So I know this update is a long time coming but my job has kept me pretty busy. I have to say that through it all Chingu has been an absolute trooper. He handled the drive here beautifully, and doesn't even bark when he's left in his room.

I was a little concerned about the house that we rented that my landlord might come into my home unannounced when I wasn't present so I've kept to confining him to the front bedroom and he stays in there during the day and roams the house in the evenings.

So far I can't say we've made "progress" in our training because our training has essentially stopped. I have been unable to find a trainer who is willing to work with an aggressive dog and since its just me and him there hasn't been any reason to attempt to get him to accept anyone else. He still does really well on walks when passing other on leash dogs, of course if they're off leash thats another story.

Dealing with all the off leash dogs here has been difficult but we've been able to find ways around it. And Chingu has started to really take to the yard. At first he would just sniff for about 10 minutes and then look at me and be like, "now what?" but he always rushes right to the back door when we get home for walks now. I've also taught him how to play fetch which is a lot of fun. He still will generally only do it if treats are involved but thats OK.

I did think we'd have to move again but my landlord said they'd fence in the chain link portion of the fence with a taller wood fence so Chingu can have a doggy door! I'm super excited about this and greatly relieved since sometimes my job will require 14 -16 hour days and I'll just feel better knowing he'll have the freedom to use the bathroom if he needs it.

I think the Prozac has really helped us and we've been lucky and found a nice vet. We did go back to CO and visit in October and Chingu participated in a group class and did great so he hasn't completely lost all his training, although I do worry about the loss of socialization for him. But I think overall he's very happy and by being on our own and him having a big yard this really adds some flexibility for me and allows him to hang out and not be bothered by others. Its just nice to see him relax.

Sorry for the long wait on an update but things just got crazy after the bite. So we contacted an animal communicator and I have to say it was an incredibly positive experience for me. I know some people think its a lot of voodoo mumbo jumbo and I was once one of those people too, but I have to say things have only gotten better since then. In addition she knew things she couldn't have possibly known unless she'd "spoken" with Chingu, it was spooky.

So anyways she basically just confirmed all the things the vet said (she had all this info typed out and knew nothing about the vet visit) and while Chingu is resistant to the idea of being an old man he's not resistant to the idea of dementia. I think its a little funny he wont embrace being called an old man, but he's tough like that.

She also mentioned at the time that he was very concerned that he was a burden to me and he sensed a big change was coming up career wise and that another move might be in the works. He didn't want to be a burden to me and while he didn't feel it was his time he was willing to move on.

This really shocked me. At the time there was a possible move to Texas and I was concerned about being able to find a good vet and a trainer who would work with us, but I was only concerned in the sense that I want to provide these things for him and I worry about the stress of the move on him, not that he's a burden. That made me so sad he'd think that. So I of course had her explain that I was just worried about finding these things for him, but a move would mean our own house and a big backyard for him.

This exchange alone I feel like has made us both feel better. Its hard to tell, Chingu is so sensitive to my feelings and he always has been. Even when he's being bratty he'll still take a moment out to make sure I'm ok. In Korea sometimes I'd get so stressed out and he'd be going crazy over squirrels on our walks and almost dislocating my arm but he'd always take a moment, rest his head on my knee until I calmed down, and then go back to doing what he wanted. So maybe its just that I feel better he feels better.

Anyways I wont share everything the animal communicator said but basically just that its not his time yet, but he does get confused and at the time of the bite he said he knew it was me but also someone else who was scarier. He also said sometimes he's scared of himself and he knows that I love him but sometimes its hard to remember.

He mentioned that he had another owner, a man who he tried to help be a better person but was unable to succeed and he was OK with that. Then he said he found me and we helped each other and that I saved his life. He said that with me he had the life he'd always wanted and he felt he'd been incarnated specifically to live his life with me. That the move to America had been hard but it was right for the both of us.

So people can believe what they want about animal communicators or animal psychics and I'm sure there are quacks out there, but I would say if you're at the end of your rope with an animal its an option worth exploring. I wasn't sure how I'd feel about it or if I'd believe it but for me personally the experience felt authentic and at the end of the day thats all that matters. If nothing else its seemed to improve the communication between Chingu and I and strengthened our bond.

Either way the vet is pretty sure he's got some sort of degenerative neurological disorder. We put him on prozac which is helping but his coordination has started to go and he gets lost sometimes. Its hard to watch and in many ways its so unfair. He's worked so hard and had such a tough road. It sucks that now he's finally getting to a safe place he's losing control over his mind.

I know that eventually he'll be to unsafe to keep and Chingu said he knows he might be too far gone to know when that is, but he trusts me to make that decision. Now that I'm aware of his problems though I can be sensitive to whats going on and I think we have more time left but I'm not sure how much time that is. I'm just going to try and ensure that whatever amount we have left we make the most of it.

But back to the move part. Right after this I got a call from Texas asking for an interview and just boom, boom, boom I got the job. Its funny because I applied for this back in April and it all moved so slow, but once this one big worry was resolved it all worked out. The move will be hard but its whats right for us. Chingu and I will have our own space again but this time he'll have a big yard. I'm not sure we can find a trainer but maybe he's put in his time. He's to a point now where I can continue without a trainer and I know I can always call Gina for help. So for now my little Jindo who could will continue to chug along as we move to Texas.

So something terrible happened this Memorial Day weekend and Chingu bit me. It wasn't a nip or a small bite, but rather a succession of bites and they were hard enough to break skin, leave teeth marks, and draw blood. All I was doing was petting him and he attacked.

Lately he's been out of sorts and maybe I should have seen this coming. His eye sight and hearing seem to have become progressively worse, and he's more aggressive with food. He also sometimes has a look in his eyes that is vacant: the lights are on but no one is home.

I've been reading about canine dementia and its possible he might be experiencing this. He does sometimes get lost in doors, the bite indicates maybe he didn't recognize me, he's more on edge and agitated, and he will randomly bark for no reason at all. I'll discuss this all with the vet this next week, but I feel the end is near and it saddens me.

I'm not mad at Chingu and after the attack he seemed fine with me, although later he seemed frightened of me for some time. Rather it makes me sad that we've come this far and its come to this. I know he's old but no one knows how old.

We're going to do a full medical work up next week at the vet's and see whats up. We're also going to try an animal communicator. I know thats a little hokey but I'll try anything and everything to try and reach out to my little Jindo. He's the little Jindo that could and maybe he's now telling me he's the little Jindo that can't.

Talking to Gina our trainer tonight Chingu is trying to communicate something. Either he's been pushed too far in training and I need to back off and maybe we can get him some prozac to help him take off that edge, or maybe his time has come and he's trying to tell me that too.

I always felt able to help him because I felt safe around him and now I'm not so sure. Maybe he knows thats the line he can't cross and he crossed it because he has something to say.

As I contemplate what this means and what it would mean to put him down I can't help but feel that I've been a failure in this. I know I've tried hard but of course unless you succeed you may feel you didn't try hard enough. But I think I'm being unfair. I'm being unfair to Chingu. He has been a success. He has been a wonderful success who has helped me with many things. He has brought so much joy and happiness into my life and done so much for me and that should be remembered and honored. He has also come so far and worked so hard and that shouldn't be discarded either.

We have some hard decisions to make in the coming weeks and I fear that I know what I must do, but the important thing that in all of this I honor Chingu. I do whats best for him and if he's in pain and hurting then I have to let him go. I keep hoping that the problem is fixable but maybe we've gone as far as we can go and our journey is coming to a close. I hope that it isn't, but I feel the old man might be saying good bye in the best way he can.

So I found this on the website for the West Texas Chow Rescue page and I thought it was really sweet. We often say this dog is a "rescue" or I "rescued" him/her, but its not just the dog thats 'rescued' but also the person as well. Chingu wasn't the only one rescued in our story because he also rescued me so I guess we were both rescued.

Anyways I thought it was just a very sweet sentiment:

I rescued a human today.

Her eyes met mine as she walked down the corridor peering apprehensively into the kennels. I felt her need instantly and knew I had to help her. I wagged my tail, not too exuberantly, so she wouldn't be afraid. As she stopped at my kennel I blocked her view from a little accident I had in the back of my cage. I didn't want her to know that I hadn't been walked today. Sometimes the shelter keepers get too busy and I didn't want her to think poorly of them. As she read my kennel card I hoped that she wouldn't feel sad about my past. I only have the future to look forward to and want to make a difference in someone's life. She got down on her knees and made little kissy sounds at me. I shoved my shoulder and side of my head up against the bars to comfort her. Gentle fingertips caressed my neck; she was desperate for companionship. A tear fell down her cheek and I raised my paw to assure her that all would be well. Soon my kennel door opened and her smile was so bright that I instantly jumped into her arms. I would promise to keep her safe I would promise to always be by her side. I would promise to do everything I could to see that radiant smile and sparkle in her eyes. I was so fortunate that she came down my corridor. So many more are out there who haven't walked the corridors. So many more to be saved. At least I could save one. I rescued a human today. Author Unknown

So Chingu continues to make progress and I'm just so pleased with him. You can tell in training he just tries so hard. He doesn't always want to participate and he'll hide behind me, but once we're in it you can tell its work. But its work that he works really hard at and he gets better and better every time.

My parents have even felt comfortable enough to allow him to run around the house, sans muzzle, while I'm away at work. I've also started introducing him to new people and he's handled it beautifully. We haven't had a single incident of snapping, growling, or attempted biting.

In group class everyone takes turns petting him (while I of course stuff his face with hot dogs) and he's handled it like a champ. Also the other day he was turned away from this guy who couldn't see his muzzle, and before I could stop him the guy just reached down and touched Chingu on his back (he's not a fan of his body being touched) and Chingu didn't react at all. For him that's huge.

So we just keep chugging along and hopefully one day we'll be able to go out and about without a muzzle. One day I think we can, although thats still a long time away. But we keep practicing and trying new things and he just keeps chugging along like the little engine that could. In fact I was so pleased with how he's been handling the new surroundings and people we've been trying out I took him to a pet store this week!

I never thought we'd be able to go to a pet store but we did and he rocked it. We didn't stay long because there were cats and juggling him, a bag of dog food, and dodging cats could have been tricky. But he was well behaved and all the staff oohed and ahhed over him at a nice and respectful distance. Next time we'll hang out longer and I'll probably let him pick out a toy (cause sometimes I like to spoil him).

Also Gina said we didn't need to go to private lessons anymore unless we wanted to and while I've decided to stick with it for now its nice to know its no longer critical. I feel like though I really want to reinforce and keep doing what we're doing for at least another couple months.

But you look at him and he's so happy now. What I think I love most about Chingu is the big smile he always seems to have on his face, and even though he's pissed when he has to wear that muzzle, the moment its off he's just so happy and smiling. Its so great to watch him be pet by other people and even enjoy it sometimes. I'm so happy for him that he can learning that being pet by others can be enjoyable and I think group classes have been great for him to just be able to watch other dogs and people interact.

Of course we still have to continue with the training and reinforcement but he's doing awesome and his resiliency is just so impressive to me. He's the little Jindo that could and every morning when I wake up and see that big Chingu grin on his face and watch him do his 'happy sneezes' he does because he knows we're about to go on our walk I know that it was all worth it.

I suppose its been awhile since I've written an update about Chingu's progress and its time. Chingu continues to impress me with how much he can learn and accept. It still just blows me away when I think of where we were and where we are.

Now we not only attend group classes as observers but actual participants! That is so exciting. I remember when Gina first mentioned group classes and how important they would be for him and I wanted to ask, "lady are you smoking crack? This dog will never be able to attend group classes." But he attends and participates and thus far we've been pretty incident free. He did growl at one dog but thats OK. Like Gina said he has a right to his personal space and a right to voice that its being invaded so he can growl, but he doesn't have a right to bite. So growls and moving away are fine but snaps and bites need to be corrected.

Also whenever we go to private class he always gets really cuddly in his attempt to avoid Gina. He's always a little crabby but then accepts her, but he knows she's gonna make him do stuff he doesn't want to do. But whats different is now rather than lashing out at her (although it still definitely happens) he comes to me first and looks to me for protection. I love this. I love that he has started to view me as his protector and he's starting to realize if he doesn't like something he doesn't need to go all Cujo on someone but rather he can hide behind me and I'll be his bodyguard.

He's just come so far and there's still a long way to go. I still need him to not tense up if someone approaches and touches him but he's at a point now thats completely manageable and if we never move past this point right now thats OK. Where we are now is a place I can live with and work around so anything past this point is just icing on the cake and thats just nice to know that we're there. It will be a lifetime of constant reinforcement and now the new rule for all his food and treats is going to be he has to be touched and then he can have a bit of kibble or hot dog which will be good for him I think. But the point is if we can stay where we are or go further without backsliding then we'll be OK and thats a huge relief.

I'm also much more relaxed now with him and in public which I'm sure makes a huge difference. Its so hard when you have a reactive/aggressive dog to be relaxed and you can never completely be relaxed. At least I don't think I can be. On walks I'm always scanning ahead, watching for potential hazards such as loose dogs or small children, and anticipating our next move and checking for escape routes. But if we were to encounter say a loose dog now I'd be less afraid than I would have been a month ago.

I just really admire that he's been able to pull through this and I'm not sure I'll ever find anything as rewarding as what I've found in working with Ching. I often reflect on my time in South Korea which, to be honest, I didn't really enjoy that much. I hated my job, didn't really like the town I was living in, and sometimes I think my time would have been better served living in a different country or staying home in the US; but I think finding Chingu and Chingu finding me made it all worth it. Even if that was the only reason I was supposed to be there I think we were meant for each other. He is my pride and joy and I can honestly say my life is better for being given the opportunity to be his human mom.

This is how it started. First he was actually nice for a little bit but he is not a fan of small dogs. They just look like prey to him. Although he was at least nice in the beginning....

Then we had a moment in which Chingu was not so nice and he sent the weenie dog packing. Poor little guy.

Here he was less than thrilled to be held but he handled it and when it was all said and done he let Gina pet him for awhile and eventually rolled on his side although that wasn't pushed because he was pretty done after being picked up.

Chingu and the Germany Shepherd. He's kinda leaning away from him but thats cool because he just needs to be able to accept being near a dog but no biting the dog.

So Chingu amazes me and he really just rocks my socks off. Sometimes being unemployed is no good and some might say I have an unhealthy obsession with my dog and its true I do often prefer to be with Chingu than people. I will also admit that if I'm gone somewhere for more than a few hours I actually start to miss the little guy. But my time with him is paying off and I think its been a blessing to not have to work right now. Of course I couldn't have done this without my parents' help and I do have to give a big thanks to Chris and mom. Chris has of course been super about being willing to work with Chingu despite the bite and mom has been awesome for coming to training because each week is tougher and I just really need to hold someone's hand.

So tonight Chingu encountered not one, not two, not three, but 4 dogs! Of course they weren't all at once but rather one by one and he did amazing. He did try briefly to eat the weenie dog but two he didn't even snap/bite at and the other two he was corrected and then sat nicely by them. Those poor other dogs of course didn't really want to sit my Chingu but it was cool.

In addition not only did he encounter other dogs but he was handled by a completely new person tonight and he didn't try to bite her once! She walked him, petted him, and even touched his tail and he accepted it all. Was it his most favorite thing ever? No but he did it and he didn't give me his, "mom get me out of here eyes." So yay for Chingu!!!

So I was like this training session is great and the trainer was like OK thats all the dogs I have and I'm thinking sweet we're finally getting off easy tonight but alas that was not the case. The last training session Chingu was fried just dealing with one dog but he dealt with those 4 dogs and he still had some spunk in him so Trainer Gina decided we could do some more with him. This is when the scary stuff really started to happen. What did she do? She PICKED HIM UP. That is huge for Chingu. She manhandled him a lot before that and he accepted it but then she started by just picking up his back legs and he of course tried to bite. He threw a tantrum and she just held firm, had his leash so he was corrected, and kept with it. At first I could tell he was so scared and it just killed me but he accepted and did ok. Then she tried picking up his front legs which he just did not like at all but the same thing as the back legs. Then the moment of truth came and she picked him up! He did try to bite and he wasn't a fan but he did it. She then sat on a chair with him in her lap. That was so weird to see.

I know that was really scary for him and Gina explained about when putting him down its like being up on a roof and you can't see the ladder so someone is guiding your leg onto that step and you're trusting in them to correctly place your food on that ladder. Well Chingu of course has trust issues and its just terrifying for him but he did it and he was picked up a couple of times and each time he got a little better. Thats the thing about Chingu. He has to try something new, he pitches a fit, learns he wont die from it, and then he's better about it.

Gina said he really is trying and he is. He has come so far and he amazes me everyday. His resilience and ability to learn and start to trust in people again just impresses me so much and I'm just the proudest dog mom.

Now for the hard part. I have to start getting in there and pushing Chingu's buttons and I know the time is coming where he's going to try and bite me. Chingu has nipped me in the past but no bites, but I'm going to have to work on picking him up. I can tell Chingu is starting to have pain in his hips and I know the day is coming when a situation will arise and he'll need to be carried. Working with him on this is probably going to mean one day we'll pass his comfort zone and he'll attempt a bite (I would never attempt this kind of training with him without a muzzle). I've always been worried this will happen and it will change our relationship and how I feel about him. I guess its hard to not take personally even though I know if he bites its not really personal. So this week the hard work really begins but it needs to be done. I might not be picking him up this week but I need to be working towards thats.

Anyways tomorrow night is our first group class. We wont be participating, he'll just be watching for awhile but its a start and its just great we've made it this far. When we started this journey and Gina talked about group classes and picking him up one day I thought it would never happen. I honestly thought Chingu would never be allowed or able to handle a group class and here we are ready to be in the same room with all these other dogs in training. He is super dog.

So tonight I attended group training class sans Chingu. Trainer Gina suggested it just so I'd have an idea of what I'd be getting into and maybe I wouldn't be so nervous. Every single session we have she has to remind me to breath and it can be hard to relax. She said probably the first couple of classes she'd have to handle Chingu just to get him in line because he really feeds off my nervous energy.

Anyways it was very interesting and different handling dogs that aren't chomping at the bit to get at the other dogs, who like to be pet by strangers, and who are generally friendly. It was like a whole new world and I think will be excellent practice for Chingu.

First all the dogs sat around in a circle, then they all had to do a down and stay. Then we got up and we walked around the room while the dogs heeled. Then we sat back down and all the dogs did down. Then each dog had a chance to weave in and out between the other dogs while the others all stayed in a down. Then we all just walked back and forth in the room heeling. Then we played musical owners with us all switching dogs like 5 times. Then back to the heeling, downs, sits a few more times. Then we practiced stays and then finally the dogs were allowed to socialize.

I feel that Chingu could handle walking in a circle and sitting and down. I, however, feel that I'd loose him when dogs started coming to sniff around and there's absolutely zero way we could play musical owners. Although musical owners might be harder on me than on him. I know once upon a time at the shelter different people walked him and he did live in two foster homes without any bites so I should give him more credit but its hard to let go.

Anyways it gives us a goal to shoot for. I think if Chingu could successfully complete a class like that without incident I'd declare him successfully rehabbed. That wouldn't mean cured or that I wouldn't still have to be vigilant but it would mean I could trust him a bit more. Now he might not ever get there. Musical owners is a big reach but who knows, you gotta reach for the stars. When you start at the bottom you can only go up.

But the important thing I saw tonight is as nice as it was working friendly dogs I really missed Chingu. Say what you will about him and I know he's scary to some but he's my little guy. Chingu might not be for everyone but he's definitely for me and while sometimes his training is frustrating and hard I wouldn't trade him for anything. I love that dog and he loves me.

Today we had a moment. We've been working on him letting me handle his feet. He'll usually just let me touch the tops of his feet or he'll very briefly put his paw in my hand (for .5 seconds). But today he was laying on his chair and I was petting him and he let me keep my hand on his paw and then I tried gently holding it and he let me for a whole 5 minutes! So we just sat there while I pet him with paw in hand. It was so sweet and he laid his head down by mine and just closed his eyes. Its moments like that that make it all worth it.

So Tuesday came around again and this time I had to brave training on my own without mom in tow. This was session number 8 which is supposed to be the end of private classes. So how it works is I paid upfront for 8 sessions and once Chingu complete's the 8 he's allowed to attend group classes for free for as long as we want (6 months, 2 years, 7 years, whatever). Well he's not quite ready for that so the trainer is throwing in the 9th session for free and then each additional session is $30. My guess is we'll need somewhere between 4 to 6 additional sessions which is fine.

Anyways Trainer Gina is great but she will deliver the occasional leash correction which I have mixed feelings about: I'm a believer in clicker training, classical conditioning, and positive-only training. Everything I've read tell me leash corrections are not the answer, however, with Chingu I have seen results with him and Gina. I also feel that when he does something like he did last night and really went after this dog that a simple 'time-out' or turning away isn't really the answer to letting him know his behavior is inappropriate. But on the other hand I do not want him to associate leash correction = strange dog.

It's all a balance. Trainer Gina gets much more in his face and pushes his buttons more. Such as last session when she handled his feet. She just kind of went for it and he had to accept it. Part of it is she has 30 minutes to show me what I can work towards all week. I'm in no rush to hold Chingu's paw, so I can take all the time I want just touching his paw, clicking, and treating before I even begin to handle him. I've also seen that with Trainer Gina because she goes in with confidence and this attitude of 'try and bite me with the muzzle it wont work so I don't care' he usually responds and wont do it. Or he'll throw the temper tantrum once and then accept the touch. This I think is good for him because always at the next session he wont bite for the kind of touching she did in the previous session only new touches. Also I actually think Chingu genuinely likes Gina despite her pushing his buttons and he's always happy to see her so as long as that continues and he's progressing I'm going to trust in her.

I also think that its important Chingu learns to handle loose or strange dogs or at least ignore them because already we've been approached by several off lead dogs and had a few very close calls. I'm all about giving him time and trying to counter-condition him, but due to the tons of people in our neighborhood who think its perfectly fine to allow their dog off lead I think its important to bring him up to speed sooner than later. I don't need Chingu to love other dogs or even like other dogs, I just need him to not attack with intent to kill and preferably ignore other dogs.

So anyways getting to the point. Trainer Gina brought out her awesomely trained German Shepherd who totally didn't respond to Chingu's several attempts to bite or intimidate. The thing is Chingu likes to sniff other dogs but if the other dog even thinks about sniffing him its on. He went after this dog 3 times and each time a leash correction was delivered. Now this is at the point where I'm thinking all this counter-conditioning work is going right out the window and I've just undone weeks of training. Well that is a risk with that but its not like the leash correction was delivered and then the dog left. Instead Chingu and the other dog were made to interact with each other so that Chingu saw if he allowed another dog to sniff his butt he would not die. In fact Trainer Gina made Chingu lay on top of the other dog and then had the other dog lay on top of Chingu and Chingu handled it remarkably well and then the two were able to lay down next to each other for several minutes without any problems.

Here the two are laying next to each other side by side. So next week we're going to try this again and try him out with another dog and then slowly we're going to start incorporating him into group classes. Tonight I'm going to observe a group class without him just so I can have an idea of what we're in for. It should also help me relax because Chingu is very sensitive to my energy and the cues I give so when I'm nervous it makes him more nervous.

I do just want to emphasize here: I do not advocate leash corrections and I don't think thats the best way to go. Trainer Gina is a trainer professional and I've seen enough results with Chingu that in this case I'm choosing to trust her but if I think for a moment its made him more reactive to dogs (which today on our walk he did just fine when seeing strange dogs) then it'll have to stop. I also will never personally deliver a leash correction because I think thats best left up to the professional and I prefer to work with hot dogs and clickers only. All dogs are different and some are very very sensitive and I think leash corrections can be very detrimental and I also think owners often deliver them in moments of frustration and anger which is totally the wrong way to handle them. I only share the part about the leash corrections because I think its important to share details of the entirety of his journey even if they only play a small role in his journey.

I still believe that his behavior changes have been brought about largely through counter-conditioning with a clicker and treats and the positive touching Gina taught us about in our first session and the touching she does with him in his sessions. But I'm very proud of the progress he's making and nervous/excited about his upcoming group classes.

So Chingu is making real progress. Every week we go to the trainers and every week he gets better. Sometimes though the trainer really does scare me. I dread every Tuesday at 7:30pm because I know its time to go to see Gina.

The thing about training is Gina really pushes his buttons. Each week she pushes and pushes and I know that at least once he'll bite. I absolutely hate seeing him like that but every single time the button she pushed the last week that made him bite if she does it the next week he accepts it and is fine.

But its hard to watch sometimes. He is just so sure that he's going to experience 'death by petting' and it breaks my heart. I hate that he thinks most human hands will bring him pain or discomfort and I hate to think of what his former life must have been like to make him think like that. But he's getting better and learning that touch is a good thing and if he'll just accept it he might actually enjoy himself.

This Tuesday he only tried to bite once and that was when Gina went to touch his butt. He's not a fan of that but as she said who really is? But once he settled down he actually enjoyed his butt massage. He also allowed her to handle his feet (not happily but allowed it) and wag his tail.

We've also started to visit the park and to see him now and think of what he was like just 9 weeks ago is amazing. When we used to walk and we'd see other dogs he was a barking, lunging beast who didn't care if I waived a steak in front of his face he could not be calmed down. He pulled constantly and walked nicely only when he felt like it. A big part of that is my fault because I allowed this in Korea but here there are too many dogs.

Now Chingu knows the command 'heel' and while if he sees ducks or squirrels he still wont listen the first time but he will respond. In addition he can now sit calmly and quietly while other dogs pass by and today he even did a 'down' while one passed by! Of course I am stuffing his face with hot dogs the whole time, but who cares?!

He's also started to learn on his own if he hears a dog bark to not respond but give me a 'watch me' and I've noticed now that even with dogs coming near-by or if something is coming up thats going to make him uncomfortable he'll look to me which I of course immediately click and reward. But this is huge that he's starting to look to me for guidance in these situations. Part of his problem in being fear-aggressive is he's afraid and he feels the need to protect himself. I need him to realize that if I'm present he doesn't need to be afraid and that I'll protect him. He's had to fight for survival alone long enough in this world its time for him to retire and leave that job up to me.

We still have a long way to go and Chingu will always need training and reinforcement to help him with his problems but I am super proud of him. He's come so far in such a short amount of time. When this all started I wasn't sure if I was up to the task of helping him. I didn't know if he could be helped or if I was capable enough but I feel more confident about his 'rehab' and more confident in my ability to guide him through this.

So I've talked a bit about the behaviorist now lets talk about the trainer.

We go to training every Tuesday evening and let me tell you Tuesday evenings are my least favorite. Watching my trainer with my dog is terrifying to me. That woman is fearless and I'm lucky to have found her.

So the first session she tells me, "give me the dog," and I'm like I don't think this is a good idea, he's not ready. She very nicely but very firmly told me to shut up and sit down. She then proceeded to touch Chingu which he of course didn't like and didn't handle well and he tried to bite her. Since he was muzzled he was unable to be successful and she didn't flinch at all. She then started to do this dog massage stuff and within 5 minutes he was relaxed, calm, and OK with her touching him. I was in awe.

Now normally I'd be like doggy massage? Then I would roll my eyes and call it voodoo. Well I became a convert that day. I give Chingu a massage every night before bedtime and not only does it strengthen our bond but some of these touches really do help calm him down in stressful situations. It also helps him to learn touch from people is positive not negative.

So at this point I was hooked, but watching Chingu bite (which he always does at least once every session) is hard for me. Its hard for me to watch him be like that and I of course only want to put him in situations where I know he can't fail. This lady though in every session pushes him to the edge which is terrifying at times to watch.

But while its scary to watch every time she's pushed he's succeeded.

Tonight we went there and there were two other dogs present. A chocolate lab and an English-mastiff-mix (enormous!) and she asked to take the leads from me and she started walking him around the room.

It was so scary. When we walk I'm terrified of running into off leash dogs and a dog fight breaking out. Chingu doesn't speak 'dog' very well and I know he'll be aggressive on a leash. He also always lunges and pulls when we see other dogs. Well this time he only tried to lunge once and actually sat calmly next to the other dogs! For him this is huge. Not only that but he went nose to nose with the dogs and has started to learn to actually be civil to other dogs. The mastiff did sniff his butt which he didn't like and he did try to bite at that but aside from that he's backed down to growls and snarls. Sure the growling and snarling aren't pleasant to hear but his warning system is kicking in before he bites and thats fantastic. I'd love for him to start growling regularly rather than bite 'without warning'.

But Chingu is making huge strides and he's done this all within about a 2 month time frame. I think about where I was 8 weeks ago with that vet saying I'd probably need to put him down to a point now where he can calmly sit next to other dogs and people without lunging and his bite threshold improving and I'm just so proud of him. He of course still can't be trusted off a muzzle and he will probably have to wear it for a long long time before he can have that trust but yay for Chingu. So I think the lesson that keeps being reinforced as we progress each week is never give up.

So now I've posted about the who and the why but not about the how. How do you help a fear-aggressive dog? Well like you would if you were an alcoholic you work steps. So Chingu is on what I like to call the spider step program.

We found a great trainer and a great behaviorist and I'm going to explain it like the behaviorist did to me.

Lets say you are deathly afraid of spiders. Then lets say someone puts you in a room full of spiders. Whats going to happen? Well you're probably going to act out in some way such as screaming. Now lets say someone punches you in the face each time you scream. Eventually you will stop screaming but you'll still be terrified of spiders.

Its like that with Chingu. To him people (especially men) are big giant spiders that scare him. His reaction is to bite to make the spider go away. Now in the past this has been an effective tool for him so if it ain't broke why fix it? But if I were to punish him every time he tried to bite he might stop but he'd still be afraid of spiders/people.

So going back to you and the spiders. If instead of getting punched in the face every time you screamed around a spider I sat you down and gave you $100 for just looking at a picture of a spider you'd probably stop screaming. But not only would you stop screaming you might even start to feel ok about the spiders, or at least OK about pictures of spiders. The goal is not to just get the behavior to stop but also how you feel about the trigger to the behavior. Because if how you feel never changes then one day when you know you wont get punched in the face you might start screaming again. Or it might be that even if you know you'll get punched in the face you're just so scared you can't help but scream.

Thats my goal with Chingu. I don't want the behavior to just stop, I want him to feel safe around people/spiders. So instead of a $100 he likes hot dogs. So what our first step was is we'd go people watching. We would stand at a very far distance and every time he looked at a person he would get a piece of hot dog. We would do this everyday several times a day for a week. Then if I felt he was comfortable we'd move a little closer and each week we'd take a step closer.

Now you don't want to move too fast with something like this. Sometimes its hard because you think he's got it, lets keep going. But Chingu has a threshold of whats acceptable and you don't want to accidentally cross that threshold so you need to make sure each step of the way he's been fully desensitized and counter-conditioned. That might mean taking an extra week on a step if you're not sure, but thats OK.

Anyways right now we're at the step where people still don't touch him but instead toss him treats. We've just started this and instead of taking a week on this one we might take two. Ideally after this then people will be able to feed him treats through his muzzle and then eventually pat him on the head while giving him treats and maybe one day touch his body. We might never get there, but we'll take it as far as it goes.

But I'm proud to report that there has been progress also in the additional training we do aside from the desensitization/counter-conditioning. I've been working for weeks to teach him the down command and while recovering from his neuter he finally got it! Not only that but while tossing treats Chris asked him for a down and he gave it to him! Thats huge progress for him as down is a very vulnerable position for a dog and for him to feel comfortable enough to follow the command is real progress. So yay Chingu!

"It's just a dog," if I had a dollar for every time I heard that phrase then I'd have Chingu's neuter and trainer paid for and then some.

So who/what is Chingu and how do you say that word? Well Chingu (say it like ching + goo) is my dog. His name means friend in Korean although I don't think you could use the word friendly to describe him. Although he's not a cuddle buddy and he's not really into people he's my friend and thats all that really matters to me. I prefer to describe him as, "not an emotional whore."

So I know I haven't updated in almost a year but during this year is when I got Chingu. When I first arrived in South Korea I swore no pets and after Abby I didn't really think I was ready. But then I saw a post online. A post with a picture of a beautiful dog that needed help. He was just so beautiful I was sure someone else with more resources and more space would take him but I offered up my home as a last resort. Well as it turns out my offer was the only offer. At the time I couldn't take him immediately and his foster home wasn't working out so he had to be taken to the shelter and wait til I could come meet him.

Let me tell you folks, going to a shelter to meet a dog is a huge mistake if you don't really want to take one home with you. You see all those sad sad dogs there and you want to give each of them a home.

Well I guess our first meeting foretold of things to come. When I very first met him he nipped at me (he was expressing his dislike of being chained back up to the tree). So my reaction was no way am I taking this guy home. But I figured I'd come all that way so I might as well try and walk him. So I did and he was so happy to go on a walk he kept turning back and 'smiling' at me. That was the end. That smile melted my heart and I knew he was mine.

After that Chingu was pretty good. There were a few more nipping incidents in the beginning but they were easily corrected and after he got over his fear and realized I was there to help him we became pretty close. Chingu has done a lot of good things for me and I believe we have a pretty deep bond.

Anyways 8 months and over 1000 miles walked later I returned home from South Korea with Chingu and about 50lbs lighter. Unfortunately Chingu didn't take the move so well and he bit Chris badly (7 weeks post bite and there is still a scab).

That bite was a real wake up call about how bad his fear-aggression was. It was even suggested by one vet that he be put down. Well in my opinion you don't just put down a dog without giving him a fighting chance. So instead we found a behaviorist, we found a trainer, and we found a different vet and right now Chingu is going through 'rehab'. So now this blog is about our journey together. I know Chingu will never be a dog that loves everyone and in some ways it makes me sad to think not everyone can know what a wonderful, sweet, loving soul exists inside Chingu but thats OK, because I know it.

I like to think Chingu isn't broken but instead just bent. So for the moment my travels have been suspended as Chingu and I work to get over his fear of people (particularly men) and we work through this thing. So therefore the purpose of this blog has changed too. This will be about our journey through Rehab and I hope to come out of this successful. So *fingers crossed* I hope this next year I've committed to bringing Chingu around will be one that finds a happier more secure dog at the end of it.

So updates:

I gave up the swimming and it wasn't even the nudity that did it.  I actually stuck with it for an entire month but then it started snowing regularly and its just too cold.  Especially with wet hair and a 20 minute walk home.  

So I just "work out" at home and hopefully will resume the swimming in warmer weather.  But I do still attend Hapkido regularly and just got my blue belt (I got my yellow before that and then skipped green and got my blue this week).  Now I have my doubts about my ability to get my black belt due to my terrible coordination and it requires gymnastic like flipping that I just really can't envision myself doing.  But my Hapkido Master seems to believe in me and if nothing else he did finally manage to teach me at 24 what I couldn't do at the age 10: a cartwheel.  I gotta say, I know its just a cartwheel, but I was really proud of myself for doing that.  

I really just want to be able to kick someone's ass when I'm done.  If I can do that I'll be happy with it.  Hapkido does teach some pretty good defensive skills so its good information to have.

Moving on...Along with my endless hours of watching TV I've taken up cooking.  It's strange I know as I've never really been inclined to cook.

Well there was the brief episode of being a cook at a Korean Restaurant in Austin but that didn't really work out.  Mainly because I was left-handed and white, but those are details.  Even in Togo when I had lots of time I wasn't that inclined to cook.  Of course doing dishes was a pain in the butt, you had to worry about your gas running out, and it was just too hot.

Here I have a fridge, running water, a freezer, a microwave, etc.  So there really isn't any excuse.  Its also kinda hard to eat out in my town if you're a single person.  Koreans are much more group oriented and they don't eat alone or drink alone or really go anywhere alone so unless I have someone to go with I eat at home (there is also a lack of picture menus). 

Also while Korean food can be tasty it can be repetitive and I like to change it up a bit.  I've also come to the realization that without my two friends amoebas and giardia I can't actually eat whatever I want and not put on weight.  Its amazing the kind of pounds one can pack on when not having the shits all the time.  

So I've started being creative in my cooking and trying new things.  While most things are available here I can't always find western stuff or it might be there but since I can't read Korean I can't always tell.

But one thing they are missing is cheese.  While you can find it in largers towns in Western stores its either mozzarella or those processed "cheese" slices that are total crap and only those who don't know any better would eat.  So I was looking up ravioli recipes and stumbled upon the fact I could make my own ricotta cheese. (Imagine angels singing and lights flashing as my eyes were opening).  I could make my own cheese!  Why had I never thought of this before?  And thats when my quest began to experiment and try new things.  So here are pictures from this experiment:                     Pretty much you heat milk to almost boiling and then you add some lemon juice and wait for it to clump up, strain, and season a little with salt.  

So this was something I was going to post in December but got lazy and didn't finish so I've finished and I'll update in my next post.

December:          

Well today I came into work expecting to have to teach 40 middle schoolers only to discover they are coming next week. So that means I get to go home, right?! No such luck, instead I've pretty much wasted 6 hours screwing around on the Internet and I have another hour or so to go, so I figured I'd blog a little about Korea.

The job isn't so bad. The only thing that absolutely drives me bonkers is how they leave things here till the last minute. Trying to pin them down on exact schedules and details about vacation is nearly impossible because they keep saying they don't know. But otherwise its pretty simple. Different groups of students come in for either a 2 to 3 day program where they have classes like cooking, airplane, hospital, hotel, etc and then they go back to their regular schools and classes (where they do have English classes). So I basically only have to see the kids once or maybe twice a year. I also teach the same classes over and over again. Some days when I teach airplane 4 times in a row I want to kill myself, but its an easy job.

Adjusting to living for the weekend and having to show up on time every morning every m-f kinda sucks, but it was inevitable. I can no longer use l'heure African as an excuse, explaining that I had to stop and greet some people along my way.

But anyways my schedule goes something like this: I wake up, go to school, come home, go swimming at the gym, and then go to hapkido lessons.

Lets talk about swimming at the gym. Now for those of you who know me I am not athletically inclined, so my experience with gyms in the US is fairly limited. But in my quest for a black belt in Hapkido in a year I've decided I'm gonna need to work to really get in shape and develop some upper body strength. Initially I decided I'd try jogging but since I really dont care for jogging and it started icing over at night it became too dangerous to jog in the mornings without risking some kind of fall in which I'm sure I'd break something. So when I heard there was a gym with a pool I decided to sign up and start swimming.

Going back to the whole being a Hoke therefore not really athletic thing I haven't really experienced that many gyms in the States so I could be wrong on this issue, however, in my limited experience when it comes to the girls' locker room stalls have always been available to both shower and change in. Now sometimes there are open showers and you have to wait longer for a stall but that has always been something I've been happy to wait for. I don't believe in public nudity or group showering. I think showering is personal grooming time and therefore should be private. I also just don't care for naked people.

Even after all my time in West Africa I never came to a comfortable place with nudity. But here due to saunas and group bathing I guess they're cool with it, and I applaud that. If you're comfortable with naked people good for you, I just think there should be options for those of us who are not.

So I arrive at the gym and go into the locker room and there it is: women just walking around without any clothes. The other problem is that here towels are about the size of hand towels so they're pretty much useless for covering anything. My first impulse is to just back out of the room and pretend that I was never there, but I decide that I've got to face it, so I just try to ignore everyone.

Initially it seems as though my plan is working.  No one talks to me when I arrive and I had smartly already worn my swimsuit to the gym so I don't have to disrobe completely in front of everyone.  So I head off to the pool and its crowded but I've made it this far and faced down old naked women, I just decide to jump in the least crowded lane.

Now early in the mornings I've found the pool doesn't seem to really be for swimming.  Instead its apparently the hot spot for socializing.  I take a lane and the women in it will swim a lap, stop for 15 minutes and just chat and then swim again.  

So I do my laps and get out of the pool and head for the showers.  Its the moment of truth, the moment I knew I had to face once I saw a locker room full of naked women, but I have no choice.  So I try to strategically pick a time which I think the least number of people will be in the showers but it wont matter.  

So I'm showering just trying to block it all out and this old woman comes up to me stark naked and starts saying something in Korean.  I shrug my shoulders and start praying silently she'll go away.  But it only gets worse, she begins to play a game of charades.  It seems as though she feels I might not know how to shower or wash myself and she starts to demonstrate and make washing gestures and really focuses on the crotch.  Maybe she thinks white people don't know we should wash there?  I don't know, but I figure at this point it can't get much worse.

But it does.  Some woman who speaks broken English joins in and trys and translate but either the old woman is crazy or the lady isn't the best translater because it doesn't make any sense what is being said.  So I just say thanks and turn my back hoping they'll get the message.  Eventually the old lady leaves and I try and hurry through my shower.  Then grab my itty bitty towel and try to walk discreetly towards my locker.  

I arrive at my locker with salvation in sight.  There my clothes are nicely waiting for me to put on and then all will be right in the world again.  So as I begin to dress the translator comes up to me stark naked and starts asking me where I live, whats my specific address, and can we be English speaking friends?  

It doesn't seem to phase her that she is completely naked and I'm just trying to find some sort of focal point in the room that is as far away from any possible naked people.  I just keep combing my hair waiting for an opening to bolt towards the door.

Once I'm able to wrap up the conversation I put on my headphones, turn on my music, and run out the door trying to forget the horror of the no-stall locker room.

If only they made water proof ipods or something.  Sure it doesn't seem like a good idea to have something electronic hooked into your ear when you're submerged in a body of water, but the idea of risking death or something from electric shock seems like a reasonable one to take if it means I can better tune out the naked people.

The problem is my foreigness.  It attracts attention and 'help' that I don't really want.  There should be some sort of rule in life.  It should be a universal rule and that rule should be that when with strangers and everyone is naked no one should speak to anyone until all parties are dressed. 

So thats my life: work, tv, hapkido, and gym nudity.

Hey Everyone

Sorry I've been slow to open the blog. I still don't have Internet in my home and at work there isn't enough time or privacy to post. Hopefully, however, this week I should be getting Internet so once that is up and running I should be able to post more.

Gangjin is a small town where I can pretty much walk anywhere (except work which is a bit of a hassle but I'm thinking of trying to bike it when it gets warmer). The people here stare a lot but it's silent staring and there are no chants of Yovo Yovo so that is nice.

The grocery store here has pretty much everything I need and there is a bakery really close by so that is nice as well.

It is cold though, it even snowed a few days ago. But all in all it is not a bad place to be. The job is easy and even though I speak no Korean its not too bad to get around.

Hopefully I can post more later

Hey People

I know its been awhile, but internet here is often frustrating and I don't have the patience to update my blog frequently. But good news...potentially... my village might be getting internet!

It'll be dial up, but at this point I'll take it. But it's not finished yet, though as I was leaving village they were painting the building, putting up the sign, and even more promising I saw some computers. So keep your fingers crossed and it might mean I wont have to make a two hour plus long trek to Kara jammed in a packed van full of people, screaming babies, chickens, and screaming goats just to use internet.

Animals in Togo

The french word for goat is chevra and I happen to like that word better so when you read chevra know I'm talking about goats. Now baby goats appear cute. They're little, cuddly, and furry so whats not to love? The fact that they shit everywhere.

You can't walk 10 feet without seeing goat turds somewhere. In addition goats make terrible screaming sounds that sound disturbingly close to the sounds a child might make if they were being beaten. This is particularly unsettling to listen to when traveling for hours in a hot, jam packed bush taxi.

Then there are the chickens who also make lots of noise. By the way the whole rooster crowing at dawn thing is a lie. Roosters crow all the time and the ones by my house seem to love doing so at 1 and 2 am. The chickens here are disturbing to watch and its kinda put me off chicken. Now I'm sure chickens in the US are dirty, they have to be. I mean in the US they all sit in cages where they all shit on eachother. Disgusting I know. The difference here is I can see them running around and I watch the things they eat which is the garbage laying on the ground. This does make you say, "yum, I'm having chicken for dinner."

Next come the mice and the bats. Now to my knowledge mice have not actually been in my house, but they live in my roof. At night they like to run back and forth on my ceiling and squeek a lot. They also like to leave me little "presents" i.e. mouse turds. These then come through the cracks between my ceiling and walls. Bats also live in my roof and like to fly around at night knocking into things and making strange noises. I have to say when I envisioned my life in Togo I knew I'd encounter mice, chickens, probably a goat or two, but I was not expecting bats which I often seen flying around at night.

Village Life

So my life in village is different. I read a lot. A whole lot so I guess its a good thing I like to read so much.

Initially I was reluctant to leave my house as the prospect of speaking to people in French some days proves to be very intimidating. However, I've made the rule for myself that I must leave my house and go into town everyday. Town is about 2km away and the hospital is about 3km from my house but I try to go everyday. Because I have no refrigerator I need to buy vegetables pretty frequently and fried tofu (sodja) only keeps a few days so I try to go if nothing else to eat. Though laziness has often resulted in eating a single meal of oatmeal.

Initially I didn't care much for the whole bike riding thing but it makes for a faster trip and now that its getting hot riding my bike provides a nice breeze. I still have a look of panic of my face everytime someone tries to speak to me in french but I'm starting to understand a little more and speak a little more so yay for me.

Every wednesday I go to CPC which is where mothers bring their infants hopefully every month to be weighed and receive vaccinations. Ideally the mother will come every month so that she can track the baby's growth progress. Its an overwhelming experience with tons of crying babies, but it adds a little structure to my schedule and the women seem to get a kick out of seeing a Yovo. Sometimes there are difficulties. Many of the hospital staff do not speak Konkomba, the local language, so they have to find someone who speaks french so they can translate. Every now and again a woman doesn't speak konkomba either and speaks another language no one can translate which can lead to difficulties. Also because many women give birth at home they often do not know the date of birth which can matter for vaccinations. But the hospital does a pretty good job of running things effeciently so overall its a fairly smooth operation which is nice.

Other projects are hopefully coming along and slowly more work is starting to develop which is good. Our first 3 months are supposedly just supposed to be spent getting to know the community and not doing much work work, but throwing yourself into it is the best way I think.

Getting to know the community is hard. The formalities of greeting people and the enforced small chit chat I have a hard time with. Its not enough to just say hi, you have to ask how the person is, how their family is, etc. I was never much good at that back home let alone here in another language. So I'm sure I sometimes come across as abrupt and possibly rude, but I'm spending a lot of time at Tchouk stands (tchouck is a local beer) and I've met a lot of people that way. They're often very happy to meet me but that could just be the alcohol.

Anywho my time is running short so I'll wrap it up. I'm doing well and my health is good. I love getting letters so please send them.

Some have asked me what I would like sent to me so here's a short list

Candy (sweettarts, starburst, sour punch, nerds, jolly ranchers are all good)

cds with new music always a winner

dvds

cross stitch stuff

people and other trashy magazines

photos

instant meal stuff like those lipton sides

tank tops (old navy ones hold up really well with all the washings and ringings)

but pretty much i'm taken care of. thanks to all of those of you who have written. hopefully i will post sooner rather than later.

So guys, I know its been awhile but just try finding a decent internet connection in Togo and youll understand.

Life is hard but not impossible here and the longer Im here the easier it is. Im sorry I havent had much contact but stamps are expensive and even if I go to buy them good luck managing to get to the post office when its actually open and not a holiday. But in a month Ill get to swear in and be a PCV and both my email and mailing should be more regular. I will also be purchasing a phone so that should be cool.

So life in Togo, where to start? Its hard to describe, its just so foreign. My host family is pretty nice and I have this host cousin I absolutely adore. Her name is Rosa and she is as cute as a button. She got really sick and I took her to the doctor which was an experience. Even with special treatment it wasnt very fun and I wonder how mothers here do it, if they can even afford it. I paid to deworm, deparasite, cough medicine, and malaria medicine which all in all ended up close to 8000 cfa which is about 16 us dollars. Here thats really expensive. The thing is shell just get worms again and parasites because all the children pick stuff up off the ground and put it in their mouths where chicken poop and goat poop are in abundance as they are allowed free reign. They also go around barefoot even though they have shoes; they just dont wear them a lot of times. But my cousins are all really cute and Rosa is doing much better. Theres also her brother Christian and another cousin Kekelly who thinks my name is a tout alheure, please excuse the spelling i do not know how to write french.

The french is coming along but its hard, part of the problem is everyone doesnt speak french thus i cant always practice. But one way or another ill find a way to muddle through; ill have to.

Im just now finishing up post visit, my post is Guerin Kouka and im thrilled with it. Im going to be working on this forced marriage project which is a problem that effects about 70 percent of the girls in the Dankpen prefecture and also on child trafficking. Im also working on AIDS education along with other stuff. Its looking like my very first project will be helping to improve some showers because right now the water and urine from showers just run off into the street so were going to try and construct them so they go down to the ground through a filtration system of rocks which is way more sanitary. Not knowing the language is intimidating but my Togolese counterparts all seem very motivated and hard working so im very pleased.

Also my house is kickass. Unlike many volunteers I have no imediate neighbors; so no families to be loud and keep me up at night. Therefore I have tons of privacy which is awesomeness. All in all im happy and cant wait till december when I get to move in.

Also I buzzed my hair off. Im not completely bald as i wanted to avoid sunburn but its buzzed pretty close. Its awesome and its an increadibly freeing experience that i highly recommend. Also as it turns out I have a pretty nicely shaped head. I cant post pictures now but will in December. Write me letters

Hey everyone

So I made it to Togo in one piece and so far so good (knock on wood) I haven't been sick yet although after the presentation on diarrhea today I know thats coming. We learned how to collect our own stool samples today. How fun for me right? Yesterday we learned about bucket showers and latrines. So far I have had a flushing toilet but tomorrow I meet my host family so Ill see how that goes. Im a liittle worried because my french is totally gone. My first impulse is to say non comprende and gracias to everyone (damn Honduras) so good luck to me.

So far for the most part though we've just chilled in Lome. There are 30 of us and tomorrow we'll be broken into halves. GEE (girls education and empowerment) in one place and CHAP (thats me and a description is on the side) in another. The current PCVs are really nice and they took us out Saturday night for more bonding fun which led to an unfun Sunday morning because we have to be up at the buttcrack of dawn, but a good time it was.

I got issued my water filter today and im getting a gas stove with an automatic starter (way fancier than the older volunteers have) and a pretty sweet bike. Whats awesome about the bikes is we get brand new helmets the next round after us will inheret our used ones.....ewwwwww. So Im happy about that. I then have 11 weeks of taining and then its off to post which i should find out in about 5 to 6 weeks.

So far so good. We're all safe and relatively healthy and all of course taking malaria meds. Ill let you know if I start having some trippy dreams but Im guessing not.

Also a not about mailing stuff address it to Sister Meghan Hoke and writting God is watching you in french doesn't hurt. Jesus stickers are a good bet as well. padded envelopes get here tons faster than most and put lots of tape on the seal so i can know if its tampered with. Im charged for each package so if it can fit in one put it in one. Also letters often dont make it so its better to put them in padded envelopes and its more likely that i'll get them. so if i dont write you back email me and assume i didn't get it.

I hope everyone is doing well back home.

Well guys staging has come to an end and off to Togo I go. I'm actually doing it!

There are about 30 people in my group and all very nice. I leave tonight and will arrive in Togo tomorrow evening. Everyone write and email me!!!!

So funny story........

You know that trunk I was bringing? The one I thought that would be great to lock my stuff up in, well bad idea. That POS busted on me and while sure I could probably use the mighty power of duct tape and hope that it made it to Africa in one piece I'd sure be pissed if it busted apart while in transport to Africa and bye bye went all my stuff. That'd sure be something to cry about.

So a delayed trip to DC, another night in NYC and a rush to the army surplus store has landed me with the most enormous duffle bag in the world and let me tell you has made my packing life oh so much easier. Of course its problematic in the sense that I now have room for more stuff.....

I just have to remind myself there's a weight limit. Besides this thing doesn't have wheels so I'm just gonna be dragging it around along with my enormous backpack. But I gotta do what I gotta do.

Anyways I'd like to take a moment to thank all my parents for being so great. Dad and Bev thanks for letting me stay with y'all and all the help with everything. It sure made life easier. Mom and Chris much thanks for the duffle bag and all the other help and to Mom for being the packing Nazi. I just couldn't have done this and packed and everything without y'all help so much thanks and appreciation for the vital role y'all all played.

So I managed to pack up most of the things in the picture. I had to leave behind some of the oatmeal and a couple other things but I made it to the airport and weighed in ok.

Although curiously enough the trunk weighed in at exactly 50lbs (go me!) and my backpack at 42 (I'm 12lbs overweight, but shhh! don't tell anyone) but I swear my backpack is weigh heavier but thats cool with me as long as it all weighs in ok. So go me! Of course I have these next few days in DC to pack and repack and grab a couple extra things I didn't get to.

Sadly the game Risk (don't laugh!) didn't make it. My friends told me I was crazy for trying but I really like that game. Oh well, I suppose Peace Corps volunteers shouldn't be playing games of world domination anyways........

But I've got one week and counting! People ask me are you excited? Yes I am but at this point I feel like I have so much to do to make sure lose ends are tied up I don't have time to think about my excitement.

But the main thing is I made it and I made it with an ok weight limit, though more things might get ditched. I'll be leaving a trail of Meghan stuff from Lubbock, to NYC, to DC.

So this is everything I want to bring and maybe a couple more items. The question is will it all fit? The next one is if it does will I be overweight? Well I'm working on it and let me tell you it does't look pretty.

I think I'm gonna have to ditch some stuff. I'll keep you posted.

When I tell people I'm going to Togo everyone is like where is that again? And I of course reply right between Ghana and Benin you know. People then either fake like oh yeah I know exactly where that is or they still have this look of cluelessness on their face. Its ok, had you asked me a year ago where Togo was I would have been like Togo what? So to help out I'm posting a picture.

So thats where Togo is and I've also included a picture of the Togo flag for everyone's benefit.

You should also check out Wikipedia for some quick info on Togo (I love Wikipedia) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Togo

17 days and counting!

And the countdown continues....

2 months and I'm off and I have to say I couldn't be more ready. Now am i packed? No, not really but this dragging it out thing is killing me.

Coming back from Honduras was harder than I thought and I'm ready to leave again. Stuff just isn't as important anymore. Or at least I tell myself that as I try to gear up for packing to go to Togo. My goal is to keep it under 50lbs but I'm afraid its gonna be 80, most of that I think is book weight.

They say there are plenty of books at the Peace Corps library but can there be such a thing as too many books? As I get ready to enter the land of create your own entertainment I have to be prepared to go without cable (a luxury I even managed at times to have in Honduras) and infrequent at best times without the Internet. So what does that leave? Books and as long as I have plenty of books and my ipod I will be a happy person.

I can't say Im not nervous about going. Dealing with stomach demons both in Honduras and since returning makes me nervous about the bathroom situation in Togo, which I have to say does not sound promising, and I have a feeling stomach demons will be plaguing the next 2 years of my life. But I figure I'll adapt.

Everyone is moving forward with their lives and I just feel stuck. I just keep telling myself that in 2 months I'll be moving forward. Although in a sense my life here in America will be stuck on pause. I'll leave thinking things are a certain way and when I come back I'm pretty sure nothing will be the same including myself. I think that makes me more nervous than anything, the uncertainty at the end.

But ready or not here I come and it can't get here fast enough.

As a side note I'd like to add not having a cell phone has been one of the most liberating experiences so for those of you brave enough to do it I strongly encourage it.

This here is the "Father of Math" who has amazing skills in multiplication tables

The boys in the picture on the left are Stefano, Dannis, and Gustavo. Gustavo is the kid who wrote the essay I published earlier. All 3 are trouble makers but not terrible kids.

The girl on the left is Josselyn a cute 3rd grader. Then thats me and Katy. I had a terrible hair accident in Honduras where they dyed my hair a hideous blond. Luckily Katy works at some ridiculously priced Rita Hazzan Salon where it costs like 300 dollars to have your hair colored, but if you offer yourself up to be experimented on by one of the assistants in training its free! So Thank you Katy, they fixed my hair and back to brown hair I go.

To all of my friends who want pics Im guessing this is it and I might take these down later so get them while you can and if you complain that I'm going to Togo and you wont see me for 2 years blah blah and you need a pic blah blah....All I have to say is draw one.

I know its been a long time and my apologies but this past month has been busy. There's been a lot of frustration and lots of struggles trying to finish out the year and get my students to actually study and do their work. However, there have been some really great moments too.

I assigned my 9th graders a paper the Friday before review week which is basically a week in which they believe they shouldn't do any homework. The assignment was to pick a historical leader from a list and analyze his or her rule according to Machiavelli in the Prince and all of them turned in their papers. I was so proud of them. Not only that but some of the papers were really good. This one student in particular didn't think he could write a 5 page paper and I really pushed him to do it and I went to talk to his mom to make sure he did and he actually wrote 5 1/2 pages and his papers was one of the best ones. I almost cried when I got them all and started reading them (that when I knew it was time to leave because I've clearly gone soft).

Im definately tired of some of my kids. The 8th graders in particular. That class has become a battle of wills between me and the class. Little do they realize Im the one who gives them their grades. However, the cynical part of me knows that when I leave these parents will just wave some money around and their kids' grades will magically be changed. Failing in Honduras just doesn't mean failing.

They just passed a law saying you can't fail 1st graders. Not only that but in grade school if you fail a quarter the teacher has to give you a recoup which is basically the final exam over again to give you a chance to pass. If you fail the year you get to take one exam that covers everything again and if you pass that you pass the year. If you fail that you can go to summer school and your given a review of the exam and you study all summer and take the exam again in the fall and only then if you fail are you held back a grade. Its ridiculous. I'm so glad they dont have them in high school, but of course these kids expect a million chances when they get to high school.

This week is finals week and I caught 2 girls cheating on their final exam. I wanted to give them a 0 for the entire quarter but I can only give them a 0 on the exam. But the parents still wanted a chance for them to make it up. One parent agreed that her daughter should fail the quarter but the other mom just cried. I wish I could have said "cry to someone who cares" in Spanish. The cheating here is out of control and examples need to be set.

The good news is I just met the World History teacher for next years 10th graders (my 9th graders) so Im able to give him samples of their work and talk to h im about what we've covered. He just got his Masters in International Studies. I'm very excited about it because he seems like he'd be a good teacher and he's already taught in Puerto Cortes at the other bilingual school several years ago. But this way I can follow up with my 9th graders and know that they're being taken care of.

I have 12 days left and while I'm excited to leave I'm really sad to leave my students behind. I really love a lot of them. Tomorrow is my last day with my 9th graders and 7th graders. Hopefully I dont shame myself and cry in front of them. I'm just so proud of so many of them and how far they've come. I'm also proud that I was able to help in some small way.

A lot of days being a teacher is discouraging. You wonder what you're doing and if you're really helping anyone. I've often felt like my kids haven't learned anything. And its true that grading these finals I've still been somewhat discouraged, but when I read my 9th grade papers I knew I actually did something right. I just wish I had more time to do more with them. It seems like I've been counting the days till I go home for forever but now I feel like I'd do anything for one more week to work with my kids to get that one last thing in.

I enjoy my students a lot and students I've met. Like Miss Annie's class. I've made some friends with some of her 3rd graders like this little boy Naun who calls himself the "Father of Math". I'm going to miss him a lot. We play chess sometimes and everyday he'd come up to me and say, "Miss Meghan I will win today to you in chess." I'll have to post pictures later when I get a chance. There's also Josselyn who apparently loves me because I let her play basketball with me a few times. Its kind of nice to have little 3rd graders run up to you and hug you. It almost makes you wish you could teach little kids but then you remember large groups of small children are scary so its best to stick to just making friends with a couple.

So as my time here comes to an end people have asked are you glad you came? Are you glad you stayed? Did you like teaching us? And the answer to all those questions is yes. I'm glad I came and I'm glad I stayed. I wouldn't change the experience for a million lempiras.

Maybe its cause Im getting older and realizing that my siblings are getting older as well and therefore the convenience of living with them is no longer there so you only talk if you make the effort. Maybe its the idea that I'm going to Togo for 2 years and now that my contact has been minimized with my family in Honduras it will be even more minimal in Togo.

Whatever the reasons I decided to call my brother Jonathan. Now I haven't lived with him since I was 16 and when we were kids we used to be close. We were forever plotting against the little girls and I must say we had some pretty good successes. He was definately an excellent partner in crime. But over the years since I've been gone the contact between us had been few and far between. I call on his birthdays for a brief 5 minute phone call and thats about it. I see him when I go home and thus far have been content with that.

The loss of contact made me sad initially but then I became complacent and came to accept that we'd probably see eachother at holidays and that was about it. I'm ashamed to admit I didn't try harder but I was talking to my sister Katy and we were talking about good ol' Jonathan and I decided it had been awhile so why not call the guy. So I tried this past Friday and sadly got his voice mail. I also called Val who Im a little bit better about keeping contact with but her cell phone is always being taken away and her work schedule is erratic so our periods of contact come and go. But I was not to be deterred. So today I called my brother again and wouldn't you know I got ahold of him. I of course called him when he was sleeping but he was kind enough to wake up and talk to me.

We had a real conversation, as in one that lasted more than 5 minutes. We talked for 23 minutes to be exact (or at least I was only charged 23 lempiras but the guy who works there asks me to marry him on a regular basis so sometimes he takes off a lempira or two off). He even asked for my advice so once again I got to fulfill my role as big sister.

Now being a big sister is not a job to be taken lightly. Its a serious job with I must say many perks but at the same time very demanding. For one you have to always be ready with advice and not just any advice will do it has to be good advice. You also have to maintain control of your siblings when you're younger and let me tell you when you end up being the shortest one of the bunch that can be tough.

So I'm really happy I picked up the phone and called. It was nice. So while I'm about to have a corny moment in my blog please bear with me...For those of you who might have lost touch with someone or you dont call them often enough I encourage you to pick up the phone and just check in. You might realize that while you thought you drifted far apart you're actually not that far off.

The day following my birthday was also a good day. My 8th grade girls made me a cake and surprised me at recess and I have to say thats pretty cool.

Also a Dale update: Dale left this morning and made the decision to leave yesterday so happy birthday to me again. I have to say while I am thrilled that he's gone I think some of the students are a little sad he didn't even say good-bye to them and my guess is a lot of the good stuff he's done with his students will be lost because I think some respect has been lost in him not seeing this thing through. He was basically looking for an excuse to leave and when Mr. Cesar, the PE Teacher who Dale hates, had to move into the house with him and David he found his excuse. So Adios to Mr. Dale

Anyways moving on. Today I went to the mini-supermarcado and I came out and saw a little boy asking for limperas and I just shrugged moving on. These kids are everywhere but this kid looked sad and as I thought about the 3 limperas I had in my pocket I thought, "what the hell do I really need these for," and I walked back and gave them to him. But what did I do for him really? I gave him 3 lems whoo hoo that'll buy you a bunch of nothing. Even if I emptied out my wallet and gave him everything what will that do really? It might feed him a few days more but when the money runs out, then what?

It makes me so sad to see these people and the lack of hope these people have. There's no improving their situation and I wonder what am I really doing for Honduras or for anyone? I came here to teach kids but I know ultimately I'm gaining more from the experience than they are and besides these are kids who have parents that have money. These kids will do okay and a lot of them have never been exposed to some of the terrible poverty that exists here.

I think about this a lot as I get closer to going to Africa. What do I expect to really do there? Obviously I hope to educate people about health, help women learn more about contraceptives and how to plan families and provide as much nutrition as possible for their children. I hope to educate people about STD and AIDS prevention. But will I be effective and will it last?

If you think of the task of overcoming language and cultural barriers and being able to become accepted enough into a community that people will listen its as though they've sent an ant to move a boulder. How qualified am I? The answer is not a lot. I think the reality of it is, is the Peace Corps will do more for me than I will for the people in Africa. I'll get to learn a new language, see a new part of the world, experience a new culture. Then when its over I get to return to my comfortable American home with all my nice things with clean water and electricity and go on with my life. What enabled me to do this? Simple luck. I happened to be born in America and whats more I happened to be born a white girl with upper middle-class parents. While I have to give kudos to my parents for not spoiling me as much as they could have my life has been very priviledged. I'm coming out of college debt free and endless opportunities which is more than most people in the world have.

So while I hope to achieve good results in Africa and I plan to work as hard as possible Im not sure its as admirable as people think. My parents say, "I'm so proud of you", my friends think its great I'm doing this, people always tell me how great it is I'm giving up 2 years of my life to do this, and so many people talk about wishing they could do what I'm doing. But is it admirable? I'm not so sure. Maybe its the guilt of being born priviledged but I almost feel like I owe it to my fellow human beings to help better their situation. Call me a liberal hippy but America and the Western World has benefited from the chaos and underdevelopment of Africa and other countries. It allows us to produce goods cheaper and buy other raw materials at lower prices. Our lifestyle is maintained through the exploitation of others not as fortunate to be born in the Western World. We owe it to them to help and provide Aid and a system of sustainability.

And in the end what I'm doing is only a drop in the bucket. I dont expect to move mountains I just hope I can change the life of a few people, even just one. I hope that my time here has at least brought something positive forward. But my parents shouldn't be proud of me for it and my friends shouldn't tell me what I'm doing is great. In the end I think what I'm doing is trying in part to pay the bill, trying to give back what I owe because I was lucky enough to be born American and receive an education and have opportunities most people will never have. Unfortunately today all I had to give to a hungry kid was 3 lousy limperas.

So today is my 22nd Birthday and while ignoring the snickering of the older folks, I'm soooo old. Ok, not really, but seriously each year is a little sadder. Initially getting older seems like a good idea, even cool, but thats really code for more responsibility (i.e. more bills) and an inability to get away with as much childish behavior because you become "old enough to know better."

But aside from me lamenting my own old age today has been pretty neat. My 9th graders took me out to lunch and I have to say I was touched. I mean its pretty neat to me that my 9th graders who see me sometimes 3 periods a day and have me for 3 different classes still would like to see me after school and take me out to lunch. That alone made my day. They told me about this a few days ago and I have to say once they told me of their plans that pretty much sold me on staying here no matter what happens

All my classes sang to me and all in all I had a pretty good day. All the packages sent to me dating all the way back to March 9th arrived yesterday so I guess the timing worked out alright as well.

There's only a few more weeks of school left and I'm starting to panic. I feel like I've just figured this whole teaching thing out and there's so much to teach the kids and I'm learning so much more about my students. I like them more and more everyday and I've really fallen in love with a lot of my students.

Today with my 9th graders we finished the movie Hotel Rwanda. I highly recommend that movie for anyone who hasn't seen it. It was fantastic for my kids to see though. While I'm not sure it speaks to them the same way in which it does to Americans (its definately an indictment on the lack of the West's concern for Africa) its still relevant. Also we've talked about the genocide going on in Darfur and things like that but today when we talked about it the kids realized it was a little more real. I was just glad to help them realize that stuff like that really happens in the world and its something to think about.

So highlights from my 21st year:

1. Turning 21 which has obvious benefits (lower car insurance is always a winner for any birthday)

2. Nixon my cat who I loved and still love even if I had to find another home for him.

3. Graduating College

4. Acceptance and invitation to Togo for the Peace Corps

5. Time with friends and family and Pedro

6. Finally going to a foreign country: Honduras

7. Becoming a teacher

8. Living by myself in my own apartment

I think that pretty much covers it. Nixon was definately the best part of my 21st year on Earth. I'm really sorry I had to give him away and I have to say that was one of the saddest moments in my life as was the day I castrated the poor guy ( but he did forgive me for that one). Also sorry to all my friends and family who rank lower than Nixon but lets face it Nixon was cuter than everyone (i'll try and post pics when I return home).

Graduating was pretty awesome though I do miss school still. The Peace Corps invitation rocked as well because it definately relieved part of the aimless feeling you get when you graduate with a liberal arts degree.

So thanks for everyone's Happy Birthdays! Thanks to my9th graders who I know have found my blog and are reading this (teachers really do want to be liked by their students) and all my other students who sang Happy Birthday to me. Thanks for my packages and all that as well.

I look forward to a good 22nd year as it already appears to be having a promising start. I wont be going home early and I think I should enjoy my last few weeks here in Honduras and I'm going to Togo in September! How cool is that? I'm also going to Taiwan this summer and I'm going to see one of my best friends get married (even if we are still to young to be doing such things). Its not such a bad way to begin new year.

Moving on to funnier topics. One of the big reasons I have yet to leave is my concern for my students. I've really grown quite attached and I enjoy most of them. I particularly like my 9th grade class. That class only has about 18 students in there and most of them are pretty good. Well one of my subjects is Spelling (stupid I know, they already have literature and English and spelling is excessive). We recently had 3rd quarter exams and so we had a week of review. For my spelling exam I kept it simple. I gave them a list of 25 words which we went over in class and then on the day of the exam they were to write sentences demonstrating the meaning of the words. Well during the review one of the words we were discussing was "appeal" and one kid, David, got a mischevious gleam in his eye and asked if they could create a sentence using the phrase sex appeal. I said sure as long as they used it correctly. We then moved on to the word "consequence" and I guess emboldened by the discussion of sex appeal one of the other kids raised his hand and gave the example sentence, "Having sex without a condom can have consequences."

I think they were expecting me to say they couldn't write that or to be shocked by talking about sex in sentences but all I said was, "Good sentence," and apparently I created a monster. I told my kids I'd give them bonus points for funny sentences so when I got the exams most of the sentences had to do with sex appeal, sex, and making out. I was a bit suprised because I dont remember ever thinking that my 9th grade english teacher would find sentences like that funny or appropriate. Needless to say I did find my kids sentences funny so I'm going to post some. I've put the spelling word in bold.

I like mostof the beautiful girls except fortheones thatnevertake a shower.

Thats an specially comfortable sofa for having sex (he meant especially)

She has a strong sex appeal andthats what the men looks for.

He alsways has a strategic plan to make women go to bed with him.

**These 4 were written by the student who came up with the idea of sex appeal. He's definately player and very popular with the girls.**

I have a sex appeal toward her. She is so hot! Yeah baby!

Bringin cell phones to school is apparently a big violation to the school rules, which I thinkisthe dumbest thing I have ever heard.

After a meeting of fathers and teachers with the principal they appeal the cell phone law. "Oh,wait, it was just a dream."

Ms. Meghan had to accept that she heard the Big Fart.

My friend is a dumb and illiterate boy but he can only say the word ass.

The guy was so ignorant he always peedoutside the cover

When Jorge is with Claudia all he can thinkabout is sex appeal. *He toldmethat.

Jorge said that the make up he wears will enhance his beauty.

Jorge is my sex appeal

To what extent can we trust in condoms?

Manuel is an ignorant at kissing

There are more but they're funnier when you know all the kids and how they interact. A lot of the sentences I was just suprised at what the kids felt comfortable saying. But I have to say grading these exams were definately more enjoyable than the other grades. Grading 30 papers with the same 25 words and boring sentences on them all gets old. I'll post more sentences as we do more because there are always a couple that are funny.

Not a fantastic picture but this lovely picture is that of my leg after I had some nasty blisters form as the result of a 2nd degree sunburn on my legs. This is actually a couple of days after the blisters so it looks better here. So attention ladies and gentlemen check the expiration date of your sunscreen as apparently sunscreen expiring in 11/1999 does not always work as you thought it would. But I have a wicked tan so at least there's a silver lining we just wont mention the fact that it hurt to walk for 4 days and my legs look like they have some strange skin disease.Update on the Dale situation: I'm still not sure what I'm goint to do. For now I'm going to wait and see but the more I find out the less comforting the info is. I'm hearing rumors that he threatened to hit one of the students and has had some trouble controling his anger in the classroom. Will this matter to parents or the administration? Nope, they're too desperate for teachers and the admin doesn't have enough of a backbone to do anything so I'm pretty much on my own. Dale is also not making an effort to avoid me despite the fact that it was explicitly agreed upon we were both supposed to stay clear of one another. Right now its spring break so he's not in town so we'll see how it goes next week.

This is Maria in the white shirt. She's another one of my 9th graders and she's an excellent student as well.

The girl in the black is Cinthia another teacher and the girl inthe green is another teacher Annie.

These are some of my 7th grade girls. The ones sitting from left to right are Karen (whose adorable), Johanna(one of the smartest 7th graders), and Kamila (whose also a great student).

This is Hector. He's in 10th grade and a genius. I have a very difficult time in all grades getting my students to participate in group discussions but Hector always has an opinion and its almost always thought provoking and insightful. He's also a very nice guy and not an obnoxious know-it-all.

This is Kevin on the left and Jaime. They're both 7th graders. Kevin is already doing 10th grade level math and he's probably going to skip to 9th possibly10th grade next year. He's also the kid that came asking me for more work in Literature because he wasn't being challenged enough. So he and I meet a couple of times a week and do other stuff. Jaime is a very sweet kid on one of the few boys whose almost always well behaved.

We recently had a Science Fair and it seems getting people to understand the whole scientific method and conclusions were somewhat difficult. This project here was supposed to have a kid put colors on different cards and then at different distances (10ft, 20ft, 30ft...etc) show the different colors and see at what distances what colors were most difficult to see.

What they did instead is stick all the colors on a poster and then asked a person which color they had the most difficulty seeing.

I found the conclusion to be pretty cute:

"Our conclusion is that it doesn't matter what color it is it is all about what we see."

There were other experiments with conclusions such as when you mix all the flavors of soda together they taste good. There were, however, other excellent projects. I just thought this one was cute.

This is the kids all waiting for the Science Fair to begin.

This is Jorge, one of my brightest 9th graders, explaining his project to David one of the other teachers. His project was on nails and environmental rusting. He's a pretty funny kid and I hope that he'll get to go to the states and study.

When my kids act up I make them write a 3 page essay about why they were kicked out, how they're supposed to behave, and why their behavior is disruptive.

Gustavo is one of my 7th graders who is fairly bright but feels as though the rules dont apply to him. He was sent out of the room along with another girl because they were out of their seats not following the rules. How I caught them was I heard the girl, Deymi, screaming. Gustavo begged me to let him off and not write it and when I asked him why I should make an exception for him he didn't have a really good answer, but being bright he figured he should adjust his attitude and actually wrote the paper so here it is:

Hi, Miss Megan, I'm sorry that I didn't give this to you the date you told me to. I'm very sorry. I know I was out of my seat when you send me out but I didn't mean to get you angry. I was just opening a gum and I think Deymi was going to say to me to change my gum to a candy that she had, but I didn't want the candy so I put the candy in my mouth and suddenly, Deymi started shouting like a little girl:Gustavo, Gustavo!!! And I said What???? And then you said, "both go out and you are going to write me a 3 page essay for tomorrow.

I tried to explain to you what I was doing but you didn't permit me to talk. I was a little angry because I thought this was not fair but now I realize that you were right,I was not in my seat, I needed to be in my seat like everybody else and I wasn't. I was very angry with Deymi because I was telling her that it was her fault that I was doing this unfair punishment. But the I said to myself, "why am I say that if I was out of my seat? I am very sorry Miss Megan. I should not be out of my seat, because I know that you have the same rules of Mr. Dale.

Miss Megan I sweat that I will not do that again. I am going to be in my seat every day, I will try to do that. I will try to follow your rules. This is all that I can write. I don't know what else to write. I already told you that I was sorry. Bye Miss Megan. I will try to don't do that again.

I think I behave bad because Carl makes me laugh when the teacher is not looking. And when the teacher turns Carl stops laughing and I can't stop laughing because he says a lot of funny things that makes everbody laugh. I'm sorry. :(

I thought this was hillarious. Its funnier if you know the kid. Knowing Gustavo this is total bullshit but I have to give him credit. He picked up on the fact I wasn't going to buy the whole he was being unfairly punished thing so he decided to admit to part of it and apologize.

As for the other 7th graders they're improving some. Slowly but surely I'm working on them. Some of the ones who have done really poorly are doing better in part because I've tried to take some of them aside and encourage them.

One kid, Stefano, was a little terror and didn't do so great on this quiz. I pulled him aside and told him I knew he could do better if he just tried a little more. Then I met his mom and lied and said he was a good kid in front of her and I expected him to do well and there's been a complete change in him. His grades are improving and his behavior is so much better. There are a couple others that this seems to be helping too.

These are the hieroglyphic (sp?) stairs and really awesome to see.

Nice skull looking thing. If you look at it it probably means you're cursed and will die in a month...too late

More glyphs. These tell you what date the statue was built. The Mayans had a really complex calendar system with several different cycles going on. There's the 260 day calendar, the 365 day calendar and so on and so forth. This here tells us that this was built in the year of the beaver and the era of the turtle. Impressed with my knowledge? Actually I have no clue but my fellow teacher and roommate Dale liked to take out his book and guess at each marking. Personally I think the archeologists are making it up because the drawings in that book look nothing like these markings, but you gotta get your grant funding somehow.

Another nifty statue honoring some Mayan leader

Another picture from the fort in Omoa. Isn't it beautiful?

Yet again another fort pic.

This is from the chapel at the fort and I just thought it was cool.

A ruin thingy in Copan.

Ok, I'm having trouble posting pics from Omoha and Copan but eventually I will post them and pictures of some of my students.

As for updates this weekend was not action packed but it has been productive. I made my way to San Pedro and found an ipod charger, so my ipod lives again! Thank goodness because I thought I was about to die.

Dale found a pedal for an electronic keyboard which was awesome. Its so weird here, some people have electronic keyboards (im not sure if anyone here owns an actual piano) but no one has the pedal extension on them and they're impossible to find. How can you play the piano wihtout a pedal? I mean it can be done but if you want to go one to play bigger better things the pedal is definately helpful. Dale also found a tuner for his guitar so he was very excited. He's been trying to teach me the guitar but I find the chords very difficult which I like to blame on the small size of my hands. If possible I'm going to try and locate a children's guitar and maybe I'll be able to actually learn something. If not there's the two years in Togo to practice, right?

For everyone who didn't get the memo I have received and accepted my invitation to be a Health Care and AIDS prevention extension agent in Togo, Africa (its right by Benin and not too far from Nigeria and about the size of West Virginia for those of you unfamiliar with Togo). My departure date is September24th 2006 and I will be there until December 2008. I'm very excited about it and what I'm even more excited about it no more school teaching.

I'm sure I'll encounter my own frustrations and obstacles with the Peace Corps but if it means no screaming 7th graders I'll take it.

Back to Honduras...Lets see Friday was Father's Day and the school put on a big show. All the teachers were responsible for a grade or their class or something and then that evening all the parents came and they all did their little performances. It was supposed to start at 5pm but this being Honduras we didn't start until 6.

It was a different experience to say the least. For one thing the songs people sang or danced to didn't actually have a lot to do with fathers, but little kids are cute so everyone is happy to see them up there dancing around. The interesting part is the way in which these kids dance...basically the little boys stand there and these young girls dance very suggestively girating (sp?) and shaking their ass and all that. When I saw the rehersal I thought the parents were going to be up in arms about this. I mean this is a Christian school with many evangelical Christian folks but they all just cheered them on. Then again if you see the way the moms dress down here I guess its not that suprising.

Then there was the high school. The Spanish teachers were in charge of that and the kids all sang these songs about shitty fathers. The 7th grade song was about a Father who never loved his kids enough or paid them enough attention so they didn't love him either. The 8th grade I wasn't so clear on and the 9th grade song was about this man whose wife was dying and he had abandoned her and their son and he was getting married to some other woman. How terrible is that for a Father's Day presentation?

Some of the 7th grade girls came to me the day of the presentation begging for me to help them come up with something. I told them I'd try but sadly we weren't able to do it. Well I say sadly but I'm a white person therefore I can't dance (no offense to all those who can). Aside from that they decided to ask me this about 6 hours before the program so no luck, but for Mother's Day Im taking over the 7th grade and we're gonna have the most kick ass program. It'll be tough because competing with cute 1st graders when you're in 7th is rough but it's gonna be awesome.

Dale has decided on Thursdays he's gonna try and start teaching kids who want to to swing dance. I, who was born with two left feet, have agreed to help him in this venture so I guess I'll be learning how to swing dance as well. I think its good because there are really no extracurriculars here. So wish me luck.

Well I'll post more later, I've wasted enough of the day.

**quick note: i'm not sure what happened with the previous post but somehow the last half got deleted and some weird conversation got saved instead. So here the post is in its entirety.***

So basketball practice has definately gotten better. Around 12 girls show up and we have a pretty good time. There are still a couple that duck when the ball comes their way and scream, but we´re working on it. I now have a whistle so maybe I should start making them call me coach, but I think I´m happy with Ms. Meghan. Although the title teacher also seems to be popular.

Now back to the 7th graders, the little bastards who like to make my life miserable. I guess the question you have to ask is why are these kids such hellions? In most cases you can go straight back to the parants and it all makes sense. So I met some of my students parents last night and I was not impressed.

The first problem is the lack of administrative support. The other day I sent a girl to detention for the rest of the day and when I went downstairs later do you know what I found her doing? Helping to paint a window and having a grand ol´time. When she saw me she just smiled and waived and said, ¨Hi, Ms. Meghan.¨ If there was ever a good argument or good time to beat a child that would have been it.

I have now learned amazing screaming abilities I never knew I had but I have to yell increadibly loud to get the kids to sit down and hear me over the noise. So this week my students are of course wandering out of their desks, throwing paper, talking to one another across the room, and just generally being bad and Im feeling like I want to tear my hair out. So I yell to the kids to open their books and they´re going to have to read this story silently and we´re going to have another test like we had earlier in the week. The test I had given last time had purposely been designed so that most of the students would fail. I´m not actually going to count the test, I can´t because only abuot 3 students out of 31 passed, but they dont know that. But then I thought to myself why should I be punishing the good kids? So I split the room and put about 12 or 13 really bad kids on one side and told them to read the story and answer questions in the book and then I taught the good kids somethign else. I taught poetry to the good ones, we even did a little Alan Ginsberg, and you know what? They liked it!!!

I generally do not care for poetry myself but I do love Alan Ginsberg and there´s a lot more to poetry than crappy love poems, so we talked about the stuff I liked (dont worry parents I did edit out the bad words). The crazy thing was one of my students who is bad often but being good that day really got into it, kids were asking questions after the bell had rung and we were actually enjoying ourselves and my kids wanted to learn more. It was great!

Enter the evil parents. So we have this meeting with some parents last night and this one man gets all up in arms about seperating the class being discrimination (total bullshit) and just blah blah blah. Now these kids can work their way over to the good side. If they sit quietly and do their work they will be allowed to do the same thing as the rest of the children, but some parents I suppose felt this was unfair. Perhaps it would be had we not tried sending them to detention, sending them to the principal, sending them outside the classroom, writing papers about proper classroom behavior is, etc. but we´ve done all that and this so far is the only thing that works. Honestly, I´d rather teach to the 20 good students and say screw it when it comes to the bad students. When we try talking to bad kids parents they act shocked as though they´ve never heard that their kid was bad before. In fact I talked to a mother last week about her sons behavior and invited her to sit in class with him and she said of course she´d come and help, but instead she changed her mind and said her son wasn´t a problem that the teachers were the ones in error and she was going to sue or something.

So we agreed we´d give the kids one more chance and not divide them which really means we wont divide them today or Friday but come Monday I´m splitting the kids up. I´m not going to have parents who cant control their kids telling me how to run the classroom. There was this one pompous ass who came (the guy who called it discrimination) and asked me how his daughter was in class. So I explained that while her behavior was acceptable her work was sub-par and her English wasn´t very good. Now I´d like to add that this man teaches high school in San Pedro and is from England, I´d also like to add that he came to this meeting with his shirt totally unbuttonded (that spoke volumes to me) so for him to have a daughter that can barely write comprehensive English is ridiculous to me. And do you know what he told me? He told me I should make all my students have a folder and make sure that they write down their assignments and go around and check. I have 40 minutes with these kids and I probably spend at least 15 minutes just trying to get them to sit down some days. What a joke. Aside from that last time I checked I was a teacher not a babysitter and Im not there to make sure they write down their assignment, they´re old enough that they should be doing that themselves.

Oh well, what can you do?

Well the turn out to Girls basketball was overwhelming. 16 girls came! Thats of course too many so I'm hoping that with a schedule change and time it will weed a few out. I think a lot of them think its just play half-court basketball time when of course thats not really it. Then again its going to be a challenge to motivate them to practice drills and stuff if there's not another actual team to play against so we'll see how that goes. On Tuesday I'm going to have to be tougher to try and figure out whose really interested and whose not, but I'm excited that so many showed up.

As for classes they're going ok, although my 7th graders are still little bastards. I'm going to try writing home to the bad kids and asking their parents to come sit in class with them and see if any parents will come, but I have to do something. I do know that out of my 31 7th graders I'm probably going to fail about 13 so that'll be exciting. My 8th and 9th graders are pretty good though and my 10th graders are great.

I just got back from a trip to Copan with the 10th graders where we saw ancient Mayan ruins (pics soon to come). That was pretty cool to see the ruins and its just so beautiful. We also rode horses which was lots of fun with the students and overall just had a good time. Although now being the teacher and not the student sucks a little. There are definate advantages such as being able to kick kids out of your seat on the bus and stuff but having to say things like "you can't leave the hotel and go to a club tonight" just make you feel like a killjoy.

When we rode horses we rode them up the mountain and to the man's home and it was amazing. These people lived in a 2 bedroom crumbling adobe house with dirt floors. There was of course no running water and no electricity. There were kids running around everywhere and the poverty was very shocking. In very bad spanish I asked this one little boy how old he was and I thought he couldn't have been much older than 5 or 6 and he was 11! Their nutrition is just so lacking that the children are very small.

When we were ridding up there this one little boy was helping the horses along and I asked him how old he was and he told me 7 and when I asked if he went to school he explained that he didn't because he helped with the horses. There's just not a lot of hope for these people. They live in backbreaking poverty and then their children are raised without a chance for education or anything and the cycle repeats itself. Poverty in the US is so much different. Being poor in the US means you might not have air conditioning or you might have to ride the bus to work and maybe you can't buy name brand food, but you dont have dirt floors and no electricity or running water or indoor plumbing and your children can go to school.

What was even more shocking to me was that most of my students who are native Hondurans hadn't seen this kind of poverty before. These are private school students so their families are better off, but still they are so close to it here in Honduras I'm suprised that they haven't been exposed to it before now. Then again its something hard to see and I think many turn a blind eye and maybe parents want to protect their children from that.

Its something to think about when you're upset because you can't afford some nice new toy or when you worry about money. It was definately a reminder to me that even if I think I have nothing in the States and probably no matter what happens I have had, have, and will have more than most of these people will ever have. It makes me both thankful for what I have and somewhat ashamed at the largeness of American life.

Anyways I'll write more on my trip to Copan later and post pics. I have grading and lesson planning to do. Adios.