It's difficult to explain why it has taken me so long to write this blog... but I will give it my best shot.

So.... I am no longer a Peace Corps Volunteer. And I'm ok with that now. I was putting off writing this blog because it felt like it would be such a challenge. Most of my blogs from my service were about day to day life and bugs and things. This one felt much harder to tackle... like it's the one in which I'm supposed to share a poetic goodbye and sum up what I have learned from my Peace Corps service. I didn't know how. And I was going through the shock of leaving my 3rd world life while settling into my new one. I needed some time to process my thoughts and feelings on the whole thing before I came out and shared them with the world, ya know?

I'm still not sure how to do this. I want this blog to give justice to my service, to the experience, to my friends, and to El Salvador. How can I put into words how life-changing and gratifying this experience has been? How can I bring readers to understand? I think maybe the only people that will really get it are others who have been through it. It has just been that huge... But this is what I know for sure...

I came to El Salvador in July 2010 looking for something. I wanted to improve my Spanish. I wanted to really know what it's like to live a different lifestyle, to live in another country, another culture. To live poor. To focus on what really matters. And to help the people in my community in some way. To teach them something. To help improve their quality of life in some small way. I got all of this and more.

It's too bad I couldn't stay through to September like I had planned... but in Peace Corps they always say, "Expect the Unexpected." It just wasn't meant to be. And I feel good about what I have done in my service. I can honestly say that I left it feeling like I made a difference in my community and I have learned so much. It was a gift. I found exactly what I was looking for. Peace Corps was something I had dreamed of doing since my early years of college. And I'm proud that I had the courage to go for it... So that I never will have to live with regret or say "I should've..."

And it was scary at first. I will never forget how hard it was to say bye to my parents. How I asked my mom, "How long do you think I should give it before I quit and come home?" because I was scared. How I hugged my dad, crying at the airport before I left to go off to my new, very different home. Once I got on the plane I was fine. Like many things, just going was harder than anything... I was so happy to be in El Salvador in my first months. So grateful for the opportunity. My friend Jamie and I were always saying to each other, "We're livin' the dream! Livin the dream..." The honey moon phase did eventually wear off though and my "Livin' the dream" motto was replaced by, "How many more months?" It was often tough and challenging. Sometimes uncomfortable. At times I faced heart-crushing depression. But I worked through it. It got better. I became more a part of my community... it began to feel more like home. More like I belonged there. I felt good about what I was doing there. I could have happily finished my service... But it just wasn't meant to be.

PC is downsizing and reorganizing their program in El Salvador greatly because of safety and security issues with gangs and drug trafficking. Even if I could have stayed until the of my 2 year time commitment, they probably would have moved me to a new site. They are trying to move volunteers to keep them in clusters in only in the safest parts of the country. No way would I have wanted a site-change.

So just a few weeks ago it became final. January 21st was my last day as a Peace Corps Volunteer. It was weird at first, a bit of an emotional roller coaster- because I was dealing with my close of service and saying goodbye to San Jacinto so much sooner than planned. I didn't even say goodbye to many of the other volunteers. I missed out on some of that closure. But I feel good about where I am now. It has really sunk in now, that chapter of my life has ended. I will carry its lessons and memories with me for the rest of my life.

San Jacinto will always be like home to me. My youth group threw me an awesome goodbye party before I left. Marinita and Chepito gave me such a heartfelt goodbye, making it clear that I am like family to them now. My goodbyes were full of tears, but they were good tears... because my relationships with those people were so unique and special. And I knew that when I left there in the Peace Corps car with my bosses, it would not be the last time I see San Jacinto and my wonderful friends there.

In summary, joining Peace Corps was the best decision I ever made. So glad I did it... I learned so much, grew so much, yada yada... and best of all... I met and fell in love with the man I want to spend the rest of my life with, Noel. Now we get to spend our lives traveling the world together! Would I do Peace Corps again? No way. Once was enough. Now I am free to go where I want, when I want and drive a car and see other Americans all the time. And sometimes I think to myself, if I could do Peace Corps... I can do anything!

So I will be going back to San Jacinto soon. Definitely will be going to visit since I will be spending time with Noel in San Salvador. He doesn't finish his service in El Salvador until September. In the meantime, we're planning a trip to Roatan, Honduras and Antigua, Guatemala. I'll just be traveling, hanging out, and planning our wedding which will be October 6, 2012! In Houston. Yowzas! Thats only like 8 months away :) Then we will be in D.C. until we move to Manila, Philippines in June 2013. Which by the way is only a mere 20 hour flight from DC. LoL... Definitely the farthest I've ever lived from home. But it will be another exciting adventure! My first time to Asia. There are beautiful tropical islands there... and I will always be happy to live in a place where it is warm year round! I will have to start a different blog to keep y'all up to date on my adventures over there like I have in "Hola El Salvador." Maybe it will be called, "Mabuhay Manila!" I think that's how you say hello in Tagalog.

OK! I did it! I have successfully finished writing the entry that I thought would be the hardest one to write ever. That's a wrap my friends. Thanks for following me along on my journey throughout Peace Corps. It hasn't always been the easiest to write about. But what I know for sure is... It's been real!

Paz y Amor,Amy

My last picture of Milton, carrying all the stuff I gifted his family.

At the Despedida my Youth Group did for me! Every single balloon had a small piece of paper on it that said, "We will miss Amy." So sweet!

Don Tulio came to sing me a goodbye song on my last day in San Jacinto. This man was always so sweet to me. Took my trash out for me everyday. Called me his "Jaimita Linda."

Dear friends and loyal blog leaders,

It looks like this may be the beginning of the end of my Peace Corps experience. It all started with an email from PC/Washington (PCW) on Dec. 11 notifying us that they were pulling out of Honduras and that Guatemala and El Salvador would not be receiving new training groups and to expect our program to undergo changes and reorganization. They are doing this because the region, they call it the "Northern Triangle," has been experiencing a rise in crime and has become more dangerous for volunteers to be out riding around on public transportation. While almost everyone feels safe in their communities, as do I, when we leave our sites we are at risk of being victims of crime.

Lately things have been getting worse in the San Vicente area and more has been happening closer to my site and along my bus route.

1) Months ago a vendor was shot in broad daylight in an area that PCVs shop in in the market. Friends of mine witnessed it. What if I had been there to witness it? I am not ok with seeing someone shot and killed. I have tried avoiding that part of the market since then.

2) Some months back there was a robbery and shooting not on my bus line, but on the same route. The bus stopped and picked up some people not knowing they were robbers. They robbed everyone on the bus, but when a few men resisted them they were shot and killed. Another example of risk for me to happen to be there to witness a violent tragedy.

3) Recently at the end of December some people were shot and killed, this time on transportation that I do frequently use. Supposedly the assailant had bad blood with these people that he was going after specifically, and what makes me uncomfortable is that these are people that live in my neighboring community, within walking distance of mine. That I have to go through everytime I come and go. Since he was unsuccessful in murdering them, they didn't die, will they try again? And will I be unlucky enough to be there next time? Rumor was that he accidentally shot innocent people while aiming for her. That's scary. But I also don't know if its true, because some people have said they were just trying to kill her and her family members. Regardless. It makes me uncomfortable.

4) My neighboring communities have had a number of armed robberies in the late evening. Masked men sneaking up on a house, threatening the family, and taking everything they own- one time they even took their car. My community its harder to get away with stuff like that because its more remote with bad roads its harder for people to take off really fast. Also, the police for the area are stationed here. They live right in my front yard. I feel safe and confident things like that wont happen here.

5) And then yesterday afternoon I got word that a few men were shot near the exit from the highway that is taken to get into my site. Things are getting serious around here. It used to just feel like the capital is where these things mostly happened, rarely out in the rural areas. But now crime out here have become more frequent and closer to home, getting pretty bad in the area I pass through everytime I come and go. No me gusta. It has made me more uncomfortable going on the bus too and from San Vi. But that is exactly why PC is making changes, because of stuff like this, and restricting our travel.

They are working on coming up with the solutions for travel. As of yesterday we are on a travel restriction, we can't leave our sites without informing Peace Corps of where we're going, what we're going for, how we're getting there. And no overnights. And this is the thing that may be my deal-breaker: San Salvador is off limits completely and indefinitely. AH! My fiance lives there. That will be hard. Sure he can come out to San Vi and see me here in my site or the pueblo. But it's not the same. Not to mention expensive gas to be doing that all the time. And San Sal is where we meet up with other PCVs and decompress and have some brief comforts like a nice bed and a/c and good food. Everything will be so different without being able to go there anymore, and frankly, hard. Sometimes we just need to get away and have a break from the campo, have some time with our expat friends... Going to visit a friends site is not the same, it's not always the refresher that you need.

Anyway, I'm still thinking about everything and considering the possibilities here. PC is letting people go early with all the benefits. They are trying to reduce the number of volunteers, I guess they need many of us to leave to be able to afford making these changes they want to make. I want to be able to continue seeing Noel. Even just seeing him once a month is difficult. I remember when he went to Rio for work for a month... that felt like the longest month ever in all of my service. And apart from that, living the next 8 months with little independence and freedom will be hard. It's a whole new ballgame here. And with the recent events in the San Vicente area... I can see that me leaving early is a possibility. I never want to have to witness someone be shot and I dont want to be at risk for being caught in the crossfire of a shooting.

So if I can leave early with all the benefits, maybe that won't be all that bad- to move on to the easier life I have often day dreamed about returning to. There is a significant part of me that wants to stick it out until the end. I'm so close. I've invested so much time into this. It would be nice to finish it. And it will be so hard to explain to my community and say goodbye to this place that has become a second home to me. My host parents who have looked after me since the day I arrived here, saying goodbye to them early will be the hardest thing. And then all of my friends here who have always had their doors open to me. This community is full of warm loving people. I haven't told them anything yet... because I'm still not sure about what will happen with the situation. I know Washington is coming at the end of this month to do an assessment and explain changes.

The funny thing is, after we got that first email about changes in mid December, my friends and I predicted something like this would happen. It's not like I didn't see it coming... but now that it's actually happening, I feel like it came as a shock still. Like it really snuck up on me. I always knew this experience would come to an end at some point, but I guess I just wasn't prepared for it to be the end already. And this is definitely not what I imagined it would be like.

Dear friends and loyal blog leaders,

It looks like this may be the beginning of the end of my Peace Corps experience. It all started with an email from PC/Washington (PCW) on Dec. 11 notifying us that they were pulling out of Honduras and that Guatemala and El Salvador would not be receiving new training groups and to expect our program to undergo changes and reorganization. They are doing this because the region, they call it the "Northern Triangle," has been experiencing a rise in crime and has become more dangerous for volunteers to be out riding around on public transportation. While almost everyone feels safe in their communities, as do I, when we leave our sites we are at risk of being victims of crime.

Lately things have been getting worse in the San Vicente area and more has been happening closer to my site and along my bus route. 1) Months ago a vendor was shot in broad daylight in an area that PCVs shop in in the market. Friends of mine witnessed it. What if I had been there to witness it? I am not ok with seeing someone shot and killed. I have tried avoiding that part of the market since then.

2) Some months back there was a robbery and shooting not on my bus line, but on the same route. The bus stopped and picked up some people not knowing they were robbers. They robbed everyone on the bus, but when a few men resisted them they were shot and killed. Another example of risk for me to happen to be there to witness a violent tragedy.

3) Recently at the end of December some people were shot and killed, this time on transportation that I do frequently use. Supposedly the assailant had bad blood with these people that he was going after specifically, and what makes me uncomfortable is that these are people that live in my neighboring community, within walking distance of mine. That I have to go through everytime I come and go. Since he was unsuccessful in murdering them, they didn't die, will they try again? And will I be unlucky enough to be there next time? Rumor was that he accidentally shot innocent people while aiming for her. That's scary. But I also don't know if its true, because some people have said they were just trying to kill her and her family members. Regardless. It makes me uncomfortable.

4) My neighboring communities have had a number of armed robberies in the late evening. Masked men sneaking up on a house, threatening the family, and taking everything they own- one time they even took their car. My community its harder to get away with stuff like that because its more remote with such bad roads its harder for people to take off really fast. Also, the police for the area are stationed here. They live right in my front yard. I feel safe and confident things like that wont happen here.

5) And then yesterday afternoon I got that word that a few men were shot near the exit from the highway that is taken to get into my site. Things are getting serious around here. It used to just feel like that capital is where these things mostly happened, rarely out in the rural areas. But now crime out here have become more frequent and closer to home, getting pretty bad in the area I pass through everytime I come and go. No me gusta. It has made me more uncomfortable going on the bus too and from San Vi. But that is exactly why PC is making changes, because of stuff like this, and restricting our travel.

They are working on coming up with the solutions for travel. As of yesterday we are on a travel restriction, we can't leave our sites without informing Peace Corps of where we're going, what we're going for, how we're getting there. And no overnights. And this is the thing that may be my deal-breaker: San Salvador is off limits completely and indefinitely. AH! My fiance lives there. That will be hard. Sure he can come out to San Vi and see me here in my site or the pueblo. But it's not the same. Not to mention expensive gas to be doing that all the time. And San Sal is where we meet up with other PCVs and decompress and have some brief comforts like a nice bed and a/c and good food. Everything will be so different without being able to go there anymore, and frankly, hard. Sometimes we just need to get away and have a break from the campo, have some time with our expat friends... Going to visit a friends site is not the same because it's still campo, still sitting with locals talking, drinking coffee, being offered tortillas... it's not always the refresher that you need.

Anyway, I'm still thinking about everything and considering my options. Not going to make an hasty decisions. But PC is offering all volunteers in my country Interrupted Service, meaning we can leave early and still receive all the benefits as if we are finishing. They are trying to reduce the number of volunteers, I guess they need many of us to leave to be able to afford making these changes they want to make. Of course I am considering it. I want to be able to continue seeing Noel. Even just seeing him once a month is difficult. I remember when he went to Rio for work for a month... that felt like the longest month ever in all of my service. And apart from that, living the next 8 months with little independence and freedom will be hard. It's a whole new ballgame here. And with the recent events in the San Vicente area... maybe it's not worth it to stick it out. I never want to have to witness someone be shot and I dont want to be at risk for being caught in the crossfire of a shooting. Many things to consider here.

So if I can leave early with all the benefits, maybe it's worth it to take it and just move on to the easier life I have often day dreamed about returning to. Being able to see my love when I want to, Iphones, driving cars, flushing toilets, warm showers, good TV, etc. There is a small part of me that thinks I could stick it out to the end though. The time may go quickly. It's just going to be hard to explain to my community my reasons for leaving early if I decide to go. My host parents who have looked after me since the day I arrived here, saying goodbye to them and explaining to them an early departure will be the hardest thing. And then all of my friends here who have always had their doors open to me. This community is full of warm loving people. I haven't told them anything yet... I'm still letting things sink in and figuring out how I feel about it all. (So Jaime, if you're reading this, please dont say anything to your parents about it!).

At the end of this month we have an all volunteer conference with PCW in which they will give us more info and details about the new way of things. If I choose to leave, that will be a good opportuntity to see friends for the last time and say goodbye, leaving with some closure.

The funny thing is, after we got that first email about changes in mid December, my friends and I predicted something like this would happen. It's not like I didn't see it coming... but now that it's actually happening, I feel like it came as a shock still. Like it really snuck up on me. You know all things will come to an end at some point, but I guess I just wasn't prepared for it to be the end already. This is not what I imagined it would be like.

Take a look at the place I have called home for the last year and some months! This was before I painted it... I wanted y'all to see it just as it has been all this time... before I made it nicer.

Not too long ago, I posted on Facebook asking my Houston friends if anyone had an old electric guitar to donate to the kids at a church in my community. An old friend of a friend quickly responded wanting to help. He went out and bought a beautiful brand new electric guitar that I was able to bring back with me on the plane. The kids have been taking lessons for a long time out of our community, and now they finally have one to practice on! Here I am with the church leaders the day I gave them this beautiful gift. Music video to come!

I taught kids from my youth group how to tie-dye! Here are just some of the kids with the shirts they made.

My house after it's makeover. It's not quite as baby blue as I thought it would be.... I LOVE IT! I should have done this a long time ago. At least I have months ahead of me to enjoy it.

Other After picture

Serena and her baby, Rey at the door of my house

She always wants to come inside, crazy vaca.

Rey

The 75 cases of beer they are storing in my house for the rodeo!

Over a year ago, I bought 2 huge barrels of paint for my house. I spent quite a bit of money on doing so... but after buying them I decided I didn't like my colors that I bought. I don't know how, but I left there with 2 colors that absolutely did not go together. A bright pink for the outside. And a baby blue for the inside. What on earth was I thinking? I was hoping to get colors that were soothing and pretty... like a soft green, or a maroon. All of my good taste has gone out the window in El Salvador I suppose. But I think I was just going for something different and more exciting than boring.

So what did I do? I wasn't bold or brave enough to put the bright pink on the outside of my house. I don't know why... El Salvador, unlike the US, is the kind of place where it is perfectly acceptable to have a bright pink house. And the baby blue? Not the tranquil color I ever wanted for the inside. It didnt matter that I had the receipt, returns are not something widely accepted in The Savior, along with customer service. So I was stuck with two big 5-gallon barrels of paint that I never had the intention of using. I ended up giving the pink to my neighbor in exchange for her washing my clothes for free for a few months. That was worth it. But I still have this baby blue.

And my host mom is always saying to me "It's going to go bad, Emi, It's going to go bad." I've never opened it so I'm assuming it's still good, just been sitting there collecting dust. So I was looking at my walls and seeing how dirty they are... these gross dirty vine things grow on them that I scrape off but they leave marks. And they are also covered in the marks of spirders I've squashed over the last year. I don't really have any work to do this week and the thought of not keeping busy is unbearable for me sometimes at this point in my service. So I'm doing it! By the end of today, with the help of Lupita, I will have a baby blue house. Well on the inside at least. It should be a nice way to spend the day.

Things have been a bit weird lately, at this point in my service. I've come so far.... and it still feels like there's a ways to go. 9 months. And with school being out, I am not so busy with projects at the moment. I am working on my project plans for my remaining time. I plan on working on more grants in the coming weeks to be able to get these new projects started. But also, there are the coming changes that are looming over us volunteers in this country. They, Peace Corps, have told us there are going to be changes, like they are no longer sending the new group of volunteers that were supposed to come in January, and actually won't be sending any more volunteers for the whole next year because of increasing security concerns. So PC El Sal has to come up with proposals for Washington on how they will restructure our program for it to be safer for us. Now we just have to wait and see what the changes mean for us. They are supposedly going to completely reorganize our program here, and like our country director said, "It will be a whole new ballgame." Such changes might include greater restrictions on in country travel, keeping us in our regions by having regional offices set up, etc. So, it will be interesting to see what things are in store for us. All of us volunteers have our heads spinning over it. Hopefully they will tell us the outcome soon!

I have a rat problem again. Ugh! They have built nests in the gap between my walls and my roof... they are squeaking a lot at night, and their poo is falling all around my bed that I sweep up everyday. I am not sure how to get up there and kill them. I'm just kind of waiting for them to eat my poison i put out or crawl onto a sticky pad and get stuck. At least I have a mosquito net and the poo isnt falling into my bed!

This is the season for a dirty house. The dry season has arrived. There are millions of tiny leaves that get blown into my house everyday. It's amazing how much they can trash up my house even when my house is closed. So I am spending every day out here sweeping out heaps of dirt dusts and the little leaves.

On a brighter note, my host family installed a shower head in my bathing area! Ok, it may be so low that I have to crouch under it, and it doesnt point in the right direction.... but it's really nice! 1- I can wash everything better and more easily being able to have both hands free, no longer having one occupied by a bucket. 2- I am bathing with cleaner water! Before the water would sit in the pila for days, collecting dirt and the chickens and ducks would sometimes poo in it. Don't have to worry about that anymore!

So Noel's daughter arrived yesterday! I was bummed that I couldn't go with him to pick her up from the airport, but i'll see her next week. I'm taking a few vacation days so that I can hang out with them. He told me that she came off the plane with her face all covered in blush and makeup! LoL, she said she put it on herself during the flight. That reminds me of when I was her age and I would go hang out at my neighbor Nikki's house and I'd come home looking like Frankenstein covered in her play makeup. Little girls are too cute.

I tie dyed shirts with my youth group last week. It was the easiest and most fun activity! They were looking at me like I was crazy when I told them we were going to twist and tie up our shirts, then pour dye on them. But I did mine as an example and when I took off the rubber bands and opened it, then they were "oooh-ing and ahhhhhh-ing" like crazy over the designs. It's always fun to teach them new things like that. They want to make pinatas with me next month. Last time I made pinatas was with the 4th gradres at school, and it didnt turn out so well. They destroyed them all after the first day. I imagine it will go much better this time though, working with older kids. What I really want to do is paint a mural somewhere... I guess it would have to be at the school.

............................................................................................

Ok now it's the next day. Didn't finish my blog yesterday because of all the painting. My house looks awesome! I love it.... it's so much fresher and cleaner looking. Not hardly the dumpy looking little casa I've spent the last year in. I will put up pictures sometime next week. I can't now because my internet's too slow. But what's sad is, my muscles are actually sore from just painting my house yesterday. Ok, there was a lot of heavy lifting involved, moving things around. And getting myself up and down and up and down from a stack of plastic chairs so I could reach up high.

But one thing's for sure... I need to get myself active again! New Year's Resolution? I guess!

I was also pleasantly suprised with the amount of living creatures I found in my home as we moved and cleaned under all the furniture. I only found a handful of quarter sized spiders, two really huge spiders that look like they are crossed with a scorpion, 2 worms, and one big dead scorpion. I thought I was gonna find the rats that have been pooping all over my things... but no, I guess they just live on top of my walls.

Happy Holidays everyone! I love that I am escaping the cold and getting to spend my holidays wearing tanks and flip flops again. I better enjoy, next year when I'm in DC, I won't be as comfortable I imagine.

Paz y Amor to all.



P.S. Something Gross: I was sitting on the latrine in the outhouse last week when I felt something tickling me from underneath. It was very subtle at first... then it was clear there was something there crawling on me... It was a big poopy cockroach. GROSSSSSSS! My friend Hollie tells me that is why she never ever sits down... but I don't get how she does. Sometimes you just have to. TMI? Sorry bout that!

I went home for about a week an a half for Thanksgiving. It was so nice. I'm very grateful that I was able to go. I got to spend lots of quality time with my parents and brother and future sister-in-law. I ate and ate and ate and ate. Too much. It was great. Dad's cookin. Shipley's. NY Bagel Shop- Everything Bagel Lox & Cream Cheese. PF Changs appetizers. Hobbit. El Tiempo's Ritas. Kenny & Ziggy's Reuben. Garlic pickles. Diet dr. pepper. Chili Cheese Fritos. Starbucks. Definitely over-indulged.

This time home was different than the last times I went home while in Peace Corps. Why? Because this time I could tell things have changed. I could feel a difference.

It really freaked me out how everyone has these new iPhones that they talk to like it's a personal assistant. You just push a button and you can ask Siri anything. My family and I sat on the couch for nearly half an hour the other day just asking the phone questions. It's a bit creepy. It's like the phone is almost a person. I'm not saying I don't like it... I just never imagined anything like it. And people are walking around talking to their phone saying things like "Text Amy: You are the bomb girl period I love you exclamation point smiley face" CRAZY! I also thought it was kind of sad how attached people are to their phones. It's like they don't really talk anymore. It's not like I didn't see this before I left for Peace Corps... I just didn't notice how bad it is. You go out to a restaurant and you often see people are all sitting around a table together, but nobody's talking. They're all just staring at an iPhone or some other fancy mobile device. These are the times I guess. I'm not judging really... because I know that as soon as I get out of Peace Corps I will most likely be buying myself an iPhone too... and I can't wait. LoL

But it wasn't just things like this that made my trip home feel different. I could feel the change in myself. That after spending nearly a year and a half in El Salvador, I am not the same girl that left there in July 2010. It's neat when you can feel the differences in yourself.... well maybe not always. Like if you get real fat, or become really unhappy. But I'm really happy.

Do you notice and feel things changing as much when you just stay in the same place? Sure I guess you do...But I don't know, my family has been evolving too. Evan and I are both engaged now. We're like real grown ups now. And my parents are heading in a different direction.. with jobs and perhaps with where they live. There are lots of exciting things to come. Big things.

I found the place for our wedding while I was there... it's perfect! A nice private little club off I-10. The perfect space for our medium sized wedding. 150 people doesnt sound like a small wedding to me. But it's def not a big one. So October 6, 2012 it is. Some people have said things to me about it being hard to plan a wedding while I'm still in Peace Corps... but I'm not worried about it. That's what mothers and event coordinators and the internet are for. I can't wait! I went with my mom and Jenny, my bro's fiance, to try on wedding dresses while in Houston. Whoa! I had no idea how much fun that would be.... but trying on wedding dresses, I was turned inside out with excitement. I don't know if I found "my" dress but I definitely have more of an idea of what I want. But everything that I put on that I liked, I was like, "i'll take it!" but there's no rush. I'll hopefully go back once more to use up the rest of my vacation days in the spring, and i'll probably find something then.

So here I am back at post. No more wedding dress shopping. I don't see people staring at iPhones everywhere, talking to Siri. I can't drive. No more hot cheetos and XX beer. No more mom and dad. No more puppies. Hot showers. Good television. Sigh. Back in the Savior. On the bright side, I have a date with my buddy Jamie tomorrow morning for breakfast pupusas! I miss my pupusas! They are good breakfast lunch & dinner, all day. Lookin forward to that and my Jamie time.

December is going to be kinda slow.... or well, different at least. Won't have my old routine going like I usually do. The school is closed. My best PC buds aren't gonna be around to chat with me on the phone because they're going on vacation. But there will be Christmas and lots of fun times hanging out with Noel and Lina towards the end of the month! I'm looking forward to that! I'm gonna plan to do a few workshops with the kids during the month too. Time passes by so much quicker when your busy working. Prob gonna make a batch of shampoo with the old ladies too.

So here's to finishing up 2011 strong! Looking forward to 2012 :) I like even numbered years. My parents got married in '82. Brother was born in '84. I was born in '86. Graduated high school in '04, college in '08, started peace corps in 2010. Seems like there is a pattern of my important years being even numbered. I feel like keeping with that. I actually said that I didn't want to get married in 2013... it sounds like a bad luck number.

Paz y amor buddies! <3

Ok I know... It's been too long since I've blogged. Sorry 'bout that! I've been too busy just living my life I suppose. But there is way too much to catch y'all up on, I don't even know where to start!

Well how about with the biggest most important and wonderful thing of all... I'm ENGAGED! Oh that's so fun to say! lol... I'm ENGAGED!!! Yes ladies and gentlemen, on 11-11-11, he put a ring on it :) We couldn't be happier or more excited. So now you're probably wondering about the details- like maybe- Who is the lucky guy? How'd you meet? How'd he do it? What about the ring? Well... You may have noticed his name pop up here and there in my blog over the last year, Noel. I never formally introduced him into my blog by explaining who he was or how we met... because I've never been one to so publicly talk about my relationship status really. But now that things are official, I'm ready to spill more of my beans.

We met last year at Thanksgiving. Every year Peace Corps Volunteers are invited to sign up to have Thanksgiving dinner with embassy workers and their families. I signed up and by luck of the draw Rosellen, the pcv organizing the assigments, put me at Noel's house along with my friends Hollie and Kathrine. We owe many thanks to Rosellen, because she could have just as easily put me with anyone else. So I got this email from her saying I was set to have Thanksgiving with this guy, and that he specifically asked for fun lovers so we should show him a good time. He soon sent an email to my friends and I, giving us the details of where his house is, asking if we had any special requests for food, etc. So I emailed him back to let him know what my arrival plans were and to tell him I wanted him to make me some baked macaroni n' cheese and told him to call me back about answering my questions because I didnt have internet in my site. Soon after I sent that email, as I was running to catch my bus back to my site at the last minute he called. I answered very out of breath because I was carrying a huge backpack since I was on my way home from my second pre-service training. I told him I couldnt talk, because I was on the bus- I don't like to talk on the phone on the bus- so he said he could call me later in a few hours.

So later on around 7 pm he called just as I had expected- we cleared up our Thanksgiving plans- but then we ended up talking for hours more, laughing and sharing stories about what we've been up to. He was interesting and had such a nice voice and by the end of the phone call I could not wait to meet him days later when we were to go in. I admit, I tried to look him up on facebook to see what he looked like and check him out. I wasn't sure which one he was though. He was able to see my picture though, and read up on stuff I've been doing because I told him about my blog. He told me later he went and read it before I came. And then a few days later he called me mid-day to ask me if I'd be interested in going to a happy hour in the Marine House at the embassy the day I planned to arrive. I accepted and convinced my friends to come along...

So the day of we arrived at the embassy and couldn't get through security without him coming down to help us. We were waiting out front and the door kept opening, people leaving from work... and I was waiting for him to walk out and see if he was as cute as he sounded on the phone. So FINALLY after many Salvadorans walked out the front door, the big heavy door opened again... And this very handsome man in a suit walks out and says very professionally, "Let's get this taken care of." And he walked over to talk to the guards while I stayed talking to Jamie and Esther, who knew I was excited about meeting him... and Esther said, "Get it girrrrlll." Haha... Oh, Esther. Anyways, it was a great night... we went from the happy hour to dinner at a Mexican restaurant, that wasn't really a karaoke bar but would have people do random karaoke from their tables. I had several margaritas and sang a song with a big tacky sombrero on my head. Then we went out dancing after and the rest is history.

Been together ever since... And it's been the best year ever. We've talked practically every day since we met... I've gone to the capital to see him when I can. He's been to my site a few times and came to Houston for a short while to hang out with me during one of my visits home. We always have fun together... it's been great! We've had great times traveling together to Copan, Honduras and Roatan, Honduras, and making short trips to the beach here in El Salvador. And we have just as much fun when we're just hanging out together doing nothing- playing scrabble, ordering Chinese. And he cooks! I always wanted a man who would cook for me 

So, last Friday, after he got home from spending a month working in Brazil, he said he wanted to take me to the beach for lunch- to this place that we went to for our first real date -since the first time we went out was because of thanksgiving and not really a date. This place has the best ceviche in El Salvador. We hadn't been back since we had that first date almost a year ago... but we never forgot how good the food was. He was set on going there, making it sound like he just was really really craving some ceviche. So I was like, OK- let's go get some ceviche. And after eating, while enjoying a great bottle of chilled white wine- we're just sitting there talking and I had moved to his side of the table so I could sit next to him and enjoy the beautiful view of the ocean better- watching the surfers. He was holding my hand and rubbing it and I was like, "this is nice" and then he said, "Do you want a hand massage?" And I said sure- although that is kind of an odd thing to say or do at a restaurant... but the restaurant was practically empty anyway. Then he said, "Maybe this will help..." and he reaches in his pocket and pulls out a black box and my eyes got huge and he opens it and there before me was the MOST beautiful ring I had ever seen in my life! And I was so busy getting excited and overwhelmed and freaking out... literally took my breath away, surprising me like that. I guess I must have nodded yes, or my reaction was saying yes... and we were just smiling and then he put it on my finger and I started crying... and he was like, "Well?" And I finally was able to get the words out of my mouth to say yes... It was beautiful and unforgettable... a very special moment. I wasn't able to stop staring at my finger all weekend. I got to show it off when we went to the Marine Ball the following night... with my hair and makeup done and him in a tux. It was the best weekend ever!

I'm back in my site now... and I had to leave my beautiful ring with him at his house... No way am I walking around El Salvador with that on! A ring like that doesn't really belong in the campo. I sure am the luckiest PCV in the world though! I might have to get something that is cheap and of no value to wear while I am in my site. A lot of people asked me- "So are you still going to finish Peace Corps?" Yes, of course I am. I have to finish what I started. I owe it to my community, and to myself, to finish my projects and do what I came here to do. I have many good friends in my site that I am definitely not ready to say goodbye to yet and still have a number of things I want to accomplish. And I only have about 9 months left to do it all! That's crazy! And I know it will go by so fast too!

So I will finish up here next August... Noel will be moving to D.C. next Sept.1st where he will get training in Tagalog for 8 months before we move to Manila in the Philippines. We are still talking about specific dates for the wedding but it will most likely be next fall, and definitely in Houston.

So there ya have it- it's officially official!

In other news- Peace Corps Washingtos has chosen 4 countries in the world to come do an "Impact Evaluation" on and El Salvador is one of the countries. They have chosen specific sites to visit next month and they're planning to visit my community. I'm interested to see how they're planning to do this evaluation- because I was told that I'm not allowed to be in my site at all the day of. It's very important I don't run into them they say. But who's gonna show them around? Are they just gonna show up at people's houses? I am sure I will hear all about it from my community friends afterward.

Jamie came to my site recently and taught some of my youth group kids yoga! It was super fun. She's a yoga master, that one! My kids liked it a lot, which kind of surprised me! When we were wrapping up the class they were asking for more moves to try. I guess they've just never ever moved their bodies in that way before. Next month's youth activity includes self-defense for women. Me and my lovely regional leader Anna are gonna teach ladies how to defend themselves (aka- how to shout and kick men in the balls).

I went to a very nice wedding yesterday in San Vicente, one of my neighbor's sons got hitched. It was the nicest one I've been to in El Salvador. In the cathedral in the park, big long mass... the bride in her HUGE poofy dress. I thought it was interesting how relaxed things were during the ceremony. They let the bride and groom sit during the mass, since it was the super long, stand up, sit down, stand up, sit down kind of church things. But also, people were walking around and talking throughout it. At one point the lady in the pew in front of me (we were sitting kind of far back) walked all the way down the aisle straight to the bride and groom to tell him he forgot to pull the bride's veil back and kiss her... because after it was official, they just kept going on with mass stuff. Of course there were some street dogs walking up and down the aisle during the ceremony as well. We threw rice on them as they walked out the door and then the entire wedding party and guests walked together several blocks from the church where the party was, where we ate a nice chicken dinner on styrofoam plates. It was nice. I wore an ugly ruffly black dress I bought at a thrift store for 10 bucks. It was so hot in the church and the reception hall... the poor bride in her huge poofy cupcake gown was fanning herself all night. Thank God my wedding will be in the land of climate controlled buildings!

Happy Birthday to my Mom today! Mom, you are the best, coolest mom in the world... I love you! Can't wait to see you and everyone at Thanksgiving! Yes, I am leaving Noel to have Thanksgiving with my family on our 1 year anniversary. I'm sad we won't be together for it, but after next year, once we're in the Philippines, having Thanksgiving with them most likely won't be possible... So I am taking advantage of my close proximity while I can! Wish he could come!

Allright folks... it's time for me to get out into the campo and walk around and see some people. I need to sell raffle tickets. I am raffling off a hammock to benefit the 9th grade graduation next week. Lot's of walking and talking to do! I will try to blog again really soon... Because there's always more to catch up on! Things like how my neighbor and I got sweaty and out of breath chasing a huge cat this morning that was trying to eat some of our chickens. This cat was not a regular house cat... it was more like a wild bobcat! I had never seen one of those around here before. And did I tell y'all about the bats in my house? I dont think so... so yes, more blogging to come. LOVE!

Paz y Amor.

p.s. I really wanted to include pictures in this post but my connection won’t allow it. Sorry!

Hello world! It sure has been a long time since I blogged. I just wasn't in the mood to blog, with the recent tropical storms and having to be on standfast- meaning Peace Corps would not let me leave my site for over a week and a half due to risks of mudslides and flooding.

During those days, I mostly just stayed in my house, because it was non-stop raining, and colder than I've ever been in El Salvador, I didn't want to move. Sure I could have gone and done house visits to see my friends I have around town- but it was not appealing to walk in the rain and mud. I didnt want to get my clothes wet because I knew they would never dry. Plus, I knew that if I did go out and talk with people- all we would talk about is the stormy weather and how people were flooded in La Libertad, many in shelters, etc. I knew all of this from the news. So that also was not appealing. So I spent most of those days in my house in my hammock, reading and rewatching every season of Sex and The City for the 5th time. I might be finally sick of that show. And I was also thinking too much, felt like I was going crazy... and I wrote a blog during those days, but I decided it wasn't good for posting. You all really would have thought I was going nuts. And I was. But the details of my craziness were not worth sharing publicy. So it was a long few weeks, but that first day that the sun came out... it was amazing how seeing the sun alone could make me so happy. And the next day we were allowed to leave and I felt back to normal again. And the weather has been gorgeous ever since... it seems to be that Summer is arriving in El Salvador. There might be a few more rains, but the beginning of the dry season is so nice here. Clear skies, cool... Sure is nice to be down here when I know I could be up north having winter.

Sunday my youth group and I put on an excursion. We all got on the bus at 5:30 am... stopped at Pollo Campero, because it would not be an excursion without fried chicken, and made it to the pools by 8:30. I actually had a nice time. They were amazed with how I could swim. Most of them can't really swim at all. But some of them can... and they wanted to race me. Even though I swam competetively for 3 years in highschool, I was always one of the slowest on the team. So we raced... and when I got to the other side of the pool, I looked back and they hadnt even made it half way. They were very impressed. It felt good swimming laps. I would love to get back into that when I'm done here. We also had a mini soccer tournament. I was shocked that I enjoyed soccer... probably because it was on a basketball court instead of a big huge field and I didnt have to run as much. And we went on a walk in the wooded area by the pools. The "forest" this place had advertised turned out to be really lame. We were walking through a muddy path for about 20 minutes getting eaten up by huge mosquitos. I really would not be surprised if I had dengue all of a sudden in a few days. Besides, walking through wooded areas is something these campo kids see every day. Still it was a fun day. And we made a lot money for our activities by charging people for the bus ride and selling food on the bus. We didnt make enough to do anything huge but it was a good start. In a few weeks I have Jamie coming to my site to teach the kids Yoga. It's something new for them to learn. I'm planning on having some movie nights in town to raise more money. I'm gonna play movies on a projector at the school and sell popcorn and other foods. And then I want to plan a field day and make it a color war- teams of kids, big and small- Relay races, tug of war, sack races, etc. Just like we used to have at Camp Young Judaea. That's going to take ALOT of planning... so I'm working on it poco a poco.

So yesterday I slept until 8:30. Almost never do that. My host family must think I am the laziest person ever. Especially because I'll tell them goodnight at 6pm because I'm tired... they don't know that sometimes I stay up really late. They just think I'm sleeping that whole time. Because people here never spend time alone like Americans do. It doesn't make sense to them. When I spend a lot of time alone, they sometimes take it personally like I don't want to hang out with them. That, or they think I am sad or sick. It's neither. It's that I enjoy doing things alone. Like writing, reading, watching movies. They always do everything with their families, so I understand it seems odd to them how anyone could be so content spending so much time alone. I love it. And there's nothing like being able to speak to people on the phone in English at the end of the day.

Yesterday I spent all day walking around giving people reading glasses that I got donated from an organization from the states. I got over 300 pairs sent to me and it's great to see how they are helping people. There are lots of people who were not able to read before who now can. And there is this one lady, the cook at the school, who for years hasn't been able to thread her needles because she cant see well enough. It was such a wonderful moment when she put on those glasses and threaded a needle all by herself. She was all smiles and totally ecstatic.

I was going to invite the entire community to come on one specific day to give out all the glasses... but after selling them to people individually I know that would just be chaos. Everyone takes at least 10-15 minutes to figure out which ones they need and then they pick the style they want. Also, there are some people that just do not understand that these glasses are for reading and not for wearing all the time around town or for looking far away. They will put them on and just look around with this dumbfounded look on their face like, "Oh no, these are not right." And then I tell them again, look at the paper. Which line can you read. LoL... I have to tell some of them 5 times before they get it. And there are still all these people that want to buy them just because they're cute. And I see them walking around with them on, and I'm like... Oh boy... LoL... but what can I do? I've explained it the best I can. And I am seeing tons of people that are really helped out by them. So I can feel good about that.

I found out yesterday they moved the school's 9th grade graduation date from Nov. 17th to Nov. 22nd. The day after I leave for Houston. I am so bummed that I am going to miss it now. I really want to be there, it's the biggest school event of the year. And frankly, if I'm not there it will make me look really bad to the community. Everyone will know that I am in the states instead of being there. It looks like they are not important to me. They moved it because they say they need more time to plan it, that the rains set them back a lot. Like 5 days is really going to make a huge difference. Man, where I am from, graduation is set on a day and it doesnt change. You especially don't change the date 3 weeks ahead of time. Bummer. And it's hard to explain to people what Thanksgiving is and how it is my favorite holiday. How it's a time to be with your family. They don't get that. I was considering changing my ticket dates, but I don't think it's worth spending hundreds of dollars to change my flight dates. Everyone will have to get over it. I can't always be here for everything, I just want them to appreciate what I am here for and what I have done for the community.

I'm not going to be here for Christmas either, I'm going to go spend it in San Sal with Noel and Lina. Last year I was here for Christmas, and there was nothing special going on and I was sad that I wasn't having some kind of celebration. I just ate a sandwich at my neighbors house and was home going to bed at 8 o clock last year. I am not doing that again. The unfortunate thing is that my community's rodeo is on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Another thing that I will look bad for not being at. But man... they keep planning special events on American Holidays. What's up with that? It doesn't help that the Rodeo is in my FRONT YARD. Haha.... Oh man....

Anyway, Noel is still in Rio De Janeiro, Brasil for work. It feels like he's been gone forever, but still a few more weeks til he gets back. We can't even talk on the phone because his hotel's internet is outrageously expensive. Miss him! He'll be home soon though and luckily he gets back the day I have to go in for my mid service medical appointments so I'll get to be there that Wednesday! Hopefully my doctor will tell me I'm as healthy as a horse.

Why do they say that? Are all horses real healthy or something? The horses around here don't look too healthy to me.

Oh joy, Milton is outside screaming "pendejo" at someone. We've talked about saying bad words before... time for me to go!

Happy Halloween everyone!

I am so ready for a vacation :)



Paz y Amor.

Rumour has it that there is a woman in the town over that hasn't bathed in 37 years. She is has 7 daughters. Supposedly her motive for not bathing is in some sort of protest to God for not giving her a son. She thinks that God would not want her to suffer and that eventually he will give her the son that she has always wanted. I'm pretty sure this story has to be an excellent example of how out of control gossip can get out here in the campo. What was months of not bathing could have somehow turned into 37. I dont believe it could be true. Who can do that? Not bathe for 37 YEARS!? What would happen to you? How bad would you smell? I dont think anyone could do it... And if this woman wants to have a son, she has to have sex with someone... who would want to touch her after not bathing for nearly 4 decades? Who knows... it couls be true. There are some real crazies in this world. Like those people that are in the Guinness Book of World Records for having fingernails longer than they are tall.

Speaking of crazies- there's a guy that lives in my town that is obviously not right in the head. He is always wheeling around this huge tire on foot, and tells people it's his car. He really does think its his car. He's offered me a ride before. I've seen him miles away from our town wheeling it on the site of the highway too...

Another interesting rumour- one that I'm pretty sure is actually true. There is this house on the side of the highway that sells gas. It is not a gas station, but they sell gas. Supposedly they have dug an underground route to the pipes at the gas station and have hooked up more pipes to bring it to their house... Where they sell the gas for much cheaper than at the actual gas station. The buses I take at times stop off there to get their refills. Isn't that crazy? And very illegal. I always did wonder how the bus companies around here make any money if gas is so expensive and my fair is only $0.80 for an hour long ride. I'm positive the police know about this going on... but perhaps no one does anything about it because the transportation systems are heavily controlled by gangs and getting between them and the money they recieve from the bus company's... could get very ugly.

So I was going to post this blog over the weekend when I had access to better internet to put up pics in the blog as well... but I forgot the chord for my camera... So here I am posting this blog without pics because I don't want to wait until I have good internet again to post. My readers are anxiously awaiting... lol... well... maybe, if they're not bored with me by now.

I have been uber busy this month because I've started my baking workshop. Which is going AWESOME! The kids are making something new everyday and loving it. They're so enthusiastic and dedicated to this course, I'm really empressed. They are all in their seats ready to start class way ahead of time, so that when I walk in , there they all are. It makes me feel good, that all my hard work on writing the grant to get the money for the course has really paid off. I think the youth here need more opporunities like this to learn new skills and participate in something positive and worthwhile in their free time. I hope I can find more money to bring more courses here... this NGO i'm working with also offers courses in auto-mechanics, cake-making, electrical work, and cosmetology. Having special skills gives these people an opportunity to earn an income and do something other than work in the field or do housework. The kids in my course are already teaming up and planning on how they can get their own bakery started. We talk about small business skills as part of the course too. And it would be super cool if they started a bakery here, because while most towns have several, we don't have a single one in my town. All our bread comes from outside, and it's not as fresh or good.

So yea, the time I spend in my site these days is more productive and meaningful. The only thing is- I never have much of a clue about what's going on in the world. I rarely have a chance to watch TV- except for when I go to Noel's, but weekend TV does not keep me up to date on things. I don't really ever watch news or read newspapers. I'm wondering what it will be like when I get out of here and go back to the states- hardly knowing what went on for 2 whole years... Will I know what people are even talking about? A lot can happen in 2 years. Oh well, it's not really too bad. I kinda like it. Things feel less noisy.

My Comite de Jovenes is up and running! We're planning an excursion to some swimming pools in San Miguel next month as a fundraiser for our activities. Hopefully some more vocational trainings! Some recreational stuff- like a soccer tournament and Field Day. Educational events. Career Fair. Who knows. On the 6th we have another Youth Assembly to see what the youth's interests and needs are to help us prioritize and guide our planning. We're doing this because, again, kids here don't have opportunities to participate in positive activities. Which is what leads to them doing things like hanging out with the wrong people, getting into trouble, joining gangs, etc. Same for kids all over the world. They need help. They need opportunity. Someone to motivate them. So here's to hoping for the best while my newly formed Youth Commitee gets things goin. It would be amazing if I could set up a way for people stateside to donate to my youth projects. I'm gonna look into that! There's never enough money is there! I have spent a lot of my own money on lots of little things for my projects over the last year. Foolish of me perhaps, when I only get $300 a month. At the end of every month my PC account is bone dry.

Oh, Peace Corps. Sometimes I think about how I went from my decent and comfortable teaching salary to this- and I laugh. I gave up a good job to come here and work for free. LoL... I suppose I also may be one of those so called crazies I was talking about earlier. But being here, I'm getting paid in so many other ways- that make me much richer. Like I'm finally fluent in the language that I got a frikin' college degree in. And I have a much deeper love and appreciation for the U.S. and my culture. And I met the most wonderful, loving man and made many new great friends I never would have had otherwise. And I will leave knowing that I did something to improve the lives of some people here in some way. All of that is priceless.

Milton turned 4 last Monday. Because I love that boy so much, I threw him his first ever birthday party! I got him a pinata as big as he is that he came to visit at my house every day up to the party he was so excited there was a pinata to beat in his honor. I played games with the kids like musical chairs. We danced, and ate cake. It was a lot of fun! I wonder if he will remember me when I'm gone. When I leave here he will be almost 5... Who remember stuff from before they were 5? Sigh....

I have my mid-service medical stuff coming up. I'm so looking forward to going to the dentist for a cleaning. Not so much looking forward to pooping in a little tiny plastic cup to see what kinds of parasites and friends I have inside of me. I've had to do that a few times now- it sure would be nice if they gave me a bigger cup. It's hard to see what you're doin back there. TMI? So sorry.

Lastly, I have some news. I'm going to go home for Thanksgiving!! Haha, it will be my 3rd time paying a visit to Houston during my service. Most PCVs only make it home once during service. But I'm Posh Corps like that. Ha, well... I wouldnt have gone home so much if Houston weren't so close and if I didnt have all those airline credits to use up before August. Lucky me. I always did love Thanksgiving. And it will be very nice to be with my family on it. Only wish Noel could come too... then it would really be perfect.

Well there you have it.... a complete update. I will try to blog again soon so I dont have to make such a novel out of it.

LOVE!

Pictures next time hopefully!

I just made refried beans for the first time ever and they turned out nothing like the locals make it. Per Marinita's instructinos, I put them in the licuadora with some of the liquid that they cooked with, put some butter in the pan with some onion... then threw in the liquid beans to fry them up. You know what was missing to make them turn out just like Marinita's? A huge chunk of lard. That way they would have turned out nice and thick instead of soupy. But you know, if I'm makin 'em I just cant knowingly do that to myself. I'd rather just eat her beans and not watch her prepare them. They really do taste pretty awesome the way she makes em.

So it's lots of Salvo campo food for me for the next few days. I didn't go to the grocery store. And frankly, nor can I afford it. I have less than $10 in my peace corps bank account at the moment. I just need to make it 6 days or so til pay day.

Despite that fact that I have no money, I'm good. Looking forward to all the things I've got planned for September and October. Thursday Jamie and I are heading over to our friend Hollie's site in Usulutan to help her out with her Youth day camp-like thing she has going. I'm doing my HIV/AIDS thing, Jamie's gonna do a workshop on Yoga and relaxation techniques... Should be good. And this weeken also coincides with our 1 year anniversary of being in our communities. We will have to celebrate that a little.

What else is new?

If you recall, Marinita's and Chepito's kid came from the states with his family a while back. Well, while they were here they bought my host parents a very nice brand new big expensive beautiful white refrigerator to replace their 20 year old stinky little yellow one. My host mom had it plugged in and was using it a bit while they were here. But as soon as they left, and ever since it has been unplugged almost all the time. It uses too much energy she says. Because she doesn't want to only use it and get rid of her yellow one. She likes her yellow one, which maybe was actually white once uon a time. Because with that one she can put whatever in it and doesnt care if it gets dirty. The new one she doesn't want to get dirty and can't use it in addition to the yellow one because the electric bill skyrockets. So instead, it just sits there unplugged and she uses it to put some things in.... like veggies and bananas. That just get all moldy from being in the hot refri. I think that will ruin it anyway. I said why don't you sell it then? She said oh no... because if they ever come back they wont want to buy me more things if they see I didnt appreciate and keep what they have bought me before. LoL... The whole thing I just think is kinda funny.

Milton turns 4 on Monday. I think I'm gonna bring him a pinata. He's been doing great. I have been teaching him his colors and number and the "magic words"- please and thank you and excuse me. Now he knows better than to just walk into my house and say, "Give me the coloring book." He says "Can I use the coloring book please?" without me having to give him a look or anything. What a good sweet boy he is... I want him to have what he needs and someone to teach him about how to be a good person forever... I've said to his mom in a joking manner about how I want to take him with me... Ok i wasn't really joking, but it's not the kind of thing you can seriously ask a mother... "Will you give me your adorable cute son and let him go and never see him again?" So I say it like I'm joking... And she always makes it clear that that's never gonna happen. Sigh, saying goodbye to my little man is gonna be hard.

But perhaps it's a little too soon for me to be thinking about my goodbyes. I just know the second year is going to fly by though. And my neighbors and friends in my community are already calling dibs on what they want to buy from my house when I leave. Guadalupe wants my hammocks. The clinic wants my tables, etc.

I had a nice weekend in San Sal. Noel and I went to my friend Alayna's despedida, who's done with her 2 years and going on to new things. I spent Saturday recovering and going to see Planet of the Apes at the movies. Sunday Noel and I went to the art museum, which wasn't bad... and free on Sundays. But man... the entire weekend I was just over-indulged with food and beverage. That's what happens to Peace Corps Amy.... spending several weeks in my site straight, I go into the city and get overly excited about what is available to me...

This weekend I had pizza, cheetos, tons of chips and guacamole, two visits to McDonalds, Noel's very bacony carbonara pasta, waffle, Hebrew National hotdogs that traveled all the way from San Diego and into my belly, popcorn at the movies, an assortment of appetizer junk ordered from Bennigans, and Wendy's on my way to the bus terminal.

GROSS! How can I not feel disgusting after all of that? And an even better question, how can I control myself and not go nuts when I get to the city? GROSS GROSS GROSS. Ok, well I suppose not all weekends are like that... this one was exceptionally worse than others.

Haha, and I say I don't want to put lard in my beans!

Let me ask you all an honest question...

If you were poor as dirt with no money... living in a mud hut... with nothing to eat but beans and corn and tortillas and what you grow...

Would you leave your family and your dearest loved ones to travel to a far away land to never come back... but to work in a more financially prosperous place and send them money for them to live off of? Would you?

I wonder about this sometimes. Salvadorans leave their families... sometimes to never see them again. Or it may be decades between visits. Until they have the papers to be able to come visit... But with the rare occasion that visits even be a possibility aside... They maintain connections with family through phone calls and moneygrams and other presents sent through travelers... Is that enough?

Is it worth it?

To lose that closeness you have with them to be able to have money and nice things? I mean... they can live like they always have. In their huts. Living off what they grow. It's their closeness. But people are drawn to modern materials.... like blackberries... nice TVs... is it worth it? What a strange country El Salvador is.... nearly EVERYONE has someone up there sending them money to live off of. And I often wonder... would I do the same thing? In their position...

I mean... I know that I myself have chosen to live a life apart from my family. But I have more means by which I can go visit them...skype with them... I have papers... and money for flights... But if I didnt have all of that. Would I say goodbye to my family like that forever? I dont know. What a hard decision. What a hard life.

I am blessed.

Well... today I had my biggest event yet with the youth of my community. I invited them all... all the youth from my community of over 1000 people to come on over and participate in this event in which we elected the Youth Council of the community. This Council I will be working with closely over my next year to plan events for all of the community youth. It went pretty well. I invited a few members of the City Council to help with the official voting process... Which involved putting a bean in a paper envelope with the candidates names on them. Beans were counted by the official city council members and at the end of it all I am left with the group of kids that is my youth council.

It was a bit stressful on me... I could not tell if I was sweating so much just because it was hot as hell or if because I was nervous about running this event on my own. I chalk it up to nerves... because no one else seemed to be hot! LoL... but it's over! thank goodness! I had been putting this thing off since June. Finally I got it done. My community can see that I follow through on things.. doesnt matter that it's months late. It's El Salvador. As long as you get there eventually. But it was pretty cute. Kids gave us their nominations. I wrote the names on papers I had taped to the wall... and then while they put their beans in for their votes I played their favorite reggaeton music to create a nice ambiente (environment). Coulda gone worse. As far as I'm concerned.... EXITO! Success! I got it done! And the kids elected are pretty good ones. So I'm happy. Now I just have to spend the next 5 or 6 months having meetings with them and guiding them while they plan their work. I'll slowly start letting them work on their own... until a year from now, when I'm gone... Hopefully they will continue voting for and electing new rounds of youth councils to take on the work... Sustainable, that's what we're shooting for. Because these kids on the council will be planning educational and recreational activities for all the communities kids... So that they stay out of trouble, off the streets, and put their time into productive, skill building, character building activities.

Whoa. I think I am a real Peace Corps Volunteer. I have to say... I am feelin' kinda successful. Let's keep this going. That's what Year 2 will be all about. Making it happen. Making sure that I am making a difference here. I want that when I leave here for some of the things I started to keep going. For people to continue experiencing good in their lives.

I am grateful to be here. I am grateful for my wonderful, unique, awesome life. For all that I am capable of and for all the possibilities that my future brings... Opportunities to continue doing good things. That is what I want. I want to continue going through life and looking for ways that I can help people. That kind of work is the most rewarding.

Ha! sh*t. Listen to me. Sometimes I feel all beat up like I can't go any further. But I keep going... and then I have an event like the one I had today, that I worked hard to plan, and it turns out to be a success... and I'm like WHOA... this is awesome, let's do this. It's just funny because often I dont "feel like" doing these things. I kinda feel like I might just want to cancel them. I just want to get them over with. But I don't cancel them. I do them. I decide, so what, I'm gonna do it, even if I look dumb in front of my entire community. What do I have to lose really? I'm out of here in a year... I won't be here forever. So let me make a fool of myself. And things always turn out better than I can even hope for. So what have I been such a pessimist for? I need to start believing in myself. That I can really do this. That I actually am doing it. And that I actually am kind of good at it.

So how 'bout that?

Well... Tomorrow is Sunday and I'm going to church with my host mom at 8:30... which I am sure she is thrilled about. I said I'd go because I don't really have anything else going on tomorrow, since Noel's in the Oosa and everything..........So what the hell. I'm going to mass. Won't hurt me. And then Monday I'm going to get all the stuff for my vocational workshop figured out, that is supposed to start on the 19th. We're gonna learn how to makes breads and pizza and donuts, folks! Ain't that sustainable? I have lots of young ladies interested in learning this trade so they can start making and selling bread of their own. Will be tons of fun! Pictures of my youth group and the baking group to come soon!

To all a good night!

Paz y Amor.

Amy

P.S. Thinking about scheduling a visit home come December... so i can see my folks and brother and soon to be sister in law... and... Drive a car!!! To Chick-fil-a!!!! LoL... the things that keep me going... LOVE!

I am very jealous that Noel is in the USA right now. And I'm in the campo in El Salvador with allergies... and my period. Let me be blunt... it is not fun having your period in the campo in El Salvador. LoL... TMI, gentlemen? Sorry. Anyway, I'll be super happy if he brings me back a bag of flaming hot cheetos or some other tasty American snack foods I can't get here :)

Some things that have been running through my mind lately:

I sure ain't perfect. But at least I try.

I often say the wrong things... but, oh well. I'm getting better with filtering my thoughts from my words as time goes on. And it's usually just because I'm being honest... Although, is honesty really always the best policy? when it comes to someone's feelings getting hurt?

There's been some drama and commotion around the campo lately about the girls I have chosen to help with scholarships to go to high school. But whatevs... I stand by my decisions. They are questioning my actions... like, "Why didn't you give it to THAT girl instead? or THAT one?" I actually walked into all of my teachers at lunch the other day having a conversation about this... They weren't expecting me. But you know, I can't help them all. I know my girls I chose deserve it. And every child that wishes to continue their education deserves the support to do so. My girls are awesome. They're good kids... they have good grades... they're leaders... They deserve scholarships just as much as the quiet girls with the straight A's. Ugh. Whatever, drama. I don't need you.

That's one thing I think I am learning a lot about in Peace Corps. How to just turn my head away from the drama... and to just let people have a problem with me and the way I do things. You can't please all the people all the time. Well... almost never really.

So tomorrow is my big Youth Committee Election Day. I invited all the teenagers of my community to come nominate and elect their leaders. Let's hope it goes well! My entire community of over a thousand people is watching. The kids are going to vote secretly by putting beans into the bags that have the names of candidates on them. Counting all those beans might take a while.

I can't seem to give up my Chicken Noodle Soup and Ramen Noodle habit. It's gross. But just too easy. Anyone want to send me some snacks? :) I've gotten bored with the food here. And I am in such a rut mostly because it's only once a week that I can go to the grocery store and I have to be able to carry everything in bags on my shoulders that I'm gonna eat... and walk with it about half a mile before I get to my house... So I can't buy too many things. Oh how nice those days were... going grocery shopping at Kroger. Pushing the shopping cart up to the trunk of my car. Loading it. Driving all of it to my door step. What luxury.

The other night I had a dream about driving a car. I thought it was the best thing ever. Oh I cant wait to be able to do that again :)

But this grocery trip I did treat myself to a nice bottle of wine, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Vanilla Soy Milk, V8 and Fruit Cups. Things I don't buy regularly. Huge expense when you're living on $300 a month.

Well... Noel got his assignment for his next post... And its.... the.... Phillipines! Way cool! But he doesnt actually start the job there until July 2013... after months and months of language training in Tagalog in DC. Yay!

I'm really looking forward to November and December... to get a break during the holiday season. And I'm trying to figure out when my next vacation will be. Really starting to feel like I need to have a flight out of El Salvador to look forward to.

But in the meantime... I'll be here... workin my tush off in the campo.... Occasional trips to the city or the beach... Same ol' Same ol'.

I want something new... Any hobby suggestions? Or workout video suggestion? p90x is getting old. Anybody want to send me some snacks or things to do or suggestions? Or does anyone want to actually come VISIT me :)?? LoL... Come on friends, gimme' somethin! Por favor :)

Ok well i'm gonna be a good little host daughter now and go say goodnight to my host parents... Helps keep up the confianza.

To all a good night.

Paz y Amor.

Amy

My favorite torro, Ninyo, greeting my at the door of my house in the morning. I swear that's a smile!

What a month! Well.... it's almost over. I can't believe it. The months just seem to be going by faster and faster. It feels like there is never enough time to get everything done. I try not to think too much about all that I have going on. Because when I do I just feel like my mind is exploding and I get blown away. I've got enough to do... I'm not taking on any more projects. I have enough. If I finish what I have on my to do list before my time here is up then I will be satisfied. I don't even care if these things fail.... as long as I do the best I can with them. So I've told myself that I will kick myself in the butt and for the next 6 months really focus on finishing these things I've started. No more new stuff until at least a few get crosed off my list. I've started saying no to people who ask me to do more stuff. Feels good. I never imagined I could be so busy in the Peace Corps.

I have spent most of this month in my site. The longest I've ever gone without spending a night a way since the beginning. I am sooooo ready for a break, which I will finally get the day after tomorrow!! Hallelujah! And as my friend Jessica reminded me... it's not like anyone is giving out any prizes to volunteers who spend the most time in their sites. It really is important to get out and take time for yourself. Still, this month has been good for me. I spent a lot of extra time with the people in my community, was seen around a lot more, built up that confianza... It was nice. My host family asked me if I broke up with my boyfriend because I haven't gone to San Sal in so long. Haha.... I told them "Nope just wanted to be here with you guys" which they loved. But GAH I can't wait to get out of here this weekend and see him!

Car says: "If you don't believe, you suffer."

There's a new group of Youth Development volunteers here in training now. I had one sent to me for her immersion days... As part of training they have current volunteers host newbies so they can spend time in an actual volunteer site and see what they do, what life is like, etc. I remember when I was in training mine was such a good experience, I was really excited for it to be my turn to have one. I got a very tranquila muchacha, Liz, who was here with me from Thursday to Sunday... I had a blast dragging her all around my community and having her visit houses with me. The people we visited were so flattered that I wanted to bring my gringa friend to THEIR house.... and at every house they told us that we look identical, which is so not true. Salvos think all we americans look alike.

So for the special occasion of her visit I decided to forego the cheap boxed wine I always buy for the house and bought a fancy $6 bottle of wine with a twist off top because I dont own a corkscrew. Good thing all I had was one bottle because we had to wake up at 5 a.m. on Friday to go to San Vicente with my youth group where we gave our infamous Sex Ed. charla. By the end of Friday we were exhausted.

Condom Demonstration. "El uso correcto y consiste del condon se previene embarazos no planeados, VIH, y otros ITS."

Sunday she got to be a madrina with me for the 9th grade sponsored "Carrera de Cinta." We wore sashes like Miss America, decorated all pretty with our names on them. The event involved men running on their horses with a pencil in their hand that they try to stick through a tiny little ring that has a number on it. The number is the madrina that has to give them their sash, a gift, and they often ask for a kiss too. I was the 5th madrina to get the ring snatched... Upon walking up to the cowboy who was all smiles the host guy on the microphone started shouting, "Beso! Beso! Beso!" And I was like, hellz no I am not kissing this guy. So I went to give him one of those awkward side hugs... The kissing thing later turned out to not be such a big deal... every madrina kissed the winning cowboys like they were french. But by french i don't mean french kissing... I mean, in the way many Europeans greet each other with kisses on the cheek.

Me and my PC Trainee, Elisa- Somos Madrinas muy bonitas :)

So the immersion day thing was a success. I sent her off on the noon bus, mission complete. I had never had another American come spend so much time with me in my site before. I think it really helped me see what I'm doing here and feel good about it. Just hearing comments from someone else that sees it. I would love to have visitors more often! So that afternoon that she left, there was a dance from 3 to about 8:30. I went to show my face, but going to dances here isn't that fun for me. They play the music so loud you are deaf when you leave. And I certainly don't want to dance too closely to anyone from my community because I dont want anybody getting any ideas. And they love this techno electronic kind of music that I hate and find impossible to dance too. I dance for an hour though with some of the 9th graders and other student friends of mine. No touching. I was just trying to help them get the party started. People were so shy to start dancing. As soon as things got going I was off and home and showered before dark. I thought it was really funny that the beer they were selling was poured into plastic bags to be drunk with a straw. Haha... So El Salvador. But beer never tastes as good through a straw. That's ok though, because I guess the Pilsener they drink doesnt taste that good to begin with. Not that I was drinking any... women don't hardly ever drink in public here. And I especially wouldn't do it because I work with kids and at the school. It would really be looked down upon.

Me & my little ring at the Carrera de Cinta

This guy won like 10 times... his horse was a beast!

Monday I went to San Vicente with the intention of knocking out some more work... But I got there and was good for nothing. Just frikin tired. I realized I had not taken a day off for myself to rest in weeks. I ended up catching the next bus back to my site and watching movies the rest of the day. I needed that.

So I had what I was planning to be my last water project meeting today. I was gonna go over there and tell them, "I'm sorry, this isn't gonna work out." But thinking about it... I realized it's not over yet. The fat lady hasn't sang (or is it sung? god, my English is getting terrible!). I just feel like I really need to see it to the end... and they too need to be a part of that end. So it's not just like, "Oh this gringa came and said she'd try to help us get water, but then she stopped." No, that's not good... not good enough for me. I figured... well we still have time to give this thing one last shot. If this is a project they really want... they can go to the mayor themselves and show him they want it. So.... it will be over soon... but first we have to set up a meeting with the mayor and get a big group of people over there at his office in front of his face.... and show him that they are serious. And then, at least they the people will know for themselves the outcome, and it won't be all on what the gringa said or did. Anyway... I dont have a lot of faith that our mayor will follow through on this... but ya never know. We have to try and give it all we've got.... Well... they have to. I can't do it for them by myself.

Just heard that my birthday package arrived! Sweeeeet!!!! Thank you to my wonderful family! I am so excited! Real birthday presents! I hear they are wrapped and everything! What a wonderful weekend I am going to have :)

No I just have one last day of work before I get my break. Tomorrow I am off to San Juan with the jovenes to give our famous charla. Me and my kiddos are taking the department of San Vicente by storm! This will be our 5th time around... They have become professional facilitators. We got our matching polo shirts so we even have a uniform now. Too bad the polos turned out pretty ugly. I think they make us look like we work at McDonald's. My bad for asking for black collars on red shirts.

Me & My Crew in our awesome matching shirts at our traditional celebratory post-workshop Pollo Campero Feast

Off to finish the movie I started yesterday, The King's Speech, and pass out!

Goodnight World.

P.S. Noel turned in his bid list for his next post today! Where's it gonna be? Manila? Africa? Mexico.... Who knows! :)

P.P.S. One of my host fam's dogs just walked in my house, lifted up his leg, and peed on the leg of my table. Damn chucho.

10. Telling my host parents where I’m going and when I’m coming back. And having my host mom calling me worried about where I am if I’m not home within 30 minutes of the last bus coming in.

9. Telling Peace Corps specific details of my whereabouts whenever I leave my site and not being able to leave for more than a few days at time.

8. Playing UNO, Barrel of Monkies, and coloring with the neighborhood kids when I get bored.

7. Being forced to eat food I don’t want. (The only thing forcing me is guilt, because it makes Salvadoran women so happy to feed you).

6. Not having shaved legs. (Well, in the campo at least).

5. Going to bed at 7:30. Going to bed at 9 pm feels like staying up late.

4. Having sleepovers with girl friends when we visit each others’ houses. Then trying not to make too much noise at night and making an effort to conceal the boxed wine we’re drinking.

3. Sometimes not understanding big words or what people are talking about (in Spanish).

2. Riding around everywhere on old American School Buses because I am not allowed to drive and listening to the 80s music they blast on them.

1. Sometimes I poop in my pants. (When I can’t make it to the bathroom in time, thanks to amoebas and parasites).

“Wherever you go, there you are.”

Oh my. I slept in until 8 am today! That's crazy to me. I have only slept that late a handful of times since being in El Salvador... I forgot how great it is! The only thing is that everyone here wakes up at 4 or 5 a.m. to milk cows, start washing, cleaning- making the gringa look like a lazy bum. But you know what... I can really appreciate that I come from a place that thinks walking up at 8 o clock is ok.

I'm still getting over this mid-service hill I feel. Definitely on the down side of it. And I'm not gonna lie... I've thought about calling it quits. Why? I think I'm just tired. I've taken on a lot of different projects... and juggling them all feels like a lot, especially when I feel like I may not even have the energy to mop my floor. So I've decided to not take on anything else until I finish these things. The vocational course, the vision and literacy campaign, the creation of a solid youth committee, the water project, repairing and cleaning up the old clinic to be used by the new community doctors, the HIV/AIDS Prevention charlas. If I'm going to do these things, I want to do them well. And I won't have time to do them well if I keep picking up more and more small side projects.

Sometimes I get flustered when I can feel that I may not be doing things my community wants to see me doing. And it's often hard for them to see what I am doing. But for example, they wanted me to teach English classes from the start. I haven't gotten around to doing it. And I also just don't feel like that is an effeective use of my time as a volunteer in this community. Majority of the people here struggle enough with understanding their own language... many of them not even knowing the whole alphabet. I am not going to teach them English- they need to be able to read and write in Spanish first! Sure, there are a few kids that are at a level where they are ready to learn another language... but not enough. There are far too many more that do not know how to read. So I'm gonna focus my second year on that- literacy- while continuing the things I've started.

The Water Project. It appears to be a no go. I put a lot of time and effort into trying to make the thing work. And all we really need is for the mayor to give the money now... which he might still do. But I feel like I've taken the community as far as I can take them. I'm not here to work on stuff like that. I saw an opportunity and I decided to give it a go... but you see, I am starting to think that this is not even the kind of water project they need anyway. it's based off of filling systems from rain water... and this has been the dryest rainy season ever. If they had these systems right now they probably would be dry. It's not worth it. So I've been wanting to talk with them about how I don't think it's the best thing for them... that I think they need to work on getting real running water like the rest of us in the community has. But fijese que, that's not my place to be working on something like that. That really should be between the mayor's office and the community. I'm gonna tell them that I can help get them started by setting up and going to some meetings with them... but they need to be the ones organizing something like this. And truth is... They could have had water a long time ago. They were very close to putting it in, but some obstacles came up and they dropped the ball with no one taking the lead. I'm not going to be able to carry all of that on my back for them. They need to be the leaders and owners of their projects. We'll see what happens when I talk to them. They will be disappointed.

In other news, my youth that have been doing the HIV prevention/Sex Ed. charlas with have been doing AWESOME! We are doing the workshop every month at the high school in San Vicente. And now they even want to make matching polo shirts for us to wear when we do it. They are something else. It baffles me how enthusiastic they are about doing this when they don't get anything in return for doing it. But they LOVE it! i think they love it because it's something like putting on a show, and it's great public speaking experience for them. I'm amazed by them everytime. After the charla I buy them their favorite fried chicken at Pollo Campero... it's a good time. We are doing two this month- one at the highschool and another at a school in a rural community.

Anyways- So it sounds like I'm busy enough doesn't it? And I think about how there are all these things I want to see finished before I leave here. I know I don't really want to quit. Sometimes it just feels like it... because I have a bad day, or because I'm just so looking forward to whatever life will be like after this. How comfortable it will be. How much opportunity I will have. I can't help but daydream about the future. But who doesnt?

And when I have bad days I tend to call my parents. It's like this constant need for pep talks. The last time Dad said, "Amy, just shut up and do it. Get over it." And of course that's not what I wanted to hear. Maybe I wanted to hear something more like, "You poor thing... Out there, on your own... poor baby." But as much as those pitying words feel nice, they don't help. Dad's right. Shut up. Get over it. Thanks Dad- You couldn't have said anything better.

So yesterday I had this feeling like... like I'm finally caving. I'm giving into the fact that I still have a ways to go. That I actually want this. I signed up for this. This is it. I'm in it for the long haul.

I wish I could always be optimistic and positive and happy here... but Peace Corps comes with its downs. Downs that can really only be understood by those who are here going through it. I'm ready to accept that. To stop dreaming about what I don't have here... what I could have if I left it. To stop calling my loved ones whining about the same shit. It's time to shut up and just do it. This is what I asked for. This is what I wanted... and boy am I getting it. And it's all going to be a very worthwhile valuable experience in the end, I know it. And I already get emotional thinking about how I will possibly say goodbye to this place a year from now. It truly is "the toughest job you`ll ever love." So I'm tired... Tired of wasting my time being unhappy when the going gets tough. Life is too short to not be happy. This is it.

Year 2 will be over before I know it. I'm going to do the best I can to enjoy it. All of it.

And part of enjoying it includes going to the beach with Noel for my birthday at the end of the month. August is a busy month so I won't be able to leave until the very end of it when my birthday comes. But we are going to a beach we havent been to here yet... where hopefully I will get to release some baby turtles in the the ocean! :) How fun! Looking forward to it!

And I'll be going home for a wedding sometime in year 2, because... My brother is engaged! Congrats Evan and Jenny! Can't wait to come up there and be with y'all when you tie the knot!

And hopefully there will be a few other small vacations in there. And in the the meantime I'll be hanging out with the cows and chickens in my campo. It's really not that bad.

Last thing- Sometimes it still amazes me that I live in what is supposed to be one of the most dangerous countries in the world and after being here for over a year I still have never had a thing happen to me or even seen anything happen. I thought the time had come when i was on the bus the other day on my way home from San Sal. I got on the $1 bus that I usually go on that goes to San Vi... this cheaper bus makes a lot of stops along the way- picking people up on the side of the highway. From what I've heard, this is often how robberies happen on these buses, when they stop to pick people up. There is a more expensive $5 bus that doesn't stop at all, and therefore is more safe. But $5 vs. $1 is a big difference when you only have $6 in your pocket. So anyway, this bus I was on stopped on the side of the highway when we were about half way there. I started to get worried because we stopped... and we just stayed. And the driver got off the bus and we were stuck sitting there for like 20 minutes when I really started to get worried. Why the hell were we stopped if there was nothing wrong with the bus? I asked the cobrador- the guys that takes the money- he said it was because they were ahead of schedule and needed to wait or they'd arrive in San Miguel too early. Then he suggested I smoke some marijuana and relax. Ummm... no. So it turned out being nothing and eventually we were on our way again. Thank god. And anyway I guess the robberies that happen on those buses usually occur while the bus is still moving after they pick the thieves up. I dont think a bus would sit on the side of the road and wait 20 minutes because the thieves are running late... Maybe I'll take the fancy buses from now on.

Anyway, that's all for today folks. Gotta head up to the school and work on getting things ready for the vocational training.

Thanks for reading!

Paz y amor.

I have never been so scared in El Salvador as I was last night.

I had noticed there was an increasing fowl smell over the last few days... that I dismissed as a successfully poisoned rat. I got in bed last night with my mini DVD player watching the Hangover 2- a really terrible movie... and not just because it was a pirated version filmed by a guy in a movie theatre with a video camera... It's just an awful movie. Anyway, so it's like 10pm and over my head phones I hear the strangest growl I have ever heard in my life. I've gotten used to the animals that live on this farm with me... they never sound like that! It was such a creepy growl! And I could tell it was right outside my house on the other side of the wall from my bed. I couldn't help but wonder- Is it just the dog? Coyote? Is it one of my dogs protecting me from an intruder? I considered all possibilites. The growling came to an abrupt hault. Did the intruder kill the animal? What the hell is going on out there?

But with the noise having stopped briefly I went on being poorly entertained by the Hangover2 until my eyes got heavy and I passed out. 11PM- Eyes wide open as the strange growl returns and disturbs me from my sleep. The unfamiliar sound of the animal alone made me uncomfortable, but then... there was rustling and I heard things being moved on my back patio. The back porch of my house is full of Marinita's firewood stacked up against the wall that's on the other side of my bed and they have a barrel of corn out there that chicken live on top of. I'm used to the chickens being on the other side of my wall... and I know their sounds. This was different. I even heard movement that was touching the roof. Firewood was falling and I could hear the tiles that sit on top of the bamboo to make my roof being moved. My god. This is it, I thought.

Now, to tell the truth- my worst fear of living in a house alone in El Salvador has always been that someone could break into my house in the night entering through the roof by simply removing the tiles. Of course this is the worst case scenario imaginable. I have heard of this happening to one Peace Corps Volunteer in the north- she was not physically harmed but she ended up ending her service soon after and going home. And it happened to a sweet old lady friend of mine that lives here in my community. So, it's not unheard of. However, I can tell you I have always felt safe in this house. I live next to the police, in plain view of the street. And my host parents come running when they hear noises. But you know, being alone, in the dark at night... when I hear freaky noises, especially unfamiliar ones, I get freaked. Whenever I was house-sitting for my parents in Houston- who don't live in a good neighborhood by the way- if I heard scary noises sometimes I found myself walking through the house with my dad's revolver. What I would've done if I actually encountered an intruder in the house, I have no idea. But at least I felt like I had a defense. What do I have here? A whistle! The big plastic orange one that came in my Peace Corps medical kit. It's a loud one, and if I blew it I know that Don Chepito would be outside with his rifle in no time.

So, heart racing, I get out of bed, slinking through the bottom of my mosquito net, with the intention of quickly finding my whistle. In my nervous motions I accidentally hit my little yellow nica with my right foot, the bucket I use to pee at night because I don't want to go out in the dark. I turn on the lights and.... GROSSSSSSS. Now I have my right foot and the floor covered in urine. Explatives are flying out of my mouth... and then i figure, well now whoever's out there knows I'm awake, they can hear my $&!(@* and see my lights. I talked to Noel on the phone and he made me feel better... I went back to sleep with the lights on and with my whistle in hand, noticing the nasty smell was still there... getting stronger. This just wasn't my night. As the night went on, I kept waking up nearly every hour from the growls and bumps outside... scrambling to find where my whistle got lost in the sheets. I was so happy when morning came!

After my morning run I was talking to Elsy, Marinita's daughter-in-law visiting from Boston. I asked her if she had heard all those strange noises last night... she said she did but that they had noticed them the night before too and didn't think much of it. Then I told her about the strange smell in my house, so she comes over to my house to investigate what stinks. She noticed it too, and that it was especially strong in the corner of my room by my bed. We went outside to see what's on the other side of the wall. I notice the loads of chicken poo, but that's nothing abnormal, and I know the smell of chicken poo by now, that is not what we were smelling. So we get to where the wall of the patio is shared with where my bed is... the smell was definitely coming from here...

Elsy climbs up on the stacked firewood and says, "Oh my God. I can't believe Marinita did this. Why would she do this?"

"What?" I see a knocked over bucket, with flies all around it, but had no idea what I was looking at.

She didn't want to tell me. She said I didn't want to know. "I want to know!" I tell her. Then she tells me that that bucket is full of the tripe and cow inside parts that were left over from when they killed the cow for their feast on Saturday. OoooOoH! That IS gross! And yea, why the heck would she put them in a bucket at store them for days right outside where I sleep? What was she planning to do with it anyway? Well, they do eat those parts, but man... days later? So this explains the smell, and noises in the night... the dogs were all climbing up there and eating it and fighting over it. Phew! It's gross, but at least it wasn't something worse, like some of the things I had imagined throughout the night.

Marinita wasn't home for me to ask her to take care of it... but I wasn't touching that bucket! So it sat there all day until she got home in the afternoon... the wind was even carrying the horrific smell all the way over to the neighbors house. But she got home and apologized so much for it, saying she had forgotten that she put it there. LoL. This is one to remember.

In other news, Noel was cat-sitting for about a month. A black domestic short-haired sweety named Malcolm. He was a good cat and I enjoyed having his company when I went over there... even though he was annoying at times, but that was just because he was a baby still. I kinda fell in love with him and when his time at Noel's came to an end I was asking if we could keep him. The owners were on vacation and that's why they needed Noel to take care of him, and when they got back they were moving to Panama. So they came back and took Malcom in the car to drive him down to Panama with them. Sounded kind of crazy to take a cat on a long long road trip like that... It would've been a lot easier if they would've let him stay in San Sal. But no, they wanted to keep there cat, so we said our goodbyes and on the road Malcolm went. The other day Noel broke the news to me... about 5 miles outside of Panama City they got a flat tire and Malcolm got out and ran away.... :( How sad. Maybe he is out there somewhere still... trying to find his way back to San Sal? Who knows... but he was a good cat. Peace be with you, Malcolmcito. You were loved.

I'm gonna get a cat when I'm done with Peace Corps I think. A girl cat.

Lots of things to look forward to this second year of my service, and after!

For now, I am thankful to be alive and well and safe and loved... and free from stinky cow parts!

Good night world!

Paz y amor.

In just 11 days I will have been in El Salvador for exactly 1 year. How 'bout that? Nearly one down, one to go.

I just got back from a short trip home to Houston. It was so great to get to spend time with the family, and to be in the U.S. for the 4th of July weekend. I didn't go see the fireworks... but I did watch them on TV. I felt like I was gushing with patriotism all weekend. I even got myself some red, white and blue bikinis! lol ;) Wore them all weekend in the pool at mom's and dad's house, eating all of dad's yummy cookin'! It was a great weekend! But as soon as I got back to El Salvador I was back to work, with a water project meeting the next morning. Nothing new is really happening on the progress with that. Now I'm just waiting to hear back from the mayor to see what he says about supporting it. Oy. And I've just been running around ever since I got back... haven't had one single day to just rest. And it doesn't seem like I'll be getting one anytime soon.

July feels crazy. My boss told me I am entering "the most productive part of a PCVs service." Boy is she right. It's so strange too.. because all of a sudden I am busy doing all kinds of things, and just a few months ago I was just barely getting my feet wet. I just kept finding more and more things to take on and now all of a sudden I am like, "Whoa!" trying to keep up with it all. And amidst my projects I've got to go to a Safety and Security conference for a few days next week up in Chalatengo, later in the month I have a regional meeting... I guess it's good to be so busy... Time can just keep flyin!

I'm really excited about one of my newest project ideas- a Vision and Literacy Campaign. I am going to be able to distribute 300 pairs of reading glasses to people in my community. I know of a few ladies that can't read or write. When talking to them they told me they have tried to learn but also part of the problem is their vision is a bit blurry. So hopefully these glasses will help them with that, and then I'm going to spend time with them a few times a week teaching them the alphabet and phonetics. Can you imagine being a grown woman and not being able to read? Getting lost because you can't read signs... Margarita sells Avon products and has her kids fill out her forms for her. She said they have tried to teach her to read time and again but they get so frustrated. That's also because they are kids, they don't really have much of an idea about how to teach someone, you know? Margarita also has one son that is 16 who is a complete invalid.... she says he got really sick when he was 1 year old and got a fever and ever since he hasn't been able to move, walk or talk. He just lays there. He cries when he's hungry and they feed him liquid foods. I wonder what it really was that happened to him. Anyway, I'm gonna try to teach his mom how to read... then she may be able to do more in her work and to take care of herself and her family.

Marinita and Chepito have their son visiting right now with his wife and kids. They just got in the other day. It's been really neat seeing how they react to life here. The parents grew up here, but haven't been back in 20 years. They are more American now than Salvadoran. They were throwing a baseball around outside and all the neighborhood kids came crowding around watching like- "what the heck are they doing throwing that ball with their hands, and those gloves?" They ended up playing soccer after... the only sport Salvos really like to play... and the American son didn't want to play because he hates soccer.

They plugged an electric bug killer into an extension chord and ran it into the latrine to keep the bugs out. Haha... I thought that was funny. I never even noticed the bugs in there that much before. And then they rigged up the hose to hang from the roof over the bathing area so they could have water fall on them frmo above to take a shower, rather than the bucket baths all the salvos do. It was really quite a good idea, and I was like, "why didn't I ever think of that!" but when I tried it myself I didn't really like it. I felt like I was wasting so much more water and it was making the curtain fly open. They were surprised I didn't want to keep it on, that I prefer the pila water in a bucket on my head. Also the kids don't really speak much Spanish. They don't seem to wild about the food. And they freak out just as much as I do when Marinita comes to beat the dogs with a stick. So... it's not just me. Anyway, they're gonna be here for several weeks... and I have someone to speak English to in the campo. I like that sometimes.

Happy July to everyone!

Paz y Amor!

For as long as I can remember I think I have always had this attitude like- "I can't wait for this to be over." I'm talking like since I was a kid, with almost everything. When I was a kid I could not wait to be a grown up... It was always- I can't wait to be a middle schooler, a high schooler, to be done with college so I can be a real grown up... Then I became a real grown up and got a real job as a teacher and all I wanted was for the school year to end each year. Then I joined Peace Corps, and here I am a year in thinking all the time about what I'm going to do when it's over...

WHY have I always been in such a hurry? A hurry to grow up and get on with things, I guess. This is normal right? I think many people may be affected by this manner of thinking. Those of us that are always too overly excited to get on to whatever is next for us. Thinking... When I finish school I will be it will be awesome. Once I get a new job, I will be happy. When summer vacation comes... When I get done with Peace Corps... But what about right now?

And often when I get there, to that place in my life I just couldn't wait to get to... it's almost never as wonderful as I imagined it would be... and it's not until then that I realize how great things really were in the past. So this morning over my cup of instant coffee (in the "Stop me before I volunteer again" mug my brother gave me), I thought about how at times I've found myself thinking Man I can't wait for my service to be done and move on with my life... But really... it's not like that. I guess I just feel that way and say things like that when I'm missing the comforts of the 1st world life and when I feel lonely being out in my site. Ultimately... I know I'm going to love and appreciate this experience in the end. I'll be glad I finished, and will probably even miss it- El Salvador and its people. And I'm sure I'll look back fondly on these times, the good and the bad.... and I'll be proud- like Man! I did it! Haha, ok ok, I still have a year left- and then I'll tell you how I'm feeling about it ending.

It's just so hard for me to not get ahead of myself. I get too anxious and excited about things to come. But this is what I'm doing now... and you know what? I'm doing pretty awesome!

What kind of awesome things am I doing? WELL....

I can't believe it, but my water project keeps truckin along and appears like it might be a success! I don't want to speak too soon... but next week I should find out for sure if my community will be getting it or not. The mayor is going to have someone from his council drive me and my community leaders to San Salvador to have a meeting with the organization! Sounds promising... at least on part of the mayor who is supportive enough of the project to have us driven out there by one of his guys. We are so close! I have gotten tired at points, of going to mayor's office and to San Sal to meet with people there- over and over again... but it looks like all the hard work and persistence might pay off! Primero Dios.

But something so silly happened a few weeks ago... I went to San Salvador to meet with the water project manager and talk about what needs to be done next, and the he told me that some guy from my community was there the day before. He said it was a fat guy that came in just to complain about things- saying he doesn't like how I am running the project. The Project Manager stood up for me and said I am only trying to help them. And the guy from the community just kept complaining and had no real constructive purpose of being there. I know exactly who it was. It was Alex, the "President" of the council (that doesn't really legally exist) of that part of the community. He was upset that I have been collaborating with the actual legitimate community council rather than theirs. Sorry buddy... you're not legit. And seriously... he should have just come to talk to me so I could communicate to him what I'm doing. He could have hurt our chances of getting this project... I'm not mad, I mean... just laughing about it. It sounds like he just wants to be able to take some credit for the project and I can't blame him for wanting to be involved. However, it shouldn't really be about WHO gets the water for the community, but just about just getting their basic need for water taken care of. And then he called me Monday night at 8 pm and was asking me to come to a meeting the next day with his council. Sorry I'm busy. I was busy... I was preparing for a workshop I had planned in the school this week... which I totally rocked!

I organized a Horizontes de Prevencion charla at my school. This is an HIV/AIDS, STD prevention workshop where kids also get a general sex education. It was a huge success! I could not be happier with how it went. Not gonna lie, beforehand I was like, Mannn I'm so dumb. Why did I plan to do a charla right before I leave for vacation? But it was so worth it. We did it at the school in 2 groups- 8th grade in one, 9th grade in the other with a total of about 50 students. And I had my youth counterparts that I got trained in the workshop a few months back to help, and also got local medical professionals to come participate and help teach the students about condoms and how to properly use them. I have never seen the students from my school so engaged in learning something... Well, their age and the subject made it easy for them to be I guess... But also because the activities I had planned were dynamic and involved their participation. I was so happy that they felt comfortable asking questions, and from the pre and post tests that I gave I can tell that they learned. It was a blast! My youth counterparts are so awesome... they love teaching this so much that they want to travel to other communities to do it. Jamie came to help with this one in my site and we are talking about going to do the charla at her site next. There are photos on my fbook if you're interested in seeing more pics from the activity!

Butt shot. Not the most flattering (I bought those pants for $5 in a Salvadoran woman's living room)- but I wanted to show the whole group! Such a great group of kids!

The Globulos Blancos are defending the Cuerpo Humano

I also want to send out a huge thank you to Carol & Jim in Houston who helped make it possible for my school to get a refrigerator for their kitchen. This refrigerator was a much needed item and after buying it a few weeks ago, it has already been put to great use! The school staff is now able to buy more fruits and vegetables for the food they cook for the kids- being able to provide the students with more nutritious meals. We can store food in a more sanitary manner, not waste so much, and we are even able raise money for other needed school materials by selling cold beverages and other items that we can keep in it. This one appliance is doing such great things for our Centro Escolar! We are planning a bigger way to say thank you but for the time being, just want to give the shout out and say- Un mil gracias!

Nina Damaris, the school cook, loves all that she is now able to do in the kitchen with this fridge!

Soon I am heading back to Houston for the 4th of July weekend... a really short trip this time, but I am really excited about seeing my family :) I do have lots of things to get back here to with my life in El Salvador though. Things aren't always easy here in this life... But it's mine, and I love it.

Peace Out!Amor.

What a terrible, horrible, no good very bad week was the thought that was running through my head as this week went on.

My weekend started off great... I got into San Sal Friday and went out for dinner with Noel and friends at a pretty good restaurant Friday night. Saturday I gave a stab at the Foreign Service Officer test. I took it at the embassy- or excuse me, the Palace- with its big clean buildings and beautifully manicured, green lawns. The test was 3 hours long. There were several other PCVs there taking it; one came all the way from Guatemala because they don't offer the test at his post. He also came really dressed up... I think he was wearing a tie... while the rest of us were in flip flops or sweatshirts. Saturday morning tests aren't that fun- and this one was intense. Afterwards I was exhausted and had a growing headache. I won't find out if I passed it for 3-5 weeks. I have no idea how I did... many people dont pass it their first time. But it was free to take and worth giving it a try- also because afterwards Noel took me into the commisary (or however you spell it)- the store at the embassy that sells many of the American things you can't find here- and I got to see all of the wonderful things inside! Jaw-dropping... Chex mix! Bud Light! Noooooo!? VELVEETA SHELLS and CHEESE!? JACKPOT!!! But I had plenty of that from my lovely family who has been keeping me stocked with their shipments. So I left very happy with my 3 cans of Progresso Soup. I don't know where my new obsession with soup came from, but over the last several months I have eaten soup everyday... and now I have Progresso, thanks to my honey :)

So after we left the embassy Noel and I went shopping at Pricesmart for the going away party we were having that night for some friends. Pricesmart is like Costco or Sams Club... and they have really good hot dogs! You may recall that months ago I blogged about how much I miss those things, and then -lucky me- I discovered the Pricesmart hot dog. It ain't nothin compared to a hebrew national or ball park beef frank- but it does the job. And they have relish and freshly cut onions for toppings. While sitting there at the Pricesmart picnic tables eating our weiners- Noel told me more about the process of becoming a foreign service officer... My brain was so fried just from taking the test, but its sounds like the test is not even the worst of it. It's only the first of many challenges. It will be exciting to see where life takes me after Peace Corps... who knows, maybe I could be working in embassies all over the world, or maybe i'll stick with teaching.

So you're probably wondering- where is the "terrible, horrible, no good, very bad" in all of this? Well, that started creeping it's way in before the party on Saturday. I just wasn't feelin right- like maybe I was getting sick. But that didn't stop me from having a good time! I felt it on Sunday when I woke up all achey. Then by Sunday night I had a pretty high fever. Then Monday came the stomach pain and the diahrrea... and so finally on Tuesday after being sick and uncomfortable for several days, I called my doctor, went in for tests in San Sal... which, if your interested- involved blood being drawn and pooing in the tiniest cup ever... EW.

"You have amoebas..." my doctor, Charo, told me.

Wonderful, I thought. I'm not crazy or just being a dramatic baby. I actually had something. Sometimes I try to tough it out when I think I might have something, because a lot of the times it passes on it own. In this case, I was trying to tough it out and waited a bit longer than I should have to call the doctor. But I finally did because those were the most intense stomach pains I ever had from diahrrea... it had to be something. Next time I'll just go in when it's that bad. I won't make myself sit around being uncomfortable for days.

And as a volunteer, I don't know what it is, but a lot of times I feel really guilty when I can't do my job or if I miss things in my site, even if it's because I'm sick. And this was not a good time for me to get sick... I had meetings planned about my charlas, an Escuela de Padres to go to, a meeting with the NGO about my water projects... and all of that was put on hold by these amoebas. Thanks guys. No really. I guess I needed to be reminded to always remember to take care of myself first. My health is more important than anything. And it's not like I could have sat through any of these meetings if i was hunched over cramping or crapping my pants. So anyway- I'm still recovering- taking these strong, bitter pills that make me feel funny, but just after two days of them I am so much better, in my site, and trying to take it easy.

But the icing on the cake of my "no good, horrible, very badness" was having my campesinas come meet me in San Salvador after my medical stuff to go to talk with the water project people. They came all the way from San Vicente, and hour walk to the bus and 2 hours on two buses for us to go and find out the guy wasn't even there. When I spoke with him previously he said he would be. I felt really bad about that... I should have called the day before to confirm... but being sick, I just was not at my best... and maybe shouldn't have been pushing myself to get this work done in the state I was in. Lesson Learned. But we did drop off our letter of solicitude for the project... so they can feel like they did something- they went to the office and dropped of the letter.... But I will still have to go back and talk with the guy. I don't think I will try bringing them with me next time. It's too much for them to do, and too expensive, with the possibility of the guy not even being there. I asked them when the last time they went to the capital was and it had been over a year for both of them. They never leave San Vicente. And it was clear they weren't comfortable with being in the city. One of my ladies didnt even know how to open the car door of the taxi from the inside. So we dropped off the letter and went back to San Vi asap, where I bought them a good lunch at their favorite Comedor for $2 each and they were happy.

So none of this is really all that bad is it? I guess not. It's too easy to be pessimistic when you're not feeling well. When I am feeling good, I am happy, and I have thoughts like "My life is awesome, Peace Corps is the best decision I ever made." When I'm sick and not well I'm feeling like, "Man... this frikin sucks. How much longer 'til I don't have to live like this anymore?" So yes, lesson has been learned... I have to take care of myself above all else, so that I can be here and be able to do my job. Yes my community has needs... but so do I, and I should not neglect my own needs to take care of their's.

And the people in my community understand... they can see that I have been sick just by looking at me. They are all commenting on how I lost weight- The upside of amoebic dysentary. You lose a good number of pounds from pooping your brains out and losing your appetite. I wonder what it is that I got it from. Dropping my clif bar on the floor of the dirty bus and eating it anyway? Buying and eating street food? Drinking dirty water? Not being able to wash my hands or food properly while my community was out of water for weeks? There are many possibilities. I admit, I was getting too relaxed with what I had been eating- thinking, I've been here for a year and nothing too terrible has happened to me yet. I am not as invincible and tough as I thought I was.

But there's one thing my neighbors keep telling me they think it was that I know they are wrong about. They all say that I got it from using the latrine at my host family's house. They think you can pass amoebas onto other through dirty bathrooms and that too many people use the bathroom at my house. I don't think so. Most of the time I don't even sit down. But they swear that their doctors tell them that's how they've gotten it in the past. Despues de Dios es el Doctor, they tell me. After God comes Doctors. Puh-lease.

After being gone for medical, I came back to my site and my host mom had cleaned my house up for because it was all dusty and gross. How sweet it is to be loved and cared for.

I am very lucky.

Paz y amor.

Ay Dios Mio... These last few weeks have been rough, living without water. But THANK GOD the water is back! We have water once again, falling like the fountain of life from our chorro. I was so so happy when it finally came- after not having enough water to adequately bathe or wash dishes for weeks- that when I saw the precious liquid flowing in abundance I rejoiced in overly dramatic song and dance. Hallelujah! I have to say, it was a good experience... one that perhaps will really make my Peace Corps journey complete... I now know how valuable and precious this resource is. Over the last few days of our drought morale was low... I was left with no clean pots to cook with, no clean dishes to eat off of.... I was beginning to lose faith it would ever come. Then that day my prayers were answered... I hope I don't have to experience that too often again in the future. I will never ever complain again about how the ducks and chicken stand over my bath water and poo in it... I will be glad just to have it. This experience of loss of water makes me even more passionate about securing this water project for the near 60 houses in my community that dont have running water... I can't believe they live like that, and have lived like that, for their entire lives.

Random side note: One chicken layed a few eggs on the floor where I take my shower the other day... I picked them up off the ground and ate them for lunch.

I love cows, but I hate them. I am so nervous walking around my community these days, in fear of a vaca brava that might come and try to coronear me- or stick her horn thru me. Ay no. Now I am almost never seen walking around town without a stick, and with much hesitation turning every corner. And when I do encounter cows, I am running into whatever house is nearby feeling nervous until they leave. Ever since my experience of being charged by an angry heffer and being saved by my neighbor Mateo for fighting it off, and ever since I talked to the woman who told me that was how her father died, I have these horrible visions that if anything were gonna kill me in the Peace Corps it would be the horn of a cow. Not the notable violence of the country I live in, but a cow. Haha... I am thinking about moving, yes still. I found a new place that is a possibility... and among the many perks of living there is the fact that I won't have to walk so far to school and the center of town everyday and encounter these frightening animals. What I do love about cows though- They are really really cute when they are babies, as you can see from some of my newest facebook photos. One was born last week and I named him Willy. And the cows that live at my house are nice and not scary... I love that I can feed them and give them whatever fruits and veggies I have that go bad, or whatever other undesirable foods I am given by friends and neighbors. I can never turn down food when it's offered to me... that's something that is extremely rude and offensive in this culture.

Another creature I am developing a hate for: FROGS. Effin Frogs. I remember when I was kid and I thought they were cute and I would go searching for them in the water meters on the street on Jenny Drive. Well little did I know how disgusting they are. I don't appreciate that now with the rainy season they are taking over my house... by the tens. I need to frog proof my house and do something about the gap underneath my doors. I am also proving to be a terrible frog hunter. Those suckers are really quite fast. I try to get to them and smash them with the broom and kill them so I can sweep them out of the house with ease... but it seems like no matter how hard I beat them they still manage to have the strength to hop away faster than I can get them out. And they hop quickly behind all furniture and hide and then I can't find them. And then they come out at night while i'm in bed making so much noise banging on everything and knocking things over and singing... and do you have any idea how substantial their excrements are? I mean... i'm talking decent sized turds, that smell. Hmph. I bet if I move to my new house I won't have this problem so bad.

The house I am in now and have been living in for almost a year is rather exposed to the elements. And when it rains water is flooding into my house from the side door creating a huge pool of water on one half of my house. It also brings in poo and dirt and nasty things... I've starting shoving a towel under the door, but mannnn.... what a life. The only thing about moving to this new place is that I will be joining a family... the living conditions will be a lot nicer, and I love this family... and I'll have the house to myself when I go to sleep at night because the kids that live in it and have their things there sleep next door with their grandma. Their parents left them to go to the US when they were really small and they've never gotten used to sleeping alone. But I love the family and the house is really pretty nice and spacious and their are cool young people around, including my best 20 year old friend Carolina. So i'm thinking I should do it... Just one year to go anyway. And time flies. And I'll get to know another part of my community better. But I'm gonna wait until August I think. Telling Marinita and Chepito will be hard.

This morning when I was waiting for the bus while sitting and chatting with my friend Hilda, I heard some man shouting all crazy. "What's that about?" I asked Hilda... She told me it was the old man that lives in the house across the street. He is old and blind and lives alone..... ??? How does one get by living like that? Maybe he was screaming because he had to go to the bathroom and couldn't find it and went all over himself. How does he find and prepare food when he is hungry? No one should have to live like that. Supposedly he has a daughter that comes once a day every day at 7 am to give him food.. but jeeez... that's not enough. Someone like that needs around the clock support. Hearing his story hurts my heart.

I have this thing about visiting the elderly in my community. There are a lot of sweet elderly women that live alone and I go and sit with them and we talk. They are so so sweet and I can tell it makes them so happy to get a visitor. Last week I was visiting with Nina Odilia and she was trying to gift me everything in her home. When I said I liked her purse she ran to her room and found this big big one that she had and gave that to me, and then she proceeded to fill it with most of her fruits and vegetables in her fridge and sweet bread and soup mix. I was like "No more, you've given me enough." But enough was not enough for her. How sweet she is. I couldn't ever eat all of that myself before it went bad. Now I feel like I owe her... I'm gonna have to buy her some fancy pan dulce next time I go to San Vicente for her.

Well that's all for today my friends... Time to go enjoy my weekend!

"Don't give up what you want most for what you want at this moment."

I have moments where I wish I had a hot shower, to see my family, cold skim milk over a bowl of cereal, a gym, a car to drive.... But this quote reminds me that it's not worth it. Because what I want most is to be a successful volunteer. To finish my time here feeling like I have left this place better than I found it... for the people here and for myself. There's time in the future for hot showers and honey bunches of oats. But this is my once in a lifetime chance to really make a difference in this rural community here in El Salvador. And that is something I bet I would not trade for anything in the long run.

And as of today my community has been without running water for a week, which is nothing big to many volunteers, but I thus far really haven't had to live without it. The "bomba" that pumps all the water to our community and several others broke. We are left scrounging around for the scarce liquid in the rivers and the pozos... bringing it in from wherever we can find it. I have never ever had to lived without water. And I'm quickly learning that I don't even know how to live without it. These people sure do- they're teaching me how to make the littlest amount go a long way. Something that is a rather good life skill, I think. So I'm getting bye with about two gallons a day... one for bathing, the other for washing my dishes. The downside is- I have fallen of the p90x train. I am just not gonna workout and sweat that much if I'm not guaranteed a decent bath after. Such a bummer. But hopefully they'll get the bomba fixed and we'll have water again soon. I keep hoping it will rain so I can fill up my buckets and shower with the rain water... but no luck there.

It's a little bit ironic that the water is out while I have been working so hard on getting water to the part of the community (57 houses, 250 people) that doesn't have water. But what I am trying to get for them are these systems that are filled with rain water... they're really big so they hold a lot of water and they will have pipes hooked up from the cisterns to their pilas. It even filters the rain water so that it is good for drinking... something that will surely improve their health and wuality of life. The only downside is that it's not going to work the whole year round. During the long summer months, the cisterns will dry up and they will have to go back to carrying the water from 2 km away. Does that sound worth it to do this project? One that they can really only benefit from during the rainy season? I think it might be their only option though. Piping water out to them would be so costly and labor intensive because of their location- which is probably why no one has ever taken on the project in the past. Supposedly the cisterns are so big that the water will endure through a chunk of the summer... but surely not all of it. Hmmm... Well I have a meeting with the people this afternoon to see if they like the idea. I've already convinced the mayor to back us up. After I spent two days straight waiting for him at his office... The first day he didn't come at all, and the second day he came in the afternoon. He is not an easy man to track down. And no one could tell me anything about when he might be there. So, anyway... we'll see what happens.

The last asamblea I held with the community about this project though... I was pretty nervous about. More than 100 people showed up... and I have to say, I rocked it. I couldn't believe it... like- is this me? am I doing this? Standing in front of 100 campesinos, speaking Spanish perfectly, understanding them perfectly, about bring water to their community... something they have been fighting for for decades. Yup... it was me. Felt pretty awesome.

There's no one available to give me a ride out there today, and to walk it's 45 minutes or so up and down hills, so... I'm borrowing a horse! LoL and arriving on horseback. Why do I think that is so funny? Again, is this really the life I'm living? haha! I love it!

Anyways, all of this water project stuff has made me so busy, I haven't had time to blog. In between the water project solicitude writing and meetings, I'm planning my HIV/AIDS workshop for this month with the local medicos and the kids that I got trained at the camp I brought to in April, I'm making shampoo, and trying to find time to work at the school and help the English teacher. I feel bad, I wish I could be at the school more helping the teachers and being with the kids. But at the moment, I think getting people water is a tad more important don't you think?

I woke up this morning covered in these little hard itchy bumps. I think they are a leftover reaction from the sandfleas in Roatan. I had never heard of or seen a sanflea before, or is it sandfly? I dunno, either way, they are obnoxious. They are as tiny as fleas but they have little wings and fly. And they bite and attack you everywhere... They werent so painful when they bit, just annoying... and they didn't really itch until the present, nearly a week later. We bought this local remedy that was a mix of a bunch of different oils. It really did work. So if you ever find yourself with a sandflea problem, spritz yourself with oil. Other than the sandfleas, Roatan was an awesome and gorgeous! Our time went by so fast, since we were only there 3 nights. But it was just enough time for the crystal clear waters, sand, sun, and scuba. Oh my effin god is it gorgeous!! It was my first time to visit a Caribbean island- it did feel very Carribean, even though it was just off the coast of Honduras. And all the people there spoke Spanish and English. I would highly recommend this as a vacation spot to anyone... never mind the sandflies. They're only seasonal, and they're worth it. I also tried scuba for the first time and loved it! We went as deep as 40 feet... it was a little hard and scary to get my brain used to breathing under water- because it's so unnatural. But I quickly adapted and before I knew it I was down there swimming with the sea turtles like a pro. It felt like walking on the moon. So cool! I'm definitely glad I tried it and might even want to get certified eventually. Scuba is a something I think everyone should have on their bucket list now.

In other news- I am the proud owner of a new Kindle 3G... I can't stop talking about how great this thing is! The best gift! I have the most thoughtful boyfriend ever! Previously I would be seen lugging around huge hardback printed books that took up all this space in my bad... and now i can have thousands of books all on this one little device! I have books, magazines, blogs, and can even play scrabble on it! And because it's got the 3G- which my fancy "3rd world peace corps country" has all over... I can even check email and facebook and get on the web for FREE anywhere I am! Isn't that nuts!? Ok well i'm not gonna be whipping it out in public because it might bring some attantion to myself as the gringa with the money and the fancy electronic device... I doubt the salvadorans would really know what it is or what to do with it though... But it is so nice. I'm going to save so much money not buying my $1 a day internet, and I won't be spending so much wasted time in front of my computer when I should be out and about in the community. Having internet on my laptop, it was often too easy to get sucked in to hours of chatting with people on facebook. But with my kindle I can just check my email and facebook and be done and go on with my day. I tell you, this thing is changing my life. LoL... ok, so there's my testimonial. I'm just super excited about it, can ya tell?

So, time for me to get on with my day! Can't mop my house- no water. I think I'll go arriba and visit some of mi gente and then come back and make myself a tasty tuna salad sandwich for lunch.

And I'll leave you with another wise little quote my dad shared with me- because it's thoughts and words like these that keep me going these days...

"Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you have."

Love to todo del mundo. Paz.

It seems like a lot of the time I buy fruits and veggies "por gusto," just for the pleasure of seeing my fridge filled with colorful items. More than half the time I can't finish them all on time. Because when meal times come around I just grab for the oatmeal, Ramen, Mac n Cheese, or canned tuna. Ok well i do also make eggs a lot and often include veggies... But man... I am so ready for some more variety in my campo diet. Eating can be such a pleasure, not to mention a way to feel great. I need more ideas for bringing variety into my life, and my mouth, out here. Any suggestions? Yo dad, the Spam and sausage were a good call! :) Despite my lack of cookin in the campo creativity... i am learning how to make one mean bowl of tasty Ramen... I have also learned that everything tastes better with garlic, lime and hot sauce. So, if any of you readers out there want to send me a package full of tasty American foods... I will be forever grateful!

In other news, I am on the edge of possibly discovering what will hopefully be a big defining project for my service.... Bringing running water to the parts of my community that go without. There are about 100 homes in my community that don't have water, close to 400 people. Many of them spend hours every day just carrying water up to 2 kilometers from the spring to their house- carrying it on their heads, backs, or horses. There are kids that miss school to bring water, men that can't work as much to bring water and therefore lose the little money they'd earn working in the field that day just to bring water, and too often many of them go well over a week without bathing because they have to ration what little water they can for cooking and drinking. To me, this is extreme poverty... and well if we can get this foundation to help fund and organize this project... no doubt the quality of life for these hundreds of people would improve dramatically.

So what happened what a Peace Corps staffer ran across an ad in the newspaper saying France had donated millions of dollars to El Salvador dedicated to water projects. There were a number of requirements- my community meets all of them. So I jumped on it and within a day had the solicitude letter ready. I talked with the foundation the other day and they said the community leaders need to head into the capital to personally hand in the solicitude and discuss their needs. So Tuesday I have a meeting with the community to explain the opportunity, and that it is not yet a sure thing... and Thursday hopefully we can get in front of these people in San Salvador and plead our case. It's not a for sure thing at all yet... just a glimmer of hope... and you can bet I'm gonna do everything I can to try and make this happen!

What else is going on? Well within the next few weeks we will finally be ready to buy the refrigerator our school needs! That's exciting! Everyday that the students come to school they are guaranteed a meal. They are unable to serve many things because there simply is no place to store the food items and keep them fresh and good. So finally they will be able to have a place for the fruits and vegetables and meats and the kids will get some more nutritious foods into their diets. Healthy kids are happier kids. Since my pinata bust, I'm deciding on what I want my next art project to be with the students at the school. I'm thinking... pet rocks with kindergarteners? Maybe we can do a mural too! But I don't just want to paint a mural for the sake of painting one... I want it to mean something. Any ideas?

My shampoo group is still going strong and we're selling our batches of aloe shampoo quickly. In no time we will have enough money to pay for our community clean up. You might be thinkin... But Amy, it doesn't cost anything to clean up trash... OOoooOh but it DOES! We need trash bags and here's the big expense... paying for the trucks to come in that will haul our trash away. The streets here are covered with trash... whenever anyone finishing a can of coke or a bag of chips, that empty container ends up on the ground. Oh man... you should see our soccer field! It's not like there are any public trash cans around... but even if there were, they dont have anyone coming to this community to pick up trash because it's so far out I guess. Everyone is forced to burn their trash pretty much.... That's pretty unfriendly to our environment ain't it? Man, I gotta say, the culture has penetrated my being enough at this point... I too, at times, have found myself wanting to litter. But NO! it's not cool, and not to mention it's unsightly when you look around the place where you live and just see land filled with garbage. So our shampoo money is helping contribute to the cleanliness of the community. It would be great if the ladies continued to make shampoo on their own even when I'm gone!

I'm planning some charlas, or workshops, for parents and how they can have better communication with their children... Around here I frequently observe that parents have no clue how to handle their children. They call them stupid and annoying, yell, hit, and never tell their kids they do anything right... These mommas need help. Just with Milton alone I have shown his mom that you can get a kid to listen to you by making clear expectations, having proper consequences, and communicating with them in a positive way. I mean I don't even have kids and I know how to handle them so much better than they do. I suppose it was my teaching experience and that I had awesome parents growing up.

Poor Milton though, his arm is messed up for life after that tamale burn 5 months ago. Especially because he doesn't wear the arm glove he is supposed to, to cover it from the sun.

I see him and in front of his mom ask him, "Milton, why aren't you wearing your glove?" and he will lie, like kids do and tell me it's because it got wet.

I look at his mom and she says, "He's a liar. He just doesnt want to wear it."

But Guadalupe, you can make him wear it, you're his mom. You're the boss.

"He just doesn't want to."

Then I look at Milton and talk to him about why he needs to wear the glove in a very friendly way, and ask him if he would rather have problems with his arm and it getting worse, or would he rather just wear the glove that will help it get better faster. This made sense to him... and within minutes we were on our way back to his house and we put the glove on and he wore it for the rest of the day.

Did I tell you guys that our kitten died? A cute little white one. The dogs ate it one day in front of my house. I wonder if it's just because they like to play too rough, like to kill or taste animal blood... or is it because they don't get enough food any other way? Poor Rinso. R.I.P.

I went to church today with Marinita. I don't mind going to mass every once in a while. I found it hilarious that our dog, Rambo, followed us all the way to church and slept underneath our pew for the entire hour and a half. Only in El Salvador do you find tons of dogs on the floor of the church.

Before I go... Some good simple pleasures I had this weekend in my site- Being able to buy a new broom, a thing to toast bread on over the stove, and a big knife on my front porch without having to travel to San Vi an hour and back and having to carry that stuff. Score. Eating 4 pupusas at Nina Alicias. Completing my second week of the p90x exercise program. Talking to my loved ones on the phone for hours because I got tons of bonus saldo.

Well, that's all folks! Hope you are all settling into and enjoying your summers in the Oosa.

All my love from The Savior!

Paz y Amor.

Amy. or in Spanish... Eymi.

This may be a record for the longest I have gone without writing a blog. It's been over two weeks. I guess I was waiting for something to write about... Many things have gotten to be normal to me here. This is just life. This is where I live.

And so here I am, coming up on 10 months of being here. What do I have to say about that? I confess- this is way harder than I imagined. I'm not giving up.... but I was thinking about this last night. I had done my fair share of traveling abroad prior to Peace Corps. A month in Mexico, a few weeks in Israel, Greece and Argentina... And I loved going to countries and experiencing their cultures... And clearly the Peace Corps experience is quite different than a few weeks or a month of passing through a country. I guess it's just I realize more and more with passing months how different it is to have to live and adapt to this culture.

It's funny- when I was living my American life, I never thought a second about how much I valued my culture. It's such a comfort to live your life in a culture where people talk and do things just like you do. And after being here almost a year it's sinking in how deeply engrained my American culture is in me. How different my perspective is now than when I was in my first months. When I was super gung-ho about living just like a Salvadoran. Then time passed and I've learned more about their culture seen that I am never going to live just like they do or be like them. Nor do I want to. I know now just how much I love and appreciate my own culture... I don't want or have to give that up. I still gotta be me, ya know. Peace Corps is affecting me... I have never been so proud to be an American.

And then I wonder with so many Salvadorans and people from all over the world moving into the states after decades and decades... what is that doing to the U.S. and our culture? I guess it's kinda cool that in our country we can experience so many different cultures, living alongside them, without having to give up ours. Just driving through Houston's Alief is like a mini-trip to Vietnam. That's cool. You get to experience the world without having to leave your city. I can appreciate that.

I was on the bus back to my site last week after hanging out at Noel's house for the weekend and I was feeling like I typically do when I leave there- a little blue. It's not easy making the transition from capital life to campo life... there is a world of difference between the two. I usually get a little down about it, but after I am back in my site for a day I'm fine. So I was sitting there frowning a bit and the guy next to me was super happy and could not control his urges to talk to me. So finally I gave in- talking would be a good distraction from sitting there thinking about how much I was going to miss my boyfriend and that life... And the guy is all smiley and telling me about how he is on his way home to San Miguel to pack his things because he has his interview that morning at the US embassy and was approved for an immigrant visa and he would be flying out as soon as possible.

"Pues, Felicidades" i told him. He went on to talk to me about how nervous and scared he is. He has never lived anywhere but with his cows and chicken in the campo of San Miguel. I didn't study past 6th grade. And I was thinking- what is this guy going to do up there? He said his plan was to cut grass for his brothers landscaping business. Ok- that's more money than he would ever make here. And then he asks me, "How hard is it for you to live outside of your country and your culture?" and he's talking about how much he's going to miss El Salvador- his food, his life... I was honest and told him it can be tough sometimes. But then I realized how much easier it will be for him living there.... when people immigrate to the U.S. there are huge communities of others just like them. They have their food, they celebrate their holidays, and shoot- they don't even have to learn the language. People go to the states and live there forever and never learn English because they dont have to. We even cater to them and make it easier for them by having many things translated for them. Cuidado. Piso Mojado.

What a comfort to have that kind of support when moving to another country. It's tough when I'm out here in the campo and the only American.... sometimes it feels like no one here understands me. Thank God at least I can call my gringo friends who are here experiencing the same thing... And when I need gringo time we can get together and hang out. But seriously, I could not live here if it weren't for them. I would go crazy. I need my fellow Americans more than I ever thought I would. I get by with a little help from my friends.

So anyway... Does all this sound pessimistic to you? Sorry about that. I really had a decent week last week too... I was out of my house everyday most of the day, hangin with the peeps. I spent all afternoon last Thursday making pinatas with 4th graders. It was fun and they seemed to have a great time... we got the first layer of paper mache on there... and were going to put on the second layer and finish up the bodies on Friday. And then Friday came and I showed up to school to find out at that several 4th grade girls had done and destroyed all the pinatas. WTF? I was really upset by this... they ruined them all, crushed them. Little boogers. I was so excited to be doing them and to be active with the kids at school. I just felt like- How can I do anything with these kids? The teachers are just as much to blame. They don't really supervise the kids and the kids know it- The pinatas were hanging in the office a place I thought was safe and out of the way... but the kids went in there anyway. Sigh. Ok I'm over it now... I don't think I will be doing pinatas again. Next time I do an art project we will do something they can finish and take home in the same day. It's too bad these girls ruined it for everyone else. Kids.

I am super excited and looking forward to my trip to Roatan, Honduras at the end of the month where Jamie and I are going to try scuba diving for the first time. It's supposed to be one of the best places for diving in the world. It kinda freaks me out, being deep down in the water like that... but I'm giving it a go. Everyone I know who has tried it says its awesome and that I gotta do it.

I'm also going to use up my airline credit I still have left over from canceling my trip to South America last summer before joining the peace corps and I'm going to go to Houston just for the 4th of July weekend. I'm lucky that I'm from a place that's only a few hours away by plane. Yup... This ain't my grandmother's Peace Corps! (who served in Benin back in the 80s).

I wanted to sleep in today but Don Tulio was chopping wood right outside my house... at 5:30 in the morning! Oh well... gave me time to write this blog.

I've been exercising a lot more at my house in the campo lately. I got all the p90x cds from Noel and it's great- I'm able to get excercise without having to wake up super early to run before the sun comes out, and then when it rains I can't run because it's too muddy. I'm loving it.... And today is Yoga! So I'm gonna get to it! Then I gotta run to the school and clean up the pinata mess.

All more the reason to get motivated to do something truly wonderful with my time here. I have been in country about 9 months, and in my permant site for 7. Many volunteers say that they didn't really understand their communities and what they could do for them until they had been in them for a year. I agree with that, but I can feel like I'm getting there, slowly, but getting there.

Jamie reminded me about the Peace Corps statistics they shared with us during training. Peace Corps, after 50 years of sending Americans away for service, has pretty much figured out pat exactly how a typical volunteer will be feeling mentally throughout their 2 years. According to them, I am at that point in my service, that end of the first year stretch, in which I will probably have the blues the most- about what I'm doing here, what I gave up to be here, etc. When Jamie reminded me about this I was in the middle of having a really great day... I was like "I think the worst of my blues is over... but i'll be here for you..." BAHAHA! I spoke too soon... I still have my days when I get the blues. BUT luckily I have been having a lot of really REALLY good days in site mixed in with them.

I'm learning a lot about what it is I need to doing to make sure I can keep it together. Also, with the encouragement of a good friend.... I have discovered that I LOVE to mop the floor of my house. It's really quite therapeutic. Turn on some good music, mix lavender Fabulosa with water and make your house sparkle. I can appreciate living in this cement box a lot more if I keep it clean and smelling nice. Funny, because before it was suggested to me, I had only mopped my own floor once in the 7 months of living here. Quite sad. My floor was dull and filthy... except for on the rare occasion I asked Guadalupe to clean it for a dollar, or Marinita surprised me by doing it herself... not being able to stand how dirty it was. LoL... So here is to new, healthy rituals!

I've also been keeping up with exercise... extremely important. I didn't get to run this morning because the soccer field was a lake after yesterday's rain. I just have to get some workout DVDs to do in my house. I did p90x with Jamie at Noel's house last week. OY! My legs and butt were incredibly sore for nearly a week... the first few days she and I both could hardly walk. It was awesome. Really, it was.

So it was a good week! Tuesday I went to a meeting with town leaders held by the NGO that works in my community. It was all about educating us on the structure of El Salvador's political system... which really bored me because it felt like a basic political science class... only in Spanish. Ay! It was good practice for my spanish though, listening and speaking from 7 am to 4:30 pm. I just didn't learn much. We're going to another one next month about gender in rural El Salvador. That sounds a lot more interesting.

Then Thursday... I had a very unique experience. The Ministry of Health sent a psychologist to my community's school to work with the teachers... He was supposed to be doing some kind of professional development- I think that is supposed to help them better understand their students. But it really turned into some kind of 4 hours therapy session.

He was giving us deep breathing, meditating and stretching techniques. Ok, cool. All things I find enjoyable. Then he went on to have us all sit in a circle for a "catharsis" activity. This is when it got a little... mmm, interesting. He gets a straw hat and puts in on the floor in the middle of the circle. He's asking everyone questions like, "what is that?" it's a hat. "What color is it?" Cream. "who would wear it?" A man.

Then he picks it up and says we are all going to talk about our relationships with out father when we were children... I didn't think his transition was too smooth and it completely caught me off guard. He went first holding the hat... talking about how his dad was a very serious person that made him spend much of his childhood gathering and selling mangoes in the streets. His dad expected him to do this for the rest of his like just like him... etc... He passes the hat to Beatriz sitting to his right. It's her turn to talk about her dad. She was already in tears before he even handed her the hat. She shared that her dad was an abusive drunk that beat the women in the family and she went on bawling and sharing ugly things about her childhood in relation to her father. Passes the hat. Idalia... her dad left them, she had to take care of the family while her mom worked... Bawling.... Passes the hat to Margarita.... Dad had a family with other women, didn't pay much attention to them when he came to visit... At this point we all had tears pouring out of us.

It was incredibly hard to sit there and listen to their stories. Not one of them could say that they did not suffer during their childhood. Seeing their pain brought me to tears as well. I had never known them on this level. We just worked together... and to hear about their pasts... I had so much shame to have that hat passed to me. I had never experienced suffering... really of any sort. I got stitches once when I was a kid... but I never went without anything. My childhood was awesome. My dad was awesome. So what could I say? I just said I was without words... because I had never experienced that kind of suffering. That it's a pleasure to work with strong people like them and to see where they are despite the odds they faced. Passed the hat.

At one point when everyone was crying the psychologist was having people stand up in pairs and hug and cry it out. I was just like, "Whoa! What is this?" It was more of a support group and therapy session than a professional development for teachers. But I have learned to just go with things around here.

It was just one of those moments... having "I AM DIFFERENT" staring me in the face. Reminding me I am so fortunate. I remember when I was a kid I would complain when I had to wait til Dad got his next paycheck to get new shoes, and I felt poor because mom wouldn't buy be Abercrombie & Fitch clothes like the other kids who seemed to come from families with more money. I had no idea how fortunate I was. It's funny how one might feel as rich as their surroundings. Because I grew up in the suburbs where there were lots of kids that went to school with me from families with more money, I felt somewhat poor compared to them. Dad dropping me off at school in his Ford Festiva, my friends getting dropped off in fancy SUVs. Pfffff. I was definitely rich in comparison to most children here. Perspective.

I won't forget that day. I'm glad I was there and that I got to know the teachers like that. By the end of the session it was like we were all best friends. That afternoon we ate cake and danced and they taught me some moves. They're such good people.

Well tonight it's pupusa night! I went and ate beans and tortillas for lunch with an old lady friend. I like to visit the old ladies that live alone... they are so sweet and love to have visitors, but unfortunately don't get many because they mostly talk about how much their knees and their backs hurt. But I find other things to talk about usually. And I like checking up on them... I can't imagine how lonely they are. And poor Rosa... she runs a store by herself and she's always letting people take things from her without paying. Kind of like putting it on a tab... but she says they dont always come back to pay, and they get mad when she asks them to. I'm like, stop doing that! People are taking advantage of the sweet little old lady.

This week I am going to a mandatory Peace Corps In-Service Traning. At least it's in a really nice part of the country at a place that serves good food!

Ok, I could go on forever, but it's almost pupusa time!

Paz y Amor.

Ok so it's been a while. Mostly because Semana Santa came, El Salvador's holy week, and I spent most of it doing gringa things, that I wasn't left with much blogging material. Still, it was an awesome week! Got to spend a lot of time with two of my favorite people in El Salvador, Noel and Jamie. I even went to the movies! Twice in one day! Guess how much a movie costs here? Like 3 bucks! Awesome huh! And then popcorn and a soda? About $4. It doesn't taste like the movie theatre popcorn at home, but I'm not complaining! We saw "Just Go With It" with Adam Sandler and Jennifer Aniston, and then "Hall Pass" the movie about the guys that get a week off from marriage. Both were funny and entertaining but Just Go With it was better...not as much guy humor. Anyway, I am super lucky that I have the option of going to an American style movie theatre so close to me that has new releases. Well... actually, I dunno... Those are new releases right? LoL I dont even know anymore.

The rains have been picking up here and there! Which means the hottest days of the year are pretty much past us. Hallelujah! By the second week of May we should be in the definite rainy season. I can feel the climate changing. I got used to the very dry air... after a few heavy rains in San Vicente... I'm rediscovering the feel of humidity. I'm looking forward to days and days of rain that I can spend relaxing in my hammock and reading good books :) I'm not looking forward to all of my things being wet and mildewed all the time. But I will do my best to keep things safe and dry... This is when ziploc bags are essential! I'd also love a bunch of those disposable Glad-like tupperware things. Would be great for storing and organizing my stuff! ;)

I have been getting to know my community better... in a way I'm not sure I want to know. It is impossible to avoid the gossip of the community... People love filling me in on the dirt. And I get my ears filled with what are sometimes very entertaining stories. I just don't know how much of it is true, and I don't want my opinions of certain people who are really nice and good friends to me changed because others want to tell me about things that happened long ago. Anyway- The tales are nonetheless pretty juicy so.... Let me tell you about...

Nina Alicia. My good friend and maker of the best pupusas and food in town. She has been so good to me... Big Loving Latina momma she is. One of the few people I can sit with and have a relaxed conversation with. And she is always giving me food. I love her. Well, She has 5 kids... and she had told me the father of her children died about 5 years ago of kidney failure. What I didn't know what that he was the husband of Nina Elba who lives arriba in the centro, whom with he also had many children. Well back when he was alive, Nina Elba had decided one day she had enough of her husband banging this other woman... So she hid out in the trees in the field in front Chepito's house and waited for Alicia to leave from visiting the neighbor... Upon her exit she started to shoot! And the chase began... Elba was chasing Alicia and shooting at her all over the property right in front of my house. Chepito said her aim was terrible... He was sitting on the pot in the latrine when a bullet flew through the wall of the outhouse, right past his face, and through the other side. How crazy! You wouldn't want your last moment on earth to be spent taking a crap would you?

Antonia. She is a really good kid that lives next door to me. Beautiful, Smart. Has a lot of potential to really do something with her life. She is about to graduate from 9th grade and no one has the money to pay for her to go to high school, so I am going to do the best I can to help get her a scholarship. All one needs to go to high school here is about $250 dollars, to cover the costs of daily transportation and their uniform and books and lunch while they're there. That's not much money to you and me. Well now it is to me, almost my monthly salary... But before Peace Corps I would blow more than that in one day shopping at the mall. I will soon be setting up a fund for Antonia and other scholars in my community for people to donate to their education. All these kids need is the opportunity. Antonia is a gem in this community... I don't want to see her get pregnant right out of 9th grade like her sister, Roxana- Who by the way refuses to leave her home because she is too embarassed for the community to see how pregnant she is... It's sad, but I can't say I blame her... These people are vicious with their gossip. But she won't even leave the house to go to the clinic for prenatal care. I'm gonna go visit her today, poor baby... A baby havin a baby.

But what's the juice? Last night I found out that my host mom, Marinita thinks Antonia might be her granddaughter, daughter of her son Vladimir. But they're not sure, because Guadalupe was sleeping with about 4 men around that time... I was looking at their son's picture, and there is a resemblance. Marinita really is a very forgiving and loving person. She has treated Antonia like her own since she was born... But all of this- not knowing who the baby daddy is... Sounds very Jerry Springer doesn't it? Anyway, I want better for Antonia, I really do.

I also heard about the guys in town that have gotten their wives and their daughters pregnant at the same time. WTF? Thats disgusting and pisses me off... I'm sure the daughters didnt want that. I'm not sure if the daughters are under 18. But if they are... this monster might need to be reported to child protective services, which actually does exist in the country.

There is another girl in my community that was so distraught about her husband cheating on her that she committed suicide by eating rat poison.

And I have heard a number of stories about men and women in this town who have two separate families. Children with one person, and many children with another person.

In a way it feels necessary for me to understand who is family with who... Although it seems like everyone in this town seems to be related to one another somehow... But maybe I need to know this stuff, as ugly as it sounds, because if I'm working with these people, it helps to understand why some don't want to work with others. Still, there is a lot of dirt I don't know about them... and that I'm sure I don't want to know. I'd rather look at everyone with a clean slate, you know? Gossip is mean and evil and ugly. Chambre ain't nobody's friend. Sure, it might feel good and entertaining in the moment you are gossiping... But afterwards especially if I am the one sharing the info- I feel worse. Like I shouldn't have said all that. And with as much gossip as I hear coming from people around here... I'm learning it does not make you look good. Whatever bad things you say, they stick to you... You are the person that shared ugly things. OY! Is that not what I just did in this entire blog? But I'd like to think of this blog as different... Like I'm just a reporter or something.

I know... it's so hard to avoid...And when you live in a small town like this, everyone knows everyone's business, there's no such thing as privacy. But everyone deserves to make mistakes... I mean, I'm not saying it's ok to have two families at the same time, or impregnate your daughters... but JEEZ it's not really any of our business to be talking about with everyone we walk by the on the street.

On a ligher note... THIS IS MY 100th POST! I feel like I should celebrate or something! Maybe you can celebrate with me by sending me an awesome care package :) LOVE!

Have you ever seen chickens do it? It's quite an awful site! One that I get to see every day. The rooster chases the lady chicken around for a while... she looks like she is running for her life. You can really tell she doesn't want it. She seems to eventually get tired or just gives up and the rooster jumps her... He gets on top, standing on her wings, pinning her down... and he does his thing while she is laying there unable to move... and the most annoying part of the site to me is watching him peck at her head throughout coitus like he's really showing her whose boss or telling her to shut up or something. Yuck. I am SO glad I am not a lady chicken. They're called hens right?

My host parents catch me staring at the chickens doing it sometimes. I always have this horrified look on my face, jaw dropped, and my host mom will look at the chickens, then look at my face... and we both laugh.

Marinita asked me to explain HIV and AIDS to her after getting back from the camp I took the kids to. She didn't know a thing about it. I was explaining to her what you can get it from... and this is when I discovered Marinita does not know what semen is. I was a bit shocked.. she has 4 kids. But when i told her the virus can be transmitted through the semen of a man... she asked me "what's semen?" I said... "you know- when a guy..." After a while she said "ooooh yea... that" so I guess she knew it existed kind of... maybe she just didnt know what it was called. She is such a conservative woman.

And sex is something people just don't talk about here. They all do it... but since they don't talk about it, maybe they don't really understand what they are doing, or even know the vocabulary for the parts and what not. This is why Peace Corps El Salvador spends time on educating youth about HIV/ AIDS and general sexual health, like at the camp I went to. My friend Emilie described what we did at the camp perfectly in her blog... I especially like her description of "Paso a Paso" when we taught the kids how to properly use a condom. Read it ---> HERE

A cute story about how clueless people can be without being educated or talking about sex. I was talking to a guy the other day... He's was pretty old... like 80 maybe. He told me that he and his wife never kissed... they have 8 kids, so they had sex... but they never kissed. That is, not until he got to be about 60 years old and started watching telenovelas (spanish soap operas)... He said they never knew how to do it... they learned from watching telenovelas. Now they kiss all the time. That story made me laugh.

You just don't see any PDA here either... I have gotten so used to not seeing anyone touch anyone else here, the other day I saw some teenagers holding hands and I was like "WHOA!" lol... I think it can never hurt for people to be more outwardly affectionate toward one another.

I'm learning that I really like going to bed early and waking up early. I went to bed at 8:30 last night and got nearly 10 hours of sleep. When you do this almost every night... it's amazing how good you can feel! I will never again be able to sleep so much in my life when I am done with peace corps.

You know what? Things are pretty damn good these days. Ok yea, yesterday I had a rough time and I was having one of those "I feel like I hate El Salvador and no one here understands me" kind of moments. But that's just because I had 2 crazy busy weeks of running around, long bus rides and being around people constantly almost every day. I reached my limit and just needed a day to myself. So I took it. I stayed in my house allllll day, which I almost never do... especially without feeling guilty about it. I read, I wrote, I watched a movie. It was wonderful! A day just for me! It's important to remember to take those. And then by the time evening came I was feeling back to normal and ready to show my face to my community again. Peace Corps is crazy like that sometimes. Everyone says how you have really high highs and really low lows. And it's amazing how quickly you can go from a high to a low or vice versa. But generally, I am happy.

It was just the night before my "I hate El Salvador moment" that I had returned back to my community feeling like I had done one of the greatest things so far in my service. I felt awesome. I had taken some kids from my town to Chalatenango to the HIV/AIDS prevention camp... They learned a lot, had tons of fun, and went and taught what they learned to kids at a school in La Palma on the last day where they kicked ass and I was so proud of them. I felt like taking them to the camp was one of the best things I have done because I gave these youth the opportunity to have a completely new experience unlike anything they had ever had before. Sleep away camps are not something most Salvadorans have the opportunity to experience. For them to get out and see a part of their country they had never been to, to meet youth from outside their community- they have only known and hung out with people from their towns their entire lives... meeting people from a far away place and making friends with them.. It was just really beautiful. It couldn't have gone better. I would definitely like to do more camps in the future. Even though it means staying in the free state park cabins that are kinda ghetto and nasty... a few nights of sleeping uncomfortably is worth it.

Saw my first tarantula there. And then yesterday I saw one in my site for the first time! EW! Tarantulas are scary looking! I stopped screaming and freaking out about rats long ago. When I see scorpions now, I remain calm and just kill them. I live with frogs hopping aroung my house. Tarantulas though appear to be one thing I can not chill out about. Huge hairy spiders the size of the palm of my hand. They have to do something bad to you... if they look that scary! AHHHHH!

Let me get back to this low I had the other day. It was triggered by a comment my host mom made to me. She came to say bye and tell me they were off to church on Sunday when she said, "I would invite you, but you don't like to go places with us." OK well she's not exactly wrong... whenever I go out with them I have to ride in the truck Chepito drives- and his driving is scary with his one eye vision and his diabetic low sugar states. And I always am coerced into sitting smushed between the two of them in the seat of the truck, its pretty uncomfortable. I always tell them I would prefer to sit in the bed in the back, just because I need my space you know. But they don't like being seen toting the gringa around like that they said. Besides the only places they ever go to are to church and to pray at people houses, or to weddings of people I don't even know. Why would I want to go to those things? Catholic mass is not something I enjoy. Why would a non-Catholic be interested in going to mass? I thought Marinita figured a long time ago I was evangelical anyway.

Anyway, it was just this one comment that got my wheels spinning. I make an effort to spend time with them, I do. Just last Sunday I spent the ENTIRE day with them at the beach. But ok... say that it is true that I dont like going out with them, isn't that ok? I go out with them from time to time, but I'm not going to go to every event every weekend. It made me feel bad though- Marinita is good with the Latina mama guilt. Because I dont want them to feel like I don't like them, and I feel like I try to have a good relationship with them. It's just, where I'm from- it's ok to have more of an independent kind of lifestyle. And just because someone lives next door and is your landlord doesnt mean you have to do everything with them. *sigh* this is where the "no one here understands me" thoughts came in. Those trains of thought are never good to hop on for me. But I pulled myself out of the slump after some good chick flick distraction.

Still trying to wrap my head around what these cultural differences mean... and how I am going to live with and handle them. Most of the time I can just go with it and even laugh about it.

I know- a lot of it is about Marinita... I guess because she is the person I see everyday that I have these misunderstandings with. Like yesterday- I told her "Ok, I'm going to watch a movie in my house now" and she said "ok I'll be over there in a little bit." How did that sound like an invitation? She couldn't watch a movie in English on my 7 inch DVD player with me. Haha. Good thing I watch movies in English, because i really needed my time alone :) lol. I did watch a mexican movie with her and Chepito that night... to make up for it.

Also, I came home today with a splitting headache and she was so extremely concerned out me, which was very sweet. But my head was pounding and the last thing I wanted was to speak spanish to a salva mom hovering over my hammock. She told me I had such a bad headache because I "study" too much. Whenever she sees me reading-- whatever it may be, a book, People magazine-- she says I study too much. Reading fictional novels and trashy magazines is hardly studying. And she kept saying it to me while I was laying in my hammock, head throbbing "You really shouldn't study so much, it hurts you." I said, "Marinita, I studied for years all the way through University, I assure you... studying is not bad for you." I had a headache from the heat or dehydration or something. NOT from reading books! LoL- I told Jamie about it, and she said something like "Yea! THATS why they all stop studying after 6th grade, to avoid headaches." Anyway... an interesting cultural exchange none the less.

Next thing I knew Marinita comes in my house cutting up a huge watermelon for me, saying she was going to spend the night at my house if I was sick... and then she came at me with the big bottle of green goo that she proceeded to rub all over my forehead and even into my hair on the top of my head. She said it helps her when her head hurts. I recognized this as the stuff they sell on the buses for a dollar. And it BURNED. A lot. But you know, my head hurt so bad I was willing to try anything. And you know what? Within 20 minutes it was gone! I think it was probably the 3 advil I took shortly before... BUT i dunnnno... it could be the magic of the green goo.

I had a translation error with our driver on the way to Chalatenango. I was trying to tell him to turn the air up in the back of the van, because we were hot. The kids told me I ended up telling him that we were all horny in the behind. Oops! LoL. Love those english to spanish blooper moments.

Chalatenango is gorgeous. I saw my friend Katherine's site and was very jealous of her cool mountain weather, paved streets and pueblo-like set up. I was almost ready to switch sites, until the drive home... No thanks, I don't want to live there. The roads arejust too windy. I get road sick easy. I will just have to live with tredging through mud and water on my dirt roads during rainy season... It's really not that bad. But darn, I shoulda bought those cute rain boots at target when I was in the states :/

I'm discovering my love George Straight. Oooh, George. You're good company in the casita at night.

Finally got myself up and out of bed for a morning run today! Gonna try and make this a habit again. Working out makes me feel good and happy.

Making shampoo tomorrow with a group of women for the first time! Hopefully it will turn out good enough for selling!

Ok... well it's way past my bedtime... Almost 10:30! WHOA! I've been asleep by 8 or 9 every night this week. Buenas Noches!

Paz y Amor.

A friend is one before whom I can think aloud. -Ralph Waldo Emerson

It's been a good week since last Monday. Tuesday I was told to attend an important meeting, and walking into it I wasn't even sure what it was about. I discovered that it's my job to form a committee of youth to collaborate with the old guys that are on the ADESCO (city council) and together we are to plan lots of activities for other youth in the community. In the meeting we planned out activities for the whole year- including educational lectures and vocational workshops for every month and other recreational activities. So, there will be lots of work for me :) A busy Peace Corps Amy is a less crazy Amy.

I went to Jamie's site last week and got to see her new house she is living in. Ay Dios Mio. Lucky lady. The house is awesome, big, central, and has the most beautiful tile floors I have seen in the entire country. And it has a bar. I am bien jealous. Will I ever move? I have no idea. I have made the Pro/Con list... there are a lot of pros to just staying where I am. I may be discovering the Pros outweigh the Cons. PROS: safety and security, help with house cleaning, rides from Chepito, purified water delivered, and the ability to have quality alone time almost whenever I want it, because it's kinda far from all my friends. CONS: I have host parents and I often feel like highschool again telling them about all my comings and goings. (but ya know, it's nice to be part of a family here, and they care about me), and I have to live with things they store in my house which means they come in a lot. I am very territorial of my personal space. But these are things I can get used to. At times they may irk me more than others... but don't you think the pros are greater?

Marinita, my host mom, is learning things about me. Por ejemplo, that I am not a morning person. I often prefer to be left alone, not talked to until after I have my coffee. I once told her this is how am. I explained that growing up my mom often would not talk to me in the morning. And yesterday I spent several hours sitting next to Marinita on the bus- her talking like normal, and I wasn't responding much. And she said "Oh yea, i forgot- you are enojada in the morning." LoL... made me laugh.

Friday I went to San Sal and bought stuff to make shampoo with my women here. I think we'll be doing it next week. Hope it turns out ok! I got the chance to see a different way of making it at Jamie's school when I went last week. She is making it with the kids there. So that was helpful.

Yesterday I went on an excursion with my community to Playa El Cuco. It was.... interesting. They brought a bus into town and filled it up... everyone paid $4 round trip. The beach we went to is only 2 hours away... but we stopped on the way there so people could buy some Pollo Campero to take with them. Salvos are CrAzY about their pollo campero.... really junky fried chicken is what it is. Everytime I eat it I feel terrible after. The line was crazy for this fried chicken... out the door. It took an hour for everyone to get through the line, get there pollo, and then we were on our way again. El Cuco is the beach that all the salvos like to go to. I'm not sure why they like this one so much more than the others. It's kinda ghetto. We rented a room for $15 where we could change and put out stuff. Pretty pricey considering how dumpy it was.

I swam a little, but spent most of my time reading in the shade. I like to swim at the beach... but I get tired of getting knocked down by the waves. The waves here can be really strong. So I like to just get wet to cool off, and get out and go have a beer in the shade somewhere. When I'm dry and hot again, i'll take another dip. All the people on the trip with me were so burnt because they spend all their time in the water. They were so shocked I wasn't burnt.... like they were disappointed I wasn't. They wanted to see how lobstery red the gringa gets, I dunno. Sorry, I wear sunscreen. My favorite part of the day was paying $1 to get a ride on a little boat out far past the waves. Seeing the coastline, it was gorgeous.

The trip wore me out. And this week is going to wear me out even more. Not a whole lot of time to rest. You see tomorrow is Jamie's birthday and she called to see if I want to leave for San Sal today to celebrate her birthday with other friends. I was feeling kinda bad about the idea of leaving my site because I am leaving Thursday- Saturday... but you know what- that's for work. And Jamie has been the best friend to me since I got here. She's has always been the kind of friend that listens and just lets me think out loud to her... So i'm gonna go and celebrate it with her. And if people here have a problem with that... Well, they will get over it. Friends are important. And birthdays only come once a year.

It's hot hot hot hot! I have to sleep with my fan on at night now just to be able to fall asleep. Thank god for my fan. But the power is out right now so I am sitting here sweating.

My head is too itchy lately. Please don't be lice. When I've looked at the kids hair at school... a lot of times I swear I can see lice eggs speckled all over them. It makes me paranoid.

I watched a movie on my ipod last night that I downloaded on iTunes. Reese Witherspoon... "How Do You Know?" It was pretty terrible. I am such a sucker for chick flicks. What's my deal? All the ones I've seen lately are sooo bad. Can anyone fill me on the best movies that have come out since last July when I left... I want to know what the good ones are. What have I missed out on?

Ok... Gonna get my shit together and go to school for a while before I take off to celebrate my friend in the capital.

Paz y Amor.

I miss hot dogs. It has been SO long since I have had a really good hot dog. I'm craving a big beef one with all the toppings- like chili, cheese, onions, jalapenos. They have hot dogs here... but they're nothing like the American ones. Don't they have really good hot dogs at street stands in New York? One day I want to go to new york and buy one on the street. A frank. A weiner. With all the works. Yes.... I will do that! Maybe that will be my treat to myself at the end of this Peace Corps journey... a trip to New York to eat an awesome hot dog. Ooooh and bagels, and a corned beef reuben, and matzo ball soup. Sounds like a plan. Who's with me?

I don't even know why I am thinking about hot dogs so much... my stomach is in awful shape the last couple days. I don't really feel like eating much. And when i do it... it feels gross. Last night I was eating pupusas, I can't believe how much I like those things. I was sitting here at my house at my table and it occured to me "wow, this is some really awful food." A really awful food that I have surprisingly aqcuired a strong taste for. Maybe because it's not peanut butter and jelly or ramen noodles. I never would have eaten crap like that in a previous life... and here I am in the peace corps loving pupusas. It's amazing how much one changes when living in a different environment.

So I passed through San Vicente yesterday on my way home from San Salvador. I arrived a little nauseous after the bus ride on the super smooth Super Especial bus with his a/c, fancy seats and movies playing. Yea, it was a rough ride. I arrived in San Vi to buy my food for the week before going back to my site. I wasn't feeling so hot when I walked into the grocery store, and I looked to my left and there was this comfy looking canvas foldy lawn chair just sitting there on display with all the kiddy pools and floaties they had as part of their summer sale. I was like "SWEEEET!" What luck. So with time to kill before my bus came, I just sat their in the lawn chair of the perfectly air conditioned grocery store watching the shoppers pass by. Super Selectos, I love you. Finally, I felt I had recovered from the nausea of the bus ride and was ready to shop.

This brought me to thinkin about all the things I love about my trips to San Vicente.

1. Getting to read books on the bus for an hour there and an hour back. That's a lot of chapters I can get through. It makes the ride faster and more entertaining. And people don't talk to me, they just stare at me while I read. I wonder why they stare? Is it because they never see anyone reading books, especially books that thick, or no one ever reads books at all. Especially ones in English!

2. Going to the office on a Saturday for some good peace and quite time to work on a computer. I can't work much at home. Internet's too slow. No printer. And I feel bad when people see I am spending so much time alone in my house during the day. Can't really work at the computer lab at school because the kids always crowd around my computer watching my ever move. And I feel bad sitting in front of a computer instead of hanging out with them. So thanks to the San Vi office for giving me a nice place to get some work done.

3. Getting frozen chocolate covered bananas on a stick covered in cocoa krispies and eating it while I shop around the market, buying cheap stuff, always negotiating lower prices.

4. The sweet, old toothless lady that sits in front of the Catholic church in the park and sells candles. We've gotten to know one another because I wait for my bus there. I sit next to her and we talk. I can always count on her to keep track of whether or not I missed my bus.

5. The friendly people at the cake and sandwich shop that wear big tall chef hats and know me by name. They always greet me and ask me how I'm doing when I walk by. They have pretty good paninis over there.

6. Pupusas for breakfast at Comedor Mary.

7. Meeting up with Jamie for chicken wings and beer at our favorite cafe in the park. Sitting on the balcony upstairs gives you a wonderful view of the park with its Catholic church, clock tower and volcano in the background.

8. The air conditioned Super Selectos.

9. Sitting in the pews of the catholic church and reading my book while I wait for my bus. Is that rude?

10. Buying my favorite snack on the bus on the way home. 25 cents (or as we say... "una kora") from the lady with lots of makeup and bright pink frilly make up. Sliced cucumber with salt, lime, hot sauce, and this poweder made from the seed of ayote called ayguaste.

In other news, I noticed Roxana, Milton's 16 year old sister who just graduated from 9th grade last year was looking quite round and large in the belly yesterday. I didn't want to ask... but it she was looking pretty preggo to me. Ay dios mio. She's just a baby herself. She can't have a baby. I was even going to look for scholarships for her to maybe go to high school. She won't want to go now. Well who knows, we'll see... maybe I'm wrong. Maybe she's just getting fat? Oy. I doubt it.

In case you're wondering how Milton is doing... he is doing pretty well I suppose. His arm still looks funky from his burn, with skin looking all dry like he's a reptile. And the skin seems to still be sensitive and thin. This kid falls more than any 3 year old I have ever know. Ok well I haven't known many 3 year olds, but he is ALWAYS falling and hurting himself. Is that normal? Maybe most 3 years have parents that keep a closer eye on them to make sure they aren't getting hurt all the time. And he comes back to my house crying with cuts all over himself and I get out my medical kit and put some neosporin and band aids on him. One the days that I can't get him to stop crying I whip out my camera and start taking pictures of him. That always does the trick and makes him smile immediately.

Milton smiling despite the boo boo

Just last weekend he showed up down at my neighbors house where I was eating pupusas to hang out with me. He had left home and walked there all by himself. He's sneaky like that, always running off. I told him he shouldn't do that... it's dangerous. What if a car were to come? A few years ago a 4 year old was killed here in my community because he was out running around and got hit by a bus in the street. But anyway... still love the kid. We are going to the beach next Sunday with a bunch of other people from the community. He has never seen the ocean before, so that will be fun!

Off to the hammock! Need my stomach to settle before I can go out walking in the sun.

Paz y amor. Here's a few more pics to leave you with.

Don Chepito loves his bull, Nino. He was showing me how nice of a bull he is and was encouraging me to ride him.

This is as close as I could get. Chepito is right, he's a very nice bull. But I'm still wary of cows after one tried to attack me. I ended up feeding Nino salt out of my hand. I don't think I need to do that again. Cow tongue. Gross. Unless you are eating it at a NY deli.

 I have two gallinas that sleep on my front porch. See them on each side of the door. I am not fond of this because they and their gazillion baby chickens that sleep up under them poo all over my porch. Gross. They used to sleep behind my house but Marinita is afraid they will be stolen. Meanwhile, one of our new puppies has been killing and eating lots of the baby chickens. Marinita and Chepito want to kill her, but there's an easy solution. Feed the dog.

Newsflash.... Don Chepito DOES know how to cook! I have never in my months here seen him step foot in the kitchen. When Marinita leaves, the neighbor makes him his food. But this morning, he had to make his own food because Marinita is gone and the neighbor is sick. I don't know why, but I feel so relieved that I was wrong about him. I guess it's because before I thought he didn't know how to take care of himself, but now my repect has gone up for him a bit more. When he saw the look of shock on my face when I saw he cooked, he told me he knows how to wash clothes too! LoL. He just doesn't usually show that he can do these things because that's the woman's job.

All the time Marinita is telling Don Tulio- You need to find yourself a wife, or a woman to live with you, so she can take care of you. Don Tulio likes this idea very much- and Marinita's comments are usually followed by him proposing to me. To which I respond with laughter and exaggerated head nods that mean no way. It's interesting to me how Marinita is such a proponent of this Women-Serve-Men lifestyle. She runs herself into the ground everyday keeping her house clean and caring for Chepito. I can't help but wonder, would there be more equality in this community if women just stopped doing everything for the men and babying them so much? Clearly Don Tulio can take care of himself just fine- even though he is a 60 year old that seems to be developmentally at the age of 10.

But I suppose with as much at men here cheat on their women, maybe they do it in hopes that they will appreciate them more and not be unfaithful. Unfortunately, that doesn't stop most of them. What do you suppose it would take for such a machisto country like this to take steps toward gender equality?

This is a good reason for me to start a women's group. Like one of my friends wrote in his blog, "Many say if you want to truly make progressive steps forward in developing a country, start with women... " Hmmm.... I'll have to see about that. I'm soon going to be working with a group of women to make and sell shampoo. Wish me luck with that!

So much else to tell you guys about!

I have 4 youth that I'm taking to an HIV/AIDS education workshop in a few weeks up in Chalatenango. They will also learn about safe sex and other STDs. I think they are more excited about going to a part of their country they have never visited before than anything. But it will be a good step towards constructive work in my site. They are expected to take what they learn at the workshop and come back to San Vicente and teach it to the youth in their community. I'm a little bit nervous about being pegged as the gringa that is promoting sex among the youth, but you know what- they're doing it! It's necessary they be educated on it.

I don't know if you recall but I had a 14 year old girl, Ivania, in my youth group that was pregnant. I came back from my vacation to discover she had suddenly left to go mojada to the United States. Her mom lives in the US and told her she had to come. Eek. She went alone... just her and a group of unknown people that all pay the same Coyote thousands of dollars to guide them. Hope she's allright.

A few other sad things happened while I was gone. The literature teacher at my school hasn't been to work in a while. Her husband was shot and killed in while working in San Miguel. He was a militar I am told... I think that means he was in the army? I'm not sure I understand the details, but i think he was killed by gangsters. All I know is it's really really sad for her family. I met him once. He was a very nice family man. And poor Marlene, the government only gives her 8 days off to grieve the death of her husband. Any more days she takes she has to go without pay.

Don Chepito's nephew was also shot while I was gone. He was a motorista that worked on the inner-city buses in San Vicente. Was shot by mareros for not paying renta. This kind of thing happens all the time around here. There was another similar shooting recently of two motoristas on a pickup truck to Santa Clara, where I used to live. I am told the mareros were kind enough to get all of the passengers off the pick up before they shot the guys. I don't let these things scare me. It's just a reality here... and you know what... it's a reality everywhere. There were shootings in my neighborhoods of Houston. I do let these events serve as reminders that I need to be careful and aware of my surroundings.

President Obama was here visiting El Salvador this week. Everyone was talking to me about it, and the day he arrived it's all that was on TV. I saw my neighbors glued to the television watching over and over the clips ofo him and his family walking off the plane, and they even remained glued to the TV when it was showing nothing but traffic in front of the Cathedral they were going to. It was a pretty big deal around here. And they are all talking about how they served Obama pupusas and frijoles for dinner. Noel worked the dinner and told me it wasn't just that, they had much more than that. But it makes the people happy to think that even the Presidents eat their humble beans.

I'm teaching English to Kindergartenders this week, and will soon be doing the same with all the primary grades. Teaching them while their young, they'll soak it up and hopefully have a good base for learning English in the future. I'm also getting to work on fundraisers, working with the students and teachers, to purchase a refrigerator for the school. I was given a generous donation from a friend in the states- that in reality would cover nearly the whole cost of a refrigerator but I want my school to have more ownership of it, and they will want to take good care of it. Then I can also use the rest of my donated money for other educational projects. Purchasing a refrigerator will allow the staff to buy more fruits, vegetables, and milk for the children, providing them with healthier more filling meals they were unable to get before. They won't waste as much food. And also- they have a lot of events and celebrations in the school. They bring in a lot of meats and then the meats just sit there all day in the heat- with flies and who knows what growing on it.

Rode a horse again yesterday. The stirrups were too long so when we trotted or ran I just had to hang on for my life. He got a little angry with me there at the end and didn't want to listen to my commands. I rode through the center of town on him exactly at the time when most people are out of their houses. I'm sure I gave them something to talk about. I like horses and everything, but I dont think I can keep up with riding them. I'm allergic to them. Everytime I go for a ride, after I immediately am attacked by sneezing and allergies :( Too bad. I'd love to have a horse of my own to get around everywhere. But I think I want a girl horse. They are probably nicer and more tranquila. Plus, boy horses are kind of gross to look at when they get excited, if you know what I mean. Yuck.

Anyway- Chepito has asked me to do him the favor of putting all his phone numbers in his contacts on his new cell phone. But he's not asking me to do it because I'm a woman... He, like most old folks, just doesn't really have a clue how to operate a phone.

Paz y amor.

P.S. Does soap get dirty?

Back in the c-a-m-p-o. How does it feel? Not so bad. Kinda nice. nearly forgot about how hot and sweaty it is out here. But you know, people are genuinely happy to see me. Like, wow... you went "alla" to the Oosa and you actually wanted to come back here. Amazed, they are... because their family member left to go to the states 25 years ago and they haven't seen them since. It must be that awesome there in the US if they dont come back ever, right!?

Coming back and walking into my house made me feel loved. My host mom had cleaned my house spotless. I always tell her she doesnt need to do anything to my house. It's my house. If I didnt live in a casa aparte I would have to do all this stuff myself. I can't complain. It used to bother me when she was in my house cleaning it. I'm just territorial about my space. But I have to say, I really appreciate it. And I know she does it because she loves me. So thanks Marinita :) You make my life here easier. Even though I'm still thinking about moving... Looking for a place in the centro so I can mingle more. Will keep you posted.

She did, however, insist on me unplugging my refrigerator when I left. I had no prior experience with unplugging refrigerators... so I took all the food out and just unplugged it. I had no idea you should leave it open. I came home, opened my fridge to find it was covered with mold inside. So I spent the first 2-3 hours back in my site cleaning my refri so that all the food I just bought in the pueblo wouldnt go bad. Hope I actually got all the mold out!

So I was thinking tonight... And I guess that I still very much live like an American in the campo.

As I saw Marinita come to my porch to get the freshly laid eggs from the chickens, I started thinking about all that these people do. Their daily routines. They are completely accustomed to keeping themselves busy with tasks that are much more simple to us in the us. We just push buttons and our clothes our clean. We buy our food ready to make at the store. These people fill their entire day with just trying to fulfill their basic needs. Washing plates and clothes in the pila. Washing corn, cooking it, carrying it on their head to grind it to make tortillas. Making tortillas for every meal takes at least a few hours. Taking 2-3 bucket baths a day to stay cool and clean. Sweeping and mopping every day. Feeding all the chickens and cows. They spend almost all their time doing all of these things (that i certainly never take the time to do) And there's so much for them to do they finish the day and they still haven't done everything. Why don't I do all these things? Well I guess I'm just not that assimilated. But they sure do stay busy. Perhaps I should start helping feed the animals.

But I don't have a need to do all that. I don't eat tortillas everyday. They really pack on the pounds. And sometimes I would rather sweat and stink than get myself wet again. I have mopped my floor once in my 5 months in site. I did pay the neighbor $1 to do it a couple times. And there are a number of very American things about me that I am not sure they will ever understand. How I like to be alone for hours at a time, and how I can spend so much time in front of a computer- something completely foreign to the old folks. And the fact that I go to the capital and know it way better than they do.... they hardly ever leave here. Just going to the pueblo is a big outing for them. But that's a matter of money, really. They don't have the money to leave as much. But still, the fact that I can leave and go to places all over the country, and even go visit the states and come back... all of that makes it obvious I am very different.

I don't have to change everything about me. They can think I am strange and different. I try to explain myself sometimes- telling them what I'm doing is normal for an American. That's how we are. Sometimes we need to be alone. They might say "ok" and it possibly helps with them being so offended that I would rather read a book in my house than sit with them and gossip. But I bet they still think I am strange.

Another American thing about me- I do not care about what I look like in the campo! I figure I might as well be comfortable- I dont need to impress anyone! Certainly don't want to make any man attracted to me- the less piropos (cat calls) the better. But that doesnt stop them. I don't get how the Salva women do it. It's hot as hell. I can't stop sweating. I'm dragging myself around the rocky dirt rodes in rolled up pants, a tshirt and flip flops with my hair all tied up in a ball... about as unsexy as you get. And what do I see them walking by in? Tight pants, a flashy almost nice looking shirt with lots of cleavage, hair done, tons of makeup, big earrings, and what!?!..... High heels!!! How do they do it? I almost break my ankles walking on the rocks in my flats. They are unbelievable... sometimes you can add a big fat salvo baby onto the hip of that hot mama. And they also look like they never sweat. Kudos to you salva women.... I'm not doin' it though.

The new group of volunteers were sworn in today. Man- I can't belive it- it feels like just yesterday that they arrived. 2 months ago! Is that how quickly time is flying!?

Well I'm off to bed with one of the many girly novels I brought back from the states with me :) then it's lots of work to do tomorrow... school and house visits.

P.S. Had pupusas for breakfast AND lunch today! Mmnmmmm.....

What am I doing here? that's what I have been asking myself lately. Ok, the other PCV gringos were right. Going back to the oosa f*cks with you. Just trying to get myself back into the swing of things... poco a poco. Going home was really nice. Seeing my parents and being able to drive myself around to all my favorite places, to get anything i want. That's what the United States of America is. The land where you can get anything you want at any given time. And you can check your email a thousand times a day on a fancy iPad, and watch all the trashy american television you want, and the world is your oyster. It's incredible. It was interesting to be there for a few weeks, living the life, just like my life was before I left... almost... minus a few things.... and I felt almost if I had never left. Would it have felt like that if I would have waited until a year before going back? Perhaps.

One of my surprising highlights of the trip was visiting my old middle school that I taught at. I was sort of feeling hesitant about going... but it was a great day. I got to hang out with my great teaching friend Katie and talk with all of her classes about peace corps, because I had been corresponding with them since the start of the year. Got to answer some of their very interesting questions, and some students even came up with the wonderful idea of having a fundraiser to get money for my school in my site. I like that idea! :) It was fun to catch up with old colleagues and feel the walls of an American public school again. As surprising as that sounds... Well at least to myself and those that knew me while I was teaching.

So, in the USA I ate my heart out... to the point of pain and loss of sleep at times. Because I had to eat all that I can't get where I live, you know? It was ridiculous. Pho. Mexican. Cajun. Chic-fil-a. And the best of all!..... Dad's BBQ!!!!! And I got a fantastic pedicure with Mom. Enjoyed a wonderful happy hour with her at PF Changs. Saw my grandma. Hung out with my bro and met his awesome new ladyfriend Jenny :) Had my most excellent boyfriend come hang out for a weekend and went to the Houston livestock show and Rodeo.... and went shooting with him and Dad, for a real proper Texas weekend. Went shopping with my old pal Sarah and spent way too much money on things I can't get abroad. Hung out with my good friend Gjabby and had an extremely unique and tasty salad and wine with great conversation, of course.... I will miss all of you. I DO miss you. Already. It was a great trip. So great, that it makes it hard to be back. But I will get there, back into the swing of things. Poco a poco. That's how it all goes.

I find myself whining and complaining and hurting about all that I'm going to miss.... all that maybe I had nearly forgotten about after being away for 8 months and this trip reminded me of. BUT, yes.... BUT.... My life is awesome. I am happy. And grateful for this experience. this adventure. It comes with its trying times, yes. But doesn't almost everything? You just have to go with it. Stop being a whiney titty baby and be a grown up and grab it by the horns and go..... You just have to go. And be confident in the fact that at the end of it all, it will all be worth it.

"Vive en Los Estados Unidos o esta visitando?" asked the flight attendant.

Me: I look at her with big eyes and confusion, tilting my head. So she asks me in English

"Do you live in the United States or are you just visiting?"

Me: Still looking at her with the same face and confusion. I don't know why it was so hard for me to answer that question! I mean, I am only visiting the United States for a few weeks and then I'm going back to El Salvador.

"MA'AM!!! It's a simple question! YES or NO?" the flight attendant said rudely. And what you asked me cranky flight attendant lady was NOT a yes or no question.

I had chatted with the woman next to me briefly before the grinch came over with the customs papers... And she intervened and told the flight attendant that I indeed am a U.S. resident.

"YES!" barked the grinch, and threw the paper in my lap.

I just thought it was pretty hilarious that I couldn't answer the question myself. An example of how trippy it is to make a visit home while in the Peace Corps. But that was one of the grumpiest flight attendants I have ever encountered. I mean, your job really isn't that bad, is it lady? All you have to do is pour drinks in clear plastic cups and pass out snacks. She later zoomed down the aisle with her drink cart and rammed it right into my funny bone because my elbow was sticking out in the aisle a bit. Jeez lady.

We landed on the ground, they said on the speakers "Welcome to Houston..."

"WOOHOO!!!" I shouted.

Walking around the airport. Am I really in the OOSA? I get to customs. "Welcome to the United States of America" repeated a recording over the loud speakers. I AM in the OOSA! I thought, beaming.

I made it out to the area where people wait to pick up travelers. I had a guy waiting there for me with my name printed on a piece of paper he held. I bought a Starbucks- Double Tall Skinny Vanilla Latte. He took me out to the Lincoln Town Car.... I was taken to my brothers hotel... sitting in this smooth ride with luxurious leather seats with a bottle of Diet Coke and Fiji Water sitting in cupholders in the armrest. Where am I? I certainly rolled in to the city in style. A huge contrast with the rattly old taxis I've been toted around in in San Salvador.

And I made it to my brother's hotel where he is the general manager... where he gifted me a real copy of the United States of America's Declaration of Independence. How random... LoL turns out it was just something he found was laying around in his desk. But I happily accepted it.... and all things American.

Unforunately, I have a cold, I've been sneezing and feeling yucky since yesterday morning :( Hopefully it doesn't last long. I plan to enjoy my time here to the fullest.

America. It's a great country!

Oh yes, the time has come, my friends.

Tomorrow at this time I will be on an airplane on its way to my beloved Texas. Excited. Happy to be on vacation. And for some reason, I am feeling a little bit nervous. I am realizing today, how I have gotten so used to living in El Salvador. Over 7 months I have been here... and that is the longest I have ever spent outside of my country, away from my family and friends. So it is occuring to me now, that fact. It is a good nervous. And maybe it's just excitement. I just don't know what it's going to feel like. And well... I guess tomorrow I will find out. I can't imagine it being anything but nice. Yesterday I was telling my friend Hollie that I think a lot of PCVs get over dramatic about going back to the states... they all say that their trips home fuck with their heads. I was saying it doesn't have to be that big of a deal. That I know my home and how it is, and I know El Salvador... why should going there and back be such a big deal? Maybe I was wrong for saying that.... because today I feel strange about it. I do. We'll see if I'm really sticking my foot in my mouth when I get back after it all.

Before leaving my site I was making my rounds to the houses, doing my despedidas, saying my goodbyes. Every house I went to, the people said one of two things- Lleveme en su maleta! Take me with you in your suitcase! or Me trae un recuerdo! Bring me a present! The suit case one ok that's fine, we could laugh about that one... but i'm sorry- I'm not going to spend my time and money on bringing all of San Jacinto gifts from the oosa! Oosa... that's USA. Besides, what does that make me look like? Santa Claus? If I come back and give everyone presents. I am not even bringing my family and friends back home in Houston gifts from El Salvador. No body needs anything. And with my meager Peace Corps allowance- I can't be loading up on gifts for people all the time. Sorry. My friends and loved ones know I love them anyway... I don't have to buy them crap they don't need to show it.

I spent this last weekend before my vacation in my site... reluctantly, because there were all kinds of events, parties and trips I could have participated in with gringos. But I stayed... I figured I have the rest of my life to hang out with gringos. It was good that I spent the extra time with my community and salvos before leaving. Saturday I went to a wedding of a friend of mine from my training community. Last week her boyfriend showed up from Canada, where he has been living and working for a couple years now. He asked her hand in marriage and they planned a last minute wedding. So there I was. It was my first real Salvadoran wedding. And I was not impressed with this one. I mean, it was planned just a week before... so naturally they didn't have time to plan anything extravagant... especially as poor as they are. But there was no dancing. No drinking. Just sitting at picnic tables and eating. And the ceremony itself was surprising to me... even the bride and groom and entire wedding party were sitting at a table while they were wed. They stood up to put rings on and kiss at least. Anyway, I'm glad I was there for my friend Conny. She's a pretty girl, and really special... she's smart and educated and could really go places. Her husband is going back to Canada in a few weeks. Hopefully she can go join him up there when she gets her visa stuff all worked out.

Then Sunday, I went on an excursion with my youth group, paid for by the money we raised from selling pupusas. It was allright... They were really excited about it and had fun. That's what matters. We went to some pools near San Vicente, that I have been hearing about ever since I got here. Well? They were kinda gross. I was reluctant to get in... Just looking at them I knew how dirty the water was. I imagined myself getting some kind of skin disease or something after getting in. But I had to swim. I was there with the group... and they would have said that I didnt want to hang out with them or I didn't like them or something. So, I decided to suck it up and get in and have a good time with the jovenes. I swear I could smell the urine in the water. I was never so happy to bucket bath in my life when I got home that night.

There certainly was drama throughout the day of the excursion though. First, there was 18 year old Mela. I had been previously told she has a reputation for liking the boys and having a lot of them. Known as a slut, basically. Well I saw that it was true that day. We were hanging out by the most pishy of pools sitting on the side of it when she started freaking out because there were some boys there that know her boyfriend and she didn't tell her boyfriend she was there that day and he would get really jealous if he found out... I didn't really get it... but it turns out one of those boys there was her boyfriend from San Vicente. She has boyfriends all over apparently. Hmmm... I don't know what to think about that. In a way, I'm proud of her... turning the tables... the salvadoran men are all players and have many women and no one says anything... and maybe it's not really like people say it is. Maybe she just has a lot of guys that are friends. People in the campo talk to much and think bad of everyone. Chambre we call it. Gossip. And it ain't nobody's friend.

But for more drama that day I found out that one of my 14 year old girls in the group, Ivania, who just graduated from cosmetology school was on her way to drink a beer with 19 year old Cesar at the pool. And I was like Helllllllll No! As chaperone of the group I felt obligated to do something about this. I was even more upset when I found out that she is a few months pregnant. Oy. So sad. And what also bothered me was that the other adults on the excursion with me did not feel inclined to do anything about the fact that a 14 year old was drinking. That is not legal in this country... but they will still sell it to the minor, and no one will say anything. It's strange to me how many adults are not authoratative with the youth. No wonder these kids are so at-risk... Why are adults not taking more responsibility for their children? and even other people's children? I saw this girl drinking and I went after her to tell her it was unacceptable and could not happen... The other adults told me not to. That I couldn't do anything about it and she was just going to do it anyway... Ummmm hello? this is the problem.

Yes, I am ready for my vacation :) I have been sweating constantly for the last months... it's been so hot that I haven't been able to fall asleep at night. And I developed this really strange rash all over my hands, and after showing it to my peace corps doctor I'm still not really sure about what it is. Luckily I got some $20 bottle of magic cream that is making it go away. But I lived with what looked like chicken pox all over my hands for a week before I could get to the doctor. I hope it doesn't come back when i get back to my site after vacation.

Oh yes. I am going to enjoy this time. It will be a lovely two weeks stomping around my old grounds! I hope to get the gym a lot.... oh how I miss my aerobics and spin classes! Hopefully I can get a lot of workouts in because I sure and going to be eating a lot! hehe... Can't wait to see everyone! Lots of love!

Paz y amor.

You know what my village needs? An air conditioned gimnasio. I miss treadmills.

Chicken- why are you making those ridiculous noises? What makes a rooster feel like it needs to crow? All night long. Please. Be quiet.

Chucho! Afuera!

F. It's hot!

Achoo... so much dust.

I would rather pee in a tiny bucket in my house than use the latrine.

Why are the ducks swimming in my bath water?

Is anyone going to feed the dog today?

Another snake... Another spider... Oh now they are crawling on me... that's nice.

Did I tuck my mosquito net in all the way?

I just stepped in chicken poo.... in my house.

Is it pupusa day yet?

That cow looks angry, is it going to attack me? I heard a lady in the town over died a few year back... a cow charged her and stuck its horn through her chest. Cows, you are not my friends anymore, sorry. I just want to eat you.

If another man calls me mamacita, or baby, or bootyful, or says he wants to marry me... I'm gonna... I'm gonna... Probably not be able to do anything about it.

Is 8 pm too early to go to bed?

Sleeping in means waking up at 7... If it's 8am and I am still in bed, they figure I am sick.

I have been sitting on the bus 15 minutes and managed to get half of my grocery shopping done- tomatoes, green peppers, strawberries, apples, bananas... and i only spent $1.50! But I still miss having a car.

I'll get there when I get there.

I can do this...

Not feeling too bloggy lately. I was thinking about it today, wondering why. Perhaps I am just more focused on living my life here now. And I suppose there's not as much that seems new and strange as there was in the beginning. I've been here almost seven months!? That's well on it's way to a year! LoL, well just one month over the hump really. But still.

And so, where am I at now? how are things coming along? Well... I'm having a great week this week, but the last couple of weeks were, emotionally, the toughest ones I think I have been through since coming here. Honestly, I went a bit crazy. Gave myself too much time to think that's for sure. But I'm better now :) gracias a Dios, and starting to see many possibilities for work and projects to get busy on when I get back from Texas.

I plan to help the school with a Pensando en verde project and will be working with the kids teaching them how to make organic compost and tending to gardens. Not that I know how to do any of that... but PC has lots of resources and there are plenty of volunteers that have experience with growing stuff that I can consult. It will be fun for me especially to learn something new and about how to do this!

After talking with my towns Comite de Salud about fundraising for their health projects they liked my idea of making and selling shampoo. Luckily I learned how to do this during my training, and the women are really excited about learning how to make it! We plan to use the money to help pay for the trash pick up after we do a community clean up.

What else? Yes! There's more!

I'm on this Comite Interinstitucional and after going to last weeks meeting I finally figured out what the heck the purpose of this committee is, which is actually really cool. Apparently it's all about the leaders of the community from the school, the police, the ADESCO, and an NGO coming together to plan educational charlas for youth on things like career prep, family planning, gang violence, drugs, etc. I'm all for giving a charla... So i'm meeting with them on Friday!

Planning to do various fundraisers to help the school purchase a refrigerator. They really need one with all the food they prepare for the kids everyday, the tienda that sells food and beverage, and the teachers that need to guardar their comida while they are at work.

It's amazing how a few weeks ago, I felt like there was NOTHING for me to do here... and now- all this stuff! And I'm supposed to be helping get the clinic repaired and form a Comite de Jovenes when I get back as well... Ay. It will be nice to be so busy... Although I realize... I am just one person and I can't do it all at once. Poco a poco. But hey, here's to being excited about work again.

I have been enjoying being here in the campo more lately. Aside from getting charged and nearly attacked by cow the other day, the mouse I saw on my porch that was quickly pecked at and eaten by a chicken, the huge snake I almost stepped on on my way to my house tonight, being hot and covered in dirt all the time, and the fact that things never run on time here and nothing hardly ever goes as planned- I can appreciate this place for what it is more now... And my neighbors, I feel like they are starting to get to know me more- like they aren't seeing me so much as the gringa foreigner, but just Amy. It's good, they're getting used to me I can tell... and I'm getting more used to being here.

I imagine it seems crazy, all the ups and downs and rollercoaster of emotions I go through. But asi es en Cuerpo de Paz- that's how it is, for many of us at least. Well, and I admit, I have always been an emotional person. And being here living this life, it's intense. Good to be on the other side of the low... I'm on the up... And things are looking good again.

It also helps that I have great people in my life that were there for me when the going got tough for me over the last weeks. I am so lucky to have such good friends, parents, and a wonderful boyfriend who give me their ears and are there for me. I don't know how I could do this without the support of you all. Ok.... Sappy? :) Maybe. But really- I owe many thanks. Love.

Off to bed!

Paz y amor.



p.s. 2 weeks from today at this time... i'll be in... TEXAS!

Been feeling a little under the weather the last few days. Just drained. Maybe it's the that the heat is getting to me... I forced myself out of the house yesterday and after walking up the hill to the school I thought I would pass out. I have been sleeping 10 hours a night and still feel like I need a nap in the afternoon. Not really feeling much better today, but I have to go teach English at the school this afternoon. I can do it.

Then I have a meeting with my youth group kids to talk about when we can go on this excursion. I wanted to take them to the movies, but turns out they're too scared to go to San Salvador, or they think it will be boring. I'm like, "but it's something you've never done before... why not try it?" They don't want to. They want to go to the swimming pools here in San Vicente. Ok then, fine with me. It's cheaper and closer. But I'm a little disappointed in their unwillingness to try new things. I'm trying to figure out a way to go before I go to Texas. I only have a limited number of weekends, and this one was the only one that would really work for me... I don't want them to have to wait until I get back in March.

I feel like there is so much going on all of a sudden. But I know there's not really much. Just lots of meetings. My town has a meeting tomorrow because we are going to have some doctors assigned to work here on a regular basis. How about that! The only thing is, they don't have any place to work. So that's what we're having the meeting about. Then I have another meeting with this town committee I somehow ended up on- I'm still trying to figure out what the point is of this "Interinstitutional Committee" I don't think there is one. But I'm on it! Hopefully I will figure out what the deal is at the meeting on Monday.

The 2nd grade teacher at my school is ALWAYS asking me when I can come spend the night at her house. I can't say I have ever been too thrilled about the idea... but then last week I figured, why not? It's not like I do much at night in my house in the campo. She's a sweet lady and lives in one of my favorite pueblos. So I told her I would come this week... and now this week I'm just feeling so exhausted, and like all I want to do is rest. So, I think it will have to be next week maybe, Maybel.

I don't know if I ever mentioned the story about the time I visited her house. I think I may have, but it's worth mentioning again. It was right after she had her baby, and she was talking a lot about how sore her breasts were from all the milk. Now, I don't get too weird about talking about this kind of stuff because of the house I grew up in with mom delivering babies and her La Leche league. So it's not a big deal. But it got a little weird when she took her shirt and bra off and was sitting there topless holding napkins under her breasts telling me to look how full they were, with the milk dripping onto the napkin. Do you think that's a little weird? I did. I swear she wanted me to milk them for her. If that's even possible. I mean, she's not a cow. But I'm not into that. Anyway, other than that awkward moment, she's a very nice woman and seems pretty cool. So I'll give it another shot and hang out with her again. But if she starts taking her clothes off again this time... that will be the end of the overnights with her.

I'm loving my cows lately, their patties aside. They are like my dog replacements. I think they're sweet. I feed them my vegetables that go back... and they are quick to come when they see me throw the food on the ground. Last night I was eating cantalaupe for dessert and fed my favorita mama cow the peels by hand. Her name is Serena. We're tight.

Ok, i'm going to get myself out of the house and to the school and prep for my class today. Hope I can handle the walk over there. Ay Dios Mio, this heat! I can't believe yall are only a 3 hour flight away in houston and you are all freezing with snow in your forecast. How is that?

Countdown to Texas: 21 days!

"Don't get stuck in the past, and don't try to fast-forward yourself into a future you haven't yet earned. Give today all the love and intensity and courage you can, and keep traveling honestly along life's path." -Someone with nice words

I have ALOT of time for self-reflection here. With all this thinking time it's all to easy for me to spend too much time dwelling on the past and worry about the future. But like Mama says, "If you have one foot on yesterday and one foot on tomorrow... well then, you are pissing on today." I am lucky to have this opportunity. I am learning so much about myself. About the kinds of things I want and need in my life...... That is me putting a positive spin on how crazy I have been feeling lately. Haha. I am just realizing how much I need and value structure in my day-to-day schedule. Being in Peace Corps, you have to make this structure for yourself. Otherwise you will just piss away every day lying in your hammock and reading books and going to the capital given an opportunity. It's a bit harder for some than others... I have sort of hit the wall. I have to get some kind of work schedule in my life here. Thank god school is starting up... I am excited to have a place to go to everyday now where I can do good things at. I spent most of my afternoon today meeting with the school director reviewing all kinds of things I can help out with there. This school is way better equipped than many rural public schools in El Salvador, but still, it needs SO much. So I'm going to focus myself on working at the school now.

Yes, I have this youth group. Well... things have taken a new direction with them. We had two pretty awesome weeks of selling pupusas to raise money for our activities. We raised a good amount of money. Then this week, we decided to sell quesadillas instead. One girl ended up doing all the work because none of the people that were supposed to help her showed up, pobrecita. And what were they doing instead? Just sitting in their houses. So we decided she should earn all the money since absolutely no one helped except for me. Participation is a problem around here. It's a shame because these are some really cool kids and I have a lot of fun with them when they are actually participating. It's just how do you motivate them, you know? We are going to have a descanso, or break, from the group until I get back from Texas. Then we will reorganize and try it over again, learning from our mistakes the first time around.

I decided I wanted to take those kids that have been dedicated to the group since we got started on a small excursion. They will get to have something nice from the money they have earned together. I asked them about going to the movies... and well, turns out not a single one of this kids have EVER been to a movie theatre. They were really excited about this idea. I was surprised that every single one of them said the same, that they hadn't been. But why should I be so surprised. Perhaps sometimes I forget how poor the people are that I live with in this town. Maybe because they all dress up, way nicer that I ever do for the campo (who wears high heels on a dirt road?), and maybe because I live with the richest people in town that have painted walls and tile floors instead of mud, and drive around in a car. Anyway, I think that it will be a really fun, unforgettable experience to take these kids (adolescents and young adults) to San Salvador to go to the movies for the first time. We will go one of these weekends before I go to Texas.

One month from now, I will be hanging out in Houston with my peeps. What? What will that be like? I have never been away from home this long in my life. 7 months it will be. I can't wait to see everyone, and I keep thinking of all my favorite foods I'm going to eat. Pho, Which Wich, Potbelly, Thai, El Tiempo... the list goes on. All of this gets me pretty excited. I already made a list of all the crap I can't get here that I am going to buy and take back here with me. LoL... This is not the Peace Corps I imagined, let me tell you that.

I have been spending a lot time talking to Don Chepito lately... he likes to preach a lot about God and the importance of the people being united. Truthfully, most of what he says is really nice, a lot of BS, but nice nonetheless. Sometimes it's a bit much, but in some ways of reminds me of the Balinese guy in the book Eat Pray Love that advises Liz on her life. I came home tonight and told Chepito I was bummed about my youth group losing it's strength, well he came at me with all kinds of pep- Telling me I can't be desanimada or triste... not losing hope, God put me here in this community to do good things, and yada yada... Let's just say it was a good talk. I like being real with them. Just don't ever tell hardcore Salvo catholics that you want to be cremated when you die... these guys gasped and haven't forgotten since the day I told them months ago. Still preaching to me all the time about how my body is in God's image and you can't burn that. But regardless, I'm getting closer with these viejitos. Still, I think I am going to have to move, so I can be closer to things that go on around here.

One more thing I learned- Don't give food to random men on the street in your village. I bought too many pasteles yesterday.... I knew I was never going to eat them all. They are like fried corn pockets with potato and cheese inside. Soon my way home I was thinking, "these are all just going to go to waste, why not give them to that guy?" So I gave them to the guy, then when he saw me walking home today he went to shake my hand and wouldnt let go and kept giving me these overyly creepy eye winks. Creep-O. I hate it when the men here do that thing where they won't let your hand go. Thank god I was with Don Macario, who is a perfectly sweet and respectable older man, or else that would have been even more awkward. Going to try to avoid that fat shirtless man with all gold-rimmed teeth from now on.

Maybe that's not the best note to end on, but I'm tired, so... signing off.

See you soon Texas!!!

Paz y Amor.

You know what I finally noticed and appreciated tonight? The beautiful view of a volcano that can see from the front porch of my house. And everyday when I catch the sun setting upon it, it is very... wow! When I notice things like that, I am reminded of reasons to love being here. Lately I have just been looking out of my porch and noticing the copious amounts of shit in the field. There is more cow dung than ever before! Is it because the mama cows have been popping out babies or what? I suppose it's the dry season, there's just nothing to make it go away. It bakes and stays there. hard patties all over the field. Looking forward to rainy season! Out of no where, it rained last night! I haven't heard the sound of rain in over two months! It was a real shocker. A wower. I walked outside and stood in it just to be sure. And the smell of rain, oh it's nice! But, hehe, we'll see what I say about rain come may when I have tons and tons of it everyday.

Meet Don Tulio. A 60-something year old man, maybe close to 70, who suffered some serious injuries during the Salvadoran civil war. He works for my host parents, cleaning up cow dung, watering plants, working the corn in their field. My host parents' kids all ran off to the states illegaly as soon as they could, so they send plenty of money and they make Marinita and Chepito high rollers here in the campo. Well Tulio... he's not quite right in the head, because of his war experience I am told. A soldier cut out part of his leg and tortured him and that is why he walks funny.

So he calles me Jaimita... which sounds something like Amy I suppose. Well he has been in love with me ever since the day I arrived I think, when he brought over his guitar and I played him Pink Floyd's "Wish You Were Here", the only song I can play entirely on guitar... When I leave for several days to hang out with friends or do things out of site I come back and he tells me "Oh Amy it is with so much pleasure that I am able to see you again. Your absence was weighing me down. If you werent here now I think I would die." Oh boy. He is a character. Marinita and Chepito are constantly keeping him in check around me. Well he found out I have a boyfriend... and yesterday he came to my porch asking me if it was true. "Do you really have a boyfriend Jaimita?" Yes Don Tulio, I do. He said how celoso (jealous) he was... he just might die... Ay dios mio. He is just one of many in this town badly affected by the war. Or he is just a creepy old man. He has been cleaning off my back porch today. Said he found two chinches. The bugs that bite you on your face while you are sleeping and kill you. Great. At least he killed them. And Gracias a Dios AGAIN for my mosquito net.

I had that dance workshop with my youth group last week and it was fantastic! So many kids came and almost all participated and had lots of fun! I would love to keep dancing with them. But this week we did an artistic workshop and made bracelets for all the kids that said they weren't interested in dancing. It went well... but not as well as the dance workshop. We have sold pupusas the last two tuesdays and we have been doing great with that. All the kids help and we are making an OK profit... next week they want to sell Quesadillas instead, so we will see how that goes. I am a bit worried about how there are a few kids that are pulling the weight for many of the others. Is that fair? That a few kids do all the work but the other kids get to enjoy the benefits and fruits of the others' labor? ummm... no. But everyone here is so used to it being that way. I talk about it with people, and they say, "well thats just how people are here." Ooooh. "?"

So I went to Copan, Honduras last weekend with Noel and some of his friends. Pretty awesome. The drive there wasn't too bad, about 4-5 hours from San Salvador. I didn't realize we had to go through Guatemala first to get to Honduras. So for the first time ever I got to cross a border of a country on land, and then I got to do it again! But I tell you, Guatemala had this terrible smell while we were driving through it. Smelled something like vomit. It was coincidental that I ran into my Santa Clara host sis Ceci at the Guatemalan border! That was a fun moment. One thing I was surprised about- on the way back, passing through the border of Honduras into Guatemala... we just drove straight through without stopping or anything. I'm pretty sure that is not allowed. Hmmm... Or it shouldnt be.

It was beautiful there, a little gray and cloudy the first day, but it was nice to be cool and have a break from the sun. Copan is a beautiful pueblo... pretty touristy and therefore toursity prices... but still, cool. The coolest part of the trip was seeing the Mayan Ruins. The best, well and only, Mayan ruins I've ever seen. I saw some ruins that were kind of similar in Mexico but they were from some people called the Zapotecs, the people of the clouds. Well, Central America is beautiful. I saw an article from a facebook friend about how El Sal, Honduras and Guatemala are supposedly in the most dangerous part of the world. El Salvador made it to the top of the list of the world homicide rate I think. But living here, I can't tell. I haven't felt threatened much in this country. Sure, I've had some money taken from me on the bus, and almost had my cell phone stolen from me, but that could happen anywhere.

I love it here. Still hate the food. But love living in this tiny developing Central American country. I do need to study my spanish more. It's better than before I came but not where it should be.

The new group of volunteers arrived today. That means I am no longer one of the new kids. That's cool. I was at the office today and met some of them. It was fun to see how they were... how I probably was 6 months ago. Wide-eyed. Asking me all kinds of questions. It makes me realize how far I have come.

I definitely still have a long way to go. Give me another year (at least) and I might finally be able to tell you what's really going on here.

Paz y Amor.



P.S. Pictures of Salvo kids Dancing and Honduras and Cow Dung to come....

Sold pupusas with my youth group Tuesday to raise money for our activities. We sold over $50 worth of pupusas- which is really great when they are 35 cents each or 3 for a dollar. Unfortunately to buy what we needed to make them all was probably about $25 so, the profit wasn't stupendous... but if we do it every week, poco a poco, we'll get somewhere. It was great to see all the kids helping out in their own way too. Each had their own responsibility, salsa, curtido, taking orders and delivering, etc.

And tomorrow we are having out first ever dance workshop. My volunteer friend Alayna has a dance group in her site and a lot of dancing experience, so she's going to come and teach us some moves. I'm excited to see how the kids do with it... I hope they won't be to penosos, shy or embarrased, to actually move and get jiggy in front of everyone. I hope this group keeps going strong, we are off to a really great start. I bought Alayna lunch today as a thank you for helping me... and where did she want to go? To the torta stand where lunch was less than $2. LoL, Cheap date! But they were good tortas!

It's been getting hotter and hotter here. Dry season. There is just dust and dirt everywhere. My house is a dust box. I need to put another tarp over my mosquito net to prevent so much of the dust and dirt from falling on my bed. I get in my bed, breath it all in, and don't want to move around to much and feel the grainy rough dirt underneath me. I know, I could try and not be too lazy and shake out my sheets before i get in at night. But when the hour comes that I am finally tired, I just want to crash. Some nights I just sleep in my hammock to avoid it all together. I keep my toothbrush in the fridge... otherwise I'm sure it would be covered with dirt and I would just be rubbing it all over my teeth. I should probably mop my floor though, I've only done it once or twice since I moved in. But the way I see it, people here live in huts with dirt floors, they never mop those. LoL ok i should mop my floors soon, keep my house looking pretty.

We haven't had running water in my site for days, which isn't too fun when it's as hot as it has been and I've covered in dirt all the time. I run my hand through my hair and it's all dry and dusty. And touch my finger to my eyebrow to brush out, yes, more dust. I resorted to using the cows drinking water from their trough to bathe the other day. And yesterday all of that was gone, so it was a baby wipe bath. I came to the training center prepared today.... they have showers, so I've got to take advantage of them! I'm sure it won't be hot, but yay! Water? That falls on you from above! Lovely!

I was walking down in the centro of the community yesterday though, and saw this adobe house- you know, walls made of mud. I noticed it had a beautiful very new looking pila, the big cement thing that people store their water in. I said to my friend "Who lives there?" she said "No one." So I was like "hmmmmm....." Maybe I'll move there. It's a really ugly hut of a house... but at least it would be all mine. It is really right in the center of things though...

Good thing though- I am now completely acostumbrada to the chicken/cow/dog noises at night I don't even have to sleep with ear plugs anymore. Although, when I went to Jamie's site last week I did hear a different animal noise throughout the night that completely threw me off. Apparently she has pigeons living under her bed and they make this odd coo-ey noise. Now you might ask, Why the hell does Jamie have pigeons sleeping under her bed at night? Well her family's answer to that is that they have to sleep inside or the chuchos, dogs, will eat them. She tried to create a barrier by running the tape from her med kit across the legs of the bed.... but the palomas just broke right through.Oh Jamie, givin' you props girl. I could not live like you do. I feel like it's bad enough just have the chickens and gallinas living on my front and back porch. Under my bed? hell no.

This weekend I'm off to Honduras, just for a couple of days with Noel and some of his friends. I never knew I wanted to go to Honduras... but after looking into the place we are going to, I'm very excited! I can't pass up the opportunity to go... going in a car and not by bus and we're going to stay at a nice place near some ruins and hot springs and all kinds of beautiful things. Going to be so much fun :) YAY! Love my life.

Paz y Amor.

Hello World!!!! I know, I have been a little MIA these past few weeks. You have probably been wondering to yourself Where is my favorite blogger Amy? Well my friends, for a number of reasons, I needed to take a break from blogging. I maybe was over doing it a little. Maybe. I dunno. It is mi pasatiempo favorito in the Peace Corps. But it's good to take a break from time to time.... let you all miss me a little :) lol... well I hope you did.

So what's been going on in the Salvador del mundo?

The rodeo came and went... wasn't too crazy. The second day, when my friends Jamie and Alayna came I found myself dancing on the stage for a little while with the rodeo host and the singer of the Ranchera band. I might think I am a better dancer than I really am. But it got a lot of the people in my community talking about how the gringa was dancing with bolos. But I was just having fun... it was very PG. And I love being on a stage :) The power went out for a little over an hour at the rodeo. I think they were running the sound from an extension chord from Chepito's house.... My friends gave me a talk about how I need some kind of internet intervention because they know how much time I spend with my computer here. It's a lot less time than I spent in front of the computer back at home, but I kind of agreed with them. Hence, my absence on the blog. I was focusing on spending more time out in my community and visiting people and being productive. It worked a little. But you know, having the internet and being able to stay in touch with home and everyone keeps me sane here. Just trying to find a balance. Still miss my Macbook terribly.

What else? I had the best time for New Year's at Playa Tunco in La Libertad. I love that place. Just relaxed on the beach with my best girl friends, ate a lot, drank a lot, danced a lot, saw a lot of fireworks... at midnight they were going off like crazy. We were at this beach front club and we were getting hit by the fireworks that people were setting off on the beach. Drunk people and fireworks... that sounds more dangerous than the little kids with the fireworks. But luckily, we all walked away with minimal damage. Well except Jamie lost her shoes... When Esther and I went to leave at the end of the night she was like "Someone took my shoes!" because we had been dancing barefoot in the sand... So she ended up taking someone else's shoes. Then in the morning Jamie looks at the foot of her bed and says, "these are not my shoes!" They were Esther's and Jamie had left her's. Ok not the most exciting story, but it was really funny to us. Esther also got her phone jacked by some teenagers when she was out on the beach.... The guy she was with lost $10. I have yet to have anything stolen from me. Knock on wood.

Tunco is great. I want to go surfing there sometime... Jamie scored free surf lessons from a Salvo that looks like Tarzan. I would have tried but my strapless bathing suit no sirve for surfing. One of my favorite things about Tunco is the coffee shop/cafe there that has BAGELS AND LOX with cream cheese and CAPERS and the whole real deal. WOW! It's owned by some gringos of course.

So I eventually made it back to my site... a little bit tanner and a lot more tired than when I left. The day I got back I went and played soccer with my girls that I'm trying to start a soccer team. I was even worse than the first time, but probably just because I was so tired. Then the next morning I woke up and went for a run. I'm back on the exercise boat. Trying to do some kind of exercise everyday and abs every morning. All the eating and drinking from the holidays is showing. But I know that one day I will eat or drink something bad and it will all come off in a flash. The other night I was in the park watching some strange religious theatrical performance, was SO thirsty and without my water bottle. So I went to a nearby house and drank their nasty water... churria ever since. I think you know what that is. It's lovely. not.

Anyway, then yesterday my body was seriously hurting from exercising, so what did I do? I went salsa dancing! With my friend Matt who needed a partner. I mostly went just because I needed to talk to the instructors about finding someone who could come to my site to teach my kids hip hop dancing. And I found a hip hop instructor! Que chivo, no!? I am going to go take one of his classes on Monday to make sure he actually knows what he's doing before we pay him a lot to come out to our community. I'll bring some of the kids with me... So they can see if it's what they really want to do. They say they want to dance hip hop. But I'm not sure they even know what hip hop really is.

In other news, I have also gotten a group of younger kids together for my Art Club! I'm excited about that. We're going to meet every Wednesday and I will teach them various arts and crafts. Yesterday we were just coloring from the Sesame Street coloring book my grandma sent me. There were different animals in there, and I asked them "how do you say this animal?" wanting to know what the word is for squirrel. Well they said chucho which is the word for dog... They have never seen a squirrel I guess. I saw one in San Salvador about a week ago. So I know salvo squirrels exist... but maybe not in the campo. Maybe they get eaten by the coyotes and chuchos. There are also a number of 7 and 8 year olds in my club that do not even know how to write their names. I am practicing this with them... and I plan to start a reading/literacy program in my school this year. It's pretty sad they make it to 1st and 2nd grade without being able to read, let alone write their names.

Lastly, I have been strongly considering moving out of my casa aparte I have with Chepito and Marinita. For several reasons. I love my house... it is very spacious and comfortable with my two hammocks and big field of cows out front. But it's kind of far from the centro where all my people are and the school. It sometimes feels like too much of a hassle to walk the 25 minutes to the centro, sweating from the hike up the hill in the afternoon heat. I just think I would be happier if getting to the school and seeing everyone were more convenient. The casa aparte that I'd move into is right up against the house of this sweet little old lady who lives there by herself. She could use the company. She has a store where I can conveniently buy things. And she has a washing machine that I can wash my clothes in! WOW right!? It may not be as safe as where I am now, right next to the police station with two host parents that come out and walk around my house whenever they hear noises at night. But you know, I'll be fine. Marinita cares for me a little too much. It's smothering sometimes.

And yesterday, I was in my house after a long afternoon of entertaining about 20 children... I was exhausted. It was time to relax. Shut the door, put on some music, took my pants off because it was hot, and was swaying in my hammock when I heard someone opening my door with a key. In walks Chepito telling me he needs to rest in my house because there is too much noise in his house. Excuse me! No knock, no asking me if he could enter. No nothing. I feel like I deserve a little more respect than that. I understand that he wasn't feeling well and wanted to rest, but please ask me. Please let me know you are at the door instead of barging in. It makes me wonder if they come and hang out in my house when I'm not here. Go through my stuff maybe? I called him out on it and told him he needs to knock on the door. He said he thought I wasn't here. Ok but I was here. And only half clothed. I know it was only the first time it happened but it's just a culmination of things that make me want to leave.

I want a house that is MY house... Marinita and Chepito store stuff in my house and come in and out of it all the time for their plastic chairs and their beans. I don't want to live around anyone else's stuff. I want to be the only one with a key and for no one to come in my house unless I invite them. So yes, I need to move. But I think I will wait until after I get back from Texas in mid March.

One more thing about Chepito. This man is in bad shape from an entire life of bad nutrition and not caring for himself. He's diabetic and he has no idea how to properly care for his disease... continuing to eat the same way he has been for his entire life. No meds, no nothing. So no wonder his condition has only been getting worse and worse since the day I got here. Drinking lots of beer at the rodeo was also a bad idea... isn't drinking a lot of beer lethal to a diabetic? So for days he had been complaining to me about not feeling well, his chest or heart hurting, difficulty breathing, his vision... I would say "go to the doctor, Chepito. go to the doctor." He asks me questions about what he should do, I don't know, you think I know medicine?

Days later, he is still complaining. I said "Chepito, do you want to die? No? Then go to the Doctor?" So he goes to the doctor- and I'm sure the doctors in San Vicente are not the best but hey it's something. He comes back with a huge bag of pills, he has no idea what they are for, and with doctors orders that he should not drive anymore because of his vision. Don't diabetics go blind if they don't care for themselves? I think I remember something like that. He also got knifed in the eye during the war and can see mostly just out of one eye. I surely won't be getting a ride from him anymore. Peligroso.

He had to go back to the clinic today for more tests and samples. So what did he do? He got himself in his car and drove himself there! Ay Ay Ay Oy Vey. Seriously? We have buses. He can ride the bus just like the rest of us. But what can ya do? He's a grown man, and if he wants to put himself in danger, ok. It's more about the other people on the rode that might be in danger. Shoot, I wish I knew how to drive a stick... I would love to drive his car around. Of course... I'm not permitted by Peace Corps to drive. I would give anything for the freedom of a car.

So ok....Think I've caught y'all up on just about everything now. Its time bucket bath before heading to meet up with Jamie to go to Alayna's site for her birthday dinner.

My wish: Emails from home! You know it's been too long since I have heard from you! So please write me, let me know what's going on in your life! I don't get enough letters.... with the exception of my rents, Katie and Sarah... Love you guys!

Paz y Amor!

OK! So I will admit.... Christmas here in my site wasn't TOO bad. It was different. And although I would have much rather had a more American style Christmas, I am still glad that I was able to be here in my site for this one. Definitely has helped gain a little more confianza. So here in The Savior they don't celebrate Xmas on the 25th like Americans do... they do their big shabang on the 24th. In my site there was no formal exchanging of gifts- to celebrate they just get together and eat a lot and give the kids fireworks to play with... usually without supervision. That sounds like a bad idea doesn't it? When I was concerned for a 7 year old that burned his hand and I was trying to help him, he looked at me and told me I should put a firwork in my chichis (boobs)... EXCUSE ME! Little butthead. I called him mal educado and scolded him for talking to me like that. The womanizing starts young around here.

But anyway- so my 24th- I went to my 12 year old neighbor's birthday party. It was cute. They had a very good mariachi band that was actually from Santa Clara, my first training community. At the party most people just sat their and stared at the band- while this one bolo was the only one dancing... he was so drunk that he knocked over the drumset a few times when dancing a little to close to the band. He was ridiculous- and when I wouldn't talk to him he got mad and made an announcement to all the people at the party about me. I didn't quite understand what he said but it was something like "Listen up everyone, we have someone here today that is NOT from this country..." I wish I could have understood more of what he said. But i dont speak bolo. They also had hired people to film and take pictures at the party. So this one guy was walking around the whole time with the video camera.... and he would come and put it in front of my face and just leave it there while I was eating. A little awkward. Especially when he would move it down to get the sandwhich in the shot... although I'm pretty sure it wasn't just the sandwhich he was trying to get. Bah. I was eating Pan Relleno....it was my first one. Basically a huge chicken sandwhich that is traditional xmas time food. It was good, but I wasn't super impressed. I ate the whole thing though and was pretty full. Forgetting I had made plans to go eat more Pan Relleno at my neighbor Alicia's house later that night. I still went and ate her's too... and WOW! Her's was amazing! She had yummy sauces and repollo, which was a creamy cabbage mix. I went over there and hung out until 10... it was nice. She's a nice lady. Her 10 year old daughter Ena and I are good buddies.

So that was my uneventful Christmas... Then yesterday the 25th I spent the morning cleaning my house up. I don't deep clean it enough. I found some scary looking animales hidden behind stuff in the corners. Spiders scorpions and some very scary worm like thing with tons of legs and pinchy looking things on its head. EEK! This is why women spend all morning every morning haciendo limpieza. Because if they don't you end up with a lot of unwanted visitors.

By the time I was done killing all of my bad roommates, I was ready to take my bucket bath. So I went over to the house... then saw that my bucket I use for bathing was filled with raw meat! Now i don't know if I ever want to use that bucket again. I probably will though, it should clean up ok. And a little raw beef on your body can't harm you. I ate the carne asada for lunch though, it was good and totally worth not taking a bath for.

So by noonish my house and front yard was swarming with people and the Ranchera music was blasting. This rodeo is kinda legit. But a bit much to have in your front yard. Luckily I got in for free :) I should anyway... it's at my house! There was this host guy who kind of leads the show and walks around with the microphone talking about what's happening the whole time, usually with a beer in his hand. I thought it was pretty funny when he was leading the crowd in prayer with a Pilsener in his hand... Especially when about an hour earlier he said to the Muchachos of the rodeo, "Muchachos- here you can dance, you can drink and you can chingar (F***) and your woman can't say anything. You are safe here. Here we are the rulers, muchachos!" That made me want to puke. AGH! That is not ok.... Frikin machismo. I hate it.

And then at one point they tried to get me to go dance with the bolos in the ring- thank god that didn't happen. I love to dance- but I forget how wildly inappropriate people can be in public here sometimes. I'm used to Rodeos being more PG family affairs. I did dance a little at the end of the night though...And even though I kept my distance from the guy- plenty of space between us and I dancing conservatively- I am sure that still got people talking. But whatever... it was just dancing. Thank goodness my girlfriends are coming today!

To take a bath last night I had to go to my neighbor's house, where Milton lives. I cut my arm up on the barbed wire just trying to get through their gate. My hands were kind of full, so that made it harder. When I was over there I met the 24 year old boyfriend of Antonia, Milton's 13 year old 8th grade sister. It makes me sad... because she's such a sweet, smart girl with so much potential... and it's likely she is very close to giving up her future by dating an older man like that.

Sorry, I'm not painting a very pretty picture of this place today am I? But i'm not exaggerating or making thing up. I just tell it like I see it. Do I sound like I am being judgemental? Am I being too hard on these people?

It's just.... these cultural differences are so in my face all time. I doubt that I will ever stop noticing them.

Ok! I'm going to get myself out of the house and be social!

Paz y Amor.

P.S. Milton is slowly getting better. The other night I went to hang out with him and I showed him how to make shadow animals with a flashlight in the dark. He liked that. Oh Milton. Please don't grow up to be a machisto.

This week I have felt a shift in how I feel about living here. I still love that I am in El Salvador and what I am here to do... I guess I just feel like the honeymoon is over. I feel a little more irritated by the bokking of the chickens and the smell of the latrine and the neighbors always being in my business. This is normal. I remember during training they said that around 5 or 6 months in you will probably look around and be like "I gave up my comfy American life for this?"

Haha... I wanted to believe that I would be different... that I would continue to be as love drunk with living abroad in this country now as I did then. But they were right. I think it's just the holiday season. That this is the first year in my life that I have ever spent away from my family on Christmas. I don't get Christmas this year. I get a rodeo with all of my salvo campo peeps (which by the way I woke up at 5:30 am today to the sound of them setting up the stadium for this rodeo 25 feet in front of my house...).

And yes, I am here in this beautiful place that is filled with loving people who I know care for me... But there's something about being here for Christmas that is making me feel very alone. my family didn't really do anything big for Christmas these last few years, but at least I was surrounded by the spirit of it. Being here I don't feel it. It doesn't look like Christmas. Being in this remote Salvadorian village, the only gringa, not always being able to accurately express myself, the only one that does not want to eat tamales on the 24th.... It's just hitting me now. I want to see a Christmas tree on the 25th. I want to eat pancakes for breakfast, and open a present, and spend my day on the couch watching movies with my family and my pups in my lap. I want to be cold and wear a winter coat. I want to be home.

It is hard for me to admit these things. I have been avoiding blogging because I don't want to be on here all the time with negativity and bum anyone out. I would love to always be making everyone proud- to appear strong. As if I am facing this journey head on, unflinching. But I am me, and I can only be real. And I don't have to pretend I am something I am not. Also, it's good for me to get this out... There's nothing so wrong with being a little homesick anyways is there? I do get to come home in February... a week ago I was feeling invincible and unstoppable and saying that I don't want to go home in February, it feels too soon. But what a difference a week makes, and a holiday alone. Now I am very much looking forward to tasting Texas.

Now enough of the pity party- onto some more positive things....

First of all- Milton is home!!!! He has to stay in his bed at his house- but I have been walking over to see him and this morning I brought him some grapes and we watched a movie while I peeled the skins off for him.

I am working and trying to keep busy still. My youth group got together yesterday to clean up the old clinic. We made great progress in just one day. Today we are going back to clean the walls and mop the floors... I was disappointed though when Chepito told me I can't use my bright pink paint for the building. He says because it's an institutional building owned by the government it has to be the same blue and white that all of the government buildings are. Boo! That seems ridiculous to me. It would look so much better painted. And it has just been sitting there for 10 years never being used... and it probably never will be used for it's intended purpose in the future. Just let me paint it with the kids! Grrrr.... I wonder if there is someone else I can talk to about this. The kids and I were going to paint beautiful murals and everything. It will be interesting to see where this youth group is headed.... yesterday they were already super excited about hanging out in the new space... practicing their dancing on the semi-clean floor.

Monday I am getting a girls soccer team started with some youth.... I still know very little about soccer. Everytime I play I sign up to be the goalie! But I am excited to learn more about how to actually play. And then if we have enough girls I'll bring my team up to Jamie's site and we can play against the girls team she has over there.

Allrighty- well let's hope things don't get too wild and crazy out here this weekend with the rodeo in my front yard! But you know what- maybe that's what I need out here in my town- for things to get a little wild and crazy. It's been a little too quiet, tranquilo, and boring out here for me lately. Let's liven it up! Although I had one Salvo tell me that you gotta watch out at these things- sometimes if there aren't enough police, people will come with their guns and start shooting the guns up in the air and around all crazy. Eek! That would be too much for me. From what I am told, we will have many police around.

Like my brother Evan told me:

"Oh, there’s no place like a rodeo for the holidays,

‘Cause no matter how far away you roam,

When you pine for the swine and a friendly gaze,

For the holidays, you can’t beat rodeos, sweet rodeos."

And so, maybe my honeymoon is over, but there are still many good times and great things in store for me here. There will be bad days or even bad weeks.... but I know that in the end I will probably feel like I loved those times too. Because it is all part of the experience.

Paz y Amor.

This is the building that I am working on fixing up to have a place for meetings and activities with youth!

As you can see, it's a little messy! 10 years it has been sitting there not being used.

Me and my buddy Milton when I visited him at the Children's Hospital in San Salvador. Love my little man!

From the Peace Corps vs. JICA soccer game at the Cuscatlan Stadium in San Sal. You can see me (a little cut off) on the very bottom right.

A beautiful view of the ocean while I had a great lunch!

My first youth group meeting was an exito (SUCCESS)!!! I have to admit, going into it, I was a little nervous. I just really wanted things to go well with it. And so I got there at 1, SUPER early for the meeting that was to start at 2. I spent time arranging chairs and putting up paper on the wall we would use for our brainstorming. I put out the sign-in sheet and the cookies and Coke I bought for them. And then 2:00 came and no one was there. I shouldn't have been so surprised, after all this is El Salvador where people are always on la hora salvadorena... and I'm not always right on time to everything but the fact that these kids were so late really pissed me off. It made me feel like it wasn't important to them- but to me it's all that I had been working on for days and I didn't want to feel like I was wasting my time.

So I sat there laying down on a concrete ledge by the entrance of the school and FINALLY at 2:30 on the dot up walked a huge group of kids. Half an hour late really isn't too bad for El Salvador. And now I know to schedule my meetings for half an hour before I actually want them to start. I had about 25 salvo teeny boppers, not a bad turnout. I don't want my group to be bigger than I can handle. We played a few games and then talked about what kind of stuff they want to do with the group. A lot of kids want to do art and dance activities. On Wednesday we are meeting to cleanup the old clinic building so that we can have a place to do our activities. It is my hope to make it wonderful and pretty- a place the kids will want to come hang out at. Tomorrow I have to go to San Vicente and buy a bunch of cleaning supplies. I am ready for some physical labor!!!

I went to visit Milton at the hospital in downtown San Salvador on Friday. He is doing all right. He was SO happy to see me walk in with Marinita and Chepito. He was all loopy on drugs the whole time I sat there and talked to him. They don't let him walk around, has to stay in the bed. I brought him a little toy car and showed him my new soccer ball I got at the mall... which he then punched as hard as he could and it went flying across the room, bringing the nurses to give me very dirty looks. The Children's hospital was a very sad place. I have never been in a hospital outside of the U.S.... it was very old and dirty and smelly... not the kind of place that you think anyone would be able to get well in. But Milton is resilient- he's pulling through. We are hoping he can come home around Christmas.

I spent the entire morning with Marinita before we went to the hospital. She invited herself to go to the mall with me- I needed to find some shoes I can run in. Being at the mall with that woman took a lot of paciencia on my part! She was scared to get on the escalator, pointed at everything we walked by and said what it was... por ejemplo "Here they sell clothes... Look there is a TV... Look there is Santa Claus..." and she felt like she had to stop every 50 steps and ask someone for directions. It was interesting. I can go easy on her, I know she doesn't get out much. I just never thought I'd ever even be at the mall with my host mom. And we went to the food court to get food- and of course she went straight to the only place in the entire food court that had pupusas! It was odd to her that I wanted to eat something other than pupusas. I guess because I jump at the opportunity for pupusas when I'm in my site... but that's because there aren't too many options for good food out here... but at the food court, I went for subway :)

Que mas? Thursday night I had Roxana, Milton's 16 year old sister, hanging out with me in my house. I like it when she visits me and I can get to know her better. Well, I was explaining to her what a blog was and pulled mine up to show her how it works, and she saw the Milton & Me entry and his picture and I told her all the good things I wrote about him in there.... and then came the water works. She feels so bad for her little brother, and partly responsible for what happened to him, because she's often put in charge of looking after him, as the oldest child. I handed her some kleenex and sat with her.... people around here don't talk about their feelings much. I don't know if it's because they don't know how to express them, or because they like to just pretend to be happy all the time... But I'm glad that I could be there for her. If she had been bawling and talking about it to anyone else, I'm not sure they would have even acknowledged her feelings. That's something I've learned- I can't communicate with Salvos like I do Americans. Whenever I get sentimental or start sharing feelings most of them just get a little weird.

I played in the Peace Corps soccer game on Saturday against JICA- the Japanese Peace Corps. The girls team kicked ass... and I was the goalie :) I like being goalie! We dominated those Japanese girls, they never even came close to trying to score on us. So I really did just stand there at the goal the whole time cheering my girls on... Worked on my tan... haha!

I was lucky enough to have some time to swing on down to the beach this weekend to get a little more sun! It's SO close! Another beautiful thing about El Salvador, the beach we went to was less than an hour away! And I can go there in December!!! The water wasn't even cold at all.... Wow.... This is where I live?

This coming weekend is my village's annual rodeo, and I am excited that some of my best girl friends will be coming here for it! My town will be very interested in my gringa friends I am sure.

It has been days since I blogged and I may have lost my flow a little... but there's the update for ya! Now it's time to descansar en la hamaca.

Paz y Amor.

P.S. Apparently there was an earthquake here today... I didnt even feel it! I was 45 min from home when it happened and how is it that they felt it here and I didn't feel it there? Esther felt it out in the department over! I'm a little bummed I missed it. I want to know what an earthquake feels like. And I heard that they said on the news it was a 5.5. I don't know if I believe it.

P.P.S. 5 months ago today I arrived in El Salvador... that sounds like quite a big chunk of time doesn't it?? But how it flew. Still alive! Going strong :)

Man- Where to start?

Sometimes there are things about life that just suck.

Where is my sudden pessimism coming from you may wonder? Well I went to the capital for medical and a training with the woman from my town that everyone keeps warning me about- and then I came back to find my 3 month old puppy was dying and Milton was in the hospital in San Salvador because he fell into a tamale pot and got severely burned. The two most joyful things about my site weren't there.

Milton's situation is a tough one to swallow. I love that kid. He is my best and most loyal friend. And as much as I hate to say it- I can't say I was particularly surprised. The way he runs all around the place and out into the streets unsupervised, I kind of knew something would happen to him eventually. But pobrecito, that should not have happened to him. Maybe his mom will start trying to look after him better.

With Terry, my chuchito favorito- I sat there and watched him go. It was upsetting because there was nothing I could do for him. If I was with him back home I would have gotten in a car and taken him to the 24 hour clinic. But that's not the way it is out here. People just view animals and life differently. No need to care for your dog, when it dies you can just get a new one. Marinita said that to me, "Primero Dios we will find another good little puppy for you Amy..." I said "But Marinita- No Quiero otro if it's just going to die a slow and painful death like this one!"

Of course, with the next one I could take it to the vet and make sure it got all of it's vaccines it needed and everything.... [the subject of vaccines/shots brings me to another rant- about how Marinita and Chepito just will inject all living things with whatever all the time. A cow seems sick- they gave it 12 huge full injections of some anti-parasitic stuff... it died the next day. They gave my dog an anti-parasitic shot... died the next day. They aren't doctors... you can't just guess what the animal needs and just pump whatever inside of them. Marinita is always getting her neighbor to inject her with stuff for her "gripe" which is supposed to be like the flu or a cold- but with her it's got to be something else- probably from inhaling smoke over the comal while she cooks 3 times a day. It just irritates me to see these people who are clearly uneducated about medicine making the choices that seem to be soooo wrong] But anyway- if I gave my pup vaccinations and vet care then it really would be MY dog and I will be too scared to leave him with Marinita and Chepito that will feed him all kinds of things that will make him sick. Maybe this "you can just get another one" attitude is the same manner of thought Milton's mom has about her kids- "eh, let em run wild and fall into the tamale pot... I have 8 other kids and can always have another..."

Man... sometimes it is so evident how different the people are here.... Of course, not all mothers here are so careless with their children. I know tons of great parents down here that have great kids!

So sorry for the pessimism. It's bound to come out from time to time. And it goes to show how extreme the ups and downs of Peace Corps can really be. Last night I came walking into my house sobbing for Milton and for my dog.... Tonight I came home after a long day of going on an excursion with the 9th graders to find myself feeling extremely happy! All it took was one check of my email to get wonderful news about something that will help me immensely with my work here. Thank you Carol and Jim!

And so it goes... There will always be the sucky things.... But they make you appreciate the good things so much more. At least we can hope...

Paz y Amor.

It's days like yesterday that make me appreciative to be where I am. Yesterday was a Monday. As any American that holds a steady M-F job knows, having a case of the Mondays blows. I used to have these. Actually as a teacher, my case of the Mondays usually started on Sundays. Stressing out about all the lesson plans to turn, all the papers and notebooks I didn't grade, the parents I needed to call. Sure, it got easier as time went on, as anything does, but the case of the Mondays persisted all the way to final exams.

Being in Peace Corps sure does beat the daily grind of your M-F, 8-5. I am in charge of my job, my schedule, and have to kind of be like my own boss. Life tastes different this way. Will I ever be able to go back to a real job? I can't say that I can ever see myself working in a job that is not meaningful to me ever again. Such as waiting tables. When you spend more hours of your week working rather than with those you love- I feel like you better love what you do. And I love the business of helping people.

But what's all this for? I was simply going to say. I had the best Monday ever yesterday. The kind of Monday that would never happen in Houston, not even if I called in sick to work, because I would know I have to go on Tuesday and then Tuesday I'd have the case of the Mondays.

I woke up and spent the morning hours relaxing, reading, writing, listening to Flaming Lips in my hammock. My hammock is my new classroom/office space. All Salvadoran business can be done from a hammock. My hammock comes in second only to my mosquito net as my most prized posession. I drank my instant coffee with pleasure and made scrambled eggs with all the vegetables i bought from the back of a pickup truck the day before. And when the morning came I decided I was ready to face the world. I walked around my community and visited all my favorite people. This is work! This is my job... because in doing house visits I get to know my people, get confianza, and know more about what they need. In doing house visits yesterday I was taking care of business. Recruiting for my new youth group, and I found out many people are interested in getting help with an NGO I'm connected with. So really... it was a productive afternoon! My favorite part of the afternoon was singing church songs on a mic with the kids. They think I can sing. LoL.

I visited Delmi, who has invited me to go to this workshop with her on Saturday. I'm happy to go with her, and was really looking forward to working with her.... Then when I came home and talking to Don Chepito about how I talked about starting a woman's group with her, the beef was revealed. He says, "Esa mujer es mala. She's dangerous, she has no friends in the community, no body wants to work with her.." and I sat and listened to him go on. So the drama begins.

Yes Chepito and Marinita are my peeps, but just because they aren't friends with someone doesn't mean I can't be. This woman worked quite well with the last volunteer from what I understand and is active in various other groups outside the community. This sounds to me like one of those things that goes way back- like something happened between her and others decades ago and they still hate each other for it but they may not even be sure why anymore. Chepito could hardly give me any good reason for the malos sentidos. The best he could give me was that she sent him an angry letter once because there was a party for the extremely poor kids in the community and they didn't invite her kids. And believe me, her kids are really poor. So I'm still going to this training. I do what I say I'm gonna do. But I may not be able to create a women's group with her if she doesn't get support from others. I can have my own and still invite her. If these people are the good Christians they say they, they shouldn't have a problem with someone they don't like being invited.

Speaking of being good Christians- Marinita and her posse are getting up at 4:30 am every morning this month and going to the church and singing on the loudest speakers in the town to Dios. They do it again into the night. I am in the bed all the time hearing her singing... It's a little funny... another example of how there is no such thing as disturbing the peace around here.

I FINALLY got myself up for my 5:30 run this morning. When I got down to the field, I thought Dios Mio there are a ton of cows on the soccer field. What asshole brings there herd of cows to graze and shit all over the soccer field? I'm a little scared running around them somtimes... I've heard about them attacking friends of mine. And what do those Spanish bullfighters do that's so special to piss off a bull? And the cow patties are everywhere on the field, I have to remain conscious of them as I run to dodge them. When the teams come to play every afternoon they shouldn't have to be cleaning up the copious amounts of poo to play.

So I'm on lap 3.... Chepito enters the field. Those are your cows Don Chepito!? En serio? As president of the ADESCO I'm shocked he would do something so inconsiderate. He owns so much land he could take them to. But it's more convenient for him to take them to the nice open field. Ay ay ay. I don't need to let this bother me so much. There are worse things in life than patties on a field. But still... of all people... Chepito?

Can you see the spots all over? No sirve!



One of the damage dookiers. That's bull.

Today I have real plans, unlike my enchanting Monday of the hammock and house visits. I have youth group stuff all afternoon, and then tonight I'm going to a vela, a wake, because my counterparts uncle that was very close to him died. These velas go on all night long I am told. I would like to just go for a few hours. But it might be one of those things I just have to do like they do. Sitting all night in the living room of Ariel's house with his dead uncle in the open casket. Man... sounds a bit creepy to me.

Paz y amor.

P.S. Today is a mac n cheese kind of day :)

Was sitting in the casa yesterday and this random guy walks up to the house with this brand new MICROWAVE oven!!! Hell yess! I am very excited about this. Flor, Marinita's daughter sent it to them for Christmas via one of those guys that transports stuff for cheap between the states and here. She doesn't even want it. She says she will never use it. Says that eating microwaved food gives you cancer. So it's mine. Muchas Gracias Florcita!! Merry Christmas eh?

We had our last Asamblea General of the year yesterday. Don Chepito had me go around with him in his pick up and a huge loud megaphone with a microphone hooked up to... I was the one announcing the meeting and inviting people. I was a little nervous to have my voice on the loud speakers like that at first. But it was fun... I love microphones. And I asked Chepito... "How's my accent? Do I sound like a gringa?" And he replied, "No now you are already starting to sound like one of us!" And he meant it. So that's cool. Except for that when I moved to this campo town, I couldn't understand a lot of what people were saying to me. So I hope that when I leave people from other places will be able to understand my Spanish ok. But it's a cool feeling.

The meeting was long and kinda boring. At the end though we announced the winner of the baby bull. We had cut up all the pieces of paper with everyone's name on them and put them in a pot to pull out the name of the winner. There were hundreds of names in there. So you would think you would just shake the pot and have someone pull out the one piece of paper with a name on it and that would be the winner of the cow right? Well that's not how they did it. They made it as complicated, anticlimactic and drawn out as possible. Instead they had 5 people, and each person pulled out a paper one by one and read the name of the person who didn't win out loud. So we had to listen to hundreds of names be called before we got down to the very last folded up piece of paper that was the winner. I didn't get it. I guess the only good reason for doing that would be because people could hear their name and know there paper was in there for sure and the whole thing was rigged. But this also backfired a little because some people complained that they bought 5 tickets and only heard their names once. Oops.

So I was sitting at a Subway today eating my Italianisimo sub sandwich and looking around at where I was... and I just felt happy. It's the best feeling in the world to feel like I am exactly where I want to be. There's no where else in the world that I would rather be than right here in this little gem of a beautiful country. I can't remember ever feeling so content, at ease, and whole as I have since I have settled in here. Thank god I made the decision to take that leap to get myself here. It was effin scary making that decision... and now that I'm on the other side of all the fear- I can tell I am stronger. Wonderful.

I have several projects moving forward in my community now. My relationships with my American and Salvo friends only get stronger. I don't think I have ever been so close with non-American people in my whole life. For lack of better words- it's so cool!

I feel like the luckiest person alive.

Living proof. Follow your dreams! no matter how scary it is... Change is scary. But necessary and good... Be free.

LOVE! Paz y amor!

Milton and I have been bonding lately on a whole new level. When I first came back from PST2 he tried to pretend like he forgot who I was. He was mad that I left for so long. But since I left for Thanksgiving and came back again I think he is starting to realize that when I leave I don't leave forever. He is my favorite person in my site. When I see him and I can see how genuinely happy he is to see me my heart melts.

We had a good day together today. He like to chill by my side while I do everything. I think he likes it because I talk to him and pay attention to him, even though I am busy doing something else. And he is a good helper too. He follows me everywhere... when I wash my dishes he helps me put my dishes away. When I hang my clothes on the line he hands my my clothes pins. He loves to help. My favorite is when he helps Chepito herd the cows.

It's safe to say I've fallen for this kid. So you can imagine how I feel when I hear him crying outside my house at night. A few nights ago I hear him doing just that… and this wasn’t the first time. What happens is his family goes back to their house without him, which is on the other side of the dark pasture. That must make him feel so terrible and abandoned. He often has to find his way across the field without being able to see. He’s only a baby. When you’re a little guy like that I’m sure that big dark field feels even mas grande. And he gets lost out there in the dark and doesn’t know which way to go. And he could step in cow poo, and there are snakes. I hear him cry, walk out my door and find him standing out there. I walk him home with my flashlight. I would be scared walking across that field by myself without a light.

And thank you for the toothbrushes mom and dad. Milton had a great time learning how to brush his teeth. He doesn’t communicate with words to clearly but I can tell he likes it. He comes to my door and points to his mouth. “Quiere cepillarse?” I say, and he nods yes. And I sing that brush your teeth song that Aunt Jodi sang to me when I was a kid.

Oh Milton. I’m glad I can be here for you. For the next couple years at least.

The internet is too good on my new computer... I can't get myself away from it. Well... I did get myself away from it to wash my clothes all morning. I am going to have to start limiting myself to only using it for a few hours a day. Like a few hours at night to keep me company. It's great company. Ok so after today... I will cut back. Today has been kinda productive with all the lavar-ing of the ropa. It took me 3 hours... 2 big blankets, towels, sheets, and clothes. Oy vey. It's bueno para el cuerpo I will tell you that. I have actually started to kind of enjoy washing my clothes on the rock. I listen to my ipod and sing while I scrub away. Music makes everything better.

And this afternoon I have a meeting with a few community leaders about getting my youth group started. The more I think about starting a dance group the more weary I am of doing it. I feel like I should start first with something I know I will be successful with. Por ejemplo, art. I can do art classes. These kids have never learned any creative expression beyond a paper and pencil really. And I'm kinda artsy fartsy when it comes to painting and coloring and making arts and crafts. The only question is where will the money come from for supplies? Well... as a matter of fact yesterday I wrote up and turned in my very first grant proposal! I asked for close to $500 to help pay for youth group activities. We are also talking about getting a theatre group started. Lo mas importante is that we get these kids doing something productive and meaningful in their free time. They have nothing to do. And therefore little to no self-confidence that they are capable of doing anything. So... here's hopin'. Wish me luck.

I am really settling in quite well to this country. I feel comfortable. No more awkward. I can understand people when they talk to me with little confusion, even with their thick campo accents. And there are endless possibilities for good. Yesterday I posted a quote on my facebook, "The amount of happiness you have depends on the amount of freedom you have in your heart." For me this is so true. I could go in depth explaining exactly why this is so true for me, but I think you all can figure it out. No need to get tooooo cheezy.

Yesterday I was doing some house visits... There's this one house that I like to visit that has 3 crazy sisters. They are just so quirky. And they LOVE me. I exchanged bracelets with 12 year old Yulisa. She is one of the ones begging me to start a dance group. I gave her my bracelet I bought at super selectos last weekend that says "No Hay Imposibles" and she gave me two pretty little beaded bracelets. Her aunt Jilda is nuts, and has this huge big blue eyes and gold rims around all her teeth. She touched my legs and was genuinely shocked to find that I shave my legs. To Campo Salvo women that is unheard of. You should have seen her face. It was pure disgust. But sorry- I'm not going to go that far with my integration to grow things out. That family is too much fun, those women just have a lot more personality than your typical woman around here. They live next to the slaughterhouse though where the bolo (drunk) family lives.

I haven't gone running in the cancha since before PST2. I keep telling myself, tomorrow. I was so into it before training... Can't wait to get it back. Tomorrow will be the day. I just need to let my lady friends know, they are the reason I was getting myself out of bed to get started before.

In other news, Ladies and Gentleman, I have finally- after 24 years- learned how to properly crack and egg! This is wonderful. My whole life i was splitting in on the edges of bowls, usually getting lots of shell in the mix and raw egg everywhere. Well... did you know you only need to tap it on a flat surface? it's a clean break... no more shell pieces. It's the simple things.

Paz y Amor.