Peace Corps Journals

2793 days ago

As we make choices in life, most of the time some degree of risk is involved. In my belief, that’s what makes it frightening, exciting and many other emotions may be attached to that experience

In applying and joining the Peace Corps, all types of risks were involved in my decision making process.

1. Learning and living in a new culture

2. Starting a new life

3. Adapting to a new way of living… and so on

The list could go on and on.

The four months that I have been in Cameroon have challenged my character, intelligence, beliefs and the way I make decisions. I have grown as a person and become accustomed to ideas and cultural aspects that I never would have imagined.

When I applied for the Peace Corps over a year ago, I set expectations for myself and experienced many situations that I would have never imagined. First, I expected to be successful in my training, and I was. (Except the French thing. No big deal) I expected to meet fascinating people from all walks of life and change certain aspects of me for the rest of my life. I did. I expected my work to be difficult I which it was in a variety of ways. And it is. Again the list could go on…

I have learned from past experiences in my life that expectations do not always match what actually happens in a situation. Years ago I moved to California with high expectations for starting a new life and challenging myself. After a short time I realized it was not for me and did not match what I originally planned and anticipated. Some years later I moved to Florida only planning on staying for a year and lived there for six wonderful years. That’s life.

Since I have been in Cameroon, I have experienced so many different things which many have you have followed over the past four months. The goats, chickens, roosters, cows, pigs hanging out in my front yard. I have battled through the “bush Taxi” experiences. By the way, just recently some girl threw up onions and peanuts. Bad combo. I have eaten some strange food that have been really good as well as some that have been some of the awful tastes in my mouth or made me very sick (remember the wheel barrel pork?) Also I have had to deal with 14 of my friends recoup from a serious accident only a few weeks ago. In addition, knowing that I could have very well have been with them. I have learned and appreciated the true feeling of being alone and the ability to learn how to deal with it in constructive ways.

Now to my point… In the past week I was put into physical harm and that was NOT part of my expectations. I told many of my family and friends and I some what planned to get robbed but nothing to the extent that I will describe. Losing money, personal items means nothing to me. The following is a report that I filed with the Peace Corps last week.

"To: Peace Corps Admin Staff

From: Dave Dubreuil Mbengwi, NW

September 28, 2004

The incident that occurred on Saturday September 25, 2004 was the final event of a slew of actions in the past two weeks. To really understand the robbery on Saturday it is vital to explain all events.

Beginning on September 15, 2004 in the late afternoon. I was reading in my house on the couch as I began to hear noises outside my house. The noises than began to sound like rocks being thrown against my door and house. I remained in the house for another hour or so and after went outside to see what happened. On my porch, there were a handful of small rocks that were scattered. In that time, I thought it was just neighborhood children playing.

One week later on September 22, 2004, in the evening, at about 1130pm. I woke up from a sound sleep because I heard a noise in my kitchen. I got out of bed with my machete and patrolled the inside of my house. Although, I did know that it would be extremely difficult for anyone to break into my house. I realized it was probably just the mice rummaging through my stuff as usual. I returned to bed four or five minutes later and tried to fall back to sleep. Just minutes after I returned to bed, I saw a flashlight shining into my living room. At this point, I did not get up to see what was going on. I remained in bed and noticed the flashlight disappeared from my sight in the living room. Minutes later, the flashlight began to shine into my bedroom. At this point I was very nervous. I had no power in my house so I was not able to do much but just sit there and watch the light survey my room. At about midnight the situation was pretty much over for the night. Needless to say, I slept very little that night. I spoke to my neighbors the next morning to possibly see if he heard anything or had a similar experience the previous night. He said he did not hear and or see anything.

Just days later, on September 25, 2004 two other incidents occurred in the evening. At about 615pm, my neighbor and I went down the a bar in town for a beer and catch up on our event that happened during the week. We only stayed for a short while and walked home together at about 750pm-800pm. When I arrived top my house, I went inside to finish up tasks I began earlier in the night. At about 815pm I went outside to smoke a cigarette on my porch as I do most nights. I locked my door and stood and smoked. Minutes later I finished and began to unlock my door. As I started I heard a voice behind my say “ Hey white man.” I ignored it because I hear it all the time. Again seconds later, I heard and felt him getting closer and walking up on my porch behind me. I was very nervous at this point and had a feeling this was going to get bad. Before I could do anything I felt a cold gun barrel in the back of my neck. He demanded all the money I had. With no hesitations, I gave him all 2000CFA’s and my ID card. Fortunately, I was able to hide my house keys, so he would not demand to go into my house. I think he wanted more, of course. As he realized I only had a small amount on me, he told me I better have more money next time, and that really affected me. The whole situation lasted only minutes. I think he heard some voices from the path by my porch, so that might be a reason why he departed so quickly.

I went inside very promptly. I did not have a chance to see his face so I could not identify him. My nerves were a mess and I felt very sick. I vomited almost instantly, and I had a hard time calming down. I got myself together and began to think of what I need to do. I knew I was not going outside. I called George, Dr. Sammy, and I spoke to Robert. They all expressed concern and asked me if I felt safe for the time being. I did feel ok inside my home. I also spoke to Susan my PCVL, and she will be with me in the morning. Finally about 1200-1230am I went to bed. I was hoping to get some sleep but I knew it was futile. And then, at about 230am-245am I once again saw flashlights shining in my living room and very soon after in my bedroom. I did not want to deal with this again. I had no options but to wait and hope that nothing else will happen. The lights went away in a short time.

On Sunday morning Susan met me in Mbengwi, and we went to the gendarmes to file a report. To be completely honest, this was useless. They offered no help what so ever, and I think they thought it was funny that I was there filing a report when I only lost 2000CFA’s. I explained that was not my worry and I was only concerned for my personal safety. That’s did not seam to matter either. I was instructed by the gendarme to write a brief statement to what happened and bring it the legal counsel in town. I do not believe anything will be done.

I have never in my life had any experience like this before. I have never held a gun never mind having one held to the back of my head."

So that’s the story. At first right after the situation I thought of my family. In any turn of events, there could have been a chance that I would have never seen my mom, my baby sister or my new niece. Is it worth it? I thought about the friends in my life who have guided me, supported me and who have loved me in anything that I have done and decided to do. Is it worth it being here? I asked myself these questions.

So with all this, I have decided to leave the Peace Corps for reasons of my personal safety. I joined the Peace Corps to help and make a small difference. For me, to be physically harmed or possibly killed is not worth it to me. Am I disappointed? With the situation, yes; but not disappointed in myself. Almost every day since I have been here have been some of the most difficult days. I do not regret being here and I have absolutely no regrets making the decision to leave. It was difficult but I knew it was my only option. I cannot live in a place where I fear for my life and where possibly something might happen again. And who knows what the outcome could be next time?

I have known about this decision for almost a week, but I only spoke to my Peace Corps Volunteers and the admin staff here. I did not want any biased opinions on anything. Later, I told my family after I had made the decision to leave. I have had nothing but support from all my friends here and my family. All of it has been very meaningful to me.

So I return back to Florida on Friday evening October 8th. As many of you are reading this I will be returned already and once again starting a new phase in life. These phases have been awfully close together recently, but that’s ok. Even though I am returning with very little, it does not bother me. I know opportunities arise whenever one goes. It is just the way one looks the situation given to them. I know opportunities will come up for me when I return. It will take time, but I am lucky to have a loving family and friends who will support me in the coming months that will no doubt be challenging.

I need to mention the amazing support from all varieties of people who shared support, prayers and encouragement since I have been here. I received over 200 emails from close friends and family as well as new friends from all over the world. I received over 2000 hits on my website and a laundry list of postings on my guest book.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH!! Everything meant so much to me.