i am in my last week of service and can hardly believe that it's over. it's been an emotional few months from the revolution in april, ethnic clashes in the south, and the referendum. i'm sure there will be more to come before kyrgyzstan will go back to the quiet little country that i know and love.

going around karakol saying goodbye to friends was a bit surreal. i still don't fully believe that i am leaving and really don't feel like i am saying goodbye. my host mom asked me if i was ever going to come back and i said, yes of course. still skeptical, she made me shake on it and promise my return to kyrgyzstan. i think it will take me a little while but i have no doubt that i will come back and visit my family on the other side of the world.

my last week of service consists of teaching amaerican culture and tradition classes to kyrgyz students who will soon fly out to live a year in america. it's this strange full circle to be teaching the classes that were taught to me only two years ago. i still am not sure exactly what i learned or how much this experience has changed me. my service is ending while theirs is just beginning.

monday we will finish our paper work for peace corps and then drive out over the mountains to china. i'm planning to travel until christmas and look forward to this whole new travel experience that awaits.

August 23rd is my official leave date. I have been anticipating hearing the date for so long and now that I know it... i feel like I don't have enough time. Started planning everything I want to do before I do and it gives me this tight feeling in my chest. At the same time, I search the internet for cheap plane tickets to india, dream of the future and what I will find.

This last week was full of reflection, goodbyes, and hillariousness. Cheers to the last three months.

Have to say... this was the best birthday yet. Spent the weekend with wonderful friends who were just happy to be exactly where they were. What is better than being around people you love who are completely content in the moment? My favorite part was all of us laying out on the beach, sun shining, playing the guitar, and thinking that it really can't get much better than this. Imagine that...

When I signed up for Peace Corps, I expected my life to change drastically and to live in a place that people really needed my help. The experiences, friends, and perfect moments that make your breathe a little deeper are these added bonuses that I never really expected. Being 28 will bring me to India, Nepal, being an aunt, and coming home again... sounds good to me.

Revolution in Kyrgyzstan. Although people have been unhappy with their government, I just assumed the majority was too apathetic to actually do anything. Perhaps they were just looking for the right time. Last Thursday, thousands of people stormed the White House in Bishkek and drove out the president. 47 people were shot and killed, 1,500 were wounded. I try to imagine Ala Too square with so many people willing to die for something they believe in. We all hope that their lives were not taken in vain. Kyrgyzstan deserves better.

As of now, Karakol is quiet. Children are playing in the streets and life continues. We are all wondering what is going to happen... if the president will back down or gather his supporters... if Peace Corps will be allowed to stay in Kyrgyzstan... what will happen in the future. I started to pack my apartment, thinking I was leaving, and burst in to tears. Didn't realize how much I wanted to be here until it was possibly over.

So, the only thing to do is wait. I have been tearing myself up wondering what is going to happen next. This whole week of limbo has been mentally taxing on all of us. Yesterday I took a moment to remember a prayer hanging up at home. "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and courage to know the difference." This is one is out of my hands. All I can do is control how I react to the situation. I'm going to just enjoy the moments I have and appreciate that I am here today. Viva Kyrgyzstan!

thank god it's february. something about january that always turns me inside out and gets me down. the days are getting longer, warmer, and the winter has taken a turn for spring... this could all be mental but i'm ok with that. all i know is that there are 8 months left of service and each days is getting warmer. picturing myself on the beach of lake issyk-kul, feeling the sun soak through my eyelids as i plan my trip to india. did i just spend the last two years of my life in kyrgyzstan?

Just met with my Peace Corps program manager, two department heads, and the dean to talk about my replacement. Hard to believe a new volunteer is starting to make their packing list to leave in a month for Kyrgyzstan. How fast and slow two years has gone....

Recently, I found out that my teacher training team has won a $6000 grant to have the annual FORUM Teacher Training Conference in Karakol. In March 100 teachers from around Kyrgyzstan will come to our town for a two day conference focusing on English teaching methodology. This is a huge undertaking and I'm excited and intimidated on what it entails. When I came to Kyrgyzstan two years ago, never did I think that I would be co-directing a country wide conference. This is the icing on the cake of a successful two year project.

When a friend asked if i wanted to go check out the local gym, I couldn't say no. I've been running and doing yoga on my own, but there is something about exercising with others that is addicting. When I walked into the studio, I really felt like I was in America. Well, except for the lady using that jiggly belt thing that was advertised to "melt off the pounds" in the 1960s. I really can't even follow an aerobics class in English, never mind Russian but it was so much fun to share something with locals that goes beyond language. Classic 80's jazzercise moves and box stepping to "Pump up the Jam." Ya tak ustala!

The majority of people in Kyrgyzstan are Muslim so don't celebrate December 25th... and Russian Orthodox chruch celebrates Christmas on January 7th. In Kyrgyzstan, New Years is this kind of combo Halloween, Christmas, New Years holiday where everyone gets together with their families, eat tons of good food, give small gifts, and then celebrates with their friends after midnight. I spent the night with my host family and felt truly lucky. In the past, I've always run around on December 31st, trying to find something to make the New Years memorable... but usually just end up disappointed. This year, I stayed at home with people who love me and finally found everything I was looking for. Welcome 2010!!

Ski day. It snowed through the night and we trudge through the unplowed streets to catch a cab. The morning was full of giving lessons to beginning PCVs and hoping they wouldn't demolish themselves on the bunny trail. At 11, I went to the top. Looked to the left then looked to the right, a huge grin covered my face. The mountain had been covered with fresh snow for hours and no one had even touched it. All afternoon I made fresh tracks. Spent the night dreaming about it. Life is good.

yesterday, i was talking with students about what a kyrgyz woman's life was like 100 years ago. they were enranged with the little choice women had and limited freedom. one student looked at me and said, "maybe students 100 years from now will be angry with OUR lack of choice." i look around and see educated, smart, talented women who still do not have the full options that they deserve.... and i think she is right.

a long, long time ago all of the people went to god to ask for land. everyone went except for the kyrgyz man because he was tending to his sheep. the people asked god for land and each person was given a piece of the world. they all left happy. the kyrgyz man came home from herding his sheep and his wife told him he needed to go ask god for land. so he went.

"god, can i have a piece of land to herd my sheep?"

"i'm sorry, but i have given everything away."

"is there anything left that i can have. please?"

"well there is one place left," said god. "but i was saving it for myself because it's paradise. you can have it because you work hard and love the land."

and that's how kyrgyzstan came to be.... paradaise.

a teacher told me that one during our conversation club today.

sometimes i just assume that my work is not being appreciated or utilized here. it's a different culture where a "thank you" is not required. i realize that americans say "thanks" constantly... but here, you only get one when it's really deserved.

i'm writing my final report for the book grant i wrote last spring. started to get pretty down about it, feeling like i was going to have to lie about how successful it has been. but this week i have been going into the classes to obseve the teachers and see how they are using the new materials in the classroom. sitting in the back, i watched the teachers and students use the materials, be interested in the content, answering the prompts, and structuring the classes with a warm up, presentation, practice, and time for free thinking production. i almost couldn't believe it. my combination of book project and teacher seminars is actually working.

darika, the senior teacher in my department, watched me as i stressed out about how to see everyone's classes. "Katie, your books are being used, Gulia made a universal test for unit 3, and the students are active. Your work is paying off. thank you." feels good to be thanked for doing something worthwhile.

lately, life has been hard. i find myself lost in my head a lot, not knowing what to do, or how to make myself have perspective. i don't have all of the things from home that i could use to cope or to just forget about life for a while... an afternoon at a coffee shop, going to live music and dancing, or free nights and weekends to talk as long as i need to. all of that is gone. so now it's just me.

i remember being in tahoe and talking in the kids camp office. one of the instructors that had been teaching for 40ish years was talking about her husband and marriage. she said, "when it's really good, remind yourself that it will get worse and when it's really bad, remember it will get better." after a year and a half here, i still feel like this is some weird marriage to Stan. right now it's bad, but it will get better.

the longer i am here, the more i realize about myself. jess told me, you will learn more about yourself there than you would in any other situation and in any other place. and i believe her. here i am on the other side of the world, figuring out how i want to live, who i am, and what i really want from life.

i want...

to live in new england

to teach high school english

to coach field hockey

to exercise and be strong

to be proud of what i write

to continue understanding who i am

to take time to listen

to breath deep

to fully give my love to those who deserve it and expect the same in return

to learn more about my family

to make music

to be happy

I’m scared that I’m not going to get my book project money in time to do the training. I’m scared that everyone will think that I have failed and not trust me anymore. I’m scared that I’m going to not make a different in Kyrgyzstan. I’m scared that I’m going to go back to the US and realize that Peace Corps was a waste of time. I’m scared that no one will want to listen to my stories or try to understand how the world is in Kyrgyzstan. I’m scared that I won’t be able to relate to anyone. I’m scared that this has changed me more than I know. I’m scared that I won’t be able to work a full day happily ever again. I’m scared that life will end too soon. I’m scared that there isn’t enough time for me to have to life I have dreamed about. I’m scared that I won’t be able to handle what life throws at me.

I’m not scared of getting old. I’m not scared of falling in love. I’m not scared of telling the truth. I’m not scared of moving on to the next stage of my life. I’m not scared of getting married and having a family. I’m not scared of traveling the world. I’m not scared to live in one place and create a solid community. I’m not scared of succeeding in a future career. I’m not scared of trying something new. I’m not scared of shitting myself. I’m not scared of pushing my body to the limits. I’m not scared of having responsibilities. I’m not scared of being myself. I’m not scared of eating intestines… well, maybe the after effect of eating them. I’m not scared of experimenting in the kitchen. I’m not scared of taking a different path. I’m not scared of looking stupid. I’m not scared of being loyal to who my friends are. I’m not scared of people looking at me. I’m not scared of people judging me. I’m not scared of being vulnerable.

I just walked from the university after a successful "The Best English Lesson" competition. Teachers came to present and learn from each other, some travelling over an hour from their villages. As the teachers came in, their cheeks were burning from the cold weather. It's almost winter time and everyone is anxious to have new ideas for the long months ahead. Darien Book Aid sent me a variety of books and teaching material that were used as prizes. The winners walked away with smiles of satisfaction.

Another project I am working on is a teen outdoor education course for the spring/summer. The plan is to bring 40 9th-11th grade students out on 10 day, overnight, and multiday trips into the mountains. The final event will be a 7 day trek out to Engelcheck Glacier. Most locals have not had the opportunity to get out into the mountains and I believe this program will just rock their world. It's exciting to work with the local guides and college students who want to help students grow through outdoor education. Wish the project was starting out now.

I am happy in Kyrgyzstan but I am the happiest when I am in the mountains. It's so good that I forget where I am in the world and just get caught in that moment. That's when I know I am truely content. Really looking forward to bringing Kyrgyz and Russian students to that happy place.

So for now I will wish for the ski season to begin. Let it snow...

everything changes and then changes again. would love to get a letter from home. feeling too far away.

Кыргызстан Kyrgyzstan

Ыссык Кол Issyk Kul

Каракол Karakol

Почта 20 Posta 20

Кэты Гатро Katie Guthro

it's just getting better and better here. i love how it all feels familiar. finally, i know what to expect and how to deal with different situations. never thought it would get to this point.

it's getting to be that time of year again. the leaves are changing and i'm eyeing my long underwear. all i know is that it's my second and final winter in kyrgyzstan. i can do this. everything is going to be alright.

Today was our first away teacher training in the Ak Su region. This is the area where the mountains are amazing and I try to escape to on the weekends. When travelling through, school teeachers never crossed my mind. It's always stressful to depend on someone else to do the set up, recruitment, and foot work when planning anything. Letting go of that element of control is something that is hard for me to do. I took a bus with Asilgul (the newly appointed president of FORUM) and went to the unknown school. Expecting 15 or 20 teachers, I was taken back with 36 teachers crowded into the classroom. Before that point I wasn't really sure what our audience would be, IF people were only talking about trainings or if it was something that there would be follow through. Needless to say, my worries have been put to rest. They also are asking about Peace Corps applications and getting a English teacher volunteer. It's exciting to start helping in that process and hard to believe that my replacement will be arriving in country in 6 months.

Today I woke up, put on my newly aquired hooker boots, and headed off to the university. As I walked down the street, I watched parents and children walk hand in hand to meet their new teachers. The boys all wearing suits and girls in their pigs tails sans huge white lace pom poms. Ine Kyrgyzstan; the bigger the pom pom, the better the student. Each parent reflected the look of relief that the summer is finally over and their beautiful and smart children are getting out of the house.

I keep thinking about that Staples commerial. "It's the most wonderful time of the year" playing in the background, dad skipping through the aisles, kids looking crushed... shopping for back to school supplies.

I went to the university this weekend and found the teachers spread out across the lounge with the new materials I had bought with the money raised in the spring. Darika, the senior teacher, pulled me aside to congratulate me on the excellent book selection and how it will imporve the first year curriculum. Today we will start the curriculum mapping and putting together the next 4 months. It's exciting to finally see the project come alive.

sidenote: my biggest fear of coming back to kyrgyzstan was getting violently ill all over again. somehow i dodged it this time and the only conclusion i can come up with is that i must really have bowels of steel.

Spent the last three weeks visiting family and friends in America. When I was trying to decide whether I was going to go, part of me really didn't want to. I questioned myself. What if the adjustment is too hard? What if I don't want to go back to Kyrgyzstan? What will it be like seeing my family? Is going home for 20 days enough time? Do I really want to go through another set of goodbyes? How do I even begin to explain living in Kyrgyzstan?

After being in NH for 2 weeks and a week in Tahoe, my last question is the one I struggled with the most. People ask, "how has the last year been?" and all I can say is, "it's a trip." They kind of look at me expecting more, and I look at them, trying to decided where I could possibly begin. The last year has provided me with the highest ups and the lowest downs of my life. How do you explain the bonds of PC volunteers created through getting so ill you shit your pants? Or smiling to yourself because you finally understand the quirks of a culture, or tasting the best watermelon of your life and accidentally eating the whole melon in one sitting, or realizing people are counting on you to help make their lives better, or that although local friends love you... you will always be American and you will never really belong.

It's just easier to tell them to look at the pictures on facebook.

Planned on doing a week long camp for students in Karakol but didn't get the grant. Part of me just wanted to throw the whole idea away but decided to go through with the camp with no money... well, a $10 joint donation to buy watermelons for the week. Came to this realization that being there to play sports and teach small seminars is much more important than feeding them a huge lunch and giving a certificate at the end of the week. I fly out to visit NH and CA in a week. Can't wait to be home for August.

I am totally impressed. The money has been raised in less than six days. I don't really know what to say... thank you.

So I started raising money for my university book project. I'm pretty excited about it and think that it's going to be a success. The teachers are fired up and ready to get to work to redevelop the curriculm. I feel really lucky that I have such a strong site with motivated individuals. They are rock stars. This is the letter I sent out to everyone and their mother. It's amazing how people have taken from the small amount of money they have to donate to my project. I am just amazed. Still need about $600 more dollars before we are ready to start the week of training.

Dear Friends,

I am writing you to tell you about what I have been doing in Kyrgyzstan during my last year as a Peace Corps Volunteer. Battling food born illness, keeping warm during the winter, and learning how to work in a new environment has been challenging and completely rewarding. I knew the Peace Corps slogan was “the hardest job you’ll ever love”, but it’s amazing how much that rings true. I have fallen in love with Kyrgyzstan and the person I have become while living here the last year.

During the winter, the English department teachers sat down and had a serious discussion on what could help the university prosper. I asked them, ‘What can I do to help you?’. After going around and around, the final decision was new teaching materials and book trainings would aid teachers to improve their teaching techniques and students to retain more information in the classroom.

In our time of globalization, Kyrgyz students realize that English is vital to succeed in a world economy. The most lucrative Kyrgyz and international jobs require a high level of English proficiency, which motivates university students to master the language. Together, we as a department have put together an action plan to set up students for future success in our changing world.

Please go on to https://peacecorps.gov Click on Donate, then Donate to Volunteer Projects and search by “Kyrgyz Republic/Education”. We are hoping to raise $955.92, conduct the training at the end of June, and implement the new curriculum come September. All donations are tax deductible and all money will go directly to me to handle. Thanks for your love and support over the last year and the next year to come.

All good thoughts,

Katie Guthro