Since I’ve last posted, many pleasant things have happened. First of all, I gave in and bought some expensive, yet quality, speakers. Right now, ironically (seriously, I have 20,000 songs and this one came on randomly) I am listening to “The Sound of Silence.” But it is loud enough to hear over the chickens, roosters, dogs, and neighbors. And I am happy. Also, I (although am only 5’2”, finally hanged my hammock up and relaxed and read a brand new New Yorker that I picked up in the Peace Corps office this weekend in Tegucigalpa. It was a fabulous night. However, learning of John Updike’s death was quite powerful for me. Their tribute to his work and relationship with the journal was moving and totally Updike, as far I have read him. I especially am fond of this piece (taken from the February 9 & 16 issue of The New Yorker): Cosmic Gall Every second, hundreds of billions of these neutrinos pass through each square inch of out bodies, coming from above during the day and from below at night, when the sun is shining on the other side of the earth! –From “An Explanatory Statement on Elementary Particle Physics,” by M.A. Ruderman and A.H. Rosenfeld, in American Science. Neutrinos, they are very small. They have no charge and have no mass And do not interact at all. The earth is just a silly ball To them, through which they simply pass, Like dustmaids down a drafty hall Or photons through a sheet of glass. They snub the most exquisite gas, Ignore the more substantial wall, Cold-shoulder steel and sounding brass, Insult the stallion in his stall, And, scorning barriers of class, Infiltrate you and me! Like tall And painless guillotines, they fall Down through our heads into the grass. At night, they enter at Nepal And pierce the lover and his lass From underneath the bed—you call It wonderful; I call it crass.” --December 17, 1960 I believe I personally would call it wonderful. Especially since now my computer has single-handedly (or are the neutrinos mingling?) has decided to play “Let It Be,” which happens to be a song not only universal but also better than any session of therapy. As far as work goes, I have been doing a lot of English teaching. We are going to be starting a program on Saturdays that covers the first half of a bachelor’s degree. The students who enroll (it is about 600 lempiras, or 30 dollars, twice a year) will either listen to the radio which broadcasts the lectures, or order the CDs if they cannot be by a radio during the designated hours. My job then, with this program is to tutor and to guide those who want to continue with their studies. This is great because a lot of the students matriculating have been in my other classes of EDUCATODOS, so I am learning how to teach English while they are learning to learn English. Also, while teaching young children in the States (ages 0-5) certainly is teaching, contrary to many notions that refer to this sort of job as “babysitting,” it is a much different thing to actually watch an adult who may or may not be able to read or write begin to learn. This has solidified my belief that the power of literacy is the grandest key to the world. In other news, I am currently awaiting the telescope from Dr. Pollock and the camera from Dad. I am very excited about receiving these two things, especially as the last few weekends have been so fabulously packed with new experiences that I’d really love pictures of. Though those have passed, I know there are more to come. Plus, our baseball tournament was moved yesterday to the 28th of March, and so if the camera takes a little bit longer, I’ll still have it. Those kids have really worked hard. After a bad day when I really just want to go home, even though it is reasonably annoying, when the kids ask me excitedly when the next practice is, I am happy. These small things are starting to become more effective. I am also beginning to prepare a Graduate school solicitude (application, yes, but in Spanish it is solicitud). The program I am most interested in is a Spanish masters degree at American University, with a concentration either in Politics, Language Teaching, Literature and Culture, or Linguistics/Language/Translation. I believe that the latter is the most interesting to me, but I know that my Spanish level needs to improve about 50 times if I am to do this. That being said, some resources I’ve been looking for are, first of all and most importantly, access to online journals such as JSTOR and Academic Search Premier, etc., as well as advanced-level Spanish grammar, literature, Doctoral theses, and any types of literature concerning the linguistic differences between Spanish and English, particularly the differences in intonation between the genders. This, to me, is fascinating. Either that, or I have no idea what it really means!

So.

On February 19th, I found my first scorpion in the house. I managed to smash it with a few layers of books. I left it overnight and slept at my first host mother´s house. By the time I returned the next day, the ants had gotten a lot of it, but there was a lovely smear of guts, a bit blue in color, glistening in a beautiful chunk from under the shelled body. Sick.

That day I spent with my very closest friend in the community, also my counterpart in EDUCATODOS, watching ¨La Conejita en La Universidad,¨which I found out later is called something like Playboy Bunny goes to School. It was a total Legally Blonde rip-off, however, though I find this hard to admit.... I was very amused. In fact, I liked it so much that in the last two minutes I was quite disappointed that the disc began skipping and I missed who stood up and saved the sorority. Anyone wanna spoil this for all of us dying to watch the Bunny in the Sorority???

Over the weekend of February 21st I went to visit a fellow volunteer in San Luis. Like I put it earlier in some form, it was indeed invigorating. I felt the mountains on my back and the air in my hair and neck and it was fresh and it´s been chilly and quite fresco and just lovely. I felt the wind drop 10 degrees and saw the most gorgeous purple flowers and saw Esquias which is another cute town (though I only saw it from high up in the mountains)--however, San Luis really and truly is beautiful. They have a fabulous Reiken Library and though Charlie and I were almost mauled by a bull, we had a wonderful time. We even had some whiskey in our hot chocolate and watched an iridium reflection in the night sky. Charlie is from Minnesota and likes the Twins.

Spring traning started. Sweet! The Mets already lost. Awesome.

On the 22nd I felt very content. I began running again in the mornings with a librarian named Patty. We can run 8 vueltas (rounds) without stopping already and its only been a week. The dogs were barking later that day, but at least the TV was off.

I like how people say, in response to ¨cómo esta?¨ (how are you?), ¨Pues, estoy aqui.¨ (Well, I´m here.) Kind of like in English, but their intonation is generally happier.

It´s funny.. when I run in the campo (baseball/soccer field) in the mornings sometimes the little kids still yell, ¨Adios, Vinita!¨ who was the previous Peace Corps volunteer and quite opposite of me. Tall, pretty, black, athletic, thin... and people still think we`re cousins. They also often think that all gringos know one another.

I started on the 23rd translating for a fabulous Evangelical group from the States called ¨Book of Hope.¨ I could write for hours on how wonderful these visitors were, how open-minded, etc. Check out the website:http://www.the1814project.com/

I really think they can help us to start some wonderful things in San Jerónimo. I think we can start a flea market on Saturdays which would really help the women especially who cannot find jobs. I realized something very important while the Evangelicals were here. I was translating a bit for them, from Spanish to English, from English to Spanish---yet, even though we have quite different beliefs, the language of God was one that the two groups shared. And there I was, in the midst, searching and searching for the right words. Que pesa!!!!

Back to recently. A few other volunteers and I were all randomly in the capital on Friday night and had a fabulous time. To be perfectly honest, I don´t remember a whole lot of it. There was a crazy awesome outside dance party, though. And all of a sudden I was a a really good dancer. Must have been the Imperial. We tried to go to a jazz concert but it was 60 lemps cover and packed full of cheles and gringos and extremely frou frou. So we went to Chili´s instead which is like, super fine dining. That was cool.

The best part of the weekend was watching the sunset on top of the Guadelupe II. Venus and the crescent moon were just asombroso.

I´d love to keep writing but I have a lot of work to do.

¨A change of weather is a moment to decide.¨ Mascott-

I listened to Mascott, Mazzy Star, and Kendra Smith last night. They compliment a hammock well.

Quiet time is as rare as in Honduras as babies on motorcycles in the States. Even more rare, if you can believe it, in my house. Actually, it is never quiet in my house. I am hardly the one making any noise anymore, because my computer is on the verge of breaking (it has already had a major crash in the last couple of weeks and it is, sadly, getting very old… ahh, the twilight years of computerhood), and I rarely play music, and do not have TV. The noise, in fact, is all from my neighbors.

Imagine: a small house with two big houses on either side, bien pegados (literally, glued, but really just very close together). Each of the houses are about 2-3 feet apart. On the right side is a pulpería, which is a much-frequented small shop that sells candy, bread, coffee, cigarettes, soda, flour, beans, etc. They are open until 9pm. This family is simply made up of grandparents, one adult child, four grandchildren ages 1-6, one niece 3 years old, two sons who rarely come home but when they do, sleep in the small, usually empty house RIGHT behind the original little house (mine), and 2 “helpers,” (i.e. women who take care of the children and use my pila to wash clothes leaving no water for me). Imagine that you share your back yard and most private area—the pila—with all of these people. Imagine you had no idea you were sharing this space with them before moving in, because no one told you, and it was not obvious when you came to see the house. Oh, never mind the 6 chickens, 2 roosters, and 2 dogs who looove to bark that live in your backyard. You actually found a very sweet cat that you really liked and thought would keep you company but the dogs won’t stand for it. They wake you up about 5 times a night, and sometimes react to your SHHing but most of the time they just coax the roosters to go ahead and start their orchestra. The rooster orchestras wake you up at exactly 11pm, 2am, 3am, 4:30am, 6:30am, 7am and 8am if you get to sleep that long. Then they annoy you until you leave the house. And this isn’t just the neighbor’s fault. The gallos chant from all around the town. It just so happens that your rooster is the “gallo mas gallo” and happens to start the chorus about half the time as well as pipe in much more than 2 cents worth.

On the other side is a family of 3 adults, 4 children, and the neighborhood hangout for about 10 kids, ages 10-14. Also, many of your baseball team kids hang out here, and think it is hilarious to scream “DORA!!!” into your ‘window’ (comprised of 5 slabs of glass that turn if you want to let in air, which you do, but you can’t because then you literally have NO privacy) about 30 times a day. So, that being said, you are not used to this, right? So, what do you do? Call the police on the barking dogs, like dad at home? Threaten to move? But what house would you move into? There are no other options! Use your earplugs, of course! But you use them, already, and they just aren’t good very good. Turns out you can´t find any earplugs in Honduras. Just go ahead and buy a TV to drown out the noise? Waaay expensive. Buy speakers? But you already bought speakers… In Honduras… And they suck. Your computer actually sounds better.

In the States, the problem of personal responsibility in consumerism is usually challenged by consumer rights, word of mouth, and an often large, competitive field of supply and demand (though I don’t know how that’s going right now). I happen to believe, after spending some time here in Honduras, that we have managed to find a fairly nice balance there (just ignore the housing crisis for a moment). I never thought that a country could survive without any consumer rights or personal responsibility at all. Then again, am I using my bias that I grew up with to judge the situation? Of course I am. How to avoid that? Impossible. So now what?

No, really. I’d like some suggestions. If I could do something great in Peace Corps, it would be to teach about consumer rights. So, where would I start? The people, grassroots? Or the terribly mismanaged businesses and uneducated business owners who see no problem doing things the easy way?

As far as my town goes, I’m here, I’m in my house. It’s quite miserable, especially at night and in the mornings, but there’s not much I could do except kill all of the animals and duct tape the children’s mouths shut and smash the huge, expensive speakers some of the families manage to buy though we still don’t have clean water… But I am a Peace Corps volunteer, and so I don´t think about these things seriously.

I won’t be able to move out. I am coping with this. Some of my friends and the mayor all know that I’d like a different house, and that having 20 screaming kids outside of my house and blasting music until 11 o’clock at night is not my idea of a good working environment, and they know I’d love to have my own backyard and am willing to sacrifice living in the best part of town in a nice house for this, yet, the point of view remains so different. My privacy, something so sacred to us in the States, along with my quiet time, my bubble baths, my peace of mind, are all gone. Where to find them? It is almost like learning a new language. Coming here, my mind was constantly preoccupied—how will I speak with my host family? How will I communicate? How do I say “bite the dust” in Spanish?! (it’s morda el polvo.. the phrase is the same, it turns out!) And with time, I learned. Now, though I am by no means fluent, I can communicate. I can go to Comayagua by myself and have a conversation with a single mother about her life and where she grew up. I can yell at the kid outside my house to please, for the love of God, stop banging the goddamned spoon on the goddamned bowl right outside my window while I am trying to write a blog entry. And, OJALÁ, with time, I will learn to find solace in the noisy, anxious place that I call my home.

10. Cameras are things that you know are great, but you just don’t know how great until you see a really beautiful bird visiting your friend in Rio Negro and you can’t snap a shot.

9. You should never leave your water turned on and leave for a meeting at the library and then go to your old host family’s house for dinner and leave your door locked so that even your landlord can’t open it... Even if your water NEVER comes after 5 in the afternoon… But at least you left your computer on a chair and not on the floor!!!

8. You may be surprised at how you secretly like that cracker with peanut butter and barbeque sauce on it… And the worst part is, peanut butter and barbeque sauce aren’t even that cheap. You could have just eaten plantains and beans… but for some strange reason…. ?

7. Taking vitamins might be stupid, and it might be placebo effect completely, but you feel a lot better.

6. Your friend who is on a raw diet in a foreign country might be crazy, but she looks great and seems very energetic. You might even try it though you do NOT want anymore parasites… Bleached vegetables, anyone? Or bean and barbeque sauce sandwiches?

5. Your baseball team will listen to a visiting male and show respect to him because he has played baseball his whole life and knows much more than you. They also will be much more well-behaved when a male community leader comes to do dynamicas with them. But, you will be surprised that they all tell you that they much prefer when it is just you and the kids. You also might find yourself thinking, “My kids could really win this tournament… !!!”

4. You will not cry in front of your baseball team when a fastball smacks your leg. In fact, you will laugh it off and avoid limping for 2 hours and nurse your hard, throbbing, bright purple green red bruise when you get home.

3. You will be amazed at the beauty of a full moon, no matter that they come once a month.

2. You will accidentally say yes to a project that consists of translating 250 surveys for the Evangelical church by Friday. You will, of course, not be paid.

1. Your former astronomy professor, Dr. Pollock of Appalachian State University, will both shock and amaze you when he responds more promptly than anyone from the U.S. has to your e-mail requesting any information of how to get resources to teach Astronomy, seeing is 2009 is the International Year of Astronomy. You will cry just a tiny bit in your library when you realize that he is going to send your town a telescope so that they can see the sky. You cannot wait to show them the moon. If you can show them the rings of Saturn, as Dr. Pollock put it, they may either make you their queen or burn you at the stake. Either way, we’re making progress, right?

these are just some fotos i have on my USB, which i had left in an internet cafe on a sunday in comayagua only to actually STILL BE THERE on tuesday after when i realized that i had left it.

there are still some very good people in the world.

so, now that i have no camera, i will be uploading old fotos, until i buy a disposable but that will take a while. so for now i will continually upload fotos that i may or may not have already uploaded.... sorry about that. :)

((by the way, the camera story is very unglamorous. i went to la tigra national park with a couple of friends, which was gorgeous. we hiked and camped for 2 days and 2 nights. i dropped my camera during this trip and now it says "lens error" whenever i try to turn it on. it has been a long time coming. i also lost a very valuable earring to the tiger... very sad. very, very sad.))

this week we are in valle de angeles for re-connect. re-connect is something that each group has (municipal development, youth development, small business, water and sanitation, health/hiv/aids awareness and protected area management) once a year and those who have been in country for a year make presentations on their work while those who have only been in site for a short time discuss their adjustment process. it seems like it will be a nice week to RE-CONNECT with old friends as well as have a normal schedule--something i have genuinely missed since training. however, things are all about to pick up.

one thing i have noticed in my town is that there is an apparent need, or desire, rather, for a small business training. there is also what we call "chocolate water" when it rains, which is usually often however we are entering the dry season, and since i live in the edge of a valley and the bottom of a mountain all of the run-off from above comes down and chocolatizes the water. sometimes it is gray. so, taht being said, i think that while i came here for youth development, i can focus a lot of my projects over the next 20 months on how to make things and sell them and also talk to the municipality about how to get the water working better. fortunately i can also utilize other volunteers from those respective projects for ideas, because i honestly do not know anything about either business or water and sanitation besides the fact that other people usually take care of those things and i utilize them.

soo, i'm doing well, feeling healthy, readjusting OK, etc. i'll probably be able to update this blog a bit over the following week as i will have access to internet.

the pictures, however, after uploading for the last 10 minutes, just errored. i'll see if i can repost.

More thoughts borne of culture shock.

“High battlements of thought; habits that had seemed durable as stone went down like shadows at the touch of another mind and left a naked sky and fresh stars thinking on it.” – Virginia Woolf

Those sentimental moments, like, “don’t you remember the time..(fill in any dumb, hilarious, intuitively terrible situation such as ordering 9 subway sandwiches while tripping; any drunk mishap like breaking the roof when Obama won; any devastating, intensely exciting moment involving more than yourself) have to be taken with pure happiness and without any nostalgic longing, for you have had them. You will have more, perhaps you just aren’t passed that part of the trip,

And then you realize, you must have passed it without even knowing. Because you tore that roof down in another country for your new President and you even heard him talk in English. And you were so lucky being at the pulse of your country in a time so alive and ready for change with just … no idea where to start.

“The first days are the hardest days.”

When you remember that you could have been in a great hotel in Arlington on January 20, 2009, but by similar circumstances of the world and of time you are in that other country again, celebrating in Spanish with those who applaud a change you helped create with an absentee vote… When you remember that from the moment you made your way through DC by some uncontrollable circumstance and learned the F streets and K streets and M streets that you discovered,

Oh, God, I could live here. I could go to graduate school here. And you wanted to, so badly.

And you even met a man that happened to be pretty much everything you could have asked for but the timing wasn’t there and since he’s now upgraded to a 2009 version, he will certainly find some other complementary person before your two years out is over. But that’s OK, too, because through him you saw that one day your road can end where all the other roads follow—Montevideo. Y aunque probablemente lo habres hecho este viaje sin un muchacho, ya habras aprendido que habra que ser buenos hombres con buenas intenciones y tal vez un espacio para ti cuando ya habres estado lista a regresar a tu pais.

But you’re not there yet, and while the lack of academia is trying your mental desire for stimulation, you can learn to learn … through other means…

How to talk to parents of a different country in a different language in a way that builds trust. How to trust giving your money to those you don’t know well but you know their brother and son and so you know that they’ll do the best they can for you. How to talk with honesty but not crudely (unless your vivid perception of time and space calls for vulgarity. That even though you are working in Youth Development, you, too, are a youth, and are developing with those you’ve come to stimulate intellectually, to integrate interpersonal skills, to be leaders so that when you leave, you’ll know they won’t forget.

Some days will be harder than others. Some days you’ll feel lonely. And some days you’ll feel fat. And some days the food will leave you a bit lacking. And some days you’ll want to sleep a bit later because in your dreams you still see the best of your friends and family. And some days you’ll forget that your body is your friend, and you won’t take care of it correctly. Other days you will be too hard on it. And through those days you’ll find a balance.

Some days you won’t know how on earth to teach in a second language the intricacies of your own, and you’ll be especially flabbergasted by the correlations of meaning in completely different translations. You’ll see yourself changing every day. Some days you’ll want to spend only with the children, watching their cognitive development just as you did in your own country, y en vez de esta preocupacion que no haya tenido muchos recursos y tampoco los libros que encontraba aja en otro pais, ellos estan aprendiendo, por ejemplo, como saludar, como jugar, como hablar en este mundo. Y en algunas caras de los ninos vas a ver que hay un deseo interminable de entender el mundo, y tu, y tus costumbres, y pensamientos. Other days questions will fill your mind and you’ll want to drink coffee with the adults and ask them how it is that they have come to raise their children and how it is for a woman in Honduras and without judgment. You’ll find that talking of the latest Cormac McCarthy book is not so important, but rather how the town will adopt and change in the next ten years, how they want to change in the next 5 years, and why. And how they make those delicious tamales de ayote.

And one day they’ll ask you who was Albert Einstein and why do you have a picture of him on your wall and wasn’t he an inventor? and what did he invent and you’ll find it invigorating and challenging to explain that he invented the nuclear bomb but inadvertently because E=Mc2 is a bit hard still even in English to explain perfectly.

And when the kids don’t believe that we can see Venus, even though in your mind, there it is, and how beautiful, you will find the ignorance not saddening, but actually quite beautiful itself. And you’ll wish that Peace Corps would donate a telescope. Because you’d love to put them a bit closer to such a fascinating part of our universe, God or no god.

Some nights will be hard (el cante de los gallos), some days will be long (baseball practice, kindergarten lesson, English classes, project with municipality, visit to the health center, JUNTA meeting with the library), and some unexpected things can be stressful (like realizing 2 minutes ago that you left your USB memory in an internet café in Comayagua… surely it’s gone and they are not cheap and you’ll need one).

But when you get to your house and look around, you’ll be inexplicably happy. This is your small house where the water only runs cold, there’s no television, no oven, no washer or drier, and many times no water or electricity at all. But it’s yours, and this town that sometimes drives you nuts for the trash on the ground and the starving homeless dogs reproducing to make god-knows-what combination comes next, is your town for 2 years. And you start to love your mismatched curtains and time to read, and though it’s taxing to read with so much noise, you can do it, and perhaps even get more from the book than you thought. And when they play the reggaeton you hate you can listen to it and strain to understand the words, and that is learning a language. And you will notice the parallels of humanity that run through the lives of those around you. And you will let them do you favors, not because you’re white or more privileged but because they are your friends and family of a different horse. And you’ll find comfort in a box of peanut M&Ms your aunt sent you and a small note from your grandmother via e-mail and a scent from your Christmas box that reminds you of home and pictures of you with big buildings in big cities that you’ll go back to some day. And music.

And instead of considering your time here a challenge to be met, you’ll see more clearly that it an opportunity to … aprovechar.

And, then, things will proceed more vividly, and for one night the dogs won’t wake you up even once, and you’ll have a slow morning because your meeting facilitators called you to say that they are tired, too, and that we can start later. So you’ll make your coffee and smell the burning trash and it will remind you instead of its terrible effects of the scent of bad marijuana, and that will make you smile and remember a few certain people who are probably taking advantage of what ever situation they’ve come across this dark, warm night in January. And you’ll think of how cold they are and feel quite comfortable that you, too, will see snow again.

You’re on a road, you decide. And you’ll like it more and more as it goes on. And you’ll apply to a graduate school in Washington DC because you fell so in love with it, and whether you get in or not won’t matter, because you know that after this is experience the winds won’t carry you where you can’t handle it.

And you’ll miss sex and ex-boyfriends but nighttime solitude will be comforted in books and music and writing blog material for the next day where you’ll be looking for a new USB memory.

You’ll take a quiet life, a life of linguistics, observation, being there as a resource, and most importantly, talking, of common goals that know no real language nor culture. And for this, you will go to sleep, and dream of wonderful things, without country, borders, time, or judgment.

“They are vulgar facts and you will not be the first man with such a page to his credit or discredit; but after all you will have enjoyed yourself, and you will not forget this, though you will be remembering other things, other days, you will have to remember them: days near, far, pushed toward forgetfulness.” –Carlos Fuentes

More thoughts borne of culture shock.

“High battlements of thought; habits that had seemed durable as stone went down like shadows at the touch of another mind and left a naked sky and fresh stars thinking on it.” – Virginia Woolf

Those sentimental moments, like, “don’t you remember the time..(fill in any dumb, hilarious, intuitively terrible situation such as ordering 9 subway sandwiches while tripping; any drunk mishap like breaking the roof when Obama won; any devastating, intensely exciting moment involving more than yourself) have to be taken with pure happiness and without any nostalgic longing, for you have had them. You will have more, perhaps you just aren’t passed that part of the trip,

And then you realize, you must have passed it without even knowing. Because you tore that roof down in another country for your new President and you even heard him talk in English. And you were so lucky being at the pulse of your country in a time so alive and ready for change with just … no idea where to start.

“The first days are the hardest days.”

When you remember that you could have been in a great hotel in Arlington on January 20, 2009, but by similar circumstances of the world and of time you are in that other country again, celebrating in Spanish with those who applaud a change you helped create with an absentee vote… When you remember that from the moment you made your way through DC by some uncontrollable circumstance and learned the F streets and K streets and M streets that you discovered,

Oh, God, I could live here. I could go to graduate school here. And you wanted to, so badly.

And you even met a man that happened to be pretty much everything you could have asked for but the timing wasn’t there and since he’s now upgraded to a 2009 version, he will certainly find some other complementary person before your two years out is over. But that’s OK, too, because through him you saw that one day your road can end where all the other roads follow—Montevideo. Y aunque probablemente lo habres hecho este viaje sin un muchacho, ya habras aprendido que habra que ser buenos hombres con buenas intenciones y tal vez un espacio para ti cuando ya habres estado lista a regresar a tu pais.

But you’re not there yet, and while the lack of academia is trying your mental desire for stimulation, you can learn to learn … through other means…

How to talk to parents of a different country in a different language in a way that builds trust. How to trust giving your money to those you don’t know well but you know their brother and son and so you know that they’ll do the best they can for you. How to talk with honesty but not crudely (unless your vivid perception of time and space calls for vulgarity. That even though you are working in Youth Development, you, too, are a youth, and are developing with those you’ve come to stimulate intellectually, to integrate interpersonal skills, to be leaders so that when you leave, you’ll know they won’t forget.

Some days will be harder than others. Some days you’ll feel lonely. And some days you’ll feel fat. And some days the food will leave you a bit lacking. And some days you’ll want to sleep a bit later because in your dreams you still see the best of your friends and family. And some days you’ll forget that your body is your friend, and you won’t take care of it correctly. Other days you will be too hard on it. And through those days you’ll find a balance.

Some days you won’t know how on earth to teach in a second language the intricacies of your own, and you’ll be especially flabbergasted by the correlations of meaning in completely different translations. You’ll see yourself changing every day. Some days you’ll want to spend only with the children, watching their cognitive development just as you did in your own country, y en vez de esta preocupacion que no haya tenido muchos recursos y tampoco los libros que encontraba aja en otro pais, ellos estan aprendiendo, por ejemplo, como saludar, como jugar, como hablar en este mundo. Y en algunas caras de los ninos vas a ver que hay un deseo interminable de entender el mundo, y tu, y tus costumbres, y pensamientos. Other days questions will fill your mind and you’ll want to drink coffee with the adults and ask them how it is that they have come to raise their children and how it is for a woman in Honduras and without judgment. You’ll find that talking of the latest Cormac McCarthy book is not so important, but rather how the town will adopt and change in the next ten years, how they want to change in the next 5 years, and why. And how they make those delicious tamales de ayote.

And one day they’ll ask you who was Albert Einstein and why do you have a picture of him on your wall and wasn’t he an inventor? and what did he invent and you’ll find it invigorating and challenging to explain that he invented the nuclear bomb but inadvertently because E=Mc2 is a bit hard still even in English to explain perfectly.

And when the kids don’t believe that we can see Venus, even though in your mind, there it is, and how beautiful, you will find the ignorance not saddening, but actually quite beautiful itself. And you’ll wish that Peace Corps would donate a telescope. Because you’d love to put them a bit closer to such a fascinating part of our universe, God or no god.

Some nights will be hard (el cante de los gallos), some days will be long (baseball practice, kindergarten lesson, English classes, project with municipality, visit to the health center, JUNTA meeting with the library), and some unexpected things can be stressful (like realizing 2 minutes ago that you left your USB memory in an internet café in Comayagua… surely it’s gone and they are not cheap and you’ll need one).

But when you get to your house and look around, you’ll be inexplicably happy. This is your small house where the water only runs cold, there’s no television, no oven, no washer or drier, and many times no water or electricity at all. But it’s yours, and this town that sometimes drives you nuts for the trash on the ground and the starving homeless dogs reproducing to make god-knows-what combination comes next, is your town for 2 years. And you start to love your mismatched curtains and time to read, and though it’s taxing to read with so much noise, you can do it, and perhaps even get more from the book than you thought. And when they play the reggaeton you hate you can listen to it and strain to understand the words, and that is learning a language. And you will notice the parallels of humanity that run through the lives of those around you. And you will let them do you favors, not because you’re white or more privileged but because they are your friends and family of a different horse. And you’ll find comfort in a box of peanut M&Ms your aunt sent you and a small note from your grandmother via e-mail and a scent from your Christmas box that reminds you of home and pictures of you with big buildings in big cities that you’ll go back to some day. And music.

And instead of considering your time here a challenge to be met, you’ll see more clearly that it an opportunity to … aprovechar.

And, then, things will proceed more vividly, and for one night the dogs won’t wake you up even once, and you’ll have a slow morning because your meeting facilitators called you to say that they are tired, too, and that we can start later. So you’ll make your coffee and smell the burning trash and it will remind you instead of its terrible effects of the scent of bad marijuana, and that will make you smile and remember a few certain people who are probably taking advantage of what ever situation they’ve come across this dark, warm night in January. And you’ll think of how cold they are and feel quite comfortable that you, too, will see snow again.

You’re on a road, you decide. And you’ll like it more and more as it goes on. And you’ll apply to a graduate school in Washington DC because you fell so in love with it, and whether you get in or not won’t matter, because you know that after this is experience the winds won’t carry you where you can’t handle it.

And you’ll miss sex and ex-boyfriends but nighttime solitude will be comforted in books and music and writing blog material for the next day where you’ll be looking for a new USB memory.

You’ll take a quiet life, a life of linguistics, observation, being there as a resource, and most importantly, talking, of common goals that know no real language nor culture. And for this, you will go to sleep, and dream of wonderful things, without country, borders, time, or judgment.

“They are vulgar facts and you will not be the first man with such a page to his credit or discredit; but after all you will have enjoyed yourself, and you will not forget this, though you will be remembering other things, other days, you will have to remember them: days near, far, pushed toward forgetfulness.” –Carlos Fuentes

Oh, Yeah… You Know You’re In Honduras When… You have to “go through customs” which means giving your piece of paper that you filled out on the airplane to two ladies who neglect to even look at it because they’re too busy talking about how fat their boss is.You go to the one rotating luggage circle where you wait for 3-15 minutes before your luggage comes out… wet.People are very surprised when you speak Spanish, and then proceed to talk far too fast for you to understand, making you look like an idiot.Your one dollar bill is worth a hell of a lot more.You catch a ride on the local bus where you are smushed between the driver and a very interesting-smelling woman who cries when the driver plays “Nothing Compares 2 U” by Sinead O’Conner. All of this makes you feel very comfortable, in a strange way.You find yourself sweeping the floor 4 times a day. At least.You are awoken 5 or 6 times by dogs and roosters, and then at 5:30 in the morning to the sound of the neighbor drilling or chopping wood, and then at 6:30 to the sound of the other neighbor blasting “Imagine” by John Lennon, followed by “What’s Going On” by Four Non Blondes. At this point it is time to wake up.You buy a hammock because it is very pretty for 350 lempiras only to find it is for children… It LOOKED bigger in the store!Everyone invites you to dinner. You choose to go to your old host mother’s house. She sneaks you a sip of church wine.Your name is called while your walking down the street, and even though you wondered if they had forgotten you, the baseball team is there in full the morning after your arrival, ready to practice.Your old host mother is so ecstatic that you are back that you feel like somehow this place became home.You haggle down prices. They don’t like this because you are obviously from the States. Better bring a Honduran next time.The milk has a strange taste of baby powder and fake vanilla.You absolutely will not brush your teeth with the water again. Nor will you eat that damned chicken… even though it smells so good…You want 3 cups of coffee again. But when you make it it’s a strange gray color. When your counterpart makes it, you could drink the whole pot.You give up on playing your own music because you can barely hear yourself thinking. Just when you’ve had too much, the neighbor plays “Hey Jude,” followed by “The Sound of Silence,” and you feel like an idiot for being angry.Your pace and patience come down to a comfortable level.You no longer surf Facebook for 2 hours aimlessly. That shit costs money!You are desensitized again after seeing, one after the other while taking the bus, a little girl climbing onto a motorcycle, a mother changing her baby’s diaper on the side of the street, a pregnant dog being hit with a stick, and a man with his belly hanging out of his cut-off shirt.You are followed in the market by a man wearing only boxers with a fake gun saying “Quisiera estar en su traso” and “Por que la noche es obscura?” as you decide better to come back another day.On your way out you pass a boy who thinks it’s funny to point HIS fake gun and shoot… at you. “Muera, gringa!” You laugh.You debate the entire morning on Sunday whether or not to go to church. You really don’t want to, but what will they think?Now your neighbor is playing “Yesterday.” You find yourself wanting to tell him what the words mean. You find yourself accepting that the Beatles must just be so goddamned good that the words don’t even matter. This is a wonderful moment.You know that you can walk around at lunchtime and be fed.You know that it doesn’t matter what happened and how long you were gone, that even if they don’t mean it, you’ll be taken care of. Because in Honduras, where all the things you thought were important (hot showers, good public transportation, responsibility, clean water, trash cans, etc.) are not, all the things you didn’t even know were important (family, being together, eating together, playing jokes on random neighbors until 1 in the morning, etc.) remind you that life can be a whole lot ... different. I think that if you’re thinking about doing the Peace Corps or some other travel/work experience, the best advice is to forget the words “good,” “bad,” “better,” and “worse.” You’ll probably hear them a lot, but the most important is looking at another culture without judgment. Just looking at it for what it is, because you really don’t know what is “better” or “worse,” even though, especially at first, you may be quite partial to hot showers, clean water, and quiet mornings. There´s something to be said for blaring ¨Hey Jude¨at 6 am, having to pay attention to which water to use, having to bathe from a cold bucket, and feeling at home in a whole other place.

..."Magic of the melancholy tear in your eye. Makes it kind of quiver down in the core 'Cause you're dreamin' of them Saturdays that came before And now you're stumblin' You're stumblin' onto the heart of Saturday night Well you gassed her up And you're behind the wheel With your arm around your sweet one In your Oldsmobile Barrellin' down the boulevard, You're lookin' for the heart of Saturday night..."

"Let's put a new coat of paint on this lonesome old town

Set 'em up, we'll be knockin' em down.

You wear a dress, baby, and I'll wear a tie.

We'll laugh at that old bloodshot moon in that burgundy sky

All your scribbled lovedreams, are lost or thrown away,

Here amidst the shuffle of an overflowing day

Our love needs a transfusion so let's shoot it full of wine

Fishin' for a good time starts with throwin'in your line."

..."So please call me, baby

Wherever you are

It's too cold to be out walking in the streets

We do crazy things when we're wounded

Everyone's a bit insane

I don't want you catching your death of cold

Out walking in the rain...

Life's so different than it is in your dreams..."

..."I'm leavin' my fam'ly

Leavin' all my friends

My body's at home

But my heart's in the wind

Where the clouds are like headlines

On a new front page sky

My tears are salt water

And the moon's full and high

And I know Martin Eden's

Gonna be proud of me

And many before me

Who've been called by the sea

To be up in the crow's nest

Singin' my say

Shiver me Timbers

Cause I'm a-sailin' away And the fog's liftin'

And the sand's shiftin'

I'm driftin' on out

Ol' Captain Ahab

He ain't got nothin' on me, now.

So swallow me, don't follow me

I'm trav'lin' alone

Blue water's my daughter

'n I'm gonna skip like a stone

And the fog's liftin'

And the sand's shiftin'

I'm driftin' on out

Ol' Captain Ahab

He ain't got nothin' on me

So come and swallow me, follow me

I'm trav'lin' alone

Blue water's my daughter

'n I'm gonna skip like a stone And I'm leavin' my family

Leavin' all my friends

My body's at home

But my heart's in the wind

Where the clouds are like headlines

Upon a new front page sky

And shiver me timbers

Cause I'm a-sailin' away."

"And the moon's a silver slipper

It's pouring champagne stars

Broadway's like a serpent

Pulling shiny top-down cars

Laramer is teeming

With that undulating beat

And some Bonneville is screaming

It's way wilder down the streetHearts flutter and race

The moon's on the wane

Tarts mutter their dream hopes

The night will ordain

Come schemers and dancers

Cherry delight

As a Cleveland-bound Greyhound

And it cuts throught the night And I've hawked all my yesterdays

Don't try and change my tune

'Cause I thought I heard a saxophone

I'm drunk on the moon."

My last two nights in DC have been great. Went out to eat last night and saw Slumdog Millionaire tonight, which actively managed to make me feel great about heading back to post and question myself as to what projects I'll be working on all at the same time. But really, it was a great movie and I recommend it.

I also highly recommend "The Heart of Saturday Night" by Tom Waits, especially if you've never heard it, but most especially for a time when you're either leaving something or starting something new. Or in love, of course. Just a couple last DC pics, and I'll be posting from Honduras next!

cool color airplane.

brrrrkcshhhhh... boom

doin your bit.

hehe

all of a sudden there are 1000000 porta potties in the mall area.

my friend matt. seats for obama's inauguration.

las sillas y yo

monument

key bridge/arlington bridge

www.googlism.com

check it out.

peace corps.

peace corps is personal

peace corps is a

peace corps is

peace corps is an organization filled with men and women who live and work in another country for two years

peace corps is fulfilling its promise by sharing america's most precious resource with the rest of the world

peace corps is not for you

peace corps is indeed a government organization

peace corps is more than a job

peace corps is a player at msu

peace corps is wanted and will contribute to the welfare of

peace corps is personal on saturday

peace corps is rep

peace corps is a us government agency whose mission is to send skilled american volunteers overseas to

peace corps is better than ever and still committed to "helping people help themselves

peace corps is a way to fulfill all of these things and get the us government to pay for it

peace corps is the finest way in which the united states could prove to

peace corps is a sort of howard johnson's on the main drag into maturity

peace corps is trained to address major issues like the worldwide hiv

peace corps is a united states volunteer organization dedicated to grassroots development and economic growth in developing countries

peace corps is a volunteer service organization operating directly under the authority of the president of the usa

peace corps is the story of tens of thousands of people who have served as volunteers since 1961

peace corps is born

peace corps is an organization whose volunteers actively teach american ideals and

peace corps is not just for young

peace corps is nondiscriminatory and welcomes lesbian and gay volunteers

peace corps is not a funding institution

peace corps is working with public and private partnerships to help improve the lives of poor people in three rural

peace corps is also prepared to increase our presence in the muslim world and other countries

peace corps is not a legal or contractual arrangement

peace corps is closed on american and guinean public holidays

peace corps is a life

peace corps is a volunteer organization

peace corps is an agency of the united states government

peace corps is probably not a good fit

peace corps is still around? yes

peace corps is an essential area in which we need to be engaged

peace corps is the gift

peace corps is a good one that could be useful for help with developing world computer issues in future

peace corps is seeing a significant increase in applicants in the bay area

peace corps is to make it self

peace corps is making the world a much smaller place

peace corps is a tool of us imperialism

peace corps is working to increase the number of environment volunteers in central and eastern europe and the former soviet union

peace corps is not an investment fund

peace corps is still going strong

peace corps is to promote the progress of other countries by providing them with skilled workers in the fields of education

peace corps is leaving for afghanistan and pakistan under appropriate safety conditions to evaluate how peace corps volunteers can

peace corps is unique among federal service programs because it allows americans to serve in countries around the world

peace corps is as important as it ever was in this day and age

peace corps is 38 years old this month

peace corps is looking for a wide range of skills in areas such as small business development

peace corps is flush with money

peace corps is the root of its success

peace corps is renowned

peace corps is ending its presence in slovakia in recognition of the significant progress that has been made over the past 12 years

peace corps is the diversity of skills members develop while serving in the program

peace corps is a signatory

peace corps is to have a full medical and dental

peace corps is there to help people focus

peace corps is looking to recruit 400 more volunteers than last year

peace corps is concluding its mission in the baltic states almost exactly a decade after it began

peace corps is committed to returning to peru

peace corps is in constant transition

peace corps is doing quite well with seat management and that the worst is probably behind them

peace corps is a united states agency

peace corps is among the highest in the country

peace corps is looking for adventurous and flexible americans to share their skills with people in other countries

peace corps is a us government agency that sends american citizens overseas to countries that have asked for our assistance at a grassroots

peace corps is becoming an increasingly attractive alternative to entering into a career immediately after college

peace corps is launching a 21st century "e

peace corps is to promote world peace and friendship by providing qualified volunteers to interested countries

peace corps is not for

peace corps is a unit of the united states government

peace corps is very in tune with careers and continuing education

peace corps is extraordinary

peace corps is for students who seek adventure

peace corps is an organization that presents its volunteers with a passport to a world of opportunity

peace corps is a 27

peace corps is looking for mature

peace corps is the last thing the russian authorities should be doing

peace corps is not limited solely to its overseas volunteer service

peace corps is in constant communication with the us state department to discuss issues of volunteer safety

peace corps is to increase the number of girls who stay in school

peace corps is also the

peace corps is self

peace corps is to promote world peace and friendship by providing qualified volunteers to interested countries in need of trained manpower

peace corps is a wonderful experience

peace corps is in the process of hiring an on

peace corps is a tremendous addition to other options already in place for our students

peace corps is both a federal agency and a vehicle through which american citizens offer needed assistance to people around the world and

peace corps is so successful that at least 20 other countries have developed their own international volunteer programs.

washington, DC.

washington, dc is the city that never sweeps

washington, dc is on

washington, dc is only a

washington, dc is most beautiful after the sun sets

washington, dc is filled with exciting and memorable places to visit

washington, dc is to truly make a difference in the lives of the afghan people by connecting them

washington, dc is the district of columbia

washington, dc is beautiful all year long

washington, dc is funded by the carnegie corporation of new york

washington, dc is a cosmopolitan city offering a tremendous variety of internship possibilities in government service

washington, dc is known for its many small gardens and squares

washington, dc is a proud member of gala choruses

washington, dc is second only to new york in live theatre seats

washington, dc is located on the potomac river between the states of maryland and virginia in the northeastern united states

washington, dc is a world

washington, dc is one of the most beautiful cities in the world

washington, dc is not a sports town

washington, dc is your oasis of insanity in the world of political infighting

washington, dc is in many ways much more than our nation's capital

washington, dc is often synonymous with the federal government

washington, dc is the most powerful city in the world

washington, dc is your city

washington, dc is always in the international spotlight

washington, dc is not so developed as in other cities because few people live in

washington, dc is a city of green parks

washington, dc is not just our nation's capital

washington, dc is the capital city and administrative district of the united states of america

washington, dc is neither a state nor territory

washington, dc is an ideal place to study law

washington, dc is

washington, dc is very active with the american heart association

washington, dc is affiliated with the alumni association back on campus

washington, dc is second only to new york in the performing arts

washington, dc is a funky

washington, dc is a non

washington, dc is affiliated with the national peace corps association

washington, dc is a city teeming with us history

washington, dc is rich with the history of our nation

washington, dc is the murder capital of the world in more ways than one

washington, dc is a snap using the relatively new and clean subway system

washington, dc is the most wired region in the country

washington, dc is also a dynamic community full of art

washington, dc is an independent

washington, dc is a nonprofit organization dedicated to advancing professional development and achievement for women working in

washington, dc is to use the metro which connects most parts of the district with the outlieing suburbs

washington, dc is the home of some of the most powerful people on earth

Since I will be heading back to Honduras after quite a stint on med-Evac (now happy and healthy!), I decided to go back to my old web-search stomping grounds. GOOGLISM. Try it.

www.googlism.com

Honduras.

honduras is worth more than gold

honduras is ultimately satisfying

honduras is rebreather friendly

honduras is worth more

honduras is here

honduras is place for suit

honduras is us$ 12

honduras is complete without planet charters vacation

honduras is complete without planet

honduras is rich in

honduras is safe

honduras is worth more than gold by

honduras is a crime against humanity

honduras is worth more than gold by michael marsh undoubtedly

honduras is a land of opportunities

honduras is right here

honduras is similar to the united states

honduras is the second largest of the central american republics

honduras is the second largest country in the region

honduras is us$ 0

honduras is widespread and the statistics are alarming

honduras is worth more than gold'

honduras is complete without planet charters vacation adventures

honduras is located in the heart of central america

honduras is one of the largest countries in central america

honduras is a small central american country that boasts lush greenery

honduras is a small country in central america

honduras is on the growth curve? expanding free trade zone development

honduras is the second largest textile exporter in the caribbean basin

honduras is a republic in central america; it borders on guatemala and el salvador on the west and nicaragua on the south

honduras is worth more than gold"

honduras is one of the largest central american republics

honduras is a country full of contrasts

honduras is a party to the 1988 un convention

honduras is located in central america

honduras is a dream come true

honduras is tempered by the higher elevations of the interior

honduras is very young

honduras is one of the most significant archaeological regions in southern mesoamerica and lower central america

honduras is may and june

honduras is definitely an off

honduras is a stunningly beautiful country

honduras is the annual handbook of latin american studies

honduras is still a two

honduras is a very large problem for the people who live in honduras

honduras is a small country located in central america between el

honduras is the second largest country in central america

honduras is a beautiful country

honduras is not a party to any international convention or treaty on service of documents or obtaining evidence to which the united states is also a party

honduras is a democracy with a developing economy

honduras is located on the caribbean coast of central america

honduras is divided into 18 provinces

honduras is a participating member of the world bank

honduras is a territory shaped by dramatic landscapes

honduras is hot—for divers

honduras is a lush country with a wide variety of ecosystems

honduras is the poorest country in central america

honduras is currently under preparation

honduras is divided among three main areas

honduras is mountainous and compares in size to the state of ohio and is the second largest central america nation

honduras is a really neat country

honduras is affected by landmines according to the latest report submitted under article 7 of the ap mine ban treaty

honduras is het gevaarlijkste land

honduras is het op één na armste land van midden

honduras is a true central american paradise

honduras is

honduras is eligible for a series of horizontal programmes for latin america

honduras is mountainous

honduras is bounded on the north by the caribbean sea

honduras is actually closer to the borders of texas than it is to washington

honduras is home to more than 600 species of birds and rare animals

honduras is that "if the price is right

honduras is beginning to recover from the ravages of mitch

honduras is an agrarian society

honduras is in the middle of the central american isthmus

honduras is already shifting from reconstruction toward key areas of reform that will lay the groundwork for a more profound

honduras is one of the poorest countries in latin america

honduras is a small country

honduras is a peaceful country which offers the visitor some of tourism's best kept secrets like

honduras is considered by many experts of the tourism industry as a country gifted with a desirable and incomparable nature

honduras is a nation of sparse population and rugged terrain

honduras is no longer the linchpin of us central american policy

honduras is less influenced by the anglo saxon theory of deadlines than north america

honduras is one of the last remaining tracts of humid tropical forest in central america

honduras is an central american country

honduras is slowly recovering from the passage of hurricane mitch in 1998

honduras is a secure nation

honduras is also home to many areas of tropical rainforest

honduras is situated in central america along with guatemala

honduras is een medewerker van de mensenrechtenorganisatie codeh voor zijn kantoor

honduras is a democracy which in many ways mirrors that of the united states

Couldn't have said it better myself.

thought i'd dig in on some seafood curry... if that wont help nothing will! :)

ahh.. viatnamese food just ain't available (at least i don't think..!) in honduras

me with old friend michael

mother mary

thinking man

hilary outside of francescas in durham

me behind big hand in DC

cool sculpture in sculpture garden, smithsonian

dad in DC

2nd glass of barium before abdominal cat scan... echhh.. but only one to go after.. the banana flavor was better

some of mom's macaroni, sweet potatoes and mashed potatoes.. mmmm

dad making latkes (hil helped, too)

some of claire's famous christmas cookies.

there's my puppy... :)

me and my two best friends in the world.. i came from honduras/DC, melissa from chicago and aida from NY, and there we were, ringing in (randomly!) another new year's after a couple of hiatus years. how wonderful to see these amazing people!

sunsets are beautiful in the states.. very colorful

my sister transfixed by birds

obama whoooo hooo

another beautiful sunset..i'm much happier than i look i was just talking

i'm just a bill on capitol hill... or a bunch o protesters. it is messed up to blame all of the crap on hamas...

pigeons that flew repeatedly on and off of the PNC bank building.

supporters of palestine.. which we saw on our way to the holocaust museum.. talk about an interesting day

me in front of the library of congress

que parecido esta foto a jack keroac;)

my sister at botanical gardens

* * *

...but i'm back in DC after a wonderful (albeit not perfectly painless) trip home for the holidays to recuperate a bit and spend some time with family and friends. it was so nice to go home for a little bit! i must say that while i do feel anxious to get back, this trip home even after a short 6 months in the peace corps has been a blessing in disguise. i feel so much better than i did a month ago! now i'm just hoping that i'll be able to go back this week or maybe next. i'm feeling so positive about it though. i'm ready to go back! i'd like to finish recovering while i'm working at the same time, because i don't like not working, but since it's been the holidays and everything i probably wouldn't have been working a lot anyway. so, since tomorrow in monday and back to the doctor's offices grindstone, maybe i'll go find a little spanish coffee shop to practice some spanish! during the break, i practiced a little with reading and watching spanish TV, also was able to catch up with some old peruvian friends, which turned out to be a hell of a lot easier than i had expected and they were very surprised that i had learned spanish so quickly! i found it much easier to speak with natives than my good friend who is fluent in spanish, which was a bit odd because he is a better friend, but he said it is totally normal to feel more comfortable talking with natives. it does make sense--natives usually appreciate the effort as opposed to correcting you much. i am the same way when people make mistakes but are trying to learn english. man, i did NOT think i'd miss teaching english, but i really do!

i'm in my hotel room now after a day or museums with my sister and mom. we saw some protesters on capitol hill today chanting free palestine and while i am no israeli advocate, i have been feeling quite ambiguous about the situation. it's just seemingly so complicated that i'm not sure if i could ever formulate a "correct" opinion. i just can't believe so many people have died and are still dying for nothing.

i have to say also that we were there when obama drove through! well, i don't know that for sure but these motor guys and a bunch of cops came through as though it were an ambulance but mom could see through the rearview that there was a limo... :) this town is beautiful now that there's a change coming. and freaking al franken...! i think my faith in the US gov't is starting to form a bit. because god knows it was never terribly strong! and when i was looking over DC i really felt proud of my country... which was a feeling i hadnt felt since.. oh wait, i've been feeling that since obama was elected :) but before that, i don't remember ever having that distinct feeling. i think it also has something to do with visiting and living in a developing country...

i'm going to post some pics of the homeland now and wrote more tomorrow or tuesday after more doc appts with (hopefully) a great update .

"Some Sweet Day," Sparklehorse; Dreamt For Light Years In The Belly Of A Mountain"That's The Stuff You Gotta Watch," Miles Davis; First Miles"One For My Baby," Frank Sinatra; Only For The Lonely

"Stick It Out," Frank Zappa; Joe's Garage"One Of Us Most Know (Sooner or Later)" Bob Dylan; Blonde On Blonde"Tangled Up In Blue," and "Santa-Fe," Bob Dylan; Rare and Unreleased Vol. 2"America Is Waiting," and "Help Me Somebody," Brian Eno & David Byrne; My Life In The Bush Of Ghosts"The River," Brian Eno & John Cale; Wrong Way Up"Milonga del Angel," David Tanenbaum, Guitar; Astor Piazolla--El Porteno"Bohemian Rhapsody," Queen"Weird Fishes/Arpeggi," Radiohead; In Rainbows"The National Anthem," Radiohead; Kid A"Come Rain or Come Shine," Ray Charles; Genius & Soul"New York's My Home," Ray Charles; Genius Hits The Road"Whole Wide World," Wreckless Eric; The Stiff Records Box Set"Motel Room In My Bed," X; Under The Big Black Sun"20$," M.I.A.; Kala

Podcasts to refresh your language, such as Un Idioma Sin Fronteras; Voices en Espanol; Spanish Phrase of the Day; etc. Other Podcasts I've found quite informative: This American Life; Volunteer Voices; The Word Nerds; Princeton University Podcasts; Philosophy Bites; NPR Science Friday Podcasts; NPR All Songs Considered; Big Ideas; Astronomy Cast; The Definitive Word. Also, not something to listen to, but there's a great Spanish magazine called "Alma." If you are in need of practice during Med Evac, it's great. There are also opportunities to volunteer while evacuated if you can, and plenty of Spanish-speaking folks to seek out.

so yes, i am officially medically evacuated. and the livin's pretty good, but the health is not totally cleared yet. so, con tiempo... BUT i should be here for the inauguration, and possibly return to honduras or at least continue with my service in another (hopefully spanish-speaking!) country. con tiempo.

i havent had a chance to take beautiful pics of DC but, good god, it's actually a great city. not that i've explored a whole lot, but i got the whole HIJKLM streets and pennsylvania avenue etc. down so that's cool. and dad's coming tomorrow so we'll be able to go to some museums after some more tests and doctors appts. and i get to go home for the holidays. and seeing doc's that speak my native tongue has made the whole process a whole lot easier. i won't go into detail, as the details are a bit.. well.. let's just say there's better things to write. like, things i've been reading.

"our world can be transformed into a world in which the creative spirit is alive, in which life is an adventure full of hope and joy, based rather upon the impulse to construct than upon the desire to retain what we possess or to seize what is possessed by others. meantime, the world in which we exist has other aims. but it will pass away, burned up in the fire of its own hot passions; and from its ashes will spring a new and younger world, full of fresh hope, with the light of morning in its eyes." bertrand russell (thanks, jim.)

a few by

EZRA POUND.

xenia

(foriegn, abroad.)

"And

Unto thine eyes my heart

Sendeth old dreams of the spring-time,

Yea of wood-ways my rime

Found thee and flowers in and of all streams

That sang low burthen, and of roses,

That lost their dew-bowed petals for the dreams

We scattered o'er them passing by."

From Alba Belingalis

(Bilingual Morning)

"ARISE."

Plotinus

"As one that would draw through the node of things,

Back sweeping to the vortex of the cone,

Cloistered about with memories, alone

In chaos, while the waiting silence sings:

Obliviate of cycles' wanderings

I was an atom on creation's throne

And knew all nothing my unconquered own.

God! Should I be the hand upon the strings?!

But I was lonely as a lonely child.

I cried amid the void and heard no cry,

And then for utter loneliness, made I

New thoughts as crescent images of me.

And with them was my essence reconciled

While fear went forth from mine eternity."

An Immortality

"Sing we for love and idleness,

Naught else is worth the having,

Though I have been in many a land,

There is naught else in living.

And I would rather have my sweet,

Though rose-leaves die of grieving,

Than do high deeds in Hungary

To pass all men's believing."

Taking Leave of a Friend

"Blue mountains to the north of the walls,

While river winding about them;

Here we must make separation

And go out through a thousand miles of dead grass.

Mind like a floating white cloud.

Sunset like the parting of old acquaintances

Who bow over their clasped hands at a distance.

Our horse neigh to each other

As we are departing."

From The Tao Te Ching (Lao Tzu):

"Always without desire we must be found

If it's deep mystery we would sound;

But if desire always within us be,

Its outer fringe is all that we shall see.""The government that seems the most unwise

Oft goodness to the people best supplies;

That which is meddling, touching everything,

Will work but ill, and disappointment bring."

"(Its) admirable words can purchase honour;

(its) admirable deeds can raise their performer above others.

Even those who are not good are not abandoned by it."

"To act without thinking of acting; to conduct affairs without feeling the trouble of them;

to taste without discerning any flavour; to consider what is small as great,

and a few as many; and to recompensate injury with kindness."

"They should think their (coarse) food sweet;

their (plain) clothes beautiful;

their (poor) dwellings places of rest;

and their common (simple) ways

sources of enjoyment."

"There is nothing beyond what is here said."

"A man there was, though some did count him mad,

The more he gave away, the more he had."

Poesia

escrito por Pablo Neruda (Gracias, Clint.)

Y fue a esa edad... Llegó la poesía

a buscarme. No sé, no sé de dónde

salió, de invierno o río.

No sé cómo ni cuándo,

no, no eran voces, no eran

palabras, ni silencio,

pero desde una calle me llamaba,

desde las ramas de la noche,

de pronto entre los otros,

entre fuegos violentos

o regresando solo,

allí estaba sin rostro

y me tocaba.

Yo no sabía qué decir, mi boca

no sabía

nombrar,

mis ojos eran ciegos,

y algo golpeaba en mi alma,

fiebre o alas perdidas,

y me fui haciendo solo,

descifrando

aquella quemadura,

y escribí la primera línea vaga,

vaga, sin cuerpo, pura

tontería,

pura sabiduría

del que no sabe nada,

y vi de pronto

el cielo

desgranado

y abierto,

planetas,

plantaciones palpitantes,

la sombra perforada,

acribillada

por flechas, fuego y flores,

la noche arrolladora, el universo.

Y yo, mínimo ser,

ebrio del gran vacío

constelado,

a semejanza, a imagen

del misterio,

me sentí parte pura

del abismo,

rodé con las estrellas,

mi corazón se desató en el viento.

La vida no es sino una continua sucesión de oportunidades para sobrevivir.

Gabriel García Márquez

A LO DICHO, DICHO; Y A LO HECHO, PECHO.

by my sister, hilary ragin:

"and in this picture we're placed at the edge of things,

drinking in the salty perimeter thats lapping about our knees

a figure firmly fingers its way through the breeze

where your lips turn to meet it and i sip at those sweets.

and in our distance, we're placed at the lease of being,

in pictures framed with borders made from poplar.

and the smell of a buck on my hands mixes with the beans on your plate

heavy in our stomachs, where you'll feed and i'll rock her.

and in your belly is placed the thing that will forever carry on our living

framed with the face of a man at the back of our hands

and there's no telling where she's heading,

but i conclude from the candle held up to your belly that

the lady is lucid for her little eyes are swelling.

and had i opened my mouth as you turned toward the south

maybe you'd have been a goner.

but the word it is out in the streets that

you're speaking with beats that are blowin the lights out.

and i have for you, when you return,

a jar of honey, and milk that won't sour.

and they're drenched in the musk, a lava sky at dusk,

but mostly these little flowers,

whose purple-ringed cups tickle the tops of my toes

and they smell like the winter.

jerking the rope is a beast--the knee-high lady would say, "how come its eyes are all sideways?"

but her little bell claims all the qualities of a a name

and she will feed us for several more seasons.

and when the time comes next year to

name the kids in spring, let's name them after church

deacons,

or the farmers down the river who are growing the winter squashes,

or, better yet, let's name them after potatoes

and leeks and sorts of garlics throughout the brown fall,

and we'll swear that we won't eat them come winter."

Hola mis amigos y todo el resto. I´ve been so busy I really truly have not had time to write lately, but I´ve had such wonderful and overwhelming and life-changing and lonely and depressing and awe-inspiring and shooting pain up from the bottom of my belly all the way to the top and indigestion and fabulous conversation and good news and bad news and new friendships and surprising emails and very little sleep and very little patience and very much fun moving into my new house and a very hard time finding the things I need to make furniture and a fabulous time watching a beautiful heron on Lago Yojoa and conversations of God and Religion which are of course soooo TABOO but por lo menos con the people I knew wouldn´t be judgmental or offended… I don´t think, at least. I can explain this later. I was the secretary and have all of the notes J I´ve been informed by email that I have a package waiting in the capital for me, which I will be getting when I go for my next appointment with the doctor Dec. 21. (WHOO HOO!!!!) I think I am just going to stay in site for Christmas and because we aren´t allowed to travel the way that is the cheapest to Belize, I won´t be seeing Julie for New Years, but I´ll be somewhere, surely, Si dios quiere…. J I have been missing family and friends but making new ones. I have been reading in Spanish and thinking about the role of women here a lot. I have been thinking about the stars and how I miss my astronomy class and academia in general though I never really was on their level… In other words, in other cultures, they wouldn´t pay for my beauty nor my capacity to entertain with random knowledge and so I´d probably be married with children by now. No matter how hard I scrub my floors, they still look a little dirty. But it´s almost a HOGAR instead of a CASITA. Just need to go buy a hammock. Gotta go take advantage of my friends from PAM in the mountain that are staying with me only till tomorrow and buy some wood so they can show me how to make stuff. Can´t wait to have a desk!!! Gonna try and post some pics. If you haven’t listened to Indonesian music lately, I recommend it. Also, will someone tell me, what´s REALLY going on up there with this Lame Duck and a Black Man coming in??? Is the KKK back in action? Are the small businesses shedding tears? I could look it all up but I just don´t really want to today. It was cold two days ago. It is so hot today. The PAMMERs made spaghetti last night and I put on Christmas music but it just didn’t feel right. This is… summer! I still haven´t gotten any pics up here from either Thanksgiving or Lago Yojoa but they are on Facebook if you have them. I´m trying to upload a few now, but if it takes too long it will need to wait.

Holy crap yeah it´s taking way too long. the Facebook albums are public, so you should be able to check them out.

Until next time. Aida, get your butt over here. I miss you. I need you. When they (ANYONE) sees your pictures, ¨Ay! ¡Què Bonita Esta! Y cómo es ella?¨ Happy December. Dora, La Exploradora.

PS since I dont have any of my own pics this time, check these out:wowdec 1 was natl hiv aids awareness day which has nothing to do with this, but how bonita la foto!

couldnt capture it with my crapy camera, but over thanksgiving up visiting gabriel where theres no light, you can see the milky way and i saw a beautiful green shooting star (perhaps comet) but todo parecìa como así.and... whaaaaatttttt.... soooo amazing....

Ok thanks for reading.

You will all be so excited to see the fotos from the last week or two.... and hear all about everything....

Tomorrow :) Or maybe Tuesday. Miss you all very much and especially this time of year. Don´t worry Aunt Lori, if you ever want a SWELTERING Holiday season you can just come here. And 200 or 300 bucks goes a LOOOONG way. :)

Miss you all. Love you all. Soon, I promise. Lots has been going on :)

I did get to send just a couple of letters in the mail yesterday (Sorry Aunts and Uncles and Cousins, but although there are far less than you than is typical here, I just couldn´t afford the stamps to send everyone Holiday Greetings. I met a woman yesterday with 76 grandchildren. Can you imagine???) I know that you won´t have time nor patience to actually read even one of my posts (unless you`ve made it this far, in which case I am IMPRESIONADA!) but at least do some scrolling for photos.

Anyway, I´m posting more pics now since you losers don`t have Facebook. How do you even know you exist, anyway? :)

Miss and love you all very much.

this horse appears well fed. i run by him when i do exercize.

this is ana. she is my pc friend. she gets mistaken for a honduran, but shes pretty darn american

host families like taking fotos of you

that means i have an old camera and you have to press it long and hard... just not that hard.

this lady was on top of her stuff.

muy como yo. :)

military men playing fùtbol

i don´t think my team won.

if anyone has a book of flora and fauna of honduras, serìa much apprciated.

again, in yarumela, hillary`s site

oranges.

first jalon. did think i might die.

our town´s centro de salud

lots of cowns behaving very well.

me in a moto. sometimes they dont charge. thats always sweet.

they wont say hi until ive already walked by usually

alice and drews patio

the morning after

not sure what this is

charlies got OBAMA mints and tickets to the honduras-mexico game. you go, charlie.

wish i could have eaten...

papayas

these lemons are like the size of your head i swear

i didnt want to get up. i wish you could fit those pillows in your pocket. i did take tea and shampoo and splenda, though..

just you know, waiting for dinner, in complete luxury.

garden of mari my friend

cool marble pila. this is how we wash our clothes...

many flowers grow in winter here.

everytime i walk past they beg me to take a foto. so i always bring my camera now.

very.. yellow

wanted to taste to see if it was a chile but we were too scared

making something out of something but i wasnt quite sure.

look at me. surfing. with a remote. imagine that.

thanks for the package!!! theres all my fancy stuff in the silver bag. now i smell good. also, please note the hair dryer i was able to use for the first time in 5 months in the background... :)

we really did learn a lot about what INAM is trying to do

......and then we drank a bottle of wine to reflect on all of it.

Y aquí esta lo que yo había dicho que iba a ¨POST¨:

Pictures. Fun times in Tegucigalpa. Thank God I’m back in my site. Everyone in my site things I just need a “Pulga” which literally means flea but apparently it’s a gift from Jesus that cleans out the stomach, like a laxative, on steroids.. if you can imagine. I, of course, cannot accept medicine como asi por Cuerpo de Paz. Thanks to Hilary, for her poem for me and for her CD. If I receive permission from her, I will post her poem on my blog. It’s just that good. :) Also, I heard from someone from Midtown Dickens something about sending me a CD…? I’ve thought about Eggs and Toast every morning since. Not the food, of course.

So I already tried to post pics on here and have since deleted them from my memory drive, but if you do indeed have Facebook they are on there. I´m trying to figure out a way to link the albums without the other person needing to join the cult that is Facebook. We´ll see.

Thanksgiving …

is coming up and though I’ve been out of site so much, I think I’m going to make my way down to San Marcos de Colon after an early Dr’s appt. (I think?) because school’s out and I’ve been working a lot and have a pretty bad cold right now so, you know, it’d be nice to spend Thanksgiving with others de EE.UU. Especially since we have so much to be thankful for here in Honduras.

Speaking of Thanks,

I want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart to all of the PCMO’s in the Medical office of Peace Corps here in Honduras. Their patience, kindness, and comfort has helped me a lot during this weird time.

Thanks

just as much to my family, who has consistently sent packages or e-mails or taken care of things I can’t take care of from here (you all know who you are). I feel like I princess with these last two packages from G&G, Mom, and Hil. I appreciate it more than you know. Anything is wonderful to receive, especially that which you’ve sent. And it’s actually pretty cold here, so the sweatshirts that I doubted I would need have been fabulous!

Pictures, Women’s Groups

I’m going to post some pics now while I research women’s groups. Apparently someone had started one (not a volunteer) but is dissolved quickly, like so many things here. SOSTENIBLE is the Spanish word. This is my 2-year goal, and the goal of us all as volunteers. How DO we make this sustainable?

Playlist for PCVs feeling a bit down:

Just a few suggestions.

1. “Philosophy of the World, The Shaggs, Philosophy of the World

2. “Lama Dorje Chang,” Yungchen Lhamo, Tibet, Tibet

3. “The Long Road,” Eddie Vedder & Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan, Dead Man Walking Soundtrack

4. “Anywhere I Lay My Head,” Tom Waits, Rain Dogs

5. “Yolando,” Robert Wyatt, Mid-Eighties

6. “Paris 1919,” John Cale, Paris 1919

7. “Heads Will Roll,” Echo and the Bunnymen, Porcupine

8. “Washington Blues,” Elizabeth Cotton, Shake Sugaree

9. “Disorder,” Joy Division, Unknown Pleasures

10. “Novocain Stain,” Modest Mouse, This is a Long Drive Home for Someone With Nothing to Think About

Playlist for Mornings

1. “Is There Anybody Here that Loves My Jesus,” Viola James & Congregation, Sounds of the South

2. “The Bells,” The Smashing Pumpkins, The Aeroplane Flies High, Disc 5

3. “1952 Vincent Black Lightning,” Richard Thompson, Action Packed the Best of the Capitol Years

4. “It’s Only A Paper Moon,” Nat “King” Cole, After Midnight Sessions

5. “Pagina Ocho,” Prefuse 73, Read the Books E.P.

6. “Feel Like Makin’ Love,” D’Angelo, Voodoo

7. “Little Liza Jane,” Elizabeth Mitchell, You are my Little Bird

8. “Never Tear Us Apart,” INXS

9. “Ni Main Jana Jogi De,” Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan, The Day, The Night, The Dawn, The Dusk

10. “Get Up,” REM, Green

Playlist for Working

1. “Watch the Sunrise,” Big Star, #1 Record/Radio City

2. “Pimpin’ for the Muse,” Tuatara, Cinemathique

3. “Oye Como Va,” Santana, Abraxas

4. “Transcendental Blues,” Steve Earle, Transcendental Blues

5. “Tuesday Heartbreak,” Stevie Wonder, Talking Book

6. “Blue Five Jive,” Count Basie, Kansas City Suite

7. “Lynguistics,” CunninLynguists, Will Rap for Food

8. “A Distorted Reality is now a Necesity to be Free,” Elliott Smith, From A Basement on the Hill

9. “Don’t Stop Til You Get Enough,” Michael Jackson

10. “Head Over Heals/Broken (Live),” Tears for Fears, Songs from the Big Chair (Bonus Tracks)

Language

I have found myself fascinated again with language, but this time with language as silence. It has opened me to accept a great many things about this country and culture that I’ve had such a hard time accepting.

Language is our most exquisite, paramount, vital tool and most thwarting, perplexing, inscrutable gift. Upon beginning this analysis, I will ignore the plethora of problems within the area I am addressing; later, I will go into just of a few of the problems in more detail. The goal of this paper is to show that representationalism, along with a few other perspectives in the philosophy of language, are the closest we have to being accurate as of now (yet all knowledge is, of course, tentative—as fluid as physics), and that the human tendency to categorize and represent internally our experiences, thoughts, and feelings into words (symbols) is innate, as Ludwig Wittgenstein and Noam Chomsky have addressed. Also, even while each word has different meaning (when most clearly defined, both internally and externally) in their various contexts (contextualism), it is possible to convey to others through use of symbols our thoughts, feelings and experiences, even if one hundred percent accuracy is impossible. Encoding meaning is perhaps our greatest skill and most terrifyingly difficult task—words both free us and restrict us (as philosophers and writers have discovered alike). Language is indeed a cultural artifact; as Andy Clark said, it is our greatest cultural artifact. Our ability to calculate meaning from previous texts and historical works bring about entirely their respective mythos and ethos is obviously a solely human trait on this earth; while there is a connotation and denotation for every word, it must be our task to extrapolate as honestly and clearly as we can the denotation from the connotation, in order to understand human intention better. In order to interpret those around us. And it is not words only that will give us this challenge, but silence as well, if not more so. Our interactions, and all human relationships, are created and then constantly affected and defined by our language or lack thereof.

It is my belief that figurative language does have its place in all forms of thought and understanding, and in particular communication. As I’ve learned a second language, I’ve realized that whoever said “what makes our own language most easy for us makes it most difficult for others who are learning” was absolutely right. As a creative writer, some of the airs that I attempt to put into words are often best portrayed and perhaps best understood (at least that’s what they say) by those who read when I neglect to spell out the feeling with the obviously associated words, and instead write within the realm of the figurative. Metaphor may indeed be all that language is, but when used distinctly and differently than usual, for example to warp the way something normally appears, or to compare, or to make the strange seem normal and the normal seem strange, we can see situations and experiences in a new light. Plays on words and the use of metaphor especially in literature are some of our most prized companions as writers: they allow us to keep on making it new (Ezra Pound said, “Make it new,” a quote that I continuously go back to). I am finally beginning to experiment with this in a new language. This is very hard, and as I’ve found, Spanish uses much less metaphor than English. Though I could very well be wrong.

In Philosophical Investigations, Ludwig Wittgenstein reversed his previously stated belief that we can understand the world without adequate language to say that real reality cannot be grasped outside of the forms of language. Recognizing the innate need to categorize and utilize symbols in order to understand reality is the best and most comprehensive way for us to understand those basic questions within the philosophy of language, for instance, how can we know language? How do we acquire language? What is the nature of language, its origins, and its use? Once we begin from a structuralist standpoint that agrees that we have a “language faculty” as Noam Chomsky has declared, we can begin to break the questions down and understand them better. Our attempts to understand and communicate are consistently within the realm of language.

However, I have found myself able to communicate with specific people on a more profound level. There have been three Honduran women with whom I have connected on such a level that though my Spanish may be imperfect, and though I may use the completely wrong word, there is an overwhelming sense of understanding. This of course could be a semblance, a mere illusion that I am convincing myself of this deeper level of communication, but I choose not to believe that and rather to believe that the roots of communication span much larger than language, verbal or otherwise, than I had previously thought. As a matter of fact, in the process of learning a second language, I have begun to understand my philosophy professor Jack Kwong and his Jerry Fodor-theories with more sympathy and accordance.

Not only is our perception of reality based on our language, but also our language is essentially built from our perception of reality. Friedrich Nietzsche posed the question: “Is language the adequate expression of all realities?” (From handout, “Truth and Lies in a Nonmoral Sense”). His answer, it seems, is no. Nietzsche rejected the whole idea that language has truth-value at all, claiming that all language is metaphor. I find this claim bewildering, however, based upon the idea that our sensory perceptions are reflected into language, and thus the entire structure and intention of language arises, Nietzsche’s point is seemingly sound. However, according to him, it cannot have truth-value; we simply conclude from his analysis that metaphors are the only thing that we have in relation to the “real world.” Certainly all language is symbolic of some “thing” in the real world, whether it be a person, a country, a natural resource, a color, an idea or an emotion. However, it is my belief that not only can we refer to nonexistent things, but also we can conceive of them. The future, for instance, is some idea of the moment to proceed this one, and it is an idea with which most of us consider quite a bit of the time, for example, I woke up this morning and wondered: should continue sleeping because I don’t feel well, or should I try and eat some oatmeal because I haven’t eaten in 2 days? Because I would like to feel better in the future, I decided to do both, believing that I could pull it off. All of these notions were concerning time that was not yet existent present, yet I was able to formulate decisions based on whatever logic I can claim to have. Thus, our choices, or our decision-making capacity, is derived from our language and analysis of all past events and experiences that we have encountered. Therefore, while I do not entirely disagree with Nietzsche, I do not entirely agree with him, either. One of the things he addressed in “Truth and Lies in a Nonmoral Sense” was the fact that text can “generate its own truth,” and that we in turn give meaning to the world, rather than “uncovering intrinsically the ‘way it is.’” He also recognizes the staggering importance of the perceiver, as our text consistently is analyzed from specific perspectives, based upon the lives and internal structures of each individual. This, I believe, of Nietzsche, rings the most true to me. It seems I am able to speak more rapidly with more cohesion with specific people because our perspectives of life allow for communication to be more easily facilitated.

We are constantly evolving along with our various languages, as new thoughts form, new people come into our lives, and new ways of looking at the world emerge. It seems only natural to me for natural language to evolve, however, some philosophers “suppose that because natural language is constantly changing, it is too unstable to support any one exact thought, let alone a clear philosophy” (Stanley Cavell, Must We Mean What We Say? , p. 42). However, language, as I expressed earlier, assuredly reflects its culture and the population of people that utilize it, and therefore, if evolution of culture is true, then evolution of language must also be true. Not only is the study of evolution in culture worthwhile, but also the study of evolution in language is worthwhile. The more we understand where our language has come from, the more we can use the vast range of ways to communicate. While Nietzsche had a point when he said that words are entirely arbitrary (lest each culture would speak the same language, right?), it seems that the changes in meanings of words and the amount of new words formulated all of the time indicate that indeed they are significant in our lives as representational symbols of evolving ideas and concepts. And while they are arbitrary as symbols, however their form and meaning are not arbitrary, as the structural properties of each word are manipulated and changed as other things evolve within contexts, and it is true that “this conception of language is internal, individual and intentional” (Chomsky, New Horizons in the Study of Language and Mind, p. 26).

Words are most certainly symbols, however, to be able to claim that we truly understand any one communicated/communicable symbol is where the most difficult problems arise. Nietzsche described this problem by addressing how each tree is different, yet we call them all trees. Each context, every time we use a word anew, the meaning changes; we tend to ask the question often: what do you mean by that? –even when we understand all of the “normal” definitions of the words used. Let’s say that I hear a word that I have not previously encountered, but because of its context I know that it is an adjective describing a man, for example. So, I go to the dictionary. When I do this, I am expecting not only to understand the content of what I read, but to understand something more about the entire world. In the process of learning a new language in a new culture, this experience is much more time-consuming, it occurs much more frequently, and can lead to much more frustration—however, it gives a greater depth into the actual practical use of the language and how the culture actually uses symbols to communicate. At first it seems quite improbable that we can read words to learn about the world without the experience, (an externalist would likely disagree with this), but there is a widespread lack of acknowledging the fact that once we are born, and even as soon as we are conceived, we begin to understand and learn the world along with language and symbols. We begin organizing all that we see into categories, and we begin to put our intrinsic thoughts into these symbols. “Learning is a question of aligning language and the world,” (Cavell 20) and therefore the only way to learn and communicate is indeed through language. This language is “the ground for any given society or culture,” as John Locke stated. Language organizes our thoughts, collectively and individually. I am even beginning to think in Spanish, to dream in Spanish, and to desire whole-heartedly to have the ability to translate. And to learn Italian. And French. And German. And other much less-spoken languages. What I have learned as an adult immersed in a culture of speakers of a different language is that you MUST SPEAK, you must LISTEN, you much STUDY, and you must DESIRE to learn, or else you will be stuck in your head, perhaps even forgetting the most basic of words from your native language.

Because our comprehension of reality and the world relies so heavily on language, we have to address the limitations of language in order to understand our limitations on understanding. First, we have to distinguish between ‘natural’ language and other kinds of language, for example systems or jargon that are specific to certain areas. For purposes of compression, I will not address the languages of specific areas, but rather limit the discussion to our “natural” or “original” languages. When discussing these languages, we must address Chomsky’s coined phrase, “poverty of the stimulus,” which goes to say that not only is language acquisition natural and innate, but we as speakers, listeners and communicators in general learn language through patterns and various “positive evidence,” which is obtained from the correct grammatical and syntactical structures or sentences that we are surrounded by while growing through the process of learning language. We usually do not hear the wrong ways of speaking within languages, for example, where we normally place verbs, adverbs, nouns, pronouns, etc. This reminds me of the book I read just before starting Peace Corps, Words and Rules by Steven Pinker. If I interpreted one section of this book correctly, he explains that Chomsky’s theory can be expanded to include this theory that the process of learning any language (as a first language) is also the process of unlearning all other languages—for example, if I use incorrectly a term as a child learning a language, it is almost always the case that the grammatical or semantic mistake I have made is acceptable in some other language. This is simply more evidence to support Chomsky, it seems. There are many concepts that young people encounter after some language acquisition, which they can extract a meaning from even without instruction or experience that is relevant, for example fairy tales. Knowledge of language in regards to this can simply be assumed to be in a meaningful and significant way that is innately determined, and therefore seemingly consistent among all languages. In this way we also avoid discussion of other learning processes because of their transparency, their compatibility, their cohesiveness—they are taken for granted. It is only when problems arise does the normal mind question these sorts of processes. For example, learning a second language.

Ordinary or natural languages are not, by definition, concerned with scientific approach. Beliefs, desires, and perceptions expressed are, by definition, part of what we consider natural language. Science “does not try to capture the content of ordinary discourse, let alone more creative acts of imagination” (Chomsky 89). However, even though these are the case, we still define natural or ordinary languages as those which not only encompass human communication for general purposes, but also computer-programming and mathematical language. The definition of a natural language has often been debated, however, one less controversial aspect is that the language has evolved naturally, and is revealing of human comprehension and analyzation of the world, as well as our interactions. Chomsky’s theory of universal grammar is often taken into account concerning natural language, which states that every natural language has a set of essential and basic rules which explains language acquisition because it is common of all natural languages, and that these rules play an undeniable and imperative role in language acquisition, and while unmentioned in this book as far as I have read (I am obviously no expert), this applies also wholeheartedly to second-language acquisition.

Wittgenstein: “What we cannot speak about we must consign to silence.”

Bencivenga: “Only what we cannot speak about must we not pass over in silence.”

While Wittgenstein concluded with the first statement due to the philosophical problems that he encountered while defining language as innate, and I believe that he has reason and justification for this statement (not to mention that he is extremely intimidating for his intellect and influence), I cannot help but feel that Bencivenga’s point is more powerful because it leaves room for progress and can be accounted for the various leaps in our understanding of the world around us. These indefinable entities, such as love (“I would die for you”), hate (“I will kill you if you don’t shut the hell up”), chaos (“chaos has not been finally vanquished” Bencivenga 31), and cosmos (“cosmos has not been finally established” Bencivenga 31), (Sea lo que sea, o Asi es la vida) must be considered. Clearly, if we already have a symbol for an idea, we should continue to try and explicate meaning, whether meaning be assigned by individuals or “discovered” intermittently by groups of people. Other words take on a great many meanings, such as “God,” “Heaven and Hell,” “Death,” “Consciousness,” etc. Because of the undeniable fact that there is no general consensus, and there is a grand possibility that we will never comprise a “true” meaning of these words, we must either accept all definitions as valid, or none of them (as intelligent, rational human beings). If it is true that we give meaning to the world around us rather than finding meaning, then each definition tells us a little more about the person who intrinsically defines it as such.

To a first approximation what a word or sentence means to a person is just what their internalized semantic theory says it means. Segal, “Two Theories of Names,” (Logic, Thought and Language) p. 76.

Meaning and reference to me, as an inexperienced and non-well-read philosophy-lover, rely heavily on each other. One may not exist without the other, even without direct communication. During the process of communication, through our intentions, we relay meanings therefore referring to objects or ideas, with innumerable implications and as many possible interpretations as there are listeners, and thoughts, and emotions, and memories. We consistently refer to this resource of our own mind, and perhaps, this is the only thing we may truly use for reference. Reference is, to me, plays the most important role between our language and the world, including the role it plays within our conception of reality, and of knowledge, as well as intuition and meaning. This has occurred in a very special way to me as I learn Spanish. It occurs to me also that the debates (of which I am not highly educated) concerning reference are trivial, as reference can be applied to anything—even if it is not a “real world object,” for example, hair made of steel, or a dead person who walks, it is still referring to a particular idea, or metaphor, or thought, even though it may not have real world significance or application. When we speak of nonexistent entities, we are still referring, as far as I am concerned. Thus the fiction writers as well as the journalists are exercising the use of meaning, communication of intention, and thus both can provide for an infinite amount of interpretations. Thus I can use direct translation of metaphor from English into Spanish only to be laughed at for its lack of presence in Spanish, yet be understood. I can also make up any metaphor with any new words I discover and those Spanish speakers can laugh, attaining a level of understanding in which only metaphor can convey.

I am sailing back to Wittgenstein at this point. Now that we see how to relate our mental states and representations with our language, perhaps we can explain whether or not there is a point attempt verbalizing certain experiences, emotions or thoughts that one usually would render impossible. Since I believe that we should, I will try and advocate this position against Wittgenstein. He wrote, in his famous Tractatus, “A name means an object. The object is its meaning.” However, what about words like “infinity” or “electron”? What about other “abstract” entities, or intangible experiences? What about reference to nonexistent things? I believe that I have a perception of infinity, and of an electron, and I feel (quite importantly beyond words) the implications of these ideas, yet as human beings we have not yet seen them, or heard them, or felt them, nor have we been able to define them in terms that can be agreed upon by everyone (like, DOG), nor do most humans understand any of the implications or proofs involved that brought about the ideas of the terms. The origination of most “abstract” entities is inexplicable. Only through conveying a story in Spanish of my college graduation day can I explain how it feels to be a child of divorced parents, etc. Not only that, I can use the word in Spanish (any of these examples of abstract terms) and feel understood, yet when we speak with “political” terms, the rupture of communication, at least to me, is obvious. All of these complex issues lead me to believe that there must be a way to put into words my justification for searching for various definitions and ways of describing with words, and that even though I cannot necessarily verbalize the way I feel so that anyone may understand, I can attempt to clarify the picture as best I can, and even if it may be impossible, my attempts should not be dissuaded, and the confidence that I maintain in my experience, thought and observation has proven to help me in communicating, both in English and Spanish. Especially when I get to the point of conversation where even the Spanish-English dictionary will not resolve the barrier that has arisen. There are always going to be problems concerning language and how it is used, how we acquire it, and where it came from, but my beliefs have been established as viewing the aspect of language as an innate gift, as inextricable from our mental processes and comprehension of the world, and the “ultimate cultural artifact.” However, unfortunately, there is no way of moving from the actual language itself and that which the language I am using refers to, as I am using my language to do so. Perhaps after two more years of language acquisition (and many more…) I will better be able to explain myself.

Last night I wrote until 2 am and just was so excited about this post and have just realized that somehow it is not on my memory drive.

So, I´ll try and post some fotos for now and get that post up later. Urg. I worked very hard on it :) OK the fotos didn´t work but if you have FACEBOOK, there they are.

I guess I´ll at least post an old poem so that this post isn´t completely useless.

I wrote this last year. We can cross one of them off the list, at least :)

September 7th. 3 years ago today I started this journal. I started this. I’ve never started a war or Even instigated a fight. I’ve never been in a relationship where I didn’t love myself more. I’ve never seen the sunrise From another country’s footsteps. I’ve never understood juries. I’ve never served on one. I’ve never read a whole novel In one sitting. I’ve never understood my grandmother, nor my mother, nor my father.I´ve never not loved them.

I haven’t found the perfect song Though I have many favorites. I’ve never accepted Jesus As my savior. I’ve never been Attracted to the Christian faith Except for the “Just in case.” I’ve never woken up the same. I’ve never swam out as far As I could. I’ve still not Gone back to California. I’ve never gone to New York And been disappointed. I’ve never ridden on a jet plane. I’ve never known politics To be fair or just or swift. I’ve never seen a ghost. I don’t think.

I think there was something living inside of me for a while. Ew. Family, if you have time or money, I'd love to hear from you soon! (011-504-9598-7000). Or a nice, long e-mail of updates in the states. Or a magazine subscription.... :) Ok now I'm just being greedy. But really, as soon as I get back to site I'll be able to post all the pictures from the INAM conference and my illness, etc. I for sure have lost almost all of the weight I gained during training, at least. I miss you and love you very much.

PS> If you have any ideas of starting women's groups, let me know.

The Spanish word for parasite is parasito, in case you were wondering.

Go tell Aunt Nancy her little red rooster's dead.

Like it ain't no thing.

I promise I do a lot of work, too. I swear. I'll write about it soon. But right now is summer for the kids... you know.

That is one bad ass machete.

By the way, let's be sure to tell Barack how important Peace Corps' role is in our country's goals to better relations between foriegn countries, and, I don't know, give us more money. Or at least slow down the Bush trend of Peace Corps budget cuts, for God's sake.

Thanks again, EEUU.

Currently I am in the capital awaiting some various medical results, when I realized I had yet to post the pictures of my and my father's road trip from the NC to DC where he so liberally left me in the arms of our government, The Peace Corps. Almost as cool as those fotos we took when he drove me through the heart of North Carolina into Boone, where I spend four amazing years at Appalachian State University, here are some highlights from our journey north--my last road trip in the States for the next 2 years, si Dios quiere.

And yes, if you do look at my father's blog, I'm sure you'll notice the church marquee aspeto that I am so graciously prestaring, if you will (please allow for my spanglish. I am todavia working on it).

Also I just found a cool website with a name quite paredico a mio... She's just traveling in her head with her computer programs, but nonetheless, the images are quite stunning.

Adios, y hasta pronto.

So, briefly:

There are a couple of deaf children in my town without any access to Spanish sign language. If in the next couple of months or WHENEVER anyone would like to send some resources such as these, I`d love to start classes with them.

Until later.

For two days of the Medical Brigade, I translated for two audiologists. The other day, I translated for an eye doctor named Arnie. Never having translated before, nor having any experience in the medical field, this was both the most challenging and rewarding part of my Peace Corps experience. I was so grateful for the opportunity, however I must say that having to translate things such as,

your child has passed the age in which she could possibly learn a language

or

hearing aids would not help your child because the hearing loss is too profound

or

because your child cannot understand the test, we can`t administrate it.

or, especially,

we have already run out of hearing aids, though they would be beneficial,

would have been difficult to say in english, but being responsible for conveying the information accurately and professionally was, for lack of better words, a most different experience. and the people that i have met, both hondurans and american doctors, i will never forget. especially those honduran parents who were so supportive of their children and their disabilities in a country where that is just so very rare.

¨But when is a word our own? What is a mastery of language? How in fact do we acquire a vocabulary worthy of the name?

The answer of course is: By experience with words, by living with great books and good talkers, by watching their words at work and at play--in brief, by becoming familiar with words. Mere acquiantanceship with them is not profitable here. An acquiantance is one whose name and face you know, without more than a rough idea of his being and business. A familiar is one about whom you know as much as possible. Words are astonishingly like people. They have characters, they almost have personalities--are honest, useful, obliging...or treacherous, vain, stubborn...They shift, as people do, their conduct with their company. They are an endless study in which we are studying nature and ourselves at that meeting point where our minds are trying to give form to or take it from the world.¨ I A Richards

Who hath given man speech

Or who hath set therein

A thorn for peril and a snare for sin.

swinburne.

I have not had time yet to post the pictures nor do I have time to speak of all of the wonderful things that have occurred in the last few days translating for the Virginia Hospital Medical Brigade, however, I will mention just a couple of things:

Two audiologists, especially Jenn, have demonstrated the difficulty and beauty of the profession. I helped translate for them to Honduran patients, and there were two women who had deaf children. When I explained that hearing aids really wouldnt do anything because the loss was so profound, they started crying. However, their girls knew sign language and were full of chispa and totally lista. I cried as well because she said that she was heart broken but that it was a beautiful break because she had the opportunity to help her daughter.

Also working with Arnie translating for eye exams was amaZing.

Also some of the ladies that I met from the Remote Village Project showed me how incredible medical resources can be, especially the ones we take for granted.

I was also given a kick ass machete which I will post pictures of later.

And Barack Obama is going to be our new president. I was a bit tipsy during his speech but I am extraordinarily greatful for this change. Why not believe in change? Why not believe in the beauty of the world?

I can´t believe I just said that. But really. La vida, tan hermosa. Más después, seguramente. And family, please call me soon. I´d love to hear from you.

PS Havent gotten boxes yet. Ill be heading to Tegu next Thursday (I think I mentioned that) and hopefully I´ll get them then.

chico tiene pena!

tena preparing for una misa el domingo

machetes for chapearing

bananos but i cant remember the real name for them

pretty comayagua

really cool family.

selling things.

from the lemon tree.

the water wasnt very clean but that didnt stop us from having a hell of a time.

this one is for jim. i´ll be sure to tell gabe to eat more any time we cross paths, but don´t worry--i think he´s looking satisfactorily guapo.

two ladies talking. gotta love the chispa!

a saint of comayagua?

Lemons from the tree.

Moving the bases due to lodo.

Catholic Church of Comayagua.

Allergy Pills Make You Fat

Ever since I told my host mom that I have gained almost 10 pounds since arriving in Honduras, she has softly enlightened me every day of something that engorda. Engordar is the verb in Spanish for “makes you fat.” Apparently, allergy pills make you fat. Also, drinking water. Especially cold water. And eating breakfast. And running when it’s cold. There are other things as well that make you fat. We’ll only be able to tell with time just how fat I will get, especially considering that the Peace Corps medical staff has told me to take my allergy pill every morning.

Einstein

I have not lost my love for Einstein in the slightest. In fact, I was newly inspired by his cold, lonely winter of 1905 discussed in the Big Ideas podcast of Arthur I Miller. The roof in my house is made of a very thin wood, and you can see the sun through many holes during daylight. When it rains, little drops cover everything—they’re too tiny to see without a catch of light, but you can feel them. So you can imagine that now, while it is rather cold (about 5-10 degrees Celsius), with only a sheet to sleep with, I do feel a fabulous sense of struggle. I felt very close to Einstein and Picasso and their classic lonely, struggling, serious, cold, miserable,….. but then I realized that I had my zero degree sleeping bag and my SmartWool socks and my computer with all of this fabulous music… So much for the struggling Peace Corps volunteer image, and so much for my life parallel with Einstein and Picasso. Even though I do find myself missing many luxuries of the States, mostly the cash I made as a waitress and bartender, I have to say that I do sort of wish that I had less things. Less LUJO, as they say here. Except I was quite happy to snuggle into the warm sleeping bag (thanks, family.. real family.. in the States.) I do sort of wish that I wasn’t expected to look presentable and shower every day. I actually skipped the shower for the first time since being in Honduras today, and I feel very good about it. Here, though, it is expected that you shower every day, and iron your clothes, and fix your hair. Which I understand, but some days I dream of being like Einstein or Picasso or some struggling, wrecked, lonely, haggard, dirty, smelly,….but BURSTING with this amazing creative energy….. el tiempo va a decir en este asunto.

Throat

My throat hurt last night but we have delicious honey with a rather thin consistency for honey but still very tasty and a lemon tree in the back yard so I boiled some water and shook the tree gently and 3 lemons fell off and I drank hot water with honey and lemon and I feel much better. I had another cup today just for the taste.

Pimiento

The folks from the mountain apparently like to toast their coffee with pepper, which gives it just the most amazing, fabulous flavor, regardless of the fact that my gringa friend who lives in the mountain told me that they pick any kind of coffee bean off the trees, ranging from green and premature to black and rotten with bugs. Mmm. It’s delicious, I don’t care what kind of beans they pick. And it wakes me up in the morning just the same.

Dogs and Chickens

I really won’t talk too much about dogs because the situation really makes me sad. But there’s this dog that really won’t stop barking and it sounds like it’s right outside my window and oh, God I just want to yell at it but I can’t because it’s late. But all you folks in the States that sleep very lightly and call the police when dogs won’t stop barking (dad…) would really suffer here. Also I think a kid came in my room and stole my headphones which I’ve just been using as earplugs since my Ipod died. Also there’s one rooster that crows every morning, starting at 6 and stopping around noon, every 10 seconds. I kid you not. If I ever want to measure anything in increments of ten seconds and can’t find my watch, I’ll be OK. Oh yeah and the other day it was raining and I went in my room to correct some tests and I heard a banging noise at my window so I went to see what it was and lo and behold. A big blue bird was trying to break into my room. I pulled back the curtains and stared at it a bit and it flew away but then it came back and started again. It was very surreal and at first I was scared because I have seen the Hitchcock movie and it was fairly odd but then I thought, hell, it’s just one bird and it’s really pretty. But then it flew onto the clothesline and poked a hole in my favorite shirt with its little claw and I went outside to say, “that’s not OK.” I said “that’s not OK” in English because I tend to talk to the animals here in English, though my first host mother says that’s why the dog bit me once. “Beethoven only speaks Spanish,” she said. Either way, the big blue bird stayed in a banana tree in the rain for the rest of the day and hasn’t come back.

Autumn

Oh, how I envy you, you who are walking briskly through the center of town glancing up at the leaves changing and feeling them break apart under your cute new brown fall boots with your fabulous new purple scarf and red fingernails. It’s OK. I’ll have autumn again someday. But today, I must say, I came very close. Today, October 29, is my mother’s birthday. Which usually falls at my absolute favorite time of year. I am always in my best shape, in my most creative way, in my most fun relationships, in a new school year… And as my Honduran friend Mari and I walked through Comayagua this morning I caught a glimpse of the costumes and OH how I love Halloween! I wanted to buy this witch costume but it was 400 Lemps which I guess is only 20 bucks but we’ve already gone over this. Last year I was Andromeda for Halloween which was really fun. I miss Halloween.

When I got home from Comayagua my host mom, Tena, was outside chopping the corn and cleaning up around the banana trees. (They’re actually not banana trees, it’s another type of banana, but I can’t remember the name right now.) She pointed to a heap of beheaded, bright orange flowers that she had cut down that were beautiful but “smelled bad.” Then she showed me around the garden, repeating names of plants that I’ve already learned but cannot seem to remember, tampoco in English. Then we got to these weird looking greenish fruits about the size of a large fist that she had picked. “Have you ever eaten ayote?” she said. I’m not sure if that’s how you spell it, but I had never heard the word, and certainly never had seen this odd-looking fruit. It looked sort of like one fruit that’s white in the middle that I really don’t like, that’s called Guayavaya. Egh. I asked if it was white inside, but no. She showed me that it was kind of pinkish inside. She told me to smell it.

“OH!” I said. “Are these usually big and orange?”

“Yes! Well, not here but yes, on the TV they are.”

“Pumpkins!” I said.

“Ayote!” She said.

And I cannot believe it, but I started to cry. This sense of cold and the handful of yellow leaves on the ground and this scent of pumpkins and this day in October just overwhelmed me, and she laughed and said we would cook something with these pumpkins. I told her about pumpkin pie but they don’t bake much here. Apparently they used to have a custom here in which all of the kids and all of the men would go to every house and say “Angeles somos, del cielo venimos, ayote pedimos.” Which means we’re angels from the sky and give us pumpkin to eat. And all the moms were in the houses cooking the ayote and the guys and kids would come in and eat a bit. But my mom told me the tradition is dead mostly because there’s light now, and before when there wasn’t electricity, it was easier to scare people. I said I could imagine that. Also she said that it just doesn’t grow here anymore, and that it was by fluke of chance that she found some in the yard. But I asked her if we could grow it and she said yes that she had seeds and everything.

I went to my meeting and when I got home she had removed the seeds and boiled the pieces of pumpkin with chunks of “dulce,” which is basically brown sugar made from honey. Oh my god. It was so delicious. And I ate it with spicy coffee and wore my toboggan and scarf all day and it was just fabulous. Happy Birthday, Mom.

Béisbol

Since it’s been so cold and rainy, it’s been hard to have practice. But every day at 4:30 there are at least 4 kids at my house asking to borrow some gloves to throw the balls around. I love the kids on the baseball team who really want to play, who are always there, who want to know more and watch the World Series with me and win next year. But the kids that aren’t on the team come often and hang out in the background, and out of jealousy or just desire for negative attention, bother me. They just bother me. There’s one boy from the kindergarten who literally looks and acts like a small adult, but just BOTHERS me! He was playing with all the stuff the other day and running around the playing field in between second and third base and I said “further away, move back,” but in Spanish of course and he just repeated it to me in a high and mocking voice. “Mas abajo! Mas abajo!” I said, “No, no esta bien.” And he said, “no, no esta bien.” And today he came by the house and stacked wood and rocks to reach up to the Christmas lights on the tree and take them off. When I heard about this I couldn’t help but laugh. But, I was frustrated. When I saw him later at the library I tried to talk to him but he was much less bravo, much more timido. I think he needs positive attention, but first I want to get him to clean up the broken glass from the lights in the front yard. Lots of kids walk around without shoes here.

Slow Internet

Oh my God it is so slow. I’ve wanted to put pictures up for the longest time but it takes so long that it’s almost unbearable. I went to use the internet for an hour the other day and did not upload a single picture. I’m writing for my blog at home to shorten my time on the internet, but no matter what it will take a very long time to upload pictures. I have so many that I want to show, and I’m going to try to upload as many as possible tomorrow, but little by little they’ll be up here.

Mornings and Church

There are a lot of mornings when I wake up that my host mother is at her pew with her rosary and candles and praying out loud which sounds weird or uncomfortable but it’s actually very beautiful. I went to church with her again last night and already it had almost lost its beauty and become a sort of routine, that I had to go, that my mom would be disappointed in me or something which was obviously a strange feeling for me since my real mother never would care if I went to church or not nor would she judge me but I do fear that judgment here. At least the music is very pleasant. And afterwards talking to the old ladies without teeth and feeling their soft arms when they hug me while they’re talking and call me “blancita preciosa” which does mean very pretty, I have to say it’s worth it. And there was a little boy from the kindergarten who said that I already was in his heart and that was very sweet.

Joanna Newsome

“And the rest of our lives will the moments accrue/when the shape of their goneness will flare up anew.” How pretty that quote is.

The other morning I was frying platanos, heating my water for my bucket bath and making coffee when I heard the distinct whine and harp of Joanna Newsome coming from the living room. She was on some concert on HBO (yes, my host family here has HBO.) and singing a song I had never heard and my host mother liked it a lot and that made me happy because I listen to “This Side of the Blue” almost every night when I’m falling asleep.

It’s Getting Better All the Time

When I find myself listening to the Beatles I do know that things are getting better. And I listened to them the other day and that night I had a dream that I was surrounded by colored leaves and knew that they had to die for new things to grow and was surrounded by peace and an extreme sense of balance and I was very situated in my surroundings.

Baleadas

Mari and I went to Comayagua for baleadas and that was very delicious and I wished I had brought my camera because this woman was making flour tortillas so fast I couldn’t believe it and the other lady spread refried beans and scooped eggs and cheese and butter inside and folded them over and we ate them with ice cold orange juice in the late morning and then later had fruit salad with honey and granola and a liquado of banana and granola and it was so good.

Mellow Mushroom

I dreamt a couple of nights ago that there was a Mellow Mushroom here in Honduras and I went there and ordered a Kosmic Karma which ended up being half Veggie and it was delicious. Then I decided I’d work there to make extra money and called my dad to see if he’d send me my shirts so I wouldn’t have to buy more here and as it turned out, I rode my bike back to the restaurant and they were dressed very nicely (the servers) and so I realized I couldn’t wear my old shirts.

I’m glad I don’t wait tables anymore, but I have realized that I think it was more enjoyable than I felt it was at the end. I’ll always have a special place in my heart for pizza, beer and Turkish food. Especially Doner. They just don’t have any good Turkish restaurants ni great gourmet pizza nearby.

Music

Top songs I’ve listened to the most since moving to Honduras, in no particular order, for no particular reason:

1. Crazy Rhythms, The Feelies. Actually yes this one is first because I’ve listened to this song by far the most. You’d think that with 20,000 songs I’d try harder to listen to stuff I don’t know well.

2. Con Alma, Stan Getz. It just feels good.

3. Sweet and Lovely, Thelonious Monk. Reminds me that there’s no rush.

4. Shade and Honey, Sparklehorse. This is just a fabulous song and I highly recommend it.

5. The Rise and Fall of the Mountain People, Tea & Tempests. Hearing my sister’s voice is always awesome and this is just an amazing song.

6. Suki, Unrest. Reminds me of my good old days when I lived with roommates instead of host families.

7. Expectations, Belle and Sebastian.

8. Johnny Appleseed, Joe Strummer and the Mescalitos.

9. I Dream a Highway, Gillian Welch. I had to stop listening to this because it is a very sad song but it’s so beautiful and 14 minutes is the perfect length to put me right to sleep.

10. Games Without Frontiers, Peter Gabriel. Reminds me of my childhood.

11. Kucap Kicup, Gentra Pasundan. This is a great song from Indonesia and makes me want live traditional music which is very much lacking here.

12. Mera Piya Ghar Aaya, Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan. What a beautiful song to listen to in the mornings.

13. Banana Leaf, Shonen Knife. Gotta love songs about bananas in Honduras.

14. The whole album, Jonathan Richman, Jonathan, Te Vas a Emocionar! What a great album for some Spanish practice.

15. I was listening to a lot of Midtown Dickens but it’s one of the only things I had on my Ipod and don’t have on my computer. So if you feel like sending me a CD that’d be awesome.

16. Three more guys: Robert Johnson, Richard Thompson, Blind Willie McTell.

17. Three more ladies: MIA, Elizabeth Mitchell, The Be Good Tanyas.

The Phillies

I cannot believe that they have won the World Series. I feel very silly for having told my baseball team that Tampa Bay would likely smush the Phillies. But seriously, what happened? And why can’t the Mets just not screw up??? At least the Giants are still doing well. And I must say that it seems Hondurans are more interested in American Football than baseball. Even as a baseball fan I’d rather watch American Football than the damned Phillies winning the World Series. But maybe that’s just as a Mets fan. Honduras has to win their next futbol game in order to advance.

Winter/Belize

I had a dream last night that I went to visit my best friend Julie in Belize where she has just started her Peace Corps service as well, and that there were about 25 of us including the futbol team from Honduras (?) and Belize was just covered in snow. It was so beautiful and cold and we were camping in the snow and I was slightly worried that it would just keep snowing and we’d die but mostly I was happy.

Later it wasn’t snowing anymore and we were on the beach for a futbol match-up and all the guys flew down onto the beach with little mini propellers as if it were a James Bond movie and some of them fell and didn’t land on their feet which was very funny and then Brad Pitt came down from the sky to play soccer and it was a good game but I got hungry and a few of us left after taking very cute pictures in black and white to order sandwiches for carry-out and I don’t know who won the game. We don’t really have a place you can call for carry-out in San Jeronimo.

Late.

It’s 11:30. Way past my bedtime. Until next time.

el señor de los anillos estilo

a little colonia built by the irish after hurricane mitch

these are two of my bad boys in the jardín

relaxing in a hammock after a long hike.

the kids jumping in the pool after the long hike. this is before they discovered the frog in the pool.

one of 40 pictures my baseball team took of each other when they hung out at my house cause we couldnt practice cause of the rain. by the way, thanks dad for the jacket and pants and grandmommy/grandaddy for the boots. theyve totally come in handy. :)

some of the kids on the hike back.

I really want to take note of a few things about Spanish.

I took a short trip into Comayagua yesterday and visited with a current Health volunteer, and had a really good conversation about how much the language aspect of being in a foreign country helps replace the otherwise lack of intellectual stimulation.

He reminded me that it is not the fault of the people here that their culture is so different. It is hard for me to understand how, for example, reading, or writing, or learning about the rest of the world, is not important in the lives of the people. But, the people here have role models who generally choose telenovelas over reading a good book. I can`t say that the United States doesn`t also have this problem, because they do—however, it is more pronounced here. I am also not in a big city, but rather a small town, so the lack of intellectual stimulation in my perspective also is more pronounced.

I have managed to substitute good philosophical debates with learning Spanish, but I have to say that I really do miss those debates. I miss already having the bases covered in that many things go unsaid between friends and me. For example, we don`t necessarily need to discuss God or why we do or don`t believe, though we could, I guess. I think the point I am trying to make is getting lost here, so I`ll continue with the point about Spanish.

Learning a new language has been entirely different than I expected, but has been, as I expected, the most rewarding and challenging part of cultural exchange. Every time I learn new ways of saying things, I still try and translate in my head. I am entirely focused still on the grammatical aspects and differences, though the other volunteer told me yesterday that it is much more impressive to understand colloquialisms and pronunciation. I think he`s right as far as communicating with the people, however, I do want to be able to translate and so I need to focus on the grammar. I am worried, however, that because I was not raised in a bilingual household, that something will always be lacking.

When I am reading, what still gets me is vocabulary. There is, to a certain extent, a way in which to analyze based on context, just as we do so often in our own language. But then there are also the different mannerisms, for example when I am reading fiction, in which characters speak. There is the difference between formal and informal speech, and there is written and spoken. I, for better or worse, tend to speak in a similar manner in which I write. Because I prefer this, I would really like to speak in Spanish in a similar manner to that which is written. Because of this I have been focusing on the written word, although perhaps The Lord of the Rings may place my tongue in an even more foreign place. Time will tell (or, el tiempo va a decir. Which is indeed a phrase in Spanish).

I am missing the aspect of going to class, though I have attempted to study on my own. I also have classes which I myself am the teacher, and I am learning constantly from this. My main projects seem to be teaching health and physical education as well as English to kindergarteners, working with the library on computer classes, youth leadership, improving reading habits, and increasing funding, with the group Educatodos to improve reading, English and self-esteem, my baseball team (which is providing much needed laughter!) on the skills of team-building, playing the actual sport, and leadership), and hopefully with the school and high school, though I haven`t quite gotten there yet. The volunteer that I spoke with yesterday assured me that what they said was right—you need to take time for yourself in this position. I am very quick to judge at first:`oh, that volunteer is just lazy`, etc. But now I am beginning to understand that the quicker you rush into something and the more quickly you fly through it, the easier it is to fail and burn out. Taking the work slow is important because the Peace Corps is about progress and more of a grassroots effect as opposed to a handout or a revolution. Though, a revolution eventually may be what this country needs.

The people of Honduras don`t seem to have a grasp on consumer rights, nor on true equality. We talked yesterday about how poorly paid the bus drivers are—for example, with gas at about 80 lempiras a gallon, a ticket for me to get from my town to Comayagua (about 30-45 minutes away) is only 18 lempiras. This is a smaller bus, too. In the States I would say a bus this big would fit 10 people, maximum. But because of the need of the drivers to make money, they will cram as much as 17 or even 20 people. It is unsafe, terribly claustrophobic, and terribly uncomfortable. Also if you take a larger bus, you have to pay just as much money to stand, lets say, for 2 hours, as sit. This is unfair and technically, I believe, illegal, however, no one regulates these systems. Some larger buses are subsidized by the government but as far as I can see the `government subsidies` here are about as hard to fan as a happy Boston fan.

But we wondered yesterday---how much would it take for a Honduran to stand up and say: you know, I`m not going to pay for this. This is uncomfortable and you guys need to do a better job.

It`s hard because the drivers aren`t making enough money. And you can usually find a jalon, (hitch-hiking here is more than common, and while it is discouraged by the Peace Corps, often times you may not have other options, and so it is recommendable to get to know the drivers, and at all costs avoid the drunk ones), however, while I`ve yet to try long distance jalones I must say standing in the back of a pick up truck for two hours crammed with 20 other people (or more) does not look fun.

One point that my friend made yesterday resonated: while the lack of revolutionary spirit and intellectual stimulation may be unavoidable, it is still not too hard to find someone to have a truly meaningful conversation with. And this I have found absolutely true. The women here have provided me with constant reflection, thought, grace, and joy. My first host mother is already a very close friend of mine. I don`t see a time in my life that I could forget her. She talked to me about nature and history and the people here and the culture and what she thought. She has helped my transition more than anyone else. My Spanish and Culture facilitators in Peace Corps, especially my Spanish teacher Vidette, helped me through training. Vidette`s words not only helped me feel like I could communicate in Spanish before I really could, but also reminded me that I am here for other, less selfish reasons. She reminded me that we can actually change this country, or help them to change themselves. It seems to be easy to be pessimistic here—the hard thing is staying optimistic.

On that note, I must say that this is a breathtakingly beautiful country with amazing people, and I am grateful to be here. My current host mother is amazing, and very smart. I do have wonderful conversations with her. I think that with time I will grow to understand the people more. I think with time I can help with some basic knowledge in my town. For example, during baseball practice there was an unbelievable moon the other day. It was just beautiful. And then I saw Venus, and when I pointed out that Venus was shining, they argued with me and said that Venus could not possibly be a star, that it is a planet. Things like this, I think I can change, little by little. The most important for my future is the development of patience during cultural exchange and language learning, as well as starting to teach foreign language, which I absolutely love and think may just be what I`ll do some day. Although being paid to study linguistics and language learning would be the ultimate job.

I`m ready to start traveling and taking pictures of things I`ve never seen, but unfortunately need to wait another 2 months. I want to see Copán, Nicaragua, Guatemala, Belize (Dangriga especially, where Julie is now! She just moved to her new site in Belize today. How exciting!!!), and everywhere else here and luckily, now I have the Spanish skills to do it. … Just doing it with the volunteer salary will be tricky.

So I think Tampa Bay smashed the Sox last night but the cable went out after the 7th inning so, it`s possible I guess that the Sox came back from a 7-0 deficit but I don`t know because most websites (including MLB) aren`t working right now. Five years ago if someone told you we`d have a Phillies-Tampa Bay match-up, what would you have said? :)

I have to say that I am settling in. I love how much personal time I have, and I love even more how much work I have and have available. I have heard many volunteers who say that they don`t have much work and that often it is hard to find, however, I don`t see that happening here in my little, precious town. I hope that at least some of my close friends and family will have a chance to visit and understand more clearly what is Honduras and San Jerónimo. I know I speak of the sad and scary things, because I am very much affected by these differences, but really the hospitality and generosity of the people is quite overwhelming.

For those of you who have sent packages, I`ll be traveling in to Tegucigalpa in November sometime and if they`re there, I`ll get them. I`ll be sure to let you know. Thank you sooooo much!!!!!

I`m trying to upload some pictures, but only 4 have come up. More next time... Until next time.

decorate the burra day. this was funny/sad. as are a lot of things here. i think i´ll get used to it. kind of like the mets crashing at the end of every season. funny/sad. you know.

at a really cool place with ice cream, delicious liquados and great café in comayagua

the really really special biblioteca, aprender haciendo

getting ready for a day of food at the colegio.

the view of comayagua mountain´s cloud forest.

Well, just as baseball season is wrapping up in the states, I´ve begun our practice here with my team. It´s really very fun.  My pitcher is awesome but he´s already 13 and so won´t be able to play in June for the campeonato. :( The throwing isn´t too bad, the hitting is pretty good, the kids are fast, there´s one girl that´s great---BUT they´ve got a terrible time catching the ball. Last night about 7 runners were able to make it home sólo por culpa de agarradores.

If anyone perchance ever comes across some good resources for coaches of baseball I´d love that. Especially in Español...

My host dad is only 60 but has an open valve in his heart. The doctors in Tegucigalpa told him on his birthday that he´d have to have open heart surgery at a whopping 200,000 lemps, expensive for anyone (about 10,000 dollars).

My host mom seems tired.

I´ve been working in the kindergarten here and the teachers are FABULOUS but I´m just not used to the atmosphere. Their work during class consists of copying letters or numbers over and over again. I come in 3 days a week to teach English and Physical Education. If anyone has great ideas on teaching these subjects to classrooms of 40 or more 4 or 5 year olds, let me know :)

I´ve been drinking so much coffee. I think it´s just better here, but I really don´t know. My host parents were in Tegucigalpa staying with their kids for a couple days to see the doctor and celebrate Luis´s birthday and so I was in the house alone, which was so nice. I can´t tell you how much I miss personal space. I think the Peace Corps might find it good to give the volunteers just one day in between training and starting work to hang out and do whatever they want. Even if that means just trying to find a place to be alone and not be stared at.

I´ve started running in the mornings again. Thank god. It is hard to wake up at 5:30 or 6 to run but once I´m up I feel much better, and there are lots of girls and women who want someone to run with. I just feel bad when they can run longer than me, which is rare but happens, because I´m the American who is supposed to be able to run marathons, etc.

I haven´t been taking as many fotos because I feel sort of funny taking them here, and I don´t want to take them in Comayagua because there that would mean: Hi, Please Rob Me. I´m white and probably have more cool stuff in my bag.

Speaking of cool stuff, I´m speaking with more fluidity in spanish. But I do need to start making time in my days to just study. I´ve been reading the Lord of the Rings in spanish, which is awesome. That´s good practice. Right now though, after all this learning, and after the whole subjunctive tense which we don´t really have in english, I´m still finding the most difficult is preterite tense. And when I really wanna say something fast. :)

That´s all for now. Things are going well. It´s raining very hard here. I think I´ll be heading up to Río Negro this weekend to see the waterfalls and maybe visit another volunteer. 

I´ll be sure to post pictures soon.

and how perfect is that?

i am here in my new library spending the day checking my last few weeks of emails, peeking a bit on facebook, exploring some of my new resources on my new resource dvd, uploading a lot fotos and surfing the web, all the while trying to avoid the mlb website. stupid brewers.

during september 27-30th, my first days in my new town, there was a grand celebration of the patron saint, san jeronimo, the namesake of the town. it was amazing. i will post some pictures. everyone was able to relax however i realized that my host mom, although `retired,`works all day, almost every day, for the catholic church, selling food, etc. so that they can build a new one some day. she makes amazing tortillas and bean soup, as well as mondongo soup which i heard was disgusting but i really liked it--you just have to ask for it without the pig liver.

also i've done the unthinkable and gone to church with her a few times. really, it's the best live music around.

last night was pretty...surreal. i was sitting under the tarp eating some beans and carne de res asada when the 'luces´were going off--about 100 fireworks that these guys were just putting off right in the middle of the basketball court, people all around, totally unsafe.

as if this wasn´t bad enough, later, flying in from the center of the park comes a dragon-like creature spewing off rockets from his body chasing around the children. i thought i would die of a heart attack. thank god, no one was hurt. all in the name of saint jerome.

(ps the girls next to me are playing video killed the radio star. and about a month ago, i forgot to write this, my friends and i were going for a run and realized that the radio was playing 'the sound of silence' and it seemed to be following us as we passed by various houses. the music is actually quite good, even the reggaeton. and if you want to know what they listen to all the time here, look up a song called 'te queiro' by a group called nigga. yes, i know, théy´re called nigga. the people here don´t think there´s anything wrong with that, so what can i do? it´s a really catchy song.)

the night before last i was fortunate enough to witness a group of masked men (monsters, marilyn monroe who looked strangely enough like the creepy brother from texas chainsaw massacre, the adams family father, and a slew of other extremely scary looking individuals) who thought it was very funny to run around trying to dance with the audience, humping them and all. it actually was kind of funny, but only because i was too far away to get really creeped out.

when it started pouring everyone was either under the food tarp or in the catholic church except these creepy individuals, who were putting on a show still in the pouring rain. it was rather funny, but surreal, for lack of better words. in my dreams i´ve lived rather normally, applying for a grad school in los angeles and moving in with a boy, talking in some strange mix of english and spanish, decorating my house and spending time with my sister, making spaces to call my own. my host mother and father will be out of town for a couple of days. i feel like throwing a party or something but i´ll have to settle with setting up the hammock and reading.

i´ve been reading books in spanish. right now i´m reading a book called `la compugenio`about a girl who receives messages from outer space from an alien who lives on a planet that has lost its ability to laugh through evolution. it´s about a 6th grade level but perfect for me. thanks, hayley. i do miss my friends. i am finding that what they said was true. however, i´m fortunate with my host family and exceedingly fortunate to be living in this town of kind, wonderul people. and i was able to buy honey nut cheerios and mozzarella cheese the other day in comayagua. i realized yesterday that i left all of my underwear in my last host house, and i´m still trying to figure out which will be more expensive, buying new underwear or traveling all the way back. i did leave other things there, too, so ít´ll be worth the trip at some point. i have met with the group called EDUCATODOS, and i´ll be meeting with a couple of other counterparts today. i´ll write more about that later.

i´m trying to upload 40 pictures and i´m on number 9. i might not get to all of them today, but we´ll see. it´s beautiful here. i wanted to take pictures of the horses i found the other day but two mean dogs started running up to me so i had to leave. i´m going to surf the web (ahh, free internet) and post pictures as soon as they`re done.

oh yea, i´m not an aspirante anymore, i´m a VOLUNTARIA! we were sworn in on sept. 26 and those pictures are some of the last in my bunch, so if i don´t get to those, i will soon. we also hung out in the ambassador´s house which was huge and nice and had a pool and a volleyball court and tennis court and basketball court and great view of tegucigalpa.

oh, and guess what? remember how i was a novice high? yeah, in my last interview turns out i´m an advanced low speaker. whooo hooo! :) todavía yo necesito toda la ayuda en la que puedo encontrar. si queire, escríbame en español, porfa! oh yeah. one more thing. check out the us embassy in honduras´s website. and this.

at the feria in my new town. i haven't probared the papas but they smelled good.

this foto is from the celebration of 15 de septiembre in valle de angeles.

this guy is well known in valle de angeles and decided to join the parade.

a "native"

ahh, peace corps love.

a delicious meal after swearing in at the embassy

the paparazzi!

youth development. if you look closely you´ll find our two guys: ronaldo, our fabolous trainer, and miguel, who did fabulously handling all of us women.

youth development again

at peace corps headquarters before swearing in, ana, hayley y yo

at the ambassador´s house

again at the ambassador´s house

hayley and patricio looking at a beautiful tree

our bus driver was awesome

I wrote the following bit when I was in the last place and wasn´t able to post it, so here it is:

I’ve been thinking quite often of the day care centers that I worked at in my AmeriCorps program last year. In fact, every day.

Since I arrived here in Honduras, I’ve slowly realized how the form of my intuition has shaped—it’s really been due to you. Let me explain: almost everything here goes against my intuition. Of course there are the cows and chickens that roam the streets, the trash all over the ground, etc. that causes some serious health concerns, but the way in which we see and treat children at a place like CHDCC is almost like an unknown universe here.

The host family that I am living with now is one example. My mother has three children, two are 10 and 12 years old and the 3rd is about 7 weeks old. I have been living here since the baby was just a few days old. Since I came, my mom has not breast fed her once, and when she does feed her, the baby is lying down in her rocker, without eye contact, without anyone paying attention to her—her bottle is propped up on a blanket. When I try to feed her and make eye contact she doesn’t seem to have any idea how to do so. Her father googoos and gagas her when he actually pays attention to her in a way that I couldn’t understand even if I did speak perfect Spanish. The family watches TV about 6 hours a day and hardly ever talks. The mother yells whenever she wants something.

And this isn’t even a “struggling” family by Honduran standards. I have asked the mother why she doesn’t breast feed and she said it is because the baby doesn’t like it, so I’m hoping there’s a good reason for example maybe the mother has HIV (though that’d be terrible) or the baby is allergic.

The children, especially the very young children, are absolutely adorable. My blonde hair fascinates them and once they get over their “pena” (hard to translate, but mostly translates as their initial shyness), they are quite inquisitive. They are, however, almost completely without creativity. As a matter of fact, one of my first days in the school I went with another volunteer who had coloring sheets to give them. I gently recommended that the children just use the white side of the paper so that they could draw what they wanted to without having to use the coloring sheet, which was Garfield. She laughed. Apparently she had tried that before, and every time, one or two children draw something and then the rest of the class just copies them.

When we handed out the Garfield sheets, (this is 1st grade, by the way), they all wanted the orange to color in Garfield. It took a very long time to explain that Garfield could be any color that they wanted, and still, almost every Garfield was orange. They also kept raising their hands to ask if their picture “was right.”

The children here are taught to just do exactly what everyone else is doing. Although it has supposedly gotten better over the last 20 years or so, the process of rote memorization is highly valued over the creative process. And so, our jobs as volunteers in the youth development sector have to focus on the process in place of the product. The terrible tragedy of this loss of creativity and this obsession with television has to be counteracted by some serious focus on the individual and their future—but this is all so much easier said than done. First of all, how can we explain to the little girls that they have just as much opportunity and right to become engineers or doctors if almost all of the engineers and doctors are men? And if almost all of their mothers work in the house?

My first host mother, much sweeter and more patient with her children, finished colegio (high school), which is fairly rare here, and even was accepted into university but could not afford it. And we’re not talking about a terribly expensive university.

The education system is in shambles. Teen pregnancy is high, the access to drugs in the big cities is very high, there’s a devastating lack of resources, lack of parental and teacher support (for example many parents do not care if their children attend school or not, and many teachers you’ll find outside of the classroom while as many as 70 students have free reign over a classroom), the lack of basic needs such as clothes, shoes and food make school a very challenging goal, a lack of role models for the children make it very hard to make and complete goals, the violence in the homes and the streets are very high risk factors for the children as well, there are abusive parents, an overwhelming amount of uneducated parents and teachers (you need only to complete high school to be a teacher), there is certainly a defeatist attitude among some children and teachers, and there is an unbelievable lack of opportunity. For example, I asked my host mother why it is that people who do not like their jobs almost always stay with them, and she answered that it’s because there’s no other option.

I met a boy named Brian in the park the other day, who asked my friends and I for money for churros (chips). We said no, of course, because we are not here to give money—we are here to help form sustainable resources for the people to continue their betterment with. I asked him a bit about himself: he’s eleven, hasn’t been in school for 3 years because he doesn’t know how to read or write, and has 7 brothers and sisters all school aged and yet only one is in school. I asked him if he wanted to read and write and he said yes. We looked at a map or Central America and I asked him about the letters of the countries and we spelled them all out. There are some volunteers here in Talanga in the Passionists group (I’m not sure the name exactly, but their Catholic and here for a year working with schools), who have a small library in their house for the kids to read and check out. I asked Brian if he’d come with me the next day to check one out, and he said that because his family is Evangelical. (“Christian” here), and not Catholic, he couldn’t. I told him I’d come the next day at noon to meet him and find a book anyway.

To my surprise, he was there the next day playing in the park, which is actually fairly nice and new, and I asked him if he was ready. He was still wearing the same dirty, town clothes, which actually appeared to be the classic white shirt/blue pants school uniform that all of the children wear here. He said he wanted to play for a while and I said I’d read on the bench until he was ready. About 20 minutes later he said that he needed to go and buy a pig for his family. I walked with him to buy the pig. About 10 minutes after he left to bring it to his family, the sky opened and it poured for an hour. I couldn’t find Brian and still haven’t seen him since.

The parents here that are uneducated seem to find it difficult to force their children to continue in school, or even care. This problems are similar to many problems in the US, however they are much more common here.

Here are some statistics from a man named Leonardo Valesquez, who works with the Honduran education system, and Sandra Gomez, the director of the Peace Corps Youth Development Program:

Honduran Population: 7.4 milion

Life expectancy: 66 years

4.07% Infant mortality rate

108/100,000 mortality rate for mothers

Chronic malnutrition: 36.4% in rural areas

70% of pop. is under 30 years old

25% of pop. is illiterate

Even in big cities, only 32% of youth play sports, 7% play music, 1% do scouts; and 34% do nothing after school

Only 87% of kids are registered/have birth certificates (many parents do not know that it is free or have no money to travel to obtain the birth certificate) If you do not have a brith certificate you may not access health centers.

Human Development Report puts Honduras as number 116 out of 177 countries in terms of wealth

60% of the population lives at a median income. This is about 2 dollars a day

The poorest working youth earn about 74$ per year

60% of children under 12 and 50% of adolescents live in poverty

1/5 Persons HIV Positive are between ages 12-18

Between 1985-1997 Honduras had 51.6% of HIV/AIDS cases in Central America, followed by Guatemala with 15%

20% of the population lives on a high-income level. This is between 2,061-5,269 $ per year

80% of the population of people ages 18-30 are not in school

Of people ages 18-30, 57% are working, and 43% are not working.

Out of the employed people, 46% are self-employed, and 12% are non-paid family workers

There is a lack of employability. This is not just for the uneducated—on average it takes 6 months out of college to find a job

92.3 % of migrants go the USA. This includes many valuable human resources that could do a lot for Honduras, however, either cannot find jobs here or can find much more money and opportunity in the states

Youth migrants: about 1 million per year

The 2nd or 3rd highest source of revenue for Honduras depending on whom you ask is remittances from the US. However, there are no programs built to help the people use this money effectively. While it does stimulate the economy, none of the money is saved or put into quality, long-term projects or hiring (1/5 of GDP is remittances primarily used for consumption)

Honduras GDP: 12.3 Billion US GDP: 13.8 Trillion

15% of crimes reported are investigated

1/5 Hondurans reported being a victim of a crime in 2006

There are 3 times as many private security guards than police officers in Honduras

Laws reward land use, not preservation

The US purchases 70% of Honduran exports

The law here says that public schools must have 200 days of school, however with “huelgas” or strikes, there ends up on average being 110 days of school. Also I have noticed personally that when the teachers need the school cleaned they will interrupt classes to have students come and clean. Also until 7th grade, children are only in school from 7:30 am until about noon, or from noon until 5. This includes about a 45-minute recess. And this is lucky, because out in the aldeas (little towns), some of my coworkers have told me that they are lucky if they even get 30 minutes of learning in one day.

It is “obligatory” by law to send children to school until 6th grade, but nothing happens to the parents if the children do not go to school

64% of the teachers here have at least 2 different grade levels in one classroom. Often they will have 6th and 1st grade together, for example, so the teacher can give the older kids an assignment while teaching the 1st graders. This leads to a lack of preparedness for high school which leads to even more dropouts

37% of Honduran schools have one teacher who teaches all grades in one classroom

35% of tax money in Honduras goes to teacher salaries (75% of all tax money for education), who still strike on a very regular basis for the money they have been promised. This is a hard situation that I’m slowly figuring out, but apparently a gentleman in effort to get more votes offered to raise teacher salaries to an almost impossible level and after being voted into the ministry of education realized that he could not do it and resigned, however the law remains in place.

There is a complete vertical, top to bottom organization in the educational system. The management is centralized, there is hardly any preschool coverage, there is a lack of community involvement because the communities see the government as completely responsible, and even when a community decides to make a change, they have to get it approved by the government, which is a difficult and tedious process. While “tenured” teachers always get paid and have great benefits, new, young and under contract teachers often times won’t be paid at all.

I am enjoying my time here, don´t get me wrong. And the Peace Corps discourages us from `ranting` on our blogs, but I don´t consider this ranting, I consider it an open, free speech discussion on problems in the world and not just in Honduras.

These days do make me miss a bit my days with the kids at CHDCC and RTI. The quality of communication between parents and teachers and kids was just so high that I should have known it would be hard for me to focus my energy in almost any other place for education. Thank you for that wonderful experience so that I could see what day care and education should be like.

aquí estoy. en san jeronimo, comayagua. ya yo sabía donde iba a vivir!

entonces, cuando yo pueda, voy a poner las fotos en la computadora.

i´m in san jeronimo. it is so beautiful. i know the pictures won´t do it justice. all around are huge, vast mountains, including comayagua mountain, which is a protected area in honduras. it is overwhelmingly beautiful.

i am only going to be here until sunday, but i´m so excited for the next two years. i was thinking back on how much they emphasized the level of stress and loneliness, but really, it hasn´t been bad. the people here are so nice and generous. the only thing i miss is talking in english sometimes, but everyone here is so patient with my spanish that it´s really alright. (but if you feel like calling me please do!)

i am about to attend my first meeting of `zona x`which is a meeting of kids once a week and i´ll know more about that later. :)

here is a website of some tourists who visited comayagua and took lots of fotos.

write more later.

the kids are practicing for quince de septiembre, which is honduras´liberation day. it´s also the liberation day for guatemala, nicaragua, costa rica, and el salvador. (the reason why all 5 countries have 5 stars).

our friend jesus

my friend lena at the peace march.

i don´t know how this happened, but i like it. during our ¨bohemian night¨ a the mayor´s (alcalde) house. his house was unbelievable, and we didn´t even go inside. just huge, with all kinds of animals and an outside bar and a trampoline and even a monkey chained to a tree. yeah that part was really sad, but it was a cool looking monkey.

i got to be in a play and my roles were the waitress and one of the bolos (drunk men) trying to hit on the girls while they were eating. i miss you all, by the way. i´d love to hear from you, and i´d love to get mail, but it does take a while.

oh yeah my ipod died which was really said. it´s just not even turning on anymore. it started with the dying really fast thing. it still looks like new cause of the case so if anyone has any ideas that´d be awesome. also if anyone feels like sending me some bath and body works you know it´d be cool. :) or a new ipod, claro que si. you know you can´t make it through the peace corps without one. whatever happened to the whole them just dropping you off in the middle of nowhere anyway? who needs an ipod...though i do miss it. especially at 3:45 in the morning when i wake up with the gallos. i´m getting more and more used to it, though.

we have only one more week here and we´ll be doing our site visits. i have to say i´m nervous and i thought i´d be practically fluent by now, but i have been studying the subjunctive, imperfect subjunctive, and other compound tenses which is about as hard as the verbage goes. for some reason when folks are talking fast i still can´t hear them.

i had some money stolen which sucks.

also my family here was the only one that didn´t go to the cultural day we just had.

but anyway, enough feeling bad! we´ve wrapped up our school visits today and for the next week we´ll be doing HIV and AIDS education and charlas.

i´m going to try and put more pictures on here now.

also if you´re wondering about transportation here in honduras, there´s a great article here. this is a bit dated and concerns other parts of central america as well, but it´s a very true (so very funny) piece.

anyway, the other pictures aren´t working and the luz (light, but they call electricity ´light´here) has been going out for at least 2 hours a day, so instead of waiting for that to happen (it´s raining), i´m gonna sign off. thanks for reading this :)

i miss you:)

at a catholic peace march

i took a lot of great pics of the peace march but so far only two will load up. i´ll try and get some more up later.

so, my adivinanzas were incorrect entirely. i´ll be more than likely heading to san jeronimo, comayagua for two years.

here is the information that i know for sure, followed by why i believe i´m going to san jeronimo. (by the way, they know where we are all going, and they tell us that they only give us a lot of clues because there´s a slight chance our sites might change and because they don´t want us to be thinking about anything else. which has the opposite effect.)

i will be replacing a ¨fabulous, super volunteer¨because i have chispa. i am expecting this to be great and challenging. it´s good overall for me however because the higher the expectations are of me the better i perform, and whereas most people inherit or start 3 or 4 counterpart-projects, i´ll be inheriting about 6 or 7.

my first counterpart is a kindergarten, with about 90 students. the teachers here are very open-minded and really want new creative ways of working with the kids, which is a reason why they think i´ll be good here what with experience in early childhood education.

a reiken library will be another counterpart. this is supposedly one of the best in the region. they want to do a lot with afterschool programs, early stimulation and literacy, youth groups, etc. they are open every day from 8am to 6pm, and almost all of the staff are volunteers.

educatodos is another large program i will be inheriting. they meet next to the library and they are open mondays and fridays. it is a program for people who want to finish school but have a very hard time due to learning challenges and challenges with time and money. they listen to classes on the radio and meet once a week. this will be directly related to TEAM, Teaching English and Methodology. because honduras has recently required teachers to teach english, the peace corps is working with TEAM here to help teach the teachers english to make the system of english teaching more productive, since teachers would honestly rather have the english speakers come in and teach the classes for them. rather than this, the pcv has an english class for teachers once a week and grades them, etc. and then reviews their performance in the classroom.

i will also have two primary schools as counterparts, one very close and one about an hour and a half away in an aldea. both of these schools have requested creativity projects to help stimulate the creative process in their student population. i am supposed to be doing a lot of creative writing & art projects. i am so excited about all of this.

now for the best part :)

i´m inheriting a baseball team! apparently the girl i am replacing made a mistake by not finding someone else to help her coach the team, but that will be one of my jobs. i am so very excited about all of my counterparts, especially this one, because apparently they´re pretty good and went to the finals a couple of years ago.

my bosses told me that during december and january, their summer vacation, it is going to be very hard for me because i will be seeing a lot of very young children going to cut coffee early in the morning, and that in order to make good activities for the kids when they´re done, i´ll need to be very sympathetic and go with them to cut coffee a few times so to make a better understanding of what they go through. i´m supposedly going to have a very hard time not questioning the parents, and instead being very culturally sensitive because there is a reason that the kids are having to go to cut coffee.

i will be in a small town. this is what i am surprised about. the small town however, is very close to a couple of big cities.

there are no paved roads in my town, but there is a paved road going to the closest cities, and they´re very reliable and the buses are very frequent.

one of my friends here read all of this and said, ýou´re going to san jeronimo.´the volunteer she visited was the girl in san jeronimo, and apparently all of the projects i am inheriting are projects that she had, along with everything matching up right down to the coffee cutting, weather (hot), situations within projects, descriptions of the town, etc.

needless to say, i am relieved to be going somewhere other than the south, though it will still be hot. i will be at the bottom of comayagua mountain, which is supposedly very beautiful.

i´ll be close to a lot of other volunteers, but not too close. so, i´ll be forced to speak spanish. which is great. my host family will be just a man and woman because the kids are off studying, but this means i´ll have my own room and bathroom again, which is fabulous. i will live with that family for two months after swearing in.

it´s 20 lemps for an hour on the computer and i´ve got about 5 minutes left, so i´m going to write some more tomorrow. things are going fabulously, and i get to eat hamburguesas para almuerzo today. yay!

by the way licuados of fresas bananos and granola are freaking delicious.

i miss you guys.

a view of talanga

caught on camera

las montañas son hermosas

hayley, bug y yo at hayley´s family restaurant. if you´ll note the free mojitos in the background.

the ceiba tree right by the school we work at in town. this tree is so big that i don´t believe i could get it in a foto from the ground, so we took pictures from the hike up the cross.

my friend bug taking a foto before our walk

a view of talanga

la cruz. apparently lots of bad people go here to smoke pot.

a cool tree