A few things that I should update you on....

Bronwen and I took a quick trip to Nicaragua. She got food poisoning and I got parasites. Actually I think I got them when I went to the Carnival in La Ceiba but it got worse in Nicaragua. We were only there for four days and stayed in Granada for three nights. Granada is such a cute town and I recommend checking it out sometime. We stayed at a hostel called, The Bearded Monkey. It was very cheap and as you can imagine, it brought a lot of backpackers and foreigners of all kinds. Our first day there we decided to hike up to Volcan Mombacho. It was absolutely amazing and the trails are gorgeous. For some crazy reason we decided to walk down rather than wait an hour for the truck to cart us back down, so down we went. Bronwen wore cut of corduroys so every time she took a step, her pants make that zippy noise. That entertained us for a while and then we decided to rest in someones yard that had actual grass. We rolled around in the grass and then we kept hiking down and guess what we saw....MONKEYS. It was definitely worth it to walk down and would have never seen the monkeys otherwise. The next day Bronwen was on her death bed and I had become friends with the bathroom. Bronwen’s fever broke finally and the next day we did a little bit of sight seeing and took some pictures. Our last night in Nicaragua was spent in the Hilton in Managua, the capital. We figured we deserved it after surviving three days in a hostel. Photos on my Facebook.....

After Nicaragua, I attended my CLOSING OF SERVICE conference in Valle de Angeles, a touristy cute town near the capital. It was a three day conference to gather everyone back together and to load us down with tons of information. We came as a group of 48 back in 2007, and so far 36 of us have stuck it out. Peace Corps did a great job of preparing us for the changes and challenges that we will face. We also received a ton of resources and information to help with the job search. I try not to think about it too much but it still makes me nervous. It was great to see everyone and I ended the weekend by dancing till the weeeee hours! We had a blast and kudos to Peace Corps, Honduras for putting on a great conference.

After my CLOSING OF SERVICE conference I headed to another Peace Corps meeting in La Esperanze. This one was just for the volunteers in my region. I think there are 12 of us but each year Peace Corps get us together to talk about safety and security issues, medical news, and anything else going on that we need to know about.

It was really hard to go back to site after spending two weeks with friends, but I did. So that was on a Thursday and the following Sunday was when the military coup happened........stay tuned for more.

I just had my end of service visit and evaluation.  So what does that mean to me….that means that I am on my way out!  I can’t believe that I am going to make it.  It was really encouraging to hear from my counterparts how much they have enjoyed working with me and how they don’t want me to go.  I may not work a full eight hours everyday, but when they started listing all the things that I have done and continue to do, I felt very satisfied with my work.  I feel that I can leave Honduras knowing that I have worked and I have changed lives.  Let me tell you about my friend Esterlinda.  She is my age, a Christian, single, no kids, and works out in a two room school that is a 15 minute bus ride and an hour an a half walk from her home.   I have no idea how many people live in her house because there are always a ton of people when I go and visit so that is still a mystery.   Well, a few months back Peace Corps informed us of scholarships for teachers specifically working in rural communities to study in the states for one year, along with student scholarships available for recent high school graduates to study for two years in the states.  I immediately thought of Esterlinda and I knew that she would be a good candidate.  She had only two weeks to get all of the papers filled out and to get copies of almost every important and non important document, along with filling out the application.  Well, no worries because we got it turned in and a month later she was called in for an interview.  After the interview, we had to wait a few more weeks to hear and guess what…..SHE GOT IT!!!!  She’s will finish out this school year and in January she will leave for the states!  I think I was more excited than she was but I still can’t believe it.  Scholarships like this aren’t just floating around Honduras.  When I heard that she won, I had a sense of closure for Honduras.  I can now leave this country, knowing that one Hondurans life WILL be changed forever!  Next week she has training in the capital and she will start the passport process and meet the other recipients.  She doesn’t know where she will study, but I told her that no matter where she is, I will visit her.  I did have three students apply and they all got called for interviews.   I also had two girls and one guy apply.  I felt that the guy, Nixon, had a stronger chance than the girls because his grades were higher and he’s very poor.  The requirements for the student scholarship were very strict and students had to prove that they were poor by providing bank statements and parent’s incomes.  I had to go out and visit his house and take pictures.  He lives about 2.5 hours away…walking, crossing rivers, and climbing mountains….seriously.  He went to high school in town, so he had to hike this everyday just to go to high school.  Right now, Nixon is on a waiting list.  He’s number two on the list and I hate to say it, but I hope he gets it.  It’s very common for recipients to drop out.  My three students had never been to the capital of Honduras until they were called in for their interview.  Many kids just get nervous or scared and don’t want to leave their families.  So there is still a possibility for Nixon.  Nineteen students were selected from Honduras and three were selected by the help of Peace Corps Volunteers.  He will leave in August and study for two years.  I can see him being very successful with this scholarship program and I feel that he will want to return to Honduras after the two years to help his community with his new skills.  I would love to visit him too, and to see him speaking fluent Engish because it will happen if he goes.  He will study in English but Esterlinda will study in Spanish.  Am I the only one ridiculously excited for them????!!!!!                                    I hiked up and down and over the river to get to Nixon's house

Today was a normal Saturday. I cleaned the house, mopped, washed clothes and I went for my evening run. After running, I always stop and buy two bags of water. I drink one while chatting and then I head back home to finish the second bag in the house. As I headed out of the store, I heard this guy scream, “Hola mammita!” I turn around and look to see that it is one of the town crazies/drunks. So I start running up my road and I am literally two blocks away from my house so I don’t panic too much. So I’m literally sprinting up the hill to my neighborhood and on the way home there is a small cantina that sells soda and beer. Usually on a Saturday evening the men have already started so it wasn’t surprising to see a group of about 6 guys hanging out and chatting. As I’m sprinting and passing them I glance over and I can tell that their conversation appears to be somewhat intense. I turn my head and keep my eye on the goal; my front door, but then I hear this loud thud noise. I turn around again to look at the men and I see one guy slamming another guys head into the brick wall. I turn around and start sprinting even faster and once I get to my corner I can see that a few of my neighbors are sitting outside chatting. So I come running up yelling, “There’s two men fighting, there’s two men fighting, LOOK, LOOK!” Everyone sitting outside got up and started searching out the fight. It wasn’t hard to find two grown mean beating each other up. After about 30 seconds, pretty much all of my neighbors were outside watching and staring. No one was making an attempt to break them apart. At one point they both took their shirts off and starting slapping each other with them. I found this comical but then they started picking up rocks and that’s when I got nervous for any innocent by standards. This went on for about 10 minutes and finally the other guys decided to break it up. We stood around talking about who they were and what they could possibly be fighting over. No one ever made an attempt to get the police that is located one block over. We all watched and when it was over we all went back to our Saturday evenings. So down on the left is where I buy my bags of water and then I started getting chased up this hill and to my right is the small cantina and I just kept running up to my corner.

Am I the only one who fears change? Am I the only one who sees it coming and spends sleepless nights tossing and turning thinking about it? As fearful as I get, it’s also exciting because with change, I also get new experiences and new challenges. But, change also brings new insecurities, doubts that can linger around, and good old fashion fear. As I stare at my wall calendar, I get anxious looking at how many months I have left in the Peace Corps. I can’t believe how fast 2009 has started out and continues to move along. I just hope that by the time I have filled my wall calendar with slash marks that I will have a clue as to what will come next.

My dad just bought a house and as I am extremely excited for him, it is also sad that I will not be heading home to my “home.” It will be a new place that will not be mine. I guess this will force me to quickly transition into a place of my own. I am very proud of my dad and I can’t believe that he has bought a house. He has been fortunate enough for the past 30 years to live in company housing. So that means that my dad has had to pay no rent or utilities for the past 30 years. But guess what he has been doing…SAVING!!!! My dad crossed the border illegally when he was 17 years old. He came for work, he came to help his family, he came to have a life free of third world corruption. He met my mom in his early twenties and I have no clue how they communicated, much less fell in love but they did. They soon married and my dad became a US resident. After my parents divorced almost 20 some years later, my dad had no thoughts of returning to Mexico. He is home and he plans on staying. My dad barely made it through the fourth grade and today he is a homeowner in the US. It really is a big deal for him and I am very proud of him.

I have definitely found myself in some awkward conversations dealing with immigration. The law is the law and the law does not permit just anyone to enter the US. But, I would not exist if my dad didn’t cross illegally. Plus, I know what people want to escape from but I feel that many have a misconception of how easy it is to just cross and start a new life. Since I have been in Honduras, I cannot tell you how many countless stories I have heard of people sharing their experiences with me. Many don’t make it the first time, and on top of that they get thrown into prison and then deported back only to try it again. I have heard stories of people making it, but then leaving on their own free will for missing their families and being homesick. A taxi driver shared with me of trying to make it in NY, but returned after only a few months because of money, discrimination and lack of jobs. The ones that do stay send as much money back to their families as they possibly can. I have seen Honduran families spend this money wisely, but I have also see way too many Hondurans spend it on the wrong necessities.

So where do I stand on immigration….I respect the law but I would like to see the requirements to visit, study or live become a little bit more lenient. If you have time, check out the immigration requirements for any third world country. It is nearly impossible for any Honduran to visit the states legally. The requirements are absolutely ridiculous and clearly that is the point.

I have avoided blogging for the last month or so just so I wouldn’t have to write this blog, but here it is. About a month ago I headed off to the capital to meet up with friends and to do some grocery shopping. Before I left, I was nervous because I would be leaving Patty behind and she was really pregnant and ready to pop at any time. I have never had a cat before so when I realized that she was pregnant I started looking on the internet for information on pregnant cats. I learned that cats are pregnant for five weeks, and when week five comes around they start to become more affectionate and hanging around more often. I noticed this to be true, because usually Patty would eat and leave, but lately she had been eating and lingering behind. I also learned that cats give birth in a place that they have nested and feel comfortable in. I was hoping that she would find the corner that I had made for her enticing and comfortable but she didn’t. So I could tell that the time was coming but I had to leave for two days and I knew that she could give birth without me. After all, she’s a Honduran cat and that makes her 20 times tougher. After my trip I was eager to get home and to see Patty. I opened the back door and headed outside to see if she was lounging around. I saw her laying right behind my pila where there was a patch of grass and it was cool for the water. I noticed that she wasn’t moving but still pregnant. I called her name and nothing….I bent down to get a closer look and I noticed that she had been bleeding from her head. I tried to get her to move but she was dead. After panicking and calling my friend, we realized that she died giving birth. She did birth one kitten, but didn’t make it along with the other kittens that were never born. As sad as it is, I am comforted by knowing that she chose my backyard to nest and to give birth. Remember, technically she wasn’t my cat. She belonged to my neighbors but I fed her and took care of her since she was a kitten. She loved hanging out in the backyard and soon after her mom started coming around. But then one day her mom stopped coming. So now I am cat less and maybe it should stay that way until I get back to the states.

While I was in the capital for a little R&R, fan and good company (Bro and Sam), it is always a must to go grocery shopping.  The biggest grocery stores are called, Paiz, and are owned by Wal-Mart.  I am completely okay with this since I shop at Wal-Mart in the states and plus they have a better variety and better prices.  The first one we went to was called, Hyper Paiz, which is pretty much a Super Wal-Mart.  I was on the hunt for a fan and Bro was tracking down brown sugar.  I spotted a fan that I liked but it was on the top shelf.  I approached several workers about helping me but they never did, so the geniuses that we are, or Bronwen, she set out to get a chair in the furniture department and up I climbed.  It was easy to grab but it had been opened so I wanted to grab the one behind it.  Of course it was pushed back farther and neither one of us have enormously long arms so we needed help.  I went over a few isles and grabbed a big metal spoon so we could slide it towards us and of course we were successful.  No one ever approached us to offer help, and we never got fussed at by anyone, but I really didn’t care because I got my fan and off we went to look for brown sugar.  On our way over, I spotted some great black water shoes.  We got really excited because they look like tennis shoes and we could definitely wear this as everyday shoes.  So there I was with my fan, water shoes, and still on the hunt for brown sugar.  We were successful with the brown sugar, headed back to the hotel and watched TV.  Day two in the capital and we found ourselves again in a Paiz, but this was just a Paiz minus the Hyper.  We were doing more grocery shopping and I was looking for wheat tortillas when Bronwen came over and we were discussing how the more we walk around the more we end up putting in our baskets.  So we headed to the front check out and as we were walking we passed the cafeteria area where people can buy a plate of food which would more than likely will include a hunk of fried chicken.  So we’re walking past the cafeteria and I noticed that I just kicked something….I look down and it was a CHICKEN BONE!  I casually look up and say to Bronwen, “I just kicked a chicken bone”  as if that was a normal occurrence for me.    Maybe it is but this was unique because I was basically in a Wal-Mart kicking around a chicken bone.  That is a moment that I never want to forget. I was bored one night when the lights went out. 

January and February have come and almost gone.  I am amazed at how time starts picking up and truly just disappearing.  I am definitely grateful for this but I find myself telling myself, “Don’t ever forget this moment,” and I really do hope that those memories are forever in my memory bank.    

January entailed my return back from visiting NC along with a week long conference with all of the youth development volunteers in Honduras.  Before the conference, we headed to this amazing Bed and Breakfast to celebrate Bronwen’s thirtieth birthday.  That was definitely a memory that I hope to never forget.  We enjoyed the solitude, good food, tasty wine, chocolate cake and the grand finale of trying to do back bends.  We were only there for one night, but somehow I managed to lose my phone.  I think I had it in my back pocket and I jumped in the back of a truck and I am assuming that it fell out.  It was kind of nice being without a phone for a few days, but also comfortable getting another one. As the temperatures have risen, my fan decided to stop working.  This would have been okay, but it really has been dangerously hot and no fans can be bought in my town.  So I had to wait a few weeks to buy another until I could go to the capital.  Remember, I am two buses and eight hours away from the capital.  I leave at 3 am in the morning and arrive around 11 am.   I am definitely ready to be in the land of convenience once again but until then I will pray that nothing else requires an immediate trip to the capital.    Youth Development Volunteers in HondurasHondu 11 & Hondu 13

I think I almost died about fifty times today. Almost is the keyword, so I’ll just share my evening with you. Off I went to do my daily walk/run and today was a good run because the clouds were on my side as they covered the ridiculously scorching sun that continues to try to kill me. I’m just going to list a few things that happened during my run….

- A gigantic cow was roaming the path that I run and stopped and stared at me each time I ran by him.

- The path is very dry since we have not had rain in three months so I did a lot of tripping, slipping, and sliding as I climbed up and down the path.

- A rabid looking dog charged me and barked obsessively as I tried to stay calm. He definitely wanted to sink his teeth into my calf.

- I guy with a machete walked by me and smiled and wanted to chat but I kept going because I didn’t know him and I was kind of out of range of any houses.

- As I was listening to my Ipod and ready to belt out the next line, I found myself in the middle of a sand storm but quickly realized that it was just a huge truck charging by and stirring up the narrow dusty road.

As I was heading back into town and down the hill, I was welcomed by four grown men whipping and beating a cow in hopes that it would climb the hill. Clearly the cow didn’t want to but the men kept trying. The scene attracted quite a few people and I quickly took cover at the corner store where I end my run by purchasing two cold bags of water. Yes, I drink water out of a bag and enjoy it. By the way, the cow won and they ended up walking her back down to the field.

This is just one day….one hour of my life. Stuff like this happens all the time and it really is a miracle that I am still alive. Thank you, Lord for giving me one more day.

Why does that look so comfortable?

Christmas in North Carolina was exactly what I needed; reminders of great family and friends and a great job awaiting me back in Honduras. I don’t know how I quickly forgot how exhausting the daily grind can be. It also made me realize the importance of carving out a little time each day to just stop and be still. I guess I forgot that this was definitely a learned discipline before Honduras since now I have a ton of free time. Believe it or not I was actually ready to come back. No tear fest this time and I actually got a little sentimental as I arrived back in town. I realized that this Honduran life is temporary and I only have less than nine months left to live it. But then I think about life and how no matter where we are living it is also temporary. This world is not my home and my life on this earth is temporary. We have no idea when our time is up but wouldn’t it be nice to know….or maybe not.

I think I have an idea as to what I plan to do when I get back to Goldsboro. My teaching license is good until 2010 so I plan on substitute teaching, which will allow me some flexibility with my work schedule. The idea is to go back to my old school since pretty much everyone knows me and knows that I know what I’m doing. Usually substitutes have no clue how to teach. Also, I would like to go back to Wayne Comm. College and start volunteering again in the Adult Basic Ed. Program. The dream is that something will open up at WCC or a fabulous reading resource position will open up in the public schools. I’m really not worried about it and I just feel confident that all will be taken care of!

Well, the countdown is on and I really do look forward to what is in store for the remaining of my time here. Right now, it looks like I will be done in early Sept. and possibly late August if I can work some magic. I’m not sure how long I will travel afterwards but I don’t expect it to be no more than a month, so the end of September looks like when I will be back. So wait….I have eight months and three weeks left!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A Few Hilights........

Playing poker on Christmas Day

My Grandma and grandpa

Happy Birthday, Toni!

Toni and I found this car in the Wal Mart parking lot

So today I’m cleaning up the house, washing clothes, and making sure I have packed everything. Tomorrow my travels begin. I’ll be meeting Bronwen in La Esperanza (4 hrs from my site) and then we are heading up to San Pedro Sula (4 hrs on bus) to stay the night. I am scheduled to fly out at 7:10am with a huge layover in Miami and Bronwen is flying out around 2pm on a direct flight to Atlanta. If everything goes smoothly, I should be landing in North Carolina at 7:40pm. My plan is to wear the only two long sleeved shirts that I have in hopes that they will keep me warm. I’m crocheting a hat so hopefully I can finish it on the plane before I land in Miami. I know that I have been talking about the trip for a long time but I really do think that it will give me the encouragement I need to return to Honduras and finish out my last 10 months with enthusiasm rather than eagerness.

During my run this morning I was sweating ridiculously and couldn’t stop thinking about how much of a shock my body is about to go into. I don’t mind the cold as long as I have warm clothes and a cute coat. I’m lacking both so be prepared to hear me complain about the weather. I’m hoping for a random warm front but a little snow would be nice too. I did Christmas crafts at church the other day with the youth group and it felt so weird making Christmas angels while everyone was wearing tank tops and sweating. I had a pretty good crowd of youth show up and we made angles, God’s eyes, and a flower bouquet. We were also going to make a manger with baby Jesus snuggled inside but we ran out of time so I’ll have to save it for another day.

So I am trying to figure out what to do with my Christmas tree. I won’t be here to enjoy it and I won’t use it again, so I would really like to give it to a family that doesn’t have one. Surprisingly, most houses in town have some sort of decorations so I have been trying to find a house that doesn’t have anything. I think I found one but I need to walk by it again to make sure. Then I struggle with being the white girl giving things away. I haven’t given anything way and didn’t plan on it but I just feel like this is something that I am suppose to do. Plus this family has kids so I know they will appreciate it and I don’t think they will be offended. I guess the only way to find out is to just do it. So I guess that’s what I need to go do; now!

Larissa with her crafts Pastora teaching the angel craftWorking hard to finish

But that wouldn’t help. I could wear earplugs, but that wouldn’t help. I could wear headphones all the time, but that wouldn’t help either. Ignoring it, will not make it go away. I am a coward because I want to ignore it. I want it to stop but I do nothing to make it stop. Aren’t we all guilty of this? Daily, I hear the sounds of child abuse. I hear my six year old neighbor, Juan Carlos scream and cry out for help. I have seen him run from his mother. I have seen him come to class with bruises. I have seen him hide from her. Everyone knows that it is happening; everyone. But we do nothing. We sit in our houses and we turn the other way.

Usually in the evenings I hear his mother yell out his name. Like every other six year old in my town, he is usually off playing with friends or playing with the neighborhood kids. She usually yells his name out at least four times and usually more when he doesn’t respond immediately. I know that he has made it back home when I hear him crying. I know that he knows what is going to happen when his mother yells for him. I hate her voice. I hate his crying. I hate child abuse.

One morning I was heading out for my daily run and as I was leaving my house she was leaving her house while yelling for him. He was outside near the house playing a game of soccer with some kids. As I was walking out of the neighborhood I passed them as they were playing and she was walking behind me. All the kids froze and just stared at her. They even knew what was about to happen. I kept walking. She kept yelling. He started running. I started running my normal path and probably got about a half of a mile outside of our neighborhood when I heard him screaming. He knows it can’t be avoided but he knows that he can delay it for at least a few minutes. But he knows that he can’t escape it. I know that he is not the only one being affected by child abuse but now that I have heard it and witnessed it, I feel helpless.

I do what I can; I pray. As ugly as it is, as destructive as child abuse is, I have to believe that God is in the situation. I have to….

First Grade Class

The fair came to town and left today. I have to say that even though I am a huge fan of fairs, I am not a fan of Honduran fairs. It’s in town for a good week and by the last night, the culmination of it all has built and it just explodes. Last night was that night. I did a quick lap before dark to buy a few bracelets and key chains, but after that I was done. There was a whole section of gambling; real gambling, tons of food, and merchant tables set up, too. They also crowned the queen last night, and the dance was also last night. A ton of people come to visit family during the fair, along with a billion people coming from the small towns all around. For some reason, it is also a license for every man to drink until he passes out. I went to bed around 9 pm but I was definitely woken up about a trillion times by fireworks, the music from the dance, along with the occasional ruckus from the neighborhood kids. So really, feria is a time for people to go crazy and they do.

So today I got up and did my normal routine; breakfast, exercise, shower and then internet. I was honestly afraid to open my front door because I knew that the front of my house would be littered with trash. I was not disappointed in my theory but had a surprise visitor. I had a man passed out right in front of my door. On the left side of my stoop was a blood stain, and on the right side was the bolo (drunk). Oh, and there was a billion empty liquor bottles and a ton of trash. Anyways, back to the bolo. My gate swings out so I couldn’t open the gate to leave because his head was passed out in front of it. So I ask these two men walking by if they know him. They were drunk but not inebriated so I had some confidence that they could help me. So they tried to wake him but the bolo wasn’t having that at all. So then they decide to just drag his body away from my front gate. He was still sleeping on my stoop, but at least I could leave. I had about two bags full of trash that I threw away and off I went to use internet, visit, and buy a few things. I was gone for about four hours or so and when I came back, he was still passed out. So this is about five in the afternoon so I decided to head over to a neighbor’s and visit but they weren’t there. I decided to just go home and to my surprise the bolo was awake. He was sitting up and as I approached my gate he just kind of stared at me. I kept my door opened but the gate closed and soon after that I heard him shuffle off. Unfortunately, this is common during the weekends, but worse during the fair. I still don’t know where the blood came from.

Honduras has this great program for poor people when it comes to light bills. I guess it would be like electricity welfare, but if your bill is below 100 Lempiras ($5), then the government pays it for you. The majority of Peace Corps volunteers benefit from this since we usually don’t have a lot of appliances. I have yet to pay for a light bill and hope that the trend continues. The highest that it has ever gotten was 80 Lempiras ($4) and the lowest has been 40 Lempiras ($2). I do have a small refrigerator and my laptop. I try not to have it plugged in if I’m not using it and usually only have one light on at night. I have three rooms and then a back porch that all have lights. But there really is no reason to have more than one on no matter what. Oh, and I do sleep with my fan on. It helps when the nights are hot and when there is tons of noise.

The meter man comes around on the fifth of every month. We know he’s coming because it’s his job and if you aren’t there then they put the little piece of paper that’s your bill in between your door. Sometimes that doesn’t work because it’s tiny and if the wind blows or a mean kid comes by, it will just disappear. So I usually have my door opened and ready for him. My door was opened this last month and the gate was closed, so I still had something to stop random dogs, chickens, and people with just walking in (because they will). About lunch time he came by leaning over the gate and yelling, “Light bill!” I greeted him and he punched in a billion numbers on his hand held machine and looked up at it. He looked at me and looked inside my house and asked me why I never have to pay. He asked if I had a refrigerator and I told him that I had a small one and he just looked confused. I thanked him and took my bill and off he went to the neighbor’s house. As I turned around to head back into the kitchen I just laughed because my fan was on, my Christmas tree was blinking with shiny new yellow lights as it sat on top of the refrigerator, and my laptop was running. I guess I’ll have to wait until January 5th to see if I have to pay but I really doubt that I will.

I just got back home from spending Thanksgiving with Bronwen and Sam. Bronwen and I went to Sam’s site in Tutele, La Paz, to have an American Thanksgiving celebration in Honduras. I have to say that we did pretty good and I was definitely impressed with our Thanksgiving. Our menu consisted of turkey legs, potatoes and gravy, carrots, cranberry sauce, pumpkin pie and pecan pie. We all did our own contributions and I slaved away on the steamed carrots and pecan pie. We did all of this with two toaster ovens, and a two burner stove. I had never made a pecan pie but I just couldn’t go one more Thanksgiving without pecan pie so I was determined to make one; and I did. Bronwen did the crust and it was absolutely amazing. I am not just saying this because I made it but it was TASTY!!!! Sam made a pumpkin pie and it was fabulous also but when we were out on the patio watching our bellies grow a street dog squeezed through the front door and stuffed her face with pumpkin pie. It was a very sad moment as we stared at the mangled pie with tongue marks and knowing that that was it…no more pumpkin pie. We also indulged in Christmas music, Season 1 of Friends, and relaxation. It was nice to be out of site and spending an American Holiday with friends. It felt somewhat normal and not so Honduran.

Last year I did nothing for Thanksgiving and spent it in site like every other day in Honduras. My church did celebrate Thanksgiving and I helped decorate the church and also helped with the activities. Church members were asked to bring some items to place on the alter as sacrifices to the Lord….your first fruits….your best. The alter was filled with color fruits and vegetables, live chickens, beans, corn, bread, and anything else that grows fresh in my town. This year I decided to take clothes in very good condition along with a few hats that I had crocheted. At the end of the night we dedicated the items to the Lord and sold everything to ultimately make a very generous monetary offering to the church. It was amazing at how much we made. I stayed afterwards to help with the counting and at last count it was about 6000 Lempiras ($300). That did not include the offering boxes set aside for the church, and for the missionaries that we support. We have a family in Mexico that we are supporting who are actually from my town, Concepción, and they are a young family with a little boy. I really like them and enjoy talking with them when they come and visit. They have a heart for the lost and it comes out in all that they do. I have no doubt that they are sharing the gospel and doing it in a Biblical way; with words!

Sometimes I wonder if I really do get it. Sometimes I wonder if I am missing God. I feel that I walk this world and forget about Him. I forget about His promises. Why? Because I am human and I am a sinner. When you have a billion hours of free time like I do, then you tend to think about such things. One day I hope that I will get it….that I will truly feel like I am doing His will. Do we really want to know what God’s desire really is for our lives? Sometimes I think that I do, but then there are times when I am scared to even fathom if I am walking in His will. I know that I fail each day at genuinely pursing Him and being obedient. Am I the only one who thinks this or struggles with this?

Today I was reminded at how human and weak that I am. I am tired and frustrated of thinking that I get it but don’t. I have no doubt that God knows exactly what He is doing and I also know that He is in every single detail of my life. But, His discipline and His instruction can be painful and they have to be painful because we are so hard headed and miss His repeated attempts to refine us. One day I will be free of this filthy world but until then I continue walking this world. There are times when I feel life is flowing smoothly, but then He throws in a speed bump and I have to step back and look at where I really am. The good news is that He is still on the throne and He is ready to catch me, restore me and replenish me.

One day I visited her family and it took me about 40 minutes to walk...she was worth it. This picture was taken at church...Yes, they walk 40 minutes to get to church...and then they have to turn around and walk back.

As my cat Patty grows I am starting to realize that she doesn’t want to hang out with me as much. She used to cry for my affection and whine until I petted her. She used to jump in my lap and role around until I finally just got tired of it. Then she would still try to jump in my lap after I put her back on the floor. Well, time has changed it all. A few months ago I thought she was pregnant or had a case of worms. Her stomach would literally get bigger each day but one day she came by and her stomach was flat and I couldn’t tell if she had kittens or what. It wouldn’t surprise me if she did have them and then they soon died. Here lately she has been coming around more and only coming around for food and I think her stomach is starting to grow again. I really don’t know what to do. Technically she is NOT my cat. She belongs to my neighbors but I feed her. Her mom was hanging out in the back yard last week but I haven’t seen her this week. One day when I put down a bowl of milk, Patty was trying to fight with HER MOM for the milk…..Patty has quickly learned what she needs to do to survive but I had put down a huge bowl of milk knowing that they both would be drinking. I don’t know where she sleeps or where she calls home, but she does know where she will get fed. I am starting to feel used….

Here I am sitting outside enjoying the night cool air and still trying to figure out how life will change as I enter my thirties. You may think that I am not okay with turning thirty but I am actually okay with it. I am so glad to say good bye to my twenties and welcome my thirties. I am hoping that the next ten years will bring more maturity and more enthusiasm for life. The reality has hit that life seems to move even faster as the years go by. Ten years I was twenty, lost, confused, living for myself and stupid. I still get lost, confused and I still do stupid stuff but it isn’t as often and reckless. My birthday celebration was great and I have the pictures to prove it. I had a great piñata that was bought as superman but my friends changed her into super D. They gave her hair and a big letter “D” on her chest. It was pretty fun to beat her till she spewed candy and let me tell you…she held up pretty good. I can’t believe that Bronwen bought me CIRCUS PEANUTS and they were so good!!!! I shamefully ate the whole bag in one day and shared with no one. The evening was also spent in front of the television watching the news as the polls came in.

I still can’t believe that my thirtieth birthday was the same day that Obama was elected president. It definitely says a lot about our country and I am curious to see how much “change” will really happen. I am starting to think that all politicians are the same. Can we really tell the difference once they are in office? I am glad that it is done and over with and now life can go one without debating who is better and who is worse. So are we done with the mud slinging? Are we done insulting people for who they voted for? Are we done with thinking that one man can change the world? Are we done believing that politicians can save us? I will confess that I definitely thought at one point that our president could be radical and could change the world, but I have yet to see it. Maybe I need to study more on past and current presidents but I just haven’t seen it. I know what I would like to see happen but just because it sounds logical and good, doesn’t mean that it is going to happen. We know right from wrong so why can’t we just say no to the bad and yes to the good…..My confidence is in our Creator and call me naïve but I do believe that God is in control, He always has been and He always will be. He is in the good and the bad and I do know that no matter what happens, I answer to Him and I will see Him on judgment day and I will be spending eternity with Him.

http://obama2008.s3.amazonaws.com/headlines.html

So here it is…the transition from my twenties to my thirties. I have to admit that I am quite excited to see what the thirties will bring. It also feels good to let the twenties go and wave goodbye. As I look back on my twenties I vividly remember my early twenties as I was still in college and still living a very stupid life. Isn’t it amazing that we have survived some of the stupid things that we have done. Well, if you can’t say this, then thank God and I will thank God for keeping me alive through some stupid times.

Tomorrow I am heading to the capital (Tegucigalpa) and will meet up with a few friends to celebrate. It is always a treat to leave my town because usually every other town is bigger than mine. Also, I love staying in hotels and in Honduras it is an extra special treat because hotels have hot water and cable. Guess who doesn’t have hot water or a TV? So I love leaving town even though my one bus leaves my town at 3 am….yes, that is 3 am. I will leave at 3 am and arrive in La Esperanza, which is the closest town where I can do banking and send mail off, at around 6:30 am. Then from La Esperanza I will catch another bus that will go straight to the capital, Tegucigalpa, and I will probably arrive around 11 am; earlier if traffic isn’t so bad. Can you believe that? If I wanted, I could leave my town later and catch a bus that is passing through my town, but there is always the fear that they will be full. So it is just easier to get up at 2 am or not go to sleep, and head off at 3 am. The Peace Corps office is also in Tegucigalpa and a few blocks from the hotel that we always stay at. I have a ton of books that I am carrying back to the lending library and hopefully picking up a few more.

My friends are giving me a piñata for my birthday so I am extremely excited about that. I have never had one before so why not now! You are never too old for a piñata! I remember we had one in high school Spanish but we just wanted the candy. I also vaguely remember my dad taking me to a birthday party where they had a piñata. I didn’t even know the birthday person but clearly it didn’t matter because we went. I was probably ten years old but I do remember running and grabbing candy when the piñata starting spilling candy. I also remember my dad yelling at me because evidently I didn’t wait for the kid to stop swinging before I ran for the candy. I have a love of candy and it is my mom’s fault who successfully potty trained me with candy.

Yesterday I went running and headed out to run my same route. The first leg of my run heads down a quiet dirt path that has a few houses with a ton of kids living in them. I am always amazed at how many kids there are in this country and the ratio to adults. Anyways, I pretty much know all of the kids from the school or just from the neighborhood. Usually they are playing outside and lately they have been playing soccer. I’ve been stopping and playing with them for a few minutes but yesterday I felt so bad. They only have one ball and the dirt road they live on has one of the most gorgeous views in my town so their house is on one side of the road and on the other side is the edge of a mountain. So we were playing a quick game of soccer and I kicked it really hard because I am competitive and I can’t even let five year olds beat me, but I kicked it and it rolled down the side of the mountain. We ran over to see if it would stop or get caught by a tree or branch but it literally just kept rolling. They all looked at me….So I just said, hmmmm that’s not good! They were trying to figure out who should go down and get it and they decided that the youngest and smallest kid should go. I would say he might be 4 but might be 3 years old. So down he went slipping and sliding down the mountain to retrieve the ball that I kicked down….He finally made it back up with the ball in hand and all was good and we continued on. I played for a few more minutes and then continued on. I usually try to run to the soccer field after leaving my soccer crew but yesterday I saw a group of men so I just turned around and headed back to do the last leg of my run. But, the guys that I tried to avoid started walking toward my direction so I decided to end my run and just go home. On my way home I pass one of the families that I really like and spend time with regularly. The kids were outside playing soccer so I stopped and played with them. Surprisingly I am a pretty good goalie and have been slightly inspired to start a girl’s soccer team. Anyways, we were playing and then my friend Miguel who is always at their house all the time comes walking out with a kite. He made the kite with tissue paper and bamboo. I got really excited because the weather is absolutely perfect for kite flying. Miguel is an adult, so am I and then our other adult friend Digna comes up and we all get excited about flying this home made kite. The kids are excited to so we decided where we needed to start and where to start running when the wind comes. We had it all planned out and all we had to do is wait….for the wind. So one of the kids was waiting with kite in hand and then a huge gust of wind comes and we yell at her to run. She’s running and we are screaming and the poor kite was just being dragged across the ground…….Failed! This goes on for about thirty minutes along with trying to see if we needed to make the tail longer or shorter. So we pretty much felt defeated and another gust of wind comes and off she runs with the kite and out of nowhere it starts flying. We are all screaming (kids and adults) and jumping up and down like we just saw something more exciting than a kite, but it actually stayed up for a few seconds and then it hit the ground. We knew we had done something right so we continued to try to fly the kite. We were successful one more time and then decided that we needed to adjust the bamboo sticks and work on the tail. So this weekend we will be making kites and hoping for the right gust of wind. Yesterday was a pretty interesting run….what will happen today?

The past few days the rain has stopped and the wind has come. The weather has been absolutely amazing. The wind has been so strong that I have envisioned a chicken flying by or some kind of random object flying by and hitting me in the head and ultimately knocking me out, and then I land in a pile of horse manure….What has Honduras done to me?

So last night we lost electricity which makes everything that much quieter and the sky that much brighter. I was outside my house sweeping and staring at the stars…yes it was pitch black but I really wanted a reason to enjoy the stars and plus no one could stare at me while I was sweeping. There I was kind of doing a fake sweeping motion and gazing at the stars when all of a sudden this massive gust of wind comes and shuts my door…closed…locked…unable to open…..I freaked out and pushed on the door for about a minute or so hoping that by some miracle it would open. I knew my back door was opened but I knew that I couldn’t climb over the ten foot wall that surrounds my house. So what is the next best thing to do….get a Honduran to scale your wall for you. I walked over to one of my neighbors house and told them what happened and I think they were excited that they now had something to do because when there is no electricity, life is a little boring. So they come out with flashlights and we walk around my house trying to figure out the best way to get across. We finally decide that the best way to go is directly right behind my house because on the other side is a stack of bricks. They run off to get the ladder and up climbs not the boy, but the girl who was wearing a skirt. She just climbed right on up, jumped over, ran through my back door and opened the front door and propped it open with the broom that I was using as I did a kind of fake sweep so I could look at the stars. What have I learned? Make a copy of my key and give it to a neighbor that won’t have a party while I’m not there. I wonder if I should be concerned that it is possible to jump over my security wall. I have also learned that I have great neighbors that will trample through the pitch black to help me get back into my house. So now we all have a great story to share.

ADDRESS

Diana Martinez (PCV)

Voluntario del Cuerpo de Paz

Apartado Postal 3158

Tegucigalpa, Honduras

América Central

Here is a list of items that I always need but I graciously and enthusiastically accept all packages. Please try to un-package everything and that will help me with trash.

-Children’s books in Spanish

-Spanish/English Dictionaries

-Construction Paper, Paper Bags, Yarn, Craft items

-Batteries-AAA

-Index Cards-All Sizes

-Travel Games/Board Games

-Puzzles-Educational and Just for fun

-Clothing Dye & Rubber Bands (to make tie dyed shirts)

Guess what….I’m visiting again for Christmas. I am so excited and am daily counting down. Last year I spent Christmas in Honduras and in my town, alone. It was so hard and I felt so alone. It didn’t feel like Christmas because it was another hot and sunny day with few decorations and ornaments hung around town. Now, I do know the meaning of Christmas and the consumer side of Christmas does not appeal to me at all. But, it just felt like another day and as I am typing this out I am realizing that it was completely my fault…..I didn’t honor Christmas Day like it so desperately deserves. I failed to give Christ the honor and glory that He is due. I know that it doesn’t matter where I am in life but something that I do struggle with is knowing that God is with me and He is my provider in all areas. Daily, the Lord is teaching me to lean on Him. Some days I feel like I do truly trust Him, but then there are days and times when I just want my family and friends. I just want to talk to someone and share my heart and my struggles. I just want someone to listen and encourage me….So why can’t I not allow God to be all of that because He can and He wants to. Am I the only one who struggles with this? Will I ever trust Him completely or will I always trust Him half of the time and then try to do the rest on my own…..But the thing is, is that I don’t want to try to do anything on my own. I want Christ in everything that I am doing, everything that I am struggling with, and everything that I am excited about. The good news is that Jesus wants to be completely trusted by us but we are such carnal sinners that we can’t (I can’t).

So I will be stepping on North Carolina soil on December 20th and will leave on January 3rd. I am so excited and I know that this trip is going to motivate me to finish my last nine months. I know that it will be a very busy time for everyone but I am looking forward to spending time with family and friends that are truly dear to me. I encourage you guys to slow down and take time to meditate on the glory and beauty of Christmas Day. We wouldn’t be here without such a beautiful miracle. It’s not just a story but it’s what we believe in and trust in.

It has been a while and I’m not sure why I haven’t been blogging. Life hasn’t change in Honduras so I have absolutely no excuse. Rainy season was at its worst last week. Roads were closed, neighborhoods slid off of the mountains, roads washed away, people are still missing, and homes are completely flooded. Thank God that my town did not suffer in any of these ways. So far my road out is still holding up and everyone is accounted for in Concepción. Rainy season should end this month or the beginning of November. For the next two months weather should be fall like. I am looking forward to sunny days, and being able to dry my clothes under five days.

The last few months have actually been busy with my English classes. If you remember, I started an English class for teachers. The course was very intense and required homework, quizzes, tests, and most importantly teacher observations. The purpose of the course was to teach teachers how to teach English. We have already finished the coursework but I still am struggling with my observations. Why? Because they are not teaching!!!!! So I told them that I will withhold their diplomas until I finish my observations. Don’t get me wrong, not all of them are slackers and I have a few who are seriously teaching English. There are only a few more weeks of school so if they don’t get it done, then that is not my fault…..it is theirs!

Currently listening to, The Way of the Master, Podcast. I feel like I am finally filling my days with productivity. I am finally running again. I stopped because I was getting harassed but I just had to suck it up and do it anyways. I am also running around 3pm so there aren’t as many people out. I’m trying to play the guitar. Some days are good and some days I want to never pick it up ever again. But I told myself that I was really going to try this time. Today I am practicing no matter what because I told myself I was so I don’t want to let myself down. I know that one day I am going to look back on these slow Honduran days and long for them again. I really want to enjoy my time here rather than regret one moment.

Yesterday was market day in town which is quite exciting because it means I can buy fresh fruits and vegetables. I headed out with my regular shopping list and went to the pick out the nicest looking tomatoes, lettuce, cucumbers and potatoes. I always soak everything in Clorox water but didn’t get to it yesterday because water didn’t come so I really didn’t have much water to spare. So I dumped everything in a big plastic bowl and kept them beside the frig. Water did come the following morning so I had enough water to soak vegetables, and wash clothes. I got home from church and decided that I would clean a little since I had water and even washed some clothes. After cleaning and eating lunch I was sitting at the table, listening to a podcast when I turned my head and looked under my bookshelf. I heard something and after a few seconds I see a mouse pop up through the wall. I’m pretty sure I made an odd yelling/screaming noise and he immediately went back into his hole. So there I was with my feet in the chair and staring at the spot where this bold mouse tried to cross over to my space. I noticed something under the book case and couldn’t tell what it was but it was something that wasn’t there yesterday. I was too scared to walk over and see, so I kind of hung out in the chair for a few minutes and then decided to explore. I grabbed a flashlight so I could get a better look at what looked like an orange ball, but I knew that I didn’t own an orange ball. As I got closer, I was absolutely confused when I saw that it was a tomato. I grabbed the broom and swept from under the bookcase and noticed that about a fifth of the tomato had been eaten. How in the world did one of my tomatoes end up on the other side of the room and when did this happen???? So all I can think about is having this mouse discover my tomatoes in a bucket that was about two feet off the ground and somehow carry it across the room……what in the world???? I have tried to resist buying rat poison but I really do think that I need to take the advice of my neighbors and just buy some, "veneno." I think I am more amused than disgusted because the movie "Ratatouille" popped into my head and I wish I could have seen this mouse carrying a tomato across the room.

So the water crisis continues. When I arrived to town last October I was impressed that the small town of Concepción has clean filtered water, 24/7. So when I came back from a lovely trip to the US, I was shocked to find out that water has only been coming at night between 12pm and 4am, and when it comes, it is a trickle. I was absolutely panicky when I saw only about three inches of water in my pila. My house sitter completely slacked and I will be looking for a new sitter for future trips. Anyways, the first night back I did stay up and get a few more inches of water, but still not enough to really wash dishes, clothes, and bathe.

The next day I could see and hear a storm coming. I knew that I could probably get gallons of water from the approaching storm. So I got all of my buckets ready and placed them where water would runoff and catch into the buckets. I knew I couldn’t do this in jeans and a t-shirt so I changed into my bathing suit and a rain coat and out I went. I stood at the back door just waiting and watching. When it began I was so excited because in no time I already had a bucket full of rain water that I immediately dumped into my pila. So there I was running back and forth dumping buckets of rainwater into my pila. I was so excited that I had water, and that I was going to be able to take a shower…..That’s right….no water…..no shower!

Everyone says that they don’t know what is going on with the water system. They say that the town doesn’t know what the problem is. My theory is….is that there is no problem and this is an attempt to make us conserve water. Someone is turning on the water system at midnight and turning it off at 4am….so someone has control of the system and is intentionally denying us water. The sad part is, is that everyone believes that something is wrong with the water system.

Yesterday I came back from visiting family and friends in NC for two weeks. It was so good to be back around family, friends, familiarity, and comfort. The two weeks went by way to quick but any more time would have made it that much harder to leave. Don’t misunderstand, it was hard to leave and when the security guy at the airport told me that it would be okay as I was crying ridiculously, I somehow knew that it would be okay. I think that my time home allowed me to reflect on how much I am being stretched right now and I have no doubt that my time in Honduras is not complete.

Third world life hit me like a ton of bricks right when I walked through my one room home. Since rainy season began, I have had a big problem with mold. It comes from everywhere and no matter what I do it always comes. I was hoping that the house that I have been patiently waiting for would be done….but they have yet to paint and that is the absolute last thing that needs to be done. I am tempted to tell them that I will paint it just so I can get out of this moldy, rat infested place. Also, there is a water issue and no one knows when it will be resolved. So today it rained and I was able to catch a few gallons of rain water, but not enough to bathe, wash clothes and clean. Oh, and the rats for some reason love my place. Everything that resembles food is in plastic containers, but while I was away, they started eating the plastic Tupperware lids that store my oatmeal, powdered milk, and pasta. I guess they got tired because they only ate around the lid and they didn’t even make it to the food…..rats are stupid and that is why they should be killed.

I haven’t had a crying spell yet, but the week just started so I’m curious to see how long it will take me until I have another emotional dip. I know it’s coming and I know that this journey will continue to take me to emotional places that are uncomfortable for an opportunity to be honest with myself. This past year has given me an opportunity to understand how God can use an uncomfortable situation for His glory. The times when I feel like giving up and when I feel like quitting, I have to remind myself of what He is doing in me….how He is showing me my weaknesses and strengths. I never thought that this Peace Corps experience would grow me as much as it has with my relationship with the Lord.

Next week is a week long school break. They call it, “Week of the Student.” So I have nothing to do next week which could be good or bad. I finally started feeling comfortable with having a work schedule and feeling slightly productive. So now I am faced with this upcoming week that leaves me scared to have all of this free time. I have learned that free time can be good, or unhealthy. For me right now, I think I would just sleep and do nothing. So, I sent out a text message to my Peace Corps friends begging them to do something. The plan is to leave Tuesday and meet up at La Tigra, a national forest which is about three hours from the capital. So it will be a long traveling day for me; about 12 hours of travel time. We might decide just stay there one night and then head somewhere else. I personally don’t care, just as long as I’m not in my house, alone, with nothing to do.

If I was in the states, I would love all of this free time, but I’m not in the states. I’ve been dreaming about home every single night. Will I come back to Honduras? I have to. I have so many unfinished projects and some that haven’t even started. One project that I am really excited about is making recycle paper. I’m currently writing up the work plan for it, but I work with a program called, Yo Puedo (I Can). It’s a girl’s empowerment program that works with sixth grade girls to teach them how to sustain a small business. This is the second year that the program has been running, and from what I can tell, they really haven’t done anything. So I would like to teach them how to make recycled paper from recycled paper. It’s a pretty easy process but to get this project running will take months. It’s just not easy to start things up here. The program was created by Shoulder to Shoulder, the NGO out of Ohio and they absolutely loved the idea. I presented my idea to the committee here, and they liked the idea too, but need a written work plan which just means that I won’t get this program started until about August or September.

I have about three weeks until I head to the states. My friend Bronwen is also flying out so we had planned everything and wanted to do some shopping before we left. But, there was a plan crash at the airport and they have pretty much shut it down. The plan was a Honduran airline coming from El Salvador and I’m still not sure if it was human error or mechanical issues. I didn’t know this until I read an article about the crash, but the airport in Tegucigalpa, Honduras as been identified as one of the most dangerous runways in the WORLD…..The runway is very short and once the plane lands, it has to make a sharp turn or run into a residential area. That’s pretty much what happened to the plane coming from El Salvador. The crash happened about two weeks ago and the plan wreckage is still there…..for all to see…..

American Airlines claims that we will still fly out of Tegucigalpa in July, but I don’t have much confidence in Honduras to clean the wreckage, and make any necessary repairs to the runway. So, I might have to fly out of San Pedro Sula, which is a little farther away, but I don’t think that they have been deemed as one of the most dangerous runways in the world. Now I know why Peace Corps tells us to only fly with airlines from the states.

I’m not sure how it has happened, but I have somehow become a coffee drinker. It started out a cup here and there. Usually when I found myself visiting neighbors I would always end up with a cup of coffee and a piece of sweet bread. Well, then one day I went grocery shopping in town and decided to pick up some instant coffee. Then, I started drinking it in the mornings with my oatmeal and NOW, I am drinking a cup in the morning AND in the afternoon. What is happening? I think I am addicted. I have to switch to decaf or I will really be addicted. Don’t worry, I’m still drinking tea at nights, so that is three cups in one day……Just one more thing that Honduras has done to me…..Coffee with sugar and extra cream, please!

Last night I dreamed about visiting the fabulous United States of America! Oh, it was such a sweet dream! I literally think about July 1st every single day. I keep thinking of all of the people that I am going to see and all the things that I will do! I thought I would just go ahead and make a list of what I want to do when I visit.

Give everyone a big, long hug

Take a bath and leave a ring around the tub

Sleep through the night without waking up

Enjoy a well balanced meal

Shop in a well stocked grocery store

Sit for hours in Outback with Toni, sipping on sweet tea

Explore the Farmer’s Market

Go ice skating

Spend as much time with family and friends as possible

Enjoy a good church service

Indulge in my favorite sweets

Do some baking

Go running without getting hassled

Express to everyone how much they mean to me

Share as many of my crazy stories that I have accumulated

Use wireless Internet as I sip coffee or tea or both (I now drink coffee everyday)

Go to the beach

Buy a guitar

Hang out in Sandra’s house and watch cable

Meet Josiah; Chris and Sara’s son

Meet Elizabeth;

Visit EWE and my old boss

Enjoy air conditioner

Appreciate hot water

Buy new running shoes

Rent movies and try to catch up

Watch the news and read the paper

SPEAK ENGLISH

Buy new music

As much as I can’t wait to visit, I am also not looking forward to leaving again. Especially since I don’t think I’ll visit again. So that means I’ll be away for another year and three months. Hopefully I can convince a few of you to visit me or at least meet me in the Bay Islands.

Rainy season has finally begun. How do I know this……simply because each day now includes at least one rainfall, and possibly up to three down pours. Usually thunder and lightening are involved, but sometimes it is simply rain. It was a relief, but now comes the hassles and dangers of Honduran rainfall. The rain usually comes out of nowhere so usually it’s wise to carry an umbrella at all times (which I surprisingly don’t own yet). The land is not flat, so anytime you walk in the rain there is the chance of falling (which I’ve done numerous times), especially when the road is nothing but rocks and you have to climb a hill to get home, go to church, or go anywhere (There are hills everywhere!!!). Also, it will now take days for clothes to dry. Everything will now be wet and will hardly ever dry….this includes the air. It use to take clothes a few hours to dry outside, but now it will take longer. Electricity will start going out more, mosquitoes will start breeding like mad and children will hate having to stay in the house.

The worst part about rainy season is the dangers of traveling. Walking around town isn’t dangerous, but when I need to travel to the city there is always the fear that the roads might be impassible and you won’t know this until you are on the bus. Sometimes it comes by word of mouth and sometimes people just say that you just shouldn’t go…..especially when it has rained for over 20 hours. One time we got stuck and the bus started fishtailing and everyone started screaming (I really thought I was going to die). Why was everyone scared? Well, these are dirt roads that wind through mountains with no guardrails. So when we fishtailed, the bus started heading to the side of the mountain that had a ridiculous drop off. It was about 4am in the morning so it was dark, but we all knew what was to the left of us. All the men on the bus got off and all of a sudden they started pulling out ropes and chains. After about 20 minutes or so we continued our journey. I think I cried the rest of the trip.

It’s amazing that the sky can rain for so long and bring down so much rain. It’s definitely a blessing for the farmers and relief from the six month drought. However, too much of anything isn’t good. So where’s the happy medium? Or does the worst always trump the good?

I have been reading Proverbs 31 and questioning if I am or could be a Proverbs 31 woman. I think every woman wants to strive for Proverbs 31 and I am assuming that every man desires a Proverbs 31 wife. So am I? Simply put, no. I haven’t quite figured out if God has marriage in my future and quite frankly I don’t like to think about it because it makes me sad to think that it just might not happen. If that is to be, then I must be content with God’s will for my life and I have no doubts that He will carry me to that place. Regardless of if I’m married or not, Proverbs 31 is great to meditate on.

I desire to be a strong woman; physically, mentally and spiritually, who works hard (17) and speaks wisely (26). I wouldn’t even mind making my own clothes and linens (22, 24). This is something that I have been thinking about doing when I am done in Honduras. I’m curious to see if I could go a year without buying new clothes and being satisfied with what I have and with what I can make. I do not want to be lazy (27), but instead help the poor and needy (20). I really would like to possibly start some kind of non-profit organization that not only will serve to help, but will also serve to train people so that they can live a sustainable life. I have some ideas, but I also have time to pray and see exactly where God will lead me with this desire.

Reading Proverbs 31 makes me want to be better. I am also confident that God has the same desire and He can and will walk with me as I long do be a woman, “…clothed with strength and dignity.”

So I’m sitting in the Internet Café and I’m patiently waiting for the Internet to come back up after disconnecting for the third time. The electricity keeps flickering on and off so I’m assuming that we will lose power tonight. The Internet at the office has been out for three weeks and I really don’t want to pay for Internet so I’m trying to limit my Internet use to once or twice a week. So of course the one day that I come, it won’t stay on…..so really….I think I’ve learned how to have patience so why do I keep enduring this. Seriously, I’m not quite sure if I have failed at learning this lesson and God keeps teaching me or is it something else. All I know is that I am tired of it….so I guess I haven’t learned.

Six years ago today I was visiting The Lord’s Table on a Sunday morning. I had started attending pretty regularly after graduating from college and returning home. I was very anxious to find a church that I could feel welcomed and loved. I remember the first time visiting; I was so amazed at how different the people were. They looked happy, they were smiling all the time, laughter was everywhere and strangers were greeting me. Throughout the service all I could think about was that if these people knew my past, they would kick me out. During the call to salvation, I stayed in my seat and didn’t raise my hand. But I did quietly and tearfully beg God to come into my life and change everything about my sinful heart. utBy the end of the service I knew that I had found the church that would embrace me.

I continued going pretty regularly and was feeling more and more comfortable each time I went. On May 5th, 2002, pastor preached a sermon titled, “Just Do It.” For some reason, he asked all of the singles to come to the alter to receive prayer. After the prayer he continued with the salvation prayer and I immediately raised my hand, tears were streaming, and I’m pretty sure I was shaking ridiculously. It felt so good to publicly declare my salvation in public. I know God sees the heart but for some reason I felt the need to publicly declare my salvation. After the prayer I was immediately swarmed with people; encouraging words and hugs from complete strangers.

Within the first few months, I connected with a College and Career ministry where I met three strong married couples that immediately became mentors. I was also surrounded by people my age that were going through the same struggles as I was and through that ministry I learned how to live a more disciplined life. I also felt the desire to start helping the youth ministry and fell right in with serving.

I like to look back at my journals and read about my struggles as a young Christian. I’m amazed at how God faithfully kept me under His wing and literally protected me and raised me. He continues to protect and raise, but sometimes I want to go back to the first years of knowing Christ. I am abundantly thankful for where I am today and would not be living with a servant’s heart if I wasn’t walking with Christ. As much as I am content with life in Honduras and all of the new struggles that it continues to bring, I can’t wait to return to NC and see where God wants to u se me. My time in Honduras has given me the opportunity to live without my Christian bubble and all of the other comforts that surrounded me. It’s just me and God…. sometimes it’s great and sometimes He let’s me see my ugly selfish heart. Each day is a struggle between God’s will and my will. I just pray that I will become more and more obedient to His will.