How I know Fall has come to Bulgaria:

* School has started yet again.* I need my flashlight to see my way to the bus stop every morning.* Pumpkins, pumpkins, pumpkins* Halloween (which almost killed me this year)* The idea of leaving my house after 5 pm makes me shiver and put on another pair of socks.* Daylight Savings Time ( for 2 weeks I'm only 7 hours ahead of home)* Na gostis have moved indoors around the wood stove. Talk has turned philosophical. * Lytenitsa (pepper chutney) is cooking continuously outside in big black kettles.* The sound of wood being chopped all over town.* Burning leaves* Lots of chili* Store bought veggies* Daily scarf wearing (or blankets as one Bulgarian friend calls them)* Men coming out of the woodwork asking to be my boyfriend (I think they just want to keep warm for the winter).* Snow in the mountains* Playing cards indoors with the girls.* My tan is fading fast!*** And lastly..... I've turned pensive as I always do this time of year. Thinking of home........

Happy Autumnal Equinox everybody!

As promised, here's a recollection of what I've been doing this summer. Again, it comes in the form of an email that I just fished to my best friend, Stacy. She's about to give birth (ok, so she has a few months, but I'm SO tired of waiting!) and we've both been so busy. So I get to kill the proverbial 2 birds with 1 stone. Enjoy!

Hey- I've been busy! hahahh. but seriously, I've been traveling and doing kid stuff.And missing you too of course! I finished the school year with a 2 week summer school/camp for my 4-6th graders. We practiced spelling, learned about foods/food groups, animals, habitats, and did lots of arts, crafts and activities. Those summers in Bloomington really paid off. We ended the summer with 2 Mickey Mouse Pinatas that I made on my balcony. I had so many people come and yell up to me, "Hey, American (or Krisi if they knew me) what are you making?" "Why?" It was hard to tell them in Bulgarian what it was. They have no idea what a pinata is. Oh well. The kids loved it. Umm.... and I did too. Probably more.

Then we had a meeting for all of the Peace Corps volunteers in our group. Since coming to Bulgaria, we've lost a total of 8 volunteers so far. PC says it's estimated that each group looses about 10% of their members, so...... We all meet in a quaint village in the middle of the country. It looked very Bavarian (if you can picture what that might look like. not sure if I can, but it's the word that came to mind.) or maybe Classic German. White buildings with painted brown trim. The town is known for their wood working. We had a blast.Lots of meeting during the day, but then off to the restaurants to eat and drink beer. It was fun to see some friend whom I haven't seen since October. When I got home, I only had time to do some laundry and it was off again to the Rhodope mountains to help with Spelling Bee Camp. Peace Corps joined with an NGO to raise hold it's first Bulgarian English Spelling Bee. The top 3 kids from regionals went to Sofia for nationals and then they all got to attend this camp (given by PC) for free. So 21 students, their english teachers, 9 PC volunteers, and lots of NGO people and their families got to spend 4/5 days in a resort in the

mountains teaching creative learning/writing to some of the best students in Bulg aria. Talk about inspirational.I spent 2 hours with a group of kids making cards discussing what they thought the problems were in Bulgaria and their villages/towns and how they could change things. These kids cared! They didn't just want to leave their country and make money somewhere else. They were impassioned and frustrated, just like we are. That's why I love this aged kids. They are idealistic, passionate and sometimes have the most insightful things to add. I'm so glad I was a part this experience. It refreshed me for the upcoming school year.

Ok, on to other things. I'm home now and planning my next trip: Serbia and Bosnia. Not sure what that will entail, but I'm excited. I'll keep you posted! ing. It's been challenging to keep to any schedule because I've been gone so much. And being gone also challenges myeating habits. I still have about 10 more pounds to loose until I'm at my "happy" weight. Currently I'm a size 8. I haven't been in the single digits for a long time. I like it! I'd like to come home next year a size 6. But I'd be happy too to just stay like this too. Ok on to you! I'm glad the pregnancy is going well. Just remember to breathe. Not just during delivery, but in all things. Stay strong and don't compromise. This is too important to let someone else dictate for you.

Miss you and love you so much! Kristin

So this week marks my first year in Bulgaria. And while the week started out exciting and congratulatory, it ended a little melancholy and reflective.

I still need to pinch myself sometimes because I can't believe I actually packed up my life and moved half way around the world. Some call it courageous, and most days I do too. I've tried to carry that courage over to here and to live my life courageously too. It's been difficult. I find myself in situations where I need to remind myself to be in the moment and think about what I want the outcome to be.

So, now it's been a month since I started this post. A month of reflection, a month of changes, a month closer to the end. 13 months left in a country I knew nothing about. And still sometimes can't comprehend.

I'm having a hard time these days with my feelings. As those of you who know me, know, I am a feeler, a giver, a whole self immerser. But here, I've found it hard to balance things out. I want to give, to help everyone all the time. Yet I know that in 1 year I will be gone. And leaving always hurts. So I only let myself go so far. Because how do I invest myself completely knowing an end date is in site? Especially now when I'm looking forward to the next thing, instead of staying here (literally and figuratively).

And now it's been yet another month since starting this post. Not only have I been in Bulgaria for a year, but I've successfully completed 1 year of Peace Corps Service. Our B26 group finished our MSC (mid service conference) where we had the opportunity to reflect on our year of service, reconnect with friends/ PCV's whom we haven't seen in months, and to recharge for the year ahead. It was a great time.

And I am going to end this here. I'll post a new entry where I'll post pictures of MSC and most recently, the Spelling Bee Camp.

Here's to one more year! Cheers!

It's amazing how a change of the weather and some sunshine can change a person's outlook. I woke up today happy. Truly happy. I was light, like a winter weight was lifted from my shoulders. Do you ever have that feeling like you are bigger than everything around you? That you are all feeling and no thinking? That's how I felt today. I was optimistic and wide eyed. The sunrise was beautiful, the crowing roosters were welcoming and the smell of manure meant Spring. All day I looked around in wonder. It was almost like the first days in Bulgaria when the baba walking down the street in her mismatched sweater, wool tights, knitted vest and sturdy shoes was a sight to behold. I watched them today hobbling down the dirt road to the store where I'm sure they were going to buy bread, cheese and eggs. I also enjoyed the old дядовци(grandpas) sitting in a line on the benches outside their houses watching the world pass by, discussing I'm sure the weather, planting, and the potholes that sprung up over the winter. I spent the afternoon wandering around looking for storks. They should be coming back soon and that means that my red and white bracelets will be taken off and hung on a fruit bearing tree. They are hugely majestic creatures that build humongous nests on the tops of telephone poles around the towns and villages. I am anxious for them to return. It again reminds me of the first days in my small village of 2,000 people. My daily walk to school began with the outline of the pair of storks that lived on the corner telephone pole on my street. We silently greeted each other each morning with a head nod. So now I am finishing this post sitting on my balcony listening to some great music that matches my feelings. There is hope today. It's a rare feeling here, but today all is possible.

Hope you are all enjoying the coming spring where ever you are.

That means my birthday week. :)

I'm 37! Lookin' good, right?

Megan and Evan at a cute little hostel in Sofia. It's owned and run by an old man who loves PC volunteers.

A small portion of my Baba Marta bracelets. Love them!

This is an email that I sent to my parents and I realized it made a good blog. Enjoy!

Hey parents! I got your note and realized I haven't written or blogged for awhile. So I'll give you a small rundown of the goings on here in Bulgaria.

Winter came and it was not as cold as people said it would be. Maybe it's because I'm from MN, but it never got below zero. But that's not to say I wasn't cold. It's a different cold. My apartment is cold, I walk ALOT outside and it's cold, my school is cold.... so you get the picture. Now it's getting warmer. There's more sun too. It's nice to wake up and have some light to see the icy roads by. And it's nice to know that my walk home will be lighter longer too. I've started to see livestock out of doors too. Donkey carts are more frequent and I've seen small herds of goats and cows out once in awhile. Can't wait till my 2 donkeys who live on my corner come back. I miss the annoyed donkey who's braying sounds like whining. I am also excited to open my doors and use my living room again, to be able to wash more laundry at a time and hang it outside to dry. There's nothing like the smell of fresh laundry dried outside (unless it's plastic burning day). I am also ready to take off my socks. I wear knee highs and another pair of wool socks daily, and my feet are itching to be free (maybe the itching is the dry skin, who knows?). Also I want to show off my guns (my arms). Doing laundry by hand for 7 months and wringing out pants, jeans and the like have done wonders for the shape of my arms. I might even wear a tank top this summer.

My students are struggling, but we are going to succeed! We are all tired, cold and frustrated. They don't want to work and neither do I. I think when the sun shines and the weather turns warmer, we will all learn more. We have more volunteers coming in about a month. Popitsa will have 5 volunteers. My baba will have another girl too. I'm a little worried, because it was so hard for me, I'm afraid how another person will get on with her. I guess it's good that I am so close. I can come over if there is an emergency. But for the most part, I will stay away. This new girl will have to struggle through just like I did. It made me a better volunteer and forced me to sit and be quiet. To be able to be in a an uncomfortable situation for long periods of time and know that it will be alright. The village I teach in will get more volunteers too. I am excited because they will be helping me with my classes. I'm already planning and for the things we can do in small groups.

What else? My birthday! What a birthday week! It started with Baba Marta day. A day to celebrate spring and where people give red and white bracelets and pins to everyone. So I started my birthday week getting around 50 bracelets. But I spent the week before making 125 bracelets for all the students I teach. I also crocheted red and white flowers and attached them to pins for the teachers and co-workers at my school. Lots of work, but totally worth it. Then on Wednesday, I went to Sofia where there was party for Peace Corps to celebrate 50 years of service and 20 years in Bulgaria. Lots of big wigs spoke, including the ambassador to Bulgaria. We felt important. Then I spent the weekend there in Sofia eating our way through foods we hadn't eaten in awhile. We had McDonald's, Chinese, Burger King, and Russian food. I had the most delicious beef stroganoff. Man! And of course Russian vodka. Which led to dancing.....

Today my co-workers gave me a birthday present... a pretty silver necklace, a shirt (that actually fits) and some perfume. I am so lucky to work where I do. The people there are so warm hearted and generous. I told them that I was so lucky to have them. I think I embarrassed them, but they give me so much and I always get overwhelmed and a little teary-eyed. They make this experience here.

Tomorrow is Women's Day. It's also considered Mother's Day. Kids are making cards and buying flowers along with all the men here. It's nice that they are appreciated. They work so hard in a place where men dominate. But we know who keeps the families fed, loved and life rolling along here. I am honored to be a part of it.

So on that note, Happy Mother's Day mom! Love you!

Love,Kristin

Happy New Year everyone!This blog is going to be dedicatedto the holidays, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's.So let's get started. Thanksgiving. It seems so long ago. What a different experience here. Instead of gathering with family, we got together with our make shift family here. There were 7 volunteers and 3 Bulgarians. I mustsay that I liked having a big meal with friends. Low key and low stress. We went to my friend Mary's house. She lives inthe next town over from me. Megan came a day early and we got to have some fun VIP time. We ate pizza and drank cocktails. Then like at home, we got up early to start cooking. I wantedto make green bean casserole, apple walnut bread, pickle rollups and a veggietray. As muchas that sounds "traditional" it wasn't. I made "homemade" mushroom sauce, and instead of sliced ham, I used prochutto. But all in all, I'd say the meal was a success. Mary made the best turkey I've ever eaten. And to be with friends cooking, talking, laughing, eating, and playing games is probably the best thing about this holiday. I even think the Bulgarians liked it. Christmas:Kate came back to spendtime with her host family. She invited me, so on Christmas Eve the two of us went back to Popitsa and spent a "traditional" Bulgarian Christmas. Dinner was vegetarian only. Also we had to eat either 9 or 12 dishes. 9 for the number ofmonths Mary was pregnant with Jesus, or 12 for the number of months in the year. We also ate biscuits that had money hidden in one of them. Whoever found the money would have luck for the year. Guess who found it? Yup, me! Whoot Whoot! Candles were lit and incense was wafted around the room. I think it was actually frankensence. Christmas day was filled with "na gosti". Kate and I went to visit mybaba, Johnny. She was cooking like a mad woman. Her grandson was supposed to come, but had to stay in Sofia and work. He was sending his friends over to pick up the food and deliver it to him. She didn't have a lot of time tochat, but we talked around her cooking. It's nice to have more language where I can actually have a conversation with her now. Not just nodding and pretending to know what she's talking about. But don't get me wrong, there's A LOT of things she says that Ihave no idea about. Sometimes I thinks she's speaking something other than Bulgarian to me. But when we get frustrated, we just laugh and hug each other. After Johnny it was on to Marianna and Roosi's. They were Megan's host family. Their 2 children were home for the holidays, so our quick stop turned into a 5 hour "na gosti" with food and LOTS of wine. Boy does my Bulgarian get better with liquor. We laughed, talked, gossiped and reminisced about the past summer.Then to round out the holiday, Kate planned a celebration for the children in Popitsa. We handed out flyers and talked to the librarian and on Tues. we met at the Chitalishte and crafted, colored, played bingo, and had a huge snowball fight. We onlyhad a few kids, but it was fun. The children enjoyed it and we loved being back in our village. Mary came too and got to experience the kids. They are amazing. Mostof the kids that came are part of the "Sunshine" club. They are self governed and prepare plays, art and other "extra" activities that they don't get in school. So for us, they dressed as Santa, Snow White (she's a big part of Christmas here) and Rudolph. They gave speeches and handed out gifts. What an amazing group of young people. Kids back home could take alesson or two from them. New Year's:Megan, Kerri and I spent 4 days in Istanbul, Turkey. We took an overnight bus and arrived at 6 am. It gave us time to settle in, take a small nap and hit the town running. Our only "glitch" was that the hostel we booked went out of business the week before and didn't tell us. So as we were standing outside, a man from the neighboring cafe came over and told us the bad news. Let the panic start. But after awhile, we found a Best Western (can't be any more American than that, right?). The man at the information desk was very helpful, since we couldn't afford to stay there (200 euro/night). We were brought a block away to another smaller hotel where we negotiated a price of $90 US dollars a night for the 3 of us. Perfect. So we took out our tour guide book and map and proceeded to see all the sights Istanbul had to offer. I was amazed at all the people. Not amazed because there were a lot, but because I heard so many different languages and no one looked alike. I made a game for myself to try to figure out the language and where the person was from. Lots of people from Germany and other Scandinavian countries. I fit in.So, the sights. We had a "top 9" list from Phil Rudy, our Peace Corps PTO. So here is our list in no particular order:1. Basilica Cistern- built as a underwater storage tank. The roof is supported by 336 pillars and 2 upside down medusa heads. No one knows why they are upside down, but they look cool.2. Blue Mosque- there are 6 minarets. Legend says that they sultan wanted gold minarets and the word for gold and 6 are so similar that he got 6 instead of gold. But he was happy because at that time no other mosque outside of Mecca had 6. It's a beautiful place. Wide spacious and filled with stained glass and colored tiles. I never get tired of seeing them.3. Haghia Sophia- originally a church, it was converted to a mosque in the 15th century. The mosaics were plastered over and centuries later the plaster started to chip, revealing the beautiful mosaics of Christ, John the Baptist, and the Virgin Mary. There is a Weeping Pillar where it is said that if you can put your thumb in and turn your hand all the way around, your wish will come true. It's harder than it seems.4. Boat Tour- We took a tour of the Golden Horn by boat. It was our change to see the magnificent palaces on the water and also to boast that we were in Asia. Fun way to see the sights.5. Spice Market- All I can say is "WOW". It's like the Grand Bazar only with spices. So many people, so many beautiful colors. I don't think I can describe with words. You must see the pictures.6. Galata Tower- think Eiffel Tower but on a smaller scale. Take an elevator to the top and get a fantastic look at Istanbul. 7. Grand Bazar- probably the most touristy thing todo. Blocks and blocks of shops selling everything from jewelry to souviners, to carpets. Like the Spice Market it was overwhelming. So many people and merchants haggling over prices. My favorite part was watching the young men run around delivering tea to the shop owners and picking empty cups and saucers hidden around the bazar. It was like and easter egg hunt.8. Topkapi Palace-- It is supposed to house the Prophet Muhammed's cloak and sword. I saw cloaks and swords. I liked to think they were all his. Lots of jewels and relics to look at. It was so big. Hard to imagine people actually living there. There was a separate place for the Sultan's harem but it cost more money to get in, and there were so many people we decided not to go in.9. Salep Drink- warm milk with honey, cinnamon and other things added. It sort of tasted like liquid pudding. Drink it fast (not too fast because itHOT) because it gets a skin on the top.10. Turkish Bath- this was the best think I did in Turkey. Also I felt quite courageous. We paid our money and got a sarong, panties and a token. Then having changed into the panties and sarong we wereushered into a large room with LOTS of other naked women. In the center of the room was a large round slab. The entire room was hot (sauna). We waited in the middle of the circle waiting for a free Turkish woman to bathe us. One called us over and after laying on your open sarong, the half naked woman took soap and began scrubbing every inch of your exposed body. 8 months of Bulgarian dirt gone. After, the woman ushered you into a smaller atrium where she washed your hair. Very relaxing.When you were done, you could go into the bath house (like a whirlpool, minus the whirl) and relax in the hot water. If you got too hot, you could go back into the big room and use the fountains of cool water to cool off. When we were thoroughly relaxed, we traded our sarong for a big warm towel and sat in the salon on comfy couches with hot Turkish Tea. Wow. So there is my update for the holidays. Such a fun experience to break away from "tradition" to learn about others' and to create new memories. I feel so lucky to be able to travel and see new things and experience new things. New Year's resolution: To be more fearless. And to train and run the 10k in Greece in the fall.I hope you all had a wonderful holiday and made your own memories.Love,Kristin

Some people call Peace Corps Bulgaria the "Posh Corps". We have internet. We have access to shops, transportation, and some of us even have washing machines. I understand the term. But some people think that having these conveniences makes our service less difficult. That we may even be on a vacation of sorts.

Well, we are not. We struggle just as much as other volunteers in other countries do. We, too are trying to navigate through a completely different language, culture and expectations. We wake up to unfamiliar views outside our windows and wander around towns where we are stared at continuously. Though we may have some of the conveniences of "home", sometimes it makes being here even harder.

Some days I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to sit and not contribute. I don't know how to wait. I want things to happen in my time frame. I want to understand. Not just the language, but the culture. I want to know why I can't have all the information now. I want to feel relaxed. I want to be looked at like a member of the community, not the outsider. I want more time to think.

Sometimes here is harder than if I would've gone to say, Africa. That to me is the quintesential Peace Corps experience. The one that everyone understands. Living in a grass hut, etc. etc. But here, there are large cities with all kinds of shopping, food, and other worldly things. I can get almost any name brand thing I want. I just have to travel to find it. That makes this all even harder. The juxtaposition of life in a village and the metropolis of the big cities is huge. Talk about a GAP. The potential here is so great, yet sometimes it seems so out of reach.

Then that begs the question, "Is western influence necessary?" I like that I walk everywhere. That my food is as "organic" as you can get. That chopping wood, hand washing clothes and making a meal for a meal's sake each day is not only necessary, but enjoyable. Is convenience such a good thing? We are used to it at home and don't even think about it most days. If we want to go visit someone, we just get in our car and drive. Here I have to coordinate train and bus schedules along with where will I stay because getting somewhere is easier than getting home. I can't just grab a quick bus to the next town over to see a friend (regardless that she only lives a 20 min. car ride away). But I don't take these things for granted anymore. It makes the times spent with people more precious. And to note, back home everyone is trying to get away from "convenience" and are turning to "homemade". So why do we want things to be faster here. See the problem? I want things faster yet at the same time I love the slower paced life. This is no vacation.

Some people forget. They make it about themselves. Why don't you write more.... Well, I'm trying to learn a language, make meaningful relationships here, teach children to care, find my inspiration, and somedays try to find the good. So this is my explaination. It's hard here. It's hard to hear about life back home. It's hard to care about things that go on there when it sounds selfish to even have those issues here. Your job is hard, your principal is not understanding, your snowblower doesn't work, you don't have heat, you want a new car, your boyfriend doesn't call you everyday, you don't have any money. It's hard to keep the ties.

But, I wouldn't change this experience for anything in the world. I've learned more about myself in the last 6 months than I ever thought I would. I've found my voice in some ways. I have to ask for what I want and what I need. I don't feel bad saying that. I have more patience than I thought I could ever possess. And I thought I was patient before. I am stronger, older, more confident, more caring, happier, and more creative. As hard as it can be here, some days I can't picture myself leaving. I can't picture myself going "home". Maybe this is the stepping stone for a life abroad.

Ok enough rambling. Hope this gives you an idea of how I'm handling myself here. The next post hopefully will be more descriptive about Bulgaria. My town and it's people.

Having said that, I am a monogamous cuddler. What I mean, I can handle one person at a time. And most days, I can't even handle that. I've read Adrienne's blog where she described a conversation with her friend about the appropriate amount of time to wait until you call a person of interest back. Is there a time limit? Is there a game to be played? I've come to the conclusion that there is. Is today my day to call or is it his? When he said he was going to be on Skype tonight does that mean my time or his? Or does that mean he'll be on talking to others and not me? How long is too long? How much is too much?

I just got an email from a friend of mine at home where she spills her vulnerability out like a gaping wound. It's difficult to put yourself out there for someone and then be left dangling. I know, I've been there. Is he really just busy, or just too busy for me? How do we let ourselves feel, yet guard the most precious of ourselves?

I am the type of person to give my all to you. If I feel that you are worthy, and by worthy, I really mean needy, then I will give you everything. Never mind what I need. I will give you my money, my time, my heart, my soul. I will bleed myself dry for you. And where has that gotten me? Nowhere.

So I instead of finding the balance, I swing the other way, like a midevil pendulum. I give you nothing. I guard myself only allowing the parts of me to show that I allow. Nothing fazes me, nothing hurts me. I am carefree. And where has that gotten me? Nowhere either.

Here is what I wrote to that friend back home today. Good luck out there everyone. Sending stars to you all!

Don't feel bad about "letting someone in". It's a good thing. It means we care. Sometimes I forget that I have that capability. Mostly I just feel numb towards everything, relying on my "fight or flight" instinct. I've been here 6 months and I am still waiting "for the other shoe to drop". Like something will go wrong. Maybe I'm afraid that my capability to love is too big. That once I start letting everyone and anyone in I won't be able to let go and that scares me, because I know that I will have to. Take Care. Don't let your head get the best of you. Try to keep talking to him. Don't be afraid to ask the hard questions. Once you know you can act. Not knowing means not acting. That's the hardest thing. Just a little something I learned lately. Still trying to act on it myself.

Happy Halloween!

3rd Grade Trying to help.

It's Halloween time here in Bulgaria. Now at home, I generally don't do much for Halloween. I mean I don't even really like it. It's always so hard to come up with a costume idea that is cute yet easy. At school we don't really celebrate it. I mean it's middle school so they can't dress up at school and they are too old for the games that they played in elementary school. Some go trick-or-treating, but they are at the age where it's too old.

But here, Halloween in new. It's a novel idea and everyone loves it! My 6th graders had a great time playing BINGO and "Wrap the Mummy" with toilet paper. They made masks and LOVED the candy. My 3rd graders today were even more excited. They wore their own costumes and we made witch's hats. The hats were then turned upside to catch candy.

Even my counterpart got in the mood. It's funny because I can be as corny and clownish as the next elementary teacher. But to see my generally reserved counterpart put on a mask, then put on a witch's hat and "fly" around the room on her broom, it was pretty impressive. The kids liked it too. So now I have one more grade to go: 7th. I'm sure they will be "too cool" to really get into the games or wearing the masks they decorated the other day. But who knows? Maybe they will surprise me.

Happy Halloween to all you ghosts and gobblins!

These are from a bar in Sophia. It's totally lit by candles. Beautiful.

So I've been here 5 months. Here's what I've learned so far:

1. When giving flowers, give an odd number. Even numbers of flowers are for the dead.2. Never kiss in a doorway. It's bad luck. 3. When you get scared blow down your shirt. Not sure why. Maybe cool the nerves?4. Never make a plan for anything. You can have a vague idea of what you want to happen, but when it doesn't you're not disappointed.5. The afternoon почивка (nap, break,rest) is the best thing ever. Everyone should try it. 6. Traveling is an all day experience, even if you are only going a few hundred miles. I recently went to visit a friend and took: 2 busses, a train, a trolley and a taxi. 7. Timing is everything. But don't plan and always have a backup.8. I can make a MEAN chicken nugget.9. Being cold in the U.S is NOT the same as being cold in Bulgaria.10. Things will happen in due time. 11. Bulgarian men are hard to understand. 12. When in doubt, dance it out. 13. Education is not the same everywhere, but children are.14. Bulgaria let's me be myself without judgment.15. I still HATE сирене and кашкавал. (Bulgarian cheese)

It's been a crazy, emotional, and exciting journey so far. I can't believe I'm almost 1/4 of the way done. The B24's just left last week and I miss them. I didn't know many of them, but the idea of them is missed. I am at the beginning and they are at the end. I wonder how they feel. Is it weird to think about going back to the Untied States? As much a I miss home sometimes, I'm not sure I could go back right now. I'm just getting used to it here and in 2 years, after I've invested my life, my love, my whole being, will I be able to leave? Those who know me, know that I don't like change and when I do decide on something, it's hard to let go. But, I'm only 5 months in. I am more worried now about making lasting relationships with the people here and with the education of the children. And what a challenge.

I've been thinking about my life before Bulgaria and how it's prepared me for being here. Here's what has helped.1. Living with my parents saved my sanity living with my baba and now my landlord and her family. Always being watched and questioned. Patience. I have A LOT!2. Listening and helping friends--- self explanatory3. Having my friend Christine tell me to talk softer--- I am never the LOUD American in a group. 4. Working with Special Education students. They need patience and life lessons. So do the children here. Many lesson plans I used back home with them are working here.5. Cheryl Anderson. Love her and her style of teaching. I try daily to invoke her presence in my classroom. She could reform the WHOLE Bulgarian educational system if she were here.6. My younger self. I've reconnected with her and she's fun. Watch out kids. Dancing and singing in the classroom is coming soon. 7. My smile still works. People respond to smiles and I am always smiling.

So to wrap up 5 months; I'm still happy with my decision and have made so many new friends and new experiences. I am excited to see what the next 5 will bring.

First Day of School: Children come on September 15th to bring flowers for their teacher and get their books. The older students also put on a program and sing for the new incoming Kindergardeners. It's a sweet day. Just look at these precious faces.

It's been a busy month. School started and though it's been fun, it has also been challenging. But the thing is, it's not much different than at home. Students are always trying to push the boundaries, show off for each other and get away with doing as little as possible. It's now up to me to figure out how to keep their attention while making sure they learn something. All while trying to keep myself motivated and improve my Bulgarian.

No wonder I got sick.

The weather is changing. It's chilly in the mornings and by lunch, the sun can be almost hot. As I traveled this weekend, I saw trees beginning to change. I can't wait to watch summer turn into fall into winter.

These pretty pears were enjoying the sun in friend's kitchen.

I also ran a 5k in Koynare, Bulgaria. The volunteers there asked for Volunteer participants. The race has been happening for many years. It was fun to be a part of it. We added a more relaxed, less "race" feel to the day. I think everyone enjoyed watching us run. We posed for pictures after. What a fun thing to say I did. It was also a good opportunity to get myself back into a running mindset. Now that the weather is cooler I am excited to run more. I've done a little, and the local Babas like to watch. Sometimes I get a "bravo" as I run by. It's cute.

So lastly, on a more pensive note, I've been wondering why I'm here. I am trying to be in every moment, but it's hard. I often project ahead to what will be happening, or what I want to be happening. I read other's blogs and think that I'm not doing enough. But then, what is too little, enough or too much. I try daily to use more Bulgarian, to say "Hello" to at least one more person than I did yesterday, and to plan a productive lesson for my students. Is that enough?

Enough for this post.

So, I've been reading a lot of different blogs lately, and with the overcast day and emotions running high, I've decided to post my journal from today.

Why do you blog? Is it to say something in the privacy and anonymity of a bubble? Or to give a detailed and itemized description of what you ate? To keep your family apprised on your adventures and goings on? Or is it a venue to give the world your view of the political shortcoming of a country? Maybe you blog when you don’t know what to say in the real world. Maybe when confronted with real life, you become overwhelmed and unable to properly embrace your feeling and ideas. It becomes easier to be an observer who never has to define or defend a single thought, value or ideal. It’s easy to take a back seat to life. To watch the world around you go by, never offering an insight or make a personal connection. The problem then becomes a question. Who are you? Or “How can you navigate life through words kept to yourself?” “What kind of personal connections can you make when you are the one sitting alone waiting for others to come to you?” Sometimes writing is good for the soul. You can describe things and feel things on a different level. The stork chattering to its mate or the e.e. cummings like view on a balcony can only be described in words. It makes sense. But sometimes you need to use those words. Hiding won’t work. You think you don’t have to worry about what people consider important or how your ideas and feelings will affect them. But the sad thing is that in hiding you are underestimating the company you keep. You could be the one to inspire or transform, but instead you are play acting; showing the world one face and writing the world another. It becomes difficult to tell the difference. What happens when you can’t speak the convictions of your soul? What do you become? A dreamer? Maybe you become someone who can’t take a man at his word. Maybe when a man says he’s bad, he is. Sometimes people are not hiding behind words, sometimes they are speaking the truth and it takes practice to hear it. So the answer is to speak. Be courageous. Only by talking can we be heard. Writing about it later can’t change things now. Don’t use others’ words as your own. Don’t use others’ experiences as yours. Be in the moment. Don’t let your song be under your breath. You want a mate, a friend, a relationship? Then “be”. Is this being too sentimental? We feel. Sometimes not all at once. Sometimes in our quietest moments we feel the most. Sometimes we are taught by experiences that feeling outwardly will get us hurt, so we show only a little at a time. But if we only feel inwardly, we won’t get what we want outwardly. And though we want someone to “get” us, to really understand our innermost feelings, we must start by saying. We must be vulnerable not only in our quietest moments, but in the loudest ones too. Only when we allow ourselves to shine through, can we have the kind of relationships we are inwardly hoping for. This is what I hope my blog is. This and a description of the food I ate, my thoughts about being in a country very different than my own, my adventures and searches to find the perfect pair of shoes, because that’s who I am.

So, when I left my village a few weeks ago and came here I wondered if I'd miss the country life. At first it was quiet and peaceful. I found myself sleeping later, wondering around my apartment in the quiet wondering what was missing. Then it hit me. Where are the animals?

Now, I come from the city via the suburbs of Minneapolis. The only animals one might hear are some squirrels scratching at the window screen, a random dog in the yard which is silenced by an owner's harsh word, and on occasion a domestic argument. But here, I lived at the very end of town. I had chickens, turkeys, 2 dogs, and a goat. The neighbors had goats, horses, cows, chickens, pigeons, and various dogs and cats. There was ALWAYS noise. If not from barnyard animals, then from the plethora of children in the neighborhood yelling and playing all day and all night.

I woke every morning to my rooster. It even came with a snooze alarm. I had a 4:30 wake up call, followed by a 5:30, 6:00 and 6:30 snooze button. On the way to the bathroom I'd pass my rooster and his lovely lady friend, a plump turkey who idolized him, following him around all day long. They would follow me to the "bathroom" and stand guard as I did my business and said,"Good Morning" to the neighbor's goat who liked to eat next to my outhouse.

On the way to school I pass the cow calves chained to the corner and my donkey who oversaw my whole neighborhood. To give directions I would say "Walk down this road until you come to my donkey and turn right." My sisters are probably laughing because they are the animal lovers, rescuing cats, dogs, horses; anything that might need love. They are used to the smell of animal feces on the road and the ability to side step poop while walking. I on the other hand have had my head down for 2 months making sure I didn't ruin my shoes.

So here, in my new place, I began to miss the noise. Until..... one day not too long after I moved in.........I heard it. The complaining braying of a donkey. Looking out my window I discovered not one, but 2! And each stood guard on the corners of my street. Now I can say again, "Go to the end of the street, turn right at the donkey." They are the guardians of my neighborhood.

I am home.

I'm on day 5 of living in my new home in Bulgaria. And although I LOVE my new place, I am feeling a little lonely. I am in a place where there were 6 volunteers for the last 11 weeks, and we were at a site 3 miles away. We were always here. We met up,shopped, drank, and hung out. Now I go to these places and expect to see someone I know sauntering down the street, knowing they will stop for a chat and maybe a beer. But there they are not here. Don't get me wrong. I am happy here. I have a great teaching counterpart and 2 B-25 volunteers here. I also have 2 B-26 friends of mine super close too, but the day to day contact I want with people is hard to get used to.

This transition we've been on has been challenging. Just when we get settled in one place and with one set of expectations, it's over and we have to adjust once again. I know that I can wait it out. In a few weeks I will be active and busy, but today, I have to make a plan to leave my apartment. On a positive note, I went to Vratsa yesterday to get my identification card. Lots of volunteers said that it was a hassle. They waited in line and were told to come back multiple times. My counterpart, Sveti, and I walked right into the immigration office, filled out the paperwork, and when I went to pay the 63 leva, the woman said that they don't charge volunteers. Super easy and nice. I treated Sveti to some gelato. Her friend drove us in his car, but wouldn't take any money for gas (gas is super expensive here). The good heartedness of people here touches me everyday. My landlords fed me, let me use their internet, and had their son help me buy a router for wireless after he'd been up all night working at the bus station. They took me grocery shopping and got me a new television. I am blessed. I hope that my language will progress quickly so I can convey my gratitude and appreciation for/to them.

Ok, enough emotional ramblings. Here are some update pictures. Mostly of our swearing in ceremony and my new place. If you are my friend of Facebook, you've already seen them. If not, enjoy.

I am finishing my last week of PST here in Bulgaria. What does that mean? Well, it means that I have to take a long verbal test on Tuesday, say goodbye to my family and friends in my town on Wednesday, go to Vratsa on Thurs, and then again on Friday for the graduation ceremony, and lastly, move to my permanent site. I am happy to be done. I can't lie. It's getting more difficult every day to follow rules that are in place for people much younger than myself. I find that I don't have as much patience now as I did 2 months ago. I am looking forward to some quiet alone time for the month of August. Maybe even some time at the local pool working on my tan.

My group went to Sophia on Friday to have out last interviews with the Peace Corps staff. How is everything going? Are you still able and willing to serve? Things like that. Sled Tova (after that), we toured Sophia a little. Our language trainer has a place here so we had a "local" tour guide. I must say, it's TOO BIG for me, and I come from a larger city. Sophia has 3 million and Mpls has 300,000. It doesn't compare. When Radi asked if it was like home, I couldn't explain the difference. It's too vast. Sophia reminds me of New York, in that it has so many people and shops, and advertisements. It's hard to move around in and confusing. I'm not sure I could travel there by myself. It was nice to get home to my town of 2,100.

Although things here are coming to an end, I am getting a little nervous to be on my own. I still not confident buying food in a store. I don't know what the things are let alone how to cook them. But I guess that means I can be creative. Who will meet me for a beer or a soda at any given moment of the day? I know I have some B25's in town, but I need my B26's. I'm sure things will even out soon and I will be as busy as ever, but for now I am going to let these feelings roll around inside my head.

Yesterday, Kate, her host family and I went to the panorama near Pleven. It is a painting telling the war of 1877 between the Russians and the Turks. But if you ask a Bulgarian, and we did, they will say that Russia didn't liberate them. They fought and liberated themselves. The painting was painted in 1977 and put in a big concrete building. I thought it was amazing.

That's all for now. Next post will be from my permanent site. Yippee!!

Last week was Roma Culture day in Vratsa. We went to the Hub center where we were able to listen to a panel discuss Roma culture in Bulgarian. I don't know what to say except that it is a relationship that is long and emotional. But looking at these photos and watching them perform I saw joy and a freedom that made me smile.

It was also the beginning of Summer School in our town. We have the students for an hour everyday. We mix teaching English with games and hope to give the students an idea of what different techniques can be used in the classroom. Something a littledifferent than what they are used to in Bulgaria.

Here is my class mixed with Kate's to play a word game, my Boyz, and my 5/6th grade class.

I know that I haven't been able to post so many pictures so here are some:

Kids' Day in our town. They had a butter "Puffy" eating contest and the winner got.................. More Puffy's!

Lastly, this is a group of children in our town who wanted to further their experiences. They got together to form a group, THE SUN, and they meet without an adult, govern themselves, and put on performances for the town. They write their own plays, play music, study art and in these pictures put together a small museum of the town's history. ENJOY!!!!

Oh yeah, and here's my baba and her singing group. She's the one in the middle with the brown coat.

This past weekend all 87 met in Vratsa to get our permanent site placements. We would spend 4 days in Vratsa, then travel with our Bulgarian Counterpart to our new sites for a 2 day visit. In Vratsa, the Peace Corps drew a huge map of Bulgaria, layed out colored pieces of paper with village names on them (color coded for each program), and called each person's name and announced where they would be placed. Each person was given a carnation and a packet of information about their new site.

My site is about 7 miles from where I currently am now. Everyone laughed because we were told to bring piece of our luggage to take to our new site so it would be easier traveling later. I had to drag my heavy piece of luggage for 20 minutes on a rocky dirt road from my baba's house to the bus stop. Lug it on a bus to the next town, load it on another bus to Vratsa, then walk 2 miles (about) with it to the hotel. Then I found out that I was basically going back to my village. So then I had to reverse the whole process. Everyone laughed.

I will be living in a house (more like an apartment) in B__ S___, the town close to where I will teach. A fellow teacher at my new school and her family live downstairs. I live on the second floor with a bedroom, living room (and small balcony), and posssibly the smallest kitchen ever. It has a sink, small stove/oven (think oversized toaster oven with a hot plate on top) and through another door in the kitchen is the bathroom (water heater, toilet :) and shower).

For these days I have eaten with my new family. They are very nice and helpful. The mother is a wonderful cook. I haven't had "home cooking" since I've been here. My baba is a reheater of frozen food. I think I may just gain back the weight I've lost here in the next few days. It will be a big shock when I have to buy and cook for myself.

Today I am visiting my new school, meeting the director and teachers, and looking over the texts I will use in the fall. Later we will walk around the village and go back to Byala Slatina to go to the weekly Bazar. I can't wait to see what it is like.

I will post pictures soon. My camera battery is dead, so I have to get a new one and get some pictures from a friend's camera.

Love to all!

You all get to read 2 posts at one time. I just finished the last one and now I will write a quick something. Sorry no photos. I have some of the "field trip" we went on, but left my camera at home and it's too hot and too far to get it. So next time I post I will put them up.

We had our permanent site placement interviews this week. I think they went well but I am still not sure where they will put me. We find out this Thursday. Then on Sunday we travel with our teaching/English speaking counterparts to our permanent site to see the town, and meet the people and teachers. Then we have to find our way back to our training site on our own. Hopefully I can do this. If not, I might be seeing another part of Bulgaria I haven't seen before.

We also have our mid term language test this week. I hope I do ok. It's just a gauge as to where you are and what you need to concentrate on. I have no idea how I am doing. I am understanding more everyday so hopefully that will prove useful on this test.

The weather turned hot. It's about 90 in the shade and I don't even have a fan at home. It will have to be like living at 1526 LaSalle and cold shower it before bed.

That is all. It's too hot.

Ok. So I've been in Bulgaria for about 1 month and here's what I know:

*I miss home more than I thought I would.*I wish I could say more to the people I've met here. * The food is not as bad as I thought it would be.* Cars, airplane, and siren noise has been replaced with roosters, dogs, and cattle.* Baba's have very sensitive feelings. They listen to gossip and believe it.* Bulgarian is VERY hard to learn; especially when you automatically put in French words in for Bulgarian ones when you don't know what the word is.* The family chicken had babies and I just saw them yesterday. * Kids are kids everywhere. At Risk is At Risk and I want to take them all home with me. *I will miss my support here when we have to move to our permanent placement.*I miss Mac-N-Cheese, Taco Bell and pasta.*I think my Baba is trying to fatten me up. I say "No more." and she laughs at me and hands me more bread. * I know that I can pee anywhere in the world and have no problem (inside or out).* Taxis drive however and wherever they want. The potholes are a big problem and everyone drives around them regardless of what is coming at them. I cover my eyes a lot. * The term "meat" is open for interpretation.* Coke does not taste the same here. *Coffee is awesome!!!

Ok. So enough with the list. Here's the latest info. This week was busy with cooking, teaching and being observed, and family strife.We had to cook a Bulgarian meal for our language trainer. I don't think he had much confidence in our cooking experience. He "hovered" and kept telling us how to do things, like peel potatoes, stir a pot of food, and how to dress a salad. We told him we'd cooked before, but he was still skeptical. Everything turned out fine. Kate made banitsa ( traditional Bulgarian dessert), Megan a cool cucumber tarator (cold cucumber soup), Nikki made Mousica (like a meat, potato, and veggie hotdish), and I made basically potato pancakes. And just to prove my language trainer right, I cut my thumb. DAMN!

My observation went well. They were impressed with my teaching skills and were excited to have me here to teach.

As for the drama, my poor BABA heard some gossip in town that I wanted to leave her house. I came home to a very upset grandma yelling in a language I don't understand. I called my language trainer and made him help me understand. I told her I loved her and didn't want to leave and things are better.

Stress level was high. But coping skills getting sharper by the day.

A pretty picture.

Where my laundry hangs. A nice view from my house.

Wild turkeys in Bulgaria!! Just so you don't think that I am imagining them!

Local horses for community use. See the chain. This one's baby is super cute. It skittish though.

Me and a local girl at the Alphabet celebration day. She was in my 3rd grade class that I taught.

So, I know I just posted, but I wanted to add a few more pictures of the town. Hope you like them.

Here is a local sheep farmer by Kate's house

This is the national holiday last Monday. It celebrated the men who created the alphabet.

My eating area. The white door in the center is where we eat. The building to the left is the kitchen.

My shower room. Enough said. Watch out for spiders!

My sleeping area. See my REI backpack?

I know this is late, but this is the first time I've had internet since I've been here. I am in a little town about 40 minutes north of Vratsa. I live with a Baba (aka Baba Johnny) at the very outskirts of town. She is a little eccentric, but I love her. She loves to hug and kiss on me. She's very proud that I am with her. I get shown off a lot in town.

I don't want to post too much, because I know it get difficult to read. So I am going to put up pictures of my life so far in Bulgaria.

Lessons are going well, although I wish I could learn faster. Now that I've been here for awhile, I actually want to converse with my Baba and the people of my village.

Food has been interesting. As most of you know, I have texture issues and some food choices have been interesting. But I try everything and hope not offend anyone.

I try to stay positive. It's hard not knowing what is going on around me, but it's nice to have my 3 other Peace Corps members close by.

Hopefully the pictures will give you an accurate picture of my life. I will try to post more specifics later.

It is so satisfying to cross things off a list. I feel like that's all I've been doing for the last month. I might have to take a picture of

all the lists I've made and of my daily planner to show how crazy my daily schedule has been.

I feel like I am almost ready to go. The only thing I have left to do is pack. I can't seem to make myself do it. Maybe it is my subconscious telling me something. Maybe it is just daunting to have to pack your life into 2 suitcases. But today's the day. I leave in 4 days and have to have things packed now so I can check weight and content. But maybe I'll just take a nap.

The last way I know that I am ready to go is that I am getting tired of talking about Bulgaria--already. Not that I am loosing my enthusiasm, but it's hard to talk about it all the time. I know it is exciting for people to hear about, but I can only give the same limited information so many times. But I am blessed to have so many people who are interested and care about me and my journey.

So I will say goodbye to you all one last time-- AGAIN. Thank you for the well wishes, gifts, and advice, and I will post next time from Bulgaria when I have new and exciting things to tell.

I've been asked this question a lot lately. Why? How do I say that it was a decision that was not hard to make. Am I running away? Why can't you be happy in MN? No, I am not running away. Yes, I can be happy in Minnesota. But at the same time, I can't remember a time after the age of 15 that I didn't want to live somewhere else. To help. To experience things that are outside my comfort zone. Maybe at 15 it was running away. By now, it morphed into something else. I want to not just travel but submerge myself in a different culture.

2010 is the year of "NO FEAR". I want to not just talk about doing things, but to ACTUALLY do them. I want to break away from people's preconceived ideas about who I am, challenge myself, and try to become the person that is in me trying to get out.

My dream though might be dashed. I just got an email from the Peace Corps that stated that I answered a question about being charged with a Misdemeanor or Felony wrong. 16 yrs ago I shoplifted a $5 worth of nothing, got caught and had to pay a fine. If I pleaded guilty, the charge would be taken off my record in the next year. I didn't think I had to report it, but I guess I did. So, last night I had to fill out a form and document what happened. Then the PC will make a decision as to whether or not I can still go to Bulgaria. I think that everything should be fine, but I am nervous anyway. Just one more thing to worry about.

Hopefully, the next post will be a packing list or something fun. Wish me luck!

It's 7 a.m. and sleep eludes me. I wake up in the middle of the night anxious about something. Funny thing is that I don't know what I am anxious about. Then it hits me: I am leaving the country. It seems surreal. I am living my life normally; working, hanging out with friends, cleaning the house, etc. and every once in awhile BAM! it hits me. What an odd feeling to have day after day.

I make lists, cross items off, make new lists, and wonder what still needs to be done.

I am in the final stages of this life as I know it. Now it all about tying up loose ends and saying goodbye. I told someone yesterday at work that it's what terminally ill patients must go through to some extent when they know they don't have long to live. Making lists of things that still need to be done, getting financial affairs in order, and spending as much time with the ones they love, all while trying to live as "normal" a life as possible.

Monday, April 12, 2010I am trying this blog thing out.  Is it pretentious of my to think anyone will want to read what I have to say?  I am just trying to stay organized trying to get everything together before I leave for Bulgaria.  I met a girl today at REI who is going to be in the same Peace Corps group as me. It will be great to at least know a semi-familiar face once I get there.  

I  hope this goes well and it will prove to be a fun way for everyone to follow my adventures in a foreign land.