I am very proud of my bunny project in my community. The following photos are a bit graphic but the bunnies are killed and kept in the most humane way possible :) we snapped its neck via broom stick pulling upwards.

My bunny project was my greatest accomplishment in PY. I have found my service successful because i brought this project to my commmunity that never raised rabbits before . Yesterday we killed and ate our first delicious bunny.

Agustina looked up at me after dinner and said Gracias para traer este proyecto. me gusta. I didnt realize how fast the bunny project would spread. they had never had bunnies before! Carbon has given birth to 13 rabbits in the last 4 months. they are all gone to new homes (one was eaten). Agustinas bunny was slower with four. I liked that i didnt not teach anything new but just brought a new animal to them. Agustina and i experimented together, we learned together, we fought over how to build a cage and we learned more about each other and each others culture mroe than i coudl have ever done without the project. She opened me and i encouraged her to pursue what she already new about farm animals. The bunny after four months of life, living mostly off leaves, fed six people last night. its healthy cheap delicious and the abono is great for the land. I wish i knew about the project earlier and hope peace corps paraguay continues with the project.

I learned a lot about leadership in paraguay. I learned how to be confident with my words, open to new ideas and felixible. i learned to understand why agustina thought the way she did, she had only made cages out of wood before, why would she out of bamboo? i learned to adapt.

An unexpected outcome of the project was teaching about cages in general and about chicken wire. Both Agustina and her mom said they didnt realize how cheap the wire could be brought in our nearbye town San Jose or Itacurubi. Both on their own made chicken cages within the last two months. I brought them the wire inicially but now they bike into town for more. I am tooting my own horn here but really i should be praising hers for having the openness to try it out, patience to deal with me and ganas.

My biggest accomplishment inParaguay is my rabbit project. Rabbit meat is yummy, has a lot of meat and is great for the environment.

This is my last month that I can accept packages.... My last day of service is december 9th and from then on i am going to travel and try to keep my blog updated. Right now i am applying to graduate school, and looking to the future....I did an amazing AIDS lecture with the high school which was a hilarious experience

AAAK.. i think the best teachers dont take themselves seriously.... in peace corps you just cant and make friends.... soccer just got better with masks!!

Ive been busy! honestly! With my girls group we have learned about lice, parasites, taking care of wells, nutrition and well, i guess the animals of paraguay via a really fun day of mask making. Im a purple eagle ( they made it for me). I love the girls group sometimes, although im dead by the end of the day.

Hi, its been a super long time since ive written and i cant say my last post was even edited or reread so instead of rushing my time to write i thought i would do a photo exhibit of what im doing in site. Starting with this photo of my well that my group of girls Super Chicas painted

When I first came to paraguay i knew i would deal with sexism. I knew i would have to climb higher than this and move on. When I first came to my site and heard from the other volunteer about domestic violence in my site, I knew that this too i would have to put behind me and move on. When later I met the timid females in my community i felt this was a result of the sexism, violence, lack of economic freedom. But... what i never guessed, what i never thought was how i would gain female empowerment from paraguay and the women i saw as timid and insecure would gradually bash my own sexist mind from the states, and teach me what it means to be a women in the campo and gradually i saw how the states sexism has caged my own ideas of myself. This alone is a reason for all women in the states to join peace corps. you will learn how caged your idenity is, gain a new one, and reflect on the past in the states.

When i was in seventh grade, i loved shop class. I remember we were making cars out of wood and nitrous cartages and were going to race them. I remember going after school to make sure i was going to have the smooothest ride. And i won for my weight level. i never shared this with anyone outside of class. it seemed werid for a female to boost about this, so i kept quiet.

Sexism in the states took form for me in small comments..."wasnt that too hard for you" (after a hiking trip or any task that took muscle) or a be careful, or a are you sure you can do that..... wasnt that difficult...

well its not hard, not difficult, and in fact swining a machete around cutting down trees, weeds taller than my house while being bitten by ants, stung by weeds, bees, throwing dead rats into the sugar cane, watching for snakes, in the heat and humidity is something most female volunteers go through proudly saying i bet non of my exs could even do this...

Making my bunny cage was a huge obsticle. Ive never made one before!! I had a list of supplies i needed, ok... but how.. theres no lego manual saying what to do. So I swing my machete into some trees in the forest bring back four for the four sides. Dragging them through the forest, cutting off all branches into a Y. I sawed the bambu, after hauling, cutting that down, and wondered if i had ever sawed before in my life.... and why HADNT I.... the thing is that although the women in my community at first glance are less empowered than american women, american women have so much to learn from them. I am learning! .. for paraguayan females, what i was doing was seen as normal, how silly would it be to discribe to them that in the states usually a male rakes leaves!!! or does the things i was doing. A females role is all work. in the campo, all work. In the states, we tend to be in the house... and we call ourselves more empowered than the third world women!! Whose more independent, self sustaining...

it boggles my mind, bashes it into mandioca flour when i think that i used to judge the timidness of the females as being unempowered. Both females from paraguay and the states are unempowered in different ways but equally destructive. for the first world females we still deal with domestic violence. we may have more empowerment being finacially independent, but paraguayan women if taken and placed in the forest and we played survior I would go with the paraguayan.

and on top of all this muscle work, they still love pink nail polish......

please excuse all misspellings, grammer, and mini sentences, i have a lack of time and will correct at my next internet experience.

One thing about being in Peace Corps is the ability to travel to nearbye countries and share your experience and things about Paraguay to others abroad. I was asked by a Chiliean about Paraguays beaches.... I feel its important part of my peace corps experience now to share my trip to Chile. Traveling now is apart of our time here.

Torres del Pine was the most beautiful place ive been to in my life without any doubt. It didnt feel like i was on earth, so i traveled through neverland, wonderland through flora ive never seen before, glaciers, ice burgs, avalanches, rock formations, glacial caverans. Scrambling over painful granite rocks, stumbling down canyons of rock tore my knees and puncured my feet through the thick hiking boots. We were sooooooooo lucky with the weather, everyone kept telling us that.

But first where is Torres del Pine? Find the Straight of Magellen, then drag your finegar north, Find Punta Arenas, then Puerta Natales, then more north. Cold, beautiful, peaceful. Driving to the park, we passed fluffy sheep at first on green hills over looking the straight and then the many guanacos, llama like animals with fuzzy wagging tails, big ears and white faces. The first thing that striked us in the beginning of the aw that didnt stop through out our 5 day bagpacking trip was the mountains of colorful rock snow and shapes, then the bright lakes of all different blues surrounded by prehistoric rocks, hills, formations streching on till there was nothing else but land and more lakes of darker blues. we crossed that view to the steep mountain sides, watching for avalanches (which you heard before seeing), the bright sun slaming you with the wind, the wildflowers that ive never seen anything like, the orchids the trees. The very first day we saw an andean condor sweep over us, then walked on to camp next to a glacier. i never realized glaciers were so beautiful. ive heard people talk about glaciers but i never thought i would see one, people on cruises see them, but to hike along day up to end your hike next to a glacier was spatacularly quietly mindblowing. Glaciers are not just one color, they can change color with the caves that form, the valleys. it spoke to everyone, all hikers were silent as the giant slowly dwindled before our eyes, the giant would be smaller tomorrow, grateful for today.

the great thing about torres del pine is the WATER. ALL (basically) water sources are drinkable instantly. so drinking out of water walls was wonderful, no iodine, no pumps, just be careful you dont drink too fast and get a brain freeze and literally it was the best tasting water ive had in my life!! it was almost sweet, it stayed cold in your water bottle for hours afterwards. it was fantastic water, and plentiful every km or so. the second day was rough, the hardest, arriving at camp(almost dead) via wooden swinging bridge passing giant waterfall didnt even phase me. the world around me didnt matter intil i got my boots off and sat and ate.

BUT thats another thing thats amazing abotu torres del pine, no need to rush into putting up your tent, cooking food, etc because it doesnt get dark till ELEVEN. so sit back, drink some whiskey or if you are near one of the refugios buy some beer, sit, put on a jacket (its cold as soon as you stop, sweat is terribly cold instantly) and relax. during the hike take your time, swim in the torquoise lake, take photos, cause you have all day to get there and you can sleep in.

its literally wonderland for bagpacking. every site is astonishingly new, towers of rock, of snowy mountains. The third night we were at a large campsite, and it happened to be New Years. The refugio has places to stay for $$$ but we camped next to it, brought their beer, and were soon given masks, cheap campaign, noise makers and plastic horns. sadly we were exhausted and mac n cheese was wanted even more than all of that combined, only to be seconded by sleep. but well, happy new year. it was the most beautful new year of my life with Los Cuernos (the horns) mountain behind us, capturing the sunset, pinkish glow falling on our tents trees and faces. Everyone had a genuine smile. a look of natural restful beauty. Sleep was soon afterwards, midnight not to be made, but memories of the warm rock nap that day looking at the avalanches from the gods above, came, and soon my sleep was mixed with what was reality that day.

The next day was an up climb, via valley, to a tiny campsite, in which the next morning we would get up at 5am to hike 45minutes in the dark UP UP UP UP UP the granite sides, losing the trail of headlamps and ending climbing ten minutes out of your way with rocks falling on the person behind you, to finally reach the TORRES ( towers) at sunrise. We jumped into our sleeping bags we brought per advice, made coffee and saw the towers change pink.

Torres del Piane was the most mystical place ive been to.

HELP THE WOMEN OF MY COMMUNITY GAIN EMPOWERMENT!

Development starts small, vegetable seeds allow for the women to sell veges in the market as well as incorporate vegetables in their diet. yes USA vege seeds work here

MOST USEFUL SEEDS

Onion

Cabbage : Purple is best, green is good

Tomato

Celery

Parsley

Lettuce: All

Squash

Pumpkin

Carrot

Thanks :)

Books make up my life in the states and here in Peace Corps...

TOP 5

1) Carl Sagan's "Varieties of the Scientific Experience, My personal view on the search for God"

- note I loved this book so much that i am giving it to my parents to tenderly take it back to the states to sit on a shelf waiting for the next person I am going to lend it to. I now want my future house in the states to have NASA posters all over it. He was an amazing open person. This book was put together from his lectures at the Glifford Lectures, by a friend, many years after his death.

2) John Toole "Confederacy of Dunces". Either the best book ive read or the second best in peace corps. Funny and witty but nothing you would expect. Takes place in New Orleans, please book me a ticket when i get back to the states. The author sadly only wrote two books in his life before he commited sucide in his early 30s. His mom brought this book to a professor after his death. It won the pulizer prize.

3) Jonathan Franzen "The Corrections". wow.. read the quotes on the front of the book, they say it all and better than i could. This books hits home. It will scare you from your life in America.

4) H.Murukami "The Wind Up Bird Chronicles". Even better than "Kafta on the shore", japanese imaginary realism, that has changed the way i look at my well in my backyard. it makes me want to go down it.

5) David Eggers "A Heart Breaking Work of Staggering Genus". Brings me back to the Bay Area.

Next TOP 5

6) Ayaan Hirsi Ali "Infidel" Amazing Biography on a Somalian woman, now politican in Europe.

7) Anne Faidman " The Spirit Catches you and you Fall Down". Best book ive read on cultural differences.

8) Philip Roth "Portnoy's Complaint". Funny open.....

9) Forgot Author " War of Constalenos Private Parts". Funny story in Latin America.

10) Sijie Dai "Balzac and the little Chinese Seamstress".

So today is my first year mark in paraguay! Its been a year today that i arrived clueless. and i am proud to say, finally after a year i have gain the insight to know how to get through to paraguayans, and how to be a good volunteer.first year the idea of running around to everyones houses in my community to say hi, or allowing my time to be "robbed" by my neighbors, sitting in on meetings, with the womens comite, trying to form and give classes for the girls, was a painful experience. it was hard tiring and boring. honestly. and now i feel like this is all easier because, well they are all my friends and its become less like work and more like YAY i get to see my friends. my time isnt being robbed or being forced to be social or babysit, instead its a time to hear the lattest gossip, share stories, and find ways to get through the cultural barrriers. My secret, the profound secret that i just just just figured out in how i can get through to my super chicas and the comite, my neighbors, the community, how to get ideas tried, crossed and liked, how to TRUELY TEACH rather than talking with a black board behind me, the secret thats taken me a year to accomplish and finally figure out is the simplest, become everyones friends. I look back on how i taught the super chicas, and laugh!! really!! duh!!! they want a friend before a teacher, they want fun before education, and to combine that takes many reuniones of down time. i was lecturing like i was a college professor!!! how could they grasp my meaning??? DUH!!!!!!!! now i celebrate birthdays, i have games to play, we paint our nails, play 25 (futbol game), i ask how was school, life, family, and then maybe an english class, we cook puddings, I HAVE TO DO ALL THIS DOWN GETTING TO KNOW YOU TIME BEFORE EVEN TRYING TO EDUCATE. DUH!!!!!!!!!! i know that in this last year i was told intregating into a community is based on the relationships you formed but i really had no idea how. this includes saying hi and bye to the children as they walk to school, asking them how was school, how was that test? helping them with homework! (even spanish homework!) losing all sense of timidness and walking over to say hi everyday to my neighbor agustina (at least once a day!) this includes a three time a week visit to my host family,being in a great mood for the comite when they come unexpectally to my house, and learning overall to relax, to become traquila and happy. teaching comes later, i knew this but didnt think that a year, a year it takes to truely begin to form bonds which can lead to changing mentalities CAN!

My two lines of lupino (an abono verde) look amazing. a few weeks and it will be ready to either cut the plant for nitrogen fixation in the soil or harvest the seeds. we will leave one line for the seeds and cut the other line for improving the soil. the best thing is that this one day of guapaness, being a hard worker, has lead to the community asking my host mom what these plants are that they can see from the street and her explaining to paraguayans!!! (the best by far method of getting your insights across to paraguayans is of course through another paraguayan) this is a new abono verde for everyone and it looks lindo (pretty) with its white flowers. its easy to harvest the many seeds each plant produces and we will be distributing them to the community. this sounds very guapa of me but really i planted those lines at a time where i felt i wasnt doing anything for the community not realizing that these two lines of lupino educate a community, siempre no es possible para realizar su trabajo en la communidad en este momento, its never possible to see my impact on the community that day, i need to remember, ideas are shared slowly, are taken in after a relationship is formed through trust and love. and honestly i am becoming to love people in my community so fast that it seems like in the states my friendships this deep would take years. here they are friendships that go deep, that protect one another...cant explain the soulfulness of love in friendships yet, its different, and only after a year.

Diana just turned 14, shes one of my favorite super chicas for her enthusiasm, smile and willingness to do whatever. We celebrated her bday at my house instead of having a reunion that day and i cant believe how it finally dawned on me that celebrating her bday here was so much more important than anything i could have taught that day. she invited me to dinner that night and yet another strong tightly formed rooted paraguayan family has taken me in openly. laughfter, joking , relaxing, it was easy for me this time to be eating with a new family... how did things get so much easier??? i finally got the humor, i finally left behind america and my psychosis of anxiety, and learned to enjoy being with a family. i love it now. i cant believe i am saying this. i cant wait to explore my community now, to meet others, when before it was a chore.. i am sooo happy in paraguay, with some downs to remind me that this life is real, and to make me whole.

" I killed a woodpecker today with my sling shot¨ - Romancito, 4

"That little black bird, i want it for my remedy¨ Host Mom

These last few months Ive started making: dish / floor detergent with my comite and once with the community. My hope is to get them to start selling it when they go into town on saturdays with their veges. So far its still sitting on the table in the comiteś house, prepared, bottled, etc waiting for the motivation, that painful endless annoying pushing that is needed of volunteers when they have told me ¨we should sell this. this would work to sell¨. The logisitics of making it include: buying a kit in asuncion at the whole seller (a pain), bringing it back, finding a date that is good, making it with the comite, finding old soda bottles to put it in with lids! (good to have!), place and ya! Although this isnt a project i am necessarily proud of due to its sustainable reasons, its not something fun or dealing with agroforestry, the comite has somehow come across a huge amount of debt owned to the cooperative and another comite when their dulce (jelly,jams,etc) project failed, i feel this is at least helping out with that and perhaps keeping the incentive to stay in the comite, as many members has left. Its also a sanitation lecture which the women figured out fast ¨its very important to have detergent¨ and yes it is. So ill continue with this unexpected detergent project with the womens comite.

With my own comite ¨Super Chicas¨ we have been making Shampoo and Conditionar to sell. The process is the same but instead of soda bottles we use old shampoo and conditionar bottles when we can find them. We make more conditionar than shampoo, as many of the members of my community use regular soap for their hair and nice conditionar. But its been going well, our profits are great and we can use this money for our various cooking assignments I want to give in the future.

I orginally was more excited about the motivation making the shampoo and conditionar was going to give the girls incentive to show up to my classes, and they get super cheap shampoo and conditionar if they want, but I have found a low point in my class numbers and in my own ganas to continue to teach with only two children in the classroom. I know its not about the numbers but after preparing for an hour, getting photocopies in asuncion and once again working on my spanish, its not feeling as great as normal. I didnt have many girls show up in the winter, due to walking in the cold, so i suspended class, went to argentina. But now the effort seems so hard to continue when not many girls show up, at least i am trying reaching two girls at a time .

For example, my Myth lecture i was so excited about. I got to learn, hear about paraguayan myths and would share those from america and europe. I prepared drawing various american mythical characters and expanded to include some tall tales, childrens beliefs because paraguay has so many. I had them all on a big paper with descriptions in spanish underneath. Looking back I perhaps scared them with too many words on the paper. Paraguayan girls in my community are not used to reading much (this includes school). I had drawn: tooth fairy, santa claus and rudolph and elves, lock ness sea monster, Paul Bunnyan and his blue ox, Easter Bunny, Big Foot, leporchauns, mermaids and others. I photocopied all paraguayan myths for them to color and play a Go Fish game. I also had photocopied a checkers game with myths. I was going to do a show and tell, very exciting.... two girls showed up, one my host sister whose older and probably feels obligated to show up which i wish she wouldnt feel this way, the other a neighbors daughter. TWO GIRLS. Well the whole time we spent coloring the paraguayan myths, my host sister showed up late and i lost my motivation to present my myths i had drawn and they didnt seem interested.

At this point I know some of you would think, why dont you work in the school and then you may get more numbers, but this defeats my purpose of having a place to increase the self esteem of the young girls in my community by having a place where they feel safe and confident to speak up and learn.

Its been a long few months. Im learning that projects in site are A LOT HARDER THAN I THOUGHT. They take so much time and energy and emotion. Anyone who hasnt been in Peace Corps could never understand. For example, to photocopy those items i had to wait for the next time i was in asuncion (this is once a month). I meet with the girls every week, but a lecture with materials is a lot of ahead thinking. Ill continue with the girls because i believe in my work, but not without a saddness that is a more honest and real way of seeing myself in my community. However, we are reminded by our wonderful boss Eli, that just by living here in the community as females alone and working, we are an example, and that itself is work, progress.

One day i went across the street to give my neighbors a peanut butter and jelly sandwitch. The jelly was made from my neighbors madarine trees. This would be a cultural exchange and friendliness as they give me paraguayan cornbread from time to time. As I handed Na Teodora the dish, I was overwhelmed with happieness that i did this, last moment thoughtless act. She was happy to try it and walked away to put it in her kitchen (she would not eat it in front of me). I sat down next to her husband i dont know very well. He looked up at me, knowing i speak spanish and asked ¨ Arent you embaressed to be living alone¨? At this point the happiness of two seconds of openess and oneness hit back at me and i felt a physical heavy pain. I stumbled and said that i have my neighbors around all the time. I got up and left. This is Peace Corps. This two seconds of happiness for every two seconds of pain for every 20 minutes of muted confusion. All at a higher degree than you have ever experience.

SO after re reading my last post I should say that my negative mindset was pushed back the other day when Agustina, my neighboor, showed me how her Lupino ( a nitrogen fixing plant) now has pretty white flowers and she is very excited about collecting the seeds and planting more for next year. She (and I) didnt know it had such pretty flowers and wants to plant it in front of her house as a decorative plant as well. Success, sorta :)

Also I planted two rows of Lupino at my host families house, last month, and both lines came up remarkably straight! and sprouted beautifully. We have come to the idea of harvesting most of the plants seeds and giving it out to the community. So, in terms of helping their farm land be productive for the years to come, yayayayaay success.

Its winter time here in paraguay and its impossible to find anything to write about. This is why my last post dates May and now being July I felt i should at least tell you that not much goes on in the campo, site, in the winter. Really not anything... I luckily had a friend Courntey meet me in Buenas Aires to kill the boredom of examing the inside contents of my head. This was a highlight, of course, as Buenas Aires is now one of my favorite cities in the world and without another thought (besides a quick trip back to the USA) if i found a job there i would move in an instant.

But since that has nothing to do with Peace Corps, I do not feel I should take blog space writing about the beautiful walkable city of BA and write instead about the inner contents of my headspace in the campo in the winter time....

"its cold, its really really cold. i dont want to get out of bed. should i get out of bed? im kinda hungry. its cold, its really really cold............." repeat for about a million more times till 9AM or maybe ten when i finally get up out of hunger and make some tea. I originally thought this was odd of me but after hearing not only from other PCVs but from the community as well, i realize that they dont do anything too. My neighbor gets up and moves her cow and drinks mate in front of the tv while her two children sleep. Speaking of which, they have cancelled school because of the cold and cause of flu season. School starts again August 12th, which causes the cynic in me to come out about the paraguayan "education" system.

Sadly i didnt believe that the typical jaded peace corps volunteer would come out in me, but during the cold, its impossible to find that once hopeful, energentic person instead of the volunteer that sees oneself running on a hamsters wheel, the wheel of paraguayan coruption, lack of education, racism and sexism.

So until that wears off, I better sign off now and hope for some warm days.

Know whats best about teaching a small group of girls without teaching officially in a school?

I get to teach WHAT EVER I WANT; WHEN EVER I WANT.

so, yesterday the girls learned a little bit about me when i was a girl, about a famous author in the states, about guarani, and about environmental education. All this through the beautiful simple words of Shel Silverstein and translated into guarani by a Bill Bryon, former volunteer.

Well, truth is that the girls had a lot of issues reading the story. It was guarani guarani and not the mix of guarani -spanish. They struggled and read it twice but i felt, after i discussed what it meant for me as a child: a story about the heart is how i translated it, they soon understood that this tree had given its life, its body for this little boy.

Tomorrows class is how to make southern bisquits!! and english vocabulary of the kitchen!!

education fights injustice, heheh one bisquit at a time...

I am slowly getting absorbed into a more humane lifestyle. Today on my bus ride our bus driver stopped on the ruta to say hi to the other bus driver going the opposite way. In my american mindset i see that there are only two lanes, no cars can pass them on this main highway. Further along we stop, this time to pick up mate from a stand. the drivers helper goes out with his thermas and guampa (cup.. uuuh sorta cupish) to pay the stand to fill up his thermas with hot water and refill his guampa with new yerba mate. he pays a small price and we are off again.

I wonder about stress of the Muni Drivers in SF verus here. Maybe if they took small stress breaks everyonce in a while there would be less accidents. it is interesting that in american we need a reason for a break, a stress break i called it. here it is a lifestyle. it would sound ridiculous to a paraguayan that we rush into the bathrooms at work or quickly chat with someone as we run back to our computers and work. when you socialize with a paraguayan, time is meaningless. why in the states do we value time more than relationships?

So, big news on a happier note. Leticia has a labtop computer! She is a senior in high school and her family thinks it is a good investment for a future job. She is adopted and the only child of an elderly couple who has a store here. (but before u get swept away with ´wow what an amazing family´ as my first months in site always had that naivity, she was treated like an adopted child, ´put to work endlessly, sometimes hit with the leather cow whip they have here). But Leticia has a computer WITH INTERNET!!!!!!!! you can buy this inserted wireless device that is through your telephone company. While marveling over her new computer, she asked me ¨marianna, i am afraid that my computer can get viruses, could i get AIDS from my computer¨? I explained that we use the word virus to explain something that can cause damage to your computer but only your computer. they arent human viruses. I didnt go into the AIDS talk, especially with her mom nearbye. AIDS is sensitive topic, but the necessity to teach a health class is greater. Soon, i will.

I get angry now hearing or thinking of people in the developed world complaining that women in third world countries need to have less children. I cannot think how americans can think this, when they themselves have so many familia issues. I can not understand when latin culture values its children so much. do you know that even when the soccer teams here had their finals, the photo at the end of the game included their sons, nephew, cousins, daughter, etc? Can you see an American Futbol team´s photo on our sports page with children in the photo? Here it is common to see on the front pages of Ultima Hora or ABC COLOR. YAY for Cerreo Porteno fans, and players and their children. Children are the happieness of an unhappy life. they are the joy that your life has meaning. Your suffering may lead to happiness for your children. Each day surrounded by the cries, laughter and naivity of children, slips one away from their own pestimistic minds. Please i dont want to hear anymore about child planning, not now.

Today my voice of my blog is a little sadder than usual.

Eusebia is a women in our womens comitee i am close to. Since day one i could tell her spirit was bigger than her skinny body. Her eyes and laughter attracted me to her heart. Her son and his wife had a son and three days later it was dead. That morning Eusebia came over saying her baby is dead. Later that day I went over to a shocking scene. I had not prepared myself to see the small, so small, three year old, dead on a white table cloth surrounded by women in chairs and red flowers. I got a good view of the child when we paid our respects, two coins over its eyes, a knife and money wished him good fortune. Sitting on the chairs, listening to the mom crying in the room, i saw the newly made grave across from where we were sitting. In paraguay, a child up to five years is burried in the front of the house. It is not common for children to die this day and age. My neighbor Josefina has a grave that is 21yrs old. Eusebias nephew died in his sleep, i believe this happens in the states.

As soon as I felt I got ahold of the stituation i was in, and felt i had some stable anchor, i quickly realized that at 2pm i came at a very bad time. They exclaimed that the baby was changing color and needed to be put in his small coffin. His skin did look different than ours. Mom of course came out, and the earth shattering paternal voice came out. ¨Cuiduate, no quiero mi amor, mi angelita, mi babe, mi amorcita...¨. She was insane with grief, saying she tried to take care of you my love, my baby. Grabbing the baby, the coins fell off her boys eyes, and the women and i around us looked elsewhere, dad came over, and then brother. The men hung out in the garden, coming in at times when their strenghth was needed, and gathering strenghth away from the women. The women around me all had red eyes, a mother clenched her baby tighter in her hands, and Deisy (my sister) and I left the scene. We had only spent 30 minutes, but the grief i shared with Eusebia when i looked into her eyes was cross cultural understanding without words. I was there within your hearts.

Walking back I learned some news that will forever change my lifetime career goals. Deisy said that when they were at the hospital this morning with the baby (dead at this point) the doctor told the mom ¨it was your breast milk that killed him, it was unhealthy¨. Uncertain to accept this as true, i said so, Deisy´s reply was ¨marianna this is how it happens here, the doctor doesnt want to be responsible for the baby, they had left the hospital two days ago...¨ Interestingly as this news kicked me hard onto a whole new understanding, injustice with the females here goes so much futher, and perhaps womens health is a way to apply compassion.

There are moments here in Paraguay where I become overwhelmed with hope. It is an emotion that hits hard and I start to tear. Today after receiving a notice in my mail box that i had to go to the post office to pick up a package (that means its big or they decided to keep it to make you charge $ for it), i found myself questioning What package could this be? After being lost and luckily finding yet another overly helpful paraguayan that basically WALKED me to the front door of the post office, I found a package waiting for me with many boxes of girl scout cookies. I thought to myself, why am i becoming emotional over cookies????? this is ridiculous! i could of done something better with the money, orrrrrrrr could i?? i thought what better way to show support for a brand new girls soccer team then to send them cookies ALL the way from the states. someone in the states, and in fact a whole group of girls, cares about a small team, still without their own soccerball in paraguay (we have started a fundraiser!! 30 cents a ticket and you could win a cake made by my sister! Right now we are using a borrowed soccerball). I talked to my boss today and she is also extremely happy for this project. i think it is wonderful to be apart of an organization that really only cares WHAT THE COMMUNITY WANTS.. this is the true essense of help, and of peace corps. i have never been apart of an organization or job that i truely respect like peace corps. i never felt like i wanted more to succeed in my job putting in 100, for results that sometimes i cant see. Mabel actually running after the soccer ball at the last practice was something.. could this be a new found self confidence or is that pushing it? what other organization can you think of that says with the hell with it, you were agroforestry, washington is paying for you to do a project but the community really wants their girls to have a comite and soccer team, so throw out that idea and go with empowering young women.

i wrote the girls leader in southern california a response:

I received your wonderful box of cookies and am soo happy. My girls this week have to clean a new bigger field for us to practice on. this is not fun for them because cleaning involves moving cow poop and bones, cutting the grass with machetes, etc and it will be wonderful to surprise them with a treat (two boxes, i am going to ration them!) I was thinking that maybe i could send you a photo of the girls and the cookies, wouldnt that be something nice for your girls to see? I also realized how special it is that the boxes themselves each display a different photo of girls in action. these photos, (i can not wait to give away the boxes!) each of them display a different example of how in america our young girls are empowered in many ways. Especially the box with the girls playing soccer, i might keep this one and add it to my wall.

Additionally i would like to give you access to my photos on snapfish because i took photos of the girls drawings that they sent and put them on my kitchen/ classroom walls.......................................

so i am happy, hopeful and feeling very optomistic. Tomorrow, i am going to be at the ministry department here in asuncion, for a social mixer with the other volunteers in paraguay. this includes JICA (japans peace corps) and Koika (koreas). We will be playing kickball. After that its AHENDU : I hear you in guarani, which is a night in which peace corps magical talent shines....

lots of hope, happiness and perhaps a professional developement worker in the making... signing off with peace

marianna

A real quick update:

Our first reunion 10 girls showed up between the ages of 12 and 18. Many more girls than i thought! A few others also want to join. I thought the meeting would last only an hour but the girls were there for 2.5 hours. My sister reminded me that they have all been in the house all day, and just getting together and talking is fun. I feel like as volunteers we dont really see the full picture

Our name SUPER GIRLS ( in english) is for our team, Super Chicas is for our comite. i presented my ideas of the last saturday of every month is a day where a different activity that i will lead will occur : Environmental Education, Nutrition and American Cuisine (aka how to cook with vegetables), English Classes, and Auto Esteem. My boss really likes my idea and is giving me resources for different organizations that can help me out. The girls want to have 7 shirts for our team ( we can switch skirts when one goes in to the game) that are neon pink. our aunt can make them. They will say our name in black with a number and stripes on the sides of our arms. We are estimating a cost of 140 guaranis or 30 dollars for these 7 shirts, it will take up a couple of fundraisers to buy these shirts. I am not sure how yet but well, since my boss likes us soo much maybe money will come! ( i actually make SIX dollars a day here!) We are borrowing a ball at first. Right now each girl is coming up with one guarani or 25 cents to contribute for the ball. I think we can raise more later.

Our first practice is this saturday, and will continue monday, wed, fridays. I feel like i am taking on a really big project that i didnt even realize. I already have had concerns from moms about novios and alchol. This is my first project in site, and will reflect directly on me. My boss sees me as the first volunteer in site, although a volunteer only lived two km away. For the first time ive become an authority figure. We have two rules: No alchol during our reunions, before during or after our games or in my house. Same with any male figures. In the states this is not an issue but for paraguyans, soccer and alcohol go hand in hand, it is the event of the week, the time to relax and my role in the community has gone from friend, one of the girls to LEADER, and i was not ready for this, honestly. They want me to represent the team and as well to be the president of the comite and enforcer of ideas and for the moms, the rules. I was hoping i could just do the organizing, have the meetings at my place and sit back and listen while they talked because this is FOR THEM, but now i realize they want a leader, they want someone older with the ability to enforce rules, regulations, etc. To keep us together. at first i have to fill this role....My role in my community has gone from sister to professional worker, and image is always important for each mom who is in the community. every act is watched, no novios, no alcohol, church, etc to be a good role model. The only thing that keeps me going is the girls. i will do this and be this person for them

I wrote a long email in response to the questions asked from me by the girl scout troop in San Diego, CA. I thought I would share. Please excuse the grammer and spelling mistakes. My time is limited on the computer.

Hi, I am going to try and answer your questions. My answers apply to my community.

1) Understanding that many people live on $1/day. How far would $1 go in Paraguay? What kinds of things might $1 buy?

4) In the last email, you told me about 2 main crops that are grown (a potato-like thing and beans). What is the main staple of the villager's diet where you are? Is there a lot of variation? What are the effects of being an agriculturally-based village?

5) Are there food shortages in Paraguay? Do people have access to food if they have the means to buy or grow it?

6) Does the village where you are or any nearby participate in Fair Trade production for anything?

1) $1 hmmm. My community doesnt starve. each family has mandioca ( the potato like root) and so they all eat enough carbs. the average sugar cane worker, which is really hard work and is only available every once in a while, makes 25,000 Guaranis or $5 a day. this is from sun up to sun down with many many breaks. The men in my community also make money cutting grass with weed wackers. My brother recently cut grass at the school. i am not sure what he makes but i know for 10 guaranis or 2 dollars he cuts peoples front yards. he uses this money to buy chocolate cookies ( 50 cents per pack of 7 cookies) and as all the younger generation in my community does, he puts money onto his phone. Phones and text messaging is what everyone spends money on. clothes are always handed down so girls do not buy clothes. an average teen spends 2- 5 dollars every two weeks on text messanging. if they make money like my brother they can spend that every week. this is a lot of money here.

Another note about men working in my community, they honestly dont work much. i would say only three times a week do they work out in the field. the rest of the time they hang out with their neighbors and drink terere ( the tea and ice water they drink). the men in paraguay spend money foulishly on electronics ( tv radio, cell phone). this money is available when they can find work on one of the giant foregin owned fields near the brazilian border. they can work for three straight months (not returning home) for about 200 dollars. the women on the other hand, dont make any money, unless they sell their veges in town (maybe 5 dollars a week) or makes cakes like my host mom ($2?). if they do get money they will spend it on food, landry soap, dish soap, rice, pasta, tomato paste, oil. so i guess in order to eat well in paraguay for my host family of six, 50 guaranis a week is needed or 10 dollars.

2) Can you tell us what the lives of the children are like in Paraguay?

In Caacupe till 2pm again, same rutine.

Things have been crazy in site. I moved into my house Sunday night. My house isnt complete but its ready enough...lets just say Ive experienced the passionate latin side of paraguyans.. they are ruthless when it comes to fighting with their family, hmm i have that too..

I am soo happy to be in my own house. Right now i am experiencing the flu with the rest of my community. this idea of sharing terere with everyone out of one straw = epidemic. But this hasnt stop the unstopable peace corps volunteer.. ME :) ... I am learning what is a development worker and how personal our roles are. I had my ears and eyes open to the young women in my community and with the help of my sister we decided to form a Commitee of young women. This committe will also have a soccer team ( i had questioned weather the community had a women´s team and my sister said we did but it fell apart and WAM... another project)

I am honestly overwhelmed with the amount to be done in the next few months. i never imagined Peace Corps to be so demanding, but every country and site is different. My site is ready for someone to cause change, and i must have that confidence to be that person that I have to be. The community is ready for a volunteer who is committed and unstoppable. Ill try my best.

First stop, the women´s commitee´s president: Na Rubita. After the ok for me to announce at our next women´s meeting the idea of starting a young females committe, i was told that i have to go to each house in the community that has a female over 15 and talk to their parents. Ive gotten a lot of great feedback but do not want to invest myself into this project yet. not till i really see that they are willing to show up. It is hard to be distant for my own benefit with a project and yet enthusiastic. I am afraid of being let down, but want to show that i am committed to this idea.

I also have my boss coming out on the 23rd of this month to speak to the community about the role of a volunteer, etc.. This includes a speach from me, and cooking empanadas with soy meat. This is my idea as soy meat is super cheap and a great substitute for expensive meat. we will see how well they like it. Plus, making empanadas is fun!

The women´s commite is starting to think about planting their gardens and needs seeds

and the newly formed men´s commitee wants to plant trees to sell....

and then there is my house, my backyard of weeds, my unpainted walls.....

Day Off

Today is my half day off in CAACUPE!

took the 6am bus here, got here at 730, atm, visited the basillica or Cathedral and looked at view,brought veges and stuff for my kitchen ( i saw a teflon pan but am going to wait to buy that when i am out of my house and my family cant see that i spent $10 on a pan, i love teflon pans ! i am a nut but what could be better than not having to use oil or butter!)

then went to my favorite switz cafe had cafe and a ham cheese sandwitch as always. the man that owns it knows me, and is a very attractive, sweet, older swiss. i love it there. this is my fourth time and the first time i felt a little out of place. After ordering i excused myself to wash up. My white shirt (advise: white shirts should NEVER be brought out in the campo) that i had ¨cleaned¨ still had dirt spots on it. Hand washing shirts only gets out so much. During our training I found it funny that they had recommend that everyone has ¨city¨ wear. i understand now the necessity. The bathroom has individual towels to wash your hands with... (very european) they come in handy after a bus ride from the campo. Sitting back down next to another swiss or german couple i notice the paint on my arms still and the crackes, blisters in my hands... well i tried.

The interesting aspect of me feeling out of place is that my women´s committe looks so out of place when they have their market days in san jose on saturdays. I cant figure out completely why they stand out. their insecurities? their clothes? their bodies? San Jose de Los Arroyos is only a few blocks long. I cant imagine the ladies here in Caacupe and that makes me sad but grateful that i can fit in here. It is interesting that Ive learned about myself that i do like feeling like i have money and a status. Only once ive lived in poverty have i been able to understand this.

I find that Peace Corps has stripped me of the ego i gave myself living in the san francisco bay area. I was a burner ( burningman groupie), drum n bass/ dubstep/ sf underground clubbie, a runner and international food lover ( with courtney going to expensive SF restaurants ,to small thai ones to expensive small chocolate delicansans) and an open free minded individual living in the coolest place on earth.... and now in Paraguay that means absolutely nothing... absolutely nothing.. and i thought these things didnt define myself that i was ¨beyond¨ identifying myself with any group- this in itself defined me. the people of the bay area understand one another more or less. my groups defined and reminded me how cool i was. and honestly, being even more honest, losing that is really hard. losing those people that understood you, although back at home i thought they didnt ( another part of my ego). losing what i cherrish. but here in paraguay i do like having money. never in the states NEVER would i admit that money is something that i wanted. but here in paraguay i can take breaks from the lifestyle of the campo and especially the food and spend the 3 dollars on german bread and cheese ham sandwich and sit with a table cloth and napkin with CLEAN table ware. I like the traquility although it is more uptight.

After the swiss cafe ( and obviously WAY too much caffinee...but it was such great cafe!) i went and brought a nice shirt for myself for my days in asuncion. This is another part of me here in PY has changed about me. I hate shopping, and still do, but now when i can look nice i really really want to. and now when i see something nice that says¨hey you are not in the campo anymore and wearing passed down host sisters, or friends clothes with spots that never come off¨ i become like a 12 yr old typical american girl that get a rush of happiness over a stupid shirt.

And now the Internet Cafe with air con...

Update on My House

I am MOVING IN!!! SUNDAY!!!!!! hopefully... One thing that i love but hate about PY is that things can get done really quickly but you will have no idea what day, what time, and whom will be working for you. My bathroom is done ( lacks paint and another curtain). My two rooms have been painted white and hopefully today i willl find blue paint to do the second layer. The outside of the house is still amess except the window sills. The refrigerator has been removed, electricity re-put in, fan functions, one light bulb, paid brother to take down outside kitchen, spayed Mata TODO/ pescide, laided down rat poison ( the kind that dries them so they dont smell) (BTW saw primo step on rat to crush it that fell, then bash it with wood), new locks, cleaned walls, doors, floors, raked and burned leaves in front, and burned garbage. Today my bed and desk hopefully arrive at 7pm (-ish if at all). I leave CAACUPE if all goes well at 2PM. My house has been and still is a giant project. Thanks to the Paraguians I have had a lot of help. On the 23rd of March, my Peace Corps Boss and Assistant are coming to make a Site Presentation aka Who am I? and Ill make a speach as well. Afterwards I want to have a thank you party for my Tio ( who put in the bathroom with his sons), Neighbor, My host family ( brother Rodrigo for cutting grass and the craziness of the 3 days it took to take down the mess of the old wooden kitchen with ants), and sister Deisy who helped me so much. i am so grateful.

New ideas for Project

The teenaged women in my community have it very rough. I want to establish my house as a women´s house. Not sure how, besides inviting Deisy´s friends over and possibly bringing up the subject this Sunday, that I want my house to be a heaven for them to converse about the problems they are facing as a group. I want to paint the inner walls of my patio with women empowerment sayings as well as questions and designs that i want them to draw. I want to start discussion group casually bringing up subjects such as How does the media affect our body image, because here in paraguay you wouldnt believe what is on tv.. think brazilian tv and add some degradation and some small people. Some shows display a female wearing a thong with stars over her nipples as older men judge her against others with rulers. in the states i never felt a need for questions to be asked because for the most part our women are empowered. but here, the women that are with older men with wives, starting at 14 and dont know how to tell if they are pregnant or not ( my neighbor), who are hit, left and constantly taught to be inferior, i want to create a space that allows my sister and her friends to come to and talk about the women in their community... and perhaps after two years i can bring up the use of birth control. sadly before that.... many women here dont know what tampons are and are told many things they cant do while on their periods, including foods they cant eat andthey cant wash their hair ( this is practiced by my older sister and her friends). Women have it really really hard here. I want to considtrate my time here empowering women.

Intro

It is the five month mark here in Paraguay for me and my views of paraguay, paraguyans and myself in paraguay have adapted. I feel very lucky to be so close to my host sister Deisy. I have been sharing a room with her since coming to site in december (and sometimes a bed with my other sis) and each of my days are filled with laugher - not to mention my spanish has improved greaty. I made a friend so fast and through her gossip i have learned more than i could and wanted to know about my community. She proves to me that i really do not have the capability yet to understand this culture. but more importantly she has taught me to laugh at silly things and to open my mind to "odd" beliefs in the community. I have gained an 18 yr old friend and without her my experience and happiness in the community would be very different.

My House

Almost every day Deisy and i go to my house to clean it, ask uncles, neighbors and brothers to help me out or talk with the dueno ( tid bit: whose wife actually bought the house b4 she was married and now since she is married it is now the legal property of her husband). My house has not been lived in for 4 years. it has two rooms, one had a ton of garabage and a gas powered FRIG... i should find a museum for that - since it doesnt work. We have been spraying chemicals, killing spiders, washing walls, floors, burning garabage, organizing the rest of the garabage, cutting trees, getting her brother to work for me clearing the land.. This is all difficult with the heat!! Diesy´s Tio is going to be putting in new electricity cables and my modern bathroom. This saturday i will go with him into town via the truck collectivo, to buy all the bathroom parts. I will have a curtain to separate the bathroom from my bedroom. i wont have a sink and only running water in the shower and toliet. This week Deisy and I will paint the first of many coats of pain in my bedroom. the rest of the house will have to wait. My move in date is March 1st with only one of the two rooms done and without painting the house. Oh light bulbs, cant forget to buy those, a bed, plates, silverware, cooking equipment, tables, chairs... oh my!

So really my interactions with helping the community have been halted but not as much as i thought. Everyone in the community is very pleased finally this house is being cleaned and is very courious what is going on. In lue of visiting people as often as other volunteers i have had the community help me with my house and have been hosting the women´s committee under my trees in front of my house. Last week I gave the despensa owner my old glass bottles which he can sell and for this he put in my two new locks. the community knows to find me there in the mornings and after 5 and come to sell me things for my house. in short i am very busy but am activately showing to the community capability, i hope. this is always very important since i am a female....

Saudi Arabia of Latin America and Magical Realism

There are the unhappy days here in paraguay. These days i am reminded that i am a female in Paraguay. Hearing fellow female volunteer´s rants, tears, etc and especially hearing my sister´s stories causes so much confusion to me. never have i experienced the higher degree of power men have over women. my whole life till now, i have had male friends, lived with male friends and have been treated as an equal for the most part. one of the biggest role models of my life is my brother. so you can imagine the confusion i have when i cant even look, talk to males without feeling an inbalanced.

Sometimes my female agroforestry friends and i talk about why they even have female agroforestry volunteers if we cant work in the fields or cant be alone with a male farmer, and our credibility of knowing what we are talking about is impossible. A female norte thinks she knows something about our crops?

One morning i woke up and all the males in my community had turned into dogs. and these werent american dogs which we see as friends but paraguayan dogs which are sub human, sometimes get fed, should be hit periodically and seen only for their security benefit. My host brothers, my dad, the despensa owner, my tio, every male had transformed into dogs. my view has forever been changed through the stories i hear, the lack of my sister being able to go to the dentist or computer classes out of fear, the inability of a female to walk by yourself because of fear, and why so many women never leave their homes except for church.

However, their is another side as well. my two cousins: 9 and 14 yrs walked my sister and i back to our house, and hour away. they went two hours out of their way to walk us home... in the states i am not sure if this would occur. but is this another form of power? the need for protection?

I think you will all enjoy, find funny and informative this blog by Natalia. It is probably the best blog out there on paraguay.

http://www.guidetoparaguay.com/blog.html

A Brownie troop from Southern California is learning about my experience here in Paraguay and about Paraguians. I have been cooresponding with their Leader who is preparing for an event with other troops in which each troop picks a different country to represent. I signed up for World Wise Schools, a program through Peace Corps that places volunteers in contact with teachers, leaders, as a pen pal cultural exchange program. I love this idea!

My response to the wonderful package I got, filled of pictures and letters from the girls is bellow.

I just recieved your wonderful package. how happy was i when i opened

it to see the many drawings and letters for me!!.........................

as for your letter, i would be so pleased if your girls picked

paraguay for your project. as you may know one of the goals of peace

corps is cultural exchange. this would be wonderful if a group of

girls and their families in california knew about this wonderful

country and how far it has come from the oppression of it´s dictator

and the wars that distroyed this country and see why paraguay is

called the corazon de sur de america ( heart of south america). right

now the community is making my house ready for me to move in: a new

fence, freshly painted and a modern bathroom.

to mention briefly about my community, we are an agricultural

community mainly growing staple crops of mandioca ( similar to a

potato ) and poroto ( beans) and a cash crop of sugar cane. their are

many cows, horses, ox, chickens, sheep, ducks, dogs, cats, etc..

living with my community as well. the women´s commitee i work with

specializes in dulces ( sweets) this includes jellies and dulce de

leche ( sugary milky spread). also each member has their own garden,

which includes various mellons and squashes, eggplants, tomotoes, pigeon peas,

onions, corn, mandioca. they also sell sweet breads that they make to

various store owners as well as milk and cheese.

I am very happy. Some how this feels like i am doing my part for world peace and understanding.

It has been a while since my last post. I can not express all that has happened since the 21st of Nov. One of the most memorable was walking eleven hours all night to Caacupe for a Catholic Pilgramage, on Dec 8th with all my agroforesters and my host cousin, host brother of Lauren and host sister of Leah. Throughout the night we munched on Tippys, O shaped cookies that taste like an animal cracker, ate chipa and drank guarana soda ( has lots of caffienee). We started off at 6pm and arrived around 6 but took about an hour in breaks. we were extremely exhausted as it is the furthest ive walked. all of us exhausted at sunrise in caacupe, crashed with all of the other pilgrams on the park floor. Dirty waking up at 730, Julia, Brain, Leah and I found a switzerland coffee shop and had amazing german rye bread with german ham and cheese and great capuchinos with sides of chocolate. Overjoyed with our food we overly thanked our host for the best food we have had in paraguay. But this joy wasnt to last as finding a bus home was extremely difficult with thousands others doing the same. luckly after a shot of cana i jumped into the street stopped a bus in which we ran and jumped on finding SEATS!!

The background on the blond curly virgin of Caacupe is that a virgin girl was saved in the forest from some young men by the virgin. Two wooden statues were made, one in which is still at the site of the event and the other at the giant beautiful church in caacupe. every year to commenerate this event, people walk from everywhere to the church every 8th of dec. they bring flowers and jewelery for the virgin in hopes of having their wishes granted. it is a promise to the virgin as one of my teachers explained. interestingly this event has been modernized in which many of the people i saw were young teenagers with their loved ones. in such a conservative society in which men and women are not left alone what a better excuse to go out all night with your boyfriend if it is for the virgin of caacupe ( they say they are going with their friends) hence we lost one of our paraguain sisters to her boyfriend and didnt see her for the rest of the night.

we graduated on the 11th, only a few days later, which i feel like should be about ten days instead of one. First we were picked up in our nice clothes at our sites brought to the bank to get our debit cards, then driven to the PC office to sit around for a long time. then transported to the embassy. now, the embassy is only two blocks away from the office, but since they were so paranoid about???? we were taken on a long caravan ride around the city in case someone followed us. oh we were security checked twice. the embassy is HUGE. to describe: i played on a swing set over looking the pool and walked around the gardens, while we waited for the embassador to show up ( and tv crew). speaches were made, the best chocolate cake was devoured and we were on our own.. literally. we walked back to the office to await, yet still more hours, for our cell phone. then bused to san berandino for a party that i can not describe because it was really just that awesome. spent night in luxourious hotel with seven others in my room :)

we spent another three nights in asuncion, enjoying the roof pool, the bars, each other. took the bus on our own to our sites and went through amazing culture shock... umm where is the beer? the pool? as i stepped in to my host families home with a straw roof, dirt floor ( some cement) i realized that it was going to take some time to come down from our vacation. and it did, literally i think it took three weeks to get over my american ideas and to settle down and realize what was around me.. poverty.. oh ya, that exists...and when i did i didnt like it. and then i did like it. and then i didnt and now i am here in asuncion again, for only two way too short nights, spending most of the time, at the bank and office, at a hotel with no pool and learned some terrible news....

one of our agroforesters has decided to early terminate or quit Peace Corps. this friday she leaves for the states for not liking peace corps. all of us feel betrayed and shocked and disappointed and sad we are now down to 7. yes these are going to be a hard first couple of months. it is interesting that i feel my blogs and others talk about the highs of peace corps, photos are posted, and parties are had. I wonder if others think peace corps is all of that. but the reason we can not describe the hardships is that we dont understand them. we can not describe the new feelings, the newness of everything without a lot of thought. every day in site i try and read a little bit more about the history of paraguay, about women's issues and find myself constantly trying to find out how paraguians see me. but then i realize that i can not see myself yet. it is so amazing to come here in asuncion and talk about peace corps with Lauren. i am finding myself trying to constantly come up with words to describe growth. the curtain has been removed and we can stare at life for the first time. and on stage is a foggy mirror..

My site is called Monte Alto. I am going to be a second volunteer at this site (well sorta, Karen was 1 km away).

My primary project will be working with a women´s group. They sell vegetables at the closest town, 6 km away, on saturdays ( today, which is why i have internet access today as i am with them). The town is called SAN JOSE DE LOS ARROYOS and has a wikipedia page!! look it up! I am happy with my site selection. I wanted to work with women and wanted access (a bus) out of site. I am only three hours from ascuncion in time....in space, i am as far as pluto.

Working with the Women´s group includes: continuing with Karen´s work on injertos, grafting of citrus trees and making, expanding gardens ( huertas) for them to sell vegetables.

Secondary project working on nuturition in the schools and with families. ( wow i am lucky, i keep saying how lucky my APCD put me in this community cause of these projects. the women have expressed these desires and they correlate to mine)

I have already, only my first night in, experienced culture shock. I really wasnt prepared to have any difficulties with the latin culture here, as i havent yet. But it is very different out in the campo. Privacy doesnt exist. I slept in a room with no door that went into another room with no door. I peed in a plastic bin last night. And as much as i felt i really could understand poverty, and adapt easily to poverty, i am finding things more difficult than my previous ego thought.

Religion. Well, I also slept next to a giant- Madre de Dios - drawing last night, surrounded by plastic flowers, and other religious photos, objects. Catholism is a huge part of the women´s lives here. i am going to be trying so hard not only to relate to these women but they will be my life for the next two years. In the homes I have been in, each has crosses, figures, etc. they prayed to Mary this morning ( that they would sell their veges) on the back of the pickup truck on the way into town. I have been so separated from religion that even this was strange to me, but i saw the union it formed from a very divided country ( thanks to mr. stossenger out lawing any groups bigger than 4 to get together).

So honestly i am starting to understand what makes the Peace Corps Experience so challenging. The stress that we are constantly put on to be a representive, to be happy and open to the people you meet and try to not notice those aspects that are so foreign to you and in all this you are communicating in a different lanuage in which you can never fully express yourself, and can end up offending, not being able to explain or be in stituations you dont want to be in. I find myself constantly surprized at the next event, oh.. we are going where? we are back when? and stabbed with questions that i dont want to answer. oh! and of course my stomach has never been so upset with the food i put in it. Another night of fried dough makes it scream in agony.

and if you think i am over exaggerating, it can be worse. last night the corn mush with queso, smelt so badly and tasted so horribly that when the news came on and showed a new founded mass grave from the strossenger years, all i could think of, was that i was eating those decomposed bodies. interestingly there was an air freshner commerical after that. if only i had one of those....

I made it back. The adventure began with a six hour drive to the campo, cramed in a 4x 4 with two of our guarani teachers, Joti and Fatima, our teach professor and couragous driver Leo, and the four of us: Brian, Lauren, Julia and I. The other 4x4 had the other four of us and Delfina ( guarani teacher) as well as a driver. We bashed our heads on the roofs, windows, each other as we drove through campo paraguaya. After passing through a few fenses, a few rough spots, we made it to the first site where we dropped off our first group. On wards, to the middle of deforested rainforest converted into Eucalipus Forest that SHELL had put up to burn coal and since SHELL has left paraguay is now a source of wood and owned by POMPEO? where many of the locals in Neils town work.

Neil is a Peace Corps Volunteer, who lives with a farming community. We stopped at his house and had of course, Terere (cold mate), in a circle. life is very slow paced and it reminds me of college life, forming circles, and spacing out for hours talking about nothing. But in Paraguay the circle always the conversation starts off with an ice breaker about how hot it is and how many mosquitos there are and they may go into:1) dont you miss your family? they are so far! 2) you arent married and you are HOW OLD???!!. 3) you need a paraguain boyfriend. Do you like Paraguain men? 4) you have blond hair or they may comment on how fat, tall, skinny you are.

We were then dropped off, each of us at a different family. Which went like¨ Hi family, I speak broken Spanish and you basically only use Guarani, here is some groceries for the week. yes i brought vegetables and fruit.. expensive ¨unnecessary¨ odd items. i guess americans are delicate.¨

i shared a bed with Mitra, 24, the most educated, in a house of 9 people.

It feels odd describing a house and a family to people in the states on a blog. so i wont. my only comment is: that the house always had animals in it, this included Pigs, Ducks, Chickens, Sheep, dogs, cats. one night when i was going to sleep, and Mitra and her friend and son were sharing the room, i notice a pig had settled next to our bed. we found this funny, they laughed with the joke that the pig wanted to sleep with the norte and i laughing because this was just a new stituation to be in.

I found the naivity i have when i thought that through my travels ( ive been even to zambia!) i understood what is poverty. i felt before these past five days that i understood poverty as a lack of items, resources and desire. now i realize how complicated the stituation is and how much i dont understand. Health is such a huge part.

I loved helping out the women. Gertude, 18 with her 1 year old, was always home making food, feeding the animals, milking the many cows. she married into the family, the oldest brother of 31. Gertude was always smiling and taking care of her sick child.

Grandma was super woman. she lived across the street and had the ability to get the men off their asses and help out. I went and harvested mandio with her. she came and went in silence, and had an ora of empowerment.

With Rosita, the mom I pealed mandio for us and chopped the mandio and threw it out the window for the pigs, ducks, chicken to feast.

I learned about being constantly uncomfortable in every possible way and letting it go for a moment and look up to a smile of Rosita or Gertude. Once i smiled i felt happier and realized why smiling is so important to the paraguain people. it is a feeling that goes so deep when you are unhappy.

I saw more animal violence in five days than i knew existed. this included the blued eyed kittens, and red marked cows. i felt a need for a closed off environment filled with love which i missed. but then learned how to not react to an environment that was out of my control.

It rained for the first three days, we were not sure if we would be able to drive out, the roads were so slipper that i decided to walk bearfoot through the cow mantue rather than fall.

it was so beautiful......the Eucalipus forest in the background of small rolling hills, huts along the red dirt road.

one night i walked to Neils with Mitra and her youngest brother who i nicknamed Spiderman because Neil had taught him about Speeeder man and this was his first opening up to me. I let him wear my headlamp as we passed under the stairs, passed wooden huts with soft light and loud music. We passed the small store with christmas lights and the men outside drinking cana. we walked to Neils, a 30 minute walk, to ask my professor who was staying with him if i could go with Mitra tomorrow morning to work.

The next morning we woke up at 4:30 which was fine for me, i hadnt been sleeping with the mosquito bites and bed bugs. Leaving at 5 we jumped into a cab of a huge truck that held all the workers in the back. In the cab, we drank hot mate and climbed the hills at the break of day to the POMPEO logging company.

Mitra worked in the office. she has worked there for the passed four years, and does the equilvent of six people´s work in the states. she is the only person working in the office. there are about 167 workers who need to be payed, need their walkees, etc. she keeps track of how much gas they use in their machines and weather they required a box breakfast, lunch or dinner that day to be deducted. the men leave their lunch pails with their names on it in a pile, she writes down their names and the cooks fill them with fried dough or what ever is on the menu.

Mitra works to 5 or 6 or 7 ( it depends) and gets a ride back on the company truck. her office is at the top of the mountain and they have a tower which over looks the many heters of Eucalips to search for fire. each man is paid based on their job: pesticide, fertizer, chopper, etc. and based on the amount they get done, Mitra keeps track of this in her small office on an excel sheet. she has air conditioner and a desk for her boss who was out for most of the time. It is a very nice atmosphere. She has a flush toliet.

Oh! i forgot to mention that the four of us trainees did a lecture on grafting for 6,7, 8th graders. it ended up going well, mixing in spanish and guarani. we had them do a puzzle which was really hard for them. my professor said it was probably the first puzzle they have done. children in schools in paraguay copy whats on the board and memorize and spilt it out for the test. there is NO critical thinking or own creative thoughts (dictatorship!). we were very radical for them and they were a little timid of us. but very interested. calling kids out of a group doesnt exist yet. opinions hardly matter....

We got home yesterday to what we now understand how well off our families in Senda are. My clean bed, a real bathroom and now an internet cafe with air condition in the nearbye town. its almost too much. I am very happy that the roads we passable and we didnt get stuck.

Although I am happy to be back, I was happy there. Ill forever remember small Grandma with a hat and plaid long shirt, hearding twenty cows with her stick and UUUUUU noise. The smiles of Rosita, Gertude´s maturity, and Mitra ability to prevail.

hmm... so paraguians like fried food, lots of salt and lots of sugar.they dont like anything spicy or that has flavor ( american view).

so picture mandio ( yuca) fried with lots of salt or just boiled. when we do get the occasional lettuce it is either ...in salad form with tons of salt and few tomatoes, or fried in batter. or i get just batter fried. the meat is the weridest thing ever. bits of it in sauce, soup or bones with meat and fat on it over pàsta. I swear ill never eat meat again in my life. Coming from being a vegetarian on and off for the last 5 years to Paraguaian meat is a giant leap of you are what you eat to swallow and dont think about it, to now finally rejecting it. ( hey the dogs get fed!) Soy is now a new product in paraguay and A LOT cheaper for the families and with tons of protein... but even in america it is hard to make the switch.

Paraguians dont eat breakfast so by the time lunch rolls around I am so hungry that I shove food down fast and dont realize how much i am eating till after i am in a painfulahhhhhheeeeeeeg feeling. now we spend our daily allowance of 2 dollars per day on yogurt and take some fruit if it is around for snacks during the morning guarani lessons. our group has become remarkably close. today was our technical evaluations and i talked to leo our professor almost solely about dianamics to our group...hmm what else. so guarani in the mornings, technical training with leo in the afternoons. We have learned a lot of trees, identified them and their seeds, discussed treatement, storage and where to get seeds, how to plant, grafting etc..

Today is horrible wednesday of burocratic nonsense but i get my third rabie shot so thats good. oh at the begining of our training they purposely stung us with a bee! This consisted of: Grabbing the bee out of the bee net with tweezers 2) placing the bee on your arm 3) pulling its wings back intill it 4) stings you.. I guess this was to see if we were alergic. or was it just fun for our tech trainers or a way to see how commited you are?!

Anyhoo, Thursday this week is our fourth thursday of Dia de Practica which is wondering around the community and knocking on peòple´s doors and saying hi.. basically cold calling. Luckly the very first day Leah and I met Leevrada who has four or is it six? children and stays home all day and loves it when we come so she can leave the house and show us around to her family, friends, pigs, tomatoe plants, etc. I helped wash clothes with her oldest daugter in the river.

Yesterday morning at 6;30 we were at her house milking the cow ( i cant!! it is way harder than it looks! Paraguians found this hilarious, which it was..) and then making what we have coined INSTANT cheese. with the bucket of milk she just got from the cow, we put stomach linning of a cow with lemon and salt on it and woosh it around. then take that out, set aside. Press down on the cheese which starts to harden, and separate from the water. move that mess to wooden plateform and let dry on wooden overhang outside house with flies landing on it. yum! campo cheese... yuck... notice there is no boiling of the milk... the pigs get fed the rest of the cheese water in the bucket.

anyhoo, going on... Guarani class has always been funny. the rules are outragously odd. condugate the first part of the word and not the end part like in spanish... por ejemplo:

I went ; aha

you went ; reho

she went; oho

wait thats an irregular! ... hmm...

oh! i walk ; aguata

he walks; oguata

and isnt of a question mark for questions we use PA

Maepa ojapo cada dia ....the pa is on the Mae or what.. notice there is a mix of spanish words as well, this is know as Jopora! or mixture...

Saturdays we either have tech or language class or we are running around paraguay somewhere doing something. we have great ice cream here in town! (gerry its really good!!!) and fruit and veges. On wednesdays i have a habit of buying tomatoes or fruit and eating them on the way home.

last saturday we passed CASA DE MANI or house of peanut which is on one of the main highways.. not many here in paraguay one was just made by the oil companies.. anyhoo. so no need for any peanut products to be sent. just letters for now :) see older post for mailing address.

what else...red dirt, ox, chickens, chicks, birds, palm trees, small huts, nice huts, neon lights... lots of green thats where i am!

My Family and Home Here in Paraguay

Picture a road of red dirt, with evidence of ox carts and motorcycle tires. Walking along pass a harvested sugar cane field, which is across a wooden hut with lots of cows in front. Make a left on a small road that leads to a house and the despensa - a small store on side of my Peace Corps friend Rosa house. Walk down now a foot path that passes yet another house, pass the giant four ox eating leftover sugar cane, chickens and chicks whom hide under the mom when you walk by.

You have arrived at my host families house. Instead of going into my front door, you always go in the back door where the patio - outdoor kitchen /hang out and do landry area. There are five small dogs, my host mom cooking over a fire with a big black pot and five puppies on a blanket near the back outdoor hall that leads to a storage area. You then take off your shoes, walk in and look into the indoor kitchen on your right to make sure your plate and mug and thermas of cochido is waiting for you as always, it is .. cochido is hot mate with sugar made with coals. you make a left unlock your door throw your bag down on your blue blanket in your stuffy white walled room with neon light. Then you drink, although it is hot outside, your hot cochido. I love it! Maybe i have some dulce de leche, some miel de cana or miel de abeja ( or cava in guarani or bee in english) and put it on the dry white tasteless wonder bread or hard palets of bread in retangular forms. then you go to the bathroom, turn on the electricity to the shower and enjoy a hot shower. oh ya music is blasting as always the same popular paraguain music for teenagers, courtesy of Yesil my sister. then you interact with host brother watching simpsons, or music videos with your host sister and sing and dance along.. she is 17 and waycoooool. brother is 31 and works in a printing shop. Dinner is around 730, sometimes 8 and is werid meat and carbohydrates and water unless you want the wayyy sugary juice drink that is basically koolaid. I usually eat with my host brother or sister ( currently on diet for her confirmation) , the kids eat together while my host mom and dad eat outside. bed.. read if have energy, hear dogs and roasters bark all night but with my ear plugs i fall asleep easily before ten. I usually wake up at 6, sometimes earlier... leave house by 730...

training is boot camp, i mean literally every step of the way we have something to do, i breathe in and by the time i breath out there is another new thing to go, see, talk about, study for , or go to yet another boring workshop on peace corps policies.

love my agroforestry group. we spend our days laughing at our actions ,playing hacky sac and more laughing in class with our professor as we try and learn guarani which is extrem gibberish to any outsider.there is 29 yr old Leah with a masters in geology, from new mexico,26years old Sherry or Rosa ( went to school in colorado) as paraguans call her ( no one can pronounced Sherry so they changed her name) then julia from florida, then Jacobo( jake in english) who speaks amazingly and is from phenoix, arizona ,and is in the master international program, laaura is from atlanta,georga, 24? Brian is a very tall red head who did the peace corps in nepal and is 32? is from michagan and is also in the mastersinternational program, H or Heather in english is 25 with a mastersfrom ?anyhoo they all rock. lots of agroforestrie pride ... ARPELO!! (great)

So we are doing well, we function as a group, think live as one group. I love the closeness already we all are. our brains are full, and our ability to communicate in any lanuage in dying a slowdeath.

we live 4km from our training center and the center of town ofGuarambe. (spelling is not correct) our training site for us eightagroforesters is the furthest out. the next furthest is only 2km away.i love senda ( the name of our site). it is a small poor agricultural community with many cows, chickens ( and chicks! sooo cute! soo small!they go under the mom chicken when its cold or they are scared) dogs,pigs, talking pet parrots and my favorite and new addition to my travels.. OX.... on our hour walk to guarambare one to twice a week we pass an OX:Guiremo . i named him that and we say good morning to him. he is HUGE! my family has two and they carry our sugar cane in a cart to ???

we have about four days of at site training in senda with just the eight of us (smallest group in our training session) where their is a small small house with two rooms, no bathroom but electricity. we use the neighbors no flush toliet where leah lives.we have sundays off only.and those involve being with our host families or any other group activity the community has decided for us to do, por ejemplo this sunday we are playing a vollyball game after celebrating another volunteer´s mom´s saints day. last sunday included sunday school,going to ITA to buy sausages, being dragged by two eight year old girls and other small children around senda to many different homeswhere it is customary to sit and talk in plastic chairs which are brought out and drink terere with yuyos (herbs) oh! ya, and i almost forgot the futbol ( soccer) game. that too involved terere in thermas and passing around the same cup to everyone. everyone does this while watching a soccer game, as well as sharing soda. oh! we grow cana dulce or takuree in guarani. other families include :Rosa´s has a small store that sells soap, candies and detergent,Jacobo has a garden where they grow plants, and others?i love my host family, although the questions get annoying... do you know Hanson? backstreet boys? britney spears?? we spend nights ( myhost sis and bro and maybe her cousin that lives next store, watching music videos, singing karoke or dancing as backupsingers to my hostsister. or watching movies.i am so happy. so mentally tired and so looking forward to everymoment i am not in class.I miss and love you guys!!So much, muchos besos

Marianna Castiaux PCVCuerpo de Paz162 Chaco Boreal c/Mcal. LopezAsuncion 1580 , ParaguaySouth America

technically i am a PCT (peace corps trainee for the next three months) so if you are going to send me anything in the next three months put PCT not PCV.

Any packages should be sent by courier service: fedex, UPS, DHL, or US postal service or express mail only. Nothing valuable or money, as packages are sometimes open and stolen. Nothing over $200 as it goes to customs and stays there (forever?). Supposedly a package arrives in five days through a courier service, but can be delayed for weeks or months.

An estimated 80% of letters arrive :) but still write me!! Airmail normally takes two to three weeks to and from Paraguay, surface mail takes months. It is recommended to number your letters as they may arrive at the same time or out of order.

I would love it if you wrote me!

Thank you!!!!

Marianna

Hi Everyone!

This will soon be the site for my many stories of the Peace Corps in Paraguay.

Looking forward

M