I had fleas. Yea, fleas like dogs and cats get. I’m sure every one of you reading this is thinking two things: “Oh my god that is so gross”and“I didn’t know people could get fleas!” Yes, it is absolutely gross and apparently people can. Well, actually what had happened was the fleas were living in my foam mattress. They mostly come out at night and bite you all down your sides and under your arms. This isn’t uncommon. I know of a couple other PCVS who had the same problem. The only problem was how to get rid of them! I went to the Peace Corps nurse asking for tips on how to solve the issue. She said to put my mattress out in my yard and let it sit in the sun for a couple hours. Even though she has dealt with many other PCVS who have had the same issue, and I’m sure knew what she was talking about, I didn’t really believe her. It is a regular practice for Samoans to lay things out in the sun. Dish towels, pillows, and mats (the mats are what Samoans sleep on) I’ve been told that doing this does kill whatever germs or bugs there are, but again I never believed it. Nevertheless I was getting really desperate. The bites on my body were really getting to me and I could feel the fleas jumping all over me at night. I would wear long pants and a long sleeve shirt to bed (even though I live in the tropics and its super hot at night). I did it just to try and prevent the biting. It didn’t work. So I took my nurses advice and put my mattress out in the yard for about 4 hours. That was yesterday, and I am happy to report that after a night of sleeping in my new sunned mattress I have no new bites. J

(I have to say that is something to definitely be happy about. )

So I’ve changed the title of my blog from Lindsey for Peace to Travels Towards Happiness. Let me explain. After a very VERY long first year in the Peace Corps, a wonderful trip home for the holidays, and the ambition to knock my second year out of the park, I have decided that the only way to get my blog going again is to switch it up a bit. I stopped writing posts a very long time ago. At first, it was because I was going through a very difficult time in my service (“the bottom of the rollercoaster” what people in the Peace Corps like to call it) and I didn’t think that anyone wanted to listen to me bitch and moan and complain. So I decided to wait to write until I was a little higher on the rollercoaster. However, by the time that happened I had changed and didn’t really want to write about the things I had been writing about before. Talking about rats, Samoan food, or whatever, just didn’t seem pertinent anymore. I had been here long enough to where I was now calling Samoa “home” so talking about the oohs and aahhs just didn’t do it for me anymore. So when I got back to Samoa after my vacation I thought about what I did want to write about. And I decided that what I want to write about is happiness. I spent so much of my last year in emotions that were anything but happiness. Anyone who really knows me, knows that I am not the most positive person in the world. But it’s kind of funny because I think last year, a year of anything but happiness, taught be how crucial happiness really is. I should preface this whole thing by saying I have no intention of writing a “feely do good” kind of blog either. I just plan on writing about things in my life that are or maybe will one day lead to my grand life goal of true happiness. Because really, isn’t that what everyone wants? So as I am abroad now and have intentions of continuing to teach abroad; as I learn, experience, fall into, and grow throughout the days please stay tuned in my travels towards happiness. J “Whether one believes in religion or not, whether one believes in this religion or that religion, the very purpose of our life is happiness, the very motion of our life is toward happiness.” –The Dali Lama

Year 2. They say it’s a lot easier and goes by a lot faster than year 1. Since my year 2 is just starting, I’ll have to take their word for it. Not that I don’t believe them because I do. I was fortunate enough to be able to go home for Christmas this year. It was amazing to be home and kind of re-live my old life. Take hot showers, sleep in my old bed, hang out at my regular spots, etc. But as my trip ended, and I was getting ready to go home I thought back to how I felt the last time I was leaving for Samoa. The last time was the first time I was going there and the word ‘nervous’ doesn’t even begin to describe how I felt. I remember having a range of emotions at any given moment that could, and most likely were, all over the emotional scale. But this time, this time I wasn’t nervous and wasn’t on an emotional rollercoaster ride. I knew what I was coming back to. I knew what to expect, and what people were going to be in my Samoan life. That’s why I believe year 2 will be better than year 1. Last year I had to learn the language, and the fa’asamoa (Samoan way). I walked on egg shells every day and with everyone. But now I know the language and I know the fa’asamoa. I’m more confident with day to day interactions and experiences as well as more confident in general. I know how to say no to people in a polite and respectful manner, and I know how to get my point across without being rude or stepping on any toes. There are a lot of things that I have learned from my first year in the Peace Corps, mistakes that I have made, and expectations that just plain weren’t practical. One of the biggest mistakes I made last year was setting expectations for something that I knew little to nothing about. Last year I had expectations of doing several projects in a certain amount of time (usually a short amount of time). It took a serious crash into a brick wall to realize that this was not the way to go about it all. For this year, my plan is to make no plans, and have no expectations. With this, I won’t have all the pressure and no brick walls to run into. I am excited for my year 2 of teaching. I will have all the same kids. I know their abilities and I know them as individuals. I am excited to bond with them more, and I’m excited to revise my lessons in a way that I know will work best for each of my kids. I know I said before that I’m not making and plans or having any expectations for year 2, but I do have a goal for this year… my goal is to just accept things for what they are and how they come. Whether it’s bad or good I’m just going to accept it.

I keep having these dreams. Dreams where I’m trying so hard to wake up and I can’t. I know that I’m dreaming and I am aware of my body, but I can’t move. It’s like something from my dreams is trying to pull me back in. I don’t know why I keep having these dreams, nor do I know what it means. All I know is that its like I’m in two alternate universes, trying to get to one or the other, but I’m paralyzed. The feeling of wanting to move, and not being able to, is the worse feeling in the world. No one around to give you a push no one even around who knows your in trouble. This morning I woke up put on a pot of coffee, did my stretches, and got ready for the day while listening to music. The same routine I’ve done for years. It comes natural to me. It’s what I do, who I am. This afternoon I taught my students, ate lunch with the fellow teachers and listened while they spoke in a different language. I wore my pulotasi and ate food I’ve never had until coming here. This is not what I usually do, nor is it who I am. Nevertheless I do it all because here is where I am. This evening I watched a regular favorite movie of mine. While later talking to my Samoan neighbors, and washed my clothes in a bucket. I made my favorite pasta dish for dinner on a 2 burner hot plate. Not usually what I cook my food on, but it is now. Everyday of every moment I am between two worlds. One foot in the land of me, tradition, routines, familiarities, likes and dislikes. And the other foot in the circus land. Confusion, unfamiliarity’s, and craziness. In a place where I have no tradition and I must like everything (for appearances). One foot in each world. Worlds so different and so far away from each other it’s like I’m doing the splits. Tonight I’ll read my book and write in my journal. I’ll listen to Norah Jones or Michael Buble before going to sleep (because that’s what I always do.) But when I get into bed I’ll make sure my mosquito net is completely around the bed and I’ll go to sleep on my piece of foam. Every moment of every day. Two worlds. And now this has all caught up to me. These splits that I’m doing are now in my dreams as well the paralyzing feeling I have while trying to come from dream land to reality. It’s the same paralyzing feeling I feel each day. Wanting to go to my land of tradition, familiarity, and routines. While not being able to leave the confusion, and unfamiliarity. Each one slightly pulling, but having the same amount of strength in a game of tug a war. Frankly, I don’t know what to do. I’ve thought about giving up one or the other. Leave Samoa and go home, or completely transform myself to anything but my old self. But the truth is I believe if I did that I would be unhappy. Feel like I quit and lost myself. So again, I don’t know what to do. All I do know though is this. I’m paralyzed and I have an itch that I just can’t scratch.

As children we were all told fairy tales. Fairy tales filled with hopes and dreams coming true, and happy endings time after time. The shoe fits Cinderella. Snow White wakes up with a kiss. The frog turns into a prince. They all live happily ever after. As a child you think this can and will be your life too. You think if Pinocchio can wish upon a star than so can I. So you wish upon your birthday cakes, throw coins into fountains, and wish on fallen eyelashes. Just hoping for your dreams to come true. That you will have your perfect happy ending. Then you grow up, and realize something… who ever came up with the saying, “Happily ever after,” should have his ass kicked-so so hard. Because fairy tale stories are not reality. Because the reality is there are no magic mirrors, or fairy godmothers, and there is no prince on a big white horse coming to your rescue. Just us, alone. In our stories we are both the hero and the villain. We can be the fairy godmother or the wicked witch of the west. What I am faced with right now is the constant battle of which side is going to out win. For the longest time I’ve been living in this fairy tale of what life could be like here. But now I am coming to the realization of what Samoan life actually is as to oppose of what I thought it would be. I have been hit with reality, and reality hurts. So that is why I haven’t posted anything in awhile because like everything- things that go up, must come down. For the past 6 months I’ve been either on a high or coasting along. But this past month has been one of the harder months I’ve had in a long time. I don’t want to complain or use this blog to vent. (Or at least try not to) But the reality is that just because I’m living in a place with beaches and sunshine does not mean my life is all - beaches and sunshine. I think that it is important for me for you all to know that. That the weather and environment, and the excitement of my supposed “adventure” is not as its all cracked up to be. But anyways I just wanted to let everyone know why I haven’t been updating. I’ve been a pretty rough place lately and I didn’t want a bunch of negative postings. So sorry for the absence. When the shock of my reality becomes less painful, I will be back here to fill you all in.

I woke up one morning and went into my kitchen to find brand newborn rat babies on my kitchen floor. (Killing rat babies was morally harder for me to do than full grown rats)

As children we were all told fairy tales. Fairy tales filled with hopes and dreams coming true, and happy endings time after time. The shoe fits Cinderella. Snow White wakes up with a kiss. The frog turns into a prince. They all live happily ever after. As a child you think this can and will be your life too. You think if Pinocchio can wish upon a star than so can I. So you wish upon your birthday cakes, throw coins into fountains, and wish on fallen eyelashes. Just hoping for your dreams to come true. That you will have your perfect happy ending. Then you grow up, and realize something… who ever came up with the saying, “Happily ever after,” should have his ass kicked-so so hard. Because fairy tale stories are not reality. Because the reality is there are no magic mirrors, or fairy godmothers, and there is no prince on a big white horse coming to your rescue. Just us, alone. In our stories we are both the hero and the villain. We can be the fairy godmother or the wicked witch of the west. What I am faced with right now is the constant battle of which side is going to out win. For the longest time I’ve been living in this fairy tale of what life could be like here. But now I am coming to the realization of what Samoan life actually is as to oppose of what I thought it would be. I have been hit with reality, and reality hurts. So that is why I haven’t posted anything in awhile because like everything- things that go up, must come down. For the past 6 months I’ve been either on a high or coasting along. But this past month has been one of the harder months I’ve had in a long time. I don’t want to complain or use this blog to vent. (Or at least try not to) But the reality is that just because I’m living in a place with beaches and sunshine does not mean my life is all - beaches and sunshine. I think that it is important for me for you all to know that. That the weather and environment, and the excitement of my supposed “adventure” is not as its all cracked up to be. But anyways I just wanted to let everyone know why I haven’t been updating. I’ve been a pretty rough place lately and I didn’t want a bunch of negative postings. So sorry for the absence. When the shock of my reality becomes less painful, I will be back here to fill you all in.

In a previous post I wrote that this week is the last week of school for Term 1. On Thursday we had Sports Day. From talking to other volunteers their schools are doing other type of events. Such as Culture Day, English Day, and Book Day. Most schools do all of the events throughout the year it just depends on the principal and teachers what day they want to do first. As for my school we decided on Sports Day. I arrived at school Thursday morning to find the students their bright and early and ready to go. There were two teams, the red team and the white team. Each with players from grades 1-8. There were many events. There was: the flag race, coconut gathering, eating contest, ball throw, ball roll, and tug of war. The day was a huge success. Both teachers and students had a lot of fun. Some of the parents and older sibilings came to help out and watch all the races. It was a pretty good day. The Red Team

The White Team

The Flag Race

Coconut Gathering Competition

Food Eating Contest

Ball Rolling Contest

Barefoot and playing

Tug A War Contest

Mother’s Day, a highly celebrated holiday here in Samoa. So much that everyone gets the following Monday off from school. For me, the forecast for this day started a week before. It all started when I was at the monthly meeting of Mother’s in the church congregation. No I am not a mother but this is just one of the many odd things I do to integrate myself into the community. Anyways, I was sitting in the meeting with all the elderly women of the church. They all talk while I pretend like I’m listening and understand what is going on. Finally the faletua, (Pastor’s wife), also the president of the committee looked over at me and told me that the group was going to be performing a dance during church next Sunday for Mother’s Day. She said that I too would perform the dance. Well you don’t argue with the faletua because then you would for sure be displeasing god, so I put on a smile and nodded my head complying with her. We were to have dance practice a few times that week prior to church on Sunday. I spent the next few days worrying myself about this dance. I knew that during that dance I would be the one everyone was staring at, even though there were going to be 12 other women up there. I called my host mother the night before the first dance practice to ask her what time I needed to be there. She said that I didn’t need to go because I was not a mother. “Obviously I’m not a mother,” I thought to myself. I sighed with relief and was jumping up and down on the inside, but managed to keep cool while still on the phone with my host mom. Before we hung up she said that she wanted me to come over for measurements because she was making me a puletasi for Mother’s Day. Pulatasi’s are the standard wardrobe for women to wear. You wear them to church, work, any kind of professional/respectful place. The next day I went over there to give her my measurements. She was making me an all white puletasi. White puletasi’s are always worn to church. No matter the congregation. Methodists, Catholics, EFKS, they all wear white. The women also wear these big white hats as well. They remind me of the hats women used to wear (or maybe still do) to the derby. During the week I decided to get my host mother a gift for mother’s day. I went into Apia on Friday, and I was shocked at what I saw. The main strip of Apia was packed with tents where people were selling all sorts of things. Kind of like a flea market. All the tents had everything from pulatasi’s to jewelry to plants. I was relieved because I knew these new tents were going to make shopping for a gift a lot easier than I had expected. I ended up getting a pair of yellow flower earrings and a matching ……. Saturday night I got a call from my host mother saying that I needed to come over before church so I could try on my puletasi to see if it fit. Why I was trying it on a half hour before church was besides me. Its not like any major adjustments would have been able to be made if they needed to be. Nevertheless I did what I was told. Luckily the new church appropriate, all white puletasi turned out great, and no adjustments were made. The Mother’s Day church service ran an extra hour and a half later than normal. The women’s committee read passages from the bible instead of only the pastor reading. At the end of the service all the women from the committee went up to the front of the church. They sang a song, but no dance. I was very confused, and when I asked later why they didn’t do the dance. My host mom said that they never ended up having practices. I can’t say that I was very surprised. Because one of the many things I’ve learned is that here, things usually do not go according to plan. All in all, a one day holiday turned into a nice three day weekend, and one eventful week.

The month of May has always been a busy month for me. This year is no exception. All the events are still happening, but this year I’m just not there for them. In my month of May I have Mother’s Day, my dad’s birthday, my sister’s birthday, college graduation of friends, and the beginning of summer fun. I’ve always been the person to make a big deal out of special events. I can’t help it, it’s just something that I love. So the fact that my dad is turning 60 and my sister is turning 20 , the fact that 2 of my very close friends are graduating college hurts me that I can’t be there. Not only does it hurt, but it also makes me feel extremely guilty. I’m sure some people think that’s crazy, but I don’t. these are my people, and you’re supposed to be there for your people. So because I can’t be there, and sending any type of gift is out of the question (considering sending a package to the States costs an arm and a leg) I can only resort to one thing. Giving them a shout out here. So here it goes…To Mom: Happy Mother’s Day! I hope you relaxed and enjoyed the day. I love you so much, and miss you terribly.

To Dad: Happy Birthday! I truly wish I could be there to celebrate your birthday with you. I know you don’t think it’s a big deal, but to me it is. You do so much for the family and you deserve a day to celebrate only you. I love you, and think about you every day.

To Kristin: Happy 20th Brithday! You are no longer a teenager. I remember when you were all excited to become a teenager. Have a great birthday, and don’t get in too much trouble! J

To Xiomara: Congratulations on Graduating! You and I have been friends since the 5th grade and now we are both out in the real world….god help us. However I know you are going to do fantastic things with your life.

To Dave: Congratulations on your graduation! I’m sorry I wasn’t there to celebrate with you. But you finally made it and I am so very proud of you. You have really come a long way.

The month of May has always been a busy month for me. This year is no exception. All the events are still happening, but this year I’m just not there for them. In my month of May I have Mother’s Day, my dad’s birthday, my sister’s birthday, college graduation of friends, and the beginning of summer fun. I’ve always been the person to make a big deal out of special events. I can’t help it, it’s just something that I love. So the fact that my dad is turning 60 and my sister is turning 20 , the fact that 2 of my very close friends are graduating college hurts me that I can’t be there. Not only does it hurt, but it also makes me feel extremely guilty. I’m sure some people think that’s crazy, but I don’t. these are my people, and you’re supposed to be there for your people. So because I can’t be there, and sending any type of gift is out of the question (considering sending a package to the States costs an arm and a leg) I can only resort to one thing. Giving them a shout out here. So here it goes…To Mom: Happy Mother’s Day! I hope you relaxed and enjoyed the day. I love you so much, and miss you terribly.

To Dad: Happy Birthday! I truly wish I could be there to celebrate your birthday with you. I know you don’t think it’s a big deal, but to me it is. You do so much for the family and you deserve a day to celebrate only you. I love you, and think about you every day.

To Kristin: Happy 20th Brithday! You are no longer a teenager. I remember when you were all excited to become a teenager. Have a great birthday, and don’t get in too much trouble! J

To Xiomara: Congratulations on Graduating! You and I have been friends since the 5th grade and now we are both out in the real world….god help us. However I know you are going to do fantastic things with your life.

To Dave: Congratulations on your graduation! I’m sorry I wasn’t there to celebrate with you. But you finally made it and I am so very proud of you. You have really come a long way.

It’s the last week of Term 1. In other words nothing is really going on. Both students and teachers are checked out. Ready and counting down the days for break. Students sit around day dreaming and playing while teachers are coming in late and dismissing early. Not really an uncommon practice here, however I must say it can be frustrating. Granted I too am thinking about this marvelous three week break I have, but my trained teacher ways are refusing for me to check out completely. All my training has taught me to prevent everything that is typical for Samoan schools. Don’t leave students unattended, only give assignments that have a purpose, make sure their engaged. These are things that have been drilled in my head from day one. However here it’s so not the case. For my class in particular my students are done with their tests, and I have no new material to teach them until after break. I was going to give them their end of Term 1 exam¸ but my principal informed me that I had to wait until after break to give my test for some reasons regarding district policy. So I’ve been stuck, not knowing what to teach, and not wanting to teach anything of great value because I know they would just forget it over the next month of break. I looked around at the other teachers who were not worrying about what to do with their students or about what was going on in their classrooms and I couldn’t help but think how much easier that would be. Truthfully it’s amazing to me how easily one can settle and take on other people’s habits around you. For example, when all the teachers are sitting around talking while their classes are left unattended, leaving early and or giving busy work. I am not proud of this, but I have been guilty on all charges. Certainly not as often as the other teachers, but nevertheless I’ve done it. After days and days of getting closer to break I’ve been watching the productivity level hit an all time low. I decided I would not be a part of that anymore. I decided I was not going to let the contagious feeling of being unmotivated get me. That’s why I chose to make this last week, music week. First song I decided to teach my kids… Let It Be, by The Beatles. I felt this song suited my new attitude perfectly. The kids loved the song and they really got into it. Teaching songs to my students really helps with their pronunciation as well as becoming comfortable speaking English. So even though both students and teachers are checking themselves out, I’m going to do what I need to do and remember one thing… Let. It. Be.

It’s the last week of Term 1. In other words nothing is really going on. Both students and teachers are checked out. Ready and counting down the days for break. Students sit around day dreaming and playing while teachers are coming in late and dismissing early. Not really an uncommon practice here, however I must say it can be frustrating. Granted I too am thinking about this marvelous three week break I have, but my trained teacher ways are refusing for me to check out completely. All my training has taught me to prevent everything that is typical for Samoan schools. Don’t leave students unattended, only give assignments that have a purpose, make sure their engaged. These are things that have been drilled in my head from day one. However here it’s so not the case. For my class in particular my students are done with their tests, and I have no new material to teach them until after break. I was going to give them their end of Term 1 exam¸ but my principal informed me that I had to wait until after break to give my test for some reasons regarding district policy. So I’ve been stuck, not knowing what to teach, and not wanting to teach anything of great value because I know they would just forget it over the next month of break. I looked around at the other teachers who were not worrying about what to do with their students or about what was going on in their classrooms and I couldn’t help but think how much easier that would be. Truthfully it’s amazing to me how easily one can settle and take on other people’s habits around you. For example, when all the teachers are sitting around talking while their classes are left unattended, leaving early and or giving busy work. I am not proud of this, but I have been guilty on all charges. Certainly not as often as the other teachers, but nevertheless I’ve done it. After days and days of getting closer to break I’ve been watching the productivity level hit an all time low. I decided I would not be a part of that anymore. I decided I was not going to let the contagious feeling of being unmotivated get me. That’s why I chose to make this last week, music week. First song I decided to teach my kids… Let It Be, by The Beatles. I felt this song suited my new attitude perfectly. The kids loved the song and they really got into it. Teaching songs to my students really helps with their pronunciation as well as becoming comfortable speaking English. So even though both students and teachers are checking themselves out, I’m going to do what I need to do and remember one thing… Let. It. Be.

This week has been a week of first’s for me. It all started on evening when I was laying in bed, and having a really hard time falling asleep. I was hot, people were yelling outside my bedroom, and I had a headache. I started to feel down in the dumps. I was thinking about everything that I had gone through these past 6 months, and wondering if I had even changed in the slightest bit. I didn’t feel different, and to my knowledge I was still acting the same way I had back home. To be honest this made me a little upset. I didn’t join the Peace Corps to be the same person! I joined to grow and change in every way possible. Needless to say when I did finally fall asleep I went to sleep a bit angry/depressed. During the night I awoke to this rustling sound. At first I shrugged it off, because lets face it “rustling sounds” are quite common and fankly your better off not knowing what is making the sound. I fell back asleep. However what I’m guessing was a few minutes went by when I awoke again to that same rustling sound. Again I went back to sleep. Finally the third time when I woke up I got up to see what was making this obnoxious noise. It was pitch dark, and the only light I had was this really small flashlight I had. I realized the noise was coming from this plastic bag I had on my table. I threw something at it, hoping that whatever was in there would run out and go away. It didn’t. It was stuck, whatever it was. I finally got closer to the bag and tried inspecting what was inside with my small flashlight. At first I thought it was a cockroach however after closer inspection I realized that it most definitely was not a cockroach. It was a rat. The rat had gotten itself stuck inside the plastic bag. Without even thinking, I grabbed a nearby water bottle and started beating the rat to death. I didn’t stop until I knew it was dead. Afterwards I grabbed the bag and threw it away, and when I was getting back into bed it hit me... what I had actually just done. Then I realized, that I have changed! Because there was absolutely no way I would have even been in the same room with a rat, let alone have smashed it to death with a water bottle pre-Peace Corps. So killing a rat with my own hands…yup definitely a first. A few days later I was laying in bed and felt this crazing shaking. I jumped out of bed, and freaking out a bit. I ran out and was telling a fellow PC volunteer, “There’s a rat under my bed!” ( I must have still been thinking about a few nights before J) She said, “Lindsey there is no rat under your bed, that was an earthquake.” An earthquake!? I was certain it was a rat, but she convinced me that it was most definitely not. It was an earthquake. I have never felt an earthquake before in my life so I had no idea! Another first to put in the book! So now it’s the end of the week, and looking back I am taking back my previous thoughts of not changing. Although I do not think I have made any drastic changes (at least yet) I do think that I am slowly, very slowly changing. Probably with each of these “first’s” I might even be changing a little bit more. Here are some more first’s that I have had while being here. · Taking a bucket bath· Sleeping with spiders and roaches· Eaten a fish with its head still attached· Let a stranger sit on my lap· Accidently Cussed at someone when I was only trying to ask for a bowel (in Samoan)· Listened to food being killed hours before I ate it· Killed my own food· De-gutted a chicken· Jumped off from the top of a waterfall· Swimming in the ocean while fully clothed· Washed my clothes in a bucket· Been sunburned in less than 5 minutesWith a year and a half left to go I am sure I will have sooo many more firsts. Here’s hoping to them being good!

After 6 months I have finally FINALLY moved into my own house. The best part is a kitchen and a bathroom that is inside the house. They seem like such common and basic things, but here they are a huge deal! Most bathrooms you see in Samoa are outhouses. To find a bathroom that is inside is like living in a lap of luxury. My room is great because it is more spacious than any other room I have ever had. Aside from my house’s great amenities, it also has another great aspect to it…the location. My house is about a minute walk from my school which is great considering the 25 minute walk I was doing before. But that’s not even the best part, probably the most idyllic aspect is it being right on the water. I have a killer view of the ocean. Every morning I wake up to the sound of the ocean, and waves hitting up against a cliff of rocks. My morning routine goes like this: wake up, boil a pot of water, get dressed, make coffee, make breakfast, sit out back and enjoy my view while having a cup of coffee and eating. Its amazing, and it never fails, every morning I always think, ‘god this is my life. How did I get here?’ Then as I’m finishing my coffee my kids are starting to walk to school. They stop by my house, greet me with Good Mornings, and we walk to school together.

Living with a host family has always been my biggest concern. I knew before coming here that this was going to be one of the greater challenges I was going to have to face. During my training I stayed with a host family, in which I’ll say….wasn’t the best. Then I moved out to my actual village. I was always promised my own place, but the house wasn’t built yet so I had to stay with another host family during the meantime. My second host family ended up being amazing, and I have grown pretty close with them. I feel extremely close with this family, which is a good thing considering what it could have been. Nevertheless, I still wanted my own place. I have lived on my own for the past four years and have grown accustomed to the freedom. Living with a host family however gives you zero independence. Week after week, and month after month I have been patiently waiting for the village to start building my house, but nothing. Finally, four months later the wheels started turning. My house was being built. However, then an unusual circumstance came into play and the house that was being built for me was no longer the house I was going to be living in. My housing situation as of right now is nothing less than bitter sweet. On the sweet side I have this amazing house right on the water. I also will have a roommate, another Peace Corps Volunteer who is a year ahead of me. Peace Corps Volunteers living together is almost unheard of, but like I said, unusual circumstances. The bitter side is that the original house being built for me was on my family’s compound, which was going to allow me more independence, but still a connection with the family. Now moving into this new house I will no longer have that connection. This is rough because being connected to a Samoan family is a great way of integrating into the village. Breaking the news to my host family that I was no longer going to be living with them was extremely hard, and they did not take it well. So as of right now I have a lot of mixed emotions. I’m excited for moving into my own house, but sad that I will not be living with my family anymore. I guess what this means is that I’m going to have to make extra more of an effort of spending time with the family, and integrating into the village.

I arrived at school Wednesday morning ready for another usual day of teaching. However, this was not the case. Honestly I should be realizing this by now… the fact that nothing is as it seems, and a routine day does NOT exist here. My principal told me we were taking all the students to go see the doctor. “What do you mean take all of them to see the doctor? Where?” I asked. Mistake number two, aside from assuming I was going to have a “usual” day, asking details about the plans. Asking details about plans is another thing you learn NOT to do because nine times out of ten…they won’t happen. Okay so back to my story. My principal said we were taking all the students to go see the doctor. After I asked what she meant, she said that we all were going to walk over to the other side of the village where the doctors and nurses were waiting. This was going to be interesting for sure, and I wish I brought my camera, I thought. The students got in one long line and we trecked our way through the bush to the other side of the village. Side note: from my past experience being in American elementary schools it is almost impossible to keep one class in a single file line from the classroom to let’s say gym class. And now we had the whole entire school walking in one line all the way across the village. I really didn’t think this was going to work, but man was I mistaken. They did it perfectly. The line was in ascending order class: first graders up front, eighth graders in the back. Not a single kid was out of line. It was pretty cool. When we finally got to where we going, there were two huge large tents set up with rows of chairs. The students were all asked to sit in the chairs and wait. I had no idea what was going on (something that has become somewhat of a norm for me). Me and the other teachers thought that the students were each going to be seen by a doctor and nurse. But as time went on more people from the village started showing up, women with babies, elderly, etc. They were all going first. More and more people from the village were showing up and I was starting to wonder how in the world all of these students were going to be seen on top of the other village people. Finally I figured it out. This company The National Health Service is doing a project where they are coming out to every village to do routine check-ups on people in the village. As I watched this whole process, it reminded me a lot of giving blood. The process went like this. Go to one station where you fill out the paperwork: name, phone, any existent conditions etc. Go to the next station get your temperature and blood pressure taken. Go to another station get weighed in, go see one of three different doctors, final station get handed a prescription if needed. Come to find out the students weren’t there at all to get checked by the doctor, they were there for a nutrition program. Out of left field right? See I told you. Nothing ever goes the way you think it will. Nevertheless, the kids ended up having a good time and the overall program for the village seemed to be a success. Actually I am really impressed by the whole thing. So many people here do not or cannot go see the doctor, which is sad because most of them really need help. Life is really hard here and it takes a serious toll on your body. Women who are 40 look like they are 70 and kids who are supposed to look brand spanken new, look like they’ve been through a war. I can’t help but think of all the times I’ve gone to see the nurse at school for a headache, or how people run to see the doctor on their lunch break. Yes Americans number one complaint is our health care system, but at least we have a system. These people have nothing. They have tents filled with a couple doctors that may come to your village once a year, and a hospital on the other side of the island that seems to be for people who are the “rich and famous.” Its these cold true facts that make me realize exactly why I am here.

We all want to grow up we’re desperate to get there. To grab all the opportunities we can, to live. We are so busy to get out of that nest we don’t think about the fact that its going to be cold out there. Really freaking cold. Because growing up sometimes means leaving people behind. And by the time we stand on our own two feet, we’re standing there alone. College was the first time I was really forced out of my comfort zone. I moved away from my family, and had to make decisions for myself. I was “alone,” or so I thought. However, I still had friends from high school at my college and I was only an hour away from my family. I still called my mom and friends on a regular basis asking them for advice. I remember one time calling my mom freshman year to ask her if it was okay that I skipped a class! So looking back now it was more like I was standing on one foot rather than two. Jump ahead 5 years. I’m a Peace Corps Volunteer. Living in a foreign country. For any of you who are or were in the Peace Corps you will know what I’m talking about, but for those of you who aren’t and reading this let me explain. From the moment you start your application process into the Peace Corps they lead you by hand in every step of the way. Everything from where to sign, who to call, to what to pack. They put you in a hotel, book your flight, and give you money for food. Fast forward to training. During training you are told when to get up, when to go to class, where is good to eat, where is bad, what kind of volunteer you should be, what to look out for, even when to do your shopping, the list can go on forever and forever. My point is you’re the bird in the nest. Frustrated and trying like all hell to get out of that nest to be an official PEACE CORPS VOLUNTEER. Well fast forward to today. I am an official Peace Corps Volunteer. And what have I learned? Be careful what you ask for. I don’t mean this in a bad way by any means. But here I am, kicked out of my nest, standing on my own two feet (for real this time), and alone. I have my assignment, I have my site, and I have simple knowledge of the language. Now what? I…have…no…idea. I’m suppose to teach, and ultimately make this a better place when I leave then when I came. Great, now how am I supposed to do that again? I’m battleing this fine line of trying to help and trying not to be pushy. Like I said in a previous post, change is a difficult thing. Most people want it, yet fear it. I knew that I wanted to change for myself and make a change around me, but I didn’t account for the fact that the people around me might not be ready to change. It’s a fine line trying to suggest changes, and forcing things upon them that they don’t want or are ready for. I have all of this energy and ideas, but I don’t know if I should act on them. Things are just so complicated. My process goes like this: I have an idea let’s say…. starting a reading program in the village or opening up a medical clinic. First I have to find out if the villagers even like the idea. Seems like a simple thing you either say yes or no. But no, not, here, ambiguity is like a second language so what seems like a simple answer- yes or no, turns into beating around the bush, round about answers, or no answers at all. I don’t know if it’s because people think that if I bring this idea to them its going to be because I want their help, or if they just don’t care. Whichever the case it can be pretty tricky. However, after I do come up with a general concensous the next task has to be funding. How am I going to get the money? Who offers what? How much do I need? Etc. etc. Along with the funding I also have to figure out which organization or company I need to go through that will help me with my project. Finally, and probably the most trying aspect of this whole process is timing. A snail on its deathbed moves faster than time here. Patience is key, and persistence is a must. Anything I want done I have to keep pushing for. I have no problem being patience, persistent and pushing. To me that’s the easiest part of this whole operation. Maybe its because I have full control of that, and I can be patient, persist, and push as much or as little as I want. However, the hard part is working around all of the dynamics. The social dynamics of the people in the village. The emotional dynamics of wants, needs, likes, and dislikes of individuals. And the financial dynamics of figuring out funding, resources, etc. Make a change I said, “be the change you wish to see in the world,” Gandhi said. But there’s a problem with those statements…its based on the change happening soley from one individual. I’ve learned that is impossible. To change things you need partners, helpers, listeners, and friends among so many others. Nevertheless, like so many other people in this world, I tried so very hard to get out of that nest, to “stand on my own two feet.” And what happened? I am, alone, and trying to figure out how to get things done. How to make a change that people want. By myself none the less because I’m out of the nest. The nest is where the real change can happen. The phrase, there is more power in numbers holds true here. Things in the nest aren’t this complicated, hell you don’t have to deal with stuff like this at all. But here I am, on my own two feet, praying… that I don’t fall flat on my face.

A Somoan orange...ironic isn't it?I jumped from the top of that

My lovely school! The font of my room. On my way to schoolMy classroom/libraryThree of my 6th graders :)

Every cell in the human body regenerates. Like snakes, in our own way, we shed our skin. Biologically, we are brand new people. We may the look same, the change isn’t apparent, but sure enough we’re changed. It’s the way that people try not to change that is unnatural. The way we cling to the things that were, instead of being what they are. The way we hold on to old memories instead of making new ones. I had a revelation this week, and I see a whole new turn in leaf happening because of it. I’ve realized that I have been holding on to my old life. Wishing for things of my past and being depressed when realizing that it will never be again. This is odd because I joined the Peace Corps for whole new experiences and life. I wanted to push myself more than I ever have. No regrets. Just do, and bust my tail to do everything I could to make things happen for myself. Nevertheless I found myself trying not to change, and up until now I have felt…off. Say what you will but when push comes to shove most people always opt for the comfort of their own familiarities. Wishing, hoping, and praying for things to stay the same. This is what I was doing and this is where my revelation came in. I have been trying to be the same person that I was before the Peace Corps. My training at the University for teaching in most ways, is training for teaching in the States, and I have realized that it does not work here. My way of handling situations back home does not work when trying to handle situations here. Beliefs I had back home do not apply here. So my revelation- basically, stop believing the common belief most people have... that everything is permanent. It’s time to morph, merge, and grow. In order to grow you must shed that old layer of skin. So I’m shedding, and in turn, I’m changing. How we experience all of this, well, that’s up to us.

Savali, English translation, “to go for a walk.” Savali has become one of the highlights in my day. Every evening at 6 I head out to go for a walk through my village. At first it was something I forced myself to do when all I wanted to do was stay curled up in my room. However, now I look forward to it. Sure it’s good exercise, but my main purpose for going for walks everyday was to “integrate into my village,” making my face familiar to the villagers. (Something the Peace Corps strongly suggests and drills into your heads from day 1) Now, it has become so much more, now when I go on my walks I have company. First it started off with my little host sister joining, then days later another kid would join, then another. Until now I have 5-6 kids walking with me every day. Every day they ask me if I’m will be going for a walk, and every evening they are waiting on the side of the road for me to come. J We walk for about an hour taking different routes each time. Most of the time is spent with the kids helping me practice my Samoan. Other times, we sing English songs that I’ve taught them in class or they hear on the radio. Even Samoan children seem to have “Bieber fever.” On the particularly hot days we will end our walks at the natural spring pool. Because I walk everyday most of the villagers expect to see me in the afternoon. Therefore, I am always bombarded with a lot of hello’s, how is school going, where are you going today, and okay see you tomorrow’s. Even though this becomes repetitive quite quickly, I don’t mind because I know they all just want to make conversation. Most recently, some adults have joined in on my walking sessions. Walking with adults brings a whole new positive aspect to the spectrum because this allows me to talk more about village life, and learn more about the families. So I think I’ve decided to take my new hobby (that I used to force myself to do) and run with it. I think I am going to start a walking group in the village. J

Yes that’s right, of the week because here in Samoa bizarre conversations are as typical as going to the bathroom. However, the most recent one topped the cake. My 19 year old host brother came back from school the other day and came rushing into my room. Asking me if I’ve ever heard of the snake baby. Snake baby? Like a baby snake? “No,” he said, “A human baby that has a body of a snake.” I was very confused. He pulls out his phone and plays this video for me that’s like a youtube clip or something. Its like a horror movie video clip with this snake thing that looks like it has a mummy head stuck on top with a blonde wig on. I told my host brother and the rest of my family that no, it is not real, but they didn’t believe me. They said that it was real and some woman gave birth to it somewhere in the Soloman Islands. They were adement that this thing was real when clearly to me, its not. However, they wouldn’t hear any of it and actually were quite annoyed that I didn’t believe it. This is just many of the weird conversations I have here in Samoa, and I’m sure it won’t be the last.

Editors note: Last night my host brother told me, “that poor snake baby died. Honestly Lindsey, it was on the news….”

I had two huge fears about joining the Peace Corps. One that I wasn’t going to make any friends in my group, and two that I was going to lose the friends I had back home. I’m pleased to say that neither is true. I could not have asked for a better group of people to be on this Peace Corps venture with. In my group (group 83) there are 20 people. 7 guys, 13 girls, two married couples, and two people over the age of 60. None of us are from the same backgrounds, and yet, somehow, we click. Obviously some are closer with others, but we are all friends. Usually with a group of people this size there is drama, or judgement going on. However, oddly enough this isn’t true in our case. The thing I like about my group is that I could easily call on of them if I needed to vent or get away for a bit, and the same visa versa. People usually try to get together once a month to hang out, eat good food, and frankly… speak English. It starts off as a small thing, but usually this small get together involves everyone coming together. As soon as that ‘get together,’ ends we are all planning the next time we will see each other. The PC staff has even made comments to me and other PCV’s about the close relationship our group has with each other. What can I say?! We just got lucky! J I, in particular feel very lucky because within this awesome group of people I have found two girls who have become my best friends here, Jenny and Rachael. The three of us instantly clicked and realized quickly that we have a lot of the same likes and goals. Jenny is an elementary teacher like me, and Rachael has always wanted to travel abroad like me. I talk to these girls every day; god knows what I would do without them. Jenny and Rachael remind me SOOOO MUCH of my friends back home. Same conversations, same college life, same attitudes, and same outgoing personalities as my friends back home. As if it couldn’t get any better, I am still close with my friends back home. Granted I can’t talk to them as much as I used too, but they are still at home rooting for me. J

First week of school! Filled with new supplies, clothes, and haircuts. Fun ‘getting to know you activities,’ well rested teachers, and clean/organized classrooms. NONE OF THIS was the case my first week of school. Now, believe me I’m not ignorant to think that any of this would be the case, but I must say I was not expecting my first week to be the way it was. The weekend prior to school starting I texted my principal to ask her when I should arrive at school; she said 8 o clock was when school started so arrive around then. Monday morning I showed up on time and ready to go. I showed up, and no one was there. Not a single kid, not a teacher, no one. Finally an hour later people started arriving and an hour and half later the principal came. All in all there were 14 students that day. Basically that day was spent talking to the principal and two other teachers about nothing in particular while the kids played. This went on for a couple hours and then the principal decided the day was over and we all went home. On Tuesday the same thing happened, exactly the same thing. Wednesday about 20 kids showed up and the weeded the school grounds, and picked up the grass clippings by hand. Thursday was a different story. The same 20 kids came to school and were ordered to continue weeding as well scrub down all the classroom walls/ceiling. They also scrubbed the outside walls of the school and cleaned out the gutters. After that they cleaned the bathrooms. It is not uncommon for the students to clean the school the first few days of school. It was a little weird at first, but actually I kind of think it’s a good thing. Only in the sense that the kids take responsibility for their school. They take care of it and everyone works hard to make sure that it is up kept. I decided that I was not going to sit and watch the kids clean anymore and on Thursday I decided to get down and dirty and help scrub the walls as well. After all, its my school too! The bathrooms however I decided to leave to the kids. J By the end of the first school week not one lesson took place, no more than a hand full of kids showed up, and the teachers seemed to still think they were on vacation. Not the first week I had imagined. However, it seems to be the fa’asamoa. I am excited to start teaching though. I’m going to be teaching grades 4,5,6 and 7 every day. I don’t have my own classroom so I will be using the library.

I’ve been living with my host family for about two months now. They are a great family that I’m really starting to come to love. Each member in the family has their own story, but for this blog I would like to focus on my host dad. The reason I would like to focus on him is because last night it occurred to me that he resembles in many ways like my actual father. My host dad works for a gas and electric company in Apia. He has been working there for almost 30 years. When I asked him if he likes his job he said yes, but I could see it in his face that he is tired, and looking forward to retiring. This is similarity number one with my dad. My dad has worked for a service company for over 30 years and seems to be counting down the days until he can finally retire. He has worked his whole life and I know he is ready to finally be done. However, he keeps on working because he knows my family needs the money. The same goes for Mika, my host dad, he works because he is one of the only members in the family with an actual income. Every night Mika comes home he sits down, uniform dirty from work, lights a cigarette, has a cup of coffee and watches the evening news. Both men are the last ones to go to sleep, and the first ones up in the morning. On particular nights when the day seemed to be particularly hard and long he is usually a lot quieter. This is similarity number 2, and identical to the T with my dad. Every night my dad comes home after a long day of work and secludes to quiet and relaxation time. This entails a cigarette and soccer/news. Those nights when my dad has a rough day you can usually see it in his face. His eyes will be a little red, and tired looking. He’ll usually be a bit quieter like he’s lost in his own thoughts, and he’ll do this thing where he puts his hand on his chin. Last night while I was watching the news with Mika I saw him do this same exact thing. It was very surreal. I don’t know if its because I haven’t seen my family or been home in a long time, but I think about the little things a lot more now. The most random stuff like our crooked mailbox, how you could always see my dog in the window when pulling in to the driveway, and how when walking into the house I could always tell by the smell when it was spaghetti night. Every day my little host sister and brother run outside of the house when they hear my host dad’s truck coming. They always run to the truck before Mika can even get his door open. Always greeting him with huge smiles. I used to do this all the time when I was little I could see my dad’s truck pull up through the front window and I would always run out there to meet him. He would always have a Dr. Pepper drink and he would always give the rest to me. I loved being the first one to talk to him when he got home. I’m adult now, moved away during college, and am now living in Samoa. Nevertheless, I still think about those times, and even the smallest gesture from a new person who is in my life can allow the memories to come flooding back. I love it.

The front area of my host familys fale.

My host mom!

Vi, Moseki, and Siave my host brother's and sister

The most simple and perfect toy.

Peace!!

Teine (woman on left), Li'i (in far back) Mika (boy with cheesy smile) Siave, Vi, and MosekiJust part of my wonderful host family!

This past week me and several other volunteers participated in an English camp put on for kids. The English camp was held at a fellow volunteer’s village. The whole premise of the camp was to help the new group (my group) receive more practice working and teaching Samoan children. There were 12 of us total. 8 people from group 83 and 4 people from group 82. (83 is my group) The 82’ers were the ones kind of in charge of the whole operation. We were to stay in a church hall for the week. We arrived this past Saturday, and like most cases there was major miscommunication when we got to where we were staying. The church congregation thought we were arriving earlier then we did, and because all of the volunteers were coming from different parts of the island we all arrived at different times. However, we didn’t know that the congregation was waiting for us all to arrive because they wanted to have an ava ceremony. Let’s just say we didn’t make a good first impression. However, I think we redeemed ourselves the next day at church. We sang a song during church, and each gave a quick introduction of who we were. That seemed to ease things a lot. Monday was the start of English Camp and I must say I was a bit nervous. I had only had two prior weeks in a Samoan school. Therefore its was all pretty new to me. It was nice though because all of us got together and kind of planned our lessons together. The start of camp was a bit chaotic, and uncertain. I didn’t know my kids and I had no idea what kind of English background they have had in school. Because the camp was only a week long I had to do a quick evaluation of each child. However, I realized that it wasn’t going to be thorough as if I was in my own classroom. The days consisted of two parts: a morning class and an afternoon class. The morning class was the actual lesson, and the afternoon class was mostly games that somehow related to the lesson we had just done. Throughout the days I taught things like: verbs, body parts, and directions. We played games like: Simon Says, Hangman, and several other games. I had a lot of fun. My first day I had 12 students by the end of the week I had 22. Same goes for the other volunteers. I found this to be a good thing because it meant that kids were going home and telling their siblings and friends how much fun camp was, and then they wanted to come too. Thursday after school we let the kids watch Aladdin. Friday being the last day was a big day. We had the English Camp Olympics! The 8 teachers were grouped into two’s. So there were 4 teams: America, Samoa, New Zealand, and Australia. My team was team America. We had relay races all afternoon. We did the crab walk race, the wheel barrow race, the 3-legged race, human knot, and dragon tails. The kids had an awesome time. My team came in last, but for the record the teams were stacked! My class had the smallest and youngest kids compared to Rachael’s team who had kids who were bigger than me! Nevertheless my kids were awesome, and did great. J After the races were done we gave out certificates to each child, and then of course…handed out ice cream cones. Other than the actual teaching of the lessons I have to say my favorite part was saying goodbye to the children. I know that sounds weird, but its true. I had student after student coming up to me giving me hugs and thanking me for teaching them during English camp. My favorite was when a student who was so shy during class walked with me all the way home and then repeatedly thanked me, hugged me, and waved goodbye until I was out of sight. It was those moments that made truly made me feel good. You can just hear the sincerity in their voices, and see it in their eyes. I absolutely love it, and them.

My first hospital experience started in the evening when my little sister was complaining of a tooth ache. She had been complaining of this tooth ache for a couple days now, and I guess at this point it was pretty bad. She had been crying and crying and no one in the family knew what to do. They all were looking at me for help. Asking me if there was anything I could do, wanting my advice remedies, etc. I didn’t know what to do if this was back home I would have said, “go to Walgreens and buy some tooth ache numbing gel.” But the nearest Walgreen is hundreds of thousands miles away so we were out of luck. I gave my sister some Tylenol, had them heat up a wet towel for a compress. However, nothing was working. My sister wouldn’t stop crying, which in turn, gave her a headache. Finally my host mom said they were taking her to the hospital and they wanted me to come. At this point in time it was about 10pm. In my head I just kept thinking why are we going to the hospital she just has a toothache? But I didn’t say anything because I could see the worried look on my families faces. My host mom, dad, sister, and brother loaded into the car and headed to the hospital. Now I have never been to a hospital overseas before let alone a developing country at that. I knew that my family was expected to bring their own sheets and pillows because the hospital did not provide any for the beds. When we finally arrived at the hospital it was about 10:30 and the hospital was pretty full. The hospital was one giant room, with self standing walls as dividers. The place was as bare as could be. There were some wooden benches that were used as a waiting area. My brother and I took my little sister and took a seat. As I looked at my brother I noticed he wasn’t wearing any shoes! I looked at the other people in the waiting area and many of them weren’t wearing shoes either. That’s when it hit me how things really are. My mom went to check her in. In return she got a ticket with a number on it. This reminded me of going to the deli at the grocery store and pulling a ticket number and waiting to be helped. Our number was 35, they were on 20…great, it was going to be a long night. As hours went by it was finally our turn my mom and sister went in to see the doctor and while I waited back I heard this screaming like none other coming from a nearby room. I went to see what was going on, and saw these doctors putting this toddler in an ice bucket. I’m assuming the child had a fever. I felt so sorry for the baby. 10 minutes later my sister came out. “Really that’s it!? We waited 3 hours for 10 minutes!?” No, I followed my family outside and next door to a nearby building. The sign said, dentist. At this point it was one in the morning. My mom was knocking on the locked door. The lights turned on inside and a man who had looked like he had been sleeping came and let us in. The man was the dentist that was going to take away my sisters toothache. I couldn’t believe it! A dentist at one in the morning!? I would have never believed it. I must say I was quite impressed. Apparently she had a cavity in the root of her tooth. The dentist filled the cavity and we went home. I have to say that the overall experience made me appreciate the healthcare back in the States, and realize how lucky we are. Also, that I never want to get sick here.

Now that I have vented out all the pesky frustrations I want to counter it by expressing the things that I love and appreciate. In all honesty, looking at the positive side has never been strength of mine. I’ve always felt that if you just assume the worst, and don’t get your hopes up, you can’t be let down. Very cynical I know, but hey I’m not perfect. My mom is the complete opposite. She has a way of finding positive things in everything something that I always admired about her. She always told me that I needed to stop being such a pessimist. And now that I am in the Peace Corps it’s a vital coping mechanism that a person needs to have. Focusing on the positives and not dwelling on the negatives. One of my fellow PC friends is a prime example of this. She has this fascinating way of finding the littlest things and appreciating it. So, I am trying to follow the example of my friend, mom, and the PC’s advice by thinking and taking note of all the positive aspects of my crazy life. Here is what I’ve come up with that I love and appreciate:· When it rains and cools the hot weather down· My Samoan family· My peace corps friends · Driving around the island (Probably my favorite thing to do here)· The fact that there are no snakes here· Coconut trees · I love that no matter where I go; a view of the ocean is always nearby.· Receiving mail and emails from friends and family back home· Samoan ice cream· Samoan coffee· A killer view of the stars at night· Long walks in the evening · Samoan music· Being able to go into town when I need a “break” · snorkeling· Cheap taxis· Walking around my village and people calling my name to say hello

I know that it is important to focus on the positive things in life. However, I also feel that it is important to air out frustrations, and the negative aspects as well. Therefore, I’ve decided to kill two birds with one stone. I figure I will talk about the small annoyances that are going on in my life right now, followed by the things that I currently love about my life. These small annoyances are not anything major. There just the little things that seem to get under a person’s skin. I’m thankful for there not being any huge problems going on in my life. In retrospect I think of myself as pretty lucky. I have my health, great friends and a great family. But living in a different country with no familiarities whatsoever can be trying more than anyone could know. Lost in translation- I have to say probably one of the biggest annoyances for me is being in a room filled with people and not understanding a single thing that is being said. A constant conversation that you are never clued in on. When the only words you know are palagi, Peace Corps, and your name, followed by a roar of laughter. This happens to me everyday twice a day. I don’t know how many times I’ll be sitting around with people and they’re talking in Samoan, and I constantly hear them referring to me. I have no idea what they are saying about me, and they never feel the need to tell me. Waiting- I think I spend more time waiting around for people, things, and or events. I’ve done more waiting around here then I have in my entire lifetime. Heading to church and waiting two hours for it to start. And don’t even get me started on waiting for buses. Since there is no bus schedule, and no bus stops you basically have to just show up at a random place on the road at a time you think there might be a bus and pray that it didn’t just leave 5 minutes before you arrived. Loss of my independence- living with a Samoan family I seem to have lost 90 percent of my independence. I eat when they tell me, what they tell me, I wear what they tell me, and I go where they tell me I have even slept when they have told me to. I lived on my own for 4 years, and loved every minute of it. I ate, showered, went out, and basically did whatever I wanted when I wanted. So the fact that has take a complete 180 degree turn has taken some major getting used to. Body taken a turn for the worst- I have gained weight since being here and exercising is not the most convenient thing. Running, which I try to do, is a lot harder because of the heat. Half the time I have no idea what I am eating, so the idea of nutritional facts is completely irrelevant. Time??? What’s that???- Exactly what Samoans would say. Time, a concept that means nothing here. I don’t know when I am going to learn to stop asking when things are, or what time to be somewhere. Because its never at the time people say it will be. If someone says church is 8, expect it to start at 10. If they say a bus comes at 9 in the morning, it probably comes at 7:30 in the morning. If they say to be ready by 6 pm, expect to be sitting around for another hour and a half while everyone else is just then starting to get ready. Like I said, all things that don’t hold a great deal, but when its happening everyday multiple times a day it really starts to weigh on you. Nagging and nagging at you like a small rock in your shoe that you can’t get out, or a fly that won’t seem to leave you alone. I try hard to see these things for what they are…small annoyances and appreciate the fact that, that’s all I’m dealing with right now.

A Wedding and Funeral in the Same WeekThis past week I attended both my first wedding and funeral in Samoa. Each with their own set of traditions. The wedding was first, and the youth dance group for the church that my family attends was going to perform several dances. They had dance practice every night the week prior to perfect their dances. The group mixed traditional Samoan dances to traditional songs, and added a few pop culture songs in there as well. They performed their dances at the reception and it everyone seemed to enjoy the show. However, backing up to the actual wedding I was quite impressed. The church was packed, and everyone showed up in their best dress. For the most part some traditions I saw performed during the wedding were the same of weddings I’ve gone to back home. The bride wore a beautiful white dress, her bridesmaids all wore the same outfit, there were ushers, and the father gave the bride away. The reception had a lot of similarities as well. The bridal party entered the reception room in the same manner as done back home. Each groomsmen and bridesmaid were called out by their names and took a seat at the bridal party table. The bride and groom were the last to enter and everyone stood up when they came in. Before dinner was served the father of the bride gave a speech, as well as the pastor. Some dancing went on and everyone was having a good time. Dinner was served in the culturally appropriate way; first, the bridal party, then all the pastors, then the matais (chiefs), then the rest of the tables. Each person was given a huge platter of assorted foods. (The food was amazing by the way) While everyone was eating the dance performances began. The youth dance group danced first, afterwards a few people from the bridal party performed some dance routines, and at the end the bride even performed a traditional Samoan dance. After the food and entertainment was done it was now time for the speeches. This lasted for awhile, and afterwards the gift giving began. It’s a very important tradition in Samoa that gifts are given. Tons of fine mats are given, boxes and boxes of fish, fabrics, etc. The gifts are from guests and are given to the members of the wedding party. In America we do this as well, however here it’s on a more extravagant level. Probably one of the most interesting things about the wedding for me was the cake. Instead of their only be one cake at the wedding there were about 20-30 tiers of cake. Each tier was given to the pastors, matais, or highly respected person. The bride and groom still cut the cake, and fed it to each other, but that was it. The cake was mostly meant for the respected people. After the traditional ceremonies were through, everyone danced. The party ended in the evening. It was a great thing to experience and I really enjoyed myself. Part 2-the funeralA respected chief in my village died the other day. Therefore it was expected that the four church’s choirs in my village sing a few hymns to the mourning family. I was told to where a black skirt, and a white top as that, (or all white) is the common dress for a funeral. My host father, mother, and brother are all a part of their church’s choir. The choir met at the pastor’s house to practice the songs before going to the funeral. Now, I had every intention of observing from a nearby seat on the account of I’m probably the worst singer ever, and my Samoan is…well… let’s just say not up to par. However they were not going to have that they made sure I was sitting front and center singing with the rest of them. Afterwards, around 10pm, the church choir and I headed over to the house where the funeral was taking place. When we got there another church was singing to the family. While we were waiting to sing, I was able to check out what exactly we were supposed to be doing when performing for this family. I was really nervous because I didn’t want to mess up in anyway and somehow disrespect the family. When it came time for us to sing I was immediately grabbed and told to hold on to this extremely long veil of lace that all the females were supposed to carry into the house. Wait, no one told me about this!? I had no idea what was going on. Next thing I know I’m carrying this long lace fabric into the house with 20 other women. I was so worried about messing up, and sure enough when I was stepping into the house I realized I was wearing shoes with straps on them and I could slip them off before entering the house! (In Samoa it’s a must that you take off your shoes before entering a house.) So there I was holding up this line of women carrying lace because I couldn’t get my shoes off. Mistake number 1. After that whole ordeal was over it was time for us to sing. The church choir sat in front of the family, the pastor said a few words and then we started to sing. Luckily I had one of the older ladies in the group sitting next to me who shared her song book with me and kind of pointed to the words we were supposed to be singing. However, Samoan hymns are different and complex. Sometimes only the guys sing a section, and then only the girls will sing a section. Sometimes it will be where the guys sing the first two words and the women sing the last two words. Needless to say, I had no idea what part I was supposed to sing and caught myself on several occasions singing right along with the guys. Mistake number 2. Then at one point, I was singing the completely wrong song. Mistake number 3. Normally these mistakes would go unnoticed, but because I’m the Peace Corps and basically the only white person around. I tend to be watched like a hawk. So I’m positive my mistakes were not going unnoticed. After we were done singing it was now time for the gift giving. (Remember when I said gift giving is a big deal here?) The family of the deceased was now required to give their thanks to the church choir. They gave us 25 loafs of bread, 8 boxes of fish, a fine mat, and some miscellaneous things. So when all said and done this went on for about 45 minutes. 45 minutes of sitting cross legged on the ground. Now I don’t know how many of you have literally sat crossed legged for 45 minutes but after about 20 your legs go numb. When it was time to get up and leave I couldn’t get up. So as everyone is walking out the door there is the palagi stumbling, staggering, and struggling to get herself up and out in a somewhat graceful way. (Didn’t happen) Not a mistake, but definitely awkward. We went back to the pastor’s house to distribute the food that had been given by the family. The pastor, and more respected members of the group were given their gifts first and then down the line. Each person in the choir was given an equal cut of the gifts, even me! Honestly, I find this to be one of my favorite things about Samoa; the ceremonious gift giving and the sharing of it all. The phrase, “what goes around comes around,” truly applies here. Sharing is like second nature here, and I find that very comforting as well as humbling. So there you have it, my two very important experiences of the week. Both very different, and both important parts of the culture; I enjoyed being a part of these events, even if I was trying like hell to make sure to follow in suit.

Everyone has their role, and everyone does their part. From this, I have noticed that samoan children are the most diligent, resourceful, and obedient children I have ever encountered in my life. I have to say that in my own opinion they are very different form American children. Sure their still kids who run in the house after you tell them not to, fight with their brothers/sisters, and hate doing homework. Yet, their overall behavior is nothing like I’ve seen back home. In the states we say, “kids will be kids” but here in Samoa, “kids will be adults.” I have had a front row seat to observing this. In my host family’s house I have three younger sibilings; a 13 year old boy, a 10 year old boy, and a 7 year old girl. They each have their role to play throughout the day, but their purpose is still the same- help their family in the daily tasks. The 13 year old usually wakes up early in the morning (way before I do) goes to the plantation and collects food. He starts cooking soon after. Cooking here usually takes hours because they have to make a fire outside and then put coconut leaves on top of the food to keep the heat in. Essentially it’s like an oven. While the food is cooking he is cleaning, taking care of the animals, and also helping other nearby families if they need help. The 12 year deals with the rubbish, takes care of the yard, washes the clothes by hand, washes the dishes, and much much more. The little girl basically acts as a runner. Anything people need (especially her parents) she gets for them. Any miscellaneous chores are also done by her. They all wake up at sunrise, and go to bed late into the night. They are constantly doing things without being asked. If an adult has an empty cup of tea they will take that cup and fill it up for them. Sometimes I’ll lie on the floor to watch TV with the kids. Immediately one of them will get up and bring me a pillow. If their parents call for them they come running. They do whatever is asked of them, and believe me they are asked to do a lot! To someone who is not familiar with the Samoan culture, they might see how the children are treated similar to workers or even maids. I must admit, first coming here I thought the same thing. I was shocked to find out that every few weeks the students are obligated to clean up the school compound: doing yard work, painting, etc. However, after living here for several months I now know why things are the way they are. It’s pure respect. Samoan children are taught at a very young age to respect anyone older them, never talk back, and do what they are told. These are aspects that we try to teach our children back home as well, but here its on a whole different level. Parents do things for themselves; older siblings do things for themselves. Here the children do everything. For example every morning when my host mom wakes up (they sleep on mats on the floor) she will call one of her children to pick up her blanket/pillow and roll up her mat and put it away. Every night they lay their parents bedding out for them, and every morning they put it away. In the States it’s hard enough to get a kid to make their own bed, let alone their parents bed! I started thinking about this custom and this is what I figured out. Back home the parents take care of their children, and then when the children are older they take care of their parents. Here in Samoa, it’s the other way around. The children take care of their parents, and then when those children become parents their children take care of them. It’s a never ending cycle. I have a great appreciation for my younger siblings and Samoan children in general. They do way more at their age then I ever did. My American background and bring-up still gives me a feeling of guilt when a 13 year old is cooking my dinner. Nevertheless, I just try and remember where I am, and the grand scheme of things. Everyone has their role, and everyone does their part.

Because 2010 was a huge year for me, and I have a feeling 2011 will be the same here are some questions and answers I felt like doing for fun....enjoy!What did you do in 2010 that you'd never done before?-Snorkeling, taught class all day every day, killed and cooked my own chicken for dinner, Seen the Pacific Ocean

-- Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?I don’t think I’ve ever kept a New Year’s resolution, and I don’t really plan on making any for this year.

-- Did anyone close to you give birth?No.

-- Did anyone close to you die?Luckily no. something I am very very thankful for.

-- What countries did you visit?Samoa.

-- What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?1) My own classroom

-- What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?* The day of my college graduation* October 5th-saying goodbye to my family before leaving for two years-- What was your biggest achievement of the year?Making the huge leap to fulfill my dream and teach abroad!

-- What was your biggest failure?Allowing certain people to have way to much control over me.

-- Did you suffer illness or injury?Besides the occasional sinus infections, this past year has been a pretty healthy year.-- What was the best thing you bought?An electric fan for my room in Samoa…. Its EXTREMELY hot here.

-- Whose behavior merited celebration?My friends and family who pushed me to apply for the Peace Corps when I was having doubts about going through with it

-- Where did most all of your money go?College, and Samoa

-- Compared to this time last year, are you:a) happier or sadder?b) thinner or fatter?c) richer or poorer?Happier, the same, poorer

-- What do you wish you'd done more of?Exercise, spent more time with my family What do you wish you'd done less of?Spending money, stressing

-- How will you be spending Christmas?I spent my Christmas opening a box of Christmas presents my mom sent me while talking to them on the phone. The rest of the day was spent with my new host family.

-- Did you fall in love in 2010?No, but I see that as a good thing because if I did, I might not be where I am now.

-- What was your favorite TV program?Grey’s Anatomy, Private Practice

-- Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?Hate is a strong word, dislike is probably more like it

-- What was the best book you read?The Devil To Pay-Harold Robbins

-- What did you want and get?To be teaching abroad by 2011, CHECK!

-- What did you want and not get?I can’t think of anything

-- What was your favorite film of this year?Inception, Eat Pray Love

-- What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?I turned 23 and went down to Indianapolis. Had an amazing birthday weekend with my great friends!

-- What's one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?Moving to Samoa was a major thing, but I there were some people I would have like to have been able to spend more time with before I left.

-- How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?Teacher style

-- What kept you sane?Reading other people’s blogs about being abroad

-- Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?Eh, celebrities.

-- What political issue stirred you the most?Eh, politics.

-- Who did you miss?My mom!!!

-- Who was the best new person you met?Jenny and Rachael- my two closest friends in the Peace Corps. I honestly don’t know what I would do without them here!-- Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010:Have a goal/dream and then fight like hell to fulfill it.

-- Quote a song that sums up your year:“Go for your dream, no matter how far it takes you.”

Yes, that’s right I celebrated my New Years in probably one of the most amazing places I’ve ever been to. Clear skies, sandy white beach, and turquoise blue water. My group and I decided to spend our New Years together. We all rented these beach fales for the weekend and had a great time together. The day was bittersweet for me. It was one of my close friends birthday that day, and up until this year I usually celebrated her birthday with her. My last year’s New Years was spend with all my college friends in my college town. This year I was clear across the world, somewhere where it’s the last place in the world for the sun to set. I celebrated it with people I just met a few months ago although I feel like I’ve known them forever. We spent the weekend laying out on the beach, snorkeling, listening to music, playing baseball on the beach, eating, and even going on a canopy walk. There’s not really to much more to say about this weekend. I feel that pictures could justify this great time, more than my words can. So enjoy!! My fale for the weekend.

Yea, its as nice as it looks.

The staircase up to the canaopy walk.

Lately, I’ve been struggling with topics to write about. My life isn’t very exciting considering school is on break, and I’m living in the village again. With me being a palagi, on top of being a Peace Corps people in the village look at me with a different standard. I am given the utmost respect as well as held to a different standard. This has its definite pros and cons. I am always served food first, I am always given a seat on the bus or car, sometimes my family has done my laundry. These are all well good, and at first I really enjoyed it. However, when you are trying to become equals with the people in your family as well as village it can make things a bit difficult. For one, you have no say in what you eat, and when people are constantly doing everything for you, you are left with nothing to do, and complete boredom tends to set in. When I walk around the village, and observe the people in my family their daily lives involve cooking for hours, doing the wash by hand, cutting the grass by hand, sweeping the house, feeding the animals etc. With me being palagi, and Peace Corps Samoans don’t want me doing any of these things. To them, I am showing them disrespect by attempting to do the chores with them. I am also making them look bad. Lately, it’s been a huge accomplishment for me that my family has started to allow me to make my own coffee, instead of them making it for me. Another hurtle that stands in the way is the issue of contributing food. In Samoa its customary for individuals and families to contribute food to other families or individuals. So common in fact that this act has its own word, “oso.” For example, any time a person goes into town they are expected to bring back a small oso, for their family or at the very least the children of the family. Whether it be, tea, sugar, lollies, pastries, etc. You are expected to bring something back. The problem I face is every time I try and give my family an oso they tell me not to. Now I know from living here for several months that what I am doing is the customary way, but because I am who I am they don’t want me to. To them, I am telling them they don’t have enough food. These little obstacles are making it difficult for me to find my way. In the past, it’s been easier but because me finding my way relies on other people in my village, and how they perceive me, I’m having trouble. I’m never going to be able to fully integrate if they keep putting me on this pedestal. I’ve been racking my brain for ideas on how to integrate better and here is what I’ve come up with. 1.) I officially now go to church (anyone who knows me, knows this is sooo out of my character) 2. Not only am I going to church, but I also joined the church choir. (Even MORE out of character, considering I can’t carry a tune to save my life) 3. Going to watch and play volleyball with people in the village. 4. Attending and participating in Sivas (dances) 5. Having others help me with my Samoan. With these acts I’m hoping to meet more people, and overtime become just another person living in the village.

Darwin had a theory. Only those who can adapt to their surroundings survive. With my new life in Samoa I couldn’t find this theory to be truer. The part I didn’t realize was how much adapting I am and continually doing. One of the first things and biggest aspects is the environment. For example, the weather here in Samoa. Hot all the time and no air conditioning. Luckily, my body is taking care of this one so I don’t have to consciously think of it. Then of course there are the apparent aspects that I’m adjusting to like: food, people and culture. These take longer than most and require both a conscious and unconscious effort. However, there is a type of adaptation that I have not really come across until coming here. This is adapting to things that you yourself have already said you would never be able to do. First thing that comes to mind…bugs! I have bedded with cockroaches, showered with spiders the size of fists, and allowed lizards control of my room. All of which would have sent chills down my back before, now just seem like second nature. In the beginning I wanted every one of those creatures killed, and killed by anyone else but me. Now two months later. I’ll either leave them be, or kill them myself. Then there are things like your skin. My skin back home was properly taken care of. Pampered with expensive soaps, clean H2O, and lathered with lotions and medicated with moisturizers. Here my skin has taken an unfamiliar hit for the worst. I have not used any of which I did before, including the clean water. My skin has developed painful unusual bumps, rashes, and a new state which includes a high level of sweat, dirt and unsanitary water. And even though I find it annoying, its not debilitating. Talking to other PCV’s who have been here longer confirm this by telling and showing their run-ins with skin infections, and boils. But as one volunteer stated, “you get used to it.” In other words you adapt. In order to survive in a new environment you must adapt quickly. It’s no coincidence that volunteers who leave usually leave within the first 3 months of their service. Because whatever the case, adaptation was not successful in areas that were mental, physical, or environmental. Obviously there are certain things that are easier to adapt to then others. The areas I find the most difficult is not the food, my new house, the bugs or new illnesses. For me, its letting go of my old life, and habits to realize and embrace my new life to form new habits. Breaking old habits takes a conscious effort. This is obviously difficult to do. However, with each day I find myself working a little less hard, and consciously thinking a little less. Lesson I’m learning… it’s amazing what one can adapt to.

Most common form of transportation…buses. However like many other things, Samoan buses are unlike anything I have ever experienced. Imagine a city bus where you live. Okay now take that bus and minimize it by ¼. Turn the bus into wood including the seats. Now put a person in every seat. Then take that same amount of people and add it again to the bus. I’m sure you’re asking yourself, “well where are thos people going to go?” Well on the laps of the people sitting in the seats of course! Literally strangers are sitting on one another’s laps. Then add about another 20 people who stand in the aisle. And of course the bus can’t be complete without blaring, and I do mean blaring hip hop remixed with Samoan twist music. There you have it ladies and gentleman, a typical Samoan bus ride. Where the max person capacity is 32 people and you have managed to squeeze in over 70. However I will say that this madness comes with a certain unwritten system of cultural do’s and don’ts So much so that the Peace Corps dedicated a whole session on how to ride the bus properly, without doing anything taboo. For example, men sit in the back of the bus, women up front. (That’s a major one) Try not to keep your bags in your lap because essentially that’s a seat. Men sit on men’s laps, while women sit on other women’s laps. (I usually try to get a kid to sit on me because its much more comfortable then having a full grown person sitting on you. If a women who is older than you gets on the bus, you give up your seat. Seats in the very front are offered for elderly and or men who are chiefs in their villages. Its taboo for a woman to sit on a mans lap, and vise versa. However, I have seen it on more than one occasion. Which leads me to believe you only sit with the opposite sex if there really is no other room. Also another thing I should mention is there is no bus schedule and there are no real bus stops. Which, just makes things more chaotic for a foreigner like me! Another fascinating thing about riding the buses is that nowhere is it written how much it costs to get from point A to point B. its all just kind of known by the locals. You would think that a person could lie to the driver and pay less than you really owe, but somehow the driver is all knowing and he knows exactly how much each passenger should be paying. I have yet to figure out how they do this. Basically riding the buses here is an adventure all in its own. It can be an enjoyable, or it can leave you with sore legs, bruises, and a headache. Nevertheless I have come to realize that the bus system in Samoa is as much a part of the culture as the food, language, and music.

There are two ways of living in Samoa. There is Apia life, and village life. I have experienced both. Apia life is as close as anyone is going to get to an American life. Apia is Samoa’s capital as well as the only big town on the island of Upolu. When living in Apia people tend to dress more western. Women wear tank tops, shorter dresses, and shorts that show their knees. Men are wearing sunglasses, listening to American music, and wearing the latest clothes. English is also a lot more common in Apia. Anything that a person might need that can’t be made or grown is bought in Apia. The night life is similar to that of the States. There are a couple dance bars, your local lounges for casual drinks, one movie theatre, and a variety of restaraunts. Also, another aspect of Apia is the fact that it is a common port for cruise ships to stop at. Therefore, “pulangi’s” or “white people,” are common to see in Apia. Then there is village life. Basically you take Apia, think of the complete opposite and there you have it. Village life comes with waking up to the old fashion clock…roosters. When the roosters start crowing the day has officially started. I keep trying to explain to my host family that 4 a.m. is not the day its still night, but they don’t quite agree. Nevertheless, people wake. Your gender, age, and role in the family tells the person what their duties are everyday. Some men wake up and go straight to work at the plantation. The younger men might tend to the pigs, horses and cows. The women usually look after the house, the younger girls usually do the cooking and cleaning, and the children usually pick up the rubbish around the house and help with miscellaneous chores. No matter what, each person has their role to play and each aspect is vital for daily life and the family to function properly. Villagers are not accustomed to pulangis and are fascinated when they do see one that’s outside of Apia. If you were to take a walk around a village you would mostly see pigs roaming around freely, horses on the side of the road, chickens everywhere, and people working and walking around their fales. You will probably be asked about 20 different times where you are going and about 100 hellos and goodbyes. Most people who live in the rural villages get their food from their plantation, or trees (breadfruit, coconuts, bananas, mangos etc.) They get their eggs from their chickens and most times the chickens will become their dinner. Women dress very modestly while living in the village; nothing past the knees, no tank tops, and no midriff showing. Its very common for people to shower outside or even bathe in the ocean. The word ta’ele means to shower, bath and swim in the ocean because essentially it’s all the same to the Samoan people. Sunday is a very important day in the village. Life stops during this day. No working, no cleaning, no nothing. Sunday is meant for church, prayer, eating, and sleeping. Some Samoans do each of these things twice over. There is no night life in the village except for…Bingo. Yes, Bingo it’s a huge hit here in Samoa and is taken very seriously. Some Peace Corps volunteers have gone to practice their numbers in Samoan and said it was very tense and stressful because they go so fast and people get frustrated if you go to slow. Like I said, it is taken very seriously. I haven’t gone yet, but I’m sure I will go at some point. So basically after experiencing both aspects of Samoan life I have likes and dislikes to each. I myself live in a rural village and will live there for the next two years. But when I need to get away, relax whatever Apia is only a bus ride away. ( a perk with living on an island… you can only go so far) Whichever Samoan life I’m in at the time, one thing is for sure my life now, is nothing like my life back home.

Posts are coming, but here are some random pics! Enjoy!

My friend Jenny and I at the hotel in Apia. One of the last nights in Apia before we were heading out to our villages. Love this girl.

My host family. There are two more kids but they weren't there at the time.

Just one of the many views from where I live. :) My bedroom for the past 7 weeks.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010So today was a rough day as well as an okay day. I’m still not fully comfortable with my host family and I really struggle with trying to find a happy medium between hanging out with them, having alone time, and hanging out with other PCV’s. Hopefully as time goes by I will be able to find that medium. Furthermore, another issued I’m having is with the food. The food is good…there’s just sooo much of it! It’s life a 4 course meal for every meal! I just can’t eat all that. My running is definitely going to be on an increase. Language class is going okay for the most part. The hard part is it being for 8 hours a day. I find that during class I am able to follow well, but retaining it and applying it is a whole different story. I would have to say my background in Spanish is helping. I miss a lot of people from my group, and I’m really looking forward to seeing them on Thursday and Friday. Also I talked to Natalie and Rachael today and they helped break down the schedule for me to help me not feel so overwhelmed. It def gave me things to look forward to so that seven weeks doesn’t feel like an eternity.

Sunday, October 24, 2010Day 1 with my host family, also Sunday in the village. Sunday’s in Samoa are spent eating, sleeping, and resting. All of which are unfamiliar territory for me when that’s all you do. I went to church with my family. We went to a Methodist church which was all in Samoan…interesting. My family woke me up bright and early for breakfast and services. This was tough within itself because the night before I didn’t sleep a wink. There was a horrible thunderstorm that woke me up. On top of that, the wild dogs were fighting, the pigs were screaming, and the roosters were crowing. I’m hoping tonight is a different story. I sleep under a mosquito net which is great because when the sun goes down, the creatures come out. I’m trying so hard to get used to the lizards, and bugs all over my walls. Living with a host family has always been my greatest fear of the whole Peace Corps experience, so now that it is here, I am struggling. I’m trying hard, but sometimes I just want to lock myself in my room, and not come out. Maybe that will change as time goes on, and maybe it won’t…who knows. During the weekdays I am in class from 8-430. I’m grateful for this because it allows me to be with people in my group and out of my house. I don’t mean that to sound bad, its just how I’m feeling at the moment. I was looking for comfort today and sought for it in a Cosmo magazine that I’ve been saving. Man, have I never felt farther away from America and its luxuries. I looked at the ads and models, and suddenly realized I haven’t seen what I look like in days-no mirrors. Which is probably a blessing disguise considering the following: The heat and humidity have me sweating more then I knew I could, the water I shower with has made my skin break out in rashes, I have bug bites all over, and my face probably looks like that of a middle schooler going through puberty. So seeing all those models in the magazine, and all the perfume/makeup ads made me realize what and where my life really is. Now don’t get me wrong, I realize I got myself here, and I am happy I did. But for now I feel like sulking. So I’m going to continue sulking, then when I’m done and over this emotion, I will move on.

2 week down. I have one more week left in Apia before heading out to my training village. I will be moving in with a host family whom I’ve never met before, and essentially our group will be split up and I will not have the comfort of familiar American faces around. Let the true test begin. I must say even though I’ve been here for two weeks I feel like I’ve been here a lot longer. For example, all my clothes are officially and forever stretched out, I’ve developed some sort of rash on both of my legs, and at this very moment there is a dead cockroach in my bathroom (that I’m refusing to pickup). Back home those things would have bothered me, but not so much here. However, that doesn’t mean there hasn’t been things that have upset me. Which brings me into my next topic…the Samoan language, it’s a beautiful language that when spoken correctly and fluently is great. I, however, do not speak the language with either of those things-not even close. The other day my group and I were sitting in the common room of the hotel have our language course. The topic for the day, the alphabet and its sounds, so here I am sitting there saying “ah, eh, ee, oh, uh” and all these Samoan people who are staying at the hotel come in and just sat there staring at us and laughing at us. This went on for about 30 minutes. People would come in and just watch us trying to sound out the Samoan alphabet and cracking jokes. Let me tell you, it was not fun. I already felt awkward and stupid as it was and these people were just not making it any better. I guess I have to get used to sounding silly and realize people will make fun of me. On a lighter language side I have probably said about 5 Samoan cusswords to my teacher without even knowing it. The thing about the Samoan language it has tons of glottal stops and stresses, and if you stress the wrong letter, or stop on the wrong vowel then whoops you end up asking the bar tender for a banana when what you really meant to say was napkin. Here are a few things mistakes I have innocently made: trying to say 27 and saying –pubic hair, trying to say apostrophe and saying-fu**, and trying to say tired and saying-in between my legs. No matter what, it always comes out as a bad word, or sexual. My teachers and people in town just think its hysterical so I just smile, nod my shoulders, and play the silly pulangi card. J

Children’s Day/White SundayToday is a holiday here in Samoa. It’s called White Sunday, it’s a day dedicated to the children. The children are spoiled with treats, new clothes and attention. I went to one of my Samoan instructor’s church to see how this day is celebrated. It was a cool thing to experience. Most people wear all white, however its mostly important the children wear white, symbolizing purity. During the church service the children performed skits, dances, and songs for the people. They sang in Samoan, and English. I was astonished because at such a young age these kids can sing in such harmony. I don’t know what it is about Samoans but they are not only big people, but also amazing singers; almost like they are genetically predisposed. After the service there was refreshments and a little get together with all the people in the church. I loved celebrating this important holiday with them. It made me feel like I was taking one small step to becoming closer understanding and being a part of their culture.

My first weekend in Samoa has been amazing! Today a bunch of us went to a beach on the south side of Samoa. The beach looked exactly like it could have been a picture that is on your desktop on a computer! It was the most beautiful place I have ever been to in my life. I swam in the Pacific with water around 70 degrees, and to top it all off there were little tike huts on the beach that we had to relax, play cards, and eat. The only bad part about the whole day was that I became a lobster within 10 minutes! I have never put so much sunscreen on in my life, and SPF 55 at that! Anyways the day was a perfect one and I couldn’t help but think about what I would have been doing if I was back home. I’ve decided I like my outcome here in Samoa A LOT better. J This past week I have met a lot of the volunteers that have either been here for one year or two. They have been extremely welcoming to us “newbies.” They answer all our silly questions and answer them with all seriousness even though I know in their heads their probably laughing at us. I am so happy right now but I know that as time goes by homesickness and loneliness will set in. That is why I’m trying to enjoy the time I have now being with my group, and being in Apia. I’m taking one day at a time.

Talofa!! Hello! I made it and I am well. After a long 10.5 hours I have landed on the island of Uplou in Samoa. This place is gorgeous unlike anything I have ever seen. However before I get into my life so far in Samoa let me start by talking about the dreaded leave and goodbye of my home and family. So rewind to 3 days ago. My parents drove me to the airport. The whole way there my head was filled with emotions and I couldn’t stop thinking about how much I was dreading saying goodbye to my family. When the time came I hugged my parents, cried, and for a split second wondered if I was making the right choice. The second passed, the hugs ended and I knew I need to take those steps towards my plane. Even though it hurt and I was sad I knew I was doing the right thing. I boarded the plane and headed for staging in L.A. Staging is when the Peace Corps group meets at a specific location to meet each other before heading towards their post, or country. I spent the night in a hotel and the next day was bombarded with filing out paperwork and getting briefed on what to expect when we got there. Although the meetings were long and tedious I enjoyed staging because it allowed for me to become more familiar with the people in my group. Who, by the way, are all pretty cool. Then on Tuesday, October 5, 2010 my group of 20 boarded the plane to head towards Samoa. 10.5 hours later we were here. I was exhausted. I don’t know about you but I CANNOT sleep on a plane, and to top it all off we arrived around 6 am so I had to wait until that night to finally get some sleep. Therefore, I had been up for more than 30 hours. Nevertheless, I was enjoying myself. When we arrived at Peace Corps headquarters we had an Ava Ceremony. It was our welcome ceremony into the country. Other PC volunteers came in to welcome us as well. Afterwards I had information meeting one after another. That night me and a bunch of people from my group went out with some of the other PCV’s. I know I know I could have very well have gone to bed, but c’mon I couldn’t pass a Valima (Samoan beer) and a time to bond with the new people in my life! This all brings me to today. Today has been spent doing training. The weekend is coming up and I’m excited because I will get more of an opportunity to explore the town and get to hang out with the other PCV’s. I’ll try and make my postings pretty regular but training makes me sooo busy, so patience would be greatly appreciated. J

Group 83 just arrived to Samoa!!!

Primary school we passed on the way to Apia.

Some of Group 82 helping with the Ava Ceremony

Jo bringing the Ava

The delicious roasted pig we had during our Ulu. (A feast that was prepared for us the night we arrived.)

Tearful goodbyes is what consisted of this past weekend. A bunch of my friends came into town to have one last night of festivities before I leave. I had a blast, and it was so good to hang out with them. I couldn't ask for better friends. I'm really going to miss them, but it helps knowing that they support me fully. I have 4 days until I leave, and I think I have felt feelings about the situation that I didn't even know exsisted. Tomorrow I am going to continue packing (which by the way I am failing miserably at by procrastinating hugely) I am going out tomorrow night with a really good friend for drinks and dinner. (It will be our last time hanging out so another tearful goodbye here I come) Then the weekend will be filled with last minute errands and spending as much time with the family as possible. I can tell that me leaving is already taking a toll on my mom and I know that day at the airport is going to be really hard for her, which in turn, is going to make it really hard on me.

Not much else to say really...overwhelmed with emotion. It's weird... when I'm excited the days seem to go by soooo slowly, but in those moments of nervousness and anxiousness they couldn't go by quicker. Here are pics from my farewell night with my friends. :-)

Love these people!!!!!

Love these guys.... even though they drive me crazy sometimes. :-)

My crazy friends and roomates in college

"The Uknown," he's a scary demon that sits on my shoulder and whispers in my ear. He tells me you don't know what you're getting yourself into, you won't know anyone or anything, and you most certainly don't know if you can hack it. Now in order to have balance in life there usually has to be an opposite side to everything. A yin to every yang, a positive to every negative, and an angel to every demon. With my demon being The Unknown, my angel is Ambition. Ambition, well, he's much kinder, and he fills me with desire for personal achievement, motivation, and determination to fulfill my lifelong dream.

Anyone who knows me knows that I have ALWAYS wanted to be a teacher, and around the age of 15 I decided I not only wanted to teach, but teach abroad, specifically in a developing country. Therefore, it only made sense for me to apply for the peace corps proceeding graduation. Never once have I contemplated my desire to be a teacher, and never once have I questioned my dream of teaching abroad. However, I am sad to say my demon, The Unknown, is seriously weighing on me while he's sits there on my shoulder. You see, he's the worst for me because I'm the type of person who likes to know whats coming next. I like to be prepared, and I like to know what is expected of me. My biggest fear is not living up to my full potential. And how am I suppose to be my full potential when my future in the PC is about as clear as mud. That is why right now my demon is filling my head with thoughts and my angel is pushed into the back. Right now The Unknown is winning.

Nevertheless, I will keep preparing for my journey, I will say goodbye to the comfort of familiarity, and I will get on that plane and head towards the unknown. I will face that demon straight on and tell him... to kiss it.