I've been thinking a lot about being mindful. And I think I need to be more mindful. Why? Because it's not thinking! Thinking is too chaotic. The negative thoughts are dangerous. During the day it's - ideas, rushing, chaos, problems, solutions, doubts, concerns. And while thinking about these things is very important, on occasion, I would like to replace some of my thinking with mindfulness.

What is mindfulness? I'm not exactly sure, but I know it's not thinking! Mindfulness just feels different. It feels better. It feels awake, conscious, aware. Feeling instead of thinking. Recognizing and observing. I think a big component of mindfulness is the acceptance. If I am mindful, I am accepting. Accepting of myself, of those around me, of my current situation.

It's not exactly a New Year's resolution, but more of a theme for this year. I will try to be more mindful, and will start by playing this song on repeat, as my personal mantra - thoughts, get outa my head!

Sometimes it's hard to stay positive, especially when people you know, neighbors, and people you don't even know are verbally attacking you. So how do you stay positive? Well, here's how I do it. (Or attempt to do it.)

I think about my good, close friends and all the fun, ridiculous times we've spent together. (Facebook's new Activity Log is actually a pretty good way to do that!)I take care of myself - go running, make a good dinner, or go to bed early.I treat myself to a little pick me up - nice piece of chocolate, cold beer, lunch with a friend.If I feel like I need to vent or say something to someone, I write it in my journal first, or think about what exactly I would say. (And depending on the situation, follow through and actually talk with the person.) I look through photos, read a good book or watch a movie. Anything to think about something completely different.I listen to ridiculous music and sing along. And dance. Like a buffoon. Here's to hoping that your bad days are few and far between!

I love discovering cute little hole-in-the-wall type places. And what's better than finding a couple city blocks lined with them!?

I'm obviously not the first person to discover Paseo El Carmen but it is a relatively new place for hanging out, and therefore it feels like I'm "discovering" it with everyone else. The Paseo is a couple blocks of walking friendly streets, lined with small bars, restaurants, art galleries, cafes, stores etc. and it's about a 5 minute drive away from my new house. About a year ago, the mayor began encouraging development of this area, complete with wide sidewalks, nice street lamps etc. And the change has been incredible.

Last night some friends and I went out to try a new bar and the whole Paseo was packed! The streets were closed to car traffic, so food vendors had set up in the street, along with artists, used book sellers, and street performers. There was a constant flow of people walking around, exploring, and greeting one another. Families, foreigners, locals, couples, youth and older people - all enjoying the incredibly pleasant atmosphere. Most of the bars and restaurants set up some additional tables and chairs in the street, so the whole area had the feel of a street fair. There was live music on lots of street corners. It's really nice to find a place that feels homey, comfortable, and walkable. A nice treat in any city! I'll definitely be exploring it more.

I have always wanted to donate my hair. I have so much of it, I figure someone could probably benefit from it! So when I arrived at my grandparent's house for vacation and everyone commented on my really long hair - I haven't had a hair cut since last year - I mentioned that maybe it was time to donate it. Well, my grandma took that as "go" and she immediately called her stylist. I was having second doubts, but she already made the appointment. So I went for it. I chickened out a little bit and didn't donate all 10 inches - I found a different charity that accepts 8 inches or more. But still, that was a lot of hair! So now I'm back to the bob style that I had in early college. I'll probably keep growing my hair out and donate in another year. Wish me luck!



ready to "snip". She had to kind of saw away for a couple seconds. I'm telling you, I have LOTS of hair. all done!

do you remember kindergarten? Do you remember walking in lines with your classmates to get places? Were you ever the line leader? Every once and awhile, I got to be line leader and it just made me day! My parents especially love to talk about how excited I would get because I would say "lime" leader instead of line. Don't know why. Maybe it was just an early manifestation of my future preference for all things lime - lime tostitos, lime-ade, mojitos.... you know!

So you can imagine my excitement when we got off the plane in Fort Lauderdale and I was the first. one. off. the. plane! We had seats in first class - it was on Spirit so it wasn't a huge deal or anything. So that's why I got to walk off the plane first. It was a big day, it was a big day!

I get easily excited. Sometimes it's almost too easy.

my parents are visiting me for vacation and that of course is a happy happening, but I think the best of the best was when we spent an entire day without shoes.

I really don't like to wear shoes. We lived for two years in Japan when I was little and my parents say that that's where they picked up the tradition, but however it came about, it stuck. We always take off our shoes as soon as we walk in the door. But I also like to be barefoot outside. In fact, I prefer being barefoot outside. It just feels...right.

So when I was able to spend an entire day - no, longer - probably about 40 hours, without shoes, I would have to say that that was an incredible day. My parents and I stayed at an eco-lodge on a beach in El Salvador. It's on a spit of sand wedged between an estuary with mangroves, and a beautiful white sand beach. Our second day there we had breakfast in the open air restaurant - with no shoes on, then went walking on the beach - still no shoes on, then to the pool, then lunch, after was hammock time, then the bar for happy hour and then dinner. All without putting on a single shoe, not even a sandal, flip flop or gina. It was glorious. I highly recommend it. Even if you stay in your house all day, still try to do it without shoes on. It just feels so much more like a vacation.

everyone say it with me *ahhhhhh*

Soooo, my dog's in heat right now and that's not so fun. The lady next door complained to the security guard who mentioned it to my housemate who told me one night - "listen, that dog of yours, she whines a lot during the day." I'm sorry if the dogs that walk by the house just smell so attractive to her and she decides to whine/opine/lust after them!!! (I promise, I will get her fixed soon 'cause I for one don't want little puppies, much less want to make my neighbors angry, but I'm just saying, dogs are dogs. Your babies whine too, but you don't hear me saying anything!) So she whines.

And I know why. But I still try to keep her quiet. So I *chit* her. It's that corrective sound like Cesar Milan, the dog whisperer, does. It's really effective. It's also a very salvadoran sound so people always look at me like, "who are you and where did you learn that?!?" Or they just laugh at me. But it's the perfect sound for a dog because its distracts them for just long enough that they stop what they're doing. So she knows that whining is bad because I've *chit*ed her doing it. So now she kind of does this deep, short grunt, kind of like a hrrmph. It's like she's saying I really want to whine at the top of my lungs, but I know you won't let me, so I'm just gonna....hrrrmph! Sometimes its kind of like a sigh, other times like a moan, but whatever it is, it makes me laugh. Because it's super quiet and she looks at me with this pleeeeeease let me be loud?!? look on her face. It just makes me want to hug her. She's my Monkey.

She's such a good dog. She makes me happy every day.

a few days ago I saw a bus plastered front to back and top to bottom on all sides with a Coca Cola Christmas ad - you know the one with the smiling Santa, right? Well, that one. However, some genius at Coca Cola, or maybe someone at the bus company, decided that the bus needed even more flair so they strung up Christmas lights around the outside of the bus. But not just any Christmas lights - purple, flashing Christmas lights. I was coming home one night on a bus and saw this special edition Christmas bus coming down the street. (If that crazy bus had pulled up at the bus stop I was waiting at, I don't know if I would have gotten on. Maybe just to see if it was decked out on the inside as well...) But anyway, both buses stopped at an intersection and my bus driver (driving the plain, generic, boring bus) gave the other bus driver (the one driving the Christmas extravaganza) a little head nod. I think that head nod was meant to say "Dude, I'm soooo sorry that you have to drive around in that crazy bus, but the fact that it's you and not me just makes me laugh even harder." Or at least, that's what I would have said.

this morning I saw a man sitting on a park bench texting. Nothing too out of the ordinary. Except it was in a park, it was in front of a McDonald's. And the bench wasn't a normal bench, it had one of those plastic Ronald McDonald figures in the middle so people can take pictures sitting with him. Well this man was texting with his hand holding the cell phone resting on Ronald's knee. (I mean, let's be honest, texting is tiring. It's only natural to look for some support, right?!) The moment could have been romantic, if it weren't for the plastic-y yellowness of Ronald. But it was mostly just a good chuckle for me.

and the ever popular misunderstood t-shirts. Classic favorites - the granny wearing a "gansta fo life" t-shirt, a 10 year old boy with "gold digger" plastered on his shirt, or the adolescent boy sporting a long sleeve t with "preggers princess" across the chest. Those are enough to make anybodies day.

how about a nice afternoon at the beach? that sure makes my day!

Wherever you go, no matter the weather, always bring your own sunshine.

When I wake up in the morning, the first thing I see out of my window is the San Salvador volcano. Most mornings, there is a little cap of clouds sitting on top. The sunrise lights up this little cap and makes me smile.

When you possess light within, you see it externally. ~Anaïs Nin

A few days ago as I was finishing organizing my new room, and doing the requisite purge of stuff that accumulates, I came across a paper bag with notes from fellow Peace Corps volunteers from our last get-together - our close-of-service conference. Most of the messages said something nice or mentioned some mutual memory or event we had attended together, but one post-it note stuck out.

It has a simple drawing of a sun and a simple quote. nothing more. And the quote reads "have the courage to live your life with happiness". I think of myself as someone who lives her life with direction, or purpose or focus, but I realized that too often, I forget to live my life with happiness. And so I'm trying to change that. I plan to focus this blog more on happy happenings, or just happenings. Daily snippets as it were.

I remember when we were little, our mom had the family share "happy happenings" every night at the dinner table. She would write down, uncensored, whatever we said in a notebook. I don't specifically remember any of them, but I'm sure my 4th grade self had some awesome happy happenings. Today my tomagochi pet learned how to roll over! So I'm taking a page from that old notebook, wherever you may be! and I'm beginning with my own happy happenings.

I went for a run this morning, and decided to focus my run on effort, or lack thereof. By this I mean that I tried to run as effortlessly as possible. I've been doing some research lately into different ways to run. Specifically the 100 ups, Pose method, and Chi Running. (Two caveats - 1) these methods are also used to encourage barefoot running. I am not discouraging or encouraging barefoot running. Decide what is best for you. 2) Some sport scientists say that these methods of running reduce "economy" i.e. speed. While that might be true, I for one am not looking to win any races, I'm looking to go long distances, hard, without hurting myself.) They all focus on mid-foot striking instead of heel or toe striking, which has never been a huge problem for me, but more importantly they encourage you to focus on quick leg pace, picking up your knees - marching band style, and picking up your feet - kick-butt style. Elite runners (and all runners really) often warm up with high knees and butt kicks but it's not just to stretch muscles, it's because those are the motions that your legs should go through when you run. Going faster by extending your stride is a sure-fire way to injury. Instead, focus on picking up your feet more quickly. The more time your feet spend on the ground, the slower you go.

So in short, I did all that, or tried my best to do it, and let me tell you, my run was amazing. It felt light, effortless, free, even painless, so I was able to do more distance, and able to do it faster than I normally do. So a great workout is my happy happening for today. What's yours?

Happy happening from last weekend - releasing baby sea turtles into the ocean! My job is awesome.

When life throws opportunities your way, you should take them, right? Well, I've tried to live my life by that dicho (saying) and so the next chapter begins. My Peace Corps service is quickly coming to a close and it's time to move on to other things. I was offered a job in the capital, San Salvador, and will be starting mid September. I will be in charge of fundraising and corporate partnerships for a national non-profit, FUNZEL, that works for the conservation and protection of the salvadoran wildlife. They are most known for their sea turtle protection programs, but also have a wild animal vet clinic, connections with the national zoo, environmental education programs for schools and other similar programs. I am very excited to see what other areas I can help out in, not just fundraising, though I'm sure, especially at the beginning as I'm learning the ropes, I will be up to my eye balls in work. I don't have lots of experience in that area, so it's a pretty big stretch for me, but I like a challange. (But - geek alert - I'm really excited cause I think a lot of my work might involve spreadsheets!!!) My other big challanges are to get a work visa and find a place to live. Hopefully within the next few weeks, those things will start to come together.

In the mean time I am beginning to wind things down here in site - saying good-bye's, writing final reports, and deciding what to do with all my stuff! It feels incredible that two years have flown by; it really does feel as if I just arrived. I think that is compounded by the fact that I finally feel as if I've hit my stride and have gained the confidence and friendship of many community members. Therefore, it seems a little unfortunate that I'm leaving, but in terms of professional development and future goals, it seems like the best choice.

So as one incredible experience begins to wind down, another one begins. I will continue this blog as a record of happenings in my life.

thought it might be time to post some photos of this country and what I've been up to. So enjoy!

we visited laguna olomega and we decided to make "little faces"

one of my favorite way to take photos of people is to ask for their "biggest fact" and then "little face". you get some great shots that way!

laguna el jocotal

it's a Ramsar World Convention Wetlands Site and we went there as part of our teacher training to show teachers how to do field trips and be more active in their teaching styles, specifically when it comes to environmental education.

web of life

same teacher training as mentioned above, and all teachers were given a piece of paper with a component - biotic, or abiotic - and then we "wove" the web of life, depending on the relationships between all those components (photosynthesis, predator/prey, water contamination etc.) and then talked about how one action can effect all components. really effective activity. one of our most successful.

laguna de alegria - a sulfuric crater lake

the line on the rock is from last year when the lake flooded. Most of the trees around the lake have been scorched by the chemicals and have died. It has left a very interesting landscape behind. We also visited this site as part of the same teacher training.

black sand beach of Isla de Meanguera

went on a mini vacation with fellow volunteers and a friend from the states to this beautiful island in the Golfo de Fonseca that is in between El Salvador, Nicaragua and Honduras. It's a gorgeous, but 1 hour long, motor boat ride from land. Well worth the trip. We stayed with a family to save money, but there is a swank hotel on the island.

learning to make pupusas with a friend

I couldn't allow myself to leave this country without mastering the art of the national fast food dish. they're super simple to make - i think they are even easier than tortillas. and hey, if job hunting turns up nothing, I can always open up a pupusa stand in the states!

other black sand beaches of Meanguera

the pile of fire wood that my school uses to cook the school provided snacks

we are in the final stages of our fuel efficient stove project and with the new stoves installed, we will reduce the use of fire wood, as well as the smoke that issues from the stoves. more pictures later!

Monkey!

I can't not include a photo of her in this group. She makes my tough days less tough and my good days even better. she is becoming more and more well behaved every day - she is a year and a half old, and I think that's a big part of it. Currently kennel shopping so that we can start getting used to it for the big haul!

But aren't you scared? You are so valiant to come here and live alone. (the phrase I most often hear is tienes valor and valor means courage or valiance.) I think all volunteers hear these comments a lot, especially the girls, but I've never really stopped to ask myself why Salvadorans might say such things.

Well, first, Peace Corps volunteers really are courageous people. Agreeing to leave friends and family back home for two years to go off to a country, culture and community unlike anything you have probably experienced before. I think the Peace Corps is kind of self-selecting – only courageous people will apply! However, I think Americans in general are also pretty courageous. It's common, normal and often times expected, that children will move out of the house at 18. Going off to college is often a chance to live as far away from your family as possible. We travel by ourselves and seek out new experiences and challenges. Sometimes, it's the little things that show you are “courageous”, like being willing to try a Wendy's Frosty with fries, or bushwack just to prove to yourself you can find your own way.

Now of course being courageous does not mean being stupid, it means taking calculated risks. And, watch out, here comes a gross generalization! most Salvadorans I have met do not exude courageousness in terms of trying new things. It's a culture thing, I believe. Family is the central focus of almost anything that people do, so striking out on your own is not really considered, and as an extension of that, trying new things is not sought out. Of course, there are always exceptions. I think each Peace Corps volunteer could count off a handful of people they know that are courageous in terms of trying new things. But as an example of not trying new things, I give you the following.

The national “carb” (I'm convinced all countries have a national “carb” they are known for – calzone, empanada, gyro, steamed bun, samosa, sub sandwich etc. - and all of them are pretty tasty too!!) and El Salvador is known for pupusas. It's a corn meal dough that is filled with cheese and tasty things like beans, chicken, spinach etc., flattened out like a tortilla and cooked on a griddle 'till piping hot. Salvadorans eat pupusas like it's their job, and thus, Peace Corps volunteers do too. But sometimes we get bored with the same thing, so we invent. Some volunteers have tried making sweet pupusas in their home, often with plain cheese and plantain or something similar. Now suggest such a thing to a Salvadoran, and they give you a face as if you had just suggested that they replace their morning cup of coffee with curdled milk. When you remind them that just that morning they ate fried plantain and tortilla, (essentially the same thing as a pupusa with plantain inside) they will scoff at the idea that you could mix those things before you eat them and that the result would be something tasty! Meh. I tried!

I have had some success stories, though. I was in Wendy's extolling the virtues of a Frosty and fries to yet another person (this might be my life's crusade!*) and as I was emphatically dipping a fry into the chocolatey goodness, I noticed out of the corner of my eye a Salvadoran trying it as well. We made eye contact, he smiled approvingly and went on to share this new delicacy with his table mates. Score one for me!

So with the previous in mind, it's understandable that Salvadorans would say “you are so courageous for living here.” Because to them, we are courageous. But for most of us, this is just seen as yet another new experience to add to our list of accumulated “things I've done”. And part of this courageousness that they place on our heads, stems from the fact that many Salvadorans think their country is besieged with violence and not worthy of people visiting it. This also is a gross generalization, but it's sadly often true. I know of a handful of Salvadorans who live in the States, and when they come back here to visit family and friends, they cut their trip short because they can't stand their own country. Now I must be honest, I don't want to spend my entire life here in El Salvador, but it is a beautiful, interesting and worthwhile place to spend some time getting to know and it pains me that so many Salvadorans don't appreciate their own country. And some of this stems from the fact that they are scared of the violence and situation of delinquency in the country.

Which brings me back to the original question. “Aren't you scared to live alone?” Short answer – no. I am trying to live my life by the sage advice of my dad - “if you're going to worry about something, worry about the things you can control, and not the things you can't.” So when someone asks me – aren't you scared to live alone? I always ask them, “scared of what?” And I never get a response back. Just a general shoulder shrugging, as if to suggest that one should live in fear because that's what you do. But what they mean to say is, “aren't you scared of all the news, every day, of more violence?”

Now, I must be clear, living in El Salvador is not a cake walk, and I understand that violence and fear are a daily reality for the Salvadorans, something that most Americans never have to deal with, or at least not this consistently. But most often the violence is not purely random. There was often some previous clash, or drug related something, but still, random violence does happen. So I understand why they might suggest that “well, it's just violent out there, Carol”. And yes, it may be, but that doesn't mean I'm going to lock myself up in the house with someone else just to feel safer. If something bad is going to happen, it's probably going to happen no matter whom you are living with. Besides, I tell them, I have my dog!

But of course I take precautions, and make sure that I am as safe as I can be, but that doesn't mean I'm going to worry about the things I can't control. Sometimes it surprises me, because for a country with so much fe en Dios, people really do worry about the little things. I would have thought that more people would leave things in God's hands (or whatever larger, guiding force you may believe in). But maybe it's something that takes practice.

And this leads back to being valiant for trying new things. I think the two are related. If you are constantly worrying about things you can't control, you really won't have time or energy to seek out new experiences. So as part of fulfilling the second goal of Peace Corps – to help other countries experience and appreciate American culture (the third goal is to help Americans experience and appreciate other cultures) I try to help Salvadorans step outside their comfort zone and try something new – whether it's getting on a bus and going somewhere they've never been, or even just trying a Frosty with fries! So you, get out there today and try something new, too. And seriously, if you have never had a Frosty with fries, try it!

*No, Wendy's is not sponsoring this blog.

I'm sitting in my “office”, a coffee shop with WIFI, about 40 minutes from San Antonio. I come here about once every other week or so to catch up on email, get new NPR and BBC podcasts and generally detox. It's quiet, calm and air conditioned! here so I can actually focus on getting stuff done. Here's an update on what I've got going on right now. Currently we are in the middle of a teacher training here in San Miguel. Together with 4 other PC volunteers, we are teaching teachers about participatory teaching techniques – dynamic activities, and how to run mini-field trips. The trainings seem to be going well – the teachers are responding and participating, and when we debrief after each session, they also have good pointers and suggestions about how these techniques can be incorporated and modified to fit the realities of each individual school! (success!) We finish up this Saturday with a mini-graduation and presentation of diplomas. We are also planning a larger teacher camp in May where we will go to the northern pueblo of Perquin and do daily field trips and excursions to help teachers see how easy it is to incorporate outdoor experiences in their daily teaching. I was super excited because a couple weeks ago, two teachers that I had invited to a similar teacher training we did last November, wanted to take their second graders on a walk to the river nearby the school and do activities and such there. They invited me to come and participate and I was so happy to be there and super proud of those teachers for doing something new! Also, we are moving forward with the stove project in the school. We have received funding, and are now in the process of ordering materials, and planning the renovation of the kitchen. We are planning to do most of the work during Easter Break so as not so disturb the preparation of the school provided snack. I am very gratefully to everyone who donated and promise to include before and after photos! My woman’s group has successfully made their first batch of soap and they are very interested in keeping it going. This first batch was just to test out the recipe and see if they like the product. Also to experiment with different ingredients. The only bummer is that the product requires a month to fully set up, but I told them that if they make soap every week, after the first month of waiting, they will have product becoming available every week! Hopefully they jump on that. They have been very successful with making shampoo, but the main ingredient can only be purchased in San Salvador, a 3 hour bus ride away. For soap, all the ingredients can be purchased in San Antonio! so super easy! With the eco-club in the school, we are assisting with the school-wide recycling initiative. Before I arrived in San Antonio the school was recycling (selling) soda cans, but this year they have also started selling plastic bottles, paper and also composting. The eco-club is helping remind people to classify the garbage and put each specific type in it's respective place. We have been making posters to put up around the school. It's definitely an up hill battle because habits die hard and most people here are used to just throwing trash on the ground wherever; very rarely does it make it in a garbage can, and almost never is the garbage separated, but we are trying! I've been helping write grants for two exciting book projects. One is a coloring/activity book all about the environment. Alicea (http://aliceacock-esteb.blogspot.com/) is making the book and has word searches, connect-the-dots, mazes, matching, at-home activities, easy math, and lots of fun coloring! Another volunteer, Nicole, is doing some beautiful picture books with story lines related to the environment – a curious water drop goes on a trip through the water cycle, a melancholy tree learns his importance in the web of life, an intelligent worm helps his fellow worms understand their role in helping a farmer's soil be healthy. Both are incredibly talented and creative artists and we are all very excited to get these books published. Some trainings are coming up where I have the opportunity to invite some community counterparts to learn about small business development, as well as product elaboration. I have invited two members of the woman's group who have been involved since the beginning, and really the driving force behind the group's energy. Each has great ideas for future projects – aquaponics, selling shampoo in other communities as well, setting up a little cafe in San Antonio etc. So I really want them to attend these trainings and learn how to make the most of their energy, time and investments.

Man it feels good to be working!

Niña Toña is sitting on the curb in front of her house and she invites me to sit and join her. “I used to sit out here every night with Niña Berta until 11, but now it's too dangerous, and she moved away. I miss it.” I sit down and my dog lays down beside me. It's early evening and finally cooling off from the heat of the day. People are coming and going on the main street with black plastic shopping bags in hand, kids in tow, or pailas (wash basins) on their heads. “Buenas Noches” they call out. Sometimes “salu”. Everyone in the community seems to know her and she everyone else, so lots of people stop to chat. We platicar (chat) a bit. Laugh too – often about something I've done or said. But tonight I don't mind. I just like being on the curb with Niña Toña. She has been a friend, mentor and grandma to me ever since I arrived in San Antonio, about a year and a half ago. Even though she never studied beyond second grade, she has quite a lot to teach people about living their life well.

Work Hard

Niña Toña was born in the mid to late 40s. She's not sure and at this point she doesn't really care. From her first marriage she had five children, but one of them passed away. Then her husband passed away. She remarried and had one more child, and then husband number two passed away. So she was left to raise her five surviving children by herself. She remembers working in the cafetales (coffee fields) on the San Miguel volcano, basket for cafe in front, and a child strapped to her back. “Those were hard days” she tells me. “But what else could I do? My family had to eat and it was just me.” Her children are all grown now, and one even made it all the way through university. She is rightfully proud of the life she has provided for her children. But she's not just twiddling her thumbs now into her old age. She still works. Every day she makes tortillas to sell and some days she sells 7 dollars worth of tortillas. She hasn't stopped working yet, and she says that she won't stop until she absolutely can't work anymore. She gets too bored if she doesn't work.

Play Hard

However, it's not like Niña Toña only works. She spends a good part of her day visiting friends, vagando as they say. She also goes to almost every vela (wake) and entierro (burial) in the community, as well as every celebracion and vigilia at her church. She's an incredibly religious woman, but she tells me that she also just enjoys the company at the events. It's a chance to visit and check in on lots of people and see how they're doing. When I was new to San Antonio she was the one who took me around, introducing me to people for the entrevistas (interviews). We eventually visited 50 families and stopped there, but not because we ran out of people she knew, it was because I needed to wrap up the diagnostic. She could have kept going day after day taking me to other friends' houses and we probably would have eventually visited all 600 houses in San Antonio. For an old lady she sure does have a good time.

Give Thanks

And almost a year and half later I'm still hanging out with Niña Toña. Sitting on the curb in front of her house that night she asks me if I want a tamale. She won't let me say no. “They're pisque” (filled with beans) she says. “And they're spicy.” Okay, I'm game. She brings back one for each of us and we eat them with our fingers. As we finish eating she says “Gracias a Dios, ya comimos.” (Thanks to God, we've now eaten.) I nod in agreement. While I don't completely agree with whom she's giving thanks to - I mean, she made the tamales! - I do like the idea of giving thanks, and giving it frequently. I think it's important to acknowledge the sources of our continued existence and Niña Toña does so after every meal and cada rato (every chance) during the day. Whether for you that means thanking God, your parents, the United States Government, your own two hands, Mother Earth, or something in between, I think thanksgiving is a good lesson.

Last Lesson

It's become dark in the time we've been sitting on the curb. The neighbors across the street turn on an outside light and we can see again the people walking up and down the street. The same neighbors have twin girls – 3 years old and quite a handful. I guess it's bed time because all of a sudden a great racket starts up from inside their house. I shake my head and chuckle but refrain from commenting on their parenting skills. Niña Toña seems to understand what I'm getting at. She looks over at me, puts her hand on my knee and says to me in a voice that seems to say – you'll understand when you have kids - “No, Carol, it's okay. Kids need to scream a lot when their little. It develops their vocal cords.” Well, I guess no one can be full of sage advice 100% of the time. But Niña Toña sure gets close.

I'm woken up at 5:30 am by the chickens and dogs. I try to roll back over for some more shut eye. 6 am and the radio station starts praising God at an ungodly volume. I can never actually understand the man, so I just assume that's what he's doing. What else could he be talking about for 30 minutes? I toss and turn, trying to smother the garbled words with my pillow, but to no avail. So I resignedly get out of bed. Besides, it's creeping up to 80 degrees already and I for one don't like sleeping in that kind of weather, so up and at 'em Carol, let's greet the day! But first I have to acknowledge Monkey. As soon as she hears me stirring, she tries to stick her nose under the mosquito net. Some days she's successful. Most days she's not, so she just lies down to wait. Right where I put my feet. So sometimes I step on her. Oops. As I get up and head to the bathroom, she follows me. Don't know if this is normal dog behavior (and I know it's not a proper conversation topic among gentleman and ladies, but who am I kidding, you guys aren't any of those things!) but she really just likes to sit there while I do my morning business. Sometimes she'll put a paw up on my leg, as if to offer moral support or something, but most of the time she just curls up in a corner for another cat nap and waits for me to move on the next morning task. (I swear, dogs really do sleep about 16 hours a day.) Lately the winds have been blowing ridiculously hard and frequently, and that combined with the dry season means lots of dust and leaves inside my house every day. So I begin the Sisyphean task of sweeping out all the dust and leaves. And it blows right back in. That, combined with the incredible amount of shedding that goes on in the house means that it's quite impossible to keep the house clean. Oh well. I tried. On to the next task. The dishes are starting to sprout legs and arms so I decide I should wash them. The first splash of water from the guacal sends the ants and other creepy crawlies that have set up shop scurrying. The frogs hiding in the moistness of the drain pipes come hopping out much to Monkey's everlasting enjoyment and I get on with the washing. Then I proceed to water the worms. Yes, the worms. I have a worm box where I put all my kitchen scraps, save for meats, fats and oil etc. The worms are a happy as pigs in mud, or worms in dirt I guess, eating away at all the awesomeness I throw in there. And for little to no work, I get organic fertilizer. Well, except I have to water them. Which if anybody were walking by and saw me dumping water into a box full of dirt that never seems to be sprouting anything, they meet just consider me even crazier than they already think I am. So with all those tasks out of the way, it's on to my workout – thanks Jillian Michaels for proving that it IS possible for me to sweat even more than I thought I could! Oh and she's right, she will get you 6 pack abs if you follow her workouts religiously. Mine are still hiding in the little blue igloo cooler, but not as much as before. So onward shredded one! Next is breakfast, with Monkey underfoot, hoping that just this once the delicious creation will be for her and not the food from that stinkin' bag of dry dog food! It's now about 9 o'clock or so and time to do some real work. The new school year is just around the corner, so I've been heading to school to help the teachers get the classrooms ready for students. It feels like kindergarten because it's lots of cutting and tracing and gluing up decorations and signs around the rooms. Just the type of “creative” things that I'm good at, so yay for artistic therapy! In the afternoon I head back to my house where I work on project ideas, proposals, calendars or paperwork. I also spend some time reading, and every once and a while I have to test out the hammocks just to make sure they are still functioning. Because even though the siesta is not an officially recognized pasttime in this country, I think it's a shame to lose this marvelous tradition and am doing my part to bring it back! So I practice my hammock napping skills and then it's time for my afternoon rounds. I go to visit my neighbors in the women's group and we chat about future or current projects. How their shampoo is going, what they want to learn next etc. Evening rolls around with the cool breezes – the plus of being in a desert, the sun goes down and the temperature drops about 10 degrees. So that's my time to be out and about. I visit until I'm hungry and then I excuse myself and head home.Once home, I make dinner, then relax and read as late as I want. But not too late. Cause I need to get my sleep so that I can get up at 5:30 again when the rooster crows!

During training in Peace Corps, the older volunteers frequently tell the "newbies" that they should watch out, because their time will fly. And they are right. Part of this realization came about when I discovered that I haven't written a blog post in over 3 months! Sorry. Also, a new group of volunteers will be coming in soon, and that means that my group will be the "senior" class and that means we are almost done. But, before I can be "done" I need to do some work. (I'm still not sure what "done" means for me, and even when exactly that will take place, but that's a whole other issue.)

I am back in El Salvador after visiting family in the United States for Christmas (and what a great time I had - thanks to you all!) So I'm well rested and ready to get started. School begins soon and I'm looking forward to working again with students, teachers and the Salvadoran version of the school's P.T.A. I hope to move forward with getting fuel efficient stoves in the school kitchen, as well as getting all the teachers trained in interactive teaching techniques that they can then apply to their lessons with all students. Last year the trainings were geared more towards science teachers, but I think I feel comfortable incorporating all teachers. Besides, not all teachers will go for it, and this way the trainings are more likely to have some sort of impact on more teachers, and therefore more students. And the more people we can effect, the better!

The women's group is going well, but I'd like to formalize the purpose a little bit - emotional support group, small income generation, time to just sit and chat or what? And all of those things are important, and we should probably do all, and can do all, at the same time, but I'd still like to formalize something. Not sure if that means a mission statement, but I think we'll let it work itself out. On another note, I'm so proud of them all because while I was gone in the states I was afraid things would kind of fall apart, but some women kept making shampoo to sell and they even contacted someone to give them jewelry making classes. Yay for self motivated people!

The other project I'd really like to more forward with involved something that the Japanese volunteers in San Antonio have been trying to make happen for over 3 years now. San Antonio has tried twice to get garbage collection going and both times the service has failed because it was not financially solvent. I'm hoping that I can inject some energy and new ideas and convince people to try another time. We are going to try and get a subsidized price at the landfill, as well as educate residents about the type of trash they put out to be collected so that people aren't throwing away 3 50pound bags of garbage a week! (And the fee is a paltry $3 a month for pickup - that barely even covers the dumping fee at the landfill, let alone gas and paying the driver's and collectors' wages.)

Together with other volunteers, we are planning more regional teacher trainings, as well as a kids environmental camp. I like these kind of projects because they get me out of San Antonio - because even though it's on the larger size in terms of Peace Corps placements in El Salvador, it still feels like a fish bowl. Also, it's nice working with other volunteers because the energy involved is different. Not necessarily better than working with Salvadorans, just different. And that change of pace is really appreciated when things seem to be getting bogged down. It also involves lots of networking as well as grant writing and I know those skills will pay off in the future. So lots of fun ideas and projects in the starting gate. Just wanted to let you in on them all. Now to get crackin!

"Stay safe!"

Those might not have been my parents' exact parting words when they dropped me off at the Holiday Inn: Georgetown for predeparture orientation, but I think that those are the understood parting words for anybody going off on a trip, especially for two years of Peace Corps in a developing country. So how are we doing so far?

Well, I'm doing just fine, thank you very much! (So don't worry!) But what about everything else? Aaaaaand, that's where things get interesting. I have never spent more than 1 month in any one country, so I haven't had a chance to really get into, understand and, honestly, care about, daily national news in another country. But dang are things interesting here!

So if you didn't know - and I know my mom is probably trying to forget - El Salvador has a gang problem. There are two big ones - Mara Salvatrucha aka MS, and roughly translated to - slippery Salvadoran trout gang, and 18. And these gangs are good; organized and integrated in all aspects of public life: politics, police, education, transportation etc. Many of them have made it to the United States, joined gangs there, learned good tricks, were arrested, learned even better tricks in jail in the United States, and then got deported. (Actually, I think these gangs have cells in the United States now as well.) So now El Salvador has a growing gang problem, and not nearly enough money, man power or experience to deal with them all in their jails. But they're trying. They just passed a really... strict? progressive? intelligent? stupid? anti-gang law that has caused quite a push back by the gangs. And it looks like things are going to get worse before they get better. What do I mean? Okay. The anti-gang law is kind of like Arizona's anti-immigrant law - if the police even think that you might be in a gang, they can stop you, arrest you, and put you in jail, just for suspicion of being in a gang. Well, of course gang members don't like this. So much so that the two rival gangs - MS and 18 - issued an unprecedented joint press release that threatened violence to any public transportation unit on the streets during a three day period unless the law was rescinded. Well, the law was not rescinded, and the country shut down for three days because no buses ran for fear of the threat of violence - with reason of course. Some buses that were running were stopped and one driver was pulled out and shot, and then the bus was torched. So things are pretty serious, but really only in the capitol, and Peace Corps is nice enough to not pay us enough to be able to spend much time there. :)

What happens next? We all watch our back, make sure that we are on a bus with two doors (for a quicker exit) and try to travel as infrequently as possible. And the gangs stay in power. We have some awesome volunteers here working in Youth Development (and other volunteers from other programs that have youth groups as well) that work to show kids that there is another way to live your life. You don't have to be in a gang. But it's especially hard when many dads are working in other places - often the United States, so the boys lack strong, positive male role models. Some of them go looking for and then find that role model in a gang member and the problem continues. Especially when gang members are in the same police force that is trying to stop them. The armed forces have been deployed to patrol streets and buses with the police to try and bring security, but, there are gang members in the army as well.

So we hope for change in the youth. But also a change in attitudes towards reporting. There is great fear in this country towards reporting crimes, or turning in someone. Much of this fear can be traced back to the civil war were people were pulled out of their homes in the middle of the night and shot for supporting the national army, or the guerilla fighters. And so people learned to keep their mouths shut. You didn't support anyone, or you supported whoever was asking you who you supported.

Right now, the gangs get their money from extortions, and collecting "rent". They collect rent from everyone - the little tienda on the corner, to the big supermarkets in the city; sweet little grandma sitting on the corner, to juan fulano executive. If you don't pay up, you won't be able to rely on that gang for "protection". Of course, it will be that same gang that will come and rob you, or shoot the place up. But people pay and stay mum about the whole thing. There are anonymous tip lines and special police divisions just to deal with extortions, but people won't report. They are afraid that someone will find out they told, and then they will really get it. So they pay and the money keeps coming in and the gangs keep working.

But times are changing. While some people probably think that young adults put way to much personal information online, there is still a certain anonymity to be found. And young salvadorans are realizing this. I was recently talking with some university students. They are fed up with the corruption in the public university system, and they are planning on making a facebook page and encouraging people to post comments and pictures detailing the corruption that they have seen so that something can be done. It's not exactly related to gangs, but it's a great first start for people in this country to feel comfortable with telling someone else when they've seen something outside the law.

Here's to hope and change!

the dinner I write about in the next post. The Banyan Tree for light reading, On Food and Cooking for urgent food questions, cell phone awaiting texts from my salvo boyfriend... just kidding...I swear! wine bottle candle holder for the inevitable power outages, water bottle for the all important hydration and the awesome (albiet half-eaten, sorry!) pizza.

some awesome bread that I made. yes it's braided! one is roasted garlic, sun-dried tomato and basil, and the other one is cinnamon sugar. I would have put raisins in the last one, but I didn't have any. Oh well, next time.

the beautiful cocina that I talk about. Thanks mom and dad!

an embarrassingly awful picture. but the only one I had to show how much Monkey has grown. She's definitely still the runt of the litter. We ran into one of her brothers on the street, and he's bigger than she.

caramel corn. "woooow, it's sticky!"

hanging up hammocks for all my guests to sleep on. We tried this one without any extra rope, just hooked the loops on the hammock into the hooks in the wall and we got the tautest hammock in the world! We were joking around that you could make hammock bunk beds that way. If a lot of friends (like more than 7) ever came to visit, we'll have to! (Actually, no, really bad idea. Because the hammock is so taut, there's really no give in it and as you can see no side protection. One roll and you're on the ground. About 5 feet down!)

this country is definitely helping me get over my bug "problem" but I'm sorry, there is no need for scorpions. Yes, it's dead. And I know I don't have the world's largest feet or anything, but...heeeey buddy!

this little guy was one of my favorites. I think I mentioned him in an earlier post, but here he is. Instead of a costume during the eco-parade, he just carried a plant. Awesome!

the desfile (parade) ecologica. most of the girls dressed up as fairies and princesses, but most of the guys got the animals. However, they looked like walking pinatas! (blogger won't let me put the ~ over the n... sorry!)

I have not felt this satisfied from a meal in a while. Actually, that’s a lie. Just last week the fajitas were pretty much amazing. But this meal was something different all together. Griddle top pizza with fresh tomatoes, and basil. So anyway, I have rediscovered my passion for cooking. Cooking has always been an important part of who I am - working in kitchens since I was 14 and going out to eat at awesome restaurants will do that to you. Living in Fain B senior year really solidified my love of good food, well prepared, and then shared with friends and family. And then I came to El Salvador. And things changed. I guess I felt that I needed to fully immerse myself in the culture here to truly adapt and appreciate it. And that included food. Well, for two months in my training community and somewhat living with my host family here in SAS I ate like a Salvadoran. And for a while it was nice - new flavors, new vegetables and new cooking styles. But then it got old. Because honestly, who can eat greasy, salty carbs for more than 6 months? So now I'm ready to eat like I used to.

Since I’ve been living on my own, I have of course been cooking for myself, but I have kept it fairly simple – scrambled eggs with various veggies. Beans and rice with various veggies. Stir frys. And the occasional pupusa. They really are tasty, but I mostly eat them for the awesome coleslaw (curtido) that comes with them. So I was eating what I wanted to eat, but not getting crazy. And then I visited Alicea. A good friend from college and a fellow PCV here in El Salvador, she and I have a similar love of good food done well. (Read her blog here.) And I was reintroduced to really good cooking. To familiar cooking done in unfamiliar ways, using unfamiliar spices and utensils. And I was inspired; encouraged to go out and get my cooking on! I am lucky to have access to a really good market as well as supermarket in San Miguel, but I, being my frugal self, have not splurged for the goodies that could make really awesome meals. Until now.

Just last week I had some fellow volunteers visit to help out with an event as well as enjoy our fiestas. (Kind of like “Celebrate Wherever” in the states where rides and food stands and music stages are set up in the park and people come to hang out. Kind of.) So I planned menus to feed everyone. And we rocked out fajitas, caramel corn, chef salads, deluxe oatmeal pancakes (with strawberries, coconut and almonds) and a baller chocolate cake. And it was beautiful!

I have had the gas cocina (stove, range thingy...) with plancha (griddle) since mom and dad came and bought it as a house warming gift, but sadly I hadn’t really “christened” it. Well, not anymore. My most recent creation is a griddle top pizza. I do have a toaster oven, but I didn’t feel like using it (my electricity bill shoots up when I use it…from 5 dollars to almost 7! (I know, you all who are paying real bills are playing the world’s smallest violin right now, but hey, that’s a big chunk of change for me!) So as I read On Food and Cooking: The Science and Lore of the Kitchen (full of tasty tidbits about the history/chemistry of beer, cookies, pastas, sauces and everything else) my pizza dough was rising. When it had risen a bit, I kneaded in garlic, and herbs. Then I heated up the plancha and put on the dough. Turned it over once and then placed my cheese, tomatoes, broccoli, and basil on top. Didn’t get to fully melt the cheese, the griddle was too hot, but next time, I’ll time it all better. But a tasty result none the less.

So now I'm all gung-ho on the cooking and baking. Food has always been important to me, especially good, well executed meals, but I have remembered this passion and it is helping me focus. I can work hard during the day knowing that a tasty, comforting meal is waiting for me - though I have to prepare it first. But I enjoy the cooking and preparing almost as much as the eating. I would now like to share my cooking with my neighbors and friends here. One of the goals of Peace Corps is an exchange of American culture to the host country. And as another one of my posts mentions, it’s kind of hard to define American culture. However, I think one of our biggest offerings is the incredible diversity of awesome food that we have. So maybe I’ll start cooking classes, or just keep making great food and hope the smells waft out and convince people to stop on by.

Do you get homesick? I’m often asked that in Spanish and English by people here and friends and family back in the states. I have to admit (sorry mom and dad!) that: no, not really. Let me be clear. While I miss my family and friends and think about them often, I don’t get homesick. Or not normally.

I have been living away from home since I was 14, only spending summers and vacations with my parents. Also, home, has been a fairly fluid thing for me, (living in 6 different states over 22 years does that to you) so homesickness is not really something I’ve had to deal with here. However, I have realized that there are definitely things about the states that I have come to appreciate more fully be being away from them. So if I’m homesick for anything, it’s the following things. (Family and friends are of course an unspoken addition to this list.)

Anonymity. I don’t like to be in front of lots of people. I don’t think of myself as an attention seeker. I’d rather be in the back of the crowd observing everyone else. In this country I am a spectacle. And I don’t like it. Sometimes I wish that I could just be one of the crowd.

Example: Here in El Salvador lots of businesses hire MCs and DJs to hawk their products outside of their stores with loud speakers, music and running commentary of the goods or specials. But often it turns into commentary of the people on the street. If they are interesting enough to comment about. Which usually includes me. Yesterday walking through the parking lot of MetroCentro (the mall here in San Miguel that I probably talk about way to often) and around San Miguel I got called out by no fewer than three of these people. *person rattling off in Spanish suddenly switches to broken English* “hello my American friend and welcome to Metro Centro” or “hello chelita (little light – skin color – one), buy something?” And everyone around can hear and can identify me as the object or subject of the message. I wish I could just be anonymous. In the states, I am. And I miss it.

Quickness/efficiency. While I do enjoy the more laid back attitude here and I sometimes become overwhelmed and frustrated by the speed of things back in the states, there is definitely something to be said for speed. I have been without water for a week now and it will in all likelihood be at least 3 more days before we get water. During Hurricane Agatha that came through May 28th-30th, the river that runs through our town flooded and with it took some houses. In addition, mud and water got into the pumping room and equipment of our water system. Which means the whole system had to be flushed and cleaned out. Or something like that. Anyway, what it has meant for me is that since Sunday the 30th I have had no water. Luckily I have plenty of water to drink but during the rains that weekend, my clothes got pretty damp and I already had about a weeks worth of dirty clothes. Combine that with more dirty clothes, fewer showers as I try to save what little water I have and it means that Carol is extra dirty and smelly. Not fun. Now some people in SAS have pumps and wells. They have been the lucky ones. The rest of us have had to go to those people’s houses (I finally did some laundry today at a neighbor’s house), or go to the river, or haul water from somewhere else or buy it. Now I realize that for some Peace Corps volunteers, or maybe people in the states even, this is a reality and therefore I shouldn’t be complaining. And I’m trying not too. What I am commenting on however, is that there is a solution to this problem and it has taken more than a week to fix. I think people in the states would be up in arms on day number 2 or 3. And something would have happened a lot faster. But that is not the case here. And I wish it were.

Peace and quiet. The level of noise in this country is unbelievable. Whether it’s from the blasting radios, the blaring car horns, the noisy animals and children, the rumble of cars and buses, or the fiesta going on down the street, there is all told very little quiet in this country. Sure you can go out to the country and experience a little more peace and quiet, but you still get animals, and radios, and cars. In the states, even in cities, your houses are well insulated and you can call the police on your neighbors if they get too loud and there are rules for how loud buses and cars can be. No such luck here. I forget who suggested that I call the cops on my neighbors. But I almost laughed in their face. Sorry. Not gonna work here.

Littering is a quasi sin. I think in the states most people have it ingrained in their mind that you just don’t litter. You wait until you find a trash can and you throw your trash away. Now, I understand that in this country, disposable products are a new phenomenon and therefore people that litter are just doing so out of habit, when “trash” was all organic. Fast food came wrapped in corn husks, or banana leaves, or paper. But not now. And it’s tough to change habits. I know. But it still bugs me how nonchalantly mother and child, student and professor, vendor and shopper will throw their trash on the ground, out the window of a bus or in a ravine. Yesterday on the bus I finally did what I’ve been working up the nerve to do. The women in front of me moved to throw her trash out the window and I stuck my hand out and grabbed the trash from her hand. The woman turned around and she and her grandson were very surprised. I just looked at both of them, shook my head and put the trash in my purse to throw away when I got off the bus. Now, I understand that trashcans are not common place in this country, but they do exist. You just have to want to carry your garbage around in your pocket or purse until you find one. And in the states I think for most people this is the norm. And I miss that.

So, it probably looks like I’ve compiled a list of “reasons why I’m not happy here”. And that’s not the case. There are plenty of things that I like about being here, it’s just that every once and a while I’m reminded about good things in the states as well.

I think it was Mr. Kim in Global Studies, freshman year at Fountain Valley, who said that culture is "the way we make sense of the world." I think there might have been more to the definition, but at this point, I've forgotten it. I've had some time lately to reflect on culture, specifically my culture and how it affects my experience here in El Salvador.

I think that it's quite common for Americans to think that we don't really have one culture, because, well, we don't. So that's why I say my culture. (Even though it sounds incredibly self-centered.) But, that doesn't mean that my culture has nothing in common with your culture. In fact, I think that thats part of the phenomenon of culture in the States-and probably other countries too-we are all mixing together and picking up cultural traits of others. Sure, there are plenty of differences in our cultures, but I also think there are some common threads. The following are some of the threads that I think might be present in most/some/all people in the States (Or maybe it's just me. Or my family...)

1) We are loud, especially in public places. Get some gringos on a bus and we will probably be the only ones laughing away, telling stories and being ridiculous. I don't know whether it's just the fact that we haven't seen each other in a while, so we just want to share stories and no stinkin' bus is gonna stop us, or what. But we talk. A lot. And loudly. I don't know if it's from a desire to be heard and acknowledged or just that we automatically talk at "11". Of course if we need to, we turn it down (and on buses, you really should be as inconspicuous as possible, meaning not shouting out in English how last night you saw the hugest freakin'-insert bug, animal or creature here-that you've ever seen in your life.) But all in all, gringos are loud.

2) Related to the talking thing is the fact that, for me, if I'm hanging out with someone, and we aren't talking, it's awkward. I have a need to fill silence. (I think my fellow Americans can probably relate to this one?) Of course, some moments are fine for silence - during movies, or long car rides or if people are reading or thinking or contemplating life or enjoying the scenery. But, normally, sitting at home, a cafe or restaurant, or walking alongside someone, you chat. Because if you don't, it's awkward. But not here.

Those of you that read Alicea's blog probably read her musings on this as well, but there is no really good word for awkward in Spanish. There's incomodo (uncomfortable) and extraño (strange, weird) but besides, that.... no luck. So I don't know if the lack of a word for awkward means that people here don't feel it, or because they don't feel it, they never needed a word for it, but it's weird. What I would consider excruciating silence doesn't seem to phase people here. Maybe it's related to the slower pace of life, or just the fact that there isn't much to talk about. If you do try and chit chat with someone, it's always about the weather. Always. Because there's nothing else to talk about it.

3) I think there's nothing else to talk about because people here don't really read. I am a voracious reader. I have already read more the 60 books in my time here and I think my neighbors think I'm crazy. I will willingly spend a Saturday afternoon in my hammock just reading. I've finished two books in one day before. Now I know there are plenty of Americans that don't read, but I think that as a people we have a fear or distrust or discomfort with idle time. I think part of it stems from the idiom - idle hands are the devil's tools. This proverb has many variations and versions, but I think we have all heard it in some form. It means that you should always be doing something.

For me, my "go to" activity is reading. For other people, it's another hobby. And whether we use this saying or not, I think as Americans we agree with it. Someone just sitting around is not being productive, they are not achieving anything, they are not bettering themselves. I think that's partly why being here is such a shock sometimes. The pace of life is completely different - some days I will clean the house, wash clothes and and dishes and be done by 9 o'clock AM, and then have nothing to do the rest of the day. I try and keep busy, but some days there literally isn't anything to do. And that's okay. At least here. But my comfort zone is for me to always be doing something.

4) And last but not least, independence. I think this is a huge part of the American culture. By 18, most parents and children are at least subconsciously distancing one from the other, if not physically, then mentally and emotionally. Of course, in some families this physical separation or reduction of dependency comes earlier or later, but as a culture, 18 seems to be about that time. Also, whether you've participated in one or not, our culture is full of independent coming of age experiences - road trips, backpacking trips, slumber parties, going off to college, summer internships etc. You might not have experienced any of these yourself, but it was probably something you had thought about doing.

We value our independence and our ability to go where we want, when we want, with whomever we want. Here that is not the case. People are shocked when they find out I take the bus by myself from my site to San Salvador. Yeah it'd be best if someone went with me - but then we'd probably just sit there awkwardly not talking the whole time! :) but I've never found anyone who needs to go when I go. So I go by myself. I mean, the bus is full of other people, and I feel totally safe, but to my host mom, host grandma, neighbors, teachers and the lady at the post office, I should not be traveling by myself. But I have to. And also, I want to. I like being independent.

So while not everyone will identify with all of these, I think they might fit in to a larger "American" culture or set of norms. And if not, well, then it's just me!

I walked out of my house at 12 noon. Definitely not the best time to be traveling. The hot oven heat practically knocked me off my feet. But at least it was dry! (Extra bonus - my hair was wet from my recent shower.) So on I marched to the bus stop with my goal of iced coffee and air conditioning firmly in mind.

Now, I know that some people may have cultivated this idea that Peace Corps is without any comforts, and I for one had that idea in mind as well. (And some Peace Corps volunteers definitely still have that "few comforts" type experience.) But not me. Everyone's experience is different in the Peace Corps. (Differences are immense between continents, and countries, but even within this tiny country, the size of Massachusetts, the differences are still outstanding.)

My experience is made much more different by the fact that I am about 20-40 minutes from the 3rd largest city in El Salvador. (The time changes depending on whether you are in public transportation or private, how many people are getting on or off the bus, and what time of day it is.) So about this city. San Miguel - La Perla del Oriente (Pearl of the East, as they so humbly call their city) is a hot, hot, hot spot to be. And I don't just mean for all the awesome pupusas, great market deals, and cat calling locals. No, it's just a great place to be.

Some days I come for the market - nothing like buying all the food you could stuff your face with for a week for 5 dollars. Sometimes I splurge and buy a lot of fresh fruit and my total shoots up to $6.50. Booyah! Some days I come for the vet - Monkey needs her shots and I for sure ain't gonna give them to her. Some times it's just passing through on the way to meetings or get-togethers in other cities. And some days it's for Metro Centro.

Metro Centro is a mall. It's the only mall east of San Salvador and it's here in San Miguel. And it's air conditioned. And has cafes with wireless. I know, you are all promising yourself that you will never again feel sorry for me (as if you ever have, but I don't know why you would have.) So when I can't take the heat any more in my site, and I want to be able to sit in relative comfort while "internetting", I come to Metro Centro. And normally it's a calm, tranquil experience, where I sometimes run into students from my community, teachers from the schools I help out in or other volunteers. But not today.

Today is a game between Barcelona and Real Madrid - two Spanish futbol teams. (The crowd is currently going crazy because someone just scored. I can't see who.) So this cafe that I'm in right now, aside from having wireless, has a fairly large flat screen TV. While the women and children are out shopping, their husbands, brothers, boyfriends, sons etc. sit around and watch the game. A lot of times the women join in too, though. And it is packed right now. I can't even see the screen from where I'm sitting. The game started at 2 and I've been here since about 12:30. By 12:45 there was standing room only. Some people are just walking by and watching a little bit before they continue on to their shopping; some people look like they plan on standing for the whole game. Which, I guess at a stadium you might end up standing for a lot of the game anyway, because you're singing and cheering and participating, but here there isn't even an option of sitting. But it is air conditioned. And crowded.

But the good thing about there being something really interesting on TV is that Gringo TV is not so special today. People are giving me weird looks because they can see that I couldn't care less about the game. (I'm facing away from the TV, way in the back.) But they think that's normal for us Americans, what with our obsession for pig skin football.

So I'm here, enjoying a coffee, and wireless internet, while an enormous contingent of Salvadorans crowd around a TV for a futbol game. Gawsh it's good to be a Peace Corps Volunteer!

I step out into the "crisp" San Salvador morning. I'm here for non-emergency medical reasons and the change of climate is refreshing. I spent the night in a hotel I don't frequent. Correction, I don't frequent the capital so all hotels are new. I know where I needed to go this morning, but not exactly how to get there by bus.

I was given directions - take the number 5, it stops by the pharmacy on the corner then continues on. After it makes a turn, get off. Then get on the 44. If I could just get myself on the 44 then I knew where I was going and I would be golden. Or so I thought. I've walked the distance before to where I thought the 5 would stop and I would have to get the 44. So I thought - I'll walk. It's not a bad walk and it saves me 20 cents. (I'm so stinking frugal it might actually be bad for my health.)

The walk is all downhill, which is not nice on the knees of course, but lets you see some of the city. (Granted through smog, but hey, everything can't be perfect!) I make it to where the 44 should be. I ask a friendly drug store security guard (armed of course) where I can agarrar (grab) the 44. He tells me at the corner and across the street. I walk to what could be considered a corner (the street bends) and see a 44 across the street so I cross and get on.

I'm pretty confident where I am and the bus is going in the right direction for where I need to go... sort of. As soon as we take off I expect the bus to turn, but no luck. We keep going. We pass the Presidential House and head on out to the luxury malls on the outside of town. I see 44s going the other direction on the road so I know that eventually we will turn around - but when? Also, as more and more people get off, I realize that I will awkwardly be the last one on and the driver will wonder why I didn't just get on the bus on the other side of the street. I also wonder if the driver ends at a terminal and has to take a mandated break. (Doubtful, but the thought convinces me I should get off.)

I verify that other 44s are still passing in the other direction, get off the one I'm on and agarrar one on the other side of the street. (After walking a discreet distance in the opposite direction in case the driver could see me - of course! Man, I worry too much what people think about me!) This 44 heads back the exact same way I came. As we approach where I got on the wrong 44 I pay attention to learn my mistake. All of sudden a number 5 appears in front of us (the bus I was supposed to take, but didn't to "save" 20 cents - so much for that!). We follow the bus around a series of turns and then end up in a mini terminal area where various bus lines meet up and passengers scramble on and off busses to head throughout town. The 5 and the 44 stop right next to each other. This is where I was supposed to come.

So now I know I'm on the right 44 and we head off to where I need to go. But honestly it's not anything that I'm kicking myself for. It happens too often for it to be anything other than an adventure. Literally every time I'm in the city I grab the wrong bus, or the right bus going in the wrong direction, or a similar bus going in a different direction. And each time I see a new part of the city. These bus adventures are a great way to see the city. It's faster than walking. And I consider it safer because I'm in a bus with other people instead of on the street walking alone. (Now granted, if someone unsavory gets on the bus, then I'm kind of trapped on the bus with the person, but that could happen on any bus, right or wrong.) So while I really would have liked to save those 20 cents, it was mostly well spent. Also, I'll always remember exactly how to catch the correct 44!

I'm on a photo kick. Enjoy it!

the nice thing about having parents come visit is an excuse to get pictures of the market. otherwise I just feel ridiculous.

more market

more market - where's waldo?

and still a good kid, looking both ways before I cross the street... :)

That's it for right now. I will try and put up more photos. Possibly a video of Monkey!

I thought fetch was a universal game. I assumed that when ever a little boy or girl gets a puppy, they play fetch together. And while I didn't make an ass out of myself as the saying goes, I was wrong for assuming. My host family has two dogs, one spunking puppy, Canelo (Cinnamon) and one calmer mother, Negra (Blacky). Negra just had 5 puppies and they are doing well. I am planning on llevar-ing uno (taking one) to my new house when I move in. One, for the company, and two, to be an example of adequate pet care. Some families are definitely better than others, but very few people treat their dogs as pets. Many treat them as nothing more than an intruder alarm system that every once and a while needs food. I think that's why fetch was not in the repertoire of Canelo or my host brother David. So I taught them both.

We started with the all important stick. I picked one that wasn't too big but had a good weight to it so it would really fly when you threw it. Then we had to get Canelo interested in the stick. That involved just letting him sniff it, then I threw it, and ran after it as if I wanted it more than he did. Eventually he understood that the point of the game was to get the stick before I did and soon he was going for it on his own. Every once and a while he got distracted and forgot about the game, or chased after the stick, sniffed it, and came bounding back without it. But all in all he understood and appreciated the game. (If you'll allow me to project human emotions on an animal, as well as allow me the ability to read them!)

My host family was stupified that such activities could be done with a dog. They loved it. I also took the opportunity to explain to them that some of the "behavior" issues they don't like in Canelo - that he jumps up on them and tries to grab invisible food from their hands - come from the fact that he has too much energy. Not too mention that he is still a puppy, recieves no love and attention, and barely recieves enough food, but those are issues that are entirely too big for me to handle all at once. So I mentioned that if you excersize your dog, he will be tired, and will be less likely to jump or nip at your hand. They loved the idea and all of a sudden I found myself the official "Dog Whisperer" of Canelo. They want me to train him and exercise him and all that jazz. It's completely my own fault, and I don't mind, but as I worked with Canelo and David on the "sit" command, I remembered the invaluable words of Cesar Milan, the true Dog Whisperer. "Dog training is more about training the human than training the dog." And boy is it true.

Canelo was really quick to learn the sit command. But, he became confused when David said it a different way, or added other commands or gave harsh words as punishment for some innocous thing as opposed to a treat for the more important "sitting" that was going on. So I had to teach David as much, or more, than I was teaching Canelo. How to properly react when Canelo jumps on him, or why he's nipping at David's hand because he thinks he has food or he just wants to play etc. etc. And then I realized that I could do well with some of my own training.

It seems that every other day or so, I'm presented with some new cultural quirk that nips at my better sense and pushes my buttons. I know that cultural differences are just that, constructs of culture, and there's nothing wrong with anyone's culture, it's just different. But I think we all can identify in ourselves things that we could do better, so I think it's only natural, and okay, to identify things here that could be done better. (Also, it's part of my job to change the mindsets of people in terms of Environmental Management.) Now, I'm not going around on my soap box telling people that I think some of the things they do are... different - leaving a fan on is considered wasting energy, but leaving a T.V. on is not; dogs are neglected, and then people wonder why they have vicious dogs all over the place; plastic trash is burned left and right while respiratory problems are the number one health issue of Salvadorans; and cutting a sapling down because you don't like where it's growing, instead of transplanting it.

But, if I want to have an effect on any of these things, first I need to train myself. I need to be aware of how I feel and control my reactions. I need to check in with myself and make sure that I'm not assuming anything. That I tread lightly, but confidently when it comes to changing mindsets. Nothing comes quickly, and I most gain people's confidence before I can even begin to show other ways of doing things. And even then, it doesn't mean a change will occur, but it will mean a broading of horizons. An understanding on their part that there is more than one way to skin a cat. But first I must understand and accept the same.

It's tough, but that's why they call it culture shock. It's the incredible differences that you are confronted with, the actions and habits that seem so counterproductive to you, but everyday normal to someone else. I know that in the end my integration in, understanding of and acceptance of (and from) my community is crucial to my future success. So right now I'm adapting. I'm teaching myself first how to handle my emotions and reactions when I'm confronted with these differences. And often it's tough. I want to yell out "why are you doing that!?" "who taught you that that's the best way to do that?!" But that, of course, wouldn't help anyone. So I reflect in my journal, and I share with you all the mini-frustrations. They are, however, always overshadowed by the joys of each day. But that doesn't mean they aren't there. Nipping at my heels like the over-energetic Canelo.

Acabamos de terminar la segunda ronda de capacitación y todavía siento… extraña. I had to put that in Spanish because I think it just adds to the vibe I’m trying to express. (We just finished the second round of training and I still feel….weird.) Not bad weird, not good weird, but maybe anxious weird?

Training was great. We stayed at the ENA – Escuela Nacional de Agricultura. We lived in a house on the campus, and ate all our meals at the cafeteria. It was weird being back on a campus because I thought I was done with that lifestyle for a while. It was nice to see students relaxing on the “quad”, shooting hoops or hanging out at the little store. But the students were speaking Spanish, playing baloncesto or basquetbol, and the little store sold yucca chips and fresh mango.

Training was not as comprehensive as I thought it would be, but I guess that’s because there’s no way to become an expert in so many diverse fields in such a short amount of time. Instead, we were introduced to lots of different topics that might lead to projects for us and our communities, and more importantly, we were given the contact information of people that can help us make the projects a reality. For instance – lombriculture (worm bins!); compost and green fertilizer; home and school gardens; natural, and simple, pesticides (my favorite was the slug “trap” – make little balls out of masa and beer, place them under a propped up piece of cardboard, and wait for the slugs to come to the cool place with food, then stab them with a pointy stick!); environmental education tips; national park visits; youth camps etc. etc. It was a whirlwind of information, but really good. We covered pretty much everything on the list of activities that my community is interested in, so that’s definitely a positive. But that’s partly why I feel weird.

Now I have all this “training” under my belt, and I’m back in my site, and I feel like I need to start now. Right now. Like yesterday. I think I will begin with my own projects in my house and let the word percolate through the community that the gringa has a garden where she gets her fresh veggies, or she doesn’t have to burn her trash because she composts, recycles, reduces plastic use and takes the rest of it to be properly disposed. But I think that will still leave me feeling kind of…worthless. Not in the woe-is-me kind of sense, but the, what-the-heck-is-she-doing-here? kind. The “We thought we were getting a trained professional to come in and help us fix some problems in our community and she’s making dirt?!” I’m sure that’s an exaggeration, and I know that just living in this community and sharing my energy with the people I meet is a lot, but I just feel a little lazy.

Though, on the housing front, I have another option that just aparació (appeared) so I might be keeping busy in the next few weeks with setting up my house! So, I’m in a weird spot right now. That “hands up. breathe.” spot of the starting line. (To use rowing here instead of the traditional “on your mark” of track.) I can see a future with gardens and viveros (tree nurseries), compost and worms, chickens and fish, and a comfortable house to come home to after a good day at work. But right now, the path to get anywhere near these things is still a little cloudy. I think I just need some more time, and maybe some more pupusas.

Waking up Sunday morning, November 8th to my host mom standing over my bed with a flashlight and saying very passionately - Verapaz está hundido!, Verapaz está perdido!, Verapaz está inundado! at 3 am is not my idea of a good morning. I didn't immediately register what she was saying, so I went back to sleep to the sound of falling rain. It had been raining on and off since Friday afternoon. When I finally woke up for real at 7 am, I realized what my host mom was saying - Verapaz is buried!, Verapaz is lost!, Verapaz is flooded!. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to do.

It was still drizzling outside but, there wasn't any water on the porch like there usually was after bad rains. Nothing seemed abnormal where we were, and no one was offering to run off to Verapaz right away to help, so I didn't do anything. The power was out, and I was planning on spending Sunday with my host family anyway, so I started to help with breakfast. As we were preparing breakfast, there was a decently steady stream of men and boys with shovels and ropes and hoes heading off to go help in Verapaz. I would have liked to go, but I figured we would all go as a group later. A little while later Alicea came over and that's when I knew it was bad. Her family woke at 2:30 am and hiked to higher ground through knee deep water as the rain was pouring down. They had lost their home before (during the earthquake, I think) so they were not messing around with Mother Nature. It was Alicea's host mom who woke up my host mom who woke me up to inform us what was going on. After sitting in the rain, but on higher ground, for about 3 hours, they came back down the mountain and walked to Verapaz to look for family members. It was (and still is the house shown at second 42 is in Molineros) a disaster zone. Rocks the size of motorcycles destroyed entire houses and twisted barbed wire into pretzels. We realized later that day, while comparing stories, that what we thought were thunder claps at night, were actually rocks crushing in to Verapaz. The San Vicente Volcano, Chichontepeque, looms large over Verapaz, Guadelupe and San Vicente. The 355 mm of rain that fell in 4 hours was too much for the rocky subsurface to hold onto the mountain anymore, so parts of the volcano came sliding down.

Peace Corps began contacting us all in the early morning to verify that we were all right and where we were. Our second part of training was set to start on Monday, so all of our training class was back in the area, i.e. communities surrounding San Vicente, the hardest hit in the nation. Thank goodness that most of them had taken the opportunity to go to San Salvador for the night, and most of them were already there when the "standfast" call was made Sunday. That means that no matter where you are, you are not supposed to leave that community/city/pueblo unless told specifically otherwise by the safety and security officer. (Some lucky volunteers were taking a vacation up in the northern reaches of El Salvador, so they had to stay another night because of the standfast call!)

So we waited. We waited in Molineros, which is a 15 minute walk from Verapaz. All day long the caravan of people going back and forth to Verapaz was immense. Trucks would pass by and pick up anyone that was going to help, until the back was practically touching the ground. Other trucks were shuttling people who had lost their homes up to the homes of family members or friends in the higher communities of San Isidro and Cañas. The Red Cross and Salvadoran Army had showed up by 9 am. The rural police had already been there since day break, shuttling the wounded off to regional hospitals.

I was torn between going and not. The opportunity finally came at 4 pm, but it was starting to get dark, it had been raining all day, we still hadn't heard from Peace Corps what we were supposed to do, and I had the only charged phone with signal and saldo (pre-paid minutes) of the Molineros volunteers. (There were three of us in Molineros, two in San Isidro/Cañas, two in San Cayetano and one in San Antonio Caminas.) It was a good thing I didn't go because we received a call at 5:45 pm saying that we needed to evacuate. We were told that Peace Corps was trying to arrange transport, but some of the other volunteers were much more stuck than we were (bridges out, roads completely blocked etc.) Luckily Alicea's host uncle was heading back to San Sal (he and some friends had come to help in Verapaz all day) and they were heading back for the night. We quickly packed up our things, said goodbye to our families - and encouraged them to get out as well, because more rain was prognistacated for Sunday night.

We arrived in San Sal without a glitch, and got to the hotel were Peace Corps was putting up the evacuees. I eventually headed back to SAS (my permanent community) on Tuesday night. SAS was not affected at all by the heavy rains. We live in a relatively flat area, with the closest river many kilometers away. The closest volcano, Volcano of San Miguel, is quite a ways away so land slides aren't too much of a concern. Though, supposedly it is a very active volcano and due to erupt, so we'll see about that natural disaster!

It definitely is something to live through one of Mother Nature's shows of force. I have even more respect for the power of water, (and the necessity of trees in this country! El Salvador counts with only about 3% of the original forest cover.) It's also quite amazing the aid response. This country, though developing and small, has been able to rally people from all over the country, through the help of radio, print and television, to donate items. However, as in our country, and all over the world, there are plenty who have turned a blind eye to the situation. I know that I have done the same when other natural disasters are publicized, partly because I didn't know how to help, and partly because the natural disaster, and victims, felt so distant. This time was different. Family members of host families were lost. One municipal development volunteer (their training class stays in Verapaz during training) lost his entire host family. I've walked the streets that were being shown on television. When Peace Corps tells us we can go back in to San Vicente (the area is still off limits) I will be heading back to help in any way I can.

While I understand that if people were to let themselves get worked into a tizzy about every disaster and every victim, they would do nothing but worry all the time, I do think that we all could extend ourselves a little more to help victims of disasters. Whether it's through donating items, money, planting a tree, saying a prayer or even just telling people about it, to raise awareness, all these actions help in their own way. The relative geographical privledge that the United States has is not to be taken for granted.

What exactly is my objective? They told us during training that it would be a good idea to have objectives or a mission statement written down somewhere for us to reference back to, and see how much it changes as we continue on our journey. Every once and a while I feel completely without purpose, so I think some objectives would be helpful. According to Peace Corps/WorldWide my goals are as follows (paraphrased of course):

to provide interested (and less fortunate countries) with human capital (that's me!) to provide technical assistance in the continuing work to achieve basic needs for all members of the host country.to provide american citizens with a better understanding of other cultures through their service in other countries, as well as blogs and letters back home to family and friends (you all are helping me fulfill my second goal - thanks!)to provide citizens of the host country with a better understanding of american culture through the presence of a gringa in their community for 2+ years.All of these objectives hope to encourage peace, friendship and understanding between the US and other countries. No big deal. I think I can do that.

The objectives of Peace Corps/El Salvador and the Sustainable Agriculture/Environmental Education Program (my specific prorgram) are:

to provide technical assistance to communities interested in agroforestry systems, soil conservation and maintenance; and sustainable agricultural techniques in general.to provide formal and non-formal education in relation to the protection and mejoramiento "betterment" of the environment.So that's what other people have told me my objectives are, but what are my objectives? Right now I'm really getting in to the cultural exchange part. I'm participating in any activity I'm invited to, and I'm chatting with anyone who wants to chat - except the bolos when I go running by in the morning. They just get a curt little buenos días and I continue on my way. I've taught some kids in the school red light, green light; hangman (it highlights how awful some of them are at spelling); and a really fun version of rock, paper, scissors but instead it's with wizards, elves, and giants and the kids have to act out the parts. It's a chance to be silly. I also helped my host brother make a piñata with papier mache. The whole family was astonished that corn flour and water could be used for something other than eating! :)

So in addition to immersing myself in Salvadoran culture, and sharing a little bit of my culture, I pretty much just try to be in the community. My biggest objective right now is just to get my name out there, and hopefully a little bit about why I'm here, and what I can (and won't!) do. It's like introducing a new puppy to your herd of animals. Let the other animals sniff him and make sure he isn't trouble, and then you can start playing. I hope when I come back from two more weeks of training I can get off on the right foot and start "playing", i.e. working.

Another one of my objectives is to continue improving my Spanish. Besides emails, journaling, rare phone calls and books in English, the rest of my day is spent in Spanish. I honestly can't tell if I've had dreams in Spanish yet. While my dreams are vivid as usual, the soundtracks are especially quiet so I can't actually tell what language people are speaking. What I can remember generally seems to be a crazy mixture. Or, I'll be speaking one language and everyone else will be speaking the other. (Now analyze that!)

Another objective is to broaden the horizons of the kids in SAS. As I mentioned in a previous entry, I'm really interested in improving the environmental conscience of the kids. Not only that though, but just life in general. Personal development, life skills and goals - to enjoy reading a book, to know where to look for answers to your own questions (dictionary, newspaper, parents etc.), to dream big about their future, and then have the gumption and tools to make it happen. For my host brother's birthday I bought him the first Harry Potter book in Spanish. He's seen all the movies and he was astonished to start reading and find out all sorts of things that they just couldn't fit in the movies. I'm hoping he will keep reading and learn to love it as much, if not more than he loves television. I hope to be able to broaden the horizons of many kids in this community. Luckily, I think just being here and being different is already changing things.

Another objective of mine is fairly concrete, and that would be the creation of home gardens and compost in the homes that are interested (hopefully the majority!) It is sunny almost all the time here, they have a good, consistent water source (it doesn't run all day, but it always comes on for 3-4 hours every morning) and plenty of decent, available soil. (The soil will probably be the limiting factor here, but that's where the compost and lombriculture can come in and help.) I pains me to see people eating only eggs, tortillas, rice, beans, chicken, sausage, corn, chips, soda, coffee and sweet bread. Many people comment on my height (I'm tall here!) and say that it's all the vitamins and nutrients that are pumped into our foods in the states and that that's what their kids need. I try to tell them that I actually wasn't raised on fortified foods, just good 'ole fashioned veggies, and that they can help their children grow by giving them lots of fruits and veggies. I think home gardens and the increased availability of veggies would greatly help the families here.

So those are my goals. Also, to play Memory with my little friend Elena as often as possible. She precocious, inquisitive, makes up stories all the time (about herself), just a tad annoying, and really cute. She kind of reminds me of what I think I probably was like when I was 3 and a half. She's here now so I'm going to go off and play.

This past Saturday was a day. It was interesting, good, exciting, event-filled .... day. I was supposed to teach an English class Saturday morning but the teacher never called me to say she was at the school. (I’ve decided that instead of waiting around and looking like a fool, I’m going to have the teachers call me when they are on their way so that I can time it better. Gringo time and Salvadoran time are not the same, so I’ve adopted this system to allow me to keep my sanity.) So, instead of going to the school and teaching some basic English phrases – I’m Carol. I’m from San Miguel. Are you and your family from San Miguel? – I hung around cleaning my room and lazy-ing about.

In the afternoon we headed off to San Miguel to meet up with some of Caro’s co-workers. (My host-mom, Carolina – we've kind of been christened Carolina del Norte, and Carolina del Sur, but no one really uses that…maybe eventually it’ll stick.) Her co-workers have a fútbol team and they were going to an away game up in Morazan Department, somewhere near Perquín. Caro wanted to show me Perquín because it’s awesome, and then we would go support her friends at their game. Well, the game was actually not really anywhere near Perquín so we just went straight to the game, but it was still fun anyway. Morazan is beautiful (mountains, trees, rivers, and much cooler!) and as we got to the cancha it started to drizzle a little bit which cooled everything off nicely for the game. Caro’s co-workers won 6-0. It was a fun game because all of the team mates were cracking jokes about each other and egging each other on. And I understood a good portion of what was being said!

After the game we headed pretty much directly back to SAS because we had to arreglarse (literally arrange ourselves; to get ready) for the fiesta in which the Candidate for the Queen of the San Miguel Carnival was to be presented. But first we had to pick her up from her hair appointment in San Miguel. Each year for the HUGE carnival that San Miguel puts on, there is a reina elected. Each community under the municipal direction of San Miguel has a candidate. Saturday night here in SAS was our fiesta to officially present to the community our candidate.

So, in true style, the ADESCO arranged a dance. They hired DJ “Super Caliente” to provide the tunes, sold tickets and advertised on the local radio stations. The party was set to start at 8 pm and we got there at 7:30 to help sell tickets at the door and any other last minute preparations. No one really started showing up until 8:30, but that didn’t mean the music wasn't going! I don’t know how this whole country isn’t deaf yet. The music was so loud I could feel my jeans vibrating against my legs. I spent a good part of the night watching poor ants struggling to get away from the vibrations, but of course, they would have to walk for miles to get away from the bass. DJ Super Caliente had brought a literal wall of speakers and set them up in front of his stage. It was a monstrosity of 3 speakers x 6 speakers. At one point I was pleasantly surprised to feel a breeze inside the casa communal where the dance was being held, but as I plugged my ears with my fingers, I realized it was just the bass pushing the air. I had a mini headache the next day. I don’t know when the next fiesta is, but let’s just say I’m not really looking forward to it. =P

As Rusted Root so eloquently sings – “I’m on my way”. I presented my diagnostic findings yesterday to a room full of community and school members – teachers, policemen, ADESCO members (kind of like the city council), a nurse from the local health clinic and students. These past 6 weeks I have been interviewing community members and observing classes to get a better idea of what projects are desired in the community. After my boss from Peace Corps talked for a little bit, I gave a brief introduction of myself and then launched right in. I started with the specific data gathered from the interviews. I ended up interviewing 54 families, (or 245 people) which was my goal, but not even a 10th of the households in this community! I would like to think that my data can be a rough estimation of the community as a whole, but a 10% response rate is not statistically adequate if I remember anything from stats class. Anyhow, for the families interviewed, 60% are male-headed households. This surprised me, considering how many husbands, brothers, and fathers are in the states – but I think a couple of those male heads of households are grandpas, and it’s more symbolic than anything, ‘cause mom really runs the whole show! It’s an interesting study in women empowerment. Yes, there is still machismo, but more and more women are raising their kids all on their own and gaining incredible independence because of it.

I also covered average education levels. For all people interviewed, the average grade obtained was 5th. 20-39 year olds have an average of 8th grade, 40-59 year olds have an average of 4th grade, and 60-90 year olds have an average of 1st grade. I fudged the last set to include more ages because it allowed me to have about the same number of people in each division, and it also didn’t change the average at all to include the 80-90 years olds (also because there are only 4 of them or so). The teachers present at the presentation were really pleased to see that data set! Their work is paying off! 23 families – or 42% - receive remesas, which seems a little low from what I can tell, but I think some people had pena (shame) in telling me whether they receive them or not. More than 40% of the people interviewed are under the age of 18 (42% or 104 to be specific.)

After covering those and other statistics, I launched into the section about needs identified in the community. I was grateful to my host-mom/counterpart for helping me come up with that term. I was looking for a way to say – things to work on in the community – without saying “problems”. I think in the end it came across really objective and fair. I presented the needs that were discussed in the interviews, and then presented ideas for dealing with these needs. For instance, garbage management is a big deal that pretty much all community members mentioned. Some of the ideas generated are to gestionar (work for, or towards) garbage bins and trash pickup in the community, as well as charlas (chats) about proper garbage management, recycling, composting, and reducing use of disposable containers.

Another need that was identified that I really hope to focus on is environmental conscience. I think that if we can work towards educating the kids and the community to see their environment (in all it's physical, biological and socio-cultural senses) as something to be respected and also to be proud of, achieving the other more concrete changes will be a little easier. You can tell people ‘till you’re blue in the face not to throw their trash on the ground, but if they don’t first have the appreciation for what that garbage on the ground will do, it won’t matter how many times you tell them. One of the ways I would like to increase the environmental conscientiousness here is with trips to local natural areas and parks. I think they will help the kids see that El Salvador has plenty of places to be proud of as well as open their eyes to the reality that there is so much more (literally and figuratively) out there than they know.

I continued with other needs identified in the community – home gardens (yay for vegetables!), planting trees everywhere and anywhere (yay for shade!), compost (yay for helpful bugs!), as well as general health (yay for exercise!) I’ve offered myself up for leading exercise classes or something. The nurse from the health clinic seemed really happy about that, as well as other parts of the presentation, so we’ll see where that goes in terms of networking! In the end I opened it up for questions. I didn’t really get any questions, but I got lots of “felicitaciones” (congratulations). The police were really excited that I mentioned delinquency as one of the areas in which I would like to work. The police are under lots of pressure on a national level to control delinquency. As of the beginning of October, I believe, there have been more homicides in 2009 than in all of 2008. I think it works out to about 13 a day? Anyway, there were calls for the national police chief to step down, and calls that this is proof the new government (leftist, first in 29 years or something) can’t be trusted to do anything right because they’ve actually allowed an increase in homicides. So, now the national army has been called to start patrolling with the local police forces to try and control the situation. That being said, they are looking for any ideas about how to control delinquency from the front end, as much as from the tail end. It felt really good to share the information I’ve been gathering and have it validated.

The people in attendance expressed their gratitude for having everything so well laid out. The nurse commented that for only being here for 6 weeks, I hit the nail exactly on the head with regards to the needs of the community! And the President of the ADESCO was grateful that I was able to express everything so clearly with the needs presented first, and then immediately followed them with ideas to address those needs. I think that will be one of my keys to productivity. Every time we discuss “problems”, which is a word I really don’t like, I want to reinforce the presence of solutions. (No negative Nancys here!) That’s what I’m working on right now with the Guardianes Ambientales. We’ve been identifying problems in the community, but also discussing the causes, effects and solutions. It seems to be a really fruitful discussion.

So all that being said, I really feel like I’m on my way. I have a work plan of activities that I’m excited to work on, and I presented it to community representatives, and they seemed jazzed about it as well. Of course each person had their own “pet” project they seemed to really like, but I hope that means I will have lots of help from lots of different people on each project.

It’s almost my one month anniversary of being in San Antonio Silva, and I’m in a weird place right now. I feel comfortable, physically, emotionally and mentally, but I’m not totally sure of where I’m heading. I don’t know if those things seem contradictory to you, but to me they are. I have a fairly set routine which helps me pass the days, but sometimes, that’s exactly what it feels like - just waiting for another day to pass.

I wake up at 5:45 and go running, or some other form of exercise. Oh, and pretty much the whole town thinks I’m crazy as I run past them once, twice, three and four times, but that’s okay. Maybe eventually I’ll find a running buddy, and we can be weird together! (I’m afraid that not only do they think I’m crazy, but also scary. Here in El Salvador, one of the superstitions is about really sweaty people. The conventional wisdom if that if a sweaty person approaches a little child, they can infect the child with evil spirits… Well, if there’s one thing I am when I’m running here, it’s sweaty. I hope that because it’s so hot here, maybe that superstition doesn’t apply? Nevertheless, I generally run a little faster past mothers and children, in case she gives me an evil eye or something, warding off my evil, sweaty, spirit.) After breakfast, and a refreshing shower, I generally go out with my host-grandma and interview people in the community, or just go and chat. In the afternoons I spend time with my host brother, compile information from the morning’s interviews and plan English classes or meetings with my eco-club. And that’s about it. The trips to San Miguel, or community meetings, or wakes, or whatever, don’t come along that often. My life has become fairly regimented, but in a completely non-stressful and unassuming way. It’s really quite strange.

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel though; the busy, lots-of-meetings, light at the end of this two month tunnel. I officially have two groups of Guardianas Ambientales (Environmental Guardians) who will be the core of my eco-club. One group will meet Wednesday mornings because they have afternoon classes, and the other will meet Wednesdays in the afternoon because they have morning classes. I’m excited to have a group that I can focus on. It feels like something if starting to roll. However, I don’t plan on getting any “real” activities going just yet (community clean-up campaigns, compost piles etc), but instead, spend this time getting to know the kids and what they want to do with the club. In this way I feel half way in, half way out.

I also think I will be starting the English classes this week too. Though I’m still not entirely sure how I feel teaching English. A part of me is happy that I can provide a service to this community, something they are interested in (though right now, the majority of people signed up are teachers, and they are from San Miguel…) Another part of me feels completely unqualified to teach English, and therefore, I’m doing a disservice to them; another part of me is a little disappointed because I would like to spend my energy on environmental issues and finally, a tiny part of me is frustrated/afraid because a few people have expressed sentiments to me like: “oh, I can’t wait to learn English from you. In two years I’ll be fluent!” I’m frustrated because I don’t think they realize how much work that will be (for me and them) and I’m afraid that they will blame me if they aren’t fluent. I think I need to just keep reminding myself that in the end, by teaching these classes, I’m building relationships and gaining confianza (trust, confidence) with the people attending the classes. And therefore, hopefully, everyone will be more willing to work with me when I do have environmentally focused activities or projects.

So I think that’s part of why I’m feeling…a drift… right now. I’m one month in, spending time doing what I’m supposed to be doing – getting to the know my community, and letting them get to know me. But, I like to be busy, and I like to see progress and the fact that even though I’m meeting with people every day and getting lots of balls rolling doesn’t compute in my mind as progress. Also, I’m one month away from two more weeks of training, which will be a nice break before I really get working. But I have a feeling that when I get back, work will still be slow in the making. This is because the Fiestas Patronales of San Miguel are in late November (and since SAS is a part of the municipality of San Miguel, we get to party too.) And then the kids have no school in November and December, but December is one big Christmas Party and then the beginning of January is the Fiestas Patronales of Molineros (my training community) so I’m going back for those. Essentially, this all means that, maybe, come January I will have a more focused life, physically and mentally. Right now I feel like a quality candidate for space cadet of the month. Oh, and I’m still looking for a house.

Lately my days have been filled with classroom observations and house visits. It's really given me a window into San Antonio Silva, and I'm grateful for all that this community has already provided me.

The school is enclosed by a huge brick wall, 8+ feet high, and topped with barbed wire. It would be imposing, if there weren't the bright blue and white painted school name and crest on the walls, the trees poking over the top, and the sounds of children playing floating overhead. The school is very large. As in any school, matriculation drops as the year continues, and since school ends in November, the classes are smaller than normal. Right now there are about 800 students in the school. Next school year (which starts January 10th or so) they are expecting a matriculation of almost 1000 students!!!

There are 4 "pavilions" of classrooms. (Complexes of classrooms.) There are about 15 classrooms in the school, as well as a stage, a cantina (food stand), cocina (kitchen - where the food provided by the government is prepared and given out to the students everyday), futbol cancha, basketball court, playground, bathrooms, gardens and garbage piles, administrative offices, computer room, and the aula de apoyo. (This means support classroom, literally. It's where the students with learning difficulties go to receive extra attention. I like that they call it a “support room” here, and I really like the teacher! They also have an accelerated learner’s classroom that I'm really excited to observe.) But I digress.

Students either go to school in the morning or the afternoon. For computer classes, the students come during the opposite time once a week to receive that class. Morning classes start at 7:10 and end at 11:30 or so, and afternoon classes start at 12:10 and end around 4:30. There are six periods, each lasting 45 minutes, with two recesses, one of 10 minutes and one of 15. I think if you check, you will see that the math doesn't work out, but it doesn't really matter because no one seems to follow the schedule, not even the school director or the teachers!

Classes regularly start 5-10 minutes late, and even then, that's when everyone is sitting down – it sometimes takes a while for the lesson to begin. In younger grades, one teacher usually gives all the classes, but in the older grades, there's a science teacher, social studies teacher and English teacher that rotate. This rotations cuts out of class time as well. The topics range from the periodic table to Central American Independence, long division to why and how shadows are formed. At times I’m amazed with how basic and slow moving the classes seem, and at other times I’m inspired by the motivation of the teachers and the way they tackle their material, especially given their relative lack of resources. Some of the students are clearly attending classes for reasons other than to learn (my primary guesses include – nothing else to do, mom and/or dad make them, it’s where all their friends are anyway, and it’s a chance to get a snack.) That’s not to say that those are invalid reasons for being at school – if anything, those are the kids that I’d like to work with the most, to try and encourage them to continue their studies for other reasons as well.

I originally commented that I think this community is fairly well off, and I think on the average that is true, but if my house visits have taught me anything, it’s that as in any community there are a range of home conditions. Some people are living in fairly basic housing – packed dirt floors, wood panel or corrugated metal walls, tile or thatched roof while others live in two story homes with beautiful fences, fancy metal bars on the windows, gorgeous fruit trees and flowers etc. But even with these differences, everyone is incredibly welcoming. When I show up a new house to do an interview, it always begins with some platicando (chatting) and then we move in to the interview part. It’s just some basic questions about who lives in the household, how old, occupation, level of education etc. I also ask some questions about garbage management, whether they have an agricultural land or animals (besides the obligatory dog or cat). The interview itself usually only takes about 5 minutes, but I always give a little bio at the beginning and answer any questions at the end. The most common questions are – “why are you doing this interview/ what is this information for”, “where are you from”, “are you family of Carolina” (my host mom), “how old are you”, and, “are you married”! I love meeting the people in this community and can’t wait to continue my interviews. Hope you all are well.

It's 4:30 am and the dogs have started barking. I'm not sure at what exactly, but I can hear other dogs in the distance begin to bark to. I try to fall back asleep, the electrical hum of the ceiling fan helping with it's white noise. It's no use though, because the local radio station begins to air it's daily offerings on loud speaker to the entire community "today, two for one pupusas at the comedor. fútbol game at 2 pm. church services at the following churches..." etc. A wonderful advertising tool that I will for sure need to take advantage of at some point, but kind of a bummer at 5 am!

Today is Independence Day here in El Salvador, as well as the rest of Central America. School is cancelled for today ("summer" break is November-January) but the schools are the main participants in the parades. My host mom and I went to the school at 6 am to help prepare the food for all the marchantes after the parade. We returned home to wait for the parade to pass. The parade consisted of the school, and only the school. First the flag bearers, then the kids in costumes - traditional El Salvadoran dress, doctors, police, soliders, nurses etc. - then the littlest cachipuristas (baton twirlers), then the band, then the older cachipuristas, then the cheerleaders, then the gynmasts, then a "brigade" of students marching in their school uniforms. It was all pretty cool, especially because all the parents and teachers work really hard to make it all happen, and they parade right next to their kids, making sure everything goes alright. In this heat, they also provide them with water, wipe their faces etc. It's a pretty big event, considering. We waited until the parade passed, and then followed behind to watch some more. That quickly became walking with the parade, and then barreling on past the parade. It's weird to me to be watching a parade, and kind of participating in it, but here it's no big deal to walk right along side, and even pass the people parading. I guess it's also a little weird for me, because I know that gringo t.v. is really interesting and that I was like a saturday morning cartoon for a lot of the kids.

After the parade, and some brief words of congratulations and thanks at the school, we returned home. We watched the larger ceremonies in the capital on t.v. in the comfort of our living room. They have essentially the same thing, but in the large fútbol stadium in San Sal. It begins with school groups, gynmasts, cheerleaders, cachipuristas, bands etc. A large part of it was a parade and display of the armed forces of El Salvador. They had a fake war right there on the soccer field, complete with helicopter evacutations, cannon fire, and peace negotiations. They also had a cavalry demonstration and paratroopers! It was pretty impressive, if not a little disturbing.

After that, I passed the afternoon watching fútbol (Real Madrid vs. Zúrich) in a hammock. It really is a tough life here, but someone has to do it!

I will close here - my host brother and a jigsaw puzzle are calling me!

We've been told that we should pretend that we are auditioning for a job. This audition is in front of an entire community, and the audition will last anywhere from a few weeks to a few months. No pressure!!

I am here in my new site, and it's true. Everyone just wants to check and make sure that you are "buena gente". They want to know that you know what they know before they are willing to learn from you what you know. I have begun the process of getting to know the community by visiting the school and passing through all the classes with the directora (I wish we could gender nouns in english!). I was also introduced in front of a parents meeting. Now pretty much the whole community knows my name, but I don't know the names of any of them!

The audition seems to be going well so far - in the afternoons I go visiting with my abuelita. We visit her friends in the community. I'm slowly getting to know people. I don't think I'm ever going to know everyone in this community. I hope for maybe knowing everyone in the school. I will probably be here most of the time anyway, since Peace Corps and MINED have an agreement of certain charlas that I have to give, and considering that there are 2-3 sections of each grade, I will be teaching a lot!

Not only do I think I will enjoy my job, but I think my new host family is great. Carolina, my new host mom, wants to exercise as well as learn to cook more "saludable" for herself and her son. I've already convereted her son to whole wheat bread without doing anything! I think we are going to get along very well.

This town is very interesting. It appears that there is quite a bit of money (I saw an air conditioner unit sticking out of a house the other day) and quite a few houses have cars and computers. That isn't so say that this town isn't a peace corps town - though sometimes, even though I've only been here for 4 days, I forget that I'm in El Salvador. And then, the bachata blasts from the car radio passing by, the cows barrel past as the farmers bikes behind them, the women walk by with guacals full of pupusas balanced on their heads. I have visited the poorer people in town, but almost everyone has family in the states that send down remesas, and with those remesas they buy luxuries. Not that I begrudge them any of it, it's just interesting.

I hope I can have a positive impact on this town. Just now entering into the school (where they have a computer lab and internet) I was acosted by a bunch of niñas. They were very excited to see me and chat with me. I think one of the toughest things for me to see though is the amount of children that have one parent, or sometimes both! in the states. A lot of parents from this town, and this country in general, are in Washington D.C. and Houston.

I have a feeling I will love it here. Somedays I might want to jump in the freezer to get away from the heat, but it's all the more reason to love a bucket bath! I think, in general though, besides the heat, this is going to be a great fit. Just wait and see.

I can't believe that two months have almost passed. This week we are finishing up training and getting ready to head to our sites. Thursday we will all travel to San Sal, Friday we will meet our community counterparts, and then be sworn in at the U.S. Embassy and then Saturday we travel to our sites. I am technically in the department of San Miguel, but am also really close to the department of La Union. I will be about 25 minutes away from the city of San Miguel, which is the second largest city in El Salvador. It's nice that I will be close to a larger city where I can get lots of crazy food so that I can cook whatever I want! I will be the first volunteer in my site, which is exciting, but also a little nerve-racking. I will be working with a school of 500 kids, which is larger than my high school! Though hopefully that means that there will be more resources available to me in terms of energy and ideas from students and teachers alike.

This entire experience has still not settled in for me, I think because for me it doesn't feel like anything has started. I'm not in my site yet, I don't have my house set up - I'm still floating around in training land. I think once I meet my counterparts and move in, this whole two years dealy-bob will begin to sink in. I am so grateful for my wonderful homestay family in my training community and I can't wait to visit them again for holidays and family occasions. I only hope that I can have as good, or even better relationship with my homestay family, neighbors and counterparts in my site.

I am a little bummed because all of my friends from my training community are assigned sites on the other side of the country. The good thing is that I will be able to travel and get to their sites within one day if I want. It's also a good excuse to go and see more of El Salvador. Being close to San Miguel also means that people can get to me pretty easily as well, so maybe I will have vistors! (Peace Corps and otherwise.)

Even though I'm two months in, I really feel that this journey is just beginning. I will try and update again sometime soon, but I don't know how my internet will be in my new site. Wish me luck! Thinking of you all.

I have officially taught my first class in El Salvador to Salvadoran kids. It was an English class that I gave to 6th graders. Almost the entire lesson was in Spanish though, with a few English words thrown in, so I’m counting it as my first class in Spanish! I’ve already learned a few things about teaching.

1) I stink at time management. I planned for the lesson to be 45 minutes long, but I was done after about 30! Part of it was not my fault, as the children knew more of the verbs than I thought they would, so we flew through some of the sections. I should have had more back up activities, or just done the ones that they liked a lot a few more times. I’ll remember that for next time.

2) Kids love to get up and learn. For my English class I was allowed to pick my own topic, so I asked some of the kids in the class beforehand what they wanted to learn. They said action verbs. I decided to do TPR (total physical recall) that we always used in Señora Kule’s Spanish class at FVS. We would recite the words in Spanish and do some action that would remind us of the word. I figured for action verbs that was a no-brainer! I picked 15 verbs because there are 30 kids in the class. The verbs ranged from swim, run, and eat, to hug, cross and lift. We also played “Simon Says” with the action verbs as well as a find-your-verb-partner. I had written all 15 verbs in English and Spanish on separate sheets of paper so I could hand them out to each student and then have them all get up and find their partner. I should have played that game 700 times they loved it so much. I especially liked it because the kids were really great about helping each other out to figure out what verb they had on their piece of paper, and then who their partner was.

3) The kids were really forgiving and made my first class a breeze. I know a handful of the kids in the class either from my host family or from the group of kids that we’ve been working with in the community. They were very excited to help out and show me what they know. Also, gringo TV—stare at the gringo ‘cause they might do something incredibly interesting—is fairly popular here so getting and holding their attention is not too much of a challenge!

So all and all I think my class was a success. I guess I could randomly poll the kids to see if they remember any of the verbs to know for sure, but I was pleased with their performance in class. I clearly have things I need to work on (time management!) but I’ll have plenty of opportunities to get better. I plan on teaching another English class before we go to our own sites. One last chance to mess up in front of a forgiving audience!

Just about every single morning I’m up at 5 or 5:30. Some mornings it’s because of the cows (vacas), roosters (gallos), buses (buses), or venders (vendedores); other mornings it’s because I’m going to “hacer ejercicio” (to make exercise) with my fellow Molineros trainees. Sometimes that means running straight up a hill for 30-40 minutes, depending when we want to turn around, or doing yoga on my patio, surrounded by curious dogs, chickens, ducks and host relatives. We always invite them to join in, but no luck! “Maybe later”, they say.

If we don’t have class here in Molineros, we travel to San Vicente. The bus schedules don’t seem to be organized in any way that I have figured out yet, but luckily our host parents know exactly which bus is passing at what time to get us where we need to go. The public transportation system is privatized here like it is in Argentina and India. Anyone can create a bus route, you just need to register with the Department of Transportation. So this means that you get bus routes like 178A that go from Verapaz to San Vicente, (which is the only bus that we can take that takes us directly to and from where we need to go). The 500 goes from Guadalupe to San Vicente, but only in the mornings, in the afternoons it turns around before our stop. Waaaaay before our stop. We only made that mistake once! The 501 however goes from Guadalupe to San Salvador, completely in the opposite direction that we need to go. The 301, 302, 303, 304, 305 and 306 all travel between San Miguel and San Salvador and come by about every 10 minutes. Other buses come only twice a day. Etc. etc. etc. all around the country.

I love public transportation (as long as I get a seat!). There is something about sharing a ride with other people, seeing the country and experiencing it all together that literally puts a smile on my face when I travel. Coming back from immersion days, I had a big goofy grin. It’s a good thing I was up near the front, because I’m sure if anyone had seen me, they would have thought I was even crazier than they already think the gringa traveler is. The bus that I was on had the front door more towards the middle of the bus so there are seats right up next to the driver, essentially sitting in the passenger seat of the bus. That’s where I was sitting. So I got an almost 180 degree view of El Salvador coming back from immersion days (more about immersion days later). Most of the buses here are old school buses. Someone said that a bunch of them are donated by school systems in the States. I’m not sure, but it seems like it. You can sometimes see the old lettering on the side that says “Montgomery County Public Schools” of “Ridgewood Elementary School”. All the buses are painted fabulous colors on the outside, with lots of decorations on the inside. There is normally music on the buses, and it’s normally loud and cheesy 80s pop. I’ve gotten off the bus to Lady in Red more than once.

The volunteer that I was visiting this weekend, Emily, said that if you are an impulse buyer, you might have trouble in El Salvador because the venders come on to the bus to sell you things. Anything. Everything. I’ve witnessed the sale of chiclet, newspapers, pre-made sandwiches, meat on a stick, coconut water in bags, little notebooks, anatomy textbooks, English workbooks, salvation and chips. I haven’t purchased anything yet, but I might get some roasted peanuts or toasted coconut the next time one of those venders gets on the bus.

The immersion days experience was a four day, three night immersion in the site of a current volunteer. We did a home stay in their community, in the hopes that we would be completely immersed in Spanish and Salvadoran culture for at least 24 hours without any of our fellow gringos to fall back on. It kind of worked, except that the volunteer I was visiting lived right across the street from my host family. My family was waving goodnight and chatting across the street, but it still worked! After the home stay, I got to follow around Emily and do what she does on a daily basis. I helped her give an environmental charla (chat) which is probably what I will be doing a lot of. On Saturday I got to go with her environmental club to one of their reward excursions. We went to the Barra de Santiago, a 2.5 hour ride in the back of a truck to a beach/bay/mangrove forest area. It was beautiful and so nice to see how a volunteer is making progress with her kids. After touring the mangrove area in a boat, we took the kids to the beach. Emily had told the kids that they could tell their parents they would be extra safe on this trip because they were traveling with a lifeguard (me!). First of all, my certification expired two years ago, I was trained for swimming pools, not surf, and generally most of the people I was guarding had some modest amount of swimming lessons. It was just me, 25 salvadoran children and the Pacific ocean. The waves here are pretty serious, and there is a fairly mean undercurrent, not to mention that the tide was going out anyway. Luckily, there were some other volunteers that joined us on the beach that day, with their trainees that were shadowing them, so we just made a gringo wall and had the children play in the waves between us and the beach. It worked out well enough, but we all probably got knocked over a couple of times.

I’m so excited to finally be getting ideas about what I can do in my site. I’m having a blast seeing this country and learning more about the people and the language. I love spending time with the other trainees and my host family. I’m enjoying training for the most part but can’t wait to get to my site, wherever it may be. I’m thrilled to be here, and can’t wait to share it with whoever wants to come down and visit me!

We are currently in the throws of community based-training. Buried in one of the bajillion pieces of paper that Peace Corps sent us to read before we left was a basic description of our training. They outlined two types. One is classroom based and the other is community based. The community based one is new and only being used in selective areas. What do you know that El Salvador is one of those areas? This means that for the next 6 weeks (to make a total of 8 weeks) we will be living and working within host communities. Our Spanish teacher comes to us and we have class in a fellow trainee’s host family’s home. (We aren’t volunteers until we are sworn in.) We also do community contact activities within our host community to get used to going up to people and asking for help on such and such an activity. We go in groups so it’s not as daunting, but really, when we get to our assigned sites, it’s only going to be us, so we better be ready! We also travel to the PC training center in San Vicente at least once a week for health classes and policy and procedure training as a entire group (all 33 of us, as opposed to the 5-6 people that live in a host community.)

After two months of community based language and culture training, we are sworn in, assigned our sites, travel to our sites and move in, and make community contacts for two months. We go to people’s homes, introduce ourselves, hold meetings etc. Then after those two months, we come back to San Vicente for 2 weeks of intense technical training. This not only allows us to focus more on our Spanish at the beginning, when that’s what we really need, but it also allows us to come back to technical training with specific questions and ideas from our sites that can be shared and worked out with the larger group. It sounds like a great way to do training.

One of the community contacts that we are currently working on is an activity that lasts the entire 2 months that we are in our host communities. We are supposed to engage with a local youth group, identify a problem, or problems in our community that can be alleviated or eliminated by an activity, and then we plan, execute and “celebrate” our activity. We have found a group of kids to work with and we had our first meeting. Instead of asking the kids to identify “problems” in their community, we asked the kids to come up with their ideal community. They could draw, discuss, list, write or describe whatever community they wanted. If their ideal community is one with a giant purple elephant, we wanted them to say that. (Our group of kids ranges in age from 11-14.)

I was not expecting it to be so hard to get 20 engaged and active youth to dream. We had split up in to smaller groups to try to make everyone comfortable, and divided the gringos up among each group of kids to facilitate. Most of the children described communities with larger schools, larger churches, more soccer fields, cleaner rivers and more cars. I’m not trying to suggest that these are invalid answers, because from what I can see, this community could use all of those things, but I wanted the children to have fun and think about themselves for a while.

I guess I was expecting them to say they wanted a big park or a bike trail, or a swimming pool, or a basketball hoop. Maybe I’m placing what I think they should want on them. I do think that some of the kids wanted to say things like that, but were just shy. However, I’m also convinced that the children’s responses were what they were partly because they have never been asked to dream before.

In one of our larger-group development sessions we were talking about how it’s often hard for people with fewer opportunities and experiences to think about their hopes and dreams, especially when they are never asked that question with any frequency. As children growing up in America, we are frequently asked “What do you want to be when you grow up?!” Most children will shout something fantastic or outrageous: ballerina, fireman, president, doctor, veterinarian, blue elevator or whatever it may be. Ask the children here, and they will say farmer, teacher, mom. Again, I’m not trying to say that these are “wrong” answers by any means, because this community surely does need farmers and moms and teachers, but I was expecting kids here to be kids. And I’m sure there are kids here that dream of being fabulous things when they grow up, but I didn’t expect to receive the responses we did when we asked for an “ideal” community. I am beginning to see the reality of what we were discussing in that development session. I’m curious to see how this plays out in whatever site I’m eventually placed in. I plan on doing community visioning in my site, but I’m wondering how much of a challenge that will be? I need to start thinking of ways to get people who don’t normally dream to do so.

We will continue working with this group of kids to identify some activity they want to do to make their community more like the ideal that they created. Hopefully with a little more prodding from us we can encourage them to start thinking big.

Training has been a whirlwind of activity so far. We are currently in our host family/training sites. I have the wonderful opportunity to be my host family´s first PC trainee - I hope I give her a good impression of us. The country is an amazing place, full of great food, fruit, people and vistas. As in any new culture, there are little quirks to get used to, but one piece of advice we were given was "asi es" and I think that that is very apt to my situation. "That´s the way it is" I don´t see this little missive as a cop-out, or an avoidance of the situation, but instead, I see it as a path to understanding. By recognizing that some things and my culture and their´s are just the way they are because they are, I think that will lessen my culture shock later on. I am looking forward to challenging myself to learn more about myself and this culture every day. So far so good!

Oh, and one week down. Not that I´m counting down, but just because it´s flown by so much.

I've been checking things off my to-do list, but that doesn't make the future any more certain. I graduated in May, and I packed up all my belongings from Skidmore College. I road-tripped across the country with my friend Alicea, visiting national parks, and friends and family along the way. I'm home now, making even more to-do lists as well as un-packing and repacking all of my belongings. I'm preparing to leave for the Peace Corps so the packing I'm doing now is like nothing I've done before.

I'm packing things appropriate for semi-tropical, rural El Salvador, which is where I will be for the next 27 months.

Alicea and I got accepted in to the same program: Agro-Forestry/Environmental Education, so we will be traveling together for a bit longer ;) We will meet our fellow Peace Corps volunteers in Washington D.C. for pre-service training and meet-and-greets on July 7th. Then, bright and early on the 8th (4 am - it's a good thing we both did crew with all the early mornings!) we leave for El Salvador.

I will most likely by in an elementary school teaching environmental education. I'm very excited to begin learning exactly what my position entails, because right now, it's more of a "less is more" vibe coming from the Peace Corps headquarters.

I will attempt to update this blog as regularly as I can, but no promises!

Hope your summer is going well.Alicea and me, post-race. A teammate captioned the photo with: well, at least they have great personalities...

the following is the personal essay I submitted to the Peace Corps as a part of my initial application. I thought people might like to read it.

According to a recent personality survey I took, I am a thinker. My friends and I joke around about what that truly means, but deep down I know and embrace that label. I am a thinker. Sometimes I think too much, and every once and a while I forget to think, but at any given moment, I am probably pondering something. Lately I have been thinking about “small-ness”.

There seems to be a potent lack of small things in our lives. Large cars, mega-farms, multinational corporations, and voracious consumer appetites dominate. Many of the problems I notice around me seem to arise from an unsustainable excess. Monocultures, monopolies and unilateral actions are threatening our sustainability as a human population. One breed of cow, potato, corn, political system, finance system, pesticide, antibiotic, advertiser and market are driving the reduction of our world to one homogenous product. I see these monocultures, as I would classify them, as unsustainable and undesirable.

I understand and appreciate that some large systems are required and are often better than smaller ones, for instance – public transportation, communication, emergency relief efforts and public health care. However, not only is small beautiful, and more sustainable, but small can be wonderfully powerful. I believe small ideas and changes can have big impacts. I believe a return to the small and local is a way to alleviate many of our world’s ills. It is to that end that I relish the opportunity to volunteer through the Peace Corps within a community that could use my help.

I am prepared to be a Peace Corps volunteer and tackle a variety of challenges in my placement. As my academic record shows, I have taken quite a range of courses. I am immensely interested in the connections between and among disciplines – how environmental policy is connected with economics, geology, sociology, physics, psychology, mediation, urban development and government. Even the largest problem can have small solutions, but they are often complex, intricate and require broad support and action.

For instance, to truly address urban poverty, changes must be made to education, health care, unemployment support, housing, rural outreach, farm support, environmental protection and a host of other systems and programs. Together, these required changes are by no means small and are linked in ways that are not intrinsically apparent, yet in these links we find the keys to meaningful change. Being a thinker, I love finding those miniscule connections, those interdisciplinary associations that give you that “ah-ha” moment. The moment when you discover problem A is related with problems B through D, but within those connections, you also find a host of solutions: many of them small, yet powerful.

I'm not sure what my future job title may be, but I want to make a career out of "ah-ha" moments. I know this will require an involved understanding of many facets of life and to that end I try to learn as much as I can. I am a thinker for life.