This week in the life of me.........

Given two large two-hand fulls of домажно/domashno (homemade, but it doesn't make sense here) HAZLENUTS. I get into school today and the gym teacher sees me and says, hey Carin, would you like some hazlenuts from my yard? I look at him quizzically, huh? Here! he says. He opens up his plastic bag and starts taking out a handful. Where will I put them??? I ask him. He looks around, Well, he says, how about your bag there? I look down at my black school bag, filled with books, a dictionary, markers, an eraser, pens, pencil, my wallet, my phone......Errrrrrrr, ok! So in went about 40 individual hazlenuts scattered about my bag! :) And when you haven't a nutcracker, plyers work just splendidly! Required in-class nap. Yesterday, after finishing the first of two back-to-back classes with my 9th graders, I realized that something needed to be done. Yackity yack yack yack! They would not stop talking. They were just high energy. So told them that they better go outside and run around and yell their hearts out for their break. After the 10 minute break, they came back in, and I told every single one of those 15 year olds to put their arms and heads on their desks. To close their eyes and not utter a sound. Most thought it was great. Others had no clue what was going on - hahahaha. Five minutes later, we started class, and off we went! Taught about Pirates! My favorite classes as an English teacher are my SIPs. For you Americans and other non-Bulgarians out there, that means electives. Which for me means I get to teach whatever the heck I want! First semester, the topic is culture. Broad topic and for good reason. It allows me to teach about Pirates! I include a little history and geography in there, try and get the point across that the world is not black and white. Were pirates the only bad guys out there? During the golden age of pirates, they followed the currents of the triangular trade route, robbing and stealing from men who captured Africans and sold them for great ransoms into slavery in the New World, who in turn used this bloodstained money to purchase spices and indigo and other luxury items to be delivered to England. Tainted money. The pirates stole this money from these Europeans and fledgling Americans, who deserved it. Not to say that pirates were good, but it sure ain't black and white. Swore in class. Well, at least I think I did! I said word which abruptly stopped the class before hearing an outburst of laughter followed by, Miss, don't say that word! I thought I said the word dog! I still don't know what I said! Happy First Ever Teacher's Day, Bulgaria! Ate some really good chocolate cream filled Turkish cookies. mmmmmmmmmmm Said goodbye to Rich, my site mate. I didn't cry, but I sure do feel really weird. We must have gone to 3 or 4 different farewell dinners with different or the same people. Boxes and boxes of American food stuffs, books, hand warmers, flour and spices, more books, and a vacuum cleaner were delivered to my doorstep. Now I have more books than I know what to do with, but some look promising like Pompeii, On the Road by Jack Kerouac, High tide In Tucson by Kingsolver, Broke My Heart at Wounded Knee. I just can't believe how much "stuff" I have now. I've become accostumed to not having alot of "stuff" and now I have alot of it. Oh well. I'll give mine to the next Peace Corps Volunteer. But on a more human and personal level, its strange not having that other American nearby. The one who understands, intuitively what I'm going through. The one who keeps me company at parties when I start losing interest in the Bulgarian, because I'm tired. It's just all in all very strange. Rich will be the only PCV that I know who truly understands Varshetz, and who I'll be able to reminisce about this town with. Good times, good times. Even today, as I walked out of my house, I thought, hmmmm, I wonder if Rich has eaten lunch yet? Maybe I'll swing by the Center and..........oh yeah, Rich is on a plane home! But life goes on, things are always changing. But thanks for the memories! Two more books I'm looking forward to: The Battle for Peace By General Zinni and The Gospel According to Biff, Jesus' Childhood Friend. Looking forward to that one! Tomorrow off to see the newest group of volunteers, the b20s, to explain the HIV/AIDS situation in Bulgaria. I'm starting to feel very comfortable in this realm of medicine - educational medicine. Education is so important. Oh, how I realize that now. On that note, it's time for me to get packing and clean the house before bedtime. Goodnight, and all the best to those of you who read these short little glimpses into my life. :)

hey,

this rain makes me sleepy. and it's been so dark i've actually had to keep a lamp on all day. i think varshetz is sitting in a cloud at the moment. chavdar said that once when he came here. sunny in sofia, and the further and higher you climbed into the stara planina, the more you found yourself surrounded by clouds and mistyness. i've had the same experiences. it's misty now.

i'm finding i relate altogether too well with The Poisonwood Bible. it's disturbing and amazing when that happens. how is that someone can write something so close to how you feel or how've you felt?

the pressures of lesson planning looms. monday marks the start of "real" lessons. this week was easy. rules, expectations, increasing familiarity describes this first week. next week, for one class at least, the real deal begins. they are expecting to work hard. for once, i hope i can meet their expectations of me as a teacher in an english-intensive class. the textbook is abstract and not always clear. while i appreciate the difference and good challenges abstractness brings, this abstractness is dysfunctional. i need structure, organization, clarity, and precision of lessons and exercises. of course i want there to be flexibility too. you don't need to know me too well to know that i need flexibility and freedom of movement, of expression. now let's channel and fuse this flexibility with organization! ha!

oh, Happy Independence Day Bulgaria! though, to be honest, i'm not entirely sure who we're celebrating independence from!

Smoker's lung

Or at least I'm well on my way there. I think I can honestly appreciate now the awareness-raising efforts made by the surgeon general, anti-smoker activists, and public health officials concerning the effects of SECOND HAND SMOKE. I don't smoke. I've smoked, altogether, including the puffs on friends cigarettes, a grand stinkin total of one cigarette (I know, ya'll probably think I'm lying), but I've got a cough that would make any smoker proud.

International Topic of Conversation

I have this group of friends here, who are more less older than me.........well, we can safely say older than me. In fact, some of them are parents of my students. Others are colleagues of mine. All over the world people talk about SEX, SEX, and oh you know, SEX!!! It's an international popular topic of conversation.

So it's the first day of school and I have on this button down, collared shirt. Slate blue. Eddie Bauer. Stretch. But not tight. Very comfortable. It's our friend Tanya's birthday so we're celebrating at the tourist office in the cramped back room, 10 chairs crowded around a low rectangular table. Salami, chicken nuggets, mashed potato sticks, pistachio nuts, potato salad, snezhanka salad (yogurt, dill, and cucumber - tasty), bean salad in tomato sauce, bread, yellow cheese and ham. Vodka, gin, bezalkoholno or aka soft drinks like sprite, coke, also orange juice. So Rich and I are sitting next to each other, discussing the AIDS situation in Bulgaria and Eastern Europe, the prevelance of AIDS education in the country. It was becoming quite involved when suddenly, across the table, I hear Ventsi through the smoke, "Hey Carin! I think you're boobs are bigger than before!" Talk about a contrast of conversations! and crikey! SEX is a topic you can always count on and never forget about! You must always be vigilant and on your toes! I can't believe I have another winter of this to go through! Aaaahhhhhh!

First Days

First week of school almost over and done with! Can you believe it? I can't. How in the world is it already autumn, students abounding with notebooks and pens.

What I'm teaching this year:

9it - information technology - english parallelki - 4 hours a week9it and 10it SIP - American Culture and Health class (split by semesters)9t, 10t, 11t - tourism parallel - 2 hours a week eachI taught the 10it class last year. Good kids. The kids are mostly excited and so am I, mostly. ;) The kids have already been asking about the Halloween Party which is awesome, because I'm hoping for loads more help this year and an even better party than last year! The kids did a great job of decorating last year, let's hope this year's the same!DynamiteClassroom dynamics. You know, its the dominant attitudes in the classroom that determine the nature and atmosphere and behavior of a class in general. If the dominant attitudes are studious, and enthusiastic, that is how your class will be. If the dominant personalities are careless, jokesters, class clowns, then the class itself is more likely to fall under this domain. Question is, how do you get a hold of the class clowns, the attention-seekers, those eager to derive the students' attention away from the teacher to them. The purpose is to not purposely take attention away from the teacher, actually, but to have whatever attention is available on them. What else. Many students here are afraid of things, ideas, people, institutions, that are different from their own. Religions, ethnicities, the other. Books.............MeCurrently reading The Poisonwood Bible. What a story. Over 400 pages in and nearly done. Took me a bit to get into it, but once I did, man. The struggle between siblings and mother and father and their community in the Congo. The struggle of survival of soul and life. Integration. Personal and communal values are questioned, chewed up, swallowed, regurgitated, and spit back up. Lives are changed. Lives are intertwined. Which lives matter? Leaders and well-water carriers. Religion. Sharing of religion. What matters most about religion? How and why is it important to us? What purpose does it serve us? Me? You? Others? I haven't been to church in a long time. Honestly, it seems so far away from me right now. I miss it. What do I miss? Individual vs. communal religion. Spiritual religion. Personal religion. Good stories. Makes you feel.That is my personality. I've realized that here. You realize alot about yourself here. For many of us, we are granted much alone and personal time. Time stranded at bus or train stations - still counts. There is much time here for personal exploration, observation, and reflection. I react with emotion. I understand most through feeling and emotion. Now, because I am aware of this, I must learn to cultivate this feeling and emotion and understand it, so that I am better able to make decisions based on these things. I understand best in the language of emotion and feeling and heart. I may not always communicate well through my words, but I understand sentiment. And heart.

i fell in love with istanbul......

memories of a turkish lane

you me i i

talk how

forward backward

cobblestone street roadside cafe

scarfs shawls drapes overlaid

canopy covered lanes, vine leaves

coffee tea chai

blue yellow orange green red purple bright

ornamental oriental jingle

stools cushions low tables reclining

dark hair dark skin blue eyes blonde hair

smiles nods laughter apple fruit smokey

twinkle book books

you me i i two people

different worlds same world one world

one language

smile new renewal

experience discovery rediscovery

intimacy warmth share sharing together

one two me you

together sharing share warmth intimacy

rediscover again again again

together

renew

chair coffee roadside cafe

mediterranean warmth

water blue, soft breeze

caressing breeze

again

remember me............you

hIKING - aaahhhhhhhhhh!

( insert picture here, but my internet is dumb) (instead click HERE to see my pics at Yahoo!)

I LOVE HIKING. I LOVE IT. I LOVE IT SO MUCH. LUCIA HATES IT. BUT I LOVE IT. ETHAN LOVES IT. NOW TONI LOVES IT. I LOVE NATURE!!!!

oh if my friends from home were reading this, we would all be reminded of the days when i was known as "nature girl" and the one would be a "fireman on the moon." :)

But no seriously, we went hiking this past weekend and it was incredible! Absolutely, stunningly beautiful! With companions such as Ethan and Toni, how could it not be!!?? Toni and her hoop earings and her fear of complaining on the hike for having a heavy pack leading her to say thigns like, "oh it won't rain, I won't bring a rain jacket." "oh, it won't be that cold, I don't want to bring a heavy sweatshirt!" And there was Ethan, singing and humming and eating beef jerky, even after our hilarious laughing fit by the tree he made me climb into because of.............some clothing! hehehehe Me? I did most of my complaining while waiting for the train out of Pernik, Toni's town, that their packs looked so much lighter than mine that when our train was late, I ran back to Toni's to dump off some stuff! Ha! But you know what, I love my EMS Hiking Pack! I totally could have carried more stuff had I needed it! Gives me confidence for longer hikes! Couldn't have asked for better company on this first excursion of mine into the Rila Mountains. To the Seven Lakes. To Rila Monastery! Geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

The природа, nature, up there in the Rilas was gorgeous. I can't even begin to think of enough suitable adjectives to describe this place. Such a variety of vegetation, wild blueberries and raspberries. There were other interesting specimens of life up there, including the harmonica playing Frenchman who's been walking from Normandy, France on a quest to Istanbul since February. The young, traditional flute-playing Bulgarian artist painting a different picture of time. The Bulgarian Minister of Foreign Affairs in a defiant red shirt, trouping the mountains stronger and more confidently than anyone else I saw up there. To name a few.

I think Ethan and Toni and I can all agree that one of the most hilarious moments on this trip was bedtime - or rather, discovering where it was exactly we'd be sleeping. We're all familiar with hostels, нали? Bunkbed style, bunkbed after bunkbed after bunkbed, lined up head to foot along the walls of the room. Yeah, no problem. We each get our own bed and pray that nobody's a snorer!

Now, um, who's heard of Snow White and the Seven Dwarves? HAHAHA, because that's the fairytale we reenacted at the Seven Lakes Hija! We walk into our room and our faces just drop. Our particular room, no different from the others, was long and rectangular. And likewise, the bed was loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong and rectangular. Now we're talking one long freakin' bed here! We're talking one long bed, with seven pillows evenly spaced apart on this one loooooooooooooooong bed! And then there was one on top! It was the longest and largest singular bunkbed I have ever seen! Sure the pillows were spaced apart, but the bed was large enough to fit seven people on the bottom, and seven people on top! We were literally the seven dwarves! We had to climb into our beds at the foot of the bed! hahahaha

So to protect Toni and I, since we were the girls you know, Toni slept against the wall, then it was Ethan, then it was me, and then Ethan's friend, Milen (flute playing Bulgarian).

Remember how I've been having weird dreams???? Well, yeah I had another one. This time I was dreaming about Cinderella! My dad was also in it and we were at some party and he had had a few drinks, and for some reason Cinderella was just hangin' around. (I think its because the night before at Toni's place I slept with the Cinderella and Belle blanket) The things that influence my dreams, I tell ya! sheesh...

But apparently, my dream was not nearly as exciting as Milen's. Here I am, comfortably and confusedly dreaming about Cinderella and my dad, when all of a sudden - BAM!!!!! He kicks me! Milen kicked me!! I let out a howl and immediately start grabbing my leg and rubbing it. Ethan wakes up and is asking me, "Carin, what happened?! Carin, you alright? What happened?" And I tell him, "He kicked me!!!!"

Some dream! Turns out, Milen was dreaming about a dog who was chasing him and he just couldn't get rid of it. The dog was getting closer and closer and ready to attack so Milen kicked the dog! But not really! He kicked me! hahaha, no bruise though!

And surprisingly, I only heard snoring ONCE. For maybe 10 minutes. If that. That was it. Not bad, eh?

Seven dwarves? Maybe I could be a dwarf. Which one would I be? Any suggestions?

Good times good times. We played a little UNO, which I'm realizing how quickly addictive this game is! Kudos to Peace Corps, or at least to the volunteers in my group, B17, who are apparently obsessed! Me too...... ;)

Dad and Suzanne come tomorrow! Holy cow! How cool! ONly bad thing is that I don't have enough towels! With this weather, I haven't been able to clean them because they won't dry! Yikes!

Who wants some Beef stew? Ethan just sent me a link about making igloos. hahah, we're going up to Rila again in a few weeks - any takers? yeah right, who am I kidding, I write this for myself. I think Lucia reads it. Consistently. Oh but my friend Sashka also reads it!

Hi Sashka! Of course I'll be visiting you in Sofia! :)

OKey dokey, it's late, so I must be on my way to bed. Earlier rising to go meet my folks (I think Toni likes that word now!)! How cool! Nite nite!

On Pain of Death

You know I tried logging into this thing and it just wouldn't work! What was I doing wrong? But on Lucia's pain-of-death threat and her great love of Esau, I thought I'd better hurry my butt up and get movin' again! I don't have the fervent energy and delirious intensity for all things online as my dear beloved friend Lucia. And she wants me to get MySpace! HA! Is she joking?

I suppose there is alot to catch up on. Hot damn. I last wrote around Easter time?!!!! Crikey!

In no particular order...

"Carin, the internal lining of your intestines was virutally destroyed."

Ummm, what? Yes, according to my doctor here, that is what happened. Last May I fell what I would call deathly ill, not to be wished upon my worst enemies! If I had them that is. It started in the night Monday, terrible awful stomach pains. I forced myself through two classes, went home early, and literally did not leave my bed until Saturday. I don't remember the last time I had such pain! Not appendicitis, who knows if it was even food poisoning. But I"ll tell ya, if there is even a good looking tomato in the same bag as a spoiled one, I'm throwing it away! No chances! I lost like 10 pounds, became skeletonized - perfect for the summer! haha, just kidding.

Hmmm, what else. OH I dreamed about honey nut cheerios a few nights ago. I've been having WEIRD dreams. The next night I dreamed I was shot. For some reason the different groups of volunteers were pitted against each other, against much of our wills, and we had to keep this one group of volunteers (non teachers, haha) in this room. We couldn't let them escape, but I didn't want to be doign this. However our design of creating an adult sized play pen didn't work and they did escape. As I ran out the building I saw Lucia laughing in another room with my RA from my freshman year of college - really weird for reasons I'll only explain to her! In the street these two people who I sort of knew but not really. [stupid internet erased half of what i wrote. you can never write the same thing twice the same way.] Anyway, they wanted to know where something was and I honestly didn't know where it was. They said they were going to torture me if I didn't tell them, and I started crying a bit because I really didn't know. The whole street scene was one of war and destruction. They kept threatening and I kept on tearfully saying I didn't know until....BAM!!!! They shot me.

In the dream, everything turned into slow motion for a moment. I felt this electric shock go through my back. It didn't hurt but I knew what had happened. I felt really warm and slowly I fell to the ground. I've only ever been shot twice in a dream. The first time was when I was in 9th grade and as I fell, I fell into heaven. This time, however, I was made to feel everything. I felt the anger and the shock of what they did. This wasn't torture, it was a death sentence. I lay there feeling numb, angry at all of the things I still wanted to do but might not be able to, so I swore I'd live. In shock, I lay, resting, waiting...for what? Waiting to get up? I heard my best friend Laura come over. She looked like a journalist or something. But she didn't have that confidence of a journalist. She was scared and distracted and didn't know what to do. Someone else was also there but I do'nt remember who it was. When I heard her voice I tried to get up. I made it half way, and then the pain it. I went cold. I felt the hole in my back. The pain sliced my body up and down and I was cold and clammy and sticky with blood. I shivered as I fell back again. Laura went for help. Uncertainly. I vowed I'd live. I forced myself awake.

This was not a pleasant dream. I'd heard once that if you die in a dream you die in your sleep. I don't believe it, but to die or to nearly die or be dying as was my case, was still not comfortable. It was strange. Eerie. Scary. What makes us dream these things? I think mine might have been influenced by an event that had occurred that morning. But my goodness. For someone who wants to go back into the medical field, this can't be a recurring event.

The morning I was in our grand nearby city of Montana, picking up my new lichna karta, personal ID card. I had time to kill before the next bus back home, so I settled into a bench with my honey nut cheerios and Sudoko puzzles and got busy. There was an older woman, with bleached bangs sitting on a bench perpendicular to me. It was obvious she was local, from the all-too-comfortable way she sat in what I deemed to be her bench, greeting and waving at the passersby, also pensioners (old folk). One man, the local photographer for old folks who sit on benches I imagine, sat next to her with his 35mm dangling from his neck. He was delivering her photos and together they sat and chatted. I was fascinated and distracted by this woman. I can't explain it, but my eyes kept diverting away from Sudoko to her. There was nothing really particular about her, but for those unknown reasons we are sometimes attracted to or distracted by people. I periodically glanced her way, until one time it made me stop and stare. The lights were out. Her face had gone blank and she wasn't listening or talking anymore. Suddenly she began to seize. All muscle control she once had was lost and her arms pushed into each other and into her body. Her legs twitched and her body itself moved sporadically. Not violently, though if she had been standing she would certainly have fallen. This last maybe 20 seconds. Then it stopped. She didn't move. I had never actually seen a seizure before but I knew that was exactly what I was looking at. The man she was with didn't understand. He stared and tried to ignore it. He continued talking. She continued staring ahead. He asked her questions. She remained silent. This was quickly followed by the characteristic post-seizure agitation and irritation. She couldn't sit still. She looked around her nervously and anxiously. The man, her friend, stood up. He left her. He left her. Alone. Alone she saw me looking at her, and quickly averted her eyes, not knowing why I was there, who I was, where she was. Another man, a friend came by and stopped to chat. She didn't answer him. Avoided him. "`Чуваш ли ме?" "Do you hear me?" Did she? He left. HE also left her. The agitation and irritation passed into a quiet fear. Where was she? She stood and sat by me. In my ear she whispered, "Where am I?" I explained to her where she was and asked her if she remembered what happened, what her name was, does she have family here, where does she live...She told me her name, stood up and walked past the benches and stopped. She turned around. She had no idea where she was going. Maybe not even where she was yet. I motioned for her to come back and sit with me. I walked over and led her back. I asked her again her name. Does she have family. Does she remember what happened to her. Does she remember who was with her before the episode. She knew her family, name, address, daughter's phone number (whose phone was turned off). She was afraid. She doesn't remember the man was with her, but was angry that he left her. She doesn't remember the episode, but from what I gathered understood what had happened. This was nothing new. This has happened before and she takes medicine. For this I hope. She cried a bit and I tried to comfort her. It's hard when you speak too different languages. I did my best. We waited there and I trusted another friend would pass us by. One did. And old girlfriend. We explained what happened and they got emotional which was sad to see. The men who saw her didn't understand and left her alone. Vulnerable and bewildered. they just left her. But I was happy to see her in good hands, with a friend who cared and knew of her problem. She would be okay.

Education is so important. Even if they knew of her problem, I wonder if they would have stayed. Fear is so paralyzing and we want to get away from what scares us. Maybe was one of those cases.

Did this influence my dream? I don't know.

Bela Flek and the Flektones are awesome! The joy of discovering cd's buried in the shelves of your house. Brings me back to the Grand Canyon days. Currently listening to the album "Live at the Quick."

I periodically am obsessed with astrology. Disregarding horoscopes, its amazing how accurate the details and descriptions on personality and character can be when considering the astrological order of your birth. I'm a Pisces. I'd like to say I found it, but my site mate did instead, but a website giving some pretty neat accounts of our zodiac signs. I've learned malleable, still trying to figure that out. But this can mean that I adapt well to new situations and environments. It also means I need to find the right container to dive into, and when I find the right one, I will thrive and be extremely successful. But malleable. Interesting. It also says that more than anything, I want to believe. I have this need to believe people, in things, etc. Perhaps this is one reason, according to our good friend Ethan, why I'm so easy to joke around with. I believe anything! I think it also accounts for the sometimes torturous feelings I endure in relationships. I want to believe that......people can change (not that I can change them, but that they themselves can change), that they'll know what they want, or that I will find someone suitable for me. It leads me to continue trying, which is a good thing, but it also makes you more susceptible to disappointments. And I just want to be through with men, but alas, I believe, or better, I want, I have to believe someone will appreciate me! I know I have alot to offer, but sometimes I think I'm rather boring. hahaha, or maybe it's just that I'm quiet in alot of ways. But apparently, Tauras, you are the one for me!!!! There's much more to write about and I'll try and get some pics showing. Technical difficulties at the moment.Peace ya'll. Cross your fingers and pray that it doesn't rain here this weekend cause we're going no-tent camping!happy thoughtshappy thoughts, happy thoughts, happy thoughts, happy thoughts

One Year In and the Light Still Shines!

So my one year anniversary in country came and went April 25th, and here it is in May, mid-May I'll have you know, and I can't keep up with the time that is flying beneath my feet! It's an awfully strange sort of treadmill: you feel you can't keep up, and yet there you are, always in the present moment whether you like it or not. It's your decision as to whether you're actually living in the present, the here and now, and I'm doing my best, but I'll tell ya, this time thing...DAMN! It's really flying by! July 8 I celebrate my one year anniversary as a sworn-in volunteer, and that's when the real countdown begins.

Countdown.......I'll be counting down? To what? To what end? Away from what? Toward what? I haven't the faintest idea.

My final grades for my seniors were due today. What a strange feeling that was. They have been released. Out of the last major stronghold in their lives, they are no longer bound to that which they have been required to attend for the last 12 years of their lives. Brings back my own high school memories and graduation - I was ECSTATIC! I couldn't wait to get out!

These 12th graders of mine, they will forever be special to me. My first year as a teacher and I was blessed with senior students whom I was able to get along with, get to know and understand, appreciate, and hopefully able to share something of myself that opened their eyes in some way to the wonders of a bigger world. A world of people who may not share the same cultural traditions and customs, but with whom they may certainly be able to smile and laugh, and share in the most fundamental characteristic humankind has to offer: love and friendship. I believe in it, I hope they will too, one day.

I keep thinking of Rod Stewart's song, Forever Young:

May the good Lord be with you / Down every road you roam / And may sunshine and happiness / surround you when you're far from home / And may you grow to be proud / Dignified and true / And do unto others / As you'd have done to you / Be courageous and be brave / And in my heart you'll always stay / Forever Young, Forever Young

All I know is that they, the students, as a class, reached my heart and they will forever hold a special place there. For them I truly wish that they may always have the courage to search out their dreams, to never be too afraid to take the unclear path that leads to them, and to know that they are all worthy of realizing them.

In other news, I never mentioned that I have a nephew! My brother and his wife celebrated the birth of their son, Xavier Alexander, on February 8th! Let me tell you, my personal nickname for him is the little monster because this little tyke is enormous! He's a big baby boy! I'll post some pictures if it'll let me. My sister-in-law, Crystall, moved back to the base in Tennessee, where she's able to hang out with other army wives, which is cool. Chris is doing extremely well in the army, recently promoted to Specialist E4 and up for Soldier of the Month, last I heard! His tour of duty ends in November, so let's all pray that stays in order and he comes home safely to his wife and baby boy (whom he absolutely adores!).

Out of the Hole....... During training, Peace Corps told us we'd be feeling lows, and as current and returned volunteers put it, "the highest highs and the lowest lows." Boy were they right! I've had some incredibly rough moments here, most of which were family related and not necessarily pertaining to any experience here. But I'll be honest, recently, I've been feeling sort of low with no peticular reason at all. In fact, things for me are going quite well! Meeting and getting to know more people, Americans and cute little Roma (gypsy) boys, my seniors are graduating which is bittersweet because I enjoy them but it also means I get 8 hours more free time! I've been thinking of home and I've felt tokenized, as my friend Lucia puts it, you know, where you are made into a token, a representative of something (in my case America, the foreigner) by force and seen by that image and that image only. Fortunately, it usually only happens with people who don't know me, my friends and most of those in my community don't make me feel that way. They see me for me and they can't even begin to understand how I appreciate that! But it happens, and thankfully only every once in a while.

Orthodox Easter! - Coolest part: I ate an eyeball and the brains of a lamb! Well, I don't know how cool that is, but being in a new country is trying and experiencing everything about it, right? Sooooo! Eyeballs are fatty - hardest part was the mental image of what I was eating, suprisingly more difficult than brains. The brains didn't taste that bad, but they were slimy. And then the weekend after, for St. George's Day, I tried skembe, or in English: tripe! stomach! I didn't like that either. Oh, and yesterday my landlord was skinning a rabbit between our houses - yuummmmmmmmmmie! I like rabbit, but it was weird seeing a headless rabbit hanging by its hind legs from a string. And then he pulled off the fur like a coat - literally, it came off that easily - interesting!

And lastly a tribute to James, one of our super cool New England volunteers who made the long trip back West, over the grand Atlantic, to enjoy peanut butter and big bacon cheesburgers in our absence! Actually James can't eat delicious bacon cheeseburgers, but that has been my overwhelming, almost unbearable fantasy as of late, and I wish he would for my sake! But what Lucia and I will do without the man of our culturally, religiously, perspectively, wackily, outrageously diverse trio consisting of 3 incredibly different and unique people brought together under the strange circumstances only Peace Corps can offer - we shall yet see! There were loads of good memories, and I'm not sure Lucia and I will find another to replace James, who accepted and put up with all of our antics! Nor is there another we can corrupt! Or as Lucia puts it, we only fulfilled our duty by bringing out James' true colors! Curbside castration? What? The biggest *what* in the room? James, stop grabbing people inappropriately in Budapest! James! What are you doing to Lucia?! James, want some more chocolate? Reisens? M&Ms? We'll miss you!

It's time for me to move on. It's Friday night in my sleepy village. Time for me to continue my Lord of the Rings Marathon! Extended versions only! I'm on the third disk of the Two Towers - sweetness!

Things of interest: Newsweek printed an interesting article in its International edition entitled "Those Vulgar Bulgars." The information presented in the article itself was generally fine and spoke of truths and problems Bulgaria needs to face before entering the EU. But the title and the picture associated with it were an insulting and unfair and wholly innacurate and inappropriate representation of this struggling parliamentary democracy. There is no excuse for an international magazine to misrepresent countries and their situations as they did in this article. Vulgar? Come on. The picture, for those of you who might not see the article, was of some old people pushing a broken down tram in the middle of downton Sofia. None of my 12th graders have ever seen such a sight, and neither have any of my colleagues. So why would you choose a picture depicting something that practically never happens to represent Bulgaria?! My good friend Lucia, who is incredibly lucid and expressive with her words, wrote her own critique of the article and a less than thrilling and researched New York Times article about Sofia as a travel destination (scroll down to the part entitled Hey, You on the Right. Yeah, I'm Scowling at You. You can read the part on contraception if you want, or skip to the 3rd paragraph). Some of my kids wrote letters to the editor of Newsweek - they need to learn how to express their voices! And I'll learn with them, doggone it! I mean, this picture of old men playing chess in the park is soo much more appropriate!

Miss you all! Even though it may seem like I've disappeared and abandoned you at times (yes, a dear friend used the word abandoned against me and I cringed!) I'm always here and thinking of home. I'm out of the hole. Spring is here and I cannot begin to tell you how beautiful it is. Just gorgeous.

Peace y'all.

friends, students, martenitzas, dancing, sunsets

in the first photo is me with my best bulgarian friend, Didi, and Maria. then comes me with my 12th class girls on March 8 in their favorite cafe, Crystale. then me again with martenitzas. next you see dances from the liberation day concert: the pom-pom cheerleader girls, some folklore, and then the women's traditional choir group. lastly, and most beautifully, sunset from my doorstep.

Happy International Women's Day! Oh! And coincidentally, Happy Birthday to Me! Inspired by one of my students, I've decided to get back into the business of keeping this blog updated! For all of you back home and those others who are simply curious.

March is a month in Bulgaria littered with holidays: Let us begin, today is March 8 and we've already celebrated major holidays this month! ;) On March 1st we celebrated Baba Marta, or Grandmother March (as Mart in Bulgarian means March), and we all give each other red and white bracelets, necklaces, or small hearts or images of Pijo and Penda (a little boy and girl), who also symbolize this day, to pin on our shirts. Each one is called a мартеница, martenitza. The giving of such things reminds me of our Valentine's Day, with the giving of Valentines to all of our friends. According to different legends, the colors symbolize different things. The red symbolizes life and white for hope. In other stories, these bracelets were given to husbands who rode off to war, the red to protect them against their blood being spilt, and the white resembling the palor of the women's faces as they wait for their husband's return. Thirdly, these red and white bracelets, etc, called martenitzas, are meant to make Baba Marta happy so that she will usher in spring as quickly as possible. As March is considered the first month of spring, this is also the time when animals come to life and birds return. In Bulgaria, the bird that announces the arrival of spring is the stork, as the robin is back in Connecticut/New England. When we see a stork, we must tie our red bracelets or necklaces or amulets to the nearest budding tree. We then transfer the health and luck from these martenitzas from ourselves to nature. All in all, pretty neat, eh?!

Let's see, March 3rd came around and we celebrated Liberation Day! On this day, Bulgaria was liberated from the Ottoman Empire, commonly and popularly known here as the Turkish yoke, and promptly ushered into a period of Russian influence and communism. The Ottomans ruled Bulgaria for over 500 years, phew that's a long time! As you might imagine, the Bulgarians were quite pleased to see these foreign rulers go away (although not publicly spoken of, some cultural influences remain in terms of language, food, and traditional decorations). Unlike other countries of the former Eastern Bloc, Bulgaria perhaps least-resisted and collaborated more with the Russians than their counterparts. Russia was seen (and still is) as a liberator of Ottoman forces, and the Bulgarians were extremely thankful and felt very much obliged. They cooperated well with the Communist Russians for a time and communism was, perhaps, more widely and popularly received. In fact, many Bulgarians yearn for it to return. The Socialists currently have many parliamentary seats, and many more distrust democracy. Fifteen years after the fall of communism, and Bulgaria still very much struggles with the system of democracy and capitalism. Lack of work, money, and faith in the government doesn't help matters much. Democracy isn't easy to attain nor to maintain. I fear many here think it will be given to them, the riches and freedoms of democracy, as food and clothing was simply provided for under communism. Work ethic and fortified determination and motivation to strive for one's goals, knowing that no one will do it for you unless you do, is an attitude little known here. The communist mentality still thrives. The children are the future, cliche but true. I hope they realize that the freedom to pursue their dreams is ALIVE! However, only they and their determination will deliver them. I hope I can help in any way I can.

Next holiday is today! International Women's Day! America has this obsession with categorizing months into heritage celebrations, for example February is Black/African American Heritage Month and March is Women's History Month. But Bulgaria, and apparently other countries as well, coin March 8th as International Women's Day! On national or popular celebrations such as this, women teachers are given flowers by their students, or women in general are given flowers by their children, boyfriends, husbands, friends, etc. In a way, this holiday also resembles Valentine's Day, in that all of my girl students were hoping for a flower from a certain someone! Will I get a flower from him? Or him? Or him? hahaha, it was cute. Indeed, one of my students, a 12th grader, did receive a flower from a secret admirer. Students in my 9th and 12th classes gave my flowers which made me feel so special on my birthday! It's quite different when your birthday is on a holiday! The kids in these classes also sang me Happy Birthday in their best English! hahaha, and I even received a gift from two girls, a small elephant, which supposedly will bring me good luck! Yay! What a wonderful day! An email from my dad and a card from my mom to start the day off right! ;)

blah blah blah blah - I know! I talk, or rather, write, toooooooo much! Other happenings in my life recently.......

Christmas and New Years!!! I know I'm a bit late in relaying this news! I spent Christmas with Baba Gena, the woman I lived with during my first 3 months here in Bulgaria. Christmas Eve is equally as important as Christmas Day. Sort of like the period of Lent before Easter, and only certain foods can be eaten, only vegetarian food is eaten on Christmas Eve. So delicious! Cabbage stuffed rice and beans and lots of bread! Homemade bread is prepared with a coin, the bread is then broken into pieces and whover gets the coin has luck and health for the following year! I learned that Bicer, Gena's older son, and his wife are going to have another baby! Their son, Boyan, is a trip who smiles incessantly, and I'm so happy they're having a second! Budapest was also wonderful! What a GORGEOUS CITY! Castles and goulash and opera and bull's blood wine and Italians galore! Wait, isn't Budapest in Hungary? Yes! But it seems to me that the Italians have taken over! I'll upload the pictures into my yahoo account and I'll attach a link where y'all can access them.FIRST BULGARIAN FOOTBALL GAME! САМО ЛЕВСКИ!!!!!!! ONLY LEVSKI!!!!!!!! Levski is the team, and they're currently playing in the UEFA championships. Oh, by football I mean soccer. Football is just a much more appropriate name. It's game played with the feet and a ball! На ли е така? Isn't that so? Levski played against and BEAT Artmedia, a team from Bratislava, Slovakia. Bulgarians are the craziest fans! I've never seen anything like that! After the first goal was scored, the smoke bombs were set loose and loads and loads of riot police and their gear emerged from the wings to guard the crowd from potentially unloading onto the field! Look for these pics also!New Co-Chair of the Anti-Trafficking in Persons (ATIP) Committee! How exciting! Means myself and another girl are leaders of our commitee and we get to meet important people from the US Embassy as well as other established leaders in the field from Bulgaria. I'm really looking forward to this position.Aannnnnnnnnnnnnnd I'm spent. My fingers hurt. What happened to that nap I was supposed to take? Oh well. IN a little while I'll head down to the Tourist Center for a small birthday and Women's Day celebration. Saturday is the big party, so come on over if you can make it! hahaha! I wish! Alrighty, I love you all to pieces. приятен ден, всичко хубаво и много живе и наздраве! Have a great day, may everything be wonderful and much happiness and health to you! Cheers!

Students at Christmastime!

The kids who are all sitting are my 11th graders, who are really starting to grow on me! The other kids who are presenting in the front of the classroom are my 9th graders. They are giving their winter holiday presentations. Three winter holidays were presented: Ramadan, Hannukah, and Christmas! They were so good! Many students are totally skipping this last week of school, which apparently isn't uncommon, so my 11th class of 19, hasn't had more than 7 or 8 people in it all week! Oh well! Tis the Season! The landscape shot is a picture of Varshets from one of my classroom windows. It's so picturesque and beautiful here now!

More Labor Day Picnic pics!

Some of my favorites! First we have Rachel and Brandon, our regional married couple! What a dynamic duo! I worked with them to organize a huge conference and they are incredible to work with. I will miss them when they go in June! Then we have Tracy, Matt, and Irene. Tracy's back in the States, but she was a blast when she was here! Crazy and awesome Irene (unfortunately she loves the yankees) and good ole' solid Matt in the middle! This was all at our Labor Day Picnic in Berkovitsa, in case you were wondering where these pics are from!

most memorable Labor Day memory: my broken hand!

Look Ma! One hand! haha, so we're going back retro style to a time when Carin's priorto unbreakability was broken - literally! Luckily, the local hospital was at the opposite end of this field. I did hear the cracking when I fell, but I didn't believe I had actually broken something! Turns out it was 3 bones! So this is me just as I got back from the hospital. The second pic, the one with me and our neighbor volunteer, Devin, is one that's sometimes referred to as 'culprit and victim'! So, when I described to you that I tried to tag this other guy out at second base, and we fell....(almost positive he fell on me!), you understand that it wasn't just any guy, it was a guy twice my size! But he's a huge Red Sox fan, so how could I be really mad?! It's all part of the game, right? ;)

Two weeks till Christmas! I can hardly believe it! About an hour ago it began snowing and its so pretty outside now! My friend Irene, from Berkovitsa, came over Friday night and we enjoyed a girls night out on the town (well, this is Varshetz in the winter which means our options are limited!)! Watched a few movies today, Win a Date with Tad Hamilton and A Wedding Date. We started watching the movie Red Eye, but the server cut out. Oh well. Another Day!

You know, I really can't believe its December already. I came here in April. An entire summer has passed, and autumn has already faded into winter, I've celebrated Easter, July 4, Labor Day, Halloween, and Thanksgiving in my new found home of Bulgaria. I've shared customs and traditions, introduced the spirit of Halloween, eaten fish on St. Nicholus Day (who is our Santa Claus or jolly Old St. Nick if you will!) because St. Nicholus here is the patron saint of sailors and fishermen, and will soon learn Bulgarian and Eastern Orthodox traditions for Koleda, or Christmas. Over Christmas break, I'll be in Budapest with two great friends, Lucia and James, and celebrate New Years Central European style! So much change and excitement! Peace Corps is so much more than I ever imagined it to be. And I will only satisfactorily explain and support this statement in person. Wow.

Nation wide beginning Monday, the Bulgarian teacher's union goes on strike. They're looking for a pay increase of %15 (you can check out the Sofia News Agency website if you're curious for more, its in English don't worry!). Of course, the Ministry Education has denied them this request and other opponents say the educational standards must be improved first. Yet, the teachers are paid practically nothing. You can't survive on these wages alone. All teachers bring in a second source of income themselves, and then whatever else their spouses bring in. Of course, I can't strike! As a volunteer I'm not permitted to participate in anything political, I'm a strictly neutral party!

Tests and grading will dominate the rest of my weekend. I've got so many tests to grade! Argh! It's the worst! The teaching part isn't so bad, but then you have to give grades! I hate that part! But with my festive Christmas music in the background, maybe it will be a less gruesome task! The sooner it's done, the happier I'll be! That I do know! :)

Well, I think that's all for now. I thought I'd post a message to my blog for once. I wonder how many of you will read it! I'll probably send out a mass email soon! Tis the season to be jolly!

I love you all! Enjoy in Christmas festivities and parties! Troll the ancient Yuletide charol for me loud and clear and I'll 'choot choot chooooot' for you! (Choot Choot Chooooooot is what we say here instead of 'Jingle Bells' in the Jingle Bell charol! Choot is is translated to something like the sound of 'jingle.')

Take care! Peace to all!

my masterpiece and my friends

Hey! Me and my absolute favorite dish casserole: cornflake potatoes! With a little creative modification of the recipe, it turned out perfect! Mom! Auntie Jane! I'd make you two proud! Next we have the gang! From the left we have Nancy, Wendy, Olivia, Matt (we're at his house!), Matt's friend Kaloyan, another friend of Matt's, and Irene! Yeah! We played alot of cards that night, and let me tell you, it got nasty!!!!! :)

We designated Nancy, the senior and 'Mom' among us to be the TURKEY cooker. Then we have Irene (my other best friend in addition to Lucia) cutting up the bread rolls. yay! so much fun!

Sooooooo much good AMERICAN food! Pumpkin casserole, mashed potatoes, broccoli and cheese, corn, green beans, cornflake potato casserole, TURKEY, gravy, and more, I think! This is the fresh turkey, killed and prepared the day before! mmm-mmmm good!

This is my street. On the right, not the garage but the house after is mine. We don't need no plow here! We're tough! Oh yeah, wait, still need to buy snow boots...should get on that...still waiting for my winter jacket....hmmmmm, good thing we had a weird spring thaw this past week! At the very end of this road you can see a big white building: that's my school! SOU Ivan Vazov! 4 minutes, and I'm there for class!

Home Sweet Home! Moita kushta ('my house' in bulgarian)! I have it all to myself. It's one story, looks like there's an attic but I have no reason to go up there. To the right is my bedroom/living room. To the left is my kitchen. There are two more rooms in the back of the house, but I don't use them 'cause I only have one heater and that's for my bedroom!

Isn't it cute? Especially with all of the snow?! It's way above Peace Corps requirements, and I'm not complaining!

This is a fire. hahaha, I know it's obvious. But look how huge it is - in the street! Like back home, people have brush fires, only here we do it in the streets! This one freaked me out because I was in my room and I could hear the flames, and thought, 'where is that coming from?!' From the street, of course!

My seniors! I love these kids. Of all my classes, I teach these guys the most. They're great! It's a Happy Thanksgiving Party! The kids decorated the chalk board and when I walked in it was like a surprise birthday party, only they all cheered Happy Thanksgiving! It was really sweet. I made cornbread and introduced the all-American classic treat: Chocolate Chip Cookies. The kids DEVOURED the cookies and cornbread within minutes! They really don't have chocolate chip cookies here.....shameful, shameful....So that's why I'm here! To 'promote world peace and friendship' through CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES!

This was a holiday, although none of us are really sure which one, there are so many! My school director is to the left with the fire red hair, the local priest in the middle, and my deputy director the right. Most holidays here are both national and religious. In this case, the priest is here to bless the school, students, and teachers for a new year and successful studying.

Welcome to Ivan Vazov Comprehensive School!

The new school remodel finished just before school started, September 15. It looks great! It's too bad some of the money didn't go to some new lamps, because some of these classrooms are really dark. But the new school is something to proud about.

Varshetz! As seen from the teacher's room on the second floor of school! The autumn was spectacular. Certainly rivals New England. And I've decided that 'autumn' is a much more pleasant and pretty sounding and looking word than 'fall' is. Don't you agree? Autumn......

The bobbing for apples pics are my favorites! This was their favorite game too.