It's been a little while since I have posted anything and there has been many changes to my life here in Tovuz, Azerbaijan. Recently, I moved into a new house that my friend here helped me find. It really is quite big for just myself and can say that I lucked out. I made the decision quite late in the game and was all determined to stay with my host mom until I talked with a lot of people who were moving out. I am about to turn 28 years old and thought I was really going to miss out on having my own space and actually living on my own in a foreign country so I made the decision. It was really hard to tell my host mom who could not understand why I did not want to stay with her. She actually has been trying to blame my friend for talking me into leaving her, which I had to explain was not the case. It's hard for Azerbaijanis to understand why someone would want to live on their own because not even men do, everyone lives with some of their relatives. I heard everything from, well don't you like your mom? to aren't you going to be afraid? Now that I have settled in I can tell though that my conversation club girls are excited about coming over and really want to get started on a Cooking Club.

I think it's a great example to set for a woman here to move out of her host family and the exciting thing is that after moving out guesting is actually a lot more fun. I am away from Azerbaijanis for a good part of my day and when I go over to their house to have dinner it seems in a way that we both appreciate it more. Of course, it helps me to not have to spend any money or time on food that night, but also when your living with a family theres this obligation to be around and sometimes you turn down guesting opportunities becuase of them. I have a lot more freedom and even though I sometimes get lonely it's been really worth it. Having a house though does add a lot more problems to the mix of your life. For one cleaning is so much harder because I have to go outside for water and there's no vaccum cleaner, washing machine, or dishwasher. You spend a lot of time trying to keep everything up and I didn't realize also how many problems I would have since I moved into a house that no one has lived in in some time.

1) Fridge wasn't working - got that fixed

2) Heater - has a clog and almost killed myself and my friend after the room filled up with carbon monoxide. Thanks Jessi for saving our lives.

3) Gas leak in my shower - I have to turn on the water heater and open all the doors / windows then shut off the gas before I shower each time.

4) Western style toliet that doesn't flush - I have to get water to flush it and it definitly can't handle multiple people using the bathroom over a weekend so I need a plunger. Never thought I would wish for a squat toliet, but it's so much easier.

5) Power going crazy - I turn on the lights and then plug in my computer and everything goes crazy - luckily after the power went completely out for two days they came and fixed everything.

6) The elusive slime bug - I have no idea what the hell it is or when at night it decides to slime all over my kitchen, but I'm going to keep a close watch out for the day of my revenge. It slimed all over my cleaning pad and then crapped on it.

I guess the importance of each one of these problems is really learning how to think on your feet and make things work. It's a lesson that most of us have learned already even only being in the country for 7 months. Volunteer life is so different and my children will hate me for having experienced all of this because there will be no excuses.

So I am now at my organization after having ravished a doner, I know that sounds really bad, and wanted to jot down this awesome adventure I just completed. I woke up this morning to really great weather so I sat on the swing by my house and wrote down some thoughts. My host mom actually pushed me a little too while she was feeding the chickens. I said to myself, today is the day you need to do something all yourself. Having sitemates mean you spend your off time most likely hanging out with other Americans and I've been traveling a lot so some good me time was really needed. I love to go exploring and had never been down to our castle. It's not a real castle, but one they built near the entrance of the city that has a restrauant near by. It was not open and so I looked over to the river and saw a way down.

The river isn't really that high and has rocks that break up the little water it has so you can actually go far out into the river. It started just with I want to check out the water and then I'll go home. I saw the forest though and couldn't help myself. Now this is not Zagatala forest or other ones you might imagine. It was clear that these trees were planted some time ago in vertical lines, but it was good enough for me. I found my tree with a rock to sit down and just think, something I had been envisioning for some time. After that it just continued with me wanting to go a little farther and I actually found a picnic area where the Azerbaijanis go when it's Spring. A clearing with trees and stones, which looked like graves and a little hut with a bed where I sat imagining I was someone else. I was actually some distance above the river walking along a semi-mountain for around 4 hours.

It was really great and liberating because I was all by myself. I sang to my heart's content and even danced to the embarassment of the forest. There was no wildlife so I didn't have any close encounters. I then called Lorena my sitemate who lives in the village to tell her where I was and that we should all go hiking here tomorrow in the morning. I was quite confident that if I just continued along the river I would end up on the other side of town where Josh and I once walked to. This proved to be really wrong.

After awhile, I started to see the railway tracks and as I got closer thought that I would just go under them by getting down to the river or just cross them if it came down to it. Then there was this fence that bordered off where I needed to go to get pass the tracks. I saw that it ended with just a little grass that I could slip over without falling in so I went for it. Bad Idea!!! As I started to look around on where I could go next I hear this man yelling at me from above and realized it was a policeman. He kept asking me over and over again, hara gedirsen? (where are you going?). Ofcourse, I didn't know and do not have the language ability to really explain what the hell I was doing out in the middle of nowhere by myself and a woman. All I had was my walking stick so I started to point out where I started and if it was Olar to pass over the tracks. The whole time he's yelling at me and then into his radio where I see two other guys across the river looking quite agitated. Finally, he just had me come up to the tracks and I really didn't know what was going to happen. I had my phone on me just in case I needed to call the Peace Corps if I did somehow get arrested. He was really cool though and just told me that I couldn't walk along the tracks, but could go down and over.

About that time, I see this woman with what looked like a turban on her head walk onto the tracks across from me and they start talking about, where in the world this girl came from and where was she going. The whole situation was a bit absurd and I couldn't help but to laugh and believe me they either laughed with me or at me. So I crossed over to the tracks where she was at and started to realize that I was really far away from Tovuz and made it to one of the villages at the basin of the large mountains. It came time for me to swallow my pride and ask if I could get a taxi. So that's what I did and it cost me 5 manat. Thank goodness I had the sense to bring money with me and that I ran into some nice people to help the lost American.

This was my great adventure and has given me the courage to have lots more.

Last Monday was Women's Day here in Azerbaijan and it brought up a lot of feelings, questions, and thoughts about the status of women in this country. I do not want to start a political discussion just merely to state how great the women are here, but yet how limited their lives can end up being. In America, women are actually able to make a significant amount of decisions about how their life will be and live independent lives. We make the choice to stay at home or when we will be married and to who. Going to college and then working or living alone are just what people do and so being here it is frustrating at times to realize that women just do not have the ability to make those decisions. It's not really the government more than tradition and culture. The highlight of the future for a lot of the young women I work with is their Toy (wedding), but there are some that have different goals yet may be forced to give those up for marriage. It's the thought that these brillant young women with great souls and questioning minds will have to give up their dreams or hopes at such young ages, like 23 or 24, that bothers me.

The family is the most important component to society here and I really do appreciate that. It's much different then how I was raised being far away from my extended family. The issue I see though is that young women and men are not able to really live independent lives even after marriage where they will live with the man's family. I do not have a complete understanding of why, but can speculate that it's due to economics, culture, and religion. Even the men do not have a wide variety of choices on professions or how to live differently then everyone else, but at least they have the power over making decisions when they are an adult and married. A lot of times women here will not work after marriage or they will work as teachers and then come home. Due to strict gender guidelines, there is no real appropriate place for women to gather socially. Women are not allowed to frequent any places with a majority of men so that means tea houses and internet clubs are off limit. Currently, I am writing a grant to buy computers and set a resource center specifically for women so they have access to the internet and computer courses. I hope this will help, but it's hard to make an impact.

So much here is based on the reputation of the woman or man. There are certain things that women can not do or they will be talked about badly and it would ruin their chances of being married. I get away with a lot just because I'm an American so I want to encourage these young women to change, but I am limited due to the fear of somehow negatively impacting how the women will be seen in the community. The issues here with women's independence really will only be changed through generations. I hope that the women I work with will give their daughters an opportunity to make more decisions becauseI fear it's too late for them. I will in my two years here see the young women I work with get married and I hope they will be happy, but I worry they may not be.

I thought this would be a useful guide for all those venturing to enter into the Peace Corps and by chance assigned to Azerbaijan. Guesting probably applies to other countries as well, like Armenia and Georiga, but here it is a real experience you'll enjoy several times a week for the rest of your service. I actually can say that many PCVs actually survive on guesting when money happens to be tight or when your host mom only cooks you potatoes for days on end. It is also the best way for you to use your Azerbaijani, get to know your community, and make great friendships.

First, understand that there is a process to guesting and it can not be interrupted or you will spend at least 15 minutes trying to excuse / explain yourself. Expect to be at someone's house for at least 3 hours and Always / Always tell your host family when you go guesting or you will be forced to eat once you get home, again. The fact that I've lost not a single pound here is testimony to not realizing this needed to be done to save my stomach from exploding.

So, the meal starts like this: tea: piping hot tea with your choice of various cookies, cake, chocolates, and sometimes gummies which my friends buys especially for me since there awesome. Also, when you have tea you always have jam and I will stress how important trying the jam is for getting in with the women. They love their jam and love anyone who eats it while saying how tasty everything has been.

Next, the main course: do not be afraid to tell people if they ask what you want to eat exactly what you like. I always list off dolmas, kabob, kitaf, plov, etc... If I am going to be forced to eat mass amounts of food I prefer to eat at least things I really like. Also, the drink of choice is kompot which is very sweet juice they make themselves or soda.

Tips to the main course:

Don't be afraid to start eating right away - they are waiting for you to start before anyone else.Take a little each time, but understand that you will be required to eat more than everyone around you. Plan on taking at least 2 plates of food so that's why I make it small or eat more meat than bread, etc...You have to eat bread with your food, you can not get away with not doing so without a major headache on your hands or at least I've not figured out the trick.The women will yell Eat! Eat! so be smart on what you chose and how much.After the main course, you will again have tea and this time probably more cakes. You basically repeat the beginning of the guesting at the end with having jam, etc.... Leave room for fruit which they love to have at the end of a meal becuase you will be asked to eat.The question you will hear the most during guesting is, "why are you not eating". That's why it's important to have a game plan and to tell your host family. I hope this guide helps and I will also stress how much fun guesting can be. I love going over to my friend's houses or my relatives who are all crazy as hell. I'm stuffed with food through the suffering have really gained an understanding of the people here by being invited to their homes.

So everyone told me to look out for this horrible month called February, "just make it until after February and everything will be okay." I'm making it, but God this month really sucks. I guess it's because I'm a Florida girl now living with snow everyday for the past week and dreading the thought of another day in the cold. I'm dealing with it. It could be the fact that I learned my organization is most likely going to have to close becuase of no money, I fell on my face and now only have a red spot but had a huge scrap under my eye, was stuck on a train for 20 hours trying to make it to Baku, and now struggling to breath since I have basically the plague. Everything really happened all at once. So I'm a tad depressed. I can't wait until the warm rays of Spring shine down on Tovuz and I can sit on the swing outside of my house reading a great book without a care in the world. Until that point I have to write a Business plan for my organization which we have to put in effect immediately and then begin writing a grant we need desperately to survive. If all things go well then I can say this organization has a chance to be sustainable and if it doesn't then I'll just become a YD independent contrator. I'm hoping we have the time needed to make a difference because my director is great and has been working for nothing since the beginning of the financial problems.

Everything here is at least communicated to me at the very last moment and it's very challenging to make a difference when your not really in the loop like you should be. I'm not the only one having problems, which makes me feel better and I do realize that I wouldn't be in the Peace Corps if I wasn't dealing with things like this. It's been almost three months so I can't be too hard on myself and can say it's been quite easy starting my English Conversation Clubs / Computer Clubs. This month will be the challenge on trying to get other projects started.

So far I am working on getting a Creative Art Workshop for the holiday here called Novruz where children can come to create water color paintings of the different elements. Starting business seminars for college students and adults in the community, which I will be starting this Saturday so wish me luck. Getting a Writing Club going for the Writing Olypmics in April. Tutoring students for the GRE & TOEFL tests. Starting an AZETA branch here in Tovuz.

Lot's of lofty goals and ideas. Not all of this I am doing myself, everything I am doing I am working with Azeri and PCV counterparts. It's a lot and I need to prepare myself for some of it not working out so I can be realistic on what are my real priorities. Now the real work begins.....

Other than the work, my host family is fantastic. My host mom is really awesome, she does these little dances when she makes fun of me. Has tucked me in almost every night since I've been sick and has me addicted to this Mexican soap opera doubed over in Azeri. I have no idea what the hell is going on, but we debate who is a good girl or bad guy. I will no doubt probably just stay here the whole time I'm here as long as my sitemate moves out so I have a place to drink and smoke. An outlet is always needed in Azerbaijan. My sitemates are great though and I am really fortunate to have easy going /motivated people around me. This month also I am going to start visiting other areas of Azerbaijan, which will include: Feb - Ming March - Lankeran / Lerik / Belagayn (maybe). I've decided once a month I will travel out of site to see other people and as much as this country as possible.

So even though I'm having a crappy month so far - oh did I mention it's VDay today - there's still lot's of things that are going well and lot's of things to look forward to.

Sooo here I am in the computer club, actually not the only woman in the place due to my far off site mate skyping with her boyfriend next to me, and realizing that being different has now become normal. Last weekend, I talked to a fellow volunteer who had just gotten back from the land known as America and it was scary what she talked about. Being overwhlemed by so many people and too many choices, missing your simple life, and being saddened a little that your not so popular back home where you can melt right into your surroundings. Here everything I do is noticed and everytime I walk down the street it's liking walking on the cat walk in a new fancy outfit from some famous designer. Some people loving the creation others scauffing at how ridiculous it looks. It bothered me a little in the beginning, but now it doesn't really phase me anymore - with one exception - when your standing/sitting someone and this guy just stares as if he's been starving for weeks and your a beautifully cut / cooked steak. You can't really divert your eyes because of where your at and you dare not stare back for fear he'll start talking to you (Quite Annoying). I've started staring though too, like it's contagious, I see these little Russian kids with blonde hair and blue eyes and stare with the single thought of hey you look like me. They turn around or catch my stare and give me the same look as if we both understand we're different and in a way they sympathize too. People are not mean to me, quite the contrary actually, they just stare like I'm an animal at the zoo.

Everyone here has of course dark hair, dark eyes, and wear a lot of black. I'm 5'11, long light brown hair, pale skin, green/brown eyes, and love wearing color. I thought at first when I was in training that being at your permament site one had to really emerse themselves into the culture and make sure that they were always a good Azeri girl. I thank the heavens now that I was placed in the Wild West where there is an ability for me to be myself. I can do a lot of things that other women can not just because I'm American and I take advantage of that. I think the largest part of me being here is just being different and confident about that. How can I truely express what it is to be an American if I don't act like myself? So I stick out all the time, but I've really embraced it and the people here have embraced me for who I am. Even when they look with horror as I walk down the street eating and drinking from a bottle, I love those moments.

I make these observations because no one back home can understand what it's like being here so helping to describe the people / country / or strange events that happen to me is the only way I know to put things into perspective. I love this country, love my host mom, and adore my conversation club members.

It's a good feeling now that I've been here for more than a month and have a great group of Azeri's that I work with. Problems are always around and I have to remind myself to take things slower, but the women that I work with are super eager to be involved in my projects. Soon the focus will be on their projects with me just organizing in the shadows, making things sustainable. I was really made to do work like this, in a country where I still can't speak the language. Everyday I'm amazed with the types of reationships I make and the amount of people that are interested in working with me. Being positive is the only advice I can give to those thinking about the Peace Corps because it makes the difference between wanting to go home everyday or being excited about the next two years of your life. I can't wait to see how things will work out in the end and what I will look back on once I'm on that plane back to America.

It's been sometime since I last updated my blog and a lot has happened. I have officially sworn in as a volunteer, which definitly was one of the moments in my life where I was most proud of myself and wished my family was there to witness it. Shortly afterwards, I moved to Tovuz and have been adjusting to life in the wild wild west. Tovuz is located between Armenia and Georgia in the western part of Azerbaijan. This town was actually founded orignally by Germans and now is one of the most liberal areas in the country, but liberal is a difficult word becuase it still seems quite conservative compared to life in America. The people here are different then those in Sumgayit and it's quite refreshing. I've seen smiling faces in the streets, husbands and wives clearly in love, people who look like me (Russians of course), and people who are extremely eager to be my friends or help me with my work. The town itself is not clearly a city, but could not be considered a village because of the size and amentities. Life in the village is really different from what I see when I visit Lorena the AZ 6 in the village near by. There everyone knows her and what she has been doing, no privacy to be heard of, and the markets do not even have a sign. We literally had to ask several people and then went into this random door to buy a wide range of items from what seemed to be a bomb shelter - we determined this was where we would hide if zombies or war broke out.

My host family here in Tovuz is really great. It's actually just my host mother and myself living in her winter house. There is two houses, one larger one that is quite hard to heat so I have not yet been inside and a smaller one just out back where we are currently residing. It's really a great place with this gigantic wooden / metal swing that overlooks the yard that is filled with lot's of fruit trees. In the summer this place is going to be gorgeous and I can already tell the amount of hours I will spend on the swing. I have two host brothers and a host sister, but none of them actually live with us.

As for my organization, we are not really doing anything yet. I work for Regional Cooperation & Community Development Center, Tovuz branch, which really serves as a information center for the community. There are some projects that we have received grant money for, but she really doesn't know yet what is active. So far I have started a small English club where I am teaching English, but hope to soon get into the schools where I can begin after school programs or computer courses. The goals here are mainly to get funding for computers that would be designated for women to use. In Azerbaijan, women do not enter the internet cafes and no one really has internet in their homes. The reason for this is mainly the fact that men frequent the cafes and play games or look at porn. Women as expected to stay at home for the most part, especially if they are married, and if there are areas with a majority of men it will look badly on them if they hang out in those areas. It's all about your reputation in this country even to the degree that women are isolated from being able to socialize or work. There has been success in other organizations and PCVs getting funding and setting up internet areas for women so I am excited about working on this project.

Right now everything is an opportunity, but I have to remind myself that things work a lot slower here in Azerbaijan. This is my time to spend observing and guesting to make good contacts that I know who will follow through with the ideas they have. I am very fortunate to have such a great site and sitemates. I can see myself here for two years and actually missed it when I went to Baku for the holidays. There will be a lot more exploring coming up soon and tomorrow my artist friend here is going to take my sitemate and me to a farm that is about an hour away. I am really excited to see more of the area around here.

In a little over a week we will all be sworn in as volunteers and making our way to different corners of Azerbaijan to start life officially as volunteers. I am leaving Tagiyev to work in Tovuz, which is north west, close to Georgia & Armenia. I am really excited to finally have the freedom to make my own schedule and explore a new part of this amazing country, but also know that I will be leaving the comforts I have created here and that makes me sad. I have such a great group of Youth Development trainees that it's been soo much easier to deal with the challenges of living in a foreign country. They are extremely supportive and we have had such great laughs in the past two months. My Azerbiajani family as well is better than I could have ever expected. My sisters are the light of my day and I will miss them terribly. The only good part of this is thinking about coming back to visit when I can speak better Azerbaijani to show them how much I have learned.

I have to say though I am nervous about the whole transition. A new city, new family, new counterpart, and new responsibilites. I am thankful that the Peace Corps understands the difficulities of initiating new projects and the encouragement they give for us to take our time when first at our site. Things will be slow, but for a good reason. I'm not really looking forward to the cold, but hey you can't always have things your way and it will be good for the Floridian to get a change of climate. Also, I have a great site mate who is easy going like me so I am sure we will have a lot of fun and will explore like crazy when we first get there. The area is relatively liberal compared to the rest of Azerbaijan so I am hoping my family will not be super traditional. I have been used to an all female family that allows me to be somewhat independent and they are super open minded, at least when it came to the tattoos. It is also suppose to be beautiful and very close to the mountains so be prepared for some great photos coming my way.

This week we pretty much celebrated Thanksgiving the whole time and have a big dinner tomorrow to end the week. On Thursday, most of the YD group met in Sumgayit to have drinks and it was the most fun I have had since I've been here. Yesterday, we went over to my cluster mate Eli's house and his family prepared chicken kababa's which were fantastic. I will really miss his family as well they have been great and so welcoming to me. His mom actually allowed me to help clean up, which in the states would be customary, but here not so much. The guest just sits back and relaxes while the rest of the women clean everything up so the fact that she let me help meant that I am becoming a part of the family. It was good times for sure. I'm glad we decided to take it easy this week and have some fun. The upcoming week will be really busy for us: community project on Monday, getting ready to leave, language tests, etc.... Also, to end this blog I wanted to thank everyone in my life who have been so supportive in my decision to join the Peace Corps. To those who have kept in touch and those who keep the encouragement coming.

I am actually taking the time to write my blog in advance so I do not feel rushed or squished into a tiny space at the internet cafe. This has been a week of many new ideas and a reflection on my experiences so far in Azerbaijan. I've lived in Tagiyev for over a month now so the daily routine is starting to feel normal and even quite refreshing even though they are keeping us quite busy. Language classes and technical sessions for Youth Development take up the majority of my time Monday thru Saturday with the evenings spent hanging out with my host family. I live for the Marshutka rides into Sumgayit for a chance to go shopping, possibly a toyuc doner (fresh baked bread with shaved hot chicken, cucumbers, tomatoes, and some type of sauce), and the feeling that I am slowly getting the hang of how to act like an Azeri. Lately, I've been thinking a lot in the mornings this week on different life issues for myself and taking a look back on why I'm here in the first place. The thought of being gone for two years is starting to hit home to me as I become more comfortable with my surroundings and closer to my host family. I asked myself, “is this experience really to help others?” Probably not. This whole journey is really only about myself and I know that's selfish to an extent, but it's true. I don't know yet how I'm going to help people or if they are even going to want what I can offer right now so everyday is just about me. It's nice to only take one day at a time and not to have a million things to worry about anymore. How complicated my life used to be and for what? For the moment I'm just living....

In a week though I will find out where I will be permanently placed and in December a lot will change for me. I will be starting the foundation for my work over the next two years and that prospect is exciting. I'm nervous about living with a whole new host family though and actually quite sad to be leaving my wonderful family. I just want to start preparing myself for the area I'll be working. I really stressed to have a site mate or to be close (at least 30 mins) away from other PCVs so we'll see what happens. I was given two scenarios, one seemed really promising. In two weeks as well we'll be able to meet the counterpart / organization we'll be working with at a convention in Sumgayit so it will give me the opportunity to learn what they do and work out what my role will be.

In other news, I feel a lot closer to my cluster mates now and that makes everything so much better. We're not necessarily the closet group, but definitely feel that they are there for me if I needed them and we all like to have some fun. I have one cluster mate who is about two years older then me so we're pretty close and it's nice to have someone who thinks somewhat the same as I do. We had a Halloween party this afternoon which was really awesome. We played Apples to Apples (card game) and watched Boondock Saints, so jealous that the new movie came out and I can't see it, as well as ate sooo much candy. The one thing Azerbaijan is not lacking in is lots of sweet delicious (as my Language teacher would say). Anything from hard candies, chocolates, fresh baked breads, and a whole array of cookies. I'm going to get so unbelievably fat and happy, especially since my host sister makes at least two loafs of fresh bread every week. Literally my drug of choice. I do not understand why anyone would want to buy processed bread anymore it's just in no way the same. I also made banana raisin walnut bread this week that came out perfectly and received rave reviews from the women in my building as well as cohorts. I had one trial run earlier this week and totally failed to realize the whole Fahrenheit / Celsius factor until class the next day, I wondered why it only took about 10 minutes to cook.

I have no real strange stories to tell though or extremely funny experiences. It's been actually quite not really normal, but yet not so different either which doesn't really make sense. It's hard to explain that feeling where you know you should be like what the hell is going on, but you don't really question it or it doesn't really shock you. Then you think to yourself afterward and say wow that was more than just interesting. I think I suppress the majority of my culture shock. I just concentrate on the little successes, which include: waking up to 3 roosters crowing one after another with no substantial thoughts of murdering them slowly, mastering walking down my hill and around the streets here without stepping in any cow poop, getting the sheep at Eli's house to come up to me for food every time I stop by, stopping his dog Topush from humping me (still though working on that), befriending about 8 little girls who live around my building, making banana raisin walnut bread, going to and from Sumgayit by myself, bartering at the Bazar, staring back at little kids on the bus until they stop staring at me, the art of shuffling and readjusting on a marshutka, and hanging my clothes on a clothes line four floors up on a super windy day without losing my underwear or other unmentionables. These are the things I look forward to and the reasons I love being where I am right now.

Many new updates from my shennangians in the Land of Fire, also known as Azerbaijan. I can say that I really have found my groove here in a place where I once felt so strange, but have started to slowly fall in love. One the people here are fantastic. Yeah, I get stared at all the time and have yet to fully understand all the customs, but my host family is the best and all of the other neighbors have been really good to me. I strangely see myself here for two years already. It's amazing as well how you to start to develop relationships with people who don't speak the same language, if you want to communicate nothing can stop you. I realized the other day that when my host mom would say something to me in Azeri that I could not understand she would repeat it to my host sisters and then they would say something in Azeri and magically I knew what was going on. I thought to myself, how the hell did this happen. They both do not speak English, but somehow figured out how to communicate with me. Amazing!!!

So my last post updated everyone about my host site visit to Lankeran, which was really informative and fun, thank you Hiba / Rachel / Jaclyn. Since then I was talking to my dad and thought it would be a very humorous tale to talk about my trip back. Now, what is a marshutka (not spelled correctly). A marshutka is a van, but not only does it have an additional high ceiling it also has additional seating, a walk way, hand rails, and a snazy driver. The drivers, or Kings of the Marshutkas, are the greatest men alive. They take lonely passengers everywhere around Azeribaijan for anywhere from 20 qepik to 5 manat. This is truely a saving grace because a taksi is expensive and you may not have a bus coming by your area every day. Oh yeah, and there is absolutely no limit to the amount of people you can fit on a Marshutka. I have yet to see a driver not stop to pick up one more person, but I do hear that it happens occansionally. So, here we are 5 American women like little ducklings following Hiba and Rachel around the bus station hoping to get back to our sites before dark. The 11am bus to Baku is not there so we loaded our luggage onto a Marshutka and was demanded to all sit in the very back. I forgot to say that 3 of us are 5'11 and one is 5'9 with the other rounding somewhere around 5'5. Yeah the tallest of us got in the back, it was not the greatest idea we have had yet, with the shortest in a lonesome seat in front of us. 5 hours we arrived in Baku not being able to fully feel our legs and having one of the funniest trips so far.

This Saturday we actually went on our first cultural day as well and I had a blast. I climbed on lots of rocks and confronted by fear of ladders. We were at this site where there was once a village 5 thousand years ago with lots of caveman drawings, etc... I hate tours so took off to climb on rocks and got yelled at several times. Then suddenly I see several Americans on top of this huge mountain and of course took off to see how this happened. This is when I conquered my fear of ladders and climbed up a iron ladder, probably from Soviet times, to the very top and of course was shaking like a scared little kid. The worst was coming back down, but there is no way that I can say I'm too scared to do anything that involves heights or a possible fear of death. It was awesome and I have another picture of me hanging my legs off the side of a mountain.

On Sunday, we bravely awoke at 5:30am to take a taksi, bus, subway, and then train to make our way to Lankeran, which is at the south end of Azerbaijan. My cluster mate and myself are staying with Hiba a current Youth Development Volunteer and I can say that, at least for me, it has given me more motivation then any training so far. I am excited to have the opportunity to live in this country in my host site and develop these close relationships with random people in the town. I am doing that now, but we are soo busy with training that it's hard to find the time to really wander around town and my language is not up to par. The city here though is really beautiful and there is a quite a lot to do so I actually feel like a tourist somewhat. Pictures to come shortly when I have the time.

Hiba let us sit in also on her TOFEL class yesterday and it gave me a better idea of how I am acutally going to teach youth how to speak English or help them with tests that allow them to study abroad. Youth Development workers here do tend to start off teaching English and it was a bit scary to think about that, but with the observation of her class the tension has eased for the time being. I have a head full of ideas and at times it is exhausting because I have no idea what will actually work in my town. I am beginning to accept the fact that as a YD volunteer I will have different challenges with staying busy or getting projects off the ground, but every volunteer so far has stories of big / small projects they have successfully completed. This gives me hope of being able to stay busy and leaving something for future volunteers to build off of.

I am looking forward to more than anything else though to just live in this country and develop new hobbies, skills, and relationships. I'm going to be such a different person when I come home.

I just posted an email that I sent to family last week. Today I am back in Sumgayit after having spent a week in Tagiyev with my host family. It is a lot harder then I imagined to learn a new language, but for the time being I am enjoying being ignorant to a degree. I hate that I can not communicate to my host sisters and mother very well because they are so kind to me. Its amazing how you can start to bond without ever having a real conversation, but I try to do silly and nice things for them so they know I really appreciate their hospitality. Our town has been great to us so far with the exception of screaming children. Our cluster as well has started to bond and we said good bye to our Lanuage & Cultural Facilitator Tural who was drafted into the army. Males here have to serve one year and it was his time so we all got together at Eli (my hostmate)'s house to have a really great lunch. It was the best day I have had soo far and hope to have many more like it. We sat around and sang American songs while Tural played the accordinan, which was great to hear some traditional Azeri songs as well. We all took lots of pictures and played a little soccer. It's amazing how welcoming everyone is.

I do find myself missing everyone at home though even when I'm so busy. You take things like seeing your family, hanging out with friends, and fast food for granted. Another update soon.

Well I am at an internet cafe in Sumgayit today. Yesterday I met my host family and it was really great. I have a 15 yr old host sister named Axsana and another host sister who is 22 named Tahmina, they are not related. Tahmina is married to an older man named Roushan who lives there as well and I think it is their cousin. My host mom is named Ilhama and she is divorced so I do not have a host dad. She works in Baku 6 days a week as a cook in a restrauant and does not get home until 7/8pm every night so Tahmina does all of the cooking, etc... I arrived and they were actually Linda's ex host family so after about 5 mins she showed up. Linda is a AZ6 who was at my training and no one told her I would be there when she stopped by to visit, but she was able to introduce me and answer the girl's questions. I have a hard time saying anything and I know they wish I was like Linda who can actually have a conversation. The girls love looking through my stuff though and have been teaching me all kinds of new words. They braided my hair this morning and put blush on me, it was fun. There is also a next door neighbor that speaks a little English and she is hoping we'll become best friends so I have already met new people. The area we are living in is nice. The 5 of us are all in apartments in the same square so it's not bad and from my balcony you can see the Caspian Sea. The beach is quite polluted, but it's a great view. We walked around the area where there were people pushing their cows and sheep through the streets, pretty crazy. Also, we saw a huge and I mean huge hog just going through the trash on the streets. I haven't taken a lot of pictures, but I plan too and will post them asap. I will not be able to get on the internet, but probably once a week so please call me.

Alright, I have officiall been in Azerbaijan for three days and now have a better grasp on exactly what I will be doing until December for my Pre-Service Training (PST). I received my official host site today where I will be at until I am sworn in as a volunteer in December, but will not meet my family until Monday. Please email me if you are interested in learning exactly where I will be living becuase we have been advised not to post that information on a public blog.

A group of 3 girls and 1 guy will be located in the same area, I actually have a fellow volunteer in the same building as me so I'm really psyched. We will come together from about 9 to 12pm for language training with our Language & Cultural Facilitator (LCF) and then journey to another school in our area to meet up with all the Youth Development PCV for training in our specific area. We are only allowed to go into Baku once while we are in training. We have several Cultural Days and times when every AZ7 PCV will meet in Sumgayit for HUB trainings, which cover topics like safety and health.

Monday - go to host family

Tuesday - go to Sumgayit with cluster group and LCF to purchase cell phone and they will show us around the area.

Wednesday - will walk to school to start language classes - host families normally walk you the first 2 to 3 days so you can get to know the area.

Some of our training in YD will be practicums, guest speakers, and visits to NGOs or governmental offices that deal with youth issues. Very exciting and we will also either have a conversation club or computer type class to do in training to start working with the kids.

I am more excited today then I have every been and look forward to getting acquainted in my new area.

So far most everything is close to what I expected when arriving into Azerbaijan. Very closely reminds me of certain parts of China in the cars and look of the buildings along the street. From our bus ride we were able to see our first accident, which in Florida we always complain about rubberneckers and I can say that we have it good because at least people stay in their cars. There were crowds of people surrounding the crushed cars and policemen. It was quite exciting. My expectations of the hotel surpass what I thought would be our living conditions for the next four days, but I am reminded by the AZ6s to enjoy what we can. I guess it's the tactic of those who have been here and know the routine to remind the new ones to prepare for the worst. That's somewhat how I feel right now. I couldn't be concerned with the actual job at hand becuase there was so little information on exactly what my job would be like.

I imagined all Youth Development would be doing the camps or have different type groups in our communities, but I should have taken the lack of questions answered as a sign that it's the newest and less community supported program. This led to a mini breakdown last night and followed by the kind words of my roommate who reminded me to take it one day at a time and to be like an ambassador for my first 6 months trying to befriend and talk to as many people in my community as I can. I want to make sure that I develop a lasting respect to hopefully be able to one day lay the foundations of a new NGO or new club that other Peace Corps Volunteers can build on. I don't know though how I am going to teach others to speak English as I am just now learning their language, but I think we'll figure it out and have some good laughs along the way.

P.S. the view from the airplane was amazing. At one point I was directed to look out the window and peaking out of the clouds we could see the Caucasus Mountains. It was beautiful!!!!

Sometimes I question why I even watch the news in the US. I unfortunately have a glimpse at Fox News at least twice a day on behalf of my mother's boyfriend, but it's been quite an eye opener to the amount of hate spreading thru Americans. I yell and scream propaganda around the house in an attempt to keep my sanity. I am concerned though because I realize that a lot of people are listening and believing.

But we have Obama as a President, which I would have faith in that the days of the Bush administration's flagrant use of propaganda are over, but it's not. Those who oppose Obama are on the news in droves wanting to stop any type of real debate about health care, education, the economy, etc... How can we progress as a country when there is so much hate that people resort to screaming and name calling in stead of using their right to dissent to add to a productive debate? It seems to me this has been the problem for many years in the US and as things get worse for Americans who are losing their jobs & houses I fear that they will listen to whoever.

And I am a moderate independent who can acknowledge that all sides in this political game are guilty of using propaganda, of spreading rumors, using hate, and other (in my opinion) unethical strategies to gain power over the people. The people are the mob, but we are being controlled by our government not the other way around and it is the use of fear that is causing the hate across of air waves, paralyzing a lot of Americans from fighting for real positive change.

I worry about what our country will be like when I return in two years. Will the hate subside with the economy getting better? I don't know, all sides have learned that spreading hate works in rallying people behind their causes and takes the attention away from the real issues. How will I feel about my country's government once I am in Azerbaijan?

With all of our freedoms I still have a taste in my mouth that I'm being lied too and I wonder how my political opinions and beliefs will change with this experience. I just really want the hate to stop, not death to all Republicans or any extremist change, but real debate again. Isn't that what a Democracy should be? Can you say that there is productive debate in our country without power and money used as influence somewhere along the line?

Writing is such a great way to really work out your emotions so I appreciate those who care to read and especially the ones who have commented about what I have been blogging. I never thought I would be a blogger, it's quite weird actually, realizing your thoughts are now out in a vast network of strange people. I assume it will be easier once I have a lot of great stories to talk about in Azerbaijan or at least I'll sound more interesting. I want to look back though at the weeks before leaving and laugh at all the random thoughts in my head that I was concerned with.

Packing - #1 concern of the day - how the hell I'm I going to fit everything into two bags, really we should definitely be allowed to bring three - military gets to bring 3. Also, why don't we get issued ID cards before hand for discounts - that would have helped me at Bush Gardens $74 for one day - ridiculous.

Money - thank goodness I've been broke for awhile now so I think I'll do just fine budgeting over there, but it's paying off everything here that is driving me nuts.

Getting Sick - props to the doctor who gave wrote me for everything I asked within 5 minutes of meeting me

Hiding my Tattoos / Explaining my Tattoos - ohhh to be young again

Meeting my Host Family - I can only hope they understand really bad Azeri and frequent hand signals

Hangovers from Really Cheap Vodka - I know it's going to happen, but that doesn't mean I have to be happy about it.

Mutton - Really? not a lamb fan so adult sheep doesn't sound like a party in my mouth

So that's about it for now. I'm more excited then I have been since I recieved my invitation and know that I'm in it for the long haul.

I would assume I'm hitting the normal freaking out period for volunteers. Realizing that my departure is now just weeks away makes me full with different emotions that it's hard to figure where everything is coming from - if that makes sense. I know that once I am over there my internal strength and ability to ignore some of my more vunerable feelings will take over (even though at times it's not the best way to deal with things). It's hard for me to not feel in control of my own emotions and I know that I will need to start coping better now to help with the more dramatic changes coming my way. I'm a great adapter, but this is the first time I have made such a drastic decision for myself and I thought I would be dealing with everything in a much calmer fashion. But again I am at times too hard on myself and this is the mental challenge I need face to be prepared for leaving.

On a positive note, I have now met four PCVs also leaving to Azerbaijan - two in Jacksonville and two more in New York City. It was great to talk with others about the things going through my head and the possibilites of what life will be like over there. I am very lucky to have had this opportunity and can say that we have a great group of people joining the AZ6s, who have been really great in giving us constant reality checks. I can't wait to meet everyone in Philly and have a lot to do over the next couple of weeks.

Please comment if you feel like I could do without something or if I forgot anything.

Winter:

Wool black down coat

Hoodie

One thick sweater

3 long sleeve shirts

2 cardigans

2 light weight jackets that are great for layering

silk long underwear and a smart wool pair that's antibacterial

long black rain boots - highly suggested b/c it's so muddy - fleece warmers too

hiking boots - waterproof

4 pairs of hiking socks - smart wool that keeps your feet dry

2 pairs of gloves

Lot's of scarves

ear muffs - have to buy them

2 winter hats - have to buy

2 pairs of tights

3 pairs of knee highs

Summer / Fall:

2 pair of jeans

1 pair brown khaki pants

3 skirts - check out macabi - you get a skirt for $40 as a PCV if you email customer service an email with your invitation - they turn into short pants / shorts

1 pair long shorts

2/3 tank tops

3 blouses

1 pair khakis that come down to my calf

swimsuit

3 t shirts

1 summer dress

1 sexy dress - just in case

1 black pair of work out pants - need to buy

1 pair of sneakers

1 pair of sneaker sandals - not sure what they are

1 pairs of dress shoes

Misc:

laptop

2 cameras - I have a really nice one that I'm bringing b/c I love taking pics & a smaller one for everyday use

canteen

shower bag - haven't bought it yet (REI) website sells one that military use and would be great instead of washing out of a bucket

compactible sleeping bag

glove warmers

spices/measuring cups

laundry bag

duck tap

Ipod

adapter & voltage adapter - plugs for electronics most likely will be different and voltage

Lot's of daily contacts - OMG I did not imagine how much a year supply would really be until I picked them up and walked about with a huge box.

Alarm clock - need to buy

Double flat sheets - need to buy

Batteries - need to buy - AA

Flashlight - one w/ batteries - other wind-up

Emergency water tablets - may or may not buy them, but can't hurt

What I will miss the most while I am gone and a good way for people to get to know more about me.

1) My MOM - such a great woman that has always been my best friend and there for me through all the changes in my life.

2) My sis and Dad - hopefully they can make the trip over to check out Azerbaijan first hand.

3) Fox - my baby the best dog in the world!!! Shiba Inu's rule!!

4) Driving a car - being able to get in my Mazada and zooom around town whenever I feel like it.

5) BBQ - I will miss you little piggy all the way home....

6) Being able to wear whatever I want. (accumulating too much clothes and shoes)

7) TV and movies - so many good shows starting this Fall (Glee) and going to the movies - doesn't even matter if it is horribly gut wrenching to get through.

8) Late night walks with my dog.

9) Used bookstores and thrift store shopping.

10)Being able to communicate and read signs everywhere I go.

11) Finally, western toilets, showers, washer / dryers, microwaves - all the conveniences that I take for granted everyday of my life, but I understand not having these luxuries is going to build strength as well as gratitude for a simpler way of life.

I think I needed to just say what I am going to miss because time is speeding up every day before I leave and I try to stay strong by ignoring the things I will miss most. From talking to all the other PCVs leaving with me I know they are feeling the same way. It's too late to turn back and I am so excited to leave.

I hope that above all I can bring happiness and creativity to those I work with. Show all who I encounter the love I have to share. Inspire only open thought and a drive to be yourself. Fight the worthy battles and humble myself to learn as much as I can from my host family, youth I work with, my community, and fellow PCVs.

To anyone that would like to write to me for my first three months of service please take down the address below. Volunteers suggest that you number your letters so I can make sure that I am getting all of them. I would really love to get frequent updates or any new pictures from my family and friends. Facebook is great, but there is nothing like receiving mail from those I care about the most. My address will change after my training period once I have received my final post and I will update everyone.

Jessica Spencer

AZ 1000 Main P.O. Box 77 Peace Corps Baku, Azerbaijan

I just purchased my Dell Laptop today to bring with me to Azerbaijan. I was very excited to get everything I wanted in a 13 inch and they do provide discounts - up to 7% for Peace Corps Volunteers. Very easy!! I wanted to post a discount website that I found for PCVs in case any of the other AZ7 don't already know about it.

http://www.peacecorpswiki.org/Volunteer_discounts

I love that song from the Rock & Roll Soldiers. It so thoroughly describes my feelings right now like something is growing inside of me, that funny little feeling. Anticipation most likely, but also I think the knowledge that somehow my old life will continue on without me. My mom is already turning to me at moments with that look on her face as if this will be the last time that she will experience who I am at this moment. I know that this choice will change me dramatically and she's said it before; that she knows I will come home, in a way, another person. I am not wondering right now what will happen in those two years because it is impossible to know, but more who I will become afterwards and the way my life will be impacted. I will have the same voice, same funny / sarcastic attitude, stubboriness, and passionate urge for debate. Yet, I am fullfilling for myself what I feel I am meant to do and with that in mind I can not see clinging to the same wants / values / and habits that I have right now.

Azerbaijani Word of the Week: Sarimsaq - garlic - for some reason I love this word - sounds that what it is!! (pronounces like : sarumsock)

Azerbaijani Phrase of the Week: Men Basa Dusmurem - I don't understand - I know I will use this often (not spelled correctly - I haven't figured out how to type the different letters) - (prounced like: Men Basha Dusherm)

These are some cool links to check out:

http://www.azerbaijannews.net/

http://www.azcookbook.com/

http://www.president.az/index.php?lang=en

http://www.heydar-aliyev-foundation.org/index_e.jsp

http://www.peacecorpsjournals.com/ - you can read other blogs from PCVs around the world - type in Azerbaijan to read current blogs

http://peacecorpsworldwide.org/

http://peacecorpsconnect.org/

I wanted to go ahead and get a blog started about my upcoming transition in life as a Peace Corps Volunteer in Azerbaijan. I also thought this was a great way for my family and friends to learn more about my country prior to leaving. I am set to depart on September 28th and will be in Azerbaijan for 27 months working in the area of Youth Development.

To answer the majority of questions I get on a regular basis:

I will be flying to Philly and then taking a bus to NY City to fly over to Baku (Azerbaijan's capital). Once there I will be living outside of Baku with a host family for three months during my orientation. I think I will be staying in Sumqayit - a PCV (Peace Corps Volunteer) in the country mentioned this area. After the three months, I will then be sworn in as a volunteer and move to my host city where I will be for 24 months. No I am not able to come home, but my family / friends are able to come over to visit me.

This is a great website to learn more about the current events in Azerbaijan so please check it out: http://www.today.az/.

The official language is Azerbaijani or Azeri for short. It is a majority Mulism country located in the Caucasus region on the Caspian Sea. Their culture is a lot more conservative than the U.S. so there will be some restrictions I will need to adhere to as a woman, but I will not be required to cover my whole body. I will be working with youth and young adults focusing my activities to: working directly with youth helping them to become more successful and responsible adults in the future; working with youth service providers and organizations within the country to better serve their local community in the area of youth; and engaging parents and other community adults to help them to recognize young people for their talents / contributions, supporting greater participation in the community.

My reasons for joining the Peace Corps are quite simple: this is something I was born to do. I want to dedicate my life to helping others and I hope to gain an insight into ways to help young people in our world today work towards positive change in their local community. I understand that I am going to learn more than I can teach anyone in Azerbaijan. If anything I can provide them at this point is just as a friend and share the love that I have to bring happiness to the live's of others.

Please feel free to comment or send suggestions for things I may need to bring with me on my trip.