I began a new blog to represent my time adjusting to life back in America and to share my experiences post-peace corps...check it out-------->www.eastcoastcoco.blogspot.com

So, after some folks stated they enjoyed my writing(or atleast hearing my stories) and with some nudging from one friend in particular, i've decided to start a blog on my adventures in DC. Stay tuned, there will be more of me and my experiences post-PC .

I miss Malawi!

xoxo

This post was written 10 days before I left Malawi. I arrived stateside on June 29th, 2010.

"As I wrap up these next 10 days, I can't help but contemplate each moment when it happens. I think more deeply about how funny life can be at times, how in a year i'll be looking at the same moon but from a different perspective, how those that have brought me comfort and laughter will be thousands of miles away, and how I think too much about the moment and trying to appreciate it that i'm not actually in the moment and living it." Blog entry September 16, 2008

It has taken me sometime to figure out what I should say in this last email as a volunteer and still i'm not really sure how to capture this moment in words. I can't say that I'm exactly thrilled about leaving my friends...family...communitiy... Malawi...Africa... but I know that this next step, grad school, is the right step for allowing me to come back. I have 10 or so days left here and i'm trying my best to just be here. Physically i'm here, but mentally i'm all over the place. I'm thinking about the fact I have about 30 days in between the time I leave Malawi, arrive home and the time I need to move to DC. I'm thinking about finding a job, one that will allow me the flexibility of being back in Africa next summer for practical experience in my field and so I can spend time with my friends here. I realized that teaching will most likely be the route I take, although, being in front of students in a classroom everyday I have learned is not the right fit for me (I love education but i'm more of a planner/coordinator as opposed to a frontman).Either way, I need a job and well, trying to apply for jobs from here is not the easiest. As I have told my mother I will deal with all those America issues when i'm actually there.

I haven't emailed any updates in awhile and I apologize if you have been patiently waiting for one. I wanted to save all my juicy stories for one last email, and of course to keep you waiting to build up excitement for it. I figured I will take some time to share with you what I have been up to these past couple of months before sharing some other non-work related thoughts.

Kasitu CDSS

I spent term two at my school teaching. With the passing of the head it only made sense that I took English back over until we could figure out a feasible plan forward. I worked hand in hand with two of my fellow teachers who agreed to take on English after I left in coming up with lesson notes for the remainder of the school year. I caught my form four up on the literature they would need to know for their exams that begin in July. I reorganized the library so that its easier for students to navigate through the books and easier to keep it clean and orderly. I help orient our new madam who arrived at the beginning of May which included an overnight in my home with her and her one month son(which was interesting in itself at the beginning). The goodbyes were sad and a bit overwhelming. I love my community and felt like part of a larger family despite some of the issues that were present.

Site Development

I am the 3rd volunteer at my site and unless deemed necessary another volunteer will not be replacing me at the school. But i've enjoyed living in Kasitu and figured someone else would as well, so I assisted my health center in coming up with a job description and finding suitable housing for a volunteer. The volunteer will find no shortage of public health related things to do in my village and its right on the lake which is another advantage. Plus, my MA(medical assistant or doctor) and his wife the nurse are wonderful and have the cutest baby Faith. My HSAs(Health Surveillance Assistants) are dedicated to their work and I believe that all these folks will contribute to a great work environment for a volunteer. I pray that it works out because they worked hard in coming up with everything to accommodate a volunteer.

Sisters in Senga

Sisters in Senga was amazing! It was nice to see all the girls I have met at previous camps and to hear about what they are up to now. The girls loved being at the lake and it felt great being able to provide the girls with an experience they will always remember. The road getting there was a bit rough, but in the end it was all worth it. Thank you to you for your support(both emotionally and financially) the girls thank you too! It was a great way to cap off my Peace Corps experience and just reaffirmed the type of work I want to do. The morning as the girls were leaving my girl Charity came up to me with a huge smile and simply said "thanks i'll never forget what you have done for me", hearing that has helped confirm that I truly have made a difference...even if it was just for one person, because that one person makes all the work truly worth it. I broke down into tears but has to quickly get myself together to send the girls off. Truly, it was a magical, unforgettable, experience.

My thoughts...

During my time here, I have tried to do my best in keeping up communication with you all on my experience and my transformation. If you need a reminder you can always go to my blog and re-read what I have written. I'm speechless at the moment because i'm not sure where to start in sharing my thoughts. I'm in love. In more ways then one, with myself, with this country, with the people, with my work, and the list goes on. I thought this was just a passing feeling that came about because i'm living abroad but i'm pretty sure that being here, not necessarily Malawi, is the right fit for me. The sense of community and family that is present here is something that I have yet to experience elsewhere, even though i'm open to exploring other areas i'm pretty sure Africa just might be the place for me. There's something beautiful about life here despite some of the obstacles that can be found. My community and friends have been a great support for me and just as it was hard for me to say goodbye when leaving the states, its the same now. I'm well aware that no one will quite understand my experience here and probably won't care to hear much about it when i'm stateside and that's ok. I know I have changed, I know that things I may have found interesting before may not be so interesting now. I'm changed and i'm sure you will notice and if you don't like the changes that's okay, life goes on.

yes it does...i'm moving forward one step at a time.

Charity was a form 4 student at Kasitu Community Day Secondary School. Her family comes from the district north of Nkhotakota, Nkhata Bay, and she is Tonga by tribe. She was shy and timid, although she worked hard in class, she was not the one to speak up and ask questions.One day Charity's Peace Corps Volunteer-Courtney Wright- asked her if she would be interested in applying to attend Camp GLOW 2009. After a brief discussion of what the camp entails, Charity filled out the application and waited. When she was selected to attend, she was quite excited. She had never travelled past the two districts she has lived in and would have the opportunity to meet girls from all over Malawi. Charity attended Camp GLOW 2009 in early August and came back to Kasitu to share her experience. One thing that Courtney did not expect was the transformation that would happen from this week long girls empowerment camp. Charity came back to Kasitu GLOWING!! The way her face lit up when she described the camp and all that she learned showed Courtney that these camps truly do work. Charity shared with the other girls what it means to be assertive, what it means to have goals, and that they too can accomplish anything if they are willing to work hard. It is because of Charity that Courtney decided to organize Women2Women.

Where is Charity now? Charity has written form 4 exams and although she did not pass, she has not given up her goal of becoming a nurse. The business skills she has learned at Women2Women and some capital given by Courtney has allowed for her to start a mandazi(donut) business in her community, from the profits earned she will assist her family while saving to go back to school in term 2 to learn and begin preparing for the form 4 exams next year.

Charity is by far one of my favorite people here and it is because of her that I know with the right opportunity and resources can change the life of someone, it is because of her that I know the work i'm doing is having an impact and that there are several other "Charitys" in Malawi and the world just waiting for the opportunity to present themselves.

What's the next step for girls like Charity here in Malawi?

Sisters in Senga!

35 girls from across Malawi are coming together to participate in SiSters in Senga, a 5 day workshop focused on girls empowerment, incorporating community development and skills training. We will invite girls that have previously attended a camp, program, or workshop facilitated by Peace Corps Volunteers in the year (Camp GLOW, Women2Women, and Camp Sky). These trainings have incorporated life skills lessons and SiSters in Senga will allow the pre-trained girls to participate in a more hands-on learning experience.

There will be great focus on interpersonal relationships and community responsibility; with the theme being “Service to others as service to self.” With the plethora of donor organizations in Malawi and the ramifications from massive aid that is pumped in to the country, it is easy to lose sight of the possibilities of individual action that often leads to collective mobilization and ultimately change. They will be reminded that no one can develop their country for them; only they have that power as women who are the thread that run through every inch of the nation’s fabric. The girls will conduct hands on projects such as making jam, peanut butter, jewelry, energy efficient stoves with locally available resources, and beekeeping for income generating purposes. They will ultimately participate in a service project to the local community where the camp will be held.

In order for us to implement this program we need assistance. SiSters in Senga will cost around $12,000USD, inclusive of room, board, transport, materials, and speaker fees. We will be able to raise some funds or supplies locally, but need additional assistance from our friends back home. Our goal is to raise $5,000USD by the end of March through stateside donations. We have arranged with First United Methodist Church of Evanston to collect and streamline donations on our behalf. All donations sent through the church will be tax deductible. We appreciate all of your support in this endeavor and throughout our Peace Corps experience. SiSters in Senga will be a success with your assistance.

To make a donation:Send a check to Rev. Jane Cheema at First United Methodist Church, 516 Church street, Evanston, IL 60201.The checks should be made out to First Untied Methodist Church with Peace Corps Camp in the memo line. A tax letter will be sent to those that have donated so please make sure to write a return address legibly.

As always I thank you for your continuous support.

I wrote this out by hand and it took about 7 drafts for me to put together something that may remotely make sense. It seems more and more these days my thoughts just run together as I try to wrap my mind about being here (I know you think 16 months in I would have a better idea, but things change daily), wrap my mind around where I'm going in life in general (this is a bit tricky seeing as things are unpredictable but having some general idea of where I'm heading is nice) and wrapping my mind around just how I got here to begin with. The more I reflect, the more I learn. The more I learn, the more I grow. The more I grow, the more I move forward. Speaking of moving forward, I guess I should move forward with the purpose of this.

To give is to receive (part 1)

I’m around 8 years old. My mom and I are at 7-11 and I have a few dollars to indulge my sweet tooth. I make my purchase and head for the car. As I’m walking to the car I’m asked by a man standing outside the door if I had some spare change. I glance at him, then hand him my remaining dollar and continue to the car. I get to the car where my mother is waiting for me. She hands me a dollar because she saw that I had given my last dollar to man who asked. My mother was teaching me a lesson that day that I would not grasp until several years later.

Growing up, I would like to believe I was a helpful child. The values instilled in me, watching my mother give herself freely to the needs of her community, would in its due time hopefully rub off on me. At the time I considered myself a tomboy. I was all about the sports-football, basketball, soccer, figure skating, and gymnastics, with my busy schedule that had time for other people? I was not particularly passionate about community service, I would help out with things like Trashbusters, Safetytown, tutoring and the like but I could never commit fully because I did not quite see the point.

(Fast forward to the summer prior to my junior year of high school).

I had been invited by a good friend to attend a mission trip to the Appalachian Mountains to help repair homes. Through her church youth group we raised the money to be participants for the Appalachian Service Project. I can say that this trip changed my life. Walking into that I didn’t recognize the true purpose of giving, walking away something was ignited in me. Something clicked and I knew that, this work, for people, with people, is exactly what I should be doing. I still remember the family of 3 we served. I can still see this mother with her two beautiful children doing the best she could given the circumstances she was born into. Going into this experience I thought about what we would be giving them, a warmer home for the winter, a fresh coat of paint, and memories of a bunch of inexperienced teenagers rehabbing a room in their home. Coming out of that experience I realized that it was much bigger then what had been given, that I too was given something in return. I was given a lesson in compassion, community, and love. At that point I knew it was no longer about me, my “me” turned into “my community” because I have learned that while we serve others, we serve ourselves.

It’s a secret to some but for many of you, you already know that my aspiration since I was 4 was to become a doctor. First, it was a pediatrician because I love working with children, then later primarily focus on neonatology because I felt the children I would care for would need my care the most. Boy, how things change. As I was working on my graduate school application, I had the daunting task of writing a personal statement of whom I was and why this particular program is the right fit for me. Trying to figure out just how I got here, a Peace Corps Volunteer in Malawi took some time because everything growing up seemed to point me in the opposite direction. I can say that there are 3 things that have had a strong bearing on where I am now; my mother, my high school English teacher Mr. Newman, and The Appalachia Service Project. My mother showed me what true giving is and how to give wholeheartedly without expecting anything in return. Mr. Newman showed me how a teacher can touch the lives of their students by caring not just about the assignment but the individual, and The Appalachia Service Project, being my first real act of service to others I did not know, helping me shape my perspective of the world and my role in it. Countless others have had influence on me and the path I am taking, and countless others are still influencing the decisions I make.

Finding my passion, something that can be frustrating at time, is the most fulfilling thing for me. The feeling that I get by knowing I'm assisting someone reach the level of privilege I was born into is indescribable. Now as a Peace Corps Volunteer, I think back to my first real experience of service, the giving of my time and resources to that family in Appalachia, the lesson that giving is receiving, you can not serve others without serving yourself, has carried over to my work here.

)art II...

Here I am. In Malawi. Precisely at this moment I'm laying on the floor of our Administrative Officers' house, indulging myself in the high speed Internet. Talk about going from one extreme to the other. Just a few days ago, I was laying on my bed, wondering how it can possibly get hot despite the sun setting,and figuring out ways to entertain myself until I'm tired enough to go to bed. When I come to the city, or even when I leave my village and go to the nearby trading center, I'm always asked how I could possibly leave America and all that I have there, to come here and live with out electricity and running water. How do I not go crazy living in a village despite spending 23 years living in urban areas? Easy, I just readjust my expectations and I understand now, more so than before, the difference between a need and want. Yeah, at times it sucks not being able to switch on a light, but after 16 months I'm still alive and intact, all my daily needs are met-I have water(I'm 150m from the lake and I'm 150m from a borehole, water is not in short supply), there's electricity by the road so my phone gets charged when needed. I cook with paraffin or firewood(the fuel shortage caused the price of paraffin to go up and its kind of scarce still), and the sun provides my solar charger with the energy needed to charge my MP3 player so I can still enjoy my music. Life is simple, but it works. All my basic needs are met and if they weren't I would have access to places and resources where they can be met. Either way resources are there and I'm surviving. Its hard to explain to someone just why I would escape my life of luxuries in the states to come and live in "poverty", its hard to explain that even though the benefits are not financial, I do gain a better understanding of myself and the world I live in, which I find to be priceless. So, readjusting expectations, easy? Not really, it brings about a lot of inner dialogue and self-realizations that may not always be the easiest thing to digest. What I have to say may come off as confusing, angry, lacking general understanding, or none of the above. My privilege as put me in a place that has allowed for me to stand above a majority of the world and I didn't do a damn thing to earn it except be a product of two people residing in America. I was born into a world of privilege that my socioeconomic status really has no bearing on, my caramel colored skin has no bearing on, and my gender has no bearing on. Even though all three of these things can cause an initial barrier to certain opportunities and experiences, it has not restricted me from obtaining a free education throughout secondary school and it has allowed me to walk away from university only responsible for 15% of the cost. My privilege has allowed for me to swoop down to a developing country and contribute what I believe is needed(but of course inclusive of what my community needs). My privilege gives me access to resources that not everyone has and because of this realization I find it difficult for me to sit back and listen to people complain about the harsh realities of life...in America. Yeah, jobs are scarce, people are losing their homes, things in general are just fucked up, but being here, seeing just how fucked up things really can be puts a lot of things into perspective. In America, there are social systems in place to keep children from being malnourished, in America, in most places, water runs from the tap, and resources are there. Being here, I have to figure out just how to bring resources to my community that will benefit then in the most sustainable manner. I don't have tons of money, so what other resources can I bring? When I think about the greatest resource I have, I think about my access to education. To me, education is the best gift to give someone. With that knowledge doors open, options become available and things slowly but surely improve. I spend close to 50% of my living allowance on my community.My living allowance is around 56,000MK or 366USD every two months. Now, if you think I'm handing out kwacha like some rapper in a music video, that is not the case. 11,000MK goes toward school fees for students who wouldn't otherwise be able to attend school. I purchase school supplies, such as pens and composition books, to ensure that my students are able to take notes(I'm not a fan of excuses). 5000 to 10000MK on project related expenses(seeds, modules for studying) and around 5,000MK on unexpected emergencies(medicine, transport, etc.). People(not everyone, I know some of you may believe I'm taken advantage of, not the case. People who ask are friends who know that I know they're not looking for a free ride and are in general need of assistance.) feel comfortable asking me because I believe in giving the excess I have, I tend to have excess kwacha because my needs, and not my wants, are met. I have a budget of $3 a day because that's all I need. I share my resources because I have resources to share. My community in turn shares whatever resources they have. I don't buy rice or flour, I'm given plenty, and have enough to last me the remainder of my time here. I'm given eggs from the neighbors' flock, or bananas, or greens, firewood, or charcoal,or whatever they have to share. So although, I spend 1/2 my living allowance on my community, my needs are still being met. I prefer spending 20MK on a bar a soap for one of my girls because I know what can happen or what they will have to do to get that soap otherwise(think..). I guess what I'm getting at is the lesson we all learn from an early age, but tend to forget. A lesson I feel that given the state America is in now, would prove beneficial. The lesson of sharing. I don't give anything, I share. When I have excess and the excess I have you need, then why shouldn't I share? When you have excess and i'm in need, why not share what you have with me? This to me, I believe, is the true idea or picture, of what community is. I believe that if we functioned more as a community in America, then the blow of a failing economy would not be as harsh. I can continue on and on about the importance of sharing and being a part of a community, but i'm not. I think you should experience it for yourself and see how you feel about it. I know this may not make much sense and may be all over,i'm ok with that. Anyway, i'm tired of typing and i'm tired of thinking, so i'm going to give it a break. Please know that I'm happy and grateful to have all of you a part of my community( and I hope you will consider sharing your excess with me when I come back broke...haha just kidding...but not really) This is just some food for thought, at least in my mind, and I have no problem sharing my thoughts with anyone willing to listen to them.

Part III...

I peered out my front window to see an unusual sight. There’s a large truck loaded up with all the belongings of the family of my headmaster. I hurry and change into a skirt, put on my flip flops, and rush over to see if what I was really seeing was true. I watched as Mrs.Katanga held Rose while Zione and Memory climbed up into the cab of the truck. Mrs. Katanga and the others had not noticed me standing there., For months now I was aware that my headmaster Mr.Katanga would be moving, he had been reposted. He was supposed to move in November but up until now it had not happened. I was in denial and secretly thought they would continue delaying his reposting until I left. Before now I didn’t think about what it would be like when the Katangas were gone. You never quite know just how much a person has had an impact on you. I walked quietly up to the truck, blending in with the small crowd that has formed to say good bye to this family, my family. As Mrs. Katanga began climbing up to the cab with her granddaughter Rose, I said just above a whisper “yendani bwino,” immediately Mrs.Katanga turns around with one of her huge smiles, she hands Rose over to the driver and climbs back down. As she held both of my hands she tells me that I must visit soon, their American daughter will always be welcomed in their home. I told her I will and standing there with the small crowd as she climbed back in, waved goodbye. My student Chisomo, nephew to Mr.Katanga, saw me standing there as they were driving away and with a smile shouted “Hasta Luego,Madam!”(Yes, I taught my students some Spanish, just the greetings). As I was walking back to my house, it took a lot for me not to begin crying, but as soon as the door was opened the tears came. It’s hard to describe or to say just what I’m feeling and I feel about this particular family. My family, my biggest supporters, are now 100k south as opposed to 50m northeast. From the moment I was brought to Kasitu by Mr.Katanga, his family has welcomed me as one of their own. Having them here has made it easier dealing with the fact that my own family is thousands of miles away. Anytime I was homesick I could always go there, someone would always be there. I think of all the memories of trips to Dwangwa, the lake, playing cards, coloring, watching football, listening to the radio, eating, these memories we have shared and can only hope that we will be able to share some more memories in the future. I’m grateful for the generosity and love this family has shown me over the year and I will miss having them near me tremendously. It just isn’t the same Kasitu without them.

As I sat in my home with tears running down my cheeks I realized that I never told the Katangas how much I appreciate having them around, how much I appreciate their kindness, openness, and how I will forever be indebted to them for the hand they extended graciously and generously to a stranger. Its not to late to let them know, but until I do, I’m going to do my best to let others know just how much I appreciate having them as a part of my life. It’s almost Valentines Day and love is in the air, so I just want to let you all know that I appreciate and love you all. Thank you for providing me with the support that I need to make it this far in my service and in life. To give is to receive and although I give of myself, my time, to people a half a world away from home, I receive love and blessing from there. I appreciate all that you give so I can continue to do work I’m passionate about.

Unitl next time...

Yewu Ukongwa!

*Lessons Learned*

1. Patience...really is a virtue.I don't know how many times my patience has been practiced, how many times I had to remind myself that if I just wait a little bit longer it will all work out. It seems like this is a re-occurring theme in my Peace Corps experience, starting from the 2 years it took me to get to Malawi. I have to have patience with my neighbor kids who show up at my door at 6am asking for candy knowing if they came back at noon I would be more than happy to share. I have to have patience when it comes to travelling back to site, it takes 9-12 hours to get there on less than desirable transport sometimes. I have to practice patience when it comes to my future. Grant it, tomorrow is not guaranteed, everything happens for a reason and happens when its suppose to happen. Forcing something to be will just make it be the way you don't want it. I'm definitely the type of person that curiosity gets the best of and that curiosity can lead to moments where my patience is lacking, but I know that when I'm patient I always get what I want. (See consider the source when dealing with people and patience)

2. Smile...it will come back to you...There have been moments of sadness, irritation, anger, confusion but when those moments happen I always try to find something to smile about and when I do it seems that smile makes it way back to me in some form of kindness that has changed whatever negative to a positive.

3. Always consider the source and never forget that we are all DIFFERENT...Sometimes people say things or do things that may make a person reconsider how they feel about themselves. When this happens it tends to be from a person who is not in their right mind or doesn't know you. I have gotten better by not letting the comments of people who don't really know me change how I see myself. People come from all over, and the more I move through this life and move all over, I'm reminded that people come from all different walks of life, have different experiences and just how my experiences have shaped my perspective of the world and the people in it, theirs have as well. My eyes are attached to neurons that are attached to my brain, therefore I understand the world how I see it.No one else can share in my perspective of the world, so I can either waste time wondering why or except that we are all different and keep it moving.

4. A friend maybe waiting behind the face of a stranger...I have been blessed throughout my time to find a good group of friends that provide me with the love and support needed to do what I do. These same friends come from all different places and have lifestyles totally different from my own. Some of these friends have been in my life since I was a small child, some have been picked up along the way. If I didn't allow myself to be open enough to let new people in then I would have missed out on some pretty awesome people and some awesome friendships. I've had a plethora of jobs that have taken me through different groups of people, these different groups of people have allowed me to relate to most people I come across because I probably have a friend just like them :) Don't get stuck thinking you have to only be friends with people like you or in your age group. I have 5 year old friends and 50 year old friends who all help me understand this world, bring me laughter and happiness, support and love. Doesn't get any better than that.

5. Know when to say hello and when to say goodbye...I believe that people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Many have heard my reasoning behind this but its true. As we are constantly changing, we should not expect that our friends won't change as well. As we take on a new interests we are going to find people that share in those interests. Just because what we use to have is no longer, it does not mean we are not friends. In my book once a friend always a friend, we just may be friends in different places and that's ok.

6. No sense in crying over something that can't be changed...Some decisions and things are set in stone, if you have no power to change it, leave it alone.

7. Always go with your gut feeling...If something don't feel right, don't do it. You have instinct for a reason.

8. Don't be afraid to go after what you want...and wait patiently for it to come.If I want something I'm going to go after it until I get it or until all possible ways for getting it are exhausted. Call me spoiled or stubborn or whatever else, but if its something that I know will bring me happiness then I don't mind working hard for it and or waiting some to get it.

9. Don't take the backseat in your life...Do what you want to make your life yours.I've adopted the attitude that you can either come along for the ride of get out. If you decide to stay then put a seat belt on and hold on!

10. Treat others as you want to be treated...Just about every job I had in h.s and college was behind a counter. i have served buffalo wings, smoothies, towels, bagels and sandwiches, these jobs have all taught me to be humble and to see all as my equal regardless of what side of the counter I was on. It use to piss me off when I was at Vanderbilt and working at Panera and customers would come in assuming that because I was on the other side of the counter I had to be somewhat less intelligent then them. It made me realize that you never know exactly who is on the other side of the counter(figuratively and literally) and shouldn't make assumptions about anyone or their abilities. Let them prove otherwise, but until they do treat them as you want them to treat you. I may be in a developing country but my Malawian counterparts are just as capable as I am, maybe even more so given this is their home turf. I refuse to speak "special English" or dumb down my language. It may require more of an explanation for some to understand, but I am a teacher aren't I? Who am I to deny any person the ability to learn something new, if that be the case then I should have been denied as well. We all have our own capabilities, they may be different but they are still equal.

*The Plan*

Now that we are into the new year, I guess its time to share with you all the plans I have for the remainder of my service and after...

Teaching

Given the fact that i'm not going to be teaching this year, I will have some time on my hands and hopefully I'll have enough to do to keep me from getting restless. I will be taking on the role of Teacher Development Facilitator working with 2 schools-Kasitu CDSS(my current school) and Dwambazi CDSS( a school about 10k north of Kasitu). I will work with the teachers from both schools on record keeping, planning, team teaching, organization etc.. I took a survey from my teachers prior to now for me to put together the curriculum and schedule I will use based on their needs. Although my community is slightly disappointed that I will not be teaching english given the results, they are happy that I will be helping the teachers sharpen their skills so they can continue to teach well past my leaving. Prior to my trip to Lilongwe I met with my District Education Manager just to get the ball rolling on our working relationship for the upcoming year. Since I was a teacher and not doing teacher development things, I did not utilize my district education office as much due to lack of time but I plan on making my face a known one..haha. I will continue working with my Primary Education Advisor in Kasitu on ways to collaborate so we can get better results in the future both on the primary and secondary level in addition to making stronger connections with the schools. Currently, there are 12 primary schools that feed into 2 secondary schools, so its important that all are on the same page. She is super motivated and progressive and we make an awesome team. Its also awesome because she was one of the mentors at Women2Women and has kept things going in my absence. Eunice and I, both Kasitu transplants, call her our mother because she's the first one we go to when we need something and she provides the most sound, logical advice, and encouragement when needed. Plus, she's funny and has no problem calling people out.

Moving along...

Gender Development

My friend D'lynn and I have decided to go out with a bang, not literally, but we both loved being involved in Camp GLOW(Girls Leading our World-D'lynn's endeavor) and Women2Women(my endeavor) that we decided to do a joint endeavor-SiSters in Senga. We are planning our last girls empowerment camp on the central lakeshore for sometime in early March. We will take girls that have previously attended a PC volunteer sponsored event(Camp Sky, Camp GLOW, Women2Women etc) and build on the information previously learned. Those camps were introductory courses to what we plan on covering at this camp. We would like to incorporate more skills training, more speakers, more depth in the information covered previously and more fun. Plus, we will be on the lake so that's fun in itself. After I return from midservice training, D'lynn and I will begin the planning. Since it will have to be done during a term break, the first week in March would be ideal but then again it doesn't leave us with a lot of time.

Health...

I have also most recently been approached by my PLWHA(People Living with HIV/AIDS) group about some assistance in meeting their needs. I will work with the Agriculture Extension workers in my area(Pangani and Chipoti) on creating kitchen gardens for nutrition and herbals gardens for vitamin supplements to the kitchen garden(they have this drink they call it power juice-made from garlic, aloe vera, and bark from a particular tree(not sure which one but it's found locally) ) along with coming up with some income generating activities.

Between these three and continuing to work with the girls/women in my community(we already held a community meeting with girls and their parents from the secondary school to discuss the low pass rate and what should be done to change that and to make education more of a priority, we have met with community leaders to discuss how the community can support girls education) and Kasitu AIDS Organization, I will begin wrapping up my work here and preparing for the next part of my journey. Which is.....

GRAD SCHOOL!!!!!

So after some time to think, feel out my interests, and figure out what I could possibly spend the rest of my life doing I have decided on a program that suits me. It has been a long road coming and seeing as I don't believe in throwing money away I couldn't just jump into a masters program, i'm glad that I have some clarity on what I want to do next and now that my application is 75% complete(just polishing up my personal statement) it feels good. Once they accept me(can't entertain negative thoughts) I will have about a month between my leaving Malawi and my move but we will just wait until that time comes to deal with it.With that being said...I will be coming home in .....................STAY TUNED TO FIND OUT......hahahahahahahahahaha.

of course I will keep you all informed of the ups, downs, good, bad, and the ugly. Until then, enjoy this new year and all that it has in store for you.

Oh! The Places You’ll Go!

by the incomparable Dr. Seuss

Congratulations!

Today is your day.

You’re off to Great Places!

You’re off and away!

You have brains in your head.

You have feet in your shoes.

You can steer yourself any direction you choose.

You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the guy who’ll decide where to go.

You’ll look up and down streets. Look’em over with care. About some you will say, “I don’t choose to go there.” With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet, you’re too smart to go down a not-so-good street.

And you may not find any you’ll want to go down. In that case, of course, you’ll head straight out of town. It’s opener there in the wide open air.

Out there things can happen and frequently do to people as brainy and footsy as you.

And when things start to happen, don’t worry. Don’t stew. Just go right along. You’ll start happening too.

Oh! The Places You’ll Go!

You’ll be on your way up!

You’ll be seeing great sights!

You’ll join the high fliers who soar to high heights.

You won’t lag behind, because you’ll have the speed. You’ll pass the whole gang and you’ll soon take the lead. Wherever you fly, you’ll be best of the best. Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

Except when you don’t.

Because, sometimes, you won’t.

I’m sorry to say so but, sadly, it’s true that Bang-ups and Hang-ups can happen to you.

You can get all hung up in a prickle-ly perch. And your gang will fly on. You’ll be left in a Lurch.

You’ll come down from the Lurch with an unpleasant bump. And the chances are, then, that you’ll be in a Slump.

And when you’re in a Slump, you’re not in for much fun. Un-slumping yourself is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked. Some windows are lighted. But mostly they’re darked. A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin! Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in? How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And if you go in, should you turn left or right…or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite? Or go around back and sneak in from behind? Simple it’s not, I’m afraid you will find, for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused that you’ll start in to race down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space, headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.

The Waiting Place…for people just waiting.

Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or waiting around for a Yes or No or waiting for their hair to grow. Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite or waiting around for Friday night or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake or a pot to boil, or a Better Break or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants or a wig with curls, or Another Chance. Everyone is just waiting.

No! That’s not for you!

Somehow you’ll escape all that waiting and staying. You’ll find the bright places where Boom Bands are playing. With banner flip-flapping, once more you’ll ride high! Ready for anything under the sky. Ready because you’re that kind of a guy!

Oh, the places you’ll go! There is fun to be done! There are points to be scored. There are games to be won. And the magical things you can do with that ball will make you the winning-est winner of all. Fame! You’ll be famous as famous can be, with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.

Except when they don’t. Because, sometimes, they won’t.

I’m afraid that some times you’ll play lonely games too. Games you can’t win ‘cause you’ll play against you.

All Alone!

Whether you like it or not, Alone will be something you’ll be quite a lot.

And when you’re alone, there’s a very good chance you’ll meet things that scare you right out of your pants. There are some, down the road between hither and yon, that can scare you so much you won’t want to go on.

But on you will go though the weather be foul. On you will go though your enemies prowl. On you will go though the Hakken-Kraks howl. Onward up many a frightening creek, though your arms may get sore and your sneakers may leak. On and on you will hike. And I know you’ll hike far and face up to your problems whatever they are.

You’ll get mixed up, of course, as you already know. You’ll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go. So be sure when you step. Step with care and great tact and remember that Life’s a Great Balancing Act. Just never forget to be dexterous and deft. And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?

Yes! You will, indeed!

(98 and ¾ percent guaranteed.)

Kid, you’ll move mountains!

So…be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray or Mordecai Ale Van Allen O’Shea, you’re off to Great Places!

Today is your day!

Your mountain is waiting.

So…get on your way!

by far my favorite...going places this year and quite excited about it! Happy 2010 to all :)

As I get ready to head back to site tomorrow and prepare for the upcoming holiday, the new year, and the 2nd year of my service, I feel that now is a great time to look back at this past year; the good, the bad, and the ugly. So get ready...

Being a Peace Corps volunteer, sworn in and official, for a year now definetley seems a bit surreal. I can't believe that over 5 years ago I made up my mind that I was going to be a PCV and now 5 years later I am here. Being able to look back and realize that damn, this is a huge milestone given all the things that I had to do just to get here, leaves me to believe that we are the only ones who interfere with our goals. Yes, things can get in the way which may cause obtaining a goal a to take a little bit longer, but it can still get done, if you are willing to do the work to get it done. I'm not going to say that being here has been the easiest thing in the world, well, hell its probably been the hardest thing to do, but its getting done and i'm pretty proud of myself for sticking in there, even now when my purpose for being here seems a bit hazy.

Over this year, I have learned what works and what doesn't, how to interact with people from different backgrounds, cultures, and ways of life that I have never been able to do stateside. I have been given a deeper appreciation and admiration for my family and friends back home as they support me during this endeavour. Many tears have been shed, many smiles have been shared and at the end of the day, each and every day, i'm happy that I have made the decision that day to stay. Even at the lowest of low here, i'm still at a high because of what i'm doing, who i'm interacting with, and how I have been blessed with the ability to do it.

People come and go, some times theres a connection and sometimes there is not. Whatever the case may be, there will always be a person who comes just at the right time when they're needed the most. I came in a training group of 22, 2 of which became my closest friends in country. Due to other circumstance beyond my control(yes, my) they had to terminate their contracts early. But I have been given the two best sitemates I could ask for-Megan and Mel. These women are awesome(not saying that the other ones aren't, these 2 though are a cut above). I have other friends here that I hold close to my heart but given the circumstances and distance these two women are an arm reach away which makes for a good support system and good times. Over this year I have met some of the most awesome people I have ever met in my life, don't get me wrong they can never take the place of friends back home, but my group of non-american friends are a blessing. I can't imagine having to leave in a year and say goodbye, but I guess its not goodbye since I will see them later(I made it here once, I can make it here several more times) :) I know that a piece of my heart will be left here in Malawi and i'm quite ok with that.

This has been a crash course on life. What I want out of it, What i'm willing to do, and how hard i'm willing to work for it. Beside a very brief stint in Ecuador, this is the most extensive time that I have been out of the states. At first I thought I would return to the states and do community development, but something about seeing the beauty of an unknown place, the anxiety and excitement that comes with being new and foreign, the challenges, the discoveries are all reasons why i'm attracted to international community development. I plan on travelling the world, doing what i'm passionate about, and being able to experience these feelings over and over again. My projects here have given me a taste, a good taste, of all that i'm capable of, all the my community is capable, all that a global community can do if they work together. Magic happens(not bad magic) when people work together and I can't help but think that I may be the glue to get people together.

These past two months have been a whirlwind of activities. It seemed non-stop and never ending. They have shown me that a) i'm a workaholic b) that when I want something I don't stop until I get it c) I need to organize and compartmentalize my life in a manner that keeps me from burning out. There's so much I want to do, so much I want to see, people I want to soak up time with, but if its not balanced in a manner that enough of each is given to satisfy the want then a level of unhappiness is going to creep in. I'm still trying to figure out this balance, but I feel that in the new year I will be able to do a better job at the balancing act.

Regardless(or in my case irregardless, but i've been told that its incorrect english...who cares its my world and i'll speak my language) of the situation, of the experience, the good, the bad, and the ugly, I will walk away from this experience with the hugest smile on my face and tears in my eyes for i'm truly happy that I have been able to be here, doing this, and going through the motions of life at my own place, in my own space, simply being me, free, in love and loved. This my friend, is a pretty good place to be at in life and I know that it will only get better from here.

can be under estimated...

A few weeks ago the mother to Chisomo(one of my boarding students) came by my house to pay me a visit. Unfortunately, I was in nearby Tukombo meeting with Mel about Women2Women project things and enjoying a nice, relaxing afternoon at the lake. Chisomo's mother left me a note that I received upon my return home that evening. When I read the letter, I almost cried, I held it together because I didn't want to have to go into a long explanation with Martha and Chisomo about how much that letter touched me and came just at the right time. The gist of the letter was thanking me for providing the girls with a good, safe home and how much she appreciates it. From there things began to make sense to me and the questions of "what exactly am I doing here?" began to hang over my head. Finally, I decided to make some changes...

Mr.Katanga and Mr.Chisikwa,(Headteacher and deputy)I have asked for this meeting to inform you of some upcoming changes. It is my job as a volunteer to come into a community, assess areas in need of development and act accordingly. It is also my job to function at my highest capacity within the time frame given by my contract. After speaking with Dora(my supervisor) extensively, I have realized that there is a greater need for my services outside of the classroom. After this term, I will not be teaching at Kasitu CDSS. Instead, I will be switching posts and will operate in the capacity of Gender Development Facilitator. I will be working with an NGO within the communities between Dwangwa and Dwambazi, primarily focusing on girls and women's education. Although I will not be based in Kasitu, I will continue with the projects I have already began with the hopes of implementing more projects that focuso n gender equity. I also would like to continue working with Mr.Chisikwa in terms of teacher development so that he is functioning at his highest capacity. If I felt that the school was in dire need of an english teacher my decision to stay would be evident but I have complete confidence that Mr.Chisikwa has the skills and knowledge to provide english education to the students in a manner that is equal if not better than myself. Please understand how difficult this decision was for me to make. I have enjoyed my time working with you and enjoy my life with the community of Kasitu. In no ways my decision to switch posts influenced by a dislike for you or the community, instead I have identified a huge, prevalent problem in this area and feel it is more important that I address the problem then ignore it. I know it may be difficult for you to understand my decision, but I ask that you support me during this time of transition. If you feel the need to share this information with others, I ask that you do so in a tactful manner so that they understand it's not a personal issue against them or the community but one that is meant to uplift the community. I have also spoken with Dora about another volunteer coming to Kasitu. I'm the 3rd and given Peace Corps guidelines suppose to be the last. Given the situation, she said that she can send another volunteer but not this upcoming year. She is aware that Kasitu is an ideal community for a volunteer to work in. I believe that over this next year the school can make the much needed improvements on the house i'm currently living in and to work on improving working conditions within the school and with the community to make it a more welcoming environment for the next volunteer. Please remember that if a volunteer is to come, there must be housing available.As I have said, this has been a very difficult decision for me, but my integrity does not allow me to sit back and be a part of the problem when I know I can be a part of the solution. I think very highly of both of you and how that we can continue our relationship as we move forward.

After I finish teaching in November I will change my focus, move from my lakeside property, and solely focus on gender development initiatives in my area. As of now i'm in limbo as i'm not sure where exactly i'm moving to. The original plan was for me to be based out of my trading center-Dwangwa-which is 30k south of where I am now and just operate from there. But after I submitted my program overview and intentions to the director of the NGO, he met with the Board of Directors and came back with a slightly different idea of my role within their organization. They like my idea and the layout of how I plan to make it happen and think that I may have a greater impact if I worked on a district level instead of a small portion of a district. As of now I know I will be working under the youth and gender development division of Nkhotakota AIDS Support Organization(a district branch of the National AIDS Commission) and working with the coordinator to come up with programming that targets at-risk youths and adults and will hopefully reduce the transmission rate of HIV/AIDS in the district. My main focus is to come up with programming that targets three populations-school attending girls, out of school girls and women, and sex workers. I'll have a better idea of what to expect in the next month. I'm quite excited to be moving into a capacity that allows me a bit more freedom in terms of project implementation and is more challenging. Will have to step up my language skills now...haha. It was hard for me to deliver the news to my headmaster, I was getting choked up while reading the above speech to him, but he interrupted and came at me with some news of his own... The disintegration of Kasitu CDSS...I am not the only one leaving at the end of this term. The headmaster has been re-posted to another new secondary school, the deputy has been posted to a primary school, my fellow teacher Mr.Chimkoka left Friday for a new posting closer to his sick wife and Mr.Banda, my fellow librarian, is requesting to be reposted and waiting on a response from the District Education Manager leaving only 3 seasoned staff and whoever the district sends to replace those leaving(not including myself).It's hard for me to leave my students under these circumstances but I have to function at a level that is best for my community and I. I'm sure you are wondering about what i'm going to do with Martha and Chisomo...Well, duh! that's a no brainer they will come with me wherever I go. We're a team, a unit, and I can not leave them behind. I have secured them a space at a school near Dwangwa and if i'm placed in the boma then I will find a school for them there. Everything always works out and works out for a reason. So, this is my latest news, hope you enjoyed. I will be in and around town for the next 3 weeks(wow!! a long time I know, but this week I have to submit and defend a VAST grant for my girl's program, next week prepare for GRE, and the following week will be at training as a resource volunteer). Life is moving and moving to quickly for me to keep up with sometimes... Enjoying every minute though..

Hugs and love!

I recently recieved an email from a very good friend with some pretty good questions addressing how I feel now that I have been here a year...I decided to share these questions and answers with you, so enjoy!

Is it worth it?

At times I have to question just how worth it is to be here, to be doing what I’m doing. At the end of the day, I fall asleep knowing that it is worth it and worth so much more. I like to refer to this experience as the beautiful struggle. Everyday you face challenges that will test the strength of your character, your faith in humanity, your views on the world and the people that fill it, and even after all the questions and struggling you do in your mind, you see just how beautiful it is. It’s a beautiful thing to be a part of culture of people that care about the larger and not just the self. I always felt disconnected from the American culture because I was never rich enough or by American standards the most beautiful but here none of that matters. So, yes it’s worth it and I will do all over again if I had to.

Is it still exciting?

Yes and no. It’s crazy to think that this is my life now. I feel like I have taken both feet off American soil finally, no longer trying to balance between the two. Why? There’s no point, if I couldn’t grasp the fact that I’m living here then it will still be difficult for me to be here. Malawi is home for now and I treat it as I would treat life in the states. I go through my routine and do my work, enjoy time with friends and try to stay positive. I’ve learned that regardless of where you go, you will always be you at the end of the day so everything else is just added detail. There so much I want to see and do here that I’m sure moments of excitement will arise, I get excited about my projects, but now things just seem normal.

Yes, I have thoughts of is this really worth it but that thought is always followed by my own personal philosophy of helping just one is just as important as helping many. I may not be able to see the most tangible outcomes but the small things really do make a difference to me and it allows for me to feel that my work truly is meaningful.

My best moment…

there are far too many. I feel like everyday has a best moment tucked in it somewhere. My worst moment will definetley have to be the feeling that I have let my students, teachers, and school down by not continuing to teach next year. So as with everything, the good comes with the bad and you just have to roll with it.

There is a large possibility that I will extend. After being here a year I feel like I just got a grasp on things and now I want to experience the 2 years with the grasp that I have. It is part of the reason why I decided not to teach, I can focus on the gender development and not feel like in a year I wasn’t able to accomplish much. Now, in case I can’t extend I can see if it’s something that I do truly feel passionate about or something that is just a passing phase.

The only thing I would change about what I’m doing is, I don’t want to do this in the scope of being a volunteer. I want to make a career out of this and this volunteering thing is just a temporary fix to that. I don’t feel limited by it I just wish it could be more permanent.

In just a couple short weeks I will have been off the U.S soil for a year! Can you believe that a whole year has passed? I’m amazed, I can look back and be happy for all those times I wanted to throw in the towel and didn’t, I have really become a firm believer that you can do whatever you set your mind to as long as your willing to work for it. I figured I would use this email to share non-project related thoughts.

So here it goes…

A year…a year...wow, it’s been a year. After a year I should surely have more thoughts on life here or life in general. Before I came I was posed this question several times, this question being what I thought my purpose for coming to the Peace Corps, to Africa, was. At the time I couldn’t really answer and still couldn’t answer months into my service and even now still not sure I can, but I’ll try to explain more on where I think I’m heading, as always life can never be planned but too many things seem to pull me in this direction so maybe instead of going against it, I should just go with it.

It is not a hidden fact that I have been raised by a strong, beautiful, intelligent, hardworking, supportive, and understanding mother. Sometimes I think I may be crazy for being in such awe of my mother but she is amazing and for many years has not gotten the recognition she deserves. Growing up, I not only had my mother but a band of other strong, beautiful, intelligent and independent women guiding, supporting, loving me. These women in conjunction with my mother have shown me that I can do anything. I look at my girl friends, every single one of them has their own story, their own trials and tribulations, I’m in awe every time I see one of them reach down inside of themselves and pull out the strength that is needed to get through difficult situations. I see beautiful, young women fighting to find their place in this crazy, crowded place. I’m proud of them for not taking the easy road but challenging what society expects of them and continuing to work towards reaching their goals. Every single one of my girl friends has talents and skills and something that only she can share with the world. Just as all the women who have and continue to raise me have imparted knowledge on me, my friends have as well. I have learned a lot about life and myself through all these different relationships and what one has to offer is different from the next as we all have unique gifts to give. (Sorry if it seems like I’m rambling.) I have truly been blessed in the fact I have been surrounded by strong women because it allows for me to be a strong woman as well. I’m sure my point is in here somewhere…

A few weeks ago at school I was entering my form1 classroom and there was a knock at the door behind me. It was Cedric, the headboy, he had come to collect all the students who haven’t helped clean up around the school. As the students filed out, I began looking around the room and what did I see? More girls than boys. Now, I get on my students about gender equality when assigning chores. It’s coming along kamana kamana (slowly). Anyway, I was shocked but pleased and saddened at the same time. First, this is the first time that I ever taught a class here that was a majority of girls. I can say I had an aha! moment as my mind was doing cartwheels and flips because for once my girls are able to learn uninterrupted. For once, my girls are able to learn and not have to be worried about having to do some various chore. My girls could learn. Since becoming the “mother” of two girls and seeing all they do here, I have only gained a deeper respect for all my girls because damn! they do a lot of work on top of school, the odds are not in their favor but they find the strength from deep down inside to keep it moving. So as I was looking out on to the sea of girls’ faces and in between the “hell yeah this is awesome!” thoughts clicked. Perhaps my purpose is to encourage and lift up girls/women who are marginalized by society and provide them with the encouragement, tools and knowledge to reach whatever their goals are. I have been blessed and privileged to grow up and be surrounded by a group of strong women and now it is my responsibility to pass that along.

I have always been drawn to sharing my knowledge and skills with groups of women who are working hard at achieving their goals. From the women’s GED class I taught for in Nashville to my girls club in Malawi, I have always been in a position to pass on what I have learned from all the strong women in my life, the message of “you can do it.” Yes, this message has more weight than ever before, all the times I have been told I can do it, has made me want to do it, and do it; now its time for me to pass that same message along. The power of encouraging one another is amazing. Yes, I had to do all the work myself but knowing that there were several somebodys out there that believed in me and told me I could do it, made me work hard to do it.

You never know exactly where life will lead you, I’m okay with the idea that things can change and if they do, so be it. It took coming to Malawi, standing in front of a group of girls in a dilapidated class for me to realize how grateful and lucky I am for all the women who have encouraged and continue to encourage me. If you are a woman and receiving this email, thank you. I am me, without you I could not be. Africa, Malawi, has done wonders for my mind, body, and soul and will forever be grateful for this experience and someone believing in me enough to allow me to do this.

I hope this made sense, I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to express my thoughts completely, show me a person who can, but hopefully this gives you a better glimpse into the mind of me after 1 year in Malawi.

As always there is more….

I couldn’t just leave you hanging on the other happenings in my life. Projects, projects, projects! Oh my! Things are moving along smoothly. The Girls Leadership Academy has been given a facelift. After thinking about the purpose and what this experience is really suppose to be, I realized the name is not exactly what the program entitles. What’s in a name really? The Girls Leadership Academy is now known as Women2Women. The reason for the name change is because it’s not necessarily a place where girls are coming to learn leadership skills, I hope they do pick some up along the way, but it more about creating a space that invokes dialogue between the women involved. There are two aspects of this program-the girls and the mentors. Yes, another aspect has been added. After thinking some, I realized that I can run this program, teach all the girls skills, but there needs to be some on going support that I know I can not necessarily provide. The mentor program is an educational activity for women who have been identified by the volunteers from each village involved as women who are leaders and have the ability to continue the dialogue with girls involved along with educate others in their communities. These women will become gender development extension workers and will learn most of the same topics the girls are learning but to add on more about gender equality, what to do in certain situations(rape, domestic violence etc..) basically, just how they can be better role models and support systems for the girls in their villages. My sitemates-Natalie, Megan, and Melanie are all on board and providing me with support and serving as community liasions which I appreciate and grateful for because I can’t be in all places at once and just can’t do it alone. Melanie will be heading up the mentor program as I’m overseeing the girls program. We are hoping to have this be a test run and then continue with future workshops in each village and villages of other volunteers in the area. As of now, I’m just plugging away at finding funding and donations. October will be the sink or swim time as I’m juggling taking the GRE, being a resource volunteer for the new education group coming in(spend a week in training, letting them know they will survive and the chim is not that bad…hahaha) and in between there preparing my students for their national exams. The GRE is not as big of a priority as it should be, but I look at it as my students obtaining their MSCE which can have a huge impact on their future in terms of finding employment and continuing education, a much bigger impact than me obtaining a 2nd degree. I have options; they don’t at the moment but with their MCSE will have more. Camp Sky is coming along, after Women2Women , I’ll be in Lilongwe busy preparing for that and making sure things are in order. We have a site secured which is great and got a good rate for it seeing as finding funding is a bit hard being rough times and the strict guidelines and us just not fitting them. Life is busy…December is looking like a good monthJ Eunice is getting married! In December to her fiancé of 2 years. I’m quite excited and plan on being at the wedding. I asked her is she was happy about the decision or excited, she said she doesn’t know because she doesn’t know what it’s like to be married, she’ll tell me once it happens…haha. This means that she will eventually be moving from Kasitu which sucks for me but I can always visit her wherever she goes. I’m happy for her nonetheless. School is coming along, due to the grants and having to meet with higher ups in Lilongwe I have missed a couple more days than I want to but my fellow teachers are great and have been taking my lesson notes and teaching for me when I’m absent. I always check with my students to make sure they were taught, my teachers I think like to do it because they like the lesson notes that are being left for them(pretty much detailed down to the words they should say hahaha can’t come back to confusion). Martha and Chisomo are good. They are progressing in their English skills and I’m progressing in my Chitonga. We’re pretty n’sync when it comes to household things. We’re a team, they’re not my maids, when they have afternoon studies I take care of the washing of dishes and getting water. I clean my room and wash my clothes, I just don’t cook…haha, hey I have to draw the line somewhere…ok you know I can’t cook. Overall, life is progressing by quickly, to quickly for me some days. I can’t believe I made it a year and you have survived a year without me in your presence…I know it was hard for you, but its all worth it J

I’m going to quit rambling just wanted to get it all out while I can remember and ask any questions you have.

Xoxoxo Court

I have:

-Registered for the GRE in October

-Gotten a lot of work done

-Eaten enough good food to last me a month

-Enjoyed my time(as always)

-Laughed a lot

-Smiled more

And realized quite a few things...

*Malawi is not poor, it has quite a few resources that are poorly managed.

*My career path seems to become clearer everyday.

*I live in my own world, within in my own space most of the time.

*I enjoy Malawi, it has a lot to offer. Not focusing on the negative helps that.

*I don't really agree with pop culture or politics and don't over indulge in either.

*Decided that i'm going to be my own boss.

*Money is not my motivator, learning is.

*Good conversation is hands down the most gratifying thing.

O.K enough of that...

I'm done and going home...(to kasitu)

xoxox

Greetings! I hope this finds you all doing well. I’m getting ready to complete my much needed and wanted vacation. It has been a nice stress reliever and has allowed for me to get my thoughts organized as I come up on my third term of teaching. I figured I would take this email to share with you a few thoughts and some things that have occurred lately that I have been unable to share due to lack of time. So here it goes…

Highs and lows...

A low…

The day I was released from the hospital I received a phone call from Francis, the chairperson of the Kasitu AIDS Organization, informing me of the sudden death of Linily, the vice chairperson of KAO. In the past couple of weeks there have been several funerals (more than four I believe) but none really hit me as this one has. I attended a few of the funerals, not because I knew the person who has passed away but because it shows that I’m not just invested in my work but my community as well. Plus, I was told by my friend Edith that it makes me a “good woman” whatever that is supposed to mean. When the Kasitu AIDS Organization was formed and officers were chosen, all of those voting were confident in the skills that Linily had in order to assist the group reach its goals. Linily was actively involved in her community but also in her home not only caring for her child as a single mother but helping bringing in income to support her parents and siblings. I have been in awe of women for all that they do and hearing about the death of Linily just made me think that her community has just lost a key player in its’ development activities but the girls of the community have lost a great role model. The community is unsure of the cause of death and because there is no real explanations for her sudden death so many people believe it is witchcraft, others believe it may have been cerebral malaria, but I know that question will hang in the air. This is supposed to be the wedding season but for some reason it is the funeral season in Kasitu. The day after I left for vacation 4 children (one I believe to have been a form one student of mine but won’t be sure until I return to Kasitu) were hit by a car as the car was trying to swerve to miss a stone in the road and killed instantly. The driver was arrested on the spot and the people of Kasitu were pissed so they torched the car. My perspective on death has always been a bit different and even though I see it as just a natural part of life as birth, man, I wasn’t expecting to be overwhelmed with so many deaths in such a short time. It really shows you that life is short and too precious to waste time on bullshit (excuse my language).

A high…

My boarding students are amazing! Chisomo and Martha get up every morning around 5 and begin cleaning before preparing breakfast. It’s nice having them there, not necessarily for the conversation aspect but because they lift so much weight off my shoulders in terms of keeping my house in order. I say let’s have beans for dinner and it’s there, I ask if they can go to the market to pick up a few things and they go, it’s simply amazing.

Another high…

Camp GLOW was amazing! I taught a couple of classes focusing on self-esteem and IGA(Income Generating Activities). The energy was great and just what I needed to get me re-motivated and excited to return to my own work. The girls gained a lot of valuable experiences, my student Charity was smiling from ear to ear the entire time. Simply amazing…which made me realize that girls/women’s education and empowerment in sub-Saharan Africa seems to be pulling on me for a future career option. Hmm…maybe, but first grad school.

Another high…Vacation was amazing, I went to Senga Bay which is about 230K south of me for a couple days of relaxing on the beach. My friend Jazmian and I took a boat out to Lizard Island and had lunch and swam. Yes, there were lizards everywhere but they managed to keep their distance from me. I came back a bit sunburned but its ok and well worth it. I’m ready to head home to Kasitu, there’s nothing like your own bed.

Project Updates

Kasitu Primary School boarding facility is moving along at snail pace…well, everyone involved is on holiday. Prince has flown the coup and went to South Africa to find work and more money. He may be back in 6 months, he may not. The Primary Education Advisor Assistant has taken his place, so once we’re all back in Kasitu we will meet to discuss what to do next. My headmaster is a bit weary of the project just because the headmaster at the Primary School is a bit crooked and much rather have me bring electricity to his house ( my response when the Primary School Headmaster asked for electricity was “I’m not a miracle worker” haha, told him it takes a lot of time and energy to bring electricity somewhere and you already own a bar on the road with electricity you need to be more focused on bring electricity to your school not your home.) We shall see how this plays out. Eunice is still on board and that makes it worthwhile.The Girls Leadership Academy is coming along well. I have been able to lock in a location at the boarding girls’ secondary school about 30K from my house. The total cost for the facility, the cooks, and firewood comes out to about 16,500MK or $117 USD. A bunch of the beverages and snacks that are the leftovers from Camp GLOW will be donated which is fantastic seeing as it will get me under the $1000USD that is the maximum for applying for a mini-camp grant. The more I’m able to fundraise the easier it is. The Kasitu AIDS Organization suffered a blow with the death of Liniliy, but Augustine was voted in to take her place and we’re moving along. Francis and I, will head to the District Assembly in the boma (district center) on Friday to register the organization which will make it easier when it comes time to get funding or use of resources.Okay, that about sums it all up.

If you have questions as always feel free to ask.

Love,

Courtney

Greetings,

As you are reading this I hope you are doing well. It has been awhile since I last updated this but I guess that means I have a lot to write. The school term is coming to a close and unlike last term, this term has gone a lot smoother. Teachers seemed to work a little harder and show more dedication to their work. I'm not saying they miracuously became super teachers but the small improvements is enough to be grateful for. The teachers even got their exams done on time and exams are running better. I took the time this term to really get to know my fellow teachers and to get a better idea of what motivates them and their reasons for teaching. The teachers who actually enjoy their jobs are the ones who spend the most time at their job where as the ones who "fell" into teaching have a little(or a lot) less effort. I don't blame them, i've worked jobs I didn't enjoy and because I didn't enjoy it I put less energy into doing a good job. But you have to do what you have to do when you really don't have a choice. It's all about survival and even though the students are the ones to suffer, as a teacher and a trained one, I can't let my fellow teachers behavior effect how I work. The level of professionalism I would carry out in the states is the same here. As a trained teacher it would put my teaching training program and myself to shame to give less than what i'm capable of giving. Now what i'm capable of giving is different from others and when you move away from the comparisons you truly are able to focus on the task at hand. I can't focus on what the next person is doing because it will take away from what i'm suppose to do. To be honest not every education volunteer is meant to be a teacher and that's ok. I've come to realize that my training is what keeps me afloat in most situations and if I didn't have that training I would have folded a long time ago. Personally, after this I don't want to be a classroom teacher and i'm fine with that. It just doesn't fit my passion or hold my interest. I love using education in practical development such as teaching life skills because let's face it, when are students really going to have to know the difference between a gerund and infinitive besides for a test? Teaching students health, hygiene, business skills are practical and beneficial from the time they learn it on. Something I have learned while here is you have to do what makes you happy, both work and personal. I came in as a teacher but do TDF(Teacher Development Facilitator) work because its challenging but there is a sense of accomplishment that comes with it. I do community education projects because that is what i'm interested in and if I didn't have something that I was passionate about I would be one sad bird.

For me, my village makes me happy and I feel lucky(or blessed) to have the village that I do. I seriously think that I have the best village in Malawi, but i'm sure others will argue against that. My village is my family, they take care of me and check me when needed, they provide me with the support I need to not only be here but to do my work. My village reminds me of communities I belong to in the states and having the comfort of being in a community is not only something I value but something that I thrive off of. Now don't get me wrong, there are times that I need to get away but after a day or so I'm ready to go back. I'm starting to think or realize that the hardest part of service is not homestay or the first couple of weeks at site but it's the time when I will have to say goodbye and although i'm only 10 months in and still have 1 1/2 years to go, i'm already dreading the time that I will have to and i'm sure that will be the hardest part of my service.

I'm just about 10 months in and i'm glad that at the times I wanted to go home I stuck it out. I think this has by far been the longest and most consistent time of happiness and I know it's partially because of Malawi but more so the lessons that I have learned during my time here. These lessons will last a lifetime and the one that I currently value most is the act of thinking and serving others while still prioritizing yourself. For a long time I put others before me, I would mask my needs and wants to make sure the needs and wants of others were being met. I spent a lot of time putting others first but what sense does it make to put other people first in YOUR life? Especially, if they're not doing the same for you. I'm happy because I know my limits and stick to them, stay away from people I don't feel connected too(why waste time when there's no connection, use that energy in places where there is). I can't guarantee that I will feel this way in a month, week, day, or hour but for now it doesn't matter, i'm going to enjoy this moment. I've also come to accept that I really don't know what I want to do in the future. I use to be a planner but that all went out the window. Life is like an escalator, it's keeps going whether you get on or not and it's harder to go back than forward. Life is meant to be lived and not watched, do what makes you happy and who cares what others think or expect.

In 2 months we will welcome the new education group. Returning to the airport but being within the perspective of 'welcoming' and not 'welcomed' will bring about an array of emotions. I'm excited for the new group because 1. I will be considered a 2nd year volunteer which is a milestone and accomplishment in itself 2. because I can relate to how they are going to feel as they step off the plane and get wisked away to Dedza for training and begin this crazy but amazing experience they call Peace Corps Malawi.

At this point i'm ending my monologue, I hope you enjoyed reading and if you didn't, well it's a good thing you won't be forced to read it again...

Until next time,

Love and hugs from the Warm Heart of Africa!

xoxo

Courtney

As I get ready to ease on down the road back to Kasitu, just wanted to do a quick blog update. I hope all bridges and roads are intact so I can get back to site TODAY, I have a much overdue meeting with my bed this evening. My mom is amazing because she sends amazing packages...so thanks! My friends are amazing because they provide me the support and encouragement I need to make it through this and be a better person. I will update this soon with how my camp and workshops go and hopefully will have tons of pictures to share from the camp:)

until next time...

Peace, Love, and Hugs from the Wart Heart-

Court

Rest In Peace Kenney...Glad to know that you're in a better place.

Much love.

I'm not sure what's been happening lately, the awe factor of living in a village in Malawi has definetley rubbed off but right now I am content in the fact that this is my life. I have 6 months in and 20 or so months to go and although I wish the excitement and awe factor were as strong as they were when I first arrived, I can happily say that the challenges and moments of realization that i'm dealing with are most welcomed. My 6 months here have caused me to ask myself more questions then I thought possible in such a short time. The idea of going home before my time is up does not really linger in my head because really, it's not a possibility. I've made a committment to the people i'm serving along with a committment to myself that no matter how tough it may get, i'm strong enough and determined enough to stick it out. Life is not bad here, learning about yourself, what you're capable of, putting trust in the unknowns you wouldn't have put trust in before, and in general just being is the most challenging part for me.

I received a prayer calendar in the mail, by far the most helpful thing I have gotten. I took down all the verses and each day I will randomly select a verse, look it up in my bible, and try to focus on what that lesson is. I can't how amazing this has changed my perspective, my ability to cope, and my ability not to lose focus on the bigger picture. It never seems to fail that the verse I randomly choose is so fitting for what i'm feeling at that moment. I have always viewed religion as a personal thing, I have my views you have your views, and really when it all comes down to it, it doesn't matter what your views are because i'm still going to have my views at the end of the day. Reading and reflecting passages has allowed for me to learn and question the actions I have towards those around me. I feel that we all have things that we need to work on and everyday is a constant learning experience, but learning about yourself and challenging yourself by far is probably going to be the biggest thing that I take from here.

Prior to coming to Malawi, I have always been a planner. I knew from my freshman year in college I wanted to be a Peace Corps volunteer. I made it happen and just as I have made this happen, I know that whatever I decide to do in the future it will happen but for now i'm going to enjoy this ride we call life that i'm on, stay in the moment and stay grounded.

A friend of my mine from middle school was recently killed while serving our country in Afghanistan. Please keep his family and friends in your prayers.

Chris-forever a hero. you will be missed, thank you.

Headed back to site on Saturday only to find out I couldn't get there...

Carolyn and I left Lilongwe Saturday morning, amped up to get back to site. We head to area 25 and about 20minutes get picked up by a nice British woman who was a former VSO(British Peace Corps) in Malawi in the early 90s. We get to Salima the turnoff point for the road going north to our sites around 10 and decide to eat lunch in Salima before heading home. We were making great time and didn't feel the need to rush. About 11 we head back to the roadblock that has the road going north and wait. About 15minutes pass before a police officer informs us that there is no travel up the M5 as the bridge has been washed out along with parts of the road. Hmmm....well Carolyn and I are bummed but figured out our back up plan. We hitch back to Lilongwe with a nice guy that works for the electric company and decide to head north to Mzuzu. We may not be able to go up the M5 but we could come down, hopefully. After 5 rides we finally make it to Mzuzu around 7:30pm. Our plan to sleep there at the Peace Corps respite house and then leave early the next morning. We head to the AXA bus station the next morning and are told that no buses are going down the M5 due to the roads. We dismissed what they said and decided to try our luck anyway. We get a hitch to Nkhata Bay which is the turnoff to the take the M5 south. The police officers told us that no one is traveling as far as where we need to go, but then again people could be wrong. We wait about 2 1/2 hours, no traffic, and realized that maybe they were right. We call our supervisor who told us that if we could we should come back down to Lilongwe and we can figure out a plan once at the office. So Carolyn and I, head back to Mzuzu. We stopped in the store and luckily ran into the guy that gave us a hitch to Mzuzu the day before. He was heading back to Lilongwe that day and said that he would give us a ride. Perfect! We travel comfortably back to Lilongwe. Today Carolyn and I, talked to the our other boss and was told to take the Kasungu rd(which technically is off limits because it goes through the wildlife reserve and we're not allowed to go there but I guess it's ok in this circumstance)so tomorrow we are going to try our luck again and take that route over to the M5. After travelling over 1000 kilometers(which may not seem like much but try doing it relying on rides from other people), paying 390kwacha total in transport(free rides most of the way!), lack of sleep, stability, and solid meals, I have learned a valuable lesson. I will never complain about being stuck in traffic because at least there is a road to be stuck on. Next time you're stuck in traffic remember this story. I'm not sure when the bridge will be fixed and once I can get to site it won't matter much anyway. :)

Love,

Court

p.s please laugh it is quite funny that out of the two people who are stuck OUT of their sites, it's probably the two people who would want to be stuck IN their sites.

1. Why don't we see more minorities participating in service-related things?

2. The whole world is currently like a dirty toilet, we all just need to give it a good flush. Quit complaining and do something.

3. Why does everyone look to Barack Obama to be a one-man show? The last time I checked there were over 6 billion people on the planet. i.e we must work together.

Ok...see not many. But damn, these things have been on my mind more than usual lately.

Think about it.

Keep thinking.

Ok. quit thinking and start reading. Life in Malawi, is great. People are really friendly for the most part and my village is great. I wish I had more to say but life is simple, chill, laidback, etc. Time is passing quickly and i'm not sure if this is a good or bad thing just yet. If you have questions, ask otherwise check back later for more juicy material.

peace.love.hugs

from the warm heart of africa!

Chapter One: Village Life

I was a little unsure about my village in the beginning. They always say it takes time to intregrate into your community and for the people to get use to you. But, I replaced a volunteer, and this volunteer was well liked. I could not get the kids to stop calling me Peggy(which is suppose to be Paige but they really couldn't pronounce it) and even though I would tell them in Chichewa "Dzina Courtney osati Peggy" (My name is Courtney not Peggy) they would continue to chant it as they followed behind me. The older folks would greet my in Chitonga and when I would fumble with the words, they would shake their heads as if there was no hope for me. I was worried...really worried. I thought that "man, if I can't get these folks to like me, how can I expect them to work with me?" But, I slapped a smile on my face one day and returned to the same restaurant Jenn, Tim, Natalie and I ate at on Christmas day and decided to chat with Edith, the owner. That was probably the best decision I have made to date in Malawi. I have met so many people in my village by sitting on the porch of Edith's restaurant. People have warmed up to me significantly and now call me Courtney and not Peggy. My Chitonga has improved(there's still ways to go) and having and being a part of community has definetley boosted my mental state ten fold. I absolutely love my village now!! I like being able to leave but even now i've only been in Lilongwe since yesterday but i'm ready to go back. I am definetley happy in Kasitu and glad I was placed there. Oh, and i'm sure the lake helps with the happiness factor. Daily RoutineMany of you have written and said you're curious to know what my day is like. Well, its like any other day, pretty normal, nothing too out of the ordinary happens. I wake up somewhere around 5:30am. I heat up some water in a teapot on my paraffin stove and do the previous night's dishes or other little things around the house until the water is hot. I take a bafa around 6:15am and get ready for school. I try to be out of my house by 7 because school starts at 7:30am most days. I'm at school from 7 until 2ish and then I head home. I eat some type of snack because well, let's face it, i'm no Rachel Ray and cooking is just not my thing so I prefer to make something easy in the afternoon and save the cooking for in the evening. After I eat a snack I do various chores around the home. I have designated Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday as "fetching water from the borehole days", some days I will take my dishes down to the lake to wash if there is no collected water from the rain. I sweep my house daily, wipe everything down, and generally try to keep things clean. Sundays before church, I take my clothes down to the lake to wash them, unless it has rained because then the crocs come out(supposedly) and I decided I shouldn't find out for myself. Around 4ish I head over to Edith's restaurant and chat it up with folks. There's quite a few younger folks(think mid-20s) here, some are teachers at the private school up the road, others are just here. We all tend to gravitate towards Edith's and hangout and chat for awhile. Around 6ish, i'll head home. I take a bafa(I leave my bucket of water out in the sun all day to warm it up so I don't have to waste paraffin heating up water), begin dinner preps, and then figure out if I need to do anything for school. I do everything by candlelight and I must say that having candlelit dinners every night is quite romantic even if i'm eating alone. Around 8:30 or 9 depending on when I finish doing what i'm doing, I head to bed. I read for a bit but am usually asleep by 10pm. Right there is the typical day in the life of Courtney Wright Nyankaunda(my village Tonga name...supposedly everyone has to have one and it means 'woman' given to me by a friend).

My School

The first week of school was 4 weeks ago. I was excited, woke up with butterflies, put on my little teacher outfit and walked the 100m to the school. I was ready to teach. The only problem was there were no students! The students did not come because they were still waiting on the results from their end of term exams that determine whether they can move up to the next level or not. The government was a bit delayed on getting the results out, so technically school didn't start for another week. But I made the most of that time and did some lesson planning. The school, it's not like the schools you think of in America. My Form 1(freshman), there are 52 of them. They sit on the floor because there are no desks and the walls are scribbled with graffitti. It's hot and there are only these little circular cut outs for windows. I'm not sure how they are able to learn in that environment but for the most part they do. But all that scribble has got to be distracting. I have one english book for my form 1s so I use it as a guide and do a lot of writing on the board and flip chart paper. My form 2s(sophmores) well every teacher has a bad class..this is mine. I have 72 form 2s and most of them sit crammed, 3 to a desk. I also only have one book for that class. Many of the students are repeaters because they failed the exam, so technically I would only have 50 form 2s. My form 3s(juniors) are awesome! They have passed the exam and moved onto the next round. I have 23 but only 3 girls and there are enough desks for them to only sit 2 to a desk. My form 4s are awesome as well! 3 girls there too..but it's cool i'm determined to make sure these girls pass the MSCE(Malawi Senior Certificate Exam) and have more options available to them then just getting married and having babies. It is hard to motivate students to come to school in my community because we're right on the lake and in the lake is fish and fish is money. So easy money. Why come to school when you can go out in a dugout canoe and catch fish? Hopefully, I can motivate enough students to think differently, but then again i'm happy if I motivate just one.My fellow teachers...I refer to them as the Godfathers because i'm pretty sure they would take anyone down if they messed with me. They buy me cold sodas and cookies, invite me to their homes to eat, and generally make sure that i'm ok. I wish their own motivation in school was a bit higher but then again I can't force grown men to do something they don't want to do. I try to lead by example and it actually worked. The first day of school I showed up at 7am. School starts at 7:30a but there's an assembly at 7:15a. None of my fellow teachers were there, so I just waited. After a little bit they start showing up. Well after they found out I have been there since 7, they have made it a point to beat me to school(well most of them) so now they come in around 6:30a or a little before 7. So everything really does work out in the end...for now. Overall, school is challenging but it is a welcomed challenge and my students are more comfortable with me and my American english. My students help me a lot and like to come by and chat to work on their english. I try to have fun with them in class once a week and at first it was bit hard for them but slowly they're catching on, beginning to smile more, laugh some, and enjoy learning. I'm not a saint worker or a miracle worker but i'm quite impressed by the drive of my students and hope that I can help continue their drive even further.

Friends

Friends...how many of us have them? I do! I have some of the best friends in my village. Edith is the one i'm closest to. She teaches me Chitonga and I teach her english. I'm going to help her study for the MSCE so she can retake it and pass. I have adopted her daughter Charity...well not technically. But Edith feeds the two mentally handicapped people and the homeless man in my village for free, which causes her to lose money. I didn't want them not to eat and I didn't want Charity to miss out on nursery school because her mother was feeding people for free, so I took on the cost of her fees. For the lost price of 500 kwacha(about 4 USD) a month, you can send a Malawian child to nursery school( well, that's what the infomercial would say). It's well worth it, and really what's $4 between friends. Plus, she occassionally feeds me too. So it really works out for everyone. Then there's Hassan. He really reminds me of my twin. His love for music and sense of humor definetley make me think of you Nick(and you better be writing me a letter or I will replace you with Hassan..haha). Hassan has given me a tour of the village, taken me to the hotspring, helps me with my Chitonga, and is the chairman of the HIV/AIDS awareness group in this area which i'm now advising. He speaks good english and is pretty cool to hangout with. The Stokes family...by far the most giving people I have met. And there's a whole story behind this so get ready to read.... One day I was sitting on Edith's porch chatting away when some soccer players approached. They were getting ready to head back to Dwangwa as the game just ended and stopped by Edith's. I had my water bottle and they asked for some water, so I shared and didn't think too much of it. We chat, they catch transport and head back. Well, later that week I head to Dwangwa to do some shopping and run into George. George was one of the soccer players I shared some water with. Well, he tells me I must meet his family because I was nice to him and his family lives close so it won't be too long. A Malawian's close is not really close as this was a good 20 min bike taxi ride away. I get to his family's home expecting some thatched roof hut only to be surprised that it's a house! A house with electricity!! His father is a farm manager with Illovo Sugar Company and his mother does wholesale stuff. Pretty well off indeed. They welcomed me into their home, gave me cold cokes, fed me rice, chicken, and green beans and we all hung out and watched movies. Not bad and all that from simply being nice. They invite me over all the time now, and when I can find some time i'll take up the offers. I have definitely found that I enjoy being around my friends from the village much more than some of my fellow volunteers. Don't get me wrong, it's nice to be around an American, but it seems like now after living in a village, I have more in common with my village friends because we can talk about the different things that are happening in our lives in the village whereas with other Americans, well, we have being American in common and after being out of America the common becomes a little more distant...but being an American does count for something. Don't get me wrong, I do have some friends from the Peace Corps(who I enjoy immensely and if these were the only english speakers in country I would have no problem with it and that includes you Jenn) but i'm realizing more and more that I have to make this an experience for myself and really can't make the experience fulfilling for others so I have quit trying to make others happy and began focusing on my own happiness and that, my friend, is key. I'm totally content being in my own world as long as i'm happy and it's worked so far so i'm going to continue doing it.

Anyways, life in Kasitu aka Tongaland is definitely great and I can't complain about anything. Malawi is a pretty great place to be as a volunteer and I hope that it continues to go well from here until the time I leave.

It's all about making life work for you and so far it's working pretty well for me.

Heading back to the village tomorrow, back in Lilo in a month or so....so until then

Love and hugs from the Warm Heart of Africa!

Just want to wish everyone a blessed, stress-free, happy, healthy, and safe New Year!!! I'm heading back to my village tomorrow so if you want to get in contact with me use the #. Otherwise, i'll be back in a month or so to update you on the happenings in Tongaland.

Much love,

Courtney

Today marks 3 months in country. Wow! some days it really feels like i've been here a lot longer and other days it feels like I just stepped off the plane. I thought I would use this email to share with you some of the lessons that I have learned so far that I know will carry me through the rest of my life. Hopefully, they may be beneficial to you as the new year approaches. Probably the most important lesson I have learned so far and the one I have learned most recently. As I stated in a previous email my friend Jenn was in a car accident. Well, she had to have surgery to have her spleen removed, a breathing tube put in because a few of her broken ribs pierced her lungs, and will have a long road to recovery ahead and most likely will prevent her from coming back to serve as a volunteer(but I still have hope and my own selfish reasons that she will have a speedy recovery so she can come back and join me in the warm heart of africa). I received an email from her father and was told that despite everything that happened she is still in good spirits and the doctors have told them she is smiling. She smiling because she is alive. As gruesome as this seems it was a reality check for myself. I have been afforded the opportunity to do something that many others are not, and even though some days are harder then others, i'm still breathing, i'm still doing what I want to do, and that in itself is something to smile about. I have settled with the idea that i'm going to allow myself to be sad, angry, etc..but at the end of the day i'm going to allow myself to smile as well because I made it through yet another day. I realize that it's ok to experience a range of emotions that's life, but I must never forget to count the blessings I have. Everyday here I have a constant reminder of the privledge I have as an American. Despite what the conditions are in the states at this present time, there are social support systems in place to help those that need it. Here there is not. Malawi is underdeveloped not because the people choose to be but because the people need to focus on survival before they can even think about focusing on development. Although people in the states have to focus on survival, there are places where meals can be given, and even though a meal may seem small that is one less thing you have to worry about for that moment. Never take advantage of all that you have because there is someone out there that has less then you. Trust me, I see it everyday.Patience is a virtue...so true! I have became use to waiting. Not so much because I want to, but because I have to. Things aren't quick here and sometimes you have to wait to get things done. I have met some pretty cool people while waiting. But there is also a story behind this is well. Natalie and I were going into Dwangwa, local larger market, to do some shopping. Well, instead of waiting on the 9am AXA bus we hop on the back of a matola. The only thing it was raining and Dwangwa is 30k. So, we're riding on the back of the matola(pick up truck) in the rain when we could have just waiting 30 more min for the bus. Our first thoughts are "I wonder how long it will be before we get sick for doing that?" When we finally got to Dwangwa we were drenched and looked like sad lost dogs. We headed over to a little restaurant for tea to warm up and wait out the rain. This was the first week at site and we were starving so we decided to order breakfast. While waiting the woman who took our orders saw that we were cold so she grabbed a chitenje and wrapped me in it and grapped a knit sweater for Natalie. The kindness of the people here is not something that you will find in the states...moving along to my next point.Being nice is not hard! A smile can go a long way and being pleasant doesn't hurt either. I can't count the amount times my mood has been lifted because of the kindness of a stranger. They know i'm not from here, they don't know why I came, they don't know long I will be here, but they are still nice to me. I'm an easy target at times as a person to take advantage of but people generally care. Just simply that, they care. It doesn't take much effort to care, it doesn't take much time, and really it makes you feel just as good. Living in poverty here is not like living in poverty in the states. But I realize of how little I can live off and how happy I can be. I have no electricity, no running water, no computer, no tv, but I still have moments of enjoyment just as I would have in the states. The moments of enjoyment are not coming from mindless objects but from people. No one can ever replace my family or friends back home, I have adjusted to the idea that I'm not here to make bestfriends, if I find a few good friends that's awesome, but the conversations that I have had with people both Peace Corps and non-Peace Corps have been more enjoying then some of the activities that require such luxuries as electricity. So I guess my point here is really take advantage of having conversation. Take the time to talk to people, your neighbor, co worker, a person in line. You may be surprised what you get from it. Plus, there's nothing like having solid relationships with those you love, so why not take advantage of having a conversation and spending time with them instead of watching tv. Last but certainly not least(i'm sure there will be more to come) never, ever, take advantage of having family and friends surrounding you. I have had little contact besides letters here and there with loved ones and it has been rough. But it has also made me grow in appreciation for those relationships. You never realize what you have until its gone, and technically you all aren't gone but it's a close to gone as I ever want to experience. I have been blessed in having a great, supportive, and loving family and group of friends. No one can ever replace you all, trust me I try to throw extra folks in the mix but the history is just not there. That history is what makes our relationships so unique. We all have interlocking stories that have created me into who I am now. I can never take or change that, but because of it I'm forever grateful. I know there are times where people just don't feel like being bothered, hell, I like having some me time every once in awhile, but after this experience so far I have realized how lucky I am to have such a good group of people surrounding me. And knowing and learning this will be something that I hope not to take for granted in the future. There are people out there with no one, or maybe just one, I have been lucky enough to have a plethora of people with all different experiences that I can learn from, instead of looking at a person and trying to figure out what their flaws are look at them and figure what gift they are giving to the world. Enjoy the people around you because of who they are, as an individual, and not who you expect them to be. I have been blessed and continue to be blessed to have all you. I'm looking forward to hearing all the stories you all will have in this upcoming new year.

Greetings and timoneni from Lilongwe!!! I have been at site for about 2 1/2 weeks and taking a break to restock and to grab books to help prepare me for my school term. Since I didn't leave site for Christmas, i'm allowed to hang out in Lilongwe for the week, which is nice! I love my site, it's gorgeous, the people are friendly, and i'm looking forward to teaching english to all four forms(about 200 students) but coming to Lilongwe gives me a chance to refuel, get mail, check email, update this blog, and regain some sanity(haha). A lot of people believe that homestay is the hardest part of service....I may say that this is true in some cases. Homestay provides a big security net-meals provided, surrounded by Peace Corps training staff, and other volunteers. Although, it is difficult adjusting to life in a new country, homestay is comforting but tough. I don't think it's so tough it will make you reconsider the reasons why you decided to join the Peace Corps but I guess it's all in the attitude you take as well. Moving to site has been a lot harder then homestay. You have to prepare your own meals, you have to plan your own schedule, you no longer have the comforting, security net from homestay but the upside is you finally get to begin your service(The reason why I came). Being away from home for the holidays was a bit rough. This is not my first holiday away from home but the lack of communication and time difference makes it hard to have lengthy phonecalls, especially after being on village time. I'm not going to lie, I had some serious doubts about being able to complete service but everyone does. It comes with the territory, it's how you learn to cope and make most of your situation that really matters. I look around me, sure the village was here before me and will be here after me, but the simple interactons I have with children, the women or men of the village can't happen without me(or another volunteer). I didn't come to Malawi to tell folks how to live their lives, I came to help them figure out ways to make their lives easier. To help provide them with more choices then what they had before, even if it's just one more choice because that's one more then they had. I have already gained so much from my interaction that I feel what I have contributed thus far and plan to contribute in my next 2 years can't even compare. There are ups and downs to everything, but remembering the reason, the purpose, and all that you did to get this far, is a good enough reminder to keep it movin. I'm enjoying my time here in Malawi, I am getting to know some awesome folks both Peace Corps and non-Peace Corps. Anyways, if I think of more to write before I leave Lilongwe but until then- peace, love, and hugs from the warm heart of africa!

To access pictures from my time in Malawi thus far follow these steps:

go to: www.snapfish.com

login: courtneycwright@gmail.com

password: malawi

the album is entitled "Warm Heart of Africa"

Enjoy!

Heading off to site tomorrow and will be back in Lilongwe some time after the new year so expect a more detailed update then...

xoxo

Happy Holidays!

Court

Whoa! What a ride these past two months have been! I'm am excited, anxious, and ready to get to site and begin my life as a volunteer. For the past two months, I have been in training to prepare myself for 2 years of service and I must say that training has made all the difference. From the language and technical training to homestay, I can't complain about anything. But then again it depends on your approach. I have taken a pretty relaxed, go with the flow attitude which has made everything easier. Some times I think people forget that we are living in one of the poorest countries in the world and that less than 7% of the population has electricity. Things happen, people are late, but really what do you have to do that is so pressing that you can't wait? I do nothing in a rush and really just try to take it moment by moment. Each day brings new surprises and new experiences that I appreciate more and more. I'm not going to lie, that first week in homestay I was questioning whether or not this is the right place for me. But, that has quickly changed as I have gotten to know more Malawians, formed closer relationships with a few people in my group, and of course chatting with the Peace Corps training staff helps. :)

Anyways, I will have time tomorrow to upload some pics and spill out more details.

xoxoxoxoxox

Just a quick update:

As of 12pm tomorrow, I will officially be a Peace Corps volunteer!!!

I plan on updating this with more information once I have some time in the next couple of days...

Love, Peace, and Laughter~

Court

CoCo

or Cornaley(my malawian name hahaha)

I made it safely to South Africa and will be heading to Malawi early tomorrow morning. I'm exhausted! But love it here:) I won't have email access for a couple months so please send letters!!! Love you all...

Peace and love,

Courtney

Courtney Wright, PCT

Peace Corps/Malawi

Box 208

Lilongwe, Malawi

Africa

mark letters with air mail and par avion

In less than 12 hours I will be on a plane heading for Philly where i'll be until I depart for S.Africa on Sunday. I'm ready, i'm at peace, and i'm hopeful that this experience will bring me a deeper appreciation for all aspects of life. Thank you again Bridgette for the wonderful going away party and thank you to all the people that came and made my last couple days in the states for 2.25 years a memorable one. I will carry your love and support with me as I continue on my journey.

I love you and will miss you all dearly(this is for ALL my friends near and far) and will see you later!

Please write!!!

(I'm not sure when i'll update this again, please keep me in your prayers and remember- NO NEWS IS GOOD NEWS!)

Mom-

Not sure when you'll read this but please know that you have instilled in me the confidence, common sense, motivation, determination, and love to make this happen. I will miss you the most but know that I will be seeing you sooner than later. Please take care of Mr.Carrot and Goopy(I will get them off your hands when I get back..haha), continue to do things that make you happy, and most of all please don't over-worry about me. I'm fully capable of handling this especially because I know I have the love and support of a mother like you. Couldn't have asked for more.

Love always,

Court

I finished packing today! well pretty much...still have a few things to put in my suitcase but it's all ready to go. Tomorrow i'll be taking my cats to get groomed( a must if my mom will keep them...haha love you mom) and helping Bridgette get things ready for my going away party. I finally followed my mom's advice and took care of everything ahead of time so next week when it gets down to the wire, i'll be able to relax. The days seem to be going by faster with the anticipation of next Friday and my mind is still running in a million and one directions but atleast i'm a little more relaxed.

I just got home from spending the last couple of days in Portland with my twin brother Nick. I enjoyed myself but had the lingering thought that these will be the last moments we share together for a couple years. We won't be able to call and harrass eachother or provide support when needed. Although I have two other brothers that I love dearly, there is nothing like having a twin. We came in the world together and shared our worlds way before our grand entrance. We're more then just siblings, we're friends and saying goodbye was pretty hard. I was quite surprised that I didn't cry, I watched him from the escalator as he got back on the Max to head home and just told myself "2 years is not forever and he'll be o.k." I got a chance to see his life in Portland and feel comfortable knowing he has a security net of loving friends to keep him in line and provide the support he'll need. I'm getting pretty good at these goodbyes and I think I have cried once(he knows) but I just tell myself that it's time for me to live my life. This is something that I have wanted to do since I got to college, it's something I have researched and researched, and just as I was sure about other things in my life I couldn't have been more sure of this. This is where my heart is leading me and God is telling me to go. Many people have asked me would I be able to come home if I wanted to, of course. I'm not a prisoner, but every time I hear that question I think to myself"why would I come home?" I see this as a challenge and if you know me, you know that I don't back down from a challenge. Life has not always been the easiest and from the struggle comes triumph, I know that this experience just as the past ones, will shed a whole new light on how I view the world, the people around me, and what it is exactly I want out of life.

As I wrap up these next 10 days, I can't help but contemplate each moment when it happens. I think more deeply about how funny life can be at times, how in a year i'll be looking at the same moon but from a different perspective, how those that have brought me comfort and laughter will be thousands of miles away, and how I think too much about the moment and trying to appreciate it that i'm not actually in the moment and living it. As I challenge myself, I present a challenge to you. Many times in life we get caught up in the day to day life, going through the motions, but never really stop to think if this is making us happy. Do what makes you happy, if you're in relationship that makes you unhappy-leave, if you don't like your job-quit, don't like your living situation-move. Don't waste precious time in a preventable situation, don't sacrifice you're happiness for a possibility of future happiness. Enjoy happiness in the moment because there is no guarantee that there will be happiness in the future.

I made it back to Chicago in record time Sunday evening. I was lovingly greeted by my awesome mommy and cute kitties :) I unpacked my car and wanted to show my mom all the great gifts I received from my job(I love them and provide such great inspiration for me!) and as I was telling her I wanted to show her something, her first guess was an engagement ring! Haha, not quite there yet, but one of the many creative tactics she uses to keep me here. She supports me wholeheartedly and I think she is secretly getting excited about buying me things for this trip(is it a trip? I think more like a short but kind of long term move)(it's kind of like a scanvenger hunt trying seek out all the things that will help me survive life in Africa). I'm her only daughter and we provide pretty good support for eachother, so I can understand where she is coming from. I know she knows deep down that I'm capable to taking care of myself and making good decisions, but is still afraid of the endless things that can happen to me an ocean away. I try not to think of those things because it will drive me nuts, plus I don't think about them here so why stress myself out? Anyways, I've been having a hard time sleeping or staying asleep at night. I'm anxious and excited and my mind runs in a million and one directions. I think of all the things I have to get and all the things I want to see, all the people I want to spend time with, and of course hanging out with my mom as much as possible. This weekend my mom and I are going to Kenosha to do some shopping, I think I have my list down to the things I need, but find myself adding on daily. Today I bought bug repellent, fogger to kill bugs in my house, a heavy duty poncho, a battery charger and extra battery for my camera. Yesterday I bought my luggage and backpack, a few books off Amazon, and a sarong skirt.Malawi is conservative and long skirts are a must but no one sells long skirts anymore! So I ordered one off of Amazon to see how it is, if it's good i'll be another one or two or three...I'm sure tomorrow i'll find something else to buy. I have about 3 weeks to get everything together, but for some reason it doesn't seem like a lot of time. Plus, i'm looking forward to spending 5 days in Portland,OR with my twin, so that narrows it down to about 2 1/2 weeks of gettings together. I don't know if i'll be able to handle being this excited and anxious for the next 3 weeks.

Tomorrow I will be leaving Nashville to head back home to Chicago. All of this is a little bit surreal and I can't believe that in less than a month I will be heading out on a flight that will take me to a whole new world. Yesterday was my last day of work at The Campus for Human Development(a non-profit, rooted in faith that serves the homeless of Nashville) and a pretty sad one. Most people rejoice at the idea of having a last day and never having to turn back to a job that was mindless, boring, not challenging, etc... but I truly enjoyed my job. It's interesting place because it is impossible to be an employee and not feel like you're part of a family. We have celebrated milestones of obtaining housing, staying sober, or asking and seeking out the help for sobriety, we have bonded together during times of sorrow when we have lost a member to the streets or a relapse. There are times of frustration, anger, sadness, joy, and happiness, and through all those times, there is someone whether employee or participant(the term that is used to for the homeless we serve because they are active participants in the services provided) that is there to share it with you. It's hard to think about the participants that I have met and formed relationships with over the year will no longer be active parts in my life, I'm scared for what may come to them (life on the streets isn't easy) but I know there are people working at the Campus that will make sure their lives are a little bit easier, that they will experience love, hope, and redemption for each day is a new one and with each new one there is another chance to make change.

"And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you. " -Matthew 17:20

Am I nervous? Hmmm... honestly not really nervous more anxious then anything. I have been waiting for this opportunity for what seems like forever, i'm excited to partake on this journey or next chapter in my life. As each day passes, I anticipate this upcoming experience, daydreaming about all the things I will do, learn, and the challenges I will overcome. My mind is running in a million and one directions and one of these days I will be able to focus enough to accomplish some things on my to-do list. I have 6.2 days left at work, 1.5 weeks in Nashville, about 3 weeks at home with my mom and friends, and even though I had since March to get things together, I didn't want to do anything too soon seeing as nothing is guaranteed until i'm on a plane heading to Africa.

As I slowly prepare for this 2 year adventure, I think about all the things that i'm actually prepared for and all the things that i'm sure will be a major challenge. I know i'm capable of teaching(Thank you Vandy/Peabody!), I know I have the capabilities to be empathetic towards those i'm around, I know that I will be able to accept the good with the bad and the people that come with both, I know I will be able to open my heart to those around me and care about them as if I known them forever(Thank you Mom), I know I will be able to practice patience and flexibility being ready for anything at any moment(Thank you Brandon, Chris, and Nick), I know that I will be able to be a good listener along with being able to open up and trust(Thank you Tabatha and Joe), I'm capable of believing there is still innocence in this crazy world(Thank you Briauna and Shaun), Capable of relying on support and providing it(Thank you friends).

I'm excited about this journey and more excited that I will have you(or maybe not) experiencing it with me.

57 Days to go!!

Since many of you only heard of of Malawi because Madonna adopted a baby from there, here's some more information about the place i'll be calling home for the next 27 months.

Malawi is a small country, about the size of Indiana, in southeast Africa. It is bordered by Zambia to the west, Tanzania to the north, and Mozambique to the east. It has a sub-tropical rainy season(Nov.-May) and a dry season (May-Nov.)It has an estimated population of 13,931,831 note: estimates for this country explicitly take into account the effects of excess mortality due to AIDS; this can result in lower life expectancy, higher infant mortality, higher death rates, lower population growth rates, and changes in the distribution of population by age and sex than would otherwise be expected about 900,000 people are living with AIDS.It is about 80% Christian, 13% Muslim, and 7% otherI will be living 8 hours ahead of CST.Chichewa is the officially language, an spoken by about 58% of the population.The GDP is $800 in comparison to $45,800 in the US. (Thanks Jeff, now I sound smart)It is known as the "Warm Heart of Africa" for the happy and peaceful people.If you have more specific questions feel free to ask!

Just so you know..

I'm in Nashville until the end of August. My last day of work is the 29th, my friend is having a Labor Day/Farewell BBQ on the 30th and i'm driving back to Chicago the 1st. Spending the 10th til the 15th in Portland (with the twin) and back to Chicago until the 26th. I hope I get a chance to see everyone before I leave :)

My departure for Malawi is exactly 2 months from today. Do I feel like i'm prepared? Not at all. Although I know I am mentally ready for this challenge, I feel like since I have 2 months I have plenty of time to get everything ready but at the same time the past 4 months since I found out about my invite to Malawi have flown by. I've started purchasing things I need, slowly but surely paying off my debt, and patiently waiting for my last day of work, my move back to Chicago, and eventually my departure for Africa. To give you a better idea of the process that I went through to get here, here's a timeline of happenings from the first time I submitted my application.

Mar.2006-->submitted application to become PCV

Apr.2006--> Received a letter from the PC stating they were freezing my application because my intended departure date(6/2007) was over 9 months away.

Late September 2006--> resubmitted application

Oct.2006-->Interview with PC recruiter

Nov.2006-->offered a nomination to become a PCV, the rest is dependent on medical/legal/dental clearance

Dec.2006-->take the steps to get medical clearance; become legally cleared

June 2007--> Finish paperwork from optomotrist

July 2007--> Medical paperwork comes back; have to redo some blood work because the doc ordered the wrong test

Sept.2007-->Finish paperwork for dental clearance

Nov.2007-->update expired pap smear due to PC 1 year expiration policy

Dec.2007--> Medically/Dentally cleared

Mar.2008-->Received call from Placement officer wondering if I could speak any romance languages...only to find out the program I was nominated to in July was for a french-speaking western Africa country. Needless to say, I'm not heading that way.

Late Mar.2008--> Received invite to Malawi for Sept. 2008

Now i'm just waiting to get shipped out. Sometimes it takes longer for individuals and sometimes it's less, but it all depends on how quick you are about getting the things they need to them.

More will be posted soon...