Africa Lite ? Boomers in Botswana is now on Amazon as a Kindle compatible e-book and only $3.99 What a bargain!

http://www.amazon.com/Africa-Lite-Botswana-Christopher-Doran/dp/1468507036/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1329098894&sr=8-1

We received a real nice write-up as part of the "Reinventing Retirement" article in the January 2012 edition of the Alaska Airlines in-flight magazine. It is on page 74 at http://alaskaairlines.journalgraphicsdigital.com/jan12/

Just when you thought it was going to be dull Christmas marred by:

--Congressional Gridlock

--Kim Kardashian failing to return your wedding gift

--Not being invited to Kim Jong Il's State funeral

--Not getting one of the leads in "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo"

--Getting a strange virus which left you only able to say three words

"Mitt" "Newt" and "Obamaramalamaphislammajamma"

out of the swirling snow comes Kgosi Klaus and his eight tiny warthogs to deliver a gift to make Christmas Merry and the New Year bright--

"Africa Lite ? Boomers in Botswana" from AuthorHouse (ISBN 978-1-4685-0703-4)

It is available in paperback at www.Authorhouse.com, www.amazon.com and www.barnesandnoble.com

The ebook version will be out shortly and I will send a post when it is.

Kgosi

Some final items I have learned in Botswana:

Seeing animals in the wild is thrilling

Most Batswana do not travel outside the country. Some have not travelled outside their village but almost everyone wants to

Invitations to dinner at someone’s home do not occur here – it is not the tradition

Many parts of Botswana look westernized, but right under the surface, are truly African

Eating with your fingers in Botswana is common

Paper products are scarce and make America look wasteful, but it sure will be nice to have toilet paper in abundance

99% of Batswana cannot swim but love the water

The gossip network here both within the town and within the country is truly amazing. Perhaps like any village, when something happens, it becomes common knowledge very quickly. Additionally, news here travels across the country at the speed of light. Everybody knows somebody who is related to somebody, who knows somebody, who…

Batswana love football (soccer) and faithfully follow the National teams, the South African teams, and the English teams.

America is a “doing” culture. Botswana is a “being” culture

If you go to a birthday party here, there are actually two parts. The first is for “the little old ladies” with food served and the second is for everyone else and includes alcohol, dancing and lots of fun

You feel a lot colder when it is 38° both inside and outside your home at the same time

The world is truly getting smaller. You can get halfway around the world very quickly

In Botswana, form is much more important than function. Protocol dictates all

The tarred road was a great invention

A Frisbee attracts children of all ages and all cultures

Clean water makes all the difference in the quality of life. It means clean vegetables, clean fruits, and significant freedom from disease

In our office, we have a separate accounting book for each type of cookie but we have none for the laptop computers and in fact we lost track of one

Electronic communication has changed the connectivity of the world

Being a grandparent is a great experience whether you are American or Botswana

Physical fitness is not a craze here, as a matter of fact, it doesn’t exist here

Warthogs are truly ugly animals

Although it is a different game, you can actually play golf on a course where the fairways have grass that may be 1 foot high and the “greens” are actually “browns” made of oil and sand

Opening and closing meetings with a prayer feels quite nice

Any child’s smile can light up a room

Ending on high notes:

We finished two of our Peace Corps projects on very successful notes. Our youth group, Lifeline, had a final party at which we watched the DVD of “Hairspray,” munched on snacks, and discussed the issue of racial integration. We also played Bingo and awarded prizes to all the kids—it was a smashing success.

Our movie making project on the issue of teen pregnancy prevention had our final showing and awards ceremony on Saturday. Two hours after it was supposed to begin it had all the makings of a disaster. Despite numerous requests and reassurances of getting transport from one of the local nongovernmental organizations, the combi and driver failed to show up. Therefore 16 adolescents dressed in fancy clothes and high heels and I were left standing by the road. I decided that this event was too important to have the kids be disappointed because of no transport so I dug into my pocket and paid for public transport for everyone to the town of Otse, a town 20 Km away where the showing was to be held.

Eventually on the bus I found out there was no reason to hurry since the electricity went out in Otse earlier that morning. Without electricity, the projector would not work. The other organizers of the event and I started to put our heads together about what we could do for Plan B. It was then that we learned that the backpack with all the award certificates had left Otse and returned to Ramotswa. Several frantic calls later we managed to track down the car and the awards. As they were returning, the electric power came back on. Lo and behold the event came off, 2 ½ hours late but successful nonetheless. Welcome to Botswana!!

At the showing, there were 65 youth from the ten teams. Awards were presented for various aspects of cinematography, best actor and actress, best director and other team awards. The movies were remarkably good and copies are going to be circulated throughout the district for showing at schools and community events.

Best Peace Corps dialogue

As with most governmental agencies, the Peace Corps is a profoundly bureaucratic organization. There are countless forms, checklists, and paper and electronic reports necessary for any activity.

So, two elderly female Peace Corps volunteers (#’s 2 and 3) were visiting another older female at her house. They did not know each other well and particularly the sleeping habits of volunteer number 2. The hostess and number 3 arose the next morning at the normal time and waited for over an hour but number 2 did not come out of her room. They became apprehensive and quietly opened her door to find her lying virtually motionless on the bed. They hoped she was sleeping and decided to give her another 20 minutes before they awakened her. A half hour later without any stirring they decided to go in and found her in the exact same position and could not see any breath moments.

PCV number 3: Is she dead?

Hostess: Oh God No! It’s a weekend. Think of the paperwork.

FEDITSE (Finished in Setswana)

Amazing as it is to both Kopo and me, our Peace Corps service and our time in Botswana has come to an end. We will be leaving from the airport on Monday for a five-day trip to Istanbul to celebrate our 40th wedding anniversary before returning to Denver on June 25th. It has been an amazing ride with considerable ups and downs, more exciting than any roller coaster.

It would be impossible to detail all of the events in these two years, but some of the highlights that are most memorable to us include:

Teaching 86 medical students the basics of Mental Health

Co-authoring a book “Power Parents” published here in Botswana both in English and Setswana. The book teaches parents how to talk to their children about sexuality and HIV

Mentoring and leading a group of 40 young adults and helping them with issues of self-esteem, self-confidence, public speaking, English skills, health and HIV issues, videography, photography, and leadership.

Kopo’s “Bee Girls” reading group--a dynamic fun, learning experience, culminating in essays that were sent to the author of “The Secret Life of Bees.” They had a personal interaction with the author complementing them on their work

Giving over 40 workshops, lectures, and presentations at various school, community, and professional organizations

Teaching the hospital staff of two different hospitals about mental health issues in medical practice

Serving as friends, colleagues, and mentors for the younger Peace Corps volunteers

Coining a new definition for the term “luxury living” in Botswana, which has come to mean living in a home which consistently and simultaneously has both electricity and running water

Surviving three house break-ins, two speeding tickets, and a road grader which knocked my office off its supports

Peace Corps has been a unique experience and one that will stay with us for the rest of our lives.

Peace Corps-the toughest job you will ever love.

Despite heroic efforts by the owner/editor and many of its supporters, the Kalahari Khronicle will be forced to cease circulation. As has been widely quoted in the media and on the Internet, the Khronicle has been labelled by many sources as “The Worst Newspaper on the Continent.” Although as the editor, I dispute this libellous claim vigorously, the fiscal realities dictate that termination is inevitable.

I wish to personally thank all those supporters (both of you) who donated money to pay for our legal fees. Our chosen lawyer to defend ourselves against these charges, Char Ching Hi Feez said that the total amount contributed would pay for 17 more seconds of his professional time. He spent 14 seconds eating and sipping Oolong tea. Finally he spat out his clear and simple along with bits of Egg Foo Yung--“Kgosi dude, give it up.” So, since we have no printing press, no paper, no employees, and no hope we submit for your consideration our final edition.

The Real Deal

A Sanford Florida automobile dealership is trying to drum up business by offering an unusual perk for potential used truck buyers –an AK-47 assault rifle. Although they have to pass a background check, sales manager Nick Ginetta at National Trucks says business “has almost doubled.” He also states that if by chance a buyer is not a proponent of an AK-47, he may use the $400 gun shop voucher to buy other firearms.

Kgosi’s Komment—Only in America.

Kgosi now set for travel

The Associated Press in Denver reports that Jeff Buske has invented a new type of underwear that will get a person through airport screeners with one’s dignity intact. The male version is in the shape of a fig leaf and the one for women comes in the shape of clasped hands. He says his invention uses a powdered metal that protects people’s privacy when undergoing medical or security screenings. Buske, CEO of Rocky Flats Gear in Las Vegas, says the underwear inserts are thin and conform to body contours making it difficult to hide anything beneath them. A mix of tungsten and other minerals do not set off metal detectors.

Kgosi’s Komment—Given that his company is named Rocky Flats Gear, Mr Buske seems to have failed to warn buyers that one unfortunate side effect is that after wearing the inserts for more than two hours, your private parts glow in the dark.

Baseball – the Intelligent Sport

Brian Roberts of the Baltimore Orioles is suffering from concussion-like symptoms which aren’t really funny. It appears though, that Roberts may have given himself brain damage by hitting himself in the head with his bat. “I don’t know 100% for sure what caused the headaches, but on Monday night in total frustration, I whacked myself on the head with my bat in the ninth. I had my helmet on. It’s something I’ve done 1 million times but I still can’t tell you for sure if that was it. That’s the only thing I can point to, because that night and the next morning, I just didn’t feel good.”

Kogsi’s Komment—Mr Roberts obviously also suffered from memory loss as he did not remember that in the Baltimore rout of the Toronto Blue Jays, Roberts also hit himself in the head during the 5th, 6th, 7th and 8th innings Kgosi has it on good authority that Mr Roberts has withdrawn his application to join MENSA.

More Poor Memory

The Press Association reports on Chinese surgeons who removed a rusty, 4 inch knife from the skull of a man who claimed it had been stuck in there for four years. Li Fuyan, aged 30, had been suffering severe headaches, breathing difficulties and bad breath, but never knew the cause of his discomfort. An official at Yuxi City People’s Hospital in Yunnan province said that Li told doctors he had been stabbed in the lower right jaw four years ago and the blade broke off inside his head without his even realizing it.

Kgosi’s Komment—Mr Fuyan swears repeatedly that he does not play baseball with Brian Roberts.

As to the symptom of bad breath, an exclusive interview with the Khronicle quotes Li as saying that he also swallowed a used plumber’s helper but did not realize that either.

At the risk of reports that the Khronicle will also be labelled as “The Crappiest Newspaper in Africa” we also report on the following three items:

Stinky Souvenirs

The Associated Press reports that the Prague Czechoslovakia zoo has started selling what look like ice cream containers but are actually full of elephant dung. This is the latest brainchild of zoo director Miroslav Bobek (whose surname literally means dung). It capitalizes on the latest fad among Czech gardeners who are buying the stuff to use as fertilizer. Zoo officials estimate they sell around 200 1- kg containers of dung every weekend at $3.90 each. Sales have been so brisk that they have decided to expand to selling on weekdays.

Kgosi’s Komment—First off, if my last name was Dung, I’d seriously consider a name change to something respectable such as Poooh or Crappe. Nonetheless, given that the elephant dung is packaged in ice cream containers, Kgosi is refraining indefinitely from buying any rum raisin sorbet at the zoo.

New Ashtray Design deemed inadequate

The Associated Press reports from Portland Oregon that a house fire that caused $30,000 in damage was apparently started by tenants who were using a hole in the floor as an ashtray. Portland Fire and Rescue spokesman Paul Corah says, in his words, “That’s not careless smoking, that’s stupid smoking.”

Kgosi’s Komment—One of the tenants also failed to report that after a visit to Czechoslovakia zoo, the hole was also serving as the reservoir for their souvenir purchase – a year’s supply of elephant dung.

Stool Daze

Kgosi was informed by the Peace Corps that as part of his departure physical examination, he needed to submit stool samples on three consecutive days. These were to be placed in small plastic containers the size of a spool of thread. This initially sounded like a simple task until reading the instructions. They stated that the person should stretch aluminium foil, plastic wrap, or a napkin over the toilet bowl to catch the sample. Kgosi dutifully tried the aluminium foil but it simply did not have the tensile strength to hold Kgosi’s depth charges. Next he tried the plastic wrap but found that to his dismay, it acted like a trampoline. After shouting “bombs away” from altitude, Kgosi was suddenly faced with the problematic challenge of either continuing to stay put and be clobbered from below on the rebound or quickly try to move out of the way and allow those scud missiles to fly everywhere uncontrollably. The end result was that no uncontaminated samples could be obtained in this manner.

Therefore, Kgosi resorted to the napkin method. He rapidly realized that it was not possible to stretch a napkin and get it over the toilet bowl. This led to placing a cocktail napkin on the toilet lid. Although this should have been easy, several factors intervened:

The instructions had clearly stated that those over 50 years of age needed to follow a restricted diet to prevent false positive results. Therefore it was not possible to eat red meat, poultry, fish, radishes, cauliflower, cucumbers, beets, or a variety of other foods in the three days prior to the sample. Kgosi decided to be on the safe side and ate a diet consisting of nothing but mounds of mozzarella, curdled cream, cheese whiz and candle wax. This resulted in stool samples somewhat resembling rabbit pellets. The problem with these hard round marbles was that they would roll off the napkin and inevitably find some crevice in the corner of the room.

Again with contaminated samples,

Kgosi changed direction and decided that a rock hard sample perhaps was not the best way to go--- so to speak. Therefore he followed a diet of rutabaga, rhubarb, chili and French fries. Although it was his expectation that this would result in a “normal” stool, this also failed as frank diarrhea ensued. Kgosi attempted to get the messy liquid into those small containers without success and did not think until it was too late to attempt to collect the sample in a large trash barrel.

Kgosi was running out of time to collect the sample and decided that a drastic dietary maneuver would be necessary. He began gobbling enormous quantities bran flakes, oversized carrot bran muffins, large homemade bran- filled brownies, whey, oatmeal, industrial strength Metamucil, washing it down with liberal quantities of Celestial Seasonings “Morning Thunder” tea.

Nothing happened for the first two days. Desperate and beginning to panic, Kgosi tripled his intake of the dietary regimen and added plates of partially cooked cabbage and baked beans. On the fifth day an ominous rumbling could be heard throughout the neighborhood. Dark clouds formed, the winds kicked up and witnesses described it like “the sound of a freight train.” The “end result” was an explosive expulsion that can be best described as an “Anaconda”—the length of a garden hose and the diameter of a rolling pin. Survivor’s claim to have heard Kgosi’s voice above the maelstrom yelling, “Thar she blows!” “Look Ma, no hands!” and “Heeeeere’s Johnny!” The explosion was heard as far away as South Africa. The earth shook, the heavens parted and a 10 foot tsunami formed in the neighbor’s bathtub. Trees were levelled; buildings toppled and electric power was disrupted in all of Ramotswa.

Although overcome with fumes, unconscious and in Intensive Care for a week, Kgosi is quoted on waking as saying, “What the hell was that?” When informed of the calamity and his near-death experience, he further stated, “Man, this was worse than when I hit myself in the head with the baseball bat.” He kept asking if his wife Gilda survived. He was repeatedly reassured that she did, but that her name was Kopo.

Back hoes, road graders and oversized dump trucks were brought in to clean up the rubble. After an emergency call to the White House, President Obama, dressed in a NASA space suit complete with air filtration system, toured the area by helicopter. On behalf of America, he has declared Ramotswa a Federal Disaster area and all air traffic has been diverted from overhead as a “No Fly Zone.” Kgosi’s apartment, of course, is a total loss. He and Kopo will be spending their last two weeks in Botswana living in one of those little FEMA trailers.

Writing from an undisclosed, underground bunker location outside the blast crater,

Your friend and devoted Editor

Kgosi

The strike of civil workers here in Botswana is now a month old and does not appear to be close to any resolution. The stakes have been raised on both sides over this past week. A sizable number of doctors and nurses joined the strike, were threatened to be terminated by the government if they did and then were terminated. This angered other healthcare professionals who then further joined the strike, in some cases closing clinics and hospitals and in other cases slowing them to a crawl.

Students in seven different schools including Kagiso Senior Secondary School here in Ramotswa where Kopo is serving, went into a “revolt” against the school administrators and teachers. There were some rock throwing incidents and broken windows. Police report that at Kagiso, 11 students were arrested for breaking into the school kitchen and stealing food.

As it happens, we were in Gaborone teaching at the medical school on Monday when this happened so we were not close to any of it. All has been relatively quiet since then. One would not know anything was happening from walking around the village, taking the buses, or engaging in one’s regular activities. It is just difficult to see how this is all going to play out as both sides in the strike seemed firmly entrenched.

For us, Kopo is most affected since the schools were closed after the rioting. She misses the kids and worries that her teaching goals may go unmet for this semester if the situation does not resolve soon. Otherwise, it means that we have no drivers or transport vehicles to go to any activities; we can’t order or obtain any supplies; and our Life Line youth group was cancelled for last week. Now, it is day by day waiting and watching.

Despite the upset with the strike, Kopo and I have carried on with the two major projects that we are still working on—namely teaching at the medical school, and doing a second draft on our book.

Kgosi and Kopo teaching

I also have been able to move ahead with the youth moviemaking project that we have been undertaking for the past eight months. All of the videos (on the subject of preventing teen pregnancy) have now been edited and we had a meeting earlier this week to have them independently judged. Some of these amateur movie makers are really good! As soon as we can work out the transportation issues to have the students gather from the three villages, we will schedule a screening with all the youth and our South East District Academy Awards for best movies and actors.

I have also learned who my replacement will be in the new Peace Corps class. It is a man in his late 50s from western upstate New York who has worked as a hospital administrator prior to coming to the Peace Corps. He will be moving into our apartment and taking over my position in the District AIDS Coordinator’s office. I think he is a great choice and will work out well in the office. Kopo will not be replaced at this time as Peace Corps is trying to match up the start time of PC school volunteers with the beginning of the academic calendar. That group won’t be replaced until a second class of volunteers arrives in September.

Kalahari Khronicle Volume 2, Number 9

You Win Some and You Lose Some

In line with the “Golden Raspberry Awards” known as the “Razzies,” handed out annually by a group in America for the worst movie films of the year, this year the University of Botswana started a tradition to “honor” the worst of Botswana media. They have called their award “The Tail End of the Donkey,” however everyone now calls them the “Assies.” Somewhat to our surprise, the Khronicle was named “The Worst Newspaper on the Continent” by the selection committee. They cited a particular story in volume 1 of the paper documenting Kgosi’s episode of explosive diarrhea resulting in his becoming a toilet paper felon. They called it a blatant example of tail-end journalism. Kgosi thought it best to play along with the fun and showed up in person to receive his Assie. It would not have been so bad if they had not introduced him as the Ass behind the Khronicle and the Biggest Ass this side of Namibia. Nonetheless he received his statuette showing a brown donkey from the rear and gave a gracious acceptance speech.

Of more serious concern this week however, the Khronicle was served with “cease and desist” papers by the local magistrate claiming that the Khronicle was “The Worst Newspaper on the Continent.” The document went on to say that the Khronicle had 30 days to shut down operations or arrests would be made. Needless to say, Kgosi totally disagrees with this assessment and will fight the order vigorously, even if he is behind bars.

The Khronicle has been scouring Gaborone for the best legal representation to defend us in court. Information on the street has coalesced around a single individual who is reported to be the finest defense lawyer in the country. He is a Chinese national who had been living in Botswana for a number of decades by the name of Char Ching Fat Feez. Kgosi had a difficult time finding Mr. Feez since his listing in the phone book gave his address as:

Offshore Bank Building

42 Notax Street

Grand Cayman

Through diligence, Kgosi made contact and had a preliminary meeting with Mr Feez who seemed competent, but was ridiculously expensive. But drastic times called for drastic action. Kgosi has made an executive decision to sell the Khronicle’s printing presses, paper, ink, and fire all the employees (except Kgosi) so Mr Feez’ retainer can be paid and the paper can continue to provide our readers with our highest quality editions. Mr Feez said that the fact that Kgosi has recently graciously accepted a statue for being “The Worst Newspaper on the Continent” may be a slight impediment to our case. But he also said we could counter sue for a million Pula since when the cease and desist order was hand-delivered, Kgosi got a paper cut.

As you know, the Khronicle had never asked for contributions or financial support. Now is the time however, and Kgosi is imploring all of our regular readers to send whatever they can spare to keep our rag… I mean our newspaper… afloat. Please act quickly and send your contributions to save the Khronicle.

Mr Feez has requested that to satisfy article 15, section 4, subsection 2A, paragraph 3 in the second footnote to Line 8 of the Botswana international legal code, all checks should be not made out to “Save the Khronicle Fund” but rather to:

Nameless Shell Company

Account # XZ459271GQ

Zurich National Bank

In the meantime, the Khronicle will not be hamstrung by these threats and, at least until the buyers come to pick up the printing press, we will continue to publish what our readers want.

Man-Dog Story

The Associated Press reports from Phoenix that a 33-year-old man who bit back after he was caught by a Phoenix police dog is suing the police. Erin Sullivan alleges the dog violated his civil rights and used excessive force to capture him after he ran from officers in Glendale during a burglary investigation last year. Police say Sullivan then bit the dog. The lawsuit is seeking $450,000 from the cities of Phoenix, Glendale, and four officers. He is now serving eight years for convictions in the Glendale burglary.

Kgosi’s Komment—Rumor has it that there were teeth marks on the dog’s ear and Kgosi has it on good authority that as soon as Mr. Sullivan is released from prison, he is planning to take up a boxing career billing himself as “the next Mike Tyson.”

Big….. Well…. Trouble

The Associated Press in Scranton Pennsylvania say they recovered more than 50 bags of heroin, cash and loose change from a woman following a cavity search. Authorities say 27-year-old Karin Mackaliunis was detained last weekend following a car crash. Scranton police say they found three bags of heroin in her jacket and after being taken to the police station she told investigators she had more in her vagina. A doctor performed a search of her vaginal vault and recovered 54 bags of heroin, 31 empty bags used to package heroin, miscellaneous prescription pills, a $50 bill and $ 1.22 in loose change.

Kgosi’s Komment—Kgosi has absolutely no comment on this story except to say that Ms Mackaliunis must really be poor because she can’t afford a change purse.

Classified ad from the Botswana Daily News on May 3, 2011:

Under business services “Wholesale: wigs, hairpieces, hairfood 397 2967”

Kgosi’s Komment—Kgosi has followed up on this advertisement and ordered a large shipment of “hairfood.” He is sure this will be the next big thing in the United States and will open a fast food franchise called McWigs with the entire menu made from hairfood. Featured on the menu will be:

The Beehive Burger

The all-time favorite-- the Big Mc Comb-over with two all-hair patties, special sauce, lettuce and tomato on a sesame seed bun

The healthy dieter’s alternative “The Bald Spot”

The filet of French Braid sandwich

Plain hairfood will be deep fried so that all employees will be able to ask each customer, “Do you want hair with that?”

New Career in the Offing

A report from Britain describes that when London police dragged a body from the river last June, rules and regulations dictated that they call for a doctor to determine that the individual was actually dead even though he was missing his head. When police pulled a headless body from the river you would have thought it unnecessary to have a doctor confirm that the person was dead, but in Britain, as in Botswana, protocol rules. A medic was duly called in to declare that the man in question was actually “life extinct”

Kgosi’s Komment—Kgosi now knows that his somewhat-rusty medical skills can still be used. He will set up shop in Denver with a unique specialty whereby he will be on call with the sole purpose of declaring that someone is “life extinct.”

Since Dr Kevorkian has already been coined Dr. Death, Kgosi is changing his name to

Dr. X Stinked

Business flyers will be circulated all over the metro area

Specialist in all the questionable cases of untimely death.

Don’t be fooled by keeping Grandpa around for weeks after he has expired. Worse yet, avoid the embarrassing situation of burying Cousin Mildred when she hasn’t yet kicked the bucket. I cover all cases of headless corpses, lifeless stares, and decomposed remains.

Our specialty—telling rigor mortis from intoxication

All insurance policies that cover erroneous identification of death are accepted.

Call today before humiliation happens!

Kgosi

The civil workers strike is continuing. At least here, nothing has really changed although there was a “revolt” of some students in another town because their teachers were not in the classroom. Nothing like that in Ramotswa though. The workers had given some signs that they intended to come back to work last Friday and begin a “go – slow” mode, but they never did. One wag in the newspaper said “How would you know if they did?”

Things have been barrelling along for Kopo and me as we began teaching the medical students last week. This will be on-going for another month. We get to teach in a real classroom on the University of Botswana campus this year instead of a partially renovated warehouse. There are 48 students this year, 12 more than last year. The class seems quite a bit more lively and interactive. They even laugh at a few jokes.

A few more things I have learned in Africa:

The people of Botswana are remarkably musical. I guess I expected them to dance well, which they do. But what surprised me was the number of really good singing voices. Virtually everyone can carry a tune and loves to sing. At times, if there is a lull in a meeting, someone will spontaneously break out in song and the others will join. I never know what the lyrics mean but they sound joyful.

Botswana is not a reading culture. Very few books are sold or read, although most can tell a pretty good story and enjoy both watching and putting dramas for an audience.

The phrase “that side” is used in Botswana English all the time. Not “on that side” or “toward that side” —just “that side.” --as in “I am going that side.” It can mean on the other side of the building, the other side of town, across the room, or in the general direction that you are pointing.

Rhinoceroses in the wild look prehistoric.

The homebrew made by the natives tastes terrible, but it a favorite of the locals because it is cheap.

The Botswana people are terrified of snakes. Even if you are in a wide open field of dirt, they are always looking to see if a snake may be creeping up. It is an unwritten law here that if you see a snake, you must kill it. Usually this means finding someone else to kill it. They even have a specialized unit of the army to come out to kill snakes, but invariably by the time they are called and arrive, the snake has long since disappeared.

America is not the center of the universe in southern Africa. If you are a white person and ask a native to guess where you come from, they are much more likely to say you come from the UK, Australia, Germany, or Canada. America is about 5th on the list.

Xenophobia (the fear of strange people or strange things) seems to be a universal human trait. While in America currently, the focus is on Arabic and Muslim people, here it is the Zimbabweans. Anything bad that happens in the culture, on the street or in the next town over will be blamed on the “Zims.”

I don’t personally know Barack Obama or Beyoncé, although many of the school-age kids are convinced that I should because I’m an American.

Duct tape is the solution to 99% of the world’s problems.

One of the most fascinating creatures to watch is the dung beetle. Varying in size from a dime to a half dollar, the critters are able to move balls of dung 4 to 5 times their size. In the course of a half hour you can watch it move a large ball 20 yards to its hole. When it pushes the ball into a dead end, it knows enough to climb over to the other side, push it out and find a new route. Eventually, it pushes the ball into the hole for the baby dung beetles to eat. I think if I were a baby dung beetle and I knew after birth that I was going to have a standardized diet of donkey dung shoved down my throat by my mother, I would “fail to hatch.”

The labor strike of 9,000 civilian workers is now in its sixth day. On occasion, there has been a gathering of people at a rally with a speaker talking from a bullhorn. Managers are seen wandering around the offices chatting and sitting in front of computers. Other than that, there is not much sign of a real strike although the newspaper suggests that border crossings are quite crowded and the lines lengthy.

The most significant development is that nurses and doctors in several of the public hospitals and clinics have joined the strike, shutting down the clinics and leaving some inpatients in the lurch. The government has gone to court to require medical personnel to remain on duty with at least skeleton crews. The buses are still running, the mail is still being delivered and most of the stores are open.

The construction crew near our office for a new 15’x15’ outbuilding for the Council Secretary has continued working. This would not be memorable except it is being done by hand and one of the workers with a pick axe managed to cut the electrical cable, so we have no electricity. At least publicly, there appears to be no significant move toward compromise between union and management and everything has been put on hold for the four-day Easter holiday including any attempt to restore our electric current. No juice, office staff can't work, no Internet…a real pain!

Some Things I have Learned

Every respiratory infection, cold, nasal drip or cough, is labelled here as “the flu,” and reason to be off work if you go to the clinic and get a signed note from a doctor, which is very seldom refused.

Toothpicks are a Botswana obsession. Perhaps because a lot of meat is eaten here, every table contains a supply and most everyone uses one. I had addiction long before I came to Africa so it was not unusual for me. What was unusual was to see everyone, including the most fashionable ladies, vigorously pick their teeth after a meal. Some would have a toothpick hanging out of their mouth during the post-prandial conversation which vaguely resembles Popeye’s pipe. If there are no regular toothpicks around, the Batswana grab the long thin thorns of the acacia trees to do the job.

Public transportation here is quite good. Combi's (extended VW mini-busses) do short and medium runs and carry 16 passengers. Large buses vary in their condition, but in general are quite safe and clean. There are no chickens or other animals on board. The schedules generally run on time and the fares are cheap – it costs about 80 cents to go from our village to the capital 15 miles away. You can travel from one end of Botswana to the other (the size of Texas) for approximately $22. There is one proviso however, and that is that your butt must be no more than 14 inches wide. If not, you become very “up close and personal” with your next-door neighbor or have 1 ½ cheeks on the seat and one half cheek hanging right out there in the aisle.

Batswana love photographs. As soon as they see you with a camera they ask for their picture to be taken and are delighted to have someone take a picture of you with them. Many do not want to smile and prefer a solemn expression.

The cell phone penetration in Botswana is 136%. This means that statistically, every citizen has one cell phone and approximately one third of the population has two. As is common in the States, people use cell phones to call or text almost constantly--while on the bus, walking down the street, or in meetings.

Basic services such as electricity, water, gas for cooking, and telephone are generally available but can shut off unpredictably for varying lengths of time from several minutes to several days.

Clothes smell fresher when they have dried hanging on a clothesline. Clothes driers are virtually non-existent except for the very wealthy.

The big meal here is lunch. Particularly at conferences or other places where there is a buffet line, I do mean “BIG.” Plates are piled with a large mound of food and often people go back for seconds.

In general, the vast majority of people are quite honest. On four separate occasions I had my cell phone or wallet fall out of my pocket on a public bus. On all four occasions someone would notify me or in one case, a passenger chased me down at the front of the bus to return the item. Nonetheless, our house was robbed three times, while we were sleeping.

I feel a lot safer in a country in which guns are illegal.

Unless you are situated on a busy road, the only sounds that you hear in Ramotswa are birds chirping, roosters crowing, cowbells clanking, donkey’s braying and children laughing and playing.

Kgosi

In America, labor strikes are quite common. In Botswana where even the hint of confrontation is avoided, they are a rarity and there has not been a major one since 1991. Nonetheless, we are on the verge of a country-wide labor strike beginning at 7:30 AM tomorrow morning. It is a typical conflict between workers and government management about wages and benefits. This should not in any way be confused with the uprisings in Egypt, Tunisia or Libya. Those countries are over 5000 miles away and have dictatorial governments. Botswana has both democratic elections and democratic freedoms. The cause of the strike is that the rank-and-file workers have not had a pay raise in over three years while prices have risen. The government says that diamond sales are down so they do not have the revenue to offer a pay raise now, but have offered to reconsider in September. This has not been satisfactory to the workers, so drivers, secretaries, teachers, nurses, border guards, and many other civil servants are scheduled to walk off the job. Most managers are considered essential and/or are not members of the union so they will remain in their offices.

Peace Corps has given us specific instructions not to take either side, to be seen around the village but not to be in our offices. An interesting twist to this strike is that it has a scheduled re-evaluation date in 10 days and then a “stop date” in three weeks. This is quite typical of Botswana civility and unlike American strikes which threaten to go on indefinitely until demands are met. We will see.

Travel plans

Kopo and I have come to decisions about our return travel strategy. As some of you know, we had planned to go to Egypt, but that obviously is not a good idea at this time. We have decided to go to Istanbul Turkey for four days when we depart Botswana June 20th. We have booked a hotel and tours of the Bosporus, the blue Mosque, and other sites in and around the city. In addition to simply being an interesting trip in a safe country, it will also be a celebration for our 40th wedding anniversary which occurs on June 27. We have our flight plans arranged, leaving Istanbul on the morning of June 25 and arriving in Denver at 10:00 that night.Re-evaluation timeAs we approach the two month mark left in our service here, I have found myself thinking a lot about the last two years, Africa, and Botswana. So with each post from now on, I want to start to identify “Some things I have learned.” and will begin with this post. Therefore, in no particular order......

SOME THINGS I HAVE LEARNED IN THE LAST TWO YEARS1.

1. Most African women dislike their hair. They find it not straight enough and unmanageable. Most spend a regular afternoon with frequency in the beauty parlor to remedy this situation. There is one whole aisle in the supermarket solely devoted to hair care products. Many women have a close-cropped cut, which is comfortable in the heat. A large percentage of them either wear wigs or plaits with extensions which look quite natural. It is not unusual to have women show up with three or four drastically different hairdos in any given year. A regular accompaniment is a brightly-colored scarf tied in a variety of ways. Men almost always have a buzz cut which varies from a virtual shave to a short length.2.

2. In America we have three responses to a question – “Yes, Maybe, or No.” In Botswana, there are really only two answers and the meanings are different. “Yes” means “Maybe” and “Maybe” means “No.” To directly respond to a question with a “No” is almost never done. Until you understand the meanings of the words as they are used here, it appears that Africans don’t tell the truth. This is not true, as they just don’t want to offend you.3.

3. The definition of “Youth” in Botswana is from age 15 to age 29. This group is great fun to work with as they are enthusiastic, willing to learn, and interested in almost everything.4.

4.There are a great many chess players in Botswana (It is the single largest extra-curricular club in Kopo’s school). Almost no one though, has heard of checkers, Chinese checkers, Scrabble, Concentration or other games that are second nature to most American children. When taught, they pick up the games rapidly and play with great relish.5.

5.Transportation is a major hassle for Peace Corps service. Until we came to Africa, it was hard to think about how much a convenience it is to have a car. Just imagine carrying all your groceries, any purchases you make, any equipment you need for a presentation, while walking everywhere, potentially in the rain or the heat. Oh yeah I just did. Ugh!6.

6.Drivers here feel they own the road and things such as pedestrian rights or bicyclist safety is non-existent. Cars will maintain their position in the road regardless of whether you are walking along the edge or trying to cycle. Most everyone drives too fast or too slow. Traffic accidents are unfortunately common. Two relatives of my office mates as well as two other colleagues in our work complex have been involved in walking or driving collisions in just the last 6 months alone.7.

7.Despite our American proclivity to refrigerate any kind of left over, it has become quite clear that many foods do not spoil if they are left out on a kitchen counter or on the stove. Particularly when we were staying with our Botswana host family, we ate virtually every combination of meat, vegetables, pasta, and other foods which had stayed out in the open air overnight and we never got sick.8.

8.The Batswana are always well dressed. Teachers, office workers and store clerks are always dressed in skirts blouses and high heels for the women. Men have polished shoes, and a collared shirt often with a tie. Clothes are spotless and well pressed. Men’s shoes are of a particular style with long pointed tips which extend far beyond the end of the toes. 9.

9.The air is very clear and the sky is bright blue almost all the time. There is virtually no air pollution although dust blows frequently during the windy season.10.

10.It is very pleasant to be respected for one’s age and be free of America’s necessity to appear young.

Kgosi

Last weekend, we took our Life Line youth group to Mogkolodi Nature Preserve for an overnight camp and workshop. 25 students attended with 5 adult supervisors and Maureen’s brother Kevin who was visiting. It came off very well and the kids had a great time. In addition to sessions on ecology, waste management and animal protection, we went on a game drive, had team building exercises, went swimming, and played volleyball. At an evening campfire, we had small group discussions about family dynamics and parent-child interactions. Nearly all the kids have very little honest, direct communication with their parents, and every one had been physically beaten as punishment. About half would likely beat their own kids when they had them, but the other half felt they would not.They all yearned for their parents to listen more. One girl almost reluctantly spoke about how she could talk to her Mother about anything, at any time and felt quite comfortable doing so. As leaders, we tried to explore why that was so in her family and how as adults, the rest could foster that atmosphere in their own families. They all were intensely listening, and one can only hope these kinds of talks will bear fruit down the road. We ended the evening with singing, dancing and toasted marshmallows.Somewhat to our surprise, the kids actually went to sleep.

Teaching basic swimming. Most are relatively terrified to let go of the side of the pool

Bathing Beauties

The gents

Antlers on parade

Our formal pose

The New Place

I forgot last week to include some photos of our new apartment, so here they are. It is actually quite civilized and by far the nicest place of the three that we have lived in. Even though only a mile or so from our other two houses, it has quite a different feel. A paved road, not a dirt one; an open field not a noisy bar across the street, but has the same clean air and school kids walking by.

As dawn breaks here though, there are bicyclists, joggers and power walking pairs of women. A little later, cars speed past, going way too fast (a common occurrence on Botswana roads). All this is mixed in with a herd of donkeys with bells around their necks, several cows with their own distinctive bell sounds, and eventually a large herd of goats eating everything in sight. One of the donkeys has figured out how to open the gate to the apartments and stands stock still on the first floor apartment patio enjoying the shade. It is an odd, but appealing set of contradicting sights and sounds.

Ours is second floor on the right

The view from our patio with the obligatory goats in the background

Kevin had a busy and very filled 4 days with us before he left for his safari around Botswana, despite the fasct that a wateer main broke and we had no water for 3 days. Then he is off to Germany (where he lived for 5 years) to visit friends, and then to London to visit relatives. This picture is of the two O’Keefe’s, my boss Mma Ooke and our former next door neighbor and Ramotswa Librarian, Kakale. Kakale called yesterday to say that goats had gotten into her yard and eaten all the blooms on the flowers that she and I had carefully dug up and hand carried to her yard when we moved. Ugh!

The Kalahari Khronicle Volume 2 Number 7

Zsa Zsa and husband are no longer Lookers

CNN reported that Zsa Zsa Gabor’s husband Prince Frederick Von Anhalt accidentally glued his eyes shut requiring surgical repair by a Beverly Hills doctor. It apparently was dark and he grabbed his wife’s nail glue instead of eye drops. The prince is 68 years old and has been married to Zsa Zsa for 10 years despite the fact that she is now 93 and 25 years older than her husband. Zsa Zsa’s daughter reports that her Mother also suffered an eye injury when she mistakenly used “Krazy glue” on her eyelashes shortly after the marriage.

Kgosi’s Komment—It is apparent that this couple goes to great lengths not to look at each other. Kgosi cannot come up with even one good reason why people should be keeping Krazy glue on their bedroom nightstand.

Police search for Moron

KUSA TV in Denver report that Aurora police are searching for a man whom they say has a history of violence and has attacked his wife in the past. 35-year-old Joseph Moron is wanted for investigation of stalking, second-degree kidnapping, second-degree assault, first-degree burglary, and numerous counts of violating a restraining order. He is described by police as a 5’9” white man weighing about 208 pounds with brown eyes and brown hair. They say he is known to frequent the area of Iliff Avenue in Aurora.

Kgosi’s Komment—Since grade school, Joseph has been doing his best to avoid using his last name and even pretending it is not so. Kgosi has it on good authority that Joseph obtained many of these legal charges after sequentially assaulting the post man and then his wife. The mail carrier knocked on the door and asked “Do Morons live here?” To which he replied “No we are the Smart people.” The post man replied “Are you sure you are a Smart person, because I got all this mail addressed to Morons at this address.”

“For the third time this week I am telling you I am not a moron.” He decked the postman and slammed the door. His wife witnessed this and realized she was not going to get any more mail “Joseph, you’re a Moron. You’ve been a Moron all your life and after I married you I became a Moron. Now you are not only a moron, you’re an idiot.” Shortly thereafter he pushed her to the floor and his wife obtained the first of a series of restraining orders which Joseph promptly violated. When dragged back into court the judge told him that this restraining order was plain and simple. He said only a Moron could violate an order that was this plain and simple. Joseph then assumed the court order did not apply to him and again violated the restraining order.

Kgosi hopes they catch this moron before Kgosi returns to Denver in June.

No, we have not fallen off the edge of the earth, but it has been an exceptionally busy time. First and foremost we have changed our residence, moving from one side of the village of Ramotswa to the other. You may or may not be aware that we had been having problems with theft at our house. It’s a long story and I won’t go into all details, however after the most recent one involving Kopo’s purse, Peace Corps decided that we “had” to move. Actually, if it had been left to us we probably would have stayed since we had secured the house from further incidents and the most likely things to be taken (computers, DVDs, cell phones and other electronic equipment) were already gone. I also didn’t want to leave my garden and we both didn’t want to go through the hassle of packing everything for just four months. There was no choice though and the district gave us two options to consider; one a freestanding house very similar to the one we were already in which had not been occupied for about six months, and the other, a 2nd story apartment in a relatively new fourplex. Once we looked at each, it was clear that the apartment was the better option. Normally I don’t think of apartments as being particularly spacious but this one is – even larger than our old house. It is on the second floor and therefore much less open to theft. Once we decided, the whole process moved rather quickly (almost astonishingly fast for Botswana.) We were packed up and moved in about three days. I have attached some pictures of the new place. It’s really quite civilized and almost doesn’t feel like Africa. Kopo and I quickly got things settled and put up our wall hangings to make it feel like home. The apartment is closer to work and now only an eight minute walk to the office. It is on the side of town that is closer to the main road so it is just a brief walk to the bus stop if we need to go to the capital city. It will do nicely for our remaining time here.

Shortly after we moved in we took our planned leave to join family members (my parents, our two daughters, their husbands, our granddaughter, and my brother) for a delightful cruise in the Western Mediterranean. We left out of Barcelona and went to two of the Canary Islands, Madeira (a Portuguese island), through the Strait of Gibraltar and on to Malaga in Spain before returning to Barcelona. It was a wonderful trip and most of all a happy family reunion. We were supposed to stop in Morocco where we hoped to meet up with our former Peace Corps director who had been transferred there, but because of unrest in the country, the stops in Morocco were cancelled by the cruise line. The level of unrest was nowhere near that in Tunisia or Egypt but as always, the cruise lines are quite conservative about any perceived dangers.

On the last day of the trip, Kopo and I both picked up a vicious upper respiratory infection which I’m afraid we passed on to most of the family. Fortunately their course seems to have been more benign than ours and they are mostly recovered. I in particular, have been really knocked for a loop by this. It’s the strongest and most long lasting virus I can remember in a long time. It is now 16 days since it started and I finally think it is going away.

As Paul Simon says Maureen "hung another year on the line" on March 19th. We celebrated with a cake and small party at her school attended by a number of her teacher/administrator colleagues, followed by a dinner of tacos and wine at home. (Tacos are about as "special" as we can prepare here, since we both like it and Mexican food is rare to non-existent).

Last week we had the Peace Corps formal “Close of Service” conference for 3 days. Although we still have approximately 3 months left in country, this conference needs to occur because there are many pieces of protocol (paperwork, medical and dental exams, closure and transfer of projects we have started, as well as packing up and dispersing our belongings) that need to be done before mid-June. The conference itself was quite helpful in bringing to light the issues that need attention as well as saying some goodbyes. We will see some of our colleagues who are close by to Ramotswa before we leave, but we will not see many of the people who are in the northern and western parts of country, many 10 hours by bus from us. We have had a particularly close-knit group of volunteers and some will remain life-long friends. There was a formal luncheon with many Botswana dignitaries, PC staff, all the volunteers and their Botswana counterparts on Tuesday. I got to give a speech partially in Setswana and partially in English celebrating the 50th anniversary of Peace Corps which occurs this year and the 40th anniversary of Peace Corps” in Botswana. (See below)

We still have much activity at our various worksites and secondary projects to complete before we leave, the most notable of which is again teaching the mental health module at the University of Botswana medical school which will last a month during May. Nonetheless as might be expected, our thoughts and discussions have begun to focus on coming home and “what’s next.” No firm decisions have been made other than the fact that we are coming back to Denver in late June. We plan to take the months of July, August and September to get resettled.

A happy American Valentine couple

Dancing the night away

Four strong women – From Left to Right-- the former head of the Home-based care department, my boss – the district AIDS coordinator, the Kgosi of our village (the only female paramount chief in Botswana), and the lovely Kopo

Our winning couple flanked by the MC

Valentine’s Day

Some holidays are quite international and Valentine’s Day is one that is celebrated in Botswana in much the same way as it is in the States. We decided at last year’s planning session to have an event that we called “Love Fest” to celebrate couples, faithfulness, and to encourage couples testing for HIV. It has been really interesting to watch this event develop from just an idea, to planning, and eventually to implementation. As you can see from the pictures below, it was a real success. There were 175 people in attendance and approximately 40 couples. We had inspirational talk by a Reverend who is also a radio personality, music for dancing with a DJ, gifts for the couples and a competition to discover “The most Honored Couple in the Southeast District.” I emceed this part and had all the couples stand. Then depending on how long they had been together, each couple sat down until the longest lasting, most faithful couple were the only ones standing. Because I wanted to make sure that a couple from Botswana won the competition, I kept Kopo and me out of the running. As it turns out we wouldn’t have won and would have come in second, as the winning couple had been together for 41 years compared to our 39+. We gave the lady a dozen roses and a man a red Valentine tie. They were simply overjoyed to receive the recognition and cheers of the Kgosi, their friends and neighbors. We finished up with a meal and more dancing. It is an event that will surely be repeated in the coming years.

Culture Collage

Sometimes a single day’s activities can encompass many aspects of a country’s culture all in one. Our trek this weekend with the teachers from Maureen school did just that.

About three weeks ago it was announced by the staff development coordinator at the school that there would be a trip to visit the National Rhino Sanctuary on February 18. While this sounded like a great idea, at least for Kopo and I, it was met with a lot of scepticism since in over a year and a half there had never been any successful activity off the school grounds for the staff (Unfortunately the Ministry of Education is one of the most disorganized and underfunded departments in the government, and funding for anything that is not absolutely essential is as scarce as hen’s teeth).

Nevertheless earlier this week (only two days before we were supposed to leave) the trip was confirmed and the details announced:

We were to leave school at 3 PM on Friday for the six hour trek to Serowe where the Sanctuary is located. The departure time was a bit strange since school was in session until 4:30 but nonetheless, we arrived at the school at five minutes before three. We sat and sat with a number of other teachers mostly between the ages of 25-40. There was a 16 seat minibus parked there, but no one knew where the keys were because no one could find the driver. Even if the keys were located this bus would not be able to accommodate the 23 people who were supposed to attend.

From past experience, the following odds were now in effect:

40% that we would cancel the entire trip for lack of transportation

40% that we would attempt to squeeze 23 people into a 16 person bus

20% that some miracle would occur to provide other transportation

Lo and behold at four clock on a Friday afternoon the administrative assistant managed to obtain another 16 passenger minibus and a driver to work overtime. Will wonders never cease!

Now the only problem was there still were no keys for the first minibus. The organizer of the trip, Mr. Moseki wanted to call the driver but the driver did not have a cell phone. He eventually called the driver’s wife who said she also could not contact the driver because he did not have a cell phone. She suggested that the driver’s mother be contacted so Mr. M. drove over to the mother’s house who directed them to a neighbor where the driver was located. It is still mysterious as to why the driver was totally across town with the bus keys one hour after he was supposed to start driving the group.

Eventually two minibuses and two drivers left the school grounds at 5:20 with the expected two hour and 20 minute delay from the announced departure time. It now became apparent that we also had to pick up several more teachers in various towns along the way which further delayed us. Oh yes, I forgot to mention the plan was to stay one night in Serowe, visit two game parks and return via another six-hour drive the very next day.

Even though we were supposed to have a braai (BBQ) awaiting us in Serowe, several of the teachers insisted on stopping for food and proceeded to queue up for Nando’s chicken which took approximately 45 minutes. We eventually arrived in Serowe at 15 minutes to midnight at which time the braai started with steaks on a wood fire.

Patrick, the student intern from a local university had started to hit the sauce in the other bus very soon after departure, so by the time we arrived in Serowe, he was several cans on the wrong side of two six packs. He decided that we were one of the only couples who would talk to him so he came over and began a relatively nonstop one-sided conversation. He said that although he was teaching business skills he really wanted to start his own business in Sales and he could sell anything including “selling a fridge to an Eskimo.”

Several of the patrons of the establishment where we were eating were also somewhat under the influence and decided to come over and pick up one of the female teachers. Gallantly, Patrick went to defend her honor and they had a somewhat heated conversation after which the two fellows went away. Patrick look quite pleased with himself and I told Kopo “I think Patrick sold them a refrigerator.”

We all eventually had steak, paleche (a white starchy, rather tasteless blob and chockalacka (a spicy vegetable mixture). As usual, there were no utensils and we ate with our fingers somewhat hurriedly as the establishment needed to close in order to not violate national alcohol laws. We eventually vacated and went to our sleeping accommodations at 12:30.

As is usually the case, Kopo and I were treated exceptionally, almost as dignitaries and instead of the dormitory accommodations; we were taken to Mr. M’s family residence to sleep. Mr. Moseki’s mother dutifully woke up and warmly welcomed us to her home even though she had obviously been sound asleep. We were scheduled to have our game drive at the Sanctuary beginning at 6 AM and had to leave the house by 4:45 so we got about four hours sleep. Again, Mr M.’s mother was up to see us off and obviously delighted to have us.

Apparently, we had been advised that we also had up to bring our own transportation to ride around the Sanctuary so a third school vehicle made the trip. It was a flatbed truck with 18 inch high side panels and a steel framework which served as both a roll bar and a place to hang on so we wouldn’t fall out. We all stood in the back of the truck for the next three hours as we bounced over rough roads and watched animals in the wild. It was truly inspiring to see the animals in their natural habitat. We saw many of the 37 rhinoceros in the park as well as giraffes, elands, oryx, warthogs and zebras.

We got back to our various locations in town about 10 AM and many of the teachers were insisting on “bathing.” It was also now noticed that the two minivans were shortly to run out of diesel fuel and since they were government vehicles they could only be refuelled at government stations. When it was discovered that the government station in Serowe had no fuel, Mr. Moseki. decided that the 2 Buses Should drive to the next government fuel station which was an hour and a quarter away and then come back to pick up the passengers who would have by that time ”bathed.” Somehow it never seemed to be a good idea to have people ”bath” in 20 to 30 minutes and then drive in the buses back to the fuel station which we had to pass in order to return.

In any case, the buses took off and we went back to Mr. Moseki’s house where we crashed for a 30 minute nap, “bathed” and spent a delightful morning talking to his parents. Mrs Moseki had been a primary school teacher who had been rewarded by the government for her 38 year longevity in the school system. His father was a farmer who worked the lands not far from Serowe. From the house and furnishings, it was clear that they were above average means. They spoke and understood English excellently and were obviously quite proud of their son who was our tour leader. The buses, now refuelled, returned three hours later and we ultimately left at 1:30 in the afternoon, supposedly to visit another game park and make the six-hour return trip.

Our flatbed truck had started on ahead several hours before. Some two hours into the journey to the second park, we came upon the truck pulled over to the side of the road at a police roadblock and the driver in a heated conversation with several police officers. It turned out that the police officers had pulled the truck over to the side in a random check and demanded to see the government log book which every government vehicle has to have, documenting each trip no matter how long or how short. The truck’s logbook was unfortunately incomplete as the driver had not sought out Mr. Moseki to sign it for the drive from Serowe and therefore was in the eyes of the police, quite illegal and perhaps even stolen. Mr. Moseki. got out and as he described it “had to beg” to ultimately get them to release the truck.

We continued the journey stopping for lunch approximately 3 PM. We all piled into a small “take away” establishment and ordered the only food they had --which was a Styrofoam plate of Seswa and fat cakes. Seswa is spiced shredded and pounded beef which is actually quite tasty (Think Arby’s without the sauce). Fat cakes are snowball sized masses of deep-fried dough which are very tasty but travel immediately from your mouth to those locations on your body where you would least like to have them reside. Kopo and I had a Diet Coke along with our finger-fed meal and not surprisingly, the beverage cost as much as the entire rest of the lunch.

Fortified, we moved on and arrived at the park destination at 5:30, an hour after it closed but Mr. M. was determined and send there would be “hell to pay “if he did not show up for the appointment he had made with the park rangers. So after some haggling it was agreed that we could go out to the park. We drove approximately 8 miles on back roads to reach the park, met the rangers who were heading back to the office, but turned back. We then transferred into a small Jeep- like vehicle with an open bed in back and again a steel framework onto which we could hold to keep from falling out.

Patrick, who had continued his drinking ways on the return trip, asked the park rangers if they had a beer. They looked at him as if he was a refugee from Swaziland and piled us all into the vehicle. Obviously they were not happy at having to work at this hour so they took off like a bat out of hell with us standing in the back of the vehicle. The park itself was a large ranch which was enclosed by a high fence and we travelled the perimeter at breakneck speed often rounding the corners skidding through the sand and dirt, most of the time on four wheels but sometimes seemingly on two. I won’t say it was terrifying, but I did on two occasions try to text Liberty Mutual to see if I could reinstate my life insurance policy.

As we careened around the park, we would have to duck very 15 or 20 yards to avoid being scraped by overhanging Acacia trees. One female teacher at the front of the enclosure where we were standing kept demonstrating the roller coaster “Look Ma no hands posture”. One of the other female teachers kept saying “I like the spirit, I like the spirit.” Patrick looked somewhat ashen and as if he needed another beer. On several occasions the drivers would stop short to avoid driving into a pothole. There was no warning of course, so all of us standing in the back would pile into each other in a mass of humanity looking like clowns in the circus. For this ride, the total viewing experience consisted of five ostriches and a 15 second view of some gemsboks which are a grey antelopes that were supposedly only present at this location.

Having circumnavigated the entire park we returned to the flatbed as a beautiful African sunset of blue, orange and salmon was gradually sinking over the horizon. It was a beautifully warm African evening and we all were giving thanks for having survived the Jeep ride. Patrick decided to climb onto the front railing of a truck and do his best “standing –on- the- prow- of- the- Titanic” imitation but Mr. Moseki scolded him and he sulked back to the rear of the truck like a forlorn puppy.

We arrived back at the buses as the sunset and we began the rest of the journey home. Although none of the teachers besides Mr. Moseki would ever conceive, plan, or implement such a journey, they could be heard grousing about his organizational abilities behind his back. Eventually, we arrived in Ramotswa about 11 PM—tired but filled with many tales of a memorable experience.

One day last week, as I entered information into a PowerPoint for District workers and watched the rain furiously pelting outside my tiny caravan office. It has been raining almost continuously for the past 3 to 4 weeks. The country's rivers are running over their banks with dams strained to contain the waters. Several of the waterways have flooded into fields, houses, and roadways. Our National Day of Service is the next day. Ramotswa government workers are to be taken for our project to farm fields near the Ramotswa River which forms the boundary between Botswana and South Africa.We spent the day pulling up drowned and rotted vegetables and fruits. It was hot and tiring but we all worked side-by-side. As I am up to my elbows in rotted watermelons, an old, brown toothed Botswana man came up and said, "Where you from?" "America” I say. "You own this farm?" “No, I am just here to help. I am an American Peace Corps worker.” "Oooooooh!” A big smile.I think maybe I am finally getting this Peace Corps thing. It's showing the world America and Americans one PowerPoint, one person, and one rotten watermelon at a time.

[Reader, pause at this point for a minute. I think this story is what we are all about here….]

As is always the case in Africa though, there is more to the story. So as Paul Harvey used to say, “Now for page TWO!”After we finished the morning's work, the District sent out its brand-new, 60 passenger Marco Polo bus to pick us up (nice touch as we are all hot and tired). Within five minutes the driver has managed to get the bus stuck in the mud. Despite the protests of those present, he continued to spin his wheels as the bus sunk further and further into the muck. It is now totally buried to the running board and hopelessly mired. The driver then decided it a good time to try to open the pneumatic passenger door. When he did so, he got the door open 3 inches, stuck in the mud and broke it. He then climbed out of one of the passenger windows at the top of the bus, jumped to the ground and looked helplessly at the situation. On his face is one of those smiles unique to the Batswana people when they have screwed up. I have never seen anyone elsewhere in the world have one like it. In my opinion, the smile looks is a cross between Alfred E. Neuman and the Mona Lisa.After about 30 minutes of standing around, someone decided to retrieve shovels and several people began digging around the wheels. Needless to say, the driver didn't do anything but watch. He appeared mortified, but unable to be part of a solution. After a half hour of digging we were ready to try to push the bus out, although the driver then realized that the door is stuck and he cannot get back into the bus except through an upper window which he cannot reach. More digging to free the door and he was eventually able to get into the driver’s seat. After several tries with everyone pushing the front at full strength. It seems harder than it should be given the man (and woman)power, but we got the bus up to the edge of coming out of the rut. A great cheer erupts only to have the driver take his foot off the gas with the bus sinking back into the muck. What has now been exposed by this effort however is that the mud flap to the drive wheel has become fixed under the wheel so that as the driver tries to back out he is moving up and over his own mud flap (a situation which guaranteed that the bus would never move under its own power). More digging to move the mud flap. Rocks and sticks are put under the wheels for traction. There is much more heaving and pushing with no success. Kgosi tries to tell the bus driver about the concept of "rocking" the stuck vehicle, but the driver looks blankly and cannot seem to understand. Somebody decided to use a cell phone and call for help. Approximately 20 minutes later a few people in uniform arrive, but have no immediate idea how to get the bus out. They make more calls, and it appears there will be an extended delay. At this point Kgosi concluded that there is absolutely nothing further that he can do in this situation and decided to walk back to the office. Halfway through the 2 1/2 mile trek, he sees a puny tow truck heading toward the work site. The vehicle was so small there was absolutely no possibility of it liberating the bus. Is this a great life or what?

To date, the Chronicle has been able to resist the temptation to increase circulation by publishing lewd photographs and risqué articles on sex or drug-fuelled orgies. Unlike the Enquirer and the London tabloids, the Khronicle has only published first rate journalism and high quality....um......news. That being said, all things must change. Our circulation is down -- one of our two subscribers is threatening to cancel and begin subscribing to the KwaZulu Natal Kourrier-- a real sensationalistic rag if Kgosi has ever seen one. They even publish pictures of animals without any clothes on, which we would never intentionally do. (On advice of counsel however. Kgosi will not comment on the lawsuit filed by the Palin family. It is truly unfortunate that the April 27, 2010 edition showed Sarah’s captioned picture which was erroneously replaced with the image of a male warthog.) Therefore threatened with the distinct possibility of decreased revenue, we present our carefully craftedand tastefully designed "Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll Issue."

The Editor Speaks

Kgosi’s desk has been filled with scads of letters about our last publication in which Kgosi openly admitted a brief “relationship” with an orangutan. Alright already, there were only two letters, but he made 134 copies of each one, so his desk is filled, and according to Wikipedia, 134 constitute a “scad.” The first letter may not be totally relevant since it was dated 1957 and the return address was:

J. Fred Muggs30 Rockefeller PlazaNew York New York

For those of you of a certain vintage -- which means any of you who are older than dirt--J. Fred Muggs was the chimpanzee on the Dave Garroway “Today” show from 1953-1957. Fred was fired after it was found that he had a higher audience approval rating than Dave. Fred has been long since deceased, so it appears that this was a dead letter mis-delivery. Out of reverence for those who have passed on, the letter was not opened. Plainly visible on the back however, was the scrawled message—“Dave, you will always be the love of my life, Your loving Freddie—Poo.” It is interesting to note the timing of this Muggs correspondence, just two weeks after the publication by the Terre Haute, Indiana Gazette Telegraph’s front page exclusive:

“Under a grant from MENSA, researchers at Valparaiso University recently received permission from New York authorities to reveal the long sought IQ test results on J. Fred Muggs, the lovable chimp on the Today show. Results of the monkey’s intelligence testing reveal that his score was significantly higher than the combined IQ scores of Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck.”

Mr Limbaugh has had no comment on the story since he has apparently again entered drug rehab.

The second letter is somewhat more relevant and arrived yesterday. The return address was:

D. ChainlinkCardiac Intensive Care UnitLittle Sisters of the Incredibly Wealthy HospitalLocation -- Classified for Reasons of National Defense.

The letter reads:

"Dear Cozy, Crappy, Condi or whatever you call yourself: You are a tree hugging, African sympathizing, animal crusading, slant-eyed, Commie Pinko, no good excuse for a publisher. I read the latest issue of the Khronicle and I am totally disgusted. The fact that you would admit to even knowing an orangutan breaks all bounds of compassionate conservatism. As soon as I receive my heart transplant and I can find a partner who is willing to go hunting with me, I am heading to Africa on safari to shoot those crummy primates. We have confidential intelligence that the baboons are building up a uranium stockpile and the Chinks...I mean chimps... have Weapons of Mass of Destruction. I just found out that the damn gorillas are using poison gas to kill our brave men and women overseas—matter of fact, I am just starting to read a book all about that stuff—”Gorillas in the Mist.” Anyway, if the hunting safari doesn’t do the job, George and me will just nuke the whole continent.

I am enclosing the results of an highly acclaimed scientific survey from a renown journal in the UK, England, or whatever else they call that place over there. It serves to backup my thinking about you animal lovers. A survey from the Limey’s is believable since they were the only ones who blindly obey........er...... were loyal enough to be our partners in “The Great War” to liberate the Oil reserv...............Iraqi People. So read it and weep.

Proud to be a gun carrying Patriot

D. ChainlinkYale class of ’63 (at least that’s when I would have graduated if I hadn’t flunked out and began drilling in Wyoming)

Kgosi feels obligated to respond to this letter and defend the honor of his beloved Bobo the orangutan.

Dear Mr. Chainlink: First and foremost, you have obviously accepted the premise, instigated by Interpol, that my relationship with Bobo was more than purely platonic. Bobo and I have a close, chaste bond that will never be defiled.The research which you enclose is a study done by the “renowned” journal Lifestyle News and funded by BioRepair toothpaste dated January 26, 2011 in which a poll of 1045 English adults stated that their biggest concern after having sex with a new partner is that they would wake up and smell their partner's bad breath. Other common fears were "awkward silences, being stood up on a date or that your partner needed deodorant.” As an aside, Kgosi feels that if you fall over on the date, you deserve everything you get).

Louise Fair, a representative of BioRepair today was quoted as saying “It was surprising just how fearful Brits are of having morning breath in front of a new partner, especially as this came in as more embarrassing than being naked in front of a new partner.” (Kgosi--It also serves as a not-so-subtle reminder to bring a tube of BioRepair whenever you stay overnight.)

Beyond having totally misconstrued Kgosi’s relationship with Bobo, he must also educate you about dealing with primates in general--

Number one--There is no fear at all in being naked in front of a primate since they are always nude.Number two--Morning breath is not a consideration given that they smell like bananas from morning til night. Number three--Lack of deodorant is not a problem since Avon introduced the body wash fragrance " Eau de Tree.” Number four--Bobo has never fallen over on a date, and unlike some other humans, she has never shot one of her hunting partners. I do wish however that I was able to cure her of the habit of repetitively picking at my underarms.

In closing, I wish you well in your quest for a new heart Mr Chainlink. I strongly suggest that you also discuss with your surgeon the possibility of a total radical personality transplant. I understand that medical science is doing remarkable things these days. You could receive considerable improvement from an infusion of even small bits of tissue taken from great gun- toting, freedom-loving African patriots like Muammar Gaddafi and Idi Amin.

Research Gone Awry

Proceedings in the American Academy of Science this month report a study done by Cornell University researcher Sean Myles and his co-workers who investigated the crossbreeding habits of grapes. In the article published on January 24, 2011, he trumpets that "Lack of Sex among Grapes tangle the Family Vine.” Dr. Myles developed a gene chip that tests the genetic variation among grapes and much to his surprise found that, “75% of all grapes varieties were related as close as parent to child and brother to sister. Previously we've thought there were several families of grapes but now we have found that all the families are interconnected and there is one large family.”

Kgosi’s Komment-- Kgosi thinks the outcome of this study showing that all the families were closely interconnected might have been totally different if Dr. Myles had not gathered all his grape samples from the backwaters of Kentucky and the hills of Tennessee. Since he was once affiliated with this esteemed institution, Kgosi also cannot decide if it is most appropriate to be totally outraged that Dr. Myles received funding to study the sexual peccadilloes of Cabernet Sauvignon, or whether Kgosi should resubmit his previously rejected doctoral thesis at Cornell-- "An In-depth Analysis of the Mating Habits of Socially Awkward Rutabagas.”

DON'T MAKE AN ASH OF YOURSELF

Sheriff’s deputies in Miami Florida report that burglars snorted the remains of a man and two dogs in the mistaken belief they had stolen illegal drugs. The ashes were stolen in two urns from a woman’s home in Silver Springs Shores on December 15th. When 5 teens were arrested in connection with a different burglary in a nearby home, it was learned by authorities that the suspects snorted the ash thinking it was cocaine, when in fact it was the charred remains of the woman’s father and two Great Danes. Sheriff's spokesman Judge Cochran said, “Once they realized their error, the suspects discussed returning the remaining ashes but threw them in a lake instead because they thought their fingerprints were on the containers.”

Kgosi’s Komment—Although the Botswana constitution is silent on the issue of making a chaw out of bat guano or Great Dane meat, this heinous Florida error would never happen here since there are very stiff penalties for eating, chewing, smoking or snorting anything that is left of Mom, Dad, Grannie or Gramps.

Kgosi

As promised, here are some pictures of last month's Community Service project--building a sustainable garden for a needy family to use as food and sell for support.

Like all activities in Botswana, it is started with a prayer

A lot of sun and not much shade

OK these furrows are now EXACTLY 27 centimeters apart

The irrigation system

Kgosi resting

Erecting the shade cover

Next Friday and monthly thereafter, there will be another project, but we don't know the nature of it until that day

As in all of Botswana, everyone goes home and stops working from mid-December until mid- January. It is really quite amazing, as offices are closed or work with skeleton staffs. A lot of the government employees take extended leave time, as much as five or six weeks if they have accumulated it. We at the Khronicle wanted to be culturally sensitive so we stopped publishing for a while.

Okay........ okay.......... for purposes of transparency and full disclosure, the paper did not come out because Kgosi was just recently released from a Swedish prison where he had been feloniously incarcerated on a trumped up charge of having "carnal knowledge" of two underage primates. As Kgosi repeatedly told the Interpol authorities, he never knew the first orangutan and in the second case, the bar was dark and with a face like that, who was to know she was only 17? Kgosi is quite aware that this whole charade is politically motivated after the Khronicle released a cable suggesting that one of the Palins was moving to Arizona to escape a failed relationship with a Kodiak bear. Furthermore, the cable suggested that the bear was a Democratic committee chairman.

Happily however, the Khronicle is back online and is pleased to present its New Year's edition:

The Cruellest Cut of AllFrom the Associated Press, police in Lincoln, Nebraska say a woman tried to slice a tattoo of her name off her boyfriend's neck. Captain Anthony Butler told the Lincoln Journal Star that the 19-year-old woman and her 30-year-old boyfriend got into a dispute around 6:40 PM on Friday and that's when she tried to cut off the tattoo. Butler said the boyfriend suffered only minor injuries.

Kgosi’s Komment-- Fortunately, no one has ever attacked Kgosi in this way. However while in the Swedish prison cell after drinking with the orangutan, Kgosi did try diligently to use his toothbrush to scratch off the tattoo he had received which said "Kgosi loves Bobo”

Don't Inhale, Don't Tell

In Colorado Springs Colorado, 23-year-old Pfc. Darius Thomas, 22-year-old Pvt. Corey Young and 22-year-old Pfc. Remone Hollins were arrested, accused of breaking into a Colorado medical marijuana dispensary and then accidentally locking themselves inside. They told the police that they plan to "destroy the marijuana -- not smoke or sell it." Officers say they were on an unrelated call at a nearby business about 2 AM when they heard someone banging on the glass inside the dispensary. Although it is not clear if any marijuana was used while the three were inside the dispensary, the Colorado Springs Gazette reports a police affidavit which says that two of the three Fort Carson soldiers told officers they were trying to steal the marijuana so they “could get rid of it.”

Kgosi’s Komment—Yeah Rrriiight. Kgosi believed their alibi until he found out that when checking into the slammer, all three soldiers independently said they needed a special diet consisting solely of brownies, Twinkies and Rocky Road ice cream

Do I really need to know this?

A research report in the British Journal of Cancer section on "New Medical Findings" details a new study showing that men whose index finger was longer than the fourth finger of the right hand were less likely to develop prostate cancer. Finger length is determined before birth and believed to be the result of hormonal influences. Too much testosterone apparently shortens your index finger and appears to raise the risk of prostate cancer.

Kgosi’s Komments-- First off, who thinks up these ridiculous studies? And even if someone comes up with the idea of measuring the length of your fingers, what organization gives you a gazillion dollars to perform the study with a ruler and your medical files?In any case, Kgosi believes that there is a totally different explanation for the results of this study that has nothing to do with testosterone. Namely, the participants studied included an unusual number of proctologists. As might be expected, proctologists have some of the longest index fingers in health care and are the only ones capable of giving self-administered rectal exams. Now if you can check the size and shape of your prostate whenever the mood strikes you, of course you are going to pick up abnormalities earlier and improve your prognosis. Kgosi’s motto for the 21st century— Go Digit-al!

Ya’ think?

The Associated Press reports the story of a 28-year-old Janesville Minnesota man who thought he was doing a good deed when he gave a 70-year-old neighbor a ride to a Minnesota bank. But police say the woman robbed the bank and the man was her unsuspecting getaway driver. The man told the Free Press of Mankato that he thought the woman, who rents an apartment from his mother, was going to the bank to withdraw cash. Instead employees of the Elysian State Bank reported Wednesday that an "elderly woman" told the teller she had gun, demanded money and left with an undisclosed amount of cash. Police stopped the car and took both persons into custody before determining the woman had acted alone. The Star Tribune also reported the woman had a hammer but no gun. She's in jail pending charges

Kgosi’s Komment-- This man, who remains nameless in this story-- perhaps for good reason because he is a dolt-- should probably have suspected that something was up. How often does your 70-year-old neighbor show up for a ride wearing a ski mask and bulletproof vest? The real tipoff however should've been when the woman handed him a note which on one side said "Take me to the Elysian State Bank" and on the other it said "Give me all your money. I have a hammer--no a gun.”

Thanks Mom

Police in Athens Georgia were seeking a man accused of breaking into elementary school. The officers responded to an alarm and arrived in time to see a man running through the cafeteria and out the back door. They failed to catch the man but he dropped his cell phone as he ran. According to the report, officers picked up the phone, searched the contact list and then called a number marked "Ma." They say a woman who answered gave the police her son's name.

Kgosi’s Komment-- This must be becoming a common police technique as the Janesville police apprehended the Minnesota Grandma bandit mentioned above in the same fashion. She apparently left her cell phone in the car on the way home. When the authorities searched the contact list, they did not have any luck with the first listing which was AARP. The second number was to the Alzheimer's support group. The person on the other end wasn't sure, but said "Maybe she’s the one who keeps calling up our number and saying, ‘Is that you Henry? "They struck pay dirt however with the third number. In the previous two weeks Grandma had made four urgent calls to the Urinary Incontinence Crisis Hotline. The worker said, "I'm sure it’s her. She's the geezer who keeps calling and saying ‘My pants are soaking wet. What are you bozos going to do about it?”After being placed in her cell, Grandma now has a lawsuit pending against the Janesville police for failing to provide all inmates with Maximum Strength Depends.

Kgosi

When you are far away from family, it is nice to celebrate the holiday with the PC family. There is one fancy hotel in the Capital, the Grand Palm, (think the Westin or Fairmount with manicured grounds). Forty one of us gathered for the BOTS 8 second annual "Christmas at the Palm" gathering on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Poolside connections, playing cards and some adult beverages made for a great afternoon, followed by dinner at an Indian restaurant (we were the sole diners). Breakfast brunch in the morning and more pool time was well worth breaking the bank of our $250 monthly PC stipends. We all departed back to our villages or in some cases off to another part of Africa for trekking. From Dec 15-January 15, the whole country virtually shuts down, as all the Batswana return to their families, so it is a good time to see the sights. Merry Christmas all! Outside the restaurant

Christmas Eve Indian food

Chilling poolside

When it is 90 plus, the pool is just the ticket.

Kgosi and Kopo

It may appear that the Palm was wishing to depict Santa lowering himself down the chimney with a rope. However to the American view, we believe that Santa seems to have put the rope around his neck and has become seriously suicidal. There is only one comment to be made--"Santa, No. The kids are depending on you. Don't kick away the chair!"

Kgosi

Friday was designated the first Botswana National Day of Service. All work places were to organize and carry out a day-long service project for the underprivileged in their Districts. Here, we came up with two projects: Plant fruit trees in Mogobane and Build a self-sustaining garden for a needy family in Ramotswa.

As the day progressed, it exemplified some of the traits of the Batswana--both the good and the irritating. Seventy people showed up, were divided into two groups and were transported to the sites. In Ramotswa, the site was just across town from our house and was a large (65’ by 30’) plot that was hardpan and choked with weeds.

Immediately, everyone took pitchforks, shovels, rakes, pick axes and a wheelbarrow to dig up the ground and pull out the weeds. People of all shapes, sizes and levels of responsibility were there---department heads, secretaries, drivers, land board members, district counselors, the DAC office staff, people from the library, veterinary services, agriculture and others. The outfits were also quite varied, from jeans and work clothes to fancy office wear. Footwear included flip flops, sandals, athletic shoes, high heels and dress pumps. A few folks came in jackets or sweaters even though it was into the high 80’s by 8 AM. Together, we dug, shoveled, raked and cleared for the first 2 1/2 hours and had the ground looking presentably overturned as the temperature climbed.

Two incidents stood out:

I kept hearing the sound of sloshing water, even though the area was as dry as a bone. I eventually figured out that the sound was coming from a young Botswana lad wearing mid-calf high rubber boots inside which was water. When I asked, he said he was keeping his ‘feet cool.” Several hours later, I saw him take the boots off to reveal feet that looked pale and waterlogged. He then dumped the water into a flower bed (Never waste water in the desert!).

After 2 1/2 hours without stopping, I was sweat-drenched, over-cooked with the sun and out of breath. I went over to an empty plastic chair in the shade and plopped myself down in a heap. Several minutes later, the Council Secretary, a 40-ish year old woman, dressed in an olive green business suit and high heels came over and said, “That’s my chair.”

Never before has Kgosi cold-cocked a lady in high heels.

OK--- It wasn't really a one-punch knock out. She was still conscious after the left hook.

In retrospect, I would have liked to have said, “Yes Mma. (huff-puff) Give me a minute, Mma. (huff- puff). You know it would be nice to share the chairs and the shade with those of us who are actually working." Whatever I said seemed to prod her a bit to do a few tasks later in the morning.

Once the ground was cleared, we began digging raised dirt rows, two feet wide alternating with furrows. They were laid out with a rope line, perfectly straight, perfectly groomed and raked flat. The Batswana penchant for precision even got to the point where several beds that had not been arranged with the rope line, were re-dug and moved slightly because they weren’t quite evenly spaced. Since it was now well into the mid-90’s temperature wise, I wanted to say, “Hey guys and gals, this is dirt, not micro circuitry.”

A rubber tubing, surface drip watering system was built, mostly by Mr. Sloshy Galoshes. Others of us shoveled fire ash into the soil as fertilizer. Gum poles (twelve feet high and three inches in diameter) were erected over one portion of the garden and shade netting was fixed into place. By the time it was all finished with plantings put in, it was fit for Home and Garden magazine. (Pictures will be posted on the blog at the end of the week.) The garden will provide food for the next door family and sufficient extra vegetables to sell for income. Not bad for one day’s work--giving a family an indefinite supply of food and source of self-sufficiency.

Peace Corps Goal 1—Providing assistance to people of other countries. Check

Peace Corps Goal 2—Helping people of other countries understand American culture. Check

Peace Corps Goal 3—Helping Americans understand other cultures. Blog posted. Check

Best Compliment of 2010

After two hours of heavy digging, one of the young strong Batswana fellows came over to me and said, “When this started, I saw you and said to myself—‘Aieesh…What is an old white guy going to be able to do?’ --but you really work hard.”

As a patient of mine once told me, “I can live for three months on one good compliment.”

Kgosi

I HAVE FIXED THE PROBLEM WITH POSTINGS, SO I AM RE-POSTING THE LAST THREE WHICH WERE COMPLETED OVER THE PAST MONTH.

KIP

____________________________________________________________________

As always, times are busy. The first 4 photos are from our Peace Corps get-together for Thanksgiving. About 35 PCV's and a variety of other international folks. Even managed turkey, stuffing and all the fixins'

Hard to see in this picture, but this tiny dog ran off with a giant turkey leg. I tried to get close enough to get a good shot, but he was not going to let me anywhere near his prize and his little legs kept pumping until he was out of sight.

OK guys--the PC ladies are stunning.

I invited some of the neighbor boys over to learn how to play checkers. They were delighted as board games are a rare treat here. The next day we took a piece of paper and red and black markers to make their own board. Matching beer bottle caps served as playing pieces to complete the set. You could even make kings.

These are all from World AIDS Day in the village of Mogobane--a real Kgosi

The Police College Choir

The energy of traditional dancers

For some reason, several of my recent posts are not getting sent to the members list. I am re-posting with apologies to anyone who has alreasdy received it.

As always, times are busy. The first 4 photos are from our Peace Corps get-together for Thanksgiving. About 35 PCV's and a variety of other international folks. Even managed turkey, stuffing and all the fixins'

Hard to see in this picture, but this tiny dog ran off with a giant turkey leg. I tried to get close enough to get a good shot, but he was not going to let me anywhere near his prize and his little legs kept pumping until he was out of sight.

OK guys--the PC ladies are stunning.

I invited some of the neighbor boys over to learn how to play checkers. They were delighted as board games are a rare treat here. The next day we took a piece of paper and red and black markers to make their own board. Matching beer bottle caps served as playing pieces to complete the set. You could even make kings.

These are all from World AIDS Day in the village of Mogobane--a real Kgosi

The Police College Choir

The energy of traditional dancers

WQhen you are far away from family, it is nice to celebrate the holiday with thew PC family. There is one fancy hotel in the Capital, the Grand Palm (think the Westin or Fairmount). forty one of us gathered for our second annual Outside the restaurant

Christmas Eve Indian food

Chilling poolside

When it is 90 plus, the pool is just the ticket.

Kgosi and Kopo

It may appear that the Palm was wishing to depicgt Santa lowering himself down the chiminy. However to the American view, we believe that Santa has become seriously suicidal. There ios on one comment--Santa, No. the kids are depending on you. Don't kick away the chair!

Friday was designated the first Botswana National Day of Service. All work places were to organize and carry out a day-long service project for the underprivileged in their Districts. Here, we came up with two projects: Plant fruit trees in Mogobane and Build a self-sustaining garden for a needy family in Ramotswa.

As the day progressed, it exemplified some of the traits of the Batswana--both the good and the irritating. Seventy people showed up, were divided into two groups and were transported to the sites. In Ramotswa, the site was just across town from our house and was a large (65’ by 30’) plot that was hardpan and choked with weeds.

Immediately, everyone took pitchforks, shovels, rakes, pick axes and a wheelbarrow to dig up the ground and pull out the weeds. People of all shapes, sizes and levels of responsibility were there---department heads, secretaries, drivers, land board members, district counselors, the DAC office staff, people from the library, veterinary services, agriculture and others. The outfits were also quite varied, from jeans and work clothes to fancy office wear. Footwear included flip flops, sandals, athletic shoes, high heels and dress pumps. A few folks came in jackets or sweaters even though it was into the high 80’s by 8 AM. Together, we dug, shoveled, raked and cleared for the first 2 1/2 hours and had the ground looking presentably overturned as the temperature climbed.

Two incidents stood out:

I kept hearing the sound of sloshing water, even though the area was as dry as a bone. I eventually figured out that the sound was coming from a young Botswana lad wearing mid-calf high rubber boots inside which was water. When I asked, he said he was keeping his ‘feet cool.” Several hours later, I saw him take the boots off to reveal feet that looked pale and waterlogged. He then dumped the water into a flower bed (Never waste water in the desert!).

After 2 1/2 hours without stopping, I was sweat-drenched, over-cooked with the sun and out of breath. I went over to an empty plastic chair in the shade and plopped myself down in a heap. Several minutes later, the Council Secretary, a 40-ish year old woman, dressed in an olive green business suit and high heels came over and said, “That’s my chair.”

I don’t think ever before has Kgosi cold-cocked a lady in high heels.

OK--- I didn't really knock her out. She was still conscious after the left hook.

In retrospect, I would have liked to have said, “Yes Mma. Give me a minute, Mma. (huff- puff). You know it would be nice to share the chairs with those of us who are working." Whatever I said seemed to prod her a bit to do a few tasks later.

Once the ground was cleared, we began digging raised dirt rows, two feet wide alternating with furrows. They were laid out with a rope line, perfectly straight, perfectly groomed and raked flat. The Batswana penchant for precision even got to the point where several beds that had not been arranged with the rope line, were re-dug and moved slightly because they weren’t quite evenly spaced. Since it was now well into the mid-90’s temperature wise, I wanted to say, “Hey guys and gals, this is dirt, not micro circuitry.”

A rubber tubing, surface drip watering system was built, mostly by Mr. Sloshy Galoshes. Others of us shoveled fire ash into the soil as fertilizer. Gum poles (twelve feet high and three inches in diameter) were erected over one portion of the garden and shade netting was fixed into place. By the time it was all finished with plantings put in, it was fit for Home and Garden magazine. (Pictures will be posted on the blog at the end of the week.) The garden will provide food for the next door family and sufficient extra vegetables to sell for income. Not bad for one day’s work--giving a family an indefinite supply of food and source of self-sufficiency.

Peace Corps Goal 1—Providing assistance to people of other countries. Check

Peace Corps Goal 2—Helping people of other countries understand American culture. Check

Peace Corps Goal 3—Helping Americans understand other cultures. Blog posted. Check

Best Compliment of 2010

After two hours of heavy digging, one of the young strong Batswana fellows came over to me and said, “When this started, I saw you and said to myself—‘Aieesh…What is an old white guy going to be able to do?’ --but you really work hard.”

As a patient of mine once told me, “I can live for three months on one good compliment.”

Kgosi

As always, times are busy. The first 4 photos are from our Peace Corps get-together for Thanksgiving. About 35 PCV's and a variety of other international folks. Even managed turkey, stuffing and all the fixins'

Hard to see in this picture, but this tiny dog ran off with a giant turkey leg. I tried to get close enough to get a good shot, but he was not going to let me anywhere near his prize and his little legs kept pumping until he was out of sight.

OK guys--the PC ladies are stunning.

I invited some of the neighbor boys over to learn how to play checkers. They were delighted as board games are a rare treat here. The next day we took a piece of paper and red and black markers to make their own board. Matching beer bottle caps served as playing pieces to complete the set. You could even make kings.

These are all from World AIDS Day in the village of Mogobane--a real Kgosi

The Police College Choir

The energy of traditional dancers

Some people seem not to have gotten yesterday's post, so I am reposting it--

After several months of poor subscription revenues, the Khronicle was forced to file Chapter 11. After retaining the services of a Big Seven accounting firm, Figures Witno Bases Inc. we were told that our assets were approximately 30 P (47 cents) and our obligations were 239 Pula $34.50. Needless to say, everyday operations could not continue without some serious changes. After a failed attempt to merge with Google, our spirits were down. (I believe the exact quote from the Google representative was "Who the hell are you calling collect from Africa?").

We then tried for a bailout from several agencies including the World Bank, the European Union, and the US Government. The World Bank took the call and told us to fill out the 143 page form in triplicate but said that the likelihood of a loan was very slim, since the price of the phone call was more than the total amount of the loan. The EU just had an answering machine that said “We're too busy. Call back after we finish bailing out Greece, Ireland, and Portugal." When I finally got through to a live flunky in the US government he said "Why should we want to bail you out? You are the worst-run newspaper and all of Southern Africa. We only work with AAA-rated, top flight companies that have excellent business practices such as Bear Stearns, AIG and Countrywide Financial.”

Thus forced into bankrupty, we pawned our printing press, but were able to retrieve it thanks to a $10 gift from Robert Mugabe from Zimbabwe. Attached to the cash was a note which said, "Never let it be said that the Zimbabwe government does not support shady, poorly managed institutions like the Khronicle" and signed "Your friend in the Zimbabwean government, Bob.”

Kgosi is now supporting Mugabe in his campaign to be voted “African Crooked Dictator of the Year” for the 14th year in a row.

Baseball Post Mortem

Now that the World Series is past, it can be revealed that Brian Roberts who plays for the Baltimore Orioles is suffering from concussion-like symptoms, which by all reports are self-induced. Roberts kept hitting himself in the head with his baseball bat. "I don't know how to be 100% sure what caused the headaches, but it was the last Monday in September. In frustration in the ninth inning, I whacked myself on the head with my bat. I had my helmet on. It’s something I've done a million times, but I still can't tell you for sure if that was it. It's the only thing I can point to, because that night and the next morning I just didn't feel good.”

Kgosi’s Komment--Kgosi would have thought that Monsieur Roberts would have stopped this practice at least by the 900,000th time. Then again, after about 50 cracks to the cranium, he started to forget that he had done it before. And besides, it feels so good when you stop.

Be careful who your Friends are

The Associated Press reported on a Cleveland, Ohio man who was excluded from jury duty after mentioning that he was a childhood friend of cannibalistic serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer. Mr. John Backderf was among prospective jurors for a murder trial, when he was asked if he knew anyone who was ever convicted of a crime. After he responded "I had a close friend in high school who killed 17 people," the Cleveland Plain Dealer said that this response caused the judge to freeze and lawyers to drop their pens. Backderf further mentioned that he was about to publish a new novel "My Friend Dahmer" and was then dismissed from the jury list.

Kgosi’s Komment-- It is interesting that this story appeared just recently, since Kgosi tried a similar tactic several weeks ago when surprisingly called for jury service in Botswana. He suggested that he too, was a friend of Jeffrey Dahmer. However the judge had never heard of "Meester Dahma,” and was not impressed that he had been a multiple murderer. Since the Khronicle deadline was rapidly approaching, Kgosi became desperate to escape the jury panel and blurted out that he had gone to the same school with George W. Bush and Dick Cheney.

Kgosi is now scheduled as a permanent juror for every trial in Ramotswa until 2012.

Denver does it again

During this last election, Denver voters were asked to weigh in on Initiative 300 which required that the City and County of Denver to set up an extra terrestrial affairs commission to "ensure the health, safety and cultural awareness of Denver residents and visitors, when it comes to coming into contact with extraterrestrial intelligent beings or their vehicles, and fund such commission through grants, gifts and donations." The primary opponents of this initiative are the Rocky Mountain Paranormal Research Society which stated on their website “the world is full of ghost hunters, but we are not trying to get ourselves affiliated with city government." They also noted that “Mr. Jeff Peckham (the primary sponsor of the bill) and his little green people are not representative of the people of Denver." Mr. Peckham, who made an appearance on the David Letterman Show, responded that "'little green people' is a racial slur."

Kgosi’s Komment-- The initiative failed, however the Khronicle is the first to report that on next year's Denver ballot, there will be a measure that seeks to end discrimination against all aliens. Flyzbk Diyrth, the primary sponsor of this new bill, says if some legislative action is not taken, Colorado risks an immigration crisis. He says, “Many of us little green people came here legally, work and pay our taxes. If we are banned, who is next? The legal cockroaches? Vote Yes on Proposition 7,342. Remember your next grandkid could be green”

Speaking of Colorado and Green…..

An Aurora Colorado woman has been arrested for allegedly trying to smuggle 551 pounds of marijuana into the United States under the floor board of her 2004 Ford Expedition. The Denver Post reports that Vanessa Fuller, age 22, was apprehended by agents of US Customs and Protection Agency. Spokesman Roger Maier said “This is a really big load in a private vehicle. Typically agents find from 50 to 100 pounds.”After pulling into the monitoring station at approximately 3 PM on Sunday, Ms Fuller and the vehicle were directed to a secondary inspection area, where a drug-sniffing dog showed a positive signal from the underside of the vehicle. Ms Fuller now faces federal drug smuggling charges.

Kgosi’s Komment--The agents’ first clue was that the vehicle had tractor size tires. The bottom of the car doors was 8 feet off the ground and hanging down underneath was a 7’ X 7’ X 4‘ locked storage compartment with a sign on it that said “Keep out—especially Border Patrol.” Secondly, after getting a whiff of the Fuller vehicle, Laser the drug sniffing dog, consumed an 80 pound bag of Dog Chow and an entire pan of Brownies.

Kgosi

After several months of poor subscription revenues, the Khronicle was forced to file Chapter 11. After retaining the services of a Big Seven accounting firm, Figures Witno Bases Inc. we were told that our assets were approximately 30 P (47 cents) and our obligations were 239 Pula $34.50. Needless to say, everyday operations could not continue without some serious changes. After a failed attempt to merge with Google, our spirits were down. (I believe the exact quote from the Google representative was "Who the hell are you calling collect from Africa?").

We then tried for a bailout from several agencies including the World Bank, the European Union, and the US Government. The World Bank took the call and told us to fill out the 143 page form in triplicate but said that the likelihood of a loan was very slim, since the price of the phone call was more than the total amount of the loan. The EU just had an answering machine that said “We're too busy. Call back after we finish bailing out Greece, Ireland, and Portugal." When I finally got through to a live flunky in the US government he said "Why should we want to bail you out? You are the worst-run newspaper and all of Southern Africa. We only work with AAA-rated, top flight companies that have excellent business practices such as Bear Stearns, AIG and Countrywide Financial.”

Thus forced into bankrupty, we pawned our printing press, but were able to retrieve it thanks to a $10 gift from Robert Mugabe from Zimbabwe. Attached to the cash was a note which said, "Never let it be said that the Zimbabwe government does not support shady, poorly managed institutions like the Khronicle" and signed "Your friend in the Zimbabwean government, Bob.”

Kgosi is now supporting Mugabe in his campaign to be voted “African Crooked Dictator of the Year” for the 14th year in a row.

Baseball Post Mortem

Now that the World Series is past, it can be revealed that Brian Roberts who plays for the Baltimore Orioles is suffering from concussion-like symptoms, which by all reports are self-induced. Roberts kept hitting himself in the head with his baseball bat. "I don't know how to be 100% sure what caused the headaches, but it was the last Monday in September. In frustration in the ninth inning, I whacked myself on the head with my bat. I had my helmet on. It’s something I've done a million times, but I still can't tell you for sure if that was it. It's the only thing I can point to, because that night and the next morning I just didn't feel good.”

Kgosi’s Komment--Kgosi would have thought that Monsieur Roberts would have stopped this practice at least by the 900,000th time. Then again, after about 50 cracks to the cranium, he started to forget that he had done it before. And besides, it feels so good when you stop.

Be careful who your Friends are

The Associated Press reported on a Cleveland, Ohio man who was excluded from jury duty after mentioning that he was a childhood friend of cannibalistic serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer. Mr. John Backderf was among prospective jurors for a murder trial, when he was asked if he knew anyone who was ever convicted of a crime. After he responded "I had a close friend in high school who killed 17 people," the Cleveland Plain Dealer said that this response caused the judge to freeze and lawyers to drop their pens. Backderf further mentioned that he was about to publish a new novel "My Friend Dahmer" and was then dismissed from the jury list.

Kgosi’s Komment-- It is interesting that this story appeared just recently, since Kgosi tried a similar tactic several weeks ago when surprisingly called for jury service in Botswana. He suggested that he too, was a friend of Jeffrey Dahmer. However the judge had never heard of "Meester Dahma,” and was not impressed that he had been a multiple murderer. Since the Khronicle deadline was rapidly approaching, Kgosi became desperate to escape the jury panel and blurted out that he had gone to the same school with George W. Bush and Dick Cheney.

Kgosi is now scheduled as a permanent juror for every trial in Ramotswa until 2012.

Denver does it again

During this last election, Denver voters were asked to weigh in on Initiative 300 which required that the City and County of Denver to set up an extra terrestrial affairs commission to "ensure the health, safety and cultural awareness of Denver residents and visitors, when it comes to coming into contact with extraterrestrial intelligent beings or their vehicles, and fund such commission through grants, gifts and donations." The primary opponents of this initiative are the Rocky Mountain Paranormal Research Society which stated on their website “the world is full of ghost hunters, but we are not trying to get ourselves affiliated with city government." They also noted that “Mr. Jeff Peckham (the primary sponsor of the bill) and his little green people are not representative of the people of Denver." Mr. Peckham, who made an appearance on the David Letterman Show, responded that "'little green people' is a racial slur."

Kgosi’s Komment-- The initiative failed, however the Khronicle is the first to report that on next year's Denver ballot, there will be a measure that seeks to end discrimination against all aliens. Flyzbk Diyrth, the primary sponsor of this new bill, says if some legislative action is not taken, Colorado risks an immigration crisis. He says, “Many of us little green people came here legally, work and pay our taxes. If we are banned, who is next? The legal cockroaches? Vote Yes on Proposition 7,342. Remember your next grandkid could be green”

Speaking of Colorado and Green…..

An Aurora Colorado woman has been arrested for allegedly trying to smuggle 551 pounds of marijuana into the United States under the floor board of her 2004 Ford Expedition. The Denver Post reports that Vanessa Fuller, age 22, was apprehended by agents of US Customs and Protection Agency. Spokesman Roger Maier said “This is a really big load in a private vehicle. Typically agents find from 50 to 100 pounds.” After pulling into the monitoring station at approximately 3 PM on Sunday, Ms Fuller and the vehicle were directed to a secondary inspection area, where a drug-sniffing dog showed a positive signal from the underside of the vehicle. Ms Fuller now faces federal drug smuggling charges.

Kgosi’s Komment--The agents’ first clue was that the vehicle had tractor size tires. The bottom of the car doors was 8 feet off the ground and hanging down underneath was a 7’ X 7’ X 4‘ locked storage compartment with a sign on it that said “Keep out—especially Border Patrol.” Secondly, after getting a whiff of the Fuller vehicle, Laser the drug sniffing dog, consumed an 80 pound bag of Dog Chow and an entire pan of Brownies.

Kgosi

I have been trying without success to get these up for 10 days, but I have finally managed (I think). Anyway, here's a link to the videos I took at the PC Halloween party--or to put it another way--here are some pictures of a lot of really intelligent people blowing off steam.

http://www.flipshare.com/ViewFbReshare.aspx?i=311b6a54-3633-44fe-baec-976e4a95a11c&s=27198491&p=facebook

After an absence of several weeks, the Khronicle is back. It is a shame to have to take time off from work just to defend one’s reputation --but libel is libel and it is necessary to defend ourselves vigorously. Someone in our readership, who will remain nameless, wrote a letter to a competing newspaper which was published saying that the Khronicle was "a piece of crap." Kgosi denies that and took the case to court. The initial verdict went against the Khronicle when the judge said:

“It isn’t libel if it is true, and the Khronicle is the crappiest newspaper I know. It’s brown journalism at its worst.”

I objected saying “With all due respect your honor; that term is yellow journalism.”

“Well it could be, because the Khronicle is also piss poor.”

We are appealing.

In the meantime Kgosi will be publishing some articles to show what really “crappy” journalism looks like.

Some Things That You Cannot Do with Poop.

You Can't Give It Back to the Alleged Owner

The Associated Press reports the incident of a woman in Naperville Illinois who stepped in dog feces outside her apartment and appears to have retaliated by heaving it at the door of her neighbor who owns the dog. Susan Miller was charged with disorderly conduct after her bizarre protest. Police say Miller also uprooted a sign telling residents to pick up dog waste and placed it on the neighbor’s patio. After Miller was arrested, the unapologetic woman said if she can pick up the poop from her 80-pound dog her, neighbor can pick up after a 20-pound dog.

Kgosi’s Komment—With these two canine poop factories in the same building, Kgosi would have to wear golashes just to walk to the parking lot.

You Can't Light It on Fire

Andrew Charles Donahue 18 was booked early Sunday in Greeley Colorado after he was caught red-handed with a bag of dog poop and matches headed for the front porch of Wayne Pickens, aged 57 and a longtime Greeley resident. At 4:30 a.m. on Sunday someone rang Pickens’ doorbell. When he went to the front door Pickens saw his Sunday Denver Post ablaze on his front porch, but quickly extinguished the burning newspaper. He thought the pranksters might come back although he assumed “that they were not going to be that stupid." Just in case, he waited in ambush while several young men from next door were using a flashlight to pick up dog poop from the front yard and put it into a bag. Pickens called police as his wife snapped pictures of the "gentlemen." Mr. Donohue was caught red-handed with the poop and matches headed for Pickens front porch. Donahue has been charged with attempted first-degree arson, reckless endangerment, criminal mischief and possession of alcohol by a minor.

Kgosi’s Komment--Kgosi was not aware that you could actually set dog poop on fire whether old or fresh. It is also Colorado's first case of crap-related arson.

You Can't Throw It in the Face of Bad Drivers

The Associated Press reports on a Belmont, Massachusetts woman who has been charged with throwing a bag of dog feces in the face of a passing motorist to try to get him to slow down. Sgt. Rick Santangelo says the motorist contacted police the next day to report being struck in the face with dog poop.The woman is charged with assault and battery with a dangerous weapon.

Kgosi’s Komment -- To be considered a "dangerous weapon", that must've been a major load of stinky turds.

In other news……..

Lack of Intelligence Knows No International Boundaries

Interfax news reports that Russia's finance minister Alexei Kudrin has urged its citizens to smoke and drink more as this will assist in lifting tax revenues for spending on social services. "If you smoke a pack of cigarettes that means you are giving more to help social problems such as boosting demographics, developing other social services, and upholding birth rates."This follows on the finance Ministry's announcement in June to double the excise duty on cigarettes. Kudrin stated "People should understand: those who drink and smoke are doing more to help the state."

Kgosi’s Komment-- You gotta love campaign rhetoric

Kudrin is running on the party ticket that goes by the initials VCCCASCH

(Vodka Cures Cigarette Cough and Smoking Cures Hangovers)

Everybody Wants to Be Wanted

Police in suburban Cincinnati arrested a woman after she flagged down an officer and asked if there were any warrants out for her arrest. The Cincinnati Enquirer reported that after Lockland police officer Dan Lyons informed 44-year-old Selma Elmore that she did have an outstanding warrant, the woman ran off. The chase ended when Lyons pushed Elmore into a building injuring his elbow while backup officers apprehended the woman. Elmore, wanted for allegedly failing to have paid a fine as a result of a drug conviction, now faces a charge of resisting arrest.

Kgosi’s Komment—Last week Kgosi did ask a Ramotswa policeman if he was wanted on any charges, but was told-- “Not yet. It’s still legal to print a crappy newspaper."

Where the Sun Don't Shine

When Sheriff's Deputies in Bradenton Florida allegedly discovered bags of marijuana and cocaine between a man's buttocks, Raymond Stanley Roberts told them "the white stuff is not mine, but the weed is." Stopped initially stopped for speeding, officers said they smelled marijuana in Mr. Robert’s car and began searching. This was when officers discovered a bag of marijuana tucked into Mr. Robert’s butt. It was slightly later that they discovered another bag in the same place which contained 27 pieces of rock cocaine.

Kgosi’s Komment-- This must've been a pretty shoddy search, if somehow they found a bag of marijuana, but didn't notice a bag of cocaine at the same time.

Kgosi did want to ask Mr. Roberts how those bags were placed there. Did he do it himself and was just "holding something for a friend?" Or perhaps did someone else sneak into his crotch when he wasn't looking and put the bags up there without his knowledge? In any case, Kgosi has stopped using Mr. Roberts as his drug dealer now that the weed he is selling has started to smell .......uh.......really crappy.

Kgosi

This weekend we had our South East District Wellness Fair. A real success with 350 people in attendance for the choir competition and couples "beauty contest" Friday and another 500 on Saturday. The Saturday agenda featured speeches by VIP's, a first aid demonstration for a mock traffic accident by the rescue squad, a talk by yours truly on "Anger Management" and booths erected by the various departments and non-governmental agencies showcasing what they do to promote wellness in the workforce. There was entertainment by a four man group called Machao as well.

I am trying a new way to post videos on Web Google instead of directly into this blog and have put two videos up for your viewing enjoyment at:

http://picasaweb.google.com/KipDoran/Videos?authkey=Gv1sRgCK6Ey6Hc1f_1Pw&feat=email#

Just go to the site and you will see them. There is no password. The orange one is a movie of Machao in action--you will get a kick out them-- and the video is exactly the speed at which they performed. The purple one is a slide show of the Friday competitions. It is best to let the videos load before viewing, so they proceed smoothly without stopping and starting.

Yes, Kgosi got convinced to participate in the couple's pageant and his adventures are documented in the purple slide show. Enjoy.

I thought I would post a few photos of the youth street bash that occurred before we left. We brought along two frisbees and started tossing them. In about 2 minutes 30-40 kids joined in and we entertained them for the better part of two hours while waiting for the program to get going. (Remember, this is Botswana--NOTHING starts on time)

Kopo trying to get them to "throw it over here, so it doesn't go over the fence" (see frisbee at the very top)

Kids love to have their picture taken anywhere, any time!

Some of our Life Line kids manning an information table. They are wearing our group's signature blue ties and talking about chess, Scrabble and other games, as well as promoting the library services.

Some of the 300-400 who attended....

...watching the performers

The Bride at the Rehearsal Dinner

The Happy Couple

Kip and Maureen

Rosemary and Matteo

Ken and Connie

This is really fun!

Wow!

Big Sister

The Doran clan

The Macaluso clan

Jason with Avie--The Littlest Guest

With “MJW Day” almost upon us (Meghan and Joey’s Wedding day on September 25th) Kgosi and Kopo will be leaving for America on Saturday. It will be my first trip back to American soil in quite some time and we are eagerly awaiting the happy event. It will be held in Aptos, California, north of Carmel and south of San Francisco and promises to be a major festivity. In addition to helping Meghan and Joey celebrate their special day, we look forward to seeing many friends and relatives while we are there.

A Whopper of the week.

It has been a wonderfully hectic, but jam-packed week overflowing with activity since last Wednesday. I discussed some of these in the last blog post and won’t repeat all of the details. The all-day workshop for parents of orphans and vulnerable children on Thursday was a success with 35 parents representing 52 orphans attending. The presentation talks were on teenage pregnancy, Talking to your Kids about Sex, and HIV. Right after the workshop Kopo, and I were picked up to go to Molepolole, the village where we were located for our initial training in Botswana. We stayed overnight at another volunteers house so we could be up bright and early to give six hours of presentations to a workshop of 40 guidance counselors-in-training at the Molepolole College of Education. They were one of the best audiences that we have had anywhere during our service here. Each proved to be an attentive listener, eager to ask questions of us having mental health knowledge. Fortunately we had given these lectures before, so there was not a lot of prep time. We had to drive right back to Ramotswa that evening, so we could attend our Life Line youth group Saturday morning and the youth street bash that followed. We were pleased to have a crowd of almost 400 kids and teens attend the bash.

Sunday we had three Peace Corps volunteers begin a three-day stay at our house, while they were giving educational presentations to the teachers at Kopo’s school, as well as to our Life Line group. Our two male colleagues were teaching about infusing life skills activities into the main line school curriculum. Katie, our female colleague, (a collegiate wrestler in the United States and competitor in UFC cage fighting) presented a one-hour seminar on Self-Defense Tactics for Women. They finished up and took off for their home villages yesterday morning. It is great to see people and take advantage of their talents, but it also nice to get one’s house back. I think things have settled down enough now, so that we can focus on packing and getting ready for the wedding.

The Kalahari Khronicle , Volume 2, Number 4

Guys, Hold onto your……..uh….…hats,

The September, 15th edition of the Gaborone Daily News reports on the Monday arrest by Kenyan police of two men who were trying to sell male genitals outside a bank in Nairobi. Apparently following a tipoff, the police nabbed the unidentified pair while they were waiting for their client outside the bank. Johana Cheboi, a police official said that they “laid an ambush” and arrested the two "gentleman" just as they were trying to sell male private parts.

Kgosi’s Komments-- This revolting attempt at blatant black market profiteering has sprung Kgosi into action. In order to prevent this practice from spreading to Botswana, Kgosi is starting a major ad campaign with the theme,

"Stop the Black Market. Keep Your Private Parts to Yourself."

As an additional measure prior to any visit to Kenya, Kgosi today visited EBay. He is pleased to say that as of now, he is the high bidder on a lockable,

cast-iron jockstrap.

Do you want fries with that snake?

The Associated Press reports from Melbourne Australia that two men were arrested after bewildered diners at a McDonald's spotted the pair wrestling a 5 foot python in the restaurant parking lot. Police state that the men stole the eight-year-old black-headed python from a pet shop on Wednesday. They then brought it to the McDonald's parking lot where they began wrestling with it in front of puzzled customers. Detective Sgt. Andrew Beams told the Australian Broadcasting Corporation, “ In all honesty, it's just a case of dumb and dumber. Anyone who gets out there with a 5 foot python in a McDonald's car park -- they're pretty dumb.”

Kgosi’s Komment-- Even with many years of mental health experience, Kgosi cannot understand why these two bozos would quickly take this snake to a McDonald's parking lot unless they had plans to attempt to sell the python meat to the owner. Kgosi agrees with the police Detective-- These guys were really dumb. Everyone knows that the only fast food shop that takes python meat is KFC for their special 386 piece bucket.

Timing is everything

Two weeks ago the Botswana Daily News gave a big headline story to the residents of the town of Shakawe who have called on the Botswana government to find alternative markets abroad for their donkey meat, especially in Spain and Italy, where donkey market is reportedly flourishing. Phandu Skelemani further said that the move, if adopted, could help control the number of donkeys in the county, thus eliminating a serious cause of road accidents. He said that the donkey meat market in Shakawe, Ngamiland, had been hit hard by the economic recession, particularly since the county had experienced an outbreak of foot and mouth disease.

Kgosi’s Komment--Kgosi thinks that perhaps the residents of Shakawe should wait a few years to sell their donkey meat outside of Botswana, at least until the foot and mouth disease becomes a distant memory. Somehow the thought of peddling potentially contaminated filet of donkey seems like a hard sell. Even the Italians are not going put out their hard earned Euros for green meat

…..well, at least most Italians.

……….On the other hand…… to compete with the KFC 386-piece python bucket, McDonald's may be interested in donkey meat as a new product. Kgosi’s thought is to make a sandwich of two all “meat” patties, with special sauce on a toasted sesame seed bun and call it the "Big Donc.”

Hey, even if it has foot and mouth disease, it all tastes like chicken.

Denver is a No Go

Kgosi was all ready to make a quick stopover in Denver to pitch his “Big Donc” suggestion until the following article came out last week:

The Denver Post reports that the Butterfly Pavilion in Broomfield, just north of Denver has now opened a new exhibit called "The Legend of the Tarantula." Visitors, allegedly behind glass barriers, will see tarantulas and learn how to distinguish between those that are called Old World and the New World varieties. The article does not say which is which, but one is so venomous and aggressive that even the zookeepers are afraid to handle her.

Nicole Bickford, Vice President of programming, says. "We're hoping to get people over their fears and misconceptions." They plan to have such spiders as the brilliant cobalt-blue tarantula, and the enormous

Goliath bird-eating variety. Zookeeper Chad Haynes, who helped organize the world premiere is confident that “people will flock to the exhibit.” He states, “There are no recorded cases of human deaths as a result of a tarantula bite, but even the pros don't want to handle some of these.”

Apparently the Pavilion has had a long-standing pet named Rosie, who is a Chilean rose-haired tarantula. According to the management, at one point one of these spiders has already produced an egg sack with more than 300 little spiders inside.

Kgosi’s Komment--Kgosi does not know about anyone else, but he is not going to be "flocking to the exhibit" of three hundred baby tarantulas. As a matter of fact, he is changing his permanent address to the South Pole, which is as far away as he can get from Broomfield and that giant spider that eats birds.

Kgosi

P.S. Kgosi is delighted to announce that he won the EBay auction for the lockable jockstrap. There were apparently no worries about winning though. According to the seller, Kgosi was the only bidder.

High of 86, low of 55; High of 88 low of 54; High of 91, low of 58, and every day this week to be the same. Hooray! Winter is just a distant memory, and Spring--we hardly knew ya’, but who's keeping track? I never really envisioned myself cheering the onset of 90° days, but it's a welcome relief. I was counting on at least a month of highs in the 70s, but I think a week looks more like it. We have broken out the shorts, short sleeve shirts and sandals, and just packed up the electric heater. It already feels like we need the fans. Talk to me again in two months and I might be singing a different tune, but right now I like this a lot better than the freezing temperatures of July.

‘Tis the season

With the weather turning warm, activity of all kinds is on the upswing, particularly weddings.

Of course, the first and foremost wedding on our minds is Meghan and Joey’s. We are anxiously awaiting our trip to the States in two weeks, and the opportunity to see many of you in person. It will be pretty much the usual 28-hour flight: Gaborone, to Johannesburg, but a new wrinkle from there-- onto Emirates Air to Dubai and non-stop from there to San Francisco.

Kopo has been working diligently with the seamstress in the village for the past month to get her mother-of-the-bride dress finished. The shop, the only one in Ramotswa, is swamped with business and seems barely able to keep up with all the bridal gowns and wedding attire. In typical wait-until-the last- minute Botswana fashion, my boss, whose son is getting married the same day as Meghan September 25, just approached the seamstress Friday to see about getting her own mother-of-the- bride dress. She was told that there was no possibility of having it ready by the 25th, but something could be ready by October 2, which is the couple’s “second wedding” day.

I guess I have to explain. In Botswana, when a couple gets married there are a number of traditions, including two wedding ceremonies on consecutive weekends---one in the village of the bride and one in the village of groom. Both are usually big affairs, under a tent in someone's backyard. There are no true "invitations" since it is expected that anybody who wants to, can attend and the families are expected to entertain and feed them no matter how many show up. One could easily have 300-400 people at the celebration including most everyone in the village. It would be terribly embarrassing, with great loss of face, to run out of food. For most weddings there are no such things as caterers and the bride or groom's family (depending on which village it is) is expected to prepare all the food in big pots for as many guests as they think might show up.

There is also the Lebola or “bride price” which the groom or groom’s family is expected to pay to the bride's family. This is a serious and carefully negotiated process between both families. The payment is cows…a custom going back to centuries…is decided between the elders of the couples’ families requiring many meetings, offers and counter-offers. Depending on the circumstances, the rate might be 2 cows for a modest bride, 8 cows for a singularly fetching and “valuable” bride. Even if ultimately cash is substituted for animals (which is becoming more common in today’s families), the amount of cash is figured on the value of the animals. In addition, the groom's family must give gifts to the entire bride's extended family, including new outfits and various kitchen appliances. The bride's family is really not expected to provide any gifts to the groom's family except the bride herself. (I think somehow I had daughters in the wrong culture).

As one can imagine, this whole process is very expensive, particularly by African income standards and this in part, accounts for the fact that only 20% of committed couples are married. Nonetheless traditions persist and families, particularly the groom's family, will take on a great debt to provide for a “proper” wedding.

There was one wedding in our neighborhood last Saturday and two more close by yesterday. The ceremonies themselves might be relatively short, followed by lots of partying and dancing. Often, the bride and groom are carried in vehicles up and down the streets with much honking of horns and cheering. If the families can afford it, they may rent cars with a sunroof and the bride and groom will be standing on the car seat waving from out the sunroof as they parade around town. If the family is not particularly well-to-do (and most of them are not) the bride and groom may stand up and wave from the back of a pickup truck, surrounded by 10 or 12 of their closest friends.

Bridal attire is pretty much similar to what we might expect, strapless white gowns, with or without a head piece or veil for the brides and white or dark business suits and ties for the groom. There are brightly colored and matching outfits for the bridesmaids and matching suits for the groomsmen. Most couples cannot afford a honeymoon, although some may get a night or two in a hotel in the capital city. We will be able to attend my boss’s “second wedding” after we return from America, so some pictures will follow.

Now to the most important part of any celebration….the food! Meat is important in Botswana and the center of any celebration. Live goats are slaughtered (and again, the number of goats killed is an indication of the importance of the celebration.) Beef is pounded and shredded (called Setswa), chicken served with every possible part used, and sometimes local fresh water fish is fried. Cooked beets, cooked cabbage, and salad are presented with a variety of starches (Paleche or maize meal) which resembles mashed potatoes. (In our first days in country, we PCVs were served Paleche and my Irish wife, thinking it yummy mashed spuds, took a heaping spoonful. One taste, one “ugh” and that was the last of the traditional fare for her) Other varieties may be hot or lukewarm, be brown or off-white and resemble dumplings, Cream of Wheat or Farina. It actually tastes quite a bit better than it sounds, but hits the stomach like a lead balloon. As with any intelligently laid out buffet, the starches are first, the vegetables second, the salads third, and the meat at the end of the table when your plate is already filled.

In addition to weddings, September, October and November are also prime months for workshops, seminars, and educational talks. Both through Peace Corps, and my office, things have been really hopping with many opportunities for me to speak to various groups. Last week, my counterpart and I gave a two-hour presentation to half the new BOTS 9 Peace Corps group at their IST (Inter service Training) about how Peace Corps volunteers and Botswana counterparts can work together. We did several short skirts, including how to do it right and how to botch it up. The Batswana are exceptionally good at identifying "errors" and delight in pointing them out, but will also listen attentively to how to prevent or correct the mistakes. We will repeat this session again on Wednesday to the other half of the group.

Over the next three days last week, I did four more talks for the PCV’s-- one on “Stress and Stress Management”, one on “Group Presentation Skills”, one on “Listening and Counseling Skills”, and one on “Starting and Facilitating Youth Groups” (this last one based on our now having two 25-member Life Line groups for the Library).

September is also the Month of Prayer for HIV/AIDS and there are a number of faith-based activities at the various churches or at the Kgotla (the village meeting place of the chief). It also has been designated as "Wellness Month." Many of the departments are conducting educational activities on staying healthy and avoiding disease. Friday, I spoke on “Stress Management” for 30 members of the Agriculture Dept. and will go back on the 15th to do a presentation on “Anger Management.”

As if these weren't enough, we have four major HIV-theme-related activities in the district over the next three weeks to be coordinated and implemented by our office. They include:

--a Youth Street Bash (a street fair with entertainment, educational booths, dramas put on by several local youth groups and a concert by a “crowd puller”—a local musical celebrity)

--a Parental Guidance Workshop for parents and caregivers of orphans and vulnerable children. We will be discussing techniques for raising the topics of sex, sexuality and teenage pregnancy with their children.

--Week after next we have the continuation of our “Shebeen Strategy” against HIV

Shebeens are legal, small locally-owned establishments, usually in someone's home, where the locals come to drink homemade beer and socialize. There are probably 40-50 in Ramotswa alone. There is much more to shebeens though, as the owners -- usually women, called Shebeen Queens -- act in a very maternal capacity-- fixing meals, looking out for the health of their customers and generally providing advice. We decided last year that it could be an effective strategy to educate the Shebeen Queens on HIV, so they could pass this information on to their customers. It’s bad for business, if your customers get sick! The shebeens would also be a convenient distribution point for condoms. The strategy has been successful and we are doing follow-up meetings with the Queens every three months in three different villages throughout the district.

--On the last Saturday of the month, there will be a Wellness Fair with presentations by each of the government work departments, a Beauty Contest for "the most beautiful couple" and a Choir Competition among choirs composed of department members (remember, everybody sings in Botswana).

Whew!! I get tired just thinking about all that we have to do. Needless to say, it will be a busy several weeks before we leave for America and the most important celebration of all…the marriage of our fabulous younger daughter.

Kgosi

Lots of interesting things going on with us these days. Part of my new schedule allows me to open a second Life Line group to 25 more community youth. You may remember that when we started the first group, we had over 75 applications, but could only take the top 25. I’ve had the opportunity to invite two Peace Corps colleagues from a village south of town to co-lead the group with me. I think the rumors have spread of how much fun the first group has been have spread. Every single one of the kids that we invited showed up for the first meeting, and several even brought some of their friends. They also seem to be much more talkative and willing to participate. Perhaps our reputations for not being critical, being fun and encouraging have struck a positive chord. The group will be meeting three weeks out of four on Thursday afternoons.

Approximately 8 months after I began the process, we finally have obtained two televisions and two DVD players, which will go into the new library. One is operational now in our temporary quarters and will be used by our Life Line groups for playing health-related DVDs until the new library is opened. The librarian and I agreed that the second TV could be used just for fun DVDs for all library patrons.

Other news includes Kopo’s having been contacted by a faculty member at the University of Botswana School of Nursing. They are desperately short of professors to teach mental health curriculum, and would Kopo be interested? After some CV review and conversation, it appears that Kopo is exactly the right person to help out, as were we both at the Medical School. However, as opposed to the Med School where the Dean is an American (and we figured asked no one at the University for permission for us to teach!) nursing is a tad…shall we say….more obsessive! There is a giant bureaucracy at the University which may not be able to figure out how to handle a volunteer…..unbelievable as that might sound. So, Kopo waits to hear whether this will materialize. You would think that when a professional offers to teach a course for free in a subject that is needed, that they’d find a way, but in Botswana, you never know.

The weather finally seems to have broken and yesterday was the first day that it was over 80. The forecast calls for sunny days over the next week with temperatures in the high 70s. It still gets pretty cool at night, into the mid-40s, and sleeping bags remain the order of the day. If last year was any predictor, we will be in shorts and using fans within 2 to 3 weeks.

Only one month to go until we head for the States, San Francisco, and Meghan and Joey’s wedding. Yippee!!

The Kalahari Khronicle, Volume 2, Number 3

Last week's “Family Togetherness" issue was a rollicking success and for the first time we sold out our entire print run

----Okay, Okay. It was only 25 copies, and the purchase price for 17 of them had to be refunded when the readers won our promotional contest by finding the picture of "Where's Waldo."

I think next time, we won't put the picture in a front-page headline.

----All right, all right, four more copies were sold on our "Read now, Pay later” plan, but I am sure that we will be paid by Christmas.

-----Yeah, yeah and we gave three copies away to the School for the Blind to use as fire starters.

We do though want to thank our one cash customer, Akmed. I never realized that Botswana issued a coin with a picture of a Yak on the back and an inscription that reads "Republic of Kazakhstan." I have decided to ignore the rumors that Akmed is going to use the Khronicle to help house train his new puppy.

Do you want Mustard with that Novel?

Police in Boise Idaho think they may have solved a year-long condiment crime spree. Authorities say they have arrested

Joy L. Cassidy yesterday at the library moments after she exited the outside drive-through having dumped a jar of mayonnaise into the box designated for book returns. She is now labeled a "person of interest" in at least 10 other condiment-related crimes which started in May 2009. Library employees have reported finding books in the drop box covered in corn syrup and ketchup.

Kgosi's Komments -- -- Fortunately, there will be no drive-through drop box in the new Ramotswa library. In case Joy is released however, Kgosi is keeping the phone number of the Boise police on speed dial should some of the books come back filled with rotten Kudu meat or sheep’s eyeballs.

Amnesia can be Dangerous.

The Associated Press in Santa Ana California reports on an Orange County woman who was sentenced to a year in jail for sending hundreds of threatening text messages -- -- to herself. Prosecutors say Jeanne Mundango Manunga had previously told police that her former boyfriend and his sister-in-law were behind the threats. Prosecutors say that Manunga started sending threatening messages after she and her former boyfriend stopped dating in 2008. In addition to her time in the slammer, she was placed on three years’ probation and ordered to pay $50,000 in restitution.

Kgosi's Komments -- First off, Kgosi is happy that this lady's parents gave her a first name like Jeanne. It would have been too much, even for Africa if her full given name turned out to be something like Mandingo Mundango Manunga.

It is somewhat embarrassing to admit, but six months ago, Kgosi was involved in a similar problem with text messaging. It really would not have turned out to be such a big issue, except at the age of 64, Kgosi is starting to have some significant memory problems.

One evening he started sending multiple threatening text messages to the Editor of the Khronicle, claiming that the editorials “stunk like a hyena feces.” Then, in a "senior moment" at work, Kgosi began reading the texts, became infuriated that someone did not like the newspaper, went to the police and pressed charges against the perpetrator. After Kgosi was arrested, he spent two nights in jail until he invoked the 5th Amendment and refused to testified against himself. He was released on his own recognizance, but suggested this was a bad plan, since in three hours he might not remember who he was.

Yours Truly,

……………………..ah…………………..ah……………………. oh yeah,

Kgosi

As Paul Simon once wrote in his lyrics, "I hung another year on the line" and turned 64 on Monday. Therefore, the Beatles song has new relevance.

"Will you still need me?""Will you still feed me?"‘”When I'm 64?” Although the fact that Ringo turned 70 made me feel a little better.

Kopo arranged a nice party for me in the office attended by some of my coworkers as you can see in this picture:They all genuinely seem to like us and I know they enjoy eating cake.

I got a second party yesterday when another PCV and I shared a birthday celebratory lunch for 18 of us at a restaurant in Gaborone with birthday cakes baked by two of our colleagues. It is always fun to get together with this group…and when it’s your special day…even better.

Thanks to all of you who e-mailed or sent birthday wishes. They are very much appreciated.

The Kalahari Khronicle Volume 2 Number 2

This week, the Chronicle is pleased to offer its first annual Family Togetherness edition with several reports of familial harmony and bliss.

This’ll Keep Your Dinner Hot.

The Associated Press reports the case of Guy Edward Jones of Sissonville West Virginia, who came home on Sunday and got angry because his wife Beverly Jones didn't have dinner on the table. The sheriff said the couple fought and Beverly ran to a neighbor's house. She turned back and saw flames coming out of the basement, and her husband exiting through the basement door. Apparently, according to the charges, he set his own house on fire and is now charged with arson.

Kgosi’s Komments-- Kgosi has been plenty irritated when the butler and maid here at our house don't get the meal on the table on time. Once in a moment of temporary insanity, he did set a small fire in the bedroom. However, it only served to char the mattress and burn his best pair of jeans. What was he thinking?

Precious Cargo

Again, under the byline of the Associated Press an Ypsilanti Michigan couple was arrested by authorities when found to be drunk, pushing a baby stroller holding two young boys, open containers of alcohol and a bayonet.

Kgosi’s Komments-- Now let's figure this out-- they were using the bayonet to open the cans of alcohol. No-- maybe they had the alcohol to fill the baby bottles. On second thought, the youngsters perhaps had snuck the alcohol into the baby carriage, fearing imminent withdrawal, if they didn't have a little hooch on board. Then again, perhaps the bayonet was nothing more than a disciplinary tool. Kgosi and Kopo always used to carry a bayonet in our baby carriage just in case one of our kids got a little nasty and we needed to beat them back into submission. After a few thrusts and an occasional nick, just threatening to bring out the bayonet did the trick.

Mom and Son Deserve Each Other.

An Eastern Pennsylvania woman has been cited for harassment after her son told police she cleaned the bathroom with his tooth brush then returned it to its holder. Lower Saucon police said 52-year-old Deborah Woist decided on July 18. that the bathroom inside her house needed a good scrubbing because it hadn't been cleaned in two months. Her 26-year-old son Justin Novack said the scrubbing was done with his toothbrush, which his mother put away after she was done. Novack called police, claiming that his mother also applied feces to his toothbrush.

Kgosi’s Komments. One good obsessive-compulsive relative deserves another. Wait till Justin finds out what she used to clean the toilet bowl.

Man's Best Friend.

The New York Daily News posted the story of a Michigan man whose life was saved after his terrier bit off his big toe, alerting him to the seriousness of an infection while he was passed out drunk. Despite his wife Rosie's pleas, a 48-year-old musician from Rockford, Jerry Douthett, avoided going to the doctor to get his foot examined. After a heavy night of drinking beers and margaritas, Douthett passed out at home, which was when dog Kiko took his cue. “I woke up and the dog was lying alongside my foot. I looked and blood was everywhere. I ran to the bathroom, screamed for Rosie, rinsed it off and it was gone." At the hospital, doctors found a bone infection and amputated the rest of his toe. Kiko has been called a hero for helping the man realize that he has type II diabetes. Kiko still resides with the family but is being observed by authorities to make sure he does not have rabies. Mr. Douthett says this incident has caused him to change his drinking habits, and his sleeping behavior. "I now wear shoes to bed."

Kgosi’s, Komments--An eerily similar event happened to Kgosi when he recently passed out intoxicated in Ramotswa. He woke up to find a moderate sized Python wrapped around his arm. Still somewhat inebriated, Kgosi managed to pull the thing off his arm and sent it to the hospital to be tested for type II diabetes. KgosiKgosi is not changing his drinking habits, however his sleeping behavior will be different. "Now I’ll sweep the crumbs out the bed first and won't go to bed without an AK-47." Kopo now also thinks Kgosi's brain has been affected by rabies.

Kgosi

Last month Kopo had an unfortunate accident with an errant kudu. The kudu escaped with minor injuries, but Kopo lost her bicycle license for three months. This has not kept us stationary however, as we have become even more infamous in town for our newly purchased tandem bike.

Some of you may have noted that it has been quite a while since I've made a blog post--perhaps four or five weeks. To be honest, it has to do with running into a rough patch here. It is well known that the one-year mark of Peace Corps service is a time when many people start feeling a bit low and frustrated and virtually all volunteers have significant ups and downs; it is simply part of the process. I actually thought (or perhaps hoped) that I might be immune since the first year sailed by quickly without real difficulty. No such luck, however. Starting about a month ago, things have been tough. There are multiple reasons -- I really had overworked myself in May, with a stretch of five weeks without a single day off including weekends. I had not had a vacation day since February. One of the major projects that I was involved in, the District Research Project had been going for nine months and I simply felt that there was no cooperation on the part of the other 9 members. It felt like carrying a sack uphill with nine people dragging their feet. I then lost my memory stick, which had all of my documents, pictures, and other items on it. It's hard to say, whether it was really lost or “found” by someone and just "not returned”. In any case, I was fortunate to have saved the majority of files on the computer itself, so I didn't lose them permanently, but many things had to be reconstituted or redone including the 16 page Newsletter for the District. Another overriding factor was the weather—it has been freaking cold! I don’t normally pay too much attention to the temperature, but it is much different when the inside of your house is the same as the outside and it is 35 degrees. It feels like you are cold when you go to bed, cold when you sleep, cold when you get up and cold when you eat.

Thank goodness things are taking a positive turn.

We attended our MST (one of the multitude of Peace Corps acronyms) for Mid Service Training. It was really delightful to see our whole class together. It is a wonderfully cohesive and supportive group and some of the folks I had not seen since last September. I presented a session on Stress and Stress Management that seemed to be needed and well received. We stayed in the Big 5 lodge which reprised our initial arrival in Botswana 16 months ago. It reminded me how much has happened in that time, and how experience is a terrific companion.I resigned the “Principle Investigator” role for the research project and turned it over to Motswana colleagues who are government employees. They are paid to do this project!

This past weekend, 16 of us gather in Kanye for “Christmas in July”. One of our group, Mish, is very creative with decorations and even made a 3-dimensional fireplace at which Maureen is warming her hands. (See below). We had soup from scratch, Christmas cookies galore and home-made pretzels. We all sang carols and even knew all the words by heart.

When I got back to the office, I had a readjustment meeting with my Motswana counterpart/boss. As it has always been with me, she was understanding and open to working out some changes. We came to some excellent improvements that will make work a lot more pleasant for me—including moving my desk into another room so I did not have to be the office secretary, receptionist and phone answerer-- trying to answer all the partially unintelligible phone conversations as well as trying to concentrate on my other work. I am also taking several half days out of the office to work in a quiet spot so I can do some writing—more on that in a future post.

All in all, I feel much refreshed and ready to tackle the remaining 11 months.Next post, look for a new edition of the Khronicle.

While most of North America is basking in sunshine, winter has come to Botswana in full force. The temperature has dropped and the wind kicked up so it feels even colder than it is. It was 42 degrees last night and it is scheduled to go down to near freezing with the next few days. Several weather services have predicted snow for some of the World Cup venues. Kgosi and Kopo are breaking out the winter jackets, hats, gloves and sleeping bags.

Construction workers getting ready to start the day.

Having finished the Medical school teaching, things have settled into a routine of getting up early, working a full day, home to a bowl of chips, dinner, a bath then watching something we have downloaded from the Internet. Several of our favorites are “The Big Bang Theory”, “Glee” “Nurse Jackie” “Modern Family” as well as radio—“Wait Don’t Tell Me,” “News From Lake Wobegone,” “The Writer’s Almanac” and “Shields and Brooks” from PBS. I had hoped to be able to get some Internet broadcasts of the Soccer matches, but the speed is just not fast enough. We can get radio broadcasts, but that leaves something to be desired with soccer. Lights are out by 9:00 and curling up in the sleeping bags.

The Kalahari Khronicle Volume 2, Number 1

The Khronicle is starting its second year bolstered by our booming subscription sales which now total one (Thanks Mom!) This number should double shortly as my Nigerian banker Sayid has also signed up and his check is “in the mail.”

Botswana Mid Week Sun—June 9 2010

Headline from page 10 “Panic as SA plane fails to Land” Prize winning reporter Ntibinyane Ntibinyane described the frantic situation aboard the South African Airways plane from Johannesburg to Gaborone when it “failed to land.” The final paragraph reads “All was quiet until the pilot announced: “We are more likely to return to Johannesburg and re-start our journey if the situation does not improve”

Kgosi's Komment--There is absolutely no further text in the article and no further word on what did happen, so Kgosi thinks the plane may still be circling. Then again, that was a week ago and I believe that Ntibinyane received his journalistic prize posthumously.

Also what self-respecting parent gives his kid the same first name as his last name like Ntibinyane Ntibinyane? Who would want to go through life as Abercrombie Abercrombie, Culpepper Culpepper or Schwartz Schwartz?

We close with the coverage of the Royal Sons visit to Botswana and specifically to Mogkolodi just 10 minutes up the road from us.

Princes William and Harry nearly urinated on by snake during first overseas tour in South Africa

BY NICK KLOPSIS

DAILY NEWS WRITER

Tuesday, June 15th 2010, 3:50 PM

Princes Harry (left) and William playfully handle a snake at the Mogkolodi Nature Reserve in south Botswana. The two are going on their first overseas tour in South Africa.

When you gotta go, you gotta go.

Princes William and Harry narrowly missed a royal embarrassment Tuesday when a snake they were handling decided to take a tinkle mere inches from William's hand, the Daily Mail reports.

The duo is on their first overseas tour in South, where they will be conducting official business as well as enjoying some downtime.

On their first day together, the princes stopped at Mogkolodi Nature Reserve in southern Botswana. Prince William is the royal patron of the conservation charity Tusk Trust, which supports education camps at the nature reserve.

At the camp, an African rock python was draped over the two princes' shoulders. The two began to playfully handle it, joking around and holding it up toward one another in front of a large group of children, a game warden and reporters.

However, the snake became extremely nervous in front of the large crowd and relieved itself, nearly urinating on William's hand in the process.

Kgosi’s Komment—While the above part of the visit was covered by many news services, a Khronicle exclusive was the meeting between Prince William and Kgosi after the snake handling. OK, OK……… I was a little nervous meeting a Prince in person for the first time. I think things were uneventful until the Prince, obviously remembering the USA-England World Cup soccer match, refused to shake my hand and said “Piss off Yank.” Well at least now the snake and I have something in common.

Kgosi

Whew! We have completed the Mental Health Module with the Medical students--36 students, 15 hours of original lecture, 3 Three hour workshops and a 57 question exam. We have been working 20 days straight including weekends in preparation. Its honest work and something that we really feel good about. Nevertheless one never knows just how much of the material sunk in. Much of it is new to them and some things clearly were different than what they have learned about mental health--which is almost nil.

I am sure that they didn't know what to make of our "American style" teaching--walking all over the room instead of standing behind a podium, small group discussions and insisting on class participation, questions and responses. The students are almost pathologically averse to raising their hands and risk an answer that may be "wrong" or found foolish. It is unfortunately part of long tradition in African education and society in general--don't stand out, always be one of the group, don't take a chance that you will be publicly shamed. It got better as they came to trust us, but often we still had to call on a person directly to get a response. Interestingly they always had a response, many of which were considered and well thought out, but they were still afraid to volunteer them. We did a number of role plays to illustrate various clinical scenarios. Again almost never a volunteer, but once called on to come forward,almost to a person, they were great actors and actresses and very creative.

Kopo and I were a great teaching team, sometimes as a tag team in one lecture/activity and other times on our own. Even with the cultural differences, we were still able to get consistent rapt attention and frequent laughs--I guess we've both still got the right stuff for teaching.

We are staying here in Gaborone over the weekend at the home of our good friends, Mike and Lynne Pendleton. Mike is an exchange family practice physician with the University of Pennsylvania-Botswana Medical Program. While they are away in the States, we have been able to stay at their condo. Since we taught last Friday at the Medical School and are scheduled again for classes this Monday, staying here makes it so much more convenient than commuting from Ramotswa.

I came up to the city two days early in order to attend the National HIV/AIDS Research Conference which is held every 5 years. We had hoped that our District research project on the “Age of Consent for HIV Testing” would have been ready to present. Since the study involved school students however, we were stymied by the recent month long break between terms from doing data collection—maybe next time.

The Pendleton’s have a home alarm system similar to ours in Denver. I arrived Wednesday evening with the instructions and door key in hand, entered the house and diligently punched in the code. Within a few seconds, it became obvious that this was not the correct code and the sirens started to blare. Thinking perhaps I had pushed the wrong numbers, I frantically began re-entering the code, but to no avail. By this time I had attracted the attention of the security guard from the apartment complex who was trying to assess who I was and what was happening. I tried to explain that I didn’t live here, but indeed was authorized by the owners. The guard looked suspiciously at me saying the alarm company employees were on their way (I didn’t know if this was a good or a bad thing). I really hoped to convince people that I wasn’t a criminal before the police were called. Usually in Botswana, if you produce 5 forms of ID and sign away your first born off-spring, people will accept that you are who you say you are. As the sirens continued to wail, the security staff appeared to believe me, and my daughter is still a free woman.

Then I suggested that they call the central office and have the alarm stopped. After all, that is a common procedure in America. But Nooooooooo, this is BW and the alarm company has absolutely no way to turn off the siren. The only way to shut off the blasted blaring was to enter the correct code—which I obviously didn’t have. They suggested that perhaps the alarm wires could be disconnected from the wall. After a thorough search of the house, no one could find any connection box. We were just about to give up that idea when one of the security people found an apparatus high on a wall, only to realize that the wires were buried into the masonry—presumably to keep people from doing exactly what we were trying to do.

The only possibility now was to call Lynne or Mike in the States and try to get the code. I didn’t have the number, but Maureen did. She called the States, only to get Lynne’s voice mail--- Ugh! The alarm men then called central office who then called the Kestlers, other friends of ours and the only other name listed on the alarm account. They told her that “Mr. Christopher” was trying to get into the house. Knowing me as “Kip” they hemmed and hawed for awhile, but finally guessed who I was, and vouched for me. She gave them another cell phone number in America to call. When the central office finally got a hold of the Pendleton’s, they didn’t want to give the code to anyone but me, so they said they would call me directly.

The sirens were now beginning to give me a headache, when to my surprise, the alarm employees said they were going to leave the premises and leave me in my misery. They didn’t do so before one guy asked if I could give him dinner because he was hungry, and the other asked if I owned a company which could give him a job. When it became clear that I didn’t have anything further to offer and there was nothing to do about shutting off the alarm, they left (quite possibly to get away from the noise) which was driving everyone crazy.

Within 10-15 minutes Lynne called with the code and I was mercifully able to shut the darn thing off, some 1 and ½ hours after the whole episode started. The only cure for my mental state by that time was a hot bath and a slug of Mike’s bourbon.

Only in Botswana.

Don’t Jump the Gun Kopo

Maureen was attending an impromptu school Guidance Department meeting earlier this week that went on…..and on…..and on. After about four hours, it appeared that things were winding up. With muttering words of ……..gratitude…. for being able to attend this marathon mostly in Setswana, she began banging her forehead against the table to show her relief that it was over. Unfortunately for Kopo, the meeting was just pausing. It continued for another 20 minutes while Kopo had to sit there, trying to explain that she really didn’t have a headache but was showing her “thanks” for such a great meeting.

This scenario reminds me of one of the Southwest Airlines advertisements that show various embarrassing moments with the tagline “Want to get away?”

I would have loved to have had a video camera for this one.

English ain’t so eezy.

Brent Keener, PCV BOTS 7 volunteer is getting ready to leave Botswana, having served his two year stint. He reports on his Face Book page this text message he recently received from one of his Motswana villagers---

“I am full of sadness to know that you are living”

—a classic typo.

Kalahari Khronicle Volume 1 Final Edition

Having just passed the official half way mark of our 27 month service, this will be the final installment of the Khronicle’s first Volume. Never fear though, Volume 2 will begin shortly as soon as we can repair the cord to the printing press which appears to have been eaten as a snack by one of the local goats.

Brown coffee

The New York Times reports from the Phillipines on Goad Sibayan who has been prospecting the remote Philippine highlands know as the Cordillera. After driving 12 hours from Manila, hiking a very tortuous route up a hillside and down into a remote valley, he found what he was looking for—civet droppings. The civet, a nocturnal, furry, catlike animal treasures eating the juiciest, ripest coffee fruits. After allowing such fruits to ferment in its stomach acids and enzymes, it excretes the hard coffee bean innards on the ground inside…….well…….civet crap.

Sibayan knows his coffee and these beans make a brew that is “smooth, chocolaty and without any bitter aftertaste.” He also describes how someone recently tried to snooker him by gluing inferior beans to …….ahem……..

non-civet crap. Sibayan could tell immediately that these were not the real McCoy, because washing the beans couldn’t dislodge the lesser quality beans from the lesser quality crap.

The civets are quite discriminating and will only eat top quality beans, leaving the rest which will be chewed on and spat out by bats. Sibayan can distinguish the premium beans that have gone through the civet GI rollercoaster from the bat fodder by licking the beans.

Some industrious Phillipino farmers have tried to catch and cage the civets, so as to make it easy to find and collect the civet guano. Apparently real “connoisseurs” rejected the coffee from the caged civets which they claim does not taste the same as that from wild civets. Apparently, “the stress” experienced by the captured civets causes changes in their stomach juices.

There “coffee connoisseurs” in the US that will pay exorbitant prices for the wild civet beans—up to $150 dollars a pound.

The Pat-ogs, the Phillipino farmers interviewed for this Times article about the prices that foreigners would pay said “We are a bit surprised and perplexed” With a big grin they also added “We are ignorant.“

Kgosi’s Komments:

1 Kgosi can understand that this brew may be “chocolaty” but who is kidding whom about it being “smooth without any bitter aftertaste.”

2 Sibayan has recently been hospitalized for over two months in Manila with chronic diarrhea.

3 Therfore Kgosi wants to know if this job is the best that Sabayan can get. By coming to BW, the Khronicle can offer a higher paying position right here in Ramotswa licking the printing press clean of old ink, and extra money can be made by moonlighting after hours cleaning up the goat crap—no licking involved.

4Kgosi cannot spell “connoisseur” without a dictionary

5 Any bozo who is willing to pay $150 a pound for morning java made from civet guano beans deserves every smooth chocolaty mouthful.

5Nonetheless, with advice from his broker at Goldman Sachs on how to beat the usual stock market investments, Kgosi has invested a significant portion of his pension plan in civet coffee futures.

6Not wanting to put all his financial eggs in one basket and perhaps miss out on a possible new financial gold mine, Kgosi is also diversifying his investments by trying to feed coffee beans to various African animals and collecting the guano in hopes that the beans will have their own unique flavor.

7So far, the most promising coffee possibilities are:

--Wildebeest Wake Up Call

--Elephant Espresso with extra Chocolate

--Rip Roaring Rhino and

--Heavenly Hyena, which is decaf

Kgosi was using the previous “printing press licker” to taste test the brews, but unfortunately that guy is no longer with us (see above vacancy).

8Kgosi himself is switching to tea.

Marital Bliss

The Associated Press cites an Olympia Washington woman Carolyn Paulsen-Riat who was booked for third degree assault and domestic violence after her husband tried to use his table saw.

Switching the “on” button produced a severe electric jolt that knocked him to the floor. Apparently angry that her husband was leaving her, Carolyn had a reversed the wires on all his power tools.

The AP also reports on the Salt Lake City Utah woman, Amy Teresa Ricks who received 30 days in jail for assault.

The 37 year old blindfolded her husband and promised him

“a surprise.”—after which she hit him in the head with a hammer.

Kgosi’s Komment:

To be on the safe side, Kgosi now insists that power tools will only be turned on while Kopo is holding his hand and standing in a pool of water.

He has now also told her that he categorically refuses to further participate in our regular Sunday game of Blind Man’s Bluff without a helmet.

Kgosi

Things in Ramotswa had been rolling along at a relatively feverish pace. It hardly seems possible that May is already here, and with it, the advent of winter. Hopefully, we still have several more weeks of warm days and cool nights, but you never know. The space heater is out and ready!

The Police

I had the opportunity of doing some interesting training talks in the last couple of weeks including two presentations on "Stress and Stress Management for Law Enforcement Officers" at the Ramotswa Police Department. Twenty five to thirty officers participated each week and seemed really appreciative for the information. Although most do not carry guns, they are involved in all the confrontations, arrests, and physical altercations that make up the daily life of a police officer. The police chief here, Sarah Gabathusi, runs a tight ship. Several times during the talks, several of the officers came in late and upon seeing her, offered clicking heels and a smart salute. Most of the walking beat patrol officers are young men and women around the age of 20. They are high school graduates with a high grade point average and excellent English skills. They enter the Police Academy where all courses are taught in English. Overall I think the talks went very successfully and I’m pleased to have been able to offer some mental health related material.

The New Group Visitors

Beginning on Wednesday, we had "shadowees” from the new BOTS 9 group here with us in Ramotswa. We hosted a couple our age, Mary and Chuck McGee from Alaska. Lucie Kuhlmann, a 22-year-old from Fort Collins Colorado, was hosted by our fellow Peace Corps volunteer here in Ramotswa. They "shadowed" us at our work assignments during the week and had a chance to sleep in, rest and relax on the weekend. All three were delightful to meet and get to know. As expected for being in country for four weeks, they had many questions about being a volunteer, site placement, work assignments, interacting with the Batswana, shopping, money, and lots of other things. Hard to believe it was a year ago that we were in their positions!

An Interesting Book

For those of you who are interested in learning more about Botswana and the culture, we might recommend a book called "20 Chickens for a Saddle” written by Robyn Scott and published by Penguin Press. It describes her upbringing in Botswana from the late 1980s to the present and we believe represents well a Westerner’s experience with the Batswana. Her family is somewhat "eccentric" but in love with Botswana and all it has to offer. It is a good read and will give an accurate picture of life in many parts of this country.

Medical School Teaching

Maureen and I begin our teaching at the Medical School this week. We have been feverishly completing lectures, handouts, self- learning assignments and test questions. There are 36 students in the first year class, mostly from Botswana, but a few from neighboring African countries as well. It already has been a lot of work, although it is a labor of love and right up our alley. This week we will be giving presentations on an Overview of the Psychological Aspects of the Brain and the Mind, How to Do a Mental Status Exam, and Alcohol and Substance Abuse. The last of these three lectures will be presented by our Peace Corps colleague, Shannon Commers, who is a Certified Alcohol and Drug Counselor. All three of us will participate in the two-hour workshop that follows her didactic material.

The Kalahari Khronicle Volume 1 Number 9

Public Notice from the Botswana Examiner May 8, 2010

"Currently trained Botswana Defense Force snake handlers are ONLY based at the Khama army barracks in the town of Mogoditsane. As a result, services of that nature will not be offered from other camps or from locations far from the barracks as handlers usually arrive only to find the snake has long disappeared.

As a cost recovery measure, each call shall attract a P100.00 fee, irrespective of whether the snake has been found or not. In case of snake attacks, please contact 366-2208"

Kgosi’s Komment-- Now that it has emerged that most of these calls do not actually confront a snake, Kgosi has found his new post-Peace Corps career as a trained snake handler. His only challenge now will be to figure out how to call in sick if it appears that there actually IS a snake to be found when the team arrives.

New Driving challenge in South Korea

The Associated Press reports the triumph of a 69-year-old South Korean woman over adversity to obtain her driver's license in Jeenju province.

Cha Sa-Soon has passed her road driving test on her 10th try. She had been finally granted a road test after she had taken the written exam virtually every day since April 2005. She eventually passed that test on her 960th attempt. She is now attempting to buy a small second hand car to utilize her newly granted license.

Kgosi’s Komment--Kgosi is wondering if the South Korean Motor Vehicle Bureau grants “Mercy Passes” for those who take the exam more than 950 times. Kgosi is also hoping that it takes Ms Sa-Soon many, many tries to correctly fill out the paperwork for an auto purchase. When news of a successful purchase is announced however, Kgosi will cancel any planned travel to the Korean Peninsula, or demand 24 hours advance notice of where Ms Sa-soon will be on the road.

An Embalming Advance?

Primera Hora, the Puerto Rican news service reports that the Marin Funeral Home in San Juan's Halo Rey district has begun a new trend by embalming the body of David Mireles Colón, who is a 22-year-old Puerto Rican native who died last week. He has been presented, not formally in a casket as is usual, but in casual clothes and sunglasses posed riding his Honda CBR 600 motorcycle. After having the vehicle delivered to the funeral home, those attending the wake will see Mr. Colón’s body riding atop the motorcycle. This presentation also depicts Mr. Colón's lifestyle in that he is not wearing a helmet while aboard the cycle.

Kgosi’s Komment-- Having now learned that this procedure is a possibility, Kgosi has expressed his last wishes should he expire in Africa-- to be positioned in his favorite pose -- riding an ostrich bareback and being followed by a trail of adoring admirers waving large fans constructed of palm fronds and feathers.

New Job Requirement

Reuters News Service reports that the police chief in Papua, Indonesia has now declared that each police applicant "will be asked whether or not, his vital organ has been enlarged.” If it has, he will be “considered unfit to join the police or the military," because, according to the chief, the unnatural size causes "a hindrance during the training." According to the Jakarta Globe’s expert sexologist’s response to this announcement, local males wrap the penis “with leaves from a gatal-gatal (itchy) tree” so that it swells up "like it has been stung by a bee."

Kgosi’s Komment--Kgosi does not have much fondness for the Itchy tree and during his lectures, he did not ask Chief Gabathusi whether this ban was in effect in the Ramotswa community.

Happy Mother's Day to all who qualify.

Kgosi

It is Sunday here in Botswana and the worm has turned weather-wise—cold, foggy, rainy and a 50 degree drop in temperature from what it was just 10 days ago. Last weekend we put away the fans and today we got out the space heater. It’s a good weekend to sleep in, read, eat, play Scrabble and nap.

Kalahari Khronicle Volume 1 Number 8

World Stops

This may be a first in journalism history, but Kgosi proclaims in this lead (and only) article in the Khronicle that unless you live in Iceland----

ABSOLUTELY NOTHING HAPPENED THIS WEEK.

There are no stories worth reporting and Kgosi refuses to waste the time of our readers and this paper’s massive crack journalism staff on drivel.

Now really readers—do you need to know:

that Goldman Sachs rigged an investment so the insiders made a billion dollars and the pension fund investors lost a billion?

that Lindsay Lohan’s Father made a welfare check-up visit on her and her sister?

that South Carolina’s Lieutenant Governor said that it is “lazy people” who cause his state’s illegal immigration problem? “There are lot of people that are flat out lazy in this state and they are using up the goods and services that we have," but they won’t take jobs harvesting crops.

Do you even want to know that in the latest expanded Nielsen ratings, 2 of the top 7 shows viewed in the USA last week were episodes of “World Wrestling Entertainment”?

I didn’t think so.

Kgosi’s Komment—Kgosi only likes wrestling when it occurs in mud and involves Kopo and any animal over 2 tons

Despite the fact that this edition has only one article, the per-paper price is the same—2 Pula. Just because the world has a bad week, why should the Khronicle suffer?

The weather has finally shifted in Ramotswa and the peak of summer has passed. The last week or so has been simply beautiful -- warm sunny days with temperatures in the 80s, nights in the high 50s which is great for sleeping, and cool, crisp mornings on which to enjoy a cup of coffee on the patio. We even cleaned our two fans in the house and put them away for next year. Hopefully if things go as they did last year, we should have several months of nice weather before the cold sets in.

The Newbie’s.

I met the BOTS 9 group of Peace Corps volunteers in Gaborone last Monday. Fifty seven of them traipsed off the bus from the airport, all looking quite exhausted—small wonder given their travel schedule. They were picked up at 1:30 AM in Philadelphia and driven to New York City. They arrived at 4:30 AM and waited three hours to board the plane from JFK. After the 15 hour flight, they arrived in Johannesburg to wait another seven hours to board the flight to Gaborone. Although tired, they were all excited to be here and to begin to experience "the real Africa."

There are five married couples in the group, although only one in our age bracket. There are 10 individuals who are 61 or older (including one 80 year old woman) and no one between 36 and 60. They look younger than our group, although no less passionate and eager to get going. I and several of the other current volunteers did some icebreakers and "get-to-know-you’s" for several hours on Tuesday morning before they started their first Setswana lessons. No one could have been happier that day than I knowing that I didn't have to start Pre-Service Training all over again. Experience is a wonderful thing!!

.

BILLBOARD UPDATE.

You may remember that one of our district projects which was begun last August was to put up some informational billboards on HIV related topics. We held a competition among students in various schools to get their ideas for messages that would speak to the youth about preventing teenage pregnancy. After several months, we received a lot of submissions and chose the best two. They were placed on the back and front of relatively large billboards, which would be placed in three locations in the district. With the holidays, and other backlogs, we didn't get around to getting the billboards actually constructed until February, but they finally arrived six weeks ago. We had sites picked out, but had to go back to the drawing board when our initial inquiries yielded the information that the Roads Department would not permit any signs regardless of type, nearer than 31 meters from the center of the road. Therefore we needed to find some sites that were far enough away from the road to meet the guideline, but still visible to road and foot traffic.

Everyone in the office concurred that the best way to proceed was to meet with the Kgosi’s of the various towns to obtain their permission. We did so and received enthusiastic support, and in each case were directed to the head of the Village Development Committee who helped us choose appropriate sites and gave the go-ahead. Then the real fun began.

The Botswana fiscal year ends on March 31. As is the case every year, any unused monies (which would pay for the billboards) had to be spent before mid-March. It took some doing, but we finally got the authorization completed in time to issue a check to the billboard maker. In the process, however, we had to go to the Physical Planning Committee to get their official okay. The Planning Committee gave us a five page application to fill out including detailed site maps of where the signs were to be placed. I spent the better part of a morning drawing the maps and filling out the application. I got to the Planning Committee office only to hear: “Kgosi, your maps are too small, they need to be bigger. Bring back bigger maps and the committee will consider it at our next meeting, which is in May. Oh yes, and you need to go to the Land Board to get their permission before you can even take it to our committee.”

So, my counterpart and I headed to the Land Board, where we proceeded to get the runaround with several different people, none of whom seemed to know definitively what we needed to do. They said that the Director of the Land Board had been transferred, and was not yet replaced; the assistant director has been transferred and he had not been replaced. But for now, fill out this six page form, submit all their required fees, and when the committee meets, which may occur in a couple of months, we will consider your proposal.

Now we think it is time to go to the District Commissioner to see if we can get some help with this bureaucracy. The sign maker is appropriately pressuring us for his payment, given that the signs were delivered over a month ago, and he has to play his suppliers. The people who make out checks, however say the sign people cannot be paid until the signs are installed correctly in place. Meanwhile we get another call from the Physical Planning Committee representative who now says the larger maps, which I had submitted, were not sufficient and that there needed to be maps made out by the person who was going to install the signs. I called the sign maker, and he said that he could not understand this. “I've never had to make maps for anyone. I just installed signs for the South East district four months ago and never had to make any maps.” I tell him that I am just the messenger, and the only way he is going to get paid is if he makes the maps. This somewhat satisfies him and he agrees to make maps if I will fax him copies of my maps, so he can literally copy them. (He does not want to actually have to visit the sites). Now with the help of the District Commissioner, we go back to the Land Board, who says if a representative from the Board goes out to visit the sites with one of us, “perhaps” they can expedite the process. I have been the designated representative to go out with the Land Board person tomorrow, but I'm not holding my breath. Stay tuned.

WALKING AROUND THE VILLAGE.

I am walking to work on Friday morning when I come upon two young boys (probably about ages four and two) walking down the road pulling a very cute and very young puppy, held by a piece of twine around his neck.

Kgosi: “Dumela Bana.” (Hello children), Pointing to the puppy. “Bontle, O bidiwa mang?” (Very beautiful. What is the dog's name?)

The children look at me as if I am from another planet.

Kgosi (Maybe they are from another African country and don’t speak Setswana, so in English—“What is the dog's name?”)

The children: “Doggie”

Kgosi: “Oh that is a good name.” “Can I pet him?”

Children: (Nods)

As I reach down to pet him. "Doggie" turns and rapidly runs toward Zimbabwe straining at the leash.

The children pull him back to me and I again reach down to pet him, at which time "Doggie" takes a leap toward my hand and snaps his jaws trying to take a large chunk out of my index finger, but just misses.

Kgosi: "Maybe you should call him crocodile”

Children: “No, because it is a dog.”

Kgosi: (realizing that any explanation would be futile) “Okay. You guys have a good day. Goodbye.”

(After I had walked about 10 paces) Children: "Give us two pula”

The more things change, the more they stay the same.

The Kalahari Khronicle Volume 1 Number seven

Dead Reckoning

The Associated Press in London arrested two women at Liverpool's John Lennon Airport after they reportedly tried to smuggle a corpse onto a flight. They were detained "on suspicion of failing to give notification of death” of a 91-year-old man. The BBC and other media reported that the women had placed the man, a relative of theirs, into a wheelchair and covered his face with sunglasses in a bid to get him aboard a flight to Berlin. The women aged 41 and 66 were detained, but were released on bail.

Kgosi’s Komment-- Actually this 91-year-old was alive when he started the previous connecting flight but was served one of the in-flight meals and died of indigestion. The ladies claimed that they did not even know he was dead until the police discovered the problem, but said the meal was "bloody awful."

It Doesn't Pay to be Dead.

A police tow truck in New York City has been reported by the Associated Press to have removed a minivan parked outside a New York City funeral home, taking its dearly departed passenger on an unexpected side trip. NYPD spokesman Paul Browne said there was "nothing to indicate that it was anything more than an illegally parked car." Redden’s Funeral Home director Paul DeNigris said that the windshield placard had fallen down and the tinted windows helped obscure the fact that there was a body inside. DeNigris said he was "a wreck" after discovering the van was missing in Manhattan and rushed to the police tow pound, where he explained the circumstances. He was ultimately given the van back and got it to the airport in time for a scheduled flight to Miami. He is however still fighting the $115 parking ticket.

Kgosi’s Komment—If Kgosi ever leaves a corpse with Redden’s in the future, he is not exiting without a receipt.

World Champion

The Gaborone Daily News reports a story out of Japan in which Mai Sato was crowned the world champion at the Second International Competition held in Tokyo for her sport -- pole dancing—usually the denizen of strip clubs. In February, Ms Sato beat out competitors from 11 other nations to win the championship and then in a post competition interview said that "I think pole dancing should be in the Olympics.”

Kgosi’s Komment-- The Russian judge gave her a 9.5. When asked why he did not give her a perfect 10, he garbled "too skinny and no babushka.” His comments might have carried more weight, except he smelled suspiciously like vodka.

Toilet Training

The Associated Press reports that a woman who was staying in a hotel in La Vista Nebraska just south of Omaha, called the front desk when she found a python curled in her toilet. The python appeared to be three years old. The hotel officials declined to comment

Kgosi’s Komment—Kgosi feels that this article neglected to report one crucial detail, which was--Did this woman find the snake in her toilet before or after she sat on the pot? Since reading this story, Kgosi has had great difficulty using the bathroom, particularly in the dark. He has also made several Internet searches on how long a human being can go before taking a crap.

This Really Makes Me Sick

Multiple news agencies have reported the story of the incident at a Philadelphia Phillies baseball game when a 21-year-old Cherry Hills NJ man, Matthew Clemenson, was arrested after he intentionally vomited on the 11-year-old daughter of a police officer. The officer, an Easton, PA Police Captain was sitting next to his daughter and says he saw Clemenson intentionally stick his fingers down his throat in order to throw up on the child after Clemenson's friend had been thrown out of the ballpark.

Kgosi’s Komment-- Kgosi has done some pretty silly things in his life, but he would never, never intentionally throw up on an 11-year-old.

What?... Kopo, you say that I should come clean? .......................................................Okay I was arrested for doing that, but it was when I was young and stupid ………………………………………………………………………………

OK,OK…………………………………….it was last January …………………………………………………………………

Alright, already…

It was my third offense, so I was sentenced to 20 weeks of therapy for "vomit management."

But I would never, I repeat never ever do it on a law enforcement official or some member of his family…………………………………………

No Kopo, a TSA officer at the airport security gate is not technically a law enforcement officer, and besides he deserved it----he would not let me bring my python as a carry-on.

Kgosi

This week I thought I would post some of the pictures that the photographer took when he was here. They give a sampling of our working colleagues.

Maureen with Majingo Majingo, one of the Heads of House at school (seemingly born of parents with little creativity in names!)

Maureen with Daisy Leshwenyo, her co-leader in the Girl's Book Club.

Ngwakwana Malema, the School Guidance Counselor and Maureen's counterpart.

Kgosi with Gofaone, one of the Lifeline group members, learning about word processing.

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Kopo addressing the School Assembly...1600 students!

This guy looks familiar....

Waiting for the bus in Otse.

The new Library in Ramotswa, courtesy of the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation. Due for completion at the end of May, but I will believe it when I see it--already 8 months late.

Kgosi teaching the Hospital staff on Listening and Counselling Skills for Healthcare Professionals.

Goodie, Goodie the elctricity and the internet are working!

Rra Desmond and Mma Cholo, the people who man the supplies office--good folks to have as friends.

Mma Ooke, a former obstetrical nurse and my counterpart

This building has been unfinished since we arrived and no one seems to know what it is going to be. I am sitting here until I get answers.

Burning Man on the Pans

Although it hardly seems possible, in two weeks we will have been in Botswana for a full year. As a one year anniversary celebration, 35 of us gathered in a mining town in the north part of the country called Sowa for a two day gala get-together. We rented a car at the Botswana airport and drove North. Although it took some getting used to, with the steering wheel on the right-hand side, driving in the left lane and a left-handed stick shift, the trip was relatively uneventful, although long.

The first night was spent at PCV Jillian's home. Most of us were sleeping in tents in the backyard. However, when Maureen and I put our tent up in the dark, we didn't realize that the center flap was open. So when the rains came during the evening, our tent was soaked. Fortunately there was some space inside the house, and we slept on the floor.

The next morning, seven of us went over to the "country club” to play some golf. As you can see from the pictures below, it only vaguely resembled real golf. It was an interesting experience and played by special rules. Given that the "fairways" were choked with weeds, you could tee up the ball on every shot.

When you finally got to the "greens" (I think they're actually called "browns"), they consisted of hard packed dirt, which may or may not have been relatively smooth. The picture below shows me ironing out a roadway with a big metal rake over which you could putt.

All that was missing from the course was the windmill and the clown’s mouth.

In the afternoon, we piled into cars, and many on the back of a flatbed truck, to ride out to the Pans (the Largest Salt Flat in the World), where we pitched tents and had a barbecue (known locally as a braai).

Molly and her crew couldn't find the turn off to the lower road and decided to go over the edge--not a good move as the car got hung up until we could pull it out

If you look carefully at this picture, you will see a thin white line right at the horizon, which are thousands of flamingos. We never walked far enough to get a close-up though, since they were actually several miles away.

Initially, all was clear and bright sun.

The clouds rolled in however, and a fierce wind came up, followed by a rollicking thunderstorm. Through the rapidly developing dust storm, I saw one of the tents uprooted and rolling like tumbleweed toward the fire. I decided that I should try to track it down and rescue it. I was awfully glad I did, since it turned out to be ours! I didn't find out until the next morning, however, that much of our gear was strewn over the salt flats and soaking wet from the rain. Fortunately there was a permanent shelter in which we could pitch the tents inside, as shown below. It would have been simply miserable if that shelter had not been there, since the entire surrounding area turned into a giant lake.

The highlight of the evening was setting our "Burning Man" on fire in the tradition of the Burning Man celebration of the American Southwest.

In one year, we have come a long, long way. Our PCV colleagues, once strangers, will forever be friends. A Country once so strange and unknown to us, has become familiar and comfortable. And now, we await the arrival of fellow Americans as the new "class" of volunteers arrives. What a year!

The pace of life here in Ramotswa has picked up dramatically in the last several weeks. We had continuous guests for 10 days -- first a BOTS 8 Peace Corps couple, then a photographer, and then a BOTS 7 couple who are preparing to complete their service. It was delightful seeing everyone, but continuously having people in our small house was a logistical challenge.

The photographer, Richard Sitler, is a former Peace Corps volunteer in Jamaica, who has been for the past year involved in a worldwide project to visit Peace Corps countries and volunteers in order to photograph them for a book to be published next year. It will coincide with the 50th anniversary of Peace Corps in 2011. We were asked to host him and he stayed with us for a week. Richard went with us to all of our activities taking over 300 photographs. We look forward to seeing the end product of his massive and heartfelt project. Additionally, while he was here, we were able to talk advantage of his professional expertise. He came to the Life Line group meeting and gave a wonderful presentation on basic photography showing the kids examples of well-done photographs, common mistakes that make photographs less desirable and how to set up a shoot….. all of which the kids thoroughly enjoyed.

Work life for me has been extra busy with meetings to revitalize the workplace HIV/AIDS program. This program instituted by the government, involves having peer educators and peer counselors within each department of the government to plan and implement HIV education and provide counseling to the staff. Although the program has been ongoing for two years, activity and reporting have recently waned. Our office therefore was tasked with visiting each department to revive the committees and provide assistance. There are over 15 departments, so we have been having two or three meetings a day. The advantage for me is visiting offices and departments that I have only heard about in the past, but have never had any direct contact; among others; forestry, agriculture, adult education, and tribal administration.

Maureen's six month, over 200 hour work project to establish a Club for HIV+ teens has hit a snag with the funding agency, which has some reservations about the nongovernmental organization who is to be the active partner in this endeavor. From her perspective, the problem identified as paperwork and certification does not in any functional way affect the readiness of the project to commence. Nevertheless, after a large group meeting with all the bigwigs, the project is still on hold, at least for now. NOT to her liking. I’ve been around her long enough to know her Irish persistence (some might say stubbornness!) so I am certain, with time, this project will happen. I would attempt to warn the involved parties of their ultimate fate in dealing with her, but I’d prefer to save my marriage.

The weather has begun to “cool off” a bit, with high temperatures only in the mid-80s. Periodic thundershowers continue, though and I still need to keep a washcloth handy at work, to wipe myself off as I am profusely sweating even at seven in the morning.

My cousin Craig sent me a humorous YouTube video on Hitler's reaction to Kansas losing to the University of Northern Iowa in March Madness. As I responded to him, no one's bracket got busted faster than mine. I had picked the University of Uganda to edge out the College of the Democratic Republic of the Congo in an overtime thriller, but the selection committee failed to take heed of my savvy choices. As I told Craig, if I had known that Idi Amin was dead, I probably would have gone for another champion. Amin had a remarkable knack for winning games. When other teams did manage to beat his team, "The Godzilla's of Government," the opposing team quickly and mysteriously disappeared, never to be seen again.

THE KALAHARI KHRONICLE, volume 1, number seven

Crime statistics in Botswana are small, in large measure because guns of any kind are banned by the government. Criminals in other countries however continue perpetrating dastardly infractions abroad. Because of the overwhelmingly positive response to last year’s "International Crime Fighter Edition” (my parents bought 10 copies to distribute to their friends), the Khronicle now brings you more stories in the annals of felonious behavior.

MULTI-TASKING

Belgian News Agency Beiga reported that a man suspected of robbing a jewelry store in Liege said he couldn't have done it because he was very busy breaking into a school at the same time. Police then arrested him for breaking into the school.

CRIME REQUIRES PRECISION

Several papers in the San Francisco area have reports of a man who walked into a downtown Bank of America and wrote on the back of a deposit slip “This is a stikkup. Put all your money in this bag." While standing in line waiting to give his note to the teller, the man began to worry that someone may have seen him write the note and might call police before he could reach the teller. So the criminal walked across the street to the Wells Fargo bank. After waiting in line for several minutes, he handed his note to the teller. After reading it, the teller determined that this robber was perhaps a few sandwiches short of a picnic. She told him that because the note was written on a Bank of America deposit slip, she could not honor his demand. He would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo withdrawal slip or go back to the Bank of America. Feeling defeated, the man said he understood and left. The Wells Fargo teller promptly called the police who arrested him a few minutes later, still waiting in line at the Bank of America.

A CLOSE SHAVE

AOL news reported earlier this month that Florida Keys police arrested a 37-year-old woman when she crashed her 1995 Ford Thunderbird into another car. While driving, she attempted to shave her bikini area. According to the arrest report on March 2, Megan Mariah Barnes said she was on her way to Key West to meet her boyfriend. And that she "wanted to be ready for the visit." So, police say, she had her ex-husband, Charles Judy, who was riding in the passenger seat hold the wheel while she attended to her pubic hair.

Kgosi’s Komment--Kgosi just hates when this happens and resolves never again to ride with his ex-wife while shaving his crotch en route to meet his new girlfriend.

FUTURE PLANNING

Police in Fairfield, Connecticut say they had ample warning of a bank robbery because the two suspects called the bank ahead of time and told an employee to get a bag of money ready for the drive through window. They arrested 27-year-old Albert Bailey and an unidentified 16-year-old boy on “robbery and threatening” charges at the People's United Bank in Fairfield. Sgt. James Perez says the two Bridgeport residents showed up about 10 minutes after making a call and were met by police in the parking lot. Perez told the Connecticut Post. "The suspects were not too bright".

Kgosi’s Komment--Kgosi only has one question for these two bozo’s -- "Do you want fries with your cash?"

BAD MARKETING SCHEME

The Billings Montana Gazette reports the arrest of Remo Spencer after he was filmed by Wal-Mart store security cameras posting an advertisement to sell I Pod’s, which he had stolen from that store.

Kgosi’s Komments—In the spirit of helping his fellow man, Kgosi has written to Remo in the slammer. For future efforts to fence stolen property, Kgosi suggests Craig’s List or even better, Remo can hand out leaflets at the front door of Wal-Mart listing the hot items and Remo’s name address and phone number.

Faced with all these seemingly endless crimes, it is easy to become pessimistic about the human condition and law enforcement. Therefore this edition ends with two stories of heart and compassion.

DON'T CATCH COLD

Wellington, New Zealand police picked up two naked men on a late-night bike ride in the resort town of Whangamata, but let them off with a warning to put on helmets. The men told Senior Constable Kathy Duder, that they wished to "experience total freedom.” Although nudity is illegal, Constable Duder declined to arrest them and said “If you don't head home and get helmets, you may experience total confinement.”

NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED

Donald Wolfe, from just outside Pittsburgh PA was found by police by the side of the road attempting to give mouth to mouth resuscitation to a dead opossum. Police say that "the opossum had been dead for quite a while.” To further reward him for his extraordinary act of veterinary heroism, they arrested him for public drunkenness and gave him an overnight stay in the hoosegow.

Kgosi’s Komments—Kgosi has had medical training and also has great admiration for good Samaritans such as Mr. Wolfe. Nonetheless Kgosi does not fully understand the anatomy of providing mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to a dead opossum especially when its mouth is shut tight from rigor mortis.

Kgosi

P.S. The Khronicle knows that economic times are hard in the US. Therefore we pass on this actual website, http://j-walk.com/other/conf/ which advertises

The 3rd Annual Nigerian

Email Conference

"Write better emails. Make more moneys."

[Even though the conference is over, do go to the website—it’s a winner. Thanks to John Boak]

We are back from America after a wonderful trip to Boston, and seeing many of our friends and relatives. Avie is growing rapidly and is a wonderfully cute and lovable granddaughter. Alison and Jason are doing well, although both of them could use more sleep. So, after one more 29 hour flight, we arrived back in Ramotswa tired but satisfied. An important part of the trip was being able to meet with a number of professors at Harvard Medical School discussing curriculum and getting materials to help us prepare to teach the Mental Health module at the new University of Botswana Medical School in May and June. We returned to the workaday grind and tried to resurrect the few bits of Setswana that we had before we left.

No Rest for the Weary

I was in the office no more than 2 hours when I found that in 4 days I was to attend a week long workshop in Francistown (6 hours drive from home) to follow up on our District research project. Unless one is in BW, it is difficult to conceive that workshops and trainings are scheduled, re-scheduled and sometimes cancelled with 1-2 days notice. It is not at all unusual to receive notice on Thursday of a 5 day training starting Monday. The funny part is that the Thursday notice says “We will tell you the venue tomorrow.” This means that accommodations and conference space for 85 people have not been yet secured on the last work day before the conference is to start. Much to the amazement of we Westerners, most of the time, it actually comes off!

More annoying though, is when this kind of notice arrives and you immediately cancel and re-schedule all of next week’s work agenda. Then Friday afternoon you receive a notice saying “The conference has been cancelled due to circumstances beyond our control and will be re-scheduled in 3 weeks.” Will the venue be secured 3 weeks ahead of time however? Nnoooooooooo! The same time frame repeats itself 2-3 days before the new starting date. What a country!

The truly cruel and inhumane part of returning to Africa this time though was realizing that we had to start preparing our 2009 income taxes. There is a uniquely sadistic realization that the long arm of the IRS reaches even to Botswana. Trying to obtain all the correct documents, organize them and prepare a return from 7000 miles away for income that feels as if it was earned in another universe brings up the sensation that I am being water boarded in Guantanamo.

Khronicle Vacancy

While back in America, Kgosi has been diligently trying to fill a vacancy on the Khronicle staff for a copy boy. The want ads in the Botswana newspapers did not generate much enthusiasm since apparently most people thought that Kgosi wanted someone to hand copy each individual newspaper. Given our salary rate of approximately 35 cents an hour, there were no takers.

Therefore, in a continuing effort to bring technology to Africa, Kgosi wrote to CareerBuilder.com asking them to send some "interesting resumes."

In the future however, Kgosi needs to be more specific in what he wants, since the following resume items were the only ones received:

A candidate for a marketing assistant position had previously worked in a supermarket very early in his career. For that job, he listed as one of his responsibilities: "To cut the cheese."

Another suggested that his reason for leaving his present position was "threat of death."

One resume appeared very interesting, since it seemed the candidate might have HIV experience. However, the total work amounted to "researching condoms in the local Washington DC area."

One lady said the salary was not a problem, but gave as her reason for leaving her previous employment as "I didn't like working at the strip club, because I felt exposed."

R. J’s application did not seem particularly appealing, since under "hobbies" he listed "sleeping etc. etc."

D G’s offered evidence of her good character as, "I have never trapped a man."

Another resume quickly eliminated was the one that listed her "personal accomplishments” as: “Getting back together with my boyfriend upon his release from prison."

Several others were also eliminated when they appeared to be somewhat lazy in their typing and instead of "Asst Manager” they kept writing

"Ass Manager.”

In the long run, Kgosi did not find anyone to fill the slot and the current edition will have to go out without the help of a copy boy. If any of you readers want to pick up some spare change and are interested in coming to Botswana, send Kgosi an e-mail with the details of your experience. Even if you don't work out as a copy boy, we probably had a job for you, since in my neighborhood, there are plenty of asses to manage.

Kalahari Khronicle , Volume 1 Number 6

Lighting the Way

The Associated Press filed the story of a Dutch veterinarian, who was fined 800 guilders (about $240) for causing a fire that destroyed a farm in Lichten Vourde, the Netherlands. The vet had been trying to convince a farmer that his cow was passing flatulent gas. To demonstrate this, he ignited the gas, but the cow became "a four-legged flamethrower." The cow ran amok setting fire to bales of hay. The damage to the farm was assessed at $80,000, but the cow was unharmed.

Indigestion

WWWnews.com.au reports the unfortunate accident in which a hippopotamus swallowed a circus dwarf in northern Thailand as initially reported by the Pattaya Mail. The dwarf, nicknamed “Od” died when he bounced sideways from a trampoline and was swallowed by a yawning hippopotamus waiting to appear in the next act. Veterinarians said that due to the Hippo’s gag reflex, she automatically swallowed, leading to Od’s demise. More than 1000 spectators continued to applaud wildly until they realized there had been a tragic mistake.

Kgosi’s Komment--Kgosi has been worried about this very occurrence happening here in Botswana after snapping the photograph above. Should this unfortunate occurrence happen however, he hopes to prevent the gag reflex by lacing his sunscreen with a mixture of garlic, horseradish, rutabaga, Tabasco sauce and donkey dung. So far this has worked very effectively in preventing accidental ingestion since all animals and most people stay at least 50 feet away at all times.

The Good Old American Entrepreneurial Spirit

AP reports on the Berkshire, Massachusetts Funeral Home that is beginning a marketing campaign to “Bring Life” to its business by sponsoring a chili cook-off to future customers. This is the same outfit that over the past year has been sending birthday cakes to local nursing homes and is sponsoring a visit from the Easter Bunny.

Kgosi’s Komments: Kgosi was initially intrigued by this spunky effort to drum up business and was ready to offer his services to work on the marketing team. He had offered his own ideas to get some bodies in the door, so to speak.

--We are offering a 20% discount on our” Indecision Special”-- a solid oak casket with a brass cremation urn inside

--Ask us about our “Double Wides” for your Plus Sized spouse

--For the Fourth of July Spicy Food Night: Come get some RED hot extra spicy food, before you turn WHITE or BLUE. There is a 10% off for anyone who dies within two weeks of the party and 20% off if the food actually makes you kick the bucket.

--Put our famous Ocean Rest water bed inside your beloved’s final resting place to that they do not get bed sores

--Buy two caskets and get a third one absolutely free!! Great for anyone with several sickly friends or elderly relatives

--Closeout sale on our real Birchwood caskets equipped with Dolby Surround Sound, stereo speakers and a huge sub-woofer. Your loved one should never need to stop listening to Herman’s Hermits, Benny Goodman or Tiny Tim playing his ukulele.

After some consideration however, Kgosi decided that the whole notion was a crock and decided to add this printed advertisement to the rapidly accumulating pile of paper that included urgent appeals to join AARP and reminders to schedule an annual colonoscopy. Kgosi is planning a giant bonfire in his back yard soon and will invite all our readers.

Besides Kgosi has not believed in the Easter Bunny since the age of seven—the bunny is just the same Dude who pretends to be Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy, and bears a striking resemblance to my Father.

Kgosi--Your correspondent on the ground in Botswana

(or if you are an employee of the Berkshire Funeral Home,

Your correspondent just itching to be under the ground in Massachusetts)

P.S. Speaking of colonoscopies, Kgosi did do some initial investigation of obtaining this somewhat odious procedure in Africa. Of course the instructions were in Setswana so Kgosi could not be sure if he correctly understood them, but they appear to suggest:

1—You have to drink not 1 gallon, but either 2 or 12 gallons of that

“Go-Litely” stuff. The last time Kgosi prepped for a Tuesday morning colonoscopy with 1 gallon of “Go-Litely”, it ruined the entire experience of watching Monday Night Football.

2—Kgosi knows there is a shortage of medical instruments in Africa, but this clinic’s exact methodology was not totally clear. As best Kgosi could read, the items in the procedure room were a doctor, a nurse, a large jar of Vaseline and a live elephant with a surgically sterilized trunk. Kgosi began to have recurrent nightmares of watching Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday Night Football standing up.

The whole colonoscopy thing has been put very deep on the back burner.

Kgosi (and all of Ramotswa) has been out of commission from the Internet since Friday February 5th. There was a thunderstorm and everything stopped. After multiple tries to re-connect, it was time to start the onerous task of calling the Internet company for service. After 3 different calls and being shuttled to 3 different people, I was told that this was a phone system problem and not an Internet problem. Arrrggg----nooooooooo Don't make me call the phone company. Anything else--I'll eat sheep's eyeballs, I will walk barefoot through croc-infested waters, I will ride a donkey to work bareback with only a loincloth--Awwwww.....really......no other way?......crap

Saturday

Phone company supposed to be open from 9 to 1, but

Two no answers and 5 "Line occupied, busy signals"

Sunday

Are you kidding me? The Phone company working in Africa on Sundays?--when hell freezes over in the 95 degree heat. Even Kgosi temporarily gives up and spends the day looking longingly at the dark and inoperative modem.

Monday

Three tries and three busy signals, and I finally get through

Kgosi--I want to report a problem with my Internet service. The Internet company says it is a phone problem.

Service person--We will have to call you back. [No callback]

Tuesday

Kgosi--I want to report a problem with my internet service.

Service Person--I will talk with the technicians....10 minutes on hold. "The technicians say there is a problem (DUH--I knew that).Your report number is 982467.

Wednesday

Kgosi--I want to report a problem with my Internet service. My report number is 982467

Service Person--I will talk to the technicians... 12 minutes on hold. "Yes that has been reported. I cannot reach the technicians. We will have to call you back." [No callback]

Thursday

Kgosi--I want to report a problem with my Internet service. My report number is 982467

Service Person--" There is a mathata thata (Setswana for big problem)

When will it be fixed?

"Maybe they will come out today."(Kgosi is thinking this means that it may happen around Easter Big surprise--no one comes out.

Friday

Kgosi--I want to report a problem with my Internet service. My report number is 982467

Service Person--"Let me contact the technicians....15 minutes on hold...I cannot reach them; we will have to call you back.

Kgosi--No. I want to speak with your supervisor...3 minutes...supervisor comes on, says he will investigate and call me back. He actually does call back 2 hours later to say that "There is a problem. Kgosi has heard this before and paraphrases the rest of the supervisor's message "The thing-a-ma-jig and the what-cha-ma-call-it are broken. The thing-a-ma-jig has been replaced but the what-cha-ma-call-it needs a part from South Africa. After that, they can change the switcheroo to make the Whats-it work with the Doo-hickey and then maybe the system will work. [Kgosi thinks that he is being given the switcheroo, but at least someone is calling back.] "If that works, the service will come right back on, but if not, maybe we will have to come to your office and then your house to re-set the bamboozler.

[Kgosi knows a working bamboozle when he sees it and is quite sure that bamboozling is the major problem. He expects service to be restored by Christmas.]

Credit must be given however when deserved--it only took 18 phone calls, three non-returned calls, 3 returned calls, 10 days and a total of 1 hour and 45 minutes on hold and we are back on line--at least until the electricity went out last night. Ahhh the pleasures of Africa.

Chez Doran 2

As promised--video of the new homestead--unless the power goes out again in the mean time.

Kgosi

,

EXTRA EXTRA READ ALL ABOUT IT!!

The Kalahari Khronicle

Vol. 1 # 5 special edition

The Khronicle staff is always scouring the African continent and the world for real life stories of breaking interest. Sometimes though, the most important stories happen right in your own backyard. The following newsflash is one of those times when we stopped the presses and issued a special Saturday edition. Be thankful that you have electronic communication, since our print edition may take a while (see below).

DAC Office Rocked by Construction Accident

Friday, January 29, 2010

The working community in the Rural Administration Center (RAC) was shocked when the caravan housing the District AIDS Coordinator's (DAC) office was struck by an errant road grader, knocking it off its moorings and leaving it standing at a 20° angle. The three occupants of the building, Semakaleng Ooke (the District AIDS Coordinator), Nthami Chilisa, (the World Bank District Representative), and Kgosi Doran, (the American Peace Corps volunteer) were all in a meeting or in the toilet (not together), and were uninjured. Both Semakaleng and Nthami had “No comment”. Doran was quoted as saying, "Hey, when you gotta go, you gotta go. Sometimes the crap hits the fan. Sometimes diarrhea doesn’t ruin your butt, it saves it."

The road grader was attempting to spread piles of dirt and rocks into the parking lot when it apparently misjudged the distance to the caravan, clipped the corner of the vehicle, moved and dislodged it. Electronic equipment and furniture were strewn about inside. Electrical connections were disengaged and office wiring was found in a total mass of knots. Kgosi is quoted as saying however "That's the way those wires always are. They're breeding."

Although this accident occurred at two in the afternoon, rumors around the RAC are quickly making parallels to Tiger Woods running his car into a tree at 2 AM. There is however no evidence that anyone broke open the grader window with a golf club to pull the driver out.

Many have also suggested without any concrete proof, that perhaps the driver, like the ferry boat captain in Manhattan, was intoxicated at the time of the accident. Eerily similar, the driver of the grader was nowhere to be found at the scene of the accident. Ramotswa police are investigating.

So far there is no evidence to suggest direct sabotage or terrorism, although Osama bin Laden has issued a new video statement blasting any country that uses Western-style road equipment. Individuals who have heard the report say bin Laden maintains that the only acceptable way to move dirt is with a donkey and burlap bags.

News crews on the scene, snapped the following pictures, which no doubt will be used during the investigation.

Working in a chair with wheels is interesting at a 20 degree angle

The DAC office used to be at the height of the other caravan to the left

Kgosi’s Komments-- This kind of close call, can often make anyone so anxious that they begin to have loose stools. In Kgosi's case, such worsening of his bowel problems were totally unnecessary.

Kgosi has several further editorial comments:

1-- This whole project seems poorly conceived from the beginning. The road through the parking lot was working fine without significant potholes. Why then is it necessary to spread 15 piles of big rocks and dirt over the exact area that is already a smooth track, leaving new potholes and more big rocks. Tarring over the whole parking lot would simply make too much sense and is apparently not part of the plan.

2-- If someone is going to do this kind of a job in a small parking lot, why use a road grader the size of a 747 ? Even Osama seemed to have a better idea.

3-- This accident, also has dealt a significant blow to the Khronicle. Since we have no true "office" and work out in the open, we stored our printing press under the DAC office. Needless to say it is now ready for the scrap heap. Since we could not mass-produce this special edition, we followed the Botswana procedure of getting five quotations to provide for another method of transcription. On our limited budget, we had to take the lowest bidder, which meant giving the contract to a group of Tibetan monks, who will hand write this special edition on goat skins. Given that it is winter in Tibet, we expect this stop-the-presses-emergency-edition to be ready to hit the Ramotswa streets in July.

4-- No doubt, repair of the DAC office will be put on the "top priority, fast track." Given the time standards in Botswana, we expect to be back using the office late in October 2011.

As a final portion of this story, Kgosi has made financial arrangements to obtain a new printing press by taking out a loan with his Nigerian banker, Abu Khalid Khneecap. Hasty negotiations were completed with the following terms:

Kgosi gets $57.93 to buy a used printing press at a local bazaar

Abu receives interest at a rate of 20% per week and permanent custody of my next born child. I must confide to our readers that for a banker, Abu is not the sharpest camel in the tent. We don't even plan on ever having another child!

Kgosi

Since we returned from America, and Avie’s birth, it has been a very hectic time as we catch up, put some finishing touches on the new abode (more on that and a movie next week), and expand our work projects for the New Year. I must confess that recently I have been a bit remiss in making blog posts as regularly as I had been. Real life has some nerve intruding on the really important things like writing posts to the blog!

Our First Visitors

We had our first American visitors to Africa and Ramotswa -- my brother Ric, my nephew Sam and his cousin Mitchell. We had a delightful and busy several days, including seeing the sights of the area, visiting a rehabilitation center for disabled individuals (Ric’s field of training and work), eating several special meals out, and introducing them to our Batswana colleagues (In 5 minutes, Ric got an offer of marriage from the mail room clerk). Mitchell spent multiple phone calls trying to track down his suitcase which never made the last leg of his airplane flight and allegedly was in Jo’burg. After a spontaneaous phone call from the airlines saying that it was coming over to Gaborone on the first flight in the morning, we drove up there. The following conversation occurred with the airport luggage lady:

Kgosi: We are here to pick up Mitchell Jelle’s suitcase—it is bright orange (good choice on Mitchell’s part).

Lady: I don’t think it is here.

Kgosi: The airline called me and specifically told us to come pick it up.

Lady: Those guys will tell you anything.

She let Mitchell go through all the bags on two different days, but it never did arrive in the Gaborone. He was able to finally pick it up in Johannesburg before they flew out to Cape Town. He was told that it was meanwhile shipped back to America then came back to Jo’burg. Hey, this is Africa.

After leaving Ramotswa, they drove to Madikwe game preserve to go on game drives to see the animals. I won't spoil their fun of relaying all the adventures that they had, but suffice it to say, they got within 5 yards of a pride of six lions and had a female elephant charge their vehicle so that they had to high-tail it rapidly in reverse.

They saw four of the "big five" including a leopard, which is not always easy to track down. Water buffaloes managed to remain elusive. Following the return trip to Johannesburg. They spent a week in Cape Town, going out to the South African wine country, touring the Cape of Good Hope, visiting Robben Island where Nelson Mandela was incarcerated and taking the cable car up to the top of Table Mountain. (Speaking of Mandela, if you have not seen it, Invictus is a good movie about him and true stories of the transition from apartheid to democracy. It is well worth a look).

The pictures below show the three intrepid travelers and the two Doran brothers. As you can readily tell, we were identical twins, separated at birth.

Avie’s Progress

Our wonderful and beautiful granddaughter Avie, continues to flourish. She came home from the hospital three weeks to the day from when she was born. Alison, Jason and Avie had their second pediatrician appointment at Mass. General yesterday, and Avie received a clean bill of health. She is now up to a robust 6 lbs. 4 oz. She remains cute as ever, as this picture will show.

Work Progress

My two secondary projects, "My Life Is in the Library" and working with the University of Botswana Medical School continued to percolate along. I do not remember if I specifically mentioned it, but we have received a verbal guarantee of funding for the library project from the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation which will ensure its financial viability. Everyone at the local and national level has been very positive about it and the Botswana National Library with the help of the Foundation, is going to make the Ramotswa “My Life is in the Library” a pilot for the other 77 libraries and reading rooms in the country.

The "Life Line" youth group that is the second part of my proposal is also moving ahead. An application form, requiring a several-paragraph essay about why the individual wants to be a member of the group and an ambassador for the library, has been devised and distributed to various schools and other locations around town. We will get the applications back in 10 days and work with the local Ramotswa library staff to choose the best participants.

Maureen and I had an initial exploratory meeting with the faculty of the University of Botswana Medical School earlier this week. They are eager to seek our counsel and mental health teaching experience as the current faculty is made up solely of basic science teachers and medical/surgical clinicians. The Mental Health module for the first year students will begin in early May, so we have some time to both consult with them on curriculum and prepare some materials to teach to the students. This school is following a UK/Canadian system of learning called "Problem-Based Learning” or PBL, which is new to us. It involves a lot of self learning and computer use on the student’s part, and small group discussion with a limited amount of lecture time. The school also follows the British timetable for medical education. This starts right after high school with one year of pre-medical school science, and then five years of medical school. These future doctors begin their medical training at age 18 or 19 without ever having attended college/university. It has both its positives and negatives from our point of view, but the students sure look young!

The first class of 36 students entered training in August of 2009. For the next four years, they will add 12 students per year, eventually reaching a class size of 90. The selection process for the students was quite competitive, and the faculty feels they have the “Best of the Best" in the school. I am sure that every prospective medical student in the United States would be envious to know that if you are selected for admission to the medical school, your entire medical education is paid for by the government.

In 12 to 18 months, they will have a big beautiful building on the University campus which will house both the schools of Medicine and Nursing. For now though, they are using makeshift classrooms and labs in a renovated warehouse. The faculty is attempting to use materials from a variety of sources, but are particularly interested in approaches and consultation from America as well as the UK. Without trying to reinvent the wheel, all of the material is being “Botswana-ized” to adapt to the national culture. It's a real challenge but an exciting one, and we are delighted to be a part of it.

New Record

On one of our hot days, Kgosi was part of a new Ramotswa record (at least for him) of stuffing 19 passengers plus the driver in a combi (old VW bus) coming back to town. Okay, one them was a four year old boy, so there were really only 18 and a half, but it beat Kgosi’s personal best by one and a half. It was a true Right Guard moment--at least for the other passengers. Kgosi was really rank.

The Kalahari Khronicle

Volume 1 issue 4

Despite limited number of Khronicle issues over the past month, the staff has been vigorously pursuing fascinating and totally useless articles from around the world. As is virtually always the case, there is no shortage.

Overheard in Atlanta's Hartsfield Airport

Kgosi and Kopo were waiting in between planes in Atlanta for a flight to Boston, when they observed a small international group discussing alcoholic beverages. A red-faced “good ole boy” with a distinct Southern drawl and apparently from Georgia was asking an Egyptian-looking colleague with a deep Middle Eastern accent, “Have you ever tried a "Flaming Dr. Pepper Shot?” The Egyptian looked totally blank, so the Georgian said, "Yeah. You take 16 ounces of beer, a half shot of rum and a shot of amaretto. You mix it all together, then light it on fire. When it gets going, it's just like a lab experiment. You got to get the glass right up to your mouth though, to keep from getting burned. It tastes just like Dr. Pepper.”

Kgosi’s Komment-- God, it's great to be back in America.

Kgosi does think though, wouldn't it just be easier to buy a Dr. Pepper and put some booze in it? The risk of fried nasal hairs and eyebrow singe with the “Dr. P Flaming Shot” is just too great. Although then again, Kgosi was in the state of Georgia.

This also brings up the report in Newsweek Magazine from police Capt. James Callaway about a Georgia man who was dressed as an elf in a suburban Atlanta mall over Christmas. He told Santa Claus that he ”had dynamite in his bag." The elf was arrested but no explosives were found.

Kgosi’s Komment—Aw shucks. Kgosi wanted a bang-up, rock-your- socks-off stocking stuffer. Of course it is also possible that this particular elf had one too many Dr. Pepper Flaming Shots.

Classified ad from the Botswana Advertiser

“Ex-pat leaving household furniture linen kitchen utensils one month old”

Kgosi's Komment-- Kgosi wishes the best of luck to the one month old

Speeding Down the Road of Life

Police in Uniontown, Pennsylvania arrested Craig Davis of Smithfield, PA after he was charged with robbery and disorderly conduct. The report indicated that Davis had recently been released from the hospital where he was being treated for injuries suffered in a domestic dispute with his girlfriend on New Year’s Day. He was still in his hospital gown when he met an ex-girlfriend at Wal-Mart where she agreed to pay for his prescription medication. Instead he robbed her $50 and tried to escape riding a Wal-Mart scooter, but was apprehended some 100 yards out of the parking lot.

Kgosi’s Komment-- No surprise in this arrest. How many guys do you see creeping down the highway in a Wal-Mart scooter wearing a hospital gown? Kgosi doesn’t worry about Craig though. When he gets out of the slammer, he has a bright future as the new heartthrob of Geriatric NASCAR in Georgia.

Kgosi

Boston is the last place that we thought we'd be spending Christmas, but nevertheless there we were. A little explanation:

Tuesday December 22nd 10:30 AM Botswana time, we received a call from Alison saying that her water broke in the middle of the previous night. After a quick trip to Cambridge Hospital, she was whisked off to Mass General for admission given that she was only 33 1/2 weeks along and the course of things was quite uncertain.

We knew immediately that we couldn't stand by in Ramotswa while such big, important and uncertain events were happening, so we began a very hectic 4 hours to contact the Peace Corps Country Director, re-arrange things, cancel things, arrange for transport, close up the house and get a flight to Boston. In the 95 degree heat, I sweated through my clothes twice, but who's counting?

Six hours after the call, we had received Peace Corps authorization and were on flights to Jo'burg, Atlanta and Boston, arriving there on the 23rd, 29 hours after leaving our house. It really does feel like a small world.

Upon arrival, we began a series of discussions with Alison, Jason, their steadfast and incredibly helpful friend, Heather Lane (a Yale classmate of Alison's and a nurse midwife) and the doctors and nurses at MGH about what to do. A plan gradually came into view, but all was overtaken by natural events--funny how that happens.

Alison started contractions on her own during our pow-wows and moved along exceptionally quickly. After only 6 hours of rapidly progressing labor, Avie O'Keefe Marshall (Avie rhymes with "navy.") was born at 9:30 p.m. that evening. She weighed in a 4 lbs. 11 oz. and 18.5 inches, a good and healthy size for a baby born six weeks early. Avie is currently in the Newborn Intensive Care Unit (NICU) as a precaution, although we are elated that no invasive treatment like a respirator has been necessary. She is breathing great on her own and is taking to feedings like a champion. She's got her maternal Grandfather's appetite and she is a beauty like her Mother and Grandmother.

Alison was in the hospital until Saturday the 26th. She is walking, eating and settling into her new role as a Mom. Jason has just been a terrific support and partner. They are a great team. Avie will likely need to stay at the hospital for awhile. The doctors are calling her the "star of the NICU," so we're cautiously optimistic she will be moved to a less intensive unit or discharged soon.

From here on, I thought it best to let Alison give an update in her own words.

Our week has been out of the ordinary but overall very good. Physically I feel great (thank God for a quick labor and delivery!) and mentally I am also doing well. Our impatience to get Avie home has to be tempered with our desire for her to grow and thrive and she is getting the best of care here. I have to say that having a rock solid marriage to a fantastic husband has been a gift I couldn't have imagined. Jason has become such the protective Daddy and husband- I can hardly lift a finger before he is there to help. He's also far surpassed me in diaper changing and has even caught a few surprise poops on their way out without a flinch! Last Thursday was the first day that he was able to properly hold Avie (more on this below) and it warmed my heart to no end to see my little family all snuggled together. We both could not have been doing so well without the incredible help of our parents. We have had meals cooked for us, laundry done, shopping completed and lots of hugs and good conversations. Not many people have families like this and we feel very blessed.

So, on to the little Miss. She is progressing exceptionally well, both in our opinion and the opinion of the providers here. Basically, she is just being given more time to grow and get strong. She has not had some of the complications of prematurity, i.e. "forgetting" to breathe (apnea), intolerance of feeds (vomiting or not pooping), and slowing of the heartbeat (bradycardia). She was old enough and developed enough that these really didn't make an appearance. Obviously, this helps her prognosis a lot. However, she still has a few hurdles to clear. For the first 6 days, she was under phototherapy lights to help lower her bilirubin levels. Bilirubin is a compound that is formed with the breakdown of red blood cells. Older babies also have this in the form of jaundice. Too much jaundice can harm neurological development, so it's crucial to keep it under control. The problem with the phototherapy is that Avie could only be out of the lights for 20 minute breastfeeds. Poor Jason didn't get much time with her at all until she finally came out of the lights on the 31st. So she is out of "bili-jail" as we have been calling it. She also needs to prove that she can eat all the calories she needs to gain weight by mouth. For now, she is still getting tired on the breast long before she has completed a feed, so the rest of her food is being delivered via nasogastric tube directly to her stomach. The goal is that over time, she will eat more at each feed and need less and less by the tube.

We are not being given a time line at all as to when to expect discharge. Everyone here is encouraging us to take things one day at a time and let Avie set the pace. Again, it's our impatience to get her home that's bothersome, she's doing everything right.

It is a truly memorable Christmas that none of us will forget. We send along wishes for a Happy and Healthy New Year to all of you.

Kgosi and Kopo