Just kidding, let's just talk about this month, because I'm turning 30 and FREAKING OUT. Ok, married friends who are turning 30, I can't feel very bad or you. You're halfway there, people. Part of the problem is worrying that I'm no where in life and my eggs are shriveling up. My parents would be thrilled if I were 30 and married. And if I had kids, I'd be DONE.

Anyway, that's not my point. Here are some things that I think are significant that have happened on the ever-shortening road to being a single 30-something. I think I'm having a mid-life crisis.

1. I cried whole-heartedly when I saw the Ellen Degeneres make-up commercial that starts with her saying "Hey Wrinkle Face!"

2. The above prompted me to drop thirty bucks on wrinkle cream. So far, it's making me feel better. Plus is smells nice.

3. I joined PlentyOfFish.com, and have a trial/free thing on Match.com. It's SCAREY out there. I'm just realizing how scarey, and also how lonely and desperate. I've only had an account for 2.5 days, and I've already gotten about 50 emails on POF, and about the same number of "winks"on Match. At least 40 of the emails have a picture of fairly unattractive guy taking a picture of himself shirtless in his bathroom mirror with his iphone, and contain no more than 3 words. At least one of those words is "gorgeous", "sweetcheeks" or "I'm going to jump off a bridge if you don't message me back tonight." (OK, it was more than 3 words, but true story!) And sadly, I'm still considering paying for a membership to Match.com.

4. The lady at the DMV took my picture for my driver's license without mentioning that my hair was sticking straight up in back. Oh well.

5. I'm spending a great deal of time thinking about how my brother was 30 when he died, and how the last time I saw him was on my birthday last year. I feel like this might be contributing greatly to the rest of my emotional mayhem.

6. My parents' pastor said to me this morning, "now, I may get in trouble here... but, aren't you in your early thirties?" and that's probably the closest I've ever come to punching a member of the clergy.

7. I've bought myself more new clothes and shoes in the last 2 weeks than I've bought the rest of 2011 combined. I'm trying to convince myself that being 30 and single is a good thing because it's all about me. But mostly it's just a hollow attempt to feel loved by someone, even if it is just myself. Merry Christmas!

8. I accepted my first ever blind date, with someone who is out of rehab and recently divorced, and may or may not be gay. He is leaving town tomorrow, and never contacted me with a date and time for the actual date. So, I was also REJETECTED by a recently divorced and out of rehab possible homosexual. I mostly blame Elayna for this.

Ok, that's enough of that. I'm just getting depressed now. Yay for being 30! Just think, in 2012, I'll turn 31. And that's just around the corner.

It was a bad day. But it was a day that reminded me how much I love my friends, and my dog (pretty much my bestie, not going to lie). All you people( dog) are incredibly important to me. Thanks for being there. Yes, even out there in cyberlandia. Or on the futon mattress which is temporarily in the dining room and looks like the biggest, comfiest dog bed EVER.

Today was a tough day. It started with my coffee from McDonalds (a latte to get me started in a good mood) was chunky because they put the wrong kind of carmel in it and it bonded with the milk and turned into sweet and yet sour tasting curdles. I learned this the last time that it happened. But, I was on my way to work and didn't have time to turn around and go complain. So I continued on my slightly less merry way... I should have just gone home right then. But I did not heed the warning, and I pressed on.

And then work. It was our 10th birthday anniversary party thing today, and my dear, dear boss (sarcasm) is not good with events and stress. It was a long, bad, 12 hour day. Also in this day the new instructor-in-training quit. So, yeah, that's 3 out of 4 in the last 2 years that we lost before they were even certified. And it's a busy time of year to lose someone. And she was really good. Damn that she doesn't want to work in a "toxic environment". (That phrase was actually used earlier this week.)

And also my AVCA meeting is next week. Talked to the previous president, who was supposed to bring me the bylaws and stuff in March, but she went on maternity leave. I talked to her for the first time since March last week. She said she'd bring me the stuff Friday. She didn't. She's on a leave of absence from work and won't be back to fill her duties to the chapter or to the state AVCA group. Also the Secretary quit last week and no one has nominated anyone to fill that roll. I'm not actually sure of the process of nominating and voting mid-year, as I DON'T HAVE THE BYLAWS. The next meeting is in a week and our venue (the LR airport) just canceled on us. I also have not booked a speaker because I'm too damn busy with my own job.

I tell you all this to set the tone, so that you better understand my state of mind on returning home. (Ok, and also cause I like to whine.)

Anyway, poor Lavern had a rough day, too. She was in her kennel all 12 of those hours I was gone. of course, when I get home, guilt ridden as I was and late to serve her dinner, I took her on a walk. We walk out the door and there are kids next door/in my yard are playing kickball. They seem to think I'm hearing impaired because they say things all the time that are really dumb and often rude and I guess assume I can't hear them? Today they said, "watch out for that dog!" "Oh, look it's a dog!" multiple times.

Uh, Lavern is

1. tiny

2. incredibly timid and

3. on a leash on the other side of the street.

We continue. We almost make it home when Lavern gets attacked by a 100 pound boxer. She starts screaming... and I say screaming because "yelping" doesn't begin to describe the terrified sound she was making as she tried to escape while tethered to me by her leash. She keeps diving away as I try to pull her close and pick her up as the boxer ("Dodger")'s owner calls from the other side of the street. Dodger is NOT listening, and Lavern is not able to safely come to me. Dodger grabs her with his boxer jaws a few times, but she's wiley and slithers away. The owner is not coming over. She's just calling. She's NOT COMING OVER.

Until I kick the shit out of her dog.

Yes, that's right. KICKED THE SHIT OUT OF HER DOG. You don't want me to kick the shit out of your dog? Find me on a better day, but more importantly, train your dog, or don't let your vicious dog out of the house without a leash on.

My voice is still horse from lunging and screaming at the boxer, right before I kicked it. Square in the ribs, with the cowboy boot I was still wearing from work. It's pointy toe made a thud on his side and caused him to bow away. Post kick and medieval-lost-control-of-my-emotional-state scream-cussing at him, he didn't come near Lavern, circled us with a wide berth, and after evaluating the pleasure of tearing my dog apart against the pain of being beaten by me, went back to his yard, where his owner was saying "Oh, I'm so sorry, he doesn't listen to me at all! He always does that, he's just bad with other dogs!" I snapped "Yes, I can see that." And walked away. I just finished putting neosporin on Lavern's gashes.

Now, dinner. For both of us. Sorry, Vern. That happens again I will not wait a single second before attacking the other dog. You are way more important to me than being polite to a stranger who doesn't have control of her dog.

Apparently Rick Santorum believes that Democrates made up global warming to waste money and make everyone give up luxuries (or "freedoms" as Ron Paul called them). It's true, Rick. You caught 'em. And I bet they were wringing their hands and cackling at the Secret Meeting Of EvilDoers you snuck into. It's a good thing you're here, Rick. To say things that kind of make me giggle, and kind of make me fear that one day you could be our nation's leader:

"I believe the Earth gets warmer, and I also believe the Earth gets cooler. And I think history points out that it does that, and that the idea that man, through the production of CO2 — which is a trace gas in the atmosphere, and the man-made part of that trace gas is itself a trace gas — is somehow responsible for climate change is, I think, just patently absurd when you consider all the other factors, El Niño, La Niña, sunspots, moisture in the air. ... To me, this is an opportunity for the left to create — it's really a beautifully concocted scheme because they know that the Earth is gonna cool and warm."

It has occurred to me that I need to come up with goals. Or destinations, really. If I don't have them, how will I ever get there? How will I know where to turn or what road to take? Where do I want to end up? I've been thinking about where I want to live, how I want my life to be, what my perfect day would be like... and it's suddenly become very apparent that I need to be seeking a man like this, or I'll continue to date whoever comes along the road I'm lost on. So, I'm going to make a mark. Probably, no one alive will hit these marks... but at least it's a place to start. Here it is: my perfect man.

1. Man (might as well start with the basics.)

2. Attractive (it's become apparent to me that I really need to be truly attracted to the person I date. It's shocking I'd never considered this before.)

3. Smart (like, not a rocket scientist, but someone I can hold interesting conversations with)

4. Useful (handy. good around the house,can fix cars, something. It's amazing how much I realize I value this one.)

5. Does not have a hobby that includes staring at a screen more than 4 hours per week (this includes, but is not limited to, sports and video games.) (Also, my theory is that if someone meets criteria 3, he has spent his time more usefully and probably didn't have time to pick up such a useless hobby.)

6. Physically fit (this does go along with 2, but I value it for different reasons. I want someone to respect and take care of his body, because I don't need someone dying on me before we're old.)

7. Taller than me (live and learn, people.)

8. Plays the guitar, piano, or both

9. Spiritual, but open

10. Kind and loving

11. Genuine

12. Liberal in belief, conservative in love

13. Wants kids

14. Likes privacy, and is respectful of mine. In fact, I'm going to add: we would have seperate rooms after marriage. Not necessarily bedrooms, but rooms that are each our own.

15. Vegetarian

16. Likes to travel

By all standards, I'm having a pretty kick ass day. It was my late day to come in, so I slept a little late. I slept pretty well last night after I tore myself away from Harry Potter (my book re-read in prep for the movie tomorrow). I picked a ripe tomato off the plant this morning, which always makes me happy. My parents took me out to lunch. My dad bought and presented me with a new laptop at lunch (out of Chris money). It's pretty sweet. The weather is nice--less than 100 degrees for most of the day--and it looks like my lessons tonight will go smoothly. And they're not even stressful lessons to teach.

And yet, I keep needing to encourage myself to keep my chin up and get back to work. "just make it through today, and tomorrow will be better."

What's with me?

So, Prince William looks surprisingly good in a cowboy hat! And his Duchess isn't too shabby either. I was sort of shocked by this, especially since I work at a barn and I still feel awkward wearing a cowboy hat. Way to pull off the look, British Royalty!

Over the past few years, my friends page on lj has dwindled. People dont' post as much, and some friends closed their journals entirely. But for the first time ever, I just went to my friends page, and there was not ONE post from a friend that was new enough to be there. It was a depressingly blank page.

Friends, how are you? I miss you. Even Niki, who I sat next to in church yesterday for about thirty minutes before I snuck out during communion.

Miss you.

My brother is dead. I found out about Christopher right after I wrote my last entry. It might not seem like an appropriate response to it, but it's the only one I can make, because it's the only thing in my head.

why? because you're funny.

To smk: "Did you remember to source the xantham gum in the gluten-soy-nut-allergen-free vegan cupcakes? I doubt you did. Three year-old Thai children made it. Three year-old armless Thai children."oh, I needed that laugh.

You're my Valentine this VD, Dylan. like it or not.

So, while writing that last post, I looked up how one should spell "beemer", though clearly i'm not usually too concerned with spelling, I thougnt in this case it was needed for clarity. So, I came upon someone who felt it was his mission to enlighten the world of its car-slang errs through the internet on his page entitled "Bimmer vs. Beemer".

___________

Bimmer - proper accepted slang for BMW cars. Most people don't know this.

-------------------

oooooooooooooooh, reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaally? Most people don't know it, huh? Ok, Mr. I'm-Smarter-Than-You-Pants. Mr. I-Hold-Knowledge-Of-Which-You-Have-Merely-Dreamed-Pants. Let ME define a term for YOU:

Slang: It might not be proper English, but it's what folks say. If "most people don't know" it, it's not slang. Or, it's out of use slang, which could be argued is no longer slang, because it's no longer "what folks say." Don't believe me? I'll bet you an Abe's Cabe. (See how I used an out-of-use slang term to prove my point? Bet you just looked up "Abe's Cabe", didn't you? The term didn't really mean anything to you, except that you think it might be some sort of currency because of the way I used it... but I could have just made it up.)

"Proper Accepted Slang": This is not a thing. Most people DO know this.

Are you the guy that argued with his 11th grade English teacher that "ain't" is okay to use in your term paper because it's "proper accepted slang"? I knew I recognized your snideness! You were a know-it-all dick back then, too.

"Excuuuuuse me, can you take your hands off my Bimmer? I believe you're nothing but a poor hobo. You see, "hobo" proper accepted slang for 'homeless person who is about to kick my face in.' Oh, look, you got fingerprints on my Bimmer."

Good thing you know your slang and are all street-savvy and what-not.

Know what's kinda weird? I nearly died the other day, and haven't mentioned it to a soul. In fact, I wasn't even really frightened. A car spun out in front of me on Batesville Pike on the way home from work (by the way, owner of blue mustang, when you see ice, you probably should make it a policy to NOT yell "OH SHIT ICE, (and then) HIT THE BRAKES WITH BOTH FEET!").

It spun 4 or 5 entire rotations, clipping the BMW convertible in front of me as he (and I) tried to swerve around... Batesville Pike doesn't have a shoulder, which makes this a feat. I came to a stop as far over as I could get before going into the ditch and just watched as the blue mustang clipped the beemer and continued to spin toward me.

It didn't hit me.

It stopped. Facing the way I was going, but just about next to me. He pulled over to wear the other really expensive car in this incident had pulled over. No one was hurt, so my and my ancient, somewhat falling apart Camry headed on home.

nothing seems to be working in my life.

1. my sink doesn't drain (well, i can wash one dish at a time, then let the water regurgitate into the side by side sinks, and eventually it goes down and in another 10-15 minutes i can wash another dish.

2. my furnace is broken. And my parents won't stop calling me to see if i've gotten it fixed. it for real broke last night, ok? I have to work and stuff. i'll get to it friday, i bought a space heater, and i'm 75% the pipes won't freeze and burst and that's JUST GOING TO HAVE TO BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR NOW.

3. i just got my car headlights fixed, and used my retirement fund to fix it, which is very quickly breaking down itself.

4. my laptop doesn't run. The disk drive doesn't run, and it barely turns on. and I do'nt want to bother getting internet in my house. Especially since i don't know if i can afford it, and the only option "available in my area" is U-verse internet for 40 bucks a month.

5. neither of my ipods will connect with itunes (this might go back to the computer not working properly for years, which is a step up from its' current state of death) I was reminded of this fact when i went to the gym yesterday. I can live without music, but it just serves as a reminder that NOTHING WORKS.

6. Related to #5, I've gained 4 pounds.

7. Related to numbers 5 and 6, i only managed to run 1 mile. what happened to me?

i'll tell you what happened: i broke.

One day I WILL post pics of the house. One day, when I have internet at home.

That line is total BS. I knew Mary Poppins was full of it.

We've been scrubbing walls, spakeling, sanding priming, re-priming and putting a third coat of primer on things, and then painting them. Walls, ceilings, baseboards, cabinets, wood paneling and carpets have all been overhauled, removed or painted. I haven't talked to anyone other than my co-workers, David and my parents for weeks. I work, I go to the house to paint, I go home, I sleep 5-6 hours, and then I start again.

WILL IT EVER END, MADAM POPPINS? All that sanding, srubbing and priming should have made us half done, right? RIGHT?

I'm taking off tomorrow, and will hopefully be moving in this weekend.

Anyone who tells me the housing market is down: I point you to Arvest bank, who is so BOOMING with the mortgage business, that they must take a month to get an appraisal in and another 2 weeks after everyone else is ready to get themselves prepared to close.

Also, I forgot to mention jewelry in my last entry on what things I didn't pack because I was only going to be at my parents house a couple of weeks. Pretty sure I'm going to be getting my ears re-pierced soon. Also: no form of hair curling/straightening. It's a pony tail or frizzy. Those are the options.

So, found out on Friday after work that the judge signed off (yaaay!) So we're ready to close on Tuesday! YAAAAY!

Then today I found out the bank, who I thought had finished everything, and what else do they need? are not able to close until the 29th. My lock in agreement expires the 28th, which they reminded me would expire then when I said last week "well... I'm waiting for a judge, we don't know how long he's going to take, and I can't really call the court house and hurry him up, now can i?" I responded "remember how the appraisal took a month? well, that set us back, so I hope you'll honor our agreement as it was your apprasier who delayed us." Good news: since THEY can't close until the 29th, they'll extend the agreement, with the appropriate paperwork. Bad news: WHAT THE HELL ELSE DO THAT HAVE TO DO UNTIL THE 29TH?

It's going to be AWESOME moving into a house at Hoedown time. Just great. I might be in by mid November! MAYBE, BUT I'M NOT GETTING MY HOPES UP.

When I moved in with my parents, I thought it was going to be for 2 weeks, tops. 2 months later, today is our "closing date" on the house. We're not closing. We're waiting. Still. And I begin to wonder, Do I even need to be buying a house? Is this a sign from God? What if I can't close before my agreement with the bank expires in less than 2 weeks? But I digress.

The point is, I thougth I was only moving in for a couple weeks. I'd be out by October for sure. NO way I'd need long sleeved shirts. So, I submit, the list of things I thought I could live without:

1. Long sleeved t-shirts, jackets, fleeces for work

2. more than 2 pairs of shoes

3. nail clippers (this one drives me NUTS, but I REFUSE to go buy more. I just file like mad.)

4. More than a week's worth of underwear.

5. Nice clothes, to wear to church or baby showers or whatever

6. more than 1 razor refill (haven't shaved in 3 weeks at least)

7. Halloween costumes

8. David (granted, he's not a thing, and he's not in storage, but we never get to see each other and he tells me daily that it really bothers him that we only see each other once a week. it bothers me too, but I have so much other shit going on I let that worry slide.)

I'm sure there's more. It seems I think 3 or 4 times a day "OH, I really want _______, but it's in a box stacked in a storage unit in North Little Rock."

Happy first day of fall, everyone! In case you were doubting that fall had actually arrived last night, then doubtlessly the crisp breeze you felt this morning making 93 degrees feel like 94 put to bed your worries that summer would never end. Yes, indeed, it is undeniable today what we denied yesterday: we thought the leaves on the trees were shriveling up and dying due to the arid conditions, but actually it's just autumn in arkansas.

This morning, while sweating in the arena at 7:45 in the morning, waiting for my first rider to arrive, I saw something that really resonated with me. A hawk (or some other bird of prey, I don't really know) was sitting on top of the barn-styled birdhouse in the neighboring field, renning apart some baby bird and eating it a piece at a time. It seemed to enjoy this drawn out process of destruction. And doubtlessly it did--baby birds are tasty! And oh, what a metaphor for my life, I thought to myself. I'm the baby bird, stuck at the barn all the time, unable to escape, except when the bird of prey (also known as my seemingly endless cycle of barn chores and phone calls) mercifully claws me from my cell and destroys me. That's when I give up on life and go home. But when I wake up in the morning, I'm back in the barn, with the hawk on the roof.

Right about then the rider showed up.

Happy Fall, everyone!

Mark Darcy is turning 50 today. Do you think he's too old for me?

It's 8:20 in the morning of the first day of Fall session, and I'm already in tears at my desk. Only 15 more weeks to go until the next break.

To the Coke Machine at Hearts & Hooves:

2 working days before the session starts (and I mean the session in which SOMEHOW I'm teaching the most lessons AGAIN, and also the session in which i am short 23 volunteers per week, even before anyone cancels), and right after which one of my long time voluteers calls in and says she can't do any of her 4 lesson slots this entire session (that's 60 slots total to fill in), is NOT the time for you to play "oh, I think i'll keep randomly selected nickels and dimes and also not give you your Dr Pepper."

NOT A FUN GAME, COKE MACHINE.

I have the key which opens you. So, Prepare thyself. I shall open your bowels with my bare hands and wrench a delicious beverage from your stinking guts and then kick the ever-lovin' shit out of you. Asshole.

Totally stole this off of Dylan's facebook. It is both Hilarious and True.

buying a house is not all it's cracked up to be. I submit:

1. Finally found a house and neighborhood that I loved

2. Put in offer, after some argument with Realtor about how much to offer.

3. Seller "countered" at full price. This should have been my first clue that he is an asshole. Realtor said this was a good offer.

4. I insist that he replace non functioning AC and broken heat, and replace the roof (which he should have done first thing when he decided to flip the damn house.)

5. He only replaces 1/2 of the AC, and the condensate line is leaking into the back bedroom.

6. A few roofers attempt to strip the roof, but the guy who's doing it keeps changing. (I'm overseas when this begins).

7. Still havent gotten a property disclosure, and Dad calls the city to see what permits have been taken out. Turns out, NO permits have been taken out. (i'm still overseas.)

8. Seller is PISSED that we "called the city on him". roofing delayed for 2 days while a) he gets a new roofer (his friend quit) b) he gets the permits he should have had all along c) we ask if we can get a shingle with some kind of warranty instead of an economy shingle (as SHOULD have been mentioned in the contract, but Realtor told me I couldn't specify what kind of roof.)

9. Who the hell is roofing this house now? And, I need you to FIX the LEAKY line, and I'm VERY displeased that you cheaped out on the AC and I will have to spend 1,000 bucks to fix your "fix" after I move in.

10. Days go by, and I watch the progress of the roof. At one point it's stripped bare and no one is around. It's left uncovered. And then it rains. A lot.

11. Finally a new roofer arrives, rips off what the last guy did and starts over. According to Dad, he was doing it correctly. FINALLY, thank GOD. But, what shingles are those? They're different than the first set that was on there... At the same time, I am still arguing with Seller about AC, to which he replies "no more repairs, but I'll give you $500 off the price of the house."

12. I start looking at other houses, because I'm just unsure about what's going on with this one. While doing so, I drive by to show it to Niki. The door is open. We go in. there are water stains all over the ceiling in every room of the house. There is water running down the walls in the living room.

13. I send in a termination, requesting my Earenst Money back. Seller responds with No, that's my money, you didn't give me time to do the repairs.

14. We're going to small claims court in a few months to argue it out. Clearly, he cannot win, but court fees will suck up $100 of the earnest money, no matter who wins.

15. Now to talk to the bank about putting closing costs on my mortgage, as I just sank $1,100 into a house that I will not be buying, and I'm a little short on funds for purchasing a different house.

I found out on Thursday, as I was driving to work, and my parents were driving to Minnesota with grandparents and the dog in the car, that Cookie had a stroke the night before. They'd taken her to the vet, and her eyes were shifting back and forth, and she couldn't stand or walk. Vet said stroke. He said she may or may not recover, and there was nothing we could do.

I haven't even really been able to talk about it. I've known for quite a while that Cookie was near the end. I mean, she's turning 17 this October.

She's not the same dog she used to be, so it's been preparing me for her death. She's partially blind and about 99% deaf. She's got a wee bit of palsy, and constantly whines because of arthritis (is my guess). She doesn't like to play a whole lot anymore, and can't jump up on the couch or the bed without help. She can't stand on her back feet for hours on end, and she doesn't sleep curled up on my butt anymore. Slowly, over the last few years, these things have faded away, and I've grieved them one at a time.

But there's a lot of her left, too. She still doesn't touch her food until she's sure that everyone else has eaten everything they will for the day, and she's not going to get anything better. She gets so excited when you get out the leash (because she can no longer hear her favorite expression "do you want to go on a walk?") and spazes out, running in circles, because walking around the neighborhood is the greatest thing on earth. She still sneezes on command, and pretends to die when you point your finger at her like a gun. She still goes out with dad every day to check for the mail/newspaper. She still totally ignores you when you call her home from out in the back yard, but now she has the excuse of actually not being able to hear you.

Part of me knows what I'm going to miss is our history together. I got Cookie when I first moved to Arkansas, when I was 12. She was alone, I was alone, neither of us had any friends. You can see where I'm going with this...

Part of me knows that every time I see her, it might be the last time. I always hug her when I leave, I spend time petting her and enjoying her presence while I can... which is in and of itself a little scary.

But you want to know what's really scary?

First, I know that everyone has a tiny bit of clairvoyance. This is just something I believe. Example: when I was 12, I was sitting at the kitchen table doing homework, and I knew, I suddenly KNEW that my hamster was dying, even though she'd been fine that morning. I ran to her cage, and she was lying in her favorite spot, eyes half closed, breathing rapidly (I mean, more rapidly than a hamster normally does) and not responding. I picked her up, held her, and she died in my hand about 15 minutes later.

My mom frequently gets feelings/has predictions about her family. Sometimes she's right, sometimes she's wrong. She had a dream she told me about a week before Cookie's stroke. She laughed about it, but we were all a little creeped out. She said she dreamed that Cookies eyes kind of came loose... she said they were kind of like googly eyes, squirling around. Then she couldn't find Cookie. Cookie was gone for a week or two, and in that time, all kinds of dogs and kids came in and out of the house, but no Cookie. Mom just watched all of these people and dogs come in and out of the house. She appeared a week or two later, when everyone was gone, but she was different. A week after that, she turned into a pile of straw.

So, it's a little odd that the sign that Cookie had a stroke is that her eyes slide back and forth and she can't focus. It's scary that while my parents are gone the next two weeks, my Aunt Christy is coming to stay at their house. She's bringing her kids, 4 of her 5 girls. All the girls have a dog. My Uncle Matt is coming, too. What terrifies me is her turning into a pile of straw after they leave.

Will I even get to see her again? I'm leaving for Europe before my parents return. Meanwhile, all I talk about on Facebook is the house, because I don't want to think about what I can't alter. I feel like an audience member at a movie, and have that sinking feeling that I know the last scene of the movie, and it's tragic and sad, but still hoping for a happier ending.

Yeah, uh-huh. Alright. You caught me. So I'm a Twilight fan. So I'm going to see Eclipse opening night at the IMAX with a large group of people wearing sparkly black shirts and maybe vampire teeth.

Why, you want to make something of it?

Like you only read "classy" literature. Like you've never watched (and enjoyed) a movie you were slightly ashamed of. In fact, you're probably a fan of Kung Fu movies or those stupid spoof Teen/Scary/Sports Movies or something. I bet you purchased HBO just so you could watch True Blood, you tasteless hypocrite. You probably even have plastic ninja swords or Schim Schimmel posters on your wall, like a complete dork. I've seen Harry Potter (which you refer to as HP) fan fiction on your desk. I've noticed the "Star Trek, The Series" books on your shelf. You probably read romance novels with soft core porn on their paperback covers, for christsake.

Actually, on the scale of one to trash, I rate a ME and you rate a YOU. And I would not want to be you. You read trash. You watch trash. And you enjoy it. Don't judge me, America's Next Top Model fan.

So, as you may know, because i've told everyone i know at least 6 times, I'm planning on going to Portugal and Spain this summer. Or, was. The gods seem to be consipring against this plan, and last night, I asked David if we should just not do it. He got quite upset with me and told me that nothing had gone wrong, as I had precieved it, things were fine, there was no problem, and we could go. While I felt shamed in his glow of positivity, I had a tortured night sleep, because I had been so distracted by that positivity that I totally forgot all of the things that HAD gone wrong. So, I will list them here.

1. Joey's dates changed. This resulted in me changing my dates of vacation. It was a long, drawn out battle which I'm still not sure I won, but I was just planning to buy plane tickets and other people's desires be damned. Still, I've put a lot of effort into getting that vacation, including not taking any in a solid year. A year.

2. My radiator broke. Money was already tight for the plane ticket.

3. Joey may not be able to meet up much, if at all, depending on when/where he gets employment.

4. David still doesn't have a passport. For a while he didn't seem concerned about even getting it, then he had to send away for his birth certificate, which he's now waiting for, and then he says that he can get it expidited and it will be fine. But he should buy a returnable ticket just in case. I have to be honest, I don't have faith that this will work. I know, from experience, they do not guarentee when you'll get your passport. But hey, buy a returnable ticket, but that doesn't change the fact that I DON'T WANT TO GO ALONE.

Interjection: Does this seem like a stable plan to anyone? Cause it doesn't to me.

5. David is naturally not a planner. I know that. I accept that. I could point out numerous times that we've made plans, and he's broken them. I will only name one instance because I dont want to seem like i'm whining. But, it's just the way he is. Plans change frequently, and with one as topsy turvy as this one...

6. (the example) We keep saying that we're goign to buy tickets today. Something keeps stopping us. what? The forces of the gods, if you ask me. I voiced my concern that this wasn't really going to happen on Tuesday night, and David said "Fine. We'll buy tickets tomorrow." Plan made. Tomorrow after we get off work, we'll get tickets and there will be no turning back (unless they're refundable, of course). Tomorrow rolled around yesterday, and I got a text as I was leaving "I forgot I have a meeting from 7-9". Cool, that's fine. He forgot a meeting. Could happen to anyone. But later, "come over after if you want." Now, I got my radiator fixed and had a long, hard day. Plus, needed my computer to buy tickets, as I had all the info. Plus, I'm really opposed to constantly being the one who travels over to him, as tends to happen more frequently than him coming to me. I had JUST gotten home, and would be home for but an hour before having to leave to go to his place again, right back the way I came. So i responded "or you could come over." His response? "I'm tired, don't think I'll get out tonight." Translation: I'm tired, breaking plans to get tickets. So, all of the reassurances I got last night about we're doing this, let's make a move were BULLSHIT.

7. Did you know that refundable tickets (which I was goign to get if David was... since I'm not sure if I'll get to see Joey at all and I'm not wandering Europe by my lonely self) are twice or more than twice as expensive as non-refundable? I found that out just now. Why even buy them? Why not just re-buy non-refundable tickets if they're twice as much anyway?

8. I'm crabby. I feel guilty that I never gave poor Dylan exact dates, and I just want to bail out of this non-plan and do something I KNOW won't fall through, like going to visit Merideth in California. And, for the record, I DON'T appreciate being told I'm worrying about nothing.

Not only did I giggle at the "don't run unless it's a lit area and also daylight" suggestion, but also I saw this as a job posting:

"short term assignment: Dried Mango Specialist (Pakistan)"

I just read this on a safety info site: "Be careful where you run. Especially avoid unlit areas. Especially at night."

'nuff said.

I keep meaning to write about my experience at the chiropractor 2 weeks ago (For the rib I injured, like, last July and has been hurting like holy crap for the past 3 or 4 weeks). First of all, this is the person that amanda pointed me to. Very nice guy. I liked him. But he was a little odd.

My experience began with a phone call. When I talked to him on the phone, there was a dog (a beagle, I later discovered) barking loudly in the background, which he kept apologizing for. And I know he was trying to get a good feel of my background, how I hurt my rib, etc. But instead of asking "What's your date of birth?" or "How much do you exercise?"

He said "So... how did you hear about me?"

and I said "my friend, Amanda. We have been doing this running clinic together."

"Oh, a runner, huh?"

"Uh, yeah."

"So... if you're friends with Amanda, you must be pretty young, huh?"

"Um. We graduated college together, yeah."

"And what is it that you do for a living?"

"I teach horseback riding"

"A rider and a runner? All right."

I mean, I felt like he was trying to pick me up in a bar.

So, I go to the clinic, expecting to walk in and find a receptionist or something. No indeed. I couldn't tell if he lived there, but he certainly could have... his exam room looked like a spare bedroom. And he and I were alone in the house. When I walk up to the door, I heard the dog barking. I can't remember the dog's name, but from in side i hear "MAGGIE! (or whatever her name was) QUIET! QUIET MAGGIE!" (Maggie did not get quiet.) He (the chiropractor) let me in, and we had a very similar conversation to the one above, and he kept saying "oh, that's right, that's right" when he remembered that we had already talked about that. I told myself "oh, that explains it! He was high the last time we talked.... I wonder if he's high now?"

I did soon realize that my general fear of men, especially strangers, and being alone with them was going to be a challenge. But I was a big girl, and the dog's presence helped a little, though I can't tell you why. So, not only did I have to be near this strange man, but as to be expected, I had to lift my shirt, and he had to do lots of poking around on me, and then it proceeded into the twisting and jerking and body slamming--there's really no other word for it, as he picked his body up (the man probably weighs a touch over 200 lbs) and dropped it forcebly onto my body, which was turned half sideways with his arm holding down my arm. I did nearly scream and run away at that point.

And, it was all to no avail. He couldn't fix it. He said it was not were he was expecting it to be, and he's never seen a floating rib out of place before, so it was really hard to get to. He also said he couldn't think of a single chiropractor who could help with my unique problem.

And thus ends my short experience with going to the chiropractor. I left with my rib hurting worse than it had, emotionally scarred, and am not planning on returning to see one again. ever.

Does anyone else think that Toyota's new slogan: "Moving Forward" is hilariously terrible?

Every time Toyota has a little commercialette on Hulu, I cringe through my giggles at that slogan. Let's try some alternates:

Toyota: Moving Forward. Quickly, and for No Apparent Reason.

Toyota: Moving Without Being Asked To

Toyota: Moving into a Future of Sure Bankruptcy

Toyota: Recalling A Vehicle Near You

Toyota: Japenese for: Totally Screwed

Toyota: Japenese for "High Quality" Is Actually "Chevrolet". Suprise!

Toyota: Maybe You Should Buy a Hyundai

Toyota: The Real GM Bailout

Toyota: Kia Makes Better Cars Than Us

Toyota: We Blame Floor mats for All Our Problems

I really don't think this story about the kid in the control tower is such a big deal.

I mean, clearly the child wasn't taught how to use all the equipment and decide if the planes could take off or not, and obviously the pilots he was talking to weren't worried. If their safety was in danger, don't you think they would show some sort of concern? This leads me to believe that he was in his father's lap, saying what his father told him to. What's wrong with that? What if the guy just had some sudden onset laryngitis? That kid would have saved the day in that case. No one would be whining then.

Am I just being too blase (imagine a ` on that e) about this?

They're supposed to be better, cause you can make things without having to heat up the oven. It's faster, and nothing gets mushy in it like it does in the microwave. But I never use the thing. And do you know why? Let me explain it to you. You know the only thing that's really inconvenient to make in a toaster oven? toast.

oh, good lord, you all have to see this video. It's AMAZING. Also, I really love how the orangutan seems to tumble everywhere he goes. he kind of reminds me of stuart. in fact, i'm pretty sure this video is an accurate representation of what would happen if stuart ever got a dog.

Don't know why, but this bat reminds me of Dave. Probably because I imagine that it's shaking its eyes.

Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

so, i can't get the rosetta stone stuff that joey gave me to work. this is more than likely because my computer sucks. (it sucks real bad.) i can only open sound files, which is pretty much all i can find on the dvd anyway. so, i clicked a little thing from windows that popped up, cause why not? can't do anything else. so it took me to a website for .trs file repair tool, which offered a free download. i download it, it causes the computer to freeze totally, and eventually i shut it off and do it all again. the second time it downloads the thing, runs it, and does this VERY DRAMATIC scan on my computer which uncovers a shocking (ok, i wasn't very shocked) 1,014 errors. (The guy on the ad said it found and fixed over a hundred errors on his computer the first scan. I laugh at you and your paltry number of errors, sir.) Ok, fine. So I click fix.

It fixed one error. I can fix the rest by paying an undisclosed price.

Yeah, like i'm going to pour any more money into this piece of crap.

Let me just type what i cannot bring myself to say out loud.

STOP POKING YOUR STUPID HEAD IN MY OFFICE TO ASK ME INANE QUESTIONS. I JUST CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE. i tried to read niki's lj post just now, and i couldn't get through 3 DAMN WORDS without someone (and usually a particular someone) asking me something about area codes in arkansas, or what i think of the marker on the white board, or if she should call a volunteer. WHY CAN'T YOU FIGURE THIS OUT YOURSELF? CAN'T YOU SEE BY THIS SANDWHICH ON MY DESK THAT I'M EATING LUNCH? i'm going to be at work for 11 hours today, assuming i take an hour lunch break JUST LEAVE ME ALONE WHILE I TRY TO EAT.

i feel just plain crappy. i don't like that i can't fit into any of my pants anymore, and all this after i stopped eating ice cream and snacks and huge portions of unhealthy meals. i'm being GOOD. i'm eating healthy, and exercising. why is my ass the size of montana?

i also feel crappy because i miss my friends. how do i have no alone time, AND don't ever seem to see anyone? it just doesn't seem like those 2 things could be a problem at the same time. and yet.

My boss gave me another lesson, because she didn't think she had time to teach it. that means, this winter, she's teaching 2 lessons a week, back to back, on mondays, and i'm teaching 8. 8 is not a big number for me, but seriously, i have 1 or 2 every day. can i not take them in one chunk like everyone else? WHY DO I GET ALL THE LEFTOVERS? also, i still have more lessons than anyone else. STILL. haven't broken that record since i was hired 3.5 years ago.

Just, in general, population of the world: leave me alone.

Don't even think about trying to sneak by me

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Hi, I really just wanted to draw attention to myself, and the fact that it's my birthday. Cause, there's got to be some benefit in getting old.

I am celebrating today by being alone in the office, working just a little, riding a horse this afternoon (which i haven't done in, like, a month) and hopefully seeing Niki, Devon, and Ella.

Also drinking a Carmel Toffee Nut Latte, full fat, extra whipped cream and sugar sprinkles.

I found this through a website called http://community.peacecorpsconnect.org. (RPCVs, and all interested in volunteering internationally should check it out!)

It's a feature length documentary that some PCVs from Bulgaria that arrived right before I left are putting together. Trailer:

I had a dream last night that I cut my hair with a dremel tool. I had to do it one tiny piece at a time. there was a grinder/sander sort of bit on the dremel tool. I did it because no one had noticed that I cut my hair, and so I had to cut it again, and immediately. and apparently i only had a dremmel tool nearby.

I think this qualifies as a nightmare?

oh, yes, and Merry Christmas.

I am feeling so negative right now. joey come on and hurry it on up! until you do, i will start a random list of complaints:

1. i am hungry

2. work.

3. my lower back has been hurting what is up with that

4. i miss joey

5. it's like he's almost within reach but just not quite

6. i am sleepy. too sleepy to eat?

7. not to sleepy to wish joey were here

Back when I started drinking coffee (when I was in 4th grade. Yes, that's sadly true.) I tried an Almond Latte. It basically changed my life.

Years later, all you can find anymore is a Starbucks. Believe me, up until this was the case, I didn't go to Starbucks. But, it is the case. And so, my coffee tastes have evolved along with Starbucks' changing menu, my changing metabolism and my caffeine intake needs.

Phase one:

Tall Almond Latte.

Originally, I held a grudge that they didn't have a short. I saw it as a prejudice against either small people, or a lesser amount of coffee.

Phase two:

Resulting from: Starbucks stopped carrying Almond. Tears were shed over this.

Tall Pumpkin Spice Latte, sometimes changing it up with Tall Espresso Truffle, or a Tall Cinnamon Dolce Latte.

All of those are pretty delicious, but just not as delicious as almond.

Phase three:

Resulting from: the doctor told me that I needed to stop drinking caffeine.

Tall Decaf Pumpkin Spice Latte.

Name's getting a little long, but their decaf is just as good as their regular, and i don't want my heart to explode.

Phase four:

I realize that I'm ingesting lots of fat and calories in a cup, and hear that ordering nonfat is still pretty good. In fact, with some flavors, there's not much difference at all.

Tall Nonfat Decaf Pumpkin Spice Latte

The name is getting really long now, with more than one special request. Which makes it not so much like I'm someone who shouldn't drink caffeine, and more like I'm picky, and uppity and snobbish. And i start imagining myself as wearing a black suit and heels and carrying a briefcase, driving an SUV and barking out a coffee order that used to sound to me like a lot of nonsense words, but now I speak the Starbucks language. But it gets worse.

Phase five (current phase):

I realize that the whipped topping, while tasty, has 7 artery clogging grams of fat in it alone. It's neither that delicious nor essential to the drink. And, I'm already making 2 special orders, so why not three? And So:

Tall Nonfat Decaf Pumpkin Spice Latte, No Whip.

Eight words for Coffee. I have become the enemy, and I am ashamed. But I still go to work in my Camry with a dent (or two) in it, and wear dusty boots and jeans and a 3 year old stretched out polo shirt with the company logo on it. I just stop 2 or 3 times a week to get something bad for me, and try and morph it into something not so bad for me. and i love it. and i hate it.

What's next? What could the next phase possibly be? Requesting the amount of foam? (People do that you know. Extra Foam, No Foam, Foam In The Shape Of A Cupcake.) Double Shot? (of decaf, of course.) With Protein? Extra Hot? (or Not Too Hot? i've heard other people order it both ways.) And, could I get a Nonfat Blueberry Scone to go to pair with that?

Oh, me.

PS. a Nonfat Blueberry Scone sounds really good right now. Which way to the nearest Starbucks?

but anyone who doesn't believe in animal rights is a jackass anyway, and I really don't care at all what they think.

I ran across this story today while at work. It's about a man who starved his kid's horse and then hung it with the help of a friend. It's just unbelievable. I can't conceive that they weren't sick perverts. I mean, this was a time consuming and difficult way to kill a horse. It's not like the thing broke it's leg and they felt obliged to shoot it. I hope they both get the maximum 5 years in prison, and the fine, and they don't get out on parole, and may rats chew off their ears while they rot in jail. People who think this type of behavior is acceptable should be culled from the human race by the same method they use to abuse their animals. In these men's case, a year of starvation followed by then slowly lifting them each up by a noose around the neck until they stop thrashing.