A while back I got into trouble for verbally sparring with an overgrown frat boy with too much testosterone and too little personality when I told him that "guys like him were the reason I left Texas." It probably doesn’t surprise you that I’m not very good at holding my tongue in a match of [...]
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While I await test results confirming that I either have a) an alien baby gestating in my stomach (because that’s where alien babies live as they drain your life force out of you, obviously) or b) an intestinal parasite throwing a party up in my colon/appendix/liver I decided to entertain myself by taunting the interwebs. [...]
It’s May 23rd, which means 1 of 2 things. Possibility 1: The “rapture” was just a ploy for God to jest at us as he sits, twirl his mustache, and laughs maniacally. OR Possibility 2: Texas is heaven and I will spend eternity with longhorns and rednecks. I prefer to believe the [...]
I’m not sure why but somehow my friend, Deals, has become my blog muse. Unfortunately this was not the muse I was looking for, THAT muse is 6’4”, buff, and says things like “While you’re busy being brilliant I’m going to be busy in the kitchen cooking, then I’ll scrub the bathroom floor, and finally, [...]
I realize I’ve maintained a bit of a radio silence this past month. Rather than bore you with the details I’ll just tell you that
1) I completed my Peace Corps service (which means that I no longer have to censor my blog, yeah for silver linings!)
2) Rather than head back stateside immediately I opted to [...]
Imagine being woken in the middle night by the following conversation:
Guy: “Swallow, swallow.”
Girl: “I can’t breathe!”
Guy: “Hold your breath; come on its not that bad.”
Girl: “I almost passed out that time!”
Guy: “Come on; swallow! You’ll feel better.”
Of course some people might be driven to therapy from the mental images forever seared on their brain [...]
I am posting a letter on behalf of a fellow Peace Corps volunteer who is helping an amazing woman, Beata Negumbo, achieve her goals. Beata was accepted at Colorado State University to study food security and sustainable agricultural development. While she is short-listed for a Fulbright Fellowship among other scholarships it’s impossible to [...]
I’ve come to find that living in a developing country means that while things might appear to be the same on the surface they often vary from what one might expect in the States. Usually the similarities lull you into a false sense of security until BAM! you are forcibly reminded that this [...]
This is why no one understands my sense of humor. I might as well be living on another planet. With midgets. And miniature golf.
Me: So I hear that you are uber-busy with deb parties and weddings but I’ve decided to plan a group date for you guys so you can [...]
I realize it may appear as though I gave up on my 2010 resolution of being more adventurous half way through the year, as I haven’t posted updates on my exploits. Don’t worry, I’ve quietly accomplished my goal and have one massive update to share my amazing adventures!
August…
One adventure I was determined to accomplish before [...]
Sir Dildo is back! But this time “Bob” is slightly more organized and touting “research” claims. Bob’s not just peddling dildos now, he’s expanded his inventory to include a tea tree lubricating jelly with the hopes that the gel will avoid condom tearing, sexual discomfort, and easier tampon insertion (I’m not sure how tampons fit [...]
I recently camped at Waterberg Plateau aka Waterberg Plato (because apparently Namibia has a high regard for ancient philosophers). The weekend started off with a torrential downpour in which everything and everyone was soaked sitting in the back of an open bakkie. However, my philosophy is that a holiday isn’t memorable without a bit of [...]
Those of you who know me well know I do not cook. This is due in part to the fact that a) I’m just plain lazy and b) I am what some might call a catastrophe in the kitchen.
Case in point, I tend to forget that I’m cooking. One might ask how that’s possible. My [...]
While I’m very careful about sharing my personal opinions on sensitive topics here (primarily because Hillary doesn’t have the time to clean up an international incident of epic proportions should my opinions be considered inflammatory), I do believe it is critical to encourage public discourse on issues that impact all of us regardless of our [...]
I realize that I talk very little about my job here, which either leaves my readers of the opinion that a) I sip martinis brought to me by small boys while basking under the African sun or b) that I don’t actually live in Africa and this entire blog is a figment of my imagination [...]
One might think that living in Sub-Saharan Africa would be full of fuzzy kittens and dancing robots. That is true, if you count chocolate induced coma dreams, but most of the time it’s a spiral filled with self-flagellation, chocolate, and Damien Rice songs. It’s enough to make you want to kill yourself or someone else. [...]
I believe anyone who uproots their life, moves to a foreign country, and accepts a job whose currency is smiles, curses, and pap entertains the occasional thoughts of “My efforts will change the world! Everyone will laud me, shower me with money, and reward my commendable efforts with a Nobel Prize.” But then reality sets [...]
As I set off on my goal to achieve something adventurous every month this year I knew that some activities might be more exciting than others. Indeed, some months I’ve struggled to find anything remotely fulfilling the definitions of bold or daring. But I dare say that half way through the year and I find [...]
As one might imagine, my trip back to the States consisted of little more than a three-week food bender. I ate anything and everything that I could while I could. Indian, Mexican, Thai, Japanese, American, and Vegetarian. It was a smorgasbord of delicious treats that existed only in my dreams the past 17 months. Including [...]
I know I have been conspicuously absent from blogging the past couple months and unfortunately I do not have any sound reason for my hiatus; perhaps it was writer’s block, maybe the need for a respite from writing, who knows? Anyways, I’m back and working on several blogs at the moment just for you.
I did [...]
Dear “Biggie G”,
Thank you for reminding me that any semblance of professionalism remains back in America with people who know the meaning of commitment and communication. I truly appreciate the chance to wait for you, outside in the dark of the night, for an hour and a half. It gave me an opportunity to experience [...]
Imagine the following conversation:
Friendly Local Entrepreneur attempting to peddle dildos, let’s call him ‘Bob’ for the sake of discussion: “ ‘Sir Dildo’ reduces the spread of HIV!”
Me: “Really? Wow. All this time all we needed to eliminate HIV is Sir Dildo? Let’s send out a memo. Can I start with the pope?”
Bob: “Once [...]
Imagine the following conversation:
Friendly Local Entrepreneur attempting to peddle dildos, let’s call him ‘Bob’ for the sake of discussion: “ ‘Sir Dildo’ reduces the spread of HIV!”
Me: “Really? Wow. All this time all we needed to eliminate HIV is Sir Dildo? Let’s send out a memo. Can I start with the pope?”
Bob: “Once [...]
April saw me flying; or rather gliding through the air. On a recent visit to Grootfontein I was afforded the opportunity to go microgliding, an activity similar to paragliding but unlike a paraglider the microlight includes an engine allowing it to take off and land like an open-air plane.
Setting: A small metal barn hosting 4 [...]
This was not on my African bucket list. I would have been perfectly content to serve the remainder of my service without attending a funeral. Unfortunately death is imperceptible and eases into your life when you least expect it. This was the way it was to be; one moment I greeted a friend, [...]
March… Adventure Numero Tres; this month I stretched my definition of adventure by attending the Independence Day celebrations in Otavi. 2010 marks 20 years of independence for Namibia. Imagine, the excitement and the hope that a new nation holds, its people ripe with potential. It’s difficult to imagine a nation so young, striving to be [...]
Warning: insanity will ensue when perusing the Internet at 3 am. A combination of sleep deprivation and a perverse sense of humor are a combination for trouble when you throw Skype into the mix. Thank you, MTC, for limiting your free Internet usage from 1- 5 am thus ensuring that I traumatize friends on far away [...]
On my quest to be more adventurous this year I succeeded in my second feat, petting a lion. Imagine your adrenaline pumping as you wrest a lion to the ground, wrap your arm around his muzzle to prevent him from gnawing on a stray limb, and then nestle against his wiry mane. That was my [...]
On my quest to be more adventurous this year I succeeded in my second feat, petting a lion. Imagine your adrenaline pumping as you wrest a lion to the ground, wrap your arm around his muzzle to prevent him from gnawing on a stray limb, and then nestle against his wiry mane. That was my [...]
As we enter February, a month commemorating Presidents, Black History, Canned Food, Groundhogs, and Romance one might ponder the meaning of it all. While I prefer to celebrate February with a stovepipe hat and a stick-on beard while re-enacting dear Abe in “The Body of Boothe: The Life & Times of an Assassin” others may [...]
I’ve managed to sunburn my lip. Not my entire face or mouth mind you, just my top lip. It hurts like hell and is so swollen I appear to have a case of bad botox. A year on this continent and my afflictions include a sunburned lip and swollen feet. So much for major medical [...]
I’m reading Sarah Vowell’s, The Partly Cloudy Patriot, for the umpteenth time, a testament to my love for her writing as well as evidence to the fact that I have scarce access to books written in English unless I travel 4 hours to the capital city to visit a scant bookstore that provides more romance [...]
You are one tricky penguin. I thought I had you all figured out but somehow you used subterfuge to flee my grasps. You look all menacing but I know it’s a front. I’m coming for you- you wily little jackass. That’s right, I’ll be back. Count the days.
You best start hatching your escape plans [...]
I celebrated the birth of 2010 in Cape Town enjoying the company of friends, good food, and festivities. Although I normally eschew New Year’s resolutions this year I decided to set personal goals for myself. No fad diets, religious conversions, or cleaning streak for me. I am celebrating my third decade on this planet with [...]
Dear Bugs of Indiscriminate Nature,
When you scurry quickly out of my line of sight it makes me believe that either my home is infested with vermin and I will be soon suffocated in my sleep in a coup to rule my tiny domain or the tumor in my brain is playing insidious tricks [...]
I am exercising my right to vote as an absentee voter. I went online weeks ago, dutifully filled out my form, and mailed it in to my Elections Administrator. Yesterday I was rewarded for my diligence with my first ballot a mere 2 days before the election and 7 days before my ballot is supposed [...]
Ok, I get it. Obama is awesome. Despite my lack of proximity within the past 8 months I hear he walks on water; he must if he is winning a Nobel Peace Prize after less than a year in office.
I’m sure no one is jumping to conclusions and ASSUMING he is going to solve all [...]
For your reading pleasure I thought I would share some "interesting" moments in my fellow Peace Corps volunteers’ daily lives. Voila…
There are horrifying things you are forced to do in life, which are regretful but you move on as you know you made the right decision and would do it again should the situation arise. [...]
Former President and Founding Father of the Namibian nation, Dr. Sam Nujoma, recently verbalized his xenophobia for Caucasians; specifically the British, American, and German people. Nujoma who allegedly made xenophobic remarks in the past continued this trend with the following comments at a recent election rally for ruling party, Swapo.
Nujoma accused whites of having “provoked [...]
Three weeks away from home and I return to find that the family dog, a midsize mutt, magically morphed into a toy dog. He raced up to me upon my return and jumped on my legs with such recognition that I stared down at him with suspicion. Could it be… Brave? Did [...]
Ahh, the pleasures of a new home. There is nothing like moving into your own personal space, complete with your very own cold shower, finicky electricity, leaky toilet and sink, bed that belonged to an incontinent child, refrigerator… and pet rat.
I awoke after my first night in my new house, rolled [...]
Farewell my sweet double bed. You were a blessing these past four months. While the other volunteers twisted and turned in their single beds I luxuriated within the confines of my vast cocoon. You doubled as a workspace in lieu of an office, you acted as a hideaway when I needed time [...]
An afternoon in Windhoek is like a journey to Middle America. In essence you cease to forget that you live in Africa and your quaint town doesn’t have the most simple of luxuries as you slurp down a double thick chocolate malt with a side of nachos and cheese quesadillas at the local Spur. [...]
A "friend" recently informed me that I am getting gray hair. "No," I scoffed, "I’m still young and all of the hairs on this beautiful head are strawberry blonde." To which he responded by plucking a hair from my head and presenting it to me with a certain amount of self satisfaction. Bastard. I still [...]
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