ACT II:

I am back from America for about a month now. I thought everything would be better when I returned. You know kind of blow over and start over again. Yeah, right. Seeing my sister's graduation and seeing family = mostly great. I am not going to bore my readers with my personal life outside the Peace Corps. However, I will admit I only write on this when I am super lonely and to particulary one person who I have doubts that even reads this. Anyway, my work situation is still the same. They do not want to communicewith me or share their projects/listen to my projects. So, when I come we sip tea and they play solitare. I stopped showing up.

I ended up helping with habitat for humanity in a tiny village and now helping out with camps. In a couple of weeks I will start my own with an english teaching organization. Im not thrilled about my work situation and will being moving soon.

I am apparently adjusting to coming back and having a mid service crisis as PC staff have told me . I am frustrated and angrier than ever. There is not an ounce of hope for changing something here I realize. It would have been nice to understand this simple concept 1 year ago! No one is going to change anything, but maybe give someone a chance to do something during the long long long long long long long long long days. With that being said, I hope I will be moved to work in an orphanage soon. Site change. Maybe there is hope for children here.

Interesting events that happen here:

Gum for change.

A woman chased me out of her territory like an animal after taking paints for a camp that I had left there. (One could argue if she was actually chasing me)

I rode in a taxi by myself and stopped at his friend's house for chai and pick up a gun. creepy.

Part of my next door neighbor's apartment collapsed in the middle of the day. No one thought anything of it as it seemed

I saw someone water the plants by gargling it in their mouth then hacking it out onto the plants. I was disgusted and showed this emotion, because it was in a quiet office.

People stare so much. even if i look at them they do not look away. I wave my arm in front of my face to see if they will stop AND THEY DONT. I try not to become hostile, but do sometimes. and of course no reactions

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I want to make it through the Peace Corps somehow someway. It has to become easier. Im seriously thinking of going on a trip in Febuary. Maybe to Malaysia. I know I am such a dreamer, but really. I need something good to look forward to.

I dont understand what is wrong with this place sometimes. Why does noone have any motivation, and why do people treat others badly.

Why does it seem that when life outside of work is going great; work tends to run the opposite direction. I have had a project fall through before it was even started. Thank goodness for that. If I would have started this is would have been a nightmare. We were looking to open a school for parents to learn about their infants health. I was taking the leading role in designing, and then I realized I had to just help them develop ideas not come up with the ideas and write everything. So, everyone at my work is disappointed, and blaming me and then saying its all communication errors. I am having an extremely hard time right now.

Outside of work everything seems to be running smoothly. It is Spring and there is at least green grass. Usually its a huge dust bowl. I am also looking forward to going home. I am going for about a month towards the end of May until June. Also, I am looking into applying for graduate schools. The future seems bright. However, here it seems so slow and daunting at times. I am used to being busy. Here I have more time on my hands than I know what to do with. Work ethic is completely different. I dont think it is only a language barrier that is preventing me to keep busy to be honest.

Time concept is about a couple of days off. My landlord told me that if he says he will be at my house at 12, then he will be there 3 hours later than that. He is busy having tea. In America my concept of time is punctuality and 5 minutes early to the time. I dont understand this. How can time be warped, I thought that numbers and there concepets were the same everywhere.

I dont want to change anything here. I just want to understand, and learn to work with my colleagues and make more local friends. Were so much different that I dont know if we will ever completly understand each other. At this point, I just want to make it for the 2 years in harmony with one another. Its hard when people are constantly thinking I am the rich American, and even my neighbors are ripping me off. Im trying to look at the good in the culture here, but at times I cant see it. People are constantly trying to look in their best interest even if it means using the art of deception. Luckily for me, that has become easy for me to see. Hopefully, when I return after vacation and seeing family and friends I will not be as ticked off with everything.

This week is the first time out of my city in Karakol. It feels so good to get out! Bishkek seems like a whole new place compared to Karakol. Karakol is a lot smaller even though it too is a city. Also, I am visiting my friend An in the village and my host family from when I first got here. It seems like it would be very tough to live in the village. My friend has to walk a long way to go get water, and her family does not eat any meat for protein for weeks. It was also nice to be around a lot of animals. She has cows, chickens, cats, and dogs. So, it was relaxing to see even though she is going through a lot and there is some stress.

It feels like I am visiting home right now. It is the closest idea to home, because I feel more comfortable here because it seems safe. I was trained here. Also, tomorrow I will do work in Bishkek and Kant City is close.

I will say it is really stressful sometimes to speak with other Peace Corps volunteers. At the same time, if I have not seen the people I arrived with I also miss them all. A lot of other volunteers are traveling. I am sad that I am not going anywhere for the winter. Some volunteers are even going to the United States. I wish I could go home to visit during my service, but it will probably not be possible.

Last week, I had Giardia. It was so bad. It felt like I would explode, but then I took some medicine and I was better the next day. I think I had it for awhile, but it kept getting worse until I was very uncomfortable. I believe I caught it from not boiling the water once. Giardia gives you horrible gas, burps that taste like sulfer, and diarhhea. Very high pressured basicly, I had to squeeze into my pants. haha.

Sometimes it seems like I am loosing my sense of humor. Then I realize I still had it. I was seriously squeezed into a marshutka with about 25 people on it. Pressed against the wall standing on one foot for 2 hours to the village. Then it seemed humorous when I got off to see the other people with rustled hair and all sweaty looking. It is so cold outside, and they were all sweaty.

Anyway, I try to stay positive and make lots of friends. I am enjoying my time here in the city right now.

Miss everyone.

Carolyn

Why is this the most rewarding and hardest experience of my life. . .

(clears throat)

Rewarding

1) People I meet.

2) Language I am begginning to understand

3) Getting through a day

4) Learning about the culture

5) Patience. Patience. Patience. It has increased 10 fold already

6) My faith is stronger

Not Easy

1) Hearing about corruption in education system.

2) Electricity problems

3) No clean water

4) Diarehha

5) Being cold

6) Adjusting to work ethic

7) The food, and watching people eat unhealthy foods.

8) My hair falling out.

9) Realizing what the city on the hill is. . .

The weather has been cold lately. There was heavy snow fall a couple of days ago. Most has diminished by now. The weather is inconsistant like Oklahoma weather. People say that this is only the begginning of the cold weather. Well, of course, I know this, but how much colder than Oklahoma is my question. Electricity is on and off in most homes here. Although, I live in a building that the electrician lives in, so I have had no problems. I have a nice space heater, and my host sister has 2. So, it will be tolerable to live during the winter.

I thought Peace Corps drilling Bride Kidnapping stories into our heads was rather repetitive and over exagerated. I was wrong. I have finally encountered an experience from my sister's friend. She did not want to marry, and her family was forcing her to marry. So, it was very sad to watch her fall apart. I felt powerless, because there was absolutly nothing I could do. I sat in my room and tried to preoccupy myself with something to keep my mind on something besides her situation. There are many women who marry against their will here.

I am still adjusting to things here. It has only been 4 months. I cant wait until spring time. I want to go on treks to see the mountains and hot springs. I have a friend from Turkmenistan who works as a translator on treks through Alatoo which is north of Issykkul Lake and a little south of Kazakstan. So, I look forward to it.

I am still working on a nutrition book for my work. I am waiting to hear from Washington if we will recieve money for a Peer education program to teach about HIV/AIDS. Also, I am noticing my Russian is improving. I have been watching The Devil Wears Prada, Mean Girls, and Legally Blonde in Russian over and over. Narzina (my host sister) and our friend Mary(from Turkmenistan) love American clips. There are also a lot of popular songs from America that are played here. Britney Spears, Justin Timberlake, and Linkin Park are common soundtracks to find in the magazines (stores).

Most people who talk to me want to go to America. One guy asked me if I would marry him and take him there. That was akward. I just kept saying I dont even know you! I try to tell people it is not exactly like the movies. Most American movies are about very rich people. My life is not that glamourous in America. Although, there are some nice comforts there.

Thanks for reading.

Carolyn

Guess what is new?? A new host family! Suprise. My third host family, since I have moved to Kyrgyzstan. My last family decided they did not want me to live with them anymore, because my host sister decided not to get married. So, I have a new living situation. This time I got to pick. It is with a girl who is my age named Narzina. Her birthday is September 13. (I got really excited when she told me this, I know someone with a birthday close to this day) Narzina is from Kazakstan and her family owns the apartment we are living in. She goes to the university and is studying english. So, we are able to communicate because she knows a little english I know a little Russian. I enjoy hanging out with her. It seems as if we have been inseperatable since I moved in. We have been cooking, going to the bazarre and magazines, going to cafes, watching movies, one night we drank a beer, and tonight we played dress up. So, I am enjoying this living situation more than the previous situations.

I went to my first real banya to bathe yesterday. It was kind of hard washing myself with 10 other people in the room. I have never been exposed to that many naked people at one time. Everyone acted as if it was normal, so I quickly became okay with it. I like the sauna room especially. I go in there to get really sweaty then wash off by pouring water buckets over me. Very relaxing. The water is warm.

I want to travel somewhere, but I cannot make up my mind. I am kind of waiting for later to see if any of my friends/family from America want to meet up. I would rather spend time with others somewhere they want to go than choose to go somewhere and go with noone or people I dont know. But I will try to talk someone into going to India, Russia, or Israel. I will see. . .

Work is going well. We are working on an Aids project for December 1. Also, I am writing a nutrition book for pregnant women from Kyrgyzstan. At the orphanage, I try to fight off the urge to want to adopt all of them. I catch myself thinking about it sometimes. Well, not all of them. . . Then I stop myself with thoughts of going to school, not having money, and needing to be 10 years older for emotional stability, and of course I am not married.

Hope all is well, and please feel free to comment.

Carolyn

 I have learned countless different things about myself. I am definetly appreciating life more so than in my past.  In America it seems as if things were not going a certain way it was woe is me and my life.   Now a new revalation has been instilled in my heart.  If things are not going well it is Woe is Kyrgyzstan not me.  It is where I am that is the problem.  I do not mean that physically.  It is not about the place I am I quickly realized after thinking it was the country I was serving.  It is simply an attitude of where I am in life.  I am now anxious to see where this realization will take me.  Carolyn 

So, Hello

I am still in Kyrgyzstan. Now, I have arrived at permanent site. Which means I have a job and a new host family. I feel like I have been overly enthusiastic about how much I love everything. Basically, I am upset about the loss of my language right now. I am getting in the habit of not talking at all when I am at work and at home. I feel like the longer I am around native speakers of Russian, and the more I get to know them the more they want to pull apart what I thought I already knew regarding the language. So, I barely speak. I have a language tutor now. Maybe my language will improve and I can get out of this habit of being silent. Also, I have been watching many disney movies that are translated in Russian. It is great I can always hear the English right before the translation takes place.

As for nutrition education, no one listens to me in fact I am critisized. It is especially frustrating when other volunteers critisize me for what I eat or talk about concerning healthy eating. I am trying my best to fight the urge to to go back to school for research in nutrition.

The main part of my life that is fufilling right now is going to the orphanage to teach english. I like being creative and acting crazy while teaching. It is pretty interesting with only a piece of chalk and a black board as my teaching tools. I do a lot of acting to demonstrate verbs.

I miss music. I cannot believe I did not bring an ipod. I dont want to get started about the people and things that I miss in America.

However, I am meeting many interesting people. I have run into other christians here. I went to the Russian Orthodox church last Sunday. I left within 10 minutes because I was not wearing a head scarf--even the children had head scarfs on. So, I figured I would go back the next Sunday, of course, wearing my new beaded tan headscarf. Better yet, a few people from here invited me to a prayer meeting. Also, this weekend is my host sister's wedding. I am so excited to see a Kyrgyz wedding!

I have been torturing my little host brother for entertainment. Thats right not tutoring(as my host family demanded the day I arrived). Torturing. I had about enough of him tormenting me with every move I make upon my new arrival into town. So, I have been whistling in the house. Everyone here is very superstitious about this. It is said that you wont have money. So, he screams "HET DANGY,shhhhhh," in a very frantic manner. I am like what do you care if I have money or not??

Anyway, please feel free to send me emails at cgood711@gmail.com

I will keep you posted

Carolyn

I am in Bishkek. Today, I meet my host family in Luxemburg, which is very close to Kant City. Instead of learning Kyrgyz like I thought, I will be learning Russian. I am so excited for today. It seems like I have been here for a month and it has only been a couple days. I am meeting so many people. Everything is amazing. Although, I am having a very hard time with tolerating the food.

I traveled to Istanbul. Some of us got out of the airport, which includes me. Luckily, I ran around with a friend who has been there before. So, I feel like I saw quite a bit. I guess I dont really know that. Anyways, I miss all my friends at home. Sondra told me that I can never take everyone around with me, but I can always take God with me. That means everything to me.

Carolyn

I am packing my bags to go to Kyrgyzstan with the Peace Corps. I tried to weight one of the bags, but I could not fit it on the scale. So, who knows if I went over 100lbs or not. Honestly, I would like to fit more into the bag. With all of this being said, I see how that is pretty materialistic.

I spend my days basking in the sunlight, going to the gym,cooking, and worrying about what to expect in Kyrgyzstan. So, I am trying not to have expectations. I cannot think of very many instances in life where I would have no expectations to what a situation might be like. I have expectations for everything here it seems. I grew up here. This adventure is a prime example in the making. Now I know what it feels like to not expect. So, there you have another expectation of traveling-- to expect nothing, which is an expectation for the next time I travel.