I have been putting off writing on my blog for the last two months, afraid that writing about my experience meant that it would become real. Well, I am finally ready to tell how the story ends...

On January 8th at 2am, I was awoken by my ringing phone. Drowsily stumbling out of bed, I finally found it under a pile of clothes and answered. "There has been a kidnapping at Toulasane's." As I got slapped into reality by these words, I realized that this bar was five minutes from my house in Niamey, the same bar I had been to countless times with my Peace Corps friends to watch soccer games and have the occasional beer. The security officer for Peace Corps had called all of the Niamey volunteers to assure that we were safe. Thankfully, none of us were there that fateful night when two Frenchmen, an NGO worker and his friend, were randomly kidnapped by three Al Qaeda members. As reported later, they were sitting closest to the door, so the armed men with AK-47s had an easy in and out, threw them in their car and drove to the Mali border, where later that night the hostages were shot to death.

As my mind digested the news, I remember thinking this is it...the end of the road. Well, it wasn't quite yet. For four days, other Niamey volunteers and myself answered to daily phone calls to assure Peace Corps we were safe as well as abiding by a 7:30 curfew. I had negated the thought that we would evacuate the program since there was not an immediate decision to do so.

Then, on Wednesday January 12th, Haoua, a Nigerien Peace Corps staff member, walked into my office with a somber shadow cast across her face. I knew. She then read to me the memo that Peace Corps Headquarters in Washington had sent Peace Corps Niger. With tears rolling down my cheeks and an apple lump frozen in my throat, I listened to Haoua tell me that I could not tell any Nigeriens that I was leaving, I had to close my bank account, pack and be ready to leave the country in about 24 hours. So, that was it...the end of Peace Corps Niger. After 50 years of the program, they called it quits. Don't get me wrong...I understand their reasoning. It was just too risky to have 98 Americans in a country where kidnappings are becoming as common as an everyday cold. But why now? I had just moved to Niamey, settled in, started dance classes, had a great house, roommate, and a dog named Chloe. After falling apart, I finally gathered myself to do the business...there simply was not time to cry. I then preceded to the bank where I closed my account, went souvenir shopping, then home to pack.

Thirty hours later, I found myself in a land that felt worlds apart from Niger. Morocco. There was ocean and bright tangerines hanging from trees, green grass; it was everything Niger was not. Peace Corps hosted all 98 of us volunteers at a hotel in the capital, where we learned what our options were and how to deal with our present situation. Although they did the best they could, I felt like I had been abondoned. Within one week, I had to leave the life that I knew and loved: my job, my Peace Corps and Nigerien friends, my dog, my house. I felt empty and yet had no time to feel that emptiness because I had to make decisions. Would I travel? Would I transfer to another country? Would I go straight home? Would I curl up into the fetal position and cry for a week? Would I lay on the Moroccan beach aimless yet feeling relaxed? I decided to travel...to put off the real world, the reality of coming back to Colorado, and not because I didn't want to see my family and friends and the majestic Rocky Mountains, but because I did not want it to end. I thought as long as I traveled, I would not have to deal with the loss that I felt, the trauma and the grave disappointment. Traveling was a drug, a distraction and a high from the darkness I felt from having to abandon my life. Yes, I know my Niger experience would have ended eventually (September of this year, in fact), but I still thought I had time and was in no way ready or wanting to leave this life that I had created.

From Morocco to Barcelona on a 26-hour ferry up the Mediterranean. Barcelona was beautiful and interesting-the architeture and the people, the food. I soaked it all in and indulged daily on treats that enlivened my palate after a year and a half of eating millet and rice and sauce. After five days, off to Italy. Pizza, gelato, pasta...my friends and me, we ate our way from Rome to Florence and Florence to Venice. After filling up on Italy, I went to Wales to stay with my grandparents. It had been a couple of years since I had seen my family there, so I was looking forward to relaxing, drinking tea, and not carrying my densely stuffed red backpack from place to place. Then, after two weeks, it was time. Time to say goodbye to airplanes, passport stamps and foreign languages (a relief to some extent). I was exhausted and ready to come home.

I have been home for three weeks now. Sometimes, I still can't believe what has happened, that I lived in three places in Niger, that I was evacuated, that I traveled around Europe for six weeks. I do miss Niger: the people, my friends, speaking and greeting in Hausa, watching lizards and eating rice and beans at a stall on the sandy street. It's funny how you can miss a place that is so impoverished, hot and crawling with scorpions. But, as I etched my life into the sand there, I changed a little bit. I grew. The way I see the world, the way I connect with people and my priorities have been shaped by Niger. I am Katy, but now I am also a little bit of Baraka (my Nigerien name, which means "Blessing").

Sometimes, I cry mourning the loss I feel of my friends and abruptly leaving Niger. But with time, I know I will be eternally grateful for the opportunities I had, regardless of how it ended, I learned more about myself and the world than I ever imagined I could. I realized that any place can be special and feel like home if you are with people who love and care for you unconditionally. I learned that amenities, clothes, and things are things I can live without and still be happy. I learned that people from different cultures, backgrounds, and ethnicities can connect in unique ways, and a smile can mean more than words ever can. More than anything, I learned that family, friends, communities, food and health are all blessings not to ever be taken for granted as they are gems to cherish. I don't always do that, but I shall try to engrain this part that I have learned in everything I do and the person I become.

In July of 2009, I had no idea what laid ahead of me and had no concept of what my life would look like. Well, I would just say that even though people do not go to Niger on vacation, and it's the third poorest country in the world and one of the hottest, Niger is rich with color and culture and community. People live their lives for this moment; they don't take anything for granted and they welcome strangers and each other with genuine hospitality and grace. They have nothing, yet they are genuinely happy with their lives. Most of them have never left their village, but that's enough for them. They accept change, loss and death because they accept that those human experiences are an inescapable part of life. In striving to embody what I have learned from Nigeriens, I am beginning to move on and accept what has happened, the good and the bad, for all of it has made my experience what it was and brought me to the present.

So, that's the end...well, the end of this part of my life. Thank you for your support and love throughout my adventures in Niger and being a part of it all.

Sarah and me going to the fistula clinic in the capital

Horns honking, bright lights, and greetings in French. Living in the capital is much different than living in a village. I work on a computer everyday. I have to dodge traffic as I cross the street (paved streets, I might add). Mind you, some things are the same: children yelling "anasara," or "white person," and women selling fari masa, donut-like sweets, and rice and beans on the streets. But the nightsky has become a bit of a disappointment, and I am no longer greeted by people that know me. No more "Ina kwana, Baraka?" as I step outside my door in the fresh still morning.

There are very few familiar faces. At times, the city feels lonely and cold. Yet, the breath of vitality and pace stir up inside of me a zest for my work and my life. Since coming only a week ago, I have been to several concerts. I have danced with a traveling African dance troop. I have met interesting people such as an Australian photojournalist who has traveled the world and opened a restuarant in Niamey. I have eaten a croque-monsieur at a Lebanese-owned sandwich shop. I bought a pair of jeans at the grand-marche for only two dollars. Obviously, life is different. I am getting to taste a new flavor of Niger, figuratively and quite literally.

I've realized how within a country, there are so many cultures, layers of society, and often when we travel, we only get to see one layer, and even then there's more to it. Even in America, I have never lived in a rural area. I have no concept of everyday life for farmers in Northeastern Colorado.

So, here it is. A chance to see it all. Now, in my third location since starting Peace Corps, I can once again compare/contrast the nuances of the cultural layers. From Tama, a socially conservative, isolated village to Guecheme, a more developed community rooted deeply in animism, and now, Niamey, where I am trying to learn some Zarma (spoken more in this region than Hausa) and settling down once again amidst the hustle and bustle.

After a year in my second village, I am picking up and moving again...this time to the capital. I will be living in a house with a stove, toilet and ceiling fans, a plush life for a Peace Corps volunteer. It will be quite a change transitioning from watching quiet sunsets and writing in my journal everyday to hearing honking taxis and the hustle and bustle of the grand marche. But with change comes opportunity for growth and new adventures, so here's hoping for a smooth ride for the last nine months of my service. My new address is:

Kathryn Evans, PCV

Corps de la Paix

B.P.10537

Niamey, Niger

West Africa

Traditional Wrestling in my village

Peace Corps Dinner

Host Family (Village Chief and his two wives)

My cat, Zirga, and me

My farming hat

Hair experiment

Fulani celebration with hyena

View from my house

As the sun sets amidst the Baobob tree silhouettes,

the sky becomes ablaze with an orange sorbet glow.

Smoke curls from fires cooking nighttime meals emitting a salty smell into the air.

Bats navigate the sky searching for a fruit tree where they can perch for the night.

As dark swallows the light, mosquitoes emerge along with a plethora of crawling creatures who will skulk away at sunrise.

The trees shimmer drinking in their last sips of the day's light.

Leaves flutter like ballerinas, dancing in the gentle winds.

A chorus of frogs begin to croak, crickets chirp, the call to prayer resounds in the town.

The sounds envelop the ears.

As day melts into night, there lies a sweet peace, one that softens the soul, enlivens the spirit, and puts breath into the body.

On August 11th, Muslims started fasting for Ramadan. From sunrise to sunset, they do not eat, drink or even swallow their own spit. Without much thought, I decided it would be a rich cross- cultural endeavor to fast with my villagers. So, I commenced fasting the following day. I thought that day was never going to end. My stomach felt like it was going to collapse and my mouth felt parched like a desert wind. I tried to occupy myself by sweeping my house, doing several sudoku puzzles and reading. Finally at 7:10p.m. I broke fast with my host family. "Barka da sha ruwa!" they greeted me (meaning "Greetings on drinking water"). Then, one of the women handed me a cup of tea, followed quickly by juice, then water and lastly a porridge millet drink. I already felt full, and we hadn't even eaten. So, then I took a few deep breaths before eating. Spinach and peanut butter. Then bread and meat. Rice and sauce. Pineapple. I have never eaten better in Niger. I could barely walk to my house after the meal.

Each morning since then, I have awoken at 5 to the towncrier drumming and chanting to wake people to prepare and eat breakfast prior to the first call to prayer. Drowsiness and darkness and a lack of appetite discourage me from preparing real sustenance, so I shovel a couple of spoonfuls of peanut butter in my mouth, wash it down with a glass of water and return to bed. Some days of fasting are harder then others. Bright sunshine brings sweat and thirst. But rain and clouds give me respite and make the thirst much more bearable. I try to rest for the hottest hours in the mid-afternoon. This replensishes me just enough to maintain a friendly disposition. Otherwise, crabiness lurks around 5p.m. and all it takes is one annoying youngster chasing me on the street for me to start yelling....well, this has only actually happened a couple of times.

To my surprise, the most challenging aspect of Ramadan has not been thirst, hunger or exhaustion, but rather answering the brigade of questions. "Are you becoming a Muslim? Do you pray? Do you pray at the mosque? Will you continue fasting after you return to America? Does your family know you fast?" As I said, I hadn't put much forethought into participating in Ramadan, so their questions caught me a little off guard and made me really ponder why I am fasting and what I can learn from it. More than anything, I have appreciated the commradery with my villagers and breaking fast with my host family has brought us closer together. They greet me on my efforts and I have a little more understanding of their committment to Islam. Ramadan has reminded me that food, water, health and family are, regardless of creed and beliefs, true blessings and things that should never be taken for granted in America, Niger or anywhere in the world.

In ten days, six volunteers (myself included), traveled to five villages to lead a young girl's conference for selected middle school students. Despite rain, rats and raging ants, the conferences were a success. Each of us presented different subjects to the girls with the overall objective of encouraging the girls to continue their studies and to set aspirations for their futures. Through mediums of theater, music, games, lectures, demonstrations and guest speakers from the respective communities, the girls were engaged and active in discussing women's issues and in forming bonds with each other. My personal favorite was playing duck duck goose, or as we called it, "kaza kaza zabo" (meaning "chicken chicken guinea fowl"). The girls sprung up from the ground after hearing "zabo" and ran with gusto and speed, even in their long skirts. Personally, I had trouble running with the same brisk agility in my skirt.

We split the day up into four sessions: self-esteem/peer support, study skills, health and role models/future goals. The girls started the day discussing characteristics of an ideal Nigerien woman: smart, patient, fat, obedient and caring were among the most popular adjectives. Then, the girls acted out skits with prompts that we had given them representing challenges that girls face while trying to continue their studies. From early marriage to housework, the girls discussed solutions toward alleviating these cultural obstacles.

For my session, I discussed health issues such as nutrition, hygiene and family planning. With Niger having the highest fertility rate in the world (on average, a woman has 7 children), I focused most of my session on family planning, a concept that evokes shame amongst some conservative Muslims. I asked the girls how many children they wanted. One girl replied "bakwai" (seven), so I put seven "babies" (water balloons) in her arms. Another said three, so she got three. Then, the race began. An obstacle course representing life, in which I had the girls run while carrying(caring for) their balloon "babies." The girl with seven babies struggled and dropped three along the way, while her peer who had three easily finished ahead. I asked the girl who chose to have seven babies if she still wanted seven children. She shook her head no and gave a little smile, acknowledging the difficulty of caring for seven babies.

After the health session, women from the village talked to the girls about the importance of schooling, working and being independent. One was a perfume vendor, there were also teachers and nurses, and one woman who taught women how to sew goods to sell. I got chills listening to the women speak with such passion and poise. They are role models in their communities and reflect the start of a shift for women to become financially and socially independent. They will act as role models for these young girls long after each volunteer leaves his/her village. I will carry their stories with me for the rest of my life and be grateful for my opportunities and choices as a woman.

After the women spoke, we gave each of the girls certificates and thanked them for attending. The opportunity to interact with these smart, passionate girls inspired me. I hope that, in exchange, each of them took away something from the day. Even though I will never really know the impact we truly had, I take solace in knowing that if even one out of the 122 girls felt inspired in some way the way I did, the effort was well worth it.

All dressed in their Sunday best, families walk to church. From my porch, sitting quietly in the morning, I can sometimes hear the congregation singing hymns. American missionaries, who lived in my village twenty some years ago, built, among other things, three evangelical churches and converted many people in town.

I went to one service, curious to see what a Christian service, conducted in Hausa, within a predominantly Muslim country would look like. The pasteur stood confidently at the simple wooden pulpit, dressed in a shiny white robe, delivering his sermon to the engaged mass, women on one side and men on the other (I sat in the middle, oblivious to the gender seat assignments). After the sermon, the altar boys passed around the eucharist, a sweet biscuit and some pungent fruit drink. The service closed with the men and women singing in succinct harmony. In fact, except for the fact that the service was in Hausa, it felt like any other Sunday church service I have attended.

In contrast, yesterday after the four o'clock call to prayer, wearing their Sunday best, crowds of people walked to the edge of town for a spirit possession ceremony. Filled with anticipation, I crouched on a mat, crowded by women and children, but protected from the scorching sun by the shade of a towering tree. There next to me in the circle of people, three drummers used sticks held together by colorful pieces of cloth, to beat the outside of calabash bowls. Behind them one man shook a gourd filled with beans and another glided a branch across a string producing a fiddle-like melody.

Two women and three men entered the circle, wearing red and black cloth, headscarves and leather belts decorated with dangling tassled cowry shells and mirrors. They began to circulate the space, pulsating their upper torsoes while throwing their arms up in the air, haulting occasionally to scream. After they all congregated to the center of the circle, encompassed by geometric designs that had been etched into the sand, they started sobbing. Their weeping wails intensified with each pulsating movement, until one of the men fainted onto the hot sand. Simultaneously, several women from the crowd of onlookers, rose in a trance-like state, pulsating their heads with their eyes shut. One of the women who rose, took long strides around the circle, periodically diving onto the ground landing on her knees. Then, with a breaststroke motion began shoveling sand onto her face and rubbing sand in her eyes, as if she was bathing in it.

A cloud of dust emerged and enveloped the trees and clouded the glowing sun. In the hazy mist, villagers removed the belts and scarves off the bodies that had been possessed. Their faces, drenched with sweat and tears, had stopped twitching, their bodies stood still as they greeted the crowd and then finally left the circle.

Minutes later, evoked by the drums, villagers started dancing. I was invited by my friend, Salaamatou, to enter the drumming circle. As I did, a flood of nerves made me nautious, particularly with hundreds of eyes watching to see whether or not their new foreign villager, had a shred of rhythmic capability. With two quick steps I started flapping my arms and pushing out my rear, in an effort to simulate what I had learned in Africa dance classes years prior. No more than thirty seconds of dancing, and a mob of women and children closed in on me, smiling brightly and greeting me on my movements. Overwhelmed and unable to move, Salaamatou grabbed my hand to lead me out of the circle. Finally able to take a deep breath, I realized that the mob, like me, had also followed Salaamatou's lead. So, she ran over to a fence, grabbed a stick and held it in the air threatening to beat the followers. Effectively, they all ran away. Then, as the sun set, Salaamatou held my hand and smiled, dancing in her step. As I tapped my feet in unison with her, I felt relieved that I made it through my first spirit possession ceremony.

I was so anxious about going back to my village after being at training for a month and only having spent one month prior to that in my new town. I didn't feel like I had deeply integrated into the community quite yet. I wondered if, in fact, my villagers would even remember my Hausa name or why I came in the first place.

Yet, after the journey from Niamey, I got out of the taxi and was immediately greeted by my mayor and the soda guy. So, I sat on a bench with them and sipped my cold coke and laughed as they teased me that my neck had grown to resemble that of a horse after eating in plenty at the training site for three weeks. Then, walking home from the market, I exchanged many greetings and warm smiles with my villagers. They all asked "Kin zo lahiya?" (Did you return in health?) In health, I replied. They told me they were happy about my return and may Allah give me good luck on my work here. What a relief. ..they remembered me and seemed pleased upon my return.

Now, as I am sitting watching the sunset and listening to the guinea fowl squawk while Zirga, my cat, is curled up in my lap, I feel like I am home for the first time in my new village.

5:30 A.M. I wake to the melodic call to prayer, boys in the streets beating their drums, women pounding millet and corn, and even the crickets chirp in rhythmic unison. The rhythm of daily life in Niger has become part of my heartbeat and soul. At first, the rhythms sounded deafening. Now I feel as if I have become part of the song. I sometimes enjoy the sounds of kids chasing me down the street, the loud squaks from the guinea fowl who rest along my concession wall at dusk, and the shrilling wimpers of a nearby donkey. The symphony of animals, children and villagers compose a song, shaping the melody and the heart of Niger. A song that I am learning to dance to in rhythm with the language, the people and the culture.

Never have I felt pangs of hunger. Never have I not known where I would lay my head to sleep at night. I have always had nice clothes and things. I have had the time and the means to get an education. Why me? I was fortunate to be born in a country where, even though I am a woman, I can go to school and marry whom I choose and when I choose. I have lots of choices, opportunities and access. One of the villagers in my town spoke to me about his wife, Zenibou, who cooks over smoke for hours each day and then goes to the water well twice a day and waits in line for hours sometimes to fill her buckets with water. In the U.S., I eat and drink everyday never really appreciating the access I have to these basic necessities. I have never faced the hardships that my neighbors, friends and colleagues have faced all of their lives.

Upon reflection, guilt creeps over me, like a dark shadow. To compensate, I find myself making it a point to express to my villagers that I have school loans and that Peace Corps does not give me a lot of money since I am a volunteer. The reality is that I have more money than most of the people in Niger, just from my living stipend. Many villagers tell me that they want to go to America, where there is money and education and opportunity. I respond by telling them that Niger is wonderful and they should stay in their country. Who am I to tell them they should want to stay here?

Yet, despite a lack of money, opportunity and access, most of the Nigeriens I have interacted with appear and say that they are genuinely content with their lives. My Nigerien friend, Rabi, very poignantly told me that people in Niger are happy because they have so few possessions and things in their life. They focus on family, religion, and greeting people in their community. Maybe they can process more, feel more and understand more about themselves and others because they do not have things to clutter their lives, to detract from what is important. After this conversation, my pangs of guilt that I have felt before morphed into a feeling of envy. I found myself wishing that I could live a day when I do not think about things or money or wanting something, rather than just being content with all that I have.

I have been struck and surprised by the fact that Nigeriens are very willing to give their things to others, demonstrating a genuine generosity despite the fact that most of the Nigerien population has very little in terms of material goods. I think their kindness and generous spirit has evolved from their lack of attachment. I hope to absorb the genuine spirit of generosity, let go of thoughts of things, thoughts that detract from being content with the moment and human interaction as well as everyday experiences. Maybe happiness lies within each of us. The key to happiness could be as simple, yet as difficult, as just being.

At 5:30 am, I awoke to wailing. A woman and her children sobbing hysterically across the street. The old woman, referred to as "tsohuawa"-meaning old woman in Hausa, who lives there with her daughter had been ill with a cold. I found out that afternoon she was having difficulty breathing and went to the hospital. When I went to visit, the woman laid in agony, curled up on a bed as her friends and family sat on the cold ground beside the bed listening and watching her attentively. After sitting there a while, waiting outside the old woman's room, a nurse invited me into a room across the courtyard where a young woman curled up on a bed breathing quicker and quicker with each contraction. Just a few steps from where a woman is fighting to live, another is birthing life. As the sun set, I left the hospital. I will wake in the morning wandering if a child was born and if a woman died. As life comes and goes, Nigeriens digest it all. Since they believe that Allah controls life and death, mortals cannot control the cycle. The next morning, when I opened my gate, a cluster of men sat in silence in front of tsohuawa's house. I saw them and knew the woman had died in the night. Traditionally, when someone dies, men sit in front of the house and women gather in the concession, waiting for people to come pay their respects. I kneeled before the men, bowing my head slightly, as I greeted them. "Ina kwana" (how was your sleep), followed by "Allah ba mu hankuri"- "May Allah give us patience"- the phrase I remembered reading in my Hausa study manual that one utters after a death. After greeting the men, I entered the concession. Even after knowing the old woman only a few weeks, it was strange to not see her sitting under the tree and shelling peanuts as she had done everyday. Instead, ten women, heads down, greeted my coming. I kneeled and returned their greetings. Death, such a big part of life. A difficult part of life, but one that is engrained in a country where the average lifespan is 45 years old and children die everyday from malnutrition. We know not when or where or who. All we can do is appreciate the moments that grace us each and every day no matter where we are.

No snow or carols, lights or trees. No last minute shopping or parties to attend. All I have of Christmas in my house is an ornament of a squirrel wearing a santa hat whisked in gold and green ribbon, one that my family sent me in my Christmas care package. I have never been away from home during the holidays. And, I have always enjoyed this time of year more than any other; drinking eggnog with nutmeg and playing games with my family and eating my mom's quiche. This year, I sang Christmas carols in a Peace Corps van on the way out to my new village with other PC volunteers and then read A Christmas Carol to get into the spirit. Even though nothing about Niger evokes a feeling of holiday spirit, I have Christmas in my heart this year more than ever. Scrooge says "I will honor Christmas in my heart and try to keep it all year." Although I will dearly miss not being with my family, their love is with me today and always. I have a new appreciation of the spirit of Christmas, one of joy and gratitude for people dear to you. This year, I am having a new kind of Christmas. Tomorrow, the volunteers will cook a big meal and listen to Christmas carols and enjoy the day amidst the paper snowflakes hanging from the ceiling in the hostel. To all my friends and family, you are with me today and always. Lots of love and Merry Christmas and Happy New Year from Niger!

I left for Niger about five months ago. In that time, I have completed training, moved to a village, evacuated my village, lived in Niamey and am now preparing to move to a new village. In that short time, I have met so many interesting people, both fellow volunteers and Nigeriens. It's remarkable the way people come in and out of our lives. Some people who we have only spent a few mere moments with can forever change the way we see the world, like the people of Tama. I have only a few photos of them and will never see them again. Yet, they are forever in my heart, their faces etched in my mind. I won't forget the way Fatchima, the old woman from next door, greeted me every morning at 8, and the way Maryama would grasp my hand when I said something that made her laugh. I won't forget Bori from the hospital who joked that he would give me an airplane and 100 camels for my hand in marriage. I treasured moments drinking tea with the guard at the mayor's office, holding Issoufou, Maryama's baby, and listening to BBC news on the radio with the old men that sat outside of the mosque. These people were shooting stars, glimpses of brilliant light that made me realize that the world is beautiful and people are kind. Even though I only spent two months in Tama, a speck in the spectrum of my life, I will never forget the patience, kindness and strength that the villagers exuded.

I am moving to my new village in a week. I am excited to start anew and am hopeful that life in my new village will be fulfilling and adventuresome. I will be posted in the Dosso region. Here is my new mailing address:

Kathryn Evans, PCV

Corps de la Paix

B.P. 144

Dosso, Niger

West Africa

Their touch tough and coarse like the mud houses in which they live.

Calloused and dry like the sandy rocks making up the narrow pathways of their village.

Splintered by the wood they use to pound the millet stalk.

Wrinkled, weathered and worn from the sun and the sand.

Jagged pieces of skin, adrift from the palm like a rusted nail emerges from rotted wood.

Charcoaled and crisp like the rocks that sizzle under the cooking pots.

Hands weathered from the 'wahala' of women's work.

Dawn til dark, the women pound the millet, carry the wood and buckets filled with water, farm millet and corn, and tear branches from the trees.

Their hands constantly in motion, constantly at work,

The same hands that gently latch their babies to their breasts for milk.

The same hands that come together to pray five times a day.

The same hands that glide through the soapy water to wash their sequined scarves.

These are the hands that feed the nation.

Today was Tabaski, the biggest Islamic holiday of the year. Muslims buy their sheep months or even a year before the holiday to take care of the animal before killing it. By raising the sheep and then killing the animals themselves, Muslims believe they gain an appreciation for the blessing because they have not only cared for the being but also seen the pain that it endured when being killed. The streets were filled with sheep carcasses roasting over massive fires. The smoke formed a mist of smoke that draped over the city. The women dressed in fine clothing with lace and sequins. Little girls smiled in their flowery dresses and little boys in suits. Men lit charcoal to heat water for their tea. Piles of sheep heads stacked aside the flames. The heads will be prepared and cooked tomorrow, and the bodies today. One of the houses I went to for the celebration had three skinned sheep bodies leaning against a mud wall. My friends and I had the priviledge of carving the meat with a butcher knife directly from the bodies. The shoulder meat was tender but a little tough, like jerky. I prefered the brain meat over the shoulder, which was juicy and tender. Then, I sampled the heart meat, and that surpassed them all. It had been coated with a spicy marinade and was cooked to perfection. I did not eat much of the fried intenstinal parts, and I particularly did not like the liver. With my belly filled to the brim, I watched the sun set amidst the black tree silhouettes, hovering over the Niger River, encompassed by a fire haze. Barka da Salla! (Hausa for "Happy Holiday.")

Two weeks ago, I had to leave my village for safety reasons after there was an attempted kidnapping north of my village. I was not allowed to return and could not say goodbye to the people who I had grown close with and who had shared their lives and homes with me for two months. After digesting the initial shock of the situation, I have decided that I want to continue serving in Niger. PC has been in constant communication with Washington Headquarters and the US Embassy and has decided it is safe for Peace Corps volunteers to continue work in the rest of the country. I am now in Niamey, waiting to be reassigned to a new village. City life is fast, and I have realized that I had grown accustomed to country life, where I never had to look for cars before walking and where I could greet everyone on the street as I strolled to the mayor's office. Now I have to wait and "Sai Hankuri" until I have a new village to start a brand new chapter. So, until further notice, please send any mail to the following address:

Kathryn Evans, PCV

BP 10537

Niamey, Niger

West Africa

Lost in translation-sometimes I do feel lost. Hausa and English are very different and it is difficult at times to not only be understood in language but in emotional expression as well. Hausa and English are starkly different languages both in terms of structure and in essence. Thank you. A pharse that Americans utter frequently. Hausa people, for the most part, do not say "thank you," and when I say it, people grin or even laugh at me. NO Hausa word for "please." Hausa is direct, "give,"come" "take" and "go." Quick, short, to the point. As Nigeriens shoot off one or two word phrases, I stumble through asking "Is there water?" "I am thirsty," skirting around what Nigeriens would say, which is "give me water." I feel uncomfortable demanding water without a "please" or "may I?" It sounds so abrupt, rude even. No polite way to cushion a demand. English has so many words to convey politeness to soften what we say. Words that convey how we feel, what we think and what we want or like. There are times when I find myself searching for a word, a way to express how I feel about something...but the words are not there. I get wordy, and I can read on the person's face to whom I am speaking that they have become lost in my Hausa, and not just the words, but why I feel the need to say what I am saying. Yet, Nigeriens say things that are glaringly obvious. When I arrive, they say "you are here." When I smile, they say "you are smiling." And, when I eat, they report to me, "you are eating." I think in my head "Of course, I am eating. You told me to eat and put the food infront of me." But instead I respond with "Yes, I am eating right now." Nigeriens paraphrase ideas in four, five or more ways. I was lost initially, lost in the jungle of words. I have realized though that if I understand the first sentence, I can understand it all.

It is frustrating to not be understood when speaking. Sometimes, despite my best efforts, the person listening to me stares at me with absolutely no recognition of what I am saying. It makes me feel alone, like I am screaming and waving my arms, yet no one can see or hear me. Language enables connection and recognition. To understand others and to be understood. To learn and to teach. Language can liberate. Language can demean. Sometimes, a villager will say to me "Babu Hausa," meaning "You don't know any Hausa." I immediately feel defeated and lost. Then an hour laterm I might hear "akwai Hausa sosai," meaning she hears Hausa very well. Ahh. My head perks up and I feel practically Nigerien. The power of words, expression, bringing people together and to life. As I continue to learn Hausa, I hope to draw a bridge so that I can find my place, feel better connected to the people, the culture and my community.

A former Peace Corps volunteer who had finished her service in Niger wrote to me that Niger is probably the most "pure" PC experience one could have. I did not understand the depth of what she wrote until experiencing my first month in Tama. No electricity or running water, no computers or refrigerators, air conditioning or fans, no cars, no stores and no toilets. The breadth of "pure" is free from distractions, distractions that have consumed me in ther past and taken me away from living in each and every simple, yet rich moment. Although I admittedly miss some daily comforts...sometimes in a sweaty fog, I catch myself daydreaming about ice cream, ESPN, bubble baths and ceiling fans. Aside from this, I enjoy leisureley walks, sleeping under the stars, the crackling light from my lantern, planting a garden, writing letters, handwashing my clothes, bathing from a bucket and listening to the sounds of the streets. This is a life I would have never chosen. I am learning how to take deeper breaths, slower paces and smaller bites. Every morning I wake up around 630 thanks to the neighboring rooster and crying donkey. I write and read, do yoga; eat breakfast, sweep my house, then venture out for the day. I greet my neighbors and a couple of families, walk through town and go to the mayors office, where I will start to initiate projects in a few months time. Each day brings something new. One day I stumbled upon a wedding in awe of the swiriling colors dancing to the drums. Other days I sit and visit and drink tea with villagers struggling to understand their Hausa but enjoying their company. THe biggest challenge has been the herds os children that follow me each day for I am the first volunteer in this isolated village. Overwhelming initially, each day gets easier. I am like a sponge, trying to soak in every sight, sound and smell of my new home. I see women carrying water on their heads and hear songs from the kids on the streets and smell the crisp smoke of the cooking millet and corn. The purity of the experience feels like I am camping, cut off from the world that I have known so well, getting a peaceful glimpse into the valley of Tama, crested with mud huts, sprinkled with lush trees and embedded with fields of millet and corn.

I received my assignment, and I will be in Tama, a village in the Tahoua region tucked away amidst green lush valleys and lots of trees. I went to the village and met the mayor, who I will be working with. He is very nice and seems to be very motivated and ready for me to get to work there. My house is mud brick with a lot of space in the front yard, where I am hoping to grow a garden and keep a pet goat. Of course, I will keep the goat in a separate area so that it doesn't eat my garden goods. I am finishing training this week and will be sworn in as a volunteer on Thursday. If you want to send letters, my address at my post will be:

Kathryn Evans, PCV

Corps de la Paix

B.P. 89

Konni, Niger

West Africa

August 9th...I arrived in Niger one month ago today. Life is very different here: lots of sand, goats, naked babies and millet. I am learning how to speak Hausa, a national language, and am taking classes everyday learning about Nigerien culture, health and safety, and technical training. I am living with a host family with 26 people, goats, sheep, oxen, dogs, cats and the lot. Lots of action! I sleep outside and love looking at the stars each night. The people here are very warm and kind, and there are some characters as well. I am eating a lot of millet and corn, but I did bring peanut butter, which my host mom caught me sneaking some spoonfuls the other night after dinner. Yesterday I went shopping in a real grocery store for the first time in Niamey, the capital, where I felt slightly overwhelmed by all of the choices but was pleased that I could purchase chocolate, oranges and nuts. The pace of life is very slow and requires a lot of patience, especially this morning when a group of us had to wait two and a half bloody hours for a bus to go to Niamey. "Sai hankuri" is Hausa, meaning to have patience, so I keep this is mind throughout my days here. Next week, I will find out my site placement and will be sworn in as a volunteer on September 10th. Thank you for your support, and all of you are in my daily thoughts. I will keep everyone posted once I get my site placement.

I just finished orientation and leave today for Niger. I have spent quite a bit of time the last couple of days wandering the streets of Philadelphia and taking in the sights. I am mesmorized at the unique history of the United States and the founding principles that the United States embodies. It has given me a deep appreciation for the liberties that I have and the people who fought so fiercely for those liberties. I go to Niger with a sense of pride, hope and appreciation for my life and hope to represent America and all that it stands for in the best way I can. I feel blessed to have this opportunity and am so excited for what awaits. Farewell my Lady Liberty!

I am leaving for Niger exactly two weeks from today. Each day, I get more excited, filled with anticipation of the adventures that lie ahead and the people that I will meet. I have no expectations of what my experience will be like. At this point I am focused on what I will pack. Considering I have difficulty packing for a week long vacation, I am giving much thought to the necessities I must take. Peanut butter. Matches. Sudoku books. Those neat washcloths that expand when you put them in water. That's a start anyway. Beyond packing, I am spending my time trying to improve my French with Rosetta Stone (I call her Rosie), spending quality time with family and friends and enjoying the comforts of American life such as grilled cheese sandwiches, air conditioning and flushing toilets.