Aside from the hours I spend driving to get to them, I love my job working with at-risk kids in L.A. I'm mostly teaching math (GULP) but fortunately it's mostly at the middle-school level. There are awesomes in my days with them worth adding to the list.

21. Hearing my own words or expressions come back to me. Like fractions that don't "play nice" and "the five eats the zero."

22. "Wanna see my ____?" Dog, pedometer, zombie sticker, pencil toppers, cat dressed in chihuahua dresses...the answer is always YES!

23. It's ok to call ourselves silly! Even if it really was a mistake, saying we're being silly takes the pressure off. Or something.

24. It's ok to try really hard and still not get it. It'll click eventually. Or never. But you can survive without full grasp of Pythagorean's Theorem as long as you've got spunk!

25. I haven't done this stuff since I was their age. It's amazing what comes back!!!

It is a melancholy time for those who walk alone through this great city in this great time, when they see the cafes, clubs and restaurants crowded with love-struck happy couples ignoring their friend's singular plight. Isolated individuals, left with no other choice, engage their time in online websites, "Speed Dating" events, mixers and the infamous set-up. Alas, the pool from which they may draw potential catch dwindles with every new match made and settled by a ring or a lease.

Thusly, I propose a scheme to my fellow single countrymen. Rather than continue to debase oneself with the flotsam washed or forced upon your shore by helpful friends or bringing with them unwanted attentions, henceforth deny invitations to matchmaking or suggestions for a romantic evening engagement from the lout brazen and foolhardy enough to pass his telephone number to you on the back of an ATM receipt. You shall not, under any circumstances, attempt to enter said fishing endeavor for at least two years from this date. This is the amount of time it will take those currently committed on whom you have your eye to detach from their significant other, siting "irreconcilable differences," recover from their wounds and properly allocate their baggage, and then turn the corner to find you, who has been waiting all this time for just this moment to make their life truly complete.

My argument is further augmented by the consideration such a plan has on the benefits of society. Singles whose misdirected drive for passion may now engage in more worthwhile pursuits can restore the national debt, bring us several steps closer to various cures for various diseases and ailments, restructure our school system, and quite possibly bring peace to the world. At the very least, the product of many knitting needles will keep laps and necks warmer.

I profess, in the sincerity of my heart, that I may have some personal interest in endeavoring to convince you of this arrangement, as it is said, misery loves company.

The End.

The roomie was away for a weekend not too long ago, and I found myself indulging in a classic concept coined by Carrie in Sex and the City; I was in full swing with my "Secret Single Behaviors." These idiosyncrasies are those that we only do when we know we will be alone for a certain time or cannot be reached or seen by those who know us and might judge. Carrie's example (not a secret any more) is to stand in the kitchen eating saltines with grape jelly and reading fashion magazines. A tad tame for a purported "sex columnist" but that's the beauty of an SSB! It doesn't have to make sense.

So with the roomie gone and working my usual 4 am-12 noon at the Joe's, my break in single routine revolved mainly around the couch. The three nights I spent alone were not in my bed, but rather on the couch (at all hours, too) with the t.v. on. Dishes piled up, the cat went hungry, I ate Mac 'N Cheese and channel surfed. SSB? More like Blase Behavior!

Turn of events: Sometime between late-late and the wee hours, I was introduced to a haircare system that would revolutionize my locks after just one use! Multiple women stepped forward to have their hair washed, no luxuriously bathed, by this wonder product, and then interviewed after with shining smiles and curls or gentle waves. They couldn't believe how after just one use, they could see such a difference! And styling was so much easier! It was a one-time payment and they were so certain that I'd love the product that I could return it for a full refund, even if the bottles were empty!

But wait, there's more! The free gifts started rolling in. There was a comb, a balm and a styling creme. Well now! What an offer! How can I refuse?

Being more or less morally opposed to ordering off the t.v., I went online. It seemed so much less cliche. Soon enough, I was completing my order.

BUT WAIT. THERE WAS MORE.

As a new customer, I was privileged to get the introductory rate for a mineral make up and foundation set. THERE WERE MORE FREE GIFTS! I got two brushes, an eyeshadow palette and an undereye cream along with the bronzer, foundation, etc. All for just $10! A steal. This, too, came with a we-know-you'll-love-it guarantee of sending back the empty containers for a full refund. Why not?!

And so I have added a new vice to my repertoire. As the roomie has returned and restored reality, so is going the way of my haircare system, which wasn't all that (OR a bag of chips!).

And yes, the bottles are being mailed back empty. :)

My two years in Ukraine was the first time I've lived alone. These economic times being what they are and the fact that I choose where I live based on proximity to large bodies of water or availability of ethnic foods, I don't know that I'll ever have that luxury again. Not that I want it! I love being what I consider a built-in plus-one, and having one. This may be a bit dramatic but it seems that learning to live with a best friend is reflective of learning to live with a significant other, just in different beds.

I moved into a one-bedroom L.A. apt with my dear friend from college, Miche, in December, as a "sublet" situation while her real roommate is off in MT and UT. I'll either be couch-hunting in March or headed to MI, but for now, it's ideal! Here's what I've discovered about my roommateself:

1. Move over, Susie Homemaker!

Our schedules being what they are, i.e. one of us works full time and goes to school part time, the other is still trying to muster up full-time work, I'm home more. How do I spend my time? At first, it was reorganizing. Then it was dishes, laundry, vacuuming, tidying, dusting. Lately it's been assisting in some small redecoration projects. After two years in Ukraine where nothing in the house was in my control or felt clean, it is wonderfully refreshing to know that I am clean. I love this feeling of ownership, however temporary it may be.

2. Communication is truly key

All the cheesy, cliched stuff about communication and "I" language is actually spot-on. By being clear and open about our feelings and expectations, Miche and I have not only avoided conflict but have also been free to pick the tasks we want to do and those we don't. I'm often surprised that the one thing I really don't feel like doing she's up for, and vice versa. How fun to share responsibilities in a way that gets things done and everybody's happy! I think we have a mutual understanding that talking things out openly is not going to offend the other, which helps. These lessons have gone beyond the door of 316 to helping me be a better communicator in general.

3. Systematize

Where there is a system there is success! Miche feeds the cat, I vacuum the floor, we share cooking, do our own dishes...expectations are clearly known and understood, and so there is no frustration that it's not done or the other has to be reminded. The same goes for our stuff. Find it a home and it doesn't sit on the counter for weeks. Who knew?!

4. Parallel Play

Miche taught me this one. Ukraine helped me learn how to be an introvert, but that's not my usual style. Having a roommate is like a live-in play date, right? Only until she's got homework or wants her own time in our small space. Therefore, we have times of "parallel play," where we do things in the same place but individually. Again, we get to express our needs/wants with the freedom of being respected and understood by the other.

5. "You can't live with your best friend" myth BUSTED!

The above-mentioned approaches to roommateship sometimes felt a bit clinical at first, but they have become much more natural and have allowed us to live with and enjoy each other's company. There aren't built-up resentments or irritations. In such a small apartment, there's no room for them!

So that's some of who I am as a roommate. Maybe I'll use this entry for my impending Craig's List "couch-wanted" post! Think I'll get any offers?

Ever the modern fairy tale, my mornings usually begin the same way. Delicious coffee, a sweet smile from a beautiful roommate (sometimes she even brings me the coffee before I'm out of bed!), birds singing somewhere, sun shining, and even the distant sound of the freeway is more like a water feature at a classy restaurant. Magic Quarter morning was special, though. I had my morning planned to high efficiency and productivity. After I said goodbye to the roomie, I did a clean sweep of the apartment, giving unlocated things homes, vacuuming and creating a general atmosphere of sparkle. Next stage of the plan: putting a load of laundry into the machine, running while it was washing, and then swing back through the laundry room to pop it into the dryer while I went upstairs to stretch and shower. BRILLIANT. One problem though.

Washing costs 5 quarters and drying was not the 3 that I had thought, but 4. I was already well into the execution stage of my plan, and decided that while running, I would look for Magic Quarter. My eyes barely left the sidewalks as I ran my fastest ever five miles searching for Magic Quarter, willing it to present itself in that gutter or that crack in the curb. I caught myself thinking, "I have faith that I will find Magic Quarter," which then led to an internal discussion about the difference between faith and hope.

It seems to me that faith is an internal assurance of the truth, that things will be ok. My ability to say, "I can handle this," has been challenged recently (an entirely different blog in itself), but I always know that something will work out, even if it's not how I wanted it to go. Hope is just that; the things I want to work out in the way I want them to work, the icing on the cake of faith. I didn't have faith that I'd find Magic Quarter, I had hope.

It's good to know that all times of struggle or difficulty will work out. It's also nice to plan for what I want "working out" to look like, and to see what it ends up being. It keeps each day an adventure, keeps us moving forward and makes for interesting stories.

Here's how it ended with Magic Quarter. I never found it on the street. I asked for it from a neighbor, who gladly gave it.

Blessings to you as you handle the curveballs of hope in the unmoving faith that it will be ok.

Being back from my stint abroad has come with its set of readjustments. There are the larger aisles in the supermarkets, the ease of communication with, well, anyone, and the uniformity of street levels to re-acclimate to. There has also been catching up with friends from time ago, and in a way, getting a new start. I feel wonderfully blessed to meet up with people I was only acquaintances with in college, as well as those treasured heart friends. Though a lot has happened in all our lives, it is great meeting them and seeing where they are, who they are, and fitting back in with them in a different way, since we're different people from then ago. So to you, Michelle, Tim B, Fred, Laura M, my LB and Orange families, my Breakfast Anarchists, Sarah and Pat W, Jimmy Jim Jim, Codie, Joe, Bell (via the phone!) and the Rossows, thank you for blessing me with your time, a shared beverage (or two!) and most importantly, YOU. Let's meet up again soon. :)

While it may seem that I have neglected my poor blog out of callous disregard for its feelings, I assure you, I think about it often. I remember our great times together, our loving gaze across the candlelit dinner table, and shopping for two on Saturday mornings. Sitting up in a wonderfully cushioned bed with no cracks or dips in one direction or another, coffee in hand, I now settle back into its warm embrace to rekindle our spark. And to let you know how these last months have been.

HIGHLIGHTS (because detail would take too long)

September:

School was as per usual. I had fun teaching lessons at my school and didn't really have a schedule, so was able to come and go to the classes I liked best. :)

The 7th B!

General beauty in the Indian Summer for my last few months of Ukraine.

Taken on my running road. GORGEOUS!

October:

COS conference, which is kind of a how-to-leave conference for groups of volunteers. The friends I made more than two years ago were present, some I hadn't seen in almost two years, and it was great. Lots of lovely bonding and catch-up time!

I'm pretty sure that's Journey's "Don't Stop Believing" we're swaying to there.

The Kiev Marathon, which when I registered, I wasn't sure if it really existed. I ran it with a friend I met at a camp over the summer, and had a great time. That same weekend, I also took the GRE (on my birthday!), closed a grant, and completed my "leaving" medical exam. I was BUSY!

My Marafon teammates! I even scored some prize money from this sucker!

Birthday shenannigins!

HIV/AIDS trainings went of with their standard number of hitches, but were effective programming nonetheless. My counterpart for this project and I organized a training for health teachers in the surrounding villages, and then for our own teachers. We brought in a trainer from Kiev and lives were changed, let me tell you. ;)

Not to be all work and no play, I made it to the far western side of Ukraine one last time and then all the way across to the east for a Halloween shindig for volunteers.

November:

PACKING, GOODBYE-ING, LEAVING. My lovely friend Katie came out to help with this process, which was wonderful. Some parties with my teachers, one last hoopla in the Bunary with neighboring Volunteers, and I was off! Two years done already? WHEW!

Packing Princess Katie!

Recovery by travel: first Egypt then Spain. Egypt's highlights were hiking Mt. Sinai in the dark in time for sunrise from the summit, snorkeling in the Red Sea, and the city of Cairo, which includes the Pyramids and all that. After a week in Egypt, I arrived in Madrid to see my high school friend, Kate. Tapas and red wine presided. I also made a day trip to Segovia, Hemingway country. Lovely!

Gettin my Egyptian on! Well, my touristness...

Sunrise on Sinai.

Snorkeling!

Friend Kate in Madrid.

Segovia. Apparently Walt Disney based the castle in Sleeping Beauty off this architectural gem!

Hittin the ground running, back in the States just in time for Thanksgiving with my mom's side of the family. They are LOUD and awesomely so! At the end of the weekend, I made it north for more Thanksgiving feelings with my dad and stepmom. Then back to Cali!

All my cousins, their spouses, and some KIDS! Whew! Life kept going while I was away!

December:

Concerts, reuniting and acclimating ensued.

To be continued!

For all its scars and old injuries, perceived imperfections and my occasional struggles in making it look presentable, I am wonderfully grateful for my body. It sometimes seems strange to be limited to a form that changes little and doesn't always seem to reflect the spirit it houses. But today, and recently, I am terribly glad to have a strong, healthy body that lets me go places and move things and interact with the world. I am grateful, too, to not worry so much about the imperfections, and to choose to not see those as important.

It's a good place to be. :)

Blessings to you as you also live in appreciation of your form!

This is my 100th post! Woot! Awhile back I posted a video called "1,000 Awesome Things," which got me thinking about my own list. Not promising a thousand, but let's make this an on-going process of admiring those experiences that make us sit back and say, "if this isn't nice, I don't know what is."

Here's to awesome things.

1. The smell of a burnt-out candle.

2. Cooking experiments that turn into favorites.

3. Running without music.

4. Running in company.

5. The smell of new electronics/appliances.

6. The first shave with a new razor blade.

7. Ukraine's version of Two Buck Chuck (and at only about $1.62 a box!)

8. Getting my Facebook status, post, photos, etc., "liked."

9. Finding smell-favorite hair/body products and deciding to be brand-loyal across language barriers.

10. Packages that inspire an out-loud laugh.

I rediscovered this video from training...that would be November of '08. As I'm finishing up my service, it's fun to remember those early days! Enjoy!

Summer shenannigins involved a sandy week-long stint with my excellent good friend, Natty and her counterpart from her town. Tons of time in the sun, swimming and strolling ensued! Did I mention food? We found MAGNUM ice cream bars (a treat I discovered in Australia)! Woot!

Introducing Natty to the glory of the Magnum bar. Many flavor-samplings followed, all photo-documented. I won't bore you with the progression; suffice it to say that "Beyaz" was the best, being a sort of oreo-cookie ice cream dipped in almond-chunk white chocolate. Magnummmmmmm.

Having fun.

Ladies!

The sea was so warm! Natty and I spent HOURS on the rope that designated the swimming area, nearly getting high-fives from the passing motor boat driver running a rafting tour. Great time for conversations and bonding!

Helping Lena shop for a winter coat turned out to be rather amusing.

Classy. So classy.

We found Nacho Cheese DORITOS!!! Lena remained confused about why we were always taking photos with food.

Two lovely ladies at an open-air disco on the beach? You know it!

Disco involves "foam" party component. Sure.

A self-made hiking trip included throwing rocks into the sea. Unfortunately for all there was a busy road at the bottom of that cliff, and I do not have the greatest arm.

What's vacay without a trip to a Turkish bath? Massages, facials, tea. Sweet!

Magnums, BK, and Doritos all before 9 am. All's well that ends well!

After months of struggle and some pretty low points whenever the 24th was about to roll around, I have finally found a new way of feeling. My sweet friend Katie opened her heart to my sadness and anger about Nolan's death, and responded with the words which changed those feelings into if not yet joy, acceptance and peace. Simply put, she told me to focus on the awesomeness of Nolan's six years, and how that's how he'll always be in our minds and hearts. He will remain a bright spot for us, and nothing can be changed about that. This last month, I let the 24th pass as a day, and instead celebrated the 26th, his birthday date. Think I'll make it a trend.

Blessings to you as you re-write your own trends.

Survivor camp this year was WET. I had the absolute honor of coordinating the camp this year, as I was "Kitchen Manager" last. We did, however, experience a bit more moisture than last year. Nevertheless, we pulled through as a group, and kept spirits ever so high!

We began with digging. Latrines, compost; space for tents had to be scythed. Set up takes WORK!

Then an attempt to feed children with nothing but wet wood and grechka.

Not all is bad when soaked. Our day of hiking Pip Ivan (in the Carpathian mountains) was lovely with its misty morning.

Found a shack for some dairy farmers. They live there for four months straight, feeding and milking the sheep and cows. What a job!

Feeling dominating.

Ransacking lunch at the ransacked observatory. YUM.

Tent City. I could move in here.

In between being awesome, teaching me the Ukrainian national anthem, and carrying buckets of water, Vlad took a moment to steal the rest of the female hearts with his guitar.

Last day of camp: WET. For days it rained, and now here we go!

Best Parts of Camp:

Some of the campers could not come with us on the big hike, either because they couldn't do it physically or there wasn't space for them on the bus. This leaves some potential for tension when we come back, a fact that always makes me nervous. However, they welcomed us home like we were the star finishers of a marathon. They had cheers ready, "go team!" written on their arms, water bottles as we came through the 'chute,' and tons of smiles. What a wonderful welcome!

My other favorite moment happened as we made our soggy return to civilization. The walk to town is easily longer than an hour, and it had rained hard for two days before. My friend, Ally, and I slept in puddles in our leaky tent, finally called it quits at 7:00 the last morning of Survivor, and packed everything up in the downpour. Since we had responsibilities, we helped take down the camp by filling in the latrine and the compost--in the downpour. Then, we headed down the mountain in the torrential flood that said downpour had created. We were wading through some pretty intense rivers with all our stuff. YIKES. It took us over an hour just to reach the outskirts of town, and as we were making our final turn toward the bus station, a car pulled up. The man inside started out in Ukrainian offering us a ride, and then switched to English. Here we were, these drowned rats trudging through the wet, and he was offering to take us exactly where we needed to be for the same price as the bus. We figured he wasn't going to kill us, so we got in. He started talking about his life and family and was a very sweet and genuine man. His second son has development problems, we also discovered. The symptoms sounded similar to muscular dystrophy.

Anyway, the 2 1/2 hour bus ride soaking wet and being glared at by the other passengers was much more enjoyable in Mihael's back seat, which took a little over an hour. One our way into the town, he called his wife, saying, "I happened upon these two American girls...can I bring them home?" A hot shower (the first in weeks) was followed by a hot bowl of delicious soup made fresh for us, and the most amazing family time ever! The oldest boy was about 4, and ADORABLE. Seriously. He was very active, but always very attentive to his surroundings. And his brother, who was in a sort of wheely chair meant for kids between crawling and walking. That boy had the most captivating joy...everything was a delight to him. his father had been away for a few days, and when he came in, he gave the boy a tousle of his hair; his smile lit the room. We played with both boys before they went down for their naps, and then saw photos from the couple's wedding. Mihael's wife was so kind and had a very woman-at-rest demeanor. Of course, Mihael didn't let us pay him anything. We left when our other friends arrived in the town and went to get on our trains. I wish we had gotten photos with the boys before they went to bed.

So, it wraps up nicely and warmly. I've washed and dried everything and finally gotten the campsmoke out of my hair. It was a good week, full of challenges, adventures, and many beautiful peaks seen and felt.

The 24th of July marks the 5-month mark of my nephew’s death from his third round of cancer. The first took Nolan’s leg below the knee before he was a year old, the second his hair and a lot of time to and from doctors, the third a clear passageway to his lungs. Two days before his sixth birthday, surrounded by family, Nolan ended his fight with cancer. I was at a training seminar and asleep when my dad called me at 2:00 am with the news, taking my own breath away.

Today, remembering that Nolan just doesn’t exist anymore, rushes the wind out of me and paradoxically fills me with something solid while also cutting my connections to gravity. I routinely have to take pause at school when the little 1st and 2nd formers come rushing through the halls, all bouncy-haired and vibrant. I had a minor panic attack when my STRENGTH NHJ first-cancer-round-fundraiser bracelet broke last month, and had to calm my breathing and stop the flood of tears.

And I wasn’t even with him every day.

A few weeks ago, I got the news that my grandpa on my mom’s side died. He was a great man and lived a great, long life. He was sick and had been battling all kinds of things from prostate cancer to dementia, and so it was his time. I remember spending weekends at his house as a kid, exploring his workshop, marveling at how good pipe tobacco smelled until it was lit, and hearing his standard I-like-bananas-because-they-don’t-have-any-bones joke. He left a legacy of six kids, 17 grandkids, and 4 great-grandkids. Like I said, he lived a great, long life.

There is something actually tragic about the death of a child, tragic in a way I’d never before understood the meaning. The lost potential for love and life, like a great book you’re only a few chapters into and then lose and are left wondering what happened. There is something horrifying at how such a thing could happen to an innocent person. There is something that brings about anger.

Today, remembering that Nolan doesn’t exist anymore, still makes me angry at God. You know that old analogy about the tapestry? It is supposed to be God’s plan for people, all intricate weavings and color changes and subtle patterns. Humans are often faulted as being unable to see more than the underside’s messiness and loose ends. But what it if is simply that we haven’t been offered the chance to rise up over the cloth’s edges to catch a glimpse of what beauty is being created? Are we to simply understand that the other side is beautiful while we find degrees of beauty in the unmatched, fraying threads?

The hard and painful truth is that life is contrasts. How can we know bitter, cold winter until we’ve tasted glorious, hot summer? How can we enjoy the touch of kindness if we haven’t had someone come at us with rudeness? How can we know the rush joy without feeling the stings of pain? How can we possibly understand the ridiculous discrepancies between a good, long life and tragedy? Contrasts suck.

Grandpa Tom’s tapestry continues through the interconnectedness he created during his long, great life. Nolan’s tapestry is similarly resolved, though I have a great deal less peace about the unfinished clumps of color and blank spaces. Tapestries suck, too.

What doesn’t suck is the greater understanding I now have in the contrast of weakness and strength. “Strength” will forever be synonymous with NHJ—Nolan Hunter Johnson. I remember thinking when he was born, what a good, strong name, a name for a solid start at a great life. Nolan had his start. And now we live with his death, his lesson in strength. His bouncy curls and never-ending energy and enthusiasm. The understanding of “peace” will come when the turmoil eases.

Nolan at Christmas

Nothing makes me want an ear of corn and a sky of fireworks more than this. ENJOY.

It's been awhile, and life has been moving! Here's a quick update on the last few weeks in photos. Enjoy!

The sun brought warmth and beautiful blooms!

Mini-moo!

My favorite Lada. I will import this and drive it in California.

Tulips overtook the town!

Softball weekend and a great show from the orphanage we visit!

Then a great weekend at Natty B's! We played Ultimate with her kids and had a good time on the football field.

Props to the lovely Natty B and her incredibly photogenic student, Nazar. LOVE this pic!

Lovely lilacs.

Then the circus came to town, replete with a bear, poor thing.

Did I mention the glory that is the Ukrainian spring?

Concourse for people in the medical profession. This competition was a race to get dressed for a nuclear disaster. Chernobyl really wasn't so long ago...

After the concourse was a picnic with Olga and her family. That's her mom with the blond bangs and denim jacket.

FOOD!

I got to be an auntie for the day!

A trip to Obolon to celebrate Tanya's bday!

Wonderful times in Kiev with a dear friend!

Natty's sister was hero for the day, importing the best of American food to Ukraine; REAL Californian avocados and everything! SOOOOOOOOO GOOOOOOOOOD!!!

Bliss.

Kiev weekend kept getting better...visited Tanya (friend from my town) at her new job!

Summertime lunch. Bliss gets better.

Thanks for coming along for the ride! Blessings to you as you make your own memories!

I came across this website (http://1000awesomethings.com) a few days ago and have found it to be a great place for a little joy! A guy made a video for his "1000 Awesome Things" girl, incorporating a few of the images along with their story. I've placed it here for your convenience. :)

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Blessings to you as you find your Awesome things!

The train covering no greater a distance than Galveston to El Paso took 28 hours to navigate its way from Odessa to Western Ukraine, which made me all the more grateful for having my friend Ally as my companion. We were on our way to a half marathon event in Berehove, 6 km from the Hungarian border and in the pre-foothills of the beautiful Carpathian Mountains. After so many hours on the train, it really felt as if we'd arrived in a foreign country, not to mention the fact that Hungarian is the primary language in that area. Good thing running is non-verbal!

A fellow PCV, Erin, had organized this event from the ground up last year, making it the Second Annual race. She coordinated it to start in conjunction with the local wine festival. Another PCV, Roberta Eleazer, had her camera out, and so all photo credits go to her! Here is a booth at the festival:

The run itself was spectacular, if also exceedingly difficult from all the hills (my region is not only sea-level, it is FLAT FLAT FLAT).

Starting photo:

Here's a shot of what the course (a.k.a. road between villages) looked like most of the time:

Grinning through the sweat and pain:

One of the most significant things about this event is how "weird" it is. The locals stood outside to watch us go by, some cheering, some just staring. A few children ran alongside us, which was entertaining! Here's another common view:

That night we had our celebration dinner and awards ceremony. Here is my lovely friend Erin, the master of this event.

Sometimes we work, and we don't always see changes. This event was Erin's doing, and she worked really hard to involve as many members of her community as she could. We were even introduced on stage by the mayor! For me, physically, it was a tough day, but the pride I have in completing each of those painful steps is doubled by seeing the work she did to make it happen. And the realization that we are doing such things is worth the invisible sweat.

Blessings to you as you work toward a goal, seen or not. And one last image: all participants.

Despite the numerous languages and backgrounds, a mixed bunch comprised of Georgians, Moldavians, Armenians, Macedonians, Serbians, Ukrainians and Americans grouped up with the same goal. This was the Training of Teachers I participated in March 24th-29th in a sanitorium near Kiev. It's for a program called the Future Leaders Exchange Program (FLEX), which sends high-school aged students from former Soviet countries to the USA to live with host families, study in American schools and to become active citizens through volunteer and project work.

Before the students go, however, they attend a Pre-Departure Orientation (PDO), which is conducted by staff from American Councils, teachers and FLEX alumni. The ToT was where teachers (all PCVs) and Teacher Assistants (TAs, comprised of alumni) met and began to prepare for this summer’s PDOs. My partner was Taras, a 20-something future lawyer (in his introduction, he mentioned that he's the person we're all going to hate in a few years!), with whom I worked quite well. The following four days were spent learning the process of PDOs, preparing in working pairs for sessions, teaching practice sessions, and observing and critiquing others’ work.

PCVs and alumni had to apply and interview to be considered for participation in ToT and PDOs. As varied as the backgrounds may have been, the reasons for getting involved are similar. I was so impressed by the Volunteers from other countries, and it was really fun to compare notes about our countries and services. I now have some summer destinations: Georgia and re-Moldova!

The ToT focused on practicing teaching things like assimilation, flexibility and practical matters like budgeting and getting along with a host family. It also featured an alumni panel, a catered social and a comical portrayal of a student’s arrival in country.

This is Natasha during an activity in which she was wearing colored lenses, representing her original world view and adding that of another.

The FLEX program is so crucial to Ukraine because it affords kids of any socio-economic level a truly golden opportunity. These kids come back changed, with expanded world views and a greater sense of responsibility for Ukraine. They are, actually, the future leaders. They enter fields like politics, law, teaching, translators, doctors, etc.

The man who organizes Ukraine's FLEX program, Peter, said this about it: “FLEX sends a lot of students to the US, and has a special component for disabled students. Last year we had a disabled alumna from L’viv come for the [alumni] panel. She gave an amazing speech about what it means to be disabled in the US, about the power of positive thinking and not giving up during difficult times. In the end everyone in the room gave her a standing ovation. For me that moment was a testament to the way the FLEX can empower a group of people who are, at best, marginalized in Ukrainian society.”

Another huge takeaway from the PDOs specifically is that they unite students who wouldn't otherwise ever learn about each other. Ukraine is about the size of Texas, but is pretty clearly divided East and West. The Easterners tend to be more "Russian," and the Westerners are a bit more nationalistic. When kids from all over the country are thrown together, they don't even really speak the same language. But they grow in understanding of each other and therefore their country, and the hope is that they won't see regionalism as a necessary way of dealing with the world.

FLEX testing and acceptance is highly competitive within Ukraine and is therefore difficult. Students must have a relatively high level of English to make it past the first testing round, and must show exemplary character and independence in their interviews. Students depart for the USA in the fall (usually August) and return in the spring (May-June). Host families are selected by an American-based contingent of the American Councils and receive no financial compensation. All expenses and a small stipend are paid for by the US Government for each student selected.

I can't wait for PDOs this summer, and am hoping that I'll get to host a FLEX kid when I'm all grown up and settled. :) Let me know if you are interested in hosting now!

All of us!

Xristos Vaskres! Christ is risen! Velisiyou Vaskres! Truly he's risen!

Like the flower buds on the trees, this exchange of greetings has been hankering to burst from every winter-weary Ukrainian, and they’ve been doing so with abandon! Spring is fully here, and while it’s still chilly (some regrets about my hard and fast 31st of March rule), the daffodils are popping up, there is an expanse of still-yellow dandelions on my way to school, the stray dogs are rotating like a sundial to feel the warmth in their coats, the ducks and geese are preening, the children are louder and more energetic in the halls, and the bazaar is erupting with color and flavor. There is much to be thankful for!

Easter in Ukraine is a BIG holiday. Last year, I attended church at 10:30 PM and stood until about 4:30 AM, when the congregation went outside for the blessing by the priest. He flings holy water from a brush onto their faces and Easter baskets, all the while calling out the greeting, Xristos Vaskres! Last year, ignorant of the tradition, I didn’t bring a basket. Now, being a seasoned pro, I was ready. Almost.

Feeling that I’d already put in my share of standing and not understanding time, I decided to go with friends at 3:30 AM, armed with not a basket, but a bucket. The traditional Ukrainian Easter basket is a beautiful affair: a woven basket lined with a hand-stitched Easter towel and filled with colored eggs, Easter cheesecake, Easter bread (decorated with frosting and sprinkles), salt, usually some meats, and is illuminated by a tall beeswax candle. I wish I had brought my camera to church, because the line of baskets stretched all along the church, and the faces looking down at them were humbly beautiful in the candles’ soft glow.

Here's a pic of some bread, eggs, and a candle:

This is the best product of a Google Images search, showing sausage, cheese (the square with the cross on it), eggs, flour (I guess instead of bread?), salt, etc.

And an example of an embroidered towel:

My “basket” was less traditional. I searched my house for a basket, but could only come up with a purple sparkly bucket. Inspiration stemmed from there. This was one of the buckets I filled with snow when my water was out for two of the winter’s coldest weeks, and I remembered how joyfully I danced when my water returned. I decided to use this bucket as a container for things for which I am grateful and a reminder of their blessed value in my life.

I lined it with a tea towel given to me by one of the departing volunteers from my oblast, who had a huge influence on my adjustment here. I started with a loaf of Paska bread that I received from a woman who makes and sells buns in the bazaar and who is forever looking out for me and giving to me. Then came my address book, filled with names of people I will know for always and with spaces for more. Next was my journal, which has long been a treasured object. Finally, I put in a small mirror in appreciation and gratitude of beauty as a way of seeing the world.

My bucket didn’t look “right” amongst the others, but it felt right to be bringing these objects, these treasures, to church for a blessing. This life gives us so many simple things from which we are enriched and given the opportunity to return to others.

Blessings to you as you fill your own blessings bucket.

Here's my bucket!

No corner was safe during a recent Spring Cleaning attack, and this of course, included the pechka. NOW it's done. :)

On the coldest, iciest and blusteriest afternoons and evenings, after scraping the pechka and sifting out the dust and expired coal and then hauling in new coal and wood and starting the kindling and then hoping--well, on those days I clung to but one promise I'd made to myself: that March 31st, rain or snow or shine, would be my LAST PECHKA EVER. Several pechka proud friends are in on it, and I trust this day will be magical. To increase the hype, a blog with accompanying photo for your pleasure.

Need a bright spot in what has otherwise been a very difficult year? Head to Moldova with two awesome friends!

Highlights

Flowers. EVERYWHERE.

A Triumphant Arch of Friendship

Heart

Where I been and where I go

Words don't even begin...

A disco night that began an epic tale and too many belly-laughs to count

Thanks HEAPS to Natty B and David W.B. for the good times! :D

Blessings to you as you find your "Under $100s."

The sky has been a sodden gray for weeks. The weather is all at once snowing, raining, misting, foggy, windy and bitterly cold. Puddles abound with their treachery and boot-soaking abilities or patches of ice throw arms wide and force unwilling shrieks of surprise. I'M OVER WINTER. Thus, here are the things I wish were acceptable school attire.

Wardrobe:

Footwear:

Comfort/Warmth:

My teachers have no idea what a huge favor I am doing by actually getting dressed for school. NO MORE WINTER!

That's all. :)

Happy Valentine's Day!

Having spent most of my days as a single gal, I probably shouldn't love Valentine's Day as much as I do. And I really do, probably a little too much. I find it fabulous that we have a day (albeit a bit Hallmark-ey and perhaps materialistic) dedicated to love and remembering the love in our lives. There may not be any flowers or chocolates today, or last year, or next year, but Valentine's is wonderfully full of potential for heart-gifts. The prospect of great love is exhilerating, and I treasure the dear hearts I know.

So, love this day! Forget what you didn't get or what you did, and share words of love. Singles, feel the excitement of great love, and those who have it, enjoy! Blessings to you as you do.

You know how when a story's not going so well, you can wrap up with "and then I found five dollars!?" Well, I didn't find five dollars, I found TEN! Real USD, too. It was folded between receipts from my trip to the States and brought back a flood of memories and happiness.

Thanks again for the wonderful trip, and blessings as you wrap up your stories with memories.

Here's an awesome link to my sis' blog with a collage of our bud. Enjoy!

http://ingridjohnsonca-nm.blogspot.com/2010/01/5-years-of-nolan.html

So this blog is a looooong time in coming and way overdue! My trip to the States was fantastic. I've been back in Ukraine for about a week now, which is long enough to resign myself to no more avocado, get the petchka fired up, and to collect my thoughts here.

To re-cap the highlights, I will tell of the food I ate. In 'N Out was my first meal, followed by an epic salad, followed by BJ's pizza and beer, followed by Einstein's bagels and gas station snacks, followed by a continuing litany of carbs, greens and awesomes. I really couldn't eat enough over there, and was disappointed every time I was full! Consequently, I got out and ran about every day, just to keep things even!

This tour of food started in Cali for a few days, during which I saw my dear friend, Anthony, who happened to be visiting the States from his mission post in Peru. We had a lovely walk at Huntington beach and indulged in pizza and a pitcher out on the patio, with pazookie to follow! YUM!

Pretty quick after that was a short flight to Phx, where my folks picked me up and we drove to Albuquerque. Lots of good time with Nolan and the crew followed. There was so much green chile, several trips to Dunkin Donuts, supermarket raids, and Starbucks. I was a happy girl. We did several Christmases to ensure that all family got their time, which was fun. Drew and Lindsey arrived in time for Ukrainian Food Night, which consisted of 3 different dishes. It was great being there, and I got in some good runs with my dad and fun shopping with Sue.

Beautiful luminarias to mark Christmas in Albuquerque.

Nolan's Ukrainian Christmas gift; a bulava. I think he liked it.

Ukrainian food! Borsch, varenekky, golubci. And all served with smetana (sour cream), yum!

Snow on the San Dias. Beautiful!

Love these two!

Last day in Alb with the folks.

And off to California! I arrived on New Year's Eve at LAX and was picked up by my beautiful friend Michelle. We sat down to catch up and next time we looked at the clock, it was already 10:45! We just had time to get ready and head over to her friend's party, grab a glass of champagne and toast in 2010. The rest of my time in Cali was like that; quality. I had breakfast with Long Beach family, Orange family, had time with friends at game nights and over more pizza and snacks, cornmeal pancakes with the Breakfast Anarchists, candy apples in Downtown Disney, America's Cup at least 3 times, and several Trader Joe's runs. WONDERFUl!

It IS good to be American. And with goooood beer!

Hiking.

Hiking near Laguna Beach with Bell. Wonderful! My Ukrainian folks still cannot believe that it was so warm there.

Michelle and Kelly, heart sisters.

Carmel apple at Downtown Disney!

I make pigging out look gooooooood. ;)

And finally, love this kid.

It was good seeing all of you who are reading this, and it's good to report what a tasty country awaits me when I return in just 10 short months. I hadn't planned on visiting during my service, but I'm glad I did for a few reasons. First, the food. Second, for as much as was different, not much had changed. This takes away the pressure to get back before everyone's moved on, and I can really be here. Third, relationships need face time. They really do. I'm very blessed to have internet, but even with Skype, Facebook, email and chat, communication just needs heart, eye contact, touch. I'm glad to have refilled my relationship tanks. We're all set to go!

Thanks for reading along, and blessings as you also feel the relationships around you, and taste the food!

Since I wasn't going to be in school anyway, I decided to hit the road early. My flight to the States is Monday morning from Warsaw, which means a bus to Odessa, a train to Kovel, then another bus to Warsaw Saturday night. Well, a few more days in my site meant a few more petchkas; a daunting task in these few feet of snow and with my lungs burning in the cold air. You see, we've had unprecedented amounts of snow the last few days. Literally, I woke up Tuesday morning to a white blanket at least a foot deep. It's very beautiful, and very uncommon (that one foot was more than I saw all last winter). But still, my house is cold!

So yesterday (Wednesday) I decided to head up to Kovel early where I could stay in a centrally-heated apartment. I left my house around 11:00 am, hiring a taxi instead of trying to lug my suitcase thorough the powder for the 20-minute walk to my bus station. I hopped on a bus right away, and we were off! In the next town, however, we pulled over and waited. And waited. And waited. Two hours later, the verdict was in. There is only one road that links the southern part of the Odesska oblast to the rest of the country, and it was CLOSED. There is, however a train that goes from Ismail to Odessa every night at 11:50. I decided to try that route. So, back to Ismail, which is further south than my town (by an hour). Here's a map to clairify things:

My town is in the middle part between Ismail and Moldova.

After six hours on the bus, I arrived in Ismail to discover that they were sold out of tickets for the train. Trying not to despair, I met up with a married couple who are placed in Ismail. They fed me a delicious dinner, I had a wonderfully hot shower, and walked me back to the train station where I hoped to beg a conductor to let me on.

When we got to the station, however, it seemed that about 100 other people had the same idea as I did. NO ONE had tickets! Every now and then, though, someone would walk in announcing they had a ticket they would sell, only to be bum-rushed by those of us who were near-panic. I surprised myself at my own skills in this area, as I competed for a ticket 5-6 times in this fashion. This cold has pretty much robbed me of my voice, however, which meant that I got shouted over and didn't get the ticket each time. Then the thing I love the most about Ukraine happened: it's people.

I had been kind of hanging around with some people who had been on the bus with me to Ismail, and soon enough, my new friend Yura told me to come over; he had bought two tickets! He sold me one for the same price he paid (and the ticket value) with a smile. I was SO relieved I could have hugged him! Instead, we drank some cognac and had a mini-picnic. I took a picture, but can't find my camera cord at the moment so I will upload it later. The train didn't arrive until 3 am for us to board, but we made the best of it for sure! Today, Thursday, I arrived in Odessa at 9:45 am and will be in plenty of time for my train, bus and plane. I am blessed!

I hope the best of outcomes to you as you slog through whatever life (and storm patterns) are throwing your way!

I recently found myself quite ill with a painful, hacking cough, major headache and body aches. This happened on a Sunday, rendering me quite unfit for teaching Monday. Well, the news got out to a few teachers, and then a few more teachers, and before I knew it, my friend and French-teacher/neighbor was at my door at 10 pm with a doctor! He did a quick exam, which meant taking my temperature (under my armpit…pretty sure that hasn’t happened since I was five), listening to my breathing, and looking in my throat. And the all-important: “no work!”

The next day, my French teacher friend returned with milk, bread, lemons and the sprays the doc recommended. My other friend and English teacher also stopped by with a beet salad, tons of apples and pickles, a lemon and clove of garlic “to be healthy!”

I am someone who is not good at being alone and sick. When I’m sick, I love the “poor baby” coddling. It was really hard Sunday night and all day Monday, feeling so helpless and un-coddled. I would have given anything for a mom’s overbearing care or my roomie’s ministrations. I missed my family and friends so dearly. And then, to my amazement and absolute delight was the blessing of my family here. I feel truly grateful to these women who have taken it on themselves to be my people in all circumstances, and because they want to. My service would be very different without them.

Well, I’ve been in bed ever since. It’s been nice; watching the crazy amounts of snow falling softly to the ground, letting batchka out to romp in it, and watching my other best friends, Pam and Jim, and their sweetly hilarious romance. Yes, recuperation is treating me well.

The album is up and ready for you to donate and download! Go to the Winter Is On My Head website: http://winterisonmyhead.com and click on the download link. You can donate right away to benefit the Orange County Rescue Mission, or download right away. And then you're on your way to hearing my jingle: "Christmas With an Outhouse," performed by my talented friends Tim and Steve. Enjoy!

Hahaha...I found this as a draft from AGES ago. Thought I'd publish...wonder what prices are like a year and a half later???

Date written: April 16, 2008

I've been doing some thinking lately, about gas prices. Actually, more accurately, I've been doing a lot of avoiding of said phenomena which actually continues to backfire on me as I'm only putting in about $10 each time, hoping the price will go back down before I need another fill-up, but alas, all this system has done for me is cause me to have to go to the gas station about 3 times a week. I used to think lattes were expensive, especially since I once had a Starbucks employee tell me I could have bought a gallon of milk for what I paid for one latte (hello guilt-ridden coffee-addict!!!). I was going to post something about how we could either buy a latte, or a horde of other things, but now that gas has superceeded guilty lattes, it's all about what we could buy instead of a gallon of gas.

A gallon of milk: $3.70-ish

A latte: $3.60

Half of a black-and-tan: Usually about $5.50

Almost 2 bottles of Chuck: $1.99 each

A loaf and a half of bread: $2.39-ish each

Two dozen eggs: $1.29 per doz

A pound of butter: $2.79 per lb

My friend Tim in Cali has put together an awesome Christmas project to benefit the Orange County Rescue Mission, and called in all kinds of help to do it! The lyrics I posted earlier have been transformed into a song (thanks to his genius and talent and instruments and whatnot) and will be on the album. Next week, he will upload the entire album onto the website, which will have a pay-what-you-want download process. 100% of the proceeds going to the Mission. I will post again when it is up and running; I'm just excited about it now!

Some of my amazingly and wonderfully talented friends are putting together a Christmas CD as a charity project for the Orange County Rescue Mission. They asked people to contribute to the disc, musically or other wise. I had the absolute delight to put this little ditty together...to the tune of "O Holy Night." Now that it's post-Thanksgiving, I'm sharing! Have fun!

Snuggled up tight, the roaring fire glowing

Cocoa in hand and the dog on the rug

Woolen socks and cheery music playing

Feeling the call of the nature I shrug

Jacket, boots, gloves, hat and wool scarf a'winding

Step out and take, the first and frozen breath

Chorus

Deeeeear indoor plummmmmbing, how faaaaar from me you arrrrre now,

Chriiiiiiiistmas with an ooooooouthouse, oh night, should be spent warm

Oh night so cold, a night, to be inside

Trudging through snow and narr'ly avoiding slipping

Reaching the throne, it is dark and taunts me

Bracing myself, jaw tight and hands shiv'ring

I lower slowly praying for mercy

Sweet relief is there though begrudgingly accepted

This life half-giv'n half-taken in this land

October was a month of travel that didn't end until yesterday, the 22nd November. How did it manage, you wonder? A little something called Quarantine! The Ukrainian government shut down all educational facilities for three weeks in response to the H1N1 here (though it's not nearly as bad as in the States). Awesomely, I'd managed a trip to Romania and then across the country for a little birthday and holiday action. Life bounced from one place to another after that. Rather than the thousand words, I'm going to try to do this in pictures. Enjoy!

All-time faves: felafel, Odessa, beer and goooood company!

Not pictured: a week with Nick at my site, cooking and hanging out. Good times!

And off to Molly's to celebrate the great Beth Care Package--minus Noelle! You were missed!

Not pictured: Adopt-a-Cluster (mentoring training groups) in the Kiev region. Super fun and I felt like I was able to really contribute some good stuff for their training.

Still newlyweds, Allona and Roma in Nick's site, Kamin-Kasherskyy. We went to their wedding in July and got to see lots of pics from their Turkey honeymoon and the wedding video. It was nice re-living memories!

After a week of fried rice and gangster movies, it was off to Lutsk for a day. The Lutsk Castle, all impressive and whatnot.

Near-ish the Lutsk Castle, the town legend. Rumor has it that he's carved images of all his ancestors and has them inside his house on the walls. Also, he's very keen on advertising his work, and that's not a rumor.

Cool castle graffiti in Lutsk.

Not pictured: Back to Kiev to say goodbye to Group 33. You will be missed!

Off to Djankoy for Warden Training...girls' night after. We did '92-96'proud with our dance party!

Touring around Djankoy...children's park with lots of carved animals, and Lindsay. :)

Now I'm back at my site, doing some laundry and catching up! School's back, and we'll see how that goes. I'm off again next weekend for Thanksgiving.

Thanks for coming along for the ride!

On the 14th, I got more phone calls and more wishes of love and value than any person deserves! Thank you all for your attentions you lavished on me! I had a GREAT day.

It started at 6 am with an awesome Skype date with Brother Drew. And then a long morning run before my first lesson. When I walked into first lesson, the kids stood up and sang "Happy Birthday!" 27 little fifth-formers singing their hearts out was absolutely wonderful! Next, my English teachers gave me their gifts and well-wishes. ALSO a traditional Ukrainian shirt, with matching earrings and necklace. I wore them the next day to everyone's delight. Here's the ensemble with two of my teachers, Olga and Galina.

After school, we had an impromptu (or so I thought!) party in the cafe. My neighbor and a French teacher at our school fried up some yummy fish and we enjoyed a few hours' conversation. Lovely!

These are my two cafe ladies, Olga and Olga.

This is the spread we managed. YUM!

Next, though not my actual birthday, it was off to L'viv to celebrate a Peace Corps girl's wedding. She married a great Ukrainian guy last month and the reception was Saturday. To make for a special occasion, I went up a day early to meet the bf and to splurge on a yummy yummy sushi dinner. Thanks b-day cash!

Strolling L'viv late that night, I found these lovely reminders of the beauty of memories at a monument in the park.

The reception was LOVELY, L'viv was chilllllly, but my heart is warmed and overjoyed. Thanks for being a part of it!

This is a bit delayed, and shouldn't seem trumped by my transit difficulties to get to the softball weekend, but I forgot to mention the orphanage visit we had. The kids always put on a really cute concert, during which they recruit us to help out in relays and whatnot. Last spring I was in a tug-of-war contest with teeny tiny little girls who ended up pulling us over! (There were boys hidden behind who pulled like crazy...I think even some of the little girls fell!) This year I ran around a tree or two holding a stick and a hand.

It was after the concert, when we were playing soccer, that I had my favorite moment. I was talking to some of the girls who were probably 13-15. Just small talk, nothing particular, but it was really nice to chat with them. After the second part of the concert came the HUGS! I got so many orphan hugs...it buoyed my spirits in the midst of the sadness that sometimes comes seeing kids in such situations. They've had a rough start, but they're going to be ok because they have hearts beyond their circumstances.

And today: I walked into my house to discover my room DESTROYED by dust and tarps. My landlady's remodeling took them to my room to replace windows today, but without warning me first. My computer, new camera, ipod, recently washed and drying clothes were out and are now covered in dust. ARG! But I held it together (surprising for those of you who know me well), found a bucket of water and a rag and started wiping things off. Who knew I could handle this stuff with grace??? And "Check" for another favorite moment...my personal growth!

An addition to my renovations is a washing machine! A legit, modern washing machine. My favorite moment was my landlady asking me to help her translate the manual which is printed in German, Italian, Romanian, Slovakian, and just about every other language than Russian. We had quite a nice little moment sitting together and looking it over.

Blessings to you as your favorite moments come and stay in your hearts.

What I came home to!

NOT HAPPY!

See that clean square? That's where my brand-new camera was. And the round spot was my Nalgene's spot. Can we say ew???

Softball weekend is a legendary event for PCVs in Ukraine. It actually happens in the fall and again in the spring, and is always a red-lettered day for us. We gather together in Kirovograd, play softball, sleep in rented apartments, visit an orphanage that always puts on a sweet show for us, and generally have a wonderful time. I went in the spring and was headed out for it last weekend when I hit a snag. No train to K-grad. They were repairing the line, you see, and the only day I needed the train was the only day it was being worked on.

Knowing I couldn't take the train, I went into Odessa anyway to try and figure out how to make it happen. I left my site a little after 1 pm, arriving in Odessa around 4. After some criss-crossing of the city to make SURE there was no train, I took a bus to a big-ish city on the route toward K-grad, Mykolaiv. I arrived there only to discover that I had literally JUST missed a bus that was going to K-grad. It was a little after 8, and I found out that there was another bus to go at 9. I bought a ticket and sat to wait. 9:15 rolled around, and then 9:30. No bus! The lady had mentioned there being a 10:00 bus, so I thought I might be able to catch that one. But then 10:10 rolled around, and then 10:15, and then 10:30. The bus station attendant was checking on me from time-to-time, and she finally came up and said that neither the 9 nor the 10 were happening that night. Biiiiig surprise. But there was a 3 am. Did I want that? Well, I sure didn't have a lot of choice, now did I?

The lady took me to a large, empty waiting room full of long benches without armrests. I pulled out the sleeping bag I had packed and decided to make the most of my opportunity to rest. But a guard came around and told me I couldn't "do that." "Do what?" I asked. But he just walked away. He returned a few minutes later with the manager of the bus station who informed me that I couldn't lay down. "Can I sit here?" Yes. "Can I sleep?" Yes. "Can I have my sleeping bag?" Yes. "But I can't lay down." Yes. I looked around. "Seriously?" Yes. He didn't seem to be known for his humor anyway.

So I propped myself up on my backpack, wrapped in my sleeping bag, and eeked out a few hours' sleep. I got on my 3 am bus which had two drunk men who kept fighting. The bus driver continued to pull over to yell at them, but mom's "Don't make me pull this car over!" tactic failed. Nevertheless, I arrived in K-grad at 6:30, made it to the apartment and had one of the best showers EVER. It was a wonderful weekend, and I was really proud of myself for being able to make it on my own without having any freak-outs of loneliness and uncertainty. Woo hoo! A year in and I'm really starting to make it work!

Best to you as you do the same!

In a world in which I am so accostomed to intangible, invisitble, hitting-your-head-in-the-dark challenges, this week has been characterised by much different obstacles: physical.

It started on Monday on my return from an awesome weekend with PCVs and the great American crowd-friendlier pastime: softball. I walked into the kitchen to find the sink in the middle of the room. My landlady has been living in the spare room (I rather unceremoniously ousted her from her room in favor of more light, space and a much comfier bed. In this land of long, cold and dark winters, can you blame me?) since July, doing some remodeling and construction. It's been an adjustment with the two laborers she hired (one is perpetually drunk), her two rowdy dogs and the dust and noise. But no water! I did dishes in a bucket of water I pulled up from the underground cistern that night, and I'll be honest, there was some grumbling.

The next challenge came on Tuesday. As my landlady has been working all day everyday, I have gotten out of the habit of taking my house keys. Sure enough, I came home a little after 3 pm to a vacant house. I climbed over my fortress-like stone wall (in a dress and high-heeled boots) and found thta the house was also locked. I had been to the bazar earlier in the day and had all my grocieries with me, which I also hauled over the wall. I sat until about 5:30 before I decided I was getting cold, tired and irritated. There is one window in my house that opens, which is located in my bedroom about 6 feet up. The window is about 18 inches high and swings up and down on hingest. I found a stool the workers had been using and climbed my way through the window. Half-way through, I got a painful cramp in my hip and ended up more or less diving the rest of my way through, knocking off two of the plants on my window sill. Dusty, scratched and cleaning up dirt, but I was in! Good thing, too; my landlady didn't come home until almost 7:30!

Tuesday was supposed to be my collect-kindling day, but after much time in the cold, I wussed out and put it off. Wednesday afternoon, therefore, I grabbed two large, empty cement bags adn took off for a run. I left the bags 10 mins out and kept going to the 30-min mark. When I got back to the bags, I began filling them. Eventually the sky was dark and cloudy, the wind had chilled the sweat in my clothes and I pretty much didn't care if I wouldn't be able to light a fire this winter. With a toddler-sized bag on each hip, scratched and again dirty, I walked home, enduring the stares and comments.

Other than a marathon of baking projects, I escaped Thursday relatively uneventfully.

And Friday. I was walking home after five straight lessons with some difficult groups and passed an old lady in a wheelchair almost at the bottom of the hill to my house. I normally see her begging near the bazar, and was ashemed that I'd never chosen to "see" her there. I walked about 30 steps past her, realized what a jerk I was being adn turned around to push her up the hill. I ended up going an additional 10 minutes past my house, all the while explaining to Maria why I didn't have any children. The convo went like this:

Maria: So you don't have any children.

Me: No

Maria: None? Do you have any in America?

Me: No, no children at all.

Maria: Why not?

Me: I am very young still!

Maria: Doesn't your husband want children? ("boyfriend" and "husband" are somewhat interchangable here)

Me: Well, yes, but we're both very young still.

Maria: You should have children soon. How old are you?

Me: 24.

Maria: Yes, it should be very soon.

Me: Ummm...

Maria: I think you'd have beautiful children.

Me: Thanks...I've gotta go now...[graceless exit]

Like I said, my challenges here aren't usually phsical. But there was something immensely gratifying about having this type of difficulty. I had a problem and some choices of how to deal with it. I saw my results right away, and was able to reap their benefits immediately. It was refreshing! Though I had my moments of grumbling and definitely did my share of sweating, I was successful. I only hope that next time, I remember what a blessing these kinds of challenges can be.

Best to you as you face your own challenges and succeed against them!

Averill Strasser contacted me with the following message, which might be helpful for you PCVs looking to rock a water proj and get some cash for it!

I am COO of Water Charity, a 501(c)(3) nonprofit that does water, sanitation, and public health projects worldwide. We recently started a new initiative, Appropriate Projects, to fund small water and sanitation projects very quickly.

I am a Returned Peace Corps Volunteer (Bolivia ’66-’68), and am well aware of the difficulties Volunteers face in the field. Appropriate Projects is an addition to our regular Water Charity model that is allowing us to provide project resources to PCVs in the field immediately.

Often there is that little project that must be done now (before the rains start, before school begins, or in response to a critical need), but there are no funds available. Traditional funding sources are cumbersome, and there are long forms, detailed requirements, limited resources, and long delays.

PCVs working in water and sanitation usually have potential projects lined up. For those working in other program areas, there may be water components to their projects, or improvements needed where they work or teach.

Sample projects may be: a rainwater catchment, handwashing stations for a school, water for a clinic, piping, tanks, pumps, sinks, latrines, wells, etc.

We like to “finish” projects that have been started, and “fix” things that have ceased to function.

We encourage follow-up projects that expand upon the successful completion of the first small project.

If you have a project in mind, please fill out the application form. We want this to be easy for you, so we have developed a simple form that you can fill out in one sitting.

If you have any questions about the appropriateness of your project, or you need some time to get it together, just let us know.

If you do not have a project that qualifies, please pass this message on to your fellow Volunteers who may have an interest. Finally, if this initiative resonates with you, please let others know what we are doing through your social networks, websites, and blogs.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Regards,

Averill Strasser

Appropriate Projects

http://appropriateprojects.com

Water Charity

http://watercharity.org

The One-Year-in-Country Mark has been reached! We arrived in Kiev on Sept 28th last year, and once we finally got out of the airport (after about a 6 hour ordeal involving TONS of lost baggage), we saw and felt Ukraine. I journaled on this wonderful milestone in my favorite coffee shop in Odessa on my way home from Kiev, and will share some of what I wrote to give you an idea of what it's like to reflect on a year for me.

One year in-country coffee toast in Kompote. Well, coffee and a croissant! People ask if I can believe it's been a year already. ALREADY? FOR SURE. I can't believe it hasn't been MORE than that in a lot of ways.

I am so very much the Peace Corps "type" that I never expected it to be this hard. And I know I have to temper the last two weeks or so with the big picture and not feel the whole thing was hard. After all, I had three conversations--with three different ticket ladies no less!--that were extremely successful information-exchanges where language used to dissolve me.

What has made time here so difficult is fear. It is out of fear that I choose NOT to think or feel painful things, which causes the anxiety to build up and spill out in unexpected times/places. I fear that negative feelings will hurt, cause me to be discontent, and ultimately, want to leave.

Well, I fear I have been wrong there. I can choose HOW I see this life, this Ukraine, this heart. I can feel my strength building and what was built. I am becoming powerful because of what I am doing, learning, seeing. Tasting! Maybe a year couldn't have ended soon enough, maybe it will. My smile is intact. My wide-eyed optimism has changed, I will admit that. My language skills are also better, and my likelihood to melt down in tricky situations is diminished. My friendships are long-distance or are bounded by language. I've missed HOME more than ever these last few weeks, but maybe it is also the feeling of the downward swing into completion of service. And a little voice reminds me to be careful as I'm not yet half-way through.

But listen: I am DOING Peace Corps. Really doing it. Maybe it has been harder than expected, but isn't that the point? At one year, it is time to stop feeling whiny about it. It is time to get off the rollercoaster and get in line for the bumper cars. At one year, it is time to banish fear, to embrace the changes within myself no matter how painful. My name means "Princess." And it doesn't get more beautiful than that, more hopefully settled and full of potential change. Calm in the storm. Peace in times of struggle. The ability to put aside fear and face the onslaught with grace and discernment. At one year, it is time to do these things. At one year, it doesn't matter what I haven't done but what I am doing. All we ever really have is right now, anyway. This moment and it's gone. All those moments to make a full year at the carnival. And the moments to come. Difficult or not, I am ready to meet them. And now is the time to remind myself of the "princess" I am.

And loneliness. What is that, really? A feeling that I am not wanted? I am necessarily alone because the journey demands separateness. I have many beautiful and different base camps, for which I am grateful. And I will reach the peak, and then the next, forever building higher.

So in my PC (Personal Carnival) service, I'm ready to start exploring more of the rides. I'm jonesing for a deep-fried Snickers, have tickets to see the bearded lady (she actually lives down my street!), and am happy to celebrate, this my one-year-in-country.

Best to you as you love the journey, your own carnival, and in knowing your own "regal" status as someone privileged to love in this world.

So there is a page of one of our training manuals that depicts the traditional ups and downs for PCVs based on the time they've been in country. I've been meaning to pull it out and check on my own status, and finally did only to discover that I'm right on target.

11-15 months

Issues: Mid-service crisis, doubt about program/self/role/government, various failures over time, disillusionment, confusion in resolving frustrations with victories

Behavior/Reaction: Impatience with self/program/"system," blame on program constant complaining, lethargy, haughtiness with new volunteers

Dear me. Well, the previous blog about all the things I'm doing is still true-ish. I'm not really teaching yet, but I've got heaps of projects I'm working on and doing a fairly good job of keeping up with. So why is it that I feel so ineffective? Useless? It's hard to say, and even harder to enjoy the freedom that I do have now, even with the knowledge that such an opportunity will never present itself to me again (and is likely to change soonish).

I'm almost at one year, and it will be good to celebrate this accomplishment. My next stage is more hopeful and not far off, and of course, it is what I want it to be and I make it. This chart also includes ideas for getting through such stages, and one is planning holidays/vacations. So who wants to meet me in Jamaica at Christmas???

I'm coming up on a year in country now, and I've been thinking about things I will take back with me to the States. Recipes, habits, hobbies and stuff. I've also been thinking about things I will NOT take back with me. Here is a list for your reading joy:

Keepers

*Borsch

*Vareneky

*Using sour cream in the most interesting of ways

*A love of veggies

*Walking everywhere

*Patience

*Flexibility

*Making just about anything and everything from scratch (bagels, veggie burgers, pizza dough, sauces, cookies, more and more and more...)

*Making all my own teaching materials

*Hospitality, Ukrainian-style (which means insisting the guest eat as much as physically possible, stay as long as possible, and come back as often as possible)

*Juice

*How excited my kids always are to see me

Leavers

*Homemade dog food

*Language barriers

*Deep fears of getting stranded somewhere

*Ukrainian TV

*No central heat

*Thick turtlenecks and heavy coats (BAH winter!)

*Getting shouted/honked at when I'm running

*No SMOG checks

All in all, Ukraine's in my heart, and though my time here is short, I'm glad it's a permanent resident. :)

It's Saturday morning here. The sun is shining, and though there's a chilly wind, it's a lovely day. I slept in, had a cup of DELISH coffee (thanks to Drew, who really hooked me up when he came back in March!), chatted with the landlady, worked on a project that I promptly took to the post to mail, to discover that I had a package! I got five brand-new books to keep me busy from my friend Tim. Then back home for another cup of coffee and French toast, which I also made for my landlady. It's a pretty sweet turnaround from the moment of anxiety I had when I woke up about not really having anything to do today. I can't wait to see what the rest of the day holds!

Yesterday, on my run, there was a flock of birds high in the clear sky of Tatarbunary. This group of birds was actually dancing. They would divide into two groups, and those undulating droplet-like groups would move around each other in a sort of tango. Then the groups would merge, flow together, and then one bird would shoot out from the group to lead the next change in direction and shape. It was truly beautiful to watch, the way these innocent creatures were enjoying themselves and their world. I am honored to have seen such beauty.

Blessings as you love beautifully.

After yesterday's comment, I watched one of my all-time faves, P.S. I Love You. Here is a poignant moment in some of the last lines:

"This is my one and only life, and it's a great and terrible and short and endless thing, and none of us come out of it alive."

Thought I'd share!

This is my one and only full school year during my service, and the excitement to make it an awesome year is bubbling out of me. I still don't have a schedule at school, but I'm not worried. It gives me a little extra time to get some of this stuff DONE! You see, I've just come back from a weekend in Kiev that was super fun but also remarkably productive, which leaves me with lots to do now! And what stuff might that be, you wonder? Well, let me tell you! (And categorically, since I seem to be a fan of that style these days)

∂ Special Projects Assistance grant

I want to write a grant and apply for some $$$ to create an English Resource room for my school. I would like to have a place teachers can go between lessons, store their books and materials, and even get work done on a computer I'd like to get in there. My school has internet, so an additional goal would be to make the room internet-accessible so that I can run tutorials on how to search for lesson plans, activities, worksheets and more. Hello 21st century!

∂ FLEX

The Future Leaders Exchange program is something that the States started. It provides students in former Soviet countries the opportunity to live in America for a school year to practice English, share their culture and learn about ours. The interview process is coming up, and I'm hoping to hand-select a few students and help coach them toward that interview. It's an amazing chance for these kids; those who I've met who were in FLEX are greatly changed with expansive world-views. It would be awesome for my village to have such an experience, because not just one kid would go, but it would really open up the world to the whole town.

∂ NuShcho

We have a newsletter in Ukraine that PCVs can contribute to called NuShcho (it means "what's up?!") for which I am the editor. I'm excited about re-vamping the look and professionalism of this publication, hopefully inspiring more people to contribute on a variety of topics. Our next layout is in a week and a half, so this enthusiasm is well-timed!

∂ Warden Resource SNL Skit

During training, we are bombarded with information regarding safety in addition to all the cultural and language lessons. As a safety warden for my region, I am trying to help make that information more accessible by writing a mock SNL skit. Hopefully we can get this off the ground and film it for it to be shown in training. Fun!

∂ Summer Camp

My town really wants me to do a summer camp next summer. It's a big job, but I think that starting it now is going to make sure it happens. We're making small steps, but progressing toward putting on a 10-ish day beach camp. Also FUN!

∂ The Collaborative

My second meeting in Kiev was for a group called The Collaborative. It's somewhat fledgling, but I'm really excited about where it's going. In each region, we will recruit a facilitator to host a meeting for Volunteers in that area to work on professional development. We all have different projects, ideas, resources and abilities, and so this will be a chance to share those and learn from each other. I will host one soon, I hope!

∂ BOOKS!

There are several organizations within the States that provide books for schools and specifically Peace Corps volunteers. One of these amazing groups is Darien Book Aid, and hopefully we'll soon be getting a box of books to add to our fancy new English Resource Room! ;)

∂ New TEFL Volunteers

I've been corresponding with a few in-coming TEFL Volunteers (arriving in just 2 weeks now), answering questions about packing social climate, host family gifts, you name it. I am thrilled to have the chance to go visit a training cluster (probably early November) in a mentor role. I remember my experience with my mentors during training, and it was truly helpful to me. I hope that I can return the lessons learned!

This going to be a GREAT year. I will be so busy I may not even notice the cold (riiiiiiight). The inertia is strong now, and I hope to maximize all the resources I have while I can!

Thanks for listening as you love!