it seems that saying goodbye is at the same time really easy (physically), and impossible (emotionally). you can never really be ok with potentially never seeing a friend again. at least, not if you're not crazy. but the question is, how comfortable do you need to be before the goodbye stops being painful? and what can one do to avoid that business alltogether? I guess on one end, you can just never really face reality and just avoid goodbyes. You can also embrace the idea, and do it with poise, or whatever word you want to use there. But in the end, I think it's all bullshit. Because in either case you're just lying to yourself. I do think though, that there are other options. I personally prefer extending the goodbye over a long period. Not physically, but psychologically. You start saying goodbye months before you actually leave, that way the actual act means nothing, because mentally you're already there. However, that does have unintended consequences almost every time. Because if you actually care about a person, that last goodbye is just as hard, if not harder, because rather than extending it, you've been building it up. Or, you cut a person off too soon, and maybe even never reach the true potential that your connection could have been, had you not spent the whole time saying goodbye. Which makes me wonder, since I have been following this philosophy for some time, how many personal relationships have I killed before they even formed? And what's the alternative? Because goodbyes are inevitable, and then the question that appears is the following: Is it truly better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?

ok, so i've had a couple experiences that i wanted to get on paper before i forget them. to be honest, i wrote them on post-its days ago, and now the details are becoming muddy, so if it all sounds boring and whatnot, well then, go read something else. i keep realizing that this blog is more than anything a record for myself, so if i seem apathetic, well it's because i am. ok, so first and foremost, it is raining. and yes, i wrote about this before, but it's getting worse. it rains with gusting winds, every night, power and cell phones go daily, and yesterday we had our first hurricane. or second. i don't know. the point is it sucked. it was as if i was in a wind tunnel. and i was indoors. water came from all sides, falling almost laterally, coming in from under the door (and i live on the second floor). the roof leaked everywhere, even though it never leaks, and every outdoor surface had at least 2 inches of standing water on it. it hailed. yeah, that's right, balls of ice fell from the sky in a tropical country. i bet it's not even this shitty in jersey, thousands of miles to the north. and the interesting thing is, for the first time i was a little disconcerted. i would say scared, because i trust our concrete house to withstand a little rain, but the lack of electricity, missing cell phone service, falling tress, and constant lightining strikes feet from my house, made me wonder if our new construction would survive the storm. actually i was sitting for some time, watching the long rebar towers sticking out of our new roof, hoping one would be the recipient of a lightning bolt, and that it would forever remain a deformed mass of iron, but i wasn't so lucky. kind of boring actually in the end. on a different note, my work is done. at least my community development business. although one story i think is worth noting. so my garden project had one stipulation: lack of participation would result in the return of materials to the project. and i loved using this as a threat to get people to work. maybe not so much as a threat, but the ultimatum had the desired effect. "get this shit done, or i take everything away and give it to somebody who actually gives a damn". and people took it seriously. except for one family, and i decided that they would not get the pleasure of calling my bluff. so a couple weeks ago, i got into a car with my buddy luis and the local community leader, and we drove up the mountain to the tiny adobe house. it stands in the middle of a coffee farm, and there is no road access, so i was forced to leave the car and walk to the front door through dense wet coffee trees. when i arrived, a 70 year old man met me with a stern look. his son had signed up for the project and then left, supposedly with no intention of building the garden. and the conversation (after all the initial pleasantries) went something like this:me: sir, due to your son's noncompliance with the project rules, i have to pick up the fencing and take it back.old dude: well, that won't be possible because it's not here. they (the family) took it with them.me: sadly, that's not going to work. if there's no fencing, then someone will have to pay me the cost, so that the materials can be procured for someone else. if you'd like, you can see the contract your son signed.old dude: i don't understand this. why do you even need fencing, i used to plant acres of cabbage without the need for any of this fancy crap. and anyway, isn't all this shit free? didn't you gift it to us? how can you take it back?me: well, to be honest, it's not free. it was given out with conditions, and those were not met. and rules are rules. that's one of the reasons this country is how it is, because no one takes laws seriously.old dude: well there you have a point.

and this is where it got interesting, because the old guy called his grandson and told him to pull the fencing out of the house and give it to me (yeah that's right, the fencing that supposedly had left with his son).after about 20 more minutes of the old dude telling me how gardening can be accomplished without materials, i dragged the roll of fencing through the farm with a stupid smile on my face. and yes, i did feel guilty for taking something away from such a poor and humble family. but i did offer them the option of keeping it and making a garden even though their son was a fuckup. but they said no. and now another family is benefiting from this material. hopefully, this will also remain as a lesson for the community as a whole, and people won't take future projects as lightly. or maybe not. at least my conscience is clean.

it's been raining daily, starting at 11 am, for almost, well i actually don't know how long now. it feels as if forever, but i know it's only been a few weeks. the point is, life has been forced indoors, and that can drive a person a little stir crazy. and since endless rain here is tied to power outages (the last two days we didn't have electricity for 40 hours straight), being indoors in the darkness is a little tough. luckily i'll be leaving soon. i think i should look at this as a test of my abilities, a challenge. to add salt to the wound, or make matters worse, or whatnot, it has become almost impossible to dry clothes (since no one here has a dryer and there isn't enough sun), and laundry isn't easy either, so i am currently going commando, and have been for days. hopefully i will have underwear for tomorrow.on a different note, my work here is basically done. this friday, we will be having our last meeting for the garden project. after seeing all of the hard work that has been accomplished, i can only smile. people have done things that i never imagined would occur so early on, implementing pretty important novel techniques. and the crazy thing is, all these practices have been working out, and so some participants have even changed their minds about organic crop production. i had a guy yesterday hand me a radish the size of an 11 year old's fist. he couldn't believe it either. i just sat there dumbfounded taking pictures. in the end though, this all pales in comparison to the anxiety of finally getting out of here. the interesting thing is, it's the same as when i left for honduras in the first place. i am excited to move on, but sad to leave. i guess it will happen everywhere i go, might as well get used to it.

ok, i'm back to pose two questions: 1. do you think that if all the time that people spend discussing theology and going to church were to be invested in something productive (and yes, that's offensive but i don't care), like learning a trade or studying science, would we live in a better world?2. is it me, or is religion inherently selfish, at least in the case of christianity, where one can only save oneself? what about saving others? and i don't mean in the sense of preaching and missionary work, but actually achieving salvation for others. self sacrifice style. like the homeboy jesus did, supposedly. even though we're all still fucked according to the bible, and unless we accept him as our lord and savior we are condemned to damnation. what kind of belief structure is that? what if i do good and live a life with no sin? what then? do i still go to hell cuz i think jesus was just some bearded dude? how does that make sense?

ok, it's not the time to rant, but i've had a long day filled with people telling me to tie a rock to my feet and jump in the ocean, cuz that would be better than not believing in god, or something. :P

seems like i'm down to a monthly update, which i guess, under my circumstances of living in the mountains is no big deal. granted, i do have satellite internet in my office, and all the luxuries of living in a developed country, but still, just go with it. pretend this is being written from the deep jungles of a forgotten land, while spider monkeys curiously watch from the canopy. soon, natives will arrive and attempt to sacrifice...ok enough of that. now i'm just getting offensive. let's get down to brass tacks, or whatever the saying is. in the last month so much has happened that i don't even think i can fit it all into this blog. not physically, but in the sense that, by the time i write a few paragraphs i'll get distracted by one of the many insects/animals/weird occurences outside my office door, and well, that will be the end of that. so, here it goes:1. panels are up and functioning. people seem happy, although i have yet to receive the standing ovation i was expecting. maybe i'll never get it. but really, who cares. at least the work got done, people have light, and now they can stay up til the wee hours watching telenovelas and rotting their brains. mission accomplished. hopefully, this will count as real experience and i can go on to be some sort of important renewable energy dude. otherwise, ill probably end up in a basement somewhere, looking at old photos, eating pints of generic ice cream, and falling asleep on my keyboard drooling into the cracks. :)2. garden's are all distributed except for a small portion, and hopefully soon, people will be eating veggies everywhere. so far, thee interest of the populace is high, although that may be a sham. i think that the true test will come at the end of august, when everyone would have harvested the last of their crop, and well...if they don't go to buy more, then that's the end of my little dream project. but for the time being, i can pretend that i have made some sort of difference. the best part tho, is that a key group of people still call me and come visit to tell me that their plants are growing well, that they are harvesting X that's THIS BIG, and whatnot. and that brings a smile to my face (i'm not sure where else it could be brought to, but whatever). 3. the rest of my work is also basically done. i have gotten myself involved in a crazy regional improved stoves initiative, but it requires little on my part, so i'm not stressing. if it works, then good, and i can take some credit for the organization of the whole thing, but otherwise, that's life, that's honduras, and that's development for ya. shit happens. 4. i have also taken two awesome vacations recently. one, i think i wrote about in the last entry, so it doesn't need to get mentioned. but about a week ago I went to UTILA to go scuba diving, which was incredible. i am now an advanced open water diver, which is pretty dope, although i'm not sure when I will actually be able to use those skills. we did all sorts of interesting dives, saw some really awesome critters (rays, octopii (i don't know how to spell that word), giant crabs, barracudas, etc), and i almost got the bends. actually, more like, i'm an idiot, drank to much the night before, got dehydrated, and thought i had the bends, but...that doesn't sound as romantic, so for my purposes, i got the bends. we also got to see a bit of CEIBA's carnaval, which was interesting, but not incredible. it was like any fair event (not fair like pretty, but like carnival, whatever, you get the point), just bigger. people stood around, ate a lot, walked a bunch, and some had the guts to dance (mostly us stupid gringos). 5. now i'm back in town, trying to sort out my life for the next couple of months before going back to the homeland. and now, we were just informed that our Close of Service date is being moved up a month due to budget problems, so i will be home much earlier than expected. which is a relief and disconcerting at the same time. the closer the date, the more i think about it, the more i lose my mind, the more interesting things here get. so it's an adventure to say the least. the good thing is, i will basically be trapped on my mountain for the next three months, which will give me plenty of time to finish everything, close up shop, read everything i have wanted to for the last few months, watch a shit-ton (literally) of movies, and just get my head on straight before going home. oh yeah, and start looking for a job, which right now sounds like a daunting experience. ok, so that's basically it. as for stories, well there are many, and it's hard to recall them without some sort of stimuli. i have met some really incredible people in the last month, some that have truly surprised me, and have opened my mind up to bigger and better things. it's amazing how in the least expected moments, things happen, and you change forever. rainy season has also started, which brings about it's own diversions. frequent power outages mean pitch black nights, which is impossible to experience in the states. by pitch black, i mean, you put your hand to your nose and it's not visible. nights when you truly can experience isolation, or even enlightenment. to be honest, sometimes, it's just downright frightening. rainy season also means the appearance of a variety of anoying insects, and other critters, that constantly remind you of their existence. for example, there are these little guys called palomillas, which swarm at night for about a week, fly into houses, into your hair, into your clothes, then shed their wings, mate, and die. it's romantic in a sense, until you look around and your walls are covered in dead insects and wings.and with that, i think i will leave you.

i think this blog is on its way out. i haven't written in months, and i my desire to write deminishes with every day. this isn't because there's nothing to write about, it's just that it's all the same. and the less originality there is, the less need there is for it to be public. but if anyone cares, here's an update.in the last couple of weeks another volunteer (by the name of xiah) and i trained 10 local development technicians in the use of GPS and ArcGIS technologies, which will now allow them to be able to better manage projects, create proposals, and explain their efforts. all in all the workshop was an incredible succcess, with people staying late almost every day to play with their new toys. we even gave out little certificates to everyone, which was a nice touch (all thanks to xiah). during this same time period, we also began distributing materials for the garden project, which has been a hot mess. apparently promises of delivery in this country (and possibly everywhere) mean jack shit, and things that i should have already given out to people, i am still awaiting with growing impatience. how hard can it really be to buy some transparent plastic sheeting and load it onto a truck? really. however, the good part is that we're distributing stuff out, people are putting up their fencing, and overall i can't complain. on a different but connected note, the project got picked up by USAID and will now have technical support for the next 5 years!!!!! bam!!!!finally, solar panels are in. being installed as we speak. nuff said.

otherwise, life is awesome, just came back from a long vacation, going to take another in may to go diving, and yeah. basically thats it. if i had stories to tell you, i would, but even the most ridiculous things now seem normal, and rarely stick out in my mind. i guess that's part of life. i don't really know how people blog actually. i understand those that rant on current events, that is totally doable, since you have an unlimited fountain of absurd material, but anything else?

ok, it seems that this blog is basically on it's last leg. i haven't written in a long time, and to be honest, i don't know if i have much of a desire to continue. i enjoy writing here, but for the last few months there hasn't been much to talk about. work is about the same, constantly busy, trying to figure out the now and the tomorrow. socially life is the same, same crew, same places, same party. andrew came here for two weeks and that was pretty awesome, and there are lots of pictures, but at this time i dont want to post them. now erika is here, a friend of mine from rutgers, to volunteer at the coop, and that should be pretty interesting as well. in terms of news, there really isnt much to say. wednesday supposedly, and i say supposedly because these plans have been changing continuously for the last six months, anyway, wednesday, the panels are coming to be installed. also, on the same day, we go to buy materials for the garden project, and hopefully that aspect of the effort will also be complete. luckily, this mostly depends on me, so there should be few problems if i can help it. if i can handle everything for the next month, all of my major projects should be in full swing, with little effort required on my part (that is if local counterparts pull their weight). this means a little travel, a little relaxation, and a whole less stress. maybe then i will write some more. but for now, that's it.

so about 6 months ago I called a meeting. close to 150 people showed up, on time... now that says a lot for a town my size, and I thought that I had had a breakthrough. you could say that i felt integrated, so integrated, it was like i was one with the town. not only was i a member of the community but a respected one, supposedly.that day we decided that the town was interested in one project in particular: vocational courses. we selected a number, 12 to be exact, from the list that had been provided to me by the local vocational institute, and we elected (from a set of volunteers), 12 coordinators, who agreed to wrok with me to make these classes a reality.today was the first meeting of many where we were supposed to begin the process of getting these classes moving (you may ask why it took 6 months to get here, but that can be attributed to a number of reasons, including the coffee season, the institute, and everything else possible). finally, we were at this magnificent point. and 4 people showed up. 4. out of 12. go figure, right? you think that after getting 150 people to show up (and i only invited 40!!!), i could get 12. fuck no. apparently integration is a lot harder than i thought. i wonder what people really think of me here...

i think this is the first time that i have gone silent for over a month. i guess it has to do with my work, all the running around the country that i have been doing for peace corps business, but in the end it's mostly been my lack of initiative. my apathy. i just didnt feel the need to write. and to be honest, i still don't really feel like it. at most i think i can say the following:every single day here is new and different. you think you know the situation, the people around you, the projects you are working on, and then one little thing can change all of that. it can throw you off your path, set you in a wild depression, make you smile, bruise you, and in the end, it all seems to matter very little. the scope is so much greater than any event, any occurence, any one person, that it's all the same. to me, it feels like the pressure has been lifted. because when you know that anything you stress about is miniscule compared to other things that millions of people have to deal with in the world, all you can do is smile, and hope that what you're doing may make a small difference for someone else. hopefully positive, of course. i know that this is pretty generic rubbish. most of it you have heard before. but hearing it and experiencing it is very different. saying you're a grain of sand is one thing, but seeing the rest of the sand box is a whole different matter. and the less you think about what you have to do, and the more you look around and feel it, the bigger the box seems.

i'm back, and this time with three minor complaints:well no, not so much complaints as commentary. i think the reason it may come off as a complaint is mostly because of my lack of cultural experience. Or maybe not. For you to decide.

1) honduran gas-less gas stations and chicken-less chicken placesWhen you read the sign SUPER POLLO what is it that you imagine? A chicken with a cape? Maybe a chicken so good you could only describe it with the word super? Well at least, you would think chicken I hope? But the last thing you would expect, upon entering such an establishment is a complete lack of chicken. Right? Unless I made an incorrect turn somewhere between the front door and the heated tray counter? In fact, I think there's a large humanoid chicken flexing his biceps out front? That I think should have been a dead give away, no?

Different situation, similar point. I'm sitting in the back of a pick-up as it approaches a gas station. Man pulls up to the pump. He waits. The attendant, currently lying in the doorway of the gas station convinience store, mutters under his breath: "No hay gasolina". That means, there ain't no gas for all of you who don't speak spanish. Then he laughs and returns to his nap like state. Would you find that shit funny? And it's the only gas station in 20 miles. There are convinience stores all over town that sell gasoline by the gallon at double the price (I'm not sure how safe or legal that is, but that's not the point), but the f-ing gas station is all out. Not that they don't have ways to call in the gas truck in advance or anything. Right?

2. Bathrooms in honduras don't always reach the ceiling. If you were constructing a house and you had a choice of having the bathroom be sealed in by 4 walls and a ceiling/floor combo OR have walls that only reach about 6 feet up and then abruptly stop, which would you choose? Because using a bathroom where the top four feet are open to all curious spectators, and let's hypothetically say connected to a dining room, is not the most confidence inducing experience...In fact, it maybe one of the most nerve racking moments of my life. Especially for something that usually only provides calm and happiness.

and 3 will have to wait. maybe there really wasn't a 3 after all.

well it's been a long time, so i think a little blog entry is in order. but i'm a little tired of the old format, the recaps of my work life and what not, so why not try something new. i will write when i have epiphanies, maybe little stories, but overall, i think it's time to chill with the absolutely inane sputterings that don't enlighten anyone. furthermore, since my family knows about all my exploits anyway, i don't have to cater to them in anyway, and the rest of you could give a shit about solar panels and gardens, so i think cultural exchange is much more important and profound. now, let's see if i'm up to the challenge.

so for a first, i want to reflect on american consumerism. not necessarily buying new things (which is always fun), but buying new things that we have absolutely no apparent use for. think about it. and no offense to any of my friends who read this, but why do you need 10 of everything. and i'm being this ambiguous because this applies to almost everything we possess. in fact, i think a good exercise is to look into your closet or dresser and analyze every piece of clothing. when was the last time you wore article A? and the time before that? if there is more than a month long period in between you should probably donate that shit to someone who can use it more often. now of course, this excludes the super fancy, the tuxes and evening gowns and things, which are for specific occasions. regardless, i bet you will find at least one thing that you don't need anymore. maybe two. and if you continue this inspection in the other areas in your house, you will find it filled with shit that you may not even know you had. and that, should make you think. if it doesn't, maybe you should reanalyze your approach to life, and existence on this little planet of ours. ok, so why am i ranting about this now. and it's true, i am just as guilty of this as anyone else, and at this precise moment i am looking at my 1, yeah that's right 1, book shelf/closet combo thing, and i realize that there is much here that i have no use for. shirts i haven't worn since i started service, pants that i have only worn once. i even have a package of undershirts that i opened, layed out on my shelf, and then never used. not once. granted they're all mediums and i'm a tiny bastard who should have thought better, but still. why are they still there. shouldn't someone put them to good use? and yes, there is a point to all of this. there occured a moment in my mind that acted as a catalyst for this discussion. and it all happened when i did my laundry after vacation. you see, when you go on vacation you bring clothes for almost any situation, logically, because you never know. so i basically had to wash my whole wardrobe, which for a peace corps volunteer should be limited to almost nothing. not in my case. after i was done, i had three clothes lines drying, and then it hit me. i looked around and saw that i was being watched by the 20 coffee pickers that my host dad had trucked in from out of town. in their eyes i could see something like envy/disgust/surprise all mixed together. nothing hostile, but it still slammed me like a dump truck. i looked up and realized that i was hanging up enough clothing for most of them to wear for a whole coffee season. and it was all mine. i don't think i have ever felt as shitty about drying my laundry as i did that day. and it still bothers me.

so, it's friday, and I just finished my first GIS/GPS workshop. and by finished, i mean finished teaching, not sitting in as a student. i didn't do it alone, in fact, i wouldn't even call myself principal facilitator or anything, but I would say I did a chunk of work. and i organized it more or less. so i'm fucking proud of myself. it went incredibly well, with 8 tecnicos and ingenieros leaving with a basic knowledge of ArcGIS and some pretty substantial understanding of mapping with a GPS. and we have the second, advanced, portion planned for january, and another 5 day workshop (for a much larger group) for february. that's what peace corps calls training of local capacities. BAM!!

it is so cold here you can see your own breath. now, usually, when you think of tropical south america you think rainforests, steamy jungle, people running around in sombreros and short sleeved collared shirts. at least, that's what it used to look like. but for the seventh day now, we have had a cold front move down from mexico (damn you mexico), and the temperatures have hovered around 12 degrees Celsius. what does that mean for all of you american friends of mine, it is around 50. but wait you say, 50 isn't so bad. and yes, that's true in the states where you have heaters and insulated houses. not so true in honduras, where there is no heat and everything is built with cinder block so once it gets cold, it fucking stays that way. for days. and what's worse is that the temperatures drop to 10 at night, or 40's, which then stays in the tiles and the walls and when you wake up to take the morning bathroom run, it becomes an excruciating experience. you can't escape it. and i thought, with me being russian and everything, that my blood would still boil at this temperature, and the constant percentage of vodka in my veins would keep me warm. well, i was mistaken. it seems that during the first few days all the vodka was used up, and now im running on just my body fat (which is around .5% according to my mirror). so basically without 3 or 4 layers, i am cold all the time.

now, with the knowledge you have just aquired, i would like you to imagine something else. imagine the same conditions but in delapitaded wooden shacks. imagine leaky roofs, uncomfortable mattresses, dirt floors, and a 5 minute walk to the nearest bathroom. imagine being 5 hours away from home, on someone else's property, for months, having to share one room with 20 other people, stuffed together like sardines in rickety wooden bunk beds that seem older than i am. and now that you have all of that in mind, imagine waking up in the morning at 5 am, picking coffee until 5 pm, and making 8-10 dollars for the effort (that's if you're a pro, a typical begginer makes 2-4 dollars). that's twelve hours of work with maybe 2 half hour breaks, and you make what a US mcdonalds employee makes in an hour. oh but, you have to pay for food, your 5 children, clothes, rubber boots, baskets for the coffee, travel (since you're far as fuck from home). and you're stuck here, because you didn't come in your own car, because you don't even own one, so you had to spend 5 hours in the back of a small truck with 20 other people, standing, while you rolled across the mountains at a snail's pace. oh and it was cold. did i mention that. and if it gets too cold you can't even pick coffee because your hands are so cold you can't feel the cherries right and you don't end up picking only ripe coffee. so you sit in your shack and pray that the cold goes away so you can afford a pound of beans and some corn...maybe an egg or two so you and your kids can make it until dinner without lunch. now, after all of that, it's important to know that the typical coffee picker in this country does this from November to April, every day of the week. and there are almost no protections on this labor, no rights, just what the people are willing to put up with. most of which, i font think i could handle for one day. all because the costs have to be kept low, so the farmer who hired them can make enough to feed his family (because he only makes 1.00-1.50 $ a pound (of dried green coffee) after taxes and costs, if he's lucky) and all of that, because the exporter wants to make a dollar, the importer wants to make a dollar, the roaster wants to make a dollar, and finally because of us, the consumers, who aren't willing to pay for quality and just treatment. and you can say, well i pay 15 dollars for organic coffee at whole foods, and that's fine, but very little of those 15 dollars goes to the producer (and frequently its not even organic), and all the profit ends up in the hands of the middle men. and don't even get me started on starbucks or wherever it is that you go to get a cup of coffee, where you're told that its fair trade and sustainable. if you want to buy into that, go ahead, but i sure as hell ain't fooled.

well it seems that I have gone from writing almost every day, to writing once a week, and finally, now, to once a month. and I know its my fault because well, who else is there to blame? but for the time being there isn't much to say that hasnt been said before. work is coming along, with nothing exciting going on. i am supposedly giving a GIS workshop next week to a bunch of tecnicos, so if that happens, that should be a pretty good step up. otherwise, my dad just came, and that was pretty incredible. we climbed the tallest mountain in honduras in 9 hours, with enough water just to get to the top. it was grueling, painful, and all around awesome. most people told me it was not possible in 1 day, but bam, we were down off the mountain by 3 30. as for the rest of our adventures, we cliff dove, swam by a waterfall, hiked coffee farms, ate delicious seafood soup, swam in the ocean, and did a little bit of everything (and somehow i managed to work almost every day as well). so i think overall the trip was a success. next is the brother in january, so i'll see how that goes. the weather for now is crummy, with rain and cold temperatures all day. doesnt really help keep the mood in check, since this is about the time when everyone hits their second strong depressionary slump. i seem to be doing ok for now, but its hard to maintain oneself animated when everything is either on hold or going wrong. but hey, that's life, and if you can't deal here, how the hell will you deal when your career is on the line. right? well, that's basically it, if i think of anything else, ill be back, but i dont know when.

So, today I had a breakthrough, clear evidence that I am doing something right in terms of Peace Corps goals. I successfully transfered organization techniques to a group of people. To the max. And here's the short of it:I have, in the last few months, organized a local group to participate in vocational courses (a little over 100 people). Now, most of the classes are planned for after the coffee season, but one was done this past week (Preventative Veterinary Basics). We had been planning it for almost a month, and although we had a few setbacks (one week the technico never showed up, the next the owner of the ranchito where we were going to do the class canceled), the course went down without a hitch. I had organized the whole thing, with help from a local coordinator, but the goal was for him to do the organizing. However, since we were in a rush, I thought it best for me to have a role. Well, now it's clear that I will not be necessary in the future. The people from the vet class have already planned another course with a different coordinator, and they already have the transportation, food, and housing lined up. So, BAM. The rest of the mini-class groups will get a little warm up training for me on organization of this type of vocational class, and then they will be on their own. Let's just see if this works out. But thats 1/1 so far. :)

so i'm sick, and it's cold and wet outside. a perfect opportunity to write about everything that is worth writing about, which i guess changes depending on the reader. in this case, i'll just go ahead and write about whatever.

1. halloween - so my favorite US holiday was spent this year in Copan Ruins, with about 150 intoxicated volunteers. that is an estimated number, but I definitely think we were up there. PC guatemala was also represented, so that probably even further added to the chaos. and overall it was pretty awesome, if you ignore the fact that on the morning of the costume party i woke up with a sore throat and a fever. by the time the actual even happened i was feeling completely awful, but i still braved the night, put on my chilean miner costume and made an appearance. that only lasted an hour though, as with every minute i felt my sickness bearing down on me. by 11:30 i was ready to go home, and i said my goodbyes to my booing friends, and went home. however there were some highlights to the trip a. the canopy zipline was incredible. its about the closest thing to flying that i have ever tried, and it was quite an experience. some friends took photos and video, so if those ever hit the internet, ill be sure to link there. b. the copan hot springs are incredible. tiered pools. mud bath. natural massage. rainforest. what else can you ask for. and it mostly made me feel better until we hit the road on the way back and our jalon took twice the time necessary, while it got dark and really cold. that probably didnt help my whole sick thing at all. c. the food was incredible. we ate in as many places as possible, but the main point is that what we ate was rarely tipico. we had steak/avocado/creamcheese/focaccia sandwiches (which for some reason was called a red neck), breakfast burritos, three course meals, and all sorts of other fun things. i would go back just for the food. and not too expensive either, surprisingly.

2. work - well work and projects are coming along. garden meetings are over, and we still have 30 spaces for local families, but there are a few communities in the mountains that are interested, and if their leaders are willing to get trainings with me, then they're in. i have also been thinking that i may just do the leader/participant trainings all at once, two birds with one stone style, and that way save some time and ensure a little more transfer of info. we'll see.

worms are doing great, and it seems that this season i may actually do what i promised last year, depending on funding, which has been promised, but is delayed, over and over again.

the vocational courses are on hold, mostly because of coffee season, but also because of inefficient management on the part of the instructors. apparently they don't manage materials lists for their courses, they just remake them every time (by hand, with paper and pencil), even though they basically stay the same except for actual quantities. they also don't have them in digital, meaning that i have to go to see all of the tecnicos individually, and convince them to give me the lists. regardless, its a big clusterfuck, but understandably so. however, a few organizations have shown me interest in supporting the classes, so once i have the lists of what needs to be bought, i can start begging for money, YAY!!

finally, i have this new idea, which i have been toying with for some time. something about a conference. but since i havent ironed out all the details, im gonna hold off on talking about it until i have everything set.

other than that, that's basically it. lots of reading, lots of watching HBO, some work in my model garden (which is on pause now that i'm sick), and some working out (also on pause). Pretty boring, no?

in fact, this whole blog thing seems pretty lame for the time being, since nothing of note is happening, and the only people who seem to read it are my family. and i talk to them on the phone. so, im gonna take a break.

So I decided that I don't feel like writing much, and thus, I will tell my story in pictures. Or at least, the parts of it I can tell in pictures.

They're all mixed, so just bear with it.

Pic 1: This is Rene, he's one of my garden project community leaders. He's standing next to a compost bin he built himself of his own volition. Kick ass.

This is part of Don Neto's garden. Everyone's is doing very well, so there are a couple of these pictures. It seems for the time being that I taught them well, at least some of it. The rest they knew quite well already. In fact, maybe I didn't teach them anything at all...

Pic 3: Ok so this flower I thought was awesome, especially because of it's constant erection.

Pic 4: This is what that coffee that I picked looks like now. More or less. Mad dry and mad tasty :)

Pic 5: This is a tomato plant at Arturo's model garden. Only 3-4 weeks since transplant, and it's huge!!!

Pic 6: This is a refrigerator that was converted into a compost bin. Yeah that's right, take that recycling.

Pic 7: Beats. In a model garden. I don't know, I'm proud of them. Kind of like grandchildren almost...

Ok, that's it for now. Oh, wait, one story.

So I went to meet with one of the communities participating in the garden project. 25 families in this particular town had signed up, and I went to explain all the details of the project and to get them to sign participation contracts with 4 little rules. Well, we started talking and one woman asked me about the distribution of her garden, and whether or not she could put one of the rolls of fencing to use for something else. Now, the point is, every family gets one roll. So i asked her how it was that she figured that she would get two. And her response was that she had two families living in her house (her's and her daughter's), therefore she should get two. And it turned out, that many families had signed up as 2 or 3 in order to get more material. So 25 turned into 12, in about 30 seconds. I didn't know what to do. I had never seen this before, not in any of the other communities, and no other place was so daring as to try to illicit more than they were intitled to. So now I have some extra spots open, and I'm not worried about filling them, but I was shocked. And they were all clearly explained to at the beggining that it was 1 roll per household. Apparently to them, a daughter who gives birth at 16 and stays living at home is considered a separate household. Since when? And how come no one in any of the other communities with their 10 children ( and even grandchildren) per family thought so...

yeah, that's it. it may not seem like much to you guys, but i felt cheated. but hey, you live and you learn. now, i'll make sure to make those kinds of things much clearer for the future. :P

Ok, so first and foremost, this is my 50th entry in Honduras. Or at least, I think so. Regardless, let's just get on with it. Life is awesome. For now, I think that's basically it. Just had my mid term visit, where my my PTS, or Program Training Specialist, AKA boss, came to check out my work. We ended up sitting in meetings the whole time, but it was an awesome time, lots of future work got planned, some strong working relationships were formed, and all-in-all, I think it went well.

Work-wise, things are going well, although currently very slowly. Proposals are awaiting approval, solar panels are coming in December, and the coffee season is slowing things down all over. But, it all comes as a blessing, since I'm definitely in need of a break, and I can use the time to get involved in other things, smaller but equally exciting projects, and in the end stay equally occupied but less stressed out.

Oh, and the coffee experiment is moving right along. Although I'm not sure how it will turn out, because it hasn't been really sunny these days, and the coffee is drying in the shade, which may damage the quality. I guess I won't know until it's all over anyway. Here are a few shots of the process.

So I have decided to start a little experiment, and I think it should be interesting to see how it all pans out. I will make a cup of coffee from scratch, and I mean the scratchiest scratch. I will pick the coffee, dry it myself (se llama cafe melado), depulp it, roast it, grind it, and finally drink it. I thought this would be easy, but after starting yesterday, it seems it may be harder than I think. For two hours I picked coffee in my host dad's farm, and only picked enough for a third of a bucket, which is worth 10 Lempira, or about 50 cents. So 2 hours of work=50 cents. Pretty good for a university grad (one redeeming fact is that only a small portion of the coffee is ripe enough for pciking, which makes the process much longer). For now, its drying, so we'll see what happens. Here are some photos.

So, I will keep you guys updated with the progress of my beans. Let's see if I can make coffee. Maybe at the end I can even plant a few, making the cycle complete.

where do i start? there's so much to say since i last wrote, but to be honest, most of it is pretty boring so i'll summarize what i can, and then drone on about something that some of you may find interesting. and if not, well fuck it, at least i tried.

work is good. i've been busier this month than ever before. i usually have 1 training session (for farmers doing organic model gardens for my food security project), 1 meeting, and 50-100 phone calls to make ever week. i think 80 in one day is my record currently, but as my CCC grows (that little organization that i organized for community-wide development projects) i have to call more and more people for meeting reminders and things. the solar panel project is getting into it's final stages, with all participants in agreement, the mayor's approval signed and taken to the bank (that's almost 90 thou, baby!), we're ready to install by december. 43 systems in total is the final number. 6 public buildings (3 schools and 3 community centers) and 37 houses. not bad right? gardens are good too. so far over 180 families have applied for the project, and still i get daily phone calls and house visits, looking to sign up.there's more brewing, but i'm gonna let it go. i don't want to bore you guys just yet. anyway, the whole point of this thing today is that i want to share a little cultural idiosyncrasy that i have recently discovered. to be honest, it has been a running theme in my peace corps career that just recently showed its ugly head, and made me realize something absolutely fundamental about the peace corps experience. it's all about trust. confianza. when we started training, we heard that word a lot. but many of us, including myself, brushed it off. "it can't be that hard to get people to trust you enough to play with their lives," we all thought, "i mean, we're here to do good things, right?"and when i got to site and found myself welcome in everyone's house, smiled at by every passing individual, and apparently loved by the people of my community, the concept of personal trust drifted further and further away from my mind. but over the months that i have lived in Honduras, in my community, I have come to see how important confianza really is. And how to get anything accomplished on a community level you need to earn your stripes. 1 example. meetings. when i started in capucas and called my first meeting of the 42 current organic producers of the cooperative, only 7 people showed up. Now, when i call a meeting of 10 people, i get 10, or if i call 30, i at least get 25. sometimes people bring friends and i even get more than i awaited. and it's not like i'm giving out free cookies or something at these shindigs. apparently these people care about what i have to say. :P2 example. politicians are notorious in this country for absolute corruption and failing their constituency. look at the roads. or education system. or energy system. or...well you get the picture. and the people know this. but they still vote, argue about issues, and the politicians keep making promises. what's interesting tho, is that most people have a very conscious distrust for any statement made by politicians. and sadly, this mistrust is then transferred to other public figures, government employees, NGO workers, everyone. because when someone shows up at your doorstep promoting something, you always ask, "what's the catch?"3 example. and this is the recent one. so, for the solar panel thing, the price per system went up. had to do with the bidding for the installation, but i won't go into details. the important detail is, it went up, 25 dollars per system. to you that may seem insignificant, but when your yearly monetary income can drop below a hundred dollars (thats 28 cents a day), its quite a chunk of change. and to no surprise some people were pretty upset. angry to be honest. a few even accused me of taking that money for myself, and using it for personal benefit. how do you jump to that conclusion? i mean, look at me! i'm harmless. and i had just spent 7 months working on this project, coming up there, talking to everyone, really, is that necessary? and at first that was my reaction. and then i realized, it's not their fault, it's cultural. so i went up there, had a meeting with everyone, and answered all their questions. and you know what? not a single complaint. it's all about trust. and showing all your cards. complete transparency. and that throws people off, because they have different expectations. they think that no matter what you say, there's something you're hiding. but if you're honest, and give everything you've got, and show that you are willing to sacrfice yourself for their benefit, the whole mentality changes. attitudes flip, frowns turn into smiles (yeah i used that cliche, so eat me), and the whole situation appears to morph in front of your eyes. this doesn't mean that everyone in town is willing to give me their first born or anything. people aren't trusting me with their finances. but at least for the basics, people care. and when i speak in public, they seem to listen at least 40-60%. and that's heavy. pretty awesome.

yeah i think that's it. i wrote this in two sittings, so some of my energy changed as i wrote. regardless, you're gonna have to live with it.

i left my house today to do some GIS work for the cooperative, a project that I have been involved in since I arrived here in site. the work involves mapping each parcel that pertains to certified farmers, in order to be able to demonstrate to inspectors the extent of property, locations of letrines, garbage cans, etc. usually its pretty monotonous, with hour long hikes along perimeters of fairly boring farms, with parts as steep as 45 deg. the climbing of the hills could be fun, but there's usually little scenery, and too much of one's concentration goes towards trying not to fall on one's ass. However, today, well today was different. In fact, it was one of the most incredible experiences I have had in Peace Corps and maybe in life. Def top 25. If there was an MTV special on the life of DIMITRY this would be in there, with some comedians joking about all the little adventures. Regardless, here's the story, I know I won't do it justice but hey, whatever.

we started the hike at the entrance to the farm, a small grove of cedars that my host uncle has been cultivating for years now. the maderables, or timber yielding trees, are a hobby of his, and the whole property is covered in various species, with ceibas, cedars, guamas, and many others. most are juveniles, with only 2 or 3 years of growth, but still, they are already reaching 30 feet in height. as we crossed the grove, i realized that the incline of his land was even steeper than expected, and soon enough we were slowly falling (you could not call what we were doing climbing or walking) down the steep clay terrain. the close we got to the river that borders his property, the steeper it became. at the end, a 75 degree incline prevented our decent, and we climbed through trees and down vines to arrive at the riverbed. here the trip became much easier, and much more beautiful. as we walked along the rocks we entered an almost pristine forest that my uncle has been preserving ever since he recieved the property from his father. and it was forest then too, so at least 80 years left untouched. it looks as jungle does in indiana jones movies. deep underbrush, tall tropical trees, filled with butterflies, beetles, and a spongy floor, as soft as a sleepy's matres (leave off the last s for savings, lol). we then turned onto a small stream that runs through the forest and marks the border of his property. now we were really in it, climbing over fallen trees, getting caught in vines of all sizes, and finally we arrived at a natural spring that my uncle is extremely proud of. to be honest, it's quite incredible. water comes out of the rock, crystal clear, with a sweet flavor like no other water. he's thinking of building a small pool there for tourists, so maybe if any of you come visit, you can take a swim in it one day. we took a drink and continued walking. as the stream cut deeper and deeper into the rock it became a dark tunnel, with vegetation above and cliff faces on both sides at points 5-10 meters tall. we reached a point, and my uncle said, "you know, i have never, in my life, walked past here. i know there is a small pool up above but i dont think i have ever seen it." and he was right. but it was no small pool. as we reached the clearing we found ourselves staring at a waterfall and an 8 foot deep, 10 foot wide natural pool, with a small underwater cave going off to the side. it was paradise. we sat for a moment and then the clothes came off (til boxers, don't worry I'm not gettin naked just yet) and we both dove in. and although the water was freezing we swam for a good chunk of time, trying to touch the bottom, diving into the cave to see if we could touch the walls. it was absolutely incredible. once we were out and dressed, we began the ascent towards the road and the end of the property. but we underestimated the true path of the stream, and found ourselves clinging to vines and climbing of completely vertical cliffs. fallen trees were our bridges, small seedlings and rocks our handholds, and luckily our rubber boots held tight to the slippery walls. within a few meters of the first pool we found another, equally deep and large. we continued further to find other little waterfalls, small draps of 5 feet. the whole place was unreal, very cinematic. as we reached the top we realized that it has started raining a long time before, but due to the thick canopy we had not felt a drop. in the end, as we walked out of the finca, we were soaked, smiling, and chatting happily about all of the trips we'll be taking to the pools now that we know they're there.

i think however, the craziest part of the experience was that it was somewhere so close to home, yet completely unknown to me and the owners. how do you have property and not know every inch of it? but i guess you learn something new every day right?

new photos people. go to the my photos link to the right. peace.

its funny that i always want to start my journal entries with "its been a while". its as if i feel guilty to you guys, even though this blog is for me as much as it is for you. regardless, my bad. its been a while. maybe im actually apologizing to myself? anyway.

life is the shit. hands down, all is good in the hood. 100%. well maybe not 100%, but close. so let's see...

it seems all the projects i'm working on, from small to big, are making progress. and that's pretty excellent. the worms are alive and well, making fertilizer and living their happy lives of food and sex. they seem happy in their pulp beds, although if i could find some sort of worm viagra i would be real happy too, they need to munch less and bang more. i wish i could tell them. i guess it's my fault for not following a basic rule of ecology. but hey, they're alive and making the best organic fertilizer around, so i'm content.solar panels are moving along full swing. we collected the first half of the household contribution from all the participating families. that money in turn will be passed on to the contract bid winner, a company that will install the systems up in the mountains. now all that's left is to train the community members in organization techniques, community energy system management, and solar power basics. i think we will also be setting up the monthly bill structure, training electricians in the town, and well...kicking ass. 44 families, 6 public buildings. that's pretty awesome. in november the panels come, by christmas they're all installed, and by new years i can celebrate. the garden project is also doing it's thing. all of it got a little hectic when USAID tecnicos told me that they are on contract only until Sept. 30, so that means that we need to try to collaborate as much as possible, and have mad training sessions, while the connection exists. supposedly these contracts are frequently renewed for the next cycle, but i don't want to count my eggs too early. so we are going to be doing 10 model gardens, paid for in part by the mayor (supposedly, not confirmed yet...so cross your fingers) and by USAID (trainings, maybe seeds). we just did a day in the field with the latter, viewing some of their installations in other communities, and it seems like they will be an incredible ally in the achievement of our goals. and then there's always the work with the cooperative, which is moving along slowly but surely in the background. the gps mapping project is rolling again, and now i have trained two local youths how to handle a GPS, so they're pretty much doing it without me. i still make the maps themselves, but i think i'm going to try to teach the basics of some of the locally available software to them. otherwise, there's the upcoming certification in sept/oct, an ecotourism project that's in the works, and the constant effort to improve production techniques among the coffee farmers. i have been somewhat slacking on the last one, but then again, we do talk about it a lot casually, so maybe i'm making some sort of small impact. and i think that's that for work. sounds busy, but it's really not so bad. i still have plenty of time to see my friends, share experiences, eat some non-campo food, and maybe go out once in a while. so not only do i feel productive, i also enjoy quite a large amount of freedom. this may be a fluke though, and the whole thing will come crashing down one of these days, but i'm staying optimistic. so far it's only been getting better every day.

so here's the break down, ill make it short and sweet.

news:solar panel project is moving, money about to be collected, panels should be installed by december, and 45 families, 3 schools, and 3 churches, will have light. for 20 years. sweet right?

worms are about to get a 1,500 dollar investment for structural improvements, so...sweet right?

just started a garden project that will benefit a possible total of 2000 people directly. thats right. 2000. 200 home gardens, with an average of 8-10 people per household, so...sweet right?

doing mapping with some local youths, teaching them gps usage, and maybe some software stuff later once we get to that point. kinda sweet right?

started working with the local school on their garden, so we'll see where that goes. not sure how sweet it is yet, so we'll hold of on our judgement.

organized a group that consists of all of the community leaders, and we started planning community projects at the whole community level, not just neighborhoods. so that's pretty dope too.

a week ago i was told that i dance like a latino. take that all of you who have ever told me i can't dance. these hips don't lie bitches.

and for the time being that's it. im not in a mood to write much, but i feel obligated to share, so here it is. questions?

ok, so time to dish it out again. this time, i think i have found a way to keep my thoughts in order, keep them fresh until i write again here. i have started jotting one or two word notes, little memory-joggers that allow me to reflect upon the whole week, or at least the past few days. in this case there are three topics, three little vignettes that you guys can enjoy, or not, depending on your disposition. i'll mix it up too, that way the serious stuff is nicely sandwiched between two nicely toasted funny stories, or at least, funny in my mind.

size 32 pants-

ok, so this is a new crusade of mine. it's hard to say when it began, but I had never known the true extent of my situation until i actively began to search for a pair of jeans last month. you see, peace corps teaches you that owning two pairs of pants, both dirty and torn, is ok, because when you live in the campo you don't really need much else. but if you ever want to go out, get a bite to eat in a nice establishment, goo to a meeting with important NGO people, you always feel out of place. and to be honest, at first, i was damn proud of being a gringo from the campo, and showing up dirty to a fancy restaurant was somewhat of an honor. but now, well, now i want a clean pair of jeans to go along with the rest of my wardrobe that frequently doesn't really match with a pair of cow-shit-stained jeans. anyway, so i went jeans shopping in santa rosa, and that is when i first got a taste of the phenomenon that i will now call the "32 dilemma". you see, no matter what brand of pants, what style, what width, all of the jeans that are sold in santa rosa, are 32 length. that's great for anyone of that size, the world becomes your infinite oyster, but for the rest of us, the 31s, 30s, 28s, and well, anyone other than a 32, that's a problem. the funny thing is, i don't really know many hondurans that are taller than me, in fact, i don't know any, which means that not a single pair of jeans that a honduran dons in his existence, fit. at least not at first. what i was told by all the sales people is that everyone gets them tailored to size, to which i raised an eyebrow and all i could ask is...people tailor jeans? well apparently they do. but i wasn't ready to give up just yet. i thought, maybe it's just santa rosa, its a tiny town, and it actually makes sense that the stores wouldn't order anything else. when everyone fits into your one-size-fits-all pants, and they can just be altered, there's no problem right? so i thought, i will go to san pedro sula, the industrial capital of the country, and try my luck at the mall, where therich of honduras go to shop. they still have cheap pepe jeans there, and they should have different sizes because, well the rich would never put up with that kind of shit. and guess what, i was not only mistaken, but to such a degree that i was blown away. i tried 5 stores, 2 of them major international department chains, and only 1, just 1 had pants in different lengths. except that they were levis, and for the low price of 70 dollars a pair. now i earn maybe three times that in a month, so, levis were out of the question. finally i gave up, went home pantsless, or just dirty, and decided that until both my pairs of pants disintegrate i will never buy another pair of jeans. so yeah, thats that.

-jealousy

ok so this is the serious topic, but i will make it short. so for those of you who know me, i am not a jealous person. i could give a shit. i'm sometimes envious of other people, but it's usually brief, and i come to my senses quickly. but there is something in my life here which somehow every time strikes a nerve. and it's totally silly to even think this way, but i can't help it. so basically it's this, many peace corps volunteers are super busy. and it always flips on the envy switch for me to maximum. i want to work. i want to work all the time. and right now, i basically am busy maybe half the time. and to be honest, it's horrible. its suffering for me. im here to work god damn it, and frequently it just doesn't happen. so i feel guilty, which then turns into envy, which makes me feel worse, and finally i snap out of it, but it always leaves this thick residue in my psyche. i guess it's motivational, but regardless, it sucks. that's it, just wanted to share that.

-acid

ok, so this is a story so rediculous and absurd, i thought it worth mentioning. so i'm at a hotel in santa rosa this one time, and i'm sittin around with my friends, gettin ready to go out for some pizza. i open the door to go into the hallway and i am hit with this smell, something heavy and acrid, and i look down to hall and find myself staring at pools of liquid that are, like, steaming, smoking, or evaporating in a visible way. regardless the shit is so toxic, that it fills your mouth, your nose, your lungs, and it feels as though it is burning you from the inside out. you can almost feel your cells screaming. so we all jump out of the room, slam the door, and take another connected hallway to the stairwell. as we arrive we find some cleaning women looking at the hallway as the tiles seem to melt away beneath the pools of noxious liquid. so i figured, i'd ask, maybe they know whats going on.-so what is that stuff?-its acid.-umm...what's it doing on the floor?-well the floor was dirty, for quite some time, so we figured we'd get it really clean.by the way this is all said in a very matter of fact way, as if regular cleaning supplies are out of the question, and an old fashioned floor washing just doesnt exist-what kind of acid?-just acid, what does it matter.-what about protective equipment, we almost suffocated when we came out of the room, and you guys are just chillin in it?-no we dont need that, its fine, no worries, move along. so yeah, and thats how it ended. we got back that night and the floor had that typical acid slick on it, with our shoe soles slowly melting away with every step.

time to resume the old format, get back into the groove. i'm back bitches. that's all i got to say. in all meanings of the term, or phrase. i am back in my site, after some large amount of time away, and i feel like my batteries have been truly recharged. the trip to the states left me a little burnt out, even though it was supposed to be a vacation, so my 4th of july escape was necessary. so before i go any further, lets talk about that.honduras only has, to my knowledge, one micro brewery, located on the shore of the largest lake in the country. D and D brewery, in Naranjito, is a gringo oasis, with hash browns, blueberry pancakes, tasty beer (apricot, raspberry, pale ale, you name it), a pool, and well, the isolation and freedom that some of us look for in a country where everyone and anyone knows your every move. so we let loose, hung out with some peace corps nicaragua people, and had an amazing time. but i think the highlight of the trip was our trip to the nearby waterfall, the name of which i can not recall at the moment. i can't go into too much detail at this moment because my dad will be visiting and i want it to be a surprise, but i tell you this, if you want to do some crazy shit in your life, come to this waterfall. its not hard to find. alright moving on, back to life in capucas. first and foremost, i sold my horse. he is now in the possession of a long distance local family member, an uncle or something, who is actually a horse trainer, and has the property and resources to truly take care of him. so i'm happy. well to be honest, not happy, but i think that will take some time. it's like giving a kid up for adoption, you feel like a douchebag, but you know it's for the best. it's gonna be weird not to have to wake up at the ass-crack of dawn to go feed him, but hey, more sleep means a much happier relaxed demetrio. as for work, i think i am slowly getting what peace corps is all about. these coming months i plan to organize everyone here into one meeting, just to sit down and talk and recognize that we all have common goals. because in the end, that's what's holding people back. everyone thinks that all work thats done at the end is for someone's personal benefit, but that's not even remotely true. and as they say here, "un pueblo unido nunca será vencido" - a town united will never be conquered or beaten. and it's true. nothing can be truly accomplished on a community scale until at least everyone knows what's going on. and that's the start. after that, well, we'll see. maybe things will work. maybe they wont. and if they dont well, i'm gonna go buy a guitar this weekend, which should take up some time. alright, for the time being, that's all i got. i had things i wanted to write about, but they escape me at the moment. maybe if some of you readers were more active i would be a little more descriptive.oh wait, one thing. i've been thinking about this a lot, i have been advertising it to everyone, and now i put it out here publicly: read the book SHANTARAM. it may change your perception of life, the universe, and everything. maybe. it sure did for me. i'm still not done, but i'm close, and, well yeah. check it out. let me know what you think. i will start writing more as well. that's a new goal. put down my thoughts, not just commentary on whats going on. alright, so yeah. im done.

ok, so long time huh? well i'm back, back to the blog, back to honduras, back to my life for the next year and change. i spent 2 weeks in the states, which I guess requires some comments, thoughts, reflection, whatever. my brother got married, which was incredible, so congrats big homie. the wedding was held on his property in the middle of the redwoods, a simple but beautiful ceremony, with friends, family, and many wonderful people I had not met before that day. we had spent days preparing, putting candles everywhere, stretching lights between trees, decorating, and everything else that is part of a faerie woods wedding (if you know the bride, you get what I mean). i think this was the first time i had ever partied with my brother on this level. at least, we had never done the russian kicking cossack dance together before, and well, my brother split his pants, so it must have been good. all of you who have my facebook can see the pictures, and giggle. i wrestled two people, won once, jumped on my dad, and had a rowdy time. but hey, its a russian wedding, what do you expect. although interestingly enough, more tequila was drank than vodka, which i guess is a sign of our slow but sure personal development. as for the rest of california, i spent much of it eating. everything. sushi, steak, sandwiches, cookies, ice cream, bacon, everything. i gained 5 pounds. which is awesome. although to be honest, when you are as food deprived as I am, you begin dreaming about flavors, textures, everything, and when you finally get there, it's never how you imagined. i guess my mind makes better grub than professional chefs do, too bad i can't make it all materialize. but i did thoroughly enjoy all of my culinary excursions, so no complaints, and thanks to all who provided me company (you know who you are) . and after a week of running around like a mad man, i changed states, went to jersey, and kept on running. much of jersey was spent with my friends, the rest with family, some professors, and basically it was a hyper-social experience. it was interesting to see how little and how much things had changed in just a year, and it was definitely a trip, in all the different meanings of the word. i also ate a lot in jersey, more sushi, fat sandwiches, pizza, subs, everything. if you don't know what a fat sandwich is, well go to new brunswick, and you can ask around, and have the most incredible heart stopping eating experience in existence. i won't even go into it, because words can not do a fat sandwich justice. only a fat sandwich can do a fat sandwich justice, and even then, if you dont finish it, you haven't reached true enlightenment. i even got to see the shore, which was just as guido as i left it. the most interesting and, at the same time awful part of my trip, was my realization about the USA that can only come after living a year abroad in the developing world. the word waste is not even sufficient to describe it. just look at an in-flight magazine, the one with all the shopping, and you will know what i mean. who really needs a nose trimmer/laser pointer/spatula combo? or a garden gnome that also doubles as a cooler/stereo/laser pointer. all the things in there seem to have lasers, so maybe thats a trend i missed while i was away, but still. you get my point. who the fuck needs all that shit (sorry for my language, but i really am that concerned). people live with so much more than they need, more than they even want at any one point. it's as if everyone is constantly buying just in case, like, just in case you need a garden gnome with a laser pointer, you never know right? and everything comes triple packaged, double sealed, with a box around a bag (mom, you'll get that reference), and in the end, you don't even need the thing. and it's worse than that. i have come to honduras to help with development, but i look around here, and people dont nearly do as much damage as we do back home. so they throw garbage out of the bus windows, we have a garbage dump the size of texas floating in the pacific. and that's just one example. in the states, we have access to so much, so much that could be diminishing the impact we have on climate change, ecosystem degradation, and we do nothing. i know that this is a cliche argument, and every environmentalist and his grandmother have said it, but the true understanding only comes when you leave. when you see how other people live, and think. how can we encourage development, with a clean conscience, when we ourselves don't practice what we preach. i guess its pre-emptive, we are trying to prevent the creation of more USAs. and maybe that's not so bad. but then the question comes up, why don't we do something about it at home? why don't we make everyone put solar panels on their roofs? or make everyone drive a hybrid? or require snack companies to use less bags per bag (you know what i mean by that)? or create more co-gen plants, or some other garbage management system that actually works? or plant more trees? or clean our water, our air, everything? what the fuck? and to be honest, i could rant for hours, but instead i'm going to go and read, learn, and maybe actually change one of the things i mentioned. you never know, someone's gotta save the world right?

rainy season. at once wonderful and awful. the promise of life that it brings, the revival of all growing things, brings a joy to the hearts of all in the Honduran campo. corn can be planted, zacate grows quicker, and everything begins to swell and grow ripe. but the constant wetness, the grey skies, the lack of sun, heat, and clarity bring a certain sadness into the air. clothes are constantly humid, rain boots become a necessity, and leaving the house grows into a task instead of a joy. it is amazing how a change in weather can inflict a change in lifestyle so quickly. and this is another reason I don't think i could ever spend my entire life in a country like Honduras. 3 months straight of rain would bring about depression every time, and slowly but surely i would probably lose the only marbles i have left. and although it's not much, but i prefer to be somewhat sane to being completely lost in dark brooding thoughts. and sure, one can say, it's all in your head, rain is life, it's a happy time. of course it is, but not when it happens every day, week upon week, with no end in sight, and everything begins to mold and rot, including the mind. i don't know how they do it here, how they maintain their smiles, but they do. that's for damn sure.

i saw a dead guy today. not like sixth sense, "i see dead people" kind of dead guy, not casper the friendly ghost or anything like that. no, a real dead guy. i was on my way to santa rosa when my jalon slowed down. i took out my headphones, and stood up in the back of the pick-up to see what was going on. up ahead, a police barricade was slowly being erected, and a line of cars was quietly streaming by, with people hanging out of their windows curiously looking ahead. so i joined the masses in their quest for answers, and looked on with no idea of what was to come. as i watched the police officers tape off the area, i noticed up ahead, about 25 meters in front of me a pair of shoes, which i soon realized were connected to feet, legs, a torso, and a head. a person, lying in the road. blood was streaming from his head, and he lay there, uncovered, for the bulging eyes of the onlookers to gawk at. i had never seen a dead person before, and i looked on with a morbid curiosity. the saddest thing, and this is what really scares me, is that it had almost no effect on me. i don't know if it's years of action movies, or killing millions of nazis in video games, but this poor guy had absolutely no impact on me. i expected my stomach to turn, my heart to sink, at least my eyes to close on instinct, but nothing came. and my ride rolled by, the driver and other passengers with the same reaction as me. as we drove further, we found the cause of the accident. a bus was parked along the road with the man's bicycle crushed beneath the front tire. it seems that the dead guy, sorry dead guy but i don't even know your name, it seems he was riding in the middle of the lane in the morning, when the bus, coming from the opposite direction, decided to pass a car while in a curve and going uphill. a bad combination. as the bus reached the hills summit, the byciclist did the same, and the result was, well you already know. the worst part is, no one will probably be arrested or jailed for this. no one will act as a witness, testify, or even care. because, and here's the saddest part, life is worth very little here. people die in accidents, get killed by jealous boyfriends, get chopped up by machetes for absolutely nothing, and people just keep on going. they say, what a shame. but that's it.oh and here's the kicker. in the time that i have lived here, at least three people have died on the same exact 50 foot stretch of highway. but no one even thinks to put up a no passing sign, paint some lines on the road, maybe fix the road, or really do anything about it to prevent it from happening again. the last guy was on a motorcycle and was left so unidentifiable, that they had to use the motorcycle's registration to figure out who it was. and for the same reason too. someone tried to pass without any visibility, and ended up taking the life of somebody's son, or husband, or father. to be honest, it scares the shit out of me, but the worst part is, that there is nothing to be done about it. you just gotta keep on moving, taking the same road because there are no others, and hope that you wont be in a car as a passenger when some asshole does the same thing. i add this not so that my parents worry, or my friends, or peace corps staff, but its just a reality all around honduras. there are no traffic laws that are really enforced, no signs, no lines on the highway. it's like russian roulette, with cars instead of bullets, and sometimes more than one person with the barrel pointed at their head.

there's more that i was going to write, things about life, work, the horse, and whatnot, but after having written what I just did, I need to clear my head and take some time to think. maybe seeing the dead guy did have some sort of impact on me that just stayed dormant until now. everything otherwise is good tho, and soon, just within a few weeks, i will be on american soil for 2 weeks, so get ready.

alright, so i was going to write an angry entry today, but things seem to have worked out nicely and now, well, ain't no thing but a chicken wing. however, a few comments need to be made.

1. maldito sea el hombre que confia en el hombre - otherwise in english, cursed be the man that trusteth in man. or in the words of my brother, love you bro, everyone is an asshole until proven innocent. and even though all of this is said, i still go around trusting people. and then they go and lie to my face, people who i thought would be honest, and good. i mean, since when should a fucking evangelical pastor lie to me. after he thanked god for my help in church. damn, will i ever catch a break?

2. its no use stressing about what one can not change. look at the serenity prayer. damn two bible references in one blog entry, i think honduras is having an effect on me. regardless, "god grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference". hats off to all anonymous alcoholics who live by this prayer. point is, this ties back to #1. sometimes, people are scum. and one can get hung up on the actions of one individual and in turn, ruin it for everyone, a community, a family, whatever. or, one can shake it off, and move on hoping to achieve the necessary for the people that need it.

3. dentists always bring bad news.

4. ruso is being sold. how long that will take, i have no idea, but it's final. i know i know i said i wouldn't in the last entry, but the honest truth is, i got no time people. and thats it.

5. i am so glad we live in an age when i can have a laptop with gigabytes of tv shows and movies to entertain me when i feel like locking myself in my room. i imagine the lives of past peace corps volunteers and i realize that we have it easy. here's another hats off, to you guys, you volunteers that spent 2 years with no electricity and no HBO to keep you entertained.

it's wed, and i spent the morning on horseback. at this point, all of my projects are moving along, although somewhat slowly, and i feel as though i am finally accomplishing something. and even if i accomplish only 1 thing, one tiny thing, then 2 years of peace corps will be worth it. right now, i am running out of fingers for all my small accomplishments, starting the count on my toes. and the amazing thing is, all the volunteers around me are equally, if not more, successful. left and right, community businesses, organizations, schools, medical centers, churches, women's groups, and the communities themselves are growing, improving, and learning with us. the exchange is incredible, and what's interesting is that every little action, every interchange, counts. it's not much, but it definitely gets the job done. as for me, let's go step by step. turbine project is one. probably the most important one, not because of its benefit to people, but because of its benefit to me. yeah that's right, totally selfish. but it's a dream. it's moving along at exactly the pace i expected. due to the conflicting schedules of people, lack of accessibility to the area, and immensity of the project, we are still in the initial steps, but there's constant progress. an local engineer, representative of a german development organization, is coming on saturday to inspect the water source, take professional measurements, and tell me whether or not the project is possible. and i know his answer already, but i would like to hear it from him. then we go to another organization, this time local, who will act as a third party in our collaboration with los alemanes. basically, it looks like we have the right group together, now let's see if we can bring electricity to 25 families in the middle of the mountains. that means 500 trees saved a year due to electric stoves (they burn to cook now, they wont have to after), another 10-20 due to lightbulbs, and countless hours of extra time. i think after that, i can sleep easy at night forever.solar panels are another. that's right, im into that shit too. at this moment, 35 families in the same mountain as the aforementioned community will be getting a whole solar panel system, with battery, converter, wiring, energy saving lightbulbs, car lighter chargers, dc/dc units, the whole shebang. that means lights, tvs, radios. some trees saved, some time saved, some novellas watched. pretty sweet. but i didn't have to do much for that so far. although i organized the original meeting and facilitated the reunion, the real effort falls on a local NGO. but i'll be with them every step of the way. planning, installing, training. right now, i have already attended a workshop on basic electric systems and solar panel installation, and next week, part 2. complex system design and installation. should be dope. plus free hotel and food for three days/nights. so yeah, that's project 2.worms. still chillin with the wrigglers. but it's slow, slower than i expected, and now i think all we can do is wait. we need the population to double about 4-5 times, which can last well over 6 months. which is actually good timing, because that means that by next coffee season, we will have enough worms to process all the pulp quickly and efficiently. so although it wasn't ready in time for this year, it should be good by the next temporada. and our worms are big bastards. thick, long...yeah anyway. the point is, i've seen other set-ups, and they all have tiny little skinny buggers. so yeah, my worm is bigger than yours.gardens, still waiting.eco-tourism, starting. housing improvements, something that just popped out of the blue, and hey, may turn out to be awesome. who wouldn't feel good about rebulding the houses of 10 families with habitat-honduras, a local NGO that does just that...build houses. and now i get to my personal project, the horse. ruso. i've been thinkin about this a while, and i almost considered selling him due to the costs and time investment that i sometimes can't provide. and then today happened. this takes us back to the beggining.it's wed and i spent the morning on horseback. i rode around for a while talking to carpinters, getting ideas on cabin construction for the eco-tourism project, and then i decided: time to have a little fun. so i took ruso on a ride to the nearby town of yaonera. i think thats how you spell it. anyway. we're riding along, sometimes gallop, sometimes slow. it's hard to run downhill, and sometimes you just don't feel like holding on to your hat. anyway, i reach the entrance to the town and decide to turn around. i figured, i covered the distance necessary so, why not go back. as i start the return, i hear a sound behind me as a guy on a horse, and another on a mule, round the corner at full gallop. now, turns out mules can run. not super fast, but definitely faster than i ever imagined. so i think, hmmm...as they pass me i squeeze ruso with my boots, and he springs into full speed. and a horse is not like a car or motorcycle. when you squeeze, they go. no rev, no acceleration, the muscles just tense up, and like a slingshot, all of a sudden you are propelled forward. i catch them as the slope drops, and all of us slow down to prevent an accident. horses aren't made to run downhill, it's a balance thing. they can do it, but it's dangerous, and at any moment they can lose balance and slip or flip or fall. basically it sucks. so we slow down, exchange smiles and knowing glances like two guys in hot rods at a stop-light. as the slope levels out we all bend forward, and go into a gallop again. the mule falls back but the other horse keeps up for some time. and as i lean into ruso, we start pulling away at a speed altogether new for me, and the last thing i hear from the guy behind me: "god please dont let there be a car around the corner". and luckily there wasn't. we both turn left and slow down again due to the incline. "that's a beautiful horse you got there man" says my new friend."thank you sir, igual""sure can run""your's too""not like that"we start chatting and ride on for a few seconds when the guy on the mule catches up to us. "damn dude, what a potro (stallion)"we exchange stories of our animals. turns out they train horses and mules, and the mule they have with them was given to them by someone to work on. sweet mule. never thought i'd say that. we decide to race one last time, a flat stretch, a curve, and a hill to climb at the end. i fly forward and reach the hill top in less than 30 seconds. i turn around, and my mouth drops to the ground. the other horse is close, and chasing the horse is the mule, with the saddle dragging behind, and the rider coming in last. turns out mule guy didn't tighten his saddle, and when the mule rounded the corner the saddle slipped, and he fell. jumped. a little of both. it's amazing he survived. sloppy, not to tighten your saddle prior to riding. i got down, helped him with his cinchas, and all three of us rode off together. it was incredible. they told me i should race him. i think i will. can't sell him anymore can i?

so yeah, with a birthday behind me, and a new year ahead, i am pretty damn excited. things seem to be working out just fine, even though periodic hurdles require...well hurdling. i think thats the correct verb. regardless, things are on the up and up. i have internet at home now, thanks to TIGO. so if you want to chat with me, gmail chat and facebook chat should be on pretty regularly. i am right now workin on multiple project proposals, doing some research, and basically being a desk monkey for the next few days. and friday, well friday i get my new pair of cowboy boots. first pair in my life, and hopefully they will last me until panama. in other news, it seems the renewable energy project is lookin good. a local NGO, in collaboration with an international one called GTZ, is interested in providing solar panels for the communities in the mountains where hydroelectric installations are not permitted due to national park law. the people will only have to pay the cost of the battery, which is a little expensive, but at the same time, if they can't pay it now, how will they be able to pay it in 5 years when the battery needs replacing? right now, 9 families have already agreed to the terms, and thats only from one town. another village refused all together, because they were expecting something free. and the last town is doing the survey now, but it seems that at least 80% will be interested. as for petatillos, well next week the engineer will be coming to investigate the water source, measure head and flow, and then hopefully, fingers crossed, the turbine project will be underway. two weeks ago my counterpart from the town, the evangelical preacher, got a chance to go to a workshop on turbine management, all expenses paid. so that made me feel pretty good. he had never even been to that part of the country, or stayed in a hotel...so, i think that gives me some brownie points. the horse is doing well, bit training is coming along, and i think within a few weeks i will finally have a normal fully trained stallion. fuck yeah. time to race with some locals and show off. there's this special race they do here where the riders have to hook a raised ribbon with a pencil (or similar object) at full speed at the finish, and so, i think that will be the format. i think i have a pretty good chance. i'll let you guys know if i lose miserably. and finally as for my 24th, well it was spent in solitude. just how i wanted. it would have been nice to get together with friends and family, but here, its a little complicated. and i needed some time to myself. so i listened to music, read, worked a little on a proposal, rode my horse, and enjoyed the beautiful day. my uncle's family surprised me with a cake, this milk and banana thing, and it was wonderful. a warm gesture that came unexpectedly, so all i could do is smile, laugh with them, and share the cake. we even ate some of it this morning. every day people surprise me a little. sometimes quite a bit. but most importantly, i think i'm slowly starting to understand what makes me tick, what makes me happy, and how i can alter the world around me to fit my needs, desires, wishes, etc. its pretty sweet to feel this way. you should all look into that. and if you already got it, well let me know, maybe we can share some wisdom, have a deep conversation, and continue learning. although all of it kind of makes me want to join a monastery where i can hit a big bell in the mornings, sit all day meditating eating mountain herbs, but hey. i doubt that will go down. a little out there, no?

i watched a kid water a garden today in the rain.

amoebas are not fun at all, in fact, if you see them or hear them anywhere around you, run. then again, i guess you gotta try everything once right?

horses on the other hand are fun, especially if you ride them down mountains, in drizzle, on a sunny day. very awesome.

coffee farms are not flat. in fact, they are very much extremely not flat. it's a criteria to join the coffee farmer union, and get the t-shirt.

american boot laces can not withstand the wear and tear of honduran campo. i can. eat shit boot laces.

hey all. it's been some time, and i've been getting shit for not writing, so i think it's about time for some news, some thoughts, and well, some more useless blog entry-ness. oh and there are new photos, so check it out.first and foremost, i am busy. finally. for the first time in months, i have a completely full schedule. the worm project is underway, although moving slowly than expected. i guess i made the mistake that may cost us the project, by not thinking ecologically. you see, reproduction rates depends on population density, and when we bought the worms, i ignored that. instead of putting all the worms in one bed to reproduce and then separate them out, i split the small quantity we bought between 4 beds, and now the worms are not multiplying as fast as necessary. and if we can't sell the first fertilizer before the rains, we can't get the pulp stored, and then the product will drop in quality, and well, you get the point. but i think its still ok to be optimistic. two, the renewable energy project is moving along. my counterpart will be at an all expenses paid workshop on the beach all week, learning about turbine maintenance. the week after we have a meeting with a local NGO to discuss the details and costs, and I think we have two organizations to back us up. it seems like this may work. i think. three, this coming monday about ten of us volunteers will meet with the local organization that manages Celaque, the national park, and hopefully we can start a permanent partnership and collaborate on the management of the park and its buffer zone. i may poop my pants if this works, because well, opportunity of a life time. four, well, there's lots more. i'm back to mapping fincas for producers, doing one or two every day that i dont have something else going on. its a pain, walking coffee farms on mountain slopes, getting sweaty and scratched up, but every time is an opportunity to get to know people, and learn something new. like for example, right now is chikirin season (they're like cicadas), and they're everywhere, and they excrete water at high pressure, so if you walk around coffee farms right now, you always feel a drizzle. i had no idea until a farmer told me. go figure. walking around gettin urinated on doesnt sound like fun, but its kinda refreshing. i am also looking into starting a garden project, but i dont even want to go into that. and finally, the horse. ruso is awesome. as we speak, or i write, or whatever, his bit is being fashioned at a nearby blacksmith's and so by next week, or two weeks or so, he will be bit trained and ready to go faster and longer distances. right now though, all i can say, is he's just like me. hotheaded, stubborn, and quick to act. but i like that. i wouldn't have it any other way.and in terms of life, well i think im happy. in fact, i know i'm happy. and that's all that really matters. i'm broke, i live a simple life, and for the first time in years i'm calm, not stressed, and really happy. so. you know, in terms of the ups and downs of peace corps, i'm pretty damn up.

as i sit right now, in one of the two offices at my cooperative, small wisps of cloud float by the vibrant green peaks of the nearby mountains, slowly but persistently streaming towards the west. the peaks look spectacular today, with every shade of green blanketing the whole surface, with even the summits exuding life. its amazing that even after 7 months of being here, the landscape amazes me. i wake up every morning, walk down hilly roads of my town, and every time i stop to look and my mouth gapes at the sight. i wish i could take panoramic pictures every day, and post them somewhere so that maybe some of you may feel the same wonderment i do. anyway, thats some observation for you guys, and now a short account of whats been going on, what may happen in the future, and basically what is up in general.

1. my mom came and went. we spent an amazing time here in honduras. we visited the ruins of Copan, which are absolutely incredible, and I reccomend to all. the town itself is made for tourists, and provides a pleasant lodging point for the days you spend exploring. the ruins are immense, elaborate, and stunning. walking the land between them one feels almost a part of the era, as if you can imagine the Maya going about their daily rutines. You can see where they had their ceremonies, where they lived, played, its just...amazing. On the other side of town we visited an aviary, and got to see close up toucans, parakeets, and all sorts of different colorful birds. check out the photos if youre interested.after we left, i brought her to my home town, and over the span of a week we rode horses, visited families, went up into the mountains, and well, kept busy. everyone loved my mom, and she hit it off with them as well, even tho the language barrier made conversation sometimes taxing. but the the fact remains, when you put good people in a room together, no matter what language they speak, they can understand each other and learn to respect and love each other. my family still sends hellos to her every day, and she calls and does the same. 2. as for work, everything is getting totally rediculous, exciting, and overwhelming at the same time. the worms are doing well, and we are about to begin collecting our first fertilizer. this week we will be working hard on bringing as much bagged pulp into the working area in order to insure that we have enough organic matter for the worms to work with. the hydroelectric project is also going extremely well, with meetings planned with different organizations, and what seems to be like significant support from GTZ, PRORENA, MAPANCE, and la Hermandad de Honduras. Of course, everything is still in the initial stages, and nothing ever goes according to plan, but at least it's looking more and more possible every day. the cooperative is also slowly but surely starting the home gardens project and looking into the financial aid/school fund project, so it seems that all of the many parts of the puzzle are slowly fitting into place. and last but not least, it seems that MAPANCE, which is an organization that controls the national park of Celaque, is interested in collaborating with Peace Corps and ICF (Instituto de Conservacion Forestal) in managing the park as a permanent partnership. which means, we may have gotten ourselves a really awesome local couterpart for a long time. now its all up to us peace corpsers to get together and meet with their representatives, and see what we can do. basically this is an amazing opportunity, so if youre in celaque, and in peace corps, call me. like now.

ok, thats basically it. the horse is awesome, life is awesome, and semana santa is almost upon us so that means the beach for a couple of days. oh yeah.

ok, so first and foremost new photos. check em out. 2. im not sure where to start with this entry, and i may not even try. in fact, i may give up on this blog all together for some time. but i doubt it. basically, it was a crazy week. my mom came, we had an amazing time, check out the photos, i wont say anything until you ask me questions. the coffee competition was awesome, my friends ended up placing as the top three producers, i met some great people (all you awesome cupper guys and gals), and lots of networking. thats all i feel like writing for now. im pretty exhausted so maybe when i get my energy back we'll continue.

alright, it's been somewhat of a crazy two weeks or so, and it's difficult for me to recount everything all at once, but i will do my best. i guess i can start with last week, when i had what i think to be dengue. now usually dengue lasts about 8 days, is a completely miserable fever type disease, and since there is no cure for it, one just has to tough it out. well, i found myself last saturday, or two saturdays ago, with a fever of 102, body aches like you wouldn't believe (that might be why people call it bone breaking disease), chills, and a general feeling of malaise: basically, i wanted to off myself and get it all over with. that lasted two days, after which everything kind of died down to something a little bit more manageable. now, that's what makes me think, maybe it wasn't dengue, but then again it's kind of exciting to come down with a crazy tropical disease, so if anyone asks, well...dengue it is. i spent about a week in bed, and only got up to get my worms. that's right, worms. they're finally here, eating all my coffee pulp, making fertilizer, having sex, and more or less partying at my expense. let's just hope they reproduce fast enough to make me what i planned within a month. otherwise, some collection agency might show up knocking at the cooperative's door. and that brings me to the real story. this week i had an experience, or actually a series of experiences, that made me reconsider how i view a little bit of everything. so i guess it all began on tuesday when i rode ruso into the mountains to a little town called petatillos. the village consists of 25 houses spread out over about 5 km, smack dab in the middle of the buffer zone of celaque, a national park. the people there have been living in such a secluded state for about 50 years, ever since one of the founders decided to buy some land in the mountains. i had been there once before to get to know some of the people, but this time i was coming to stay for a few days to begin research for the project that the community is interested in. now, for your knowledge, petatillos has neither electricity nor running water. so they came to me with hopes of getting a micro turbine project along with a water system done in the mountains, in order to get both at once. and of course, i jumped at the idea. how could i not. anyway, upon my arrival, i was led to the humble home of the pastor where we began to make our plans and set up a schedule of what we would be doing for the next three days. what followed were experience upon experience that left me somewhat speechless. let's make a list:

1. honduran farmer guys, regardless of their ages, are capable of scaling any cliff or mountain, in any direction, a thousand times better than i could ever even imagine. we spent half a day exploring the nearby water source and i think i almost died about 8 times. granted, i am in no shape to be running around a mountain with a machete in one hand and a GPS in the other, but it was definitely exciting. i fell about every 50 yards, sometimes ending up face down in some rainforest plant hoping that i had not split some vital part of me with my newly sharpened machete (which i never even used, dumbass). i slipped in the river, almost tumbled down a waterfall, and lost my pen twice. the hondurans, they just laughed and kept telling me to be careful. 2. really poor hondurans appreciate what they have more than anyone i know. and these people are definitely up there on the poor ladder. we're talking, 1 room houses for families of 8. diets that consist of beans, tortilla, and the occasional veggie (although the pastors wife did make me chicken soup for breakfast today when i left, which i think was probably the first time they had eaten chicken in weeks. i was blown away. yeah that's right, for breakfast). no heat, bathrooms, showers, or TV. these people live with almost nothing, and love every minute of it. we spent hours talking about the park, their mountain, what they have, and not once did anyone say that they didn't have enough. in fact, most of them said that they were blessed, and every day thanked god for what they had been given. 3. really poor hondurans are ready to give everything, time, money, effort, everything to improve the livelihoods of their children. if i had done the same survey that i did there in my town, the answers would have been so different. every single person told me they were ready to sacrifice everything for this project. and they meant it. i think.4. its amazing what people can accomplish with the little resources they have. and although the poverty that these people live in is almost unimaginable, they manage to accomplish great feats every day. for example, even though most of the adults in the town are illiterate, they built a school for their children with their own hands, and now 25 little petatillians spend all day long reading and writing with a teacher who is paid out of the pockets of the parents. they also organized together and are currently building a brand new church (which i'm not sure i approve of since half the people still dont have latrines and have to shit in the woods, but still), and everyone who works on it is doing it for free. 5. the environmental awareness of illiterate poor hondurans is higher than that of more than half of the united states. even though these people, 30 years ago were cutting down the local forests, burning the soil, using extremely harsh agro-chemicals, and more or less destroying the park they were living in, now their attitudes are completely different. we spoke at length about their relationship with the environment and although they don't know how to write the word, they practice conservation with every step they take. only dry dead trees are used for firewood. no one bathes or brings their dead animals to the water source (yeah they used to do that). no one hunts or kills little birds for fun like they do in my town. they have figured out that if they fuck up where they live, they'll have nothing left, and now they are fighting to protect it. 6. ticks, mosquitoes, and other biting insects love white people. or maybe they love jews. or both. or maybe it has nothing to do with that and just has to do with the fact that i'm not from there. regardless, i got eaten, completely, and now am covered with more red bumps than...well, i don't know, make up your own comparison/simile/metaphor/whatever.7. religion is an interesting thing. i have never like organized religion, nor do i believe in the creation stories that many religions have, but i still think that there still might be something up there. i have prayed, i have blamed "god" for things, and frankly, i could say i'm somewhat spiritual, or something like that. and honduras is having an impact on me in that respect, because well, everyone here is religious. and its hard to maintain a secular opinion when everyone around you is telling you to accept christ. well, dont worry guys, i haven't done that just yet. but i did spend many hours talking to the pastor about god, and whatnot, and i learned quite a bit. it seems that faith is a very powerful thing. and although i don't exactly believe in miracles, i do believe that a people united in their faith can accomplish extraordinary things. but i guess the point of this little factoid is a little different. my experience in petatillos was a novel one because they were more interested in my jew-ness than anything else that i said about religion. because as you may already know, jews are god's chosen people, and when everything goes to shit with the apocalypse, jerusalem will be saved along with all the jews in there. and the people of this town were totally obsessed with the fact that they had a jew among them, a jew who might provide them with water and light. the pastor even made a point of it during his sermon which he asked me to attend, when he spoke for about 30 minutes about jews, and the whole shebang. and the people thanked me. not for coming and working, yeah they thanked me for that at another time, no they thanked me for being a jew. weird huh? 8. going hand in hand with this religion thing, i learned that there is much in the bible that speaks of protection of the environment. maybe not directly, but definitely the topic is covered. and although i had somewhat known this before, i had never had quotes. and now i do. now i want to get more, and use this as a means to an end. if i talk to farmers who wash their pesticide bottles in the rivers, i can now use the bible to maybe make them reconsider their actions. how can you love your fellow man as you love yourself, if you're making him drink round-up? (i know thats not a direct quote but since i learned it in spanish, well...)

ok, for now that's it. i will add more, if i think of anything else.

i think the hardest thing so far about the whole peace corps experience is that little credit is ever given to the volunteers. anyone who's called licenciado here in honduras, or someone who has graduated from university, is talked to with a huge amount of respect. these people are employed as tecnico's, people who come and advise others, almost like consultants. but when we come in, as voluntarios, even though we might all have advanced degrees (in some cases even a master's), people talk to us in a whole different way. its as if with the title "volunteer" we are clueless, with absolutely nothing to offer. but then, why would we be sent here in the first place? what purpose do we serve? and i know, many of you are probably thinking, dima maybe you're looking at this all wrong. maybe its because of your compulsion to always be right and show off your smartness, that's making you act this way. and yes, that very well may be possible. and if so, forgive me, but i think this goes deeper. i think, because i look young, and am not from here, i am considered just some gringo who's trying to get things done but has no real capacity to do so. and you know what, that's just not fair. just because i don't know all the things honduran farmers grow up with, doesn't mean i'm incapable of everything. it definitely doesn't mean that i grew up in a box, with everything handed to me. i have so many fellow volunteer friends that want to print business cards that say licenciado just so that their opinions begin to matter. and what's worse, when our suggestions are logical, scientifically based, and constructive, they are frequently thrown out based on what some other licenciado said a while back, not taking into account that we are equally qualified to make such statements. and whats even worse, those that come to communities as tecnicos often promote technology or projects produced by their companies just to make a sale, instead of thinking about the community, and so their opinions are naturally biased. the thing is, i know i act like a know-it-all, and i need to work on that, but come on, give me some room to function. why ask for my help to organize a project and then tell me what i should do point by point. if you know how to do it, do it. don't tell me how to do my job. and if i need help, i'll ask. and i will always respect your opinion. but its hard to respect someone's ideas when yours dont get the same. thats all i got for now.

there's this guy in my community who i always thought to be a little off, in the head that is. i've chatted with him a few times in jalons, at the cooperative, and he never really said anything more than observational statements, and in a way that made me always tend to walk away slowly, nodding in agreement. but after a few times i realized that the dude just never had a real education, and that at least his intentions were good. and today, well he totally gave me a whole new respect for mankind and honduran campesinos. so i get out of this pickup truck at the entrance to my town, which is about 2 k from my house uphill, and it turns out that the guy, let's call him bob, bob was riding in the front. and so we're walking, and i'm thinking, man this is going to be "fun" [that's sarcasm by the way]. we are walking down the hill when we pass this piece of wood in the middle of the road. i don't think anything of it, but bob stops, picks it up, and throws it into the gulley on the side of the road. without a word he continues walking, and i think, well he's considerate. and then he says:-man, it's really important to be intelligent right?-sure, i say, of course (i didn't really know where this conversation was going, so i just smiled and nodded).-because, not anyone would have picked up that piece of wood, and someone could have gotten really hurt. imagine riding on a motorcycle with your amiguito and all of a sudden you slam into that? and some people just dont think about that kind of stuffi didn't know what to say. i hadn't even thought of that. and here's this guy, who only finished 3rd grade, can't read or write, and he's more socially responsible than i am. it made me feel awesome, and humble at the same time. the funny thing is that the guy recognized that intelligence was the key, that it was something worthy. most people here spit on education, they leave as soon as they can. of the 9 grades available, many only go to 6. and altough, in some cases its for good reason, especially since your family is starving and you're the only one around who can work, but for many it just doesn't hold any appeal. with my amiguito (that's what he calls me, even though he knows my name) bob, i'm pretty sure it was a necessity, so i respect him for it, even though he's a little behind. but although his demeanor does not exhude genius, i can proudly say that i think bob is smarter than me. and i have a bachelors. what do you say to that, rutgers university?

part 2: evangelical weddingso i was invited this saturday to my cousins huge evangelical wedding, to be held in corquin at the experimental center of IHCAFE (they have two big conference halls, so...) anyway, i was called early saturday to come help out and receive the gifts for the family, which made me feel pretty damn integrated. at around 6pm, when the wedding was supposed to start, i was standing guard by the present cart, waving people into the hall and awaiting the ceremony. only problem is, punctuality is not a cultural norm here, so when the wedding was supposed to start at 6 30 at the latest, it was 7 30 when finally everyone took their seats. except for me. i made a discovery in my attempts to help that kinda blew my mind. so for a wedding of about 150 people, the family had not hired anyone to serve drinks or food. all they did was call one of the aunts and put her in charge of everything. now I dont know if any of you have experience with banquets, but doing that alone (well, not exactly alone, she had 1 assistant, and another aunt came to help) or even in a group of 3, not possible. so i was upstairs pouring champagne into 150 glasses (which is weird because evangelicals don't drink, so that all went to waste), and setting up the tables when the bride and groom were saying their vows. and when the people took their seats, i served them their food. i think i brought plates to def over 100 people. no serving trays, nothing. 3 plates at a time. running around like an idiot. and the people talking to me like a waiter. do i look like a fucking waiter (to be honest, i was kinda dressed like one, so it could have been confusing, but come on!?) i guess its all part of being a volunteer. :p. however, now, my aunts are all absolutely in love with me, i don't think they've seen many gringos do what i did last night. hooray for non traditional integration techniques, take notes all you volunteers that read this. lol.

the periods between entries are slowly increasing in length, so i think its about time i get back to writing. i miss it, mostly because it makes me feel like all ofyou who read this are participating somehow, that you are all here with me to help me through this journey. and yeah, peace corps is one hell of a journey, and its definitely true that we all need someone to let loose with. in this case, its you guys. but the hard part this time is that there is little for me to say. lately i have been spending a lot of time getting to finally know the town that i live in. i've been here 5 months, and when i thought i knew everyone, now that has all be thrown out the window. and now i wont be so foolish. it weird seeing a place change all around you, but still say the same. it's like what people say about reality sometimes, trying to reference the matrix or any other attempt at trying to shatter our concepts of existence: the world we see is in our minds, imposed there by a serious of neuron connections. i know thats a cliché but still, i thought i'd put it out there. capucas hasn't changed per se, but i have, and now the people i felt like i knew, i now see them for who they are. and the funny thing is that probably in a few months, i will repeat this whole shpiel again. the most amazing aspect of this transformation is that i feel that much closer to my fellow capuqueños. i visit their homes, dring coffee with them, chat about the farms, about livestock, about politics. i know their families, play soccer with the little kids. and now, i am learning about their individual struggles, their poverty, their hopes and aspirations. i am beggining to feel more responsible for these new friends of mine.its also giving me new ideas for projects, things that i hadn't thought about earlier because i was so isolated in my cooperative. i am starting to think about a scholarship program that we might be able to set up with some generous outside funding in order to send some really poor community children to school. this money would go towards book, school supply, uniform purchase and of course, in the case of secondary education, tuition. i think it would be cool to structure it like a financial aid system, where the child who recieves the funding will then have to pay it back as a percentage after getting a job. that way other children could take advantage of the same opportunities. if anyone has any ideas on how this could be done, let me know. i will keep brainstorming in the meanwhile.in other news, the horse is good, i've been riding him a whole lot, although i have only been doing that instead of training, so i will have to stop having fun for a bit and train some necessary behavior. slowly but surely however, he is becoming more manageable, and i have done a few long trips with him and without any problems. i have to keep in mind that he's only 2 years old, so i have to cut him some slack. i have also begun to take weekends off from community life, and his has definitely given me back some of the energy i was missing. life here can get you so caught up in work that its easy to forget that sanity is more important than success. anyway, thats all i can think of for now. hit me up with ideas if you want. miss you all.

i think its about time for a new post. i haven't written for a number of reasons, none of which are truly worth exploring in depth. i've been busy, trying to get my vermiculture project off the ground, and we're finally making headway. by this time next month we should be swimming in fertilizer, which although may not sound appealing to you, to me is a dream come true. i have also been getting to know capucas better with every day. i have spent a lot of time talking to locals, owners of small businesses, coffee producers, and it turns out that the community is much more than it seems on the surface. there is intrigue, lies, political sabotage, all sorts of interesting tele-novella stuff. it seems that what i thought i knew to be true about this quiet little coffee town, well was not anywhere close to the real thing. and the real thing, well its just so much deeper, more complex, with conflicts that go back years and years. the worst part is, that now i am even further in the dark because i dont even know who i can trust. one person will tell me one thing, and then someone will explain to me that that individual only looks out for their own interests, and i'm left thinking: will someone just please, tell me something that i dont need to dissect, and analyze for bullshit. cuz im tired of it. as i said, i want to swim in worm shit, not bull shit. i have also been exploring a new project idea for a community high up in the mountains. its a small village of 35 families, with no running water or electricity, and they want both, and are supposedly willing to work for it. i havent been there yet, so its too early to get excited, but this may be my project for the next long while. it seems like doing something like this may actually have a significant impact on the lives of these people, and maybe ill actually feel like i did something real during peace corps. real in the sense that my work will not only provide a little change, but something big. i guess its a whole self glorifying aspect of peace corps, where you want to be remembered, but i don't think its a bad thing to have some selfish ideals when in the long run your work is doing something amazing for others. two birds with one stone you know. on a number of other different notes: 1. MY CAMERA BROKE, so no pictures for a while. i am currently looking for a new one, so if you guys have suggestions, im open to anything. 2. for those of you interested in my horse, he's cool. ive been riding him long distance these past two weekends, and he's been keeping up. last weekend i rode to gracias, which is another department in honduras to see justin, a PAMer from the group before ours. this weekend i rode to corquin. i think now im going to slowly start adding kilometers to every trip, finally going to ocotepeque, and places that are 25-30 k away. i got him reshoed again this weekend, this time hopefully they'll stay on and wont break. it was amazing to watch the blacksmith work, but i already wrote about that, so...you can go back and relive that experience if you want. i have been reading a lot, which currently may not be the best since the book completely destroys foreign aid and charity, and shows the dirty side of NGO's that work in international development. the road to hell, its called. check it out. however, it did make me see how Peace Corps actually rises above the problems that plague the system, and how there may still be a chance for us volunteers. read it, and then we can discuss. some parts of it are a little slow, but the overall message is haunting. anyway, i think thats it. i have had a bunch of times when i though, man i should write this down, but now they have been overwritten in my memory, forgotten, and maybe one day sometime in the near future they'll come back to me and i can pass them on to you. until then, suffer in the monotony of my life. :)

three new observations. well, actually, all of these are old observations, but as i was reminded of each of them today, i decided i would jot down some comments. first, racism. second, likes and dislikes according to the honduran campo. and finally, public urination. lets start with the hardcore, move to the lighter, and finally finish with the funny. you always want to finish with the funny. alright, so racism. so im sitting today, reading the bible for educational purposes when i start a discussion with a local regarding religion. now this is dangerous territory for me, especially since everyone here thinks im going to hell for believing in my own god, and not theirs. and since the supposed apocalypse is coming up, which i'm slowly starting to believe due to what i hear and see every day, they remind me of it more and more. when judgement day comes, they say, you will see the error of your ways. right, well, i'll see that i missed out on a bunch of valuable experiences while arguing this topic with you people. anyway, more importantly, finally, the argument comes to its climax. we start talking about how the world is already going to hell with all the wars, homosexuality (sorry dave and anyone else who may be reading this, just so you know their opinion, not mine), std's, adultery (which kinda is related to std's supposedly), and natural disasters. then we start talking about haiti, being that it just occurred and is probably the most horrible natural disaster in some time. this is when it got ugly. the guy goes, and I quote, "you know god does these things because people are disobidient and sinners. like those blacks in haiti, with all their vices and sex. thats all they like, adultery. filthy people. they more or less provoked it" I sat there stupified. this is an intelligent (supposedly) educated person, one of the leaders of my community. and i was like, "relax, and be careful with what you say. i'm not having any kind of racist discussion. i'm telling you, watch it". and he looked at me and goes, "i'm not racist. i'm just saying that those blacks are..." I walked out at that point. I don't really get where that shit comes from either. First of all, it's not like the guy is all that white himself, which I guess wouldnt be a good excuse but at least neo nazis always have that argument: master race. but no, the guy is honduran, which means he's a mix of spanish blood (part black due to the moors), honduran indian blood (which may also be part black due to the caribs and garifuna), and whatever else. in no way can this person argue any color type of thing just for that reason. its like the pot calling the black a kettle (like my play on words?). no way. and well, the other argument, the real argument, is that racism is one of the ugliest things out there. and how the fuck can anyone with half a brain, think like that. i guess i will never know. alright, lighter tema (that's topic for all you non-spanish speakers). So i'm walking down the street today, and this guy who passes me says, "Hey demetrio, so you really like walking huh?" "yeah i guess, sure, adios". You may think thats not that weird, but when you take into account every other incident, you might change your mind. another example, i get a jalon from work because the walk uphill is a pain when its night, cold, and raining. when i get to my house, someone on the corner comments, "hey demetrio, not much for walking? dont really like to, you know, walk?". wait, one more. i get offered coffee this afternoon, i refuse because well, i didnt really want any at the time. "so, you don't like coffee right? none of the gringos i know like coffee. why is that?" apparently, whatever action one makes in the campo requires a comment which sums up your likes and dislikes based on this one experience. if someone sees you eating fish, you must love fish. if someone sees you refuse a jacket, you must love the cold. if you accept it, you can't handle the cold. if you use your computer, you can't live without it. if you don't answer the phone, you must hate the person. probably, if you chop yourself with a machete by mistake, you must be a masochist. its nuts. i've never been judged so quick, by so many people, so often. basically, the advice is, if you come to the campo, dont do anything, because people might get the wrong idea. and finally, numero tres. honduran men urinate anywhere and everywhere. sure some of them are kind enough to shield the action from the public, but the majority will just pick a wall or fence and let go. in the middle of the street, at the farm, on the trail. hell, they'll pull over on the highway, and in front of everyone just do it. and its usually without warning too, so if you're walking with someone and they get the urge, they'll just take it out and start. you might be looking or not, but no importa (doesn't matter), what's catching a glimpse really gonna do for you. the worst part, is that there may be a bathroom within inches and they wont even think about it. fuck it, why dont i pee in front of ten people on someone's porch, while i could pee in the house in private. what fun would that be for everyone else. maybe they'll want to pee too, and then we can all pee together. group wizz. maybe i can start that as a project, public urinals with vision shields, so that at least people are protected and the urine can be collected or something and used as fertilizer. maybe i can even get peace corps to fund it....

alright so, a few observations:one, hondurans breast feed anywhere. not the men of course, although that may be the next step. women will do it anywhere they can sit, stand or lie down. on the bus, in restaurants, in public markets, and in your face. i went to eat lunch yesterday, and watched a woman devour fried chicken while her new born munched away on her, well you know. then as i walked to get a ride, i saw another woman weighing and selling beans with a baby at her breast. i understand the no shame thing, but wouldn't you want to concentrate on the baby nipple interchange. what if something goes wrong? two, knowledge in honduras is frequently like blind faith. people learn things from others by word of mouth, and no questions are ever asked. and when they try to pass the knowledge on to me, they are taken aback by my question of, and why is that? this happens most frequently with my horse, but also with all sorts of technical knowledge. it's as if their whole idea of aquired knowledge is almost religious. if you say it, it must be true, because the person has some experience. but its as if no one is ever taught to question or think logically. why would you tie something there like that? well because, my grandfather did it, my dad did it, and now i do it. but why? i have no fucking clue. and what if there's something better, or more correct? well there isn't. shut up you're a dumb gringo. that's what i think they think anyway. the worst part, is that i think this problem stems from their whole society being this way. school, church, home life. its all the same. three, one should stay away from jalon drivers who stop for a beer. because they don't just stop for one beer. they stop once for one, then go, then another, then go, and then 8 beers and 2 hours later, you're thinking, i gotta get out of this car. the worst part, is that this person might be from your community, even a friend, and you're screwed because you may insult him by refusing the ride. but for purely safety reasons, you can't even think of riding with him. the catch 22 is a tough one, and you start wishing that you had just picked a different jalon two towns back. four...i'm gonna think of this one later.

alright, so its about time to get another entry in. in fact, i feel like i have let you guys down by not writing recently, so i'll try to make this one worthwhile. first and foremost, happy new year to all of you, merry christmas, happy kwanzaa and channukah. i hope thats how you spell those last two. anyway, its been a difficult past few weeks, with a few adventures. first, i am finally getting out of the mental slump i was in, and falling back into a normal work schedule. before the christmas holidays i found myself spending less time working than i wanted, but that's all over. hopefully. i am now looking ahead at the world of possibilities in front of me, and it looks good. although everything is somewhat on hold for now due to crummy weather and the coffee season, there seems to be some sort of light at the end of the tunnel, a silver lining to the clouds, and whatever other metaphor you would want to employ. basically things are getting better. i am currently on the prowl for funding for small projects, so if anyone is familiar with any good NGO's for that type of thing, i am open to suggestions. Or if you just want to send me money, even better, but I doubt anyone would be that open to it. alright, so enough about that, lets talk about christmas and new years. the first holiday, which i expected to be huge here in honduras, was in fact much less than expected. i had a few drinks with some community members, which surprised me because usually people dont even come anywhere near alcohol for religious holidays, and then ate tamales until i fell asleep. there was no party, no celebration, and in fact, nothing out of the ordinary. the next few days I spent making an attempt at some sort of work while taking care of my friend's dog. i dropped the beast off at her house on the 28th, and the morning of the 29th left for vacation. and that is where all of the "fun" started. i arrived to tela that evening with my friends brock and leila, and we found ourselves a hotel room and some pizza. the next day more of our friends arrived, and by the evening we had a solid group of about 20-25 people. we went out to a bar, and were sitting around when three honduran girls walked in. one of them motioned to me to approach the table to i sat with them and began to chat. they were extremely friendly, and showed great interest in the boys of the group. about 15 minutes late, brock and leila leave to go home and get robbed on the way by two teenagers with a gun. at this point i get a little suspicious, pry my other friend away from the girls, and go approach the cops parked across the corner. they leave to talk to brock and leila as three shady looking teenage gang-member types park themselves across the street from the bar. i think, well shit, it seems that they're here to get some more of us once we leave. suddenly, out of nowhere, a different set of cops pulls up to the corner and arrests the kids. i think, this is an opportunity to figure out if they're the same ones, and i call brock's phone which was stolen previously. it rings in the pocket of one of the hoodlums and he turns it off non-chalantly. i think, alright here's my shot, and do the most idiotic thing possibly. as the gang members sit in the back of the cop truck, i approach the cops and talk to them about getting the phone back. well the cops leave telling me they'll be right back, meanwhile the three girls hop into a cab and disappear as well. i then approach the waitress at the bar and inquire about the girls. turns out that they do this all the time, talk to gringos, and then get them robbed. when i ask her, why she didnt bother warning us, she tells me that we seemed to be enjoying it way too much and she didnt want to ruin our fun. well thanks. then she tells me that if we file a report against the members of the gang, they will get out regardless and probably find me and shoot me. just me, mostly because they watched me talk to the cops. well thanks again. so at this point, we talk to the cops a few more times, i go back to the hotel, and the party continues. the morning after, we decided it was best to get out of dodge and we did just that. the next few days were filled with less eventful, but much more fun partying, which involved no shady female characters, no gang members, and no one threatening my life. overall, i would say the vacation was a success. however, the return trip was not nearly as fun. apparently, it is best to avoid the cafeteria of the bus station in san pedro sula, because on the way back, about half way home, i got hit with the biggest stomach ache and a case of extreme, well ill spare you the details. regardless to say, i had to spend the night in a hotel instead of continuing home because i couldnt leave the bathroom. awesome right. at the hotel i had another interesting little encounter with the honduran underworld. when i finally got around to looking for food that night, i spoke to the hotel clerk and he told me he could find me some cup noodles if i gave him the cash. so i did and went back to my room to wait, while watching a hugh grant flick, again awesome, right? about half an hour later, with no noodles in sight, i went looking for the guy. the other clerk points to a room down the hall and tells me to go knock. i check it out, and the original clerk who offered the food opens the door. inside i find a honduran prosititute loading a revolver with some bullets that are scattered on the bed. the guy then asks me if i would marry her and take her to america with me. i politely decline and return to my room, laughing and hoping that at one point i would get some noodles if the guys lives to bring them to me. about an hour later he found me, noodles in hand, so i guess it all worked out in the end. the next day i returned to site with a mixture of busses and jalons, and fell asleep, some of the best sleep i have ever had. that's about it in a nutshell. i feel like i missed some details, but i wouldnt want to bore you guys, so just use your imaginations. any questions?

alright, so i thought it would be worthwhile to write a new one for this, as my voyage today was quite the interesting one. let's call it, "a day in jalons". "a journey of a rusingo across the honduran countryside". i like that, maybe i'll write a book about all of the jalons that i have experienced. anyway, i went today to santa rosa to get my mail, and found myself looking at an empty apartado postal, with no package to take home. i decided at that minute that i would be returning home early, hopefully by lunch. however, after standing for about 40 minutes on the corner awaiting a pickup, it dawned on me that i might not be getting anywhere anytime soon. suddenly, a construction truck pulls up, and the offer to take me almost to cucuyagua, a midpoint between capucas and santa rosa. well, i happily jump in, and we speed off. soon he buys me some pineapple on the side of the road, and it seems to me like my luck has changed. when he drops me off he reminds me that theres still a distance left before cucuyagua, but i wave good bye and start trecking down the highway. i soon see a bunch of young men excavating something by the side of the road, while across the autopista, a small man/child sits in a wheelchair with a bag on a stick. i figure, well this should be interesting, and i decide to say whats up and hang out with them for a minute while i wait for a ride. well, turns out the people are working to build a house for the wheelchair guy, who's job (self-employed) is to sit by the side of the road and attract jalons for passers-by. he then takes a tip, and apparently has enough to build himself a house at the spot the jalons are best. i offer them some piña and we chat about life, work, living in the states, and all sorts of topics. no jalons stop, and i end up taking a bus, of course forgetting to give a tip to the wheelchair guy. i still feel remorse. anyway, i made it to cucuyagua, then caught a ride in a truck headed for corquin. talking to the guys, it turned out that they made the same journey from san pedro sula to corquin every day, bringing crap there, and taking some back. seemed like an awesome job, especially since there were three of them, doing mostly nothing. after they dropped me off, i ended up riding the rest of the way with a friend from the community, and we talked about entering him in the process of certification, what he would need to do, and by when. after lunch, i hopped on the horse and finally made it here, to write this, for you guys. now that i finish, it doesnt seem like such a great story. but at the time, it was pretty awesome. if it makes you feel any better, while getting my horse out of its field, a cow got out, and i had to chase it across a pasture, which resulted in me falling ankle deep in a oxidization lagoon for coffee, and now i smell like shit. so laugh about that.

so new pictures are up. check it out at the picasa site, by clicking to the right of this post. alright, and now to the blog post. this entry will probably be updated and changed in a few days, but i thought i would write for now, and see where it takes me. the mood isn't exactly the best, as its raining and my cooperative is having issues, but you know, you do what you can and then sit back when there's nothing you can do. anyway, the past week or so has been somewhat crazy. i spent 4 days mapping farms, and it took longer than expected, as always. right now, i am awaiting better weather conditions to continue working, but with the rains its hard to get reception, much less precision. and what good does it do me if every point has an error of 20 meters. however, the process is very interesting, and its giving me an opportunity to learn quite a bit about simple gis, which i think will come in handy in the future. the horse is good, and riding him is becoming less and less of a chore every day. yesterday he made it all the way to the outskirts of town, with only a little arguing, and i think by the end of the week he will follow where he is told, and without question. the time is approaching to take him into corquin and get him fitted with a new gamaron, but that might have to wait til the end of january. this weekend was quite difficult for me for a lot of reasons, and in some way discouraging, but one needs to be able to survive much in order to make it through two years of peace corps. one of my best friends from honduras, a fellow pam volunteer, left service this saturday, and his farewell get together was held in the capital. i went, and not only was the 10 hour bus ride tough, but seeing him go was even harder. its strange how attached people can get in just 3 months, but losing someone who provides support and advice at a time when its needed, is difficult. at least, he's left for better things, and hopefully he'll be happy in Colombia. as for us, the remaining 40 something h15ers, we're staying for now, although it will be interesting to see how many remain after christmas. its usually a tough time for all, especially those that go home and then have to return to their campo lives. and it's not that people can't handle the transition, its that the trip home allows for some reflection and comparison, and usually puts the final nail in the coffin of "early termination". right now, everyone is anxiously awaiting new years, where many of us are going to Tela, on the north coast, to get away from our sites and get a little vacation. should be a blast. now i just gotta find someone to take care of the baby.

before the post: go to mycapucascoffee.com It's the new page of my cooperative that I participated in the creation of. More like facilitated it. Check it out. If you would be so kind, link to it in your site. That would be the kindest. Love you guys.

and now to the entry that i wrote last night.

I think its about time to write an entry that doesn't revolve around my horse. Otherwise, you guys might start to think that I do nothing but work with this horse of mine, and the truth is, there's actually work happening here. So first and foremost, coffee season is up and running. Although the quantity of coffee picked is somewhat small right now, but it's coming in, and for me it seems like a lot. Every day, visiting coffee pickers go out at 7 and start cortando, or cutting coffee (which in reality is more like a pulling off the branch motion but whatever), and by 3 pm each producer is delivered a quantity that depends on the number of pickers. this coffee is measured, by volume, and paid for. the going rate is 20-30 L per bucket of 2.5 gallons. That comes out to about a dollar fifty per bucket. pretty cheap labor if you ask me, but a family of four can cut up to 25 buckets in one day, which comes out to about 500 L, and that's more than minimum wage. this coffee is then processed in one of two ways. there's lavado and melado. lavado is a conventional processing type, where the coffee is de-pulped, then washed to get rid of the miel (sugar based coating) that surrounds the pergamino (bean with shell), and finally dumped onto a patio where it dries with the sun and heat of the cement. this coffee is then sold as pergamino humedo, or dried in huge industrial driers (or even in some very environmentally friendly cases using solar driers), and then sold as pergamino seco. one could even go as far as one step further, take the shell off the bean, and sell it as cafe oro, but usually that's done by the roaster or importer. some farmers will also select the coffee prior to sale, removing bad beans and over dried beans, improving the taza, or flavor bouquet (whatever you call it). this is done by hand and is actually quite a relaxing experience. melado is an awesome process which i may have already described in the past. the pulp is left on the coffee and it is thrown onto the same patio to dry in the sun. the red pulp soon turns black, and hard, and removed through a mechanical process. the coffee is then dried further, and the taza comes out bolder, sweeter, and overall better in my opinion. anyway, moving on, coffee season involves a whole lot of manual labor. coffee is moved around in 100-200 pound sacks, which need to be moved, dumped, filled, thrown, and manipulated in millions of different ways. it leaves one sore day after day, but i think ill look like szchwarznegger within a few months. probably not, but one can dream. there's also rediculous hours, since coffee needs to be depulped the same day, washed the same day, and dumped onto the patio the same day. this means that people work well after nightfall, some til 9 or 10 pm, with a wake up call at 7 to continue with the labor. its arduous, a pain in the ass, but it's apparently worth it. and you guys better be damn thankful that so much labor goes into your specialty import organic coffees that you spend 14 dollars a pound on. just so everyone knows, the farmer almost never gets more than 2 dollars for the same pound. and sure there are costs involved in importation and processing, but the same green mountain coffee, or whatever else it is that you guys buy in whole foods or trader joes, is making a pretty penny. outside of coffee, my life right now revolves around worms and GIS. The worm project now has two new project managers, youngins from my community. although they lack a formal education, they are both very intelligent and excited about the project. hopefully it doesnt fail and discourage them for life. we have begun project planning, have done some analysis of its faults and benefits. basically we are starting from the beggining together, which is awesome as it gives the kids a sense of involvement more than anything. the gis is another thing where i wish i could involve others, but since everyone is so metido in coffee, its hard to find anyone available who wants to trudge through farms with me. but, regardless, its an awesome experience. not only am i learning an assload about ArcGis and GPS stuff, but I am also getting to personally know the farms of the people who live in my community. which means getting to know them as well, since they act as my guides. i spent about an hour and a half walking the farm of my host dad yesterday, and i ended up learning things about him that i probably would never have found out any other way. later today i will be visiting the farm of a carpinter, and by next week i should have about 10 farms done. i love my job. alright, well that's about it for now. i wish you guys would ask me things to write about, but since none of you do, i will keep going as i have been for about 5 months now. its amazing i'm still writing. thanks to all of you who read.

so i rode my horse. for the first and second time these past two days. it was amazing. although now i may be realizing that i made a mistake, and possibly a serious one. the point is, that a horse needs to be trained extensively on the ground prior to riding, which i kind of skipped. and riding him wasn't so bad, but it required a lot of force, and that is something that shouldn't be used. well, we'll see what happens today. the only problem is that i can't train the horse well from the ground because he has learned very well to follow me, and when i try to drive him from behind he just turns around. i dunno. maybe i need to take it slow and see if i can retrain that behavior. then again, i think its a good thing that he follows me. i will keep you guys updated as to the status of this experience. but before i go, i should share the story of the first mount, which was pretty spectacular. so most horses, when you put a saddle on them for the first time, throw the saddle off. they kick, rise up, and lose it. that's important to know before you hear this story. so two days ago i went to take my horse out and decided that i would saddle it. while i was pondering the question, a few people who are working for my uncle cutting coffee showed up to watch. i told them i would be putting the saddle on the horse, so they got all excited and called a few more. by the time i got to where i keep the saddle, i had an audience of about twenty people. i brought the saddle down, calmed ruso a bit, and then began the slow process of placing the saddle, the tail piece, and the ties on the bottom. not even a flinch. he didn't move, nor kick, nor anything. so i watched him for a bit like this, walked him around, and then suddenly someone says : "mount him!". and i think to myself, why not. so i have my friend alex hold the horse, and with my stomach, i hop on the saddle. nothing. so i swing my feet into the stirrups. still nothing. i get alex to walk in front of the horse, and he follows. it was amazing. no negative reaction whatsoever. so then yesterday i thought, why not do it again, but this time with the bosal, which is used to drive the horse in one direction or another. mounting was a little harder, because for some reason the first time i placed the saddle on him he threw it off, but with the second time there was no problem. i mounted him again, and tried the bosal. he didn't seem to get it. so then i had my friend pancho walk in front while i tapped the horses ass with the lasso. he started walking, then running, then all of a sudden i was way ahead of pancho with the horse trotting below me. it was amazing. we ended up riding from pancho's house all the way down to the cooperative. just me and the horse. it was hard, and he didn't seem to respond too well to the bosal commands, which i think is my fault due to the lack of ground training. but maybe, i can do it mounted. we'll see. anyway, that's the story. hope you guys like it.

i made my first girevous error in horse training that may cost me about a week of trying to fix it. so a couple days ago I went to a talabateria, or leather shop (where the guy who owns it actually makes all the leather stuff), and bought a saddle and other horse accessories. everything came out to about 7000 lempiras, which brings my horse value up to 15000, or 750 dollars. thank you horse for making me broke. anyway, i hauled all this stuff home and yesterday decided that it was time to begin saddle training. i went into the little grassy area where i keep Ruso, and i slowly placed the mantillon (or little rug that goes under the saddle) on his back. nothing. he didn't move, nor kick, nor throw it off. so i, in my stupidity, decided that we could just walk around with it for a while and he would be just fine. we left the pasture, and started walking down a dirt road towards the soccer field where i do the training. about half way there, the mantillon slipped off of his back, and that is where all of the fun started. as the mantillon hit the ground, the horse reared, and i, feeling the pull of the rope, turned around to find my horse towering above me with its two front feet high in the air. luckily, i survived the incident, but the horse is now scarred for some time. it is impossible to approach him with the thing, as he has now aquired a deep seeded fear of the yellow foam and leather patch of rug. at any approach, he kicks, jumps, and does everything possible to avoid contact. we spent about an hour with me sitting by it, and pulling him to it to smell it, but once 15 seconds passed, he would lose it again. i even tried sitting on it and having him come closer, but as he noticed the yellow foam bellow my ass, he would kick again. i ended up using the time to train him in other things, and i think he now understands the stay command. at least a little. i also taught him to go backwards when i touch his chest, which i will use later to reinforce other moves. all in all training is going well except for this rug setback. i did try something else though, which seemed to work temporarily. i closed his eyes and had someone place the rug on his back, and with that he seemed fine, but as soon as it was taken off, he went nuts. I decided I would leave the rug in his little pasture with him, so maybe just by looking at it all day he'll get used to it. hopefully. if not, i may draw on it in permanent marker and see if the change in color scheme will throw him off. i'll keep you guys updated.in other news, i found local young adults (18-20 so they're technically teens to young adualts, whatever) to run my worm project with me, and then, without me. basically, i will train them to manage and monitor the project, and then in a few months, leave it completely in their hands. whats awesome is that they seem genuinely excited about the concept, and since they're gonna get paid at one point, no one seems to worry. plus, since they're used to getting paid 6 months after doing the work (which is how honduras pays their state employees), they don't seem to mind that they will be working for free for the first two months.