Not uncommon to other places in the world, Malawi has a type of cuckoo who sings of coming rains. He only calls out just before rainy season, and I'm not sure if that's because he migrates or because he simply has nothing else to say the rest of the year, waiting only to predict the rains. His call, "tee tee tew, tee tee tew," translates in our language to "it will rain, it will rain."

And the rains will come, though not yet to our area. Our district is the last to receive rains, the last to plant, and the last to harvest. But I can't be upset at the little cuckoo, who hopes for it all just as much as we do.

Our farmers have a saying reserved for the unique punishment of this time of year, the near end of dry season: 'tingazala,' literally meaning "we can plant." It more rather means "we will plant soon." And they say it in little chants to each other, reassuring the collective community around them that better times with full tummys are coming soon.

I use that same strange grammar when trekking long, long distance on foot or bike, muscles aching to rest: ndingafika, I can arrive. And it makes the back breaking, sometimes soul-breaking, work seem like a burden shared.

Here is a small peek at a huge frustration that I never considered I would have to face almost daily:

A little while ago I visited a neighboring village to talk with the village’s community based organization, the chiefs, the people and I see one clearly defined problem: no access to clean water for miles.

I discuss the issue with my neighbors, my boss, my colleagues, my friends, my family.

And I’ll take one example as illustration of how I use the advice I’m given. My mother points me to Charitywater.org, a non-profit which donates money to water projects that do exactly what I’m looking to do. The website is really well done, the cause is simple, the whole concept of “charity: water” is trendy. So I look at how they work – send money to partners who actually do the projects. OK, fair enough. I look up all the partners and find one operating in Malawi, Water for People. Again, well-organized website with a catchy concept. Then, I check out where they work: only in and around Blantyre, Malawi’s largest city. That’s better than most of the time when the implementing partner doesn’t even necessarily work on the project that it’s receiving funds to do. Like Concern Worldwide, another charity water partner that does mostly HIVAIDS projects, not water.

Not to say that the cities don’t need the help or that HIVAIDS money indirectly coming from Charity Water isn’t going to good use, it’s just the nature of trying to get work done here. Nothing is easy or straight forward, no money is used cleanly, the hierarchy and flow of how donations get to projects is so incredibly convoluted and complicated, and I would bet that it’s honestly impossible to track.

My frustration is simply: funding is always difficult, yet there seem to always be plenty of funders with tons of money who are working on the same goals that I have. Why is connection so difficult?

Or even worse: I find an organization I like, let’s say Kiva.org and want to make the connection between their goals and my village. It’s absolutely impossible. And not only impossible, but after researching, I don’t even know if I want to support Kiva at all anymore. Kiva gives the money you donate to a local lending agency that DOES charge interest (usually at LEAST 20 or 30%). So when you lend a no interest loan, you’re actually giving it to an agency that puts incredible pressure on the recipients, the real people who need the capital. BUT that doesn’t mean Kiva is evil. Capital is short, even for local lending agencies, and it does increase awareness and make us feel good. Just be careful about calling microlending, and especially through Kiva, a magic bullet solution, see this article.

And I’m not saying don’t donate to Kiva or Charity Water, just make sure you’re keeping yourself educated about where your money is actually going. The complex network of donors, implementers, NGOs, non-profits, parent and partner organizations is complicated and not easy to sort through. It’s so much easier to see the face of a Bolivian shop owner on Kiva’s website, read the back story, and click “Lend 25$,” but I just want to make sure that you are not cheating yourself of knowing what’s behind the whole process.

And maybe I’m just burnt out of trying to find funding sources and dealing with big NGOs with big plans. Maybe I’m just getting tired of asking my boss for help and finding out after so many meetings, emails, and research that the partner actually have no way of helping me even though my project and their goals are a perfect match. Maybe the illusion of how aid works is still a sore spot for me. Maybe I should just fund small projects myself and forget everyone else.

Well, I was hoping I’d be as regular with my blog as I am with my journal, but it seems that I was overconfident in how much free time I would have! I am shocked, honestly, at how busy I find myself these past three months. I’ve been maximizing my time between traveling and working at site, and it seems the more I do of one the more I have to do of the other ;).

Here is the short and sweet version of what I’ve been doing:

- July was mostly spent traveling. Between the 4th of July at the Ambassador’s house and a lunch party for all Peace Corps volunteers with Malawi’s president, which was quite an event, I was in Lilongwe for more time than I cared to be. And through the traveling of this month I realized I am happier spending time at my site than I am in the cities.

- August I moved houses! My landlord got too pushy (demanding I cook food for his family and give them things), I didn’t feel safe and I didn’t have any room to garden or relax. My new house? Oh, it’s amazing and I cannot possibly be happier. Pictures are on facebook, I’ll try to load some here. My chickens are right at home and I have two more broods on the way!!

- September disappeared faster than I knew it had arrived. I saw Lake Malawi for the first time! It is indescribably beautiful. Like the most temperate and gentle ocean side, only freshwater and even softer sand, beautiful sunrises, fresh breeze sleeping lakeshore. Then two weeks of training, one of those with my counterpart present – I promise a whole blog on this training because it was definitely service-changing.

- October I went to Liwonde National Park’s annual game count. I got to see hippos, a whole herd of 39 elephants, waterbuffalo, waterbuck, impala, kudu, bushbuck, beautiful herds of sable, common dukier, heard lions at night, all up close and personal and completely wild. Oh, not to mention the thousands of birds of every shape, color, size, including an endemic love bird – shockingly green, unbelievably beautiful. Also, a half dozen poachers with twice as many hunting dogs. = After being at site for less than 24 hours I ran off again to Lake of Stars (google it!), which was a beautiful three day music festival on the beach of Lake Malawi, where local and international musicians played on three stages for a full 24hours a day for all three days. There were so many expats and overlanders it was so strange to be in such a westernized culture again, but it was nice to get to dance to both native and international music. Camping on the sand, under the stars, listening to the faint performances still continuing on into the night … it was beautiful, unbelievably beautiful.

Problems

I have decided I like working with individuals or very small groups because of three major problems infecting my area. Individuals are smart and motivated, but people feed off each other and become jealous, greedy, and lazy. I’ve had a lot of time to think about these problems, and I’m finding very few solutions.

1) Jealousy. This is the biggest problem. It seems like every time I take one step forward with an individual or group or project, the community forces one step back. Justin, the volunteer south of me, also has this problem, but worse. He had a successful bee keeping group stop because their hives kept getting destroyed by jealous, less successful groups or individuals. For me, my counterpart is now receiving death threats and witchcraft curses, and I am being blamed for informing the park of poaching activity, a falsehood that is slowly dividing the community strongly against me. I feel this division coming strong: from some - solid, unwavering support and public advocacy; others - absolute hate that has manifested in small acts of revenge. This battle is going to be a long one, and I’m still developing strategies for coping. I know I cannot help everyone, and I know I cannot make everyone happy, but I almost feel like my presence is creating more problems than it is solving.

2) Greed. Almost as big of a problem as jealousy, definitely just as damaging to projects. When working with groups I try to get them motivated about trainings and events, but this falls apart nine times out of ten as soon as I mention that they are not receiving allowances or food or sodas during the training or event. For example, to help get people excited about the park, I helped arrange free transport inside the park to see the wildlife and watch a cool video. For most individuals, this is really exciting. However, when we met with the CBOs in our area to tell them of this opportunity, they started demanding that they get paid, fed, given sodas, or free items from the park. Why can’t they understand that doing something with them is enough? Why does everyone require so many things on top of receiving help? I think much of this stems from NGOs dumping money on communities and leaving, and setting the standard of allowances given at every single training to ensure attendance.

3) Laziness. Maybe it’s the heat, maybe it’s the hungry season, but maybe it is the complete lack of accountability in this culture. Most likely, a bit of everything, though I cannot tell you how frustrating this problem is to deal with. Cutting corners is the least of this issue. Drunkenness is definitely the worst part of it. Finding motivated individuals is hard enough, but in a group setting even the most motivated people get sucked into the negativity and drain of laziness in the people around them.

I hate to end on a negative note with stating my problems, because I'm definitely happy to be settled back at my miserably hot site. I will say my counterpart is definitely stepping it up as far as being super motivated to help our community, so he's booked my schedule through next year, and I cannot be happier with his self-sufficiency and motivation. =)

Chickens have layed again, I'm up to 19 chickens. The first batch I received are growing big and beautiful now and I cannot wait to build them a giant, unreasonably comfortable house. ^_^

Pictures soon! (I know I keep saying that, but in two weeks I'll be in Blantyre with uninterrupted and fast internet!)

I hope everything is good state-side. I love you all and miss you terribly! Take a long hot shower, load your dishwasher with appreciation, and eat some Chipotle for me!

1st July 2010

Chicken update!

My white hen is most definitely raising a brood. She has been parked ontop of 12 eggs for about two weeks now. As everyone keeps telling me, this is good news! In just another week or so I should have around a dozen fluffy baby chickens following my, now-skinny, white hen around my house. In better news, my fat, black hen started laying eggs, too. I don’t know what I’m going to do with potentially 30 chickens – build a bigger coop I guess!

The albatross disguised as a chicken.

Soooo, the latest in Ndakwera drama: my landlord’s mother has come to stay with her daughter who lives, no joke, two feet from my house. While I would have welcomed someone to make sure Martha (the daughter) stays in line (oh we’ve had a history), it turns out that Martha’s selfish, manipulative streak runs in the family! When my landlord came to drop her off it was a big ordeal. He definitely acts up his ‘bwana’ (rich-man) status, arriving in his huge lory, passing out cookies to all the village kids. After handing me a bottle of coke, he confessed that he would not be able to reimburse me for all the work I have done to the house, because he never agreed to it before I had it done. He still refused despite my argument that he promised a finished house ready for me by February, and when I came in May it wasn’t done, so I finished it myself immediately for security reasons. He said he was a businessman, so he must look out for his income, as if that was a more-than-valid excuse to cheat me out of the money I put into his property. I played polite and explained that my boss will just have to talk to him to understand that, because I cannot. And with that awkward exchange, he dropped off his mother to stay for an indefinite amount of time and left. To my surprise, this small, elderly woman is quite a firey one. She paraded around the houses in our area saying that I was her daughter, that she will not tolerate the village helping me as they have been, and that this was her house and her white person.

And then she presented me with a scrawny rooster, as is culture to say “now you owe me.”

Oh man you can imagine my frustration. Now, Gerald and his family fear coming to my house to bring me water, to mill my millet, to offer gifts of leftover cooked pumpkin or porridge. I work with Gerald on a daily basis – how on earth are we supposed to coordinate meetings with a very jealous agogo (grandparent) looking over our every move. Gerald’s wife came to me to confess her worry about how I would manage to get water myself, since my landlord’s mother was surely too old to fetch it for me. I laughed and said ‘well, let’s fetch it together.’ So the day before yesterday was the first day I carried buckets of water on my head like a true Malawian woman – the whole village was in a riot with laughter and yes, a bit of respect. Well, all but the agogo.

Later that day, I overheard a big argument between her and Gerald’s wife. Apparently it wasn’t as bad as it sounded, but I’m only mildly convinced of that. I hope this woman, who is trying to force a good relationship with me by all the wrong methods, understands that even now I’m afraid to leave my house or I might face her inquisition and wrath.

Thankfully, Gerald has already secured two houses (just as nice, very near by, and actually a fifth of the rent), just in case I decide I’m fed up one day. I might just take him up on the offer, but I’d hate to be chased from my home, the home I’ve invested in, the home that is not even a stone’s throw from Gerald’s house, just because a grouchy old woman wants to make a mess of things.

We’ll see. I’m playing with the idea of moving, especially since I haven’t started my garden yet.

Saving the world.

So, I’m sure you know how hopeful and idealistic I can be most of the time, but I think I really have found a perfect solution to many of the problems facing this developing country at my village level. Well, I am definitely not claiming credit for finding it, but rather this solution comes from the most intelligent minds who research the development of third world villages, as well as my village counterpart himself. It was a huge revelation moment for me when I realized that my counterpart and neighbor is at the forefront of the most brilliant movement to fix his village and his own livelihood in a beautifully sustainable way. The authors of the few papers and books I’ve read on the subject would agree with Mr. Gerald: a strong, well-organized, village savings and loan group holds the key for quick and continued success of our whole village. And this idea has got me so incredibly excited for the impact Gerald and I can make in my short years here that will also be carried forward after I’m gone.

The idea is simple. A group of villagers come together and form an organized and formal group of 10-15 people (any more or less would be difficult to manage). This group makes contributions to the group’s money pool, kept at a bank in the boma (nearest bigger town). From this pool, they loan out money to people within the group to use for small income generating activities – like buying goats in Mozambique and bringing them to our boma to sell for double the price. Then, at the end of the month the loan is payed back and the interest (25%) is split proportionally as ‘shares’ among the group members. So, all group members get interest on their money every month, regardless of how much they contributed or if they took out a loan or not. Very little input, no work, small income. While at the same time, the capital is made available for individuals to make big purchases and big profits from the small loan. Since the banks in this country do not loan at the village level, or at a small amount, or a reasonable interest rate, this is the community’s answer to the problem of lacking help – they help themselves, and they help themselves in a quick, sustainable way. This reduces dependency on unreliable or unstable crop incomes, increases money for food, and helps everyone who is involved in the process. It truly is an awesome concept.

Mvunguti Club is Ndakwera’s newly formed village savings and loan group. Gerald Brown, my good friend and counterpart, is the chairman. He is very motivated, money-smart, and incredibly business-wary, all despite his lack of secondary education. He is my shining example of the future of a better Ndakwera. I am so excited to work with him and his group to help support and refine this village savings and loan model so we can export it to our other, surrounding villages.

21 June 2010

Everyone loves stories! So I feel after a few serious posts, I need to share some (hopefully) entertaining stories about what the first few months of living by myself in a new culture has been like. The one lesson I’ve learned is not to take myself to seriously about anything, and to laugh along with the people at all my goof-ups and poor attempts at the language and cooking!

Hugs?

Yesterday I came home from Blantyre, the big city in the southern region. It was a much needed trip to take a break from my own bad cooking and the restlessness of not seeing/communicating with friends for so long. What was so strange, though, was how happy I was to finally be at my site after being gone for only a few days. I was so happy to see my counterpart neighbor that forgot myself and ran up to him and gave him a hug, which let me tell you was quite a scene! Despite that I announced that this was the American way for friends to greet each other, for the rest of the day everyone in my area kept teasing me that I was Gerald’s second wife. Phew, I hope my overjoy to see my good friend doesn’t cause the rumor mill at the waterhole to overrun with gossip, but who am I kidding. Oh well. Cultural exchange, right?

Wasting Food

No garbage is private. I have a small trash pit (‘bin’) behind my chicken coop in the corner of my back yard (pretty hidden if you ask me), and next to it is my small but growing compost pile. Well, I have heard the stories of horrifying things happening from kids going through your trash so I though that I’d be smart and burn my trash every time I take it out to the bin (once a month or so). Despite the fact that it’s horrible for the environment (yeah, I know, and trust me I do feel guilty), I know it’s worse for kids to go through the unsanitary pile of garbage to find things to play with. The funny part is that even though I burned my trash I had to guard it from kids who wanted to come put the fire out, and not 30 minutes later I had to chase them away from pulling out the few things that wouldn’t burn. I can’t blame them, I’d be curious of what the foreigner had to throw away if I was in their place, too. The toughest thing, though, was the first few weeks when I would mess up cooking or store my food improperly and end up having to throw away valuable meals. Since my back yard is the default place to come visit me, I feel silly having to hide my mistakes under my compost pile. I got scolded for throwing away almost a whole loaf of bread by a neighbor because she thought I let it go bad instead of eating or sharing it. I had to run and get my counterpart friend to come translate and explain that I promise that I was not being wasteful on purpose, I was still learning how to store food that lacks preservatives without a refrigerator, and I was as crushed as she was that I had to put a whole loaf of bread in the trash pile (it doesn’t compost well). Don’t get me wrong, I’m getting better at the whole cooking/storing process, but still every time I have to toss burnt, moldy, or mushy something in my compost pile I keep thinking of “all the starving kids in Africa.” I found a puppy up for adoption in a near-by village – hopefully he’ll enjoy my mistakes and leftovers and help relieve me of some of my guilt over the byproducts of my learning process.

Chickens

The first few days surrounding the arrival of the first two hens I’ve ever owned was quite an ordeal. Anyone who knows me well enough knows that it’s always been a little life dream of mine to raise and spoil some urban chickens, and what could be a better time to learn the details of chicken-rearing then when I’m in the heart of Africa where literally everyone around me has been raised knowing every detail of how to care for chickens, generation after generation. Well, after Gerald brought them home and taught me about how to “teach” the chickens that their new coop was a safe home with food, I spent all day watching them locked in their coop, making sure they were comfortable, like an anxious mother hen myself. My neighbors thought this was the most ridiculous thing. I was corrected many times about not using my own food to feed them, not using my own new dishes for their food, not spending all my time peering in the coop or else they will get anxious, etc. Well, it wasn’t long before my big fat white hen decided she didn’t care much for ‘training’ (being locked in the coop for a few days so they know that this is their new home). She squeezed out of a tiny vent hole near the roof the very moment I wasn’t watching, and when I came running to see what all the noise was about, I was just in time to see her hop onto the roof of my chim and over my fence. Well, let me tell you, I know I looked ridiculous chasing my chicken around the village, fearing it would run away forever if it didn’t stay in the coop for it’s first day like I was told, worried I had failed, while the whole time the chicken screamed and flapped and ran from house to house, as if she knew how silly the whole ordeal was and decided to stop at every family’s home to show them how crazy I was. By the time that almost every family in my area was rolling on the ground laughing, I had realized that kids had gathered to help me. Gerald, who was away for most of the ordeal, found me and came running to help, too, or so I thought. When he reached me he held up his hand to signal me to stop, and in his patient, teaching tone of voice that I love for it’s honesty, he told me to watch her, just watch her. So the two of us stood there with the kids and gathered families who were still giggling, and I watched my fat hen run up to this big rooster and present her tail feathers and start cooing to him. “See, she wants to make babies,” my friend said. “It’s nature, she found a way out because she needs to make babies.” I wrinkled my face as I watched the ‘nature’ Gerald was talking about, and still a bit out of breath I threw my hands up and said in Chichewa “I don’t want baby chickens, I want eggs to eat!” And that just made everyone laugh more. My neighbor gave me a crazy confused look and asked why on earth anyone wouldn’t want their chickens to make more chickens.

The very next morning, when I went to feed them and let them out of their coop, I noticed one had laid an egg! I scooped the egg up and ran over to my neighbor’s house and did a little dance, glowing with happiness. My neighbor’s family just laughed and laughed, whispering to each other how silly it was that I was so happy over one egg. After I was done acting so prideful, I presented the tiny, still-warm egg to Gerald’s mother as a gift for all of her endless hospitality. Her face dropped as the rest of the family let out little noises of surprise. She finally accepted after I kept going on, mostly in English she couldn’t understand, about how important the egg was to me but how much more important it was that she welcomed me as a part of her family here. My happy moment multiplied infinitely when I knew she understood that this was a small, but very meaningful gift.

Later that day, Gerald’s mother delivered a warm plate of delicious, boiled green pumpkin straight from her garden. She still brings me pumpkin or warm porrage at least three times a week.

But the chicken story continues: the day after my first egg, I found another egg in the coop, which I cooked up and ate greedily for breakfast over toast. After confessing this to Gerald while patting my belly he gave me a worried look. “Your chicken will think this is not a safe home if you keep eating her eggs,” he said, another obvious cause and effect I naively didn’t think about. So now, under Gerald’s strict and daily supervision, I am not eating my eggs but observing how and if one of my hens is building up a brood. Over the course of eleven days she has laid 9 eggs: skipping some days, laying two on others. Though it’s fun to help her build her nest and check the number of potential babies she will have every morning, I still get disappointed when she doesn’t sit on the nest most of the day and when I think about the delicious potential of a 9-egg meal on my protein-short diet.

Two updates within one week? I feel spoiled. I also posted pictures on facebook! One day I'll post some here, too.

18 June 2010

Now that I’m settled enough, and have found internet I am excited to backtrack a bit and fill everyone in on the whirlwind of my life during training. You got a pretty good look at my first month at site, but getting here and training was it’s own roller coaster.

Packing and flying out: Everything barely fit, and I totally went over on the luggage specs (not a recommendation for future volunteers, but boy am I glad I got an extra 20 pounds through). Everything I brought I’m so glad I brought. Unfortunately, I had no idea what Peace Corps was providing us so my father invested in a fantastic water filter that I really won’t need too much here unless I’m camping, or packing out for journey in the bush (it doubles as a large camelpack – which is definitely going to be helpful in this heat). Truthfully, not every single thing fit, I’ll revise my packing list as the time nears for the next environmental group to be researching our blogs, but my parents have been so much more than kind to send me the things I didn’t need my first few months that I cut to save on packing (things like bed sheets, spices, etc).

Arriving: Our plane landed with a huge celebration from many of the current volunteers in country. I hear there’s about 150 of us in Malawi total across all sectors .. and it sure seemed like all 150 were there. It was a bit too much of a party, but it was definitely a warm welcome! For our Pre-Service Training, we stayed in a beautiful area of Malawi: Dedza, at the College of Forestry. For our first full week we get lots of shots, lots of briefing, medical and placement interviews, and we begin our language lessons. We were packed two to a room in the college dorms, and sometimes had hot water for showers, but we definitely enjoyed three fairly good meals a day and, as per custom here, enjoyed tea time every mid-morning and afternoon. It was surreal, such a strange setting: 21 of us from all different parts of the US, spending every hour of every day together, all idealistic and hopeful, with no connection what-so-ever to anything we’d ever known, all going through the exact same transition, and forming very quick, close friendships because of it all. We truly felt like a family, and still do. I absolutely love that aspect of this experience.

Homestay: For the next four weeks, each volunteer stayed alone with a host family in one of two villages near the college. Homestay was a 24-7 experience. When we weren’t in class learning, we were at our sites learning how to cook, clean, eat, wash cloths, all while talking in Chichewa. It was exhausting, but an incredible experience. The technical training was all immediately applicable, too. So we would learn how to make a mud stove in class then come home to teach our host family and help them make one. We did this with not only stoves, but permagardens, tree plantings, compost making, etc. At least I can speak for my village when I say that all the families took us in as their children and treated us like one of the family. My host mother still calls me to this day to make sure I am well and well-fed. When it was finally time to leave our homestay sites, the two villages threw us a GIANT farewell party where we got to witness some of the traditional Chewa gule wamkulu dancing – I cannot even describe how fantastic the costumes and dancing and whole experience was.

End of Training: After some homestay debriefing, we set out on our own with a little bit of money to go travel to our regions and pair up with a current volunteer near our future site (not necessarily an environment PCV). My volunteer was super helpful – I camped out at his house for a few days to learn what he does and what being a volunteer is actually like. Then I traveled to my site, full of hope and expectations, to see my house and learn the area just for a few days before going back for more language training. This visit to my site was one of the most difficult experiences of my life. I was nervous and excited because I was alone and had nothing but a change of clothing and only very basic language skills, and I was anxious to make a good impression. However, the village had no idea who I was, why I was there, and had a hard time providing me with even the basics – food and company. I’ll spare some of the scary details, but I was definitely not welcome at first. In hindsight, the unwelcoming reception was because they were very wary of me and had never seen a volunteer come to live in their area before. Needless to say, I was devastated and horrified about how I was going to make this place a home for two years.

We all traveled back to centralized areas in our region for a few more weeks of language intensive training, and then we swore in as official volunteers in the capital at the ambassador’s house. It was a lovely ceremony, with tons of precious good food like romaine salad, macaroni and cheese, pulled pork sandwiches, chocolate cake, and so many other comforting American foods, but I was so nervous to leave my friends for three months and go to my site alone. Then we had one last night in Dedza where we celebrated despite our melancholy moods to be leaving each other for a very, very long time.

The day after swearing in, we boarded cars in pairs or small groups, with all of our luggage, mattresses, bikes, etc., to be dropped off directly at our front door at our sites. This would be the last time we have the luxury of an air-conditioned, personal ride, directly to our site.

I'll update with some crazy stories next; I promise it will be a more interesting read!

I love you all!!

Here's an update I wrote about a month ago - New update at the bottom of this post!

18 May 2010

Hello World!

Well, I’ll be honest, I had no idea it was going to be this difficult to reach internet with enough time to update my blog. When I find internet and when I can afford it and when it’s working, it is always too slow to load Gmail, even in HTML version. I wish more than anything I could give you pictures, but that may take another three months. Until then I will try my best to share all that I can whenever I get the opportunity.

To sum up my whole experience the past three months – This is the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my entire life. I mean I wasn’t expecting it to be a vacation or anything, but I guess I underestimated how 24-7 this job actually is, and how very far I would have to be, and stay, out of any comfort zone that I depended on in the States. I’m learning and growing so quickly here, and not without growing pains. I have so incredibly happy and so overwhelmingly depressed often all within the same week. I’m so exhausted all the time, and I’ve only just arrived at my site as an official volunteer about three weeks ago. My toughest challenge will be adjusting to living in this communal culture. Everything here is public space, and there really is no concept of personal privacy, which is something I’m having a very hard time with – especially when I need to rely on personal space and time to recollect as I’m learning to adjust to a whole new way of life. I live in a very crowded village, and my house is right in the middle of the community, right off our main road. So I constantly get visitors at all hours of the day, especially the kids who peer through my fence and windows literally all the time, all day long. It’s quite overwhelming. I thought they might get bored with watching my routine after two straight weeks, but I underestimated how little there is for children to do here to entertain themselves. I’m also the first volunteer in my area. So a major struggle has been battling the misconceptions that I am a “boss” from the national parks system, or that I am only there to hand out money and resources, which is all every other NGO in this country does. The developed perceptions and dependency because of foreign aid is truly heartbreaking. But that is a whole discussion within itself.

My site is in the Chikwawa district, right near Lengwe National Park. The whole Lower Shire Valley is hot, flat, overpopulated, and it’s known for highest HIV/AIDS rates and the lowest literacy and education levels. The whole region has been in a drought for more than two years now. Crop failure, soil degradation, poverty are the biggest issues. This causes pressure on the park – mainly deforestation, encroachment, and poaching. People need firewood and resources and there is little place to turn but the park. The biggest hurdle, however, will be how I will have to retool all of my teaching and training methods to appropriately reach my community - because how this culture views natural resources and income generation is entirely opposite of what I consider common sense. There is a huge cultural divide in perception and awareness that goes beyond just a simple lack of education.

I live in a nice house, maybe a little too nice considering my relative surroundings. I’m lucky enough to have a tin instead of grass roof, bricks, cement floor, some walls painted, and three bedrooms all to myself. When I first arrived in country I was excited to live like the rural, native people: small mud hut, thatched roof, sleeping on the floor, battling scorpions, spiders, malaria infected mosquitoes like the rest of them. However, in my few weeks here I realize that if I am going to stick this out for two full years and be the most helpful I can, then I’m going to meet this culture somewhere in the middle as far as standard of living is concerned. So, I’ll take the cement floor and actual bed, and dare I say it – I’m looking at investing in solar power so I can run a small single burner hot plate, a fan for those 90° nights, have a light to read by, and charge my laptop for grant writing and the occasional movie watching. I realized that for the sake of my sanity, these small comforts will make me happy here, and ultimately help me be more efficient and hopefully effective. Don’t get me wrong, I still take bucket baths and use a pit latrine and live in an area without cell phone coverage, but I’d like the simple pleasure of being able to heat my bath water without having to spend 30+ minutes stoking up a good enough, poached-charcoal fire.

As far as my job goes, I am supposed to spend these first three months at site not working on anything or going anywhere. As per necessity in this culture, I have been spending my time going around to all the village area chiefs and introducing myself with the help of a village friend of mine. I have also been meeting all the CBOs (Community Based Organizations) in the area and learning their projects, problems, and successes. I am learning from both the CBOs and the chiefs of the problems and needs in the area, which let me tell you, man do I have my work cut out for me. I live in a catchment area of eight Group Village Headmen, each with about five or six different villages and village headmen underneath them. So, in total, I am living in an area with 43 proper villages, each with a chief. So you can imagine how many different CBOs and groups there are as well. So far it looks like my first focus will be to get five boreholes drilled and installed under GVH Mankhokwe for his five villages who live, from season to season, by gathering water from deep holes dug down to the water table. It astounds me that these five villages have, for generation after generation, existed by fetching water from community dug holes that have to be re-dug every season and that become cesspools of cholera, malaria, and every other nasty disease under this hot sun. So I hope to find an organization that I can write a grant to in order to get proper boreholes dug for these villages so they can have close, year-round, easy access to clean water.

I have been doing some networking as far as organizations go as well. I am meeting a small business trainer who I may hire to come host a training in my village for a small IGA (income generating activity) CBO. I have also met the head warehouse manager for the Illovo Sugar company, which is a substantial part of the entire economy down here. Though him, I am learning of how this big company gives back to the surrounding rural communities through development projects. Soon I will get to meet the Committee for Social Responsibility that decides on what projects to fund, so maybe in the future I can submit some proposals to them. I have socialized with a small southern Malawi network of ex-patriots, probably the southern network of ex-patriots considering how small this country really is. And I’m learning the businesses and important people of my nearest larger town (a two hour bike ride that I make there and back, once or twice a week!). Also, hopefully soon, my actual assigned counterpart will come work with me and share how to connect resources with projects. This counterpart works at Lengwe Park near my house, but she has not been as helpful as I would have liked. I count my blessings every day that I have a very helpful neighbor, Mr. Gerald Brown, in the village who is eager to work with me and continues to help me with everything from finding food and furniture to meeting CBOs and chiefs. Because my counterpart has not helped me one bit, I know I would for sure be lost without Gerald’s help. He’s definitely one very motivated person who I look forward to helping and closely working with for the next few years.

Personally, and I know I’ve said it but I feel I have to reemphasize, I am having a difficult time adjusting. Most of the time, it is impossible for me to imagine staying here for 24 months. Right now it feels like I’m just counting those months down, which is a horrible place to be this early in the game. I constantly think about the past year before I came here, and how little I though I had in comparison to what I realize now that I actually had … and thus, what I gave up to be here. I can’t think too hard about the options of going home because then I start to really crave them. And then I begin to feel guilty for even thinking of leaving considering what I went through, what my family went through, just so I could be here, and all the potential this place has, and how much my neighbor is helping me do what I came here to do. It’s just hard to stay happy, and it’s killing me that I cannot find a way to push through some days.

Like today. My watch broke and I realized that I’ve officially lost my cellphone. My two connections to home are gone. I used to habitually check my watch on its secondary time setting: Texas. It was comforting to think about what my family and friends would be doing at whatever opposite hour of the day it was. And my phone, though I only had network in the Boma, now I can’t even ride my bike to call home if I felt the need to. Maybe I’m just not settled yet. Maybe after some time. Maybe after I invest in solar and buy a new phone. But sometimes I get worried that after all that investment I still won’t feel at home here. You would think I would be good at living an unsettled life, that’s all I did in the States. But here where everything is so much more difficult, there is even less room to breathe no matter how far you walk.

But I don’t want to end on a sad note. I am, deep down, thankful that I am here and for this experience. From Barbra Kingsolver’s words: I “share the food of my African brethren and gladden my heart with their songs,” and I crave in earnest the day when I fully realize that I am “the branch that’s grafted on here, sharing the richness of these African roots.” May I overcome my own selfish insecurities and feel open to becoming a grafted branch on this great, ancient tree of the Chewa people, fed by this culture and this earth, yet still bearing my own fruit. What a beautiful metaphor.

Hopefully, my routine of living here will work itself out to where I can update more frequently. I crave staying in touch more than I ever have, but for as slow as time seems here, life moves incredibly quickly. I only hope that life in the States is as normal and contented as I remember it. I know when I return, I will never take that comfort for granted ever again. I love you all and miss you terribly!

14 June 2010

Man that last post was depressing upon re-reading, but it was honest. First, I am feeling worlds better. I have all my furniture, I have the basics of solar installed in my house (though it’s not entirely working yet), I have a “ground phone” that works from my house so I can talk to my family and friends and get work done, and I’m settling quite nicely. And most importantly my projects are off the ground and rolling (though slowly). And I have two chickens who are giving me delicious, delicious eggs every day ^_^.

And it's official - I'm WAY out in the bush, and it is VERY difficult for me to get internet, and definitely impossible to post pictures especially the videos I've taken. My plan is to send a flash drive to the States so someone can help me post pictures and maybe vids so you can see what's going on ! Just know this will be at least four months from now =(.

Time is still moving slow, and life way too fast.

I'll try to update next week now that I know how and where to get internet (takes over two hours on my bike just to get here .. phew!).

Well, it's officially 2 hours before I have to be up and getting ready for my flight to Philadelphia ... so I have to make this quick!

Here's my crazy schedule:

6:30am - 10:30am: Fly from DFW to Philly

Take a cab to the hotel in downtown

1:00pm - 7:00pm: Meetings in the convention room of hotel

Sleep?

1:30 AM - Check out of hotel and hop a bus to JFK

10:30am - ??? Fly to Johannesburg, South Africa

Spend the night there and fly to Malawi in the morning.

It's an absolute nightmare to pack for this because I don't know when I'll have access to all my luggage and when I won't. Speaking of luggage ...

THE Packing List: all of this fit in the 107" 80lbs + carry-on requirement!

Clothes and Such

3 pair of leggings/tights (for under skirts)

4 Tshirts

6 Tanktops

2 blouses

7 long skirts

3 long dresses

1 capri cargo pants

1 Northface zippy pants

1 sleep pants

5 bras (few different types)

an absurd amount of underwear

5 socks

1 head bandana

2 headbands

2 hats

1 bathing suits

2 sunglasses

REI fleecy jacket

a knitted sweater wrap thing

a good rainjacket

a cute scarf

1 belt

a basic timex expedition watch

camp towel (fast drying)

couple of washcloths

Shoes

hiking boots

flipflops

chacos x 2

toms

chucks

Toiletries

makeup - the super basics

2 bottles of my fav lotion

1 aveno face scrub

1 small face sunscreen

1 carmex tin

1 SPF lip balm

1 deodorant

2 small perfume oil vial

2 shampoo bars

1 bar of Dr. Brommer's soap

4 razors

Qtips

4 toothbrushes(thanks Dr. McDonald)

4 small tubes of toothpaste (thanks Dr. McDonald)

exfolatior scrub cloth

tea tree oil (the best stuff in the world for keeping clean)

3 mo supply of tampons

Office Supplies

envelopes

stamps

clipboard

paper

5 sharpies

pens, pencils

Atlas

a copy of the Texas College Readiness Standards (for curriculum development?)

Grant writing book

pamphlets on composting, resume writing



Crafty things/gifts/games

2 decks of cards

3 bandannas

2 cheapy watches

1 soccer ball (deflated)

3 dodge balls (deflated)

2 Texas wall calendars 2010

friendship bracelet strings

beads!

book of cardgames

settlers of catan

bananagrams



Electronics

laptop

2 external harddrives (one for back up and a spare loaded with movies, etc to share)

3 blank DVD-RWs

software disks: win7, MSoffice 07, diags/shop drivers (juuuust in case)

my lovely little Zune HD

small mp3-player external speakers

2 headphones

point-and-shoot camera and case

international plug adapter

my phone (HTC Touch Pro) - may not need, but we'll see



Hobby Things for Me

1934 Underwood typewriter (along with ink ribbons and machine oil)

journals (2 big, 1 small, 1 for gardening)

seeds

4 books (Dune, Nine Hills to Nambonkaha, poetry, Lonely Planet Malawi)

resistance stretch band for yoga and in-hut workouts

stationary

photoalbum of home, family, friends



Survival

best water filtration system in the world

Steripen for travel

2 water bottles (a nalgene and an aluminum)

tent

small fleece mummy sack

camp pad

camp chair

solar flashlight

the best leatherman ever

a good hunting knife

foldable trowel

collapsible water storage jugs

collapsible bucket

key chain equipped with a compass, thermometer, whistle, and pepper spray

money belt

eye mask

ear plugs

Household Items

twin sheet set

pillow

rope, ducttape, superglue

4L pressure cooker

small french press

a good set of knives

flexible cutting boards

bamboo spatula and cooking spoon

literally flat flatwear set (http://www.rei.com/product/784601) - maybe not a need but definitely awesome

crank radio

crank lamp

an impressive sewing kit

Food Things

Spices (chili powder, garlic, cumin)

looseleaf tea

Cliff bars

Mailing to Myself

popcorn kernels

coffee

Instant drink mixes

lots of batteries

a small tarp

Package of dried cranberries

almonds

MORE CLIFF BARS

dry soup mixes

Hope this helps give you an idea how to prepare for 2 years with no electricity, no plumbing, and really not much of anything, but hopes and dreams and a whole lot of excitement.

Well we'll see. I'll definitely give a trip report on what was and wasn't needed. Hopefully I did well, though.

Welp, we won't have access to Internet or cellphones for the three months of training, so this may be the last post for a while. Please feel free to comment! I finally figured out how to RSS comments to myself so I know when someone posts something. Thanks everyone for reading!!

<3

So my posts up till now have seemed a little formal. I'm sure this will continue to change as I depend on this blog more and more to keep everyone updated on all my little adventures.

The past few months I've been so lucky to spend a lot of time with my grandparents and family and friends before I leave. I got my fill of snow in Michigan all last month, and I'm not afraid to admit that I won't miss a bit of it! I cannot wait for the warm weather of Malawi. In fact, on my flight home to Texas I was paired with a really awesome row partner, and I talked the poor guy's ear off about the whole Peace Corps process and how excited I am and what I am going to pack and what it will be like and what I will be doing and what all I have to do to prepare. I am not a talkative person at all, but I gabbed on like a school kid about ridiculously excited and anxious I am. He was such a good sport about it all! I just hope that when it comes time to actually board the plane on that one way flight, I don't go around announcing it to the whole airport, because I was tempted to so even now, 10 days out.

Besides feeling as if I am going crazy from excitement and (just a bit of) worry, I'm going through the meticulous process of packing up not only the things I will be taking with me to Africa, but my entire life as well. In preparation I'll be closing all but one credit card, paying off all debts, selling my car, canceling car insurance, cellphone, etc., boxing up my belongings, applying for life insurance, making my first will, giving my parents power of attorney, trying to get as much of my prescriptions as the pharmacy will let me take, and I could go on but the list is so horribly long.

I also bought something that may have been dumb, but I hope so very much that it works out. I found a working, antique, portable typewriter (Underwood, c. 1935), and I want desperately to take it with me. Despite the obvious size and weight difficulties, and the fact that it was probably built nearly 65 years ago, I have this romanticized view of being lost on the other side of the world with the exact same typewriter (most likely) that Jack Kerouac used when he and the beat poets of his generation found the heart of America. I'll sit on the thing, the whole way to Malawi if that's what it takes to bring it with me, but maybe my rationality will prevail on this one.

I'll post once more before I leave to let you know how my packing process went, and until then stay safe and warm and in good healh.

<3

Hello family and friends! Welcome! This will be the journal for all my Peace Corps adventures for the next few years, and I’m so glad to share it with you.

First! A bit of explanation on what I will be doing with the Peace Corps and how I got here so far. On October 28th I received my invitation packet, which contains all the information I will get before I leave. This is the official “you’re accepted” invite from the Peace Corps, and it arrived just a few days shy of one full year from when I submitted my online application, and nine months after I submitted my full application (medical, dental, interviews, etc). In this long-anticipated invitation packet I learned that I’ll be going to Malawi, a small, landlocked country in Southeast Africa. I’ll share what I’ve learned through research (books, blogs, Peace Corps info) about Malawi, though this is only my cold introduction from what I can discover while sitting over 9,000 miles away.

The Land

The biggest geographic feature of Malawi is Lake Malawi, which is a giant freshwater lake that makes up almost the entire eastern boarder of Malawi. This land has many forests and a continental tropical climate with wet and dry seasons. It rarely if ever freezes in the winter, with average daytime temps are around 70°F, and only barely gets above 90°F in the summer (or so I’ve been told!). Since it is south of the equator, the seasons are reversed from what we are used to, with the winter dry season occurring May to October, and the humid and rainy summer spanning November to April.

The People

Malawi is known as the “Warm Heart of Africa” because of the very genuine and friendly people that live there. It is also one of the world's least developed, yet most densely populated countries. Christianity is the predominant religion (80%). The economy is based in agriculture, with around 85% of the population living in rural areas. AIDS and famine are two of the biggest problems facing the country. From the latest book I read, over 20% of the country is infected with HIV. While English is the official language (in schools and governments), Chichewa is the native language that is the most commonly spoken, and it is the language I’ll be learning!

My Project

I am joining the Peace Corps through their Master’s International program. Through this program I was able to take one year of graduate courses in Conservation and Natural Resources Management at Texas Tech. After I finish my 27 month service in Malawi, I will come home and present my experience and how my education helped my projects in Malawi to my graduate committee. Then I will officially graduate with my master’s degree.

Officially I am a “Community Natural Resources Management / Forestry and Parks Extension Volunteer.” This means, from what I understand, that I will be a liaison between the community (farmers, businesses, etc) and the environment (government, forest services, etc). As my assignment packet states, I’ll be a grassroots organizer to help my community get what they need, while fostering a sustainable relationship/partnership with their environment. Here’s the letter I received from the Director of my program:

A Note from Your Asscoiate Peace Corps Director for Community Based Natural Resources ManagementGreetings from the Warm Heart of Africa! You are invited to join us in working with Malawians to strengthen a community based, participatory approach to natural resource management. The Community Based Natural Resource Management (CBNRM) Project began in 1999 in partnership with the Ministry of Tourism, Parks and Wildlife and the Ministry of Lands and Natural Resources. This is an exciting, challenging, and critical time to be working n natural resource management in MalawiNatural Resource Management Extension Volunteers work with Malawians in the protection and sustainable use of natural resources. Volunteers work at the grassroots level and often live in mud huts with thatch roofs or simple tin roof houses with no electricity or running water. Some facets of the work are as tangible as planting trees or making compost, while other facets are as nebulous as promoting groups in order to strengthen community dynamics. Whether working with individuals, school based wildlife clubs, or Village Natural Resource Management Committees (VNRMCs), sustainability of natural resources depends on attitudes and behaviors of Malawians.Sometimes you will feel overwhelmed by the basic needs of the people in your community and the conflicting theories about cause and effect. I can only say that being a Peace Corps Volunteer (PCV) in Malawi will draw on all your reserves of patience, inner strength, and humility. If you come with a commitment to maintain an open mind and open heart, you will find all the resources you will need to live and work in Malawi’s beautiful and exciting environment.Sincerely,Brian E. Connors

APCD Environment – Lilongwe, Malawi

RPCV Kenya

This is all I know about what I will be doing in Malawi. I do know that it will take almost a year just to become part of the community, before I start any real projects – so progress will not be the same measurable pace it can be in America. I promise to share more about my job, my personal and cultural transition, and all the things I learn as they come to me. In the mean time, feel free to learn more about life as a volunteer in Africa by Googling the blogs of other PCVs in Malawi. Also, if you have time, take a look at my friend Erin’s blog. She is the other Texas Tech Masters International student, and she is in Zambia, which is right next door to Malawi. She was lucky to get called to Africa seven months sooner than I was! I’m so excited to get to see her soon.

If you have questions, feel free to comment or email me. I will be leaving Dallas on February 24, 2010, and promise to update as much as I can.

Until the next day,

Tiwonana (see you later), my friends!

I finished a book a few days ago, The Boy Who Harnessed the Wind, and I am inspired to share what it has taught me. I saw the author, William Kamkwamba, on the Daily Show and watched his TED Talk before I received my Peace Corps assignment. I quickly ordered his book to hear more about his amazing story: following his passion and over coming all odds to save his family. As his co-author says, William's story sheds an inspiring and hopeful light on all the difficulties facing impoverished Africans. It still amazes me that the book arrived at my doorstep just days after I found out I was going to Malawi, William's home.

William Kamkwamba is 22 years old, a year and a half younger than me. During a devastating famine that hit Malawi back in 2001, William was forced to stay home and work in the fields, under the understanding that his family will not be able to recover well enough to send him back to secondary school. This is when he decided to keep up with his education, despite the hopeless situation. His only resource was a very small library, the only one for miles around. It was here he discovered that his passion for wanting to understand how mechanical things work can be the driving force in understanding how to create electricity - a resource that could insulate his family from the devastation of another famine. Using two outdated books in a language he didn't understand, William taught himself the basics of physics and electrical engineering (using mostly the diagrams and charts). Even when his whole village mocked him, calling him a crazy man for building "witchcraft machines," he still set out to prove that he can provide his family with a lit house, a pump for water, and the security of never having to starve again.

Once his creation proved that science really is a solution and not "witchcraft," William's windmill caught the attention of travelers who would come from far villages just to see his work. It didn't take long for the right network of people to scoop him up and invite him to speak on behalf of Africa's future successes. This is how he became connected with the TED network (which I highly recommend to everyone to check out). He has since found the grant funding needed to attend a good secondary school. Think - to start high school at his age is not an easy thing! Though, I know he will always be successful.

I really connected with William through his book - how he embraced his scientific curiosities and maintained such a strong dedication to his passions. His message is one of solutions: access to education, the opportunity to follow one's passions, and help from the right support network will go a long way in helping to lift impoverished and fragile African villages to a self-sustaining, lasting stability.

William is from Masitala, about 70 miles north of the capital Lilongwe. While I still won't know where I'll be living till at least March, I know I will carry William's story and inspiration in my heart.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_Kamkwamba

So! I have just shy of three months before I leave, and I've started to put together a complete list of what I am planning on bringing with me. This list I've gathered from returned volunteers who served in my area. This is about as complete of a list as I can imagine. So here is my ideal packing list of I have and what I'll need for my adventure:

Things I need:

Seeds! any variety of herbs, vegetables, or fruit that would be good for growing in a warm, humid, wet, sunny climateInstant drink mixesinstant tea, etc.Long burning candlesEarplugsLuggagewith wheels, enough room to fit around 50 lbs of gear"The Peace Corps’ allowance is two checked pieces of luggage with combined dimensions of both pieces not to exceed 107 inches (length + width + height) and a carry-on bag with dimensions of no more than 45 inches. Under Peace Corps policy, checked baggage should not exceed 80 pounds total with a maximum weight of 50 pounds for any one bag."Extra laptop battery: XPS 9 CellMoney! =)

Things I have:

Short wave radio (thanks Kelly and Anna!!)Funds! (Thanks Grandma and Poppop, Thanks Granddad and Grandmom!)Helpful books (Thanks Mom and Dad!)

world atlas (Thanks Tricia and John!)composting book (Thanks Siefert Family and Tricia and John!)card games book (Thanks Siefert Family Tricia and John!!)Timbuk2 Messenger Bag (Thanks Granddad and Grandmom!!)Seeds (Thanks Grandmom and Barbra!)Chaco sandals (thanks Mom and Dad!)Water filter (thanks Mom and Dad!)French press (thanks Austin!)

Money belt (thanks Tricia!)ClothesTowelsHiking shoesLaptopCameraZune w/ SpeakersLeatherman (thanks Tricia!)Solar calculatorClockWatchTupperwareZiplock bagsCan/bottle openerDishes, pots/pansRope/sharpie/duct tape/scissors/etcPadlockStationary

Things I have, but might not need?

sleep padpersonal tentSolar shower?Solar appliance charger (my radio has one, may not need these?)Lenmar Solar Battery ChargerSolio Magnesium Universal Hybrid Charger

Three months seems a long time to wait still, despite it being a year and a half from when I first submitted my online application! I am so glad to have this last holiday with my family, and the time to travel and see the ones I love before I leave. <3