So I randomly check to see if my blogspot is working from time to time..... and here I am. (For the record, I have absolutely no idea why it works sometimes and why it doesn't work. I have tried hotspot shield and it doesn't work for me.)

Summer has finally arrived and I have a feeling it's going to fly by. I keep thinking about this time last year when I was obsessively reading PCV's blogs to see what my experience was going to be like. Thank GOD it didn't turn out to be like any of the blogs I've read. In case any fresh faced volunteers happen to be reading this here's some of my advice, for what it's worth: Don't take anyone's advice seriously. This experience will be your own and it's best if you just dive right in and go for it. Do things yourself. It's easy to just let someone else speak for you (literally) or organize things for you, but I think you'll learn more and feel better about yourself if you just do things on your own. You're probably going to meet a lot of Kaz-20s or Kaz-21s during the first 3 months in country. A lot of them will say things like, "Oh, that will NEVER happen. You'll NEVER get internet. You should NEVER wear shorts. You should ALWAYS do this." Screw them. I have internet and I don't care if I have to eat rice for the next two years in order to have it. I wear shorts and flip flops and don't care if people stare at me. For the first 5 or 6 months I tried really hard to sort of blend in and I tried to change the things that made me happy. But there came a point when I realized that it's okay that I'm American and that I'm never going to blend in and I HAVE to do the things that make me happy (it's the only way I stay sane). So I run, drink beer alone at the bazaar sometimes, walk around town drinking coffee in a to-go mug listening to my ipod, read outside, and try to make my life as best as it can be.

Anyway, I have finally moved out on my own. It's been nearly 3 1/2 weeks and I haven't eaten a single potato!!!!!!!! Potato's are forever ruined in my eyes -- I couldn't shove another one in my mouth to save my life. I wish things would have ended on better terms with my host mom, but they didn't and upon reflection I don't know why I thought they would have. I don't want to get into the gritty details on here, due to my lack of privacy, but it wasn't good.

My new apartment is about the size of a walk-in closet, but it has a porch, a new refrigerator, and a WASHING MACHINE (that I'm actually allowed to use). Anyway, I'm broke as a joke on a corner selling *&$# but it's my apartment and I feel like I can finally breath. It's funny though, I keep feeling like someone is going to take it away from me or something.

This summer's going to be super busy and I'm really excited about it. Patrick's parents are coming in just a few days and mine are coming at the beginning of August! Things are looking up.

Also, I have a project coming up and I'm getting new books for the Resource room at my college! Darien Book Aid is contributing 20 lbs, and I think the middle school in my home town will contribute a few books! I may need money . . . but those ideas will come later.

My priorities for the summer:

Get a tan on my pasty limbsRun moreStudyStudyGo to the beachGet a hair cutGet my Darien BooksGet books from AmericaOrganize the Resource room

Address:

Kazakhstan

Schuchinsk, Akmola Oblast

Building 62

International Street

Apartment 32

Казакстан

Щучинск, Акмола Област

Дом 62

Ул. Интернациональная

Кв. 32

Once again, I am able to access blogspot. For how long? I don't have those kind of answers. I am putting together an American Culture presentation for tomorrow and I don't have much time (mostly because I want to watch a movie tonight).

Things are OKAY. We just had IST (In-service training) also, Nauryz and it was lovely. I had a mess of a time with all the wonderful volunteers down south way. The weather was sunny. The people were perfect and I wasn't ready to go home. I'm still not ready to be home.

I think there must be something like 7 more Mondays left on my school calendar and I couldn't be more excited for the coming summer. Life will be sweet for certain.

Moving out? Possibly. Traveling to Omsk? Hopefully. Getting some much need sun on my pasty white body? Secretly.

Anway, thanks to everyone for their support over the last 8 months. I'll need more of it for the last 20. Keep it coming!!

I miss you. I love you.

Your Audrey.

So, I have about two minutes to write something as I should being leaving for work in about ten minutes, but I just wanted to do a quick update.

Where did I leave off? I really can't remember.

I FINALLY start teaching some real classes this week. Thank God, I was driving myself crazy with all this free time. I take that back, I don't hate the fact that I have so much free time. I hate that there is abbbbsolutely nothing for me to do with that free time. I walk to the store to buy a bottled water, 6 oranges and units for my phone daily just so I leave the house. I have been to the end of the internet and back. I have researched where I want to live when I get home and have it completely decorated. (I have sketches, paint picked out, and swatches of fabric for the couch I'm going to reupholster.) I am going insane. I mean, I tried to go to work. I went everyday and everyday my teachers said, "Audrey, goooo home! Why are you here? Take a book. Have a rest." I'm just glad I got out of the month of January alive.

It's been pretty warm here. And by warm, I mean -20. But really, it's great! I haven't worn long underwear under my dress pants in 4 days.

Tutoring isn't good. I reached an all time low yesterday. I came to the conclusion that I didn't come here to learn Russian; I came here to teach English and . . . other stuff? I mean, I had the best of intentions to learn it and to be a fairly good speaker. I just don't care anymore. If tutoring is only adding stress to my life then I'm done with it.

Anyway, I've been in a rut but I'm slowly climbing my way out. I hear good things about summer. I've just got to hold out and try to stay positive.

To be continued....

I never thought I would cry at the sight of wrapping paper, but I did. I stood in line for an hour at the post office to get my package this afternoon and after being yelled at for not knowing what to do they ended up just handing the package over to me. I'm pretty used to being yelled at by now so I just smiled and said "Thank you, Thank you, Thank you VERY much" (one of my specialty Russian phrases).

I couldn't stand it any longer. I took my package out into the hall, sat myself on the floor and ripped open my cardboard box. I saw a box of spiced chai and other mystery items wrapped in green and red paper. I closed my eyes, put my face in my hands and realized that it's Christmas Eve tomorrow. Suddenly, all I could hear was "Rockin' around the Christmas tree...." I could hardly contain myself. I ran out of the post office clutching onto the package and elbowing everyone out of my way until I got home in my room where it was safe for me to open my gifts. It's easy to blame all my troubles on homesickness and the holidays, but I think it's deeper than that. At what point am I supposed to feel settled? At what point does Russian make sense? When will I be taken seriously at work? It's hard to feel fulfilled when there are so many things missing from your life. My lack of independence is a strain on my mind and body.

Maybe I should stop complaining, turn off N'sync's "Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays" and start being proactive. Do I smell a New Years resolution?

I think it's funny when people ask how I'm doing and I respond with, "Meh, I'm okay." They don't know how to respond and things get awkward. But really, I am okay. It's just this Christmas crap. I planned on pretending that it doesn't exist but that's not working out. In fact, I'm considering purchasing a pair of socks for an enormous 2,000 tenge (about 18 dollars) at the bazaar this week to make myself feel better. I think you should know, this particular shop in the bazaar is like the American Apparel of Kazakhstan. The socks are hand made (in China by 12 year old girls) and they are everything I've been waiting for. . . gorgeous! So judge me if you will, but while you sip on your fifth hot chocolate with a candy cane stirring stick think of me getting giardia while I choke down another mug of instant coffee or stale tea. Oh, you didn't think tea could go bad? Well, it does. And when such things happen life gets ugly.

Work is okay, still holding out for the next semester to mix things up. The kids are fantastic and make me laugh when I'm feeling the worst. Did I blog about my crying incident at school? Well, it's probably a good thing if I haven't. I'm just going to make sure it never happens again and if a teacher falls asleep in another one my of classes I am going to call her out on it! Damnit, I am assertive.

Patrick visited this past week and it was fantastic! I spoke maybe 2 Russian words the whole time and loved every English syllable that flowed from my lips. It's nice not to have to think, question, and worry about every word you're using and what case your using it in. But I've made a promise to be more motivated in learning, practicing, and using Russian. Please don't be mad if I fail.

Anyway, Christmas is coming in just a few short days and I'm bitter . . . very bitter. BUT for New Years I will be in Karaganda, KZ. Jealous???

What's that? You don't know where Karaganda is? Well, grab a map and look for a moderately sized town in the center of Kazakhstan. I will be there enjoying the company of loved ones and kick starting the beginning of 2010.

Okay, so I'm still not 100% on this. But I'm am 100% that this is as good as it's going to get:

Адри Басуел

Нбылнй-Хана 33/59

Щучинск, Акмола Област

Казахстан 021700

(the first thing on the address is actually my name. also, you do still need the english part as well, but it doesn't matter as much, just be sure to put kazakhstan, akmola oblast, Shchuchinsk and 021700) also, my name.

THANK YOU for all your patience. My incompetence is frustrating for us all.

AUDREY BUSWELL

ШУЧИНСК НБЫЛНЙ-ХАНА ДОМ 33 КЬ 49 TEL: 44953

AUDREY BUSWELL

KAZAKHSTANSCHUSCHINSKNBILNI-HANAHOME 33APT 59

Thanksgiving was a success. There were 24 volunteers gathered together in a lodge like oasis fully equipped with turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, and booze. I, of course, was the only one to spill her cookies; don't act like that surprises you. I never thought I was a "puker," who was I kidding, of course I am. I mean, I come from a family of "pukers." I've seen (or heard) every one of my immediate family members puke at least once under the influence (yes, that includes the Deb). I think that just means we're fun. Is "puker" not a word? The red squiggly line implies this. I mean, it surely can't be pukee. I guess it's just never supposed to be used as a noun. I'll just put it in quotations.

Anyway, it was a nice little getaway. I spend a DANGEROUS amount of time alone in my room, so it was nice to breath fresh air for a change. Did you know that I knit now? Well, I do. My mistake: I started out using size 5 needles. Much too small, I tell you. It's taking a lifetime to knit this scarf and I'm beginning to feel the stages of early onset arthritis.

My English Club this week is going to be about American music! Patrick and I made this great quiz for the kids: "Which Rock Star are you?" After the quiz is completed you are told whether you are most like Shakira, Britney Spears, Eminem, Justin Timberlake, Beyonce, or Linkin Park. Believe me, I'm just as concerned about the quality of music from the States that has leaked over to the great Republic of Kazakhstan. But honestly, I'm okay with JT making his moves in the KZ. I love me some "Senorita." Anyway, I am totally most like Beyonce. I've always felt like there was a strange kinship between us. And we pretty much have the same body types . . . right? I might try to enlighten them in the ways of good music, but something tells me they just want to learn the dance to "All the Single Ladies." I will oblige.

It seems like it's going to be a pretty quiet week. My host mom is going to Almaty for a few days and it's going to be nice to have the place to myself for awhile. I'm going to blast Christmas music and drink a disgusting amount of instant coffee all day and night. I live on the edge.

AH! A package is waiting for me in Almaty and my site mate is bringing it back to Schuschinsk! I'm very excited. I hope there are tabloids and Oreos. I'll settle for Fig Neutons but I need to know what's going on with Jon and Kate.

Oh! I do have my new address written out, but Gula wrote it in cursive . . . so I'm going to have my counterpart decode the squiggles. I'll post it soon -- I expect results.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving. I was thinking about all of you. Enjoy the candy cane season (if you send a box of sugar free canes my way I won't be mad).

Thanksgiving is coming and I'm feeling a little down today. I going to miss the Wednesday night before Thanksgiving Day in the big city. The dollar taps, the awkward hellos and what have you been up to's, the smokey bars, the bad music and even worse Club Dimensions, they are all things I've come to look forward to this time of year. Tomorrow will be just a regular day. Time seems to stand still here sometimes.

But I do have my first English Club tomorrow (Thanksgiving themed, of course). I plan on making the students wear either a feather or pilgrim hat the whole hour and then have them act out their vision of how the real Thanksgiving went down -- all to music of my choosing, obviously. My fourth year students can't come, and that sucks because they are always down to play ridiculous games and they always get my cheesy jokes. My third year group is a little sassy. Especially a certain boy named, (who happens to be an EXCELLENT English speaker and I think he may know the ways of the internet so I'm going to give him a fake name) Sven. He always makes inappropriate jokes in class, knowing full well that I'm the only one who understands him (even my counterpart doesn't know what he's saying most of the time). I need to start putting my foot down, with him (he would make a joke about my saying that). For example, today he made a joke about meat -- and all the different uses of it . . . if you can pick up what I'm putting down.

Anyway, my third year group is okay, but I don't think they are all that into making fools of themselves and having a giggle. And I'm all about the giggles, the giggles are what keep me going. So we clash a little. I don't know. I'm bringing candy tomorrow (that is if I can stop myself from eating it all tonight) and if it all goes to hell -- I'm just going to play music and let them eat.

It's not mandatory for them to come and actually it's probably a little bit of a pain. I'm a little nervous there will be like 5 kids there. I'm nervous about there being 5 or 45. That is my nightmare.

I had my first full dream in Russian last night. I still didn't understand what was going on, but it was in Russian!

OH, this weekend I am meeting up with most of the northern volunteers for some Turkey Shashlik and cocktails. There will be about 35 of us together I think, so it will hopefully be a good time. I mean, give me a bottle of vodka, Prince, and a fur hat and this girls pretty happy. Throw some friends in the mix there and I'm giddy as a goat.

Anyway, I didn't sleep last night. I go from being unusually happy to sobbing in my pillow in about the time span of 10 minutes. Anything will set me off. It was Wilco last night and today, who knows, probably that pill of empty candy wrappers mounted on the floor.

Think of me this Thanksgiving and have an extra helping of stuffing. Because it's that time of year. Because I cannot. Because you are lucky to be home.

xoxox

I feel like I have the right to write a few negative things in my own PERSONAL blog, so I'm going to.

I thought I was going to teach this morning at "nine sharp, Audrey ... nine sharp," says my counterpart. Oh, I was there at "nine sharp" but no one else was. Not to mention, I was stopped and detained by the college guard because he didn't believe that I was a teacher. He yelled at me in Russian and when I told him I didn't understand, he didn't seem to care. But alas, I AM a teacher. He soon found this to be true and felt really terrible about stopping me. I then felt really terrible for the all the things I said under my breath about him and his family . . . in English, of course.

I didn't do the first lesson I had prepared because apparently it was nonexistent. I did, however, get to do my second lesson which when pretty well. Today wasn't a total loss. I really want to start getting into a routine of SOMETHING ... God, ANYTHING! Also, I think English Club and the possibility of a "Dance Team" should be good.

That's right, a Dance Team. I thought I had escaped from my past but it seems to follow me no matter where I go. The first day I met some of the girls in my class they said they wanted to learn a Cheerleading routine. I bowed my head in embarrassment and said, "Yes, I have experience in such things." They wanted a Dance Team and that's exactly what they will get. Break out the leg warmers girls, there's a dance craze inside me that only 80s power ballads can fill! I will do my best to spread the knowledge of American pom pom techniques to the world (or at least a small portion of Central Asia).

SO anyway, first experience teaching at my new school: bad and good ... good and bad. Such is life.

I hope to talk to my counterpart tomorrow about hooking up the internet in my room as soon as possible. Just typing that makes me giddy inside.

Okay,

It feels like a lifetime since I updated this thing. And A LOT has happened . . . I mean a lot. Also, a lot of things I'm not going to blog about because I don't want to get into trouble. SO, if you are interested in hearing about what happened the last night I spent with Biba feel free to ask via FB or email. But let me say this, it was a night I hope I never forget and fear I never will.

Onward!

Shushinsk is 1000000x better than Ecik. It's cold and frigid and new/bigger/RUSSIAN . . . but better (no wild packs of dogs, no dirt roads . . . people drive ON THE STREETS and there are street lights!).

I woke up to the smell of pancakes and coffee this morning (albeit instant ... but God Damnit coffee!). My new host mother is about 52 years old with a 20 year old daughter who attends a university in Canada. She is adorable and shoves food at me constantly. I'll take it. Not to dwell in the past, but it's nice to feel wanted.

Also, I really feel like I live in the North Pole. It's precious. The "people" here even speak a cute little Elvish language I think they call "Russian." I just smile, nod and pinch their rosy little cheeks.

Everyone here dresses head to toe in fur and I love it. The outside is cold and inside my cozy little room is warm, life is good right now. So long as I have a hot cup of something to my right a good book to my front and my phone to my left, life is good.

I have a site mate as well, Sagar. And thank GOD for him. I'm actually stealing his internet right this second and I couldn't be more grateful. I feel really lucky to have someone in my town to show me around and tell me what to say and what not to say. Lord knows I have trouble saying the right things at the right times in ENGLISH, you should hear me in Russian.

I have tutor here and I'm scared but excited at the idea that I might be able to one day say more than 5 sentences.

My college is interesting. And once again, I don't want to get into any verbal trouble so I'm just going to leave it as: interesting. I start my first lesson at 9 sharp this coming Monday morning. And I'll hopefully have something positive to say.

Let's see ... there's more, I know ... but it has escaped me.

Until next time, my thoughts are with all of you.

Love,

Audrey

we leave for site on saturday after we are officially sworn in as volunteers. it feels strange that no one from my family will be at what seems like such an important day. pst (pre-service training) has been a blur and i have no complaints. well . . . i can come up with a few, obviously as i love to complain, but for the most part it's been a lot of fun (sometimes probably too much fun).

biba and i have been dancing around eachother since i've been back from the counterpart conference. i wait for her to leave in the morning before i get up to make chai. she comes home late at night, i think hoping i'm asleep. the one time we did sit down for some small talk and chai she cried a little and said she would miss me very much. she kept saying, "Astana, no! Ecik, stay." Oh yeah, we speak half Russian half English and it's barbaric. i think she's very lonely and is afraid to live in her apartement by herself. i've gotten so used to my huge room, seated toilet, and semi regular showers -- i don't know if i can make the switch to the "squat." a toilet and a shower . . . those are my requirments. fso.

anyway, i've been a little down about leaving. i'm afraid to be all alone at a new site and a new school.

brigit, you are the best . . . it's always a complete surprise when i get a hand written letter all the way from the states. it really keeps me uplifted.

i don't think i'll post again before i get to site. here's to a fantastic new host family, a good school, and a new town!

xxx

Aud

i am heading north for the winter (and for the next 2 years). my little corner of the earth is situated near what is known as "the switzerland of kazkhstan" or Borovoe (google it). the actual name of the town i'll be in is something like Shushushik (ugh....so wrong, but i can't find the name anywhere on the net) and i'm really happy with it.

i am getting really excited to leave ecik and start doing what i came here to do. i'm going to miss my language group and a lot of people from PST, but i think change is good on almost all accounts. i'm close to a lot of really great people so that will make things easier.

i'll be working in a college with people who want to become english teachers -- i only hope they are as wonderful as all my girls i've worked with in Ecik are. i've really grown to love them. we went over writing letters in class one day and the very next morning a girl had a letter to show me. she wrote a note to her best friend she was fighting with (in english) and asked me to look it over. she cried a little and tried to explain why they were fighting, i obviously didn't understand. i told her the letter was very well written and that she should be proud of it. at lunch that day she saw me, gave me a huge hug and said the letter smoothed everything over and they are now "best friends forever." i don't know if that story translates into your daily life -- but that moment made my entire training worth while. if i can just be a kind and listening hear to some of these girls my job will be worthwhile.

my russian gets me by, but i definitely plan on getting a tutor while at site. i want to test into the expert range when i leave kazakhstan.

so many things have happen since my last post -- so i'll just list a few things i don't feel like typing out.

-stayed over night in almaty for some quality drunken laughs

-may or may not have contributed to a murder scene (no explaination necessary)

-bbq at the sassman's house (very nice and relaxing)

-2nd hand witness to a kidnapping in a school (i'm still not ready to tell my parents about this)

-sick -- very VERY sick

-somehow lost my memory stick for my camera -- so someone should send me a new one ASAP :)

i miss you all. you are all so wonderful for all the emails. i WILL figure out a group mailing system and stop being such a bad friend.

love

audi

we find out our official sites this week -- let's all pray that audrey isn't sent to the middle of the country all by herself.

things have been going really well. the teaching this week was my best stuff yet. i've gotten good at coming up with menial tasks for my girls to do when i've run out of stuff to teach. they all just want to talk about boys and where i go on the weekends though -- it's hard to teach sometimes when they just want to chat. also, i'm not really teaching them anything new because their teacher goes over what i'll be doing the day before EVERY TIME. it's frustrating but i have to keep reminding myself that i will only be here for a couple more weeks.

i miss coffee and good beer so much it hurts. i also miss being able to walk down the street without being attacked by children wanting my autograph. (please...you know i relish in their love. in fact, i'm afraid that when i go back to the states i'm going to be hurt by the lack of attention i'm going to get. if you need an ego boost -- come to kazakhstan.)

i really don't know where the line of appropriate behavior for women begins and ends -- i feel like i've definitely made some mistakes and will probably make some more. i pretty much can't wait to start over with a host family. you know what i'm talking about.

i absolutely love my language teacher and almanti. they make kazkakhstan worthwhile. my russian is still lacking, but i've accepted it.

i keep thinking about what it would be like if a kazakhstani person lived with my parents for 3 months and how uncomfortable that would be. i need to keep putting things in perspective.

generally, i'm positive and ready for the next step.

i miss you.

write me.

so once again, i am yearning for more time on the internet -- but i'll take what i can get.

it's hard to think of what to write about because so many things happen in a day. which is why i need to learn russian better so i can read my computer screen and use the flash drive i have.

anyway, i had my first lesson and really enjoyed it!! i'm pleased to say it didn't bomb, i didn't slap a child and i didn't spoon my eyeballs out of my head. the kids are great. they all seem to really be interested in learning english and america -- it's nice to feel needed and wanted.

we went to lake ecik the other day. it was cool. i was wearing my toms and now they are ruined. my fault. i am plagued by always wearing bad shoes. no matter where in the world i find myself i am always caught in the rain. one day i'll have read the forcast and prepared myself accordingly.

i'm happy here. and i think that's a good thing to tell people. i know how informative my blogs usually are.

i need to start incorporating more cultural things.

a typical day:

get up at 6 am

start walking to school by 7

get to school by 8

6 hours of russian

lesson planning

walk home by 630ish

get home by 715ish

eat dinner ... alone usually

talk to mom and dad at 930ish

watch LOTR - fellowship until i fall asleep by 10

oh yeah, and fail epically at russian every second of the day.

10 things that will likely kill me during my 2 year service:

1. the walk to school -- cars/gipsy taxi

2. the walk home from school -- cars/gipsy taxi

3. the rabid dogs

4. the raw meat sitting out for two weeks on our kitchen counter

5. having the raw meat for dinner

6. carb overload (i don't want to talk about it)

7. the clap (aparently it's a big deal here)

8. the squat toliets -- nuff said

9. banyas -- also, don't want to talk about it

10. being forced to wear inappropriate shoe wear every second of every day

i love your emails

keep doing it

i hope to know my permanent site in the next few weeks :)

i hope also that it's exactly the place i have mapped out in my mind and that i'm surrounded by all the people i really like -- i hope also that the peace corps staff reads that last post.

xoxoxoxo

audrey

okay, once again i had 4 days worth of blog material and now it's gone.

BUT!

i'm better.

all the volunteers have been playing soccer and ultimate frisbee and that's been awesome.

we've been able to observe a few classes and it's been enlightening . . . to say the least. in a few words, the kids mostly talk out of turn, but it's okay because they seem to really care about learning and they are all so enthusiastic. the teachers mostly ignore the female students -- per usual in the kaz. but that will be changed when i'm in a classroom.

i'm really kind of looking forward to putting together lesson plans and then getting into a classroom.

i am TERRIBLE at russian. and when i say terrible i really...really mean it. haha, i'm told it will get better and i'm sure it will (as will eveything else) so i'm just waiting for my Ah! Hah! moment.

i found out some seriously interesting information about my host mother -- i really don't know if it's appropriate for blogs so i'll have to save that for personal email. let's just say it involves a loved one, theft, and jail time. hahaha

but biba and i did have a moment for bonding this past week. i got out of the shower after a long day and she pulled me right into her room. (mind you, she doesn't speak a word of english.) she proceeds to blow dry my hair for the next hour and then put some sort of hair mask on it. i was concerned as it was GREEN... when she washed out the green goop she started to put curlers in my hair -- i have a MASSIVE amount of hair -- it took an hour. i had to then sleep in these curles and when we woke up we listened to some snoop dog and she poofed my hair to a size i thought not humanly possible. it wouldn't have been so bad if she didn't make me go to the parade that way.

yes, i had to go to the constitution day parade with MASSIVE curls and loads of spray. it was pretty hilarious.

okay. i'm going to almaty this weekend and i think i'm bringing my computer, so hopefully i'll have some internet time.

my posts will get better and i will email all of you. promise.

i love you

i'm thinking of you.

i'm trying to figure out what the deal is with getting stuff off my flash drive. and i can't figure it out . . . damnit.

so i had probably 5 days worth of blog material on that drive and it's pretty much gone. so now you're stuck with really poorly written, chaotic material.

a lot has happened so far and it would be impossible to it justice. oh well.

let's see.

we went on a bus to go to our house families house. when we got off the bus the family was supposed to be there to pick you up, take you home, feed you and send you off to bed.

well, this is what happened to me.

two old people were at the bus stop holding a sign with my name. they only spoke kazakh. they put my crap in their car and and drove off into the the dusty abyss.

they stopped at an apartment complex took my crap out of the car and drove off. there i stood.

suddenly, three young men came down the stairs of the apartment, took my things, and rushed me up the stairs. i was greeted by at least ten people, none of whom speak even a little bit of english.

ten minutes of "HELLOs!" later everyone left and i was alone with a young women of 24. I didn't know where i was, who this woman was and why the old people dropped me off.

we were eating dinner ( . . hmm 3 day old noodles and oil) and i just burst into tears. the woman was VERY concerned. she called peace corps staff and had them talk to me on the phone.

they finally explained that she was at work so was unable to pick me up from the bus and that it would just be me and Biba (the 24 year old woman).

things have been okay with biba and me. we don't talk much and i think she gets frustrated that i don't know either kazakh or russian. ugh, so mostly i pretend to go to sleep at 9 pm and watch sex and the city episodes (thanks sarah).

i had 8 hours of russian language classes today. god, they really pound it into us. it's like they want us to know it or something . . . yeah, we'll see. ;)

I'm trying really hard, but it's just very . . . difficult.

I hope to make more trips to the internet cafe and to post some pictures when i figure out how.

i walked 40 minutes to class this morning at 7 and had to ask for directions 4 times . . . i was 10 minutes late but glad to be alive.

everything has been okay though. it's hard but okay. brian and i are good -- he calls a lot and so do my parents. bless their souls it's going to cost them their life savings.

i miss you all so much. i am safe and okay. please write and let me know if you want my number!!!! text me via skype!

i love you.

email :)

This might be the last time I have internet use for awhile so I wanted to update before we left today.

We had staging yesterday. It was long, informative, and long. 12:00 - 8:00. It was great to finally meet the other volunteers. I think everyone is pretty nice and they all seem to have a lot to offer. We're all in pretty much the same boat, scared and alone. There are a couple married couples and I can't help but get a little jealous. Going with someone you love must feel so reassuring and exciting.

They talked a lot about what a volunteer should or shouldn't blog about. And now I'm afraid to really blog about anything. There apparently have been loads of volunteers kicked out of the program for things they've said on their blog. It really doesn't seem fair. I can imagine that most of us probably won't have very much internet time -- so blogging is the easiest and most effective way to reach a large group of people. I guess I'll have to save juicy details for the few emails I will be able to send.

Anyway, we leave D.C. at 5:45. Arrive at Frankfort for a 5 hour layover. And finally get to Almaty at 1:15 a.m.

Apparently, we are expected to look nice and dress business casual on the plane so when we get off we don't look like grungy Americans. We'll see.

I'm a Group Leader . . . meaning, I'm in charge of counting heads, collecting money, handing out passports, visas, tickets and generally just knowing things. For those of you know know me well . . . you're laughing. I tend to just raise my hand and volunteer for things without fully thinking it through. This has been an issue my whole life.

Well, I'll probably update or email in Frankfort if they have wireless.

I miss you all terribly. It's hard to find it in me to be strong and not burst into tears all the time. But I don't really have a choice I guess.

I love you . . . a lot.

It is just terribly perfect that I am the very first person from the Peace Corps to arrive at the hotel.  It's also typical that they send me a day early only to FORGET to book my hotel room for a day earlier and then blame it on me.  Apparently, its my fault that they booked my flight but not my hotel room.  The flight here went just a little too smoothly something was bound to combust. 

So here I sit.  I don't know what I'm waiting for.  I do what I'm told.  I'm guessing I'll have to pay out of pocket for this nights stay and then maybe get reimbursed.  Bluh, whatever.   I'm a little more than concerned that I packed too much.  I mean, I'm dangerously close to that 100 lb limit.  After reading what some of the other PCVs plan on bringing, I have a feeling I'm going to be the odd one out.  I'll be outcast to the front of the bus.  They'll say, "You!  Hey you, with the hair!  Yeah, you'll need to sit in the front with all the non-socials and translators."  And there I'll sit, wearing a khaki skirt, button up sweater and stuffing my face with my remaining skittles.  But they'll be the sorry ones.  When it's -40 and the two long sleeved shirts they decided to bring are stained with sweat and the dirt from the hot September days, I'll have a good little chuckle.  

I'm feeling a little distraught as I count down the hours before I leave. And I just want to practice putting up photos and jot down a few thoughts.

I couldn't ask for more supportive friends and family.I am so SICK of downloading movies and Sex and the City episodes (but know that I will need them).Material things I am going to miss: Alterra, Root Beer, Spotted Cow, the internet, hard copy books, drip coffee, fresh mozzarella sandwiches, Christmas sweaters, Christmas cookies, Christmas lights, all things Christmas, diet pepsi, Radio Milwaukee 88.9, and spray butter.  

I leave tomorrow for D.C. 

Call me.

Write me.

Don't forget about me.

  

It was never my intention to get too personal in this blog.  Strictly updates and funny stories to please the many viewers at home.  The sob stories and insecurities are supposed to be left for personal emails.  But I have to admit, it's hard not to get personal.  In fact, this whole experience seems overly emotional and personal.  

I leave for D.C. on Monday the 17th -- and then for Kazakhstan on the 19th.  And really, to reiterate my blog name, I don't know how to exactly type the gitters and nauseous feeling in my stomach.  

This summer has been a roller coaster.  I don't know if I've ever cried so much and so hard for so many months in my entire life.  The anticipation is killing me.  What if I don't connect with anyone and I'm left friendless for the next two years.  What if things don't go the way I want them to with Brian and I have to deal with that all alone . . . in Kazakhstan.  What if I can't find a decent cup of coffee for Christ's sake?!  Because if I have my Kindle and an endless cup of coffee streaming my way, I'm pretty much okay.  

Anyway, I still have shopping to do.  I haven't really started packing yet, except for the imaginary list I've been making in my mind.  I've never owned so many gadgets before in my life.  I don't like it.  There are just too many wires, cords, chargers and nowhere to store them.  

I leave Tomah for Milwaukee on Friday.  I'll be visiting friends that Friday night and Saturday morning and then I'll have the night with Brian.  My parents come to Milwaukee on Sunday with my bags and their love and I fly out Monday morning.  I'll have to find my way from the airport to the hotel -- but then I'll have the night to myself . . . sulking and sobbing the night away.  

How am I feeling?  In a word, terrified.  But ultimately, I have to believe that everything that can happen will.  And life is too precious and short to be planned around anyone else.  

I sometimes envy my classmates who are finding jobs, buying furniture and clothes they actually want to wear.  I used to think that the quality of life should be based on the amount of experiences a person has.  I'm beginning to think it's about the time you spend around loved ones.  I'm happy to be traveling around the world.  And I know that two years in the span of a lifetime means nothing.  But I also know that two years without being near the ones you love really feels like a lifetime.  I don't know where this experience will take me or where I will take it.  But I do know that this is the only time in my life that I've ever felt like I've had to believe in something to survive.  And I do.  

If you are interested in sending me a letter or some sort of package (yeah!) you will be able to reach me at this address for the NEXT THREE MONTHS :

Peace Corps Kazakhstan

P.O. Box 257

Almaty 050022

Kazakhstan

ATTN: Audrey Buswell

Корпус Мира Казахстан

а/я 257

050022 Алматы

Казахстан

ATTN: Audrey Buswell

After the three months of training I will be placed my permanent two year site. (I'll let you know the address when I know what it is.)

Meanwhile, here are some helpful hints for sending mail to Kazakhstan:

At the post office: Airmail delivery of letters and packages generally take between 7-14 days. Your post office will be able to assist in determining a reliable and cost-effective way of shipping items to yours truly.

A note on sending packages: Please be sure to seal all packages with strong packing tape. Insuring the package may discourage tampering and pilfering. PC/Kazakhstan cannot be held responsible for damaged or open packages.

Please remember to put MY name on the envelope or package to ensure delivery.

****Feel free to print this out and paste the address on to the package (or whatever). ****

In order for the mail to reach me the post office will need both the English and Russian version of the address.

That's right people, Audrey is running a marathon.  Sometimes I happen to forget to tell people it's a HALF marathon, but it's a marathon nonetheless.  Ahem, right??? Actually, this fragmented truth has been occurring a lot lately and I'm starting to get caught in my tiny white lies (however funny I think they are).  

Since I've just finished school, people naturally have a lot of questions about where I plan on taking my life.  And I've come up with a lot of answers for these people.  For example,  three people from my high school think I'm starting law school at the U of M this fall.  And as soon as they starting asking specific questions I defer, defer, defer. 

I've found the questions I get about my imaginary future are much easier to answer than my actual future.   I feel like I'm being sent off to war sometimes and everyone always has an opinion.  It's easier to just not say anything.  

But in the end, I really am only running a half marathon and I'm really not going to law school.  Maybe I'm too nervous to talk about PC.  Or maybe I just don't want to be greeted with same old questions because, for the most part, I can barely answer them for myself.

I took up the Peace Corps offer for the use and 'practice' of Rosetta Stone.  Now . . . I've always thought I had a pretty decent capability for picking up languages.  Russian has NOT been one of those languages.

I've been using Rosetta Stone for almost 3 months (however, I take into consideration the distraction of finals -- so really it's only been about 2.5 months) and I've only made it onto Unit 2.  I know that I probably could have devoted a little more time into my Rosetta Stone learning experience, but who has that kind of time?   I've stopped working now so I plan on putting a lot of time in these last few weeks.   Yeah, I'm still concerned.

Why so worried?  Well, the ONE condition of accepting this Rosetta Stone package was that I finish 40 hours (at least) of practice.  I thought, "Blah, no big deal.  I'll just pound it out."  Little did I know how difficult Russian is.  Nonetheless, I was optimistic at first.  Russian was new and exciting.  Not to mention, the first lessons were vocabulary words like dog, cat, horse, and so on.  I went around my house saying things like, "Cobaka ect!"  And believe me, I thought I was pretty fantastic for stringing those two words together.   Shortly after my fluffy vocabulary intro lesson, things took a turn for the worst, and by that I mean GRAMMAR.

I started skipping sections and then feeling bad about it so I'd go back and try to complete them.  But after going back I realized again why I skipped those sections in the first place and I no longer felt bad; I just moved on.  I haven't exactly figured out what the penalty is for not completing 40 hours . . . thus my concern continues.

I realize this is probably not the best way to approach the language I'll have to speak for the next 27 months; but it's the best I've got.   Now excuse me, I need to go wash the puke out of my mouth after saying 27 months out loud.  

--- I'm curious who else has used this Rosetta Stone and how you feel about it.  Fill me in.  Also, I'd really love to follow the people who are following me/read the blogs of those who have commented on my blog.  But it's all very complicated here on the internet and I'm at a technological standstill -- setting up this blog was a big deal for me. 

I really didn't want to do one of these, you know, pre-service blogging stints...but it's just too tempting.

For the past five months (at least) I have been absolutely consumed by reading the blogs of Peace Corps Volunteers in Kazakhstan. I thought they would maybe ease my fears and give me positive insight as to how my life will be in the coming month. Though I have definitely gained insight into the lives of volunteers, the blogs have all but ease my fears. But I've decided to not let myself be negative and to take matters into my own hands, or blog.

The Peace Corps has always seemed like a bit of a dream, to me. Its been a dream in a sense that its always been far away and something I would talk about and have to explain. But its never seemed real, until now.

I leave for Washington D.C. on August 17th and then leave for Kazakhstan on August 19th.

Flights are booked, hotel room reserved, fear commenced.

I have yet to start packing. It's cold in Kazakhstan, but I'm not afraid of winter...I'm from northwestern Wisconsin. I am, however, afriad of not having enough room for all my Christmas sweaters. How will I live without winter white, snowflake clad, knit sweaters in the dead of January?? Someone please promise me LandsEnd delivers internationally.

Everyone keeps talking about how long underwear is so important. I had one family of a PCV tell me to buy a few pairs of SILK long underwear. Where does one even buy long underwear, let alone high end silk night stockings? How about I wear pants. Pants are good and when worn correctly they cover the entire leg; I think I'll stick with pants.

To bring winter boots or to buy them there = my conundrum. I plan on bringing a pretty heavy winter coat in my suitcase (and by "pretty heavy" I mean it's more like a down comforter covering my entire body than it is a coat) so I don't know if I'll have the room for winter boots. However, my feet are size 6 1/2, which is a hard size to find state side, so I can't imagine Kazakhstan carries 6 1/2 narrow, calf-length Uggs. I can't help but think that Africa would be much easier to pack for.