I've been thinking a lot about being mindful. And I think I need to be more mindful. Why? Because it's not thinking! Thinking is too chaotic. The negative thoughts are dangerous. During the day it's - ideas, rushing, chaos, problems, solutions, doubts, concerns. And while thinking about these things is very important, on occasion, I would like to replace some of my thinking with mindfulness.

What is mindfulness? I'm not exactly sure, but I know it's not thinking! Mindfulness just feels different. It feels better. It feels awake, conscious, aware. Feeling instead of thinking. Recognizing and observing. I think a big component of mindfulness is the acceptance. If I am mindful, I am accepting. Accepting of myself, of those around me, of my current situation.

It's not exactly a New Year's resolution, but more of a theme for this year. I will try to be more mindful, and will start by playing this song on repeat, as my personal mantra - thoughts, get outa my head!

Sometimes it's hard to stay positive, especially when people you know, neighbors, and people you don't even know are verbally attacking you. So how do you stay positive? Well, here's how I do it. (Or attempt to do it.)

I think about my good, close friends and all the fun, ridiculous times we've spent together. (Facebook's new Activity Log is actually a pretty good way to do that!)I take care of myself - go running, make a good dinner, or go to bed early.I treat myself to a little pick me up - nice piece of chocolate, cold beer, lunch with a friend.If I feel like I need to vent or say something to someone, I write it in my journal first, or think about what exactly I would say. (And depending on the situation, follow through and actually talk with the person.) I look through photos, read a good book or watch a movie. Anything to think about something completely different.I listen to ridiculous music and sing along. And dance. Like a buffoon. Here's to hoping that your bad days are few and far between!

I love discovering cute little hole-in-the-wall type places. And what's better than finding a couple city blocks lined with them!?

I'm obviously not the first person to discover Paseo El Carmen but it is a relatively new place for hanging out, and therefore it feels like I'm "discovering" it with everyone else. The Paseo is a couple blocks of walking friendly streets, lined with small bars, restaurants, art galleries, cafes, stores etc. and it's about a 5 minute drive away from my new house. About a year ago, the mayor began encouraging development of this area, complete with wide sidewalks, nice street lamps etc. And the change has been incredible.

Last night some friends and I went out to try a new bar and the whole Paseo was packed! The streets were closed to car traffic, so food vendors had set up in the street, along with artists, used book sellers, and street performers. There was a constant flow of people walking around, exploring, and greeting one another. Families, foreigners, locals, couples, youth and older people - all enjoying the incredibly pleasant atmosphere. Most of the bars and restaurants set up some additional tables and chairs in the street, so the whole area had the feel of a street fair. There was live music on lots of street corners. It's really nice to find a place that feels homey, comfortable, and walkable. A nice treat in any city! I'll definitely be exploring it more.

I have always wanted to donate my hair. I have so much of it, I figure someone could probably benefit from it! So when I arrived at my grandparent's house for vacation and everyone commented on my really long hair - I haven't had a hair cut since last year - I mentioned that maybe it was time to donate it. Well, my grandma took that as "go" and she immediately called her stylist. I was having second doubts, but she already made the appointment. So I went for it. I chickened out a little bit and didn't donate all 10 inches - I found a different charity that accepts 8 inches or more. But still, that was a lot of hair! So now I'm back to the bob style that I had in early college. I'll probably keep growing my hair out and donate in another year. Wish me luck!



ready to "snip". She had to kind of saw away for a couple seconds. I'm telling you, I have LOTS of hair. all done!

do you remember kindergarten? Do you remember walking in lines with your classmates to get places? Were you ever the line leader? Every once and awhile, I got to be line leader and it just made me day! My parents especially love to talk about how excited I would get because I would say "lime" leader instead of line. Don't know why. Maybe it was just an early manifestation of my future preference for all things lime - lime tostitos, lime-ade, mojitos.... you know!

So you can imagine my excitement when we got off the plane in Fort Lauderdale and I was the first. one. off. the. plane! We had seats in first class - it was on Spirit so it wasn't a huge deal or anything. So that's why I got to walk off the plane first. It was a big day, it was a big day!

I get easily excited. Sometimes it's almost too easy.

my parents are visiting me for vacation and that of course is a happy happening, but I think the best of the best was when we spent an entire day without shoes.

I really don't like to wear shoes. We lived for two years in Japan when I was little and my parents say that that's where they picked up the tradition, but however it came about, it stuck. We always take off our shoes as soon as we walk in the door. But I also like to be barefoot outside. In fact, I prefer being barefoot outside. It just feels...right.

So when I was able to spend an entire day - no, longer - probably about 40 hours, without shoes, I would have to say that that was an incredible day. My parents and I stayed at an eco-lodge on a beach in El Salvador. It's on a spit of sand wedged between an estuary with mangroves, and a beautiful white sand beach. Our second day there we had breakfast in the open air restaurant - with no shoes on, then went walking on the beach - still no shoes on, then to the pool, then lunch, after was hammock time, then the bar for happy hour and then dinner. All without putting on a single shoe, not even a sandal, flip flop or gina. It was glorious. I highly recommend it. Even if you stay in your house all day, still try to do it without shoes on. It just feels so much more like a vacation.

everyone say it with me *ahhhhhh*

Soooo, my dog's in heat right now and that's not so fun. The lady next door complained to the security guard who mentioned it to my housemate who told me one night - "listen, that dog of yours, she whines a lot during the day." I'm sorry if the dogs that walk by the house just smell so attractive to her and she decides to whine/opine/lust after them!!! (I promise, I will get her fixed soon 'cause I for one don't want little puppies, much less want to make my neighbors angry, but I'm just saying, dogs are dogs. Your babies whine too, but you don't hear me saying anything!) So she whines.

And I know why. But I still try to keep her quiet. So I *chit* her. It's that corrective sound like Cesar Milan, the dog whisperer, does. It's really effective. It's also a very salvadoran sound so people always look at me like, "who are you and where did you learn that?!?" Or they just laugh at me. But it's the perfect sound for a dog because its distracts them for just long enough that they stop what they're doing. So she knows that whining is bad because I've *chit*ed her doing it. So now she kind of does this deep, short grunt, kind of like a hrrmph. It's like she's saying I really want to whine at the top of my lungs, but I know you won't let me, so I'm just gonna....hrrrmph! Sometimes its kind of like a sigh, other times like a moan, but whatever it is, it makes me laugh. Because it's super quiet and she looks at me with this pleeeeeease let me be loud?!? look on her face. It just makes me want to hug her. She's my Monkey.

She's such a good dog. She makes me happy every day.

a few days ago I saw a bus plastered front to back and top to bottom on all sides with a Coca Cola Christmas ad - you know the one with the smiling Santa, right? Well, that one. However, some genius at Coca Cola, or maybe someone at the bus company, decided that the bus needed even more flair so they strung up Christmas lights around the outside of the bus. But not just any Christmas lights - purple, flashing Christmas lights. I was coming home one night on a bus and saw this special edition Christmas bus coming down the street. (If that crazy bus had pulled up at the bus stop I was waiting at, I don't know if I would have gotten on. Maybe just to see if it was decked out on the inside as well...) But anyway, both buses stopped at an intersection and my bus driver (driving the plain, generic, boring bus) gave the other bus driver (the one driving the Christmas extravaganza) a little head nod. I think that head nod was meant to say "Dude, I'm soooo sorry that you have to drive around in that crazy bus, but the fact that it's you and not me just makes me laugh even harder." Or at least, that's what I would have said.

this morning I saw a man sitting on a park bench texting. Nothing too out of the ordinary. Except it was in a park, it was in front of a McDonald's. And the bench wasn't a normal bench, it had one of those plastic Ronald McDonald figures in the middle so people can take pictures sitting with him. Well this man was texting with his hand holding the cell phone resting on Ronald's knee. (I mean, let's be honest, texting is tiring. It's only natural to look for some support, right?!) The moment could have been romantic, if it weren't for the plastic-y yellowness of Ronald. But it was mostly just a good chuckle for me.

and the ever popular misunderstood t-shirts. Classic favorites - the granny wearing a "gansta fo life" t-shirt, a 10 year old boy with "gold digger" plastered on his shirt, or the adolescent boy sporting a long sleeve t with "preggers princess" across the chest. Those are enough to make anybodies day.

how about a nice afternoon at the beach? that sure makes my day!

Wherever you go, no matter the weather, always bring your own sunshine.

When I wake up in the morning, the first thing I see out of my window is the San Salvador volcano. Most mornings, there is a little cap of clouds sitting on top. The sunrise lights up this little cap and makes me smile.

When you possess light within, you see it externally. ~Anaïs Nin

A few days ago as I was finishing organizing my new room, and doing the requisite purge of stuff that accumulates, I came across a paper bag with notes from fellow Peace Corps volunteers from our last get-together - our close-of-service conference. Most of the messages said something nice or mentioned some mutual memory or event we had attended together, but one post-it note stuck out.

It has a simple drawing of a sun and a simple quote. nothing more. And the quote reads "have the courage to live your life with happiness". I think of myself as someone who lives her life with direction, or purpose or focus, but I realized that too often, I forget to live my life with happiness. And so I'm trying to change that. I plan to focus this blog more on happy happenings, or just happenings. Daily snippets as it were.

I remember when we were little, our mom had the family share "happy happenings" every night at the dinner table. She would write down, uncensored, whatever we said in a notebook. I don't specifically remember any of them, but I'm sure my 4th grade self had some awesome happy happenings. Today my tomagochi pet learned how to roll over! So I'm taking a page from that old notebook, wherever you may be! and I'm beginning with my own happy happenings.

I went for a run this morning, and decided to focus my run on effort, or lack thereof. By this I mean that I tried to run as effortlessly as possible. I've been doing some research lately into different ways to run. Specifically the 100 ups, Pose method, and Chi Running. (Two caveats - 1) these methods are also used to encourage barefoot running. I am not discouraging or encouraging barefoot running. Decide what is best for you. 2) Some sport scientists say that these methods of running reduce "economy" i.e. speed. While that might be true, I for one am not looking to win any races, I'm looking to go long distances, hard, without hurting myself.) They all focus on mid-foot striking instead of heel or toe striking, which has never been a huge problem for me, but more importantly they encourage you to focus on quick leg pace, picking up your knees - marching band style, and picking up your feet - kick-butt style. Elite runners (and all runners really) often warm up with high knees and butt kicks but it's not just to stretch muscles, it's because those are the motions that your legs should go through when you run. Going faster by extending your stride is a sure-fire way to injury. Instead, focus on picking up your feet more quickly. The more time your feet spend on the ground, the slower you go.

So in short, I did all that, or tried my best to do it, and let me tell you, my run was amazing. It felt light, effortless, free, even painless, so I was able to do more distance, and able to do it faster than I normally do. So a great workout is my happy happening for today. What's yours?

Happy happening from last weekend - releasing baby sea turtles into the ocean! My job is awesome.

When life throws opportunities your way, you should take them, right? Well, I've tried to live my life by that dicho (saying) and so the next chapter begins. My Peace Corps service is quickly coming to a close and it's time to move on to other things. I was offered a job in the capital, San Salvador, and will be starting mid September. I will be in charge of fundraising and corporate partnerships for a national non-profit, FUNZEL, that works for the conservation and protection of the salvadoran wildlife. They are most known for their sea turtle protection programs, but also have a wild animal vet clinic, connections with the national zoo, environmental education programs for schools and other similar programs. I am very excited to see what other areas I can help out in, not just fundraising, though I'm sure, especially at the beginning as I'm learning the ropes, I will be up to my eye balls in work. I don't have lots of experience in that area, so it's a pretty big stretch for me, but I like a challange. (But - geek alert - I'm really excited cause I think a lot of my work might involve spreadsheets!!!) My other big challanges are to get a work visa and find a place to live. Hopefully within the next few weeks, those things will start to come together.

In the mean time I am beginning to wind things down here in site - saying good-bye's, writing final reports, and deciding what to do with all my stuff! It feels incredible that two years have flown by; it really does feel as if I just arrived. I think that is compounded by the fact that I finally feel as if I've hit my stride and have gained the confidence and friendship of many community members. Therefore, it seems a little unfortunate that I'm leaving, but in terms of professional development and future goals, it seems like the best choice.

So as one incredible experience begins to wind down, another one begins. I will continue this blog as a record of happenings in my life.

thought it might be time to post some photos of this country and what I've been up to. So enjoy!

we visited laguna olomega and we decided to make "little faces"

one of my favorite way to take photos of people is to ask for their "biggest fact" and then "little face". you get some great shots that way!

laguna el jocotal

it's a Ramsar World Convention Wetlands Site and we went there as part of our teacher training to show teachers how to do field trips and be more active in their teaching styles, specifically when it comes to environmental education.

web of life

same teacher training as mentioned above, and all teachers were given a piece of paper with a component - biotic, or abiotic - and then we "wove" the web of life, depending on the relationships between all those components (photosynthesis, predator/prey, water contamination etc.) and then talked about how one action can effect all components. really effective activity. one of our most successful.

laguna de alegria - a sulfuric crater lake

the line on the rock is from last year when the lake flooded. Most of the trees around the lake have been scorched by the chemicals and have died. It has left a very interesting landscape behind. We also visited this site as part of the same teacher training.

black sand beach of Isla de Meanguera

went on a mini vacation with fellow volunteers and a friend from the states to this beautiful island in the Golfo de Fonseca that is in between El Salvador, Nicaragua and Honduras. It's a gorgeous, but 1 hour long, motor boat ride from land. Well worth the trip. We stayed with a family to save money, but there is a swank hotel on the island.

learning to make pupusas with a friend

I couldn't allow myself to leave this country without mastering the art of the national fast food dish. they're super simple to make - i think they are even easier than tortillas. and hey, if job hunting turns up nothing, I can always open up a pupusa stand in the states!

other black sand beaches of Meanguera

the pile of fire wood that my school uses to cook the school provided snacks

we are in the final stages of our fuel efficient stove project and with the new stoves installed, we will reduce the use of fire wood, as well as the smoke that issues from the stoves. more pictures later!

Monkey!

I can't not include a photo of her in this group. She makes my tough days less tough and my good days even better. she is becoming more and more well behaved every day - she is a year and a half old, and I think that's a big part of it. Currently kennel shopping so that we can start getting used to it for the big haul!

But aren't you scared? You are so valiant to come here and live alone. (the phrase I most often hear is tienes valor and valor means courage or valiance.) I think all volunteers hear these comments a lot, especially the girls, but I've never really stopped to ask myself why Salvadorans might say such things.

Well, first, Peace Corps volunteers really are courageous people. Agreeing to leave friends and family back home for two years to go off to a country, culture and community unlike anything you have probably experienced before. I think the Peace Corps is kind of self-selecting – only courageous people will apply! However, I think Americans in general are also pretty courageous. It's common, normal and often times expected, that children will move out of the house at 18. Going off to college is often a chance to live as far away from your family as possible. We travel by ourselves and seek out new experiences and challenges. Sometimes, it's the little things that show you are “courageous”, like being willing to try a Wendy's Frosty with fries, or bushwack just to prove to yourself you can find your own way.

Now of course being courageous does not mean being stupid, it means taking calculated risks. And, watch out, here comes a gross generalization! most Salvadorans I have met do not exude courageousness in terms of trying new things. It's a culture thing, I believe. Family is the central focus of almost anything that people do, so striking out on your own is not really considered, and as an extension of that, trying new things is not sought out. Of course, there are always exceptions. I think each Peace Corps volunteer could count off a handful of people they know that are courageous in terms of trying new things. But as an example of not trying new things, I give you the following.

The national “carb” (I'm convinced all countries have a national “carb” they are known for – calzone, empanada, gyro, steamed bun, samosa, sub sandwich etc. - and all of them are pretty tasty too!!) and El Salvador is known for pupusas. It's a corn meal dough that is filled with cheese and tasty things like beans, chicken, spinach etc., flattened out like a tortilla and cooked on a griddle 'till piping hot. Salvadorans eat pupusas like it's their job, and thus, Peace Corps volunteers do too. But sometimes we get bored with the same thing, so we invent. Some volunteers have tried making sweet pupusas in their home, often with plain cheese and plantain or something similar. Now suggest such a thing to a Salvadoran, and they give you a face as if you had just suggested that they replace their morning cup of coffee with curdled milk. When you remind them that just that morning they ate fried plantain and tortilla, (essentially the same thing as a pupusa with plantain inside) they will scoff at the idea that you could mix those things before you eat them and that the result would be something tasty! Meh. I tried!

I have had some success stories, though. I was in Wendy's extolling the virtues of a Frosty and fries to yet another person (this might be my life's crusade!*) and as I was emphatically dipping a fry into the chocolatey goodness, I noticed out of the corner of my eye a Salvadoran trying it as well. We made eye contact, he smiled approvingly and went on to share this new delicacy with his table mates. Score one for me!

So with the previous in mind, it's understandable that Salvadorans would say “you are so courageous for living here.” Because to them, we are courageous. But for most of us, this is just seen as yet another new experience to add to our list of accumulated “things I've done”. And part of this courageousness that they place on our heads, stems from the fact that many Salvadorans think their country is besieged with violence and not worthy of people visiting it. This also is a gross generalization, but it's sadly often true. I know of a handful of Salvadorans who live in the States, and when they come back here to visit family and friends, they cut their trip short because they can't stand their own country. Now I must be honest, I don't want to spend my entire life here in El Salvador, but it is a beautiful, interesting and worthwhile place to spend some time getting to know and it pains me that so many Salvadorans don't appreciate their own country. And some of this stems from the fact that they are scared of the violence and situation of delinquency in the country.

Which brings me back to the original question. “Aren't you scared to live alone?” Short answer – no. I am trying to live my life by the sage advice of my dad - “if you're going to worry about something, worry about the things you can control, and not the things you can't.” So when someone asks me – aren't you scared to live alone? I always ask them, “scared of what?” And I never get a response back. Just a general shoulder shrugging, as if to suggest that one should live in fear because that's what you do. But what they mean to say is, “aren't you scared of all the news, every day, of more violence?”

Now, I must be clear, living in El Salvador is not a cake walk, and I understand that violence and fear are a daily reality for the Salvadorans, something that most Americans never have to deal with, or at least not this consistently. But most often the violence is not purely random. There was often some previous clash, or drug related something, but still, random violence does happen. So I understand why they might suggest that “well, it's just violent out there, Carol”. And yes, it may be, but that doesn't mean I'm going to lock myself up in the house with someone else just to feel safer. If something bad is going to happen, it's probably going to happen no matter whom you are living with. Besides, I tell them, I have my dog!

But of course I take precautions, and make sure that I am as safe as I can be, but that doesn't mean I'm going to worry about the things I can't control. Sometimes it surprises me, because for a country with so much fe en Dios, people really do worry about the little things. I would have thought that more people would leave things in God's hands (or whatever larger, guiding force you may believe in). But maybe it's something that takes practice.

And this leads back to being valiant for trying new things. I think the two are related. If you are constantly worrying about things you can't control, you really won't have time or energy to seek out new experiences. So as part of fulfilling the second goal of Peace Corps – to help other countries experience and appreciate American culture (the third goal is to help Americans experience and appreciate other cultures) I try to help Salvadorans step outside their comfort zone and try something new – whether it's getting on a bus and going somewhere they've never been, or even just trying a Frosty with fries! So you, get out there today and try something new, too. And seriously, if you have never had a Frosty with fries, try it!

*No, Wendy's is not sponsoring this blog.

I'm sitting in my “office”, a coffee shop with WIFI, about 40 minutes from San Antonio. I come here about once every other week or so to catch up on email, get new NPR and BBC podcasts and generally detox. It's quiet, calm and air conditioned! here so I can actually focus on getting stuff done. Here's an update on what I've got going on right now. Currently we are in the middle of a teacher training here in San Miguel. Together with 4 other PC volunteers, we are teaching teachers about participatory teaching techniques – dynamic activities, and how to run mini-field trips. The trainings seem to be going well – the teachers are responding and participating, and when we debrief after each session, they also have good pointers and suggestions about how these techniques can be incorporated and modified to fit the realities of each individual school! (success!) We finish up this Saturday with a mini-graduation and presentation of diplomas. We are also planning a larger teacher camp in May where we will go to the northern pueblo of Perquin and do daily field trips and excursions to help teachers see how easy it is to incorporate outdoor experiences in their daily teaching. I was super excited because a couple weeks ago, two teachers that I had invited to a similar teacher training we did last November, wanted to take their second graders on a walk to the river nearby the school and do activities and such there. They invited me to come and participate and I was so happy to be there and super proud of those teachers for doing something new! Also, we are moving forward with the stove project in the school. We have received funding, and are now in the process of ordering materials, and planning the renovation of the kitchen. We are planning to do most of the work during Easter Break so as not so disturb the preparation of the school provided snack. I am very gratefully to everyone who donated and promise to include before and after photos! My woman’s group has successfully made their first batch of soap and they are very interested in keeping it going. This first batch was just to test out the recipe and see if they like the product. Also to experiment with different ingredients. The only bummer is that the product requires a month to fully set up, but I told them that if they make soap every week, after the first month of waiting, they will have product becoming available every week! Hopefully they jump on that. They have been very successful with making shampoo, but the main ingredient can only be purchased in San Salvador, a 3 hour bus ride away. For soap, all the ingredients can be purchased in San Antonio! so super easy! With the eco-club in the school, we are assisting with the school-wide recycling initiative. Before I arrived in San Antonio the school was recycling (selling) soda cans, but this year they have also started selling plastic bottles, paper and also composting. The eco-club is helping remind people to classify the garbage and put each specific type in it's respective place. We have been making posters to put up around the school. It's definitely an up hill battle because habits die hard and most people here are used to just throwing trash on the ground wherever; very rarely does it make it in a garbage can, and almost never is the garbage separated, but we are trying! I've been helping write grants for two exciting book projects. One is a coloring/activity book all about the environment. Alicea (http://aliceacock-esteb.blogspot.com/) is making the book and has word searches, connect-the-dots, mazes, matching, at-home activities, easy math, and lots of fun coloring! Another volunteer, Nicole, is doing some beautiful picture books with story lines related to the environment – a curious water drop goes on a trip through the water cycle, a melancholy tree learns his importance in the web of life, an intelligent worm helps his fellow worms understand their role in helping a farmer's soil be healthy. Both are incredibly talented and creative artists and we are all very excited to get these books published. Some trainings are coming up where I have the opportunity to invite some community counterparts to learn about small business development, as well as product elaboration. I have invited two members of the woman's group who have been involved since the beginning, and really the driving force behind the group's energy. Each has great ideas for future projects – aquaponics, selling shampoo in other communities as well, setting up a little cafe in San Antonio etc. So I really want them to attend these trainings and learn how to make the most of their energy, time and investments.

Man it feels good to be working!

Niña Toña is sitting on the curb in front of her house and she invites me to sit and join her. “I used to sit out here every night with Niña Berta until 11, but now it's too dangerous, and she moved away. I miss it.” I sit down and my dog lays down beside me. It's early evening and finally cooling off from the heat of the day. People are coming and going on the main street with black plastic shopping bags in hand, kids in tow, or pailas (wash basins) on their heads. “Buenas Noches” they call out. Sometimes “salu”. Everyone in the community seems to know her and she everyone else, so lots of people stop to chat. We platicar (chat) a bit. Laugh too – often about something I've done or said. But tonight I don't mind. I just like being on the curb with Niña Toña. She has been a friend, mentor and grandma to me ever since I arrived in San Antonio, about a year and a half ago. Even though she never studied beyond second grade, she has quite a lot to teach people about living their life well.

Work Hard

Niña Toña was born in the mid to late 40s. She's not sure and at this point she doesn't really care. From her first marriage she had five children, but one of them passed away. Then her husband passed away. She remarried and had one more child, and then husband number two passed away. So she was left to raise her five surviving children by herself. She remembers working in the cafetales (coffee fields) on the San Miguel volcano, basket for cafe in front, and a child strapped to her back. “Those were hard days” she tells me. “But what else could I do? My family had to eat and it was just me.” Her children are all grown now, and one even made it all the way through university. She is rightfully proud of the life she has provided for her children. But she's not just twiddling her thumbs now into her old age. She still works. Every day she makes tortillas to sell and some days she sells 7 dollars worth of tortillas. She hasn't stopped working yet, and she says that she won't stop until she absolutely can't work anymore. She gets too bored if she doesn't work.

Play Hard

However, it's not like Niña Toña only works. She spends a good part of her day visiting friends, vagando as they say. She also goes to almost every vela (wake) and entierro (burial) in the community, as well as every celebracion and vigilia at her church. She's an incredibly religious woman, but she tells me that she also just enjoys the company at the events. It's a chance to visit and check in on lots of people and see how they're doing. When I was new to San Antonio she was the one who took me around, introducing me to people for the entrevistas (interviews). We eventually visited 50 families and stopped there, but not because we ran out of people she knew, it was because I needed to wrap up the diagnostic. She could have kept going day after day taking me to other friends' houses and we probably would have eventually visited all 600 houses in San Antonio. For an old lady she sure does have a good time.

Give Thanks

And almost a year and half later I'm still hanging out with Niña Toña. Sitting on the curb in front of her house that night she asks me if I want a tamale. She won't let me say no. “They're pisque” (filled with beans) she says. “And they're spicy.” Okay, I'm game. She brings back one for each of us and we eat them with our fingers. As we finish eating she says “Gracias a Dios, ya comimos.” (Thanks to God, we've now eaten.) I nod in agreement. While I don't completely agree with whom she's giving thanks to - I mean, she made the tamales! - I do like the idea of giving thanks, and giving it frequently. I think it's important to acknowledge the sources of our continued existence and Niña Toña does so after every meal and cada rato (every chance) during the day. Whether for you that means thanking God, your parents, the United States Government, your own two hands, Mother Earth, or something in between, I think thanksgiving is a good lesson.

Last Lesson

It's become dark in the time we've been sitting on the curb. The neighbors across the street turn on an outside light and we can see again the people walking up and down the street. The same neighbors have twin girls – 3 years old and quite a handful. I guess it's bed time because all of a sudden a great racket starts up from inside their house. I shake my head and chuckle but refrain from commenting on their parenting skills. Niña Toña seems to understand what I'm getting at. She looks over at me, puts her hand on my knee and says to me in a voice that seems to say – you'll understand when you have kids - “No, Carol, it's okay. Kids need to scream a lot when their little. It develops their vocal cords.” Well, I guess no one can be full of sage advice 100% of the time. But Niña Toña sure gets close.

I'm woken up at 5:30 am by the chickens and dogs. I try to roll back over for some more shut eye. 6 am and the radio station starts praising God at an ungodly volume. I can never actually understand the man, so I just assume that's what he's doing. What else could he be talking about for 30 minutes? I toss and turn, trying to smother the garbled words with my pillow, but to no avail. So I resignedly get out of bed. Besides, it's creeping up to 80 degrees already and I for one don't like sleeping in that kind of weather, so up and at 'em Carol, let's greet the day! But first I have to acknowledge Monkey. As soon as she hears me stirring, she tries to stick her nose under the mosquito net. Some days she's successful. Most days she's not, so she just lies down to wait. Right where I put my feet. So sometimes I step on her. Oops. As I get up and head to the bathroom, she follows me. Don't know if this is normal dog behavior (and I know it's not a proper conversation topic among gentleman and ladies, but who am I kidding, you guys aren't any of those things!) but she really just likes to sit there while I do my morning business. Sometimes she'll put a paw up on my leg, as if to offer moral support or something, but most of the time she just curls up in a corner for another cat nap and waits for me to move on the next morning task. (I swear, dogs really do sleep about 16 hours a day.) Lately the winds have been blowing ridiculously hard and frequently, and that combined with the dry season means lots of dust and leaves inside my house every day. So I begin the Sisyphean task of sweeping out all the dust and leaves. And it blows right back in. That, combined with the incredible amount of shedding that goes on in the house means that it's quite impossible to keep the house clean. Oh well. I tried. On to the next task. The dishes are starting to sprout legs and arms so I decide I should wash them. The first splash of water from the guacal sends the ants and other creepy crawlies that have set up shop scurrying. The frogs hiding in the moistness of the drain pipes come hopping out much to Monkey's everlasting enjoyment and I get on with the washing. Then I proceed to water the worms. Yes, the worms. I have a worm box where I put all my kitchen scraps, save for meats, fats and oil etc. The worms are a happy as pigs in mud, or worms in dirt I guess, eating away at all the awesomeness I throw in there. And for little to no work, I get organic fertilizer. Well, except I have to water them. Which if anybody were walking by and saw me dumping water into a box full of dirt that never seems to be sprouting anything, they meet just consider me even crazier than they already think I am. So with all those tasks out of the way, it's on to my workout – thanks Jillian Michaels for proving that it IS possible for me to sweat even more than I thought I could! Oh and she's right, she will get you 6 pack abs if you follow her workouts religiously. Mine are still hiding in the little blue igloo cooler, but not as much as before. So onward shredded one! Next is breakfast, with Monkey underfoot, hoping that just this once the delicious creation will be for her and not the food from that stinkin' bag of dry dog food! It's now about 9 o'clock or so and time to do some real work. The new school year is just around the corner, so I've been heading to school to help the teachers get the classrooms ready for students. It feels like kindergarten because it's lots of cutting and tracing and gluing up decorations and signs around the rooms. Just the type of “creative” things that I'm good at, so yay for artistic therapy! In the afternoon I head back to my house where I work on project ideas, proposals, calendars or paperwork. I also spend some time reading, and every once and a while I have to test out the hammocks just to make sure they are still functioning. Because even though the siesta is not an officially recognized pasttime in this country, I think it's a shame to lose this marvelous tradition and am doing my part to bring it back! So I practice my hammock napping skills and then it's time for my afternoon rounds. I go to visit my neighbors in the women's group and we chat about future or current projects. How their shampoo is going, what they want to learn next etc. Evening rolls around with the cool breezes – the plus of being in a desert, the sun goes down and the temperature drops about 10 degrees. So that's my time to be out and about. I visit until I'm hungry and then I excuse myself and head home.Once home, I make dinner, then relax and read as late as I want. But not too late. Cause I need to get my sleep so that I can get up at 5:30 again when the rooster crows!

During training in Peace Corps, the older volunteers frequently tell the "newbies" that they should watch out, because their time will fly. And they are right. Part of this realization came about when I discovered that I haven't written a blog post in over 3 months! Sorry. Also, a new group of volunteers will be coming in soon, and that means that my group will be the "senior" class and that means we are almost done. But, before I can be "done" I need to do some work. (I'm still not sure what "done" means for me, and even when exactly that will take place, but that's a whole other issue.)

I am back in El Salvador after visiting family in the United States for Christmas (and what a great time I had - thanks to you all!) So I'm well rested and ready to get started. School begins soon and I'm looking forward to working again with students, teachers and the Salvadoran version of the school's P.T.A. I hope to move forward with getting fuel efficient stoves in the school kitchen, as well as getting all the teachers trained in interactive teaching techniques that they can then apply to their lessons with all students. Last year the trainings were geared more towards science teachers, but I think I feel comfortable incorporating all teachers. Besides, not all teachers will go for it, and this way the trainings are more likely to have some sort of impact on more teachers, and therefore more students. And the more people we can effect, the better!

The women's group is going well, but I'd like to formalize the purpose a little bit - emotional support group, small income generation, time to just sit and chat or what? And all of those things are important, and we should probably do all, and can do all, at the same time, but I'd still like to formalize something. Not sure if that means a mission statement, but I think we'll let it work itself out. On another note, I'm so proud of them all because while I was gone in the states I was afraid things would kind of fall apart, but some women kept making shampoo to sell and they even contacted someone to give them jewelry making classes. Yay for self motivated people!

The other project I'd really like to more forward with involved something that the Japanese volunteers in San Antonio have been trying to make happen for over 3 years now. San Antonio has tried twice to get garbage collection going and both times the service has failed because it was not financially solvent. I'm hoping that I can inject some energy and new ideas and convince people to try another time. We are going to try and get a subsidized price at the landfill, as well as educate residents about the type of trash they put out to be collected so that people aren't throwing away 3 50pound bags of garbage a week! (And the fee is a paltry $3 a month for pickup - that barely even covers the dumping fee at the landfill, let alone gas and paying the driver's and collectors' wages.)

Together with other volunteers, we are planning more regional teacher trainings, as well as a kids environmental camp. I like these kind of projects because they get me out of San Antonio - because even though it's on the larger size in terms of Peace Corps placements in El Salvador, it still feels like a fish bowl. Also, it's nice working with other volunteers because the energy involved is different. Not necessarily better than working with Salvadorans, just different. And that change of pace is really appreciated when things seem to be getting bogged down. It also involves lots of networking as well as grant writing and I know those skills will pay off in the future. So lots of fun ideas and projects in the starting gate. Just wanted to let you in on them all. Now to get crackin!

"Stay safe!"

Those might not have been my parents' exact parting words when they dropped me off at the Holiday Inn: Georgetown for predeparture orientation, but I think that those are the understood parting words for anybody going off on a trip, especially for two years of Peace Corps in a developing country. So how are we doing so far?

Well, I'm doing just fine, thank you very much! (So don't worry!) But what about everything else? Aaaaaand, that's where things get interesting. I have never spent more than 1 month in any one country, so I haven't had a chance to really get into, understand and, honestly, care about, daily national news in another country. But dang are things interesting here!

So if you didn't know - and I know my mom is probably trying to forget - El Salvador has a gang problem. There are two big ones - Mara Salvatrucha aka MS, and roughly translated to - slippery Salvadoran trout gang, and 18. And these gangs are good; organized and integrated in all aspects of public life: politics, police, education, transportation etc. Many of them have made it to the United States, joined gangs there, learned good tricks, were arrested, learned even better tricks in jail in the United States, and then got deported. (Actually, I think these gangs have cells in the United States now as well.) So now El Salvador has a growing gang problem, and not nearly enough money, man power or experience to deal with them all in their jails. But they're trying. They just passed a really... strict? progressive? intelligent? stupid? anti-gang law that has caused quite a push back by the gangs. And it looks like things are going to get worse before they get better. What do I mean? Okay. The anti-gang law is kind of like Arizona's anti-immigrant law - if the police even think that you might be in a gang, they can stop you, arrest you, and put you in jail, just for suspicion of being in a gang. Well, of course gang members don't like this. So much so that the two rival gangs - MS and 18 - issued an unprecedented joint press release that threatened violence to any public transportation unit on the streets during a three day period unless the law was rescinded. Well, the law was not rescinded, and the country shut down for three days because no buses ran for fear of the threat of violence - with reason of course. Some buses that were running were stopped and one driver was pulled out and shot, and then the bus was torched. So things are pretty serious, but really only in the capitol, and Peace Corps is nice enough to not pay us enough to be able to spend much time there. :)

What happens next? We all watch our back, make sure that we are on a bus with two doors (for a quicker exit) and try to travel as infrequently as possible. And the gangs stay in power. We have some awesome volunteers here working in Youth Development (and other volunteers from other programs that have youth groups as well) that work to show kids that there is another way to live your life. You don't have to be in a gang. But it's especially hard when many dads are working in other places - often the United States, so the boys lack strong, positive male role models. Some of them go looking for and then find that role model in a gang member and the problem continues. Especially when gang members are in the same police force that is trying to stop them. The armed forces have been deployed to patrol streets and buses with the police to try and bring security, but, there are gang members in the army as well.

So we hope for change in the youth. But also a change in attitudes towards reporting. There is great fear in this country towards reporting crimes, or turning in someone. Much of this fear can be traced back to the civil war were people were pulled out of their homes in the middle of the night and shot for supporting the national army, or the guerilla fighters. And so people learned to keep their mouths shut. You didn't support anyone, or you supported whoever was asking you who you supported.

Right now, the gangs get their money from extortions, and collecting "rent". They collect rent from everyone - the little tienda on the corner, to the big supermarkets in the city; sweet little grandma sitting on the corner, to juan fulano executive. If you don't pay up, you won't be able to rely on that gang for "protection". Of course, it will be that same gang that will come and rob you, or shoot the place up. But people pay and stay mum about the whole thing. There are anonymous tip lines and special police divisions just to deal with extortions, but people won't report. They are afraid that someone will find out they told, and then they will really get it. So they pay and the money keeps coming in and the gangs keep working.

But times are changing. While some people probably think that young adults put way to much personal information online, there is still a certain anonymity to be found. And young salvadorans are realizing this. I was recently talking with some university students. They are fed up with the corruption in the public university system, and they are planning on making a facebook page and encouraging people to post comments and pictures detailing the corruption that they have seen so that something can be done. It's not exactly related to gangs, but it's a great first start for people in this country to feel comfortable with telling someone else when they've seen something outside the law.

Here's to hope and change!

the dinner I write about in the next post. The Banyan Tree for light reading, On Food and Cooking for urgent food questions, cell phone awaiting texts from my salvo boyfriend... just kidding...I swear! wine bottle candle holder for the inevitable power outages, water bottle for the all important hydration and the awesome (albiet half-eaten, sorry!) pizza.

some awesome bread that I made. yes it's braided! one is roasted garlic, sun-dried tomato and basil, and the other one is cinnamon sugar. I would have put raisins in the last one, but I didn't have any. Oh well, next time.

the beautiful cocina that I talk about. Thanks mom and dad!

an embarrassingly awful picture. but the only one I had to show how much Monkey has grown. She's definitely still the runt of the litter. We ran into one of her brothers on the street, and he's bigger than she.

caramel corn. "woooow, it's sticky!"

hanging up hammocks for all my guests to sleep on. We tried this one without any extra rope, just hooked the loops on the hammock into the hooks in the wall and we got the tautest hammock in the world! We were joking around that you could make hammock bunk beds that way. If a lot of friends (like more than 7) ever came to visit, we'll have to! (Actually, no, really bad idea. Because the hammock is so taut, there's really no give in it and as you can see no side protection. One roll and you're on the ground. About 5 feet down!)

this country is definitely helping me get over my bug "problem" but I'm sorry, there is no need for scorpions. Yes, it's dead. And I know I don't have the world's largest feet or anything, but...heeeey buddy!

this little guy was one of my favorites. I think I mentioned him in an earlier post, but here he is. Instead of a costume during the eco-parade, he just carried a plant. Awesome!

the desfile (parade) ecologica. most of the girls dressed up as fairies and princesses, but most of the guys got the animals. However, they looked like walking pinatas! (blogger won't let me put the ~ over the n... sorry!)

I have not felt this satisfied from a meal in a while. Actually, that’s a lie. Just last week the fajitas were pretty much amazing. But this meal was something different all together. Griddle top pizza with fresh tomatoes, and basil. So anyway, I have rediscovered my passion for cooking. Cooking has always been an important part of who I am - working in kitchens since I was 14 and going out to eat at awesome restaurants will do that to you. Living in Fain B senior year really solidified my love of good food, well prepared, and then shared with friends and family. And then I came to El Salvador. And things changed. I guess I felt that I needed to fully immerse myself in the culture here to truly adapt and appreciate it. And that included food. Well, for two months in my training community and somewhat living with my host family here in SAS I ate like a Salvadoran. And for a while it was nice - new flavors, new vegetables and new cooking styles. But then it got old. Because honestly, who can eat greasy, salty carbs for more than 6 months? So now I'm ready to eat like I used to.

Since I’ve been living on my own, I have of course been cooking for myself, but I have kept it fairly simple – scrambled eggs with various veggies. Beans and rice with various veggies. Stir frys. And the occasional pupusa. They really are tasty, but I mostly eat them for the awesome coleslaw (curtido) that comes with them. So I was eating what I wanted to eat, but not getting crazy. And then I visited Alicea. A good friend from college and a fellow PCV here in El Salvador, she and I have a similar love of good food done well. (Read her blog here.) And I was reintroduced to really good cooking. To familiar cooking done in unfamiliar ways, using unfamiliar spices and utensils. And I was inspired; encouraged to go out and get my cooking on! I am lucky to have access to a really good market as well as supermarket in San Miguel, but I, being my frugal self, have not splurged for the goodies that could make really awesome meals. Until now.

Just last week I had some fellow volunteers visit to help out with an event as well as enjoy our fiestas. (Kind of like “Celebrate Wherever” in the states where rides and food stands and music stages are set up in the park and people come to hang out. Kind of.) So I planned menus to feed everyone. And we rocked out fajitas, caramel corn, chef salads, deluxe oatmeal pancakes (with strawberries, coconut and almonds) and a baller chocolate cake. And it was beautiful!

I have had the gas cocina (stove, range thingy...) with plancha (griddle) since mom and dad came and bought it as a house warming gift, but sadly I hadn’t really “christened” it. Well, not anymore. My most recent creation is a griddle top pizza. I do have a toaster oven, but I didn’t feel like using it (my electricity bill shoots up when I use it…from 5 dollars to almost 7! (I know, you all who are paying real bills are playing the world’s smallest violin right now, but hey, that’s a big chunk of change for me!) So as I read On Food and Cooking: The Science and Lore of the Kitchen (full of tasty tidbits about the history/chemistry of beer, cookies, pastas, sauces and everything else) my pizza dough was rising. When it had risen a bit, I kneaded in garlic, and herbs. Then I heated up the plancha and put on the dough. Turned it over once and then placed my cheese, tomatoes, broccoli, and basil on top. Didn’t get to fully melt the cheese, the griddle was too hot, but next time, I’ll time it all better. But a tasty result none the less.

So now I'm all gung-ho on the cooking and baking. Food has always been important to me, especially good, well executed meals, but I have remembered this passion and it is helping me focus. I can work hard during the day knowing that a tasty, comforting meal is waiting for me - though I have to prepare it first. But I enjoy the cooking and preparing almost as much as the eating. I would now like to share my cooking with my neighbors and friends here. One of the goals of Peace Corps is an exchange of American culture to the host country. And as another one of my posts mentions, it’s kind of hard to define American culture. However, I think one of our biggest offerings is the incredible diversity of awesome food that we have. So maybe I’ll start cooking classes, or just keep making great food and hope the smells waft out and convince people to stop on by.

Do you get homesick? I’m often asked that in Spanish and English by people here and friends and family back in the states. I have to admit (sorry mom and dad!) that: no, not really. Let me be clear. While I miss my family and friends and think about them often, I don’t get homesick. Or not normally.

I have been living away from home since I was 14, only spending summers and vacations with my parents. Also, home, has been a fairly fluid thing for me, (living in 6 different states over 22 years does that to you) so homesickness is not really something I’ve had to deal with here. However, I have realized that there are definitely things about the states that I have come to appreciate more fully be being away from them. So if I’m homesick for anything, it’s the following things. (Family and friends are of course an unspoken addition to this list.)

Anonymity. I don’t like to be in front of lots of people. I don’t think of myself as an attention seeker. I’d rather be in the back of the crowd observing everyone else. In this country I am a spectacle. And I don’t like it. Sometimes I wish that I could just be one of the crowd.

Example: Here in El Salvador lots of businesses hire MCs and DJs to hawk their products outside of their stores with loud speakers, music and running commentary of the goods or specials. But often it turns into commentary of the people on the street. If they are interesting enough to comment about. Which usually includes me. Yesterday walking through the parking lot of MetroCentro (the mall here in San Miguel that I probably talk about way to often) and around San Miguel I got called out by no fewer than three of these people. *person rattling off in Spanish suddenly switches to broken English* “hello my American friend and welcome to Metro Centro” or “hello chelita (little light – skin color – one), buy something?” And everyone around can hear and can identify me as the object or subject of the message. I wish I could just be anonymous. In the states, I am. And I miss it.

Quickness/efficiency. While I do enjoy the more laid back attitude here and I sometimes become overwhelmed and frustrated by the speed of things back in the states, there is definitely something to be said for speed. I have been without water for a week now and it will in all likelihood be at least 3 more days before we get water. During Hurricane Agatha that came through May 28th-30th, the river that runs through our town flooded and with it took some houses. In addition, mud and water got into the pumping room and equipment of our water system. Which means the whole system had to be flushed and cleaned out. Or something like that. Anyway, what it has meant for me is that since Sunday the 30th I have had no water. Luckily I have plenty of water to drink but during the rains that weekend, my clothes got pretty damp and I already had about a weeks worth of dirty clothes. Combine that with more dirty clothes, fewer showers as I try to save what little water I have and it means that Carol is extra dirty and smelly. Not fun. Now some people in SAS have pumps and wells. They have been the lucky ones. The rest of us have had to go to those people’s houses (I finally did some laundry today at a neighbor’s house), or go to the river, or haul water from somewhere else or buy it. Now I realize that for some Peace Corps volunteers, or maybe people in the states even, this is a reality and therefore I shouldn’t be complaining. And I’m trying not too. What I am commenting on however, is that there is a solution to this problem and it has taken more than a week to fix. I think people in the states would be up in arms on day number 2 or 3. And something would have happened a lot faster. But that is not the case here. And I wish it were.

Peace and quiet. The level of noise in this country is unbelievable. Whether it’s from the blasting radios, the blaring car horns, the noisy animals and children, the rumble of cars and buses, or the fiesta going on down the street, there is all told very little quiet in this country. Sure you can go out to the country and experience a little more peace and quiet, but you still get animals, and radios, and cars. In the states, even in cities, your houses are well insulated and you can call the police on your neighbors if they get too loud and there are rules for how loud buses and cars can be. No such luck here. I forget who suggested that I call the cops on my neighbors. But I almost laughed in their face. Sorry. Not gonna work here.

Littering is a quasi sin. I think in the states most people have it ingrained in their mind that you just don’t litter. You wait until you find a trash can and you throw your trash away. Now, I understand that in this country, disposable products are a new phenomenon and therefore people that litter are just doing so out of habit, when “trash” was all organic. Fast food came wrapped in corn husks, or banana leaves, or paper. But not now. And it’s tough to change habits. I know. But it still bugs me how nonchalantly mother and child, student and professor, vendor and shopper will throw their trash on the ground, out the window of a bus or in a ravine. Yesterday on the bus I finally did what I’ve been working up the nerve to do. The women in front of me moved to throw her trash out the window and I stuck my hand out and grabbed the trash from her hand. The woman turned around and she and her grandson were very surprised. I just looked at both of them, shook my head and put the trash in my purse to throw away when I got off the bus. Now, I understand that trashcans are not common place in this country, but they do exist. You just have to want to carry your garbage around in your pocket or purse until you find one. And in the states I think for most people this is the norm. And I miss that.

So, it probably looks like I’ve compiled a list of “reasons why I’m not happy here”. And that’s not the case. There are plenty of things that I like about being here, it’s just that every once and a while I’m reminded about good things in the states as well.

I think it was Mr. Kim in Global Studies, freshman year at Fountain Valley, who said that culture is "the way we make sense of the world." I think there might have been more to the definition, but at this point, I've forgotten it. I've had some time lately to reflect on culture, specifically my culture and how it affects my experience here in El Salvador.

I think that it's quite common for Americans to think that we don't really have one culture, because, well, we don't. So that's why I say my culture. (Even though it sounds incredibly self-centered.) But, that doesn't mean that my culture has nothing in common with your culture. In fact, I think that thats part of the phenomenon of culture in the States-and probably other countries too-we are all mixing together and picking up cultural traits of others. Sure, there are plenty of differences in our cultures, but I also think there are some common threads. The following are some of the threads that I think might be present in most/some/all people in the States (Or maybe it's just me. Or my family...)

1) We are loud, especially in public places. Get some gringos on a bus and we will probably be the only ones laughing away, telling stories and being ridiculous. I don't know whether it's just the fact that we haven't seen each other in a while, so we just want to share stories and no stinkin' bus is gonna stop us, or what. But we talk. A lot. And loudly. I don't know if it's from a desire to be heard and acknowledged or just that we automatically talk at "11". Of course if we need to, we turn it down (and on buses, you really should be as inconspicuous as possible, meaning not shouting out in English how last night you saw the hugest freakin'-insert bug, animal or creature here-that you've ever seen in your life.) But all in all, gringos are loud.

2) Related to the talking thing is the fact that, for me, if I'm hanging out with someone, and we aren't talking, it's awkward. I have a need to fill silence. (I think my fellow Americans can probably relate to this one?) Of course, some moments are fine for silence - during movies, or long car rides or if people are reading or thinking or contemplating life or enjoying the scenery. But, normally, sitting at home, a cafe or restaurant, or walking alongside someone, you chat. Because if you don't, it's awkward. But not here.

Those of you that read Alicea's blog probably read her musings on this as well, but there is no really good word for awkward in Spanish. There's incomodo (uncomfortable) and extraño (strange, weird) but besides, that.... no luck. So I don't know if the lack of a word for awkward means that people here don't feel it, or because they don't feel it, they never needed a word for it, but it's weird. What I would consider excruciating silence doesn't seem to phase people here. Maybe it's related to the slower pace of life, or just the fact that there isn't much to talk about. If you do try and chit chat with someone, it's always about the weather. Always. Because there's nothing else to talk about it.

3) I think there's nothing else to talk about because people here don't really read. I am a voracious reader. I have already read more the 60 books in my time here and I think my neighbors think I'm crazy. I will willingly spend a Saturday afternoon in my hammock just reading. I've finished two books in one day before. Now I know there are plenty of Americans that don't read, but I think that as a people we have a fear or distrust or discomfort with idle time. I think part of it stems from the idiom - idle hands are the devil's tools. This proverb has many variations and versions, but I think we have all heard it in some form. It means that you should always be doing something.

For me, my "go to" activity is reading. For other people, it's another hobby. And whether we use this saying or not, I think as Americans we agree with it. Someone just sitting around is not being productive, they are not achieving anything, they are not bettering themselves. I think that's partly why being here is such a shock sometimes. The pace of life is completely different - some days I will clean the house, wash clothes and and dishes and be done by 9 o'clock AM, and then have nothing to do the rest of the day. I try and keep busy, but some days there literally isn't anything to do. And that's okay. At least here. But my comfort zone is for me to always be doing something.

4) And last but not least, independence. I think this is a huge part of the American culture. By 18, most parents and children are at least subconsciously distancing one from the other, if not physically, then mentally and emotionally. Of course, in some families this physical separation or reduction of dependency comes earlier or later, but as a culture, 18 seems to be about that time. Also, whether you've participated in one or not, our culture is full of independent coming of age experiences - road trips, backpacking trips, slumber parties, going off to college, summer internships etc. You might not have experienced any of these yourself, but it was probably something you had thought about doing.

We value our independence and our ability to go where we want, when we want, with whomever we want. Here that is not the case. People are shocked when they find out I take the bus by myself from my site to San Salvador. Yeah it'd be best if someone went with me - but then we'd probably just sit there awkwardly not talking the whole time! :) but I've never found anyone who needs to go when I go. So I go by myself. I mean, the bus is full of other people, and I feel totally safe, but to my host mom, host grandma, neighbors, teachers and the lady at the post office, I should not be traveling by myself. But I have to. And also, I want to. I like being independent.

So while not everyone will identify with all of these, I think they might fit in to a larger "American" culture or set of norms. And if not, well, then it's just me!

I walked out of my house at 12 noon. Definitely not the best time to be traveling. The hot oven heat practically knocked me off my feet. But at least it was dry! (Extra bonus - my hair was wet from my recent shower.) So on I marched to the bus stop with my goal of iced coffee and air conditioning firmly in mind.

Now, I know that some people may have cultivated this idea that Peace Corps is without any comforts, and I for one had that idea in mind as well. (And some Peace Corps volunteers definitely still have that "few comforts" type experience.) But not me. Everyone's experience is different in the Peace Corps. (Differences are immense between continents, and countries, but even within this tiny country, the size of Massachusetts, the differences are still outstanding.)

My experience is made much more different by the fact that I am about 20-40 minutes from the 3rd largest city in El Salvador. (The time changes depending on whether you are in public transportation or private, how many people are getting on or off the bus, and what time of day it is.) So about this city. San Miguel - La Perla del Oriente (Pearl of the East, as they so humbly call their city) is a hot, hot, hot spot to be. And I don't just mean for all the awesome pupusas, great market deals, and cat calling locals. No, it's just a great place to be.

Some days I come for the market - nothing like buying all the food you could stuff your face with for a week for 5 dollars. Sometimes I splurge and buy a lot of fresh fruit and my total shoots up to $6.50. Booyah! Some days I come for the vet - Monkey needs her shots and I for sure ain't gonna give them to her. Some times it's just passing through on the way to meetings or get-togethers in other cities. And some days it's for Metro Centro.

Metro Centro is a mall. It's the only mall east of San Salvador and it's here in San Miguel. And it's air conditioned. And has cafes with wireless. I know, you are all promising yourself that you will never again feel sorry for me (as if you ever have, but I don't know why you would have.) So when I can't take the heat any more in my site, and I want to be able to sit in relative comfort while "internetting", I come to Metro Centro. And normally it's a calm, tranquil experience, where I sometimes run into students from my community, teachers from the schools I help out in or other volunteers. But not today.

Today is a game between Barcelona and Real Madrid - two Spanish futbol teams. (The crowd is currently going crazy because someone just scored. I can't see who.) So this cafe that I'm in right now, aside from having wireless, has a fairly large flat screen TV. While the women and children are out shopping, their husbands, brothers, boyfriends, sons etc. sit around and watch the game. A lot of times the women join in too, though. And it is packed right now. I can't even see the screen from where I'm sitting. The game started at 2 and I've been here since about 12:30. By 12:45 there was standing room only. Some people are just walking by and watching a little bit before they continue on to their shopping; some people look like they plan on standing for the whole game. Which, I guess at a stadium you might end up standing for a lot of the game anyway, because you're singing and cheering and participating, but here there isn't even an option of sitting. But it is air conditioned. And crowded.

But the good thing about there being something really interesting on TV is that Gringo TV is not so special today. People are giving me weird looks because they can see that I couldn't care less about the game. (I'm facing away from the TV, way in the back.) But they think that's normal for us Americans, what with our obsession for pig skin football.

So I'm here, enjoying a coffee, and wireless internet, while an enormous contingent of Salvadorans crowd around a TV for a futbol game. Gawsh it's good to be a Peace Corps Volunteer!

I step out into the "crisp" San Salvador morning. I'm here for non-emergency medical reasons and the change of climate is refreshing. I spent the night in a hotel I don't frequent. Correction, I don't frequent the capital so all hotels are new. I know where I needed to go this morning, but not exactly how to get there by bus.

I was given directions - take the number 5, it stops by the pharmacy on the corner then continues on. After it makes a turn, get off. Then get on the 44. If I could just get myself on the 44 then I knew where I was going and I would be golden. Or so I thought. I've walked the distance before to where I thought the 5 would stop and I would have to get the 44. So I thought - I'll walk. It's not a bad walk and it saves me 20 cents. (I'm so stinking frugal it might actually be bad for my health.)

The walk is all downhill, which is not nice on the knees of course, but lets you see some of the city. (Granted through smog, but hey, everything can't be perfect!) I make it to where the 44 should be. I ask a friendly drug store security guard (armed of course) where I can agarrar (grab) the 44. He tells me at the corner and across the street. I walk to what could be considered a corner (the street bends) and see a 44 across the street so I cross and get on.

I'm pretty confident where I am and the bus is going in the right direction for where I need to go... sort of. As soon as we take off I expect the bus to turn, but no luck. We keep going. We pass the Presidential House and head on out to the luxury malls on the outside of town. I see 44s going the other direction on the road so I know that eventually we will turn around - but when? Also, as more and more people get off, I realize that I will awkwardly be the last one on and the driver will wonder why I didn't just get on the bus on the other side of the street. I also wonder if the driver ends at a terminal and has to take a mandated break. (Doubtful, but the thought convinces me I should get off.)

I verify that other 44s are still passing in the other direction, get off the one I'm on and agarrar one on the other side of the street. (After walking a discreet distance in the opposite direction in case the driver could see me - of course! Man, I worry too much what people think about me!) This 44 heads back the exact same way I came. As we approach where I got on the wrong 44 I pay attention to learn my mistake. All of sudden a number 5 appears in front of us (the bus I was supposed to take, but didn't to "save" 20 cents - so much for that!). We follow the bus around a series of turns and then end up in a mini terminal area where various bus lines meet up and passengers scramble on and off buses to head throughout town. The 5 and the 44 stop right next to each other. This is where I was supposed to come.

So now I know I'm on the right 44 and we head off to where I need to go. But honestly it's not anything that I'm kicking myself for. It happens too often for it to be anything other than an adventure. Literally every time I'm in the city I grab the wrong bus, or the right bus going in the wrong direction, or a similar bus going in a different direction. And each time I see a new part of the city. These bus adventures are a great way to see the city. It's faster than walking. And I consider it safer because I'm in a bus with other people instead of on the street walking alone. (Now granted, if someone unsavory gets on the bus, then I'm kind of trapped on the bus with the person, but that could happen on any bus, right or wrong.) So while I really would have liked to save those 20 cents, it was mostly well spent. Also, I'll always remember exactly how to catch the correct 44!

I'm on a photo kick. Enjoy it!

the nice thing about having parents come visit is an excuse to get pictures of the market. otherwise I just feel ridiculous.

more market

more market - where's waldo?

and still a good kid, looking both ways before I cross the street... :)

That's it for right now. I will try and put up more photos. Possibly a video of Monkey!

I have finally been able to upload some photos, so enjoy!

AGEE 2009-2011

my "office"

I'll eventually be borrowing a bookshelf from the school, I just haven't grabbed it yet.

kitchen

I spend a lot of time in here

my living room

it's huge, and I have just a hammock

the bedroom

bed is right next to me as I'm taking the photo

the bathroom

it's really big, and clean. I swear!

back yard

notice the hammock, pila (water trough/washing area), sitting area and totaled car. The car is not mine...

Monkey!

kind of a bad photo, but she's a cutie

I did it! I survived my first week of classes. I was not eaten alive, I was not sent home crying at the end of the day and I even had some little successes in this first week!

So as you might already know I was roped in to being the "substitute" English teacher. The one they had last year found another job. Supposedly the school has another teacher lined up, and they just need me to fill in for a little bit. But that's why I put "substitute" in quotes. I have a feeling this could easily be a many month position. We'll see.

I'm the English teacher for the afternoon crowd. The morning English teacher is still at the school. He has been helping me get my materials together and otherwise get me "orientated" to the whole teaching thang. (They forget that I'm not a teaching professional. I'm a college grad with a degree in Political Economy. Which means I need help! Sure I know English, but anyone who has ever been in a classroom knows that's often not enough!)

So I get to work with the 6th - 9th graders. The 6th graders are young enough that they are pretty much willing to learn anything. The 7th graders have the biggest 'tudes of all the grades, but they are still a high energy group which is good. I want lots of participation and they love competition, so I'm going to use that to my advantage. The 8th graders are great. It's a huge group, 42 students I think, but they are all well behaved, which is amazing! They are also pretty listo (literally "ready" but in this sense also "intelligent", or "quick"). The 9th graders will be an interesting group to work with. School here ends at 9th grade, and you can continue on to Bachillerato if you want. (Bachillerato is either a 2 or 3 year education track, depending on what you choose to concentrate. It's kind of like a vo-tech high school. You can specialize in Auto Mechanics, Nursing, Tourism, Accounting, Business or Generalized studies. If your family has money, after Bachillerato you can go on to a University.) So some of the 9th graders are already in "senioritis" mode while others are ready to get down to business to prepare for Bachillerato. Some are serious about studying English and some just want to make googly eyes at their boyfriend. But what can ya do?

I began all the classes with review - numbers 1-100, days of the week, months of the year, classroom vocab etc. Most of them just began English studies last year, so they are more or less on the same page. At the end of the first class I asked all the students to write an anonymous comment, suggestion, question etc. on a piece of paper and turn it in. I remember in health class our teacher had us do this so we could ask the questions that we've always wanted to, without having to be embarrased about asking them. I figured that some students will probably never want to come talk to me face to face, or at least for a couple weeks, but I wanted to get their feedback sooner than later. And boy did I get some priceless responses.

Quiero saber como se dice - quiero salir al recreo I want to know how you say - I want to leave for recess.

Porque el ingles se escribe de una forma y se pronuncia de otra forma? Why is English written in one way but pronunced another? (That, my friend, is the million dollar question!)

No me qusta que me pregunte nada en Ingles, OK?! I don't like you to ask me anything in English, OK?! (Ouch! Well, sorry buddy but this is English class, so I will in fact be asking you questions in English, OK?!)

me caes muy bien, tienes hijos? I like you, do you have children? (When I shared this one with my host grandma, she thought I read it as quieres hijos? - do you WANT children? oh boy!)

Como se dice hamburgesas en Ingles? How do you say hamburgers in English? (I received a bunch of "how do you say" some of the other ones conejo - rabbit, pachanga - big party, tortuga - turtle, Pedro - Peter(?), Victor Fabian Rivera Perla - I have no idea!

Me gusta como usted ensena. I like the way you teach. (awww!)

Usted es una buena maestra. You are a good teacher. (Thanks guys and I haven't even given you homework yet!)

Porque es chelita? Why are you white? (I want to respond with, "ask your mother", but I don't think that really translates...)

Quiero saber porque los americanos hablan tambien el Ingles. I want to know why Americans also speak English. (Not entirely sure how to respond to that...I mean, some Americans only speak English, others speak what can only loosely be considered English, and some speak a downright encyclopedia of languages.)

So all in all I think classes are going well. It's definitely helping me get an "in" with the students which I hope will help me when I start doing my real job of Environmental Education and other projects.

As I leave the school at the end of the day, some of the students call to me, in English, "Goodbye teacher!" I really want to yell back, "goodbye, student!" But then that would suggest that if they were to start using my name, I would have to use theirs too, which is a hopeless task if I ever was given one! But at least they put a smile on my face as I walk home.

Happy New Year! I just got back from Molineros, where I celebrated the New Year with my first host family. The 1st and 2nd of January are also the Fiestas Patronales in Molineros, so New Years is a bigger deal there. I headed out from my site on the morning of the 31st to make it there in time for the evening’s festivities. Bus transportation in this country is always an experience, but not always the simplest, or most direct. Long story short – I can normally make it from my site to Molineros on two buses, but this time I ended up having to take 4.

The bus riding experience here can’t really be compared to anything in the States. Each bus has a driver and a cobrador. The cobradors lean out the front window yelling to people on the side of the road where the bus is going and convincing them, verbally, physically (if he shoves you on his bus, you have to pay right?!) and loudly to get on this bus and not the other one. The cobrador also helps old ladies, or pretty ladies, get on and off the bus, helps with big bags and children and is otherwise helpful. He also walks up and down the aisles collection bus fares. (I say he because every single cobrador, except for one, I have ever had in this country has been a man. I think it’s too dangerous for women.)

So those are the two main characters that come with which ever bus you take. But by no means are those the only characters. At each of the bigger desvio (junction) stops, vendedores (wandering vendors) get on and hawk their wares. So far in this country I have been offered – jicama, tortillas, strawberries, ice cream, hair clips, Gatorade, pistachios, flashlights, candied peanuts, power cords, dried coconut, a full chicken dinner, French fries, a dozen apples, the word of God on cards, posters, CDs, DVDs, books, coloring books, placards, tapestries, bracelets and book marks. I have been told of the benefits of eye drops, foot creams, cleansing teas, weight loss pills and memory enhancers. My future children might benefit from this collection of anatomy, language, geography, mathematics, grammar or history text books. It’s absolutely astounding the variety of things you can buy on a bus. It kind of defeats the purpose of taking the bus to go shopping. Stay on it long enough, and you might just be able to purchase everything you need without leaving your seat!

But I digress. So I made it to Molineros and was immediately thrown into the festivities. We went off to visit Conchita's aunt and then came back to a house full of people ready to make bread. So we made bread until it got dark, then went back to the aunt’s house and chatted more. We got back to the house at about 11:30 and from there the fireworks really got going. They had been going off all day, but as midnight approaches, more and more begin going off. I lit a couple but mostly let the children risk losing a limb…

The next day, the 1st, family and friends from San Sal showed up in droves and by noon the house was absolutely full of people. The day was spent chatting, making tamales, being serenaded by a wandering band and watching the mini-parade. In the evening was the mass to celebrate their Patron Saint, Dulce nombre de Jesus (the sweet name of Jesus). After the mass was the lighting of the fireworks that covered the tower that bared the image of the Patron Saint. After the fireworks was a dance. I ended up going and dancing until about 2:30 am.

The next day, the 2nd, I spent the morning just enjoying my time in Molineros before heading back to my site. Conchita made fresh bread and pulled it out of the oven, wrapped it up and put it in my backpack right as I was running to catch the bus. I also had tamales, so the whole way back to my site, I think I might have slightly bugged my bus companions with the smells coming from my bag. But hey, at least they were good smells and when I got back to my site, the bread was still warm!