For those of you that don't know, I'm back in the USA. I had only been in Africa three months but I still experienced major culture shock coming back. It's cold!!!! I do believe this will be the coldest winter of my life, because I'm already freezing and I'm told that we're in a hot spell.

I'm in New Mexico, currently, visiting my mom and trying to figure things out. I don't know what going to happen in the coming months but I'm going to get a job doing something. I think working will help me acclimate to this climate a little better.

My over all plans are to move to New York and I hope to do that within the next 6 months. Of course I'm not turning down offers to make more money then a waiter. Right now, I'm going to be working as a waiter, yes again, at a nice place in downtown Albuquerque. I'm hoping to save up enough money over the next six months to move to New York. That is after I apply, interview, and get a job there.

But my six month plan and my year plan are still unsure, but what is not sure is the promise I have made to myself. Before I left Africa I bought a bracelet that has two shell on it. For me, they represent two year that I owe in the Peace Corps. I will wear these shells until the day I close my service after two years. This is a promise, not to you, although I do love you, but to me. I loved Africa and I loved the Peace Corps, it's just that I wasn't ready.

And if you were wondering, I'm going to keep this blog up for the next round when ever that maybe. and I might even publish now and again. But only the important/funny stuff I promise.

Livin it up in the US

Andy

Today I made the hardest choice that I’ve had to make in this country. It is incredibly hard to look at life here and say I’m not cut out of this. I can’t do it anymore. If I think about it there are many reasons why I want to go home. But each one, by itself, is not big enough to warrant this decision on its own. But with everything together I feel overwhelm. I have been hoping that things would work out, but I have been trying to change things and trying to keep things at a manageable level and I’m going crazy. I don’t want to be depressed for the next two years. One day I will try again, but right now I’m not ready.

The reason this is so difficult is because I feel like I’m letting a lot of people down. I feel like I promised you guys two years worth of funny African adventures that now I won’t be able to tell. Most of all, I feel like I’m letting myself down. When I graduated from college I wanted to do something with meaning and purpose. I wanted to achieve great things. I thought those things had to have big names and big titles and big roles. I thought that would be Peace Corps. I realize now that even some of the smallest unheard actions can be what makes a difference. It is amazing how a simple smile changes someone’s day. How laughing with someone about nothing can be the best thing in the world. I have cried more in the past three months then I have through out college and high school put together. I’m crying now.

So, I told my school, “I’m not ready” when they said they wanted me to teach three different classes in October. I cannot give a two-hour lecture in French after speaking the language for only three months. So, we changed it to one class starting in December. A little later they came back to me and said that I had to start in October because that is when the semester starts. I said, “I’m not ready.” But they said that I would teach two two-hour classes twice a week with maybe 30 something students. I thought this would be better. I could prepare for my class in the off time and rebuild my courage as I go. So I was to start teaching starting Oct. 23. Monday Oct. 22, I came to the school to figure out what time my classes where going to start, because they wouldn’t tell me sooner then that. I got my schedule and found out that my class had turned into two classes meeting three times a week with somewhere around 80 students. Wednesday being the first day I start teaching classes and it was a four-hour lecture. I said, “I’m not ready.” I told the guy in charge of scheduling that I can’t teach for four hours and that I can’t teach a night class. By the way one class got out at 7p.m. He said that he probably wouldn’t be able to fix it until a week or two in. I left there thinking, “I’m not ready, and this won’t work anymore.” I told them where I could stand and be happy, but they kept pushing and making me feel bad about not doing more. So, enough is enough. “I wasn’t going to be ready.”

With all of that said and my explanation of all the reason I’m leaving cut short. I promise you just go the abridged version. I have to stop. I’m won’t be happy within the next 4 or 5 months and I don’ think it will get better after that. I’m not going home because I think life will not be hard. I’m going home because at home I know how to deal with depression and cope with what comes along.

I promise that within the next week maybe two. I’m going to put up pictures of everything about my life here and I’m going to put up a movie about Cotonou. Things that will be feature are my apartment, Danktopa Marché, and the vampire cat.

Love you guys always and thanks for your continued support.

andy

Ok, I haven’t written in a while and I’m sorry about that but now I have some cool things that I can share with you. Firstly, I’m starting classes on the 22 of Oct. That is two like 5 weeks earlier then I thought. I’m trying to work with it. It’s hard to think that I’m going to have to give a 2-hour lecture in French. I don’t know have it will happen but we’ll have to just get through it and see. I’ll probably make a fool out of myself. Also, I’ve decided to get two cats. Mostly because it’s lonely living by yourself. I think I’m going to teaching them English so that there will be someone I can talk to. Plus I think cats might be easier to deal with then a girlfriend.

So, I was in a taxi the other day, and I was sitting in the front seat, which by the way I reached for my seat belt like 5 times because I was pretty nervous about getting in an accident and going straight through the windshield. Anyway, in the back seat were 3 people, which I said hello to in French, obviously because I thought they were Beninese. But as they talked I started to realize that they were use a few English words mixed in their local language. It was weird. I would catch just a few things that were like wait I think I understood that. Turns out that two of the three people from Nigeria and were speaking in English somewhat. They were in Benin to get a traditional marriage here and they were headed back to Nigeria. Well, we had a conversation in English which was cool and the guy who was sitting next to them in the back seat was a Beninese French Teacher and knew very little English but he could communicate with the woman because they both spoke a local language that was very close and they could understand each other. The Nigerian Man spoke a different local language but was still able to communicate with his new wife. Neither of them spoke French and the driver spoke French and another local language. So, we had many conversations in one of the many languages that we know and at one point there were three conversations in three different languages. Weird.

The next story comes with a bit of French that I will publish. I meet this guy standing outside of a Cyber café. He is a student at the National University. He studies linguistics and was chosen to be the representative for this Francophone Festival in Africa. He was very excited and was writing a poem to give at the Festival. So here is his poet. It’s absolutely beautiful.

“Au prés de toi”

Au prés de toi j’ai retrouvé

Mon nom longtemps caché sous le sel des distances

J’ai retrouvé les yeux qui ne voilent plus les fiévreux

Et ton rire comme la flamme trouant l’ombre

M’a redonné l’Afrique du de là des neiges d’hier

Six ans mon amour et les matins d’illusions et les débris d’idées

Et les sommeils peuplés d’alcool

Six ans et le souffle du monde m’a versé sa souffrance

Cette souffrance qui change le présent du goût des lendemains.

Et fait de l’amour un fleuve sans mesure

Au prés de toi j’ai retrouvé le mémoire de mon sang.

Et les colliers de rires autour des jours

Les jours qui étincellent de joies remonvelies.

Dorothée

“Because of you”

Because of you I found my name

Hidden under the salt of distances

I found my eyes that only see desires

And your laugh like the flame’s shadows

It gives me again le show of yesterday

Six years my love and the mornings of illusions

And debris of ideas and the sleep of alcohol

Six years and the breathe of the world

Showed me how it suffers

This suffering that changes the taste of tomorrow

And makes love like a river without measure

Because of you I found the memory of my blood

And the necklace of laughs about the days

The days that sparkle of joyful memories

Dorothy

So I tried to translate it for you. But if I was wrong don’t say anything. Just go with it. I think it’s a lot cooler in French. Although some parts are last on me and soon of the metaphors don’t really work in English. I’m sure you can imagine.

More good news, I found the French cultural center here in Cotonou and I think I’m going to try to get a membership and check out books and audiotapes from their library. And if I have a membership I can use the Internet for free. How cool is that.

Well, that’s all for now I’ll write more when I have more to tell.

Andy

Today I washed my laundry by hand for the first time by myself. So, for the next week I'll be wearing dirty clothes. I think it will be more advantageous for me to pay someone to do it for me. It's not really that much more expensive and they will get it a lot cleaner. Plus a lot of times the girls use this money to go to school. So that's two birds with one stone.

While I was doing my laundry I was thinking. This is going to be very difficult. The next two years of my life that is. (Of course the laundry is difficult. Its by hand.) I will have to summon up the courage to make every step. Things won't come easy for me like they did in the states. Every problem is compounded by the simple fact that I don't speak their language. Never before in my life have I had so much difficulty going up and talking to someone. I have decided that I will have to take baby steps. If I'm going to live here for two years and eventually be happy, then I'm going to have to take it one step at a time and laugh at my mistakes.

If you know me well, I'm not good at taking baby steps. I never have been. So, this will be my regime for next year. Take baby steps. And if things get difficult take even smaller steps, but never stop moving forward. Thats what I think it takes in live. I just had to come to Africa to learn it.

So I just moved into my Apartment in Cotonou. It's nice. Better then you would think and worst then you might imagine. I have a toilet and a shower but they are in my kitchen. I have tiled floors and solid walls but only two smaller rooms. I have a sky light in the Kitchen/Bathroom but only two windows in the whole house. Everything locks even interior doors. And the light in my bedroom is red. So that's weird. I decided that the person that lived there before me most have been named Roxanne. But life is ok there. It's alot like Azove which is the Trash hole I just left. What I mean by that is that are paved roads within 10 min walkign distance to my house just sandy paths big enough for cars to go down them. People throw their trash and God knows what else out in the street and because there is now drainage and because this is a tropical climate, (sidenote: I went to the beach and skipped a stone over the equator.) there are sess-pools that never go away. People have actually permently put stones to walk on to be able to make it over these ponds. But it doesn't always help. Most people just except it and walk through. I don't want a staff infection so I'm going to fine a way around. Oh oh, there is this on road that takes you kindof while I don't know yet but I think it takes you to the Soccer Stadium. Anyway, there is a huge and I'm talking huge lake that takes up the whole road. This road is big enough to put a four lane highway on but noone drives there because you will die in this lake. Things live there I think. I rode my bike up to it and said "No way Jose" and found a different way to go. Also in the middle of this road and mostly because there is a lake in the road, there is a Junk Yard of cars right in the middle. In fact the road parts around it because of it. I think what happend is that one car got stuck in the lake. No one wanted to go in after and so other car crashed there to and more and more until, Voila, now you have a junk yard. Right in the Middle of the road, for your convienace. So before you get to worried. I'm not going to die or lose any limbs in this area of the city. In fact, now we get to why I title this blog like I did, Cotonou is like New York City. And if Cotonou is Like New York City I live in Brooklyn, just alot poorer. Anyway, I'm getting along great and hope to buy a cell phone soon. I guess I could give out the number but you will have to know that it costs a lot of money to talk. So I guess if you want to give me a call just email me and ask for my number. Well, I think this blog is long enough. And If it isn't I hungry and I need to go eat, so we're cutting it off here. Just one last thought to lift your hopes for me. There is a pastry and Ice cream shop in my neighborhood. A la Prochaine

Once upon a time, a momma fly landed on a pile of poop. She stayed there for about 2 seconds and laid some eggs. These eggs, like many others, she didn’t even realize that they were there. She has a very experienced mother, being that she had had about 1,235 other babies in her lifetime, and she was young. So, like every other time, she just flew away. These babies would hatch, already know how to fly, and find their own way in the world without ever knowing their mother or for most that they even had a mother. This is how Paul was brought into the world. He, along with all of his many other brothers and sisters, hatched and flew around trying to get a bearing on their new living situation. Actually this is not far from how I feel now. After 9 weeks of training, I left for my post and flew around trying desperately to get my bearing on the city that I live in. Paul the fly flew around and realized that he was in a deep hole. He saw many of his brothers and sister get trapped in the webs of spiders and stuck in the dark liquid at the bottom. But he was smart he avoided those things and lived a conservative life only landing to eat and when he was tired. Paul lived many hours and for most flies this was a good life, until there was a disturbance in the hole, which he had known for his whole life. It sounded like a waterfall from above. He had never been out of the whole. Why would he? He was everything that he needs here in hole, and he had seen many a fly flew out of the hole and never to return to the hole they called home. But now there was this disturbance un-like anything he had known. He knew that it went against everything in his character, but he just had to know. So, he flew up. Past the cockroaches and past the metal pipe that jutted out from the wall. He flew out of the hole the whole time wondering what was causing this flow of liquid to fall down into the mysterious dark pool at the bottom of the hole. But what he saw at the top was huge. It was a monstrous creature that was throwing its appendages all over the place. Apparently it was annoyed at Paul’s presence outside of the hole. He had to fly all over the place just to not get hit. He had never bobbed and weaved so fast. In the middle of an upward spiral he saw a safe heaven away from the creature, where the light that was imitating from its hand was not. He flew there more tired and worn out then ever in his life. It was there that Paul the fly was going to die. He knew it when he landed two inches before he planned on actually landing. He knew right away what had happened because it had happened to so many other flies. He was in a spider’s web. Doomed to die a death that almost all of his brothers and sisters had suffered already. Paul the fly lived a total of 5 hours and died in the web of a spider after annoying the crap out of a human being. That human was me and you know what, I don’t regret it at all, because if you are standing in an Africa latrine trying to finish you business there, thing you want is a fly to fly into your face. I’m just saying these flies are huge and loud. They sound like the flies from the movies when something is dead and the director really wants you to feel sickened. I think they come to Africa to get their flies here because they are uncannily huge. So, when Paul the fly hit the web, I was happy and relieved because I just wanted some peace and quiet. By the time everything was finished there was pee all around the hole and I knew I was not going to clean that up. So the moral of this African Folk tale is don’t kill the spiders in your latrine because if you do your fly population will get out of hand. Sleep well tonight knowing that you don’t have to defecate in a hole every night.

So These are photos that I have taken.

This Child leaves at the Place where we have our classes. It's is really a house and this child and his mother live there and take care of the house. Any way we are teaching him the importance of a helmet. It's interesting to know that he fell over many times because that helmet weights just as much as he does. Luckily he had the helmet on.

This goat's name is Fanny and she lives right next door to me. At the momment she and I are not getting along because of a missunderstanding about an orange.

So I went to an enchanted forest and all of a sudden realized that I was in an african jungle. This picture is of bats that are everywhere. Of couse you can't see they. They are just too small. But this is the african jungle and it was crazy.

This sign says That this is a place of reverance and to be quiet. This is a Mass grave in the Town of Ouidah which was once the capital of the slave trade in this part of West Africa. The slaves that didn't make it to the ships were buried here. Inside there is a statue of a freed africa slave symbolizing that death for these slaves here was a better alternative then the hell that they would experience on the ship on to the West and in the West itself.

This was a really big bug I found in the African Forest. I thought that the people from Photo design would aprecitate the little things not being to little any more.

This picture is also in Ouidah. This is the Pass of no return. This is where the slaves would enter the boat to leave this contenint. It was a sad thing to see. Those are to of my friends walking through it.

This was one of the first pictures I took while in Benin. They are to little boys just peein in the road. it was a site to see. Little did I know at this time that it was incredibly normal and everyone does it. So eventually I had to follow suit. Read in to that what you will. :)

This is a view of Cotonou. It's pretty average view of Cotonou. There are more packed places and there are less dense places. But this is from the Peace Corps Building. I'm actually living on the other side of town. You can't see it in this picture.

This is my host Family. I know I'm the only one that seems happy and its not because they just meet me and saw that they were going to have to feed me alot. No this is the way all Beninese take photos. In fact this photo shows a good difference between out two cultures. We take pictures with a small they take pictures without one.

Now we get to the pictures of my room in Azove. This is at my Host family's My room is a dungeon and I hate it. I just found ok this week that my adias bag, which since it is not being used I left it under the bed, has grown over with moss. I've been sleeping with a ton of moss under my bed. That bag wasn't the only time to get it either. Another bag and My favorite pair of pants all have seen their last days. Africa killed them.

Last picture. This is the other side of my room. behind the door is a small small small window. Never is there a time even during the day when I don't need an extra light in my room. You would think that it being so dark that it would be cool. No! there is no air flow because the whole room is a cement block and it is very humid. And yes that door way on the left is my Shower. Now when I say shower I actually mean a shower sizes room so you can throw the water on your body and not get everything else wet. Needless to say I don't hang out in there. Donc, C'est ca. Don't get the wrong idea about my life in Training. I love it but it's different then the States. My family totally makes up for the room. I love them. All is well.

Im on a french keyboard in an African county sitting next to some boys that saved up their money all week to look at porn for an hour. Anyway, Im still training in Azove, Benin. I,m having a blast and I,m going to be posted in the biggest city in the county, Cotonou. What,s more, Im going to be a college professor. Im going to teach people how to start and run a web design company essetially. How cool and perfect. And I think I can teach a few actual graphic design courses to. Wait wait. Theres more the university I will be working with is affiliated with Wake Forest so I can potentally take classes, for free, here and transfer the credit to the States when I go back. And I could take classes to start my MBA. Of cousre this is if everything works out that way. Things change all the time but I like to think about the good stuff. It helps me get through the not so good times and I can deal with change. After a Month in Africa. I can deal with change. Know that I really miss all of you and I think about you guys alot. Have a good time going back to school and continuing with your lives.

Until I can make it to another Cyber café

Life here is harder then I could have or did image. I have already had so many life altering experiences. I didn’t come anywhere close to being prepared for this. The moment I stepped on the ground in Africa, it hit me. The next couple of hours were mind-boggling and the next couple of days were the same. But nothing so far has compared to living with a family while I’m in training. Now don’t get me wrong I love my family here. They treat me better then they do their own kids, but the change is so big and the expectation to be something you are not in only two weeks to so great that it has already crushed a lot of people that are in my training group. So, I know you want some stories and guess what. I have a lot. I’ll tell one now and we will see where that takes us. So, yesterday was the Fete d’Independence for Benin. (oh by the way it is pronounced as Been-in) That’s how all the nationals say it so that’s what I’m going with. So the fete is put on in the Commune of Aplahoue (pronounced App-la-way). This is a town just 10 min bike ride from here, by car like 2 mins. The Business volunteers are in Azove, along with the Computer people. (that’s me) And in Aplahoue there is the Environment Volunteers. That makes up about half the people that are entering Peace Corps Benin this year. The rest of our Stage (which is what our “class” is called) is in other towns in the South. Actually we are not that far from them either, about 40 mins by car. Anyway. So the environmental and business volunteers got together in Aplahoue to celebrate the Independence Day for Benin. We get there and we are the only white people there. Which you think might be weird, but we have been the only white people for the past week and a half. So, the weird thing was to see another white person show up that none of us knew. They were hanging out with the mayor and held a prominent position in the parade / celebration. I figure that they were some French NGO representative or something, because they didn’t speak English. Really every-time I see a white person on the street I know them because they are in the Peace Corps. Talk about being a minority. I have experienced it and there are really ugly parts of being in the minority. Anyway, The festival started off with a guy that could balance anything on his bike in whatever position you thought possible. And, as a sign of a good trick, people walked up to him and stuck change to his forehead. Yeah, when he was trying to balance. Next in the parade were a ton of groups of dancers. Yes, people would walk up to them too and stick things to their skin while they were dancing. It was interesting to see the performer work around that. But anyway, also in the parade there were the most off the wall things. Like when I went to the parade I was thinking I was going to see like floats and circus performers. Well, who in Africa has that kind of time. So, they had the Hair Dresser organization come up and do a little thing. Then they had the Tailors come up and show their skill by making a couple of outfits on the spot. The outfits looked like they were going to rip at any moment but they were there. Anyway, if that wasn’t odd enough, the taxi drivers came through along with the taxi-motos. (these motorcycles are in greater number and fill the streets. We get to ride them if we want to go places; only we have to wear a helmet so we don’t die.) In this part of the parade there was one taxi driver that took it upon himself to make the parade interesting by putting the car into multiple doughnuts in the middle of the parade stage area. Which, you might think wouldn’t be a big deal only that this stage area was just the road and when he put it into doughnuts he came literally within two feet of hitting us and everyone else in the crowd. The road was the stage and that wasn’t bigger than a small two way two lane road back in the states. (which that’s the biggest road in the commune; a commune includes like 20 villages) So, we’re just on the side of the road. I’m telling you that if he came out of the turn to soon, we would have been dead. No questions asked. It was scary and what was more was the officials of the parade started yelling at him like this wasn’t planned at all. And the crowd went crazy, as everyone would run every time the car came close. People falling all over each other can create chaos in an instant. So, everyone after him had to do something else and it just got crazy. Anyway, the parade ended soon after that and we went to the mayor’s house to eat with him there. So the day ended well. And everyone survived another day in Africa.

(This was typed on Aug. 2 and I put this up when I got to an Internet connection on Aug. 25)

Well, I’m now at my host family’s house in Benin. Everything is going really great. Actually, I’m writing this now because I can’t sleep. The rain woke me up. This is no ordinary rain. It’s like monster rain. And on a tin roof, man the stuff is really loud. It’s actually been raining about every 6 hours here. So this one falls right on my sleeping schedule. But even during the day, it’s so funny, when it starts to rain here, everyone, and I mean everyone, runs for cover. They are afraid of getting wet in general. You would think that since the rain is such a big part of their lives for like 5 months of the year that they would be ok with it. But literally, when it rains everything stops and nobody does anything. Today was the first day of training and my mama walked me back to class after lunch. It was raining. Which is really no surprise. And she wanted me to put my bike helmet on to protect me from the rain. I mean it wasn’t like coming down like cats and dogs, which that phrase doesn’t translate. I said that to my mama and she looked at me like I had lost my mind. Eventually she just said that I needed to say, “il pleut” which just means, “it’s raining.” So anyway, she told me to put on the bike helmet to protect me from the rain. I showed her the helmet and the holes in the top and she just laughed and laughed. Rosita, my host sister, was there too and she said something I didn’t understand to mama, but I imagine it went something like this, “Those stupid Americans can’t even make a hat right.” Anyway, everything has been really good and the rain has temporality stopped so I’m going to try to get some sleep. But we’ll see.

(This was typed on Sept. 27 and I put this up when I got to an Internet connection on Aug. 25)

So, I'm here and I'm good. It takes an a really long time to get anything online. I'll put some pictures up latter. I thought I would just let everyone know That I am good. If you send me and email I will try to get back to you and if you mail me a letter I will definitely mail you a letter back. I love you all and this is the really the best thing ever.

Did I cry? I woke up this morning after dreaming, not of the Peace Corps like I do normally, but of fun times with my friends. This whole morning has felt like a trip to my mom’s house. We got breakfast, went to the airport, and I got extra attention from the security checkpoint. So, now I’m sitting here, in the most normal position I know, a snot nose kid getting on the airplane, only this time it’s not to my mom’s house in safe Albuquerque where I have tons of family, but I’m going to Philadelphia. Which is only seems like a two-day layover compared to the journey to Africa that awaits me on Thursday. So, did I cry? No. That would have been normal. But I couldn’t cry for a plane trip to Philadelphia. Sure I wanted too, but to cry would have been to admit that two years is a lot longer then I originally thought. Well, I’m going to bed. Don’t wait up for me.

This is really a test post to make sure that the Google group that I setup will actually work. I hope you guys can read this in your email. Anyway, I got back from my trip to California and I'm packing and getting ready. I feel ready but I know that there is no way I really am. There is just a feeling of I want the anticipation to be over. Well, I'll write more right before I go. If you get this email me back thanks.

Well,

Things are coming close. I spent the night reading blogs and meeting people from my team. Which I will say is going to be awesome. So, I'm just gettin stuff packed and saying good bye to friends. I really hope somebody will come out and visit me in Benin. I think I'm going to have to buy a couple of books about computer stuff just in case. And they could get expensive. But all in the line of duty I say.

I really can't wait.

I have my assignment. Benin, Africa. I don't really know that much about this country, but I'm so excited. I can't believe that this is actually going to happen. When I get there I will have some access to the internet and I will update this blog as much as I can. I want to also email everyone atleast once a month. I'm hoping to get over 1,000 names on that list so email me your friends names and I will add them to the list. I don't know my mailing address yet but I will tell you as soon as I get it.

Preparing for the future is hard. In fact I don't think you can. It seems to be a "do what you can" sort of process. And everything else is left to fate. Today I have made the choice to go into the Peace Corps. Well that is if they accept me. I just turned in my medical and dental papers and let me tell you, they gave me five shots and took a ton of blood. Lucky I'm not HIV positive and I don't have herpes.

There is a lot more to the Peace Corps application process then the forms that you most fill out. The application process in itself is a test of endurance and patience. I think they do that on purpose. I know I struggled with the idea of getting a job and paying off the student loans after I graduate. Actually, I continue to struggle with it. That's way today is important to me. I have decided that if Peace Corps gives me an assignment. I'm going.

That feels good.