When I first created this blog it was an homage to my travels and learning about the world, the title was a pun and I loved it, because that's what life is, one huge pun.

I went to New Delhi, India in February... I'm happy to say I went but I'm sad to report it wasn't as amazing as I thought it was going to be, at least I saw the Taj Mahal.

I learned that like most third-world countries inundated with tourists, respect for women is still at it's lowest especially when traveling, and hustlers are scavengers without regard.

In May I went to Shanghai, China, that was interesting. It was my first mainland China experience, very Chinatown, which was somewhat unexpected. I was lucky to have contact with an expat there through one of my program directors [ironically the one who I went to India with!] and was able to see some of the "scene." A bit on the expensive side but I felt at home with them and I felt they were looking for someone like me to fill in their token space. A blond-blue-eyed DJ even fell for me with just my winning smile, who would have known? The computer I'm on doesn't have my Shanghai pictures will upload later.

Now I'm in Singapore, going to Bangkok, Thailand, Kuala Lumpar, Malaysia, and Beijing, China, for quick day trips [who needs more than a day at these places?]. How did I end up here? Don't ask! Especially since it's not because I have the money, contrary to popular belief.

Today [in Singapore] I took an aura picture and it had a lot of white... the crock-pot aura-reader say's its because I must pray a lot....but I don't ! Who would I pray to? I'm not an atheist but I don't believe in prayer to any one particular G-d and couldn't begin to tell you how you go about doing it. If anything, I pray to myself. I pray that I have the strength to go on living this life which I'm so ungrateful for; compared to so many, I have it so good. I see it every time I travel when I see everyone's pain and poverty. I don't wish I had their lives but like most, I wish I had the lives of the wealthy, if only just to do all the things I love, and not shop.

I miss my friend, I miss friends, what happen to them? How are they? Why have we lost touch? Once we were inseparable and then time and environment changed everything. I want to go back when I was making my college decision and go to a campus campus and have friends that are inseparable with life-long college experiences. - I have a hand full at most of these experiences. I want to go back to a time where everything was black and white, life was easy, student loans were a scary fairy tale and I could go to sleep looking forward to tomorrow's lesson at school, what would I learn next?!

I wish one of the lessons taught in school were keeping in touch with people and knowing who were the ones that were worth it and who were the ones that you could live without, life can be so exclusive. I understand why there was a one or two long-distance friend rule in the past and everyone's life was in a village where you can maintain all these relationships at literally arm-length.

Dear Life, I'm sorry people are cruel to you, I'm sorry I'm cruel to you at times, I hope Time brings you longevity and prosperity.

A post from a part of me [not to be confused with 'by me'] :

Sofia?If only it were for people like Sofia to stop me from the madness with their own brand of even weirder leanings…I’m still dissecting that thought, but I have to say that I hold my best friend very dear in my heart. I have seen unconditional love and acceptance at work because of her. I also built the foundation for the knowledge of human relations by using her as a crash test dummy of sorts. I try to repay what she has done for me at times even if it defeats the purpose of that unconditional love. What can I do?I would like to think that I deal on a level plane when exchanging wisdom with her, but I don’t know. I’m not sure. Is she a muse, an equal partner, a teacher, or just there to give me enough semblance of stability?Sofia, what are you? Are you only your name? Only knowledge? No. Much more for sure.Even though you serve as a muse to your groupies, disciples perhaps, I know they only receive fractions of what you’ve given me. Orders of magnitude less for sure.We need to travel the world and plant the seeds of counterculture, the fifth columns that will bring about the revolution. All progress is forward, therefore the vanguard is ours to lead.Or yours maybe. I’ll try as hard as I can to keep up.

I wonder sometimes, as many do, why there are those who go/are crazy and commit awful acts of violence and gore. As life goes on I get closer to the answer but not the rhyme/reason.

The point of life is so ambiguous and undefined that clearly, in my opinion, isn't meant to be known. Hence my indifference. I have theories but they are just that, theories, thoughts/ideas that float around my mind while I bake a cake.

I'm running around doing what society has told me to do, get a life, be productive, generate taxes, and find your significant other. Except, the running around was semi-interesting, being productive occupies my time, generating taxes isn't so bad when I get a refund, and finding my sig other is a hassle.

Last night, I got home, my roommate was cleaning the dishes and apparently was also cleaning the bathroom. TWILIGHT ZONE PEOPLE. My roommates do not lift a finger to clean unless it is their behinds. So you see my shock. She then quickly starts to tell me how she clogged the bath tub in the process of cleaning. I look at her, perplexed, almost as if I'm not understanding, because I don't. How do you clog a bath tub while you are cleaning it??

Me: What do you mean? How?

Her: Yea....I don't know how it happened, I've used drano, the plunger, everything, and the water doesn't go down.

Me: What? Thats so strange let me see

[proceeding to the bathroom coat and all to look, the curiosity was killing me lol ]

I go into the bathroom look down see the plunger inside, the empty drano in the trash, and yes, indeed water pooled together. I then bring my eyes to the right and start laughing uncontrollably.

Her: What?! What?!

Me: OMG!! JAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJA .... THE.. THE .... THE TUBE ISN'T CLOGGED!!

[She quickly rinses the last plate she is cleaning as I go into my room and drop everything and go back to show her]

Her: What do you mean it isn't clogged, you fixed it? How?

Me: Jajajaja [mind you, without testing my theory - but i knew] it isn't clogged look

[I lift the nob up look down, then push it all the way down, turn on the faucet as the water goes swiftly down the hole.]

Me: You can tell you don't clean much hun, it happens. lol It's the nob you use to take a bath and stop the water from draining.

Her: Omg...I can't believe it! Omg... I was going to call the plumber. I've been working on it for a few hours and was freaking out..

Me: jajaja what? [she had a weird expression]

Her: Thats so embarrassing... i was telling you --

Me: jajaja no no, how is it embarrassing? it happens, its just hilarious

I was reading some of the posts I wrote back in 2008, I can't believe I've had this blog this long, let alone still like it's title!

Work: I also noticed in my most recent blogs that I haven't raved enough about my job. www.conference-board.org , let me preface by saying that none of the thoughts or views represent the views of the conference board, had to add that because a while back the Peace Corps made me put up a notice saying that; There had to be a reason :p

I love my job. I get to travel! And they PAY for it!

Upcoming Trips:

Atlanta, GA

New Delhi, India

San Antonio, TX

Denver Colorado,

Atlanta, GA

Shanghai, China

San Francisco, CA

Houston, TX

Monterrey, Mexico

I love my job!

Friends: Lately I feel like I've been reconnecting with people, feeling even more compassionate than usual, almost enlightened. Its this weird feeling I've been having of having a big part of the happiness puzzle figured out. The strange part is that I thought that was the only part I cared about. Until through my social research for happiness I found all these parts that have really tested my theory..... Will get back to you on that too...lol - > New Friend: Met this random girl at Hens the night before New Years. I had seen her dancing from the moment I walked in, she danced so funny, who wouldn't spot her. I hadn't seen Hens so packed before and with a much of an older feel. I bought my friend a drink bc the bouncer had stayed in my hotel room two years ago in Miami with four other girls, but that is a different story [nothing crazy!], so she comped me in = awesome. Either way the night was slow but I was in a dancing mood and after being harassed by all the cougars I wanted to dance with something harmless. I remembered the girl wallying her hands everywhere and decided to dance with her. Oh boy, I'm not sure if that was a mistake but the girl clinged on. Long story short, she is still clinging! Herstory: 29 new lesbian! [= O] came out in August, apparently knew since forever but denied it for various reasons, even was with a guy for 6years!, ended amicably apparently, anyway, conclusion, definitely not my type. I had to let her down easily and we left it at friendship. I think she still secretely wishes I might change my mind, which really won't happen, she isn't even a little my type. lol Poor Girl. Hey, I did my part, honesty! She needs guidance anyway and I'm happy to give her a little insight into the "new world." I just need to do it doses at a time because she can get hard to unstick. lol Family: My mom came to visit me yesterday which was a surprise and nice. It was basically like a friend coming over and just haning out. It was surprisingly comforting and made my sickness recovery almost speed up, the power of the mom. I wish she always did things like that, just knew exactly what I needed all the time, that would be awesome, at least 50% [beggers can't be choosers!]

This year has been one that I can say has taught me some of the toughest and profound lessons in my life thus far. All I can say is "wow, what a year!" I learned love, loss, friendship, purpose, family and some more. It is funny how a person's life reality shifts and changes as time goes by, as you start to experience things that you never knew could effect you so profoundly, yet it goes on.

I wish I could accurately and precisely describe all my experiences to the extent that you feel it was yours, so you wont' have to go through any of my mistakes, and go on and make new ones. Alas, life has its restraints, so it seems. Top lesson of the year: loving thy 'neighbor' is actually probably one of the two purposes in life. After all, the purpose can be assumed is consistent, and the only commonality with the "beginning of the human race" and "now" is each other. I don't think I read about the caveman and his corporate title or his awesome marble made cave.

Me

The world is an illusion, so they say, and we are the masters of this puppet show.The only prominent experience I had no first hand experience has happened, until now. I can't say I am surprised or disappointed. It has proven to be every bit challenging as expected.

Deceit and Doubt

They go hand and hand. I don't trust you because I doubt you. I doubt you because you are deceitful. Now the question at hand is, do you deceit me because you doubt me too, or because you you have something to hide.

I am ashamed to say that I am not as strong as I thought I was to walk away from such a person. A person I say isn't worth it and perhaps not ready. I decided to be selfish however and wait until they were ready. I could be smart and walk away. After all there are 7 and some change billion people on this earth, there are other people. When you know, you know, and when you aren't ready, you aren't ready. The hope that you'll get there before I lose it or myself is ever lasting. I almost feel like I shouldn't wait.

To Ms. Cricket:

I'm not sure if I get a lot of spam intentionally from you or is it because I've been felling guilty of how I handled things with you. I'm sorry I should have been more direct with you, I preach honesty and directness, but I lacked it with you. It was my first time being the alpha and I didn't know what to do with the power that felt so nice and uncomfortable to hold. You weren't the worst choice but that was never it. The symantecs never concerned me, on paper it did'n't have to make sense, I was a perceived paper-girl under the disguise of the "know-girl'." Maybe in a different life things would have been different. Thanks for making me feel sane and logical, you were one of the building blocks, and I never go to thank you and express my appreciation.

The last entry I wrote seems like a lifetime ago considering what happened three days after it was written.

It is now a month later and it feels like a real life time ago.

Life has a way of surprising you, it's kinda funny.

Next trip: Mexico City (yes, I know I've been there) but this is work paid !!! I'm traveling for work!!!!!

Upcoming trips:

-> Napels, FL

-> Phoenix, AZ

awesome job + awesome gf = awesome life

It's funny how two people who like each other can be unsure whether the opposing person likes them. I feel like it happens a lot in every type of relationship, not just romantic. With friends, its how much do they like you? enough for you to call in an emergency? or just to have someone go with you on a night out? A shoulder to cry on? A virtual laugh? lol It's all so complicated nowadays.

I talked to my little 11 year old brother this morning. He is adorable. This is going to sound super horrible, but, I forget how much I love him sometimes! lol He lives upstate and we don't really keep in constant contact. For a while it had to do with the fact that he was so young and it was hard to have a conversation longer than five minutes. Now, he understands concepts and is a smart little booger.

I sometimes wonder about what is the best way to raise a child. Stern, not stern, rules, no rules, which rules, learning, schooling, best schools, public schools, private...so many different factors. I know I'm not his mother but we have such a huge age difference that I want to be the best asset to his life. He has me for a sister! Someone who naturally counsels people in life! So he should be a lot farther in his personal development. I kinda blame myself a little bit. Knowing how my mother is, her poor parenting skills, I should have known to have made more of an effort to curb her influence.

We had a nice chat and I hope he listens to at least 5% of what I say, because knowing that %5 more is better than when I went through it and had no advantages at all.

I'm starting to get nervous about money and employment. I'm trying for it not to get the best of me, but omg, I'm starting my third week of unemployment. I've been to a lot of interviews with a lot of undecided companies who want to keep interviewing until the end of time!! It doesn't help my favorite recruiting agency told me that we are the slowest hiring period of the year, after christmas week!!!!! It makes me feel like I should have blown the whistle sooner, or later, or at least tried to get fired so I could get unemployment benefits :'(

Hello world, once again, I'm here. I'm still surviving and looking up at the desperate attempt to communicate with the UFOs so they can take me!!! :p In all seriousness, I'm happy to feel inspired enough to type in this thing.

I always complained growing up that I wasn't good at keeping diaries or journals. I have a million and one half started, or a quarter started, all starting with consecutive days and slowly trailing off and spacing more and more days in between until nothing. I need to have more discipline!! That should be the theme of my life!

Updates:

Work: I quit my job. Yes, I really did. No, I did not have another job lined up. Yes, that is just how I do things. I gave in my two week notice and only at the end of my two week notice did I kinda start looking for another job. I quit because my direct supervisor was using me as an assistant, and that was not my job, it was to ASSIST her, night and day difference. She also was crazy competitive, a burden, and just an overall not so great person to work with. Which is a shame because everyone else wasn't that bad at all. I got use to working there, I even got interested in jewelery. I got over the whole owner-being-crazy-n-stupid thing, because hey, there are very few out there that are very different. In the end, what really convinced me was the salary. I really couldn't go on living on the little to nothing salary, I went to NYU-Stern, doesn't that count for something?!

So far I've been on a few opportunities/interviews and I only have liked one of them thus far. I hope not to jinx it, but hey, things happen. Cross my fingers.

Friends: I have been really happy about my friend management skills lately lol As silly as that sounds. I have been really trying to filter out the bad type and develop the good relationships. Even though some of the underlined awesome ones are moving to certain places, like, DC... ggrrr.. speaking of which! One of my best friends in the entire world! Had her wedding recently! Aug 14th! I was one of her bridesmaids! Oooo aahhh c'est vrait. It was an interesting experience. Meeting the family and other close friends. I felt a little bit out of place but it wasn't that bad. I was just honored and happy that she invited me and let me be part of her wedding party!

I've been on the subway with my iTouch and received "free public wifi" signals everywhere. I finally googled it tonight and it apparently its some virus crap that Windows connectivity settings create. Great.

Sometimes I have the silly altruistic feeling my point of life is to spread emotional and mental guidance/advise to everyone that comes my way. Which conveniently works with my travel and cultural curiosity, but, is that my "Free Public WiFi"? An idea that when you first see it, seems like a great grab, until you finally try it. Every time you try to connect it doesn't go through. You open the browser, you see the signal showing "connected" and then it just drops after a few stops and attempts. Then finally you tell the iTouch not to ever connect to it and the torture finally stops.

After hours of applying to jobs this past weekend, I've caught a couple of hooks.

I have an interview with a school S.Korea - Gumi is the city's name. I'm excited actually, I started looking at blogs about teaching English in Korea, and I'm excited. I love most Asian cultures, and I have a feeling I'll love this one too! Plus! I get to learn Korean!! OOOOOoooo Aaaahhhhh The downside is leaving everyone again after a year and half of being back from Africa...What can I say? I love to see the world....

I could have an interview a place in LOS ANGELAS!!! yeaaaa baby!!! I just emailed them this morning to ask about what the salary would be like... in a very coy, calm, cool, collective way..... basically in so many words here is a copy and paste!!:

(Top salutation)

Thank you for your prompt response! I'd love to come in for an opportunity to meet with you. The only day I have somewhat available is July 29th, please advise the time slots still available for that day. If not, next week would work as well, if not better.

I am terribly excited for this position however, I am curious to know the range in salary this position has been alloted. Since this chance has come along so suddenly, I'd have to forfet an upcoming interview, which I'm more than willing to do, if financially feasible. As I am sure you understand, I cannot compete for a position that i cannot afford.

I look forward to hearing from you!

(End Salutation)

What do you think? Pretty good right? lol I wrote it with two hours of sleep so... sue me! lol I just need to get an idea before charging $500 on cc to go to LA for the interview. Dude, its been my DREAM to go live in Cali!! If it's a descent pay... I totally would rock their socks off and walk in as if I already have the job...

It's Jewelry Company -- and oooh, what a coincidence, I'm currently working in a jewelry company!!!! I'm soooo hyped!! They want Bilingual... and what is that?! I'm Quad-lingual!! - sweeet!! They even said Multi-Cultured experienced -- Ummm... did you know I'm S.American, living in N.America, have lived in Europe and W.Africa!!! well why yes?! come on! This job was written with me in mind...HOWEVER, WHAT DO YOU PAY!??!? WHY DON'T YOU SAY IT?! WHAT IS THE BIG SECRET!!!!? ok... it's out of my system... damn, I just hate when they don't give AT LEAST a range!!

Austin has asked for interviews but eh, I don't know, I guess my heart isn't in it...

LA vs S.Korea in my mind to be honest... :p

Korea, Peace Corps, Portland, Charleston, Seattle,.....D.C.?

I'm excited for the next step... I have my supervisor's blessing...

I have a lot of posts/entries with a lot of angry or sad feelings/statements. As I'm sure I've mentioned before, the way I use my blog is the way I use to use my diary growing up. Whenever I was really really angry or sad/depressed that was my tool to vent. It just wasn't as public... lol

I want to dedicate this entry to Happiness. I perhaps don't speak about the topic as much as I would like, however, for the record, this is my objective in life. Happiness.

The title is Perspective because my life hasn't made huge leaps of progress but I'm not as unhappy, perspective. I started to go on this downward spiral that most people get caught in and have a hard time getting out of, if ever. I know I'm not like that, I know I'm a positive and calm person at heart. I guess sometimes you just need to go down to realize how far up you were to begin with.

I'm grateful that I'm able to take that step back and look from the outside in. Interaction does that! People, I cannot say this enough, whenever you are depressed, get OUT of the house, your room, tv, anything that isolates you, it only makes it worse. Interacting with people reminds you how diverse and how the world doesn't depend on what you think is important (along with other advantages).

I'm happy, I'm happy I have a few great friends and an amazing kindred spirit "in-house" :') I'm happy I have my education, knowledge, and that things are only due to get better.

My life the Rollercoaster....Join Me! :D

BogMed = Bogota y Medellin COLOMBIA!!!

Jealous? You should be, because Colombia is more than awesome. :p

I can't wait, mixed feelings but tonight, I'll start my planning. Tuesday! then Wednesday, then THURSDAY!!!

Then, I get to see the most beautiful wonderful man in the ENTIRE WORLD! te quero :')

I'm watching the Coco Chanel movie with Audrey Tautou. As I went through the movie I became curious to see how close to Coco Chanel's real life did the movie follow. I wiki'd her life and did an extra google search for good measure, and discovered that they embellished a good portion however the general outline was still there. I also discovered she was never married. Never married, a few affairs, maybe fell in love once or twice, but no marriage.

She is the only person listed under the list of Top 100 most influential people of the 20th century from the fashion industry. Came from nothing and became a world wide phenomenon.

The age old question: Does a woman need to sacrifice a personal life in order to become a success? However, I beg to differ on the question.

I do however feel like there are many women out there who become a Coco Chanel in their own right, minus the international success and worldwide empire, but their not ever being married part.

I wonder how my biography would read...

Obstacles are hard to handle because they don't have to be part of life. Life is easy. We are born, the earth bears the fruit that sustain us, the clouds and the rivers bathe us and quench our thirst. Our bodies are sufficient organic machines and can adapt to many different types of weather.

How so does life become hard?

Answer: People make it hard

I feel like in the past year, I've grown so much as a person, more than any other time in my life. I'm at a cross road in life. I'm either going to make a right or a wrong. It is scary when you don't have anything to fall back on if you make that wrong. I have no one in my life that can "bail" me out. If I make that wrong, I'm stuck.

It is sometimes overwhelming when companies target me based on my demographics. This may sound like a conspiracy theory to many of you (insert white america here, upper middle class and up - optional).

- I'm Latina (how more hispanic can my name get?!)

- I'm a woman (therefore more likely to be stupid? - or accepting of authority rather...)

- I'm young (yea, it actually is a disadvantage when it comes to respect and underestimation of life and intellectual experience)

- I'm poor (therefore more likely to be undereducated...in many ways)

Add this up together... what do they see? An easy target. A target that no one really gives a shit about and pays attention to when they complain. Do you think I'm lying? This year alone I've had FIVE (yes FIVE) different companies charge me "misc fees, penalties, etc.., that then get transferred to either collection agencies or some more random collection agency to buy it for cheap.

No, I'm actually really responsible. I actually have gone to college, NYU - Stern School of Business, have lived in Europe, Africa, and the Americas, and have done this all by myself with no financial support from anyone (including family) since I was 16. Yes, this is near impossible to accomplish without having a long-term plan and being responsible (unfortunately).

They just love to target me. I'm a victim of targeted financial harassment.

Like my student loans....

I have 60k in debt [NYU is not cheap - my stupidy didn't help either]. 60k!!! Student Loans are the devil. The companies which distribute them are part of the evilness and dark empire called disgusting S.O.B.s.

I DON'T CARE if most of you have more, I DON'T CARE, we have TWO VERY complete mentalities, support systems, and resources. IT IS NOWHERE NEAR the same.

I'm sick of being a slave to these loans. I'm not meant to be this way. I'm not meant to be a typical 9-6er (yes, they have extended the freakin 9-5 work day!!!), at least not in the same place all the time!

I toast the host of the most impressive hoax. I dare thee to take the risk of being yourself, being who you want to be, reach out, be happy and smile a nice big smile.

I'm going to Toronto over Memorial Day weekend....alone, hopefully I'll get in a lot of trouble with no evidence on my record because I'm in a different country....

Itinerary? no clue..... where the wind takes me? I don't care really, even if I just walk around for three days living off fruit, I'll be happy. Ahhhh c'est la vie!!!

Hope to see you there!!!

My new destination is Austin, Texas. I will be moving there sometime in late December or early January.

So I was thinking about joining the Air Force [but I won't bc I wouldn't start until 2012!!!]. I just need someone else to take care of things for some time. I'm so stressed and I can't believe I've been doing this by myself since about 15yrs old. Considering basically being parent-less and clueless about the systems of life, I guess I did okay.

I wish someone would have said something about private college or that my mom would have denied co-signing with me the stupidness of that loan I wish I never took out. NYU is probably the biggest regret due to my loans status, I would be free without that debt hanging over me. Everyday I feel like those loans are choking me and slowly sucking my happiness away. I've contemplated doing things that no one should because of those little devils.

aahhh if I were not under 60k of debt I would.... be somewhere...Idk, I try not to think about it, it makes me sad. I rather be at 0 than at a negative.

EDUCATION SHOULD BE A RIGHT NOT A BURDEN!!!!

I feel like a sap when I think of things I shouldn't. I feel like a stupid silly girl with a wild imagination. I can't believe these thoughts get in my head. I can't believe I honestly know that I believe them.

I-wish-I-would-have-said-and-you-would-have-believed-list:

-> You make me feel whole

-> You make me feel safe

-> You make me feel like superwoman

-> You make me breathe easy

-> You make me feel at calm

-> You make me laugh when you smile

-> I'm never embarrassed by you, even when I should be.

I hate when you get in my head even for a second of my day because it reminds me that we are the past.

Life is a funny thing. It goes through its ups and its downs. You learn things about people, the world, and yourself.

Travel:

-> Probably going to Toronto for Memorial Day weekend. Half-excited. Almost wish I was going to Montreal again to be honest....

**update**

-> Going to Montreal weekend Friday - Sunday for Braidmaid's Trip!!!! I can't believe its not on the list!!!

-> Going to Colombia in June for a week and half.... doing it the foreigner-who-speaks-spanish way though... so kinda nervous, but excited!

-> Probably going to a Caribbean location in Fall'10 time period.

School:

-> Probably going to be a PA instead of doing my MD. I did a financial/life/time analysis and oddly enough it works out about the same money-wise. Still half in the air though....

Friends:

-> Changes and shifts have happened but honestly, nothing horribly bad. I'm so happy to report, A-OK! :)

Thoughts:

-> Alexis is still in Colombia...boo hoo... and can't wait until I see him and super can't wait until he comes back!!!!!

-> Science classes are a bitch...lol I'm trying to get a couple of classes in this summer but it sooo hard to fit in with my job... ugh...I wish I had parents who paid my life while I went to school and not have to worry about coordinating it with my job.

-> "Mia" is probably going to be moving to DC :( by the end of the month... she got offered an awesome job and opportunity...so happy for her...so sad for me...

FUTURE TRIPS:

-> 2012 AQUAGIRL!!

-> Japan?

My Alma Matar... is a crazy institution that sucked my soul in exchange for a supposed valuable piece of paper....omg.... really?

What have they done now? Expanding by 40%? To increase student population? WHAT?! So what you are really saying is that you are on the Ford T Plan? You want to make a degree factory...

Ladies and Gentlemen...what is the law of inflation? WHEN THERE IS AN ABUNDANCE OF SOMETHING IT BECOMES LESS VALUABLE PER UNIT..... FML! I just paid thousands of dollars for a manufactured degree....

**SIGH** Yet another sign of my ever impending implosion.....

I've been holding out for a very long time to buy a new game system. My last official system was a gameboy color and previously it was Super Nintendo. In my opinion, I think there is no better system than Super Nintendo....yes, I know I'm a nerd :p

So, recently, I've been wanting to get a Super Nintendo again....but then I started to think....well, there are never going to be new games! So I ended up somehow randomly while buying a birthday president for an seven year-old buying a Nintendo DS!! And I must say...I LOVE IT! It is a mini super nintendo! Nintendo! you love me! you made the DS for me...didn't you?!

I got you in red.

I feel like I haven't written on here in a while. Why is that? I've been waiting for inspiration. For a strike of lightening to make my fingers flow and beat along the keyboard. However, with my recent misfortune, being sick, I haven't been in the mood. Before that, it was my move, before that was my new job and planning to move, the stress really didn't let me focus on anything.

Cool New Gadget...

I received my nook a bit back...I don't know if I shared the news with you... It's awesome. I had a temporary buyer's remorse moment but I love it now... I'm happy with it.. Nook is a Barnes n Nobles e-reader...for those of you who aren't so lucky to know these things...

About the new job: I don't mind it. It is okay. I try so hard not to yap my trap on and on... because that only gets you in trouble at work... I want to be able to go and out without forming any real relationships and getting comfortable with anyone. At work, no one can be trusted.... I have a female boss which sucks (sorry ladies). Female bosses are awful and just awful. They are waaaaay sensitive and are sooo guilty of micromanaging, which is the worst...All my male bosses have always loved me because I'm not emotional and they don't give a shit how I do things as long as I do them fast, well, and get to the goal. Ugh. So job is okay. No major complications thus far...hope it stays that way...

On my sickness this week. I'm not sure what I had but I think it might have been the flu...I didn't get my flu shot... Which you know what? I don't regret...I think its okay for my body to build up some immunity... never can be too tough if you as me... not in this day and age... I didn't take off a day off at work... why you ask? because they give me SUCH few days that I didn't even want to sacrifice ONE DAY... the bastards will suffer with me because of their cheapness... PLUS everyone was much easier on me at work...and when I say everyone, I mean my boss...hardly asked anything from (well not that much)... it was awesome...

My new place. I want to say I love it. I want to say it is incredible. It is awesome just have this funny feeling that I'm in for a surprise...and I'm hoping its just jitters because of the awesome setup I have...It is a three bedroom apartment right near where I use to live and right behind a really good friend's apartment... I can actually see into her kitchen... freaaaky...I know..

BFFs... My number one A, is still in Colombia.. having fun... my number two A is still in law school getting through a hectic part in her life... my number three A is leaving to Ecuador soon... *sigh* forever... my number one K was just at work STILL drunk from the night before smh wish I was there... my number one E is currently getting ready to go to a bday party downtown ...my number one L is chillaxing I hope bc she is a workacholic... am I missing anyone? hmmmm Flowers I haven't seen in a million but we keep in touch...I hope to see her soon!!!

Conclusion? I hate the cold weather...I need to move!!!

P.S. Umm... started watching the Beaver Bunch... interesting folk... lol

From my hubby! Sent: to my job... When? TODAY! Who: EVERYONE asked! who are they from?!?

Did know you know that I caused myself:

-> To display seasonal allergy symptoms

-> To need glasses from a very early age

All the above. True.

From a very early age I noticed I was one of those children who just hardly EVER got sick. I remember two times, tops, in my childhood that I was actually sick. The rest was all fake. FAKE...F A K E... even with how much I hate that word it is true. I invented my own get-out-of-jail card except it was school instead of jail. It became evident to me that I hardly ever got sick when I almost made perfect attendance one year but I missed it because I had stayed home on my birthday. The only day of the year my mom would excuse me from school without real cause except it was my birthday!

So I decided I needed a good reoccurring sickness that wasn't too serious but serious enough that I didn't have to go to school. I started to makeup symptoms...my mom didn't believe me so she threatened to take me to the doctor. When I nodded my head yes in excitement, it made her actually make the appointment just to make sure. At that age I don't know how, but I knew, I knew that the Doctor would go by the symptoms I told him and not my state at the appointment. Of course I was right and the Doctor told my mom I had seasonal allergies. Gave me claritin and sent me on my way.

Since then, if I ever wanted to stay home from school all I would tell my mom is that I'm not feeling well and I would stay home. She wouldn't take my temperature, she wouldn't look at me carefully, she'd she say okay and let me stay home. It was awesome. I even took the Claritin. Just to see, just to see what it would do. Plus, I thought it would help me display some symptoms a bit more to be honest...lol...It never did... I never told anyone this...well, in THIS much detail... :p

to be continued...

I moved!!! Granted only a few blocks from where I use to but the intention was not to move neighborhoods... The new place is pretty awesome, it has its quirks...but then again what place in NYC doesn't!? That is not a luxury/newly built location....

Anyway, it's a 3bedroom apt in a walk-up...it is not the most beautiful walk-up..but I've always wanted to live in one....so I'm happy about that :)

My roomies are a guy and girl...the chic is Asian from HK, which my supervisor is from sooo that is cool/interesting... the guy is a light skinned Haitian...super cool guy... the girl is very nice and is studying to be a NP Nurse...which is super duper awesome... lol

I'm not minding work at all, I think I might not mind it too much even when it gets stressful...but honestly...I don't see people stress too much unless it's market, which happens 5 or 6 times a year... so thats not too bad...

What else can I say? I'm happy. Thank the universe! I'm happy. Nothing is perfect, everything is a bitch to do and things of course could be better...but bottom line is... I'm happy :D

Okay, so remember when I talked about the different levels of friendship? Well, I do. Either way what led me to even start thinking about that was because of my inner struggle with friendship. My/their expectations and how they differ... I feel like a lot of ppl go through the same thing but just eventually accept it and make do.

This article I feel really breaks a lot my thoughts and observations down...or rather long.. because its a long article...at least read the first two pages...

Have a + Day

Brought to you by ME

I'm not really into celebrities. The few that I recognize and might follow have very few things in common. I'm not really quite sure how it happens, it's usually who is popular at the moment and then if I happen to remember their name...then I pay attention....

Strangely enough I actually don't like to know anything about my favorite actors'lives. It ruins the beautiful illusion of their beautiful acting. My first favorite actor (as early as I could remember) was Robin Williams...and mostly because I didn't know any better [Although honestly...I could have picked worse!] Then it was Robert Downey Jr. because he was the first actor that made me understand what was good acting....now...its Ryan Gosling...he is an AMAZING actor...tell me nothing about him... I want him to continue being perfect in my little world....

Okay. So I just read Twilight...might I add on my new Nook.... :D anyway...I'm sorry to report that I'm a sucker for a good love story...but this...was half-way there...

The guy...intense...like most girls oogle over...of course supposedly gorgeous!! lol

Well anyway..the girl..uhh...average...

Bottom Line?

WHAT THE FUCK!? WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST TURN HER INTO A VAMPIRE? SHE WANTED TO!!!! I WANTED TO! EVERYONE WANTED IT TO HAPPEN!! What kind of Christian propaganda is this?

CRAP

I haven't written on here in a while... Why is that? I'm not sure... I don't feel inspired to write. What is happening? What happen to my inspiration? Did it die the moment my heart was broken? In another life, in another time, maybe I could have enjoyed this.

Today I went dress shopping with my fellow bridesmaids + bride. To be honest, I'm not a huge clothing shopper, but it wasn't too bad. I'm happy to report it was much more painless than I had originally thought it was going to be...I think we already settled on the color, fabric and brand...August here we come!

I keep wanting to call my people in Guinea, I just can't. It hurts. I miss them. I miss W. Africa. I miss my life over there. When I talk to them, it reminds me I'm not there. It reminds me I want to travel continue experiencing and living different places. It reminds me of all my lost hopes and dreams. Which just makes me continue to procrastinate calling them...

My hubby...where are you? I miss you. :'( tqmmmm

Don't you sometimes wish you could use a magic word? One that can make everything okay and everyone happy. One that fixes everything instantly and everything that is needed to be understood is understood. Or how about shows the person that you deserve their trust?

Lately I feel I'm not the only one that wishes for this magic word. Friends need their significant other's (fill in the blank) lol. It's crazy... Ahh c'est la vie...

If there was a magic word, would their be any restrictions on how many times you could use it?

I was thinking about it the other day and I came to the conclusion that everyone has a 'magic word" it's the thing/someone/situation that you focus on when you are trying to get through something...It seems like a symbolic magic word at the very least lol

My magic word is: Happiness

Think of yours...

Happy New Year!

Yes, I know, I'm a bit late...but what can I say? I like to make an entrance...

A new year brings new happenings and new experiences and memories to cherish for as long as they survive in my brain damaged consciousness.

Some goals go as follows:

-> AquaGirl

.... the list will be continued at a later date...

I had a great time this past weekend, my friend from Phili came in, I haven't seen her in five or six years... maybe even seven...but who is counting? bc clearly i'm not! lol

Well, it has been a while since I've written here. More due to my vacation status than anything. When you are on vacation anything that requires thinking outside of what I'd like to eat today is a lot of extraneous effort.

What have I missed? Oh yea, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah!, is there that made up holiday called Kwanza in there still? Do people still celebrate that made up holiday by a group of people feeling left out during this time.... just like I feel left out on Martin Luther King day...I don't see the big deal but apparently its an amazing day for others, where is my amazing touchy feeling for that day? I should invent the Justice Sotomayo day, so we can have a day of the year where we feel left out ...aawww...

Which leads to something that I'm not late for, Happy New Year!! Ok, maybe I'm a bit early. So what are you drunken plans? Why do we insist on greeting the New Year either drunk, sleeping, oooooor working? Yea, not my cup of tea. What does that mean about people. If you greet the new year drunk that means....fill in the blank... if you greet the new year sleeping that means ....fill in the blank... and if you greet the new year working you need to take a vacation and reevaluate your priorities in life...

Being on vacation is AMAZING...even broke vacation where you don't go anywhere but just relax in your house and partake in many hobbies....or maybe just one... :o)

I'm looking forward to this bridesmaid dress thing we have going on in a month...I haven't seen Kara in a while...I feel like that happens when you don't work near each other anymore and you hitched.... aaahhh Kara why did you go into the darkside so quickly? lol S'ok, you got hit by cupid's arrow ... it happens...it happens to the best of us (cue in rain, car passing by splashing water on me, and kata trying to blow her nose in the disintegrating tissue looking up as makeup streams down her eyes and she looks into the sky wondering about fate...) Wooaaa I should have been a screen writer... AMAZING....

Kisses and Hugs for the Holidays people!!

Thank you for giving me health (after all I do not have any life-threatening disease or syndrome)

Thank you for making sure I can always eat.

Thank you for giving me certain people in my life.

Thank you for allowing me to be born in a country where millions will kill to live in.

Thank you for giving me all my special skills and talents.

Thank you for making sure my family weren't the murderous hateful kind.

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to be me.

**some of the things I'm thankful for**

Some people are always naming the things they want instead of counting and thanking the universe for the things they have.

I'm usually not excited about my birthday...at least for the past 10 years. I've had really crappy birthdays. No one cares, no one organizes a party, nothing happens unless I literally motivate myself to care....

This year my mom called, my cousins, and three uncles (out of four).....obviously ppl on facebook wished me a Happy Birthday...but you know how I feel about that....oh no? Well, I feel it's very fake and I hate it...lol

I'm quitting my job tomorrow as my birthday gift. I hope the universe sees it the same way I do. I can't believe the day is so cold and its my birthday... hmmm... oh well...

I feel like friends I had before are fading off and making their new friends forgetting about the old...I guess I didn't matter as much... or not as exciting...which I could understand...

I'm off to a house party...maybe I'll drown my sorrows and forget about my birthday...its almost over...thank g-d... the faster it passes the better....its easier to dismiss your friends on non-birthday days bc they might be busy...but on your birthday...you friend should take some time and make you feel like its your birthday... oh well... i've never had that...so why I am asking for it now? ...

Happy Birthday to me.....y a y

For all of you who don't know, I've had a leak in my kitchen ceiling for a while. We all kept telling the super that the wall was leaking, we had water all over our counter. Well, long behold, of course the ceiling fell. Now they inconvenienced me by leaving this HUGE gaping whole in the wall and dirt everywhere. But wait, there is more, they aren't finished so I was squatting at a friend's house for a bit and now I'm back to this disaster area. Long story short! I'm MOVING the F out!

The moment they plaster that wall I'm going to scrub the walls and floors of this space and make sure this looks like the most appealing place to live....pictures on craigslist later... I'm free lol...

Ooohh, plans..great plans..lol

The movie was horribly scripted and when I mean horribly, I mean my 10yr-old brother would probably write a better script. The world is ending, you see an entire city being engulfed in front of your eyes...and you are going to bicker about essentially STUPID issues??? I would be freaking out like crazy!! THE WORLD IS ENDING PEOPLE!!!!!! Why would you take that in stride????

Not to mention the korny scenes where they were having "heart-to-heart" ... I wanted to shoot myself...are you freaking KIDDING ME!!! there are literally two minutes or less on the clock for you to do what you need to do and you are WASTING that shit saying "I love you"??!!?!??!?! FIRST of all, if you really loved that person, especially since you've married them and had children...I'm PRETTY damn sure she already fucking knows that brainiac!! SECOND THE WORLD IS ENDING!!!! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!??!?!??

Then the awful scene between the scientist and his father which brought tears to my eyes not because of the emotional nature but the anger I had of the crappy acting and horrible lines.

Whats good? The concept... I love end of the world movies and this one had a good concept. And the religious twist is surprisingly not so annoying. Perhaps because those ultimately choosen were just rich bastards able to afford a price tag of $1 billion EUROS...NOT some self-rightious bunch who followed the word of G-d to the tee. jajaja oh boy, I wonder if the Christian folk realized that one...jajaja

Should you watch it? Yes, wait until the DVD comes out.

Ok. Until next Movie review...! ;p

I hate making huge life changing decisions that will effect me for the rest of my life. Its scary almost. I like making decisions that can be reversed if need be. I'm in a situation where I'm scared to make the decision I want to make but its scary if I A) I'm not able to do it and/or B) I fail and I'm stuck with a huge financial burden on my shoulders...

I wish I was a trust-fund baby... no fair :(

Before I went to africa I was a vegan (well, really macrobiotic - but who is into details?). I did enjoy being a vegan...with the addition of fish...which makes me a macrobiotic...but I would say for the most part vegan.

Time passed PC happened and I fell off the wagon. Now I'm back in action and I'm loving it. I love the feeling of not being bloated... I love the energy. I love the lightness I feel. I looove it all! lol I'm not preaching Veganism to anyone. I'm very firm about people choosing their own path but honestly, try it for a day or two and you'll see how that small change does actually help.

What can you eat as a vegan? Everything! I'm serious people. There isn't a recipe out there I can't modify to make vegan and it would taste better or just as good. OOOOR even better try new things that ONLY vegans can enjoy. LOVE IT!

I'm happy again. I love this happiness. I love it.

I have just arrived at the 150th entry! I'd like to thank myself and myself for my crazy moments and creative thinking...

What is the topic of conversation for this momentousness time? L I F E

Once upon a time there was a little girl named Tilin. Tilin thought the world was simple and transparent. She grew up believing the world was in order. That those who wronged were always caught and taught a lesson. Those who deceive would eventually be exposed and punished.

Oh, how the world changes like an onion. Each year a whole new layer is ripped off and you get closer to the core.

Life is brutal and I'm not sure there is anything sweeter in life than being a child in ignorance and bliss. The simple matters of who likes who and who is friends with who was a simple 5 minute part of the day. Oh, how I miss being in 3rd grade.

Today try to think of life in the perspective of 8 year old you. Try to go about your reactions in the way you did at 8 years old. Try it for an hour even and you'll notice the quiet happiness within you.

Sunken Costs: -> past rent

-> past whatever

Cons: -> I don't really like my roomies..they have attitude problems

-> Having to hear the hypocritical statements about cleanliness

-> Having to pay more in about a month for a really small space and being uncomfortable.. (** which fyi counts a lot for me **)

Pros; -> I have my own bathroom...like my OWN bathroom no one touches it!

-> My roomies aren't constantly abusive at all...it could be a million times worse...

-> I'm already here..? scratch that...that should go to sunken cost...add that to the list of sunken cost...you can't calculate that in the equation.

-> Near subways (but honestly I can find a place near a subway)

I guess I'll keep working on this list...

I had a dream with you

I had a dream with you. It wasn't a nice one. It reconfirmed what I've always felt. I'm sorry you are like that. I'm sorry that I'm like this. In another world, in a different time and place. Do you believe in past lives really? Maybe in a past life this meant something. Why am I so convinced?

Twice looked back

I thought I never looked back. I thought once someone was finished with me I definitely was finished with them. I thought I would never glance back and miss the empty space. I had only looked back once, but I was sure then. This second time makes me feel uneasy but glad the space is filled once again. Idk what happened before but I don't think I want to know. It was after the initial bandaide pain did I realize there was an element that I was mistaken about, there was an element that I understood completely different. Now I'm prepared, now was the great time to look back and I'm glad you did too.

***NO these are not love messages to anyone...No Really!***