Have you ever had a moment when something that didn't compute in your mind suddenly made perfect sense? I just had one of those moments - and it blew my mind.

Here's the gist of it - I decided to become an English teacher because I thought I had something to contribute - namely, I had a theory that anyone could learn how to write well, as long as they approached an essay like a mathematical formula - understanding each piece of the whole, and exactly how to put it together so it worked well. But everything I've been learning in my program so far has been claiming that the opposite is true - that students don't follow set formulas when they write, and that giving them a formula to follow only inhibits them. I didn't know what to make of this - I mean, how am I supposed to teach writing unless I break it down and teach my students each part that makes up the whole?

Then it hit me. When I was in high school, my physics teacher made us watch this movie called "Mindwalk," where three people have a conversation for two hours about philosophical ideas. Needless to say, he was a bit of a hippie. But the movie was interesting - basically, the philosophy the characters come to accept is that taking any idea and looking at it by itself without considering the system that it is a part of doesn't help us understand the idea at all, but only hinders our understanding of it.

So I was sitting in my room reading my textbook, completely muddled, and it hit me - this is totally related to Mindwalk! I can't take an essay and teach it in parts, isolating each paragraph, each quote from a source, each commentary on that quote, etc. I just can't - it won't make sense to the students. Of course it won't! I have to make them look at the whole - to consider the question of what main idea their paper is trying to express. The papers they write won’t be good because they follow any particular formula, they’ll be good because they successfully communicate their author’s ideas.

So now that I understand this idea, how do I teach it? That's the next question. But for now, the idea itself has to sink in. But I'm so excited! This is a complete paradigm shift for me.

Well, it certainly has been a long time since I've posted here. Quick update: I am in a teaching credential program in preparation to teach English at a secondary school. It's very exciting - but I've never worked this hard before. Funny thing - I read my textbooks now. They're all so interesting. One book is just on the importance of teaching writing, and practical (and creative) ways to integrate writing into the classroom. I love this book, because the idea of giving students writing skills and experience is the reason I wanted to become an English teacher in the first place. :)

The program is one year long (2 semesters), and the way it works is that I student teach both semesters. I'm currently in my first semester, so for my student teaching assignment I'm supposed to observe one period, prep with my guide teacher for one period and teach one period. Of course, nothing ever works out the way it does on paper - practical concerns always complicate things a bit. So I actually observe two periods, prep one period and teach one period. This works out really well, because I get to observe a college prep class AND an honors class - see how they're different, and how they're similar. There's a lot of differences - but the main one that sticks out is that the honors kids are more vocal in the classroom - that is to say, they participate more, and if they have concerns, they are more likely to tell us about them.

I'm learning a lot. But today, the kids are taking a test, so my guide teacher gave me the day off! :-D And since it's Thursday, I don't have class, so... even better. I can get some work done, catch up on some of the reading, and maybe watch a little tube. FYI: My classes are on Mondays and Wednesdays. I was also enrolled in a technology class on Tuesdays, but I tested out of that quick.

So, it's been awhile since I last posted. Five or six months, give or take a week. Um, not much to report on, life is pretty good. I'm getting back into the habit of posting, so I don't have a whole lot to say, at least not right now. Last weekend was my friend Neill's birthday, and he had a low key dinner with a handful of friends at Hooters. It was my first time there, and I was so nervous going in, I had no idea what to expect, or what was expected of me - if people expected me to feel awkward and offended, or let my hair down, or what. But it was cool - the waitress was nice, and not a bubble-head, which was a definite plus. My salad was decent, although overpriced, and the whole thing was not an entirely bad experience. One of Neill's meaner friends told our waitress it was his birthday, and the staff all ganged up on him and made him do the chicken dance on the main table in front of the whole restaurant. That made it worth the trip, definitely. :)

Who passed the CSET? I passed the CSET!

Everything is falling into place. I'm applying to a teaching credential program starting in the fall, and now that I know the CSET is taken care of, it's a lot less stressful. This week has been tough because most of the school districts have had it off - I could only get one job all week. But next week all those kids have to go back to school (ha!), so I will get to work again!

I miss Kim. I wonder what she's up to.

I have an apartment! It's in north county close to where I work, which is really nice. It's a small studio in a historic building across the street from a library and a coffee shop/bar that has musical acts on the weekends. My bed is a twin futon that folds into a chair. I can't afford a television, and I use the library across the street for Internet access. In other words, I'm in HEAVEN!!! It's all mine, and I'm paying for it on my own - for the first time ever! I was afraid that I might get lonely, but so far I haven't had a chance to - I've been going to my pool league on Sundays, having friends like Sarah and Mike come visit (Yaron too - don't worry, I didn't forget you), and I've been spending time regularly with my sister and brother-in-law, as well as Neill and his friends (who are all really cool). It's been really good for me to not have a TV - I've been reading more. Subbing has been great too - without that awful commute everyday, my job has become a lot more fun, and since I have to pay rent now, I actually go everyday. Everyday is an adventure - I never know what I'm walking into. I'm getting pretty good at it too. An aide told me a few days ago that my class was better behaved than they usually are for their normal teacher. Get that! Whoo! Anywho, things are really good.

Like the pine trees linin’ the windin’ road

I’ve got a name, I’ve got a name

Like the singin’ bird and the croakin’ toad

I’ve got a name, I’ve got a name

And I carry it with me like my daddy did

But I’m livin’ the dream that he kept hid

Movin’ me down the highway

Rollin’ me down the highway

Movin’ ahead so life won’t pass me by

Like the north wind whistlin’ down the sky

I’ve got a song, I’ve got a song

Like the whippoorwill and the baby’s cry

I’ve got a song, I’ve got a song

And I carry it with me and I sing it loud

If it gets me nowhere, I’ll go there proud

Movin’ me down the highway

Rollin’ me down the highway

Movin’ ahead so life won’t pass me by

And I’m gonna go there free

Like the fool I am and I’ll always be

I’ve got a dream, I’ve got a dream

They can change their minds but they can’t change me

I’ve got a dream, I’ve got a dream

Oh, I know I could share it if you want me to

If you’re going my way, I’ll go with you

Movin’ me down the highway

Rollin’ me down the highway

Movin’ ahead so life won’t pass me by

Ok I know having a book cover as my new user pic is kind of corny, but I was getting really tired of the monkey, and since I don't live in Bangladesh anymore and I no longer have to perform for anyone, it doesn't really fit. Franny and Zooey is what I'm reading now, and when I start a new book, I figure I'll change the picture to be the cover of that. It'll be a regularly updating feature! :) I like Franny and Zooey so far. I love everything J.D. Salinger writes just for the incredible characters, but my favorite story he's written is a short story called "For Esme with Love and Squalor." It just touched me - and I know how many Salinger fans will call it sacreligious to describe anything written by him as "touching," but damn it, I was touched.

Anywho, a lot of random things happened to me this week, so I'll just list them off in bullet format:

-I'm writing an essay for a publishing company looking for writings on "the 20-something experience." I'm hoping it'll get published, that would be so cool.

-The other day, a kid in one of the classes I subbed for asked me if I had a Myspace page. When I told him I did, he and his friends were in disbelief, and the kid sitting next to him said "See, I told you so." I guess you aren't a real high school teacher until students are making bets on you.

-My older sister and my brother-in-law offered me a room in their house for $100 a month. I'm considering it - there are a lot of pros and cons. One pro is that they live in the city I work in, which means my commute is cut from an hour to 15 minutes. Big pro. Plus I get to save a bunch of money - another big pro. But, one major con is that when you live with someone, it tends to change your relationship, and I know from experiance that I make a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad roommate. But we are sisters - that bond is pretty strong, and we could probably resolve whatever conflicts arise without too many problems. Anyway, I'm considering it.

-I got into a road rage incident last night! I was driving home at about 1:30 a.m. from kareoke singing with Vero and Neill, and I cut this woman off trying to get to my freeway exit, and she started tailgating me and flashing her brights. Well, I was terrified - I've heard plenty of road-rage horror stories, and after coming out of Bangladesh alive, I had no intention of getting killed by an angry driver. So I pulled over, and she pulled over next to me. Neither of us got out, I just unrolled my window, and she unrolled hers. I shouted toward the direction of her car, "I'm sorry I cut you off," and she vented for 10 minutes or so, using whatever swear words she could think of off the top of her head, and I just kept apologizing, hoping she'd eventually be appeased and drive away, and eventually, she did. Thank God. I was honestly terrified she might have a gun and come to my car and blow my head off. No joke. She may have too, if I hadn't been so apologetic. Who knows. Anyway, it's over now, she doesn't know where I live, and I'm alive to tell about it.

Ohh, and my nephew's 2nd birthday is tomorrow! Hooray!

Hey there my peeps!

Life's been going pretty well since I last wrote. I've been substituting more often with elementary school kids, and it's a lot more fun than subbing for junior high and high school. Younger kids are generally nicer, and my teaching style meshes really well with them. As it turns out, I'm a disciplinarian, who likes her classroom run like a naval ship. I never knew that about myself. I need order in the classroom, and so do they. Young kids crave discipline and structure - they need it to thrive, as opposed to adolescents, who need more freedom. The age I'm looking to teach once I get my credential is 5th grade - old enough to be into school, but not so old that they hate it - yet anyway.

My pool league has been going well too. I started out ranked as a 2, but went down to a 1 after my first game, where I was killed by this girl who was having an insanely lucky streak (even her coach said so). But this week, I wallopped the girl I was playing against - who was a 2 by the way - and so my score will probably go back up to a 2 by next week. I know I'm not even a 2 though, I'm at least a 3 (the rating system goes between 1 and 9, and my coach is a 7). I've been practicing with my Dad everyday to get better, which has been really cool.

Also, while surfing the net, I found this program to get a Masters Degree in Education in New York City starting in June, and I found this other program to teach in Oakland this fall while I'm getting my credential, but after considering my options, I think I'm gonna stick around San Diego for awhile, and give it a fair shot. I've got all the prerequisites lined up to apply for SDSU's credential program in the fall, and frankly, after everything I've been through in the last six months, I'm not up for any new adventures. I know this is going to make me sound really old, but I want to put down roots. I want to start building a life for myself - start the adventure of adulthood, with all the responsibilities and commitments it entails (but don't tell that to any prospective boyfriends - it doesn't make the best pick-up line. "Hey gorgeous, I bet our kids will have your eyes." Yikes.)

Ooo - and I took the CSET last Saturday. It took 4 hours to complete. The LSAT didn't even take me that long. I'm hoping I passed, but I'm not sure - you had to get a 73% on each of three subsets to pass. I'll say I'm 60% confident I passed. We'll see. It's kind of interesting - the test doesn't really measure how good you are at English or Math or Science or History (or P.E. or Human Development or Music and Art), but how well you know the basics of all those subjects. So all my English skills didn't help that much, but the fact that I'm bad at complex math didn't matter - I aced that section. I'm hoping my killer math score makes up for my crap science score (in college I passed Biology 100 by the skin of my teeth, and had to take Natural Disasters twice to pass), and that my good Music and Art score makes up for not knowing much about P.E. or Human Development. As for English and History, I had to cram for both of those before the exam, and I definitely did better on those than I did on the pretest I took before I started studying, but still, I'm not sure how I did. I partly want to mentally prepare for the worst, so that I'm not too dissapointed if I didn't pass. I just hope I didn't mix up morphemes, phonemes and phonics.

Anywho, hope everything is going well with y'all. Take care!

I got some new information about the situation in Bangladesh in an email today from another volunteer. I won't go into what it said here, but I'll just say one thing: Thank God I'm home.

The last two weeks have been a rollar coaster ride. I've gotten off my butt and actually started doing all the things on my list, and let me tell you, actually doing the things you plan is much harder than the planning of those things. The list started off reletively simple, but each thing I planned to tackle got more and more complex as I started tackling it, until the list became a fire I'm just starting to contain, let alone put out. Allow me to illustrate:

Number one on my list: Get a job substituting with a local district.

Unfortunately, the local districs either want nothing to do with me, or they work at the pace of Bangladeshis. I ended up reapplying to the two school districts I substituted for before I left, and was re-hired with both districts the same day. It's an hour commute there and an hour back, but it's worth it, because I need to work to stay sane. This town my parents moved to is REMOTE - I was getting cabin fever. I'm still holding out for a district within a half an hour of me to call, but I'm not holding my breath.

2. Apply for a teaching credential.

I knew this one would turn into an ugly beast, but holy god. It's my fault though - I'm the one that decided to apply for a multiple-subject teaching credential as well as a secondary-subject teaching credential. I took a few sub jobs with elementary schools this week, and I've fallen in love with teaching young kids. In many ways, little kids are more mature than teenagers. But I haven't made up my mind conclusively yet, so I'm stalling and applying for both programs in the meantime. What that means is that I have two prerequisite classes to take (one upper division, one lower), 30 hours of elementary school observation to do (I'm pretty sure my teaching experiance last summer covered my English high school observation requirement), and a CSET exam to study for - which I'll be taking in 2 weeks. It covers all sorts of things I've forgotten since high school - U.S. History, Science, Math, P.E., and even Art. Most of the study books I've skimmed suggest taking the 3 parts of the exam in two sittings, but I don't have the option - I have to get the results back before I turn in my applications, which are due in the middle of March. So I'll be taking all three parts on the same day - one after another. I also have to visit my old professor and make sure my major satisfies the subject competency requirement for secondary school - otherwise I have to take two CSET exams - one for multiple subject competency, and once for English competency (and that one has 4 parts).

3. Get a supplementary job with Princeton Review.

I really wanted to do this one. It sounded so fun - and perfect for me, teaching test prep at night for 14 bucks an hour, part time. I took an SAT exam to qualify, and they told me my English score was good enough but my math score wasn't. But they let me do the training, on the condition I take the math portion again afterward and that my score improve by at least 130 points, which it totally would have, since the only reason my score wasn't that high in the first place was because I've forgotten most of my high school math skills (Cosign? Slope? What?). But unfortunatly, the training for this just happened to be the course itself - which requires 6 hours of homework for every 3 hours of class, and I couldn't half-ass it, since my effort into the course would have been how they'd have decided whether to hire me. No way I would have had time to do that, study for the CSET, substitute teach everyday, take my prereq courses, AND not end up in the hospital. Some people are worker bees. Type A's. They can't sleep more than 6 hours a night, and staying super busy is how they stay healthy.

Yeah. In case you haven't figured it out yet by my previous entries, I'm not a worker bee. I relax by relaxing. Killing myself is out of my comfort zone. I've been trying to do everything, but after three nights of getting 5 or less hours of sleep, I knew a crash was coming on. So I preempted it, and quit the Review. I have to get this credential - it's gotta be my first priority. I can't say I'm not disappointed, but I'm also relieved.

Besides all the crap for the credential I have to do (while working everyday subbing), I have to attend traffic school for a speeding ticket (which I got one week after I returned from Bangladesh - a fitting welcome back home), get a checking account and put my car loan back in my name (my mom bought the car from me before I left for the 'Desh), get a cellphone (which I've already done - and if you want the number, leave me a note and I'll send it to ya), treat my awful awful acne (which is clearing up pretty well now, thanks to a facial bar my older sister gave me), and finish converting to Catholicism - that one I have yet to tackle.

And I have to do all of this while sticking with a low calorie diet I'm on with my older sister and my mom. I've lost all the weight I gained since arriving back home plus two pounds, but it's been tough. Food is how I destress, and without it to numb this anxiety, I've been all nerves. But it's been good overall, because it's forced me to face my list, and actually start working to cross things off. I also joined a billiards league, which gets me out of the house Sunday nights, and gives me a chance to socialize with other human beings that aren't my parents or under my authority. I'm rated a 2 out of 9, but I'm having fun, so it's all good.

Hoo. That felt good to get off my chest. I better go sign up for the CSET now - I've only got 5 days left to register. Ohh geez, I better talk to my professor at SDSU before it's too late to register for the English CSET exam. Ohh man, I've got to get to bed - I'm leaving the house at 6:30 a.m. tomorrow. Ohh geez. Ohh geez.

When did I become Miles Silberburg?

So I've been back in the States now for three weeks. I've gotten to spend some time with some good friends - and gotten to talk to ones I haven't been able to see yet. I've gotten a part time job with Princeton Review training high school students for the high school exit exam. I had to "audition" to get the job - I gave a 5-minute presentation on how to acclimate to Bangladeshi society, and I actually froze for a minute, announced to everyone that I was nervous, and picked up where I'd left off - and somehow got the job anyway. Ooo, that and I joined a billiards league (via an old friend from my high school youth group - myspace gets credit for that). I suck majorly at pool, but they'll give me a handicap, so it's all good. All in all, it's not bad for being back 3 weeks. My skin is clearing up more, which is a relief, but I'll still be paying a visit to the dermatologist to help it along. Bangladesh seriously did a number on my skin. The best thing was spending Christmas with my family. My family was amazingly supportive while I was in the 'Desh, and it's wonderful to be able to see them and spend time with them. Yesterday my mom and my sister and I were bored, and so we went to Horton Plaza for a few hours (which is conviniently close now) and it was so much fun! Ohh, and I've started watching American TV again, and I love "My Name is Earl" and "The Office." Two very awesome shows, conviniently on the same night. And my older sister is right, "The Soup" is hilarious! They did this sketch called "Brokeback Kong," where these two gorrilas were batting at airplanes saying "Why can't you just leave us alone, and let us love?" Hilarious!

Anywho, that's the update for now. Life is a lot simpler here - things are much less difficult. Washing my clothes is much more convinient (one example: throwing them in a machine verses handwashing them in a tub... okay, hiring a woman to handwash them in a tub). I can take hot showers any time I want, and I don't look like I have facial herpes anymore. It's 9:00 at night now, and I'm online - I couldn't have done that in Bangladesh. And if I wanted to and/or had the money, I could go see a movie right now, all by myself. Definitely couldn't have done that in Bangladesh, not even in the middle of the day. I feel a little guilty for being so glad to be back, but honestly, I really am relieved to be home, although if I want to see an elephant now, I'll have to pay big bucks, but it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make. The main thing I miss, besides all the people I got to know over there, are my morning walks. I don't have a pushy Bangladeshi woman waking me up at the crack of dawn to walk for an hour anymore, and it's having an effect on my waistline. I lost 35 pounds in the 'Desh, and in the last three weeks I've gained 5 of those pounds back. Not good. I'll have to resolve to lose those 5 pounds back. I'm also resolving to start writing again. I want to dream big, and I miss writing. Well, I guess I don't miss writing, since I never really stopped. Some of my best writing has been on this blog in the last 4 months. I've certainly had a plethora of material to write about.

Me and my Annette, we was as fond as we could be

We was set to marry in October 33

I set my sights to courtin’ her, as fine as she could be

I never even noticed her best friend Marilee

Took a job at the saw mill and I bought my girl a ring

Had a pre-wedding party, close friends and family

Everything was fine, eatin’ homemade ice cream

I swear I never noticed maid of honor, Marilee

And my sweet Annette was left standing at the alter

Marilee was taken ill, it was several miles from home

Back then it wasn’t fittin’ for a girl to leave alone

Sweet Annette, she asked me to walk her to the door

As innocent as children back before the war

And my sweet Annette was left standing at the alter

Lord have mercy for what we done,

Lord have mercy when two people get alone

Neither one of us had done anything like that you see

By the next sunset, I had eloped with Marilee

And my sweet Annette was left standing at the alter

I've been back in the United States for a whole week now, and I'm adjusting pretty well. I've applied for a substitute teaching job, I've checked out available apartments in my price range online, I've contacted businesses about exchanging my taka to U.S. currency (and if you know of a business that definitely does, let me know), and I've bought some American clothes - pretty necessary, since I gave most of mine away before I left. I've contacted and/or spent time with most of my friends, although there are still a few I need to get a hold of. And that's been the past week. I'm excited about getting an apartment - I was going to live in a place on my own in Bangladesh in January, and it was going to be the first apartment I ever had on my own. But just because I am back in America doesn't mean I can't still do that. I'm so excited! :)

Ohh man, Christmas is around the corner, and I'm back in America! I have to buy presents for people! I better get on that.

I arrived in San Diego two days ago, after a 2-day flight from Dhaka to Singapore to Tokyo to Los Angeles to San Diego (with no hotel stays), so you won't be surprised to hear that I crashed around 6:30 p.m. But before I fell asleep, I had dinner with my parents, my sister, my brother-in-law, and my nephew. He's almost two years old, and he's just as much fun as I remember. I woke up yesterday around 4:30 a.m., and spent the day unpacking, screwing around on the computer, and just generally chilling out.

My parents house is amazing - the complete opposite of my town in Bangladesh. For example:

1. My town was infested with people (Bangladesh has a population of 100 million in a space the size of Wisconsen, you do the math); my parent's house is on a remote hill in a folksy-townish suberb, with a small population.

2. My town was littered with garbage (Bangladesh has no sanitation system, other than the stomachs of the wild goats and cows); my parents' home (and town) are clean, but in a comfortable way, not a hospital-corners way.

And most importantly...

3. I always felt like a guest with my host family - their home was not my own. The only space that I felt comfortable to be myself in was my bedroom, and when I was in my bedroom, I wouldn't spend much time outside of my mosquito net (which confined me to my bed). Here, I can spend time in any room in the house, and it all feels like mine. It's really nice.

But today, I'm going to leave the house! I'm running some errands, and I'm excited to see my parent's town. They moved right after I left for the 'Desh, so it should be pretty interesting to see what the area has to offer.

I am now out of Bangladesh, and although I haven't yet reached the U.S., there are already several major indicators that I have left the third world.

First, I'm updating from a free internet kiosk in the Singapore Airport. Also, I'm standing next to a shop selling sandwiches for $7.50 each. There's a Burbury store across the way (closed, otherwise I'd check to see how much they charge for a scarf - bet it's outrageous). And, to top it all off, I realized about a minute ago that NO ONE was staring at me. I have ceased to be the interesting American - the dancing monkey has retired.

Once all this sank in, tears of joy began streaming down my face, tears which are still falling, by the way. I have a feeling that re-integrating into American culture isn't going to be difficult. None of that capitalist world-power guilt for me. :) Bring on the consumerist greed! Whoo!

I'll be home for Christmas,

You can count on me.

Please have snow and mistletoe

And presents under the tree.

Christmas Eve will find me,

Where the love light gleams.

I'll be home for Christmas,

If only in my dreams.

This is my second entry today. I don't have much to do here in Dhaka, besides completing a mountain of paperwork before I ET, so I've been going online a lot. I was just reading some of my past blog entries, and remenicing about my past adventures. The entries reminded me of all the hope I had coming into Bangladesh, and everything I've experianced here and overcome, and it made me sad - I'm going to miss so much here. I'll miss my host family most of all, especially my host sister and brother. But then I read on to the entries before I arrived, and it hit me that I am in a completely different place now than I was before I left. Even though it's only been 4 months, I feel like I've really grown as a person. I wasn't ready to commit to anything then - not a career, a boyfriend, or even a place to live - but now, I know I'm ready. I'm not running away from anything anymore. And I know how wierd that sounds right now, when you could argue that I'm "running away" from Bangladesh, but I don't feel safe here, and I know that I'm making the right decision for me. The only thing I'm worried about is that I'll go back to that place I was at before I left, but I just can't let that happen. I won't let that happen.

Anyway, I'm grateful that I was able to come to the 'Desh, and go through everything I have. It's been a wonderful experience, and I'd recommend it to anybody - as long as he or she is aware that they're never 100 percent safe.

So, um, remember that bombing I wrote about in my last entry? Well, there were two more, one of which was a suicide bomber, and several random bombs placed throughout the country which were found and stopped before they detonated, and a grenade was thrown in the mayors office of one major city, which was also stopped before it detonated. The country is in chaos right now, and even the Bangladeshis are scared. There is another incident everyday, and it's happening too fast. So, the Peace Corps Country Director and the staff here are trying to decide what to do with us: whether to consolidate us, or leave us at our sites, or what. But I'm not waiting. I'm coming home. I thought really hard about it, and the thing is, you have to be in a certain mindset to be here. I overheard some volunteers talking about teaching the other day - some B7s were giving advise to a B8 about grammar lessons - and I can't even imagine thinking about that. It seems like 100 years ago that I was worried about teaching, and I just can't look at my town the same way now. I just can't. So my Bangladesh adventure is over. I'll be home within the week. If you want to hook up with me when I get back, leave me a message here on my blog.

I'm not sure what's being said in the U.S. news about the incident that occured here yesterday, but I'll tell you what I know about it. There was a bombing, and 5 or 10 people died. No Peace Corps members died. Yesterday we were put on house arrest by the Peace Corps Safety and Security officer, just in case, so don't worry, I'm in good hands. It's scary when stuff like this happens, but the thing is, I'm living in a Muslim country, and Bangladesh in particular is at a crossroads right now. Most Bangladeshi's don't hate America - they actually LOVE President Clinton (his biography is sold EVERYWHERE), but the rest of the Islamic world does, and so we really need to be here, to learn their language and show them that we don't look down on them with contempt. See, I've figured something out in the last few months since I've arrived. We were technically brought in here to teach English, but that's not our primary job. Our primary job is to make friends, and to give, and thereby earn, the respect of the citizens of our respective towns. Our job is to be positive PR reps for America. By adapting to their culture, learning their language, and generally being friendly, we are taking preventative measures that will have immesurable positive effects.

And don't worry, because if any Peace Corps members are ever threatened in any way, we'll be evacuated. President Bush has enough problems (hee hee) - he doesn't need any more bad publicity.

(Note: The following entry is 1,493 words long. Just so you’re aware. You might want to take a muffin break halfway through.)

The last week has been insane. There’s so much to write about, I’m not sure how to get it all down. I’ll just do what my mom would suggest - take it one topic at a time until it’s all on the page. So to begin, Thanksgiving was really fun. I went to Dhaka, and had dinner at the Peace Corps Bangladesh Country Director’s home. It was a spur of the moment thing - one of the volunteers had suggested the dinner to him, then asked if he could invite 10 friends, and I was in the right place at the right time. The dinner was amazing - pumpkin soup, turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, cranberry sauce, Brussels sprouts (which, after four months of eating Bangladeshi vegetables, actually tasted really good), cornbread, and to end the meal, pumpkin pie and ice cream. After the dinner, I went with some volunteers to an ex-pat’s apartment (an ex-pat, by the way, is an American living in Bangladesh for whatever reason - working with an NGO or for the Embassy usually) where I watched the new Harry Potter movie currently in U.S. theatres (again, I got lucky - right place, right time). The night before, I went to the International Club. The vibe there is different from the American Club, which has the feel of an American sports bar, like a Bennigans. The International Club is more like a ritzy bistro - a place that would have ocean views and a wine list. Anyway, while we were there, Trevor (another B8) told us he was compiling stories and poems about our experience so far for a book to give to the B9s when they arrive next year, and he asked all of us to contribute something. I’m thinking about writing a poem, but I’m not sure yet what to put in it.

I got home Friday morning, and immediately my host family took me to visit some of their extended family in a village nearby - a place I hadn’t yet visited. The family had three sisters, and they were all about me and my sister’s ages. It felt really weird talking to them - like I was meeting Bizarro Melissa, Becky and Kim. Bizarro Melissa and Becky were both married, and Bizarro Melissa had one eight year old son, whereas Bizarro Becky had two kids - aged four and two. Bizarro Kim was engaged, but thankfully unmarried - that would have just been way too weird.

The next day, I filled out the contract for my new apartment (and, while the topic is broached, I’d just like to restate that my landlords are a nice family that live on the floor right below me, that it‘s a small, secure building, and that as a foreigner/celebrity, I am never in want of company). I also stopped by my school, which just happened to be getting out, and where it just happened to be the last day of classes before exams. Again, right place, right time - I’ve been pretty lucky lately. So my headmaster pulled together a spur-of-the-moment meeting with all of the teachers and introduced me, explaining what I would be doing at the school. Some of the teachers had flowers (which I think their students gave them, being the last day of school and all), and my headmaster made one of the teachers give me his flowers, which made me feel really bad. So I took half, and told him to keep the other half, which seemed to make everyone happy.

I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned this yet, but another project I’m working on is editing a class 9 English textbook my headmaster has written for publication. I’m picking up where my B6 and another B8, Carissa, left off. I only have a few days before I have to get it back to him - it’s getting printed in a few weeks. It’s really nice to have it though. Having projects to work on, like the textbook and the adult school, are reminders for me everyday that I am of use here, and that I’m not just wasting my time or the government’s money (not that the Peace Corps has a lot to waste - the entire global program’s budget is about the cost of one naval plane).

Anyway, after the meeting, I headed over to my tutor’s house. I hadn’t seen her in 10 days or so - she told me she was going to Dhaka to visit her sister, and that she would call me when she got back into town, but she hadn’t yet phoned, so I was curious to see what was up, and whether she was back. When I got to her place, she was there with some people I had never met. She let me in, served me some tea, then told me the news - in the 10 days since I had seen her, she had gotten engaged, and married. Her husband lives in England, and she’ll be moving there in a few months. She hadn’t called because she was nervous I would be upset, since she would no longer be able to tutor me. 10 days - now that’s what I call a whirlwind courtship. And I thought Melissa and Dan went fast.

So that brings us to yesterday. Yesterday, on my morning walk with Nacima (I’m just gonna use her name - it’s a pretty common name here and I don’t think it’ll be a big deal), I saw an elephant. A real, live, Indian elephant, tied to a tree. The day before it had been wandering through the town cricket field, and I guess someone tied him up. Nacima wasn’t fazed. I told her, “Oh my God, there’s an elephant by that tree!”, and she just replied coolly, “Yes, he is having fun.” I wondered for a moment whether it was real, or whether my malaria dreams were starting to overlap into my waking life. But then I saw it again on the way home, and as far as I know, he’s still tied there. I hope someone is feeding him, or that there is some plan to get him to a zoo or something, although I know the odds of that are slim.

So that was yesterday morning. Last night, after class at the adult school, I attended a Hindu wedding ceremony with the school’s principal and his two sons (who might be twins, I’m not sure, and I think at one point they told me, so I’m afraid to ask again - I don‘t want to seem rude). Anyway, there were like 200 people there - it was a real event. I was watching the bride get her pictures taken before the ceremony (along with about 30 people), and someone (her mother I think) saw me and ushered me to the front of the crowd. I told the bride in Bangla that she looked beautiful, and then her mother (or whoever) told me to get in the picture! I couldn’t refuse, it would be extremely rude, so they got a picture of me sitting next to her on her bed as one of their wedding photos. We made a strange pair - she was decked out in a red and gold sari, with tons of make-up and gold jewelry and hair ornaments - basically, the works - and I was next to her, in a blue and white salwar kameez, with no jewelry or makeup on, looking like I might be headed to the market to buy some fish. It was a trip - another Britney Spears moment, playing the celebrity and feeling awkward. It definitely has its advantages though - I was one of the only guests who got to sit down, which was seriously appreciated after the second hour went past. If you’ve ever attended a Hindu wedding ceremony, then you know how long they are. I don’t know what it is about India - their movies are always at least 4 hours long, and their weddings are considered short if they end before the sun comes up. Maybe they’re just more patient than us.

Last (but not least), I found a Christian church in my town! It’s tiny and it’s Protestant, but it’s a church, so I‘ll take it. I’m going to start attending on Sundays - check it out, see what’s up. I’m not giving up on finding a Catholic church here, but at least I’ve got a fall-back place now.

Oh, and one more thing. Happy Birthday Meiston!!! And Happy Birthday Grandma Martin!!

Like falling rain

The days go by

You can't kill the pain

And you wonder why

But be strong

Hold on

There's a lot of love to go around

Stay wild

My soul child

And don't you let them bring you down

Why don't you walk proud

And sing out loud

It always hurts to wonder why

One more mile

My soul child

You never know until you try

(lyrics by Shawn Mullins)

My B6 is officially leaving today. He was the last semblance of authority here for me (or if not authority exactly, then someone who knew what he was doing who I could always ask questions of). So now I am offically on my own. And I'm nervous. Really nervous. So much of the job is up to me to define - we begin our own projects, we make our own friends, and we set our working schedule with our host schools ourselves. Getting it started is what's making me anxious for the most part. But I know that once I get it going, it will be much easier for me, and I won't feel as anxious.

My B6 has helped tremendously. I was lucky as far as that goes - most of the B6s left before or very soon after we arrived at site, but he stuck around for awhile. I've taken on two of his projects - editing an English textbook my headmaster is writing, and the adult school I've already written so much about. He also helped me find a better apartment - the landlords (who live one floor below me) were my B6's former host family, and they seem really nice. The neighborhood isn't too far off the beaten path, so it's safe. And the place is spectacular! It's just beautiful.

I'm planning to spend Thanksgiving with some other B8s. I'm not sure yet what we'll do, but it should be fun. :) Anyway, it'll be nice to see them again.

I had to wear a jacket on my morning walk today - the weather is getting chilly. It reminded me of San Francisco in the summertime, and that was a nice feeling. :)

I was on my morning walk today, and suddenly this goat started walking beside me! I sped up, and then it sped up. My friend teased me that it was a friend I'd invited to go walking with us. It was pretty funny. Eventually the goat started walking in front of me, so we switched directions, but it figured out what we were doing, and it turned around too and ran to catch up with us! So this guy chased it off. It was hilarious!

When we go walking in the mornings, we go along a route that takes us to a residential road that a lot of people use for their own morning walks, so we run into a lot of people doing what we're doing. They usually smile at me, and sometimes they'll say "Balo achen?", which means "Are you well?". It's sort of the lazier way to ask "How are you?", because people only have to respond with a head nod. Sometimes they'll ask my friend a question about me, and I'll hear her say "Dui bochhor", which means "2 years", and that means they asked her how long I would be staying in Bangladesh. When we start out, the roads are semi-quiet, but an hour later as we are going home, the roads are always crowded. And I'm a traffic accident waiting to happen for the rickshaw wallas - they all slow down to look at me, and they and their passangers will all be staring at me, as if I were a car on fire on the freeway. It's wierd getting this much attention. In America, I knew how to be completely invisible, but here, I always stick out. Most volunteers never get used to it. Even so, I try to do things to lessen the amount of negative attention I recieve. I try to be "calm and quiet" (a favorite phrase of theirs), and I try not to be out after dark. It's tough in my English class at the adult school though - I'll catch myself laughing too loudly, and I'll have to take a step back. Of course, I get annoying comments from men as I'm walking by, but I haven't gotten anything really bad. No one's grabbed me yet, save a rickshaw walla or two copping a feel of my knee (which could have been accidents - I'll never really know).

Anyway, that's it for now.

Here, updated for your reading pleasure, are some of my favorite things about Bangladesh (now that I'm official):

1. My Morning Walk. I LOVE going walking in the mornings with "the walking woman" (I don't want to use names here, so please pardon the euphamisms). We started it up again yesterday, and as it was last time, the first day was easy, and the second day, today, was more difficult. But it feels so good to exercise, and it's nice to get out of the house and spend some time with other people. She works at a college nearby (that's grades 11 and 12) and she invited me to be a lecturer. I don't want to take that on, I've already got some secondary projects in the works, but I told her I'd guest teach for one day. Speaking of secondary projects...

2. The Adult School. I came to "visit" yesterday, and ended up teaching the class. But it's not nearly as hard as I thought it would be. The guy who runs the school writes the lesson plans - which are totally chill, just a discussion topic, followed by some vocab, then a game. The B6 I wrote about in my last entry came in halfway through and watched me teach, and told me afterward that he was impressed, which meant a lot to me. But the thing I love the most about the class is the atmosphere. First off, it's small, only about 10-20 people at the most, and secondly, they are all comedians. We were all cracking up the whole time. I haven't had that much fun since I arrived here. It was awesome.

Guess it's a short list.

This is now the THIRD time I've written this update. The first time, I was at the other cyber cafe, the one I used to go to all the time. Now that the other volunteers have left, the people who run the cyber cafe save their best computers for their own downloads, and send me to the slowest computer - the one that tends to crash every 20 minutes or so. So now I'm at the second cyber cafe, the one I found recently. I wrote a second update - it was a nice, long entry too - and then accidently I closed the window.

So, I'm taking a deep breath, and starting over.

I'm sorry I haven't updated in awhile, things have been kind of crazy here. Not busy, just the opposite, but it's been crazy nonetheless. For the last three months, my days have been filled with language classes and technical training. But after Eid, we were sent off on our own, and all that structure vanished. So now I have to find a way to fill my days. I spent the first two days after Eid sitting in my room doing nothing, which was fun at first, but grew depressing quickly. So in the last week, I've been slowly filling up my days with activities.

I started meeting with my Bangla tutor. I go to her place for about an hour and a half everyday, then spend an hour walking home the long way, exploring my town. That kills the afternoon. Tomorrow I'm attending an English class at an adult school near my house. The volunteer who works there is leaving soon (he actually stayed here for his entire 27 months - one of the few, as I'm finding), so I might take his place there. I have to find out more about it, but I know that unless they get a new volunteer, the school will fall apart. The B6 that was there was pretty much running the place. It's no coincidence that he's been here 2 years, and the school just recently had it's 2-year anniversary. It's wierd coming in after him - it's like having an older brother who was a star at your high school, and everyone is still talking about him years after he's graduated. I'm not sure I can live up to the standard he's set. All I can do is be me. :)

I haven't had a chance to go to the Catholic church yet - I'm not sure where it is. I'm not even sure it's in my town - it might be a few towns over, in which case I can't get involved with it. That would be really dissapointing, but I know there is at least one Christian church here (although I still have to find it). I'm hoping to find out more tomorrow morning.

I start teaching at my secondary school in January. I'm supposed to spend the next two months getting to know my town, and my school and such. I'm not sure how the other volunteers are spending their time, I assume they are reading a lot. Over the last week I began obsessivly watching DVDs on my laptop - so that I'd be watching into the night, and wake up around 11:30 a.m. Yesterday I woke up at 12:30 p.m., and that was rock bottom for me. My host mother teased me about it, but I think she was honestly starting to worry. So, I put the laptop away, and restricted myself to only using it on Fridays. I had trouble falling asleep last night, but I got up at 9 a.m., so I'm proud of myself.

Ohh, and I'm moving into my own place January 1st. My host family is getting sick of me, and I'm sure they'd like their room back (it was originally my host brother's, so he's been sharing with my host sister while I've been here). It's a nice apartment, close to the school I'll be working at. I will, of course, visit my host family at least once a week, maybe twice. We'll see.

Okay I gotta go.