This will be my last blog of my adventures in the Peace Corps.

I have been home from El Salvador for one month and 4 days. Here are some things that I know: I know I am changed forever. I know that I miss my host family deeply. I know that my experience in the Peace Corps was worthwhile, and I feel blessed to have had the opportunity to learn from and serve a small community in El Salvador. Here are some things I don't know: What it all meant? How God will use my experiences? and How to live in two realities at once?

Here are reasons that I love California, reasons why I love home. I ran around Madonna Mountain yesterday, and no one whistled at me. I went on a beautiful bike ride today, and the sun was shining over the rolling hills of Central California. I went to the beach twice and got a sunburn, in March. I love lettuce, and avocados, and oranges off of the trees on the side of the road. I love live music in LA and best friends to share it with. I love launching into conversations with my latino brothers and sisters and seeing the look on their faces when they realize I can communicate fluidly with them. I love wine and beer and great people to laugh with. I love my nephew, and my baby cousin that are so smart and entertaining. I will never again take a hot shower for granted.

But everyday I miss El Salvador. Every day I think of the people I left behind. It's like existing in two places, two people, at once.

I finally stopped putting the toilet paper in the waste basket. I think I have the spanglish under control. I threw a fit about an omelet that cost $18. And now, now comes the hard part. Applying the things that I learned about myself and the world and human nature. Giving the glory to God for the work that He did through me. It's time to be quiet now, and listen. To have the courage to walk through those doors He opens for me, no matter how dark and scary they look.

because

...this is the fast that I choose: "to loose the bonds of wickedness, to undo the straps of the yoke, to let the oppressed go free, and to break every yoke? Is it not to share your bread with the hungry and bring the homeless poor into your house; when you see the naked, to cover him...? Then shall your light break forth like the dawn, and your healing shall spring up speedily; your righteousness shall go before you; the glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard."

You can follow my next adventures at my new blog site: http://nua-kakaram.blogspot.com/

Thank you to all of my friends, family, and followers for your love, support, energy, and prayers throughout this experience. I really couldn't have done it without you. You all made a difference in the lives of the people of El Salvador. Please keep praying for them as their country and their people continue to need our help and support.

Keep spreading the love around...

ChelsitaRPCV El Salvador 2012-2012

The results of the electrification project sponsored by Granite Bay High School

Top: benches on the soccer field that my youth group raised the money to build

Row 2: 1-3 grade kids with school supplies donated by my uncle, and a new school roof from USAID

Row 3: Earth day cleanup and promises to mother earth

Bottom: Youth working hard to raise money doing a raffle, and kids participating in the 1st annual San Luis Marathon

The efficient stove project and Ojushte Revitalization project with my women's group.The before and afters of the road/path project sponsored by Granite Bay High School

Top L: My Softball team, and Ringing the Final COS bell

Center: My going away party,

Bottom L: WYD Enrichment camp

Bottom R: COED Youth Business Workshop

On Sunday we hauled our team and members of my community an hour and a half up and through the mountains to arrive at a small town named Candelaria. There we met a fabulous group of young girls who were excited to play. They reminded me of my team when I first arrived in site. They showed up in sandals, no gloves, no ball, no umpire. As I looked at my team, I began to see how far we have come in a year. With the help of a fabulous team in Chico, CA and my sister-in-law we were able to equip my team in El Salvador with uniforms, balls, gloves and bats. They have worked hard, and learned to play as a team. We have 12 members on our team, assuring that we have nine at any given time for a game.

This last game I was so proud of my ladies. They showed me that they learned how to play as a team and not fight amongst themselves, they left with smiles on their faces. Success.

...and we lived up to our name, Las Aves Chucas (The Dirty Birds), got dirty. Diving into second base, sliding into home. We have battle wounds to prove it.

Our star pitcher Kenia, serving it up to Carmelina our catcher

Me running after what I'm sure was a fly ball out of the park :)

My old host family and I, Cenia and daughter Kenia

Star Pitcher Kenia, rounding first

Both teams, all smiles. That is women's empowerment

Las Aves Chucas

The Dirty Birda

My homegirl Evelyn on the truck ride home

The rough truck ride home, full of players and fans

Me about to eat it in the bakc of the pick up. Typical

I only have a few of these left, aprovechando cada uno

El Salvador, from the back of a camion, on a beautiful afternoon

I wish I could express to you how incredible the arrival of these materials is. I wish that I could show you the happiness and express the gratitude that my community is feeling.

"Pues, si Chelsea. Ya, es la verdad. Lo vamos a hacer."

Well, Chelsea. It's real now. We are really going to build it.

Granite Bay High School, you made this happen. Mil gracias.

The camion arriving with sand and the first delivery of 30 bags of cement

cement+sand+rocks+sweat=road

Don Jehu watching the men unload the materials for the road that will lead to his house.

Supposedly, these will turn into benches for the soccer field...vamos a ver. These rocks will soon be road

This hill will soon be stairs, so that las viejitas can walk safely.

So Niña Mercedes has been asking me to come to her house for at least a year. I haven;t gone because it requires me to go to the other side of the lake early in the morning... I finally made it to her house.

We had a great time making sweet bread which I proudly gave out in my community, and was able to say that I made! The ladies were impressed.

Niña Mercedes & I

A bird's nest in a pair of pants hanging on the line

Mix the batter? Use your hands of course!

Pulling the pan out of the oven

The final product, pan de pan

Edgar and his lasso, my entertainment

..and the always beautiful Elba, carrying the corn back to her house

over the mountain and through the woods

“I hadn't been out to the hives before, so to start off she gave me a lesson in what she called 'bee yard etiquette'. She reminded me that the world was really one bee yard, and the same rules work fine in both places. Don't be afraid, as no life-loving bee wants to sting you. Still, don't be an idiot; wear long sleeves and pants. Don't swat. Don't even think about swatting. If you feel angry, whistle. Anger agitates while whistling melts a bee's temper. Act like you know what you're doing, even if you don't. Above all, send the bees love. Every little thing wants to be loved."-Sue Monk Kidd The Secret Life of Bees

A year ago, I read The Secret Life of Bees, and it inspired me to try my hand in bee-keeping. My friend Paco told me that the bees get up at 5am, but I think the Queen sleeps in. So I got up at 5:30. They suited me up from head to toe, assuring that there would be no sneak attacks. They told me to make sure the net was always a few inches away from my face. They told me to get ready, because we were going to come back running. Good thing I wore my tennies (as my mom calls them). Luis told me that I could take all the photos I wanted, but once they put the gloves on me, I realized that the photo shoot might be difficult. Hugo asked me if I was allergic to bees. I said 'no,' not that I know of. (Recalling that my friend Tyler wasn't allergic to bees in the US either, and upon being stung by one here in ES his throat swelled up, and had to be rushed to the local clinic... I hoped that wouldn't be my fate.)

I was informed we would be taking 4 trips to the bee boxes and between each trip we would be processing the honey combs in a canopy surrounded by mesh netting. I did great on the first trip, but near the end I found myself saying out loud, "no tengo miedo, no tengo miedo." I'm not scared, I'm not scared. And to be fair, I wasn't scared. The buzzing made me anxious, and when my face net was being weighed down by the amount of bees on it, I needed some convincing that I wasn't scared. I was the first one running down the hill, the other three in tow with two boxes of honey combs.

Hugo told me that bees are the smartest insects. I believe it. They may also be the most loyal. Once a bee stings, it dies. They sting, and die, to protect the queen. She has awesome body guards. We sliced the cap off the honeycomb, placed them in the hand-powered centrifuge, and out came the sweet goodness. At some point I may have just opened the spout and drank from it. I was pretty close to a sugar coma, but honey straight off the comb is indescribable. It reminded me of the first time I had a ripe banana straight off the tree in Ecuador and I said, 'so this is what a banana tastes like?'

Near the end of the third trip, I may have had a panic attack, and I may have swatted. I forgot the wise words from my beloved novel. I loved them for their beautifully delicious miel but I don't think they loved me very much in my big white suit eating their miel. So I headed to the hammock to wait for my amigos to finish the job. Hammocks are the best place to wait, and the best place to calm down after a panic attack.

Swinging in the hammock on a beautifully warm breezy morning, I thought about how much I loved The Secret Life of Bees, and how I had finally gone out to meet these little creatures. Check. I thought about all the things I have done here in El Salvador; all of the firsts, all of the fears overcome, and all of the things that my Salvadoran friends have taught me directly and indirectly. I came to Peace Corps with no expectations, and I am leaving fulfilled, loved, devastated, and changed.

"Knowing can be a curse on a person's life. I'd traded in a pack of lies for a pack of truth, and I didn't know which one was heavier. Which one took the most strength to carry around? It was a ridiculous question, though, because once you know the truth, you can't ever go back and pick up your suitcase of lies. Heavier or not, the truth is yours now.”-Sue Kidd The Secret Life of Bees

Heavier or not the truth is yours now... You can no longer go back and pick up your suitcase of lies. That is a powerful pair of sentences. I have a lot of opinions. I used to know a lot of things. I used to be able to tell you the foreign policy of South Korea frontwards and backwards, and then stand in front of people and argue about it. I used to be able to sit behind piles of books about the history of politics in Peru, and turn that into a paper about how the global recession would impact the Peruvian political economic landscape. Once, I stood in front of my peers and broke down a dense paper on Gunboat Diplomacy into terms we could all understand. I don't mean to say that all of the things I once knew about the world are lies, but I do mean to admit that I never knew the whole truth. El Salvador has taught me just how much I do not know.

This experience beyond all else has been painfully humbling. I thought I knew that sustainability was the right way, and then I learned the hard way that not everything can be sustainable, and then I realized that people who write that word in fancy books may not understand what it looks like on the ground. However, at the end of two years, I don't know how to fix most things that stand in the way of my community and a better quality of life. I think we, development practitioners, are doing better than the days we used to just throw rice and clothes on people from planes and call it a day. However, I think that the current model we are using for development is getting tired and worn out. Every organization I see does what I do, and my community knows the drill. They know how to talk the talk and walk the walk, and get anything they want for free. Then many of them use the free bricks meant for the latrine for a new wall in their house... reality, and only the tip of the iceberg. If the rest of the world of development looks like this, then we need to make some changes. We need to keep moving in a positive direction.

So my suitcase of lies was really just mis-truths. Things I thought I was sure about. Now I am unsure. And my new pack of heavy truths are too numerous to mention here and too devastating to mention light-heartedly in a blog. I have become a part of this community, and I know things about people that completely and utterly break my heart. No one prepared me for the distrust within my community, or the psychological effects of poverty and violence. That wasn't in the book Aguilera :).

All I know for sure is there are souls that need healing, and there is no Millennium Development Goal for that. How can I expect my community to act as one and work together, if they are individually hurting or oppressed?

There are so many people in the world that need food right now, today. There are children dying at devastating rates from curable illnesses like diarrhea. There are wars at every corner and rape is used a weapon. There are young girls being forced, bribed, and convinced to sell their bodies. There are men buying those bodies. There are so many needs. There are so many broken hearts. There are so many souls that need healing.

And I am unsure of how we as a world can go about healing these souls, that so desperately need individualized cures.

That is a heavy truth to carry. Just so you know how I feel. Just so you know why I might stutter when you ask "What I learned the most." or "What my favorite thing about Peace Corps was." or "How it feels to be home". The truth is, I am exhausted. But I am so inspired to embark on the journey to heal souls. However I can and wherever I can. I think smiles help. I think laughing with people is really great. And I think gaining someone's trust is a foundation for healing. I think I will start there.

“After you get stung, you can't get unstung no matter how much you whine about it.” -Sue Monk Kidd The Secret Life of BeesSo I got stung, repeatedly.... El Salvador was not always kind to me. But in the end I got the honey off the comb. In the end, it was worth it. I am sad to leave this life, to leave the family I have made here. But I am excited to put to use what they have taught me; kindness, generosity, and how to make a killer pupusa. I got stained, scarred, and stung and lived to tell about it because I was loved. So to the man who sent me to the darkest corner of the world, because he thought that I was tough enough to handle it -ahem, Aguilera, ahem- thank you. These unique challenges taught me very special lessons. And it isn't so dark after all. There is so much light, I just wish the Diario de Hoy and Univision would find some of it and broadcast it for the world to see.

La Tierra de Los Chapines The hike to Volcan Pacaya

Once again, we were packed like sardines in the bus. Shoulder to Shoulder from one window to the next. This is a feeling I have come to know very well during my two years in El Salvador. Well, it is no different in Guatemala. The bus from 4 Caminos to Chimal was packed with music blaring and the ayudante (the guy that charges and helps the passengers board the bus) yelling and running back and forth on the top of the bus. Typical bus ride.I wanted to sleep, but the road was too windy. So I did my best to close my eyes and not get sick.The radio was blaring "Have you Ever seen the Rain?" by Creedence, and I thought to myself how strangely, that song represents my Peace Corps experience.Rain falling down on a Sunny Day. There are very few days that go 100% well. Zero projects that have turned out the way they were planned. And no matter how sunny the day, it ends in rain.

A young woman got on the bus at some point, and sat next to me. She was really beautiful and I guessed about my age, or a little younger. At some point she fell asleep and her head rested gently on my shoulder. The first time this happened to me 2 years ago, I was weirded out. I tried to wiggle out from underneath the awkwardly intimate encounter with a stranger. But this time, was different. I was overcome by the urge to make her bus ride more comfortable. I wanted to comfort her and let her sleep on my shoulder as long as she pleased. I wanted her to feel safe. She awoke once around a particularly violent curve in the road and seemed embarrassed that she was sleeping on the white girl's shoulder, but I gave her an assuring smile, and she went right back to sleep, right where she had been.

As I left Guatemala, I felt that it was the beginning of me leaving Peace Corps, and Latin America.I cried, and I wondered what I will do without this world.

Antigua

We spent NYE in Antigua, by we I mean me and about 20 other PC-ES Volunteers + about 20 PC-G Volunteers... What a great way to bring in the new year

Calle del Arco... where we rang in the New YearGoing out for NYE PC-G and PC-ES united for the pre-partySome one gave us their baby to take a picture... it was pretty awesomeCerro de La Cruz, overlooking Antigua

Volcán PacayaThe hike was quick and painless, but once we made it to the top i got tough. The wind was blowing incredibly hard, I thought I would fall off the mountain. I sat down near a spot where some warm air currents were coming up out of the rock ot warm myself up, and tore the seat of my pants off... (Which were then repaired for the equivalent of $1 by a woman at my hostel). On top of Volcan Pacaya

On our way down, we were cursing the wind, we were ready to get down, when out of the clouds appeared the most beautiful sunset I have ever seen. The guide said that the wind was not normal, but because of it we got to see the sunset that is usually obscured by the clouds around the Volcano.

It took my breathe away.

The Sunset from Volcan Pacaya

Lake Atitlán/ Panajachel/ Santiago Atitlán

As our micro took the long windy road from Sololá to Panajachel, I had no idea what was awaiting me. At some point we turned a corner and the lake and three volcanoes came into view. I wanted to cry. It was breathtaking. At those moments, I am in awe that our creator can create such beauty. I felt small, and humbled. I spent the next day admiring the scenery and haggling with Mayan Women over art and jewelry.Lake Atitlan, Panajachel

The boat ride to Santiago AtitlánThe cross outside the church in Santiago Atitlán

A store where they sell all of the beautiful fabric woven in the villages of the Western Highlands.

The Macadamia FarmJust outside of Antigua, a man from San Francisco settled down and married a Guatemalan woman. They started a Macadamia movement and now promote Macadamia production and consumption throughout Guatemalan villages. The crop provides a sustainable income as well as a healthy diet for Mayan communities with scarce resources.

They also have a restaurant with Macadamia Nut pancakes. Macadamia Nut Flour + Macadamia Nut Butter + Blueberry Puree + Local Honey + Fresh Fruit=Deliciosa

HueHue & Kati's Site

Visiting Kathy Lee was incredible. It is really quite amazing that 7 years after I graduated from Placer High School, and last saw Kathy (or Kati, as all refer to her in Guatemala), that we would meet on a mountain in Guatemala. When Kati as applying for Peace Corps, she reached out to me as I had been in El Salvador for a year already. I was able to giver some advice and tell her about my experience. A few short months later, she was assigned to the neighboring country of Guatemala. I finally made it out to visit, and she was a great host. It was so wonderful to get to know her world. And to have beans around the stove with her host family (the tummy ache was more than worth it).Kati, why are there noodles in my beans?

El Mirador where we could see all of Huehuetenango

Cali girls kickin it above Huehue

Chico, L.A., Auburn, NewcastleIf only I had a picture of what we did after El Mirador. We drove up the mountain a bit further until we came to a plateau. Along the side of the road we stop at an unassuming comedor, restaurant. We went for the tortillas con queso y chocolate, we didn't even look at the menu.As I sat there eating the best tortillas con queso in all of Guatemala, and sipping my hot chocolate from a clay mug, my heart felt full and my spirit warm. This is Latin America. These are the things I will miss. All the things I never took pictures of because the moment was more important.

Kati in her site... Santiago Chimaltenango

A pueblo of 5,000 in the middle of no where on the side of a mountain

My new friends, I even got them to smile!

While waiting for our ride, these kids asked me to play a game with them... it was called La Bayena or The Whale

I tried not to take offense to the fact that I was assigned the part of the whale.... :)How quickly kids can capture you heart. Pure happiness.

Just to remind us that we are never far from home, even in the middle of a mountain community in Guatemala, a woman is tejiar-ing (weaving) and above her is a sign for the tienda. Take Note.

Welcome to the Tienda California

No matter where you go, there you are.

Education breaks the cycle of Poverty

Peace Corps Partnership Project Website:Here is the link to donate. https://www.peacecorps.gov/index.cfm?shell=donate.contribute.projDetail&projdesc=519-175

Veronica (Left) is in her 3rd year at the University, Monica and Gregoria are still in High School

WYD (Women and Youth in Development) is a scholarship program run by Peace Corps Volunteers in El Salvador and funded by our friends and family in the United States. When all of you back home ask what you can do to help, this is my answer. We support 25 high school and university students through their entire education. These are amazing students, who without our support, would not be able to attend high school or the university. Why?

The government of El Salvador stops funding education after the 9th grade, and because of the cost of school supplies, uniforms, and transportation (many kids travel hours by bus each day to attend high school), the average family can not afford the added cost.

So some of the brightest kids in El Salvador, for financial reasons, can not continue their education. At that point, a Peace Corps Volunteercomes alongside these kids and offers them a chance to apply for a scholarship.

$250 for a year of High School$450 for a year at the University

It is a competitive application process because of limited funding and a full education commitment on our part. WYD is different than other scholarship programs because it is based on a mentorship program as well. The volunteer who sponsors the student mentors and assists them in their transition from Middle School to High School, and helps them learn to manage their time and budget their funds. Every year, WYD also holds a skills camp where we reinforce study skills, time management, self-esteem, and other topics that further helps our scholars to excel in their school environment...

If you only knew how much we love these kids. And how amazing they are. THey are so incredibly grateful for the opportunity we are giving them, and they fully understand the gravity of the issue. They are truly special young people.

At the last WYD camp we filmed a video so that you could meet the scholars and see what we do. I hope this inspires you to donate to our program. Every little bit helps. http://youtu.be/lfnKstob0c

Here is the link to donate. https://www.peacecorps.gov/index.cfm?shell=donate.contribute.projDetail&projdesc=519-175Darwin is going into his second year of high schoolThe WYD Committee with our scholars last April

Ricardo (pictured right) with his sister Ceci (left)

Ricardo with his sister Elba to the right

Yesterday my host mom informed me that Ricardo passed away.

He had a cold for the last few weeks, and yesterday morning he awoke much worse. They quickly called the ambulance to take him to the clinic, and as they rowed from their house, to the other side of the lake where they would meet the ambulance, he passed away. He didn't make it to the clinic, he died in his mother's arms.

His mother Matilde is part of my women's group. I have spent the last 2 years getting to know her and her children. They are also one of the poorest families in town. They always stay after my meetings, and I give them the left over snacks. Ricardo was 9 y/o and when he was born they told the family he would live until he was 12 at the most. For 9 years Matilde has carried him from the house to the canoe when his small legs couldn't traverse the mud and rocks. He is pictured above in his Kindergarten uniform. He was still in Kinder, whether it be for his size, or his intellectual capacity, I don't know. He loved school, and him and the Director Don Rafa were homies.

Today Don Rafa said a few words before the casket was covered. He said that Ricardo would hang out in the Director's office during recess and ask if Don Rafa would give him a bike, or a radio, or a cell phone. He was funny like that.

Don Rafa said that all children go to heaven. Because they know not how to hate. They fight on the playground and then 2 minutes later, they are hugging it out. He suggested that we all become like children and learn to love each other.He said the world would be a better place if we all lived like children.

Matilde could not bear to see her son buried. Her daughter Ceci (who is in my youth group and on my softball team) was without her mom at the funeral of her brother. As I put my arms around Ceci, and she began to cry, I did as well.

Life is raw in El Salvador. Death is ever present, Reminding us to live.

Que los angeles te cuiden, Ricardo. r.i.p.

On Dec. 28th I received a phone call from my post office that said I had some packages to pick up. I had been calling for two weeks continuously, expecting packages, but not until I was on a bus to Guatemala did the packages decide to land in El Salvador. So today, January 17th, I went to pick them up. I got to re-live my birthday and Christmas all over again. Marisa, Faith, Liz, and my Momma all sent me wonderful thoughtful gifts. Enough toblerone, red vines, and tea to get me through the depression that is setting in for my final month and some magazines to catch up on all that I have missed back home. And some bling bling to wear to my goodbye party :) It is nice to know that after two years, y'all haven't forgot about me down here. You will be happy to know that I will be home very soon, but I will be in need of more toblerone, and red wine. I am warning you, I will be weird. I will eat with my hands when it isn't appropriate. If you see this happen, nicely hand me a fork and give me a wink. It might take me awhile to reintegrate... I may break down in the middle of TJ Max when I hear my fellow shoppers across the aisle speaking spanish and find out that they are from El Salvador. I may drag you to eat pupusas with me in downtown Sac. I may talk far too openly about bowel movements. Just know that this is going to be hard. I will need you all, family and friends, to make this transition. Much love. See you soon.

While reading the story of Jesus' birth and childhood this morning by the lake, I was struck by the following verse. I was not struck by its content, I was taken aback by its proximity to the birth of Jesus in the Bible.

John the Baptist left the woods and proclaimed a baptism and forgiveness of sins. He told the crowds to prepare for the arrival of the Lord. To clear the roads to fix the potholes, to make straight the path He would walk. Now because baptisms were popular, many people came to the river. John knew that they did not come with pure intentions and he told them that a splash of water would not deflect God's judgement. He told them it is you LIFE that must change, not your skin. It does not matter that you are a child of Abraham because those are a dime a dozen... what counts is your life. What do you do with it? Is it green and blossoming? Or is it deadwood for the fire?

The crowd was confused. They came for the water, not the life change. They asked Paul, "then what the heck are we supposed to do?"

Paul's instructions: to prepare the way of the Lord:

-Whoever has two tunics is to to share with him who has none.

-And whoever has food is to do likewise.

-Tax Collectors: Collect no more than you are asked to do. Do not extort money from anyone by threats or false accusations, and be content with your wages.

I opened my bible looking for the birth story... I opened it looking to be filled with hope and inspiration this morning. This is what I found. Whoever has two, give one away. Whoever has food, do the same. Be content with your wages, and do not extort money from others. This is the story that our world needs to hear. Everyone knows about the baby in a manger and the wise men and the "Do not be afraid, for I bring you good news." But have we read further? Because it is our LIVES that need to change. It is our lives that matter to the Lord. The water means nothing if it doesn't invade your heart and change it.

Merry Christmas, and may God bless your family and invade your heart. There are so many needs, and we have so much to give.

...keep spreading the love around...

"Now may the God of peace.... perfect you in every good work as you work God's will."Hebrews 13:20-21

The last few months have been a roller coaster... I didn't think I would get to this point. These projects came with many trials and failures... but we did it! Instead of bloggin it all.. here are some pictures.

My Softball team FINALLY got their uniforms. YAY. They are learning to play together nicely (for the most part) and have been scheduling their own games! Thanks to all those who donated! and to my sister-in-law Sheila for organizing the donations...

My Birthday cake... 25 primaveras!!!

Behind these kids is the new finished roof for the computer classroom at my school!

My stoves finally arrived! Another shout out to those who made this possible!!

And I finally went to milk the cows. WAY too early. but really cool!

I have no time to elaborate today, so short and sweet it is. A pictures says like a thousand words or something like that... so that was like 10,000 words.

...Keep spreading the love around...

"And a poor widow came and put in two small copper coins, which make a penny. And he called his disciples to him and said to them, 'Truly, I say to you, this poor widow has put in more than all those who are contributing to the offering box. For they all contributed out of their abundance, but she out of poverty has put in everything she had, all she had to live on.' " Mark 12:42-44

This is just one of over 2,000 passages in the bible about the poor, wealth & poverty, and social justice. Jim Wallis and the early Sojourners did an experiment wherein they cut out all of these passages just to show how empty and disheveled the bible would be without the mention of the poor. Needless to say, it was a pretty 'holey' book.

Generosity and giving are tenants of Christianity. But who are we giving to at this time of year? Are we giving to those in need, or to those who already have an abundance. Are we giving our time to those we love all year round, or making up for it with a shiny bow on the 25th?

I will not be celebrating Christmas this year with my family in the United States, and while I will miss them very much, I won't miss what Christmas has become in America. I plan to sit on my porch in 90 degree weather in El Salvador and read the story of Jesus' birth. I will be reflecting on the life He lived, and the life He gave so that I could carry out His plan for my life. He gave me a mission, and for each person He has a divine assignment. My New Year's resolution is instead a rededication to His mission for my life. I promise to listen, to truly wait and listen to the whisper.

As the season of advent begins, I am going to clear the slate with a confession. I have vision ADD. He tells me what to do, and I do it for awhile and then I get distracted by shiny things and stray away. He then pulls me back with an amazingly simple reminder (like an article in a magazine that literally says to me... "Hey child!, what are you doing? Focus! Trust! I know where I am taking you."), and I once again dive in to what I should be doing. so every day of this advent I plan to read one of these 2,000 passages, and focus. and listen.

Christmas has lots of shiny things. Lots of things to distract us from what we should be doing, what we should be giving, and who we should be giving to. As this holiday season approaches: the season of spending more than we can afford and food comas, I urge you to remember the poor widow mentioned above, along with the other 1,999 + passages about those in need. When all the lights have come down this year, and the last ornament has been packed away, will you be able to say that you gave all that you had? Will you look at all of your new things and feel more fulfilled? Will you be happier because you gave a tie to your uncle who already has a drawer full?

If you will answer 'no' to the above questions, or if you want to feel full of joy instead of empty and exhausted when this season ends, then I encourage you to dust off your bible, and read any one of those 2,000 passages. They are guaranteed to fill and convict your heart. "For where you store your treasure, there your heart will be also." Matt 6:21 Then I encourage you to act. Thanks to so many organizations your gift can truly reach those in need. You can give a give to your charity of choice in the name of a loved one, or you and your loved one can go together and give your time.

If I feel inspired, I will blog my humble thoughts on a few passages this season, and I will be interested to hear the passages you select and are inspired by.

...When you pray, Move your feet..

Whirwind trip to the US Hope for El Salvador Fundraiser @ Granite Bay HS

Thanks to all the students, parents, and teachers for your support!

Profe Ditman is a rock star! Thanks for motivating your students and being fantastico!

These kida were the fabuous coordinators of the fundraiser. I didn't have to lift a finger!

We exceeded our goal thanks to the support of the GBHS community!

Much needed BF time, with our sparkle shirts on... so you know it got serious.

Me and my mama on her birthday!

Me and Auntie I.D. LOVE!

Good times and flashbacks at the Banshee...

Vespa shopping... I even convinced the guy to give me a free shirt! (I learned that in ES)

Quality time with brother and nephew at the Museum..

Chase, my nephew, has grown SO much... he will be 5 when I get home...!

I just couldn't miss Chico this time of year.... it can't be beat....

Hasta Marzo!

I remembered this week that I am a stress eater. That means that I eat when I am stressed out. Yesterday I ate Pancakes with peanut butter and fried platanos, which, while delicious, is not super healthy. I followed it up last night with an entire pot of pasta. I couldn't stop.

But the good thing is that I was so full that I forgot about the looming GRE, community projects that are anything but easy right now, and dios bendito.... for a minute, I forgot about the rain.

It won't stop. It has been 5 days, and 4 days on official Peace Corps lock down. When it rains, rivers flood, roads get slippery, hillsides fall down, and life basically stops in El Salvador. So I have been sitting in my house, mostly under the covers in bed for the last 4 days. Today I thought I might go crazy... so, when it stopped raining for a few hours, I left my house.

This stage of Peace Corps is like this. I know everyone in town, their history, how they are related to everyone else, and most of the chambre (gossip) about them. The good, the bad, and the ugly. I don't have weekly meetings anymore, all of those projects are done. I see people everyday at my house like usual when they come to grind the corn. I am pretty much just a member of this community now, pretty normal. I like it. We co-exist well. I don't get too frustrated anymore. I think I did my time and came out on the other side.

Now we are just waiting on big projects. Stoves being delivered, road being paved, light poles being installed, and softball games being won.

I realized today, when I left my house, that some things bring me pure joy. like this kid

Johnny is like liquid joy, if I could bottle him and sell him there would be no more unhappiness in the world. Every time he opens his mouth I find myself grinning from ear to ear. He is funny and smart, and plus, he likes me (not all children do). He told me he is too small to go to the states with me though, he said that the cows in the United States would probably eat him as well, so he won't go. (What imagination).

And Andrea, another bundle of joy, pictured below.

I asked her today why she wanted us to pave the way to her house and she told me with wide eyes and amazement that, "Well, once, my cousin was walking to our house and she fell down. She fell in the mud and she had mud in her shoe, in her socks and up to her thigh. She was so muddy, so that is why I think you should fix our road." I swear to you, if you would have heard her, you too would want to pave that road. You would probably stop everything to go buy the cement. She is that convincing and joy just emits from her being.

Henry is almost 4. He is in his first year of kindergarten. He has the deepest voice for a lil kid. It makes me laugh everytime I hear him talk. One day a fellow Peace Corps friend came to visit. He and I walked past the school, where Henry happened to be playing outside. Later, when I went to Henry's house to visit, he was super bravo (like mad). I asked his mom why and she said that he came home from school and told her that "Mami, Chelsea ya se acompaño." "En serio, La vi con su esposo." Chelsea is married now, i saw her today with her boyfriend. He was jealous. But I assured him that the boy he saw was just a friend, and we have been cool ever since.

Helen. She sits outside my room in the morning with her grandma waiting to grind the corn. She always comes in her pajamas, yesterday it was disney princesses. She ran for princess during the fiestas, and I tried my best to make her win. Everytime I see her, her eyes light up like this picture below, and she smiles. My heart melts.

So I wondered, is it something about that age. From ages 4-5. Little people of Joy. Its the eyes, its the smile, its the laugh.

I am going to build an army of little people of joy. They will go around the world smiling and laughing at all the serious people. All the war-wongering politicians, all of the dictators and greedy corporate CEOs. They will show up to their offices barefoot and dirty and smile at them. Then they will tell them fabulously imaginative stories about ordinary life. My little army of joy will make everyone smile and remember their humanity. These little people of joy will shine a light into dark places of people's hearts.

Yes, I think it could work.

I think Johnny, Andrea, Henry, and Helen will lead the way.

Wall Street, Al Qaeda, and Muammar Gaddafi don't stand a chance.

...Keep Spreading the Love Around...

Also... If you would like to help me and Andrea pave the road to her house, we will be holding a fundraiser at Granite Bay High School on November 8th from 6-8pm. I will be there to share about my experience in El Salvador and describe our current community development projects and how you can help. See you there¡

HOPE for El SalvadorNovember 8th from 6-8pmBring family and friends to participate in this great cause! Buy your tickets in advance for $5. Tickets will also be sold at the door for $7. For any questions or to offer assistance, please contact gbhsapspanishclub@hotmail.com.

"A weird guy from PC-G was stalking my blog and drew attention to the fact that my view of el sal has changed once again..."

My blog entry, "Love, Hate, & Chambre" from April 26, 2010 is a little out-dated. So now that my time is winding down, I think it is only fair to rearrange some things on this list:

My house sits upon a lake. It feels like home. When I flew in over ES last January, returning from a trip to the US for Christmas, I truly felt as if I were coming home. I come home to a family, 3 dogs, 3 birds, my hammock, and a breathtaking view of the lake.

Things I love:El Salvadoran Breakfast- "El Típico" Beans, scrambled eggs, platanos and cheese.PupusasMy ridiculous 40min hike to the pueblo, and my boat ride to the capital.The three young adults in my town who are attending the university (Technological Institute)- **update.... they are all about to graduate, including my host sister.**Our new cell phone plan that allows us to talk to other PCV's for free.The hospitality of SalvadoransThe sound of the rain on my aluminum roof'Cold showers on a hot day (every day)My mosquito netHanging in my hammockPlaying my guitar and singing really loud during a torrential downpour.

Things I can live with:Chickens (everywhere)The heatDirty feet Crowded Buses and a lack of public personal spaceSalt, Oil

Things I hate:Flies, Ants, Jejenas, coloradillas, zancudos (mosquitos). All bugs that bite, and that itch like crazy for weeks.Manteca (Lard)Instant CoffeeSelfishness driven by decades of actual and psychological povertyThe divide and hostility between the evangelical and catholic churchesThe lack of competant health care for my community membersBeing so far away from my best friends and familyThe unreliability of my counterparts

Thoughts on the exercise: I realized that the "love" list could really go on and on. Whereas, before, I remember having difficulties thinking of things. I also realized that things I could "live with" have all just become the usual, the norm. I don't even notice most of them. It is indesputable that ES has changed me, as far as I can see, for the better.

In other news, we just returned from a 3-Day All Volunteer Conference to celebrate Peace Corps' 50th Anniversary. Over a hundred Peace Corps people convened in the mountains of Chalatenango, ES. I had an amazing time with my fellow PCVs, some of the best clean fun I have had in a long time. Epic dance circle, thrilling dodgeball tournament, and an entertaining talent show displaying hidden and not-so-hidden talents. With the help of Jaime and other friends encouraging me, I played and sang a song that I wrote. I have never experienced such overwhelming nervousness. But I did it. And no one boo'ed, in fact, to my surprise, people applauded.... a lot. I don't know if I have overcome my fear, but atleast I faced it.

Here in ES we face many fears, both personal and physical. We take risks emotionally and spiritually. There is a word in spanish "aprovechar." It literally means "to take advantage." But it can be used in so many different ways. I think whether or not Peace Corps is a good experience depends upon this concept. How much you take advantage of the opportunities presented to you. How you turn disadvantages into advantages. Peace Corps success also depends upon one's ability to go with the flow. To chilax. Not to sweat the small stuff.

Stop forcing a square into a circle. It will never work. Instead, try to become a circle. Or atleast soften your edges. Because adventures await those willing to be flexible and able to "aprovechar" the opportunities.

...keep spreading the love around...

A shout out to PCV Javi Carpenter (not wierd or a stalker), for the blog inspiration, and to the PCVs in Guatemala (including my girl Kathy Lee). It has gotten pretty rough in the 'Northern Triangle,' keep up the good work despite the gangs, the drug-wars, and the bureaucracy. There is still so much good work to be done.

"You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something: your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life." Steve Jobs Stanford Commencement Speech

A fellow PCV in Guatemala posted this quote and reflected on its relevance to our current lives as PCV's, and soon to be RPCV's. Here are my thoughts.

My Aunt Ginger told me to be fully present for my time left here in El Salvador because once I am gone, I will long for my days in hammocks and the smiles of barefoot children. I think she is very wise. Though I am in the midst of several projects (re-roofing my school, distributing efficient cook-stoves, repairing a road and electrifying homes), I feel as if I have already begun to look back at my service. I have already begun to reflect on my time here. I am mentally preparing for my next step, this is what I do. I was worried about my obsessive future preparations, and when I expressed this worry to my family, they said, "But Chelsea, you have ALWAYS been that way." It is how I survive. It is how I got through high school, found enough money to attend college, and got into the PC shortly after. It is how I take some control of a world that is virtually uncontrollable. I like to plan. I prefer to call it drive or determination instead of less flattering things, like OCD. I like to know all of my options. I like to put all of my options on the table so that I can make the most informed decision. I am at the same time flexible, I can change my mind at the drop of a dime (to the chagrin of my mother and father- who can't keep up.) I credit this to the 'war room' in my head. It's like this: For any given decision, I have most-likely already laid out every possible advantage and risk. This makes for some dramatic decision-making and seemingly drastic life changes overnight. But really, I had it all planned out, I promise. So, there is just one problem. Once I have all of those options on the table, I have a really hard time choosing a path. I fear often that by choosing one path, I will miss out on other opportunities. I fear that I will choose the wrong path. A wise professor once told me, in my moment of crisis, "Chelsea, stop crying. (I stopped crying.) Do now, what you can't do later." So if any of you find yourselves in my position. Maybe my professor's advice will help you. This advice took me down the path to the Peace Corps, and I haven't looked back since.

As I close projects here in El Salvador, I am embarking on some new and exciting adventures. The things I am trying to do now were simple far-away dreams when I joined the Peace Corps. I joined with the only expectation that by the end, I would know what direction I was going. At the very most, I thought maybe I would know what I would invest myself in for the rest of my life. Almost 3 years later, I feel as if I am back in my professor's office. And he is telling me, "Chelsea, stop crying. Your future awaits. Do now, what you can't do later."

So, now I will offer up some of my own advice, and maybe my mantra for the approaching crossroads.

Dream. But be sure to surround yourself with people who will dream with you, and bring you back to reality when necessary. Jump. But first build a network of people that will catch you when you fall. Do. But first prepare yourself. Emotionally, Physically, and Spiritually to carry out the task.

So, back to the quote from the late Steve Jobs (R.I.P.). I am throwing a lot of options on the table, I am drawing a lot of dots on the paper. And I have to trust that they will all connect sometime in the future.

You never know where your dots may lead... to foreign adventures, to a multi-billion dollar company, or right back home where you started.

So draw your dots! Lots of them. Take risks. Gain experiences. Do now, what you can't do later. Because when you look back, you will see the greater plan. You will see that you were part of something bigger. Something you could have never imagined on your own.

The Following Pictures were from the recent COED Youth Business and Creativity Workshop- Many months of hard work finally paid off!

inspired by a rambler

so as not to “bumble” through life as he says, maybe we ought to put in writing the things we want to get out of this borrowed time.

I think that this list is hard to make. Here is why. When you make a list like this, I think the point is to be able to check things off. Assuming I want to check things off, things need to be check-offable. Meaning goals should be specific. The more generic a goal, the less you will be able to determine if you have achieved said goal.

So some things on my list are specific. I could check them off. Por ejemplo:

-obtain a Master's degree in Development Practice and or Non-profit Mgmt.-enroll in a series of cooking courses (and similarly,)-create the perfect organic chocolate chip cookie recipe-make a pilgrimage to Israel & Palestine-drink wine and eat pasta in Italy-complete a triathlon-start a Non-Profit organization that supports faith-based community development-learn to sew things well-participate in a community garden-open a restaurant that gives back to the community-find someone to spend my life with

However some things on my list are less specific*-be a catalyst for social change-influence the life of a child -love and be loved-share life with others-help others accomplish their dreams and realize their full potential

*These are less specific because I don't know how they will play themselves out in my life yet, nor do I want to limit them to one specific way. I want to influence policy and how it affects real lives, but how and in what ways has yet to reveal itself. I don't know if I will have children of my own, if I will adopt, or if I will serve as a foster parent etc. Loving others is hard to quantify, as is sharing one's life.

I think that there are a lot more things on this list. There must be. Because this is surely not enough things to keep me busy for a lifetime.

I think that being in the Peace Corps has greatly influenced this list. It added some things, took away a few, and completed others that might have been on there. But maybe being here makes it harder to remember things that seemed important while back home. Maybe that is a good thing. I will let you know after I get home. Either way, the world is a smaller place from here. It is a simpler place. Nothing seems impossible. And everything is within my reach. So maybe the lesson is that this list is not static.

There is a hole in my bucket [list] by which things may come and go. And I want to be able to recognize when changes are necessary, when other things become important to me, and to re-prioritze accordingly.

...Keep Spreading the Love Around...

Sometimes I feel sad for seemingly no reason at all. I usually blame hormones, low blood sugar, and a lack of sleep. However, sometimes, it is caused by none of the above. It leaves me confused and depressed because without a cause, finding a solution is difficult. I am usually a content and happy person. In fact, once someone told me they didn't like me, and when I asked them why, they said, “Because you're too happy.” That was a tough one to learn at 14.

So anyways today is one of those days. Today is a day when I feel sad for seemingly no reason at all, and there is no one and nothing to blame. All the same, I am not too worried. I know that tomorrow or the next day I will feel better. In the meantime, I just write and read and listen to music. Ben Harper speaks directly to my soul at times like these. Sometimes I cry, too. I feel like sometimes my soul needs a break from the suffering. I spend so much time reading, writing and immersing myself in others' pain, and every once in a while my tank runs dry.

So these days are frustrating, but they are also incredibly important. These days remind me that I am human. I am fragile and strong at once. I am humbled by my own subconscious emotion. Sometimes I feel defeated. But I know that soon I will be re-filled. Soon, I will be better than ever. My sadness turns me inward to do some healing and soul repairs. This way I can continue to serve outwardly, but only when my soul is healthy.

So today I feel like the problems in the world could squash me to smithereens. It is a whole and complete feeling. It is valid.

But the crazy thing is that I feel blessed to be burdened by such sadness. I feel blessed to feel others' pain. I feel blessed because I know that I can make a difference, and that I am trying. I know that in this moment, I am doing everything in my power to counteract the forces of evil depriving others of life. I find relief in knowing that I am not the only one trying to lift the burden from the oppressed.

So, today I may not be strong enough to keep the world from squashing us to smithereens, so I look to YOU. I look to you to keep things in order.

And tomorrow, when I feel stronger, I will hold the world together while YOU take a break to let YOUR soul heal.

This how we can do this together. This way, we each have enough to give. This is how we keep from growing weary and cynical. This is how we keeping fighting the good fight.

We won't let the evil doers smash us to smithereens.

Deal?

...Keep Spreading the Love Around...

“with hopes of better days to come, it's a morning yearning,another day, another chance to get it right, must I still be learning,like a summer rose, I'm a victim of the fall,but I'm soon returning, your loves the warmest place the sun ever shinesin my morning yearning.”Morning Yearning-Ben Harper

So my dad always asks me if I am at "work"... that is a very loosely defined word here. Work is not a place or a certain activity.. in fact, I am ALWAYS working. That doesn't mean I am always busy. It just means that I have no set hours or office. It keeps things interesting that is for sure. Boundaries are non-existent and it would be impossible to compartmentalize your life. So, I am in it. All the time. Because of this, sometimes I forget to tell you people about what I actually DO here that is measurable... because I am pretty sure THIS is the type of stuff my dad wants to hear about when I tell him I do ACTUALLY work down here.

So here is what I am actually DOing- my "work":

If all goes well this month, I will complete the following projects:

-We will distribute 30 efficient cook stoves to 30 families

-We will complete the replacement of the leaky roof at the elementary school

-We will successfully train 30 youth on business and creativity skills at a Youth Business Camp

-I will finally close the Ojushte grant that my women worked so hard at

-The purchase of Softball uniforms for my softball team and their first trip to a neighboring community to play...

October will entail completing the paperwork the follows the completion of 3 separate grants. I will also be taking the GRE....

November will include a trip to the states for a fundraising dinner to electrify 3 houses and improve a road to 5 houses supported by Granite Bay High School Spanish Club and classes. WYD will also be accepting and judging a new round of scholarship applications from Salvadoran Youth.

December will include me giving away my crown at the fiestas and starting the construction and electrification process. WYD will be hosting an enrichment camp for the 25 scholars. Also, I will begin to apply to graduate schools.

January will see the conclusion of the electrification and construction projects as well as my Close of Service Conference

February will mostly entail packing and selling my stuff, and trying to fit my life back into the 3 pieces of luggage I arrived with...

In March you will see my swollen smiling face filled with tears and excitement sadness and joy....I will be coming home. Where that will be, has yet to be determined.

There you have it... what I am and will be doing as an official PCV in El Salvador. My "work" includes so much more, and those are the conversations that await a good cup of coffee or glass of wine depending on the time of day.. and good company. I can not wait to share all of my stories with you all. In the meantime wish me luck and say lots of prayers for all of the things that I have yet to accomplish here.

These are some pictures of me actually "working"I don't have very many because usually no one else is around to take pictures of me....

Teaching kids how to set and achieve goals at the WYD camp

Teaching volunteers and Salvadoran counterparts how to plan and execute an efficient stove project

High-Fiving kids who were waiting for the arrival of the ambassador at a community event on Earth Day

Building Stoves with Salvadorans

Her name was Delmi. She was 39 years old and had suffered for years from schizophrenia. She lived with her very elderly parents (70 or 80-something), and her mom still helped her bathe and prepared her meals. The last 3 days she was happy and even ground the corn for tortillas yesterday morning. She told her dad that she wanted to have pan dulce and because she had been behaving so well, he sent her to the tienda with money to buy pan, manteca, and kal. She also bought a tablet used to preserve the corn called a pastilla (pill). On her walk back home from the tienda she stopped at the water spicket to take the pill. When she got back to the house she gave her dad the things she had bought, and sat down in the hammock.

A short time later, she looked up from the hammock and said to her mom, “Mami, ya me tome la pastilla.” (Mom, I took the pill.)

And her mom asked her “¿cuál pastilla?” (which pill?)

“Ya es el destino, ya el final.” (It's over now, it's the end.)

And as her mother screamed and ran to her daughter, Delmi began to vomit violently. The pill had already disintegrated and irreversible damage had been done. At 8:30pm Delmi's sister Eva arrived at my house to tell my host mom that Delmi had passed away in the hospital, and that they were on their way back from the hospital with the body.

Without hesitation, while the details were still being sorted out, my host mom puts on a pot of hot water and an entire bag of coffee, making coffee for the whole town. We were going to need it.

One by one the family started to arrive. Then friends and neighbors. Delmi arrived in a blue casket around 11pm. I didn't know her very well, because she was sick and didn't leave the house. But I know her sisters and seeing them grieve was painful. The mother didn't move all night long. She sat in a plastic chair by the door, far from the casket, all night long. She barely spoke a word; the silent tears streaming down her face said all that needed saying.

This morning at 9am we buried Delmi. And as they lowered her casket into a hastily made grave, the women sang:

“ Ya se fue más allá del sol.En el cielo no hay friono hay calorni hambre ni sed.”

She has gone beyond the sun. In Heaven it's not too cold nor too hot there is not hunger nor thirst

I was broken for my friends who lost a loved one. I was grateful to be able to grieve with them. It is an experience I will never forget. The unity, the support, the family, and the sadness. And all the while the reminder of life still left to live, as the children laughed and played fútbol at the funeral. This country never stops teaching me that inside every sorrow there is a blessing to be found.

“Jesus knows no national boundaries or national preferences. The body of Christ is an international one, and the allegiance of Christians to the church must always supersede their national identities.”-Jim Wallis from God's Politics

Because we should hurt when they hurt. Because we should take care of theirs and ours. Because we are a we not a them and us. We are one body without a nationality. We are one body that was mobilized to look after the least of these.

When I was 14, I took my first trip to Mexico to visit an aunt. It was one of the most powerful experiences of my life. We were poor growing up, but until I crossed the border, I had no perspective to my own poverty. I had four walls, and shoes, and clean clothes. I was rich. I sat in the back seat and cried all the way through Tijuana. I didn't understand.

Later, on the beach, I met a small local child. His skin was darkened by the sun, and he ran from here to there squealing and laughing as if his life depended on it. Have you ever wondered why you can't help but laugh when a child is laughing? The joy is so pure it can break through the deepest sorrow. The boy looked at me, and I laughed too. My mom said to me, “isn't it interesting how joy is the same in every language.”

Joy is the same in every language.

Human beings are so deeply connected, that across borders, cultures, customs, & languages, happiness and joy are the same. Joy is powerful. It is a shared human experience. That is incredible. Imagine what we could do if we harnessed the power of joy. If we tapped into the energy created by children laughing around the world. That, is alternative fuel.

Joy is the same in every language.

So is pain.

Pain is the same in every language.

Human beings are so deeply connected that when a mother loses her child to war half way across the world, we can recognize that pain. Her eyes are the same and are worn across the world by any mother who loses a child. An empty stomach in Africa feels the same as an empty stomach on the streets in America. A woman who is raped in South East Asia, feels the same violated vulnerability as any other.

Pain is the same in every language.

In the United States there is a group or a club for everything. There are anti-war protests, canned-food drives, and fundraising campaigns with pictures of children with distended stomachs and women who have been raped multiple times. There are plenty of opportunities to “like” a cause on facebook or to send an email about the latest human rights violation. There are facebook groups and awareness seminars about the latest issue.

But until that issue becomes pain, it won't translate.

There is real pain and suffering behind those statistics. The boy in that picture is still starving, or possibly dead. The women are still being raped. The women are still being sold for profit and thrown away like garbage. Until we recognize that they are us and that their pain is our pain, and until we mourn their children as well as ours, we won't understand.

Our hearts can't hear an issue.

“There is such a thing as redemptive suffering. It is when we suffer with someone, when we choose to enter in to their pain, when we bear their burdens with them.”-Shane Claiborne

Pain is the same in every language.

Let's take it back...

“Jesus knows no national boundaries or national preferences. The body of Christ is an international one, and the allegiance of Christians to the church [the body] must always supersede their national identities.”

So then what does your allegiance to the body of Christ require of you?

Pray about it. Read about it. Act on it.

When you pray, Move your feet.

...keep spreading the love around...

Lord, I bet you get exhausted trying to communicate with me. But when I finally hear you, you must throw a party. When I hear you, the path in front of me turns to gold. When it is your plan, I have no fear. In one breath, you take away the worry and the doubt. I don't know how long you have been trying to get me to listen, but you tried every angle. I am a difficult woman to convince. Lord, help the man who ends up with me. It was there all along. You knew it all along. But I had to make it there myself, and now that I have made it, now that I see what you were pointing at all the time, I get what the hype was all about. It's like you wanted to take me on a hike to only you know where. And I complained the whole way. I stopped to rest, I wandered off, all along asking you to get me to the end faster. And then you finally convinced me to climb up to the top, you finally convinced me to look out beyond my own two feet. You were leading me to the top so that I could see the expansive universe that you have laid out for me. If I could just look up and away from where I was walking and instead to where you were leading me, I could have gotten here a lot sooner. I can't believe you put up with me, seriously. I was exhausted, drained, and apathetic. I took all the energy I had left, and I got to where you wanted me to be.

That is when it dawned on me, that you were leading me to the end of my path and the beginning of yours. When I was out of it, completely drained, you took me to the edge only to show me the next challenge you have for me is that much greater. But as I look out at what you are showing me, I feel like I am being recharged by your powerful spirit. I am experiencing an incredible renewal. I have new motivations to prepare myself for the journey ahead. This is the clearest I have seen the next step in my life since the day that I made the decision to join the Peace Corps. However this mission is not for 2 years, that was a trial. This mission is for a lifetime. I feel incredibly heavy with responsibility to now be the woman you have been preparing me to be. I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared and shaking to my core. I am afraid that I will let you down, and the thought breaks me inside. You have been preparing me for this day, the day that you would show me your plans for my life. I have been praying for direction, and for guidance, and you have been giving it to me all along. I know now when you spoke to me. It is all so incredibly clear. I am learning now to know when you are near. When I have no clue, but somehow feel sure. When I am vulnerable, but yet feel safe. And when you speak through the people that I love, that one sentence that one piece of advice that hits me like a truck. That one thing I should have seen all along. When those words come from their mouths, I know that you have placed them there.

You thought I was ready to see what you had in store for me. It is a brilliant sight. It is staggering. I am so sure of what I saw, that I can't sleep at night because I am awake dreaming of the life that you showed me. I am jumping up and down in side with anticipation. I am too excited to sleep. I am humbled to be a part of your plan. I am crying and dancing in a torrential downpour... with your vision for me on the horizon. I am in awe. You showed me that you are preparing for me the support I need. You are preparing the resources. You have got it handled.

That hike was horrible, it almost killed me. But you were patient and encouraging and a true shepherd. So I am getting ready. I am following your lead. Because I hear you now. I am finally on your wave length. I saw your vision for me in the night. I know that hope comes in the morning, and when the sun comes up, I will be traveling your way.

Keep spreading the love around...

Chels

Post Script: Special Recognition to the people who God spoke through to get me here. My Dad who freaked OUT about the cost of graduate school, and asked me if there were any cheaper options. My friend Amanda who told me that the Lord gave me special gifts, and that he wouldn't do that unless he was going to use them. To the Peace Corps for their comprehensive graduate school list that has been like a supplement to my bible. To my friend Clayton for coming to visit me and encouraging me and providing sound advice. My friend Tyler who has been a great source of inspiration for graduate school and has let me learn from his regrets. To Amos Lee for speaking truth to my heart with his powerful lyrics. To Shane Claiborne and John Perkins for making me read their whole book* on leadership and community development before I understood. To Rob Bell for being a badass and challenging the status-quo and being so revolutionary as to tell people that Love just might win, and God gets to do whatever he wants. And to someone else who has absolutely no idea that God is using him in my life. Finally, To my journal for filling up this week, just in time for me to start the next one with the vision the Lord has provided.

*Follow Me to Freedom by Shane Claiborne & John Perkins

San Salvador

El Torogoz- The National Bird... hanging out on my porch

The Social Promotor at the national energy corporation, the president of congress, and me

Another critter on my porch...

Building stoves out of sugar, ashes, and mud

He climbed up the tree to chop it down with his machete....

So proud of my counterparts for completing the eco-stove workshop

Pain is a forest we all get lost in, between the branches hope can be so hard to seeAnd in the darkness we've all got questions, We're all just trying to make sense out of suffering but you say I am blessed because of this, so I choose to believe. As I carry this cross, you'll carry me. -Audrey Assad

It has been a long month of being lost in the forest of pain. I have 8 months left in the Peace Corps and so much to get done. At every turn there is an obstacle to overcome, and sometimes it is my very own apathy.

How do I get motivated to help people who do not want to help themselves?

This must be the eternal question of aid workers and other NGOs. Seriously, it is mind-boggling. I read about this in my books in school, but I never thought that my community’s apathy would be contagious. I find myself angry with them because they don't care what happens to their children. They don't care what happens to the lake that provides the fish for their dinner. Somedays I think I am the only one in this whole place that cares. Carrying all of them is exhausting, and it has changed me. I am not supposed to carry them. They are supposed to WANT to develop. They are supposed to WANT to work for a better life. They are supposed to work TOGETHER to make a better future for their children. But really all they care about is buying soda and candy for their kids, who then throw the wrappers on the ground, which then are washed into the lake by the rain.

They complain about the problems, but refuse to work to solve them.

So sometimes I don't want to get out of my hammock to help them. Sometimes I don't want to talk to them. Sometimes their apathy infuriates me.

But then I feel guilty. What kind of person gets mad at poor people? What kind of person blames them for their own situation? That is not the person I was raised to be, and that is not the person that I am. But that is just how contagious apathy and negativity can be.

The correct response is to take on their burden, because I am strong enough to bear it. The correct response is not to blame the poor person, but the unequal system that allowed them to work so hard and yet be so poor. The correct response is to suck it up, because I am the privileged one.

I learn a great deal from my friends in the Peace Corps. My friend Jared was explaining the concept of community organization to the new trainees, and I sat in on his presentation. It was at a particular bitter point of my service. He showed a picture of a woman from his community and asked us “who is she?” Well, he then explained she was the president of the community advisory board, and the the health promotor. He then said “If you asked HER who she was she would tell you, 'I am a mother of 10, a grandmother of 4 and a wife.'” Then you would ask her “aren't you the president of the community advisory board and the health promoter?” and she would smile and say “oh ya, that too, I guess.”

Who I think she is and who she thinks she is are the same person, yet with drastically different priorities. I am the Peace Corps Volunteer. It is my job and my identity. Her job as a health promotor is such a small part of her identity that she barely mentions it, and I expect her to dedicate all of her time to that job, just like I dedicate my time as a Peace Corps Volunteer. However that just isn't reality. I am truly thankful for my friend Jared for reminding me that my expectations of the people in my community were wildly out of whack.

So where does this leave me? It reminds me that people do care about the development in their community, they do care about the future of their children, they do care about how dirty the lake is. However, those things are not at the top of their priority list. Today, she needs to make tortillas for her family and the visitors. Today, her child is sick and must be taken to the clinic. Today she is tired because she has been up since four milking the cows and she doesn't want to come to my meeting.

So, I am working myself out of the anger towards the people in my community. And I am still working on the apathy. But I could use some prayers. Their burdens are heavy, and I just want to help them carry a little bit. But some days I'm not strong enough to carry my own.

Keep spreading the love around,Chelsita

Post Script:You have all heard it said, “Give a man a fish he eats for a day, but teach a man to fish and he eats for a lifetime.” However it is important to remember, especially when in 'the giving out fish and teaching how to fish business' that it's not enough to teach a man to fish. We must ask who owns the pond? Who put the fence up around the pond? And who is contaminating it? -Paraphrased from Shane Claiborne

I know your promises are faithful, I have seen your goodness in my life I've found your mercy is a river, your love is an ocean wide. And you say, I am blessed because of this. You get glory in the midst of this, and you're walking with me. You say I am blessed because of this so I choose to believe. That as I carry this cross, you'll carry me. -Audrey Assad

Good News Update: (1)A week after finishing this blog I received an $800 grant to complete an efficient stoves project in my community. No more black lungs, no more deforestation! (2) Two weeks after finishing this blog I found out that I won a $360 grant to help replace the roof on my school, no more leaky lectures!

I looked down at my calf yesterday and wondered if that was dirt on my leg or a birth mark? It is a funny question to ask I realize... I should know if I have a birth mark, as I would have lived with it for almost 25 years now. I shower, but I have spent about 17 months semi-dirty all the time. But seriously, I couldn't figure it out. I tried to wash it off, fail. Turns out I have been stained by El Salvador.

I have 8 months left, and I am realizing that I have been stained by El Salvador in more way than one. "Stained" sounds negative. I have been marked. Marked for life. It is like a re-birth mark. Forever my life will be defined as before or after my Peace Corps service.

I am busy, happy, and still learning more than I can take in most days. This week people from home surprised me by donating more than we need for an efficient stove project, and I am working on a few more grants in the next couple months. I thought I would share a teaching tool that we use in the Peace Corps to teach about prejudices and paradigms. I think we can all learn from this.

The Sunglass Story

Imagine that in your own country, from the time of the first people, today, and far into the future, everyone who was ever born or will be born was born with two legs, two arms, two eyes, and a pair of sunglasses. The color of the lenses in the sunglasses is yellow. No one has ever thought it strange that the sunglasses are there because they've always been there, and they are part of the human body. Everyone has them. Take the yellow sunglasses off and look at them. What make them yellow are the values, attitudes, beliefs, and assumptions that all people in your country have in common. Everything that they have seen, learned, or experienced (past, present, and future) has entered into the brain through the yellow lenses. Everything has been filtered and interpreted through all these values that have made the lenses yellow. The yellow lenses thus represent your attitudes, beliefs, values, and cultural background. Far away in another country, from the time of the first people, today, and far into the future, everyone who was ever born, or will be born, was born with two legs, two arms, two eyes, and a pair of sunglasses. The color of the lenses in the sunglasses is blue. One day a young traveler goes to that far-away land and realizes everyone sees things differently than he does. What he would describe as being one way, they describe as another. Then it occurs to him that to learn about that country and the people more thoroughly, he will have to acquire blue sunglasses so that he can “see” the way they see. So he gets a pair of blue sunglasses, puts them on, and finally realizes what the problem was. What he had been seeing as yellow, they saw as green!

The punchline here is that the young traveler wasn’t actually seeing the world the way the others were. He had forgotten to take off his own cultural glasses before putting on the blue one of the other country.

I will never be Salvadoran, my world will always be slightly green. No matter how hard I try, I will always be an outsider. The privileged one. I needed to learn that the hard way this year. I can gain their trust, I can integrate, but I don't share their history.

I am marked for life as the gringa that lived in El Salvador for 2 years. It has changed me. I am grateful for everything they are teaching me. I am grateful for my brokenness, so that everyday I can be made better.

Keep Spreading the love around.Chels

What would "God's Economy" look like?Disclaimer: I did not study theology or anything of the sort. I just read it and write it as I feel it. Comments welcome.

"We have replaced God with the "invisible hand" and attributed all that was good and right to the power of the market to make it so."

Being inspired and directed by Jim Wallis' Rediscovering Valuestidbits and snippets... the blue is paraphrased from the book---

Our relationship as Americans with the marketplace is pure idolatry. Wallis uses the example of Moses, and the Golden Calf. "When moses went to the mount, he stayed for a long time, the Israelites got nervous that he would not come back. They began to worship a golden calf and give it credit for having saved them from Egypt... [God and Moses] got angry, but not at the fact that they had built the calf, but that they gave it attributes that only belong to God...Today instead of statues, we have hedge funds, mortgage-backed securities, and 401ks... We place blind faith in the hope that stock indexes will rise and keep climbing. The people who managed these things became the leaders to which we looked, not just for financial leadership, but direction for our entire lives... The market has assumed God-like qualities, all-knowing, all-present, all-powerful, even eternal, unable to be resisted or questioned. There is a difference between performing necessary roles and providing important goods, versus commanding ultimate allegiance. Today, "those who question the market "god" are called heretics, and lunatics and burned at the stake on conservative radio."

Smith, the famous economist said "It is not from the benevolence of the butcher, the brewer, or the baker, that we expect our dinner, but from their regard to their own interest. We address ourselves not to their humanity but to their self-love, and never talk to them of our necessities but of their advantages" However in a previous work he wrote that, "To feel much for others and little for ourselves... that is the perfection of human nature."

No one pays attention to the second part. As responsible citizens of the world, where do we lie on this spectrum? Where should we lie? ...As Christians, where are we expected to stand? The answer: Always with the poor.

"Open your mouth, judge righteously, defend the rights of the poor and needy." prov. 31:9 It does not say to simply help the poor and give them food or a place to stay, it says to speak out for them, to speak out for justice. Friends, rarely do we raise our voices to promote the status quo. Instead, this implies that we should advocate for a system in which they will be poor no more. That does not imply that everyone will be rich, but that they will have what they need.

Instead we quietly support the status quo, and worship a market system that continues to send more and more people into a state of desperation. The United States is not the only country experiencing a crisis in wealth distribution. We are not an insulated little bubble. Believe it or not, in the USA, if you make a measly $50,000 per year you are still among the richest 1% in the world. Take a deep breath and sit on that for awhile. That should give you some perspective, and we all need a little bit more of that. In the majority of the world, life is raw, and there is no credit insulation for the harshness of poverty. Reality: Today there is no corn for tortillas, she can't go to the store and swipe her card and pay for it next month. Today there is no corn = Today there is no food. They go to bed hungry.

In the United States, the richest country in the world, where a whole lot of people will tell you they are Christians...

1 in 5 children, and 43.6 million people live in poverty.

People live on the same block for years, in the same apartment building, and never share a meal or a conversation with each other. When did American Christians get so lost in the market, and so disconnected from their neighbors? In Ephesians it says that "we should speak the truth with our neighbor because we are members of one and other."

If it's out of site, it's out of mind. Tragedies occur all over the world, and we, the wealthiest nation in the world, are the beneficiaries, of slave labor, sex-trafficking, and the halt of subsistence farming. When did they start defining their neighbors as people who live within man-made political borders? When Jesus was asked "who is my neighbor?" Jesus shared the parable of the good Samaritan, he said the neighbor was the Samaritan man who showed mercy to the injured stranger.

A young, otherwise good man, goes to war to protect his family. He doesn't want them to experience war and its horrors. When did our blood family become more important than the rest of the Lord's children? Jesus said that "anyone who comes to me but refuses to let go of his own father, mother, spouse, children, and even his self can't be my disciple."

So a young person goes to war on enemy soil, obeying the orders of his/her Lieutenant, to protect his/her family. While we at home continue to pump our SUVs full of gasoline complaining about rising gas prices. And making little to no actual adjustments in the way we live. That is insanity people. We are doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result.

Who told him it was enemy soil, and not his neighbor's land? Since when do we obey a chain of command that contradicts the Lord's teachings? And if we don't think that our greedy disgusting consumerism is fueling the conflicts around the world and at home, we are gravely mistaken.

Recognize that you are incredibly blessed, and with those blessings comes responsibility. The very talented singer/songwriter Brooke Fraser says, "Now that I have seen, I am responsible." That's a cop out. Does that imply that if you have not seen then you are not responsible. But, if you are a Christian, you are responsible not because you have seen, but because you have a divine order to give without receiving, to turn the other cheek, and to serve the poor. Not because you saw how they suffered, and you pity them. But because they are your neighbors, and you are to care for them. We are to love as Jesus loved, He his our master and commander. They are his orders that we obey above all else.

And because we are members of one another

Keep Spreading the Love Around...

It only took 15 months to see my first dead bodies. On the side of the road in Perulapia just north of sunny San Martín, the crime tape and police cars slowed the pace of of my bus barreling towards Suchitoto, and home. The neighborhood was gathered to identify what I am sure was their prima, tía, hermana, madre, o hija. The bodies of two women lay 20 meters apart, out in the open, covered in blood, their positions leaving much to the imagination of the spectator as to what their final moments entailed. To my left and to my right were passengers unaffected by the display. There were no exclamations of surprise, no quiet sobs, no whispered conversations about the tragedy that we happened upon on a breezy sunday afternoon. (Reminding me I still have much to learn about this complicated culture.)

My mind was racing, I was searching, unsuccessfully, for consolation in the eyes of a fellow traveler. Why don't they cover the bodies? Were their souls floating above their bodies observing the aftermath, feeling violated and vulnerable? Where were their mothers in that crowd? I pictured their mothers on their knees crying, harder than they could breathe.

Were they on their way to the tienda to buy some quesillo to make pupusas for dinner? Were they gastar-ing bienvenido saldo with a family member sharing the latest chambre? When they stepped out of their houses moments before, what was on their minds? What burdens were they living with? What enemies were they avoiding? What matters did they leave unsettled? What was the last thing that made them laugh?

Shock. It is a moment when your body and mind are overwhelmed and your system is on standby. El Salvador introduced me to shock as well as what follows- adrenaline and collapse. I experienced shock as an adolescent, however, I understand shock differently as an adult. Overwhelming vulnerability. I went numb, then I wanted to know why; I wanted all the answers. Finally, kilometers later, I collapsed into quiet sobs and sadness.

I had tried to turn away so that the images would not permeate my memory, but when I turned back I was surprised by the second body. She was a daughter, just like me. I thought of my own mother experiencing the tragedy. We forget that life is so incredibly fragile. “Ojala,” “primero a dios,” and “si dios me permite,” are beautiful phrases that help to remind me every moment of every day that nothing is concrete. We come from a society that assumes that tomorrow will arrive. We procrastinate, we take people for granted, and we hold onto painful grudges.

So maybe we should call our family now instead of tomorrow, confront the burdens we are living with, stop avoiding our enemies and overcome our pride. What matters in our lives are currently unsettled? Stop to remember the last thing that made you laugh.

At times tragedy and injustice will shock us to our core. Both sorrow and joy are deeply connected to the ability to empathize with our fellow human beings. So while it can be painful, empathy also allows us to feel great joy. Life in El Salvador can wear you down. The emotional rollercoaster is exhausting. But I encourage you to fight the desensitization, so that you can still be overcome by joy. So that after your tears have fallen, you will still be able to smile and eventually you will again laugh harder than you can breathe.

Keep Spreading the Love AroundChels

What I do with my time, and my free time...

This was an Earth Day celebration and competition, we still havent found out if we won yet, but if we do, 3 pretty computers will be coming our way, now I just have to figure out how to fix the classroom...

If you remember, I asked for your money last year to support scholarships for Salvadoran youth. This is the camp that the WYD committee put on. This is one of the most inspiring things I get to do as a PCV, support these students. So next time around, maybe after you see their faces, you might want to lend a hand, or a $20 spot ;)

Awhile back some friends and family from the states sent me art supplies and softball gear. It is making a huge difference. Thank you. I was overwhelmed by your generosity...

So those are the faces that I get to work with everyday.

A friend of mine moved from Ilopango (San Salvador) back to our sleepy pueblo (San Luis del Carmen) about three years ago. He left a secure job, friends and family in Ilopango for numerous reasons. He was 22 at the time and at every street corner he was facing the real possibilities of gang violence and threats. I recognize that this story is not uncommon, it is in fact the norm. A few months ago he told me that if he wouldn't have left he would have had to join one of the maras, each and every one of his friends had to make the same type of choice. Not everyone had a way out like he did. All of his former friends are now gang members or have died as a result of gang violence.

In Chalatenango he found a secure job and has been living relatively threat-free in our pueblito for the last three years. One morning this week, he didn't go to work. Recognizing this behavior as extremely rare for him, I asked him why. He didn't tell me right away, all he could tell me was that he wasn't feeling well. I asked him if he was sick, and he said no. He told me he didn't feel well inside, as he touched his hand to his heart. Later that morning, while we were having breakfast at the comedor, he confided in me. And what he told me brought me to the point of tears and an overwhelming sadness and frustration to my heart.

He had been coming back from work the previous evening when a young girl from one of the cantónes struck up a conversation with him. As they hadn't spoken for a long time, they naturally chit-chatted about what was new and how life was going. This young girl is now studying to be a nurse at the local university, which in her case, is nothing short of a miracle. A year a ago this month, her boyfriend (a gang member) was murdered as a result of gang violence in a massacre. She had acompañar-ed and was not going to finish her last year of Bachillerato, but with her boyfriend's death, she was set free.

The conversation turned serious, and she began to get nervous. She told my friend that a year ago his life was in serious danger. Her boyfriend assumed that my friend was involved in the rival gang, and had started talking about "taking care" of this threat to their territory. The young girl says that she defended my friend's reputation and that others in town were affirming his non-participation in gangs of any kind.

At this point, my friend stopped eating his breakfast covered it with his napkin and put it on the table next to him. Staring intently at the table, he took a few deep breaths. I asked him if he was full, because he had barely eaten anything. He told me that he didn't want to eat, his stomach wasn't upset. I realized how serious this was affecting him, and all of a sudden I couldn't finish my breakfast either.

Shortly after these threats surfaced, the massacre occurred and the unwelcome visitors to my town were murdered. I highlighted this fact, that all of those who were threatening to hurt him were gone. I asked if he was still scared. He thought for a moment and then he looked at me with pain in his eyes and tells me (in spanish), "No, it's not that I am really scared. But what if they would have killed me? And for what?" He was shocked that all of this had happened without him knowing the real danger he was in.

My friend up-rooted his life to get away from these threats. And three years later this hard-working young man was sitting in front of me, frustrated and hurting. Close to tears, sick to his stomach with anxiety. Fearing his life, fearing what might have become of him. Thinking of how much pain that would have caused his mother.

At times I want to scream and yell and throw things. I often weep for the injustice in the world that causes others to go through so much at such a young age. When I was 22, I was in my third year of college. I worked hard to get there. When my friend was 22 he was running away from gang violence and inevitable recruitment. He is 25 and still running.

I don't know when or if things will change for the better for the majority of youth in this country, but I do know that my view of gangs and urban violence both in ES and the US has changed dramatically. In their actions I see evil, hate, and greed, but I also see pain, desperation, and loneliness. No legislation can cure this sort of desperation. No amount of drugs or money will satisfy the emptiness they feel. It is natural to feel frustrated and helpless in a world filled with so much pain. However, I feel blessed. After looking into this young man's eyes, and seeing the hurt there, I know there is hope. I know there are people like him who will continue to fight for the right to live their lives without violence and fear.

In the mean time, I am a Peace Corps Volunteer. I am here to listen, to console, and to be his friend. I want to be the one encouraging him to grow as a person and to keep making the right decisions. There is a great many things in this world that we can not control, however what we can do, is choose to love other people with all that we have without expecting anything in return. We can make each other laugh in order to take the edge off of the pain. We can stand hand-in-hand with our peers, our friends, our brothers and sisters throughout the world... hoping, praying, and taking action to create a better world for all of our children.

The confessions of a struggling idealist..

The Peace Corps changes us. It flips the world we once knew upside-down and turns us inside out exposing our deepest fears, doubts, and motives. This experience helps us to see the world through a different lens, and sometimes that new perspective is uncomfortable. We see the ugly side of development. We see the difficulties of making a deep sustainable difference. It can be overwhelming and deflating. When one problem is followed by another greater issue, my role as a volunteer begins to shrink in the shadow of a colossal societal problem. I now understand why some volunteers become jaded as they near the end of their service. Cynisism is lurking behind every doubtful thought that I can make a difference. I believe that this experience is supposed to challenge our views of development and sustainability. It is a very unique opportunity to learn what our role in development is and to challenge ourselves to fulfill that role. Everyone has a differnet job to do, a different community with various challenges, and specific personal motivations for being here. However I think that coming out of this experience a cynic would be an incredible waste of beautifully talented people. As politics in the United States spin out of control, and politicians everywhere continue to dissapoint the public, I feel that we have a great responsibility to be a part of the debate. I believe that the discussion in the United States is in desperate need of our perspective. The perspective of those who dared to see the world through a different lens. We have a responsibility to speak up for what we have seen and not seen. Our generation has a heavy load to bear, and in the face of these great challenges, we are experiencing a 'brain drain' in the public debate. Maybe it is better to describe it as a 'rationality drain'. If anyone can inject some sense into the discussion, it is people like us who have seen the United States from a new perspective, who have taken the challenge to put others first. Someday we will go home; each volunteer having undergone their own personal changes and having their own struggles. We try to make some sense out of our work here and scratch out a bit of purpose hopefully having done something sustainable. During that process our hearts may be hardened to utopian ideas we once had. During our time here we might feel small and insignificant when faced by gigantic social issues. We may look stateside and see a similar broken society and system. However, I encourage us all to fight the cynisism. They say that every cynic was once an idealist. And there is no better way to beat down an idealist than to place them alone in the Salvadoran campo. However the world still needs your sunken idealism, injected with reality, and surfacing as positive rationality. The election season has come and gone back home, with the usual mud-slinging and belly-flopping politicians. A clear sign that things aren't changing. More radical people are taking control of the conversation leaving the majority of the population unrepresented and unheard. We need loud rationality. All of you beautiful, opinionated Peace Corps volunteers who have been blessed to see the world from a different angle have a responsibility to our generation to be a part of the discussion. To take it back from near sighted individuals.We don't have to become cynics, we can use this experience and the lessons we have learned to take the public debate to uncharted territory and unknown places. I believe in you people.

All of you back home who want to know how you can help me here in my service... read on. You won't be helping me as much as you will be helping youth in El Salvador pursue and education and their dreams... without you, our committee can not provide scholarships. Thanks for reading... -WYD Committee (Women and Youth in Development) Twas the month before Christmasand all over the world,children are studyingbut where are the girls? The schools have been builtthe desks and the chairs,But the poor rural children,how will they get there?
Greetings from Peace Corps El Salvador on behalf of the Women and Youth Development Scholarship Committee (WYD). While basic public education is free, Salvadoran families have to pay for uniforms, books, transportation and extracurricular activities to send their kids to school. Many rural families, earning an average of $4 per day, struggle to put food on the table, thus de-prioritizing their children’s education. There are no grants or loans available through the government. Because of these challenges, only 36% of Salvadoran youth finish 9th grade.Just 12.6% will graduate from high school. A mere 1.26% will go to college, with only 0.013% graduating.On the contrary, 25% of all Americans have a Bachelor’s degree. To turn these statistics around, WYD El Salvador has been providing scholarships to Salvadoran youth since 1995 with the help of generous donors locally and abroad. The holidays are just around the corner. Why give another sweater or cheesy tie this year when you can give a gift that will change a student’s life? Just $25 will cover a month of educational expenses for a talented but economically disadvantaged Salvadoran youth. A gift of $250 will provide a scholarship for the entire school year. While you do your internet shopping this year, check out our website and make your tax-deductible donation in the name of a friend, relative, or on your own behalf. After making a donation, you will receive an automatic payment confirmation by email; forward us this email at wyd.scholarships@gmail.comalong with the NAME you want the gift to be made in. We will reply with your customized digital certificate promptly to assure that your Christmas gift is ready on time; once printed and wrapped, it will make a heart-warming gift in the true spirit of the holidays. Feel free to email us with any questions. Give a sustainable gift this year.The desks and chairs are waiting. Please give a student the opportunity to fill one of the seats.
“Sembrar la semilla…para cosechar la paz”

Click on the website link to read more about the project and to donate. Thanks in advance to everyone for contributing!

...you're not finished with me yet, and I am so excited about that... Growth is challenging and beautiful.

I have learned countless lessons here, and I haven't yet had time to process them all. My world has been turned upside down and inside out. It was scary at first, and now I think it is kinda fun, and totally refreshing. My priorities in life have been shaken up and put before me to reorganize. I think that many people are in need of an opportunity to press pause, and reorganize. In America our lives move at such a pace, that we rarely stop and check our priorities. If we did, I think we would realize that we overvalue the things in life that have no real return, and we undervalue the things that would truly make us happy.

I heard an interesting sermon on my podcast today. The pastor said that our days are upside down. We give everything we have to our day: our jobs, our errands, our to-do lists. Then we we come home, we keep running around at the same pace until, eventually, we collapse. His suggestion was a simple change of focus. If your day started with the evening; with your family, with your reading, with your downtime, with rest....how much better would you feel? Imagine if our priorities shifted. Lets give everything we have to our families, human relationships, and our time in the Word. The returns will be immense. Feeling refreshed we can then be more efficient at work, completing our jobs and going home to begin our evenings with our loved ones. The question that struck me.. "Nearly every one plans out their day, but how many of you plan out your evenings? How many of you prioritize your family and loved ones in your evening time?" We get fast food, and then go numb in front of the television screen. We can't let go of the stress of our daytime jobs. And we wonder why we are so tired and stressed all the time.

Those are just thoughts and reflections on something I heard this week relating to priorities. I think, as a culture, we are seriously turned around. We are over-worked, and we are giving all we have in the wrong portion of our lives. Kids need more attention, they are craving it. Families need more unity. Our society needs more real time. real compassion. more investment in the part that really matters. Our souls need that investment. That is my Rx for a better society. It starts in the heart. It starts at home. It starts with priorities.

ANYWAYS. soak it up people :) Chelsea's random and semi-edited blog rants. If you're still with me...

I love my life. Completely. I feel blessed every single day. Now, that does not mean that everything is hunkey-dorey (as my mom would say) at all moments of the day, but I am learning to go with the flow. I turned in my first grant proposal this week. Grant writing is the most challenging thing I have done, outside of my language adaptation. I tried to start early, but somehow I was still up until 2am the night before it was due with a large pot of coffee. I had a strange feeling that I was back in college working on a very important position paper for Model UN. Thank you MUN for teaching me to think clearly and organize convincing arguments at 2am. Hopefully all of that hard work pays off. If I don't win the grant, I will find the funding elsewhere, but it would be a huge blessing if I did.

My host family has a dog. He is black, so they named him Blacky. Blacky broke into my room two nights ago to sleep in the corner next to my guitar. Any time I am up late, he comes to lay next to my chair. He is my "vigilante" (security guard). My host my she was going to charge me an extra $5 for security. :) She was joking of course. I love that woman.

Update: I tried to lock him out last night, but he broke in again. I think I will just leave my door open from now on.

I fell down today. It has been raining for 4 days, and everything is wet. After months of the people in my community telling me "Cuidado Chelsea, está liso!" (Careful Chelsea, it's slippery!) I finally took a dive. I fell down the stairs in fron of my house, hitting my head on the pavement andtwisting my back and neck. I was really sore and went and laid down. Two hours later I woke up and my lower back really hurt. I overheard my host mom telling the story to the neighbor ladies, and they thought it was hysterical. So I am glad that my gringa antics can provide some entertainment for them. Later, my host mom came back from wandering around and told me that Don Tonio (neighbor) fell down too. He was holding his one year old and a bag of cheese he had just bought. His child went flying and he sat on the cheese. (Sidenote: the child is fine. So that story trumped mine. Afterall, I didn't sit on a pound of cheese. :)

I went to Nicaragua for a week. It was beautiful. I will never hike another volcano. And I had never been happier to see the El Salvador border, and come home. Ojo! (Alert): Rats in Nicaragua know how to open zippers on backpacks and steal clif bars. They will find them wherever they are. That is one thing I don't have in my house in El Salvador. After the rat-filled hostels in Nica, I was happy to be home with my toads.

A man was macheteed (?) on my bus two weeks ago. (Calm down, he is fine.) Everyone, of course was talking about the story for a few days. It turns out he was a random drunk from a few towns over and the guy who attacked him was either a gang member or had mental problems (still up in the air, but if he was both it wouldn't surprise me). I told my neighbor that I was worried that Chalatenango was getting more dangerous, to which he responded. "No Chelsea, el es bolo, fue personal, todo regular." I live in a country that if you are a drunk, and some one wants to cut you with a machete on a public bus, it is totally normal. HA. and I shouldn't worry.

Okay. Finishing up. I am coming home to visit! Yay! A nice thing about being placed in a semi-developed Central American country is that I can come home for Christmas. A big shout out to my mom, my dad, and my aunt Lydie for helping me with my ticket. I expect to see everyone. I expect to eat everything. And I will be taking very long, hot showers every day. The dates are Dec. 20 - Jan. 3rd. So schedule your time now, I have to submit the visitation proposals to my family for approval (joke). Also I don't have a vehicle and I am scared to drive after 11 months of not, so you people will be driving me around. :) Love you!

keep smiling and spread the love around.

chelsita

For those of you in the states looking for a way to help out in El Salvador, there is no better way to invest in the future of this country and the sustainability of our work here, than to invest in education. Help us meet our goal so that we can fund the education of as many girls as possible this year!! God Bless.. Read on...

*Please forward this information to anyone you think may be interested, every little bit helps...

While basic public education is free and high school matriculation is also paid for by the Salvadoran government, families still must pay for school uniforms, books, transportation to and from class, as well as bear the burden of funding extracurricular activities. Many rural families, earning an average of $4 per day, struggle to put food on the table, making it even more difficult to provide for their children`s education. No student loans are available through the government.

Furthermore, the gap between rich and poor citizens, within both developed and developing nations, is growing, according to the UNDP 2007 report. While the richest two percent of the world's adult population owns more than half of global household wealth, over a billion people worldwide in 2007 had an income equivalent of a dollar a day or less (UNDP Report 2007). Thus, for more than a billion people worldwide, education has become a privilege instead of an inherent right.

Of Salvadoran youth, • 48% aged 15-24 attend school• 88% of those who study belong to the upper-class• 40% say they are optimistic for a better future• 50% live on a disposable income of less than $2/day

On graduation rates:• 36% of Salvadoran youth who are studying finish 9th grade• Only 12.6% will graduate from high school• 1.26% of those will study in college• 0.013% will graduate from college• 25% of all Americans have a Bachelor’s degree

Of the 52% of Salvadoran youth aged 15-24 who are not studying at any level,• Some work as farm hands picking coffee, cutting sugarcane, and growing corn for $5 per day• Some work 12-hour days in clothing factories for $50 per week• Some work as maids in wealthy households far from their families for $4 per day• 42% of youth currently seek jobs• Only 36% of youth say they are confident they will find a job

*Source: 2005 Government youth survey from the National Secretary of the Youth, La Prensa Gráfica

For these reasons, a group of Peace Corps volunteers formed a committee with local nonprofit organizations to provide scholarships to poor, rural Salvadoran girls who without outside assistance would discontinue their studies. This scholarship program, called Mujeres y Jovenes en Desarrollo (or Women and Youth Development) not only provides the means for girls with the aptitude and desire to continue their studies, but also provides them with technical training that compliments their studies (under themes such as leadership development, women's empowerment, equality, and community development).

Northamerican friends and neighbors along with Salvadoran businesses donate each year. We are currently raising funds to award a greater number of scholarships for 2011.

For more information Visit: https://sites.google.com/site/becasforstudents/

To donate online, please visit: https://www.peacecorps.gov/index.cfm?shell=donate.contribute.projDetail&projdesc=519-141

Please note your donation is tax-deductible (if in the U.S.A.) and is greatly appreciated!

I really dislike pigs. As a child, I never liked bacon. I picked the ham off of my hawaiian pizza. And even the smell of hotdogs made me ill. When everyone liked Wilber from Charlotte's Web, I liked Charlotte. However, I did go through a short phase when I liked bologne and mayonaise sandwiches, but I blame it on temporary insanity and peer pressure. I had problems fitting in already with my massive overbite, so there was no way I was going to be the only 3rd grader in the cafeteria without a bologne sandwich. In fact, I am not even sure if bologne is ham.

So I don't like pigs, I never have. Also, I am a vegetarian, but I have never claimed to be an animal rights activist or felt the need to protest with PETA. But friends, tonight, in Cantón Santa Cruz, San Luis del Carmen, I became a believer. Sign me up PETA! Tonight I “witnessed” the castration of a full grown pig. I say use “quotations” because I have a very sensitive stomach, and as soon as I realized what was going on, I fled the scene. But I could not escape the blood curdling screams of Señor Wilber.

When I entered my front yard around 6pm, my host family was trying to lasso the pig, who has made occasional appearances for the last 4 months, since arrived in my site. He disappears for weeks at a time, and someday, I would like to know where he goes, but that is a topic for another day. I figured they were going to catch him to move him somewhere else. They told me they were going to eat him, but when they saw the dismay on my face, they told me they were kidding. I escaped to higher ground as the pig was squeeling and kicking up mud trying to escape what I'm sure he assumed was his future as sopa de patas. Little did he know, his fate was much worse. My host sister caught him by his hind legs, rendering the lasso useless. It was then that I saw it, glistening in the evening sun. The Gillette. I looked from the razor blade to my host mom and back to the razor. Confused, I said, “I thought you weren't going to kill it?” She laughed and told me they were going to cut off his huevos. I think the pig overheard, because the urgency of his squeels escalated. It took me about 30 more seconds to process the scene and realize that I had better get out of there unless I wanted those images circulating in my brain for a very long time.

As I climbed up the backyard, I heard the blood-curdling squeels. I knew that they were cutting off Wilburs manhood, and I couldn't bear the sound. I am both surprised, and embarassed to admit, I teared up a little bit. The emotion was highly unexpected. Afterall, I watch them kill the chickens, and while I feel like throwing up, I don't sympathize with the creatures. I really don't like pigs. But that was cruel and unusual punishment. No anestesia, no pain killers, but don't worry Wilber, atleast the blade was sanitary; fresh out of the package. I may not have the gory images running through my mind, but it will be hard to fall asleep tonight with the sound of desperate squeels on repeat.

Independence does a wierd thing to a girl... I feel like dancing every morning. Also, it's amazing how much work I can get done in a 20-minute viaje to the pueblo....

I woke up this morning at 9am. I am almost embarrassed to say that. The thing is, I refuse to set an alarm in this country unless I have to catch the bus at 7am. So, I woke up at 9am. No screaming children. No roosters. No one hawking loogies outside my window. Why? Because I have my own house now! I am so happy, I could pee.

I made breakfast. With cold soy milk out of my fridge. amazing! Previously I had been using powdered milk with room temperature water. I forgot how much better cereal is with cold milk!

I danced and sang in my room. I blasted my music and let loose, celebrating my independence.

I washed my dishes and swept my patio. No chicken poo in the pila! Hooray!

I drew up a few posters for the restaurant. They want to start selling pupusas twice a week, which should bring in more money for the ADESCO.

Then after I showered, I headed up the hill towards the Pueblo. It was hot today, but the sun felt nice on my shoulders. As I reached the top of my hill, Don Luis drove by and picked me up. He asked me what I was doing next wednesday, and I told him I was having a meeting with him. He said okay. So next wednesday we are having a meeting in the pueblo about the farmers market that will be in the pueblo. This was the top of my to-do list for the week, so I checked that off.

He dropped me off in the pueblo and I went to buy my ritual Pepsi Light from the tienda that carries them especially for me. I ran into a youth from my canton, and she told me she was working on the water project. She had taken the initiative to head up the medio ambiente (environmental) group that will be in charge of educating the canton about the new well and pump that will soon bring water to everyone in my canton. I was so proud! (Sometimes I don't think they need me at all... and it is a good thing.)

Also, my counterpart moved away to join the army without telling me. It is okay though. There is a new ADESCO president now, and I like him a lot. They met last night, and got in a fight about how the restaurant doesn't run very efficiently, or like a restaurant at all. One of them was bolo (drunk) but the communication was great! I was so proud that someone got the cajones to say something, even if he was bolo. So we are moving forward...

I would like to take this time to thank my sponsors... haha... those who continue to send me amazing packages from home that light up my day!

Dad, Mom, & Jess... My coffee cup broke, I am sending it home so you can bitch at Starbucks for being shitty, and make them give me a new one. I only used it like 5 times, and it basically disintegrated. Hopefully you have the receipt. Tell them they should donate me one after all this trouble. Everything else is wonderful!

Faith & Josh... My magazines are awesome. I spent hours the other day just reading news and rolling stone. Thanks for the books Josh, and I already finished the sour patch kids, they rocked my world. Oh ya, and the zone bars are awesome! I even have a fridge now to keep them in!

Aunt Ona... I LOVE LOVE LOVE my sunblock. it is the best stuff! I haven't burned at all since you sent me it! (that is quite the feat)

Aunt Maryann... the books and clif bars are incredible!

And everyone else who sends me encouragement, prayers, and reads my silly blogs, thank you! I love you all very much!

So it was a good day!

Paz

Chels

"Any man who knows a thing, knows he knows not a damn damn thing at all. And every time I felt the hurtin, I felt the givin gettin me up off the wall" K'NAAN

The moment at which we begin to believe that we know something for sure, we put ourselves in the position to be utterly let down or pleasantly surprised. I want to be surprised. I want to live my life without expectations to restrain my experience. I want to love with all of my heart. I want to crash and burn because I sought after the surprise, and I was willing to dive in head first. I want to live in a way that lights me on fire and when people see me, they wonder why I'm glowing. I want life to be raw and I want to feel the world with all of my senses.

Something as simple as experiencing the ocean with all of my being. I was crying as I listened to the stones tumbling back out into sea. Felt the mist of the crashing waves on my feet. Felt the thunder shake my entire body. And saw the lightening illuminate the expansive horizon. Humbled by the power and unwavering fidelity of the ocean. Overwhelmed.

a life on fire.

We have been back in training for the last few weeks, and I have been inspired. We visited a bunch of volunteers in action in their sites, and I was thrilled to see the impact they are making in the lives of the people in their communities. I am so excited to go back to my site and get to work.

During one of our site visits, we all ate and drank together at a comedor, and one by one we dropped like flys. I was the first one to get sick. Amoebas, gastrointestinal infection and a bacterial infection. So much pain. I was told that I looked like I was going to die. However, I was surrounded by good friends who kept me in good spirtis and then fell into the same sickness themselves a few days later. 8 out of 10 of our group had bacterial infections or some other parasite. In Peace Corps we even share bacteria!!!

Other than that, here are the projects that I have on the table to keep me busy for the next two years.

A bi-monthly farmers market in the pueblo

Women's enterprises (encurtidos, shampoo, and candlemaking)

Youth business (licuados)

Restaurant development (business, menu, tourism, advertising)

Organizing the Adesco and getting their fish cages up and running

...more to come

When I get back on Saturday, I will begin the process of moving into my own house. I have a lot to do, including cleaning and filling my Pila, buying a fridge, moving a bed into the house, and general shopping for house things. It will be a very busy week, but I plan to have it all done before the 26th. I am heading to the capital because I was elected as our representative for WYD (Women and Youth in Development). This is a great Peace Corps committee that providers scholarships to young girls who otherwise would not continue their education. I will post more about this in the future. I am really excited!

Peace & Love

Chels

My host mom asked me the other day if I had given my cell phone number to the lady that delivers the mail. I said no but it is fine because she calls the mayors office anyways. I asked why she wanted to know. She told me that the house phone doesn´t work anymore. (This means that they have all to pay extra now to put money on their cell phones. Land lines cost money too, but are cheaper than cell phones.)

Simple enough, I thought. "When are they going to fix it?" I asked. She said she didn´t have any idea, and that someone had robbed the telephone lines. I was very confused. Of course she must mean that, for some reason unknown to me, the telephone company had shut off the service.

It turns out, someone had ACTUALLY STOLEN the telephone lines. They came at night and cut the cables down and sliced them open. Then they proceeded to rip out whatever is inside of a telephone line; I imagine to sell it.

The following week, two people from my town went to the City of Chalatenango to tell the telephone company that they weren´t going to pay their telephone bills unless someone came to fix the telephone line. I was proud of them, and I didn´t think that was an unreasonable request. It´s been a week however, and the broken cable is still hanging limply from the telephone pole and strewn on the side of the road.

...just a story to share...

much love

Chels

P.S. I got my own house, that I should be moving into when I get back from training in 3 weeks. I am so excited. I just need a bed, a refrigerator, a stove, and a few tables. I am currently looking around town for people with extras...wish me luck! If I can´t find everything, I am going to buy a hammock and a fridge and forget about the bed for awhile... vamos a ver.

19.05.10

My first venta (fundraiser) was on Saturday. We sold nuegados (fried pancake-like yucca & cheese yummies) and Licuados (milk shakes). The youth group was in charge of this, but most of them sat around and watched the older ones, the mom's, and me run around. (We are talking about that in our meeting this week.)

The event started at 4pm, and at precisely 4:20 it began to rain. When I say “rain”, I mean a hurricane mysteriously appeared over the lake and drowned my venta. It was really a bummer because everything was going so well. We sold out of Licuados at 4:15, but were left with about ¾ of the Nuegodos batter.

Here when it starts to sprinkle you have about 45 seconds to take cover. Most of the kids and customers took shelter in the nearest tienda, but me and about 5 others stayed in the rain and attempted to close everything up and save what was left of everything outside. In less than 5 minutes I was soaked completely through.

I could have cried. But instead, I laughed so hard I could have peed my pants and no one would have known because I was soaked. Here is why I laughed:

Right before the rain started I was frustrated. I was frustrated that the kids were trying to buy the food instead of helping to prepare it. I was frustrated that we didn't have things we needed because no one told me we needed them until 5 minutes before we started. I was stressed out. Then God looked down and said “Chelsea you need to chill out, you can't control everything. I am in control, here, I will prove it to you.” (Enter Hurricane)

In the end, everything was fine. We finished selling the nuegodos the next day, and we sold out of everything. The raffle also went very well, and in total we made $50. I am ecstatic. We are meeting to decide what to do with the money later today, and I can't wait to tell them how much we have.

Lesson Learned.Chels

15.05.10

Today I woke up con ganas de comer (I was hungry). This was good news because yesterday I ate (almost) nothing. The story begins two days ago with a quick trip to Chalatenango (my shopping city). I was meeting up with a friend just to chat and have a cup or two of coffee. I had breakfast at a comedor that had been recommended to me on multiple occasions: platanos, huevos picados, 2 pupusas, y horchata (boiled plantains, scrambled eggs with onions and peppers, pupusas, & this yummy rice drink). I then did some shopping: I bought a set of glasses for a raffle prize, a nifty little thing to toast bread on the gas stove, a coffee cup, and a newspaper. I sat and read my newspaper and had two cups of coffee while chatting with a regular at the coffee shop. It turns out he is from Colombia and he is on sabbatical from working with indigenous groups in S. America. Then I met up with my friend and we ate lunch at Pollo Campero (El Salvador's cross between McDonalds & KFC). It was a last resort. Finding lunch in Chalate is difficult if you are a vegetarian. I had french fries.

It was at this point that I started feeling nauseous. I knew I hadn't drank very much water so I bought some water thinking that I would feel better. It was particularly hot that day, and so we stopped to get some ice cream. While eating my delicious chocolate cone, I knew something was wrong. I was dreading my bus ride, because as it is, I get car sick. I sat at the front of the bus so that I could see the road and be near the door in case I had to run to vomit out the side of the bus. Before we left, I advised the woman next to me and behind me that I was sick and I might vomit. The woman behind me asked me if I had a plastic bag (which all women carry at all times in this country, so of course I should have had one). I said no, so she of course gave me one of the many she had. Thank goodness for that black plastic bag, because I wouldn't have made it to the door. Even if I had, I probably would have fallen out the bus. I threw up a lot. I, in fact, filled the bag and then threw it out the window. No big deal.

After that I felt better, I thought I was done, but really it was just beginning. I got off the bus in my pueblo to sit in the air conditioning at the mayor's office before hiking out to my site. As soon as I got off the bus I found a bush behind the tienda on the corner, and threw up again. This time the woman who runs the tienda sat there watching me barf, awkward, and asking me questions. “¿Que tiene? ¿Gripe?” (What do you have? Cold/Flu?) I looked up at her, shrugged my shoulders, and continued to barf in the bush.

I spent the next hour in the mayor's office while they tried to tell me what caused my illness and what I should do to get rid of it. They all wanted me to go to the doctor, and I tried to explain to them that I have to go to San Salvador if I want to see a doctor. They didn't seem to understand why I couldn't go see their doctor. Also, the concept that salt and lime wasn't going to fix what I had. (Lime and salt can be used to cure both nausea and rabies apparently...) Them- “¿Why haven't you taken alka seltzer?” Me- “I think what I have might be worse than alka seltzer....”

Someone was going to give me a ride home because I was to weak to hike home. We made it two blocks until he had to stop and eject me from the car vomiting on the side of the road, yet again. Two young guys in the car, me vomiting and wretching (gracefully of course) on the side of the road. Them- “¡Chelsea, agua!” Me- ...I signal 'give me a minute' with the wonderful hand gesture I have picked up and continue to dry heave. But wait... there's more.

We continue towards my house, but two blocks later, the car shakes and jerks to the left while my driver yells lots of bad words in spanish. So I'm now sitting on the side of the road, sick, and the tire is falling off and the car is leaking oil. I have no idea what happened, but it looked like after all of that, I was still going to be walking home. A group of women from my cantón (the part of the pueblo I live in) walked by, so I decided to walk with them. They carried the bags I had with me, and we walked very slowly. I made it home thirsty and tired and nauseous. I told my host mom I was sick and she tells me “You're sick because you don't eat anything! It's because you don't eat tortillas.” I was at my wits end at this point and tired of all of their predictions about why I was sick, and this one was the worst of all. I explained to her as nice as I could. That you don't get food poisoning or amoebas or parasites from NOT eating. In fact it is exactly the opposite. I ATE something that made me sick. I tried to explain to her that I don't eat tortillas because they make me fat and that I eat Clif bars because they have nutrients in them that the food here does not have...then I take a break and barf in the yard. But at this point all I am throwing up is water and gatorade, so she says “look, its all water, it's because you don't eat anything...” Explanations useless. Yes I am going to die because I don't eat tortillas or greasy food.

So after throwing up 4 times in 4 hours I decided to call Peace Corps medical. The rule is: If you can't hold down water, you need to call. They told me to take drink some rehydration fluid from my medical kit and then in the morning they would come pick me up. I tossed and turned all night, sweating out whatever fluid was left in my body. I woke up and spent the whole next day nauseous, not eating. However, I did not go to San Sal because I wasn't throwing up anymore. I had an event on Saturday that I didn't want to miss so I took the chance and stayed.

So when I woke up today feeling better, I figured I just had food poisoning. What a relief.

So now I am heading to my youth group event. We are doing a raffle and selling food to raise money for a project TBA. I am thankful that I did not have to go to San Sal and miss my youth event.

So next time you have a stomach ache in the States and you are curled up on your cozy couch in your pajamas or sitting on the floor of your clean bathroom throwing up, just think to yourself it could be worse. You could be puking into a plastic bag on a rickety bus, or sitting on the side of the road, or puking into your latrine surrounded by cockroaches to keep you company. At least in the States puking is not a spectator sport.

Love you¡Chels

Back home, 3 major events have happened recently. Epic oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico, the state of Arizona passed a blatantly racist immigration law, and Obama nominated a new Supreme Court Justice. All of these things would be consuming my life were I back home surrounded by CNN and my restaurant patrons reading me the newspaper every morning. Not to mention I would probably be sitting around drinking wine and/or coffee debating the reprocussions of such issues with people, who, like myself, will never be directly effected by such crisis. In regards to the oil spill and the Arizona law, I have been thinking about the relationship of the US to the rest of the developing world. From where I sit here in El Salvador I have a small window to see the imbalance and inequality. From this perspective, all I can see is greed and irresponsibility on the part of both corporate heads and our supposed government regulatary bodies.

Company builds oil rig. Government is in bed with company, therefore doesn´t enforce regulations. Company is not accountable for safety precautions. Oil rig malfunctions. Workers die. People start pointing fingers. Oil begins to spill into the ocean by the thousands of gallons. People continue to point fingers. No one has a feasible plan. Oil continues to poor into the Ocean. Fish, turtles, and Birds turn up dead. Pundits blame Obama. Oil continues to to spill into the Gulf.

Company X shows up to El Salvador to mine a mountain. Company X takes minimal precautions to protect the environment while mining. The runoff from the mining kills the fish and pollutes the water system:the life source. El Sal Government finds out and takes away the mining permit. Company X decides to sue the government of ES for billions of dollars in lost profits under CAFTA.

Corporations are greedy and the law treats them as citizens with rights. However, when one person´s right infringes on another person´s rights, like the right to life (como agua) it seems to me like the person with more money wins i.e. the corporation.

It doesn´t matter if all all of El Salvador is covered with churritos bags and agua en bolsa which then run off into the lakes that are then polluted with chemicals from mining runoff and then the people go to the lake and catch fish with cancer and then eat them. The people at the top will continue to seek the bottom line, profit.

There is alot we can do as volunteers here in the form of grassroots organizing and day to day health education. We can educate people to seek a better future for the next generation, and that is what we are fighting for. However, it is very discouraging to look back home and see that the root of all of these problems is that the developed world continues to exploit the developing world.

We, the industrialized world, are the ones with the education and the knowledge. We know better, supposedly. However from where I sit, it sure doesn´t look like it. If we know better, and we are still behaving in a way that takes the right for something as simple as clean water away from our fellow human beings, what does that say? That sounds like evil on purpose, and I am not okay with that.

Chelsea

30.04.10

This morning I woke up, climbed out of my mosquito net, stumbled into my flipflops and headed towards the bathroom. On my way back through the kitchen I noticed my host mom and started to make breakfast. Usually I am up before she starts making breakfast and I make my own, but today I slept in a little bit longer. I bought plantains from the veggie truck a few days before because I was craving them, and my host mom was frying them up this morning. I thought to myself, “maybe I will eat breakfast with my host family today.” And then I noticed that she was frying the entire package of manteca (lard) in the pan (plastic and all). I was appauled. So surprised in fact that I turned to her in english and said “That's plastic¡” I corrected myself after and said “es plastico¡ porque está cocinando el plastico?” She then told me that it's ok because if you heat up the package then the manteca will melt. I was so disgusted i actually gagged in front of her. (I couldn't help it. I had just woke up, my guard was down, and that is disgusting). I told her I would not be eating the platanos this morning and proceeded into my room to process what had just happened.

A few minutes later I decided I would make scrambled eggs and coffee for breakfast. I went back into the kitchen to find a pot of water for my coffee already boiling on the stove. While this sounds like a nice thing to do, it sent me over the edge. She didn't know I was going to want coffee. She used tap water, and I buy bottled water for this purpose. Also, I was going to make it differently this morning because I finally bought non-instant coffee. This whole thing unfolded literally with 5 minutes of waking up. Those of you at home know I am no princess when I roll out of bed, so you could imagine. As my emotional breakdown began I was consumed with the following thoughts. “There is nowhere else for me to live in this community, I'm stuck. Yesterday my boss offered me a site change on three occasions without me asking. And finally my family loves me and my host mom doesn't know any better.” The point of this story is I broke down because of my lack of control over the simplest thing, making my coffee in the morning. I decided I should leave the house and go read by the lake.

Reading by the lake is my refuge. There is usually no one there, and I only occasionally get bit by biting flies. After I read and journaled, I realized that there are certain things over which I lack control. However, my body is not one of them. I will not be consuming lard voluntarily. Therefore, I am taking the steps necessary to put a little kitchenette in my room. Problem Solved.

I am going to run a 10k on Sunday, meaning I won't be able to walk on Monday. Until next post...

¡Salu!Chelsea

26.04.10

The thunder is beginning to roll in, bringing with it a rare refreshing breeze and the feeling of settling in. When I return to my town, I almost feel like I am coming home. I am coming home to chickens and ducks in my kitchen, a dirty 6-year-old brother, and heat that doesn't quit, but it is home none the less.

Things I loveTortillas, Red BeansThe view of my lake from my bedroom window The way the older women in my town sing when they talkMy ridiculous 40min hike to the puebloThe three young adults in my town who are attending the university (Technological Institute)Meeting up with friends in San Sal

Things I can live withGuajada (A type of cheese my host mom makes every day)Chickens (In my room, in the kitchen, in the bathroom, in the pila)Dirty feet and constant sweat Constantly buying Saldo (Minutes for my Cell Phone)Bucket Baths

Things I hateCongas (Horrible green flies that bite really hard followed by bites that itch for two weeks)Aceite (Vegetable Oil), Manteca (Lard), & SaltInstant CoffeePoor evangelicals who aren't allowed to use birth control (God doesn't want you to starve your children)When women only eat dry cheese, chocolate, and tortillas after giving birth. (All of those things are delicious, but are contributing to the high infant mortality rate and poor maternal health.Being so far away from my best friends, boyfriend, and family

The new chambre (gossip) in the pueblo is that the gringa (me) uses counterfeit money. Apparently I gave a women a false $10 bill on friday. The tienda lady then used that bill to pay the Tigo vender. Two hours later the Tigo vender returned from Chalatenango and told the lady that the bill was false. When I returned from San Salvador on Sunday my host mom was very concerned when she told me that the money I gave the tienda lady was fake. (Which by the way means that the whole pueblo probably knows that I carry counterfeit money...I really hope the other tiendas don't hold that against me). So while I may be out $10 dollars at the end of this, the security office assured me that I am not going to jail. (The origin of the bill is still unknown, as far as I know I pulled that $10 out of the CitiBank ATM)

Love Chels

It is so hot here. My thermometer registered 102 degrees yesterday, I don't know how correct it is, but the point is that it is really hot! My daily Schedule looks like this:

6:30-7:00am Wake-up, eat breakfast8:00 Go for a run on the cancha (soccer field)9:00 Shower9:30 Sit in the hammock and read, or go to the “restaurant” and read12:00ish Eat lunch1:00ish Go visit houses and introduce myself4:00ish Return to hammock and book7:00ish Eat dinner, chat with family10:00 Crawl inside my “Fort” (Mosquito net) and read until I fall asleep.

As you can see I read a lot, finishing 3 books in 9 days: “3 Cups of Tea” by Greg Mortenson, “A Thousand Splendid Suns” Khalil Husseini (sp?), and “The Road to Perdition”. I just started “Water for Elephants.” The point of all of this being, if you want to send me something, send me a book or two.

The youth from my community have dropped by my house to tell me they want to start a softball team. I went to play with them, and they are actually pretty good. They have a bat and a ball, but no gloves. Apparently an NGO was working with them to start a team, but there wasn't enough interest at the time. So, it looks like I will start figuring out how to go about organizing this women's softball team as my first project.

At the same time, I have been attending meetings put on by “FoMilenio.” This organization is part of the Millennium Challenge Corporation of the United States. Together they are building an interstate highway through the northern, poorest, regions of El Salvador. The idea is to stimulate economic activity in the northern region and create a market for small business income generation. There is a large debate right now as to the costs and benefits of this program. Much of the northern region has been isolated from the violence and trafficking that is present in the Capital and along the PanAmerican highway, but the people living in the north have also been kept in extreme poverty according to a poverty map released by the El Salvadoran Government.

I have a new address:

PCV Chelsea WillettAlcaldía Municipal5a AV Sur Barrio. El Centro, Frente a Plaza de TorosSan Luis del Carmen, Chalatenango, El Salvador

Va Pues. Chels

28.03.10

Amoebas. Painful. The second thing that has made me want to go home in the last 2 months. Thank goodness the pain subsided relatively quickly with medications, but there was nothing worse than being alone and in pain. I also have my friends here to thank for texting me to see if I was okay; texts which I read with blurry eyes in and out of sleep. In all of the pain and the misery that has been training, I have learned yet another lesson, maybe two.

(1) Always call medical. (2) Friends will save me and keep me going in the moments when I can't keep myself going anymore. I feel blessed to have made friends here who don't mind spending their saldo* to find out if I'm okay. Friends that will sit next to me in the bathroom when I'm curled up on the floor crying at 5 o'clock in the morning because the amoebas are eating my insides... Thank you for being there for me. The next 2 years will be okay with you guys along for the ride.

With that, we are all headed to our sites to get a taste of what our lives will be like for the next 2 years. (My departure is a little late, due to the amoebas.) I am so excited to see what everyone will do with their time here, and how they will be used for good in this country. I continue to be amazed at the heart and spirit of salvadorans. With open arms and generosity they welcome the gringos into their homes and their hearts. No matter how long the gringo stays, s/he will never be forgotten.

We are ambassadors of the United States working to correct some of the negative things that gringos have done in the past. More importantly we are fellow human beings who have a responsibility to show compassion and acceptance to people who have been marginalized.

Choose to love.

La Chelsita

*Saldo- the bane of my existence. Saldo is what you get when you recharge your pay by the minute cell phone. It does not go very far...

For the last 18 days of my training here in San Vicente, I will be actively pursuing the path that has been set out for me. I am turning a new leaf in my attitude, pleading to remember that I am purposed for this work, though I do not yet know my job. My heart is not yet ready to meet with my community, who during the next two years will become my family. I am working to prepare myself, mysoul, and mybackpack for the true beginning of this two year journey.

“No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” 1 Cor. 10:13

It is easy here to fall into negative thoughts about my purpose and to doubt the plans that have been laid out for me. It is easy in this circumstance to see the ugly side of humanity and to lose hope. But I have been challenged to see the light and to follow faithfully where I am told. Faith that I will not be challenged beyond what I can bare. Faith that I have the tools I need to navigate those challenges. Faith that by the grace of God I can be used in this place.

Immersion days proved to be the best days of the last 3 excruciating weeks of training. The morale is generally low in training, and we are miserable. The three days I just spent in site with a current volunteer sufficiently recharged me for the next week.

As I left the site this morning at 7am, I was smiling from ear to ear. (I was actually running with my host brother to the bus because I was Really late, but while I ran I was smiling too :)) I stayed with the most beautiful family for 3 days and worked hard during the days in grueling hot sun...and I loved it! When I tried to pay my host mom this morning she looked at me and said “No.” And when I tried to insist by telling her it wasn't my money, it was the Peace Corps money, she explained to me, “You are welcome here anytime. We are friends now. Here we are poor but we have a lot of heart.” I almost cried. This is a woman who knew me for all of 3 days in which I tried to understand her spanish, and I talked and laughed with her family and ate the food she prepared for me. I am so grateful to have met this woman and her beautiful family. El Salvador is lucky to have people like them working hard to make their country and the world a better place.

Last night there was a full moon, and it came out early around 5pm. As dusk approached under a full moon, I was picking the first Mangoes of the season from my host family's tree in Sesori. I was filled with happiness, and my happiness overflowed when I bit into the mangoes still warm from the afternoon sun. I feel so blessed to be loved by so many people and to be so well taken care of in a foreign country by people I hardly know. The love is overflowing...

Oh ya and we went to a really beautiful Laguna, and I had an amazing cup of coffee. Cherry on top of a great weekend :)

Love Chelsavador

San Salvador is a beautiful modern city of which I was only privileged enough to see a small part of during my visit. The day began with a sad story....Along our route, a 12-year-old boy had been shot only an hour before we passed through. He was with his mother on the way to school when a gang member approached him. He told the kid that if he did not join the gang and go with him, that he would be shot, and when the boy refused, the gang member shot both the boy and the mother. The mother was taken to the hospital, however the boy was still on the side of the road, covered in a sheet, when we passed through. These types of murders have been on the rise here in ES. This year alone over 400 homicides have already been reported. To put that number in perspective, in New York City 400 homicides may not occur in an entire year, and El Salvador has surpassed that number by mid-February.

The “Maras” (gangs) in El Salvador are a modern phenomenon, and unfortunately they dominate the news that the rest of the world receives about ES. The gang problem here may be the one major problem that keeps this country from moving forward in the next 5-10 years. The new government must find a way to battle the gang epidemic with drug trafficking on the rise in ES. Soon the Gangs won't have to steal cellphones and jewelry on the bus, they will have much more profitable endeavors.

Every time I ride the bus the 30 minutes it takes to get to our community, I am astounded by the beauty of Volcán Chichontepeque. This landmark signifies pain and magnificence; also the unpredictable mountain of challenges that we will face over the next two years.

As Chichontepeque towers over us every morning we are reminded that there are long term goals here, but they are overshadowed by the looming threat of natural disasters as well as the sadness of former disasters. The community about 10 minutes to the north named Verapaz has been hit by two recent natural disasters, the earthquakes of 2001 and then the landslides this past november. The government may not rebuild in the region, and as it turns out, there is no regulating body in El Salvador that determines where it is safe to build houses. They will continue to build houses on the sand instead of foundations and when the rains come, will lose everything.

A 10 minute walk out of town, lies a small barrio called 13 de febrero (13th of february). This signifies the day that the earthquake hit Verapaz in 2001. These people moved there entire livelihoods down the mountain about 15 minutes and began a new life here. 9 years later, they are living close together in small USAID homes. At least they have a place to live, but who know if it will ever feel like home. Yet another obstacle to development.

When sitting in a classroom thousands of miles away studying development it is truly difficult to understand how intricate it is.

Hello Friends and Family-

This letter is to inform you have made it to El Salvador. We are in a city called San Vicente beginning our training. We had sessions all day today on security, health, and ES logistics. Tomorrow we will head to a community close by and move into our host family houses where we will be for 7 weeks. Following the 7 weeks of language and culture training we will return to San Vicente for logistical and technical training. Then we will return to our sites. We will not find out our sights until induction on 3/26. There are still alot of questions yet to be answered, but unfortunately, I don't think I will be able to communicate as much as I thought I would be able to. If you here from me, it will be a good day/week/month. We shall see.

I haven't seen much of the country so I can't really make a statement about ES yet, but San Vicente is pretty dirty, and much poorer than other cities I have visited of similar size in other countries.

More to come soon.

chels