Nothing special in this post. I'm sitting in class where another movie is playing in the background. I don't mind movies but I can only watch so many. Almost every week we have a movie in class and I only get antsier. I have a difficult time sitting through movies because I feel like there is always something else I should be doing. Movies are enjoyable but they make me feel like I'm wasting time. So here I am in class, semi-watching "V for Vendetta" but also working on other homework. I suppose movies aren't that terrible, they give me time to work on other assignments.

In other news, wedding plans have changed. We were planning for about 2 weeks, reserved a B&B in SLC, got in contact with a caterer, but the stress of planning is too much and I don't want to do it. I want our wedding to fun but the planning aspect takes away from that. Planning stresses me to the point that I cannot sleep at night, but that is normal for me. I'm a worrier. I stress over every little thing.

So after a couple of sleepless nights and worrying we decided, or I proposed and Jeremy agreed, to get married in Vegas. We've found a place we like and they do all the planning. All we have to do is show up! That's what I want. To just show up, marry Jeremy, and have fun.

School is hectic, work is busy, and I don't know how we're going to plan a wedding! We've set a tentative wedding date for August 6th, but that may change in a month or so. We want to get married this summer but we haven't been able to set anything in stone yet because I'm still waiting to find out if I'll be accepted for the summer internship I've applied for. If I get the job I want then it will go until the end of August... which means no time to plan or have a wedding! If that's the case we'll get married next May. But if I don't get the job I want and we end up going to UT so I can work with my old city govt., then we will get married in August.

So we're in limbo for a while. Even though nothing is set we've still started the baby steps of planning our wedding. We mostly do this at lunch time between classes or at midnight before we got to bed... that's the only spare time we both have. Sigh. So far we've figured out that we want our colors to be dark blue and ivory, and our dogs will be our flower girls. That's it. That's the most of our "planning."

I do have an appointment at my sister-in-law's bridal shop so I can start looking at dresses and we also have appointments set up to look at venues in and around SLC. We've talked about a theme and I just don't think we need one. We have colors, that's enough right? Besides, Jeremy wants the theme to be either "cowboys and ninjas" or "pirates from space" and I want "puppies and fluffy bunnies." So I think we'll do without a theme.

Also, we want a small wedding; 50 people tops. But my parents, and mostly my dad in this, want something a little bigger. My dad said he wants a big party to invite all of his friends. Well if that's the case dad, just throw your own party! For now we've compromised: small wedding and reception in SLC and large reception later in Helper with whomever the rents want to invite.

Classes as a graduate student are more challenging, more thought provoking, and much more time consuming. This semester I'm taking three classes and each class meets once a week for three hours. I don't mind the once a week part but the three hour part can be difficult at times... mostly for my attention span. I enjoy my classes, I truly do! They're interesting and make me think about the world and politics the way I've never thought before. But I am, and always have been, a doodler. I cannot sit and listen without doing something. In undergraduate classes I could sit and take notes, but these classes aren't really the note-taking kind. They're lecture and discussion. When I don't have a comment to make about the subject I find myself doodling or in this modern age of technology I find myself playing on my iPhone. Usually it's scrabble or paper-toss, and sometimes it's just surfing the web or facebook. My phone is the equivalent of doodling. I do all this "playing" discreetly, usually by keeping my phone in my lap or hidden by a book. And I take breaks. I turn the phone off and sit and look at the professor and attempt to be a part of the discussion... when I can get a word in. But then it's back to doodling and just listening to the discourse around me. I don't this as a problem, I see it as a tool to help me pay attention. But today while sitting with my fellow students and professors one of my classmates mentioned that he saw a post on facebook and realized it was posted while we were in class. I said "yes, and I played scrabble too during that time." And it was right after that statement that I realized the professor, who's class we were in when I was facebooking and playing scrabble, was sitting right next to me. I'm sure that he overheard our conversation but he didn't make any comment. I just quietly gathered my books, said my goodbyes, and then went and buried my head in the snow. I don't think it's a problem that I doodle or play on my phone, but I don't like to advertise to my professors that I do it... while I'm in their classes! I may have to leave the iMachine home while I go to classes, at least for a week or two, so I can show that "yes" I am paying attention and "no" I'm not always playing on my phone. But with the lack of iPhone there's sure to be a resurgence in actual doodling.

So we're back in Arkansas for the holiday and I must have missed something. I thought that in driver's ed classes across the states drivers are taught that whenever switching lanes or turning a driver must their turn signal. Apparently not in Arkansas. I've been driving around the Little Rock area for a week now and NO ONE uses their turn signals. I guess it's illegal here? I don't know what the deal is but it drives me crazy! This is not my first visit but this is the first time that I'm really noticing how horrible drivers are here. I'm starting to understand why Jeremy is such a horrible driver... because he learned to drive here and normal road rules and driving procedures don't apply. I've got to go into the city tomorrow and I dread the free-way and the non-turn signal using people who rule the roads.

Whew. Almost there. One last 10 page paper to write and this semester is over. All of my finals are finished, this is just my book review (I gave the presentation on this 3 weeks ago). I've been staring at a blank screen for almost an hour and nothing is coming to me. I think the best option right now is to just go to bed and sleep on it. I'll come back to it tomorrow afternoon. Hey, it's not due until tomorrow night at 9, I've still got time. It'll be nice to have almost a month break, and we'll be in Arkansas for two of those weeks. Still haven't figured out what we'll do with the dogs. Jeremy's mom is not a fan of dogs and won't let them past the laundry room. That will be tough since both of them sleep right near our bed every night and get pretty anxious if they can't be near us. We'll have to figure something out or nobody will get any sleep. My poor girls.

I've always been interested in my family's history, especially on my dad's side. I love hearing stories about the old Italians in Helper and learning where my family came from. Eight years ago I traveled to Italy and met some of my grandpa's cousins that still live in the house where my great-grandpa was born and raised. It was amazing to meet relatives (even 3rd and 4th cousins) still living in the same area. When I met and spoke with them about our families and shared stories I discovered that we have some of the same photographs! Pictures that my great-grandparents had sent to them and pictures they had sent to America. Recently we found an obituary of my great-great-grandpa. When I went to Italy I met with my Giacoletto relatives but could not find records of my Carrera and Pessetto relatives. We had no idea where they came from in Italy. But now, it turns out, they came from a small village called Pratiglione, in the same region and no more than 20 miles where the Giacolettos came from! Now I'm on a new search... to find my great-great-grandpa's birth place and any living relatives that may exist.

Hallelujah! Two more weeks and this semester is O.V.E.R. 15-page book review to write and two final papers and I'm done. This semester has been grueling and I'll be so happy to have a break. Jeremy will have his surgery a week before Christmas (having the hardware removed in his right knee) so it's back to Arkansas for a week or two. My fellow grad-student Josh may come along with us for the ride to Arkansas since he's from near Fayetteville. And we may have the dogs too. So it will be a car load on an 18 hour drive! My only wish is that Arkansas gets a little bit of snow for Christmas, even a skiff will do. But before all that comes Thanksgiving and we're going home to see my family. Whoot Whoot!

I just spent three hours in the library typing a 6 page paper, one that I've been working on since Tuesday, and it's gone!!!! MOTHER F! I talked to the IT guy in the library and he said that my program must have been corrupt because it didn't save one freakin' word to my desktop. I'm so angry I could scream! I wanted to get this paper done today because tomorrow I have a 5 page paper to write and also a 2 page memo. Somebody hates me, or hated my paper. My life sucks. The End.

OMG! Jeremy went to the doctor today for his final check-up before he flies home tomorrow and the news was not good. His knees have been hurting him, and that's to be expected after he shattered both of them! But they're really been hurting so the doctor did a CT scan today and it looks like the right knee may need more surgery. :( The plates that are just under the right knee are up too high and keep hitting the knee joint whenever he walks. So they may have to remove those plates. I don't know if they means remove them completely or just move and re-attach. He'll find out in 2 weeks if he'll need surgery for sure. Oh man, I so don't want him to have another surgery!!! He went through 6 surgeries in May and another one in August. Please, no more!! If it turns out he does need surgery then we'd be flying back to Little Rock the first of December, since that's where the doctor is that he's been seeing since July. He'd have surgery, recoup for a week or so and then fly back here. Or we could drive... but since it's an 18 hour drive from here I think flying would be the best option. Ugh. I'm hoping for no surgery! He's been through enough for one year!

It's true that there is no motivation like a deadline! Yesterday I had a four page paper due... one that I had two weeks to write. But of course I didn't write it until an hour before class started. Today, two three-page papers due. Are they done yet? Hahaha... NO! I have until this afternoon, so I'll get them done. Thusday, a 10 page paper, that one I plan on working on tomorrow. I'll at least get it done a day before class. Most of these assignments I've had one to two weeks to work on them. But that doesn't mean much because I still have to work my part-time job in the mornings 20 hrs a week. I'm still a teaching assistant and put in 10 to 20 hours a week, and I still have uber amounts of reading along with the papers. So sure, I get a week to write these papers but I don't actually have a weeks worth of time. I load up on coffee as much as I can and I do as much as I can each day and night before I crash... but there still isn't enough time. I don't think there ever will be. Oh yeah, and there's the take-home mid-term that I got last night that's due next Monday. I will get that written on Sunday.

Jeremy finally comes home on Friday!!! YAY!!!! We've been apart since the first of August and it will be so nice to have him back... mostly to cook me dinner. ;) It's been difficult being apart from him and living alone again. I've had the puppies, Bella and Sky, but it's not the same. I have friends at work and school, but I spend most of my time when not working or in class sitting home reading and when necessary writing. Jeremy and I talk every day on the phone no less than 3 times a day, but it's not the same. I can't wait for him to get back. I enjoy the little moments of cooking together, cuddling, and going to the coffee shop to study. I want my baby back... just three more days!

It seems as though a number of my fellow pcv's are getting married next summer. Gina's getting married in July, and Kathy will be marring the Brewer in October, Nikola is engaged but not sure if she has a date yet, and I know miss Melody wants to get married next summer (that's a hint for Nick to propose), and Jeremy and I "might" be getting married next summer? Lots of weddings going on for sure! Jeremy and I haven't chosen a date yet. I'd like to get married next summer but there may not be time, I'll be doing an internship.. somewhere.. for my master's program and that probably won't leave much time for planning a wedding and the honeymoon! The big day may have to wait until the next summer, after we both graduate. Or we can do what Jeremy suggests and just go to Vegas! Booo. No, I'd rather wait than get married at a cheesy chapel in Vegas. On top of choosing the date we can't even decide where the wedding will be! I'd love to have it in my home-town but Jeremy's grandpa can't do that high of an elevation. So then there's the possibility of Denver, which pawpa should be able to do. Or we even talked about meeting in the middle for both sides of our families and having it in Kansas. Yuck. That's worse than Vegas! Unless of course it was in the middle of a sunflower field, now that I could go for. Wedding planning stuff is stressful... and we're not even in the thick of it!

Grad school... yay? No, not really. Ridiculous amounts of reading and papers to write? For sure! Trying to keep on top of homework is a feat, one that requires an enormous amount of self-motivation. College professors don't care if you do your work or even come to class. They're not there to motivate you, to urge you on, you do that yourself. I haven't fallen behind on studies, nor am I ahead, I'm doing great to get things done just before class starts. And it's not that I wait until the last minute. I start days ahead of time but because each class requires 200 page readings plus a paper every week it's not an easy task staying on top of things. I know graduate school isn't supposed to be easy, but I didn't realize it would be this time consuming.

I'm in grad school now. And I'm trying to make ends meet with a part-time morning grocery store job and my Graduate Assistantship stipend... so far it's not really working. I can't take on more hours at the part-time job because that will only leave less time for my school work. And I'm going to school to get my Master's degree ... to pass my classes, not to fail them by spending so much time at a dead-end job that I'm trying to get out of! I've seen ads for Google's work at home. A friend of mine even wrote about it on her blog. So I though "if so-and-so said that she's making money from it then I may as well try it." I googled :) "Google work at home" and was taken to site about working from home and how simple it is and just put in your name, phone number and address, and see if I qualify. So I did. And just as I pushed enter I saw the fine print at the bottom that this site was in no way affiliated with google. Great. Then next page asked how would I like to pay for the start up cost of 1.99? That's when I closed all windows and said "I'm a dumb ass." This was Wednesday night. Then bright and early Thursday morning I get a phone call from a women barely speaking any English calling about Google ATM that I'd signed up for and is all my information correct and how would I like to pay. And I said I'm not interested anymore but thank you. Two hours later... another phone call. And then another call two hours after that. All these calls coming in while I'm at work and then while I'm in class. Once I got out of class and saw that this place had just called again, an 800 number, I called them back and spoke to another woman. I asked please take my name off the calling list I'm REALLY NOT interested. She said "yes ma'am I'll do that right now." But she, of course, did not do that because it's 4:00 the next day and already this place has tried calling four times. I answered once and said again "take my name off of your calling list" and today's person, a man barely speaking English, was very rude and also didn't take my name off the list because calls are still coming in.

This is so aggravating. I've seen online where other people have also fallen for the get money quick scheme and some of those you've even entered their credit card information and are being charged up to $70.00, even after calling and trying to cancel. What is this place? And how do they get away with it? And why in the Hell won't they just please remove me from their system???

Jeremy and I were having an interesting conversation today about who is more religious: Mormons or Southern Baptists. Both are religious but in different ways. I've noticed being here in the Bible belt that people are much more vocal about their religious views. I went to the beauty parlor and a woman in the chair spoke for a good 20 minutes about God and how we need to follow God and Jesus and she'd pray for all of us. Whenever I meet Jeremy's family or friends and sometimes strangers somewhere in almost all of these conversations God, Jesus, and praying is mentioned. That makes me think that Southern Baptists are more religious, but Jeremy says not so. He said people here just go to church on Sunday and that's the extent of their religion... but they sure talk about it a lot... and pray a lot. Growing up in Utah, where 60% of the population is Mormon, I know that Mormons are religious too... but in a different way. Of course there are a lot of Mormons, like Southern Baptists, who just do the Sunday thing. But I think that there are a lot more who make their religion a way of life. I can recall only one or two times in life being somewhere in Utah where people talked in public about following God or Jesus. Mormons are religious in that religion is how they live their lives... mostly very conservatively (the way they dress, what they drink or don't drink). Mormons just aren't as vocal as Southern Baptists. So Mormons live their religion where Southern Baptists speak their religion. They're religious in different ways.

Jeremy and I came to Arkansas about two weeks ago and I'm certain that I can not live in a place with humidity! I've visited the Little Rock area before, I loved coming here for Thanksgiving because the weather was perfect. The summers though...horrible. I cannot even stand to go outside during the day. I tried to go for a walk to the other evening, at about 8:00, but could walk for about 20 minutes. It wasn't because I was tired or out of breath, it was because I couldn't breathe through all the humidity. I really felt like I was trying to breathe under water. I was drowning. I don't know how people live in places with any more than 10% humidity.

A month ago, on Memorial Day, Jeremy and I were visiting my parents in Utah and Jeremy had a paramotoring accident. While I was helping out at the grocery store Jeremy went to the family farm to try out his motor for paragliding. He launched inside of a canyon with calm winds but as he climbed higher he came in contact with some crazy winds coming off of the plateaus. Those winds caused his wing to collapse. He recovered from that collapse but took a few more. The last collapse he didn't recover from and fell close to 100 feet to the ground. I wasn't there with him but luckily a neighbor kid saw it happen. The kid got his dad and together they ran to Jeremy who was laying face down on a dirt road. The dad called 911 with Jeremy's phone and then called me. He was rushed to the hospital in Price where it was immediately apparent that his injuries were far too complicated for a small-town hospital. So Jeremy was flown in a life flight helicopter to Provo, UT. The first week was the most intense and most stressful for everyone. My boy had to have surgery on his left ankle that was completely dislocated, surgery on both knees that were shattered, surgery to repair his pelvis that was split in two, and surgery on the L4 vertebrae in his lower back that was ruptured. He spent 2 weeks in the ICU unit and then another week in the IMC unit. A week ago he was transferred to the University of Utah in-patient therapy unit where he's been learning to transfer in and out of a wheelchair and learning to be as independent as possible. He'll need to be in a wheelchair for 3 to 4 months while his legs, pelvis, and back are healing. His in-patient therapy won't last much longer. He's just about ready to go home and rest, but still continue with daily leg exercises.

He's decided that Arkansas is where he wants to be while recovering and for the second part of rehab (learning to walk again). We're trying to find a flight from UT to AR but it's not quite that easy. He cannot put any weight on his legs at all for at least 2 more months. All airplanes that I've seen aren't wide enough for a person to be wheeled on in a wheelchair and I don't know about carrying him in. We've looked at medical flights but those are anywhere from 15 to 30 thousand dollars that we just don't have. We're looking into Angel Flight and Grace Flight too, but both of those insist that passengers be ambulatory, or able to walk onto the plane. A road trip isn't really an option either because it will take 3 days to drive there. Jeremy can only sit up for at most 3 hours at a time so being in a car won't work. There's the possibility of renting an RV, but again the long drive there. It hasn't been easy figuring out all of these details. And there are so many that I haven't even dared to think about.

I've spent everyday but one in the last month in the hospital rooms with Jeremy. A lot of people ask me how I'm doing and really I'm doing okay. I feel tired and sluggish a lot because I haven't been taking any time to exercise or go for walks because I want to be with Jeremy all day. I like going to his physical therapy sessions because I learn a lot of information and ways that I'll be able to help Jeremy out once we go home. He'll need continuous exercise in his legs and that I can help with. Jeremy has had to tell me a couple of times in the last couple of days to back off just a little bit. That makes me laugh a bit because maybe I've turned into a bit of a mother hen trying to help with everything and take care of him. I love that he's starting to do more things on his own but at the same time it makes me feel a bit useless. We talked today and came to the agreement that I wouldn't help unless he asked me to. He's at rehab to learn to be as independent as possible so I need to let him do that. He can get in and out of a wheelchair on his own now so I just make sure to hold the wheelchair steady (in case the breaks slip...gives me something to do :)). It's hard being a caregiver and learning to back off when your care giving isn't need as much.

However we get Jeremy to Arkansas (he's going there to stay with his mom and be with all of his family) I will be going with him and staying at least until mid-August. I really want to stay longer and be there with him when he stars out-patient rehab in the fall but I have school to think about. I passed up grad-school last year in Illinois so I could move to Laramie with Jeremy, but I can't afford to pass it up again. So for now the plan is to stay in Arkansas until August and then head back to Wyoming to start school. When this accident happened we were in the process of moving into a studio. Now when I return to Laramie I'll be in the studio by myself. My parents are going to go there with me in August to help me arrange things in the place. All of our stuff is just strewn about and we don't even have a bedroom yet! So we're going to build a partition and set up my bed and hopefully get a fridge and cupboards too! This accident really put a monkey-wrench in things, but there's nothing to do but go on and do the best I can.

This post seems to be everywhere at once, my apologies.

A year ago I was accepted to the University of Illinois and was all set to move to Normal, IL, but then I met Jeremy, the love of my life, and decided that school could wait a little bit. So I moved to the windy state of Wyoming and have been enjoying life with my boy. But I haven't forgotten about school, it's still my goal to get my masters degree. And I should be earning that degree in about 2 years from now! I'll be starting school at the University of Wyoming in the Masters of Public Administration program. I applied to a couple of other programs, American Studies at UW and the MPA program in Oregon, but this one is the one I'm taking. With this I hope to learn more about local and national government and also gain the knowledge to some day be a great mayor for Helper, UT.

I've been going to basketball games lately with Jeremy. He's the photographer and shoots the game. I photographed a couple of games with him. It was okay. I'm not much of a sports photographer so my shots really weren't that great, but it was still fun. But the last few games I've been sitting on the side-lines twittering the games for the school's online newspaper. Now this I enjoy. I like this more because I'm actually watching the game rather than my just looking through my camera at the players. I like this job, though I must say I'm really NOT qualified for it! I like basketball, understand the rules, and object of the game but what I don't know is the terminology. So my twitter posts look kinda like this "girls gets ball and scores"  "player gets a foul."  So that's no too bad. But I'm always confused when it comes to fouls. How do I write that exactly? Team A fouls team B?  Team B gets fouled by Team?  Team A fouls team B and player from team B goes to foul line?  This makes sense in my head but I'm pretty certain that I'm not correctly conveying what's happening in the game.  I need to find a hand book on sports reporting, or maybe just ask a real sports fan to describe the goings on of a game for me. 

I've got some new shoes! Thought I'd post a song to go with this event. :)

Okay, looks like I'm getting closer to moving. I'm pretty sure that I've got an apartment and roommate now in Illinois. Still gotta work out the lease stuff, but I'll be on my way in a couple of months. I've still got some prerequisites to work out before I start my program and I'll most likely end up taking a class here this summer before moving in July and taking more classes there. I'm not sure how I feel about moving again. Of course I'm excited but I'm anxious too. I dunno, just nervous about moving again and resettling somewhere else. Typical jitters I guess. :-/ But here is the cool thing, the assistant director of my grad-school program is a former Peace Corps volunteer from Bulgaria! She's told me about some places near by the school where I'll be able to get some cirine and even kiselo milako!

Rock! I've been accepted to the Peace Corps Fellows program at Illinois State University! I'm so excited...to be going back to school, to be getting one step closer to what I want to do for a living, to be moving to IL. Yay!

It's that time again. Time for my favorite Bulgarian holiday! The first of March...or Baba Marta! It's not quite the same in America because well...I don't know any Bulgarians here and there's nobody who even knows about the holiday. It's definitely not like the past two March 1st where I got a million and one martenitsti! I at least got one martenitsta from my mom and I gave her one in return. I also got sung the "Bulgarska Rosa" song by Melody. That is what truly made my day! :)

And because today was a holiday, and my day off, Melissa, Logan, Nathan, and I took a day trip to Moab! We drove a couple hours South to check out the city and just make a day of it. We ate lunch at a local dive....hamburgers, hot-dogs, and HUGE milk shakes, then we went to a local park filled with musical instruments and played around. Then we did some window shopping and even some real shopping at a Rock Shop where we saw lots of dinosaur fossils (who knows how real they are =p) and finally we climbed a mountain of sand that we thoroughly enjoyed sliding down! :) What a lovely day.

I just a got a phone call from the assistant director of the grad school program I'm applying for in Illinois!!!! I have a phone interview tomorrow with the school. Crap! I'm so nervous! I've had interviews before...but I don't ever remember being this nervous! I'm afraid that I'll just freeze up or sound like a complete dumby. :( I guess there is one upside to this being a phone interview though, the people on the other end won't be able to tell if I pee my pants from nervousness. :D

I'd almost forgotten about this little blog of mine! You know how things go...you leave the peace corps, you travel, you get home, start a new life and pretty much forget about all the old things you did. Let's see now, what has happened since I last posted... SO MUCH!!! I've been back about 7 months now and it would probably take pages upon pages upon pages to write about what's happened, so I'll just give the highlights of my life so far back in America for anyone who cares. :)

Okay, so I got home on July 18th. At the end of July I got hired on to be a 2nd grade teacher in a low income school about 40 miles from my hometown. I lasted as a teacher for a whole month and a half!!!! Teaching in America, especially as a full-time and first year teacher is no easy task! But even though it was difficult and I was working 14 hour days...I enjoyed it. I had some of the cutest kids ever. I ended up leaving because of difficulties with my principal. Just one of those long sad stories where in the end it was best for me to leave. Two days after ending my teaching career I took off on a three week road trip. Awesome! I was able to meet up with some of my bestest friends that I had made during the Peace Corps. And I saw some of the highlights in North America: Omaha, Nebraska :-), Detroit, Michigan, The CN Tower in Toronto, Pittsburgh, PA, Gettysburg, Washington DC and the highlights there, Nags Head Beach, North Carolina (where I went horseback riding on the beach!), the Smoky Mountains in Tennessee, Little Rock, AR, the dust bowl of Oklahoma, and deserts of New Mexico! An amazing trip to be sure!

Ah, and after the road trip....I decided to work for my parents until I figured out what came next. I'm still working for them, at the family grocery store and for the most part I'm enjoying it. I've been given free reign to make changes and improvements and that has given me a sense of responsibility and makes me feel needed for a change. I guess the highlight has been re-vamping our produce department! I know, boring stuff to most of you out there, but for me and our little small-town market it's big stuff! :-) There's been other things to happen in the last few months but I don't need to write the sob story on them. I'll just summarize by saying my dad was injured, out of commission for almost 4 months, and now is almost back to normal! Also in the mix was a couple of brief, but emotionally draining, relationships. Lessons learned. The latest news is that I'm applying for grad school. I'm looking at a few Peace Corps Fellows programs in the states and my applications are on the way out the door. Here's hoping for my first choice...Illinois!!! It's a bit farther than home than I'd like, but hey...it's a lot closer than Bulgaria!

And that my friends is the news as of today! Happy February to you all and here's hoping that Spring is soon on it's way!

Train car entrance at Auschwitz-Berkenau

New Jewish cemetery near Jewish quarter - Krakow

Me in "Hero's Square" - Budapest

trying to open the secret door - Budapest

The Fishermen's Bastion - Budapest

*ahem* This is Stephanie, the no-longer-a-Peace-Corps-Volunteer but instead a back-packer-through-Europe, just updating this lil ole blog of mine. Yep, I left Bulgaria 5 days ago and am now off on my great adventure! Okay, it's not huge as I'm only traveling for 2 1/2 weeks..but it's still pretty big to me. Instead of heading straight back to the states I decided to take a little detour by way of Hungary, Poland, Ireland, and even North Carolina. But no worries, I'll make it home eventually.

I have to say that it was weird leaving Bulgaria last Monday. I was sitting at the airport thinking "wow, this could be the last time that I'm in BG." Odd to leave a place that I started to consider my second home. It's going to take a while to get used to being gone. I've still got a lot of Bulgarian in me, but it's only been 5 days so I think I'm allowed to still have pieces of Bulgaria...like still nodding and shaking my head in the wrong direction and Bulgarian words popping out of my mouth. I'm sure that stuff will disappear once I'm back in the states and with my family again.

So, already in my travels I've been to Budapest, Hungary, and currently in Krakow, Poland. Budapest was pretty - a big and bustling city with tons to see! But where Budapest was extravagant Krakow is quaint...and I love that! This city is absolutely adorable. So cute. I did go to Auschwitz today and that was not cute. It was heart-wrenching. The compounds - 3 camps: Auschwitz I, II, and II, were unbelievable in size. I don't even know how to put into writing what I felt in being there...in seeing the piles of children's clothes and shoes, the room filled with combs and hair-brushes, the underground cells, the horse-stalls turned barracks for all of the prisoners, the photos of all prisoners who entered the camps between 1940 and 1943, and the unloading docks where all people who were shipped in by cattle cars were forced to leave all of their belongings before being sent to either a work camp or gas chamber. There just aren't words to describe the gut wrenching saddness of being in a place where 1.5 million people were murdered.

Yes, it has been forever since I've updated this. It seems as time goes by and I get closer to leaving my desire to write is less...almost non-existent. I will only be a Peace Corps Volunteer for 11 more days, but after that I will forever be a RPCV (returned Peace Corps Volunteer). RPCV for life!!! I'm in the winding down process now. Packing my bags, cleaning my apartment, saying "good-bye".....all in all just preparing to leave. It's funny though, I don't feel like I'm leaving. It doesn't seem real that I'll be going "home" and that I most likely won't see this place again. Basically I'm in denial that this going-away process is even happening. Which is exactly how I was when Mickie left last week. I spent her last two days with her in Sofia, checking out the tourist sites that we'd never gotten around to see and just hanging out. I KNEW that she would be leaving but it didn't sink in...not until I watched her go through the security point at the airport and disappear behind security screening. Then it hit! Mickie was gone! Soon Melody and Kathy will be gone! Then E! Then me! I know of course that I will always be friends with these people and will make a point to see them once we're all back in the states. But it won't ever ever be the same. We will all be living states apart....maybe even countries apart. There will be no taking an 8 hour train ride to go visit for the weekend, no meeting up in Sofia or another middle city just for the day. Seeing each other in the states, where will all have jobs, school, families, and lives to tie us down will make meeting up so much more difficult. Added to that is the fact that it won't take a 5 hour bus ride to visit, but more like a 5 hour plane ride! And then there are my Bulgarian friends! Most of them I'm almost certain I may never see again. There are a couple whom I just might see...especially if I succeed in bringing my dance group back to the states next year. But for most of them this is it. This will be my last time to go to coffee with the teachers at school. The last time to sit and talk for an hour with Tstetska at the copy-center. Of course there are my kids too!!! :( As much as a pain in the butt they were at times I'm really going to miss my students. They are the reason I was here. I'm going to miss their crazy antics and inappropriate questions like, "Miss Steph, do you have a lover?" I'll miss playing games with them. Miss watching when that light bulb switched on and they got what I was saying.

I never felt this way when I left home. I never thought "this will probably be the last time that I ever see these people" because I knew that it wasn't. I knew coming here was only 27 months of my life and that I'd see my family and friends again. There have been a few elderly people that have passed away since I've been here; I'm sad for that. Sad that I didn't get to say good-bye or attend their funerals. But for the most part I knew my being gone was temporary and I wasn't too broken up. But here, this time, it's really hard. Even if was only 2 years, it was a lifetime. This has became my "home." I'm used to being here and at times cannot even imagine anything different. I don't even want to say "good-bye" to folks here because by saying good-bye it means that's it. Na krai. The End. I'd rather sneak away quietly and not say those two words. By not saying them that means that it's not really happening. In my mind it means that I'm not really leaving for good. I know that it would be lying to myself and I'd wouldn't really have closure on my life here...not the healthiest thing. But the thought of "good-bye" hurts. Again, when I left home two years ago it was not like this. I had a big "going away" party with 90 people there to send me on my way. But it wasn't "good-bye," it was "be safe, have fun, do good work, stay outta trouble, and see you in two years." Here, not so. I want no send off, no going away gathering, no nothing. Because this time it's permanent.

Two years? What? Already? Seriously? Yeah, that's what I was thinking earlier when I looked at my calender and realized that I've been in Bulgaria for two years now. Where does the time go? Well, a few places that time is spent is in school, on long bus or train rides, and the rest of the time at a cafe or in my apartment. It's weird to think back to when I first arrived here. I can barely remember my first impressions. I look back now at my journal entries from two years ago and laugh at how so many things were so strange to me and how I just couldn't understand. Now, I can't imagine things being anyway but how they are. What was so weird is now commonplace. It's nothing but normal for it to take 3 hours to drive 60 miles. I don't know what I'd do if I went to restaurant and ordered a coke and it came to me with ice in the cup. Ice? What's that? How can pizza be pizza without corn, pickles, eggs, and ketchup? And it's not even possible to spend less than 3 hours at a dinner party. And nobody can eat a salad in under 45 minutes. Nobody. I don't know what I'll do when I get home in a few months and I can't just hop on a train to visit a friend for less than 24 hours before taking that train right back to my place. And what's to become of me if I can't get caught in the daily goat crossing?

Sure, it may seem that I'm being facetious...and maybe I am. But then I'm not. These things that for so long irritated me and were the cause of many a head-ache, like having to force myself to make one cup of coffee last 2 hours, have become part of my every day life. I really will miss seeing the goat crossing. I will miss being able to sit at a cafe for hours without having to worry about being kicked out. I will miss the long bus/train rides through the country. I'll miss this relaxed way of doing things. But then again, I sooooo look forward to the rush of American life. And to the "can do" attitude. I yearn for the moment when I say "lets organize.....for....." and the people I talk to say "okay. let's do it," rather than the sceptic and often pessimistic responses that I meet here.

Again, I think back to my first few days in country and barely recognise that girl. These two years have changed who I am. I can't say "jaded", but rather less naive and not as optimistic as I used to be. No, the Peace Corps has not made me pessimistic. But being in another part of the world. Being in a culture that often gives up too easy and thinks the world is against them has hardened be a bit to the world. I see and recognise the changes in me. Some changes I like, others I don't. I know that we all grow and change as people, but there are times that I miss the younger more naive girl that came here two years ago.

Has this job been hard? Absolutely. Do I regret doing it? Never. Will I miss Bulgaria? Yes and No. Is the Peace Corps "the toughest job I'll ever love?" Probably.

Just two more months to go now. And because I forgot to update sooner let me say that the Ethnos Folklore Dance Ensemble (my dancers) and I had a wonderful trip to Utah! The performances were fantastic and everything went off without almost no hitches at all. The kids had a great time, and for me that's all that counts. It was worth all the head-ache of preparation just to take them to America and see their reactions and give them a little piece of America.

I've been so exhausted lately from all this running around and trying to get things together. Run here to meet with the dancers. Run here to meet with the mayor. Run to get this...and run to get that. And then once I get home I have a box full of emails asking me out the dance performances and then I send out 20 emails with questions of my own to make sure that everything is set up. I'm so tired that I can't even sleep! As evidenced by the fact that I just woke up at 3:00 this morning! Woke up with more stuff to add to my "things to do" list before the dancers and I head out. Oh....still so much to be done and no time to do it.

Sometimes I'm still surprised by the little cultural differences that I find here. There still seem to be events that happen that make me say "WHAT?" Things that just seem so innately wrong to me. For example: Yesterday I made a batch of cup cake to take to a party last night that my dance group was throwing. I made the cup cakes from scratch (top that Betty Crocker from a box!) and used my precious cup cake liners that I'd been hoarding for months. When I got to the dance studio last night I gave the cup cakes to Annie, one of the dance teachers, and she said that she'd put them out on the tables. Well, a little later in the night as Mickie and I were seated at a long table filled with all sorts of Bulgarian treats we saw girls carrying trays piled high with little brown squares. As the girls started placing the trays on the table and I could see the cake like consistency of the little chunks I realized that those were my cup cakes! My precious cup cakes had been removed from their precious wrappers and cut into little one inch squares. Ahhh...that's not how you eat cup cakes! Oh, the wrongness of it all. This was a case where I should have demonstrated first how it is that a person eats a cup cake since I'm certain that most of the people at the party last night had never before seen such a wondrous treat.

Awww, today is one of my favorite holidays here in Bulgaria. Yes, it is an international holiday but here it is actually celebrated (it's kind of like Mother's Day in the states). This may be the one day where women here get some what of a break. Perhaps moms and grandmas won't have to cook today or sweep the walk or feed all the animals. Today is their day to take a break. And the day where they get tons of flowers! I think that's what I like most about this holiday...that I get flowers from my students and colleagues. I've saved every flower given to me in the last 2 years - all the flowers from when I first arrived in Bulgaria, from the first day of school, and from Women's Day. I don't know what I'll do with all of the flowers when it comes time for me to head back to the states. But for now it's just nice having them...even if 80% of them are dried up and covered in dust. :-)

The closer this project gets to it's actual realization; the closer we get to going to Utah, the more frustrating and stressful things get. I'm sure my blood pressure is going through the roof today and there are no possibilities of it coming down until after the dancers and I return from Utah. Today the dance teachers, my principal, Nelly and I all met with a man who works for the mayor at city hall. This man came to school to meet with all of us and to tell us some "important" things about traveling to the U.S. Like: the size and weight of luggage, what can and cannot be taken into the states, the process of flying and going through airports, and some cultural differences between Americans and Bulgarians. My principal, dance teachers, and Nelly all asked these questions to the city hall guy and paid rapt attention to everything he said. Sure...that's fine that the guy was telling all of these things...but I've told the Bulgarians the exact same things a dozen times already!!! I've thoroughly gone over every detail about traveling, passports, visas, going through customs, size and weight of baggage, how long traveling will be, what to expect at the airport, the process of changing planes, effects of jet-lag, as well as key cultural differences between Americans and Bulgarians. I don't know why they had to bring this other guy in to say the exact same thing! This seems to happen quite often. It's like they don't trust or believe anything that I tell them. They have to hear it from a Bulgarian who has traveled ONCE to America, where as I have traveled internationally half a dozen times and know the ins and outs of the major international airports. I know about traveling, about customs forms, about what can and cannot be taken over borders, and I know about American culture...I'm and AMERICAN! Grrrrrrr. I hate that they make me feel like they don't believe me. I know that this is a major event for all of them. None of the group has ever been to America, and none of them has ever traveled by plane before. So I can understand that they're nervous and want to know as much as they can about traveling. But why must they bring in another man to talk for an hour about the same things I've already told them and then act like they had never heard it before? Oy! This traveling is going to be a pain. I'll have to hold the hands of 19 nervous first time flyers. I can't wait to get to Utah. I just want to get there and see my family and sleep in my own bed...and then have the performances and show the group around my home-town area.

I've said a few times or more that I want to become mayor of my home-town sometime later in my life. But I'm not sure that I can do it. I have no diplomatic skills. You'd think after growing up working with the public I would have some pretty good people skills and now how to to put on the "happy" face. You know..."the customer is always right"? But I don't think I can do that. I was continually scolded by my poppie who'd tell me that you can't show irritation or anger when working with the public. You gotta let them think that they're right. Gotta keep things smooth, Well...sorry pop. I still haven't learned to do that. I've learned to control my irritation and anger a little bit, but not enough to hide it...not enough to be a public figure. Perhaps I will be able to work behind the scenes for my town, but I don't know that I'm cut out to be the figure head...because I've yet to learn not to rip faces off when people are being dumb and irritating me.

I went roaming about the city on Saturday morning. I thought it was the perfect time to get out and take some pictures of the city. Because, well, my time here is coming to a close (in 4 months!) and I still didn't have any pictures of the "hot-spots" in my city. So I strolled about and got pictures of all of the monuments in town (remnants of the Communist past), of the churches, and of the Roman ruins that are strewn about the city. To view pictures go to: http://www.snapshotmemories.blogspot.com or click on the "my photos" link on the side bar.

And it's just dawned on me this morning that I will be home...as in good ole Utah home...in a month with my dancers!!! Where does the time go? Actually, I guess we'll be leaving in less than a months time! Dance rehearsals are well under way and the performance is coming together really well...except for maybe my part because I'm the world's worst dancer! But hey, I've still got about a month to perfect my 4 minute part of the performance! And I think that things are about all set on the home front. My momma and poppie have been working really hard to get things set up locally, so I'm sure all will turn out well.

It's strange to think that I'll be going home again. But I'm well aware that this trip home is in no way about me. This won't be a vacation. This will be a business trip...but one that will allow me to sleep in my own comfy bed again and will let me eat American food. :-) This trip is about my Bulgarian students, colleagues, and friends. I'm so excited for them to go to America and experience a different culture...my culture. While we're in Utah I'm going to make sure that my group gets a chance to eat lots of American food, go to a mall, and go hiking in at least one of Utah's five national parks. There is just so much that I want them to see and do! Why didn't I make this a 2 week trip instead of only 1?

Oh, and it seems that I may have to give an interview with the local TV news station here. Dimov, the dance teacher, told me that the news station wants to interview me and a few of the dance students to learn more about our project: where we're going, for how long, what we'll be doing there, and why - questions of that sort. I don't know when this interview is supposed to take place. Like every other event that takes place here in Bulgaria I'll probably find out the day of. So maybe I should start thinking now about what I want to say and how to say it so I don't sound like a complete moron in my broken Bulgarian.

Not every Peace Corps Volunteer completes his/her 27 months of service. There are many people who early terminate (in Peace Corps lingo "ET"). And everyone's reasons are different and personal and often very difficult. Some people come to find that the Peace Corps isn't for them, some find other opportunities to pursue, and some go home for medical reasons...whether they want to or not. I just found out that my pal Matt will be leaving the Peace Corps next week. He was just offered his dream job in the states and he'd be silly to pass it up. He said in some ways he feels like he's giving up or going back on his word for not completing the Peace Corps. But he's not giving up or going back on his word. He is a phenomenal volunteer and has made a world of difference in the people around him - both Bulgarians and Americans. There is no shame in leaving early. Life has presented Matt with his dream job so he'd better take it! Sometimes opportunities come when we least expect them...but they come for a reason. I'm gonna miss Matt...but I'm so happy for him to be heading home and to a job that he's meant to have.

January is finally gone...and so are my sickies!!! Well, most of the sickies anyway. There is still a lingering cough and I'm not 100% sure that all of the Giardia is gone, but I'm doing much better and feel about back to normal. I wanna say "thanks" to all of my friends and family who have been writing to check up on me. Makes a girl feel pretty loved when people write to make sure that I'm still alive. :-)

Now that February is here it's dance repetition time! My dancers are getting their performance together and tonight will be my first night going to check it out and participate. Dimov, the dance teacher, tells me that I will have a small role in the beginning of their performance so I'll go tonight and find out what my part is. I hope it doesn't require any fancy foot work dancing because I'm probably one of the worst dancers out there. I'll find out tonight what I get to do! Oh, and I'll also get to wear a folk costume for the performances! Yay! That, to me, is the most exciting part...my very own Bulgarian Folk Costume!!!

The performance schedule is still in the working. But it looks like we'll get to perform for almost all of the schools in Carbon County, and have performances in both Helper and Price. I'm still working on setting something up in Salt Lake City. I'd like the dancers to be able to see a big city in the states, rather just stay in my rural area the entire time. I had hoped to set something up at my alma mater, the University of Utah, but they don't seem to be interested. :-( That makes me sad. When I was a student there I loved watching the different performances set up by the presenter's office. There would often be folk music groups or dancers out side the student building and I'd sit on the lawn and watch. I really wanted to bring my Bulgarian dancers to the U of U and share with the current students the coolness of Bulgarian Folk Dancing! Oh well, time to look somewhere else. There's still a month and a half to go so I'll figure something out in the big city.

Ok, so besides dancers related stuff all I can tell about is school and travel. The first semester is about over and I'll get a little break next Thursday to Sunday - an in-between semester break. I hadn't planned on going anywhere. Mostly I was planning on Melody coming here to visit. But I've been feeling a little restless lately - that may be due to the fact that I've been sick and haven't been able to go anywhere. So with this restlessness I've decided that I need to go...somewhere...anywhere. I was talking to John and I told him that I'd like to go to Prague for my little break and he said that he'd like to go there too. So now it's settled. I will meet John-John in Prague next week and we'll spend 4 days together roaming around the beautiful old city! Yay!!!!! I love these last-minute vacations! It will be nice to see John (who will be bringing me some Kraft Mac&Cheese that I've been craving lately...and not the powdered cheese kind either!) and it will be good to take a little break from school.

Oh yeah, Happy Groundhog Day!!! Anyone know if the groundhog has seen his shadow or not?

*Ahem* So I think that this January in this year of 2007 is quite possibly the worst month of my life. As far as health problems go anyway. The new year started out with me having a mild case of food poisoning from some village pork that a colleague gave me. The stomach pains were so horrible that it felt as though something was ripping my stomach in two. Then came the news that I had Giardias. Oh Joy...I'd always wanted an intestinal parasite. But I think that lil guy is gone now. Also, the day I found out that I had Giardia was the day that I picked up another case of fleas! How it's possible to get fleas as much as I do I really don't know. I'm guessing that I picked them up on one of the many bus rides that I'd made back and forth to Sofia this month for all my running around for visas. I believe that those external parasites are gone now too as I haven't had any new bites in a few days. And lastly comes a viral infection - something akin to the flu - that hit me on Friday. It started out with a little sniffle and little cough. Then it turned into my whole body aching and feeling weak and having chills. Then the earache came and worse coughing and enough snot being blown out of my nose to fill a bucket. Next came a fever that got up to 102 degrees. Now all that is gone and I'm left with an ear infection where my right ear is in pain and I have swelling around my ear and on my right cheek, jaw, and neck. I was going to go to the doctor in Sofia today but then I hadn't slept in 24 hours and fell asleep at 6 this morning just before I should have gotten on a bus. So the doc said to stay home from school today and tomorrow; and if the swelling isn't down in the morning and my ear doesn't feel better then I'd better take that bus ride and go to the office. Oh the joys of living in a foreign country in the winter time where the only person to take care of me...is me. It's times like this that I miss my momma.

Giardia lamblia After a visit with my Peace Corps medical doctor today I learned that this little guy, Giardia lamblia - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Giardia_lamblia , has been living in my intestine for quite sometime and wreaking havoc upon my digestive tract. He has made these last few months quite unpleasant for me. With bloating, gas, diarrhea, and nausea having been playing a part of my every day life I'll be quite happy to get rid of him. I've just now taken 4 horse pills that Dr. Rob gave me so this little parasite should be gone in 1 to 2 weeks. Good-bye Giardia!!!

I took the day off today from worrying. Actually I took yesterday off too...today was just an extension of that. This project with the dancers is getting more and more stressful. Don't get me wrong...things are moving along quite nicely. It's just that I feel like I put more on my plate than I can possibly handle. But with the help of my rents and other folks back home (as well as my pal Jon - former PCV) things are starting to pull together. It just makes it a little more difficult to try and organize things when I'm here...and everyone else is there. But I said that I was taking the day off from worrying...so I'll stick with that.

I hopped a bus over to Berkovitsa today to go on a little hike with Mr. Brooke. We ended up hiking for about 3 hours up into the Balkan Mountains. It was a gorgeous walk/hike...albeit a bit muddy. And the weather today was fantastic!!! This has been an unseasonably warm winter and today it was about 50 degrees! We didn't even need our jackets for the hike. And after our hike we settled down to a lovely meal of steamed veggies, Mexican Rice (courtesy of Lipton's rice mix), and a home-made Apple Pie for dessert (made by Mr. Brooke himself)!!! Top the day off with an episode of Grey's Anatomy and I can't think of a more perfect winter's day!

In the past year and a half or so that I've been here I've gotten pretty used to the different foods that Bulgarians eat. I thought that I was to the point where nothing really surprises me...but I was wrong. Today's lunch threw me for a loop and made me realize that "yes...I can still be surprised" when it comes to Bulgarian food. I got a little pizza today from the cafe near school. I've come to expect that any pizza I order will most likely not have pizza sauce, but will have ketchup or mayonnaise...or both, and that it will also probably have corn or pickles on it and some unidentifiable meat. ("Is that chicken or pork?") Today's pizza had no ketchup or mayo (yay!), but it did have my usual corn and pickles. But the thing that I've never seen before, and never imagined could be on a pizza, was peas and shredded carrots! I think that this is taking the "vegetarian" pizza thing a bit too far. And it wasn't even a vegetarian pizza because it was still covered with shredded mystery meat! I guess that I will continually be surprised by what Bulgarians can do with food. (Just a FYI - the pizza wasn't half bad)

I just spent my first Christmas and New Year's in Bulgaria! And the first Christmas and New Year's away from my family :-( But even though I couldn't be with my family and friends back home...I was able to be with my friends and Peace Corps family here :-) I spent Christmas in Koprivshtitsa with Mickie. Her town and new apartment are just adorable. Really...it's the cutest little village. I loved walking around and looking at all the old traditional style houses. I also loved that Mickie has a wood-burner stove and I got to play with fire the whole time at was at her place.

After Christmas in Koprivshtitsa Mickie and I came back to my place for New Year's. Nikola and her cousin Mariela also came over on New Year's Eve and we all watched the city ignite from my balcony. I've never seen so many fireworks or heard so many gun shots in my life! It was an insane way to ring in the New Year. I do wonder if every New Year's Eve celebration is that crazy or if it was exceptionally crazy this year because on January 1st Bulgaria became a part of the European Union. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Accession_of_Bulgaria_to_the_European_UnionIt's been great having a break from school. I was really ready for one. But now vacation is almost over and I'll be headed back to school on Monday. It's time to start finishing up the first semester so I've got to work on grades this weekend and finish correcting papers that I had assigned before the holiday. What kind of teacher am I? Why did I have kids turn in work just before the break? That only means work for me during my vacation! And it's also time that I get real serious with my dancers project. We've got interviews at the U.S. embassy coming up and hopefully all of the dancers will get their visiting Visas to the states. Now I need to start getting the travel agenda lined up. I know when we'll be getting into the states and when we'll be leaving...but I need to set up all of the performance dates at the schools and other community centers where the dancers will be performing. And I need to start going to the dance rehearsals since I'll have some part in the performances! Woo Hoo! Just two and a half more months and my Bulgarian Folk Dancers and I will be state side! Man...it's gonna be a lot of work. But so worth it!

I think that this may be the longest I've gone without updating my blog! Almost an entire month. Does anyone still read this thing??? So the latest is that my dancers project is a GO!!!! Well, we're still short a few thousand dollars but I'm confident that in three months time I will be able to pull the money from somewhere. I went to Sofia yesterday and put down a deposit in order to reserve our plane tickets for March. The group is down from 22 people to 20. 2 Roma dancers had to drop out because they aren't able to find any funds. I hate that! I hate that these two kids can't come, and I hate even more that I'm not able to help them! It would have been phenomenal if they could come and do some traditional Roma dances. Could've been so cool to show a different side of Bulgarian culture. But hey, this project is working! After 10 months of up and down, up and down, will we go or will we not...we will go! At least right now it's a 90% chance that we'll go. Once we have all the money in and the plane tickets in our hands then I'll give it the 100% "go."

Oh yeah, and I'm still teaching. School is still there, the kids are still pains, and I've taken to flicking kids in the ear when they won't be quiet. All is well in my little corner of Bulgaria.

You know what's funny in any language?...Talking about cutting the cheese, or passing gas, or letting one rip, or just plain old farting. Yes, that is always funny. Today with my 6th graders we were learning about Hawaii and volcanoes and one of my students, Nencho, said "Volcanoes go drrrrt drrrrrt." And I was like "huh?" And then all the kids started laughing. I asked "what is drrrt drrrt" (no "drrrt" is not a word - it's just that sound). And Loretta said, "it's when air comes out of your guss" - and she pointed at her butt. Aha! Then I got what she was talking about and what Nencho was saying. As soon as the kids saw my look of understanding they all started laughing. And then they asked me how you say that in English and what is it called when air comes out of a person's butt. Well, being that I'm here to teach English, I couldn't very well deny them their thirst for knowledge...so I told them that the verb is "to fart" and the noun is "fart." Oh...and guss is "butt." Yeah, after that the rest of the lesson just went to pot and all the kids could do was say "so-and-so is farting" or "so-and-so likes to fart." The teacher in me frowned...for a second, but then the kid in me took over and I was laughing along with the kids. Oh, what a great day in English class!

I love holidays, but Halloween has always been one of my favorites. I'm not sure if I like it so much because I get to dress up in some silly costume or because I get to eat tons of candy without feeling guilty. Regardless...I love Halloween! This last weekend I partied it up in VT with my fellow volunteers and had some good ole Halloween fun :-) Then at school my kids and I had our own classroom parties - complete with candy, costumes, and games. I'm all about any excuse to eat candy and play.

Now that November is here the cold weather is really starting to set in. It's supposed to get down to the 20s tomorrow. I thought that I was ready for the cold....in fact I've been looking forward to it for some time...but I've changed my mind. I don't think that I'm really ready for the the next 5 months of cold. :( Can't it just stay October forever?

For an update on my project with the folk dancers....it looks like we're gonna make it!!! We still need to find about $5,000.00 more, but we've got 4 months to do it. I think it's really gonna work! Which means about 20 Bulgarians and I will be state side come next March. I will be traveling with 15 dancers, a musician, the mayor, a translator, and the two dance teachers. 15 people is a pretty small amount for a dance troupe, so the dance director is working up something special that will include everyone in the performances....including me! I told him that I'm not a dancer. Sure, I can do the "horo"...but that's it. I'm a little scared to see what he comes up. I just hope that my part is really small. I guess we'll start practicing soon. And we'll also start our English classes again...gotta teach the dancers a little bit more English so they don't feel too lost in America.

Today Amy came to town bringing some diapers for the orphanage in town. A group from Spain had left some diapers for the orphanage in her city, but there aren't any babies at her orphanage so she brought them to mine. I haven't been to the orphanage here in over a year. I don't really have a good excuse for not going...it's just too hard - emotionally. Maybe I'm not as giving a person as I thought I was because I just have rough time going to the orphanage and seeing all the babies and toddlers. I know that they need love and attention, but I can't seem to give it to them without balling. Today Amy and I went in to see the babies. The youngest was just 3 weeks old and the oldest in that room was about 7 months. We each got to hold the babies and even feed them. But after awhile of just seeing all those cuties lying there crying and not getting enough attention - no matter how much Amy and I gave - I started to cry and had to leave. It's just so heart breaking. I'd like to stay longer and hold 'em and just love 'em but maybe I'm not strong enough to do that. :(