So at the end of June I was very fortunate to be able to go home to America for a couple weeks!

The first part of the trip was spending time with my best friend since 5th grade! She got married (weird how growing up works...) and we had a lot of last minute running around to do. This included going into Toys-R-Us which was a bit overwhelming and I was still getting used to being around so much English which means I was cursing more than I should have been... The wedding was so beautiful and only had a couple snags along the way so that was good. I really enjoyed spending time with an old friend, being able to actually help with the wedding stuff (felt pretty guilty that I was the maid of honor but couldn't do much from Madagascar), celebrating her love with a great man and seeing a bunch of her family too that I hadn't see in a very long time. The one sad part about this trip is that I barely squeezed into my dress for the wedding resulting in me not being able to gorge myself on all the great American food that I wanted to... Even having Special K cereal and cold milk was Amazing though!

The second part of my trip was going back home to Colorado. My family and I drove back from the wedding and watched movies in a spacious car, which is about the furthest away from my Madagascar experiences as I can get! I forgot how much seeing the Rockies just makes me feel at home too... I was able to see a few good friends and hit up my old college town to chat with some folks. I also got to spend the 4th of July with my family and take a motorcycle ride into the mountains with my dad. I had a lot of Cinnamon Toast Crush and PHO!!! Rocked my world. My mom let me sleep in her bed while I was home too = A-maz-ing!!! So soft, so warm..! These are the things I was excited about haha!

It was great to be home, to speak English, to be in my own culture where I understand everything, to be with my friends and family...but sadly I had to leave all over again... 5 different planes and a lot of hours later I was back in Madagascar to finish out my 1 year+ of service. I was able to stay in the capital for a little bit and welcome the incoming health and education trainees, which was fun. I finally made it back to my banking town, then to my site and back in my house. My house felt smaller and I wanted to take a few days of just being alone to readjust to everything again. I have gotten back into most of my routines and have a lot more drive to focus on my work but my attitude towards everything is not the same as before leaving for America.

I'll clarify that a bit... I'm a lot more homesick than I was before. I am less inclined to go out and just sit and talk with people - This is in part to do with me having a new computer to watch movies and stuff on and in part, sitting around and talking is slightly uncomfortable when I can't always relate or contribute much to the conversation so I would rather spend my time planning and organizing my work. My focus on work has been better, the computer has allowed me to work on my funding proposals at site where it is quiet instead of having to wait to use the computer in my banking town when I really don't feel like working since I'm around other volunteers. I am more on the fence about a third year extension than when I left, I'm still considering it but I still need time to think about it before having any serious conversations with Peace Corps about it.

So that's pretty much where I'm at at this point. I've got something coming up almost every month for the rest of the year so that'll move things along nicely :) Helping a couple other volunteers on projects this month and in October (which will also be my 24th birthday..!) September I will be in the capital again helping out with language translating for Operation Smile. November I am headed back to our original training site for our Mid-Service Conference. Hopefully during all that the project proposals will come through and we can start working!

Mind-trip: A year into service, a year left and 2012 is just around the corner

Manakory aby (Hello Everyone)!

I hope this finds you all doing well and that work, school and life in general is good. As for me, I'm good, great actually! I've been in Peace Corps now for 10 months, with about a year and 4 months left but am thinking about extending my service for an extra year. If you have been following my blog, which I try to keep up with as much as I can (TisaInAfrica.blogspot.com), I hope you have been enjoying reading what I've been up to. I remember thinking that 2 years was such a daunting amount time and now it seems like it is going to run out before I know it!

I live in the rural commune of Sahambavy, located in the southern highlands, which is known for producing all of the tea production in Madagascar. Although technically we are considered "ambany vohitsa" (countryside), my commune is a progressive one. We have regular transportation to a larger city near by, a sizeable market twice a week, a library, elementary, middle and high schools, several chruches, a basic health center staffed with a doctor, midwife and pharmasist as well as supporting health educators in all the surrounding villages. I've spent enough time in my community now to understand what their needs are and have a ton of ideas for projects that I want to accomplish. My main concern when choosing which projects to focus on is the question of sustainability. Does my community actually want this project? Will they find it helpful? Will the people continue to use it after I have gone? A crucial factor in project sustainability is when the community is the driving force behind it. I am writing to you today to tell you about a project that my community has approached me about.

Each village is made up of a few small clusters of houses called tananas. There is a tanana called Toby in the village of Bedia that sits 5K away from the center of the commune. Several years ago a pastor began to support chronically ill people in Toby Bedia, by way of healing through prayer. A new church was built about 4 years ago to continue daily prayer for the people in Toby. This tanana has become a place where people with various physical and developmental illnesses are referred to because community members have committed themselves to being care takers as well as spiritual leaders for the sick. In an effort to improve the (goals) of Toby some of the community leaders have approached me about a project they would like to implement. The health center is located in the main part of the commune which means villagers have to walk to recieve consultations, vaccines or medications. A woman named Radety has been collaborating with the Mayor and Doctor to try to bring health care to the people of Toby Bedia. She would like to construct a building consisting of 4 rooms that would provide space for the doctor to do weekly consultations, keep a stock of medications and supplies as well as rooms for patients to recover after treatment.

As progressive as Sahambavy is, funding for such a project is hard to find. The commune and family members of the sick do their best to provide rice and clothing to the people of Toby, but the main funding for building the new church and a building to house the caretakers has come from the personal funds of Radety. After being approached by my community, spending some time in Toby to understand their lives and hearing about their ideas, I set out to search for funding for this project. Peace Corps has what is called the Peace Corps Partnership Programm (PCPP), which is a way for volunteers in country to connect with people at home to provide funding for materials for whatever project they are planning for. The way PCPP works is, say we need $3,000 USD to build this care center, and through your contributions and the efforts of PCPP we only raise $2,500, then the difference could be given from other people as the website is open for everyone to donate to. Unfortunately, it is not guaranteed that I would recieve that funding and if not, it would go into a Global Fund which would be dispersed to various projects around the world. Of course the funding would be used for other great causes but it would mean that my community and I would find ourselves back at square one.

The community members are the driving force behind this project. I met with them recently to explain the process of PCPP; not only are they writing the bulk of the project proposal (which I must say is a lot of work and needs to be done thoroughly) but they will also be contributing at least 25% of the total project cost. They are dedicated to making this project happen, so of course if they are put back to square one again they will try another strategy to get it done. I would love to see this project become a success the first go around while I am still here as support but I need your help! I am asking you all in advance to see if you are interested in contributing to this cause and a rough estimate of how much you would be willing to donate. If I can get enough responses/pledges, I will submit the proposal to PCPP for review and upon its approval the project will go on the Peace Corps website. This is where you can sumbit your donations and once the amount is reached the funds will be sent to me to begin project implementation. I want to secure donations prior to submitting the proposal in order to complete this project in a time frame that is not discouraging to my community, as well as allowing myself to be able to see it succeed.

I will be checking my email as regularly as I am able to so please send me a reply to my email below if you are interested! Also, please do not hestitate to forward this to anyone that may be interested in directly making a difference in Madagascar.

With love and peace,

Tisa Kunkee

Peace Corps Volunteer - Community Health - Madagascar

Email: Tisa.Kunkee@gmail.com

I should really start working out soon so I can clear my mind... Here is what is on it currently:

-How to get funding for a pump and/or health center project at my site. This has many, many components such as identifying potential donors, project descrition, timeline and budget. All of those have various parts and this is just for the proposal, there is no guarantee that the project will get funded...

-General work at site is fine but I've hit a glitch with my counterpart. A certain situation has made our relationship a bit awkward. We had planned to go out to all the villages and do baby food demonstrations but she has started scheduling other work/errands instead of going with me... She tells other people I'm good enough at my Gasy to do it on my own - yet she has told me that my Gasy has retreated back to a lower level and the other issue is I don't know how to get out to all the villages.

-America. I'm missing it but I am also going back in June/July. I've got to get approval from PC and then of course the gift buying process.

-Another HIV/AIDS and Hygien/Nutrition tour is a possibility

-I'm starting to think about "After Peace Corps" which I think has become the most thing on my mind. At least in this current moment. Do I want to extend my PC service? If so, in what way (NGO, response volunteer)? Do I want to find an actual job here? How to even go about that process? Is Foreign services an option? I also want to get my Masters - In what? Where? Through what program? What about travel after service?

So much to think about. Way too much time to think about it...

I actually feel like a legitimate volunteer now! I just got back from a business trip where me and 4 other volunteers from my stage gave health lessons about HIV/AIDS, STIs and condom use to the classes of our fellow education volunteers living to the south of us.

What we talked about:

Myths and Facts about HIV/AIDS - We blew up condoms with strips of paper inside, tossed them to the students, then they had to break them and decide if the statement was true or false

How HIV/AIDS effects the body - Had volunteers to come up; one representing the body, 6 others in a circle around the first to represent the immune system. Had 2 others try to attack and touch the first to represent maladies like the flu. Then I went round as HIV removing the immune system, the 2 volunteers would then try to attack the body again.

Transmission - Used a hand-shaking game to demonstrate how quickly diseases can spread, the importance of testing and prevention and that there are no visible symptoms of HIV. We talked about transmissible fluids, pathways for fluids, risky behaviors and the life cycle of the disease

STI - those present in M/car, symptoms to go to the doctor for

Prevention - ABCD: Abstinence Be faithful Condom use Detection. Aleo Misoroka Toy Izay Mitsabo: It is better to prevent than to treat

Condoms - Don'ts: Don't use expired condoms, don't use more than one at a time, don't leave them in a hot place, don't open with scissors. This was followed by us doing a demonstration and then we had the students do a condom race.

Interesting notes:

We got asked a lot about the female condom, how AIDS started and got to M/car, how the medicine works, other contraceptive methods (including the withdrawl method), condom use is low here because they say it spoils the mood

Great trip - Great experience

So I have been having this conversation with people lately and the more and more I think about it, the more I realize how silly life is... One of the things that I have really been enjoying out here is all the fresh fruits and vegetables! I buy local foods, I buy seasonally, and there are no preservatives or any stuff like that in the food. Even with meats, all the animals roam freely and eat grasses instead of corn. It's great! I eat Lychee that are still on the branch, there are mangoes of like at least 5 different kinds here, grapes are coming into season and I know there are avocadoes here and I will be So excited when I see those in the market!

But something I've been realizing is that I don't know how any of this stuff grows...

What does a mango tree look like? Do green beans grow on bushes like tomatoes or on vines like grapes? How do beans grow - above the ground like squash or in it like potatoes? What about peanuts - is it a tree? a bush? how does it work with the shell and everything?? Apparently bananas start out as this huge purple pod... and pineapples - they start out red and I don't even know how to explain how they grow because I have yet to see it but it seems So strange how they grow...

Isn't it silly?!? Isn't it silly?! and almost rediculous that I am 23 years old and I don't know how the majority of what I have been eating all my life looks like before I buy it at the store, before I open the can or package, before it is on my plate and I'm eating it..?

The answer is Yes!

I have been disconnected from my food - something that is part of my everyday routine, one of the basic necessities of life and a favorite past-time - for practically 22 years up until I move to an island and have no choice but to see it in a different light!

Sad, silly, interesting and I hope that through cooking and gardening I will find a greater appreciation for my food and the process behind it

So the first small project that I set up at site was training some of the health educators about the Hot Box. My friend Wallie, fellow health volunteer, came through my site and helped me out with this!

The Hot Box:

Materials - 2 blankets, a basket, a pot and your food

Steps - start cooking your food, fold one blanket and put it in the bottom of the basket, after the 'Stove Time' put the covered pot in the basket, take the second folded blanket, cover the pot and tuck between the first blanket and the basket, make sure no heat is leaking out and wait for your food to finish cooking.

Example - 1 kapoaka (cup and a half) of rice to 3/4 zinga (a big cup basically, equivalent to about a 2 cup measuring cup). About 10 minutes on the stove, or just bring it to a boil. Let it sit in the Hot Box for about 30 minutes, maybe 40 if its red rice and then enjoy.

A make-shift crock pot, if you will...

So prior to IST I set up an information session with the health educators about the Hot Box and then the following 3 days to go out to the villages to do a demo. Here is how scheduling goes here in M/car...

Sent out reminders to the educators about 4 or 5 days before the info session - and by 'sent out' I mean asking people who are walking around if they know the people who the note is for and/or to somehow get it to them by passing it on to another person on the road. The info session was scheduled for 8 am and we didn't get started until about 9:30... People show up and if not everyone is there they go walk around and do other errands and when other people show up and not everyone is there and they do the same thing so yeah haha

They all seemed really suprised that the Hot Box would actually work. I think it made sense with trapping the heat and all though and they got really excited about it. So the next day my counterpart tool us out to one of the villages and we gave the same session and followed that up with a demonstration. We made rice and they were excited to see it cooked when it came out! We asked if they would use it and they said they would actually use it for stuff that took a long time to cook like cassava or sweet potatoes.

We didn't end up going out to the other villages the next two days because one day the health educator didn't show up to show us the way to the village - granted it was one of the market days and I was kind of anticipating for this to happen. The next day not only did the person who was supposed to show us out there unable to make it but the educator in that village had to go into Fianar the day before because her mother was sick and therefore none of the people in the village would be gathered...

Overall though, it went pretty well. I think people will use it like they said, for things that take a while to cook - one, saves on time having to watch over the food and two, uses less charcoal/wood. I will be going out to do baby food demonstrations probably in Feb and will talk about the hot Box probably too and see how other people recieve it too.

What I learned..?

Nothing is going to come out exactly as I plan. Which is Totally fine but remember to stay flexible and patient.

Cross-cultural lesson: We had a poster with suggested times and measurements like the rice example but people got really hung up on all this stuff. We had to explain that the amount of time depends on the kind of food and that they had to practice and play with it to figure out what works best. So I'm talking with my language teacher and going back over the posters and we find where a bg part of the disconnect is. People tell time differently here. We use watches but most of the people here don't have them, they use the sun. So when we say 30 minutes then don't really know what that means because that is kind of like clock time - saying half an hour translates better.

Alright! So apparently the hardest part of Peace Corps is the initial training and then the first few months at site. If this is true it should be "smooth sailing" from here on out!

For the past week me and my stage mates came back into the capital for our IST (In-Service Training) It was really great to see everyone again! Some of my favorite people are in completely different areas of Madagascar - I've got a friend isolated in the West, people who are fly sites and travel is only affordable when PC pays for it on official business and we've got a black hole here in M/car too where some great people are...

The training consisted of administrative stuff, how to get funding, how to collaborate with other sectors and the like. But mostly it was a chance for us to see each other again, share and vent about what has been going on at site and just relax for a bit before taking on the next leg of service.

After we left the training site a bunch of us were staying in the capital while we were getting ready to head back to site. We have just entered into the rainy season here so one night it was raining and for some reason the medical unit at the volunteer housing had a bunch of water coming off it so someone put a trashcan under the spot where most of it was coming off. A room downstairs where a bunch of beds are had water get in it the pervious night so someone was trying to prevent that from happening again. Well...the rain stopped but water was still just pouring off the medical unit and I realized that it was actually coming off the second floor balcony and not the roof....

So I went investigating. I walked in the door and the first floor had a bunch of water everywhere! Then I went up the stairs and it looked like a scene from the Titanic - water was just flowing down the stairs and all the rooms on the second floor were flooded.

What I found was that the water heater on the second floor had a tube pop off! I walked into a humid room with a high pressure stream of water just blasting in one of the rooms! It had probably been going on for something like at least 3 hours. In broken Malagasy we all tried to get the guards to turn off the water - we were calling the regular duty phone as well as the medical duty phone to try to get someone to get the water off and check things out. It was hilarious and frustrating all at the same time.

The main water did finally get shut off after like half an hour or so of franticness. Then a couple of us started to get all the boxes up off the floor and sweeping all the water from the rooms off the balcony. One of the PC doctors finally got there around 12:30 pm which is hella late here and he said that we had done enough for the night and to leave it until morning. Nothing got super damaged as far as I know so that is good.

The next night it rained pretty hard and the same building I was just talking about was dangerously close to flooding again. It kind of sits at the bottom of a hill and the area was flooded a bit - about ankle height. It kept raining but the flooding stayed just barely under the bit of raised porch-ish area outside of the rooms.

...Oh Madagascar...

The end of November brings rain

Beetles crawl out of the moistened soil

"There are already lots of kids!"

She says with urgent excitement

Having grown out of my childhood courage

I watch as they swat grasses with fallen sticks

Provoking flight

And leaping through dusk air

While a zinga of water traps their next meal

*So my palm-tickler stoped by while I was tweaking this piece. In my limited Malagasy I told him it was about men and women. I found it ironic - maybe he thought the poem was about him - and partially it is. The angry part of the quiz for comic relief.

*He is not allowed to visit me at my house anymore by the way. I'm pretty sure that whenever I went to the market and his friends saw me, they would go tell him and then he would end up visiting. Not cool. So I finally went and told the people at the commune office and they went to him with the commune police saying he couldn't come around anymore.

I always wondered what I'd look like with a shaved head

It seems so easy

No dealing with curling irons or straighteners

Shower time cut in half

All I'd need are some clippers

What do you think y'all?

Could I pull off the G.I. Jane Demi Moore look?

Or maybe Natalie Portman in V for Vendetta?

Could I be the

No-I-don't-have-hair bad-ass

Dying in a blaze of gunfire

But only after I have seduced you in ways that you've only imagined

Could I be a type of sexy like that?

Nope

No, I'm too scared

'Cause what if my head is a wonky shape

Or it never grows back the same length

Or what if people think I'm sick

That cancer is my hairdresser

And the only beauty they see in me

Is because they think I know more about life than they do

Why give up my hair

My one vanity

My beauty like that?

And besides

I'm afraid it wouldn't make a difference

I'm afraid I'd still be beautiful

Still have to ignore cat calls

And learn to speak rejection

Like I learned that

Below here, you're a prude

But above here, you're a slut

Call me shallow

Call me a bitch too obsessed with looks

Tell me beauty is only skin deep

And what matters is inside

Tell me of course I don't believe in plastic surgery

Because I'm already beautiful

That I do not know what it feels like

To break mirrors

That repeat time and time again

That this world is not fair

Call me vain

Call me anything but pretty

Tell me anything but beauty

Becuase beauty is cat calls and rejection

It's learning to yell fire

Becasue no one responds to

No, Help or

"Stop!"

It's skipping meals to go to the gym

A guilty binge with a painful purge

And still two inches away from looking like her

Jealousy and competition

Tainting bonds of friendship

Of sisterhood

It's unearned privileges

And the constant struggle

To prove you have a brain

It's swallowing pride

Facing the reality

That you are one of the lucky ones

One of the lucky ones

That only gets gropped and grabbed

Only belonging to lustful thoughts

And unwanted stares

One asking each and every day

How can I trust you or any of your brothers?

I wish I were plain

I wish years of this shit

Hadn't made me this way

I'd donate my vanity

To the Locks of Love

My smooth skin

To the puberty impared

And to the woman buying anit-wrinkle cream

In Walgreens

As for the cross-dressing man

Awaiting surgery

Every curve would go to her

I'd give away all these things

People told me were beautiful

If it would allow me even a moment's rest...

But I'm afraid it wouldn't make a difference

I wait for the day

When my poems are about change

Instead of myself

I only crash cars

That belong to my close friends

My record is clean

First car: age sixteen

Silver Honda Accord

It was a death trap

I learned to shift gears

By the feel of it: Listen,

Now let out the clutch

Then, from grey to blue

Angst became my fuel

Shifting with every impulse

Red, fast and wild

A Toyota Celica

Perfectly fitting

Too eager, too young

Overheated and broken

I'm no mechanic

Then I saw, I saw..

A Chilean stallion

A fable creature

You, my Elanore

Shilby GT 500

Unattainable

We had a nice ride

Cruising, Blasting rhythms of

"I love you so much"

It's hard to describe

Shifting into happiness,

Into your great light

You, fable creature

You have an amazing light

Of course you must share

I will wait for you

There are those who need your light

You must go to them

And you went to them.

I can only wait for so long

Before I must shift

It was a hard choice

Either I abandoned you

Or gave up my dreams

My dreams of travel

To find a me beyond men

To take time to walk

Desperate, I waited...

But to walk, one cannot wait.

It was a hard choice.

Unknown direction

Taking in my surroundings

Aimlessly, I walk

A poor man's Lexus

There, rusting in the hot sun

Awaiting new paint

Thursday Nov. 4th, 2010

I had the honor of attending the opening of 5 new water pumps in my commune. The organization Grand Lyon funded the construction of 5 new pumps located in 4 different fokontany.

We went to each fokontany where people were gathered around the new pumps. They all had a sky blue fence around them with empty buckets lined up outside of it - waiting to be filled. Most of the time was spent, as is the Malagasy culture, of introducing everyone who is present and thanking each other. There were a lot of speeches in Malagasy and in French (the Grand Lyon people all spoke French and no Gasy which is typical and the reason people are confused when I don't understand French). Thus I was picking out Malagasy words here and there that I understood, leaving me partially confused, and then totally lost the rest of the time people were using French.

After the speeches the pumps were opened, turned on and the Grand Lyon people, the commune Mayor and the fokontany mayor washed their hands and took a quick drink of the water. Then the village people came in to fill their buckets. At the first pump, the kids from the primary school sang a song while the buckets were being filled. Mostly I caught the word for pump and "Rano - rano - rano madio" which means water - water - water clean. I totally teared up listening to them sing and pulled the "oh, there is something in my eye" eye wipe technique to cover up how big of a sap I am!

The second fokontany did not do anything particularly special for us but as the mayor walked to the pump someone said "what's new?" and he replied not much but "misotro rano Antotohazo" which means drinking Antotohazo (the fokontany) water. He was super happy about it. Then we were clapped into the third fokontany as the kids chanted "Merci". This pump was at the primary school where they had different Eau'Vive bottles filled with dirty water and clean water from the pump. In between the speeches and the hand washing deal there were 6 girls who recited poems they had written about water/the new pump.

By the time we got to the last pump, in the commune, everyone was tired and hungry so there was less enthusiasm... But the commune thanked all the people involved with bringing in the new pumps with hand woven baskets with "Grand Lyon" and the commune's name woven into each side. Accompanied with a box of tea of course!

Good times!

Ny mpianatra

Tsa maintsy manoratra

Mba mahay tsara

Roughly translated:

The students

Must write

In order to know

Roughly translated: Zealous are the Health Educators who go by foot

October 25 - October 29 was Mother and Child week. This means getting Vitamin A, Deworming pills and the Measels vaccine out to every mother and child who needs it. The mayor and doctor brought in other docotrs/nurses/midwives from Fianar to come help go out to all the fokontany where the health educators gathered people to get medicine.

Posters were put up throughout the commune in the week before. Thursday notes were send out to the mpanentanas (health educators) to come to a meeting at the CSB II on Friday. Monday I accompanied a nurse and another worker from the hospital with a cooler for the vaccine, bottles of pills and capsules and seringes.

We went to 2 fokontany. One 5k away from the commune and the other 7k but they are on the same road that loops back around to the commune. There was a misunderstanding on the part of the mpanentanas and no one was gathered... So we walked back to the CSB and helped out there. Tuesday we went out again and this time there were people - a lot of people.

The first fokontany set up was pretty disorganized although it was the only time we all had charis and a table to work at. The Vitamin A came in these capsules that we had to cut to cut the top off of and squeeze into the kids mouths. This was my task - along with popping the the pill in there afterwards. Picture it - Me, who does not have the greatest soft spot for children, sticking my fingers in the mouths of about 400 kids between the ages of 9 months to 4 years old... many of whom were crying screaming, slobbering, snotting and just being plain out difficult... yeah... it was a shit show and we didn't have lunch or water between sometime before 7:30 AM and 6:00 PM when we got back from the second fokontany.

I must admit some kids were cute, like the ones who ran away when we jokied about giving them vaccines too. I did my tounge trick at one point and they loved the shit out of that - they always do. On Thursday we weont out again to just do vaccines for anyone who was missed. Instead of having one big group gathered like before, we went out to each individual tanana* and the mpanentanas pretty much made sure that each house came and got the kids vaccinated. Very, very cool! Anyway, even though the kids were screaming and crying over all the vaccine business they were cute and it was funny all at the same time, I guess because they were so dramatic about it.

Coolest thing about all this is that it was happening all over Madagascar!

*So I think I figured it out. The commune is the whole community, the biggest and also called the center of the community. Then the fokontany (10 in Sahambavy), is the small villages that are the surrounding subsets. The smallest is the tanana which are the little clusters of houses within the fokontany.

So the other day a guy came around and I'm pretty sure he was saying that he was looking for a wife... I started out really pissed off and wrote some angry poetry (that I will post later) but I wrote this afterwards in order to take a comic relief angle instead or staying frustrated.

How good are my chances to marry Tisa??

Question 1: Do you smoke?

A. Yes

B. Sometimes

C. No

Question 2: Who drives?

A. You, I umm...lost my license

B. You, my Mustang is in the shop

C. You, I only commute by bike

Question 3: Describe your physical activity

A. I pump iron 3 times a week - here feel my pecs!

B. I take the stairs instead of the elevator

C. The workers at REI know me by name

Question 4: How often would you compliment my looks?

A. Everyday, I think you're pretty

B. When you dress up and wear make-up

C. Not often, I have more important things to say to you

Question 5: Tattoos?

A. None, I think they are tacky

B. I've got a tribal around my bicep

C. I know a guy who can fix whoever chooses B

Question 6: Talk to me about Social Justice

A. What does Social Justice mean?

B. I let other people worry about that stuff

C. That's a little too general...are we talking SES, feminism, gender, race??

Question 7: How would you propose to me?

A. Hey, I'm looking for a wife. It could be you!

B. Lit up on the scoreboard at a baseball game

C. During a slam at a coffee shop

Question 8: How long do you want to wait before actually getting married?

A. Why wait? Let's get hitched now!

B. Year long engagement - enough time to plan the wedding and find a home

C. Marriage?! I thought we were just getting to know each other..!

Question 9: How many kids do you want?

A. 7 boys, 7 girls

B. 2.5 - it's the ideal size

C. None - but adoption if we change our minds

Question 10: How many pets do you want?

A. None, I hate animals

B. A dog, but it has to sleep outside

C. A great dane, at least 2 cats and...a pig!

If you chose:

All A's: No way, you don't have a chance

There is no way in hell that I would ever marry you. Not only do you seem like a total tool but your frame of thought is Completely different from mine. You can leave now. Bye.

All B's: Hate to break it to you but it's best to give up now

You seem like a nice person but I don't think it would work between us. We don't want the same things and that would only hurt us in the long run. If you'd stop hitting on me now I'm sure we could still be friends

All C's: You've got the potential but alas...

You have some pretty ideal qualities - you must have lied about something... But if you do happen to exist I hope we run into each other someday, maybe we could grab some coffee.

Shout out to my family and friends! I love you so much!

I also want to give a special shout out to Tom and his class:

Ryan

Becky

Jacob

Brett

Ruth

Desi

Ed

Subrina

Gabriel

Andrew

Sam

These awesome people are in a Correspondece Match Program through PC. Thanks for reading!

CSB II weekly schedule

Monday: Prenatal Consultations

Tuesday: Vaccines

Wednesday: Illness Consultations

Thurdsay: Family Planning

Friday: Vaccines

I go in on Monday, Tuesday and Thursday mornings. The way it works is when people arrive, mostly women, they stack their karnes (little booklets where all they health info is, their health passport, if you will) outside the door - this is hz they keep track of the order. They sit and wait for the midwives and doctor to arrive, wait for their name to be called and then go in for their consultation. While they wait is an opportunity to get out health messages. This is eo oh eo (more or less) where I come in, well this is where they let me do my PC thing. I can talk about STIs, HIV/AIDS, Diarreah, ARI, Hygiene, Clean water, Safe motherhood, Nutrition - there is a lot!

The only thing is that the CSB II is already pretty well established. They have a doctor. They have 2 midwives. An organization called SALFA is working with the CSB II, they have established health educators in each fokontany (surrounding villages) and I basically do what they do but in poor Malagasy. There is also a WASH worker here to talk about latrines/kabones, clean water and hygiene.

This is great! But I feel like my biggest challenge is going to be finding projects to do that they don't already have covered... I might need to help motivate the health educators to do more - that will be most sustainable. And going out to the far fokontanys will probably be best.

Rants:

-I feel like I am being used as a baby-sitter

-People keep asking me for English tutoring

-It seems like my counterpart is in this weird circle of exclusivity that she wants me to be a part of...

-I have to be cautious about who I make friends with, who I let in my house and what things I let people see.

-Men are not afraid to flirt and touch you... I've got men hissing at me, grabbing at me, and telling me they love me...One guy at my site, a teenager, is particular annoying... He does this creepy cultural palm-tickle thing, tags alng whenever he sees me, tells me I'm handsom, buys street food for me and whatever kid I'm hanging out with and stops by my house smetimes when it is already dark... My American signs of "step off" are not wrking quite well so I have to start being more aggressive and straight forward

Raves:

-There is little to no light pollution here. I can see the Milky Way every night from my front yard

-I eat local and I eat fresh! Carrots, tomatoes, spinach, onions, green beans, beans, mangos, pibasy, cucumber, garlic..! A friend gave me sweet potatoes right from her front yard - they were still warm!!!

-I'm learning how to cook! I made pancakes with fruit compote from scratch!

-I'm starting to get why kids are so cute

Do I feel any older? No, somehow you never do on your birthday

What did I do? Not a whole lot in terms of celebrating, birthdays are not big here. I worked, cooked the same food as always, did a bit of laundry - just another day really. But I did have a beer after my dinner haha

It is the beginning of week 4 at site. Holy crap!

Tamana tsara! (settled well)

My first week I realized how different it is to live alone. It is really quite at night. Have you ever heard stuff at night and totally freaked yourself out for no reason at all?? Yeah, I did that my first week... Long story short - I thought someone had gotten through my fence, the police and mayor ended up at my house, nothing was actually wrong and people are still talking about it... I feel like such an idiot!

Anyway, I have two rooms (bedroom and kitchen), a good sized yard with space to garden. There is a water pump near by and I am close to the commune, CSB II (hospital) and market too.

A glimpse into my day to day:

-I go to the CSB II three mornings a week

-Cook every meal

-Language tutoring three times a week

-Big market days are wednesday and sunday. Bargaining is a big part of the culture

-Saturdays I play with my counterpart's kid

-Sundays there are soccer games

-Another volunteer lives 8k from me and comes on sundays for market so we chill

-Free time is spent reading, cooking, chatting with people and walking aroung. I do a fair amount of just thinking too (like wondering what cyclne season is going to be like) haha

Memoirs of a Geisha - Sept. 26 2010

Girl with the Dragon Tattoo - Oct. 9 2010

About a Boy - Oct 12 2010

Dear family,

I know there is an 8 hour time difference between here and the states but why haven’t you called?

I’ve already been done a month…

Whatever

Anyway

Listen

You know how we imagined African winter to be warm

Skirt, shorts and t-shirt weather?

Yeah, Disney fucking lied!

They lied about the whole dry thing too

Life is completely different here

Let me tell you about the kabone

It’s a big hole in the ground

Built around it you’ve got walls, a roof

And a door that doesn’t quite shut all the way

Stand on the floor, squat and aim for a hole about the size of your foot

An outhouse essentially

But you know how if you drop your phone down the toilet…

You can bite the bullet; reach in there and save it?

Here it would be more like biting a grenade to go back for a fallen comrade…

Fuck no, that shit is lost forever!

I can’t remember how to eat with a fork

I maybe shower twice a week

In half a bucket of river water

I haven’t told you about the rice-patties yet

Imagine field after field of stagnant water

Swimming with feces from cows, pigs, chickens, dogs and humans

There are narrow pathways to get through them

But you feel like you’re playing that lava game as a kid

You Will Die if you fall in!

Do you remember how you felt the first time you aced a test?

Or drove a car alone without crashing?

Or the Rocky movie – when he gets to the top of the stairs?

That’s how I feel every time I manage to come home not covered in mud

I remember sitting in an air-conditioned burger joint

Stuffing my face with the most delicious combination of

Meat, cheese, tomatoes, mushrooms, lettuce, ketchup, mustard and mayonnaise

Ever smashed between two pieces of bread

And now I eat rice

Rice and cold laoka

What I wouldn’t give for a grand slam breakfast right now…

2 eggs, 2 strips of bacon, 2 sausage links, ham, 2 pieces of toast and a short stack with butter and syrup

Could you put that in a box,

Send it over for a small fortune,

So I can get it in a month?

I don’t care if the postman jacks the butter

Or the rats get at the bacon

I just want some fluffy pancakes dripping in maple goodness!

I remember walking from my car to my house in blissful silence

There were not brat kids

For 3 miles!

Yelling vazaha at me every 5 minutes!

Or singing that damn chicken song!

And you know what else I remember??

I remember when I was that little shit kid too

Annoying the hell out of everyone just because I could

I remember being a teenager

Thinking I was invincible

Too cool to listen to authority

And you know what – they are the same here

I may not understand when they ask

Tia mananihany olona ve ianao?

But I know how much weight that word carries

It’s how many kilos of comfort is created from a grandmother’s hug

It’s the pounds of ice cream it takes to heal a friend’s broken heart

It’s the amount of poetry she wrote about him before that day

Yeah, that translates

This may all sound cheesy

But Laughing Cow is equal in cost

To a phone call home

Whether it’s dolls or rocks

Kids still play out how they understand the world

Imagine who they will become

They still pluck the wings of dragonflies

Before they realize what it means

For beauty to be free

I’ve been speaking with my heart lately

She’s not happy with me

We spoke about her last lover

How she taught my fingers to play his spine the way a musician touch their guitar

How she used my chest plate as a dance floor

Dropping beats to the rhythm of his breathe

Left bruises on my neck from practicing the steps

I can still taste the sweat

Two left feet when he was gone

She took up hoe-baggin, lying and stealing instead

Just to pay the rent

No use talking to her when she’s like that

So I packed gun power down my throat

Iron gated my rib cage

Brick walled back

Collar bone booby trap

I forgot what her voice sounded like

Let the answering machine get it for so long

But there is actually a message for once

She can’t breathe

So I’ve been speaking with my heart lately

Speaking like I know where I come from

Like I know where I’m going

Like I know how to close the gap between who I am and who I want to become

Speaking honesty like it is the last thing that can save me

I Love slam poetry. Andrea Gibson, Ken Arkind, Panama Soweto, Buddy Wakefield. The Denver slam team, I was born with two tongues and all the poets on podslam.org to all the ones performing in places like the bean cycle. I have major respect for them and have fantasized about one day becoming a spoken word artist. Envisioning myself on a stage in front of people rattles my nerves but thrills me at the same time. I haven’t written much poetry since the awful stuff I used to write when my world would cave in over romantic affairs or the woes of, well puberty. I have been writing here in Madagascar though and am actually finding some confidence in my poetry.

So here it goes, putting up my own words for everyone to see, not really caring if you like it or think its good but hoping that you do. Keep in mind that my current poetry was written with intension to be preformed.

Written on my ride back from site visit:

I don’t take medicine

Over the years I have convinced myself that they are a scam

But I am half an hour into an 8, 9, 10 hour taxi-brousse ride

Falling into Dramamine drowsiness

Glad I am not nauseous like the vazaha next to me

We are still in the city of Fianarantsoa

Yet the people are no less intimate in their engagement with the environment

No one wears white in the villages

It is a tainted love affair they have with these rivers

Women trace its outline daily

Secretly to escape away

They know its bumps, its wrinkles

Search for their favorite curves to wash away sweat, red dirt and car exhaust from the past week

Soap

Scrub

Brush

With a parasitic rinse cycle

Let hang dry 3 days

No, the city is wed to its rice-patties

They even span the dips and valleys in the heart of it

Betsileo are the most romantic

They know how mody this land is

Thigh deep in brown skin

Using every tool to give birth to their most sustainable relationship

It’s a rough path to take, this marriage

Worn in with years of practice

Of women bearing the weight

Not only on their backs but atop their heads

Bags of men’s work

Jenga stacked bricks

And buckets, buckets of water

I’m amazed they never drop a tear

They must be steadied from their reality of choosing

Help over knowledge

Work over hunger

Life over choice

They must have to master this balance

As to not slip and fall

To the ground

Dirty palm stretched out like a Baobab tree

Branching fingers to catch as much light and hope as the world can offer

I mistake the smog for dew rising up from the trees in that light

I’d rather see the beauty

I’d rather terrace my heart

Dig

Carve

Create more space to grow and care and bleed

But mostly to understand

Peace Corps by choice

Betsileo by the grace of …

I want to believe their lives can be better

And that we will have something to do with that

But I’m all drugged up

Remember that better is relative

And let these winding roads rock me to sleep

Four years ago I remember driving with my family and best friend up to Fort Collins to move into a college dorm room. I was excited but terrified at the same time, wondering who I would meet and what I would learn. I remember hearing that college wasn’t for everyone and not knowing if it was for me or not but still going because - hey I was a good student, the college thing sounds kind of cool and maybe it’ll help me find a good job.

A year and a half later I remember being nervous for an interview to be a peer mentor for the Key Service Community that had gotten me through my first year of college. I was applying for my junior year but was asked in my second follow-up interview if I would be willing to jump in early since they had a spot open. I was slightly in disbelief; I had never really considered myself a leader but took the opportunity hoping that I could meet the expectations.

Four months ago I was sitting in my college graduation ceremony. I couldn’t hear what the people on stage were saying because all the speakers were pointed towards my family and friends. Instead I heard echoes of all the support I had accumulated over the four years - from old friends, new friends, lovers, family, mentors, professors, authors of books, co-workers and sometimes even random people on a bus. I couldn’t help but to rock my cheeseburger smile.

Two months ago I remember Freaking Out the day before leaving to Washington D.C because I didn’t think I had packed any of the right clothes. I cried in the security line after saying good-bye to my father – sad to be leaving, wondering how I had gotten there and having no idea what the next two years of my life were going to look like. My anxieties momentarily fell away when I met other Peace Corps trainees who too had not studied Malagasy that much. A week later I was meeting my Malagasy host family, terrified about the next few hours until I could disappear into my room.

Currently, I am sitting at the Peace Corps training center. It’s my favorite time of day when the shadows start becoming longer and longer. My fingers are remembering how to use a key board on a friend’s laptop and another friend is calling my name. I’m wearing clothes from the U.S. that will not be washed in a machine for the next two years. I am constantly shooing bugs to get out of my face and my stomach is still out of wack from two days ago because there is something wrong with the rum in this country! I feel like I hear poetry in the words I am writing because ever since I’ve gotten here I’ve actually had time to write it, maybe it’s because there are fewer distractions here.

Tomorrow we leave to the capital and soon we will be sworn-in as Peace Corps volunteers. Training “technically” has been 10 weeks, but really it has only been 8 since the first one didn’t really have any training and this last one was full of presentations, language assessments, good-byes and preparing to get to site. I’ve given presentations on diarrhea, nutrition, reproductive health, sanitizing water, respiratory infections and breastfeeding – all in Malagasy (Betsileo dialect) and in front of people from the community. I’ve killed a chicken, I’ve lived with a Malagasy family who I have really come to love, broken several Malagasy fomba (tradition/culture norms) and been awarded the “Most likely to eat the most Malagasy street food” superlative by my fellow trainees.

All 42 of us have made it through training and all of us will be heading out to our individual sites to be on our own for two years. I am once again terrified. I am scared of leaving all the new friends I have made. I am scared of being the only foreigner in my community. I can only imagine what it is going to feel like to watch the Peace Corps car drive away and I spend my first minutes in what will be my home for the next two years. Yes I will have a community all around me but somehow I will still experience a type of solitude I have Never experienced before… I am nervous about working in the CSB II/commune hospital. I am nervous about my language. I am nervous about what I am going to eat the first week. I have never felt this kind of horrified before.

I recognize there may be some people who are bit worried about me after reading that – maybe even wondering what the hell I’m doing here

. . .

I received a gift from the Women’s Studies department when I graduated. It is a picture of Audre Lorde with a quote:

“When I dare to be powerful – to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid.”

This is my daily schedule during the week. There is a lot of training! In the morning the focus is on language. The first few days was “survival Malagasy” to get through our nights with our homestay families. We have started to learn numbers, bargaining at the market, family, professions and expressing needs. The way PC teaches is really efficient and we’ll be able to communicate pretty well by the end of training. I guess the nice thing about Madagascar is that even though there are something like 10 different dialects all the sentence structure stuff is the same, so all Malagasy understand each other which I guess doesn’t happen in other African countries.

In the afternoons we have technical training. For all the Health trainees out main focus will be women’s and children’s health along with reproductive health in youth. We have been learning a lot about vaccines/immunizations and malnutrition which are big issues here in Madagascar. The sessions can get pretty depressing for me anyway because there issues occur often and can end in death but there are very simple solutions, preventative actions, they can take to avoid them but a lot of people just don’t know about them. Our role is to try closing the gap which hopefully will save many lives.

I have already found out where my site is going to be! I will be in the southeastern highlands. My village is Sahambavy which is just southeast of Fianarantsoa (Fianar for short). Here is what I know about it so far:

-Approximate population: 17,000

-Cold March through August…But I hear it is dry which I really hope it is!

-Spoken dialect: Betsileo. I have already started to learn it rather than standart Malagasy but the switch doesn’t seem to like it will be too difficult.

-I’ll have pretty reliable transportation to Fianar, Tana and Manakara. Taxi-Brousse and train.

-Sahambavy is known for it’s tea industry.

-People come to Sahambavy from Fianar to have picnics. I hear it is really pretty and I am lucky to be placed there!

-My house is one big room, built out of brick and concrete I think. I’ll have a kitchen, latrine, fence, a well (hopefully close) but no electricity which is totally fine.

Next week on Friday we leave to go to our individual site visits! I am actually not sure what that week will look like but I am pretty juiced about it!

Day/Date: Sunday July 25, 2010 (about 4 days into my homestay)

Time: Sometime before dinner, between 6 and 7:30pm

Location: Homestay house/my bedroom

Description: I commit a major Malagasy

So at my homestay we do not have a toilet, we have a kabone. This is a brick structure built around/over a huge hoe dug in the ground. There is a floor built over that too with a much smaller hole, where you do your business…there are pieces of wood or bricks that you use while you squat (balance, aim and thigh strength required) This is behind the house a bit and is only for daytime use.

What do people do at night? --You may ask…

Well since it gets really dark and can get slippery they don’t use the kabone at night but a po instead. A po can be used to spit in after brushing your teeth, it can be used to wash your hands off a bit, it can be used to shave (if you are skilled enough not to spill outside of it) but it’s main use is for #1 and #2! The po is a bucket with a lid. You use it, empty/rinse it out in the morning, let it “air out” during the day and put it in the corner of your room at night.

It is a very personal item…

One night, the night of the 25th, I am studying Malagasy with my host family in the common room. It is starting to get dark and I have to tinkle so I go use the po in my room, and come back to continue studying…

“Knock, knock”

Oh what a surprise! It is our upstairs neighbors…they usually do not come over around that time. They begin to speak Malagasy with my mom and I hear a familiar word…”po”..! Turns out…I brought the wrong po into my room!!

I was mortified!!! They all thought it was hilarious and of course I laughed along with them! Their po was next to my family’s po outside, and it is blue just like mine but in a different shade..! My po was in my Ladosy (shower)… They kept telling my that their po is manga (blue) and that mine is mangamanga (bluish). While I kept trying to ask if I could wash it out before giving it to them, without actually saying I had already used it!!! But that didn’t happen…so they took their po…with my pee in it…

Me = Dumb American. I am so thankful the joke only lasted for 2 days but who knows how many people in out village heard about it!

As of August 3, 2010: So I have been in Madagascar for about two weeks now! I met the other 41 trainees in Washington D.C. and had a short orientation. We sat on a plane for about 20hours, stopping in Dakar to refuel and landing in Johannesburg, South Africa for the night. The another 3 hour flight the next morning to Antananariva (Tana for short), Madagascar and stayed a night there. All our training is in a village called Mantasoa. This was a 2ish hour, bumpy as hell, 14 person packed van ride. As soon as we got to Mantasoa (just southeast of Tana) we met our host families and had out first night with them! Tad bit intimidating but we all survived just fine. My host family: I live with a woman in her 50’s who I call Neny, which means mom. She farms rice and raises chickens. Her daughter also lives with there. Her name is Nomena, she is 18 and has the same birthday as me! They are both super nice! They teach me their lifestyle here and are eager to help me learn Malagasy. This is their first time hosting a Peace Corps Trainee (PCT) and I’m hoping they are having a good experience… I am for sure! I taught them how to play Go Fish last night. It went over pretty well! Explaining the rules was a bit rocky but we got it and had fun. I tried to explain “beginner’s luck” when Nomena won but my language skills are not quite at that level yet haha I may have to start introducing more games though because we played like 25 rounds tonight…Go Fish is only entertaining for so long! How about a bit about my lifestyle out here?? Contents of my room: A desk, a chair, a bed, a mosquito net, a water filter ( I have to treat all the water I drink with a chlorine solution), a trunk for safe keeping, a trash basket, a broom, a bucket for fetching water/showering, a po (see Po Corps blog for a hilarious story) and all the stuff I brought with me from home. It is simple but I have a good amount of space and I have a door directly to the outside. This is nice because I have more “me” space than it seems some other trainees do with doors connected to other rooms in the house. My daily/weekly activities: -I eat all three meals with my host family and let them know where I am going/what I am doing. It is interesting being in the family setting again, with people you do not know very well. -I walk about 300 meters to get water for a shower. The path is sometimes slippery and muddy and I have to carry a bucket full of water back that distance. -I make my bed every morning and usually sweep my floor too. I use the “brosy” (not sure of the spelling, but it is half a coconut shell) to break up the dirt on the floor first and then sweep it out the door. -I wash my clothes in a river, and hang them out to dry. It’s pretty cloudy and sometimes rainy/drizzly here right now so it can take 3 days for clothes to dry sometimes. I have to be strategic in what I was since I do not have many clothes. -Electricity is expensive so we use candles at night. There is definitely more but I will share that throughout the coming weeks when I get the chance

Yes! I leave Sunday...yeah this Sunday...so there's tomorrow, the day after that and then the next day I leave...!!!!

huh yeah I'm kind of really freaking out. Thank goodness for all of my friends who are calming me down. My old supervisor Jess in particular reminded me of how at this point it is pretty normal to be freaking out - I relaxed for about oh...2.5 seconds and then proceeded to freak out but in a healthy way : ) I feel like I have done a pretty good job of keeping my composure thus far but I am starting to stress pretty good, I'm pretty sensitive today haha my mom keeps asking me to do stuff to get ready for my going away party tomorrow and I got upset because I'm freaking out of course and had to leave so I could cry it out a bit to refocus. And now I am back to being happily freaking out : )

It's so surreal right now...I have a lot to do to get ready but I don't at the same time. I am stressing about stuff but in days that will all just melt away because I am going to be in Africa! I still cannot believe that it is actually happening. I remember when I went up the Peace Corps table to ask the people what is was all about and found out that it actually didn't have anything to do with the military HA! Then talking to the recruiter at CSU who was super nice and told me all about her experience...finding out Jen Johnson (CSU Alt Break Coordinator) had gone which made it that much cooler...making the decision and submitting my application...going to my interview dressed business casual and they were in crocs...getting my medical packet...getting my phone call and invitation to serve and now...now it is 2 days before I get on an airplane and go do what I have been planning and talking about doing for the past year! How does someone even handle that?!

Happy tears accompanied with a happy dance I think will suffice!

I'm going to miss hot showers. Being the wise person that I am I have been gorging on sugar and fat infused foods over the past few month that I am pretty sick of them now and will not be missing them very much..or at least for the next two weeks. Same goes for my family haha ok just my mom hahaha but I love her and all of them so much and I will miss them. I will miss all my friends too, I love them all So much. My dogs, Colorado sunrises, the mountains..I know this will all be here when I get back though. And I know that I will make more friends, they will become family too and I'll find beauty in the sunsets of Madagascar.

I am so unbelievably happy with my life

I'll take the partially shady past, the broken hearts, the fly-shit that annoys me and yes I will give up computers, internet, cell phones, electricity, running water and luxury...I've done this and more and I will continue to knowing that I am doing exactly what is making me happy. That I am going to see the world, see it in ways I cannot predict. I am going to be part of something that is so much bigger than me and so important. Never again will I be the same person as I've been before Sunday. This is going to be...I don't even know how I could put a word to it...it's going to be the Peace Corps!!

(Pause for dramatic effect)

Needless to say, it is getting kind of heavy. I switch from excited to anxious every five minutes and somehow both at the same time. I am picking and choosing what to take with me for the next two years, donating a quarter of all my stuff and packing the rest away into storage. I'm taking books on meditation, it is the closest to religion/spirituality I have gotten and hope it will help me when I need to breathe. I am leaving my most prized possessions to stay safe at home. I keep playing with a lip ring that isn't there and I am getting used to the cheapo earrings that feel nothing like the ones I have worn since I had my ears pierced.

I feel like I am focusing a lot on what I am letting go...which I think is fine and normal but I am going to have to switch it soon and I'm thinking that will happen without me even noticing.

I keep reminding myself:

I applied only after I knew I was committed for the two years

The Peace Corps invited me to serve

I am strong and I can do this

Emotional roller coaster is normal during a transition period

Everyone will be fine while I am gone

"Remember happiness is a way of travel, not a destination."

"The only constant is change."

**Found out that Madagascar has one of the highest rates of volunteers extending their service

So I guess technically it is a little less than a month away because I just booked my flight today for my staging (aka orientation) event and I leave July 18th! Oh my gosh! It is in Washington DC! Funnily enough I was actually just out on the East Coast to visit my friend Chris so I have already been to DC, and I was out there once before that to see my friend Jesse too But I am going out there for totally different reasons this time and it is going to be crazy exciting/scary/intense!

What if I got to meet Obama?? That would be so awesome! I'd have to play it chill like "Oh hey Barack, how you doing today?" and "Michelle, ha that's my middle name!" or "How are the girls liking the dog?" Don't worry I'm just kidding, I would totally be respectful...I would actually be completely speechless haha either way the situation is very unlikely but I would have amazing bragging rights if it did ; )

Anyway! The day after I arrive I will be going through an orientation with other volunteers to...well..orient us to life as a trainee. Probably going to be a fair amount of paper work, talking aobut expectations and (dun, dun, dun) shots. Boo. I'm super stoked though! It'll be really exciting to meet other people in the same boat although I am not sure if all of the people at this orientation will be going to Madagascar but I'm sure there will be some at least. Then the day after that I ship out to Madagascar!!! Baaaaaahhhh! What?? It's starting to sink in a tinsy bit what I have gotten myself into, while I am absolutely sure that I still will have absolutely no idea what it will really be like until I wake up my first day there! What a trip! Did I mention the flight is 17 hours and 25 minutes? I have a window seat at least... One stop over in Johannesburg, South Africa and then a 3 hour and 10 minute flight over to Antananarivo, Madagascar. So quite litterally a month from today I will be IN Madagascar, I will be IN my host country of service = (excited) damn!!!

I am reading yet another one of the booklets that Peace Corps provided in my invitation packet that talks about adjusting to staging, training and service. I will say that they provide very realistic expectations which is a bit nerve wracking but I am also sure it will be better than having it all sugar-coated and bail out when you hit some road bumps.

I am trying to practice meditation on my own. I have been figuring that almost Everything that I am accustomed to is going to be gone and I will even have to relearn how to do stuff like how to go to the bathroom (this is what the book is telling me anyway) The ways I normally deal with stress may even be hard to do but I'm thinking meditation can pretty much be done anywhere and it has always been great when I have done it in the past. Plus, not having a spiritual base is really starting to get to me and what has realy fit me the most so far has been yoga and meditation.

A few other things that are going on right now:

I have stopped wearing my contacts/I threw out my last pair. Since running/clean water may not be available and supplies for contacts might be limited they suggest glasses anyway so I ordered a pair of those transition glasses today.

I am procrastinating taking my lip ring out... I've had it for four year... I really like it but they are taboo in Madagascar and not easily hidden thus I must take it out... but I'm getting over being sick right now and I want my body to focus on that rather than closing up the hole in my lip... and Yes... I'm trying to rationalize! On a good note though I am finally going to get my back tattoo finished next Tuesday Yay!!!

Manahoana! Fahasalamana? This means Hello! How are you? in Malagasy. I have been going through the introductory language lessons that the Peace Corps has provided. This language stuff is going to be intense! Good thing I have had language (spanish) classes in the past, I hear it's easier to learn more languages once you have learned one other than your native tongue. I borrowed some French books too, which by the way, French and Malagasy sound nothing alike from what I can tell so it'll be interesting if I have to learn both.

I have decided that instead of being super responsible I am going to keep my options open for an opportunity I may not have again. There is this readjustment stipend that each volunteer gets after their service but they allow you to take money out of that stipend if you need to make monthly payments in at home if you need it. I was going to do this with my student loans, consolidate them and make payments so that can start getting tackled while I am away. But a returned Peace Corps volunteer said he took his stipend and travelled around the world for 6 months after his service. I asked my dad if I should be responsible or not and he said not consolidating my loans wouldn't be irresponsible so I have decided just to deffer them : ) Thanks Dad! Love you!

I have a couple last hurrahs to do in Fort Collins.

My lovely sister is getting married this Saturday (I'm the Maid of Honor).

I get to see my best friend Shannon one more time before I go.

I have a family reunion to go to the day after the wedding.

Need the H1N1 vaccination

Get all my stuff into storage (what a silly concept by the way)

And I need to start figuring out what to pack!

Madagascar!!!!

I received my Invitation Kit about 4 or 5 days after my call from the Peace Corps and it has a Bunch of information in it. The first of which is my assignment:

Country: Madagascar

Program: Community Health Project

Orientation date: July 19, 2010

I had to read a little booklet about my assignment which included information about the history of the program in Madagascar, primary duties, secondary projects, working and living conditions, challenges/rewards and some comments from previous volunteers. I also had to read this Welcome Book from the Madagascar staff (I believe) that is 101 pages long (I skimmed and read the important stuff, don't worry) as well as the core values of the Peace Corps. I had 10 days to review this and send an email accepting my invitation - which I did!

After I accepted my invitation the next step was to send my host country staff an updated/restructured/expanded resume and an aspiration statement to kind of introduce myself. Another step that had to be done as soon as possible was applying for a passport and a visa. The only thing was I still had this whole graduation thing to do! Haha My best friend Shannon flew in the evening that I accepted my invitation and we were pretty busy up until she left a few days later. We hung out with a few friends in Denver that Thursday night she came in, went to one of my other best friend's/roommate's (Lauren) graduation stuff the next day, Lauren and I had a graduation party on Saturday, my graduation ceremony was that evening and my sister, shannon and I went out in old town Fort Collins that night, had my own graduation party at my parent's house on that Sunday, helped my supervisor and drove a student up to the CSU foothills campus on Monday, some wedding dress stuff with Shannon that evening and then Shannon left Tuesday afternoon....whew...busy, busy! So needless to say, I had little time to do Peace Corps stuff.

I just sent in my resume and aspiration statement the last couple days and there is still a lot I have to do before I leave.

1. Move out of my place in Fort Collins and transition into my parent's house. I have lived in the place in Fort Collins ever since moving out of the dorms and I have been there with Lauren the whole time...I have been slowly taking stuff down, packing things and bringing it to my parent;s place and it's been pretty sad...I Love CSU, I Love Fort Collins, I Love my roommates and I Love who I have become in my time there...it will always hold a very special place in my heart and I don't really want to leave but life must go on and my next chapter will be exciting as well.

Now I will be staying with my parents...I love them, I love them very much but it is hard to go back to living with them after 4 years of being away...My mom and I have always driven each other crazy but that's ok, it's only 2 months before I leave. My dad does projects around the house all the time and now that I don't have a lot to do...I am automatically volunteered to help, which is fine, it's only 2 months until I leave. I am also working for my dad and his insulation business for the next couple months, which is dirty work but again, only up until I leave. Ok, ok, it's really not all that terrible. I would rather spend this time with my family and friends than be anywhere else!

2. Get everything (life) in order and tying up loose ends before being gone for two years! This means: packing up all the stuff I want to keep and selling off all the stuff I don't need, paying off debts, figuring out student loan stuff, finishing my tattoo, finishing volunteer hours for an AmeriCorps award and writing appreciation letters. I'm sure there is more but it's just so much I'll just have to make a real list for myself sometime to it all gets done!

3. Prepare for my service. There is the logistical stuff that I will have to do like filling out a bunch of forms and setting up my flight. There will also be a lot of mental preparation. I'm going to be doing a lot of reading and researching (Peace Corps has already provided me with a lot of information and resources) about Africa, Madagascar, my program and all that jazz. I need to absorb the fact that I am not going to be in the U.S., I will not have my friends or family so close, my life will Dramatically change when I do leave and I will be gone for two years. I know all this is a reality but it hasn't quite "set in" really... I am Extremely excited for this next part of my life! It is going to be a transformative experience and I cannot even image who I will meet, what I will do, the changes I will go through and where life will take me after that! Whatever happens though...I know it will be amazing and it is exactly where I want to be.

Where to start..? From the beginning I suppose!

I am not the type to really plan ahead. I feel like that is going to change anyway and it is almost limiting what I will do. Having said that, I am really lucky that I am in college because I procrastinated for a long time to apply. I only applied to one college, CSU, and luckily I was accepted. I am a first generation student so I had no real knowledge about how to navigate through it. I was part of a service-learning community my freshman year called Key Service. Being in this program laid the base for my success in college. I had a wonderful mentor, Tania Valdez, and I was introduced to community service.

I remember hearing about the Peace Corps and thinking that it had something to do with the military HA! There was a career fair or involvement fair on campus or something and I decided just to take a look around. Peace Corps was there and I asked some questions and I was pretty into service by this time and it sounded really interesting. Over the past four years I have been slowly thinking about the Peace Corps as an option after college. I went to information sessions, asked questions about how to get more information from my mentors, met with returners and on campus recruiter and all the while developing skills that would eventually boost my confidence in the fact that this was a real possibility.

I began to seriously consider going around my third year because I knew that I would have to apply a year in advance. A lot of factors played in to deciding whether I would apply or not: Was I ok with being gone for 2 years? Was I ok with being in a foreign country most likely vastly different from the U.S.? How would this affect the relationship I had at the time? What else would I want to do if I didn't do the PC? and many many other factors and questions too. I was told (and I tell people who are considering applying) that applying couldn't hurt and it may help you decide whether you want to go all the way with it. For me; I made the decision that I would have to be ready and committed for the whole sha-bang before applying. The same came after my third year and I applied.

I went to an interview and got nominated for a health program in Africa. I proceeded to fulfill the medical packet requirements... A physical exam (to any of you in this stage, the VA hospital in Denver does this for free for PCV). A dental exam/work (which I'm still paying off even after the reimbursement). An eye exam. Copies of medical records... Goodness it was a hassle, that I put off for way too long...and then played a waiting game until I was medically cleared! More waiting ensued until I got an email saying that my application was in the placement offices. Some more waiting...and then the placement office contacted my saying that all that was left was an updated resume (so they could know what I have been up to in the past year) and my final transcript. I sent in my updated resume on May 6th and literally an hour later I got a call - that I missed because I was in class.

I checked my message and went into the SLiCE office (were I work on campus) and returned the call. I spoke with Daniel and he asked me a few questions about if I was comfortable with doing a health program for my service, how I was feeling about the Peace Corps, how my family was feeling about the whole thing and addressing any of my concerns (communication home, returning for a wedding, tattoo stuff). Then he said he would like to extend me an invitation to serve with the Peace Corps.

My Reaction:

(**Shazam** !!WooHoo!! ~~Righteous~~ !Yippy! *So Awesome* HAPPY DANCE) ---------->

My Response:

"Oh that's great!"

I was pretty on top of the world at that point haha I actually had an event going on that day (REAL Award Reception) that I still needed to get together so I was not able to fully absorb it in. I actually have yet to fully acknowledge that I will be in the Peace Corps within the next few months. So where I am at now is I am anticipating to receive my invitation in the mail within the week. I think there will be more specifics once it gets here but my placement is somewhere in Africa in a health extension position and I would be leaving sometime in July. Yeah...that's July of 2010...the one that is just the rest of May and the month of June away...yeah that July..! That is about 2 months earlier than I was expecting but it's All Good!

I am currently trying to push through finals week with some integrity but my motivation has been on a steady decline since spring break pretty much. This Saturday is my graduation ceremony, Sa-weet! So needless to say there is a lot going on. My feelings are all over the place! I have been very reminiscent, stressed, excited and anxious. I am really going to miss CSU... I have met some really amazing people in my time here (Lauren Dixon, Chris Nicolas, Lori Peek, Chris Linder, Jess Burge, Bobby Kunstman, Jen Johnson - just to name a few, the list is much longer than this) and it is sad that I am leaving and everyone is going off to different places to live their lives. I am ready to get to my own adventure though!

I have no idea where life is taking me but I am So ready!