I feel my life has modeled this famous novel as of late-- instead of the two English cities featured in the book, however, these cities are within the bounds of North Carolina. I am speaking of Raleigh, where I live now, and Greensboro, where I will live come August.

Yesterday I drove to Greensboro to visit Sara's family. Her older sister Helena is graduating from UNC-Greensboro today. I had hoped to seek advice as to where to look for housing. They were all very wonderful and supportive. Helena's mother Shelia told me point-blank which parts of Greensboro to avoid and which to explore. I set out with Helena that afternoon and we looked at the "good" side of town to see which houses were leasing rooms out.

Long story short, I was not at ease with what I saw, based on the fact that many homeowners are looking for multiple tenants/renting out multiple rooms. A good deal of the homes were bungalow-style in older neighborhoods. Most were quite charming but it became clear that this was not an option that would suit my needs as a graduate student.

After voicing this concern, mom and dad both expressed that it would be better to find an apartment, and that it is okay to live alone. I find myself agreeing. Moving to a new place and being quite busy with classes and an assitantship for some time really necessitates care in finding a place to live. It can make or break the experience.

So, I went online to apartmentfinder.com and looked up all apartments within 5 miles of Greensboro that had single bedroom options. I wrote down three promising options and mom and I will be heading out there to see them for ourselves. I am fortunate to be able to see them firsthand, I realize. But it's rather amazing how important this has become to me.

I will be driving back to Greensboro tomorrow to celebrate Helena having graduated. Her family is throwing her a dinner party tomorrow evening. I am grateful that I have been befriended by gracious people-- this is also very, very important.

I took my parents out to a concert at N.C. State University on Saturday night. The featured artist was Habib Koite, a Malian guitar virtuoso, and his very talented band of musicians. The concert was held in the auditorium at the student center.

It was a wonderful night. The music was so beautiful that I got to thinking about Africa almost the entire time. I will never, ever have Africa out of my system. Habib Koite had great rapport with the audience, and we were all so pleased with the music that our applause brought him & the band back out for an encore. I was only sorry when it was over.

This morning I started some volunteer work at Springmoor Retirement Community just up the road. My supervisor had be going on room-to-room visits for the residents. I was given pretty free reign to talk about whatever I thought they might want to talk about... family, jobs, hobbies, etc. All in all, I enjoyed myself and will be returning on Friday.

I have been having a most interesting week (by my low standards) thus far. I count myself lucky to have some very good friends, but the problem right now is most of them are not in Raleigh. As a result, I have spent a few nights feeling rather lonely.

So my dad, ever the practical one, suggested that I make a concentrated effort to go find things to do with people (not go out and get drunk; he knows me better) that I'd enjoy. So this week I tried two new things, and both have gone well so far.

Thing #1: The Episcopal church I have been going to has a monthly activity for young adults called "Dinners for 8". It's exactly what it sounds like-- interested people in there 20s/30s, single or married, can sign up and they'll be placed in a group. Each person in the group gets a chance to host dinner. Last night was the first installment.

I went to the condo of a young couple. They had 2 small dogs-- one a Jack Rusell Terrier. Soon the other couple arrived and one guy by himself (they mixed up singles and couples this time, which I thought gave a good balance). We had lasagna, salad and garlic bread.

I had not met any of these people before, but we all had a good time. We all told stories about bad infomercials and messy (former) roommates/housemates. The other single guy there, Rufus, works in the Attorney General's office downtown. So I told him about the law classes I was taking-- that seemed to amuse him. He also, in turn, offered some juicy anecdotes about what goes on behind closed doors in law offices-- including the District Attorney pouring a whole bunch of lawyers some moonshine! Scandal abounds, it seems.

Thing #2: As the title suggests, something has happened to me that involves "Zumba". And that is just what I got back from this evening. It took place at the gym down the road, where I have been going for Tai Chi. I heard that these Zumba classes took place on Tuesday evenings (nights where I have had chronically no social interaction and have thus felt very bad about).

I knew Zumba meant some sort of dance... line dancing (or so I thought). So I showed up around 6:30 and asked where the line dancing was. I got a few funny looks and one woman said, "It's not line dancing." So I said, "okay", feeling a little uncomfortable but wanting to try it out nonetheless.

Zumba, it turns out, is a whole mixture of various Latin dances-- rhumba, cha-cha, mambo, etc. The class was all women and lead by a very good Hispanic teacher/dancer. I don't know how she managed to dance AND call out the steps at the same time.

I felt a little awkward starting out. As is widely known, Latin dance requires that women "involve" their bodies a bit. The teacher kept calling out "let me see those hips shake!" I'm not usually one to shake my hips, but I obliged (discreetly).

We actually did move very fast at some points and all worked up a good sweat. I was feeling more relaxed and enjoying myself when one song came on that was just a bit too ridiculous. I couldn't catch all the lyrics but it kept referring to girls and candy canes. For that part of the song it was okay-- we did some sidesteps, that was all.

But then the chorus came: an over-excited male voice belted out "Choco-LAAATTE!" This move, as shown by our instructor, required a considerable swivel of the lower abdomen and an extension of both arms out in front of us, to the side and back... I think to mimic a giant Starbucks mixer getting those Choco-lattes served up to drooling customers. I just could not feel comfortable doing that move "all the way", even though there were no males in the room. So I did it part of the way. And the whole time I was thinking to myself, "What on Earth am I doing?!"

Our instructor kept making a joke of it. She said "Never forget your choco-latte!"

But all in all, I had a really good time. Some of the women that go to Tai Chi were also there.

I think I'll go back again. Especially when I start taking myself too seriously, I'll just start thinking about choco-lattes.

That should technically be only one surprise... I got an acceptance letter yesterday from University of Maryland's School of Medicine for their MS in Epidemiology/Genetics. I was pretty amused, based on my puny science background. I probably could dig up my notes from freshman chemistry if I had to.

What makes me more surprised is that UNC-CH rejected me while Baltimore (which seemed harder) accepted me. Chapel Hill just must be snobby.

That having been said, I will most likely accept Greensboro's offer. Their program emphasizes health education, which I feel I have a better shot of succeeding in than the MS program (though it does look interesting, with the emphasis on biostatistics and disease prevention).

I am wrapping up two applications at the moment. One is for an assitantship at Greensboro and the other is for a (possible) summer job. I found out about the job when I was at class at Meredith-- it would require me to undergo training to assist a disabled adult or child I'd be placed to work with. There will be a booth at Meredith this week from the company making job offers; and I've filled out an application. We'll see.

Now on to the non-school/job stuff which, shame on me, I find more interesting at the moment. One of my favorite musicians is giving a concert in town. His name is Habib Koite and he is something of a guitar virtuoso. He is from Mali but has toured the world. The concert venue will be an auditorium at NC State University. I really am terrible. I can have a very stressful experience in Uganda and still be drawn to "cross-cultural" experiences.

Anyway, I offered to buy tickets for myself (of course) and my parents. The concert is Saturday, April 25. My parents accepted the offer on the condition that I'd agree to let them take me out to dinner. A fair offer, I'd say!

The concert is about the time that law classes are winding down, so it's a good way to celebrate. Classes are done the last week of April. I have one more exam and one large project due.

I am also looking forward to the Hispanic medical clinic my home church is doing on April 18. Apparently there is still a need for more translators. I think this will be amusing... let's see just how good my Spanish is. I may end up having to do sherades to make myself understood. But that's okay. I did a lot of that in Uganda.

Just a quick post... yesterday I found out that I got in to Greensboro! It's very likely that I'll be going there. Feel really, really happy.

That has definitely been me, after about a month of not posting. I really started to miss it!

It doesn't seem that much has happened since I last wrote, but then again, it seems that a lot has. I guess I'll offer some highlights:

1) Graduate school: the applications are pretty much in/under review. I did receive a rejection from Chapel Hill last week. I did not really want to go there, but a rejection letter never feels good. I am really hoping to get into Greensboro. It is my top choice.

2) Volunteering: Today I mentor Amere, my 2nd-grader, in reading. I have missed her a lot, because she was out of town visiting her dad for two weeks. When I came in last time, she was not there, having been hospitalized due to dehydration. I felt really alarmed, but my supervisor told me she had been discharged and was going to be fine. I really hope she's there today!

I am also going to volunteer at a Hispanic medical clinic at my home church on Saturday, April 18. I am going to be a translator. That is a bit funny, because I am not really fluent, but I think I can claim a working knowledge of Spanish. I am praying I'll be able to get the point across/understand what needs to be understood. But all that being said, I think it'll be fun.

3) Church/Bible study: I have started going to an Episcopal church in downtown Raleigh that I have truly begun to love. There is an organ and beautiful stained glass and an altar, and at the beginning of evening liturgy (the one I prefer to go to) on Sundays, you can light a candle at the front of the altar. I will still go to my "home" church, a Protestant non-denominational church, in the morning, but I feel I also enjoy the evening liturgy.

I have joined a women's Bible study through the Episcopal church. We met for the first time last week. I was a little apprehensive, being new, but everyone was very warm, friendly, and welcoming. We discussed Genesis and I really enjoyed myself. I'll go back!

4) Class: There is not much to say about my two paralegal classes, except I'm doing well and I'm ready for them to be over. Today I need to go to the library to study contract law for a test next week. Is it possible to get senioritis again even out of college?

5) Miscellaneous: I have my flight itinerary for the Spain trip at the end of May. It seems far off but I know it'll be there before I know it. I'm glad I'm going.

Well, that's about all for now. I will resolve to be a more faithful writer in the future!

I couldn't find an upside-down question mark to precede the word... if I remember anything from Spanish grammar, I need one. But oh well.

Yes, as I am coming to the end of grad school apps and am still in the throes of law school, I can't get out of my mind the desire to brush up on Spanish. Last week I bought a book called "Total Spanish Review" for grammar and vocab. This stuff excites me.

Mom mentioned St. Raphael's Catholic church has a lot of Hispanic participants and programs. We'll see. For now, she really wants me involved in a Hispanic health fair our church is putting on in April. She thinks I'd be a good interpreter, but I have told her that despite moderate proficiency, I don't think my skills are up to par.

Yet, I'll never forget at Urban Ministries in December how I ended up speaking to all the Hispanic clients because I was the only volunteer at the time vaguely familiar with Spanish. But I wanted to say "Stop it!" (or "pare!"... again, where is the upside-down exclamation point when you need one...)

It's always nice to explore something that interests you, so I suppose it can't hurt too much.

The trouble with sickness, it seems, is that it just pounces on you. Last evening I was beginning to feel just the hints of a scratchy throat. By the time I was going to sleep, I was having coughing fits. Dad gave me some sleep-inducing, throat-clearing drug that did the job, but the loopy feeling the drug induced has not quite worn off.

This morning I lost a good deal of my voice. But even though I might sound bad, I don't feel all that terrible. In fact, today I've been doing usual stuff, homework and the like.

So it's not all that bad, and it could give me an excuse to goof off and be lazy if I'm looking for one.

... to help maximize GRE scores! I took the exam again this morning... early... at 8am. Mom got up with me to eat breakfast. "I'll be eager to know how it goes when you get back" she said. "I may just want to forget about it" I told her. Not having slept all that well from a (normal) amount of anxiety over the GRE made me all the more glad to be getting it over with early. At least I could count on the adrenaline rush for the morning, and allow myself to be tired in the afternoon.

I took a hard butterscotch candy to the testing site because I felt hungry after the essay portion was done last time... so I had a harder time concentrating on the verbal and math sections. I learned my lesson!

When I got there, the door was still locked, but not for long. Soon the center was quite full of adults and students alike. All in all, I was much more relaxed going into the exam than before.

The long and short of it is, I did much better. And that makes me very happy. My score improved by about 33% compared to my score last time. That's good, at least for me. And for now, these new scores are well above the minimum required by all the grad schools I'm applying for (what was so discouraging was that I was far short of the minimum the first time).

So I'm exhausted but satisfied, and certainly grateful it's done at last.

The first two areas of the title are not interesting at all (though they do seem to be taking up an inordinate amount of time each day), so I will not dwell on them for this post. Instead, I will write about things that are a bit amusing/unusual for the amusement of other readers.

But first this...

Today I went to Duke University to use their law library for class. I couldn't believe how nice the building was... three floors dedicated just to legal texts, plus state-of-the art classrooms AND a refectory serving breakfast, lunch and snacks. Fortunately I didn't feel like an illicit visitor (some university law libraries are VERY adamant that "outsiders"/non-students not put their lay hands on their hallowed material). It went well, though I have just decided that Legal Research is by its nature tedious. Environmentalists cannot be happy when they see all this paper devoted to regulation after regulation, statute after statue, etc etc.

I came back home in the afternoon and headed over to Providence church for mentoring. I always have a good time there; I am lucky that my student is so well-behaved and enthusiastic, and that I work with nice volunteers and have a friendly supervisor. When I start to get too cranky with classwork and grad school work, this is a very nice outlet.

Now I can talk about the cafe scandal..

After mentoring I have gotten into the habit of going to a cafe for tea to relax. Every time I am there, the same guy behind the counter is there too, selling drinks and making sandwiches. He's a college student and has a knack for flirting with customers. I try to remain as neutral as I can though it's embarrassing. He's a bit unorthodox as well, with arm tatoos and a tendency to wear solid black outfits. But he's never said anything indecent, though this evening he was a bit uncouth, talking to me in a semi-sarcastic/sing-song tone of voice and trying to catch my eye constantly.

But it's not me that's special-- he puts on a show for every woman customer. I've observed this after my numerous visits.

In this particular evening, I took my tea to a chair toward the back of the cafe. I overheard him talking with another woman, and couldn't help but hear that he was talking about his girlfriend. I thought to myself, "Really! She'd be mad if she were here right now."

It's something I have to roll my eyes at in amusement. Some guys are shameless opportunists and just can't stop flirting.

I thought that I might stop going, but that's ridiculous. I'll keep it up, because the tea is very good and I enjoy the ambiance (even with this guy).

That is how I feel, coming out of this past week. It's been waaay too busy! On Monday I took the GRE (described in the previous post), did not do as well as I would have liked, and felt really awful about it. On Tuesday, mom and I went to the Greensboro open house after my legal research class. I felt really encouraged and decided that Greensboro is my top choice. We met with the head of the public health dept who said that they have accepted people who have scored lower on the GRE than I, but who have had very unique life experiences (ie, talking to local Nigerian herbalists about safe medicinal practices). I'm thinking that Peace Corps will help me in that regard.

Nonetheless, I scheduled to re-take the GRE on Feb. 20. I'm meeting a high school friend today to go over some math problems. He is a graduate student in engineering, so mathematics is second-nature to him. I really don't like the GRE so I'm glad I'm getting some help.

I also really don't like getting together resumes and personal statements for grad school. I am having to do three sets of them for the three different schools. It's hard and I'm sick of it. Once they're over, it'll be a huge relief.

On a more positive note, I heard about a trip to Spain for Furman alumni, and my parents have agreed to pay for it! The trip is put on by the Lily Center and comprises of a pilgrimage to the shrine at Santiago de Compostela. I'm really happy to be going. It starts at the end of May.

Speaking of Spain, my parents feel that it is a good idea for me to take some refresher courses in Spanish. Not now, we have all agreed, because things are very busy. But maybe starting in early spring. This is something that I want to do, too. For public health, it helps to know Spanish, because Hispanics are the fastest growing demographic group in the US today. I also like languages, and am fairly adept at learning them.

So, I have some icky non-fun stuff to get through and then I can get on to the fun things!

I took the GRE this afternoon. I am too embarrassed/too proud to say what my scores were, but they were beneath the 50th percentile. I was really disappointed.

I will probably take the test again in February, but I don't know if I'll be able to do much better. I also don't know how much this will influence my ability to go to grad school. Mom and I are going to an open house at UNC-Greensboro tomorrow. Maybe I can ask.

But I am for now disappointed.

I have to admit, I am getting pretty excited about Obama's inauguration. I saw some photos of his whistlestop train tour and just can't believe that a historic event is around the corner. To all those who would laugh at the idea of a black president-- the laugh's on them!!

I have buckled down with my two paralegal courses and my weekly mentoring. I think it will be fine. My mentoree's name is Amere-- she is in second grade and has a little sister who also came along to be mentored (by another volunteer). I spent that one-hour long session getting to know her. She was very shy at first (something I can understand, being shy myself) but she opened up eventually. She seems to be a strong enough reader and writer, and well-behaved (which is a blessing, some of the other kids who came were a bit rambunctious, going around and interrupting mentoring sessions, crying when they lost a card game, etc). This week we will get down to business with reading assignments.

There is a coffee house just across the street from the mentoring site. I promised myself that I would go there after each session for some de-compression time (no matter how well-behaved the kid is, an hour of intense nonstop attention is tiring!)

This morning I have been drafting a personal statement for the MPH program at University of Maryland. This is also a draining task and one I will be glad to have out of the way. After looking at UM's website, I have decided I need to go for it. I got way too excited when I read about all the diversity and cultural opportunities both at the school and in the surrounding area. I will probably end up applying to Greensboro as well.

Mom flies back from Philadelphia today, and dad and I are meeting her at the airport. It seems she has been gone for ages; we will be glad to see her!

In other news: my brother has joined an honors fraternity at ECU. This frat also happens to be co-ed. Don't quite know how that works, but it's good news for him.

I also think I may have memorized the Tai Chi long form! It's not perfect but nonetheless a big breakthrough for me. Maybe I can get into swordplay soon :)

This weekend I drove to Furman for some very wonderful rendezvous with friends. It lifted my spirits greatly, as I had felt weighed down last week with all the decisions about Meredith, grad schools, etc.

There was the time-honored tradition of the Eco Cottage feast (more food than you could shake a stick at) followed by "Star Wars". I still think Luke Skywalker is incredibly cute.

This morning I dropped three recommendation letters for University of Maryland Baltimore in faculty inboxes-- none of the faculty were available in their offices. Once I had finished sneaking around, I drove home.

I can't quite place Baltimore's pull on me. Perhaps it's the appeal of being around DC culture-- the politics, news, demographic diversity, etc that has always attracted me for one reason or another. The university itself also looks quite good.

Classes start at Meredith tomorrow. For all my previous misgivings, I am nonetheless glad for them.

That's me all right. After attending the paralegal open house, dad and I both decided it would be good for me to go ahead with classes. So I am a student once more, at Meredith College. I am taking Legal Survey (which is basically an introductory law course) and Legal Research (something that intimidates me a bit, because it is about how to find laws... and there are way too many... to back up an argument, case, etc).

Classes start next week. It felt a bit awkward to register for these courses because, in truth, I will most likely NOT have a legal career of any sort. But I can see the importance and value of them just for the sake of learning and keeping my mind occupied. I have been having trouble lately because my mind has been too unoccupied. I need these classes to keep my mental health from going south.

Classes are Tuesday and Wednesday mornings and last until the end of April. These classes are actually an introduction to the entire paralegal program at Meredith, so when I finish, I will not be certified to do anything, but it's better that way because there's less pressure. I will most likely not resume classes in the fall to become a certified paralegal (because I really don't think it's for me). For now, I feel happy just to be learning for it's own sake.

I am realizing a pattern. I am an incorrigible learner. In Peace Corps, part of my issue at site was having too little to read and study. Uganda is generally an oral culture, but by not having enough to read or study, my mind hated me.

I also went to the literacy mentoring kick-off party last night. My kid did not show up, but I still enjoyed meeting other kids and mentors. We played basketball and drank hot chocolate. I do hope she shows up next week when the mentoring begins.

Realizing that I am an incorrigible learner, I have been so happy at the thought of being a student again that I will most likely pursue grad school. Mom and I are going to an open house at UNC-Greensboro toward the end of the month, where I will hopefully learn more about their Masters in Public Health. For now, I am thinking I may be so bold as to apply and enroll for the fall.

Whatever job I wind up with, I have realized that I need to have enough challenges as to constantly be learning. That's what I get for being incorrigible... the curse of being so interested in many things, the love of reading, etc etc.

Tonight I am going to a career session at church. I am not expecting to find the clear answers as to what to do with my life, but I am realizing it generally behooves me to go meet/talk to/listen to people who have more experience than I.

I will admit that at home in Raleigh I have been a bit lonely. All my friends are out of town. Not that I can't make new friends here, it just tends to take time. Part of the allure of grad school is belonging to an academic community, and the likelihood of making friends could increase.

There are some interesting events coming up this week. Tomorrow night, dad and I are going to an open house at Meredith to learn more about a paralegal program the college offers. I am wanting to find out if I can start taking classes at Meredith prior to the "official" beginning of the program (in August).

On Tuesday night, I am going to go to a party sponsored by Community Hope, a volunteer agency I have found myself committed to (in the best sense). At the party, I will meet the kid to whom I will be a literacy mentor. I think there will be 10-15 other volunteers at the party, and it will be good to meet them. All of our "mentorees" live in what I believe to be subsidized apartments. I learned from a Community Hope orientation meeting that more than half of the kids who live in subsidized housing will not finish high school. I will begin "mentoring" the following week, on Thursday afternoon for an hour. I really enjoyed meeting my boss, Blair. She is very sweet and enthusiastic, and I believe it will be fun working with her (in contrast to my former boss at Urban Ministries, who never smiled or said "thank you").

On Wednesday I am getting a haircut, the first "real" one since August, when I left for Uganda. That having been said, I did attempt to give myself a haircut overseas (with my Leathermen) which did not turn out well at all, but it at least minimized the amount of dirt and grime in my hair (I later had a friend attempt to even out the jagged edges, which she did reasonably well, but my hair ended up shorter than ever and still not even).

It has grown out a good bit since then, but is still short and even. I am sure Patsy will be able to get it back on track. Plus, I love talking to her and have missed her very much.

Mom and dad are busy. They are both at church this morning. Tonight they are going to a basketball game (Duke vs. Virgina Tech) because dad got two free tickets from an office friend. I am glad they are going out together, because mom is leaving for Philadelphia on Friday for a weeklong school session.

My brother Doug is starting school again. He is really eager to get back. He has several "goals" for himself this semester... one may be to join a fraternity! He has expressed desire to live off-campus as a sophomore because he's getting sick of dorm life. Joining a frat is one way to do so (with the frat houses, etc.) Doug has been researching which frats to join and insists there are some respectable ones at ECU which don't do crazy initiation rituals or drunken brawls.

Doug is also looking forward to computer classes and is considering joining a tennis club. Sounds like he will be busy.

One more thing... I have marked my calendar for January 20, because that's the day Obama will swear in as President! I am getting really excited about the Inauguration and, though there's no way I'll be in DC to watch it, that won't stop me from turning on the TV to witness history in action.

Obama's election as President is special for many reasons, but for me it carries significance because when I was overseas in Uganda, I was doing my best to follow the election with very limited resources (ie, no electricity). I had cast my vote for him in Uganda and was waiting for the results with baited breath.

My parents sent me the edition of "Newsweek" which covered Obama's victory back in November. When I received it, I was filled with hope even in the midst of the difficult circumstances I was facing as a volunteer (circumstances which soon led to me going home the following month). But when he won, I felt proud to be representing American overseas.

I had a very hard day on Saturday. I finally realized that I missed my Peace Corps friends back in Uganda-- I missed them terribly. After all, we did go through a lot together, and flying across the ocean, literally into the wild unknown, is bound to bring people close.

This sadness reared its head when I was sitting in a coffee shop with my high school humanities teacher, his wife, and their 9-year old niece. I might not have felt so terrible had a girl who also went to my high school showed up. Next to her, I felt so small and insignificant, because it seems she has a lot of friends to hang with here-- as well as a boyfriend and a fast track to her career goals and singing talent AND a really polished appearance. She knew exactly how to carry on a conversation, while I felt myself stuttering and faltering. All I could say was, "I have been back in the US for about 3 weeks, and I'm looking for what's next". I grew so uncomfortable and had to excuse myself for my Tai Chi lesson. But I was miserable the rest of the day.

So I was sad-- very sad. It was the first time since I had been home that the grief finally came. No, I don't wish I were back in Uganda. I am just sad that Peace Corps did not work the way I had wanted it to and that I had to leave friends.

Today, I am pretty much better. While this was going on over the weekend, I did not sleep well for 3 straight nights. I think my parents were worried about me when they saw how unhappy I was.

But it was healthy to admit I missed my friends. After I admitted that, I started to feel better. I also know I need to move on and make some life changes.

On Sunday, I went to an Episcopal church downtown for the first time. I went alone, which was hard, but the liturgy was extremely beautiful and the congregation seemed warm. The church is built in an old "English" style-- lots of rounded arches and wooden doors. In the sanctuary there is even a wooden spiral staircase, stained glass, and an organ.

Church had also been bothering me as of late, because I know longer felt that my family's church is right for me. For one, we meet in a warehouse-- nothing wrong with that, but it doesn't quite feel holy. For another, on the Christmas Eve service, there were four TVs-- four!-- on the stage (no altar) where the pastor gives the sermon. I just didn't like that, and was looking for something less flashy.

I will probably go back to this church next time, but may also look around other places. But it was fun to drive downtown to go to church, especially since it is right next to parks, museums, and the State Capitol building.

I do have some things going on that I am excited about. In addition to volunteering at Urban Ministries, tonight I am going to the YMCA for a training session on a youth literacy mentoring program. There is an opportunity for me to volunteer/intern or possibly work part-time for this program, and I am eager to see what it's like.

I have also begun studying for the GRE, which I will take Jan 26. I am actually glad to study because it occupies my mind.

My dad told me not to stress too much about the GRE because I may or may not end up going to grad school in the fall. I, honestly, was beginning to have doubts as to whether a Masters in Public Health was right for me, because dad told me the jobs are extremely demanding and competitive. Plus, I really don't know if I want to commit to two years outside of Raleigh. But I will take the GRE anyway, for the experience of it, and not worry about the ramifications too much. For posterity, mom and I are attending a grad school open house at UNC-G Jan 27 to learn more about what's involved. I'm sure I'll then be able to make a more informed decision.

So, if not grad school, what then? Dad suggested a paralegal program, which surprised me at first, but I am rather warming to the suggestion. The paralegal program is offered at Meredith college here in Raleigh, and runs for one year. All courses are in the evening. Dad said I might consider this because paralegals are usually in demand, yet carry job flexibility and don't have to deal with the stresses of being a lawyer. He said my organizational/analytical skills would serve me well.

But the thing that most appealed to me about dad's suggestion was his comment that "paralegals can leave their work at the office", meaning that work doesn't eat them alive and they still have time to pursue other activities/interests. I think that's the tricky part-- seeing how hard everyone works and how stressed out people get to succeed and become rich and climb the ladder-- it's not for me!

Meredith has an open house on their paralegal program Jan 5, which I signed up for. I feel good about that, but I am just eager for things to get going.

So it comes down to this: after all my speech and efforts to get my volunteer job at Urban Ministries back, now that I have it, I don't think I want it. Explanation following:

I went there last week to see what was going on. My old, sainted boss no longer works there! Instead she has been replaced by another woman (or girl; she is just about my age!). And her policies, though I am sure are quite effective, are much stricter. For starters, the volunteer shifts have been lengthened by an hour! When I went in to speak with her, she was all business, no smiles. She began talking about "training sessions" I needed to attend and was not about to offer me any hours until I went to one (but then I insisted I knew what I was doing to some extent, having volunteered there before).

Why is volunteering so difficult? You would think bosses would offer incentives to prospective volunteers, not obligations, especially since volunteers are on no one's payroll.

I am driving out to Greensboro to see my friend Sara today; however, last night this whole exchange was bothering me. I may call in and just say that I'm not up for it. After all, I did just get out of an ENORMOUS volunteering commitment. I shouldn't rush to be picking anything up, especially since I am still recovering :)

Yesterday was amazing... I read a book I had checked out from the library on nine Jews who fled Hitler (true stories). Then I went for a walk outside; the sun had come out and it felt great. I want more days like that!

In many ways, I have a fresh start after the Peace Corps. It's a great sense to have.

After being home for only two weeks, it has become pretty clear of the next path I need to try: graduate school. I had resisted the idea initially, at the thought of another application process, but now I see it really is worth looking into.

UNC-Greensboro offers a Masters in Public Health next fall, meaning I need to start applying early next year, take the GRE, etc. That's all right.

This weekend there is a Taize-like service Sunday evening at a downtown church. Mom and I are going and I'm looking forward to it.

Yesterday marked a week since the return to the States. Interestingly, Uganda feels quite distant in some ways, but very close in others (the experiences I had will never leave me).

I drove to Furman on Thursday to meet friends. Had a great time! It was nice to return as an alumna and experience the campus more on my own terms. Will definitely have to return soon, now that friends are a mere stateline, and not a continent followed by an ocean, away.

I have valiant goals for myself this week (haha): first, I am hoping to change my bank account. Wachovia got bought out twice, and my brother Doug closed his account as a result and switched to State Employers Credit union, which purportedly has a much better interest rate. I'd make him come with me, but he's still asleep.

I also want to get my volunteer job at Urban Ministries back. I will even try to settle this today; if I can start back tomorrow I'd be very happy.

Finally, I want to get a hold of my Peace Corps insurance. My re-adjustment allowance, as I was told, is still being "processed" in DC. Sigh. All in time.

I have made the epic journey home to NC. After the decision to leave Uganda, a Peace Corps landcruiser came to collect me from my village. Packing was a cinch-- so much I gave away to needy neighbors and designated for the use of remaining volunteers. It was hard to go. My supervisor cried.

The trip to Kampala took 4 hours. Along the way we passed so many impoverished villages. I became sad. Then, as we approached the city, I became giddy. Electricity! Tall buildings! American cuisine! Going home! I was the happiest I had been in months, and felt my old self returning to me. I fear had I stayed in the village I would have lost myself entirely. I know now that I was there for just the right amount of time.

I stayed in a YWCA in Kampala for three nights while being processed out of Peace Corps. I loved the Y. It was safe, clean and quiet, and I could relax at last. I also hung out with other volunteers who happened to be in the area for various reasons.

On Saturday I was driven to the airport in Entebbe. Entebbe is a town that borders lake Victoria, a really massive body of water that crosses into Tanzania. I was driven to the airport as the sun set over the lake. It was breathtaking and a good omen-- my last vision of Uganda was this gorgeous and peaceful vista, making me know I had done the right thing in leaving when I did.

The flight out of Uganda to Belgium left at midnight. Of course, I slept only fitfully on the plane. When I arrived in Belgium I was very hungry. Fortunately, I met up with a retired marine who had been working in Rwanda and was in route back to the States. He bought me breakfast (Belgian pastries are delicious) and I told him about life in the village. He said, "I would never have done what you did, nor would I ever send young women to live by themselves in African countries." I did have to agree with him; for as much as I value independence, living by myself was no good.

It was strange-- only for a little bit-- to be in Belgium where it was winter (I had experienced constant heat in Uganda and no changing in time to the rising and setting of the sun) but I found myself really taking to the cold, as if my body was saying, "here is what we have been accustomed to". For as much as I darkened when I was in Uganda, I really did not like the oppressive heat. I would drink water constantly, and would have to fetch more in a period of 2 days (meaning I consumed 20 litres of treated water that I kept in my house in a period of 48 hours).

I arrived in New York around 2pm after the 8-hour flight across the Atlantic. I could have kissed the ground; I was so happy to be back in America, my homeland. I had never before felt such a strong attachment to my country than when I was in Uganda. I thought my national identity did not matter so much prior to Peace Corps. Now I see it constitutes a very significant part of who I am.

From New York I flew to Raleigh, arriving around 6pm. As we flew over the airport, I marveled at the electricity all around me. Raleigh and surrounding towns are served by a nuclear power plant. Uganda and parts of Kenya and Tanzania are served by one small hydroelectric dam.

My parents met me at the airport. When we got home, mom cried. Then dad cried. I knew I would be having the reaction-- everything around me was so nice! I could not take it initially; I cried. I took a hot shower, and we had soup and bread for dinner, and I slept in a bed without a mosquito net and without the sheets being dirty from dust that would collect on the concrete floor in my house (no matter how much I swept and mopped I could never get rid of it entirely, nor could I keep the bed clean).

Yesterday I drove for the first time in 4 months. It came right back to me. Now, by and large, it is feeling very natural to be home. I am pleased that I feel this way.

So after all this, I do not regret-- ever-- going to Uganda. 4 months was just the right amount of time-- and it was not a brief period by any means. I see in myself a new confidence and clarity of purpose that I would have never had prior to going. So I have gained that, and now I can see family and friends much sooner than I anticipated. So I am a blesse

Indeed, life is very funny. I am looking forward to writing this post, though

am not sure how to approach the subject at hand, for it is a bit complex. So I will just come out with the message directly: I have decided to go home.

I am currently not at my site, but in Kampala, beginning the "checking-out process" with Peace Corps. I will be in NC on Sunday.

Now, I have to unpack such a loaded message. My decision to end my service in Uganda came almost against my will, after fighting against the notion of not completing my two years of Peace Corps service. Suffice it to say, however, that at my site in Kyenjojo I was becoming progressively sadder with each passing day. I did not want to admit it, but by effectively ignoring what my mind and body were telling me ("go home"), I was hurting myself and would continue hurting myself. Either I'd self-destruct to a degree or become an embittered person. I did not want either to happen.

The nature of my site was very hard. I was surprised that I reacted so strongly against challenges I anticpated (no electricity, internet, running water, or other Americans to talk to). I knew this going in, but still, I reacted against it.

I also had an unfortunate security issue with a man who trespassed on my property and refused to leave. He was aggressive, but fortunately there was no assault. I had to prosecute him and felt very miserable about it. I have never had to offer a court testimony in my life, but I did here in Uganada.

But now, that was a blessing in disguise. The security incident expedited my decision to go home, a decision that I think I would have eventually come to anyway. But if it were further down the road of service, I don't want to think how exhausted/emotionally run down I would have been at that point (because I was already).

Fortunately, while the prosecution was occurring, I sought counseling from an American nun in the nearby city of Fort Portal. She basically told me I was a mess and needed to have the courage to act for my wellness--even if it meant going home.

Peace Corps was something I thought I'd finish no matter what. But God was kinder than I was willing to be to myself. Going home is an act of grace. I feel so good about this decision, and other Peace Corps staff/volunteers have said it was the right thing to do. Even the Peace Corps boss consoled me. "I'm quitting", I sobbed to her. "You're not, Anna" she replied. "We all know you tried. You have to put on many shoes in life before you find the right fit". She was right.

I also certainly don't regret the time I have been in Uganda. I know a little bit of what it's like to be poor. I have met some incredible people. I have tried my best. And now it is simply time to move on.

I am feeling like myself, peaceful, content, and hopeful for the future. And goodness I can't wait to see friends back in the States!

So far I have been very, very lucky. I have liked my job very much. I am doing a lot of office work (filing, editing on the computer) but I feel good about it. My supervisor trusts me to do a lot of things. We even get to travel to the nearest big city (Fort Portal) to do workshops from time to time.

Village life is okay. I have no electricity or running water, but this is what I knew going into it. My biggest fears where of security but I am definitely safe. The neighbors are fine. My other big concern was food. But I am finding new ways to be creative. Powdered milk is an excellent cooking aid.

In all, I can become very tired, but I have time to think of who I am and what I value. And of course people I love.

I have been a volunteer for one week now. The swearing-in ceremony went very well. I gave the speech and the vice-ambassador was there to here it. I felt very proud of myself because he wished me luck and complimented me on the speech. Maybe it was part of the diplomatic job description, but I think he really meant it.

I am not at my site at the moment-- I am in Kampala, and I have been since Tuesday, because I got sick. It was really rather frustrating to get sick when everything at site was so new. Forunately I feel much better now. I am going to return to Kyenjojo tomorrow.

Settling in to the house has not been easy. Perhaps the most logistically complicated matter was securing propane gas for my stove. There is a shortage of gas throughout the country. Fortunately, an extremely kind taxi driver who works in the area investigated gas stations where there was propone still in stock. He came back to me with a price estimate and we went to the gas station and collected it. He even drove me back to my house and helped me manouver the tank inside.

I am sensing that I will have enough work to keep me busy, though I am not without my apprehensions. The organization I am with works with orphans and vulnerable children. I am the only woman on staff. That is hard. The good thing is, I have the opportunity to make friends with women in the community. Plus, there is a girl who has been a Peace Corps Volunteer for about a year who lives just down the road from me at a Catholic parish. I know I'll be calling on her for support.

Thankfully the first week at site is over. The first week is always chaos.

We have all passed our training. On Friday, we took the language exam-- a 30 minute "interview" where we are tape-recorded and assessed accordingly. I was so exhausted after my interview-- my tester grilled me and asked me to describe the United States in Runyooro-Rutooro. It was funny-- I ended up talking about famous American universities like MIT, Harvard and Stanford. I even talked about universities in North Carolina. I also talked about how nice the weather is in California, even though I have not been there.

I was very scared that I did not pass because I paused several times and really struggle. We had to score an "Intermediate Low" to be sworn in as full volunteers. If I didn't attaint that level I would have been sworn in only provisionally and would have to take the language test again in January. Major bummer.

But I did pass, with an Intermediate Mid-- the next level above Intermediate Low. I was very happy.

Since my last entry I am doing much better. I have turned in my bicycle and we have just moved out of Wakiso, so I won't have to ride my bike down that road anymore. On Saturday we had a farewell party for our host families. It was so funny and enjoyable. We presented American songs like "This Land is Your Land" and even did a skit about the first Thanksgiving. Our Ugandan audience loved it, and they loved it even more when we did a haphazard re-enactment of some local dances. We had a really great time.

On Sunday, we spent a day in the city doing some shopping for our future homes once we move there this week. It is hard to believe that so much is going on. We also were treated to a pool party/cookout at the US ambassador's house. The house was so nice that I really was shocked and felt out of place initially. But I had a very good time. We had hamburgers, potato and pasta salad, and fresh cookies for dessert. In Uganda there are very few opportunities to swim because the lakes are not safe. So it was quite refreshing to have a swim at his place. The amabassador previously worked in Kenya and had also just come to Uganda in August, like our training group. He was very hospitable.

This morning I had to say goodbye to my homestay family. I felt a little sad because they were so kind to me over these past 2 months. My little brother began crying when he found out I had to leave. I will do my best to stay in touch; I have their phone number so I will try to call from time to time.

We are being sworn in on Wednesday. I am giving a speech which I have written. Then we move to our respective sites. For as difficult as training was, I believe it was very necessary to prepare us for this next step. I cannot think about everything at once because it will be too much. I am very grateful for the things that occur one step at a time. And to have gone through training successfully is a major victory.

A week from this Wednesday, on October 8, we will be sworn in as official Peace Corps volunteers. After this training saga, it is a title that I'm proud to claim. I have volunteered to give a vote of thanks/speech at the ceremony. I don't think I'll have much time to plan it, but I've gotten pretty good at wingining things lately. For training we have all had to present projects on how we would use our skills in the community. I wrote a story/allegory on HIV/AIDS and read it to everyone. It was a simple story but carried a message of not stigmatizing individuals with the disease.

This Friday we have a language exam. It is an oral one-- basically a conversation between teacher and student. We are having language classes every day this week. I really hope I can pass this. It's funny how nervous I am about it. We are all ready to be done with it.

We are all trying to figure out how we are going to travel to and move into our homes. On Sunday we pack up our things here in Wakiso and on Monday we check into a hotel in Kampala. Then we go shopping. I have found I would really love some candles and a good lighter. The matches I have seen here bend easily, and the other night I singed myself slightly on the paraffin lamp Peace Corps gave me. So I don't want to use it again; it's dangerous.

I have had a very difficult time emotionally since Friday. Now, fortunately, I am feeling much better. But I believe the strain of living in Wakiso finally overwhelmed me on Friday. Every day when I ride my bicycle from home to training site and from training home, I have to become a different person-- a person who isn't afraid of the trucks and motorcylces that careen down the road at ridiculous speeds that spew carbon monoxide everywhere. I have to pretend that I'm not bothered by men staring/calling out to me. In fact, I have to put on a very mean face so that they don't bother me as much. I have found it exhausting, and actually came to training in tears this morning. But people understood. Last Friday, I wished for nothing more than a moment's peace. Fortunately, circumstances will change. I am ready to come home to a place of my own, to close the door when things become too much. I have not yet had that chance.

Somehow, I feel peaceful now. I know that God is protecting me and things will be fine.

This past week, all of us Peace Corps trainees made the trek to our respective sites where we will live and work as volunteers (we become "official" US Peace Corps volunteers at a swearing-in ceremony on Oct 8. It is quite a big deal because it means we will have "graduated" from our 8 weeks of training. We are all quite eager to be done with it. Our training has been very good but it is the equivalent of boot camp)

My site is in a place called Kyenjojo Town. Kyenjojo means "land of the elephants". I did not see any elephants, but then again I did not spend too much time there-- only 2 days. But what a 2 days it was. My supervisor from the organization I am to work with took me to meet virtually the entire town-- the mayor, the local council, the district officers. It was very good but utterly exhausting. My house where I am to live was not ready yet, so I stayed in a guest lodge and foraged for food. I ended up buying a lot of bananas, some bread, and peanut butter. When I managed to eat in a restaurant, I usually had rice, peanut sauce, and some kind of vegetable. One of my neighbors also gave me a giant avocado, so I was greatful.

While in Kyejojo, I was also taken to the villages where I will be working. What I saw, honestly, was very upsetting-- two households headed by girls of 17 and 13, respectively, because their parents had been taken by AIDS. The organization I have been placed with is doing, however, a pretty good job of providing for their lives-- they provide couselling, support groups, and sometimes school fees.

After coming back to the training site in Wakiso, I still have felt rattled by what I saw. I do not know enough and am not familiar enough with the living/working situation to decide if I like it or not. Fortunately, Kyenjojo is a small town and necessary items are readily available. My house in town is new and entirely unfurnished, and it is pretty comical, if I think of it that way, to negotiate moving into an unfurnished home in Uganda.

I will need to fetch water-- there is a tap a few hundred yards from the house. Electricity will supposedly be up and running by december-- we will see. I have gotten somewhat used to using a paraffin lamp, because at my host family's home in Wakiso the electricity is off and on.

While at site, it looks like I will be following a vegetarian diet. I can really only take meat that has been prepared at a reputable restaurant in a larger city. In many towns the butcher hangs the carcass in the open, in the heat, with dust and flies. But I have been surprised-- I do not miss meat too much. I have actually learned to savor beans and rice, and fortunately do not feel deprived nutritionally.

On more of a personal and emotional level, I am afraid. Moving is stressful, and what a move this will be. Fortunately, it looks like I am not moving alone. three other volunteers are living in or around Kyenjojo, so we will haul oursleves and our stuff out there. Peace corps is allowing us a few days in the capital city (Kampala) to buy certain necessary items before going to site. At the top of everyone's list is a gas stove... pretty necessary for cooking if electricity is not available/not reliable.

Whenever I worry about these things, (quite often) this excerpt comes to mind, "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink, or your body, what you will wear". It is very pertinent here.

We are progressing very well with our training. On a typical day, we have language sessions in the morning and then a technical and cross-cultural session in the afternoon. I am in the Runyoro-Rutoro language group. Today for our session, we were talking about food (or "ebyokulya") we went to the mukatale (market) to look at produce and grains. Fish is popular, along with bananas, avocados, and all sorts of produce. That's a very good thing.

In a few days we will learn about our site assignments-- where we will all individually go in Uganda and with what organization we will be working with. Uganda has some major international nonprofits, like World Vision, and also smaller community-based organizations. Needless to say, we are all eager to be informed of this. All I know is that I am going west, in what our language trainer described as one of the most beautiful and hospitable places in Uganda. It is also the second most developed region in the country. I tried not to get too excited.

My homestay family is very sweet and kind. Though I do get homesick for my "real" family back in the States. I also miss friends, but am happy to say that I have made a lot of new ones in the Peace Corps group. Travelling to a new country and going through culture shock makes a group grow close.

I went jogging the other day in my village, and some kids started chasing me. It was pretty funny. Exercise is truly a foreign concept because most people work extremely hard every day doing manual labor. I was also wearing long pants, so some Ugandans called me "sebbo" (or "sir").

All in all, we are having a good experiene. Our next major task will be going into the market, buying food, and cooking it on a charcoal stove. Fortunately we are doing this in groups so we can help each other out. It will be fun.

Thanks for the kind words. They really do mean a lot. The medical office did have a good luck at me, and prescribed antibiotics and rest. For the past day and a half, I have been resting at a home in Kampala. Apparently, Peace Corps has a place for volunteers to go to in order to withdraw and recover a bit. Honestly, I am being spoiled with running water and the opportunity to take a hot shower and do nothing during the day. But I have been doing some things... like my language homework assignments. I suppose I was more ragged than I thought. Since the 4th of August I've been living out of a suitcase and that doesn't agree with me for extended periods of time. Tomorrow I will go back to Wakiso to resume training. The good thing is, training has not been occurring during the duration that I have been out of comission, because my group has been away on varoius site visits. I am looking forward to seeing everyone again. The rest is necessary but it is also a bit lonely. Fortunately I have the chance to use the internet for free at the medical office (which is where I am now; the nurses wanted to check up on me)

This is a very precious commondity in the first week and a half or so in Uganda. Honestly, it's been exhausting. We have all begun our training in a town called Waksio. We are in training from 8am-5pm Monday-Friday, and 8-noon on Saturday. In the morning we have language sessions. I am learning a language called Runyooro-Rutooro. It is a language spoken in midwestern Uganda-- this is the region where I will be placed when we all become "official" volunteers in October.

In Wakiso, we all stay with Ugandan host families. My family is very sweet, though adjusting to a new home and country all at once has been hard. I am without running water for the first time in my experience, so I have had to re-think basic actions like brushing teeth, washing self, and washing clothes. I live about 30 minutes from the training site, and ride a bike there and back every day. This is a site to see for many Ugandans-- I get a lot of stares, and some laughter, but also some greetings and niceties.

I have gotten a lot of shots as well-- for rabies and yellow fever. I am also taking a weekly malaria propylaxis.

The rest of the day is taken up by various seminars on food/water preparation, Ugandan history/culture, and current issues in the country (like dealing with AIDS).

Yesterday I was supposed to leave Wakiso to visit current volunteers in the region where I will be going. But I got an upset stomach and felt too weak to travel. I had no appetitie for about 2 days. I called the medical office and got picked up from the village where I am staying. I was taken to Kampala, where the Peace Corps medical office is. The nurse took a look at me and put me on antibiotics. Then I got put up in a lodge in Kampala. Fortuantely, I didn't stay by myself, but with other volunteers who happened to be in town. All of them are at least a year into service. They said that things get better after training. Today I am feeling better, though still weak.

Right now, I am at the Peace Corps volunteer lounge at the medical center in Kampala, waiting on where I might travel to today. Since I couldn't leave yesterday out of illness, the PC powers are trying to make alternate arrangments so thtat I can still get to see more of the country. (All others in my group have left for their various sites yesterday. We come back to Wakiso on Wednesday evening)

I have had times of intense homesickness. The nurse told me yesterday that many volunteers are unhappy initially, and then they adjust. I just need some time. I am trying to keep a sense of humor. Fortunately, I will never have to repeat all the adjustments of the first week and a half. I appreciate people at home like never before. I hope that with each day I will feel a little less displaced.

I am in Philadelphia now for the staging portion of the Peace Corps. It's pretty overwhelming, but I have found some time to "breathe", as they say. I think part of the stress is being in a new, big, and unfamiliar city. Philadelphia does not score high marks for safety either, so I feel that ever since I have arrived my body has been on high alert. The pace in the city is incredibly fast, too. Though it was hard to leave home, being in Philadelphia has made me want to get out and go to Uganda. Which, fortunately, we will-- tomorrow morning.

Our Peace Corps group seems to be a good one. Remarkably, the male-female ratio is about half and half. Overall, more women than men join the Peace Corps. We also have a good age range. I am actually among the youngest sector in the group. We have several mature adults and people in their mid to late 20s. I take this as a good thing.

Our days (since yesterday afternoon through about 6 o'clock this evening) have been filled with lectures about the Peace Corps mission and, over and over again, safety. The overriding message is this-- if you integrate into your community and gain acceptance, your neighbors will, by and large, look out for your well being. This makes sense, though I am still wondering where the fine line is between neighbors looking out for you and knowing when you should be moved somewhere else. It will be okay.

When we get to Uganda, we will go to a place called Wakiso for 8-week training. At that time, we will live with host families. Wakiso is about 40 miles outsdie the capital, Kampala. It seems that internet is very, very limited and the telecommunications are a nuisance to figure out. I suppose I will be devoting so much energy acclimating that I wont' be bothered by this too much. Fortunately, I can receive and send letters.So, time to get out of crime-ridden Philly and into a place that takes life a little more slowly.

It was good of mom to take me to the Duke gardens today. It was a very pleasant outing and, after doing most of the packing, got me to be feeling much better about things.

Word has probably leaked out by now that Peace Corps starts on Monday. Well, at least the very simple act of getting on a plane, but that one act carries a lot of significance. I will be in Philadelphia for orientation until Wednesday, and then begins the trek to Uganda. My internet access will be much more sporadic, but I will write when possible.

I woke up this morning feeling good and lightsome about the whole endeavour, but as the day progressed I accumulated the weight of what is about to happen. I know of three causes: (1)-- Today was my last day at Urban Ministries. I was good and busy, but by the end when I said goodbye to Madeline and Eleanor, I was sad. Eleanor told me "This place will not be the same without you." Madeline said, "You learned quickly. Take care of yourself."

I am very fortunate. I enjoyed every day I was there, and always felt useful. There was typically a good conversation to savor between a client, co-worker, or supervisor.

The other reason I am feeling heavy is that I got my parents a card and wrote them a farewell message, which I intend to give them on Monday.

The third reason is shopping, which I always find overwhelming. I have been to K-Mart and Food Lion picking up last minute items for the PC, such as cereal bars and small tupperware jars and floss. I'm pretty much done now, fortunately. Plus, we went to Bed Bath & Beyond to get my brother things for his dorm-- storage bins, trash cans, comforters, etc. He goes to ECU on the 17th.

I have been doing some funny things to assuage the heaviness. One method is to watch utterly mindless movies. "Enchanted" ranks right up there, one of the more recent Disney films about an animated princess who finds herself in real world Manhattan. I watched that the other night, and it was the perfect anectode.

Some fun things are coming up too-- I'm going to the wedding of a high school aquitance tomorrow. She's actually getting married in the building where we all went to high school, since it can also serve as a sanctuary.

Mom is taking me to the gardens at Duke University on Sunday, which I greatly appreciate as a way to get out of the house and away from last-minute stressors.

This was the situation I found myself in at 9pm last evening. I was in Charlotte, after a splendid day of meeting up with a friend. I started to leave the city, working backwards on my mapquest directions, only to be stopped before reaching the freeway by an enormous wreck. It was so big that no cars could go around it. The cops directed everyone to turn around.

I was very, very upset. It was nearly dark and I knew no other way out. The next thirty minutes were wasted driving around the bowels of Charlotte. Sometimes I would find myself on the main street of downtown; other times I was dead-ending in a back alley or a warehouse. Needless to say, I could not have been more lost.

Charlotte is a very confusing place to navigate, even in the daytime. Roads abruptly fork and change names. So night-time navigation is all but impossible for the stranger in town.

I was by myself. Maybe it was good there was no one with me in the car to here my abrupt ranting and raving when I found myself going nowhere fast. I stopped three times for directions. The first time was a cop in a Rite Aid. His directions were just plain wrong. I did not get on the freeway but found yet another dead end. Then I stopped at a Shell station and got directions from a man who had just gotten out of prison. (He was very nice, and he showed me his prison ID). But, I couldn't keep track of the street names he gave me, as it was dark out, the roads kept on forking and the names of the roads kept changing.

The harder I tried to follow directions, the more lost I became. I stopped at a different Shell station, still in the sketchy area of town. I got out of the car, and a big white van full of Hispanic men pulled up next to me. One was leering out the window. I wasn't feeling unsafe, but I just wanted to go home.

Just hen, a lady cop pulled up and got out of her patrol car. She looked maybe 25 years old, and was very petite. She had handcuffs and a gun; the full cop regalia. I walked up to her and said, "Please let me follow you to the interstate". She said, "People get lost here all the time. Sure". She was very sweet. She had to go into the gas station to do some paperwork first. "I just arrested someone here earlier today" she said. Yup. It was time to go home.

She had a fantastic GPS system in her patrol car. I followed her to the interstate and was home three hours later. I hated driving the interstate at night. People do all sorts of sketchy things. But I am safe and sound now.

Here are a few. Yay Alaska!!!

Mom, Doug and I are eating breakfast in the hotel in Vancouver before boarding the ship. My brother looks quizzical on purpose.

Two days later, the three of us are now onboard and are dressed up for the Captain's Dinner. We had just met the Captain, who is an interesting fellow. When he's not piloting cruise ships, he lives on a boat with his wife and sails the South Pacific. Doug wasn't supposed to have champagne, but it makes for a good picture.

Doug and I are on our way to Icy Stait Pt.

Hubbard Glacier, viewed from the ship.

We ate dinner in the ship's dining room every evening. One night, all the waiters onborad (140 in all) formed a congo line and danced around the room. We are joining the revelry from our seats.

Our stateroom attendant made a bat out of our bathroom towels!

In Juneau, Alaska's capital, we went for a ride in a dog mushing camp. This is one team of dogs. They couldn't WAIT to start running!

One of the puppies that will be trained for mushing.

These are two great people--Armand and Muievah. They also happened to be our waiters. We took this picture on the last evening of the cruise. It would not have been the same without them.

I have been a real delinquent about posting, but the title explains my absence. For the past week, mom, dad, Doug & I have been in the northern Pacific, either in Canada or cruising up to Alaska. We had a very good vacation, with some travel "adventures".

Friday July 11, we woke at 4am to fly to Chicago. From Chicago, on to Vancouver. When we arrived, we were jetlagged but had enough energy to take in some of the city, which was beautiful. Lots of tall buildings, glass architecture, and gardens. We stayed in a hotel overlooking the bay, and there were snow-covered mountains on the opposite side.

On Saturday, we boarded our ship and set sail. The vessel's name was "Serenade of the Seas" and it was absolutely palacial-- thirteen levels, with an indoor and outdoor pool, theatre, casino (none of us gambled-- Doug wanted to but wasn't of age), not to mention the dining room. We learned that the chefs onboard prepare apporximately 1400 meals a day! There were about 2300 people on board, so I suppose many people opted for the buffet (in a completely different room altogether) instead of the sit-down dinner. We did the latter, and had very, very good food every evening, 8:30pm sharp.

At first we were concerned about the lateness of dinner (the main seating was at 6pm, but we went to the second seating slot at 8:30); however, we soon got used to it because, being so far north, the sun did not set until 10:30pm.

Our waiters were outstanding (dinner was truly a crucial part of the cruise experience). There names were Armand and Muievah, both in their mid-20s, from the Phillipines and from India, respectively. They were sweet and hilarious, and several nights the entire waitstaff would sing songs for us... one night they even formed a congo line. Because all the food was pre-paid, we were (and this is an understatement) very well-fed. Doug was thrilled with all the dining possibilities... he took advantage of everything being paid for and routinely ordered two entrees. One of them was beef in some way, shape, or form. Armand always thought this was funny and would give Doug one of those manly slaps on the back after he was done ordering.

Our actual excursions in Alaska were very good. My favorite by far took place in Juneau toward the end of the cruise. Juneau, Alaska's capital, has only 30,000 inhabitants. We got off the ship around 8am and took a bus to a dog mushing camp outside the city. It was fabulous! At the camp, we got to go on a ride with a musher and the team of dogs-- about 14 of them. Our musher, a guy maybe my age or a bit younger, had already competed in the Iditerod (sp?) and was looking to compete again.

We got back around 2:30am last evening. We were supposed to have a connecting flight from DC to Raleigh, but it was cancelled. Rather than spending the evening in an obscure hotel, we rented a car and drove home. It was a good thing to do, though I am very tired.

This morning dad and I went to the mall to develop some of the photos he took. I am hoping to get them on Live Journal soon.

Mom and dad are already entertaining the idea of another cruise when I am done with the Peace Corps.

Speaking of Peace Corps, my packing list arrived via e-mail. Mercifully, it looks like I already have a good number of the items (headlamp, pocket knife, etc.) from previous camping trips/journeys to Africa. With that in mind, though, I want to be sure I afford my self some time to pack and organize because it's never easy.

I suppose, then, that this coming week will be my last week of volunteering at Urban Ministries. That has been a very good experience. I don't think I can put in any more time the week after, because mom and I are leaving for the beach a week from today and will be gone until Wednesday of the following week.

It's hard not to be emotional. My family means a lot to me, and I will miss them.

I received my staging kit from the Peace Corps on Saturday (as well as a flurry of the latest government paperwork to do). I am to "report" to Philadelphia on Aug 4 for orientation. Funny thing is, we were just there (or nearby) for the family reunion (which, all in all, went very well). After two days in Philly, we depart for Africa-- accordingly, we fly to JFK in New York on Aug 6. From there, we go to Brussels, and from Brussels, to Uganda.

I made a flight reservation this morning. I was glad to have that done with. It seems that the closer the day of departure comes, the more I simply want to enjoy the gifts of the present.

It is hard to believe, but this Friday morning (at a very early hour), we depart for Vancouver for the Alaska cruise. No one in my family (including me) has been on a cruise before. I asked mom to have a look at one of our travel brochures. The ship belongs in a class called "Serenade of the Seas" or something like that. It's unbelievable. Thirteen decks with a spa, multiple pools, gym, mall, theatre, dance club, cinema, a host of restaurants and cafes (in addition to the main dining room), a climbing wall, and a number of hangouts that require a club membership.

My aunt describes cruise ships as "floating cities". It's pretty accurate. Honestly, I find it a bit overwhelming and a little disconcerting. I am positive I will enjoy myself, however. We will be getting off the ship for a number of expeditions, and the scenery will be breathtaking, for sure. I have a few things I'd like to do-- the ship offers Tai Chi classes, which I can check out. And I am hoping to do some kayaking. I think it would be very cool to kayak in Alaska waters. Otherwise, I am content with a book on the deck.

Doug already claims he wants surf and turf delivered to his cabin. Will try to not the cruise mentality of too much luxury make my thoughts fuzzy.

Otherwise, it's a usual week. I continue to volunteer at Urban Ministries, and summon motivation to go to the gym. I am always glad when I do.

There are almost no patients at the free clinic this afternoon. The past two days I came in to work, I was in from 9am-noon (for the food pantry). Those mornings were both very busy, so this is quite a contrast. I am looking for files right now with limited success.

I had a very good time with family in PA. It was a little sad to say goodbye, meaning that the journey was well worth it.

We arrived yesterday afternoon in Philadelphia at around 1pm. Luckily, there were no flight problems and we even touched down early at the airport. From there, we drove in a rented Impala to Amma and Ampa's new home-- Arbour Square retirement community. Amma was there with sandwiches and cookies she had baked. It was good to see them and their new place-- it's really nice, complete with a gift shop, bank/mail room, hair salon, gym, cafe, and even a pub (for the guys, I'm told). Doug spent the greater part of the afternoon writing a program to make it easier for Amma to use e-mail.

Doug and mom returned earlier this week from ECU. Doug now has a student ID and a fall term class schedule. He is taking indoor raquetball to satisfy his phys. ed requirement. I think he is excited. He is still waiting on the results of AP exams, which will help determine the rest of his schedule. The nice thing is, he can pretty much adjust it at will. I believe he is going to start right away in his computer classes-- his major is not actually Computer Science but something more specific. Now I forget what it's called, but it does involve hardware and networking (Doug can describe what he wants to do careerwise right now: basically, if someone want to set up on office, they'd call on him to get the computer system up and running). Our older cousin Robbie has a job like that, so maybe the two of them can compare notes.

Anyway, Doug's degree will be a Bachelor of Science. He won't have to take very many math classes, though. He does have to take one course called Technical Writing, which dad encouraged him to try hard on.

I need to head out now-- we're going to the grocery store and florist to get party arrangements together.

... I fell out of my chair. Literally. It was not a subtle stumble in private, either. The chair fell out from behind me and landed on its slide with a loud clatter. I went down too, fortunately breaking my fall, but I was down on all fours inches from the floor. Witnesses? Yes, there were witnesses. One of my bosses, Madeline, and a client (Audrey) who was applying for an appointment at the free clinic. "Are you okay?" Madeline asked? I was. I felt like the heroine in "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" who falls over backwards at the travel agency in front of her crush.

When I was interviewing Audrey, I could tell she was nervous. She had to bring in forms to prove her ex-husband was paying child support. It was her only source of income. To reassure her, I kept making fun of myself. "I wonder if I'll fall out of my chair again?" I said to her as I was filling out her forms. She smiled. We ended up making a doctor's appointment for her on Thursday morning, and she was very happy. No use crying over a spilled chair...

As a side note, I think my bio teacher has cursed me with his comment on CPR. I can't look at a guy my own age without thinking "CPR?" What if I have to talk to them and all that comes out is "CPR"? I will have to be very, very careful :)

This was a query made by one of my co-workers (not in such blunt terms, but of course I'm exaggerating for emphasis) at Urban Ministries. I was in their pharmacy that afternoon, learning how to fill prescriptions (just as a side note: I am volunteering now for as much as I will be home during the weekday. That means a max of 5 days/week. Next week I will work only three, as we are flying up to PA on Thursday for the family reunion. I am very happy to be able to come in more).

In some ways, the meaning of going to Uganda and the Peace Corps has evolved for me. No doubt I am going to learn. But, honestly, I am scared. But I know that the months I will be there will not be wasted. All I know is that the Peace Corps is the next viable step for me at this point. It's a mystery for now what will happen.

Now that I am out of college and in "the real world", I hear the message around me all the time. I like to call it the Gospel of Success. The god is Success, and it is all-consuming. The message goes something like, "Be working way too hard all the time to build up your reputation and be better than everyone else. And accrue a lot of very expensive stuff that you don't need. Consume an inordinate amount of resources, and make a lot of successful friends who are your friends because of what you own." I have the image of Marley's Ghost in "A Christmas Carol" dragging his boxes of worldly wealth with him, all in chains and fetters. I don't know quite what my life will look like, but I fervently hope it wouldn't look like that.

In an unexpected turn of events, I might have realized my life's "calling" in the volunteering at Urban Ministries. Yes, it is hard work, but I am consistently satisfied. I have been fortunate enough to interview clients from in the States and all over the world-- from Nigeria, Kenya, Pakistan, and Jordan, to name a few. I have been thinking very much about taking up a job in refugee services once the PC is done. I can't think of any work that would make me more content than meeting people from all over.

I used to think that Africa would be the center of my life. I think it's okay to be interested in and care about something a lot, just as long as you don't let it blind you and have it take over your life. I have run the risk of doing that.

Mom and I are eagerly anticipating Doug's return from Jamaica at some point today. He called recently; he is in Miami and of course the connecting flight to NC is delayed due to thunderstorms. Better safe than sorry.