I’m on cloud nine. Today was the first 13-hour day I’ve worked in well over a year. It feels amazing. It was the first full day of service in the restaurant that the women’s group has now officially started. We have been plugging along for weeks now, dare I say months and this last week has just proved to me but more importantly them, how it was all worth it. There is still tons and tons to be done, and we still lack some crucial equipment but we are well on our way, and it feels incredible. Due to the incredible difficulty of getting funds we have opted, so far, to eek it out with all the equipment we could get our hands on in town. We grow as we go, spending most of what we make. It is unbelievably challenging but, that is life here, and I think we are all learning valuable lessons. It is so fulfilling to watch as these women that I have been working with now for nearly 9 months learn and grow. To see their faces light up as they understand new concepts or realize the potential to change their own situation in life. Or to use a calculator for the first time, or fill out their first ever job application. I can’t even begin to describe it--it’s unreal. I have so much respect for them. They all work so hard for their families, and so often go under appreciated, I hope now to help them generate more confidence and self-esteem.

Since last post I have gone home and back. I bought my ticket back in September while feeling particularly ambivalent about my being here. It instantly made me feel better. For years now I have had the habit of planning trips while I am feeling down. It gives me something to look forward to. It might also sometimes just be a form of running away, but that’s not really the point. Any way, by the time came to actually go home, I wasn’t sure I actually wanted to cash in on all the anticipation. I was overwhelmingly excited to see family and friends and gourmet food, but nervous that it would be, like they all say: hard to come back. I had a host of activities planned. Among them: making turkey dinner with mom for gramps, seeing the little sis-es, spending qt time with the two coolest friends a person could ever hope for, gathering up clothes for the children of women in the group, having a yard sale, and some ambiguous art-like day spent at a studio-space-shop. Needless to say, It was the busiest two weeks I have had since joining peace corps. Being home was overwhelming. I was paralyzed with choices I hadn’t faced in 9 months… more than one choice of beer, cake flour vs. all-purpose flour, Mexican food vs. sushi, pecans AND pistachios, clothes I hadn’t seen or worn approximately 400 times since February, places to go, more than one way to get there, etc. At the grocery store my mom kept asking, very concerned, what was wrong with me as I stood holding my face in my hand in disbelief. After the shock of the choices wore off, I started to get really bummed out about it. At home we have thousands of choices that don’t exist in other places. Food makes a good example, but really just hint at a larger global inequality. It’s one thing to be able to buy hundreds of different kinds of cereal in all it’s useless and environmentally careless packaging, and while that disgusts me its not nearly as repulsive as the fact that we can choose life and career paths that nobody in my community here can. There is far too much to be done in this world to take for granted the opportunities, choices and privilege we have simply by virtue of having been born in the States. Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of problems at home and plenty of people that go without, but the opportunities are still vastly different. Not to get all libertarian or anything but the streets of the US are lined with ways to make money. Ways that people here couldn’t even imagine. I know making money is not the be-all end-all and I have vowed never again to work just to make it, but for so many people, just a little bit more of it would completely change their lives.

Number of months of PC service: 26 Months served to date: 9 Number of months it took to feel homesick: 5 Number of fellow 103 volunteers at staging in DC: 54 Number of current 103’ers: 47 Times I’ve considered going home: 1 Times I’ve considered extending: 9 Times I’ve been serious about either: 0 Longest bus trip taken to date: 14 hours Length of time it takes to cross the entire country by bus: 26+ hours Length of time it takes for clothes to dry in my site: 4 days + 9 minutes with a hair dryer Months I had ringworms: 4 Times I’ve been sick with a head cold: 4 Times I’ve been sick with intestinal issues: 3 Longest length of time spent sick: 2 weeks Longest period of time without rain in site: 2 weeks (coincidentally the same two weeks) Number of volunteers that have come to visit me in my site: 14 Number of stairs to my house: 88 Number of rooms in my house: 5 Rooms I actually use: 2 Rent I pay for said house: $70 Average income for an employed person in my community: $240 per month Welfare per person/per month: $70 Percentage of my community that receives welfare: around 50 Number of times per week I eat canned tuna: 3-6 Number of bananas that I can buy for $1: 10 Times per month that I make sourdough: 2 Number of gardens I work in or have worked in more than once: 4 Number of women that have attended a cooking class: 36 Number of women I am hoping to have sign up to be members of the women’s group: 15 Number of classes/meeting we have had so far: 22 Number of mingas I have participated in: 3 Number or people in my town: +/- 1000 Number of people that know my name: +/- 200 Average age of my closest friends in site (not counting my host sisters): 8 Number of days I’ve been in site: 205 Times I’ve been grateful for being in Ecuador: +/- 200

So lately I’ve been thinking about going home for the holidays. Been homesick and missing my family. Right now the tentative plan is to be home for "day of fake peace after we stole the land from the indigenous." The work situation has managed to cycle through the entire spectrum recently. I went from feeling confident to abandoned then super pissed-off, and now finally back to a place where I feel like I have support and a purpose. Super excited about this.The National Police went on strike last week which was pretty exciting. But as my dear friend reminds me there is probably a PC code about not wishing instability in your host country during service. I won't bore you with the details, as if you care enough to read this you were probably paying attention to the news last Thursday. Since I haven’t posted in a while here is the news that will catch you up: mid September was a conference where all the people from my omnibus (class) came together with their counterparts to go over the needs assessments we had been working on for the first 4 months and to begin discussion about the potential projects we could undertake in our respective communities. My counterpart was a no show. The whole event lasted nearly a week and while it was nice to see everyone again it had a very summer-camp-esqe sort of a vibe. I might add that we lost three people that week. One who was pretty committed to leaving, one broke her leg dancing, and the other was sort-of forced to resign. Anyway, after reconnect was over a group of friends came back to my site with me to enjoy the splendor that is N*****l. We made pizza and had a bonfire in my fire pit. The following day I took them to the waterfall and we went for a dip. It was pretty awesome. Later that week I set off for a tech exchange in my friend’s community in the province of Santa Elena. She was placed in a tiny community that was built by a Cuban woman. Anyway, said Cuban lady built them a community center complete with built in bakery (stove, fridge, scale, cooling rack and all). Only nobody in the community knew how to make bread. So I went down to share my knowledge of all things yeast. Turned out that the man and wife duo that has taken to running the bakery were already versed in the art of pan de sal, so we spent two and a half days working on pan de dulce and various twists thereof. Also, I got to weed the garden and spend 6 hours at a 2 year olds’ birthday party complete with music so loud you couldn’t talk to the person sitting next to you. (note: Ecuadorian birthdays and parties in general are usually like this, in my experience though there is always alcohol in involved, the thing was that being a dry community, the drunken dancing and sharing of shots of beer wasn't happening and made the 6 hours seem like a lifetime.) All and all I’d say it was a success, plus she lives literally two blocks from the ocean, which I didn’t realize I missed so much. Been back at site now for a while. Revived the cooking class and converted it to a women’s group. We made a sold pizza at last weekend’s volley game. Made a profit of about $30. We are planning on another fundraiser and then we want to use the money to fence in the new demonstrative garden we are going to do together. I am really excited about this because it will be in the center of town where people will be close enough that they can stop by to work on it, AND the community will see it while passing by. I really want to make this garden perfect. My credibility as it stands now is sort of questionable, so this could really help. Plus it was my host sister who got the permission to use the plot of land, so it’s not just me, there are actually other people interested. That's all for now, the daily tuna ration is calling and my tummy must answer.

Wishing and hoping. With ample time on my hands, I've been working on a list of books and things I'd like to be sent to me. So for anyone so inclined, check this out and send me something.

http://www.amazon.com/wishlist/21VH1Z03OTN12

Mail can be sent to:

Sarah ZelcerCuerpo de PazCasilla 17-08-8624Quito, Ecuador

Oh, and thanks!

The last month or so has been a bit crazy. Work has finally started to kick off. We had a few meetings with sugarcane producers already and several more lined up. I started to talk to the cooking class ladies about starting a small business and have received sufficient interest. Still at a loss for how to start a native plant nursery, but I have a few contacts that I will be working with in the near future, which should point me in the right direction.

Life alone has been a bit of an adjustment. I have never lived by myself before so it might be doubly strange. The house is coming along, just about a week ago I was loaned a fridge… it makes a lot of noise so I might put it outside, which is easier said than done since the electrical outlets are sparse. But, it has changed my mostly popcorn/nutritional yeast diet. Also, there is now electricity upstairs, so it’s all good-to-go for when someone/anyone comes to visit.

I still spend quite a bit of time with my host family, who treats me as one of their own. They did however trick me into eating donkey… but I’ll just chalk that one up to a cultural experience.

I experienced my first Latin American soccer game in Guyaquil about a week ago. It was intense. Cross-town rivals, it was a tie, which was probably a good thing. Guyaquil was pretty cool. I only saw a small part of it, but what I did see I liked more than Quito…. Of course the grass is always greener.

Still not homesick, just miss my family, mostly my little sis. She actually sounds like she is getting older, which may be due to the fact that she is indeed getting older, 6 months is a long time for a 5 year old. I just hope I don’t miss out on too much.

One thing I have been stuck on lately is that to get any work done I have to work with the people who are already more or less hard workers. It seems the poorer people of the community already have too much on their plates to take on the time consuming process of starting an organization to help bring them out of poverty… the universe’s sick catch 22.Side note, one of the perks of having my very own house, is having my very own jehovah's witness' come to my door. This happened this morning, and where I would have come up with any excuse in the world to get rid of them back in the states, I think I agreed for them to come back and read the bible with me.... language practice. plus i've always meant to read it--important piece of literary fiction.

For those of you I haven't called out of excitement and disbelief, I finally got to the go ahead to move into my new house. It is amazing. I have three rooms and a kitchen. I'm planning on setting up an office, so that I won't fall asleep from working in my bed (like I did all through college) and a guest room for all my friends and family looking forward to an Ecuadorian getaway. Note: also included is a hot shower, which next to my pass to the waterfall, is my favorite thing ever.

I have a view of the whole town and plenty of peace and quiet. Just like getting assigned to this community, I can't believe my luck.

Upstairs. The possible office and guest room.

Kitchen, in progress.Never mind the case of beer on the floor.

Where most of the settling in allowance went..

.Lime green bedroom with wall decor courtesy of Camille. Yes, I even posted my favorite mannerist piece.

My street. The house is at the very top of the stairway.Old-school stairmaster, I think my ass already looks better.

Two stories. Surrounded by fertile land, where I just today planted an herb garden... and all this for a mere seventy dollars a month. Not too bad.

the last month has been weird. not actually a whole lot to report. still haven't started any projects of any real significance, still living with the host family, still not allowed to leave my site. what is getting interesting is understanding more and more of what people are saying. like being able to pick up subtleties. last night as my family and i sat around the table eating yet another cake for what i wrongly assumed was a birthday celebration they started talking about death. this led to two very interesting side discussions. one being about the donation of organs, which is apparently not very popular here, for what i can only assume are logistical and cultural differences. there was also some talk about the sale of organs and even when organs are donated the doctors still charge a lot of money, so it's not like anyone gets a new part for free. and the act of taking someone off of life support seems to be viewed as killing the person... but the really interesting part was the idea that the person may not actually be dead. several older women told stories of friends of friends who had a loved one "misdiagnosed" as dead. one was about a woman whose husband was pronounced dead in a hospital.. the woman swore he was not dead. the doctors came back and checked... still dead. she couldn't believe it, his body was still warm (or something-- spanish getting better but not great). sometimes it takes a while to cool down they told her. after several more back and forths the woman devised some way to check. the man was in fact not dead. he went on to live for another 14 years. the other story was about a woman who i think is somehow a distant relative of my host family. my sister-in-law told the story of this woman's funeral. apparently she was in a casket that had a glass pane sealed at the top, for viewing. she re-iterated that the seal was tight, as i guess they always are. but somehow there were beads of condensation inside, what she could only believe was a sign of the ever-slightest breathing. the woman was buried none-the-less, but my sister-in-law swears she was buried alive. all of this was part of a larger discussion of what we would more or less consider miracles and dismiss without much thought. but here they believe. these things happen. people who are thought to be dead go on to live. doctors, the kind with medical licenses, prescribe herbal medicine. and eating donkey cures asthma. i hate to say they, but so often the differences between cultures is so huge that it feels fair to separate. they still believe in miracles.

Woke up unusually early this morning. Two reasons for that: first of all I found out yesterday that I got the place I wanted… the amazing house at the top of the hill with the view of the whole town. The landlord is stoked and is going to make the peace corps necessary fixes. The other reason I couldn’t sleep was because I had a date to slaughter animals. My counterpart’s youngest brother just got ordained as a priest and he gives his first mass on Saturday, so a big group of people, myself included, has volunteered to cook for what they are expecting to be 500 people. Coming from a food service background 500 isn’t that much, that is if you have adequate space, tools, refrigeration, stoves, etc. Here the story is slightly different. But what we lack in resources we make up for in numbers. Anyway, back to the slaugher-date, today began with the scent of pig shit wafting through the air. When they told me yesterday that we would be killing 50 chickens and 3 pigs I wondered where this could possibly take place and was hoping that it wasn’t going to happen in my sister-in-law’s kitchen. Luckily, just as the community has public/communal baths they also have communal facilities for semi-sanitary end of life operations. Once I realized the shit smell was coming from the three chanchos (pigs) sequestered in one of the private slaughter rooms I began to get a bit nervous about my decision to be there. Just a few short minutes later my sister-in-law’s dad was in there tying up the first pig to meet it’s fate. After the rope managed to find it’s way around one foot two men proceeded to drag the already squeeling pig out of the pre-death closet and over next to the floor drain. It took 4 people to hold the pig still while one stuck what he thought was the heart with a regular kitchen knife. The pig was squirming and screaming, he had missed the heart. I’m not sure if no one realized the pig wasn’t dying or that they had missed the heart, or if they just didn’t know what else to do, but they just kind of held their positions while the pig cried at the top of its lungs for a good 5 minutes (it sure felt longer). Finally a man they lovingly refer to as El Diablito arrived and quickly put the choncho out of its misery. El Diablito then entered the slaughter-closet and proceeded to kill the other two pigs in a matter of seconds without any help. Apparently his nickname stems from the fact that he is a professional butcher. But at that moment I wanted to rename him Angelito. What a difference it makes in the duration of suffering when the angel of death can quickly, and I’m sure much less painfully, kill Bacon. After all three pigs were thoroughly dead, they were dragged to the edge of the cement slab. Then, El Diablito busted out the torch. After a quick rinse, he proceeded to singe the hair and then what seemed like two layers of blistering, bubbling flesh. After a nice even char, some brave souls went in with knives and sort of scrape-shaved the black away. Meanwhile a group of women started letting some of the chickens out of the bags. My attention was diverted from the fire-play as I had promised myself and Ibeth that I would matar (kill) 5 chickens this day. First I watched. Then I held the chickens as another woman would slit its throat. The chicken would struggle and try to flap for a few seconds, and then I could feel parts of the body seize then relax. My hands gripped hard, the chickens’ movement was strong. Finally, I worked up the courage and announced I was ready. I took the knife and Margarita wrapped the chicken in an empty feed bag. She held it tight and showed me where to cut. I took a deep breath and cut. The first one wasn’t so bad. The third, managed to get a wing out of the bag and flap some blood in my face. By the fifth, I was relatively confident in my ability to swiftly sever the vital blood vessels. Then commenced the dip in boiling water, peeling, and disembowelment, which lasted about 4 hours. I didn’t help cut up the pig, but I watched as they hoisted it up in the air, removed the skin, took out the intestines and organs, broke the back and then cut away two sides of pork. All of this was a bloody process. It made me think of all the meat I have cooked and eaten or handed over to a waiter to serve to someone else, without even thinking about how the animals were killed. All the meat I have unpacked out of boxes or plastic and not had to kill myself for it to end up on the plate in front of me. How a chicken breast, or a tray full of bacon can seem like objects that conger no sensation especially after handling them over, and over and over again. It must sound so cliché, but today I thought about the sacrifice. Also, the fact that this was a group effort, out in the open reminded me just how closed off the process usually is at home. The farmers raise the chickens indoors, slaughter them indoors, package them indoors and nobody is the wiser. Instead of hiding from the death like we do, they tackle it head-on as a team and out in the fresh air.

There is really no news. Since I prematurely stuffed my burned flesh into what I’m sure are fungus-infested shoes, my glorious burn is now infected. And I have once again been relegated to indoor work. This has been quite taxing on my spirit of motivation. When I am busy I don’t miss things about home. I have been a little more lonesome lately. Knowing that my family is staring up at the glorious granite walls as I type this, and this is the first time ever I will not be with them, is tugging at my heart. (The Yosemite trip is the only constant event in my family… probably equivalent to santa claus day for those that are so inclined.) It seems that just as the landscape here is becoming more familiar and comfortable, the reality of not having my people is sinking in. Ok, back to Ecuador, there have been a few community meetings lately discussing possible projects to help the community. At first I was a little concerned that if they were going to be doing the same kind of projects I am here to try to facilitate, my being here was a bit redundant. I have since changed my outlook and see this as an opportunity to tackle bigger projects with the help of these other organizations. With their resources a water treatment project or a panela processing facility may actually be possible. A word about development work: facilitating a sustainable project that suits the community’s needs and more-or-less originates from them is hard. I’m not even close to the point of actually beginning a project, but I can see it is going to be a challenge. Ideas are diverse, time is already accounted for, money is non-existent, and even the spirit of community is stressed here. Luckily I am not alone, the government (at the very least) appears to be dedicated to sustainable development and there is always peace corps. Getting ready to start tree propagation shortly. Also on the agenda: quilt made from old clothes.. might even get the cooking ladies in on it since as my host sister correctly pointed out—it’s recycling, trying to find a home, nutrition classes in the preschool center and transplanting tomatoes!

Tefi as a toucan

I made a starter and i've been baking sourdough, it's pretty legit.

here it is, the suit. what on earth was i thinking?

pressure cookers don't mess around.

Where to begin? After a few weeks of taking it slow and a week of not doing much real work because I couldn’t wear shoes (I’ll explain in a moment), I dove back into it today.  Started the morning off with interviews and then to the school with plans to sew seeds with two classes, I usually only work with one in a day.  The interviews suck.  The people don’t want to invite me in, so I stand in the sweltering sun, which is fine, but they also don’t seem to think that there are any problems here that need solving.  Aside from trying to explain diseases they have and the complications involved with them… none of which I can understand, they don’t seem to think life can get any better.  Sure they want jobs, but so far no one has any real ideas on what kind of work they could do.  So then I went to school and planted watermelon, chard, and peas with the fifth graders.  It was pretty cool.  They are a wild bunch, but I think I laid down the law pretty firm.  I don’t get much help from that particular teacher.  However, today was supposed to be the day for the third graders.  The fifth graders only planted as a kind of make-up day.  They kids all showed up with water bottles with glorious holes poked in the top…  more than I expected and also more functional than I anticipated.  Anyway, the teacher didn’t show up, and since he was the only one who didn’t loose his seeds right of the bat, I didn’t bring any.  Hence I had to deliver the bad news to about 30 semi-soaked children (water bottles with holes make fabulous ghetto super-soakers) who had been looking forward to this all afternoon yesterday and all morning today. On to the bare feet, about a week ago my host mom told me I had to make lunch for the family since she had to go to Quito.  So after working at the school I rushed home and threw a chicken in the pressure cooker.  I’ve never actually used a pressure cooker before, so I didn’t know and only briefly considered the possibility that opening it when it was still hot might be a problem.  I’m not 100% sure if water under pressure can get hotter than water just boiled in the open but my skin sure thinks so.  Needless to say there was an explosion and my arm and feet were burned.  So as to not tear of the fragile blisters on my toes I’ve been sans shoes and therefore out of the dirt.  I’ve sort of got my finger in a lot of pots right now, still trying to figure out where to really begin work. On the table right now is: continue working on the gardens in the school but try to take a step back so they manage them themselves, continue to work in the community garden and try to figure out how to get the community interested/involved in some way, try to get involved somehow at the high school, nutrition classes for parents of small children, cooking classes for everyone in the community (really they just want to learn my cookie recipe), figuring out how to start the native tree nursery, possibly a potable water project and or waste management, and finally creating an association to produce and  sell jams.  I am confident that this community assessment/interview process is going to help determine where to start. Can’t think of much else to report or a more humorous way to report it.  Sorry.

So host family gets better by the day.  They have really opened up to me.  They just told me I’m getting fat, that I must have been sick when I came for the site visit because I was skinny then.  Seriously though, they really like me and I really like them.  I’ve been talking about when I’m gonna move out and get my own place. They don’t understand this, and they don’t want me to go.  They said they wanted to put a chain around my ankle so I’d have to stay.  They wanted to know who I would laugh with if I lived alone, I think they really want to know who they are going to laugh at if I don’t live with them.  I tried to assure them, I would still hang out to laugh with or be laughed at.  Today my host mom and I sold the cookies we made at the first cooking class I gave the other day, along with some other goodies she’d been brewing.  We made all our money back and even few extra dollars to start a cooking class fund.  Her birthday was the other day, my sister-in-law and I made a cake.  But her other kids came for the weekend, so we made another cake and I made spaghetti. There could be some truth to the weight gain.  It’s funny because peace corps people say you gain weight eating Ecuadorian food, but I’m gaining weight cooking for myself, after almost three months of not being able to, my food apparently tastes really good to me. Also today, I saw a cow get inseminated, a cirque du soiel style clown troupe, a kid riding on top of the plastic cover thing they put on the back of trucks, and what a cocoa plant looks like for the first time ever (after years of working with chocolate).  Then host mom and I won second place for what I guess was a contest broken down in themes, for our use of panela (basically brown sugar—either in brick form or loose).  Oh the best part of host family experience is the ongoing conversation with my host mom about my religion.  I don’t have one, I don’t believe in god.  She cannot wrap her head around this one.  A few weeks ago, she told me that it was fine that I don’t believe in god, but that here I would be catholic.  Tonight she suggested that I get baptized, I think so I can have name, and maybe a place in heaven.  I tried to ask her if there would be any value in that seeing as how I don’t give any credence to it… I’m not exactly sure what her answer was or what it meant, so I guess the discussion will continue. Since my town is still celebrating it’s birth we have just concluded another weekend full of partying and insanely loud music all the time. They don’t have any norms or rules about appropriate times to turn it down, so the music stays on and loud until 6 or 7am for about an hour break and then starts up again around 8.  Currently now, 13 hours into today’s jam-fest, I am enjoying what they joakingly call “corta veinas” meaning, slit your wrists music.  My sister-in-law explained yesterday there is an entire genre devoted to music to cry to. I’m hoping it might stop soon, but I’m not holding my breath. 

Ok, so I’ve been working, well sort of anyways.  Pretty much since I got here I’ve been working in the community garden a few days a week.  But as of this last weekend, I think I’ve been working.  Saturday we had a minga at the elementary school.  It was pretty cool.  The director and the president of the community assigned parents to come with tools (apparently showing up is mandatory).  We cleaned banana trees, prepared soil for the school gardens, chopped bamboo (my personal favorite) to make a sort of orchid structure, pulled weeds, picked up trash and umm.. spoke to somebody from what I think was the ministry of the environment.  Later that night one of the ladies that had been there told me that I work like a man, I’m taking that as a huge compliment. On Monday I gave my first charla.  Basically I just talked to the kids about California and then I gave them an assessment test (which is actually part of the community assessment I have to work on in these first four or so months).  It was much harder for them than I expected and they for the most part do not seem to know much about the environment despite the fact that they live in one of the most special climates on the planet.  Then I gave them homework.  The assignment was just to draw a blueprint or plan for their grade’s section of the garden with the three crops we would be planting there.  And because apparently Ecuadorians like competitions, I made it a contest, where the winner got to see his or her plan utilized in the creation of their plot.  I didn’t really think anyone would do it. But they did.  On Tuesday when I arrived to work with them in their garden, I was met with a pile of drawings.  Some were better than others, some didn’t make any sense… and the kid that won, basically won because he used glitter, which I thought showed a lot of effort. So anyway, we planted their garden, I think it came out pretty cool, but man, am I in for it when I try to work with the younger kids.  The seventh graders were pretty hard to keep under control, and well, I’m not much of a kid-person.   Oh the best part of Tuesday is that, wait for it…. I got fitted for a custom tailored suit.  Yeah, that’s right you read that last part correctly. Let me explain.  My town is going into it’s month of celebration, and apparently there is going to be a parade in which all the teachers are strolling in suits, so they were all being fitted.  A few days prior to this, my niece asked me if I was going to be in the parade, to which I replied, of course.  I mean, I’m trying to integrate, so I pretty much do whatever they ask me or invite me to. So when the director asked me if I wanted a $90 suit made to fit my exact measurements, I figured that: a) it was part of the cultural integration, b) even though I’m gonna have to pay for it with money from home, it’s gonna be a pretty sweet keepsake and c) never again in my life am I likely to have a custom suit, so fuck it. Ok, so today is Wednesday and so far I have had my machete sharpened, and worked in the garden with Luis, the machete wielding bad ass who I hope will teach me the ways of native species vivieros.  Tomorrow I go back to the school to help the sixth graders build their garden, and I think I have plans to meet up with several people this weekend to begin my community assessment. So, all-in-all I’d argue that yeah, work here has begun. 

the view on the way to "work"

the crazy stairway i walk down to get to the garden

my new home away from home

where the babies are born

the yappa, (kind of like a prize)just a little stream right by the garden

It is pouring rain as it has been off and on for the last several days.  I thought I had the schedule figured out, sun in the morning and rain in the afternoons, but today I was all thrown off when it went and rained in the am. I’ve been working in the community garden lately, which is really cool.  First of all my walk to “work” is ridiculously beautiful (I will post a photo I promise) then I get to listen to the river while I sweat my happy ass off as I filth myself up in the dirt.  I finally met with my counterpart yesterday who seems jazzed on whatever I want to do.  Also, he can make anything happen.  I told him I wanted to meet the person who worked the most in the garden and also meet someone to help familiarize me with native species.  Bam, this morning I woke up and he was here (it’s the same person).  This guy, lets just call him Luis, is freeking amazing.  So I worked in the garden with him most of the day and then while I wasn’t looking he built a shelter for the seed beds with nothing but bamboo and a machete. I was completely impressed. I think he might become my de facto counterpart because he is doing all the work I need to be a part of.  In other news, my host family seems totally impressed with my cooking.  Now they want me to cook for them.  My host mom says she’d be the first one to sign up if I taught a cooking class.  I am pretty sure they love me.  My host sister wants me to help her study her English because she is taking classes in quito, it makes for some hilarious conversation especially when taken out of context, but yes girls do need nice legs. I may/probably will start working with the school gardens in what I think will be two weeks, because my counterpart heard me say that I was interested in that, so I think he declared it would happen.  I hope my Spanish gets better soon. I’m ok with being an idiot with my host family but with people I respect and that already respect me, I don’t want to sound stupid. Oh and camioneta surfing is riding in the back of a truck in surfer stance without holding on as some crazy as fuck driver takes sharp turns without slowing down.

First few days in site, check.  Washed everything I own, check.  Met  ½ a dozen English speakers, check.  Attended fiesta for choosing symbolic mother of community (those not 65 or older need not apply), check.  Decided my daily exercise (walking to the waterfall), check.  Successfully bitten by about 137 bugs, check. Been caressed by super drunk/best Ecuadorian dancer ever, check.  Received the gringa prices on everything, check.  So far I’d say I’m settling right in. I was elected last week to the committee that represents volunteer concerns back to the office, also they decided I should be the quasi-party-planner (whatever that means… I think mostly it means preparing food for the new trainees, so I should be able to handle that) I just watched probably the greatest game of soccer I have ever seen.  My counterpart was there, which was a cool surprise, but then he was attacked by the hot guy on the other team.  Also, I think I may have signed up to play on what may or may not be a girls/women’s soccer team. I don’t know exactly what it is but there is something so much more innocent, humble and sad about people with obvious disabilities here.  I feel so guilty about all the opportunities in my life when I see them I just want to cry. I can’t wait to get to start some work.  I dicked around in the community garden the other day, but I’m going to have to get some tools if I want to do anything meaningful… plus hanging out on the ground is just asking for bites from bugs I’ve never ever seen before… oh and I heard there are snakes here, maybe cockroaches too.

The difference in our lives and the lives of ecuadorians is glaring and steep. I think about it often, I felt it in Caymbe with my host family, I feel it on the bus, I feel it when we go out to eat, It follows us everywhere we go. Yesterday was certinaly the most profound example. We went to an indigienous village at the footsteps of Chimborazo (the top of this volcano is the point closet to the sun). We were fortunate to be invited inside the hut of a local family. There was smoke billowing out the door, so much so that I thought they were smoking meat or something. It turned out that the wood the woman was using to cook with inside her wood hut with thatched grass roof, was wet-hence the heavy smoke. It was a one room building with two beds inside with mattresses made of the same grass that was protecting them from the rain. That was it. Apparently it is sort of unsual for people that live like this to allow westerners to look inside their homes because they are embarassed of thier poverty, but this family let us in, spoke to us and let us snap a few shots. I asked the litte girl where their bathroom was, she looked confused. So I asked where she went pee, she shook her head. Going for the all out assault on cultural sensitivity I asked here where she made caca, she declared that she did not. I later found out that they just go around the house, or up the hill above the house. I thought this sounded like it would make a good place for dry latrine project, but i was then informed that usually people would not make the adjustment.

This made me think, where is the line between perserving culture and improving quality of life? Does the idea of creating a more sanitary way for a family to deficate (not upstream from thier home and water) cross that line? Is shitting outside a fundamental aspect of thier culture? I think in this case it would probably be safe to help them build some toilets, but this question is not always so clear.

So much of what looks strange to us, is a product of our culurual filters, and it is going to take a long while for these to be penetrated enough for lost of us to make adequate decisions about what kinds of work to do. These differences in cultural norms also highlight the differences in opportunities. Opportunities that define our position of privledge just by virtue of being born in a different country.

it is hard to put the last couple of weeks into words. so much is and has been happening. went for a beautiful hike, de-furred and gutted a cuy, finished up language training which left a void that

has been filled by the most boaring lectures ever. to top that off they dragged us to a dam the other day that apparently produces 35 percent of ecuador´s electricity... and i´m sure destroyed countless species´ habitat... there was just a tiny stream trickling out below the dam. so much of natural resource conservation.

just spent a few days in cuenca. it´s is quite pretty but also not at all like anywhere else i´ve seen in ecuador, meaning very touristy. some of the group ran a 15k, that i didn´t even attempt because even though i´m not smoking, my lungs just can´t get used to the altititude. took a few hot showers and ate tasty food... even made it to a gay club (homosexuals have more fun).

i guess we have a few more days of the most useless training ever, and then back to quito to swear in. i can´t wait to get to my site and start a garden! i did make and consume a delicious salad just prior to saying goodbye to my caymbe host family. i will miss them.

hanging out with the group is becoming more and more fun, but simultaneouly more difficult as we beging to seperate. we´ve been playing rediculous games that apparently you are supposed to play in college, but i skipped. let´s just say i won. also i´ve started a journal of hilarious quotes, por ejemplo, the title above.

hopefully when i get to my site i will be able to post more photos, they can say the thousands of words i am leaving out.

Ok, here it is: my new home is freeking amazing! It is in what they call the bosque nublado, which litterally translates to cloud forrest, and it litterally is. as far as i can tell so far we are in the winter season, so it is humid and rainy which makes for particularly splendid views of the super green and super lush hilsides in the surrounding area. It is without exaggeration one of the most beautiful places i have ever seen and i get to live here for the next two years! There is a river that runs along the outskirts of town, it´s actually quite large and for the most part the water is clean. and, the best part, wait for it... there is a waterfall just about a 15 minute walk from my house! The plants here are amazing, tropical flowers and moss everywhere. I guess i´ll have to figure out how to post pictures because words can´t convey the beauty of this place.

To top that off, my counterpart is the president of the junta parroquial and he is pretty rad. we´ve been talking about possible projects and he is really into the idea of a native plant nursery, expanding the community garden>>teaching people how to grow their own food and how to prepare fresh veggies.

Also, my new family is pretty cool.  I think i must have got one of the best assignments ever!

the last several weeks have been a roller coster. language training just ended yesterday and today we received our site assignments. i couldn't be happier. i got everything i wanted (minus the fact that i'm going to have to take malaria medication). i'm going to a town of roughly 1000 people in the transitional zone between the sierra and the coast.  only 1 1/2 to 2 hours outside of quito, so good news for all that plan on coming to visit.  my project is focused on reforestation and native tree nursery creation, plus i've been told there is great need for agricultural work as well! today has been one of the strangest ever, because i know more about my future today than i have for the last 25 months. it's a mix of excitement, anticipation, satisfaction, tranquility and just the tiniest bit of disappointment because i'm going to be quite far from the best friends i have made in the program.  we leave for our first site visits the day after tomorrow, where i will not only see where i'll be living for the next two years, but also meet my counterpart and new host family that i will live with for the first three months.  wow! in other news, i have the grossest bruise on my left shin, from playing soccer a week ago. it started out as a regular bruise and then swelled up to roughly the size of a lemon.  initially the swelling went down and i just had the most psychedelic bruising i've ever seen, but now the swelling is back and is rather uncomfortable. the doctor thinks i may need an x-ray but is holding off for now. 

There is finally news to report. Yesterday 15 of us, plus or minus, went to a small town called Nono, about 17km outside of Quito.  Nono used to be part of a cloud forest but due to climate change and lack of rain, it is no longer.  Still it is beautiful.  Just after arriving we went to a primary school to talk to kids about how to turn plastic bottles into vessels for starting seeds, they didn’t care much about that as we had magically arrived on airplanes. To most of our surprise Ecuadorian public education puts a huge focus on the importance of the environment.  Children are learning about the affects of global warming as their parents and grandparents are simultaneously blaming the recent earthquakes on evil spirits and voodoo. Shortly after this we toured an organic garden of a local and then played a game with the small children of Nono, which turned into a parade in our honor.  We were serenaded street side by a full brass band, greeted by “potato head midget people” and caballeros performing dances with their horses.  We danced with the children and then paraded down the street to what was more or less a bonfire in the central park where we danced some more and drank some kind of sweet fruit tea. I was befriended by a little girl in the beginning of this adventure, who didn’t let go of my hand for three hours.  Finally I had to return back to the house because I was suffering from a fever.  Woke up early this morning to ordenar some vacas… milk some cows.  The ladies were a bit nervous at the sight of 15 gringos decked out in rubber boots and goretex jackets and were hesitant to lactate for us.  Nonetheless I got a chance to milk a cow, although to my immense disappointment it did not come naturally and I wasn’t very good at it.  We then had a lesson in the local cheese production which was interesting if not slightly off-putting.  Then we got to go check out a terraced farm, literally terraced on the side of a 60 percent slope (I’m just guessing).  They mostly grow potatoes, corn, squash and tomates de arbol (at least for this time of year).  We walked back to town through a cow trail, and had a lunch of vegetables out of the garden.  After lunch there was an incident that involved milking a dog. Also a few of us created a new disorganization called nomad corps, details later.

so far life in ecuador is amazing. i've met so many great people both in the peace corps and in my new community and  new family.  the new family is gigantic. i even have a 94 year old abuelita... to cute. the culture here is rich even if lots of the people aren't.. which isn't to say that life is very tough for me right now or that all of the people here go without.  i live in a big enough city that everything i could need or want is easily accessible and i just realized my host family has the internet, so i'm presently sitting in my bed listening to music as i type this.. wild right? we even got cell phones today. life here is tooooo easy. i'm sure things will get tougher and i welcome the challenge.the peace corps is truly a government organization. the last few weeks have been filled with lots of cultural activities but also a slew of rules, policies and procedures. note: the fancy new disclaimer i have posted.  but all and all i think it's good. there is certainly a large focus on sustainable development within the scope of the work the pc does and most of that focuses on human and community empowerment.  it will be another two or so weeks until i get my site assignment. incredibly, that simultaneously seems like tomorrow and a lifetime from now.  tomorrow we are taking a trip to a place in the transitional zone between the sierra and the coast, should be nice, but i think my family is going to miss me. they get a big kick out of all the stupid shit i say and the mistakes i make, like for example instead of playing "monkey in the middle" i was playing whorehouse in the middle with the children in my family... way to be. 

preparing for the final goodbye to this here homeland. feeling strangely confident and sure of my decision and commitment to this endeavor. it's been great spending so much time with my loved ones these last few months. i am going to miss so many people, but i know that most of you are here with me in spirit. i feel so grateful for all the support i've been receiving recently, much of it coming from unexpected places. i hope that i will be successful in the project i am assigned to, although i still don't know exactly what that will be. i have surrendered and am ready for this new chapter to begin.

not sure yet if i'm going to link this blog up to the peace corps page because they have some particulars about how we represent the organization, and i don't really want to be limited in the scope of what i can say to likely just friends and family that probably won't read this anyway.

so tomorrow i begin this new life as a south american.... i can hardly wait.

i recently read Derrick Jensen's "A Language Older than Words" and amongst other things he talks about the need for death before rebirth, be it spiritual, emotional or physical.  I've been hanging on to this a lot lately, as i strongly feel that while i am about to begin a new chapter of my life there is a part of me that is dying. i guess it's kind of an emotional death as my emotions have been working overdrive lately trying to hold on to the last vestiges of this old life.  i've been in a lot of pain over this, but i am somewhat comforted by the fact that this death is necessary so that i can move on in my life and face a kind of rebirth when i move abroad to join the peace corps.  i am also challenged with the uncertainty of what moving to south america will be like and working in part of such a structured organization... 

as always, time at grandpa's provides hours of uninterrupted fox news viewing and anxiety. happily there was a terrorist plot foiled just prior to my arrival as well as a heating up of the health care debate. they must have known...i keep hearing this line about young uninsured americans and what a drain they are going to be on the health care reform... as well as the "fact" that conservative pundits keep claiming that these people... aka me and my friends, don't actually want health insurance.  excuse me, can you repeat that? i don't know anyone that does not want health insurance, and would like to pay astronomical fees for simple doctors appointments or prescriptions. as for universal health care being socialism, well, if by socialism you mean people being socialized into a system that recognizes the basic human right to health care, than sure, call that socialism. unfortunately, that's not even close to what the current reform is going to do, that is, if it even passes. being here, around my conservative family makes me feel like i'm drowning. i can't breathe, and everything i strive for is completely unattainable and could only exist in a separate universe, one in which my family and all those like them, don't exist.  fuck, that's depressing. oh yeah... fuck lieberman, sell-out--prick!

In the absence of God we have choices; we have each other and are accountable to ourselves.  We are responsible for the actions we take as well as our inaction.  We live in a time when science has debunked most of the supernatural that convinced previous generations in the existence of God.  What we have now is a roughly several thousand year old history of domination of one culture or group over another.  As well as humans over the plant and animal kingdoms.  In this history there is a trail of bloodshed, exploitation, inequality, subjugation, hatred and fear.  SOme might argue that it is because of events of the past that we find ourselves with modern "technology" and "conveniences." And while that may be partly true, was it/is it really worth the cost?  When the cost is inclusive of the massive disconnect we have from the earth, animal, the natural world, each other, our psyches and often our own bodies... for how else do you explain the multi-billion dollar industry built up to replace or supplant emotions or chemical and bodily experiences with pharmaceuticals?

i guess it's been a while since i've been on here, not that it matters much... but alas the last six months have proven to be a bit hectic.  first i forced myself to work like a crazed person, and by crazed person i mean someone that works like five consecutive eight hour shifts per week, for the better part of may through june... wow, that sounds really pathetic. then i took off to tour the country, since i've never done it and always felt a little lame about it, especially when i travel abroad and meet foreigners that have seen more of the good ole us of a than i have.so i set out with one of my bestest friends ever to hitchhike across the states, we threw in a little freight train ridin' too for good measure. what can i say? it was positively AMAZING! which is to say that i had the same experience apparently all traveling girls do... and even use the same played out word to describe it, but whatever... i had a blast and came to some important realizations and conclusions.  1- this country is incredible... the variation in geography/topography alone is overwhelming. 2-the people here are generally way more pleasant and giving than society gives them credit for. 3-money is a burden. having a job/home/car...is all part of a sick cycle that keeps you needing more, never being content with what you have or with enough time to enjoy it and the people you love. 4-having friends is important. 5- i can't wait to move to ecuador!did i mention that i finally got into the peace corps and will be working on a natural resource conservation assignment beginning in february!so yeah, the last couple of months have been jam packed with stuff and it look like life will continue to go that way.

i never feel more exploited or oppressed then when i'm at work. maybe that's par for the course, but i think it is exacerbated by the fact that i work at a posh resort/spa, staffed with mostly spanish speaking immigrants. it's always when i'm walking to the kitchen from the parking lot approximately 1/4 mile away, when i pass the upper class bourgeoisie scum out on their leisurely morning stroll or bike ride into the quaint little town that they enjoy as novelty.  they smile, usually, but that doesn't help bridge the distance between us. i am there to serve them, and that usually doesn't bother me because you've got to serve somebody, but then i think about what the rest of their life is like that they can afford over three hundred dollars a night to come stay here.  it makes me feel so unequal, not that i want to be like them or anything, but like when they look at me, they see 'the help' or something. i get so frustrated by this daily occurrence, not to mention the fact that i spend EVERY single holiday working to make theirs enjoyable. another fact that usually doesn't bother me because there really aren't any holidays that i'm dying to celebrate, or even feel good about supporting, but holidays are typically days that everyone has off and can go spend with their family if the choose.... and after 5 years, i kinda miss that. 

apparently i got swept away in the election buzz and though obama was not my first choice, in fact my first choice would not be an actual president, i got behind him and even a little excited at the possibility of a us president that i was not completely ashamed of. the biggest reason for my support of obama was that he pledged transparency.  well, it has been 100 days and despite the fact that the new administration has taken a few baby steps toward transparency, most of what sucked about the last 8 years still sucks.i fully realize that it is not up to the president to revive a failed economy, it is just not within his/someday her power, but what about FDR's first hundred days (which coincidentally is when we first started judging a president by his first 100 days).  FDR had numerous public works projects underway that created the jobs that ultimately pulled the country out of depression (yeah, the war machine helped too). i was really hoping for some of that from obama and am pretty ashamed to admit that i'm disappointed, because that means that i let myself hope that things were actually going to change.i am stoked about the pledges to shut down guantanamo and end secret torture practices...so, one for your team obama. 

apparently the universe doesn't believe in moderation for me... it's all or nothing. i went for months working barely 8 days a month and today is my 15th consecutive day of work between 2 1/2 jobs and i feel like i'm going to totally loose my mind.in other news, i've been getting totally amped to take a trip this summer... somewhere in the us. i kinda want to go to alaska... i met a girl today while i was census-ing that was from some non-profit farm outside of anchorage and she invited me to camp there if i make it... AWESOME!moving on, the garden is getting into summer form, the tomatoes are gradually making their way into the ground, and the little bit of heat we had last week made them really happy. i guess that's it for now, i have to go turn the water off.... i know worst blog ever, right?

for the next 12 days i intend to not spend any money.  partly because i got 13 days cut from my schedule at work, so i figure it's an appropriate time to try this experiment in self control. 

my whole life i hated christmas.  growing up half jewish made christmas a big drag because i always felt left out. this year i bought a tree and decided that while christmas may or may not be the worst thing ever, i like the smell of a pine tree in my living room, i like warm fuzzy feelings when it is really cold outside. i'm over the fact that whomever you choose to believe that jesus was or represents, he definitely was not born in december. i'm over the fact that just like pretty much every other holiday, christmas has become a time for uber-consumption.  i'm over the fact that hanukkah is just a christmas supplement-as any good orthodox jew would tell you, hanukkah is not really supposed to be a huge deal, i mean yeah the oil burned for 8 days and all, but the gift giving and all that has just been tacked on so that the jew children don't feel quite so alienated and left out come christmas time.  i'm over all of it, i just want to embrace the solstice and the time of year... and so the fuck what if i want to drag a dead tree in the house and put lights and crazy balls all over it. this year it is making me happy. 

I burst into tears listening to michael jackson 'black or white' the other day while substituting the word 'president' for the word 'baby'... i felt really cool.