And so it is and so it was. I am back in the United States. I have flown around the world, lived in Azerbaijan for 2.5 years, learned a foreign language, and enjoyed the wonders that is the other...the unfamiliar, the foreign. It's been great, it's been difficult, and I have no regrets. I've met wonderful and kind people. I've met really annoying backstabbers. I've learned about some of the faults within my own American culture and I've learned about the universal faults shared by almost all cultures. No matter where you go or who you meet, there are always wonderful people and horrible people. There are beautiful and ugly places in every nation.

I'm excited to be home.

I'll leave my blog online for any future Azerbaijan PCVs who might be interested. I don't feel as if I have anything to hide. Anyways, this blog is connected to my email and so if anyone has any questions, etc., feel free to comment here. It will reach me.

As of right now it appears my fiancee and I will move to DC and pursue careers in humanitarian, development, and/or assistance work.

:)

Bokor Hill Station is an abandoned French outpost from the 30s and 40s. It is beautiful, strange, and also beloved by the Cambodians themselves. It is slotted to change soon...into a theme park atop a hill in a national park.

Not only is the name funny, but the USAID emblem is present too.

The good news: The above pics are merely from my guesthouse. It is BEAUTIFUL here. Just amazing. And there are a million fun activities to engage in like kayaking through caves.

The bad news: I've been sick with a 102 fever. I'm getting better. I don't think I have a fever today...but I can't tell because we aren't able to find a properly working thermometer. However I feel a lot better and rather energized after a rather ill 2.5 days. I think I had/have the flu, but it also seemed to attack my chest and then later my sinuses. Mostly, my issues have been temp. related. Anyways, let's hope I keep up the pace of getting better. I need to enjoy this place while I'm here! Plus, I don't want to have to find out about the Laos medical system.

i apologize to anyone who has looked at the slow progress of pics, etc. on my blog. my internet resources have been much more limited and slower than my travels.

tonight chris and i head up to Laos for a couple of weeks before continuing on to Vietnam. That's it for now.

Needless to say, Angkor Archeological Park is tremendous. My internet connection is too slow in Cambodia to upload many pictures, but I'll try to get up some. We spent three days exploring different temples of the Archeological park. Some temples are clustered together and others take some extra bucks to get to. Three days in the park cost $40 per person, transportation not included. For the closest and most clustered together temples a bicycle will do. For other temples, tuk-tuk is required and our most expensive day was a $25 tuk-tuk ride. But oh, was it worth it.

Beautiful island, lots of beaches, and lots of...sex/drug tourism. Wasn't a huge fan, but we stayed in Phuket Town which is a much chiller location than most of the beaches. To explain, we didn't stay on a beach, but we could travel to them easily. We only visited the beaches once and then moved on towards Bangkok.

For our last night in Istanbul we ate Meze (in the plural form). Anyways, mezes are pretty much the Turkish version of Tapas. I'm not in love with Turkish food, but the mezes in Cicek Passage were pretty great.

My friends (fellow RPCVs) Rachel and Charlie left this morning for Greece. I will fly out of Istanbul tonight for Thailand. I have a horrible layover awaiting me in Abu Dhabi. But hey, Abu Dhabi.

so many stories, but so little time. Don't be fooled, the girl in the first picture is my friend Rachel and not me. People get us mixed up in photos quite often. Goreme is a little city in a general area of Turkey called Cappadocia. It is very arid and has a very laid back attitude. Of course, we still hear the call to prayer five times a day, which differs from Azerbaijan's three.

Before coming to Goreme Rachel, Charlie, and I traveled to a really quaint port city in Turkey called Trabzon. I don't have great pictures from Trabzon, but it was charming, trust me. My funniest (or most interesting?) story thus far takes place on our horribly long bus ride from Trabzon to Goreme. It was 16 hours! It was horrible because we thought originally it was 12...then 14. But, really it was 16. But this is because we choose a strange day to travel in Turkey (Dec. 1). Dec. 1st is one of 4 days that new recruits into Turkey's military must report to duty. Military service is compulsory for Turkish men between the ages of 20-41. Then length of service entirely depends on age/qualifications, but the least qualified must be active for 15 months. As a consequence every single city we stopped in took longer than usual because whole Turkish families were outside waiting to say goodbye to their sons. Mothers were crying, brothers were crying, grandmothers were waiting in the middle of the night...it was an amazing site. So every stop (there were 10-15) was emotional. I even cried once (hey, I was tired). AND, before each male gets on the bus, the other Turkish male family members throw them up and down chanting, "our soldiers are the best, our son is the best" and then carry them onto the bus. All the other new recruits get up from their bus seats to pull the new recruit on. It was a special experience, but that bus ride was very long and tiring.

I've already posted plenty of pictures on this blog before, so I will restrain myself. Basically, I took the night train here from Baku a few days ago and now I'm just relaxing. I'm not trying to get anything accomplished. Nothing at all. And this is a great feeling. The end of PC Service is an overwhelming array of tasks, goodbyes, and experiences. As a consequence, I'm tired of feeling sentimental and I'm just enjoying doing whatever it is I want to do. Luckily, I'm joined by a couple of friends as well. We are also staying at Tbilisi Hostel which is a fantastically fun place to stay...with super fast internet. Tomorrow, however, Rachel, Charlie, and I are headed out to Trabzon, Turkey via Batumi.

Tonight I am leaving the nation of Azerbaijan as a RPCV. I will leave on a midnight train (ok, it actually is supposed to leave at 10pm, but whatever) to Georgia (the nation, not the state obviously).

The end is a strange end and it truly feels more like a beginning. It feels like the long awaited authorization to move ahead to new areas of my life. I've been thinking about my goodbyes and my accomplishments and my failures for months now. Finally, I get to start anew and move on with my lessons in tow. I'm sure these next few months will be reflective and I hope this three month span of traveling will give me the space I need to honestly think about my service. In every Peace Corps service there is good and bad, easy and hard, and, as I said, success and failure. I want to draw out as much self reflection from it as I can.

Here are my upcoming plans as I know them:

Baku-Tbilisi November 21st night train

I will meet up with an AZ 7 volunteer named Jessica and I'm very excited to see her...makes me happy just thinking about it. A few days later two other new RPCVs will finish their service and join us (Rachel and Charlie). We will leave Tbilisi for Turkey on the 28th. Jessica will head back to AZ a few days before Rachel, Charlie, and I head for Trabzon, Turkey.

Some time around the 29th/30th we three will be in Trabzon for a couple of nights. This city is on the coast on the eastern portion of Turkey. Around Dec. 1st we will travel inwards towards the center of Turkey in an area called Cappadocia:

To be honest I let my friend Rachel plan Turkey, so I'm a little hazy on details. I do know we arrive in Istanbul on Dec 7th.

Dec 10: I fly out to Phuket, Thailand. I thought my layover would be in Dubai, but nope...it is in Abu Dhabi. My layover is between 2:30am-9am. YUCK. Then I connect to Phuket via Bangkok. Chris arrives in Thailand the night before.

After that, well...no real decisions have been made. We probably won't spend that much time in Thailand and will be in Cambodia by Christmas/New Years. We will continue to travel in that area of Southeast Asia until the first week of Feb. After, I am headed to Wisconsin to meet Chris's family. Then, back HOME TO SEE MY FAMILY! Then Chris and I will probably settle in DC to find actual jobs.

Ohhhh please hire me someone.

I will keep this blog active until I'm actually home in DC. So mom, dad, and kind others who read this...I'll keep you posted.

Love,

Alexis

Sadly I cannot see these pictures as I type...but if I recall, one picture is of all our luggage right before leaving Ming for good. Another is of what we called "the chip store". It was the best store in town. Oh, random memories! And then the other two pictures are of our restaurant/bar Wild West. Love the pink cowboy.

This doesn't look like much, but looks can be deceiving. What you don't see here is the laptop computer, projector, and other tech things that are locked away in the cabinet (that the grant also bought).

How to deal with the end of service? Who would of thought it was something to deal with in the first place?

For each person it is a really truly different affair. But then, there are some very shared experiences.

Why?

First of all, we all feel differently about our services. For example, some people from my group are extending another year. I wouldn't do that in a million years. That is a wide gap of sentiment.

I'm proud that I finish the Peace Corps in two years and I feel ready to move on with the next phase of my life. At the same time, however, the next phase of my life is hazy, nebulous, and in every way unclear. I don't know what will happen when I come home. By the time I get "home" (where is home now, anyways?) I will have spent 2.5 years outside the states. I hear things all the time regarding the economy, but I need to join it. What will that be like during the post-recession? I just don't know. People always ask, "What do you want to do?", but I'm afraid its more of a question of "what can I do?". As in, what jobs are actually out there?

I'll have to start over, find a place to live, and make new connections. I'll be doing this in a new way too...not as one person, but as too. I'm engaged. What does it mean to be engaged in the states? I'm sure it is a culturally different affair than while in the Peace Corps.

So much awaits.

On the one hand I can't wait to leave. On the other hand I have no idea how to say goodbye. After all, when the hell would I ever be back in Azerbaijan? And all these people I've served with...will I ever see them again? Maybe, but certainly not all together like this. Also, the logistics of literally how to say goodbye to people is difficult. We all leave at different times from all over the country over the span of a month. When I see a person this week is this goodbye for good or not? I don't know? It might be. So do I say bye now or not?

Also, the AZ 7s (the group that has been here one year, but has one more year to go) are rather ready for us to go and for the new volunteers (AZ 8, in training, not at site yet) to be placed around the country. They want the new meat. It isn't fun having to hear about all the excitement for people I'll never meet. In the same way, the AZ 7s are tired of hearing about our extensive post-service travel plans etc.

All and all, I guess you could say I'm just ready to move on. I want to be sure to say bye to the people I care about and to take a last gander. However, it doesn't really feel like a celebration. I'm really grateful that I will be traveling with some PC friends post service so we can smile together and look back.

as you can see, some of these paintings were an experiment with something new for me. Now, the question is how do I get all of these home?

Good news on the grant front: No one was using the newly constructed school and the new English Language Resource Center in this school until the President of Azerbaijan cut the ribbon. Luckily, this day FINALLY came this past week. Kids are in their new school, resources are being used, and the final part of my evaluation and monitoring process can begin. I thought there was a possibility that this new school wouldn't get utilized until 2011, but I was wrong. Yay! After all, the school was originally set to open in May.

I have a cat that lives on my roof. It doesn't want to be my friend, but wants to talk to me sometimes. I've come to realize the cat specifically comes to my section of the apartment building roof when it needs me to open the trap door that leads to the roof. If I don't open the trap door, this crazy cat will walk around the roof for days meowing. If I hear the roof cat and go to me porch to say "what do you want roof cat", the crazy black and white cat looks at me, upside down from the roof, and meows in my direction for about 20 seconds and then leaves. I've tried to save the roof cat, but it runs away from me every time. Oh roof cat. Why?

--yes, this is evidence that Peace Corps Volunteers go a little crazy after two years. But, the roof cat is even crazier than me. I swear.

nostalgia actually hit me in some forms today. I kept waiting for this to happen. We had our end of service conference quite some time ago and nothing at that conference seemed pertinent. It was, for me, premature. I've been counting down the days to departure (I still am), but the realization that this experience will end is hitting me...in some little ways.

First was buying my first nar of the season. Nar is pomegranite. Nar is a lot easier to say than pomegranite. Anyways, the nars in Azerbaijan are somehow better than the ones in the US. I'm not just saying that now because I'm leaving. This was actually one of the first things AZ PCVs notice when they get to country. We arrive in the late fall, in other words the beginning of nar season. Its almost like we don't know how to eat nar in the states. But, part of it is that the nar skin is thicker in the states and the fruit juice seeds seem farther and fewer between. Maybe not. Maybe I am just thinking this way because I'm leaving soon! I'll never know, because by the time I eat a nar next fall too much time will of elapsed. So, I bought this nar and thought to myself: this could be the last nar I buy in AZ. This is my third fall season in AZ...so it felt like the beginning to the end.

Also, just now I walked out of my apartment and a realization dawned on me. It is hard to describe, but my time in AZ will never seem real again. When I leave, when I go home, this experience will become something only myself and other AZ PCVs could possibly understand. The way this nation functions, looks, smells, acts, etc. is something you don't read about in the news, see in films, or hear about from others. People in the US don't even know that AZ exists. So this whole two year experience will probably seem like suspended time...like two years that never existed. I'll go home and all the people I know here and all the stories I have will solely be onto myself like as if I dreamed it the night before. There is something phenomenal about that...and something strange. When an experience is isolated it can get distorted. We choose to remember some things and forget others. The narrative shifts over time and in thirty years...what in the world will this 27 month span seem like to me? Will I remember how many times I wished for nothing other than to leave? Will I remember all the times I knew how lucky I was to experience something so rare, hidden, and challenging? Yes and no because life keeps happening and I'll keep focusing on current life events. What moments in my future will stop me in my place and remind me of Azerbaijan? I have no idea.

These two years, in many ways, have lasted an eternity. When a PCV arrives in country they have few luxuries beyond time. That is, time is our luxury. We've got nothing but unending time. When the time runs out (and it seems like it never will), it is strange to realize that my one luxury, the one thing I never had to worry about losing, is actually coming to an end. It isn't sad or happy. Ok, well...right now it is a little happy. But it is mind boggling. What did I actually do with my two years? We all assume that if we were in certain scenarios we would act a certain way and accomplish certain things. Well, I actually jumped off the building and joined PC...and what did I actually do? What were my experiences? What have I learned? I can definitely answer a lot of these questions right now, but I have a feeling I won't really be able to fully answer them for a while longer.

My grant is basically finished. I keep postponing a blog about that because I want to take pictures of the room and post them...but I keep forgetting my camera. Hopefully I will get to that tomorrow.

I have 7 weeks left in the Peace Corps. I'm still working and embarking on new projects, but this mostly feels like a waiting game. I'm meeting with teachers and working with them on teaching skills and Mingechevir is now home to a UEFA grassroots soccer team that I will help with beginning tomorrow. This latter project is rather exciting because all the infrastructure for an actual girls team is already in place. All they need is a helper. I would like to add that it is amazing that UEFA has put this program in place. Very impressive.

Right now I am studying for the FSOT (Foreign Service Officer's Test). I will be taking it on Oct. 6 and I really don't know whether or not I've adequately prepared for it. It is isn't one of those tests you can get a lot information on. To study for it I am studying US History, current events, and sometimes I study basic economics. We'll see. It will be good practice nonetheless.

I've also painted about a billion new paintings. I'll put those up soon. But, these last two months are sort of brutal. Generally my group is ready to leave. We feel it. We've been here for over two years now and, well, the time has come. Hence, the waiting game.

I have a video showing the sad living quarters of the sad Shamaxi bear but, alas, it is just barely too large of a file for blogger. I wish I could upload it, but as of this moment I cannot.

Shamaxi is a mountainous area approx. 2 hours outside the capital, Baku. We do have some PCVs serving there. When you are taking a long bus ride from Baku to wherever in the north, you eventually stop for tea somewhere along the way. Often, during the summer, marshrutkas will stop in Shamaxi. A couple of these roadside restaurant areas show off their captured bears. These bears are isolated (one restaurant, one bear) and kept in horrible little cages. They just walk around in circles of their own excrement. I have a video of this, but again I can't upload it just yet. It is heartbreaking.

The second picture has nothing to do with anything...it is just amusing. There is a lot of misunderstood English on clothing in Azerbaijan.

As in, apartment number four. I like this one. I really do. I did not like apartment 1 or apartment number 3, but 4 is a legit place to live. It is my first apartment in the center of the city. It is has one room, one kitchen, one bathroom, hot water, a fridge, and a balcony. All of these things actually work (so far). I've been living in my new place for approx. one week and it has been soothing for the soul (brain/mentality, etc). Around the same time I found my new place the weather cooled down remarkably and not a moment too soon. I was starting to go nuts in the heat. But, it appears that fall is finally upon us in Mingechevir.

I guess if you are following my blog but you are not talking to me personally, some explanation is needed. I lost my previous housing (not because I did not something wrong, but because of being duped) a couple of months ago. I did not find new housing until recently and, as a result, nearly got booted from Peace Corps altogether. I'm not going to get into the details (I don't think I'm permitted to get into the details anyways), but it made for a really horrific month or so of service.

As a consequence of my homelessness, I lived with my sitemate for nearly a month. It was very kind of her to let me in. However, living there was a little rough. She was out of town for a majority of the time, but while I lived there her gas was shut off (limited cooking options) and it was really really hot. Also, I was in the midst of training teachers in regards to my grant and had to work double time to find a new apartment. Finding a place to live Azerbaijan can be a crappy experience. Women, generally, never live alone and do not go into real estate offices alone. I did. Everyday. And i was treated like an oddity because in Azerbaijan what I was doing was, indeed, odd.

You might ask why Peace Corps did not help me find a place. Plainly: The are not required to. The only thing PC is required to do is find me housing with a host family. In other words, if I want to live alone, well then, that is my choice and I have to accept the consequences that go along with it.

Why don't I live with a host family? Well, coming into PC I always knew that living with a host family (ANY host family) would quite possibly be my biggest challenge. I'm 28 and I've lived independently from my parents for a decade. I'm not used to overseers worrying about me and asking me when I'll do everything I do. But most importantly, I don't like people worrying about my whereabouts and schedule. People worrying about me worries me...increases my overall anxiety. I then become the person they want me to be and lose my sense of individuality. My host family was fantastic but they were confused every time I went running at a different time, or didn't want lunch at the exact same time everyday, etc. I guess, with two months left in my service I just wasn't willing to go back to that. Also, I'm engaged. I'm engaged to someone who lives 8 hours away by bus. It is difficult being in a long distance relationship where communications are rough in general. Texting is very expensive and internet is unreliable. I want to live somewhere in which my fiancee can visit me once a month. So, these feelings and desires preventing me from taking the practical route of just living with a family. Maybe this seems crazy or immature to others, but I know my self and my need for independence and therefore, I do not regret living alone and accepting the extra work that goes along with it.

ANYWAYS...some pics of my new place...

it is finally approaching the end of my last summer as a pcv and not a moment too soon. the heat is officially making me crazy. i look forward to a day where i don't sweat while i'm eating and sleeping. i also hope for the night i can sleep without fear of the dreaded mosquitoes.

right now life isn't the easiest. i have to find a new apartment and i'm finishing out a lot of grant work. in terms of the grant, things are going very very well. i'm both grateful and proud. i'm grateful because all the individuals who made commitments to me and to the project are, for the most part, staying true to their word. gulshan and i have physically built the English Language Resource Center and the volunteer teachers and students show up every day for training. the trainees are picking up information very quickly and i feel confident that they are interested in protecting their new ELRC resource. we spent a lot of money on books etc, but i can't help still feel like our ELRC shelves are still bare. all the English language fiction books we purchased came from Baku and they are very small in stature and low in quality. but, something is better than nothing! we also received a box of donated books from the states and the children books inside are great.

in terms of finding an apartment, well...it just totally blows. i'm not going to pretend to be enthusiastic about it. this will be the fourth place i've sought out over the last two years in Azerbaijan. the whole process is frustrating and disheartening for many reasons, but i'm just holding on to the hope that this is my LAST move before my service ends in November. keep your fingers crossed for me. luckily, my sitemate laura has let me stay with her for the past three weeks, but i really really need to find something soon. and if the heat would just die down a bit, well, then...i'll probably find an extra cache of patience.

For a couple of days, a few colleagues of mine and I worked at Oguz's summer camp. Three members of the environmental committee traveled to this beautiful and small town in order to help Oguz's PCVs with environmental day. Environmental day included discussions on water use, pollution, re-use, plastic bags, and trash pick.