little more about my village and community. Let me know if you have any more questions! I will get to them as soon as I can. But I have some fresh jamz and am getting ready to pick up and go. :)

Happy Holidays!

Happy Thanksgiving to all.

I have spent the entire day in bed with a migraine, but have enjoyed the experience nonetheless. I slept, a lot, always one of my favorite things to do, and watched Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure for the first time. I also discovered that my laptop power cord is dead, so if I start disappearing for weeks on end it's because I don't have any power in my battery. I am working on getting this fixed hopefully sooner than later.

I am going into town this weekend to celebrate our glorious holiday with some friends who are coming in from their villages, and it will be good.

I finished another book this week, and help administer the end of year exams - basically finals, but different teachers supervise different exams.

Nothing much else going on. Just chillin' for one more week before Reconnect and holiday travels!! :)

I hope that everyone has had the best of Thanksgivings, and know that I am thankful for all of you. All of your support and encouragement has really help me do this. So thank you so much!

Love Always,Renee

This week has ended quite well, with me feeling more adjusted and settled than ever, thanks to the help of some extraordinary friends and family States-side, and in Scotland :), who have showered me with love and mail. Hahaha. Mail, mail, mail, has been the last 48 hours for me. I got three packages and like ten letters Thursday. So this is one of the showcase segments where I get to answer questions from people in America, one of my favorite things to do!

Carol from Keene, NH asks: “Is Halloween celebrated over there?”

And to this the answer is a simple no. They do not celebrate Halloween here. There are too many undertones of Paganism and darkness (evil) for this very, very, Christian country to accept such a holiday. I know that for most Americans Halloween equals candy, parties and sweet costumes. But, the reality is that there are other opinions about it, especially in other parts of the world. They don’t celebrate it, and I didn’t either this year. Which is tragic, because last year was the best Halloween ever. RIP Halloween 2010. Such a good time!

Ian from Fife, Scotland asks: “What is the most important thing you have done or learned (or both) to date?”

Oh man. Ian, this one is so much harder than the first! Haha. If I were to pick one thing that I have done here in the last three months (I will have officially been here for three months on Thanksgiving!) that has been the most important I would say adjusting properly to my site. I realize that this rather large thing encompasses so many other little ones, but nevertheless is it truly the most important thing I have done here. I feel that I have set myself up for success with the ways I have interacted with the community, gotten along with my host family, gotten to know my school and colleagues, and learned how to take care of myself here. I feel really good about how I have taken care of all of these aspects of my life for the next two years.

The most important thing I have learned here is that it’s not only okay to not get it right but it’s okay to royally mess up. Like, royally.

Papa Scott from Winchester, NH asks: “How are things going? What are your meals like? How is everyday compared to ours? What would I find at the local grocery store?”

YES! The kinds of culture describing questions I want! ☺Thanks Dad!

Things are going well. I just completed Week Four of Phase Two (which is the period of time in between Pre-Service-Training (PST) and Reconnect – Reconnect is another week of training at the beginning of December) and am feeling more adjusted to site. I am getting used to the heat and the language. They say that I am learning fast, I don’t know if it’s really true. I know a lot more about my school and community, and have a lot more confidence walking around by myself. I just came back from a Singing Competition in our local church, and am integrating as well as I can. I think I am doing well. Trying to get my face out there as much as possible. People are starting to recognize me, and I know a lot of locals now. So I guess that’s integration, right?

My meals are pretty consistent. So consistent I can tell you what I eat everyday. Since Namibia is now a “Middle Income Country” that means that it is pretty developed. It is so developed (and westernized….) that there are supermarkets everywhere with most of the foods that I could find at home. So, for breakfast every morning I have Veet-bix, which is a dehydrated whole-grain cereal that I add hot water and raisins to and eat like oatmeal. It’s pretty great. They also have granola here and TONS of cereals if I wanted another option. But I’m pretty happy with my Veet-bix. Everyday I bring a peanut-butter and jam sandwich to school, and a handful of carrots and apples. Sometimes my colleagues buy cool-drink (Sprite or Coke), fat cakes (fried balls of dough) and russians (hot dogs) and share them with me in the Teacher’s Room (sharing is HUGE here), but not a consistent part of my diet. Then I go home, around 3 or 4 – after getting to school at 7:30AM and getting up at 6/6:30AM, and have a snack. This is different everyday depending on what I have. I have cheese and an apple or carrot typically. Sometimes raisins and peanuts, and on the weeks I splurge for granola it’s commonly that. Sometimes I get given a lunch of pasta or maize by Rosaria (the nun that I live with) or Nelago (my host sister), so on those days I eat those for lunch. Then I have dinner at 8 with my Tate, Meme and Nelago. Dinner is always meat with traditional porridge. The meat is always from our animals – mostly fish from the ponds, but we do eat a lot of our chickens and cattle. They eat EVERY part of the animal. Organs, bones, feet, and face. I do not eat these. So on the nights that they are given things that I don’t eat I either add milk to my porridge or my Meme makes something different for me. Like, on Thursday night they made cattle organs and my Meme knew that I wouldn’t eat it so she made me some chicken instead. That’s all I eat for meals. I have Breakfast at 6:45ish, then snack all day at school (need the energy), have a lunch at 4/4:30 and then dinner at 8. I don’t really eat much else, unless I am at a celebration, gathering or in town. Celebrations/gatherings are a whole different type of traditional foods.

Much like our celebration foods – which are different depending on the holiday/family/religion/ethnic group/socio economic status (SES) – Ovambos have their own spread. They all pretty much have the same things, which are meats (all types of meats, they slaughter goats, chickens, and cows for all celebrations), salads (salads here are: potato salad, carrot and raisin salad, “pumpkin” salad – butternut squash is called pumpkin here – and bean salad), porridge, and drinks (alcoholic and non alcoholic). It’s pretty basic compared to American variety, but for out here in the African indigenous desert it’s a lot of work and very different from the norm. The norm being porridge, meat and bread. Bread is a meal, food group and way of life here. It is considered “the food”. OVCs (Orphans and Vulnerable Children) and starving people always ask for just bread, because it is the staple food.

In town I eat a lot of stuff that's not good for me, but I justify it as "I live in the village, so it's okay." I commonly have pizza or cheeseburgers or chickenburgers and ice cream. A lot of cool drink and occasionally KFC. I spoil myself rotten in town and completely kill my diet. I'm okay with it right now. Things are no where near settling into a normal or consistent pattern or routine - I go on travel holiday for 5 weeks soon - so I'm gonna let my in town spoiling slide. It's really nice to have some go to comforts in town that I can relax with and enjoy. Like ice cream. Seriously, it's summer here. You know what summer means Celeste? ICE CREAM! :)

On to how everyday is compared to ours, it’s really not all that different. The typical American day goes: wake up between 5 and 7, get to work between 6 and 9, work until lunch between 11 and 1, get out of work between 3 and 6, go home eat dinner, rest and crash between 9 and 12. Here we really function around the heat. In America we function around mealtimes, but it’s not all that different. You want to get all of your work done before noon, when the day starts to really heat up. So people are up between 5 and 6, at work between 7 and 8, work until 10:30 or 11 and have a “Tea Break” (what up colonial influence?), work until 2 or 3 and then head home to rest. The absolute hottest part of the day is at 3pm. This is when the sun is still high and has heated up EVERYTHING THAT EXISTS. Seriously, when I get home from school my walls are emitting residual heat and my bedspread is 15 degrees warmer than the air. It’s intense, but it’s the African sun. You go home to rest and don’t play with kids, help with homework, cook or clean because the children do all of that stuff on their own. The “Child Culture” here is completely different, just like the dog culture. So, you get home from work and can do errands or things you have to get done (like blogging and sharing Namibian culture with the masses) until dinner is served at 8. After dinner you bathe and go to bed around 10 or 11. I am the exception on this one. I am always in bed by 9. Need the z’s yo. So, the everyday is alittle different, but for me as a teacher it isn’t too different.

Last but not least: the grocery store here yields pretty much everything that you will find at the Market Basket in Swanz. Maybe I haven’t talked about the development of Namibia enough, but it’s pretty developed here. There are huge problems with HIV/AIDS and education, but in comparison to other places we PCV’s in Namibia are in “Peace Corps Light”. There is an inter-Peace Corps joke that Namibia is a light version of the real Peace Corps because of everything we have here. I cannot speak to the comparison of other countries, but I can believe it. There are three major grocery store chains here, and all of them provide the basics and options. I can get the things I need for my low-carb diet and choose one of 32 options for a bag of chips. It’s kind of insane that we have so much option here. I can get pears, apples, nectarines, peaches, pineapples, grapes and oranges. I can get cabbage, lettuce, carrots, peppers, onions, cauliflower, broccoli, squash and potatoes. I can get yogurt and ice cream. I can get frozen pizza bases and ginger ale. It’s all here, and it’s kind of strange. Makes me struggle to wrap my mind around the fact that I am in a developing nation. But, that’s the point, developing. Namibia has developed very well in the past decade, and these are a testament to this. There is a lot of infrastructure work to be revamped and helped, but those are not the areas we are working specifically with. We are just trying to help inspire, influence and educate the people who will ultimately make those choices, and changes. So I realize that my Snickers bar and Toblerone (both at the local grocery store) does not equal development. Globalization does not mean development. But it confuses me sometimes. How we can have these options available but not necessary and vital resources…. OccupyNamibia? I don’t claim to have a solution. Just asking questions and letting my mind wander.

We as volunteers have a lot of work to do here. The HIV/AIDS prevalence is very high, and English literacy rates are something to be worked on. There is knowledge about business that needs to be shared, and communities need support in learning how to develop. What up Peace Corps Volunteers? Your table is right this way....

My dear friend Audra (Bangor, Maine) asked me yesterday what Namibians think of Americans, and the only word that comes to mind about how they think of America is: idealized. They are obsessed with America. They listen to American music, eat American food, keep track of American news better than most Americans and dream about being in America. They think that since America is a rich country that all Americans are rich. I have been hit up for money more times than I have gone to sleep in this country, and it is all completely understandable.

I have had my fair share of conversations where I have explained that in America there are homeless children starving in the streets too, just like in Namibia, but that I also understand the reality that in America when that child is found they have more services offered to them than a Namibian orphan would. That’s what it’s about, the services offered by a developed nation. Development is the only thing that is talked about around here, and being that America is the “most developed” country in the world, which can be debated, they look to it will rose colored glasses thinking that everything is perfect in the USA. And that if they were there all of their problems would simply go away.

I have explained that we have an elevated unemployment rate and our economy is rocky and that people are losing their homes because of shotty loans and trickery from greedy businesses – and that this exploitation and deceit is in it’s own way economic apartheid. I have talked about how there is pain and suffering in the United States just like there is here in Namibia, and that there are children who have lost their parents, struggle in school, and have to fend for themselves too – just like some of them here.

But, flip side, I have also told tales of mandatory education and the Department of Child Services, two things that will drastically improve the development of this country. It literally blows their minds when I talk about education. Here students have to pay for school, their uniform and their supplies. When I say that in America all children are required by federal law to go to school for free, and don’t have to wear a uniform, people are confused. I was asked this past weekend: “Why don’t they have to pay?” I responded with: “We believe that Education should be free. No one should have to pay for an Education.” (Which is clearly debatable given the cost of our tertiary education institutions, some of the highest in the WORLD). I explain the American individualistic culture when I talk about the no uniform thing, and when I talk about feeding programs that’s it, they want on the next plane. I haven’t even gotten to the part where school lunch is subsidized by the American government and should be free to all anyways. I’ll save that for next year. ;)

When I talk to the adults here all I can think of are those in America without jobs who are struggling on welfare working part-time to feed their kids while these teachers in Namibia have jobs, can provide for their children, and still want to go to the States. And the reality is there is no black and white. It’s all relative. Some people here in Namibia have a better life than some people in America and vice versa. I was talking to a colleague today about money, and about how some Peace Corps Volunteers leave six-figure incomes to come here and do this type of thing, that the money didn’t make them happy, and they were legitimately confused. Confused that money would not generate joy or fulfillment. But, to some it does. So it’s not which country is more developed or which country is richer, it’s about the lives we choose to live within each nation. Choices here are undoubtedly limited, but that’s what we are here to work on; building more doors for these people to walk through.

But yes, dear friend Audra, we are all rich to Namibians because the reality is we are, fiscally anyways. Spiritually or mentally I might bet the other way. The current exchange rate is $1USD = N$7.92. 8 fold. One of our dollars is worth 8 of theirs. Come on, how am I supposed to say that I’m not rich when my currency is worth so much more. The opportunities I am afforded by being an American are insane compared to the citizens of these developing countries. It actually upsets me to talk about it, but that doesn’t mean that the reality shouldn’t be faced. Because the fact is that Namibians (or at least all of the ones that I have met) are reminiscent of the immigrants of the turn of the American 20th century; they view our streets paved with gold. But the biggest difference is the chances of these dreamers getting through our borders are miniscule compared to then. Unless they get a good church scholarship. Then they are in.

As we continue into the depths of Phase Two I am delighted to say that Week 3 is over. Halfway through this period of time that falls in between PST and Reconnect! It is the time when we are to be integrating and adjusting to our sites and new homes. The cause for celebration lies in the fact that it is a slow time. A very slow time indeed. Since every experience here is individual it is impossible to structure much of this time, so it is to each their own. I have found myself at a loss for what to do most of the time. I have visited with countless people in my community, including the Primary School principal and staff, the clinic staff, the social services staff for my region, my village head man and some of my neighbors. I have attended church and also been a guest to our Sunday School program. So, I am trying my best to complete Campaign Integration to the best of my ability. I have gotten to know dozens of learners in my school by subbing for teachers while they have been out. I have done a couple of activities with a stack of magazines I just grabbed, and I talked about goals and aspirations today with some of the 11th graders. But I mostly talk about who I am and answer their questions. Being the first white person to live in the village for over five years none of these learners have been exposed to a different race in their hometown before. So, needless to say, they are intrigued. But, I have been out there meeting people. Also reading books. Lots and lots of reading. Almost done with book number 4. Only 3 more weeks to go. I’m gonna need more books…

Week 3 has ended with a joyous event indeed. I have just returned from the inauguration of my village head man! My village (the one I live in - Ontananga is where I work), Ondjumba, gathered all of last night and today to eat, drink and be merry in celebration and recognition of this event. The head man is in charge of the village, he is basically the mayor. You go to him if you have a problem and he will help out. I realize that mayors may or may not be reliable or unreliable in this pursuit in America, but here I know my head man will do his best. So last night I was requested to attend a celebration and today the ceremony. It was a day long event with lots of cooking and eating. The fact that in Namibian culture you have to accept anything and everything put before or offered to you has left me full of delicious food and cool drink. Cool drink is kind of a big deal here. It is just juice or soda (mostly just Fanta (pineapple!), Coke and Sprite) cold. Everyone is always drinking cool drink at parties and celebrations, and it is a THING here, it’s basically a way of life. I can’t really explain it right now, but I am always being handed it. I drink way more soda here then I ever did in America.

My meme (meme gwandje moNamibia) made me a traditional Ovambo dress. I live in Ovamboland (the area of Northern Namibia where all of the Ovambo tribes have been for a long time) and they have many traditional habits, foods and customs in their culture. I was decked out in my new digs at this shin-dig, and it was great. I have gotten the complicated greeting system down and felt very happy about my integration with my family, my community and my friends. It was a good day. The best way I could have celebrated my Dad’s birthday (tate gwandje moAmerica).

Today (11.12.2011) is my dad’s birthday!! And I am sorry that I cannot be there with him. I probably would not have made him a cake (Ericka is the better cook) but I would have given him a BIG HUG and done our super sweet, crazy and intricate handshake that we have had since I was 16 and in the 11th grade. And for this I love you dad. For always letting me have fun and be a kid. There have been countless times where we have just done what we do that I think of now and realize the gifts you gave me. And trust me, going to the National Plastics Museum with you is on the very top of my Bucket List. ☺ I love you. I hope Ericka made you a cake. But she probably did better and made you your favorite dinner – which is anything that anyone else makes and puts in front of you. HAHAHA! That or steak. Let’s be real.

The African sun finally got me today. I have a sunburn. The African sun is crazy intense. I realize I am crazy closer to the Equator, and that I am in Africa, but I did not foresee the scald on my back when I woke up this morning. Eh. You win some, you lose some. Here’s to week 4. May it bring less sun burns and more smiles.

MoNamibia means “In Namibia” in oshindonga. I must confess that my focus on language has been minimal at best in the past few weeks. I have been very, very focused on getting myself properly settled here. My village, ontananga, is a very different environment for me in every sense of the word. Physically I have gone from sprawling mountains and lush forests of green with bodies of water and humidity to endless flat spreads of desert sand and low lying bushes and shrubs. The days are hot and the nights are cool, with no humidity to be found, but it still takes a lot of adjusting to. Mentally the expansion that my mind is undergoing is not as overwhelming this week as it was last or the one before that. But, I feel like after this coming weekend I might feel a bit overwhelmed again – I have been invited to my head man’s inauguration. He is the leader of my village and it is a big event. It entails me going and sitting with him and his family Friday night and then the all day ceremony at 10 Saturday morning. There will be a lot of food and a lot of drink, and no doubt endless joy and love. But these types of cultural emersions can be quite exhausting, so we will see how it goes. I think my mind is at bay because I gave it a bit of a break in the past few days. Hanging out with American friends all weekend gave it a break, and yesterday and today I have just been reading – I finished book 3, on to book 4. Spiritually I am in a calm. There are no big things that I have felt lately.

I thought of all of you as I walked out of our Administrative Building this morning at school and was hit with a wall of cool, crisp air that reminds me of those days in NE I had when I could first start to really smell fall. When fall is in the air that means hot honey tea and friends sitting under trees outside of Mallet. It means cool walks around in the leaves and exhilarating moments when you wish you’d remembered your scarf. Haha. I love fall, so much. Especially when I would stroll and feel the life around me, feel the transitions so profound and feel the growth. It’s so alive as it is also so dead and that’s the beauty of it. So, I thought of you as I stood and teared up alittle. It was a moment I had, a good one.

Intellectually I have absolutely no idea where I am right now. They say I am crazy smart here, and that I am an expert with some things, but I really don’t think I am. But to them it’s a big deal. And I get that. I understand where they are coming from, but since I am not actually teaching yet I have no idea where I am at intellectually. They (my colleagues at school) keep poking fun at me for reading and writing non stop all day, but it’s what I gotta do. And that’s where I’m at right now personally. Just doing what I feel is best, and right now it is to read and write as I become more familiar with things. Slow but steady.

Some things to comment on:

I heard the new village at Takodah is underway. Good luck Willy and everyone! I hope that everything goes well during this time of transition. ☺

Pumpkin Fest – I heard all of my favorites got together and had the best of times. So glad to hear this. And good call on calling Thai Garden ahead of time this year!

9-9-9 sounds bad and sketch. Mostly bad.

OccupyAugusta sounds amazing. My friend Tanisha from high school is rocking it and keeping me in the loop. Anyone got any insider info on OccupyPortland? Are there any going down in the 603?

That’s about it for now. I know I am super low energy right now and am more scattered, negative and foggy than normal, but I am getting there. One has to have a solid foundation before they build their house.

LoveRenee

PS – I realized that I missed a few things while I was cookin’ up some homefries (I just had a bunch of potatoes and an onion getting old). A – Today is Election Day in the States. GO VOTE. Especially if you know what is being voted on. B - I think I will publish my blog entries completely untouched. And C - I want to post the pictures I have to post, a lot from PST still, and WILL do this so so so soon. I promise, myself mostly. Oh, and I am helping some of my teacher friends in the States do some lessons about Africa! Sweet. OH and I know that Namibia was on some famous show recently, and the tribe they were talking about (Himba) is in the Kunene region about 4/5 hours directly west of me! So close! :D

Hello, hello hello! It is on this Thursday evening that I report to you that Week 2 has been going well. I finished another book Most Good Least Harm by Zoe Weil, co-founder of the Institute of Humane Education that I speak so highly of. It was a really great read about how we as a people can make conscious choices to do the most good and least harm to ourselves, the planet, animals and others. It’s a pretty sweet book if you are into sustainability, organic farming and alternative energy. It’s alittle preachy and repetitive at times, but these are things that the author is more than aware of. She just had to say what she had to say!

Reading it has made me realize and reflect on how sustainable I have been here, and at home in the States. I was unaware of just how unmaterialistic and simplistic my lifestyle in America was. Woo hoo! And I have already developed the critical consumer eye as I hawk around stores only purchasing things that do more benefit than harm. But here it is obviously much, much different.

My carbon footprint must be miniscule because of the changes I have been undergoing. I walk the 2 kilometers to and from school everyday and I do everything by hand (which I quite enjoy). I do use electricity, which is the only downfall. I wish I could get a solar panel out here. Maybe I will look into it. I am in the desert after all…

But I mostly eat things that are super healthy for me, and my homestead catches or grows pretty much everything that we eat. We have chickens everywhere and cattle and goats. They catch fish everyday and cook traditional porridge from the grain they harvest every year. I do have to buy things in town to eat (apples, oranges, cereal, raisins, peanuts, etc.) but that is pretty much what I eat. Oh, and beans. Delicious Namibian grown beans. They are the best. I love them. I want to learn how to cook them. And I will. In time.

But yes, week 2. I have adjusted a bit more (I feel less like a dehydrated drone) and am getting used to being here. It is really nice to be settling in. I have walked around my village a little bit, but after sitting at school all day in the heat I am not really up for roaming around in the sun anymore. That and I am still trying to figure out my personal schedule here, like how to take care of everything I need to take care of in order to take care of myself. I realize I could have said this in a way easier manner but didn’t. I’m sorry. They say that our English will suffer from being here. It will deteriorate, but I am not worried. It will bounce back when I return.

They funny thing here is most Namibians who know “English” do not speak it, they speak an awkward take on it that is called “Namlish”. You will notice me changing sentence structure and saying new and crazy things. I am making the switch pretty quickly, and it is also very evident in the speed of which I speak. I speak so very, very slow here. You all know how crazy fast I talk, like faster than New England fast (which is SO FAST), so for me to tone it down enough for Namlish speakers to hear and understand is pretty impressive. They always laugh at my “American English” and I love it.

For the past two weeks I have been embarking on what I call “Campaign Integration”. I am just showing up to things as often as I can and talking to people. I am introducing myself and my mission and just talking. I have been to a bunch of stuff in the past few weeks. I have talked to my school staff, the staff at the primary school, the clinic staff (and some locals who were just hanging around, and I fixed the TV). I have been to church already, and then just showed up at Sunday School. I went to my Head Man’s house (the man in charge of my village) and he invited me to his inauguration (he is new). It is the 12th of November. That’s my dad’s birthday, so I really couldn’t see any better way of celebrating Papa Scott then going to a ceremonial village practice. I have just walked around a lot, letting people physically see me around. I do a lot of greeting and waving. I get a lot of staring and unwanted attention, which is something they train us in how to deal with. I don’t’ know how well I’m doing coping with it, but I have kept it all together. I know that they are staring because they are curious, but it is stressful at times. One day at a time.

I have visited a few neighbors and they are pretty great. And I have heard a lot of concerns about underdevelopment and issues in our community. So I am getting to know the area and the people pretty well. Since I feel that I have made good progress in the past two weeks I am treating myself to a weekend out of the village with my friends Melissa and Rick (PCV’s in the town I am next to). Melissa’s birthday is next week, and we don’t get to celebrate Halloween, so a bunch of PCV’s are getting together this weekend to meet one another (those of us who are new) and celebrate her birthday and Halloween. It is a very, very much deserved treat for myself. I have had a challenging two weeks and I deserve it. ☺

The challenges here for me have been a lot of mental readjustments. Thinking about home a lot (with a newborn in the family it’s hard not to want to be there) and missing it dearly. I have been having a lot of emotionally vivid dreams about America and my friends and family. Particularly Ashley Porter, Jacob Goodness, Nancy Varin and Eric Carter. They have been hilarious and heartwarming to think of but then somewhat upsetting because I clearly miss my deep, deep emotional attachments and loved ones back home. Which is so good. So, so good. A few of my fellow PCV’s have commented on my deep attachments to home and have commented that they might “make life here very, very hard for you.” And to them I always say, “yeah, probably. But that’s okay because they all love me.” And as I woke up sad this morning when I realized that I didn’t live with Nancy, Ashley and Jacob in downtown Peterborough, New Hampshire (it was an amazingly great dream!) I tried to shake my funk. I was upset until at one point this morning I remembered how I was feeling the morning that Ryan Robert Reed, Audra Whitney, Kasey Gilbert, Missy Patterson, Yeneida Rubio, Jonathan Fisk, Chris Durkin, and Mark Lemos graduated from UMF in 2009. I was so sad, so upset that so many of my amazingly good friends were graduating and leaving. But then I remembered the Dr. Seuss quote: “How lucky am I to have something that is so hard to say goodbye to.” And that is true. So very true about all of this. How amazingly lucky am I to have so many loving and caring people in my life? So many people who think that I am the one being kind to them by letting them in my life and sharing my journey. When in reality it is I who am being blessed and you who are being kind. It is so amazingly comforting to know that so many people care about how I am doing here. It really does. It makes these mornings of sadness better to think that you are all sleeping peacefully in your beds 6 hours behind me. And so I face this homesickness with bravery, knowing that all of you have my back and are there. ☺

You may be wondering how I can be having a good week 2 and be homesick and be adjusting to it all, and it is very simple: I am here, and that makes me happy. Of course I am going to be upset and homesick while I am here. I am supposed to be. And it is hard, it really is. But, the fact remains that I am where I need to be, where I am supposed to be, and that is all that matters. I am supposed to be cast out of my cushy comfort zone of development and put into a reality so drastically different than my own. You learn so much about yourself in these moments of disorientation. It’s good. Baby steps up the mountain and you will see the stars.

So, integration and reading, some Peace Corps “Phase Two” assignments, an amazing host family, great colleagues at school and a weekend with American friends. That is my life right now. Figuring it out here. Becoming as informed as I can, but pacing and taking care of myself. No projects, no development, no work. I am making that very clear. Not for awhile, not until I have figured out teaching here. For now I will just be here and thinking of you. Thinking of all of you whether you got 22 inches of snow last weekend, or just a few that have melted already. Whether you are pounding the pavement for Obama (thank you Nathan), buying a new house (congrats Meg and Ryan!), taking the GRE’s (I am sure you did great Ducky), putting on dinner parties bragging about me to your friends (Uncle Pete, I know you do this), or making sure that local youth have a court for basketball this winter (touché Beth, touché) I will be thinking of all of you. Every. Single. One. Dad, don’t get over worked yet, winter is just beginning. And Ericka, cuddle up with Seth Isaac for me.

I love you all and am so very luck to be able to share this with you. Thank you for your love and support, your praise and kindness. I couldn’t be here if it were not you and I cannot do this without you. So, please. Keep on the journey with me.

Love,

Renee

Okay, I am back with more to say about Week One. Now that it has officially come to a close it is officially appropriate for me to disclose this not confidential whatsoever information. Phase Two is the period of time between Swearing In and Reconnect where we move and adjust to our Permanent Sites. Reconnect is a week long training that Group 34 has the first week of December where we find out more information and literally “reconnect” as a group.

Week One is kind of a make or break week in the PC world. It is one of those periods of time where absolutely everything is hazy and you are lost. You have to find yourself and get on your feet, again. This has definitely been no exception for me. This is one of the few molds of the world that I don’t break; so let me regale you with the tale.

Date – October 21, 2011Place – My New HomeTime – 5 or 6, I was basically unconscious, so who knows.

I arrived at my new home in a crazy heat induced mental fog. I wasn’t dizzy or anything, I was just out of it. So out of it. I had just been on a bus for like 9 hours in the blazing desert heat and was being uprooted again and moved to a new location for like the twelfth time since June. (Yeah, I realized the other day that I have been uprooted and not settled since I moved out of my apartment June 1st – what the adventure for me!)

My first weekend was good. I was emotional and homesick, but was taken care of very well. Then Monday came and I went to school.

Monday, Monday, Monday. I don’t even remember what happened on Monday. All of the days of the past week have blurred together because I have been doing the same thing all day – sitting and reading or writing somewhere in one of the staff rooms. No, now I remember what I did Monday, I subbed. HAHA. I took over for one of the teachers who was in Windhoek marking the 10th grade examinations (marking = grading, and here they have a 10th grade certificate and a 12th grade, if you choose to go on to 11th and 12th. You don’t have to, but it’s an option. 12th grade examinations ended on Friday). So I went to a few classes and talked about America, there are really no “sub plans” here. You just kind of wing it, supervise a little and hopefully make some meaningful change by being inspiring. I mostly wow them with my superb language skills and talk about snow. Let’s be real, I probably like it more than they do.

So, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday. Tuesday to Friday I literally just sat around and read and wrote (both for personal and peace corps reasons). You might think this is due to laziness or lack of work ethic but I am not ready to do anything else. I am not ready to take on anything other than integration, and that is the MOST IMPORTANT part of all of this. Only doing things when you are ready. Only committing to things when you can deliver, and NEVER making promises you can’t keep. So, needless to say, my primary mission has been to integrate into the community and learn as much about it and our school as possible. I have been doing a fine job of that in addition to adjusting physically, mentally, and spiritually to my new home.

It’s a lot, A LOT for me to take on at once. I am kind of emotionally burned out at the moment, and I haven’t even been pushing or applying myself in any way this week. I am exhausted mentally and spiritually, physically I am great. My head has been spinning trying to wrap itself around this new place, the new role I play with Peace Corps, my personal connections to home and where I am at with all of it. It’s a lot, but I feel that I am doing what is best because I feel that I am doing what is best for me. So, I have talked to my Principal a lot about our community, and I have gotten to know my colleagues a little. I have made a plan to talk to all of the leaders – “important people” - about who I am, who Peace Corps is, and what I will be doing here. I want to introduce myself so I can integrate fully, or as much as I can.

So, I presented myself to our school staff this past Thursday at our staff meeting, and I am planning to go into the Primary school and do the same, if the principal will let me. I also plan on holding a meeting at the clinic (where my meme is a nurse!) with their staff and the leaders of the HIV/AIDS and OVC organizations in our community. I am also going to hold a meeting with the head men and women of our villages, the Regional Councilor, and the School Board chairperson if I can. Then there is church. There are two churches in our community. I have already been to and been introduced at one – but I kind of want to go back and do it again – and am going to the other one tomorrow. After church I am going to Sunday School to see the cherubs and meet them. Meeting kids is the best way to integrate. I swear to God that they are always on the look out. When you are friends with kids they got your back yo.

So that’s my integration strategy. To meet as many people as I can, and am capable of, in the next 5 weeks. I am going to pace myself and take it slow. I am already emotionally exhausted. I can’t be pushing myself too much right now, so taking it slow. Baby steps. This week my school. Next week, the school next door. That’s all I am thinking of right now. That and the fact that my meme just handed me two bags of groceries for the week because I didn’t go into town with her today because I was exhausted and needed to do my own thing. I am the luckiest girl in the world to be here with them. I really am.

So Week One = complete. Week Two-Six, who knows.

After Week Six I go to Reconnect. But I can’t think that far ahead. My brain kind of hurts from all of the information it has absorbed and processed in the last 10 days, or 2.5 months if you want to be real.

I love you all. I will let you know when Week Two is over, or really whenever anything awesome happens. Let’s be real. Started a new book yesterday. Get excited.

Renizzle (This one’s for you Kevin).

I just finished a profoundly amazing and moving book and have to share it with you.

Before I unmask the title, author, and argument for its greatness I must explain the context to which it came to be in my life.

One month ago I was here in Ontananga (the name of my village) visiting and I went to the Peace Corps Regional Office in Ondangwa (the town I am near). The few days before I had been in a fog, a haze of sorts. There was an energy that I could not understand or articulate going on in my head and in my new home. I was lost and went to this office where we have a library. Now, before I proceed I must explain, to those who do not know about, my strong connection to the literature in my life.

I collect ideas. Some people collect Coke product stuff or butterflies, but I collect ideas, thoughts, opinions and arguments. I have STACKS of notebooks with ideas, mostly of others, many of my own. I always have at least three or four journals going at a time – at the moment I have three in Africa, two or three in America (I’ll get back to those) – each one for different dialogues and conversations with myself. I collect quotes, sayings, ideas, thoughts, just things that people say that move and inspire me. I collect these ideas because my heart tells me to. I can’t really explain it. I just do it. I collect these things and reflect on them. I am known for hand copying pages of books to capture the essence of the whole idea, to be completely moved upon review. I collect these things because I view them as important, as signs in my life. Each sign has its own reasoning, every sign keeps me on my path and following my heart – the most important thing. I don’t find these ideas, they find me. I will be walking around libraries, schools, department stores, parks, oceans, literally everywhere I am these things appear and find me. But, as you can imagine they are particularly strong in realms that play to my strengths – especially in the form of text.

I at times just find myself in libraries looking for something, I never know what, but I know that I am looking and I cannot rest until I find it. And once I have found it I instantly know and become that kid in the corner being kicked out at closing. Well, this happened again (not surprisingly) in the Ondangwa office about a month ago. There are stacks and stacks of books here. Travel guides to Sub-Saharan Africa, Shakespeare, Harry Potter, Guides to Teaching, and pretty much any other genre you can think of. I got the itch, and started poking through the stacks, which are two books deep. Four minutes in I find it, the new one. Hello spiritual direction, get in my life. And it is with that, that I share my relationship with this book.

To no one’s surprise at all, I am a sappy, emotional, cliché, touchy-feely, “that’s adorable”, inspiration machine. So I love Mitch Albom. For those who don’t know, Mitch is a reflective writer. He focuses on memory and flashback depiction to capture the essence of his piece, which is commonly a higher order spiritual idea attached to some belief or thought behind good morals and being compassionate. So yeah, totally my style. I am not an avid fan, but I read them when I come across them. For One More Day was pretty good. I love The Five People You Meet In Heaven. Not a huge fan of Tuesdays but nevertheless I found him again, this time in Northern Namibia.

Having not read a Mitch piece for a few years I scooped up Have a little Faith in a heartbeat and have had an off and on again relationship with it ever since. I powered through the first 170 with an insatiable thirst for more. But, I reached a point where I was too moved; I was too inspired by all of the signs in the book. I had to put it down and process everything that was in it in order to wrap my mind around it better. So, I bagged it and waited a few days. When I returned to training I went back to page one and collected the ideas. I transcribed all of the sections that I most connected with and relived the emotion. I reflected on how it made me feel, I had an experience with each one and recorded it for reference later. I couldn’t stop. I slowly got through the rest of the book, a month later.

Small increments were all I could handle because of how much I connected with it, the energy it has is in alignment with my current spiritual journey. Even now as I look at it 16 inches from my hand I sense an unfinished business of sorts, like I didn’t get it all, like there is so much more in there that I am meant to realize, I am meant to find. I will dive back in – when I am ready. Which is weird and rare, I am not a re-reader!

But, all personal growth quests aside, Have a little Faith by Mitch Albom is an amazing book. It is about so so so many different things that I can hardly do it justice with this small depiction. The base of it is the meeting and acceptance of multiple organized faiths to reach something higher than bickering, but below that juvenile surface lies something so much more. The dimensions it touches on with community, family, heart, forgiveness and love were so profoundly moving that I can hardly articulate it now. But I had to try, because I am addicted to writing to express my feelings.

It is a book about life, obviously that is the only thing he writes about, but this one is different. It is a book about the adversity and diversity of life, faith and death. It puts perspective on a lot of things, so you should read it. I could probably talk about it forever – because everything is connected to everything and I would just loop it all back to the Russian Revolution and then we would talk about the flooding in Asia right now.

So, go out and get it. Read it and love it. Soak in the life. I had a moment like that today when I was answering the question “What are American trees like?” to a group of 11th grade learners and I teared up talking about foliage and how my favorite thing in the world is New England forests in summer dusk light. Ah! So much life. Go get it! Stop complaining about Wall Street and Mitt Romney, there’s a bigger world out there. You just have to feel it for yourself.

I would be amiss if I did not announce to the world that on Friday October 21st, 2011 my sister Ericka gave birth to the newest edition to the Scott Clan, Seth Jr. Two life changing events on the same day! As I was driving through Etosha National Park in northern Namibia (quite the international tourist attraction) on the way to move into my village he was being born! He is a big boy, and is happy and healthy. Ericka is doing well too! Everyone is healthy. I cannot wait to meet him!

Week 1 is.... week 1. More on this later.

Renee

Sunday - 10.23.2011

Come one, Come all and read the most recent installment of Renee’s Namerican Adventure!!

Ok, I have no idea where that came from, but it happened. Haha!

I cannot remember what the last thing was that I told you, but I think it was that I had returned from Site Visit a few weeks ago. Well, I have now moved to my site!!! Last Thursday I completed training and was Sworn In as an Official Volunteer by the US Ambassador to Namibia. There was this super classy ceremony with the embassy and our Country Director present. I think the national news was there, I couldn’t tell because the room was PACKED. But yes, it is official. I completed training, passed everything, and have been sworn in. I moved to my village on Friday and have been here since; I made it through the weekend! They say the next three months are very hard, adjusting to a new place – typically as the only white person and/or American for miles. I am fortunate enough to live in the best of all Peace Corps worlds. I live in a rural village without running water – but we have electricity – AND I am insanely close to one of the largest towns in Namibia: Ongandgwa. I am so close that teachers at my school live there and come to the village from town everyday. So, I get the rural amazing stars at night experience and the availability to see Americans and eat KFC pretty much whenever I want. My site is pretty great, basically amazing. Not one for modesty I must tell you the happenings of the past 48-ish hours that I have been here.

I arrived on Friday evening exhausted and hot. It is the hottest time of the year here in the end of October and all of November – 100 in the shade, 110 in the sun. Needless to say I was dehydrated, exhausted and - you guessed it! – emotional. I was inwardly emotional, not exploding with the normal Renee tears.

I arrived at my homestead which is pretty amazing. I live on a homestead with 10, give or take, other people. I have a Tate, Meme and an Omuwamemekadhona (sister). There are four cousins and three (or maybe just one, I don’t know yet) other boarders here. The one I know of is a nun and she speaks very little English. Anyways, my homestead is HUGE. We have like 15-20 buildings (still figuring this one out too) in our fence and like 5 of them are empty. My Meme called them “space” – HAHAHAH. I loved it. I love her. So, there is me and these awesome Namibians kickin’ it in my sweet homestead.

I have a one room, circular shaped building to myself. So, it is a cement hut. I am calling it the Oval Office. It is very large and set back in the homestead. I have my own little corner where my room is not near anyone else’s. It is pretty sweet. And I love it. I LIVE IN A CIRCLE!!! YES! It is kind of just like the studio apartment in Portland that I wanted to get. Simple, small, adorable.

So I get to my amazingly fantastic cement hut/not-hut, building of sorts, and walk in to a BRAND NEW fridge/freezer, mattress (still in the plastic) and electric stove. I felt so taken care of and welcomed. The Ministry of Education was responsible for getting me these Peace Corps mandated things, but I hardly expected anything to be in the wrapper. Everything was in its original packaging. It was a little overwhelming. They also gave me this sweet wardrobe (and apparently another one is coming tomorrow) and a nightstand and a table and a few chairs. Then I went around to my wash room, the small room attached to the back of my hut/house where I have a basin to wash myself, my clothes and anything else I guess, and they gave me one of their water jugs and had already filled it for me. Then after dinner I was just given a bucket of hot water to wash with. I don’t know if you can understand how big of a deal this is for me, but it is huge. The fact that these people went out of their way to do all of these things for me is a big deal. I am still struck by the amazing consideration and hospitality just from this one day alone. But yesterday there was even more!

Yesterday Meme drove me into Ondangwa, our shopping town, which is only 20K away (12.42 miles)! She took me to the stores that I should go to for everything I need and made sure that I didn’t spend too much on things. Like she legit took things out of the cart and put them back and found the better deals for me. WINNING! God I love her. After all of the running around and finding a lot of the things that I will need we headed home and I was not doing well with the heat. Ovamboland is HOT. VERY VERY HOT. Which is understandable. I’m not here for the AC. But, my body has not caught up with my mind yet, and I went downhill, fast. We got home and I bee-lined for bed. I downed some food (beans, I think) and H2O and laid down. I was asleep so fast. And there was like a ton of stuff on my bed, part of the moving in process. So it was one of those sweet naps on a ton of stuff. And when you roll over you go “oh man, I could move that bottle of bug spray jamming into my knee, but..” and then you’re asleep again. It was good. I woke up in more sweat then I fell asleep in and groggily did some small stuff in my room. I put away my groceries and as I did my Meme sent my sister over with a two-liter bottle of cold water for me and my cousin over with a fresh pitcher of Oshikundu (this delicious and amazing drink they make everyday). Such a nice gesture. And then my Meme showed up herself with a bucket of water to keep by my stove, a tray of dishware (spoons, forks, a platter, a knife, mugs, plates, tea, sugar, etc.) and a LOAF OF BREAD with a jar of jam to go with it for me to have! She brought all of this stuff over for me to have, and a basket to keep my food in away from creatures!

Giving bread is a BIG DEAL here. I mean, she gave me a live chicken the day she met me, so I guess she sees something in me. But yeah, all of that AND BREAD. Oh man! I was so touched and amazed at her hospitality! But, wait, it’s not over. She goes away and comes back 5 minutes later with a bag of frozen chicken for my freezer!!! AHHH. I CAN’T BELIEVE IT!!!! SO MUCH LOVE!! There is just so much giving. I have received so much from these people and they met me a few weeks ago. They don’t even know me and they are doing such amazing things for me.

After literally standing in one spot for 10 minutes, being overwhelmed with this amazing care and consideration, I went outside and found my Meme chillin’ (they do this a lot, a lot of sitting around outside in the homestead in the shade) and sat with her. She then tells me that my sister has made me lunch, and I am all like “Um, yes!” So, two hours after I ate a can of beans I ate more delicious beans. But hers were WAYYY better. They were from our garden and had onions and peppers in them with some delicious seasoning. So I totally ate them too. What up second lunch? Or first dinner? It was 5. Dinner in America, snack time in Namibia. So I ate the really good beans and sat with my sister and Meme for a while. Then I decided to get my map of Namibia out and write down where all of Group 34 was on it. After I did that for a while I got called out for dinner – Oshifema (traditional Ovambo porridge) and sea fish. It was good. I finished my map and crashed.

Today I awoke to laundry. I hadn’t done it in 3 weeks, so it was time. I fascinated my sister and the nun as they watched me wash my clothes in a different way then them, and in a different part of the house. I used my washroom because of the concrete floor. Concrete = less sand in your clothes. I went to fetch water for the laundry fiesta and my Meme was getting water too. So when she was done she gave me hers. I started my laundry and two hours in my cousin hands me a dish with a bunch of food in it and a fresh pitcher of Oshikundu for lunch and my sister brings my giant water jug full back to my room. I finish by hour 3 and then eat the delicious pasta with carrots and chicken.

Then I decided it was time to enjoy the July 28th Monadnock-Ledger, courtesy of Julie Swan. This took me a few hours because I read EVERY PART of it. I learned a lot about the Monadnock Region circa late-July, and I am more than okay with it. All I can say is kudos to Hancock for going solar, I hope they get everything insulated by winter and I am sorry about the liquid tar seeping out of Main Street. Peterborough, stay strong with those zoning laws and I hope the Harris Center was able to acquire the extra acreage. I finished the paper and put all of my clothes away. Then I swept my room and just relaxed.

My day has ended with this journaling, an amazing bucket bath, two dinners brought to my doorstep (one from sister, one from cousin) and Meme giving me an electronic kettle. I cannot believe the overwhelming generosity, consideration and care that I have received. These people are amazing. I love them already. And I think that my sister is making me a lunch for tomorrow as we speak. I don’t really know. Things just appear and happen. I am trying to return the respect by sitting and talk with them, by simply being with them.

Tomorrow I go to school where I don’t really know what I am going to do. I am not teaching yet, I don’t even know what I am going to teach, so I have no planning to do. I will sift through the Peace Corps Phase Two (I am in Phase Two) packet and might flip through the Oshindonga-English dictionary Meme gave me. But, I am going to take it easy as I transition and be kind to myself for the next few weeks. No huge attempts to do anything. Just going to go to school and be in the Staff Room and talk to people. Talk to them, be with them, and get to know them. Build the relationships that will help me change the world. You know, a normal Monday.

Housekeeping Note: Don’t mail me things at the address in Windhoek anymore. I cannot use it anymore since I am a Volunteer. I have to get a PO Box up here in Ondangwa. I will let you know when I get it and what it is.

That’s all for now. More later, don’t you worry.Renee

Hello Hello Hello! So long since I last posted, maybe three days? Haha. So much has happened in those short hours that it feels like a lifetime ago. Where did I leave off? I believe I left you with the cliffhanger of having the LPI on Monday. Well, here is the deal. I PASSED!!! I got Intermediate Low!! Woop woop! So yeah, I basically killed it. I slayed it with my language excellence. It was a good time. The tester I had loved our conversation, I made him laugh with my witty banter in Oshindonga. Good time had by all. So, because I passed my language proficiency exam I was recommended to be a Volunteer by the training staff and viola! That’s what happened today!

Monday we tested, Tuesday we had a lot of wrap-up sessions on policy, Wednesday we went to the Peace Corps Namibia Office in Windhoek and today the US Ambassador to Namibia swore us in as United States Peace Corps Volunteers at this crazy legit and professional Swearing In Ceremony. It was beautiful. Cultural exchange was had by all. There was a local Youth Choir that serenaded us with their amazing music and then we performed a traditional Namibian song. It was such a good day. The energy in the air was for sure bittersweet.

Swearing In means that PST is over and PST being over means that our adorable and amazing Group 34 PST family is moving away from one another. We have grown so close to each other, trainees and trainers. All of us. We have gotten to know one another in the intense moments of PST. We have laughed and cried together. We have leaned on one another and time and time again, and have inspired one another is amazing ways. It is truly sad that we have to part. Not just Americans having to say goodbye to Americans, or Namibians having to say goodbye to Namibians – Namericans having to say goodbye to Namericans. It is so heart wrenching.

As bags were packed and rolled out yesterday I felt a piece of myself going with each person who left. Some of us leave today, some of us leave tomorrow (Laine left today, Melissa, Matt, Allison, Steven and Ryan and I leave tomorrow – because we all live in the North). It is sad, truly sad, because here we have made some thing amazing, something great. We have amassed a level of positive energy that is becoming known throughout all of Peace Corps Namibia. Group 34 has made a label for itself here for so many reasons, most of which is because we have something that everyone can see, and feel, but they can’t figure out what it is – they cannot place words on exactly why we are so special.

Throughout all of PST Resource Peace Corps Volunteers (RPCVs) have been in and out of our training to help and get to know us. Apparently from day one they have been talking to all of the other Volunteers and Staff saying that there is something about us, there is something that makes us special, there is a magic about us. We have broken the mold as far as PC Groups goes. Apparently we kept our energy up and stayed positive more than other groups. And we were there for one another in ways that other groups could not display all of the time (PST is really, really intense). But the most notable difference is in the fact that all of us are still here. Coming here they said that one or two PCTs (Peace Corps Trainees) ALWAYS leaves after Site Visit, and by Swearing In for sure. Whenever I (and many others) was told this, by both staff and current Volunteers we ALWAYS said “No, we are different. We are ALL going to make it.” And, alas, we did. We have taken on insurmountable odds and made something beautiful, an oasis of clarity in a sea of chaos and uncertainty.

Group 34 is truly amazing. I love all of us. We are 38 strong, and hope to keep it that way. As we roll out to our sites things will change, and we will change with them. We will be challenged and we will grow. We will struggle and we will fly. But no matter what happens we will all have each other. And to them I say this: thank you. Thank you Group 34 for everything. For the good days and the bad, for the laughter and everything in between. We made it. Through all of the sessions, field trips and emotional ups and downs we have found ground to stand on together here. All of us have found footing in the Land of the Brave, and next to our feet are the steps of others, the steps of those to whom you have grown closest, the steps of 37 other Americans. This is a once in the Universe experience – no one will ever have this exact experience again. And I am honored to share it with you. You have shaped me already; you have touched my heart with your kindness, understanding and bravery. Thank you for being apart of my Nam-Fam and Am-Fam, thank you for being a part of my Family.

Let me know when you need me. God knows I will do the same to you.

Stay well Group 34.Renee

As I sit yet again at the ever so peaceful and quaint coffee shop in the northern part of our training town I have decided to yet again write a blog post. My obsession with writing is growing daily, I might have a problem, or it could be a firmly developed coping mechanism. I kind of can’t stop…. Either way, enjoy it.

I had my Final PST LPI this morning and have yet to learn how I did. I need Intermediate Low to “pass” but “pass” is used loosely here in the PST setting. If you don’t achieve Intermediate Low you are assigned a tutor at site and you are just retested later. It’s pretty arbitrary (sorry Peace Corps, see disclaimer above). Last time I got Novice High, which is the level right below Intermediate Low. If my understanding of knowledge, comprehension and intellect are correct I have passed. I think it went well; I understood almost everything and made my tester laugh. All good signs. I also considered it a win because I asked him a few questions and we had fast paced dialogue for a while. So, when I have the news you will have the news. I will probably find out tomorrow. Who knows.

Melissa is learning the same language I am, and she is the volunteer who is closest to me at site (she lives in Ondangwa, the large town closest to me at 20K away – 12.5 miles). Needless to say we have struck up quite the friendship already. She is phenomenal, ever the striking woman in so many ways. I really look up to her, and this may be one of the reasons why I have wanted to be friends with her. She is kind, so kind, thoughtful and considerate. Her personality is so positive, energetic and up beat. I need people like her in my life, and viola! Here she is. Some times I just look at her and wonder how she is keeping afloat of the craziness that ensues around all of us in Group 34, and then I remember that it’s because she is Melissa. She is Melissa, just like I am Renee.

You know you have all had those times, some good some less good, where you have had nothing to think or say to yourself other than “That’s Renee.” And it is good. It is good to be so amazingly unique that the only word, phrase, or sentence structure that can capture the essence of you is simply you. So, that’s Melissa. She is beautiful and good. Her heart reaches out to all, and she is so modest that she takes no credit. She is my friend, and I am currently sitting to her olulyo (right) at our very pleasant coffee shop. We had salads. A rare treat here in the Namibia.

2.5 days of training left. So, basically done tomorrow. Then the great Namerican adventure begins. And look out, because no one knows what is going to happen. I am super pumped about it. I want to see things I have never saw and feel things I have never felt. I want to be in a completely foreign land doing things that are completely foreign to me. I want to challenge myself and grow grow grow. I want to have those moments of absolute connection to everything and then those of absolute difference and chaos. I want to be confused and upset and lost just to come out stronger and more sure of myself from it. I want the life that is here and available to me, and I plan on seizing this moment. I plan on soaking it in and letting it change me. I plan on being myself and sharing with others. I plan on opening my heart, mind, spirit, and soul to everything around me, and letting it transform who I am inside. I am here, and this is real. The chapters of the books will begin to be written, because I told my trainer this morning that I write books.

Kala po nawa. Ondi hole ne. (Be well. I love you all.)

Renee

This weekend has been all America all the time. Like, legit. Friday night I had Melissa, Ryan, and Steven over for some delicious barbecue chicken pizza US style (I had to doctor up the BBQ sauce) and then yesterday was American Culture Day/Homestay Appreciation where we showed our host families thanks by preparing American dishes for them. Let’s just say that there was a lot of food! We made Barbecue Chicken, Cheeseburgers, Mac N’ Cheese, Pigs-In-A-Blanket, Onion Rings, Deviled Eggs, Apple Cobbler, Rice Krispy Treats, Chocolate Chip Cookies, and Lemonade. It was delicious. Not so nutritious, but that’s okay. It was a pretty great day. We had a dance party, obviously, and were able to thank our families for hosting us.

We move out of our homestays on Friday to move to our Permanent Site!! YES!!! Swearing In is on Thursday morning. We have out final LPI tomorrow to determine where we are with our language. This is the final week of PST. Last week of training, and then I am actually in the Peace Corps. Then it’s official. Like, official official. Like, I applied for the Peace Corps just a little over a year ago (about 13 months) and I will be sworn in as a Volunteer at the end of this week. It’s kind of a big deal for me. I am so proud of myself for being here and getting this far. It is such a good feeling to know how much I have already accomplished and I haven’t even gotten started.

I have grown so much in the past two months, I have begun to adapt to a culture completely different than my own, I have kept in very good contact with all of you eager readers states-side, I have started learning a tribal language (and know quite a bit), I have met so many gracious and hospitable people who have touched my heart, and I have done it all while keeping to my path. These things can be so difficult, especially during the emotionally, mentally, and physically distressing times of PST.

PST has been a ride, I’m not gonna lie. I have been up, down, and all around during the past seven weeks, and it has all been beautiful. I started in one mindset and am leaving in a completely different one now that I am more acclimated and confident here. I have learned. I have grown. The long days and even longer nights have taught me so many things about myself, some reminders – others completely new. There have been days of confusion and weeks of doubt. There have been moments of joy and countless hours of peace. And in between these lines of structure I have found here all of the things that I will need to be successful as a Peace Corps Volunteer: my strength, my hope, my family - my love. Some people think I am too cliché and idealistic. I know I am both, but not too much. You can never have too much love. And that’s what this is about. It is all about Love. Love for self and others; love for humanity. And I can firmly say, without a doubt, that I have found love here in Namibians, Americans and everywhere in between. I have seen it, felt it, given and received it. And as long as it is here I will do just fine.

And the topic of today is…… Cultural Differences. There are so so so many that it is hard to keep track. But, as I was sitting by myself at the best café in town eating a delicious pork chop, mashed potato and side salad (with a waffle con ice cream and fruit salad for dessert) for my lunch, all while listening to the Cranberries over the restaurant music scene, I realized that the sum of all parts this week has been cultural difference for me. I don’t know why I am harping on it so much, but I think it might have something to do with the huge cultural differences around gender roles here, more specifically male and female relationships.

And here is where things are really different, here in Namibia there are different people living in very, very different cultures, head spaces, and levels of acceptance. For example, in a town or city (but really the only city is pretty much Windhoek) a man and a woman can be friends and are not thought to be anything more than that. People do not commonly think that they are “together”. But, in the village (where I will be moving in a week!!!!!) they are very much regarded to as being together. So, the thing that we have been told as females is to be careful of the signs we are sending to Namibian men. Apparently anything further than a casual conversation is regarded to as intimate, and eye contact is a HUGE suggestion for something more here. So, this has been a cultural difference that has been on my mind lately.

“In Africa We Share” has been such a huge thing that we have heard over and over and over since we have been here. For example, in America if I am in a group of people and I am eating something (a bag of chips for example) I can choose to share or to not share – no harm no foul. But, here in Namibia it is expected that you ALWAYS SHARE. And you don’t even have to offer, people just take your bag of chips out of your hands and take some. Personally, I love it. If you know me you know that I do this anyways in America – I was destined to become an honorary African. So, this has obviously not been a hard adjustment for me since I am commonly found taking snacks from people anyways, everywhere that I go. But, for some it has been a rough path away from the individualistic American mindset of “Get your own. These are mine.” I love it. It’s awesome. Although it is going to make eating at school a challenge….. I will let you know when I have a plan. To counter this “In Africa We Share” we have come up with “In America We Ask” to demonstrate how in the States one might ask before they just take things from your hands, home, or bags. HAHAHAHA. They love it, we love it. It is a really adorable cultural exchange that has happened between all of us. What else should I tell you about…….

OH! Ok, so there is something here called “Namibian Borrowing”. IT IS NOT THE SAME AS AMERICAN BORROWING. Here, if someone asks to borrow something you will not get it back. They are asking if they can have it. They do not adhere to the American mindset of, “Oh man, I gotta get this back to Renee or else A – She will never let me live this down, B – She is gonna get mad (We don’t like angry Renee) and/or C – She’s never gonna let me borrow anything again.” No, here borrowing is straight up goodbye pen, pencil, $200. It doesn’t come back. I think it’s great, I just never “lend” out my stuff. Which brings me to my next topic – “Do You Need Anything?”

In America we are used to offering “Do You Need Anything?” as we leave to go into town, to the store, or if we are on our way over – at least that’s what I do. But here it is much different. Here you don’t offer that, they don’t do that here. Here if you say “Do You Need Anything” they get confused and then give you the whole grocery list and expect you to pay for it. It is kind of hilarious. I haven’t tried it yet. Let’s be honest, I am going to slip up and accidentally offer. And when it happens you best believe there will be a sweet blog post about it on the way!!

Thing brings me to food. Food, food, food. They must think that because I am overweight that I need half of my size in food everyday. I mean, let’s be honest, I am not complaining – and I am for sure burning it off – but it is so different than in the states. In America when you have a guest you serve them an average sized portion, or let them serve themselves (more the norm), but here guests and men of the house get HUGE portions and if they can’t finish their food it is okay, and it is given to the security dog outside (ours is awesome, but I don’t want his ticks). I don’t know about you, but I was raised under the strict, Strict, STRICT rule that you finish EVERYTHING on your plate, and if you don’t you are wasting, ungrateful and/or just bad. Maybe this was just my house, but I have a creeping suspicion that it is not. So, imagine me every night getting this HUGE, HEAPING plate of food and just thinking of how I am going to eat it all, because I have to eat it all. I realize that since I am in Namibia I can leave some on my plate, but my formative years kick in and I just can’t. Although last night was the first time I have EVER left anything on my plate here – and it was because we watched a movie after class and I ate like ice cream, chips and a giant Kit-Kat before dinner. So let’s be honest, I had already had dinner. But yeah, the food etiquette is completely different. And it took awhile for my host mom to get used to me eating everything, because here that means that you are still hungry and you should be given more. I think that one night I legit screamed “NO” out of desperation for her to not give me more food. Hahahaha. It was a moment. It was great. I love them. I leave them in a week, which makes me sad. BUT they have invited me to stop by anytime, and I fully intend on taking them up on that.

Tonight I am actually making BBQ Chicken Pizza for them and Melissa, Ryan, and Steven (some of the blog favorites). I actually have to get cooking soon, and I am so excited for them to come over and have some Renee Cookin’. For those of you who have had it, it’s a good time. Remember that Corned Beef? Mmmmmmm. I am hungry just thinking about it. Slow Cooked Pork, oh man. Ashley, where are you?!

I made Mac N Cheese on Saturday night for my host family. They loved it. There was SO MUCH CHEESE. Gouda and cheddar. We love cheese here. Love it. Tonight I am showcasing just mozzarella on the pizza situation. I am excited, and if it’s a fail – which it probably won’t be – then at least we still have cheese.

So that’s it for now. One week of training left. Food galore. Making more food, with American friends as guests. Made food already, and it went great. Love my friends here – we are certainly matches made in Heaven. And I am treating myself to lunches in quiet cafés thinking about what to tell all of you in my crazy, scattered, this would never be an "A" in O'Brien's class, blog. Which reminds me – there are good newspapers here, like I sipped on my Coke while reading a sweet paper, and I found out a lot about American news from it.

A – Steve Job’s biography is already being hawked on by producers and publishers. B – Michelle Obama just broke a world record while doing jumping jacks – good for her. And C – Blackberry still sucks. Please know that none of this was in the International News section. No, it is all intermixed with Namibian news. I have also been keeping up as best I can with other American news, like Mitt Romney being called a “Not-Republican” and OccupyWallStreet (and other various protests and venues around America and the Globe). And this brings me to my next point: PLEASE HELP KEEP ME UPDATED. I had no idea about OccupyWallStreet until this week. THIS WEEK!!! GAH!!!! So much had happened and I had no idea. So, please, please, please send me the information. Links or just explanations. Please Please Please!!! I have no time or money to check these things out. I pay one dollar per megabyte of information I use here. That’s A LOT of money. So, help by giving me NEWSSSSSS. And hand sanitizer. Or Aussie 3 Minute Miracle (the sun/desert here HATES my hair).

Make your choices and make them wisely. I have learned a lot. And can’t wait to share it all with you at some point in the near and/or distant future.

Love. Love. Love.Renee

Sunday October 9th, 2011

Today was a good day. It was one of those days that are profoundly good and when you go home at the end of them you realize “Wow, today was a great day.” No reason in particular, I just spent a lot of quality time with a lot of good friends. My friend Melissa, from California, and I went to a great church service with my host family. The sermon was about Love, right up my alley! Haha. Then Melissa and I walked around our neighborhood talking about life and personal growth and character development (a large part of why many of us choose to come into the Peace Corps). I came home after and wrote up a storm.

They say that in the Peace Corps if you never read you start to read, readers start to write, and writers go insane. This is definitely the truth. I, being a writer, have just gone insane with the amount of writing I have been doing, and more specifically the types of writing I have been doing. I think it is a process thing. Or a documentation thing. Probably both, let’s be honest. But I find myself writing all of the time, more than I did at home in the states – if you can believe it. I write on my blog, in my personal journal on my computer, in my personal paper journal, on Facebook, in my group emails, in individual emails, and I find myself writing countless notes on the margins of my papers and handouts that have absolutely nothing to do with what is on the page. My mind wanders to these places and spaces of process and life, of joy and life, and I want to capture it all, to hold onto it and never forget or let go. I realize the hypocrisy of clenching form onto the formless, I guess I am just not used to having faith that it will return yet. Every thought, every emotion, I get it out as best I can. I try and try to release these ideas and feelings as best I can – and I almost had a bad situation last week because I wasn’t processing all of this information well.

For a few days last week my mind was just blank, but it was overloaded. Kind of like a wireless router that is overlapping with another wireless router – it is all there, but it is cancelling one another out. Nothing works or can be processed because there is too much going on. Well, this was what was going on in my head by Friday afternoon, and I had no idea where to start. Processing is not something that is given time here, and I had done none for a few weeks. Knowing me, you can imagine what this looked like on the outside. I was a bit frazzled. There was just too much going on in my head. So, I just stopped. I literally just grabbed one of the trainers and went outside to talk. And so we did. Then I took a walk – always a good choice for me. After my walk I watched a hilarious movie with some friends and had candy, chips, AND a cool drink. I then went home and relaxed in a refreshing bath.

Yesterday I wrote, and wrote, and wrote, and wrote and wrote, and still haven’t stopped, even today. I feel like I need to just keep doing this – write and write and write. And I feel a thousand times better. I feel so so so much better now that I have been writing and writing for the better part of the last 36 hours. It was definitely pent up and needed to get out. So, that is a huge reason why I feel so much better, and why I had such a good day.

After I wrote up a storm, which has now turned into a writing hurricane, I had Melissa over for Sunday lunch, which is huge here. Like, they give you two meals in one, and my host mother is an amazing cook. Melissa and I enjoyed our lunches and then proceeded to the soccer field where most of our group had assembled to play ultimate Frisbee and soccer. I played goalie (horribly) and then some ultimate, where my team won. I then played Risk on a team with Ryan (the other Undergrad Education major in the group) and we won. He did all of the work. I just sat next to him and pretended to participate. Let's be honest, I mostly just gave him hard time. After that a few of us walked around and talked and joked. It was a good time. And now I am back, safely in my homestay room writing up a storm about writing, the joys of writing, and how much of a good day I had.

I would classify this one as solid. It was a solid day. It was a good day. And I think that it is so profoundly on the front of my mind because I haven’t had a day this good in a few weeks. This is not to say that all of my days have been bad. No, it is just not all of them have been this good. I am just thoroughly satisfied with the quality and happenings of today.

Simple and joyous. The best things in life.

Today it is officially two weeks until Swearing In. This means so much. First of all it means that it is only two weeks until I am officially a Peace Corps Volunteer – woop woop! The time I have been here I have only been a Trainee. You get the big bucks when you are a Volunteer ;) – your stipend is slightly larger and your expenses increase. You do the math. Secondly, this means I only have two weeks left of seeing dozens of Americans everyday and I only have two weeks left of my friends being just down the street. It is important during these crucial times to reflect on the good and turn toward the next two years knowing that these connections, although not directly at your side, are very much still a part of who you are and what you are doing. Thirdly, it means that it is really starting, things are getting real for us here in the Namib desert. I will be moving to my village two weeks from tomorrow morning. I will become a Namibian, no doubt, and the Honeymoon Phase will come to a close. Living and training in the protected bubble of PST is luxury for sure, as we are assisted and supported by training staff and host families 24/7. But in two weeks, I will be on my own in Africa. Mixed emotions. Scratch that, too many emotions to document. Fourthly, this means that I have been here for six weeks. It feels off kilter. Emotionally, physically, and mentally I have been here for like 12 years. Like, when we first got here feels like 6-8 years ago, and saying goodbye to my father at the airport feels like it was over a decade ago. But no, just six weeks. African time has started to influence my perception of the past. Sweet, I am integrating nicely!

I am at a loss for what to continue with, but I feel like there is so much to tell. It is like that sensation when you have something that you know but you cannot think of what it is, it is there, under the surface, but you cannot break through. And then you recall it 26 minutes later when you are having a completely different conversation over a latte with your different friend named Juan. I do not know anyone named Juan. I clearly need to fix this.

I could go on about Namibian Education, but I don’t want to get into that right now. I could talk about Oshindonga, but it is not that exciting. I could talk about the History of Namibia, but you all have Google. I could talk about the children here, the faces that I see as I walk to and from my house everyday.

They are brilliant, and bright, and full of life and joy. Children are children everywhere, and I have seen it for myself here. My heart leaps with love and joy every time I start talking about children, I can’t help it. I love them. Namibian children are no exception. They are adorable.

I poked my head into a Grade 1 class on Monday to help a teacher with her computer and got to meet her learners. They were so so so so cute. Their chorus of “Miss Scott” in broken English made me so happy. The same happened with the Grade 2 learners later that day. So beautiful. So adorable. I love them.

On the topic of my name I must share with you something that is happening. I introduce myself as “Miss Scott”, which is what I go by when I teach in America too. But, much to my delight, my learners took it a step further (farther? Sp?) by calling me “Miss Scotland” this week. HAHAHAHAHA. I very much loved this. Granted there are no direct ties to Scotland in my genealogy (Mom = French and French Canadian, Dad = English, Swedish, Finnish) there might be something that goes back since I am basically just European.

This brings me to the topic of respect. Teachers in Namibia have crazy respect from their learners. Like, not just normal respect, like really formal respect. They do things here that we do not do in the American Public School System, like learners line up by gender outside of your classroom before you invite them to come into your class – all in silence. Once inside they cannot sit until you say they can sit, and they must leave in single file lines in complete silence after you allow them to. I place no opinion on any of this, just stating fact.

Also, when you are walking around school these groups of children come out of nowhere and in a chorus all say/scream “Hello Miss Scott!” and you are like A – Where did they come from? And B – “Hello! How are you?”. And then they respond with “Good. And you Miss?”. So on and so forth. It is just different for me. There is an air of respect for teachers here that I have not experienced states-side. Here being a teacher is a big deal, it takes a lot to be one and the community looks to you to be a sage-like, all knowing, leader. People here are so in awe and appreciative of teachers; it is strange to be in such a different educational climate. When I try to explain the American disregard and disrespect for teachers (just my opinion, see disclaimer above!) they struggle to understand it. My Namib friends don’t understand how a culture cannot treat their teachers with the highest of respects. I then remind them that America is known as the “land of opportunity”, and not all of them are positive. This is one of the biggest transitions that I will have to make – getting used to being liked and respected for my career. Right now the attention and recognition makes me a little uncomfortable, because I have gotten so used to defending my professional choices and being judged every time I get asked what I do. And that is possibly my favorite part of the job, defending it, teaching people about it. I know that I don’t have to explain myself to people who view me as unwise, fiscally irresponsible, idealistic and idiotic for my choice of becoming a teacher, but it is a debate I sure love having.

I guess it didn’t really get to me until this past summer after I graduated and I was asked what I studied and what I was doing now. It was interesting to see the looks on people’s faces when I explained that I was a teacher and that I was going to volunteer in the Peace Corps. Some were ecstatic, some were happy, some were mortified and tried to “save me” like I was going to lose my soul if I didn’t make six figures and major in Business. HAHAHA. I never shied away from the critique, and scared a few people with my soapbox. Bottom-line, I am used to being questioned and disrespected for being a teacher, not respected and revered for it. This will take some getting used to. We will see how it goes. I feel like coming back to America and readjusting back to the old way will be even harder. (Mentally noted).

All of my experiences in these schools have helped me gain perspective on the education that I received. And all I can say is: Dear Contoocook Valley Regional School District, You’re great. Keep it up! I have been truly blessed with the opportunities I have had because of my education, and for that I am grateful. I knew this before coming, but I am reminded on a daily basis here.

Wednesday October 5, 2011 has come to close on a very positive note. I got a fish today. Let me rephrase, I received many fresh fish – in bag. This came about from a neighbor of mine, who also happens to be the teacher that I was paired with this week. She gave me the delicious, generous gift as a token of gratitude for subbing for her yesterday. I offered to cover her classes without hesitation and she thanked me (much to my surprise, I don’t need thanks) in such a generous way.

First a live chicken, now a bag of fish. What else will being in Namibia bring to my life, and more importantly to my stomach? This is such a good time to tell you about how well I have been eating – like seriously, I am eating so well. This might not make sense out of context – you might be asking yourself “why wouldn’t she eat well?” Given the fact that meat, vegetables and fruit are so much more expensive here it is common for there to be no such thing as a balanced diet. It is normal for a pasta/porridge/bread/ fat cake heavy diet. Bread is a meal here. I kind of love that. But I have the great, great fortune of being in a home with a loving and amazing family who are feeding me very good and balanced meals. And I get enough. I get A LOT of food. Like, I ate four meals on Sunday and Monday. It is more than necessary at times when as Trainees we are running on 5 hours of sleep during our 10 hour days and our immune systems are fighting everything around us. Bottom line – I am eating well. Always an important part of being a Scott.

What else did I want to tell you? I go back to school tomorrow for my final day in Namibian school during PST. Oh, I am very excited (speaking of food) to let you know that I will be cooking my host family either lasagna, barbecue chicken pizza or mac n’ cheese – or all three, let’s be honest. I have to cook for them and these are the things they said they wanted. I have been way too tired to do anything lately, but I am going to get my butt in gear and rock something soon. :-p

I tried to get informed about American news today and yesterday. Needless to say it was kind of a fail. I might just admit defeat to the fact that there is no comprehensive, reliable source for me to refer to. I could go with BBC, but their formatting just doesn’t do it for me. I think I might have another go around with Al-J in a few days. I will let you know how it goes.

I am trying to think of things to tell you that you would be interested in knowing, or that you would love to hear, and I cannot think of any crazy, amazing stories that will stop you in your tracks. We do have a pet chameleon now at the training center. He is just chilling and living in a tree in the back yard of the building. He is awesome. He changed from brilliant green to dark brown while I was standing next to him. I think that’s a good thing, right?

Ask me questions! I want to answer them!

Hugs and love!

Cool crisp nights with the bay windows still open over 119 Pleasant st., the days getting shorter, going to the Dugout for Pumpkinhead and fries, lots of tea and hot chocolate, scarves, sweaters and brown vest, getting winds of cold air on my face walking around Farmington from school and back, turning leaves and frost starting - these are just a few of the things that I am absolutely missing in New England right now. Don't get me wrong, I love it here. But being here is making me realize how much I love New England; how much I love home.

The days here are longer and the nights are shorter as training goes on and on. This week we have been in Namibian schools teaching (most of us for the first time) and I have LOVED IT. The first day (yesterday) I taught a lesson on critical analysis of short stories, and today I subbed for my assigned teacher and taught her 8th and 9th grade English classes. I really loved it. We go back on Thursday, but I will do less teaching then I did today. The school I am at is in my neighborhood, so I just walk over. It is a well kept school and it has a lot of resources (books, a photocopier, paper, textbooks, workbooks, etc.) I really like it.

Oshindonga is going well. It is harder to learn and study it while we are in schools teaching, but we are done with that on Thursday - so I can get back to being bilingual!

Other than that nothing much is new, just doing the training thing, keeping in touch with people back home, and continuing on my journey here.

I got my first package today!!!!!!!!! And I got my first letter last week!!!!!!!!!!!! They both made me very very very happy! I LOVE MAIL.

I apologize for the broken, scattered manner of this post, but I am tired. teaching from 7am to 1pm (they don't have 'lunch' here, they eat when they go home) and then having class myself from 2pm to 4pm has tuckered me out!

Sidenote: So I woke up on Saturday and did not believe my phone when it told me that it was October 1st. Seriously? Have I been here for six weeks already? It most certainly does not feel that way! Have I only known these people for 6 weeks? Some of them it feels like much much longer. But that is the camp aspect of this place, and the connections of these people. The realms of space and time here are under no rule or law - I am convinced of it. The serendipity I have found in the conversations and breezes around me have me convinced that something is at work here, something is in this place that I have only found and felt in a handful of places before. I know I have mentioned it before - but trust me this is only the beginning of my dialogue about this formless impression on my mind.

I feel it everywhere. In class, walking home, talking to already close friends, writing here on this digital presence - everywhere. Maybe it is 'good', or 'love', or 'life', or 'purpose'.Maybe it is in me?Maybe it is me?

Steven’s Parents

I was met with a very nice moment last Friday when my fellow trainee, and friend, Steven told me that his parents has read my blog and that they liked it! They liked it so much they quoted me in their email to him. So nice is it to be received so well by people who do not know me past a few taps of the finger. And to them I say this:

Your son Steven is wonderful. He is kind, full of life, and sees things only few see. Please meet my bold, blunt, and honest words with appreciation. I speak to express my recognition of your son, of your life. He carries himself in a way that calms others simply by being around him. He has an influence here that I would hate to go unnoticed. Not one for praise he will view this in a bashful manner, but that does not deter me from the truth, and the truth is that Steven has already made a considerable difference in this world just by being himself. And that is the truest truth of all.

The world is full of people like Steven, but it is not often that they allow themselves to be discovered or recognized.

So, Steven’s Parents, thank you for reading my words, understanding my heart, and thank you for helping to raise such a noble man.

Till we meet again,

Renee

Is it seriously September 29th already? Phew. How time flies when you don’t have the electricity to track it, or really care to keep an eye on it. And so here we are, over a month in and I am still here, alive and kicking! ☺

I returned home from Site Visit this afternoon and am now relaxing listening to Colbie Caillat’s album Breakthrough eating some delicious peanuts writing out the events of the past five days for you all. Although this may actually be a lie, so let me rephrase, I will be recapping (Spark-noting if you) the events of the past five days.

I travelled to the town of Ondangwa (my shopping town) on Saturday with my supervisor and five other trainees and their supervisors. It was a crammed bus and I sat in the back with the luggage - which I was more than happy to do. After the long trip – which consisted of an over inflated tire, an issue with petrol payment which caused us to be stuck in Tsumeb for some time, and getting pulled over for speeding – we made it to Ondangwa! From there I met my principal, a sweet elder man, and was immediately brought to the police station. Here I met the officers and got the proper phone numbers that I will need it I am ever in trouble. I can’t seem to recall where these numbers are right now…. But I’m okay with it.

I then travelled to my village and met my new friend and colleague Kaino, who I have become close to in just a few short days in the Namibian sticks. My village is beautiful, absolutely beautiful. It is like a large beach in the middle of the prairie. The sand is fine and brilliantly white, and it is everywhere. There are large palm trees that are few and far between, and among those there are thorny bushes housing snakes, goats, chickens, and insects galore. I absolutely adore this landscape, which has no natural water, and has only a handful of mad-made (hand dug) water holes where we catch fish for our dinner.

I stayed with Kaino and her grandmother, uncle, and two cousins for the past few days. I will not be living with them permanently while I am here, which is unfortunate, because I got along really well with them. We lived in a homestead without running water or electricity, things I was fine without. My first night I feasted on cat fish from the pond and traditional Ovambo pooridge – something I love and they say makes one strong.

Sunday I attended church which was received excessively well within my village – they viewed it as a large sign of respect that I came to church (and the funeral afterwards) only after having been in town for a few short hours. My thinking was, I must go to church, it is where the people are! That, and the best way to respect a community is to respect their faith, and anyways I wanted to go to church. I find it comforting to connect to the Ultimate in any way, so church has become a practice of comfort for me during these past few weeks.

It was long – four hours – and it was hot – the north here is the hottest place in Namibia. But, I enjoyed it. I loved greeting the community in Oshindonga – which they adored. And I loved seeing the people I was going to live with for the next two years. It was good.

After church I went to meet the Head Man for my village. Every village elects one person who is in charge, and if you have a problem you go to him. So, naturally I went to meet him. He and his wife were very hospitable, offering a cool drink in the heat and warm hearts to my mission. They have hosted a Volunteer in the past, one that left my village in 2006 (the last one since me) so they are well versed in how this all works. After leaving them I went to the homestay where I will be living for the entirety of the two years I will be in Namibia.

Meme Nelago and Tate Martin are my new homestay parents (four homestays in four weeks, I know but try to keep up) and they are adorable. My Meme is a nurse in the clinic (winning!) and my Tate is farmer who tends to our homestead. They have five children (four sisters and one brother I will have) and they also board a nun named Rosaria. I went to talk to them about me staying there, and to see where I will be living.

I am graciously being given a cement room with a tile floor that is in the shape of an oval. I will call it The Oval Office – love it! They have adorned it with beautiful pink and flowery bedding. It is very nice. I will have electricity, but no running water. Which is fine, no complaints here. I have this amazingly unique space to myself in the middle of the Namibian desert, in the outskirts of a beautiful village, which is conveniently located a short drive from town. After I discussed accommodations with her she presented me with a surprise dinner she prepared for me. I shared my dinner with all (a neighbor came by to meet me) and then we went home and prepared for Monday.

Monday I went to school, obviously, and had a ball. My colleagues were all welcoming and energetic about me being there, and the learners were just learners. They are very curious about who I am and the way that I look, so they can’t help but stare and then burst into hysterical laughter every time I speak to them in their mother tongue. It is quite the sight to see.

I met with my Head of Department and was asked to teach a History class for a teacher who was absent. I acquainted myself with the surroundings, and taught the 10th graders about the Cold War and the American Independence. After school we retired for the night, and I had a conversation with my uncle (Kuku) about life, letting go of the past, and setting yourself free as we shared dinner in the dark of the night in our homestead. It was good.

I should add that on Monday I noticed that my eyes were very itchy and burned so I thought I had pink eye. On Tuesday I was slated to go into town to explore my shopping town with my friend Melissa anyways, so I had Peace Corps send me to my official doctor there to get checked out. Apparently I had an allergic reaction to something in my new environment. We have no idea what it is/was, but it is/was not pink eye! Yay! Not contagious! But, still a problem. I was given some eye drops to help, and we will see how it goes next time. Currently my eyes still itch, but not as bad, and they are not as red or pink. All positives.

So, anyways, after I went to the doctor on Tuesday Melissa and I had lunch with our other Trainee friend Rick at his company (they are SEED Trainees – they work with businesses) and then we went to explore the Peace Corps Lounge in Ondangwa. The Peace Corps Lounge is a place where there are resources, books, cool drinks, and computers for Volunteers to use. We got the code and got in. It is a pretty cool place. There are a lot of good books, and a bunch of random stuff. My kind of place.

I then parted ways with my American friends and walked to the supermarket, which is located next to KFC, to assess what kinds of things I could get in my shopping town. Good news, I can almost everything! There are fresh fruits and veggies and most of the other things that I will need on a day to day basis. If you are wondering, I will need hand sanitizer and Wet Ones in all care packages sent to me. And for those of you who have been talking to me about items on the restricted list to send to Namibia, you are being lied to. So just send them anyways.

I checked out the stores, met up with a Namibian friend who gave me a ride back to the village, and then turned in for the night.

Wednesday I returned to school and spent all day looking at the computers. It was fun, tiring, and pain staking, but I figured out what was going on, and hopefully I can make some ground. I then returned to Meme Nelago’s and Tate Martin’s to bid them goodbye and talked to my Uncle about Namibia as we shared dinner. It was good.

This morning I bathed, packed, and ate breakfast before heading to school – where my principal (who is my supervisor) drove me to meet the Regional Counselor in my school cluster. This is the guy who you go to if you have any problems in your school. We registered me and then headed into Ondangwa, where Rick and Melissa were waiting with a combi ready to make the 5.5 hour trip back to training.

I boarded the bus, sat for five and a half hours crammed next to Rick and a window that wouldn’t open, and returned safely to my homestay in the Central part of Namibia. I have since unpacked, bathed more, relaxed, and played Uno with my little sister Paula. I am now spending the evening trying to stay awake and talking to my host brother, a current Volunteer who lived with my family last year named Rob who is visiting for the night. He is from Florida and he is also an education Volunteer.

There are obviously many thoughts and ideas running through my head, but the scattered-ness of my thoughts is draining me by the second. The important thing is that I like my site, I like my school, I like my colleagues, I like my principal and I like it here. But let’s be honest, did any of us think that I wouldn’t?

So here’s to a new week, a new adventure, and a new life here in Namibia. Tomorrow I return to training and process all of my thoughts even further. More to follow, but do not forget that you can ask questions too! Let me know if you have any! Put the adventure in your hands!

Renee

Ongiini! (Hello!)

So much has happened this week that I am having a hard time remembering it all and when it happened. We spent all week talking about our language training and site placements. I have gotten my placement in the village of Ontananga, which sounds like it is going to be AWE-SOME. We also studied and trained for our first LPI (language test) which I had yesterday. I totally rocked it. There are a series of different levels on the grading scale. They go Novice Low, Novice Mid, Novice High, Intermediate Low, Intermediate Mid, Intermediate High, Advanced Low, Advanced Mid, Advanced High, Superior Low, Superior Mid, Superior High and at that point you are fluent. We were required to get at least a Novice Mid after only 3 weeks of training and I destroyed it with a Novice High performance. This basically means that I can form some sentences and understand what is being spoken in a conversation. I am just a few steps away from being conversational in Oshindonga! They require at least Intermediate Low for going to site at the end of PST, which I plan on rocking. Woot Woot. So, I figured you would want to know that I am doing very well with my language.

I am also very excited for my site visit. I met one of my colleagues, Sakki, today at our Supervisors Meeting. My principal couldn’t come down to meet with me because he has been on sick leave apparently, which is totally fine because Sakki was awesome! He is a Social Studies teacher at our school (awesome, I know, right?!?!) and he has filled me in on a bunch of information about our school and our village. I have a vague idea of what I am walking in to, but I don’t want to start to give the information until I have it first hand after my visit.

I will be leaving the town I have been in all month on Saturday morning to travel the 5/6 hours Northwest to my village! From there I will go to church on Sunday, meet my colleagues and my village, see the school on Monday and Tuesday and just get a sense of Ontananga, what it is like and how it functions. I will also do a needs assessment (a CFA of sorts) to determine what my community needs, what I can help provide them with, and what projects I want to take on during my time there. I will also conduct a personal needs assessment, to determine how I will get what I need while I am living there. I am legit super excited to do all of this lame logistical stuff. Hahahaha.

I will travel back from the North on Wednesday/Thursday-ish in order to be able to attend sessions on Friday morning. I will not be traveling with any electronics this trip, but I hear that my school has internet, so I might log on for a quick update at some point.

Things are slowly improving for me on the safe and secure front. My new homestay is really good, and I am slowly getting used to my new routine – which will soon be interrupted by a crazy visit to the north. But that’s okay. I am really excited about it all. Nothing else is really new. Matt, Laine, Allison, and Ryan all did fantastic on their LPI’s too, and we are all having a great time in PST together.

They say that you will become incredibly close to your PST group and I am so lucky and grateful to have such good friends already, just under 5 weeks in. I looked at them all yesterday when we were out at lunch and said: “have I really only known you all for four weeks?!” It’s crazy to think that these people that I have grown so close to I have known for such a very short amount of time.

It is most definitely the intense sense of communitas that has developed over such a short, intense period of time that has brought us so close together. I compare it to military bonds and companionships, with the sense that these people are the only other people in the world who will ever know what you are going through. They are here with you, doing the same things and feeling the same crazy emotions at the same time. We really are in this together, no matter how independent you have to be. There are so many challenges and hurdles to jump that we have to lean on one another whether we want to or not. It is beautiful really, to see this mixing of pure humanity in its truest form.

Throw a group of strong willed, resourceful, passionate, and energetic Americans in the Namibian desert and what do you get?

Life. Pure, life.

Today was the day, it was the day when I had to really choose my attitude and become a real Peace Corps Volunteer, mentally anyways. After a long day of sessions (language, safety, cultural stereotypes) we were given our site announcements, and lets just say that it was crazy. I was originally disappointed with what I was given, simply because it wasn’t the orphanage. I was not assigned the orphanage site, I was given a teaching placement where they want me to teach English, Physical Science, and Biology. They also want me to set up a library and computer lab, in addition to spreading mass awareness about HIV/AIDS prevention and care. I have since gotten over my original negativity and have realized what a great place I am going to will be for me.

I will be living in the village of Ontananga which has a population of 5,000- much like my hometown in New Hampshire. I am told that I will be living with other Namibian teachers in a building/house with fresh water about 200meters away. I do not know if I will have electricity, but my school probably will if I am being asked to set up a Computer Lab. I have been asked to teach 12th grade English, 11th and 12th grade Biology and 12th grade Physical Science. There is no way that I can teach all of this, and I am going to see if I can just do the English – Peace Corps Volunteers are not allowed to teach more then 70% of a normal Namibian teaching load because we also have a secondary project to focus on (which will be the library, computer lab, or HIV/AIDS initiatives). I will also probably coach/advise something afterschool. Who knows.

So, I am living in a village, which is something that I very much wanted and am looking forward to. I love the aspect of connecting to nature so much because the nearest tar road is 3.5 miles away. But, here is the kicker – I am 20 kilometers (about 12 miles) away from the largest town in my region! HAHA. It is the large town of Ondangwa. So, for $N15 I can taxi in and back to do my grocery shopping and visit my friends – I have two fellow group 34ers and several other PCV’s in Ondangwa.

I visit Ontananga this weekend and stay there for a week to figure out what my site will be like and where I will be living. I am very excited about the “best of all worlds” aspect I have going for me with this. There are some people who are less than enthused about their placements, and I have taken it upon myself to help them view things in a different light. We will see.

In other news, I am still adjusting to my new surroundings and my new home. Nothing new here. I am EXHAUSTED right now, and I have a language test tomorrow. So I might be off the grid for a few days. But, know that I got a sweet site – a village where I am the only American and Peace Corps Volunteer with dirt roads, located right next to the largest town in my region where I can access what I need. I check it out from Saturday until next thursdayish and will report back on it then.

Until then, Renee

One day here seems to encompass a weeks worth of happenings. Saturday was traditional food day at PST. Our host families came to prepare traditional dishes native to the tribes of the languages that we are speaking. There were foods from the Afrikaners, all of the Ovambo speaking tribes (me!), the Kavango tribes, and the KKG tribes (one of the click languages). You will be pleased to know that I dove right in and tried EVERYTHING that I could. My “go big or go home” philosophy challenged me to do many things yesterday that were way outside of my comfort zone, but I believe that most things worthwhile lie without of one’s comfort zone.

The first personal challenge I took upon myself was to kill a chicken. I assisted in the killing, Matt and me helped one another out – I don’t think either of us was ready to go solo yet. So, I held down the wings and feet as he cut the throat. That is the technique here, no strangling or breaking of the neck, just a quick use of the blade. You may view my description as lacking sensitivity, but here it is a different way of life, and they use EVERY part of the animal. I do not view it as cruelty, abuse, or suffering in this context or in this culture. You cannot compare American (or Western) culture to another culture to try to understand it – I have been saying this ever since I got here and have irritated a few of my fellow Americans for harping on it. Whatever, they’ll get over it. So, I helped to kill a chicken. And I think that I might be ready to actually kill it on my own next time, maybe. We will have to see.

After helping with that I played with my little host brothers and other Namibian children for quite awhile. There was a lot of Ninja, soccer, dancing, and Frisbee had by all. I love it here. There are always ACTIVITIES to do!! ☺

After a few hours of running around in the sun the foods were ready, and we were hungry. They lined up tables upon tables of food, and after the Trainees sang a traditional Namibian song we were allowed to be served first. Here are the exotic things that I ate: goat tongue, sour buffalo milk, chickens foot, the stomach and/or intestines of either a cow or goat (who knows), tree worms, and fermented fruit juice. I was definitely a challenge for me, but I powered through it. I am pleased with my effort and my attitude. I didn’t go for the gold and have any goat brain, eyeball or nose, but maybe next time… It was a very long day full of lots and lots of people, and I was exhausted by the time it was over, but I still had to move out my old homestay and move into my new one.

I should tell you why I had to be moved to avoid any anxiety you might be having about my safety. I have already declared a stance of honest depiction of my experience, so I will not be sugar coating anything that I am going through. When I am upset, like really upset, you are going to know about it. It is important for all to understand how hard this experience is in contrast to how amazing it is. This may take some getting used to for some of you, knowing that I am in struggle-city on a different continent, but what did you expect? There are no unicorns here either. ;)If you do find yourself in a moment of distress because of my distress do something about it. Send me an email, a letter, or a Tide to Go pen, and know that you have helped ease the stress. With that said, here is what is going on.I asked to be moved after I realized that my original host mom was overwhelmed and had bitten off more than she could chew. She was distracted with her own life, teaching and her kids, and she was not paying enough attention to me or my safety. Upon realizing this Thursday night, when she didn’t come home until after dark, I felt unsafe and became anxious and a little shaken because of it. I informed the Peace Corps about what was going on, and Friday they had already located a new family for me to move in with. I returned Friday night to pack, but don’t worry – I was on EVERYONE’s radar, and then was asked to move Saturday. I am glad that I took action before I was put in a situation where I could have been hurt. Prevention is the best method!

After cultural day on Saturday I wasn’t allowed to relocate until after all of the other trainees were brought home, so I had to wait around for a while before I could go. But everything went amazingly well. Three of the trainers went to my old house with me and helped me move my stuff out, and then they went with me to my new house and helped move me in. It made me feel a lot better after having the disruption of being uprooted. You all know that I am a homebody and a nester, and that any transition (let a lone a sudden, quick, distressing one) can make me feel very uneasy, insecure, anxious and unsafe.

After I brought my stuff in I met my new family, and they seem really nice. I have a new host dad, mom, and little sister. They are very kind and intelligent. (We talked politics and education last night. I loved it). They have given me the master bedroom where I am at the back of the house and I have my own secure bathroom. They also have a guard dog, which growled at me (which is a good sign because that means it hates strangers), which makes me feel a little better. We have a cement fence around our house with barbed wire on top and my host dad is super on top of safety. So, things here are secure.

I feel uneasy this weekend because I had to be suddenly moved, but it was for the best. My new family has been very understanding about my uneasiness, and they are being patient with me as I adjust and rebuild trust with a new family. I should also take comfort in the location that I have been moved to. I am now in a location with a lot of us Americans here – there are now 16 of us total in this small neighborhood. Additionally, other volunteers have me in a cocoon, as I have been placed in a house that is literally boxed in with other volunteer houses. I am in the middle, and I have Peace Corps volunteers across the street from me, to the direct right and left of me, right behind my house and a Peace Corps trainer and I share a backyard. There are also more of us scattered around the neighborhood farther away. So there is no better place for me to be as I re-orient myself, I am the only one who is physically surrounded by other Americans, which is truly comforting. I know that in a few days I will feel centered and secure again, which will be nice.

Our neighborhood is very safe from what everyone has been telling me. When I moved in all of my American friends took it upon themselves to find me (I had no idea where I was) and show me around. They showed me where everyone else lived and where everything in the location was. They are being very supportive about me moving after being disoriented and unsettled. I talked to the Peace Corps Namibia Security Officer yesterday and he told me that what I am feeling is perfectly normal, that I am not expected to feel secure and safe in a completely foreign place after having had trust broken from a host family. So it makes me feel better that these feelings of uneasiness are normal. I will readjust and move forward. Hopefully I have better luck this time.

For now I am focusing on making myself comfortable, moving on, becoming acquainted with my new family, and adjusting to and being social with the legton of Americans who are now around me. (Before I only had three, and none of them were on the same street as me). A lot to handle, I know. But little by little I can climb the mountain.

In other news, I have lost about 10 pounds since being here and I find out my site placement on Monday afternoon. Fingers crossed that it will be amazing! I did my laundry with the help of my little sister this morning, I like doing it by hand here, and then we shared a delicious orange.

Today a bunch of us are going to the local hotel to use the pool and get a drink. Then I might study some Oshindonga or help my little sister Paula with her English homework – she is in 4th grade. I will probably teach her Uno too.

I will keep you all in the loop about how I am doing and when I feel safe and secure again, and for those of you who may be worried just know that I am fine and my new friends here are Takodah Quality. The four I have leaned on are legit, like Candle of Character, MVP legit.

Love and light to all!Renee

Saturday September 10th, 2011

Wow, I just realized that tomorrow is September 11th. I can’t believe that I didn’t realize this earlier. This reminds me that Namibians have approached some of us Americans in my group and apologized for 9/11. They have expressed their condolences and grief for us, and it has been a talking point for nationality sharing for us. Ten years. And I remembered today that the MLK memorial is being opened soon in DC. Go and take lots of pictures for me!

So, it is official – I have gotten sick in Namibia. Nothing digestive, although I hear it is inevitable, just some heat exhaustion and fatigue. But, I was dizzy for a few days and then saw some stars in my vision before I realized that I was so fatigued. So I spent the day relaxing in bed and with my host family. I listened to some Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me, napped here and there, and have recuperated a little bit, not completely though. I have never been “”fatigued”. It is completely different than “exhausted”. Like, I don’t feel tired, I feel depleted and run down – like a car that needs an oil change, not fuel. It is hard to gauge too. My family says they can see it in my eyes, they are really sunken, dark and heavy. And I can feel it when I can’t function for more than 5 minutes and I get dizzy from time to time (standing, sitting, or laying down).

Do not worry though. I am keeping in contact with the PCMO (Peace Corps Medical Officer) and she told me to stay in bed all weekend and to not do anything until I feel better. Upon alerting the PC that I wasn’t feeling up to session today I was brought back home and have been on everyone’s radar. Benna (our awesome Training Manager – the guy in charge of this rodeo) came over to check on me with Magreth (our awesome Host Family Coordinator) and have been keeping tabs on me all day. The PC is very serious when it comes to our health, like I have never been checked up on this much when I have been sick. It is adorable.

I am feeling a little better, but not 100% at all. I feel like I just need to laydown and sleep for a lot more time. Which is what I will do. Next week I am not going to walk, I am going to take it easy – I will be in school all week so I will need a break whenever I can get it. I am also not going to push myself too hard at all – I need to recoup as soon as possible, I have an LPI and a Permanent Site Visit coming up in a few weeks.

Other than that nothing is different or has changed. I am just resting and figuring out how to live in the desert where the dryness and sun can poison and hurt you. (Such a major difference from the Humid Continental of New England).

Dad (Eric, of Winchester, New Hampshire) asked me some questions, so I am going to answer them!

What are the houses made of??You would, ☺. The houses are very basic, and are made out of cement. They have no insulation (obviously, we are in the African desert) and have metal roofs. But not all houses are this nice. Some people just live in shacks made out of pieces of metal, wood, and anything else they can find. Most houses have fences around them, for safety. The house I am in is very nice. It has tile flooring – some houses have dirt floors – and is painted on the inside and outside. So, the houses are very basic because they don’t have to be much more. It rarely rains here and they don’t need to keep heat in.

What kinds of businesses are in the area??The businesses in the area are primarily stores that sell food, alcohol, junk, and clothes. There are stores here called “China Stores” where everything in it was made in China. The first time I heard this I laughed and said “well, that’s every store in America”. Hahaha. But, the primary business in Namibia is alcohol. Shebeens are what bars are called here, and they are a dime a dozen. Like, there are probably 7 or 8 within a 5 mile radius of where I am sitting. Shebeens are where people go to fuel their alcoholism here, and they are places that I am going to avoid like they are the plague. They are breeding grounds for violence, incidents, and assault.

Do most people drive, or walk, or use public transportation??A lot of people walk from place to place here, but most people hitchhike. There is no reliable or safe form of public transportation, so everyone hitchhikes here. There are taxis that travel from city to city for a flat rate, but from what I have been hearing they can be super sketch. Some people do have cars, but they are often too expensive for people to afford. So, everyone walks or catches a ride or taxi. As for me, I am currently transported in an official Peace Corps vehicle from place to place, but once I am a sworn in volunteer I will have to fend for myself and I will try the taxi thing out.

This is all for now. I am going to rest more. I am almost positive it is my anti-malaria pills that are making me feel bad. I am going to try to get them switched. I will let you know when I am feeling back to normal.

Renee

Friday September 9, 2011,

Today was a crazy long day, and has left me feeling exhausted and over heated. I came straight back from sessions and took a nap.

We had a very good presentation the global HIV/AIDS epidemic and the crisis they are facing in Namibia. One of the primary components of this presentation was the discussion about Orphaned and Vulnerable Children (OVC’s). OVCs are either children who are orphans or they are vulnerable because of the economic and/or health status of their family. OVCs can have parents that put them in harms way because of their lack of education, money, health and resources. My heart went out to these children as I looked at the data.

Here are the facts. The population of Namibia is 2 million, and of those 2 million half of them are under the age of 18. Of these 1 million children 250,000 are consider to be OVCs, when in reality the number is probably much higher because 50% of the Namibian population is unemployed and goes hungry everyday. Of the 50% who are unemployed 27.6% are considered to be poor, and 13.8% are considered to be severely poor. In addition to the extreme poverty here the HIV/AIDA prevalence is degrading life at an alarmingly rapid pace.

There are 33.4 million PLWA (People Living With HIV/AIDS) around the world. Of that total population 22.4 million are in Sub-Saharan (South) Africa alone. This collection of countries is the HIV/AIDS Ground Zero. It is where the epidemic is the most prevalent, and is infecting and killing the most people. Here are the countries with the highest rates of HIV/AIDS infection:

1) Swaziland – 26.1%2) Botswana – 23.9%3) Lesotho – 23.2%4) South Africa – 18.1%5) Namibia – 13.3%6) Mozambique – 12.5%7) Malawi – 11.9%

Namibia has the 5th highest prevalence rate of HIV/AIDS in the world. This crisis is the main reason why Orphaned and Vulnerable Children are becoming more and more common here.

In 2003 there were only 38,000 AIDS orphans (children who became orphans because they lost their parents to AIDS). In 2008 it was reported that there was a huge increase when 80,000 AIDS orphans were documented. Orphans do not only lose their parents to AIDS here, they can lose a parent to violence, poor health and suicide. All of these things are realities and come into play when dealing with such a large population who are in states of mental and physical desperation.

Because of this desperation there is a lot of violence and abuse in Namibia, and it is primarily against women and children. From 2009 to 2010 there was a 300% increase in violence against women and children.Because of this situation there is a HUGE Peace Corps movement in Namibia to reduce violence, poverty, and HIV/AIDS prevalence by spreading education and awareness. PC does three times more resource finding and development around HIV/AIDS in Africa than it does on any other continent – and in pairing with the United States Government it is relatively easy for us volunteers to find the money we need to enact the projects we want to do.

My primary assignment, being an English/Science/Math teacher - I could be all, is funded by the Peace Corps, and it takes up 70% of my time. But then I have a secondary project that takes up the remaining 30% of my time and the PC does not fund. This is where I can really get into the community with a phenomenal project. The US government has various funds and grants that we can access – through PEPFAR (VAST grants) and the United States Embassy (Ambassadors Self-Help Fund). With the aid of our own government we can align our secondary projects to help alleviate some of these huge issues.

And this is why I am here – to make a difference in these peoples’ lives by helping them get what they need. I feel like I am supposed to be here more and more everyday – I am exactly where I am supposed to be, and I am so excited to find out why.

Love.Renee

Thursday September 8, 2011 Today was a really good day. We had language class in the morning, and I feel so much more confident this week than I did last week about it. I am now capable of making sentences and facilitating good greetings and introductions. Things can get really intense during PST because of all the things we are doing (homestays, crash coursing in an obscure foreign language, intense sessions about healthy and safety, and tech training to learn how to teach in the Namibian educational system). We do an incredible amount of information absorption, it is a wonder we can process it all. In language class today we focused on foods, and expressing likes and dislikes in multiple tenses, noun classes, and using different pro-nouns. It was pretty awesome. After four hours of that we had lunch, and then a technical session about the realities of Namibian education. It is no surprise that their system is in trouble, with teenage pregnancies on the rise, incapable teachers using less than effective methods of instruction and child management techniques, policies in place that cause many of their own problems, and a lack of resources that exacerbates the entire situation, to the point of low teacher retention nationwide, and children being shuffled through the system and falling through the cracks by the thousands. Even with all of this information I don’t know how to feel yet because so much of what I will be up against depends on where I will be and what I will be doing. I could become increasingly alarmed the more and more that I learn about this Namibian Situation, but I am not going to until I see my specific location. So much of what is going on here depends on where you are in the country and what you are doing. After our technical session we worked on preparing for our week of classroom observations. Next week I will be in a Secondary School observing English teachers Monday – Friday 7am-1pm. This should be quite the experience. I have absolutely no idea what to expect. I have the picture of the American system, and the training I have received, and then the idea of the painful situation the Namibian system is currently in. So I am going into this with both ideas in my head, not knowing what to expect. But, just like I said before, it depends. My school could be drastically different then one only a few kilometers away. And so I walk into the unknown with a few ideas, and lots of curiosity. In our preparation session we got handed a lot of paperwork that reminded me so much of Practicum and Student Teaching – when they just shove a bunch of evaluations your way and put the learning right in your hands. It is really quite exciting. We get to observe our schools and assigned partnering teachers, in addition to interviewing those teaching our specific subjects. I am kind of pumped. I want to get in there and see what it’s like. I just want to know more than the small amount that has been revealed to me and, as confirmed by a sweet eye movement and language usage learning style test that my colleague Ryan showed me this afternoon, I am primarily an experiential learner (with a little bit of auditory) so I want to get in there and check it out. After we reviewed our legton of paperwork we talked about relationships and dating between Americans and Namibians for a little while and called it a day. It is important to understand the dating culture in a foreign country in order to ensure that you do not make a mistake on accident and give someone the wrong idea, or that you don’t get yourself into a situation where you can get hurt. The dating culture here is way different than the one in the states, and us Americans can get into trouble unless we know what we are being perceived as. Here in Namibia there is no dating, let alone “casual dating”. The social and gender dynamic within relationships is much, much, much different. First of all, men are the only ones who are allowed to start relationships. It is not a woman’s place to approach a man she is interested in. The man, who expresses interest in the woman he is fond of, initiates this typical relationship. If this woman reciprocates the interest it is understood that they are together, both emotionally and sexually, and are to be married. It happens that fast, once they are “together” they are “together” for life. There is no period of courtship, or figuring things out. It is just interest, commitment, marriage, and children. Once a woman has made it evident that she is going to be with one man in particular it is expected of her to start bearing him children, regardless of their marital status. If you are a Namibian woman over the age of 23 without a husband or child people think there is something wrong with you. In Namibian society, if a woman talks to a man (or even makes eye contact with him) it is assumed that she wants to sleep with him, be with him, and bear him children. Similarly, if a woman is seen with a man everyone assumes that they are sleeping together (even if they see her with a different guy-friend everyday). At that point they would just think she is a harlot. This is why it is not appropriate for women to have plutonic relationships with men in this culture. They don’t exist here. If I as a woman want to be friends with a Namibian man he would think that I was interested in him, and I could get into a rocky situation. So, it looks like I will be hanging out with the girls! And this is why it is important for us to know all of this, so we don’t get hurt. There are crimes of passion in Namibia where men have committed crimes because of jealousy and mixed signals, just because they have seen a woman they thought was “with them” just standing next to another man in public. This is such a dynamic shift compared to the relationships we are used to in America, where you can be friends with either gender, and just because you look at a guy doesn’t mean you are going to marry him and bear him children. We are used to six months to six years of casual dating before getting serious, and women being able to propose to men. And this is why it is so so so important for us to be aware of our actions and ourselves over the course of the next two years. American men can’t be befriending Namibian women, because then they will expect a marriage, and American women cannot be looking at/talking to/standing with or befriending a Namibian man or else they will be expected to bear his child, and if they don’t comply they can get seriously hurt. And the situation for homosexuals is much worse. Homosexuality is not widely accepted in Namibia by any means, it is to the point where PC Volunteers have been removed from their sites because their communities found out that they either were homosexual, or that they had friends who were gay. It is not something that one can just go around talking about, you can get seriously hurt if you try to come out, or discuss your non-heterosexual preferences here with your community. There are new waves of progressive thinking happening in Namibia, and there are a select few areas where homosexuality is known about and the people are not assaulted. But these are few and far between. And this is another area where we as Americans need to be careful. Holding hands with someone of the same gender (something that often happens in America, especially between women) means that you are both homosexual in this culture, and if these inclinations happen it could compromise your relationship with your community, your work, and your projects. So it is important to be aware, preventative and discrete when it comes to interacting with others in Namibia. After this session on Relationships the day ended, I walked the mile home with Allison, and spent the evening with my family. I checked in with Edith about how I was doing in her home, and she said I was doing fine. I am going to help out with dishes and cooking more – it just seems like the right thing to do. I did some homework, ate dinner (fish, potato and onion mixture on pasta with a side of veggies) watched some television, chatted with the Census guy who came to count our family, and then wrote this blog. Awesome.

Wednesday September 7, 2011, Wow, is it really September 7!?! I didn’t even realize what the date was. Sorry that I have been out of touch during these exciting and vital times of my adventure. There is so much that has happened. I have moved in with my host family, and they are amazing. Edith and her adorable children have made me feel right at home in their family. Our extended family (I am considered to be one of the family now) has also accepted me. We have an ouma (grandmother) another aunt and three cousins. They have all been very eager to meet me and learn about America. Upon showing my cousin pictures of a snowstorm in Maine during the winter of 2009 she was amazed that snow existed and could pile that high. I have showed my new family pictures of many of you – and they all say that you look so loving and supportive. SIDENOTE: They all comment on how young my father looks, so kudos to you Dad for getting compliments in Africa! J Ok, so I announced in my email that the best way for me to share my experience would be for me to answer your questions. I really want to tell you what you want to know – so send the questions along to my email or Facebook, and I shall answer them for you and all to see!!! Here are the first set of questions that have been asked. And for those of you wondering why/how I am able to spend so much time online connecting with you all, you should know that sharing culture is one of the primary goals of the PC – so they want me to blog and share Namibian culture with you in the hopes that you learn and help spread the awareness (cough, cough, teachers, cough, cough). From Julie in Peterborough, New Hampshire: Q: Who is one of your PC companions and what do you enjoy about her/him? A: Oh man, there are so many of us in our group. Pick one from 37 others, that’s tough, so naturally I should pick someone who is also tough, right. ;) One of my companions is a woman named Alice. She is from California and she is one of our older volunteers (she is in her 50’s). The thing I like most about her is her strength. She is amazingly confident, smart, kind, and capable. I admire her and hope to be more like her throughout this experience. She has always been there to help me when I need it, and I know she will be there for me when I need her again. I already call her Momma Alice. J Q: Who is a Namibian you have gotten to know, and how is that going? A: I have gotten to know a few Namibians and let me tell you all this – they are fantastic. They are so easy going and fun to be around and work with. They take their work very seriously, but they have not forgotten how to relax, laugh, love, and have fun (something I feel like people forget how to do in the states at times). But one that I have gotten to know in particular is named Angelina. She is this adorable woman who just makes me laugh and smile every time I see her. She is our Language Coordinator – which means that she is the one who has organized all of our languages (all 7 that my group is learning). She has trained our trainers, coordinated curriculum; set up lessons, and is assessing the program as it continues. She is fantastic because of her willingness to be open and communicate across the cultures. Coming into Namibia as an American is HILARIOUS. There are so many differences between the cultures that we inevitably offend people (most likely on a daily basis). But, we are learning, and we are trying – and it is with the help of natives like Angelina that we will be undeniably successful as volunteers here. Q: What kinds of things do you eat besides fermented fruit juice (I'm thinking hard cider) and tree worms? A: The fermented fruit juice was less of cider (you New Englander you) and just more of old/mildly spoiled juice combined in a cup. Now, I know this sounds sketchy, but it wasn’t all that bad. And it is apparently very common in the part of Namibia that I will be living in. SIDENOTE: The language that I am learning is Oshindonga. It is a tribal language native to the central-northern part of Namibia called the Ovambo region. Since I am learning this language I know that I will be there. Now, that is all I know for now about my permanent site. When I know where I will be I will let you know!! The things that they eat in Namibia are drastically aligned with the resources that people have since they live in the desert. There are supermarkets in the towns that supply you with everything you would find in an American supermarket – veggies, fruits, dairy, meats, a bakery, dry goods, cleaning supplies, cooked foods, liquors, etc. But once you get into rural areas (we call them the bush) you have access to considerably fewer items. Vegetables and fruit are very very very expensive here being that they are imported from South Africa into the middle of the desert. With all of that being said, I do eat well here. If anything I eat too well. The Namibian diet primarily consists of meat, bread, and porridge/rice/or pasta. They do not know much about nutrition or the different food groups – they think that as long as you put something into your belly you will be fine. Which is of course not the case. Because of this, and the expense, Peace Corps provides the families that host us with food coupons and gift cards that they recharge to make sure that we are getting fed balanced meals. And if we are not okay with what we are getting (homestay feeds us all meals except for lunch Monday-Friday) we can talk to someone and get it changed. I walk and from class everyday with one to three other volunteers who live around me. It is a mile in and a mile back, which is good exercise to get on a daily basis to keep up with everything i am eating! We never walk alone here, even in daylight, for now. Not at least until we know more and are adjusted to Namibia. With that said, the types of things I have been eating come right from my host mom, and she is doing a very good job at providing me with a lot of food (we burn a lot of energy) and making sure it is balanced. She asked me what I needed/wanted and has done well meeting my needs. As for traditional dishes, I have had game meat (I don’t really know what it was, it was just delicious), traditional porridge (a thicker mixture of cream of wheat), fat cakes (deep fried dough they make by the dozens and eat by the hundreds), and bread. Lots and lots of bread. I get veggies and such, but you all know about them. They are no different here then they are in the US. I had a pear for an after-class snack today if you were wondering. And I was just joking about the tree worms. I did not eat them. I was about to and then Angelina was like “No, wait, these aren’t cooked” and handed them back to the vendor. Hahaha, but I will eat them when I find some cooked ones. Q: Are you on a training site or where you will be assigned to teach? When will you meet "your people"? A: I am currently living in a Namibian home. I cannot disclose my location for safety reasons, but I am not at a training site or where I will be assigned to teach. I am in a town for the duration of PST (Pre Service Training) and will move to my site once I am sworn in as an actual Volunteer in October. This is when I will meet the people that I will work with and learn from for the two years of my service. I will live with them for one week of training during my site visit, but I will not move there until after PST. Q: What is the weather like lately? Is your clothing sufficient? A: The weather here is sunny, hot and dry 365 days a year. Hilariously for the first few days here I was at a loss of what to talk to the Namibians about and I kept catching myself say “It’s a nice day out today” and then laughed so hard when I realized that it was nice everyday. There are a few days when it rains here, but they are few and far between. My clothing is sufficient enough. Namibians are sharp dressers, and I need to step up my game from the looks of it. They show their respect by dressing to look nice for others, unlike in the US where we dress to express our individuality. Here, if you look bad you are telling the others around you that you think they bad/not worth your time. I plan on getting more skirts, I need more for school. I should only be wearing long pants or skirts in school and I only have 3 of those, the rest of what I brought are capris. I can get by during PST – the PC allows capris/shortpants – but after, when I get to my school, I need to have more options. If you want to help me get these let me know. Martha from Hancock, New Hampshire asks: A: Please tell me you didn’t eat tree worms. I am really curious about your living conditions and what you are eating. Q: HAHAHHA, I did not eat the worms. Yet. See earlier writing. It will be done though, somewhere down the line. My living conditions – great question! I am truly blessed to have been assigned to the home and family that I am currently living with. I live in a community that has both its ups and downs. There are nice neighbors, and everyone has their own little house. Not all houses have electricity, running water, or proper waste disposal systems (plumbing). My house has electricity, running water (hot and cold) and good plumbing. My mom also has a washing machine, so I don’t have to do my laundry by hand if I don’t want to. So my living conditions are great! I have a room to myself (pictures to be on Facebook soon!) with locked and barred windows and a lockable door that only I have the key to. I have a queen sized bed (did I ever leave Maine?) and another twin bed to put my stuff on – which is awesome because anyone who saw me living this summer knows that that is how I roll. We have a sitting room and a kitchen and a bathroom with a shower (most houses only have a bathtub). So, I am living well. My family (like most Namibians) really likes television, especially American television. This morning I woke up to them watching a special on fish hatcheries and catching fish poachers in northern Montana. Like, did I even leave? J So, we have television, and I watch it more here than I did there. Crazy. My house is secure. We have a locked front door, and then a gate that locks right in front of it too. Then around the perimeter of the house is a locked fence (all houses have this) for added security. And it now dawns on me that I should alert you of the reasons why Namibians need such intense security; unlike the card-able security I had in the states. This is the Namibian Situation (as I am calling it): after over a century of control and oppression this country was been thrown onto its own feet, and has since buckled over and fell on the ground after it gained its independence (which has happened to many of the decolonized African countries). Not getting into the politics of it (which I am resisting greatly, I know you know) Namibia was left with no resources or direction. All they knew was that they were free and their bloody, horrible war had ended with an amazing accomplishment – they had won, and they had won together. From this new start people have gone up, but people have also gone down. The infrastructure here is still very much forming (independence was only 20 years ago) and schools, the government, and programs are still being figured out. In the mean time Namibia has had to figure itself out. And during the course of this domestic and global orientation they have found themselves in a pickle. Unemployment is currently 53% and alcoholism is rampant in the streets after dark. Lots of other factors contribute to this analysis (lack of education, resources, opportunities, and programming) but the bottom line is that, for one reason or another, skill-less people are bored in the desert, and the only thing they have is their family and their drink. I am not criticizing them (I apologize if I am coming off this way) I am just calling it what it is. I will provide further analysis at a later date. With alcoholism and desperation inevitably comes a problem with mental health, and not unlike in the US, there is a large homeless population who wanders the streets and harms people in their disillusioned realities. Once darkness falls the crime rate goes through the roof, and it is more than necessary to have bars on the windows, a locked fence around your house, and two locks on your front door to prevent burglary, violence, assault and murder. This is not to say that this Culture of Fear is the only thing that I am living in – there are amazing connections of love and community here in the populations who are trying to make things better – it is just something that I have to be very aware of to keep myself, and my loved ones, safe from the issues that unfortunately are hurting this beautiful country so much. But I am keeping myself safe and plan on doing as much prevention as possible to keep myself out of harms way. Continuing with the questions: Ryan from Augusta, Maine asks: Q: What's the best thing you had to eat in Namibia? A: Oh man, that is hard. First of all, Ryan, you would love it here. All they eat is meat and fried foods. AND they have bacon flavored Pringles. I know you just got excited, I took a picture of them for you! I have had a lot to eat (I have been here for two weeks now!) but I would have to say that the best thing I have had to eat here would be the goat I had at the Herero celebration of Heroes Day and/or the traditional Fat Cake that my friend Laine’s host mom made. I haven’t had a ton of super-traditional things because Namibian families in towns are really westernized. The family that I am living with is westernized, which is cool! But I have not yet enjoyed that one delicious item that I will talk about forever after I leave. But when I do I will email you IMMEDIATELY. Q: How did you get ripped off by vendors (you can't cliff hang us!!!)? A: HAHAHAHA I was wondering how people would take my cliffhanger. Ok, so this past Saturday we were bused to the capital Windhoek and sent into the mall to do whatever we wanted for half of the day. A bunch of us decided to buy cell phones, and ended up in a sketchy discount type of store. Against my better judgment and intuition (I was saying to myself as I was buying it “I have a bad feeling about this”) I bought a phone that my niece Patricia would have cracked open for the candy in America. The phone was N$630 (N$ = Namibian Dollars), which is A LOT. To put it into perspective, I make N$25 a day as a trainee right now and a bag of apples here costs N$25. (The current USD to N$ exchange rate is 6 to 7, so lets just go with $100 USD is what I paid for the phone). So, I get this phone and instantly I know I messed up and made a huge mistake. But, I stuck it out for a day and messed with it. It was supposed to let me send/receive email and access the internet (all good things to have for safety here) and none of that worked on it. By the time I decided I hated the thing I was already back home, a good ways away, and was not going to be going back to Windhoek in time to return the phone (you have to return within 7 days at this store). As I am complaining at my friend Ali’s house her host mom offered to return the phone (and Ali’s phone because she got the same one) the next day. She works in Windhoek so she just stopped over and handed it. But, I am almost positive that she had to pitch a fit and bust some heads because she got both of us cash refunds – which I am pretty sure they don’t do at that particular store. HAHA. So, long story short, I got ripped off because I was an idiot and bought a hideous phone, but I got a full cash refund and am now waiting to survey the scene for a different phone in the future. Q: Have you represented the Sox at all and made sure the international growth of Red Sox Nation continues? A: I will have you know that I have made you very proud. I only brought two t-shirts with me and one of them is my V-Tek captain’s tee. I wear it to bed mostly, but it will make an appearance in my community to help foster the bonds of friendship in the Nation. SIDENOTE: I am the only Red Sox fan in my group, and I have been hated on for it by White Sox fans, Dodgers fans, and Orioles fans. It’s kind of hilarious, but I love it. Although I was talking to another trainee today and they asked me if Maine was even in New England. I politely dropped the knowledge and silently thanked my education system for teaching me where ALL of the states are. Q: And oooohhhhhhh have you seen any of the animals from the Lion King? A: Such a good question. Yes! I have seen baboons!! They live in the desert and hills around Windhoek. I hear there are giraffes close to me too, but I have not seen any. You will be happy to know that the region I am going to (Ovambo) is near/next to Etosha National Park, which has some of the best wildlife in all of Africa!!!!! People travel from all around the world to come to this park. You’d best believe I am going to go there! J When I find Raffiki I’ll letcha know. So, here is the first round of questions updating all of you. Keep them coming! I love to answer them! Kala po nawa! (Be well in Oshindonga) Renee

Tuesday August 30, 2011,

Today was a day full of so much excitement!! ☺ We found out our languages – I am speaking Oshindonga. It is a tribal language native to the Northern Central part of Namibia, which is probably where I will be living for my two years as a Volunteer!! It is a great language. I have a small language group of me and 3 others, and our trainer is great. Today we learned the alphabet and basic informal greetings. We have a pretty intense program where we will be assessed on our fluency and communication capabilities.

This evening (just a few hours ago) we met our host families. I am SO EXCITED for mine!!!! I am living with this ADORABLE woman Edith who is a single mother with two little boys. I am so so so excited for so many reasons!!!! Firstly, I wanted to live with a strong single woman with little children. Being the youngest in my family I have never had a little brother or sister – BAM now I do!! I met one of them, Ryan. He has lost his two front teeth and was such a delight!

Edith is an English Teacher, so we will have many conversations about learners (what they call students here) and her job. She doesn’t not speak Oshindonga, which means that I can speak English while I am living there instead of having to use my language. I realize the educational opportunity lost here, without being able to speak the language I am learning at home, but I am not worried about my progress. You guys know how I get when I set my mind to something!

I am just so excited to live with this adorable woman and her adorable children. I move in Thursday (9/1) night until the end of PST (Pre-Service Training) on October 20th(ish).

Other than that not much happened. My SUPEP group (Secondary and Upper Primary Education Program) had a session today where we addressed our job as English Teachers in Namibia and what being a teacher entails, so I did a fair amount of being bored while I was reflecting on my personal teaching experiences.

Tomorrow – more language learning and such. I cannot wait to tell you all how living with Edith goes. I have a really good feeling about it.

Saturday August 27th, 2011: Friday night I played cribbage with a bunch of people and won three times in a row. Thought you would want to know. Also, did I mention that I am the only person from New England? We have one girl from Connecticut, but I mean upper New England. Our group has a bunch of people from western and central America, but I am the only one from the VT/NH/ME region. REPRESENT! We headed out to celebrate Heroes Day in a field on the outside of town. There were tents and vendors selling cooked meats, snacks, and cold drinks. It was pretty warm, 85ish, but I am doing well in the African sun. I have been using generous amounts of sunscreen, and I have enough to last me awhile. The PC provided sunscreen works pretty well, but I do love my Banana Boat! There were dozens of people from the Herero tribe, which is the group that celebrates this day. The story goes that when the Germans invaded in the early 19th century the Herero tribe had 80% or their population destroyed to genocide. This day remembers those that fell on the first day of the invasion – including their chief at the time. It is a huge celebration and people (including schoolchildren) came from everywhere around the country! We were honored enough to be asked to come and view the festivities. During the event I walked around with the group and witnessed many of the traditional practices. There was a formal military procession and formal Herero attire, including women’s hats with cloth horns sticking out on either side in honor of the cow. The practice that struck me the most was the ritual of blessing from the Chief. The chief of the Herero tribe blesses someone by asking what ails them in addition to who their parents are. Once he knows the problem to be healed he spits on their head and face as he has cleansed the water through his body with the help of the spirits. The level of faith I saw in these people as they lined up in the dozens was mesmerizing, something I have rarely seen in the states. Faith is ingrained in the Namibian lifestyle – and the Herero tribe is just one good example of this. They are a deeply devoted people who weep for the loss of their people and their land to this day. After witnessing this amazing ceremony I wandered around with my new friend Carrie. We ended up getting offered a ride into town from a nice German man, but ended up walking around and getting proposed to for a while. For those of you who don’t know, American women who are in Namibia (and many other countries) are frequently proposed to by men who hope to get American citizenship. It is a casual occurrence on the street, not a genuine demonstration of affection by any means. So, after a few harsh “No’s” they subsided and we went on our way. I made my way to a tent that was selling cooked meat and my other new friend Melissa (remember, I have made 37 new friends) and I shared cooked goat meat with some locals. They were very welcoming and hospitable! It was pretty awesome to be sitting in the middle of the desert, under a tent with people who barely spoke English, eating goat with someone I had met barely a week ago. Hello my awesome life! After that snack I hopped on the bus and headed back to the community center. In the afternoon nothing huge happened, just games and chilling. I sat around with a dozen others laughing and just having a good time. I felt really good when I was just around people, being myself while in a strange foreign place. Sunday August 28, 2011: This morning I woke up, had breakfast, and then crawled into bed to read some of the PC manuals. I read the one on our Homestay Experience (which starts on Thursday!), and finished the Pre-Service Training (PST) binder that we were given with a TON of handouts on guidelines and regulations. I did this while my roommates Laine and Al (Allison) were chatting and joking with me. It was a good morning. We had a relaxed day all around. Played Uno before lunch, went for a walk into town to scout out the better stores to go to, and then played CatchPhrase and some camp games after dinner. I totally taught a handful of people Wink Tackle, PDQ, and Mini-Tanks tonight on the small grassy area in the community center. It was HILARIOUS!! There were others from our group watching from the balcony. It was quite the sight! J SIDE NOTE: They have started calling me Nay Nay!!!!!! Story: Matt, friend from flight, looked at me the other day and goes “Can I call you Nay Nay?” Well, camp friends, you can only imagine my extreme excitement when I explained that I already have a large following of people who call me that. Hahha. So, now about 1/3 of my group calls me Nay Nay, and it makes me SO HAPPY!!!! Laine calls me Momma Nay Nay, and it’s adorable. I really like the people that I have met in my group, especially those that I have gotten close to in just one long week. As for tomorrow, let the games begin. Tomorrow we have more orientation about PST, the History of Namibia, and Expectations and Guidelines to becoming an actual Volunteer. We are Trainees until we are sworn in, and we are not sworn in unless we demonstrate competency in the areas of: Culture, Language, Health and Technical Skills. I’m not too worried. I know I will try my best. Tuesday we find out what language we will be learning how to speak, YAY! I really want to learn Afrikaans. It is one of the easiest to transfer to from English, and it is the most useful in Namibia. So, things will pick up real fast here and will get really stressful and intense. Especially after I move in with a Namibian family on Thursday night. J But everything will be amazing and rewarding. There is so much that I want to commentate on, as you can all imagine. I have been thinking about infrastructure, gender, education, group dynamics, social groupings, history, emotional intelligence, how to not get malaria, maturity, cultural sensitive and language barriers for the last 3 days non-stop. Everytime I come up with another analysis or thought I want to share it with you all – but there are far too many. And I will have the rest of my life to share everything with all of you after I return. So, for now, I will encourage myself to not stress out about sharing every minute detail and thought about this experience. But please believe me when I say that it is incredible here, and I am so glad that I did this. There is an energy around me here, one that I am struggling to identify or articulate – but it is strong. It is good, and it is why I am here. Be Well.

Friday 8/26/2011 Disclaimer: I do not have time to edit or make this writing better. This is all I can do in the little time that I have. Please enjoy! J So, it is Friday at 4:24pm and I have been I Namibia since 5am Wednesday morning. Going into the third day there is so much to tell! Wednesday we arrived and started our Pre-Service Training (PST). There are A MILLION different abbreviations for the different things throughout the Peace Corps (PC) so every post I will most likely be confusing you with those. I will try to remember to add the extension a few times to remind people of what it is. Our training is low-key at the moment, just a lot of cultural adjustment and doing paperwork so they can determine our homestays and site placements. Wednesday was LONG for me. The previous week was full of a lot of crying and little to no sleep, and I had just gone from Manchester to Philadelphia for staging, then from Philadelphia to New York, then an 8 hour flight from JFK to Frankfurt for an 8 hour layover, and then the 10 hour flight from Frankfurt to Windhoek. Phew, was I tired! But, after everything was done for the day and I ate dinner slept for 10 hours. Anyways, back to the good stuff. Staging in Philadelphia was AMAZING. The Peace Corps is very, very, very structured in their procedures and their methods for making this process happen. I got off of the plane from New Hampshire, walked into the hotel and went directly to my first session. We talked about what the Peace Corps is, and I was very pleasantly surprised to find this in my materials: “Except from the Peace Corps Act (22 U.S.C. sec. 2501): ‘The Congress of the United States declares that it is the policy of the United States and the purpose of this Act to promote world peace and friendship Through a Peace Corps, which shall make available to interested countries and areas men and women of the United States qualified for service abroad and willing to serve, under conditions of hardship if necessary, to help the peoples of such countries and areas in meeting their needs for trained manpower, particularly in meeting the needs of those living in the poorest areas of such countries, and to help promote a better understanding of other peoples on the part of the American people.’” We talked about why we were here, in the Corps of Peace, and what we thought Namibia was going to be like. We got to know one another better. We are Peace Corps Namibia, Group 34. There are 38 of us in the group spanning in ages 21 to 55. I like being one of the younger trainees. J We then started to get a feel for how we could be safe while serving. Mitigation is HUGE in this organization – which is really good. Seriously, for those worrying, the Peace Corps is always on top of our safety. They are strict in their policies and genuinely care for our well-being. After Monday me and my roomie for the night (Alecia) committed to 10 hours of sleep, got up the next morning, checked out, and went to get real Philly Cheesesteaks at the famous Jim’s Steaks downtown. Upon eating these delicious local eats we then went to see the Liberty Bell, Independence Hall, and the historical section of downtown. There is one of George Washington’s old houses there that we saw too. We then bused it up to JFK where we checked our incredible amount of luggage and chilled in the airport for a few hours. The flight across the Atlantic could have been better, I was in the middle seat and the cabin was very hot. I only slept a few hours, so when we got to Frankfurt I was happy. In Germany we were required to stay in the airport, (safety safety safety!), so I went to a café in the terminal and had a delicious salad! J The flight to Namibia was pretty awesome. Me and my new bud Matt sat together and I had plenty of room this time! The 10 hours went by fast because I slept for 6 of them. Yes! When we got to the airport in Windhoek it was pretty cold – like 32 degrees Fahrenheit. It is late winter here in Namibia, where the nights are in the 40s and the days are in the 80s. Customs was fine, we all got through with no problems, and we were greeted by our Country Director (CD), our Administrative Officer (AO), and one of our Peace Corps Medical Officers (PCMO). We got all of our luggage (no one lost anything!) and got on the bus to head north! First impressions of Namibia: dry (the entire country is a desert), awesome (our CD told us to look for giraffes and warthogs on the drive up), and exciting (we were driving on the left side of the road). We got to the community center we are currently living in, and will be in until next Thursday when we move into our host families. The rest of Wednesday was paperwork and sessions, the same with Thursday. In between these sitting down and listening activities we got a tour of the town we are in (which I cannot disclose on my blog for security purposes) and have gotten to know a handful of the locals. Some cultural differences were difficult to understand at first, but I feel like we are getting the hang of a few things. First, making sure you are looking in the right direction while walking on or across roads. We have had a few people (myself included) make this mistake A LOT. Second, everyone here greets one another whenever they walk past them. This was difficult for me to get ahold of, because every time I say hello to someone I am genuinely interested in having a meaningful, longer, conversation with them, but I am finding the capability to reign it in and have casual “Hello’s!” as I walk by. Third, being slower. Americans are so fast paced it is difficult to turn it off. Namibians walk slower, talk slower, and just function on an entirely different energy level then we do. I have a hunch that it is connected to the differences in our countries. I think it’s fantastic, I hate the fast paced American lifestyle that just stresses us out all of the time and then causes us to go on meds, which then in turn stresses us out more. I love that Namibians slow it down. It works perfect for me – those who know me know that I am always saying: “slow down, you are walking too fast. Stop making me look pokey.” J Last night I watched a movie with some of my new friends and then went to bed. Today we had interviews with the Assistant Country Directors (ACDs) who are the people who place us at our project sites, which is where we will live and work for the two years. In order to help with the placement process they asked us to pick 3 of the sites that we preferred. I had my interview and requested to be a dorm parent, community developer, and tutor at an orphanage, or a 5-7 grade English teacher with an emphasis on technology at two different sites. Honestly, I have no “I have to have it” preference, but working with orphans would bring a lot of meaning to my life. We find out in a month where our sites have been placed. In the mean time there is so much to do! Next week we get our language assignments, which is AWESOME! Then we find out our homestay families and placements before we move into them on Thursday. Technical training starts soon (which is teacher training) – SIDE NOTE – I am one of two actual teachers in this group. Everyone here is asking me questions and is amazed that I am certified and have a Middle/Secondary degree. The other teacher is a gentleman certified in Ohio with his Masters who has had way more teaching experience than me. Ok, back in – Yes, teacher training will be a combination of a lot of things that I already know (thanks UMF!) with some things that I don’t. I am excited! The food has been fantastic! I am back on my low-carb diet, which seems to be fine because of the prevalence of meat in Namibian culture. Namibians love meat. There are at least 3 butchers in the town we live in, and it is awesome! There is a supermarket too, with most things that you will find in America. So, so far things are not too much of a culture shock. For those of you who do not know much about the history of Namibia, it is a very young country. They were annexed by Germany for a while, and then taken over by South Africa and suppressed for a number of years. (I will include dates if needed, but you all have Google). There are signs of oppression everywhere within the culture, people, and buildings of Namibia. For example – there is a tower in the middle of town that one might mistake for a broken clock tower, but it is just an abandoned search tower with a giant spotlight on the side of it. During apartheid blacks and “mixed” people (the child of a black and white) were not allowed into town after dark, and they were forced to live in communities a mile or two miles outside of town (away from the whites). Currently there is no oppression since Namibia gained their independence in 1990, but there are still remnants of the occupation everywhere. There are black-white interactions that demonstrate this racial tension. For example, blacks more times than not will not start a conversation or say hello to whites, and if whites do not initiate the conversation blacks do not feel recognized or even like they exist. This is a result of the segregation and de-humanization that occurred during the apartheid. There will be a lot more of this cultural commentary to come, but for now I am just trying to keep you up to date on my last few days. I know that many of you are eagerly awaiting communication from me, so you will be happy to hear this news: I will be getting a cell phone with Internet on it in a few weeks. The way wireless Internet works here is pretty cool. You buy either a cell phone with a sim card in it, or a USB sim card to plug into the side of your computer. Once you have that you buy units to put on your account (one account per sim card) and you pay as you go. So, the easiest (and cheapest) way that I can communicate with all of you is going to be through snail mail, email and Facebook. I will obviously be blogging and sending out the mass emails to all of you, but one on one communication will be best through the Internet and snail mail. I will have a number you can call me on, and incoming calls are always free in Namibia, but it will cost you money, and possibly a lot of it. Skype-to-Go is the only way you can talk to me for a cheap amount. I will explain it later so you can do it if you want. But the bottom line is – I will only be calling you rarely. Similarly, texting is a possibility, but it costs me 1 Namibian Dollar per text, and it will probably cost you more. We might be able to set up a Google Voice account (so we can text each other for free) if you are interested. More to come on these when I get my phone! Yay! J This weekend we are going to some cultural events for Heroes Day, which is a day of remembrance for the fallen Chiefs that Namibians honor, and are learning how to do proper laundry and bucket baths! Woo Hoo!! If you couldn’t tell, I am having a good time. I am feeling challenged, professionally and personally. I am feeling good socially, and I am happy. I am also scared and nervous about what is to come, but I have not doubt that I can handle whatever comes my way. I could go on and on and on for so much longer, but I feel like I need to end this post. Be Well, ReneePS - The time difference is that I am 5 hours ahead of the States.

Date: 8.23.2011Place: Frankfurt, Germany

I have made it safely to Frankfurt, Germany after the 7.5 hour long plane ride over the Atlantic! It is 6 hours ahead here, so it is currently 2:46pm. Our next flight leaves at 8pm and it goes to Namibia! It is a 10 hour one!

I am very, very tired at the moment. I only got 3 hours of sleep on the plane and in an effort to delay jet lag I plan on staying up until this next flight and sleeping through as much of it as I can. Cranky Renee is being kept at bay with the assistance of lots of snacks and food. I had a delicious gourmet salad at this German cafe for lunch, it was roasted chicken on a bed of red lettuce with roasted mushrooms, chives, and cherry tomatoes, all topped with a wine sauce. It was very good.

After our flight we meet the Peace Corps Namibia staff and receive further instructions once we are there. I have an interview with the Assistant Country Director and Peace Corps Medical Officer to discuss any preferences or concerns that I have later this week. All should go well!

I do not know how soon I will be able to communicate with you all when I get to Namibia. I will do my best to let you know that I got there safe as soon as I can!

Be Well,Renee

Date: 8.22.2011Location: Staging in Philadelphia (Liberty Bell and Independence Hall! YES!)

I left New Hampshire this yesterday morning and safely made it to Philadelphia after losing my shampoo to the Safety Wardens at security in Manchester. The flight was great! I sat next to a man and his adorable daughter who were flying home to Florida. I then made the hop in a taxi to the Holiday Inn in the Historic District of Philly. Staging was fun, meeting everyone in my group was exciting. We are Group 34 and there are 38 of us in total making the trip and having the adventure together. The average age is 25 - there are a few 21/22/23's, a lot of 26-29's and two people over the age of 40. The different project programs that we are all working in are: Math and Science Education, Teaching English as a Foreign Language (ME) and Business Management. After an afternoon of sessions we all went out for a delicious dinner at GiGi on Market Street where the owner gave us all 25% off of our dinner! He said that we were doing an incredible thing and he wanted to show his appreciation! It was a great place if you ever find yourself this way. As for tomorrow - checkout at 11am, going to Jim's Steaks for a REAL Steak and Cheese for lunch, seeing the Liberty Bell and Independence Hall, and then boarding a bus to go to JFK at 1:30. My flight leaves at 9:30pm tomorrow night to head to Frankfurt for a layover before Namibia. I will let you all know when I get to Germany!

Until tomorrow,Renee

Date: 8.16.2011Place: Dad's House

Hello All!

This past week has flown by as I have been finishing paperwork, packing and saying goodbye to friends and family. On Sunday the Scott clan gathered at my Dad's house to celebrate my Grandfather's birthday (79), my niece's birthday (5), my nephew's birthday (2), my sister's birthday (26) and my birthday (23). {We combine them and go all out at the end of the summer.} In addition to having this celebration of birth I was also able to say goodbye to my family.

As my days in the states come to a close I find myself traveling across Southern New Hampshire visiting friends and family whenever I can. Tomorrow: Keene, Thursday: Winchester, Friday: Richmond, Saturday: Peterborough. I am busy, busy, busy! But let's be honest, I like the busy, love-filled final hours of this hectic week. I have a few errands left to do and I am done, whether I am "ready" is another story.

Given the unknown component of the Peace Corps it is impossible for one to be completely "ready" for such a journey. I have what I think I need (what I have been told I will need), and I know that I can "do-it", but there is still a mental preparedness needed to feel confident walking into the fog.

Yes the Peace Corps provides manuals and supplemental materials to help inform us of what is to be expected, but the bottom line is that I won't know until I get there and I am in it. And this is what is making me the most uneasy at this present moment - not knowing what to completely expect.

I am aware of Namibian culture, more conservative than I am used to in regards to politics, religion, gender, ageism, sexuality and just overall self expression. I am aware of educational practices that favor methods I do not use. And I know how Namibia got where it is today, in regards to its history and the rest of the world. One of the best things about Namibia is its diversity, which is making me uneasy.

There are a handful of languages spoken in Namibia, and there are a handful of different climates that I could live in. I am not told where I will be or what I will be speaking until I am in training. Given the uncertainty of the language I will speak and the climate that I will be in I feel unsettled. You all know me, I will go wherever my path is meant to go, but the period of time before I take the plunge is unnerving. But, ultimately I will leave my fate to the powers that be and have faith that I am in that place for a reason. Because I will be. All of this has happened in a larger plan that I will expand on someday if you catch me in person (consider that a challenge!).

As for these last few days, I will try to limit my anxiety by spending time with loved ones and more loved ones. I will make memories and reflect on the old - all while being excited for something new. I will go for walks and eat good food, put 100 more miles on my car and jam to sweet tunes on 119, 10, 202, and 101. I will contribute to the New Hampshire economy and get certified to teach Social Studies 5-12 in the State of Maine. I will spend time with the people who love me the most in this world, as I reluctantly hug them goodbye, and walk-away with them in my heart and on my mind towards something brilliant and good. I will laugh hard, and I will cry even harder. My last few days will reflect my eclectic nature perfectly as I eagerly await this experience that will undoubtedly broaden my horizons (and my mind) even further.

Until Saturday.Renee

Date: 8.8.2011Place: Uncle Pete and Dan's

In less than two weeks I embark on this adventure that presents so many opportunities. While sifting through the ocean of paperwork and handouts this morning I realized that this journey could be two years or only two months long. If I do not exhibit the language and cultural proficiency needed to be an actual volunteer during Pre-Service Training (PST) then I am not allowed to be a volunteer. Here is my first real moment of insecurity around this. I am fairly certain that I can get myself on the planes and get to Africa, but once I am there can I crash course it well enough? I feel like it is a UMF Secondary Education Practicum of sorts. I will have a few short, insanely intense, months to demonstrate understanding of things I have never dabbled in before. Without the Dream Team will I succeed? ;)

I know that I will give it my all, my best effort. And wherever that takes me is where I am supposed to be. Who knows, I might not be sworn in as a volunteer and then end up working customer service for some American corporation in India. I guess I will just have to wait and see, put in my best effort, and see where the cards fall.

As for the prep, things are going well. I just wrapped up working Girls First Session at Takodah, and am now relaxing and preparing for departure at my Uncle Dan and Pete's home. There are a lot of i's to be dotted and t's to be crossed. I need to buy travelers insurance, designate Power of Attorney, apply for Maine State Teaching Certification, and make sure all of the proper paperwork is filled out. Today I compared the baggage limits of the Peace Corps and the three airlines I will be using to figure out how large my bags can be, and how many of them I can have. Phew! There is a lot of effort that goes in to setting up a Peace Corps life!

Saturday I had my goodbye party in New Hampshire! It was a good time. Many people came out to say goodbye and celebrate! There were dozens of camp friends, in addition to some childhood and camp friends. I received many letters of support/encouragement to bring a long with me!

Speaking of letters, I now know the addresses that people can use to mail me packages and letters and packages. They are on the sidebar to the right of the blog, but here they are:

Letters can be sent to:

Renee Scott, PCVP.O. Box 6862Windhoek 9000Namibia

Packages should be sent to:

Renee Scott, PCVUS Peace Corps/Namibia19 Nachtigal StreetAusspannplatzWindhoek, Namibia

You can even use these addresses now to send me things that I can get right when I get there. That's the fun part! I am thinking of sending myself a letter next week! FUN FUN FUN!

So that's it for now. Wrapping up the preparation. Packing next week. Paperwork this week. This is my address. And, the adventure is just around the corner!

Thank you for your amazing and everlasting support. I would not be able to do this without all of you by my side!

Be well.

7.10.2011Place: Takodah

Bittersweet. One word to perfectly describe this start of a journey after the close of an era. Yesterday friends and loved ones gathered in Portland to celebrate my departure. There was a festive energy in the air, but a definite undertone of sadness as I said farewell. And it was in these moments, under the beautiful crystal blue sky, that I felt truly upset about leaving for the first time. Not only was I leaving a place that had become home to me, I was leaving people who had profoundly changed my life and taught me things that I never knew were possible.

The last five years of my life have been amazing, just amazing. Being in Maine was the main reason for this. I was living in a great town surrounded by a positive community. I attended a fantastic college that provided me with many rich experiences and opportunities. I made the most of these years by making many meaningful friendships, taking risks, making mistakes, and learning as much as I possibly could. It is this that I will miss the most about Maine, the strong community that I have created for myself.

It is to this supportive community of Mainers that I say this: thank you. Thank you for everything. There were ups and downs, clarity and confusion, light and dark. We stuck through it together and did the best that we could. We created something unique, something happened here, and we will always feel it in our hearts. I can say without a doubt that we have changed the world by changing each other, and it is with this positive outlook that I turn toward something new.

Although I am sad I know this mourning will pass, and the next chapter will begin with the same refreshed, optimistic, youthful energy I brought with me the first time I moved to an entirely different place where I didn't know anyone. And I hope to create the same kind of loving community for myself there.

So farewell Maine. I never say 'goodbye', just 'good luck'. I will be back, and when I return I will have many more friends and hopefully some more knowledge to add to our community.

Be well,

Renee

PS - If you could have a few more job openings in the Portland area when I get back that would be great. :)

6.20.2011 Place: Takodah

This final night of Spring 2011 finds me back in the depths of preparing for service in the Peace Corps. Quite the process at every stage, it consumes a lot of time and energy. Lately I have been making lists for packing, doing paperwork (or at least pretending to), and designing the departure playlist, (suggestions are welcome). Part of all of this preparation involves establishing this blog as a web-prescence of my experience while I am gone. In the interest of maintaining an efficient, comprehensive form of communication (and information) I have made this blog!

Those of you who are tech savvy can follow it with your account, RSS, or via email. Those of you who are less comfortable with the technology can bookmark the website and come back whenever you want. Or make it your homepage, just sayin'.

I am trying to see as many of you as possible before I depart around August 17th. I am having my Farewell Extravaganza's (one in Portland, Maine on July 9th and another in Keene, NH on August 6th) in an attempt to cover both fantastically phenominal areas of my life. :) If you can attend one that would be great! If not, that is okay. Just keep in touch! There are some of you that fall in between both arenas, but don't worry. I will find you, and coffee chat will be had!

I have obviously decided to make a blog, but I am also going to Skype with those of you who Skype. My Skype name is: reneemariescott. Feel free to use it! Add me as a friend, and whenever I am on I will make time for whoever chats me first! ;) Don't worry, I will connect with everyone. For those of you who do not engage in such computer behaviors I will be writing and telephoning as well. Feel free to send me your address! (I have a snazzy new address book courtesy of Jacob Goodness). I do love me some snail mail! And there may be some of you who don't want to communicate, but want to read and observe from afar. You are more than welcome to read the stories and come along on the journey without establishing or maintaining contact. The more the merrier!

That's about it for now. Recap: I am going a little crazy figuring out all of the last minute details, but the magic is happening. I am zipping around the NH/MA/ME areas to visit with friends and family as much as possible. I have decided to blog, Skype, email, snail mail, and telephone for communication while in Namibia, (I mean the only thing left is smoke signals). AND, it is now less than two months until I leave. Get excited, I know I am.

Be well,

Renee