Why is it that when I lie awake at night thinking it comes out all depressing and such? I need to leave the crazy for my dreams.
Today I am going swimming!
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The party has long since died down, but here I am awake and thinking so much that it is likely that I won’t find sleep anytime soon. The fans are whispering their lullaby’s but it isn’t having the same effect. Now they ask me questions that perhaps I am too scared to answer. How long [...]
I spent most of the spring setting the stones of normalcy down. A secure job, girlfriend, fairly busy schedule and all the things that are stable. After years of being in completely insecure jobs in high stress areas, it felt good to come down to earth for a while. I love traveling and even now [...]
I know when I wake up tomorrow I will wish today was just a nightmare. It isn’t and that is going to suck.
I have been planning a project in conjunction with Hope Haven. It is a community in Burlington that helps disabled people live functional and productive lives. When I was asked to join YouthBuild I was told that I would need to find alternative projects to work on. I called up Hope Haven and presented them with a [...]
There is a small den of Coyotes in the timber. Molly found them a few weeks ago and we have been able to hear the sounds of a pack fairly regularly. It is cool to find something so wild and beautiful. Many farmers in the area will tell you that Coyotes are dirty animals and [...]
I had a training for Americorps this week. We went for leadership and had several meetings on facilitation and different management styles. I am not overly fond of meetings, but they were surprisingly fun. Part of that had to do with being in a good group of people. Everyone was very friendly (some overly so) [...]
Most people have ideas and morals that make them who they are. For this analogy I think of them as pillars that surround the core of who I am. These pillars surround me and hold me up. The temple of self. When one of those pillars is damaged or even broken then everything that is you [...]
It has been a strange week. Most of it has been really good and some of it has been disturbing.
I am going to be in the Burlington Hawkeye one of these weeks for my elderberry project as well as the Mt. Pleasant news paper. Publicity is good and hopefully I will even get some enquiries for Elderberries. [...]
I woke up this morning with a great desire to cut off all of my hair. I don’t know why, it felt like a good thing to do. Now I am not so sure, mostly because I have so may other things worrying me at the moment.
The weather has turned outright shit the last couple [...]
For one reason or another I am really feeling the title of this blog.
Perhaps it is the return of winter? The last few days of overcast darkness and rainy tears has not helped my mood any. I am usually one for cold weather and cloudy days, but after all the sunshine and flowers I am [...]
I had a terrible nightmare last night. I haven’t had a bad dream in a long dream and I haven’t had one this vivid in almost as long of a time.
I was outside with my family on some green hill. I don’t know where for sure. Izzy was running around and fell against a coat. [...]
After a nasty couple of days the sun has returned and it is spring once again. The Blue Bells are out in force and they cover the hillsides of the timber in purplish coats. It is a wonderful time to be outside. Which is where I am going to be shortly.
I talked to Lo Gordon today and it looks like my banjo won’t be ready until the end of May. That is a month later than I was hoping for. The good news is that I have longer to make payments. So I can send some smaller checks over the next month and a half [...]
Last week was awful. I managed to finally get myself sick after over a year of relative health. I spent a large amount of time sleeping and the other part attempting to work. I spent two days trying to write an essay. I didn’t realize just how hard it was to be creative and smart [...]
I wrote a huge check today to Lo Gordon for the banjo he is making me. I am really looking forward to playing my new banjo and I hope that it is worth the cost. I know what it is supposed to look like and it should be absolutely beautiful. RIght now though, I am [...]
I thought that the title was really cool, but it is a bit misleading. I am passionate about all the things I did today, but perhaps not in the way most people would label it.
We burned the CRP today. It’s about fifteen acres of restored prairie. It’s been over three years since Dad last burned [...]
The moon is shining down and a brisk wind blows the branches in the trees. A warm wood stove heats up a house built with the hands of my father. A banjo and guitar sing out in unison as emotion is poured into them. A book lies on the counter waiting to be picked up [...]
When I first heard about the disaster in Japan I was in shock. I tried franticly to get a hold of my friends in desperate hope that they might be OK. I drove to work in a haze of confusion and was nearly in tears twice before I made it to Burlington. All the things that I [...]
As the sun slowly heated up the cold ground and the solitude of the smokey shop drove me to near insanity, I felt the pull and need to once again wonder through the timber and visit a favorite haunt of mine. Justin accompanied me as we walked past the site of the former little A [...]
I get frustrated at times with the attitudes of people. Mostly because of a blank disregard to anyone who is not them. I witness this everyday. Sometimes I can brush it off and other times I can’t. The problem is that human beings are generally selfish creatures. I know I am, and that makes it [...]
I bought a new banjo. To be honest though, I am in the process of buying a new banjo. I am making three payments for it and none of them are small. It is worth while and will be very pretty when it’s done. I went with a Cedar Mountain Banjo made by Lo Gordon in North Carolina. [...]
Life is moving faster than I can comprehend it. I have been putting a full work load, working on the farm and doing yoga at least four days a week. On top of that I am taking a small business course and playing music in public nearly every weekend. By the time Monday rolls around [...]
So I have heard countless complaints about the cold lately. I will agree that it’s cold, but I like it. I mean it may be uncomfortable for a while, but then you get to come inside and sit next to a warm woodstove. See, I really like the cold. When it’s cold out you can [...]
I woke up this morning in a funk. I slept for ten hours, so I felt good that way and I exercised so I felt even better. For all that I was still down. I just felt emotional, lonely, sad and anxious. So here I am a walking contradiction, feeling good and bad at the [...]
Do you remember the excitement of finding out school is closed? That you will have the entire day to do whatever you want? A whole day filled with snow, frozen digits and fate willing a warm fire?
Not long ago I would have told you I remembered them fondly. Now I have once again experienced it [...]
Over the course of the last year my family has been working on and off on the old Garretson house, re-christened the ‘Farm House’. I used to run out of the house screaming because it’s haunted and was intensely creepy to small child who grew up listening to ghost stories about it. I swore I would never [...]
I had a nice long day hiking, when the weather was cold and the snow was piled nicely on the ground. It was a perfect day for snowy adventures in the timber. The kind of days you hope you can recreate when you’re older and nostalgic for such things, only now I am older and trying said [...]
Well I have been home for the last four weeks and I could not have asked for better weather. It has just been an amazing time to be outside and working. It was exactly what I was hoping for.
I got back from Sandhill and instantly began work around my own farm. We finished up painting [...]
I have had a very disturbing theme in my dreams lately. I am not sure exactly when it started, but I have confirmed it last night. At some point in the night I dream of being attacked and every time I get attacked I have to fight it off. Sometimes it is with guns and [...]
So I was scything through the grass this morning around Dharma and came to an interesting realization. (Dharma is a building name, and is aptly named for today’s experience) All the things that I end up doing here at Sandhill are all the things that I want to be doing on my own farm. Now [...]
Thoughts float around in my head as I only dream of sleeping. Laying in my room, listening to the fan attempt to be a part of the outside world. Together wondering if we will ever get to here true quiet. Finally wresting my body from the floor and stumbling to my computer to spew out the [...]
Time seems to fly by, and my ability to write seems to have flown as well. In my typical fashion I have gone from writing to much to not enough. These gaps in my life are hard to recreate, and I will defer the job to some sad angel in heaven who might have that [...]
This last couple of weeks have been interesting to say the least.
I won’t go into much details but a Grandfather of mine passed away. It made for a tough weekend and some very sad days. I never ‘lost it’ but I wasn’t in a good place. There is this tangled ball of emotion that I [...]
It is hard to believe that I have been at Sandhill for a whole week now. Days seem to flow together in the endless drum of work and sleep. There are no days off at Sandhill, but I can also take a break when ever I need to. So far I haven’t felt the need [...]
Over the last few weeks at home it seems that I have been fed a bit of creativity. I never complain when these hit, I just try to use them as best that I can. In fact they generally make me really happy. It is like a piece of me needs to just come out [...]
Well I made it back safe and have been enjoying myself on the farm. The weather couldn’t be better and spring has come mighty early. We will see if it stays warm or not.
The flowers in the timber are amazing in the spring. They cover the ground floor in white and purple and bloom in [...]
My internet will be shut off tomorrow at some point so I won’t be posting anything for a while. I will still be checking my e-mail in town in case of emergencies but other than that I am disconnecting from the web. I hope to continue that at home. The internet is a wonderful tool [...]
My my last day of work has come and gone, and while I am sad to say good bye to my students and fellow teachers, I am very happy to be done with teaching for the moment. Teaching is a lot of fun, but it is also exhausting. I came away almost everyday drained and [...]
I have been a bit hesitant lately to write much after my last debacle. For a while I was posting changes/feelings and everything under the sun every single day. I feel like I was taking it too far so I have scaled back to safer things like dreams. Last nights dreams were wild though and [...]
I just watched the movie Where the wild things are and I was thoroughly impressed.
The sound track was really well done. The acting was fantastic and the special effects were perfect. I don’t know how they did what they did but it was fantastic. It felt like I had walked into one of my own [...]
I had two separate tsunami dreams in the same night. One had me escaping from a prison camp with some Peace Corps friends after the wave hit and the other had me driving around on top of a hill waiting for the tsunami to hit. After it hit I helped clean up a bit and [...]
I am in the pool I visit in Japan, but it is smaller. I am with many friends from high school and we are joking around. An old crush comes and starts acting weird around me. I ask her what is going on, but she won’t tell me. We go to my house in Huntley. [...]
I had some interesting dreams last night:
I am in Huntley/unknown river bank. There is a problem with some Egyptian type characters changing their rituals from old to new. The new ritual connects people with the earth and the king. The old ritual has the king dominating the people. The proponents of the old try to come [...]
I have desided to stop trying any more diets for the moment. They are just not for me. I like food, real food, too much and to give anything up just seems silly to me now. It was a good experience, if anything to get me eating meat again, and so I can’t rail against [...]
I have been using this website as a sounding board for all that goes on in my head, what I believe at the moment, and a way to express myself without having to send gobs of e-mails to everyone. If you want to read it, you know where to find it. I like that approach [...]
It is around sixty degrees today and sunny. It feels like spring and that is happiness. It has been a rather long and cold winter so far and any hint at spring makes me feel better. It could still snow in march, or even as late as april, but god willing it won’t. It is [...]
So monday night is typically movie night for me. Tonight’s showing was No Impact Man. It was a really well done and informal movie about a family trying to leave as little as possible for an entire year. You can read about it yourself and I would recommend the movie.
I have a lot of thoughts [...]
Here is a great run down of the Coup d’etat in Niger. Everyone is hoping for the best. I talked to my school teacher Sidiq. He is going back to school for a degree in sociology and is living in Niamey. He heard the gun shots but luckily no one he knew was hurt. They [...]
I was staring out of my window when three large crows attacked a hawk. The hawk flew away out of site. One crow returned and then so did the hawk. It flew around in my field of vision for several seconds then disappeared off to the right. For the next minute the hawk, now alone, [...]
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