Have you ever had one of those overwhelming feelings of contentment? Where you stand still exactly where you are and just appreciate every single thing around you? The wind blowing around you. The sun, hiding behind a few clouds as it sets for the day. The colour green that is literally everywhere around you. The mountains with their last bit of snow off in the distance. The fact that it is finally summer again after so many months of it not being summer. Feeling overwhelmingly busy and thinking you don’t have enough time to do anything, but it’s so different from how you’ve been all winter with NOTHING to do (other than watch TV and read books).

Yeah, well, if you couldn’t tell, I just had another one of those moments. And it was blissful. Sometimes I wonder why what I’m going to take away from this experience and if this experience is going to be all that I wanted it to be in the long run. Moments like the one I just had MAKE it exactly that. I might not the biggest difference in my community – there’s no way I’m going to develop a clean water system in the next 14 months (or maybe I will?) or get one of my students a full-ride to some amazing university in the States. I’m being realistic here. But I WILL have a huge appreciation for Kyrgyzstan. And its people. And eating outside under a canopy during the summer. And my host-family.

I guess you can tell that I’ve had a really good day/few days. God, I hope the rest of my summer will be like this – and I’m sure it will be – ‘cause this feeling is just sublime! And if it doesn’t, I hope that I can bottle up this sensation and can recall it when I’m huddled under 4 different blankets this upcoming winter. :) I really am so pumped for everything that’s coming up. Mom and Tif coming in like 20 days! Finally getting to know all the little (they’re so not little, excuse me) K-20s and how it’s been for them since being in country. Hearing how beautifully the Talas GLOW/TOBE camp (girls and boys empowerment camp) went without me. El Campo. Talas Welcome Weekend and then the Talawesome camp. AH, so excited.

On Monday, I finally got my shit together and started a P90x regime. I’m only a week into things, but I’m definitely feeling it. It’s definitely kickin’ my ass. But at the same time, I’m kind of excited about it. It’s something I can ‘look forward’ to doing every day. And it will make me feel better (I hope?) mentally and physically. Not so sure I’m going to get the results that I would like here in country – this whole eating healthy might not work in a world where potatoes and macaroni fried in oil and served up is normal – but I’m going to keep doing what I’m doing and hope for the best. This really is something I need. I apologize if you do NOT want to be reading about my new exercise regime, but whatever, I’m going to put it in anyway. If you have any tips on how to do different exercise [Like, how do I do pull ups if I don’t have a bar or have a place to hang an exercise band?] or how to eat healthier (recipes for easy-access fruits and veg), would be GREATLY appreciated.

Onto the frivolous stuff: gone through another show that kills my soul (in a good way) – Misfits. It’s the British version of Heroes, but done correctly. Dear GOD, is it good. Simon. All the feelings. He’s got me feelin’ ‘em. Why are there only three seasons done and why is the fourth one going to be a giant shit show (no Kelly, Simon, or Alisha?!)?! What is the point? Either way, I loved almost every second of the show. Proved to be an interesting 3-4 day obsession with long-standing effects (damn you, Simon!). If anyone needed any more convincing that nerds/quiet guys were attractive – LOOK NO FURTHER. Done and done, thank you very much. And the guy that plays him, he was in London’s Spring Awakening. Dying. <3

In the process of re-watching (and falling in love with) Lost with JSR. It’s oh-so nice to have a geek out buddy once again. At least for this show. And it’s so nice to go back and re-watch all the craziness that happened so long again. Still have SOMUCHLOVE for Charlie, Hurley, Claire, Locke… Good times. Still hate Jack and Kate. Ridiculous.

Alright, now the brain is fried. Going to watch Love Never Dies – I’m going to give the video a chance even though I do NOT like the majority of the music – until I get called to dinner; if I do. Haha. Let me know what you kids are doing back in the good ol’ US of A for the summer. Ri – I fully expect reports on Dan and Philly’s trips to the States. Treat ‘em well and send them my love. Thinking of you all and wishing you the best of summers.<3

They’re here. After such a long time waiting the K-20s are finally here! And let me tell you – they seem like a really wonderful bunch. I’m pleased as punch that these are the kids that accepted their invitations to serve here in the K. Very much an eclectic group of people; young and old, black and white, crazy and crazier. Can’t wait to really get to know them. I keep having this ridiculous feeling that I want to be friends with them but 1) I’m not really quite allowed to be their friend yet; have to maintain my professional distance and be a good trainer and 2) they are NOT havin’ it. Haha. I wonder if we were the same with the 18s (although I think it’s a bit of the reverse in this case), where they tried to befriend us but we were just too involved in our own group to really branch out. Not sure I can handle two months of waiting to be friends – especially since a few of them are headed out in my direction and I want to like them and be ready to spend the next year havin’ a BLAST with them.

Back at site after almost 3 weeks in the Kek. First week was spent saying goodbye to one of my new best friends – BP, as we like to call him. John has been a staple in my Bishkek life over the past six months. Don’t know what I would’ve done without him and our Team Indulgence nights. However, I think that we sent him off (on his glorious 6 week vacation to Uzbekistan, Australia, NZ, Fiji, etc.) in true TI style. As sad as it was, I know that I’ll be able to do it all over again come July when he’s back for a month of consulting work. Good thing that’s when my session of PST will be. :)

Second week was doing our ToT for the K-20 PST. Lots of repetition of things we learned in our own PST, but it feels kind of nice being on the know-it-all end of things this time around and not the holy-shit-what-did-I-get-myself-into end. All of the trainers are going to be great; we have a very enthusiastic and positive energy going on and the LCFs (the language teachers) are ready and rarin’ to go with this new batch of trainees.

Third week kicked off with our jaunt out to the airport at 2 am to great the new trainees. I think that all of the vols who decided to show up – there were about 20 of us – were all so past the point of tired that we were all just giddy silly fools and so excited for them all to arrive safe and sound. A few vols waited inside the airport with PC signs (like they wouldn’t know who we were without them?! *facepalm*) while the rest of us waited outside, jumping up and down and very fidgety. We created a tunnel of sorts for people to walk down – we even got some locals to go through and cheered them on; they thought we were nuts! – just to add to their embarrassment of being up for howevermanyhours and traveled halfway around the world. Lots of them were good sports about it.

After the airport, we all headed to the hotel where the trainees would stay for the first few nights and the vols were let off into the world of 5 am Bishkek. Surprisingly beautiful and serene, I might add. Then we all tried to pull our shit together to manage a few hours of sleep before PST officially began. Lots of information was thrown in the trainees faces, all the trainers seemed way more excited then the rest of them, and the staff seemed incredibly well-put-together and ready to go. Our team this year really is going to be prime time. On Tuesday, they all got matched up with their host families for PST. Everyone was terrified and it was really cathartic knowing that I wasn’t the only one flipping out over this; that it very much is a big deal not speaking the language and getting placed with a family you don’t know anything about. They all took it like champs. I hope they’re doing well. Haven’t heard much to the contrary, so I’m guessing no news is good news.

I am excited to see them all in six weeks time for my session, but am still really nervous about handling them all on my own. The other two sessions for TEFL have two volunteers to work things out. I’m on my lonesome. Sometimes I think that’s a great idea and sometimes I’m scared shitless. I know I’ll be fine and my energy and enthusiasm will be enough to get me through the really awkward times, but at the same time, I want to share all my knowledge about teaching and living in the K with them. Does that make me weird? I hope not. Otherwise this’ll be awkward as hell. Fingers crossed that I’ll figure out what I’m doing before then and that things will go over smoothly.

Still having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that a lot of my best friends from country are either traveling the world right now or are back in America. Can’t fathom it. It seems like only yesterday we were all sitting in a field in Kengesh and I was getting shit for wanting to come to Talas. Wonder if the 20s will feel that way about us in a year. Gosh, I hope they will. It really is interesting how people can get so close after only one year when put in places and experiences like this. Some of the 18s I will remember and love for the rest of my life. Like I said before, don’t know what I’m going to do without them until I really get to know the 20s. I’ll make due, I guess.

Haven’t been reading much lately. Been too wrapped up in TV shows finishing (Glee and Smash, although I haven’t seen the finales to either). Still trying to work my way through Game of Thrones – I’m on book four – but this one is just not as interesting. Why did he make it so that this book is ‘written’ by the crappy characters and the fifth one is with all the good ones?! Damn him, knowing we HAVE to read one to get to the other. Have Steve Jobs’ biography up next on the queue and am getting ready to rewatch all of Lost with Steve. Found The Avengers, but haven’t watched it yet. Quality is pretty shite and I just can’t bring myself to watch it like that – want to be able to really appreciate RDJ’s dialogue and to stare at Thor’s arms ‘cause… goddamn. Anyone got anything new for me? I’m really starting to need some of the following: - A Bit of Fy and Laurie- Jeeves and Wooster- Less Than Perfect (old skool Zachary Levi, YESFRICKINPLEASE!)If you have access to any or all of those things, send in my direction, please and thank you.

MOM AND TIF COME IN LESS THAN A MONTH. Sorry, just a wee bit excited. Cannot wait to be able to show off this beautiful country to them and to show off my (not so) amazing Kyrgyz skills. And just to hang out with them again. Miss them so much. And then less than a month after that, Jess comes to visit and help with camp. Going to be one of the best summers ever. Here’s hoping that Diana and Mrs EA find a way to make it in my direction and that my trip with Dad actually pans out. :)

This post has gotten completely incoherent, which means that I need to finish up and do something my brain can handle (Lost, it is then.). Please know that I’m missing you all and wishing the best summers. Hope tornadoes haven’t swept you all away. All my love to you guys.<3

‘Cause I’ve been in a very list-y mood recently, I’m going to have a completely pointless post about top five things I’ve done/watched/read in country or just in general. None of these are going to be in any order, unless indicated, so take ‘em as they come. Again, I repeat, this a completely pointless entry, but it’ll at least give you an idea of the things my brain thinks of while I’m sitting through lessons at school. Awesome. Ready for this? Here we go!

Top 5 Books I’ve Read While In Country- Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman- Acts of Faith by Eboo Patel- Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë- A Song of Ice & Fire by George RR Martin - The Power of the Myth by Joseph Campbell

Top 5 Books I Want To Read Next- Luka and the Fire of Life by Salman Rushdie- Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy by John LeCarre- The Strain by Chuck Hogan and Guillermo Del Toro- Zone One by Colson Whitehead- The Fry Chronicles: An Autobiography by Stephen Fry

Top 5 TV Shows I Started Watching While In Country- The Hour- Luther- The Wire- Homeland- Downton Abbey

Top 5 Methods of Procrastination- Hoyle Puzzle and Board Games 2012 (Rummy Squares)- Going through numerous TV shows, episode by episode- Making stupid journal entries about Top 5 things- Cleaning my room (!)- Collaging

Top 5 Places in Kyrgyzstan- Talas (Laugh it up all you want, 19s, I love Talas!)- Lake Issyk-Kul- Tav’s village WAY down south in Naryn- Besh Tash Nat’l Park (or so I’ve heard)- Bishkek (for that little urban fix when you need it)

Top 5 Kyrgyz Foods- Oromo- Kartoskha Manti- Shasechka- Lagman- Kasha

Top 5 Games I Want To Play On My Fake-N64- Banjo Kazooie- Wave Racer- Super Mario Brothers- Banjo Tooie- Goldeneye (for the first time)

Top 5 Places I Most Want To Be Right Now- Jambiani, Zanzibar- Tutukaka, New Zealand- Chicago, Illinois- Rome, Italy- Edinburgh, Scotland

Top 5 Celebrity Crushes At The Moment- Zachary Levi- Idris Elba- Benedict Cumberbatch- Kit Harrington- Michael Fassbender

Top 5 Movies I’ve Watched In Country- Melancholia- Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (pt 2)- The Beginners- 50/50- Robin and the 7 Hoods

Top 5 Things I Want In My Next Apartment- Badass kitchen- Giant fluffy bed- Windows; lots of ‘em- Storage space galore- Kitten/puppy

Top 5 Things I Always Have In My Purse/Possession- Water bottle- Sotka- Kindle- Blistex (Don’t worry, Mom, I’m not addicted yet… ;) )- Planner

Top 5 Foods I Cannot Wait To Eat Again In The States- Fettuccini Alfredo (and breadsticks) from OG- Strawberry and baby spinach salad with a Strawberry Vinaigrette Dressing- Gorp- Cheesy-ass slice of pepperoni pizza- Mom’s Chex Mix with a giant glass of Skim Milk

Top 5 Grad Schools Into Which I’m Looking- Columbia- NYU- Johns Hopkins- Edinburgh- St Andrews

Hope that was at least entertaining reading for a rainy day. Thinking about you all and wishing you the best of luck with everything – especially if you’re finishing up semesters, dissertations, years at uni, etc. God knows I’m not ready for that again. Haha. Let me know how you’re all doing. Miss you kids like crazy!<3

It’s been a while, all you cats and kittens! Sorry for the massive delay, but things have finally started to pick up in the good ol’ Red Star. Firstly, spring has sprung and I seriously could NOT be happier. :) It’s amazing what a little fresh air and sunshine can do for a girl’s mood. Every once in a while I’ll even play ‘Taxi Driver’ in the abandoned cars outside our house with my host siblings and other neighborhood kids. As expected, everyone was right: I do speak more Kyrgyz with the little guys AND they’re a lot more forgiving when I make mistakes. Gotta make more of an effort to keep doing that, I guess. Always love being THAT guy – the one that hangs out with people 12-15 years younger than they are. *facepalm*

And since spring has arrived, that means my first year of teaching (!) is almost at a close. Crazy shit, man. I can’t believe that only a year ago I was freaking out about whether or not I’d be a good teacher (only sometimes) and if my students would like me (only when my counterpart isn’t there). Granted, I still think those things on a daily basis, it’s not as crippling of a feeling. There are definitely LOTS of things I would go back and do differently, if given the chance, and many things I will change for next year (big changes headed my way on that front, burusaa). Let’s hope it all works out. Otherwise the next 14 months are gonna be crazy as balls (not that they weren’t going to be anyway).

With the end of school approaching, that also means that summer is coming [Sorry, Starks, life in the K is a bit different than Winterfell!]! And boy, what a summer it’s shaping up to be. Helping organize two camps – both in Talas, working another one, teaching the newbs (aka the K20s) the ways of the force, Mom and Tif are going to attempt the trek through the mountains of Talas for a visit, and Jess is going to come and hang (but really to work an arts camp with me – you saint, you!). Complete antithesis from what I was(n’t) doing last year. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t completely terrified about all of the work that I’m going to have to do in the next 4 months, but I’m SO stoked to finally be DOING something.

The 20s coming hits me with absolute mixed feelings. On the one hand, I’m so ready for some fresh meat… I mean, new friends, but on the other, that means that some of my closest friends in country (18s) are getting the hell outta dodge and moving on to different and exciting things. I’ve got all my crossable limbs crossed in the hopes that the majority of the 20s will be awesome and just what we need in country – and ESPECIALLY out in my neck of the woods since I’ll be all alone. No pressure or anything, 20s. ;) And if any of you actually read this blog, INDULGE THE SHIT OUTTA ANY AND EVERYTHING YOU CAN WHILE YOU’RE IN PHILLY! Food, alcohol (responsibly, of course!), coffee, technology, friends, family, etc… You think I’m being over-dramatic, but just you wait, Henry Higgins. However, with that being said, everyone in country is pumped as balls to meet you guys and are ready for you to get here already! Hurry the hell up, 13 May!

And ‘cause there’s always a more ‘serious’ part of each blog, here we go. Grad schools. They’re driving me nuts already. I’m sure there are quite a few people back in the States that already want to slit my throat for going on and on and on and on about this and I’ve still got PLENTY of time to figure my shit out. Well, you all know how I am: I like to be semi-organized and have a plan. Haha. Right now, what I thinkin’ about doing is finding out when the hell the next round of the GREs is available in Kazakhstan (seriously, SOMEONE help a sister out and figure out where the hell I can LOOK for this info) and then apply to a few schools (both in the UK and in the States) for right outta PC. If I get in to any of those – they would probably be my ‘dream schools’ – then awesome, I’ll go. If I don’t, then I’ll probably end up taking a year off after I’m done with service and look for work/take classes/more thoroughly research schools. Anyone know of any jobs with non-profits or development work in Chicago, DC, or NYC that are hiring for year-long type stints? That would help keep me from feeling stagnant and bored (after two years in the K where everything I do means something) while figuring out grad school. It would also probably help as an interim period where I can readjust and figure out what the hell I actually want to do. We’ll see what happens. Like I said before, I’ve got time (14 months, but who’s counting) to figure stuff out. In the mean time, I have to relearn all of the math skills I’ve forgotten since high school and start prepping for the GREs. GOD, I hate standardized tests.

How are all you crazy kids doing? What’s the deal? Some of you are finishing up uni and grad schools, yeah? Good luck with theses and dissertations and practicums and whatever the hell else you guys are doing to keep yourselves occupied and intelligent. :) Some of you are looking for new places in new cities with new jobs. To you, I am sending the biggest of hugs and best of well wishes. Hope spring is treating you guys well. Miss you loads and wish that you could all see the gorgeousness of Talas in the spring/summer. I’ll try and start taking more pictures soon, I promise. Love you all. Let me know how you’re doing every once in a while. <3

PS – My Kindle has finally made its way back to me, so I’m the MOST open for new book recommendations. In fact, thanks to Diana and Chanelle, I’ve spent loads of MB rediscovering the addictiveness of GoodReads. Kill me now, I love it too much. Hit me up with some books. Read some good ones lately. Let’s talk about it!

I’m hitting my One Year of Service blues. It’s a normal part of the Peace Corps experience for PCVs once we reach our 11-15 month mark; one of many on our natural roller coaster of emotions during service. It’s normal but it definitely sucks. A lot. Been struggling with lots of things in regards to these silly Blues (I wonder if they would be more manageable if Hugh Laurie or Michael Buble sang them…?), but with the help and kind words from family and friends – seriously, you guys are LIFESAVERS for listening to me bitch as much as I do – I’ve been slowly getting through them. Just bear with me for a little while longer and hopefully when the winter fades away, so will the Blues.

It’s not as if I don’t like being the Peace Corps and am completely ready to give it all up just to go back to being a crazy, over-indulgent American, ‘cause that’s not the case at all. I do love being in Peace Corps, I’m just going through that phase of feeling unfulfilled and useless at site. It probably doesn’t help that I just spent like 6 weeks out of country (in Morocco and Thailand, yes please!) and speaking mainly English all the time. In order to deal with this, I’m trying to interact more with my host-family and do more things with people in the village and just being more pro-active about projects and life in K-stan in general. And one thing that a friend of mine helped me to realize is that no matter what I actually do in country, one of the things that Peace Corps has helped me discover is who I am as a person. Yes, cue cheesy inspirational music… It’s helping me figure out what I love about myself, what I like in my life, what I don’t like, etc. And that’s something that I will hopefully take with me for the rest of my life. Kuday burusaa (‘god willing’ in Kyrgyz).

Which then brings me to the point of my Americanness. While I don’t love-with-every-fibre-of-my-being my Americanness, Peace Corps has helped me appreciate it so much more than I had in the past. And I cannot wait to take those feelings of appreciation back to the States/UK with me after I’m finished with this experience. For the longest time, I was always the girl who wanted to get out and travel and experience any- and everything she could. [I still am, but that’s beside the point.] And in doing so, I ventured to the UK where I was always dubbed the ‘Most Un-American American’ any of my friends had ever met. And that was something on which I really prided myself. I don’t think I have really changed that much in terms of attitude or general personality, but I most definitely am an American and would not have it any other way. However, don’t expect me to go get a biker tattoo complete with bald eagle and giant American flag; I’m not quite there yet. But I really am so thankful that I have the access to silly TV shows whenever I need them or can go out for a meal that doesn’t take 3 hours from start to finish, unless I make it last that long by talking or giggling with friends. I would not give up the fact that I am the biggest fucking theatre geek on the planet and had the ability – either in Chicago or on trips with Mom/Ri to NYC – to go see 5 plays in the course of a weekend. I love that in America, being a 24 year old woman who is NOT married isn’t a bad thing. I love that in America, I could go to the grocery store and buy a whole bunch of things that aren’t oil, potatoes, or sheep fat to make a delicious, homemade meal (oh my God, a spinach and strawberry salad with a strawberry vinaigrette dressing would be so fucking primetime right now!).

Maybe what’s frustrating me so much about this whole thing is the fact that I feel like I’ve lost so much of ‘ME’ over the course of the past year. As silly and crazy as I can be with certain people in country, I cannot be the Sarah Hopkins most of you knew back in the States. I have to curb my stupid pop-culture referencing (and yeah, I’ll admit it, sometimes that’s a little weird), I have to push down the fact that I would be much more willing to jam out (and sing at the top of my lungs) to a Broadway musical soundtrack then some club album. I’m just not quite me anymore. And I need to get that back, but don’t know how.

With all of that bitching and complaining being said, here are some of the awesome things to which I’m looking forward in the next few months, PC and Kyrgyzstan-related:

- Spring.- My mom (and possibly Tif) coming to visit.- A possible visit from the padre (or some crazy adventure in Russia?).- The K-20s finally showing up.- Summer.- The possibility of being a PCVT and helping the newbies through PST.- Two different summer camps I’m helping put together.- Jess coming to visit. - Fresh fruits and vegetables (that don’t cost me half my month’s salary). - Hopefully starting up a few projects I love and can get behind. - My kindle coming back into my possession. - New Game of Thrones season.

I just really need to keep focusing on all of the good things about this experience and taking one day at a day. One ‘accomplishment’ for each day and then going on from there. I can do this. I really can. :) The Blues are a natural part of this experience and so is getting over it. Be patient with me and I’ll get there.

You all are so amazing. I miss and love you so much. Think about you guys so often. Let me know what’s going on in your lives (JOE – this means you!). Don’t hear from nearly enough of you on a regular basis. Haha.<3

Alright, for those of you who’d like a less cryptic update as to why I’m currently hanging out in Thailand, here’s the entry for you. No one needs to be freaking out about this, I’ll be fine (Mom, Dad, this means you!). I'm not having my hand chopped off nor am I undergoing some radical lobotomy.

I’m here because I have a ganglion cyst on the inside of my right wrist. I’m pretty sure it was caused due to me lugging my giant-ass suitcases worth of goodies (thank you again, Mom) back to my village through Kazakhstan. Lots of lifting and dragging a giant 50+ lb bag with one hand. Obviously, my wrist did NOT like that. So now I have this little bubble of whatever stuck on one of my tendons on my wrist. At first it was causing me loads of pain when I used and flexed it. Because of that I went to Bishkek to have it checked out. They wanted to try compression bandages and just force/squeeze the thing away. Needless to say, ‘cause of my lifestyle back in Talas (thank you, little host siblings!), immobility and something like that just wasn’t going to fly. Continuing on on the goose chase, we tried the med unit at the US Embassy to see if they could just drain the damn thing and be done with it. Because of the location of the cyst, she couldn’t. She said that she could attempt to drain it, but because it is so close to arteries, tendons, veins, etc., she didn’t want to inject the steroids to keep it from getting infected and returning. Fast forward a few hours and here I am, in Bangkok, having shenanigans dealt with. The doc says that the pain is most likely from tendonitis from the heavy lifting and not from the cyst itself, therefore trying to prolong the need for surgery (to Mom’s very large relief). Have an appointment on Saturday to see if the anti-inflammatory drugs are doing their job (as of right now, it still hurts), and then another a week later to see if it’s operation time or just go home with a giant lump on my wrist until the end of service where I’ll more than likely want it cut off anyway. Haha.

Will continue to keep everyone updated on how life goes. As for right now, Thailand is hot, humid, delicious, noisy, sunny, fantastic. Now, if only I had my fucking camera…

<3

Well gang, I think it’s about that time again. Time for me to update you all on the craziness that has become my life. I bet you’ve missed it, haven’t you? NOT. Haha. Quite a bit has been going on both in the K and other places; lots of stuff that I think I need to get out of my head, so I can work slash talk (to) myself through some things. Bear with me? If you’re not interested, it’s as easy as hitting that little ‘x’ on the corner of your screen or redirecting to whatever stumbleupon site you were just playing on. ;)

Firstly – my trip to Morocco with the madre. Holy balls, was it brilliant. Definitely going back, insha’allah. Started off with an awesome 4 am flight out of Bishkek, after having spent about an hour sleeping on the couch in the PCV resource centre; yeah, I’m classy like that. Don’t you love it when you start international flights (which you KNOW are going to take forever and be physically draining) with no sleep? Fast-forward a flight to Istanbul and then another one to Casablanca to when I’m hurrying through Moroccan customs, knowing my mom is on the other side of it. Cue sappy music: Yes, I did kind of walk quickly into her arms with the biggest ass grin on my face. Don’t judge – I hadn’t seen her in exactly 9 months (and as surprising as it is, that is legit the longest I have gone without seeing her – Mama’s girl, probably, but I wouldn’t have it any other way)! And then everything clicked back into our normal crazy selves, like nothing had happened or we had been apart. So wonderful.

Then we head out into the warm, Moroccan sun to find our guide Youssef. Boys and girls, let me tell you about this guy: if we had had a different guide, I honestly think it would have been a COMPLETELY different trip. He was so perfect for my mom’s and my craziness, ‘cause he was just as crazy. Totally not afraid to joke around, make fun of us, be silly, dance and sing on our long drives around the country. If it gives you any indication of what kind of a guy he was, he is probably one of U2’s biggest fans (although JP might contest that…) and could not help brag and show pictures of when he was hired by them for about a month while they were in Fes recording No Line on the Horizon. He definitely made our introduction and stay in the country more than epic. Too bad he’s not on FB, otherwise I’d give him a shout-out. Haha.

Anyway, we were off to do a little drive through Casablanca before heading to our hotel (hello, Jetlag!). For those of you who haven’t been driving in Morocco – consider yourselves lucky and I highly recommend investing in about six extra seat belts and airbags for your cars if you do so. Terrifying. And that’s me saying it after having lived in Africa and gone through the Talas pass during winter. Balls. Imagining Mom driving there was a point of much laughter during the two weeks. :) Passed by both Hassan II Mosque (GORGEOUS!) and Rick’s Café (God bless smart marketing!) and a really cool open square near our hotel. But instead of really indulging – there was a Pizza Hut delivery place super close to us, but for some STUPID reason, I didn’t go there once during my whole trip; STUPID Sarah – Mom and I opted for dinner at the hotel and then having a mini-Christmas. I gave her some Kyrgyz stuff (calpaks, slippers, PC shirts, etc.) to deliver to the rest of the fam and she brought so stuff that was much needed on my side (more ‘me’ clothes from home, Chex Mix [!], PB M&Ms, nice mittens from Dad, Starbucks VIA – YESSSSSS!). Took a much-needed and enjoyed shower and then passed the balls out.

The next morning we barely made it (we both like to sleep and I didn’t wanna get outta bed) to the guided tour of the Hassan II Mosque. It is situated right on the coast, I think it even hangs over the water?, because of a verse in the Koran about God’s throne being on the water. I think it’s the only working mosque that allows women/people of non-Muslim faith in to see it. Let me tell you: was NOT disappointed. Seriously gorgeous. There are a bazillion pictures of it on FB, so check it out there. The main hall fits about 20,000 men and 5,000 women AND the roof opens during the summer and Ramadan. Epic. Seeing this mosque just reaffirmed for me the beauty and amazingness of Islam and everything related to it. In fact, the whole trip did that as well, which makes it that much damn harder to be here in K-stan for another 18 months. Come on, Hopkins, just power through it. You’ll get there eventually.

After the tour we headed to Rabat for the afternoon to eat lunch, look around the medina, and then head on to Fes, which turned out to be both Mom’s and my favourite city. Don’t know why exactly, but it was gorgeous. Especially at sunset. LOVE. There was a point where we were on a giant hill over looking the city as the sun was going down and one of the two fortresses that had been built ages ago was lit up both by the sun and artificial lights and it looked almost identical to Edinburgh Castle. Needless to say, my heart missed that and everyone in good ol’ Ed right now. Cannot WAIT to get back there. Too bad everyone I know will more than likely be off pursuing their own crazy adventures other places. Unless you’d like to stay and just hang out with me…? Wink wink, nudge nudge. In Fes we toured the old medina (love it); bought some gorgeous Moroccan carpets from a women’s co-op – they rival even Persian ones! – but alas Mom had to take mine back to the States, which means I won’t see it for another year and a half; toured a pottery place where they did literally everything by hand with little to no electronic help; and obviously bought a fez, ‘cause they’re cool.

From Fes we took a day trip to some Roman ruins – Volubilis – and drove through olive country. It was astounding to me how many different types of ecospheres there are in Morocco; literally every kind you could possibly think of. Desert, coastal region, gorgeous vineyard-y, etc. Best of all worlds, I guess. After our adventures there, we made our way down to Erfoud which is where we spent the night before CAMELS. Yes, you read that correctly: Mom and I trekked (with the help of a 4x4) out to the edge of the Sahara Desert and then rode camels to this super cool Berber camp where we spent the freezing cold – although it could probably be argued that my room back in Kyzyl Jyldyz is actually colder than it was there – night in tents before catch the sunrise and heading back to ‘civilization.’ I just have this to say: Camels are one of the weirdest effing animals on the planet. They look SO WEIRD. Their humps and their knobbly knees… Come on, man. Oh, and they’re SUPER tall. When they stand up, with you on ‘em, terrifying. Haha. But at the same time, sunrise and sunset out in the middle (well, not really) of the Sahara Desert is stunning. You’re so far removed from all the bullshit of life and just nothing between you and the sun but sand. If you don’t believe me, look at the pics on FB. Done and done.

Then off to Marrakech. Not really our favourite of the cities, but still pretty cool nonetheless. This is where we did most of our shopping – both for souvenirs and just personal stuff. Let me tell you: Mom is THE WORST haggler on the planet. Haha. She can be guilted into buying almost anything. Even a dozen shishkabob sticks that she will more than likely never use. Or a puzzle box. Silly Mom. ;) Loads of cool stuff, minus the snake charmers (when did that dislike of snakes come up, Sarah?!). And the food… OHMYGOD,YOUGUYSTHEFOOD! Moroccan PCVs do NOT know how good they’ve got it. Fresh fruits and vegetables for cheap, even in the middle of winter. Food with spices and flavor abound. Sheep/lamb cooked properly – not just boiled! Heaven in a little tiny wonderful country.

Which then brings me to a little bit of a ‘deeper’ topic. While in Morocco, and a few weeks before hand, I did a lot of soul-searching about how I feel about K-stan, my experiences, and how I think I will change in the future once I’m finished. Even though I loved every single thing about Morocco – even the hellish traffic – and envied most of the PCVs there (seriously, even their ‘tiny’ villages were epic to proportions!), I don’t think I would trade their experience for mine in a thousand years. I feel as if I am having a ‘real’ PC experience here. I really am so far (well, relatively) removed from everything ‘comfortable’ and ‘known’ to me. I have been forced to really settle into Kyrgyz life and become one of them, as much as possible.

However, with all that being said, I have come to the realization that despite how much of a ‘hippie’ and whatever I’ve considered myself over the past few years, I really like a lot of American and Western things. For example, I miss going to movies, I miss going to the theatre and geeking out, I miss being able to go shopping and or dress up for a night out (with decent drinks), I miss being able to cook a full meal in less than 5 hours. None of this is coming out the way I want it to; I wish I could put it more eloquently… I love what I do here, I really do, but I also miss so many things from America. And I’m having a hard time coming to terms with that; letting the two co-exist with one another. It’s as if I cannot let the materialistic part of me come through and be happy if I’m going to be living and serving in developing countries where people wouldn’t even DREAM of having the things I’m ‘giving up.’ Does any of this make sense? Hopefully, little by little, I’ll be able to get my shit together and realize that the two CAN go side by side and be happy and appreciate for it all.

Kyrgyzstan is treating me well, just know. Having some pretty hard times readjusting to life back in the K after my trip. Luckily I had a few days in the Kek with JDubs and 2/3 of Team Indulgence to help slide me back into things. But my first night back in my village was just awful: my little sister is apparently pretty sick so she screamed and cried all.night.long. That, in combination with not really knowing what time zone I’m in, have not done wonders for my mental health and sleep cycle. Haha. Also had forgotten that I had loads of work to do to get this Mom’s Club off the ground. It’s been diving in and hitting the ground running. Never been my strong point, but I’m hoping that with the new year I’ll be better at this kind of stuff. Even went so far as to completely clean and reorganize my little tiny room here in the vil. It’s amazing what that, and a bunch of ‘new’ clothes will do to a girl’s confidence, motivation, and well-being. Get ‘er done, Hopkins. :)

Now for the randomness:

- Kindle broke so it’s back to physical books until Mom can send me the replacement one. Could also be an issue when the power goes out – as it’s not really possible to read in the dark. Luckily I have a few that could keep my attention until then. - The new Sherlock – HOLYBALLS. I need more Sherlock/Irene Addler in my life. Sexy, brilliant, smart, wonderful. The second one was just as awesome – we all know I love me some Russell Tovey, especially when he properly acts! – but not as much as the first one. I think it’ll be quite similar to the first season: third and first were better than the second one. Now, if only I could somehow manage enough free interwebz (NOT gonna happen) to see the last one come Sunday. Anyone want to help a sister out? :)- Anyone else, other than the Lukester read Passage by Justin Cronin? Finished it while in Morocco and want to talk about it more… Also, who knows definitively when the next one is coming out?- Weddings, babies, and engagements: Guys, I know that life goes on, but COME ON! Do so flipping many of you need to have important events happen in your life while I’m gone? Jonesy, Skank, Skippy (yeah, I know this is old)! Alright, it needs to stop. Enough with all that until I can actually get back and participate in these things, will you?!- Only 2 more weeks until my birthday. God, I feel old.- The Hobbit. YESPLEASE. If the perfection that is the trailer is any indication of the rest of the film(s) – and let’s be honest, it’ll probably be better, ‘cause we haven’t even seen Benedict Cumberbatch as Smaug yet! – then I’m ready. Now. Kathryn, Fifi, Fee Cee, please be advised that a trip to your neck of the woods for Christmas next year (or at least on my way home from PC in June-ish of 2013) is in the possible mix of places to find a warm place with an English speaking movie theatre.

I’m sure there are other things I’m missing that I wanted to talk about, but my brain is completely scrambled with every thing possible. So I’ll just end it now.

I will try and be better about updating this thing in this year, but bear with me if I don’t. Sometimes it’s just normal life here, nothing exciting! Missing you all to the moon and back. Hope your New Years is starting out wonderfully and wishing you legitimately all of the best in everything that you all do! <3

PS – With thanks to Chris Swerczek, the idea has now been planted in my head about possibly writing a book… Thoughts? Topics? Would anyone actually read some piece of shit I write? Haha. Always been a dream of mine, but never thought people would actually want or read it.

Yeah, it’s been a long time coming. Have been dealing with some things that are not blog-worthy, so I’ve been partaking in radio silence. Hopefully things will work themselves out and I’ll be able to keep you guys better updated. And you better your effing bottom dollar that I’ll be blogging the bejesus out of my Morocco trip with Mom (that is happening in… exactly 30 days!), so don’t fret. But for now, please let this cheesy, late, but rather necessary, list of things that mean the world to me. I hope that you all had bloody wonderful Thanksgivings, enjoyed spending time with your families, and ate fucking amazing food. [Seriously, I don’t know what it is, but I am going through MAJOR American food withdrawals right now. Would kill small parakeets for this exact meal slash combination of food: a piping hot bowl of my Mom’s homemade Chex-Mix, a whole gallon of cold, Skim milk, a chicken Caesar salad, either a: Pepperoni Lover’s pizza from Pizza Hut (with breadsticks) or one of my dad’s spiced pizzas, and a box of Ho-Hos. Yes, there would obviously be leftovers, which would suit me just fine. If I could get that, I would be the happiest of campers.]

So, without further ado: Things for which I am thankful

· My family – Without them, I would literally be a giant mess. Their unconditional love and support through of my crazy adventures never ceases to amaze me. You guys are legitimately the best. Could not ask for more awesome parents, grandparents, siblings, cousins, aunts and uncles, fake families (Elliotts, this means you guys!) etc. And let’s be honest with ourselves, where else would I be able to find a family that would laugh hysterically at me as I spilled Coke down the front of my shirt ‘cause they get that I was trying to reference our favourite film?!

· My friends, old and new – You all have provided me with countless years of amazing memories and inside jokes. I could NOT imagine my life without any of you. I wish that I had the time and brainpower to thank every single one of you individually, making sure to include all the memories we share, but I don’t. So, just know that I love and appreciate the bejesus out of you. And how flipping lucky am I to have so many friends from all around the globe? To know I’m always welcome (I hope?) anywhere in the world I am if I need it – Australia, New Zealand, Zanzibar, Kyrgyzstan (who would’ve thunk?), the UK, Germany, Sweden, etc… Thank you all for your relentless patience and for making me smile and laugh every single day.

· My Peace Corps experience – Yes, there have been ups and downs about what I’m doing here, but I would not change it or give this up for the world! I absolutely, 100% made the right decision on that tiny island of Zanzibar over a year ago, when I wrote ‘yes’ in that email. I am only eight months in, with a year and a half left, and I have already met some of the most amazing, inspiring, and wonderful people; both American and Kyrgyz alike. The crazy kids have worked their way into my heart, where they’ll stay for quite some time and they have all become my family. When people have seen you at your worst (vomiting into fountains and sick as a dog with giardia), they start to become something more than just friends. I could not imagine getting through this experience without the kind words of encouragement from the 18s or commiserating with my fellow 19s. We’re all in this together (get it, HSM – Kathryn!). There are no words to describe how much I am growing as a person and how much I am learning about myself. Be prepared, more than likely, a completely different (although somehow exactly the same) person will be returning to the States during the summer of 2013.

· Never having gone hungry in my entire life – One of the vols mentioned this as one of the things for which she was thankful at our Talas-giving this past weekend. And I’m really upset with myself that this isn’t something for which I am CONSTANTLY thankful. As much as I complain about food here (if I never have to eat the fat from a sheep’s ass ever again, it will be too soon), I am fed every day. The same can be said, if not infinitely more so, about my life back in the States. There are so many people on this planet that go two or three days, if not longer, without having a proper meal. If I cannot immediately remedy this problem of global malnutrition and impoverishment, the least I can do is be appreciative of every single thing that I put in my mouth [which right now includes a shit ton of Doritos my mom sent in her last package]. This also makes me want to work harder to rectify this problem in my future.

· Useless and mindless pop culture/media – yeah, admit it, you knew that this was going to be on here somewhere. I’ll be the first to admit it, and I have before, I am a pop culture sponge and probably watch too much of it. However, that’s one of my personality traits and you get what you get. :) I will forever be that girl who can recall Colin Firth’s daughter’s hairdresser’s name (but really, I don’t know that one). Most of the time I’m proud of it. In this case, though, I am thankful for it ‘cause it’s strengthened one of the things that makes me me and gives me a chance to connect with other people. You KNOW that if there is EVER anyone who knows what the hell 10th Kingdom is that I am going to be one of his/her best friends. And I’ll be honest with you guys, all this stuff also helps one get through cold-ass winter nights when the power is off – that is, until one’s computer battery runs out…

· Books – Firstly, if anyone is interested in interfaith relationships, pluralism in America/the globe, or social justice work, I highly recommend Eboo Patel’s Acts of Faith. One of the most amazing reads ever. Incredibly personable prose and it didn’t drag, which is always nice. Makes me want to be more active with social justice (possibly with his org?) and do more for the world. And obviously makes me miss Chicago like.it.is.my.full-time.job. With that being said, I am so thankful for the temporary escape that reading brings me. And that people have the talent to write such beautiful pieces (most of the time) of art and to share it with the world. Not only that, but the fact that reading books brings people from all walks of life together in order to discuss a specific one, whether it’s in a formal book club or drunken rant sessions at apartments on the weekends. I feel that reading reflects on life as well: there are so many different genres of books, all of which appeal to different groups of people. We’re all just a giant amalgamation of awesomeness. Wouldn’t have it any other way.

I wish that there were more my brain could articulate right now (there are definitely more things for which I’m thankful, but can’t think of any). I also don’t want to get too cheesy, sentimental, or preachy on you guys; that’s not why you check this out. Haha. With all of the above being said, I am so thankful for each and every one of you and all that you bring to my life. Would NOT be the girl I am today if it weren’t for you guys. Always thinking of you and wishing you the most amazing of holiday seasons. <3

PS – Hopefully a more coherent, work-like update will come to fruition soon. Fingers crossed.

While sitting in one of my classes today, waiting for them to finish working on an exercise from the book, the call to prayer echoed throughout the village. And it reminded me just how much I love hearing that every day. Yes, at 4 in the morning during Ramadan it was a bit grating, but most of the time – so beautiful! Which then got me thinking about how much I can’t wait to be able to hear it and understand the whole thing. Or experience it somewhere like Jerusalem, the West Bank, Egypt, etc. Seriously, couldn’t tell you exactly what it is that I find so fascinatingly beautiful – the words and language, the melody, the message behind it, the unity it brings… More than likely it’s all of the above.

Of course, this all made me super excited and anxious about heading to grad school to focus on this and then spend the rest of my life (burusaa) working in the field. Just think of the havoc I could cause doing something like this. Or the pictures I could take and then DO SOMETHING with. Or even just be able to travel and learn more about the world! As excited and ready for that next adventure in the UK, hopefully, to begin, I think I’m finally coming to terms with the fact that it won’t happen for another 20 months. Obviously, I’m good to go right now, but I have prior obligations; I’m finally getting projects started here. Leaving now would be the worst thing I could do for myself and the people in my village.

Now, when I say I’ve started projects, I really mean that quite a few have magically (and suddenly) ended up on my lap. As overwhelmed and swamped as I may feel with all of these projects now on my To-Do list, it feels so damn good to think that I am actually doing something now. All those months of passivity and inactivity were really getting to me mentally. I mean, I understand that 7 months is really nothing when looking at the whole picture of 27 months, but when others are executing projects, writing grants, attending trainings, having amazing language skills, and rocking at everything they do, it gets to you. One of the things that I have to constantly keep reminding myself (thank you, Steve Root and your blog entry on the same subject) is that each PCV has a completely, 100% different experience than another. I cannot keep comparing myself or my service to anyone else. I just have to do everything I can, the best that I can, in my own life.

What follows is a brief summary and breakdown of what’s going in my life at the mo’.

- While I’m not in charge of the grant writing or other such logistics, I’m helping organize the housing for the run that’s happening in Talas next month. But let’s be honest, housing for 40+ people is no easy task. Also going to be working with one other vol to help photograph for the event. Hello, working-on-my-portfolio! If you have seen my note on FB, you know what it is and why, but if you haven’t: a whole bunch of vols from around the country are coming in and running a half marathon, 10k, or 5k in order to raise money (through donations – we’ll be pimping the link ASAP, please be patient!) and awareness about heart disease and nutrition among Kyrgyz people. The money we raise will be used to put on a training-of-trainers (ToT) next year on the subject, hoping vols with then go back to their oblasts and villages to create health and nutrition clubs. - The newest project is one my friend told me about just yesterday. It’s not a giant one, but still requires getting funding through writing a grant (EEK! My lack of grant writing abilities is starting to really get to me.) and a bunch of planning. Basically, it would be a three-ish day camp, focusing on English, over winter break. I’m hoping, that since whomever I work with and I can pick when it will be, my Morocco trip with Mom (OMG!! We’ll come back to this in a few) won’t be a problem. More updates on this one as they develop.- But the one I’m most excited (and fucking terrified) about, and will probably take the most out of me, is this really cool dance thing. I will be creating a dance – a mix of hip hop and modern – with some different dance groups in Talas City. We’re designing this for an organization trying to bring up discussion about bride kidnapping. In my head, the dance will have a storyline similar to that from Centre Stage (right, Ri?): boy meets girl, she plays hard to get but really likes him, bad boy sees her and tries to ‘kidnap’ her, both boys fight, girl gets in the middle and almost dies, which then leads the bad boy to realize his mistakes and turn to the good side. If things work out, the dance will be taken around the oblast (and maybe the country?) to festivals. So excited to finally be able to concretely choreograph something and for a worthwhile cause! However, the same things that make me pumped also scare the bejesus out of me – SOMUCHPRESSURE. This could be a defining project in my service; can’t fuck this up. And people I respect are counting on me to do amazing things with this. Oh baby God.

In other news, everything else is going relatively well. School is in full swing, which is both a good thing and a bad thing. Good thing ‘cause it keeps me busy and it’s what I’m supposed to be doing. Good thing ‘cause some of the kids are amazingly talented, motivated, and just make me feel like I’m doing something helpful here. Good thing ‘cause that means that I’m also working on some clubs as well. The clubs have been going well, I guess. They’re technically English/dance/theatre clubs, but we have been focusing on dance and fun Halloween stuff for the younger and older kids, respectively. Hopefully they’ll work out and I will continue to enjoy ‘em. :)

Bad thing ‘cause it means early-ass mornings (we all know what kind of a person I am; if not, the answer is: not a morning person!), without coffee – homegirl can only wake up so much earlier to get ready without having to worry about making instant coffee too! Bad thing ‘cause I’m finding out what my frustrations are within the school system here. I don’t like the grading system. I’m finding it super hard to not be taken seriously by students when I’m on my own because I’m not scary enough or I’m the ‘cool’ teacher (this one’s new to me – never been the ‘cool kid’). I’m hoping that once my students and I better know each other, my counterpart and I get more comfortable with teaching, and the year progresses that everything will work itself out. Fingers crossed for me, will you?

Now for the fluff:

‘Of all the gin joints, in all the world, she walks into mine…’ Yes, that’s right, folks: come this December, the mother unit and I will be heading across the pond (for her, for me it’s just across a gihugic landmass) to good ol’ Morocco. We’ll be there over New Year’s basically just taking in all of the ‘major’ sites and tourist attractions. Casablanca, Rabat, Fez (if only Eleven could come with…), Marrakesh, riding camels to and spending the night in the Sahara Desert. Yes, please to all of the above. So excited to have this to look forward to – will serve as my 9-10 month marker and cheesily enough, the legit longest I have gone without seeing my mom. Miss the balls out of her and CANNOT WAIT to see her. Also, my camera and I are freaking out in excitement about the pictures I hopefully will be taking. Get ‘er done!

And I know that you’re all very much intrigued to know that I’ve indeed finished the entirety of Chuck, at least what’s aired already. Can I just say? Goddamn. Didn’t think that the show would be as entertaining as it was. So many crazy-ass, wonderful cameos (Dom! Sarah Connor [right?]! The dude from one of the newer Star Treks! Superman [ew, did NOT like him at all]!) and the chemistry between the cast was just too awesome. Obviously we will NOT be forgetting a certain Mr Levi… YESPLEASE. Aside from the aforementioned gentleman, I think one of my favourite things about the show is the little shout-outs to other pop culture references it had. One of my all-time favs: when Chuck is reading the 1st Game of Thrones book and says to it (something I do ALL THE TIME, talk to my books) ‘Oh come on, Eddard, you don’t let your kids keep a direwolf!’ Such clever writing. So ready to find out what happens in season 5, but not too pleased upon hearing that this will be the final season. What will I do to get me through the last few months of my service in 2013?! *facepalm*

In terms of books, finished Joseph Campbell’s Power of the Myth which was fantastic. Currently trucking through the second of the Game of Thrones series. Gosh, does that man know how to write a series. I think that Tyrion Lannister is one of the most compelling and fantastically complex characters I’ve ever encountered. And I just love little Arya with my whole being; so feisty. Cannot wait to see what happens in the books, especially with the very pretty mental images I have in my head while reading, thanks to the HBO show.

If anyone has any books they’ve thoroughly enjoyed recently, GIVE ME THEIR TITLES. Have been going through far too much television (Chuck, Castle – OMG!, Dexter, Archer, and How I Met Your Mother) lately and will need something to get me through the winter! With that being said, if you have new TV shows that are fantastic (and more than just one season), send those in my direction too. Haha.

So wishing that I could be in the States for Mike’s 21st on Thursday, but know that we’ll have many more birthdays to celebrate once I’m finished with service. Missing everyone like it is my job; thinking of you all every day. Let me know what’s going in your lives – I love hearing from you all. Hope everyone is doing splendidly. Will try and be better about updating from now on; damn Chuck just took over my life and wouldn’t let go. All my love to the moon and back.<3

PS – When does Daylight Savings Time end/start? So wish I could take part in it, could use an extra hour (or seven) of sleep.

This blog post is here to serve as a warning to all PCVs – current and future – against the perils of giardia. I wish that I could say that ‘giardia’ is actually the name of my seductive and uber-talented Italian spy alter ego (can you tell that I’ve been watching far too much Chuck in my free time lately?), alas, that is definitely not the case. It is actually a heinous little shit of a parasite that one acquires through tainted water, usually infected by sheep (damn those stupid koy!). The little bugger (no pun intended) then creates itself a home in one’s small intestines. The ensuing results are: painfully, uncontrollable shivers, extreme loss of appetite (mostly ‘cause you can’t bear to stomach anything anyway), and setting up base camp in your nearest lavatory facility because you’re basically exploding from both ends. Graphic, yes, but I only speak the truth. All-in-all, a SUPER unpleasant experience. But you know what really makes the whole shebang all the more entertaining? Dealing with this your first week of school where their only toilet facilities are wooden boxes covering holes in the ground (granted, that’s also my situation at home, but with a rusty old frame from a bus instead of a wooden box). Oh, that and also fainting into a small – but shallow! – irrigation ditch post-bathroom trip. Yeah, I like to keep things pretty class in the K. Moral of this story is: if you’ve not been drinking it since you were a wee one, ONLY DRINK WATER FROM YOUR WATER FILTER.

First week of school – since we started last Thursday – is officially at an end. However, because of my bout with giardia, I haven’t really gotten a feel for things yet. I keep telling myself that things’ll fall into place; I’ll get the hang of things once I’m there for longer than a week. But right now, I’m just really scared. Scared that I’m not going to be a good teacher; that I’ll get far too frustrated with not being able to actually teach anything or get bored with the repetition (seriously, teacher friends, HOW DO YOU DO IT?!). I’m also scared that I’ve discovered that as much as I like hanging with younger kids, that I actually like the act of learning more than I do teaching… Which frustrates me since I can’t follow up on that feeling (we’ll get to that momentarily) – I’m here for two years to teach and to come up with secondary projects related to the aforementioned topic. Everyone has moments like these their first week, right? I wish that I could have some magic moment during teaching when I get bitch slapped by life and think ‘Oh yeah, this is what I’m supposed to be doing!’

As I alluded to before, I am fairly certain I’ve figured out what I want to do after my two years of service is up. I know, I know, this is NOT the time to be thinking about this, I still have 21 months to go! But, I think it’s nice to have the comfort of knowing (or at least thinking I do) what I’m going to do after, so that when the time goes, I’m not scrambling and throwing myself into the deep end without a nice pair of Winnie the Pooh arm bands (and yes, that most definitely was a shout-out to all of those beautiful people who were with me taking our little Jambiani tykes swimming in Stone Town). So, anyway, enough of the babble. The point of the matter is that I think I want to head to grad school. In fact, I’ve even gone so far as to find two programs – remember, I’m just starting the search – that I’m already in love with. One is actually just a school, the SOAS (School of Oriental and African Studies) in London, where I really don’t think I could go wrong picking a degree, the problem would be narrowing it down to either Middle Eastern studies or to African. But, the school is a brilliant one and I’d be satiating this weird obsession I have right now with living in London. Don’t ask me why, I just do. As good as this program/uni sounds, at the moment, I’m leaning toward a program at my alumni Uni of Edinburgh back in Scotland. The program seems to be right up my alley and I’ve already been in contact with one of the heads of program (can you believe that he taught one of my classes when I was there three years ago, had tutorial with him, and he says he remembers me?!). Basically, it’s International Relations for the Middle East with a mandatory Arabic language component, with possible travel in between the two years to either Egypt or Jordan for research opportunities. Hell. To. The. Mother. Fucking. Yes. Where do I sign up and how long will it take?

One of the problems with finding your dream grad school program right now is this: I can’t do it yet. I mean, yes, physically I could (but couldn’t ‘cause the school year has already started), but my guilt and regret meter would be offthecharts if I were to do that. I want to go with all my heart and soul, even right now would be great, but I can’t leave this place; I have an obligation to my school, my counterpart, my new host-family (who are FUCKING PHENOMENAL, btw), and my friends here. To leave them now would just be… awful. So, basically, you’re all going to have to do with Extremely Impatient Sarah for the next 21 months. Hope I’m not too much of a pain in the ass.

Quick family update: due to circumstances that were beyond my control-ish, I moved (twice) and am now currently living with a different host-family. Guys, they’re great! SO different from the other families I’ve dealt with having been in-country. There’s a host-mom, dad, two little inis (6 and 5), and one little singdhe (1 – she always cries when she’s given to me, hope that’ll change). And while my first host-family here in Jyldyz had kids sometimes, these kids actually interact with me. They talk to me (a lot). They hang out in my room (a lot). They ask me questions about me and my stuff (a lot). And despite being normal kids and whining (a lot), they’re really good, cute kids. My host-mom is great, she’s pretty close to my age – she’s 28 – so she talks to me all the time, helping me integrate into the family and inviting me to family events. Y’ALL – I FINALLY GOT A BANYA (granted, it was a communal one – awkwarrrrrrd – but come on)! So, fingers crossed that things continue to go this way and these could be a very tolerable next two years family-wise. :)

On an incredibly random note: Y’all (why I do I keep saying this? I’m blaming Casey Palmer, despite not having hung out with her in a while), I canNOT stop watching the silly TV show Chuck. Like, legitimately. It’s not even that sodding amazing (who am I kidding, yes it is!) but I watch it all the time. If I had to pinpoint the main reason why I watch the show, it would definitely be because of Zachary Levi. Dear GOD, that man is attractive. But it’s not the only reason. As cliché and overused as the main-character-is-in-love-with-his-partner storyline is, this one just works. Maybe because it’s so tormented-star-crossed-lovers and I’m a sap for that kind of stuff, or maybe just ‘cause the acting is good. It also doesn’t hurt that the supporting cast is GREAT. Everyone at that silly wannabe Best Buy is hysterical. And seriously, can you go wrong with Mr Adam ‘Jayne’ Baldwin? Uh, the answer is no. He’s just too badass for his own good. Joss Whedon, you done well finding that kid. And even though most of the time I can see where the story’s going, I still love it, because every once in a while they’ll spring something on me that just makes me stare at my computer screen and go ‘WTF?!’ outloud. With that being said, I apologize in advance if you end up constantly listening to me enthuse about this show and its lead. I’ll get over it eventually. Just roll with the punches on this one. Haha.

Wish I had a more eloquent way to end this, but I do. So, as I send my love and best wishes to everyone, especially starting new school years, jobs, etc., I leave you with this brilliant quote: ‘In case I don’t see you – good afternoon, good evening, and good night.’<3

This blog post is here to serve as a warning to all PCVs – current and future – against the perils of giardia. I wish that I could say that ‘giardia’ is actually the name of my seductive and uber-talented Italian spy alter ego (can you tell that I’ve been watching far too much Chuck in my free time lately?), alas, that is definitely not the case. It is actually a heinous little shit of a parasite that one acquires through tainted water, usually infected by sheep (damn those stupid koy!). The little bugger (no pun intended) then creates itself a home in one’s small intestines. The ensuing results are: painfully, uncontrollable shivers, extreme loss of appetite (mostly ‘cause you can’t bear to stomach anything anyway), and setting up base camp in your nearest lavatory facility because you’re basically exploding from both ends. Graphic, yes, but I only speak the truth. All-in-all, a SUPER unpleasant experience. But you know what really makes the whole shebang all the more entertaining? Dealing with this your first week of school where their only toilet facilities are wooden boxes covering holes in the ground (granted, that’s also my situation at home, but with a rusty old frame from a bus instead of a wooden box). Oh, that and also fainting into a small – but shallow! – irrigation ditch post-bathroom trip. Yeah, I like to keep things pretty class in the K. Moral of this story is: if you’ve not been drinking it since you were a wee one, ONLY DRINK WATER FROM YOUR WATER FILTER.

First week of school – since we started last Thursday – is officially at an end. However, because of my bout with giardia, I haven’t really gotten a feel for things yet. I keep telling myself that things’ll fall into place; I’ll get the hang of things once I’m there for longer than a week. But right now, I’m just really scared. Scared that I’m not going to be a good teacher; that I’ll get far too frustrated with not being able to actually teach anything or get bored with the repetition (seriously, teacher friends, HOW DO YOU DO IT?!). I’m also scared that I’ve discovered that as much as I like hanging with younger kids, that I actually like the act of learning more than I do teaching… Which frustrates me since I can’t follow up on that feeling (we’ll get to that momentarily) – I’m here for two years to teach and to come up with secondary projects related to the aforementioned topic. Everyone has moments like these their first week, right? I wish that I could have some magic moment during teaching when I get bitch slapped by life and think ‘Oh yeah, this is what I’m supposed to be doing!’

As I alluded to before, I am fairly certain I’ve figured out what I want to do after my two years of service is up. I know, I know, this is NOT the time to be thinking about this, I still have 21 months to go! But, I think it’s nice to have the comfort of knowing (or at least thinking I do) what I’m going to do after, so that when the time goes, I’m not scrambling and throwing myself into the deep end without a nice pair of Winnie the Pooh arm bands (and yes, that most definitely was a shout-out to all of those beautiful people who were with me taking our little Jambiani tykes swimming in Stone Town). So, anyway, enough of the babble. The point of the matter is that I think I want to head to grad school. In fact, I’ve even gone so far as to find two programs – remember, I’m just starting the search – that I’m already in love with. One is actually just a school, the SOAS (School of Oriental and African Studies) in London, where I really don’t think I could go wrong picking a degree, the problem would be narrowing it down to either Middle Eastern studies or to African. But, the school is a brilliant one and I’d be satiating this weird obsession I have right now with living in London. Don’t ask me why, I just do. As good as this program/uni sounds, at the moment, I’m leaning toward a program at my alumni Uni of Edinburgh back in Scotland. The program seems to be right up my alley and I’ve already been in contact with one of the heads of program (can you believe that he taught one of my classes when I was there three years ago, had tutorial with him, and he says he remembers me?!). Basically, it’s International Relations for the Middle East with a mandatory Arabic language component, with possible travel in between the two years to either Egypt or Jordan for research opportunities. Hell. To. The. Mother. Fucking. Yes. Where do I sign up and how long will it take?

One of the problems with finding your dream grad school program right now is this: I can’t do it yet. I mean, yes, physically I could (but couldn’t ‘cause the school year has already started), but my guilt and regret meter would be offthecharts if I were to do that. I want to go with all my heart and soul, even right now would be great, but I can’t leave this place; I have an obligation to my school, my counterpart, my new host-family (who are FUCKING PHENOMENAL, btw), and my friends here. To leave them now would just be… awful. So, basically, you’re all going to have to do with Extremely Impatient Sarah for the next 21 months. Hope I’m not too much of a pain in the ass.

Quick family update: due to circumstances that were beyond my control-ish, I moved (twice) and am now currently living with a different host-family. Guys, they’re great! SO different from the other families I’ve dealt with having been in-country. There’s a host-mom, dad, two little inis (6 and 5), and one little singdhe (1 – she always cries when she’s given to me, hope that’ll change). And while my first host-family here in Jyldyz had kids sometimes, these kids actually interact with me. They talk to me (a lot). They hang out in my room (a lot). They ask me questions about me and my stuff (a lot). And despite being normal kids and whining (a lot), they’re really good, cute kids. My host-mom is great, she’s pretty close to my age – she’s 28 – so she talks to me all the time, helping me integrate into the family and inviting me to family events. Y’ALL – I FINALLY GOT A BANYA (granted, it was a communal one – awkwarrrrrrd – but come on)! So, fingers crossed that things continue to go this way and these could be a very tolerable next two years family-wise. :)

On an incredibly random note: Y’all (why I do I keep saying this? I’m blaming Casey Palmer, despite not having hung out with her in a while), I canNOT stop watching the silly TV show Chuck. Like, legitimately. It’s not even that sodding amazing (who am I kidding, yes it is!) but I watch it all the time. If I had to pinpoint the main reason why I watch the show, it would definitely be because of Zachary Levi. Dear GOD, that man is attractive. But it’s not the only reason. As cliché and overused as the main-character-is-in-love-with-his-partner storyline is, this one just works. Maybe because it’s so tormented-star-crossed-lovers and I’m a sap for that kind of stuff, or maybe just ‘cause the acting is good. It also doesn’t hurt that the supporting cast is GREAT. Everyone at that silly wannabe Best Buy is hysterical. And seriously, can you go wrong with Mr Adam ‘Jayne’ Baldwin? Uh, the answer is no. He’s just too badass for his own good. Joss Whedon, you done well finding that kid. And even though most of the time I can see where the story’s going, I still love it, because every once in a while they’ll spring something on me that just makes me stare at my computer screen and go ‘WTF?!’ outloud. With that being said, I apologize in advance if you end up constantly listening to me enthuse about this show and its lead. I’ll get over it eventually. Just roll with the punches on this one. Haha.

Wish I had a more eloquent way to end this, but I do. So, as I send my love and best wishes to everyone, especially starting new school years, jobs, etc., I leave you with this brilliant quote: ‘In case I don’t see you – good afternoon, good evening, and good night.’<3

Before I start on the ‘real’ stuff, I just have to say this: I’m fucking in love with Kyrgyzstan. This place is so beautiful; it takes my breath away pretty much every day. Guys, I WISH you could see this place. The mountains are stunning. The colours are incredible. It’s completely not the same, but at times it reminds me of Africa – the raw, basic lifestyle that just works and the intense appreciation of everything around its people. Yeah, right now it’s hot as balls, but summer’s breaking, so I’m hoping that it’ll get more comfortable. I never thought I’d say this, but I am SO excited for fall and winter to come around. My camera is already excited about the kinds of pictures I’ll be able to take during those two seasons. EEE! :)

Now for the thinking. This past week has been a really interesting one in terms of my headspace.

There was a point during the camp I worked in Issyk-Kul (the oblast with the giant-ass lake) when I was so damn content with life. I was sitting around a table entirely populated of Kyrgyz people, getting ready to break our fast for the day (only a week left of Ramadan!). These people didn’t know me, other than the fact that I was the crazy American fasting, and yet we were all brought together for this one purpose. As usual, they were all incredibly accommodating and hospitable, making sure I had enough plov (of course!) and chai. And despite the fact that I could only understand about 10% of the conversation – even with the PC safety and security coordinator, who was with her family vacationing at the lake, translating as needed – everyone just seemed so damn comfortable with each other. In that moment I felt so perfectly at ease. In that moment I couldn’t imagine myself anywhere else doing anything else; I was in exactly the right place at the right time.

I think that this feeling was further compounded at the end of camp when we were saying goodbye to the students. For the majority of the week I didn’t really feel like I was doing much with the kids. Yeah, I was being more normal silly, effervescent self whenever I was around them – as you should while at camp! – but I wasn’t really needed a lot of the time. That was fine ‘cause I am now that much closer to finishing Game of Thrones by George RR Martin [So goddamn good! I highly recommend it to pretty much everyone. And the HBO version is actually not that bad and stays quite true to the book! Also, let’s be honest about this: that cast is fucking beautiful.], but I didn’t feel quite as accomplished as I did after other camps. However, I guess in the little time I spent with them, I got through to at least a few of them? I’m not quite sure how it happened.

After camp, these two girls came up to me and handed me little notes they had had translated from Russian and they rewrote in English. The notes themselves were sodding adorable. Not quite perfect English, they had written about how much fun they had with me, how they were sad they had to go, how much they had learned from me, how much they appreciated my working with them, and that they hoped we’d meet again in the future. I’m not doing their notes justice because they’re priceless, but I don’t want people thinking this is the Sarah’s-The-Best Show… Those two notes, along with the impromptu photo shoot I was forced into with some other students, really helped me come to terms with the fact that this is really happening. I really am in the Peace Corps for two years and this is my life. Hit me upside the head, but I think I really needed to hear that. I’m here to do good work and the fact that people (for the most part) want me to be here.

Conversely, I also get these incredibly vivid moments when I want nothing more than to be out with friends and to start the process of being a grown-up. I don’t know what is bringing these feelings around (I’ll probably just blame this one on Mike for moving), but they’ve been hitting me. Hard. There’s a tiny part of me that is so ready to settle down somewhere, for a time, and start life. Seeing Mike’s new apartment and hearing about how he’s starting fresh, makes me want that. I love and miss that feeling of finding a place and setting up house for the first time. That’s probably one of the ONLY times when everything I own is clean and in order. Haha.

Also, I miss the consistency and regularity of hanging out with friends or getting all gussied up and going out. Or having a pint at the bar, either with the girlies or just to watch a hockey game with the boys. I miss the adventures and stories that come with that. I know that by being here and doing this I’m creating more of those, they’ll just be of a different variety. But it’s not quite the same. I’m also always going through the ‘everyone is living their own grown-up lives and moving on, forgetting me, creating their own stories, having experiences I’m missing’ phase. I seriously need to get the fuck over my FOMO (fear of missing out); it’s quite debilitating sometimes.

Does any of this make sense?

I’ve also started getting quite excited/anxious about what I want to do after my service is over. I obviously want to travel as much as humanly (and financially) possible, but I have the rest of my life to really do that, right? I know that I want to: go back to Jambiani for another amount of time and work/teach/live there; take full advantage of a discounted tuition cost at Uni of Edinburgh for some kind of graduate program; live in Chicago again; live in London – why I’ve so recently become obsessed with this city, I don’t know – and try and find work (maybe photojournalism?). I’m seriously so pumped to start on all this stuff. But I constantly have to keep reminding myself that I’ve got two years to grow, change my mind, find new options, etc. Day at a time, Hopkins.

School starts next week. Still haven’t figured out my new housing situation. Needless to say, definitely starting to panic. Luckily with school, I’ve got a couple of weeks where I can just kind of observe my counterpart and input things as needed. Otherwise, I’d definitely not be sleeping – not that I’ve really been able to lately anyways… – and would be absolutely frantic. Speaking of which, do any of your teacher friends out there have advice for brand-new teachers? Things might be a little different solely because of different system, but I think the question still stands as far as student-teacher interaction, discipline, keeping teaching fun and fresh, etc. HELP ME. Literally any advice or suggestions you have would be fantastic!

Brain is dying at the moment, so I’ll try and wrap this up. Hope everyone’s summer was fantastic and that the first few weeks of school have been acceptable. I’ll be thinking of you when I’m standing in front of my first classroom scared shitless. ;) Know that I’m seriously thinking of you all every day and loving you.

Oh, a quick shout out to those who have managed to send me stuff: you have no idea how much it means to me and how much fun (no, really!) it is to write and send things back. If you’re that type of person, turn to the Dark Side and join the bandwagon; it’s comfier over here. Haha. <3

Before I start on the ‘real’ stuff, I just have to say this: I’m fucking in love with Kyrgyzstan. This place is so beautiful; it takes my breath away pretty much every day. Guys, I WISH you could see this place. The mountains are stunning. The colours are incredible. It’s completely not the same, but at times it reminds me of Africa – the raw, basic lifestyle that just works and the intense appreciation of everything around its people. Yeah, right now it’s hot as balls, but summer’s breaking, so I’m hoping that it’ll get more comfortable. I never thought I’d say this, but I am SO excited for fall and winter to come around. My camera is already excited about the kinds of pictures I’ll be able to take during those two seasons. EEE! :)

Now for the thinking. This past week has been a really interesting one in terms of my headspace.

There was a point during the camp I worked in Issyk-Kul (the oblast with the giant-ass lake) when I was so damn content with life. I was sitting around a table entirely populated of Kyrgyz people, getting ready to break our fast for the day (only a week left of Ramadan!). These people didn’t know me, other than the fact that I was the crazy American fasting, and yet we were all brought together for this one purpose. As usual, they were all incredibly accommodating and hospitable, making sure I had enough plov (of course!) and chai. And despite the fact that I could only understand about 10% of the conversation – even with the PC safety and security coordinator, who was with her family vacationing at the lake, translating as needed – everyone just seemed so damn comfortable with each other. In that moment I felt so perfectly at ease. In that moment I couldn’t imagine myself anywhere else doing anything else; I was in exactly the right place at the right time.

I think that this feeling was further compounded at the end of camp when we were saying goodbye to the students. For the majority of the week I didn’t really feel like I was doing much with the kids. Yeah, I was being more normal silly, effervescent self whenever I was around them – as you should while at camp! – but I wasn’t really needed a lot of the time. That was fine ‘cause I am now that much closer to finishing Game of Thrones by George RR Martin [So goddamn good! I highly recommend it to pretty much everyone. And the HBO version is actually not that bad and stays quite true to the book! Also, let’s be honest about this: that cast is fucking beautiful.], but I didn’t feel quite as accomplished as I did after other camps. However, I guess in the little time I spent with them, I got through to at least a few of them? I’m not quite sure how it happened.

After camp, these two girls came up to me and handed me little notes they had had translated from Russian and they rewrote in English. The notes themselves were sodding adorable. Not quite perfect English, they had written about how much fun they had with me, how they were sad they had to go, how much they had learned from me, how much they appreciated my working with them, and that they hoped we’d meet again in the future. I’m not doing their notes justice because they’re priceless, but I don’t want people thinking this is the Sarah’s-The-Best Show… Those two notes, along with the impromptu photo shoot I was forced into with some other students, really helped me come to terms with the fact that this is really happening. I really am in the Peace Corps for two years and this is my life. Hit me upside the head, but I think I really needed to hear that. I’m here to do good work and the fact that people (for the most part) want me to be here.

Conversely, I also get these incredibly vivid moments when I want nothing more than to be out with friends and to start the process of being a grown-up. I don’t know what is bringing these feelings around (I’ll probably just blame this one on Mike for moving), but they’ve been hitting me. Hard. There’s a tiny part of me that is so ready to settle down somewhere, for a time, and start life. Seeing Mike’s new apartment and hearing about how he’s starting fresh, makes me want that. I love and miss that feeling of finding a place and setting up house for the first time. That’s probably one of the ONLY times when everything I own is clean and in order. Haha.

Also, I miss the consistency and regularity of hanging out with friends or getting all gussied up and going out. Or having a pint at the bar, either with the girlies or just to watch a hockey game with the boys. I miss the adventures and stories that come with that. I know that by being here and doing this I’m creating more of those, they’ll just be of a different variety. But it’s not quite the same. I’m also always going through the ‘everyone is living their own grown-up lives and moving on, forgetting me, creating their own stories, having experiences I’m missing’ phase. I seriously need to get the fuck over my FOMO (fear of missing out); it’s quite debilitating sometimes.

Does any of this make sense?

I’ve also started getting quite excited/anxious about what I want to do after my service is over. I obviously want to travel as much as humanly (and financially) possible, but I have the rest of my life to really do that, right? I know that I want to: go back to Jambiani for another amount of time and work/teach/live there; take full advantage of a discounted tuition cost at Uni of Edinburgh for some kind of graduate program; live in Chicago again; live in London – why I’ve so recently become obsessed with this city, I don’t know – and try and find work (maybe photojournalism?). I’m seriously so pumped to start on all this stuff. But I constantly have to keep reminding myself that I’ve got two years to grow, change my mind, find new options, etc. Day at a time, Hopkins.

School starts next week. Still haven’t figured out my new housing situation. Needless to say, definitely starting to panic. Luckily with school, I’ve got a couple of weeks where I can just kind of observe my counterpart and input things as needed. Otherwise, I’d definitely not be sleeping – not that I’ve really been able to lately anyways… – and would be absolutely frantic. Speaking of which, do any of your teacher friends out there have advice for brand-new teachers? Things might be a little different solely because of different system, but I think the question still stands as far as student-teacher interaction, discipline, keeping teaching fun and fresh, etc. HELP ME. Literally any advice or suggestions you have would be fantastic!

Brain is dying at the moment, so I’ll try and wrap this up. Hope everyone’s summer was fantastic and that the first few weeks of school have been acceptable. I’ll be thinking of you when I’m standing in front of my first classroom scared shitless. ;) Know that I’m seriously thinking of you all every day and loving you.

Oh, a quick shout out to those who have managed to send me stuff: you have no idea how much it means to me and how much fun (no, really!) it is to write and send things back. If you’re that type of person, turn to the Dark Side and join the bandwagon; it’s comfier over here. Haha. <3

Currently in the middle of my third day of Ramadan. And I’m thirsty as shit! If you don’t know what Ramadan is, it’s the Muslim month of fasting. Basically, it is a month – 1-29 August – where during daylight hours you are not allowed to eat, drink, smoke, have sex, etc. It is a time where one is supposed to cleanse one’s mind and body, attempting to find oneself closer to God (Allah). I personally think that cleaning the mind is the more important of the two, but I’m sure it also helps to be getting rid of all the shit we put in our bodies on a daily basis. I for one cannot wait to shed all this water weight and start from a clean slate, trying to eat healthier starting September.

This is my first time attempting/participating in Ramadan. And I’d like to think I’m doing relatively well. Like I said before, the thing that really seems to be kicking my ass is not being able to drink water. Especially when helping with a summer camp where you’re doing three straight hours of sessions (read: lots of talking). Haha. The hunger doesn’t really get to me, maybe too much forced practice during high school, college, and getting here where cooking or making food is just a pain in the ass slash not possible. But not being able to wet your whistle…?! DYING. I think another thing that is really getting to me – not only getting up before the ass crack of dawn, literally – but my energy slumps. I’m a relatively happy, outgoing, bubbly person, but over the past two and a half days, I’ve really had to force it for camp.

Despite how it would seem being constantly surrounded by people eating and drinking, it doesn’t really get to me. Yeah, every once in a while I’ll crave a piece of juicy watermelon or want to shove my face full with delicious potato manti, but I’m doing alright. And all of the other vols, while once in a while having a momentary brain lapse, have been super supportive and considerate about stuff, which I’m eternally grateful. I am also super glad that I’m doing this WITH people. As far as I know, my friends Steve, Meghan, Luke and even my dad (!) are all participating with me. Having that solidarity with them really helps, knowing I’m not the only one going through all this for the first time.

One of the other things that I find must be frustrating for people having to deal with me during this month is the fact that they constantly have to save me food for later. At least that’s what’s been done at camp. Or the meal I want to eat is lunch, but have to eat it cold and 8 hours later, when they’ve saved me a plate of whatever was for dinner. I know I should check myself, they don’t even have to be saving me anything, just complaining. Haha.

The thing that baffles me the most is when people – both HCNs (host-country nationals) and other volunteers – ask me why I’m doing Ramadan. For some reason or another, I can never seem to find an answer that seems adequate to anyone. ‘But you’re not Muslim, why are you torturing yourself doing that?’ is one of the most frequent responses I receive when I tell them what I’m doing. I wish that I had a better and more legitimate ‘excuse’ or ‘reason’ for wanting to do it other than I’ve always been fascinated by Islamic culture and have always wanted to try. ‘Cause I feel that people don’t think it’s a ‘good enough’ reason to be starving myself from sunrise to sundown.

I wish I had more that I could talk about right now, but Ramadan has taken over all of my brain power and left it to nothing. And when it does work, it’s with a pounding migraine. Life, eh? Things have been going surprisingly well in life lately. Still kind of bored, but camp has been combating that recently. After it’s over, we’ll see what happens. :) But might be helping another camp in Issyk-Kul (another oblast finally!) the third week of August, and then school starts two weeks later. Not too worried about life anymore. Feelin’ pretty good. Let’s hope it lasts.

Currently raging through Game of Thrones – that silly HBO series based on the books by George RR Martin. Eff my life are they good! I would ask when the hell Harry Lloyd got creepy, but he was the first time I saw him in Doctor Who, so I’m not too surprised he’s the same in this. Again with my love for Sean Bean. Fuck you, Boromir. Get out of my life (and yet stay in it forever, please and thank you!). And the brothers?! YES.PLEASE. And I’m surprised at how relatively close it’s staying to the book – which I’m reading at the moment, along with about 4 others – which is so unlike HBO. I mean, look at the True Blood series. JOKE. [Speaking of which, I would kill small children to see this season, it’s my favourite of the books and has shit tons of Eric in it! <3]

I hope everyone has been having a solid summer and have been doing lots of cool things. Keep me updated on everyone’s lives, will you? Still love getting snail mail… And I promise that I do respond, even if it takes me a while to get them actually sent off. Haha.

Currently in the middle of my third day of Ramadan. And I’m thirsty as shit! If you don’t know what Ramadan is, it’s the Muslim month of fasting. Basically, it is a month – 1-29 August – where during daylight hours you are not allowed to eat, drink, smoke, have sex, etc. It is a time where one is supposed to cleanse one’s mind and body, attempting to find oneself closer to God (Allah). I personally think that cleaning the mind is the more important of the two, but I’m sure it also helps to be getting rid of all the shit we put in our bodies on a daily basis. I for one cannot wait to shed all this water weight and start from a clean slate, trying to eat healthier starting September.

This is my first time attempting/participating in Ramadan. And I’d like to think I’m doing relatively well. Like I said before, the thing that really seems to be kicking my ass is not being able to drink water. Especially when helping with a summer camp where you’re doing three straight hours of sessions (read: lots of talking). Haha. The hunger doesn’t really get to me, maybe too much forced practice during high school, college, and getting here where cooking or making food is just a pain in the ass slash not possible. But not being able to wet your whistle…?! DYING. I think another thing that is really getting to me – not only getting up before the ass crack of dawn, literally – but my energy slumps. I’m a relatively happy, outgoing, bubbly person, but over the past two and a half days, I’ve really had to force it for camp.

Despite how it would seem being constantly surrounded by people eating and drinking, it doesn’t really get to me. Yeah, every once in a while I’ll crave a piece of juicy watermelon or want to shove my face full with delicious potato manti, but I’m doing alright. And all of the other vols, while once in a while having a momentary brain lapse, have been super supportive and considerate about stuff, which I’m eternally grateful. I am also super glad that I’m doing this WITH people. As far as I know, my friends Steve, Meghan, Luke and even my dad (!) are all participating with me. Having that solidarity with them really helps, knowing I’m not the only one going through all this for the first time.

One of the other things that I find must be frustrating for people having to deal with me during this month is the fact that they constantly have to save me food for later. At least that’s what’s been done at camp. Or the meal I want to eat is lunch, but have to eat it cold and 8 hours later, when they’ve saved me a plate of whatever was for dinner. I know I should check myself, they don’t even have to be saving me anything, just complaining. Haha.

The thing that baffles me the most is when people – both HCNs (host-country nationals) and other volunteers – ask me why I’m doing Ramadan. For some reason or another, I can never seem to find an answer that seems adequate to anyone. ‘But you’re not Muslim, why are you torturing yourself doing that?’ is one of the most frequent responses I receive when I tell them what I’m doing. I wish that I had a better and more legitimate ‘excuse’ or ‘reason’ for wanting to do it other than I’ve always been fascinated by Islamic culture and have always wanted to try. ‘Cause I feel that people don’t think it’s a ‘good enough’ reason to be starving myself from sunrise to sundown.

I wish I had more that I could talk about right now, but Ramadan has taken over all of my brain power and left it to nothing. And when it does work, it’s with a pounding migraine. Life, eh? Things have been going surprisingly well in life lately. Still kind of bored, but camp has been combating that recently. After it’s over, we’ll see what happens. :) But might be helping another camp in Issyk-Kul (another oblast finally!) the third week of August, and then school starts two weeks later. Not too worried about life anymore. Feelin’ pretty good. Let’s hope it lasts.

Currently raging through Game of Thrones – that silly HBO series based on the books by George RR Martin. Eff my life are they good! I would ask when the hell Harry Lloyd got creepy, but he was the first time I saw him in Doctor Who, so I’m not too surprised he’s the same in this. Again with my love for Sean Bean. Fuck you, Boromir. Get out of my life (and yet stay in it forever, please and thank you!). And the brothers?! YES.PLEASE. And I’m surprised at how relatively close it’s staying to the book – which I’m reading at the moment, along with about 4 others – which is so unlike HBO. I mean, look at the True Blood series. JOKE. [Speaking of which, I would kill small children to see this season, it’s my favourite of the books and has shit tons of Eric in it! <3]

I hope everyone has been having a solid summer and have been doing lots of cool things. Keep me updated on everyone’s lives, will you? Still love getting snail mail… And I promise that I do respond, even if it takes me a while to get them actually sent off. Haha.

A Day in the Life

So, because a certain someone named Becca Gann requested it, I give you a day in my life in Kyzyl Jyldyz. With pictures and commentary. I should also give a disclaimer that some of this doesn’t happen daily, it just so happened to happen today when I had my camera with me and was on the mission of fulfilling this task. :)

This one’s pretty easy to figure out – it’s my bed. This is where I sleep. Obviously there’s Lumphy and Bobby. I get up sometimes with my alarm (yes, it is ‘Chelsea Dagger’ so I’m not quite leaving my Hawks to rot, although there’s going to be no one from the team left by the time I get home!) and sometimes just sleep until I can’t sleep anymore. Which is nowadays somewhere between 8.30 and 9 am. Crazy, huh?

After waking up, I come over to my dresser and get my toothbrush and green H2O bottle ready to head outside where I’m allowed to actually brush ‘em. Yeah, there’s a bunch of random stuff on my dresser – normal though, right?

Then I walk outside to the shoe ranch, whose name I just made up, to find some shoes to slip on before exiting the house. Easy on and off shoes are definitely the best, especially for summer time. It just takes too damn long to tie up trainers and Chucks. I need to think about getting some bazaar shoes (the giant blue sandals near the middle), they’re hella cheap and supes fashionable around the village.

Once outside I head to that little patch of yellow-y lookin’ grass. That’s my sink. Awesome, huh? As this picture was taken a while ago, there’s now a GIANT field of sunflowers near those trees in the background. I sincerely love brushing my teeth and starin’ at ‘em. They’re gorgeous. In fact, I’ll put in the picture I took of them just now!

After brushing my teeth, I usually head back to my room and sit at my desk for a while doing random shit. Mostly surfing Facey-B and checking email. There really isn’t much else to do on the internet when you can’t look at pictures, videos, or spend copious amounts of time on Tumblr ‘cause it’s far too expensive. I wonder what kind of interwebz nerd I’ll be (if at all) when I get back…

You can kind of see the edge of one of these at the top of the above picture, but since I didn’t have enough tape to hang up all my pictures individually like I have done since Edinburgh, I made a couple of collages. They were a nice creative outlet (and helped with the boredom) during my first month and it’s so awesome to wake up every morning and be able to say hi to you guys even though you’re so far away. It also helps remind me of all the swanky and crazy stuff I’ve gotten to do. Makes me miss you all too. If you want your picture to be hanging on my wall, I’m going to need you guys to send me some pictures. I’m in love with snail mail, especially when there’s silly stuff in it!

This is also exactly what you’d think it is. That wooden box (God, why couldn’t it be the TARDIS?) in the background is my outhouse. It’s actually a surprisingly wonderful one ‘cause it’s so new. But even with others that I’ve used, my numerous camping experiences have helped prepare myself for whatever comes. And as for the tools that are in a semi-circle guarding said outhouse, I can’t really explain it. I assume it was the 3 year old who’s currently living with me. Kids.

Once I’m ready to leave my house and do something in the village, I head out along this road. It’s basically the only way I can get anywhere (I’m on the outer edge of anything). On the left side of this picture, that’s legit the edge of the village; there are only fields and crops over there. It’s an EPIC place to take pictures though. My friend Dave and I ventured out that way one weekend and got some amazing shots. Can’t wait to show everyone.

A little further past the picture above is the well where I sometimes get my water. Most of the time I’m lazy and just get it from the little creek/stream that’s right outside my house – hey, that’s what filters are for, right? – but when I’m feeling really ambitious I’ll come to this guy. It’s really actually kinda scary to use. The thing is about a billion years old and acts like it’s going to break down when you’re using it. Hence the creek. Haha.

This is getting closer to the heart of the village. For some reason I really like going past these few houses.

Yes, that is a giant pile/stack/stockpile of cow chips that I get to walk by every day. Attractive, huh? But seriously though, they’re amazing for starting and maintaining fires, which is a godsend when you’re trying to banya and/or cook with the giant kazan thing (you’ll see that in a minute).

This is my school! There’s an almost-basketball court to the immediate left of this picture (you can see one of the ‘hoops’ in this pic). Wonder if we can get a real one? We’ve got about 450ish students at my school. My teachers are all awesome and funny – we all bonded pretty well when I got shithoused with them a month ago. Gotta love the ever-flowing araq (vodka).

Alright, so THIS is the playground. Crazy, huh? It’s literally just a bunch of metal structures that are supposed to be fun. And the one that looks like a gi-hugic smile? Yeah, those are monkey bars. That go up like 15 feet. No way in hell my kids are gonna be playin’ on this thing. What happened to good ol’ slides and little Tic-Tac-Toe boards?

This is a close-up of my school. My classroom is on the first floor, basically straight across the hall from the door that’s on the furthest right. There’s a gym type area on the second floor (on the left of this pic). Awesomely, that’s also right next to the cafeteria-kitchen place they’ve got. Cannot wait to get started here. :)

This is a really awful view of my counterpart’s house, but it works. She was cleaning the tushuks today which are those colourful things hanging on the line in the background. They’re basically giant, comfy sleeping mats that Kyrgyz use when housing guests. They’re my best friends.

This picture basically sums up my life in Kyrgyzstan – chai iching. Simply put, it’s where you go guesting at someone’s house and shove your face full of tea, bread, and jams. It’s slowly becoming one of my favourite things to do; I love just sitting and talking (or attempting to) with these people. Let’s just hope my language will get its shit together so I can be good at it.

And this handsome wee devil is my counterpart’s youngest son. I’m going to steal him. Like, legit. Pretty much my favourite kid in the village. Hands down. <3

If I want to go anywhere outside of my village – whether to go to the bigger bazaar in Kirovka or visit other volunteers in Talas or their villages – I’ve gotta pass this guy. It’s the dam that blocks Kirovka’s reservoir and I guess supplies water to the valley where I live? But anyway, yes, you are correct if you guessed that was Lenin. It is, in fact, the World’s Largest Lenin Head. Be jealous.

I swear water on this side of the dam shouldn’t be doing that. But it does and when the sun’s shining right, it makes for stunning rainbows.

Alright, so this is one side of the outside kitchen. The oven/stove on the left side is powered by electricity and the one on the right is powered by gas. I guess gas is super expensive and a pain in the ass to get from Kazakhstan, so most of the time we use the one of the left. Gotten really good at only having two pots goin’ at once.

In between the above picture and this one (which is the kazan) there’s a small table where we can prepare food and what not before using one of the cooking implements. Basically, this guy is a giant Russian oven type thing. You make a fire underneath – the cat we have likes to climb in the fire pit, so we have to double check before lighting up – and there are two holes where the two bowl things sit and heat up. The big one of is used mainly for plov (the fried rice dish I eat all the time) and other soups. I haven’t quiet mastered the kazan yet, but give me time! ;)

After consumption of and cleaning up of dinner, I head back to my room to either watch something on the good ol’ Mac (I’m now steadily working my way through Dexter; still waiting for HP7 and Transformers 3) or I’ll bust out one of these guys or my Kindle and read until I fall asleep. Which then brings you guys all back to that first picture where my bed is.

Hope you guys enjoyed the crazy day in the life of me while in the Peace Corps. I’m sure once school starts in September things’ll be super different. Same thing with winter. I’m actually stoked at the pictures I should be able to take during then. Now I’m off to hopefully banya (I will seriously shit myself if this actually happens, I’m so excited) and then attempt to make myself a curry.<3

Holy God, it’s been almost a month since I’ve last written! Which puts me at almost four months since having left the States. Fuck, that’s crazy. Loads of stuff has happened and loads of stuff has not happened. Some of it is unimportant, some of it is important but of a slightly fragile nature, so I’m tryin’ to stay away from it and keep this entry as positive as possible!

This one is on a slightly similar note as the last one, but hopefully a bit more up than the last one and then there will probably be a shit ton of a babble, just updating everyone on how life’s been in Kyrgyzstan over the last month.

Ready for it?

So, in an attempt to start lesson planning for my sessions at the Talas English Camp at the beginning of August – I’m doing HIV/AIDs awareness-prevention-promotion through photography and promotion of diversity through theatre! – I’ve been looking through my iPhoto. Sometimes this is a really bad decision as I start getting super homesick and start missing experiences long-since gone. But for some reason today, it’s done the opposite. It has made me so excited and happy and reminded me how lucky I have been over the past five years of my life.

[I apologize in advance if the next few paragraphs make me sound entitled or arrogant, it is not meant to. It’s more a reflection on everything and the places it’s gotten me to today. Therefore, please don’t think I’m bragging or anything; I’m not.]

As much as I hated high school – let’s be honest, who didn’t? – I got to do a BUNCH of cool stuff. I mean, who starts a few made-up holidays that actually get continued for years after you’ve left?! Let’s reminisce, shall we? March 2nd. Estrogen Day. Lupper. Emo Day. It’s crazy, looking back on it. The things that my friends and I did during high school just for shits and giggles have been passed down for years through other classes, mainly those within the drama department. And here I was thinking I didn’t make an impact during those awkward years between 16 and 18… Haha.

Very similar things can be said for the four years I spent in college. I fell in love with one of my favourite cities in the US – if you don’t know which one I’m talkin’ about, you do NOT know me – while meeting some of my favourite and closest friends on the planet. So many concerts. So many wonderful memories. And just looking back on all of the things we did when we were so young and stupid and now seeing where we all are today? It’s fucking crazy. During college I studied awesome subjects that have helped shaped the direction in which I’d like to go someday. British history, Islamic studies, Arabic, etc.

And to top it all off, studying in Scotland, where I fed my love for the UK (seriously, mark my words, I will live there for an extended period of time…), just added to all the aforementioned things. Plus, the little trips I got to do on the side. Celebrating JP’s 21st 605-style in Bilbao, ordering drinks in Basque. Introducing Brits to a ‘real’ Thanksgiving and then throwing the turkey (RIP Fred) carcass, with juices, out of a 3rd story window. London Twilight premiere with Kathryn, squealing (me, that is) over the fact we’re in the same room as Robert Pattinson. Spending Christmas in Paris with my mom and brother. Celebrating my 21st with some of my best girlfriends in Inverness, riding a motor-trike around Loch Ness, drinking whisky. Going to the airport and literally getting on the next plane to wherever with Tif, ending up in Amsterdam and loving the whole spontaneous experience. St Patty’s Day in Dublin with Zini – literally no more should be said on that subject. Heading to London with Ri for our epic weekend of concerts and shows, ending up meeting Jamesy and Ingrid. My solo trip to Rome, ending in a HELLISH sunburn, but an intense love for that ancient city. And our goodbye party that cannot be described because of its awesomeness.

And obviously the rest of everything in Chicago, jobs, internships, trips – NZ and Africa – hockey, and life in general has shaped where I am now. I could not be happier about every single one of those experiences and people. I also could not feel more blessed/lucky/privileged to have been able to have all of those things. So, to every single one of you reading this, I thank you. I love you more than words can say and appreciate every single thing you have done for me over the past few years.

Alright, now to the little bit about Kyrgyzstan that’s been happening as of late. This past weekend was one of my favourite weekends thus far having been in country. Basically, a shit ton of K-19 vols from around the country all came to Talas for an epic weekend reunion as well as a music festival that one of the vols helped organize with his placement. Guys, it was amazing. Legit. So much fun. Amazing food was made (I’m seriously becoming SO surprised with some of the stuff that we’ve been able to make in-country). Hawaiian Polar Bear pancakes, for example. Think pancakes with bananas, Snickers bars, Mars bars, and Bounty bars all mixed in. My mouth died with happiness. Everyone who came – Steve, Casey, Ian, Sweens, Johnny D, etc. – had a blast. No drama. Just pure awesomeness. And it all came to a conclusion at the music festival which was just nuts. Johnny D and Alex, one of the Talas vols, were asked to perform ‘Chai Ich’ – ‘Have a Cuppa Tea’ by the Kinks translated into Kyrgyz – because a bunch of counterparts saw it at swearing-in and haven’t stopped talking about it since. Not only did the boys perform, but there was an epic disco where we all just danced around like silly Americans. So. Much. Fun. When we all got back to our hotel at around 1 am, all of a sudden the room and building started to shake. As we all were ‘in the area,’ as SRoot would say, it took us a few minutes to figure out what the hell was going on. I guess there was an earthquake last night? Haha. Apparently it was a rather big one down in the south (like a 7-ish on the Richter), but where we were it wasn’t that bad, only around a 1. Nuts, eh? My first feel-able earthquake. Thank you, Kyrgyzstan.

I can’t believe how much time has passed already. It’s almost the end of July, meaning I’ll have been in country for four months. When the hell did that happen?! We’re already getting emails about IST (In-service training)! Talas’ is near the end of September; can’t even think about the fact that THAT will be 6 months into my two year service. Ugh, brain can’t take that right now. Haha. I have no idea what IST’s going to be like, other than it’ll be a three-day adventure. My guess is that it’ll be a three-day long Hub Day like back in PST. Which will either be AWESOME or it’ll suck hardcore. We shall see. I’ll keep you updated.

Scored a few books on my Kindle today, but as usual, am ALWAYS up for recommendations! Oh, I also have about 10 actual books that I’ve borrowed from people I’ve gotta work through. Reading list is as follows: - The Last King of Scotland by Giles Foden- Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad- The Reader by Bernhard Schlink- Son of a Witch by Gregory Maguire- The Golden Compass by Philip Pullman- Sea of Poppies by Amitav Ghosh (need to finish it)- On the Road to Kandahar by Jason Burke (need to finish it)- Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro - Guests of the Ayatollah by Mark Bowden (need to finish it)Then go ahead and include the other almost-90 items that are already on my Kindle to that list and you’ve got my reading material for the rest of the summer. Haha. Thing I’ve got enough to last? And again, if anyone has anything they’ve read recently that’s just FANTASTIC, tell me ASAP. :)

And because I know how much ALL of you are so interested in my television watching habits, I thought I’d update everyone on what I’m up to. I have magically acquired, thanks to Ms Keisha, the entirety of what has aired thus far of Doctor Who. Holy TARDIS as a human Batman! Lots of twists and turns have happened in only 7 episodes and I legit have no idea where they can go from here. LOVED Neil Gaiman’s epi, so much that I spent this morning trying to find some of his books for my Kindle. Ended up scoring Neverwhere and The Good Omen; wanted to get Stardust, ‘cause I heart the movie so much, but they don’t have it in Kindle format. Might have to somehow find an actual book copy somehow. Enough of the tangent though, back to Who. How is it that Matt Smith has so fucking quickly done so many wonderful things with Eleven and we’ve now already seen his ‘death’ – at least we’ve got 200+ more years with him, right? – since he can’t regenerate. And Karen Gillan crying over Rory after he almost drowned… Girl has gotten much better with the tears. And Arthur Darvill at the beginning of ‘When a Good Man Goes to War,’ oh holy God. Just stay like that forever and ever, will you? Do NOT get between The Last Centurion and his wife/kid. *z snaps* The thing I have with things now is this: is anyone really going to want to watch them have frivolous adventures when Amy’s baby (who’s identity I won’t reveal even though I’m the one who’s like a month late in finding it out) is still in the middle of some evil plot? Let’s be honest. As intrigued as I am about maybe killing Hitler, I want to see Eleven save the shit outta the kid and get rid of EyePatchLady. Any thoughts?

With the possibility that most of you saw it on Facebook (I assume that that’s how you’re reading this – you followed the link I put up there), I successfully made my first batch of granola from scratch. Words cannot describe how fucking tasty it is and how much of an accomplishment it felt like actually working out! I even splurged and went crazy adding peanuts, two different type of raisins and PEANUT BUTTER (Mel left me her Peter Pan when she left)! OhmyGod, is it good. Now the only problem is is that since I’m such a nice person – comments to yourself, please – I shared with a bunch of the people that came into Talas for the reunion/music festival weekend and now my stash is low. Hopefully, this afternoon, maybe even right after I post this, I’ll be able to make another batch. Fingers crossed for me, people. On the topic of food (wow, I just got THE biggest craving for Taco Bell, that’s no good!), I still need people to send me fun recipes that have relatively easy-to-find ingredients and don’t require magic to cook them! For example: Philly’s Shepherd’s Pie, Smoth’s pasta – there has to be SOME kind you can send me that’s easy – and anything anyone else has to offer.

I wish that I had more detailed things to say about how life has been for me in Kstan, but I haven’t been up to all that much. I’m helping with another camp in two weeks, so that’ll be a thing to add on the list, but it’s mostly been watchin’ TV/movies and reading books. Speaking of which: WHO IS BARNEY GETTING READY TO MARRY?! It better be Robin, the two of them are too perfect together! Still don’t want to hear about Harry Potter as I haven’t been able to find a copy of it yet. If anyone does, I WANT IT.

Please know that I love and miss you all. Wishing you the best of summers and hope that everything is treating you well. <3

Today, despite the fact that I have strep for the first time that I can remember – seriously, Mom, when was the last time I had this? I know I’ve convinced myself I had it even when it was a virus, but still… – I went to our school’s ‘goodbye’ ceremony for all of the 11th formers. It was basically their graduation ceremony, where everyone receives their marks from their exams and gets flowers and they thank teachers and take tons of photos. I obviously sat in the front row, was a spectacle just ‘cause I’m American, and didn’t understand A WORD of what was said. To anyone. About anything. Next year’s ceremony’s gonna be interesting…

Oh, I should also mention that like a blundering American (or maybe just me – I don’t want to generalize/stereotype Americans too harshly), I completely janked up the dress code. Because of my two-day invalid-ism thanks to the grip – that’s read: flu – and then strep (yeah, it’s been a great week), I had no idea it was a formal/dress-up occasion. So, what did I wear? Yeah, that would be a John Mayer tour t-shirt, jeans, flip-flops, and my Hawks baseball hat. I didn’t stick out or anything at ALL. *facepalm*

While sitting through it, and watching my host-nephew get all of his stuff and my apa beaming with pride as he did so, I was seriously overcome with emotion. I don’t know why, maybe it’s ‘cause I am feeling so crappy, or I miss all of my friends and family back in the States, or if it’s ‘cause I miss that feeling of accomplishment from my own high school graduation. Honestly couldn’t tell you. There were numerous times when I had to swallow (which, trust me, hurt like a BITCH) back my tears and try to keep myself composed.

It’s been five years since my own high school graduation. It doesn’t seem like it was that long ago, but at the same time it feels like it’s been AGES since I was at that place. Both mentally and physically. Sure I’ve been back to visit a teacher or two since then, but to really be there? It’s obviously been five years. But there are so many memories, both good and bad, that are still so vivid in my head. Mr Williams – ew. Play Pro auditions. Jumping into my friend’s arms as he arrived mid-show because things were going terribly. Holding the hands of my best girlfriends’ hands after our first show of Steel Magnolias and coming out into the hallway to thunderous applause. [I bet no one can guess what kind of nerd I was in high school…]

The whole concept of time truly baffles me. In that five years, so fucking much as happened to me. Moving to Chicago. Starting and then finishing college. Getting my first taste of traveling abroad – living for a year in Scotland. Going to, working in, (and falling in love with) Africa. Getting into and actually doing the Peace Corps. Meeting fucking amazing people along the way. I’d like to think I’ve become a better person since then. At least someone who’s a little more sure of herself, knows a little bit better about what she’d like to do with her life, or at least just a little more fucking sensible with the choices she makes and things she does.

But who the hell really knows?

And yet there are moments, even now, when I still feel like that 18 year-old girl in high school. I DON’T know what I want to do with my life; that’s why I’m attempting to do this Peace Corps thing. Do I want to head back to my beautiful Jambiani and work there again? Or continue traveling while I’m still relatively young and don’t have anything tying me down? Or do I want to head back to school – get a Masters from some swanky school (maybe abroad?)? Or do I want to just settle down some place and find a job? Coming out of this at 25 I feel partly that I’ll have the world at my feet to do whatever, but there’s still that damn societal pressure to be doing and making something of yourself at that age…

I DON’T know where exactly I belong. I know I belong somewhere – everyone has to have a home, right? But where is that home? Back in Nebraska? Chicago? New York? Washington DC? Africa? Scotland? New Zealand? Kyrgyzstan? Or somewhere else entirely unexplored (for me at least) yet? It all frustrates and terrifies the shit out of me, but at the same time acts as one of the few surprises I have left in my life. It’s like when one of my best friends told me that she refused to find out the gender of her baby and out of frustration (‘cause let’s be honest, HOW DO YOU BUY NON-GENDERED BABY ITEMS?!) I asked her why, she told me just that: it was one of the only real surprises she had left and she wasn’t going to spoil it.

I think that what this nonsensical, drug-addled entry is trying to communicate is that my brain obviously thinks too much about the past and the future, but never the present. I think that’s one of the things that I need to work most on while I’m over here. It’s been a rough week (wow, it seriously feels like so much longer than that) since Mel left. Lots of things going through my head. Trying to work it all out in ‘safe’ places so I don’t drive my friend David (who’s become my new shoulder) absolutely crazy, only a month into my service.

Sorry for this one, guys. It was meant to be a bit more uplifting and philosophical or whatever the hell you want to call it, but obviously turned out a bit differently. Haha. Know that I love you all and am missing you like crazy. Haven’t received any mail or packages yet, but since I am out in the boonies, I’m just chalking it up to a slow taxi or something happened in the mountains and it’ll get here eventually. Gotta maintain that optimism, right?

John, Chanelle, guys, I am seriously GUTTED I cannot be with you all this weekend. Know that I am thinking about you and loving you from here, ok? I’m sure my mom will convey as much when she sees you, but just want you to hear/read it from me, too. Congratulations to you both. So excited for you. Wishing you the best fucking luck on the planet. All my love to you guys.

And to everyone else.<3

I feel like a fucking yo-yo. I can’t decide what I make of all of this. Some days I’m literally curled into a ball sobbing my eyes out (Fuck you, Glee, for doing ‘For Good’…) and some moments, like just now when I’m walking home from eating dinner at my counterpart’s house and the weather outside is stunning and she makes me feel at home (finally), I’m so glad I’m here. I feel that that’s probably what the next two years are going to be all about. Lots of bad moments, but the good moments work their asses off to outweigh them.

I honestly didn’t think that the adjustment into permanent site would be this difficult. I’ve lived away from home before, been in foreign countries alone for extended periods of time, and have taught – albeit not this formal – and yet for some reason this is just kicking my ass. I haven’t quite figured out how to dig my feet in and set up shop here. My language has suffered a severe blow in the past week ‘cause of the extensive amount of time I’ve spent with Americans. I’m constantly grasping at straws and have become a genius with miming, but still can’t quite make the mark. I think that as soon as I get more confident with my language and start meeting people in the village that things won’t be as daunting, but for now, put up with the silliness and complaining you’re more than likely getting from me.

Also, before I forget, what kind of stupid jerkface decides to text me at silly o’clock in the morning to tell me that SHE KNOWS WHO RIVER SONG IS?! Seriously. COME. ON. Haha. I mean, I know that I’m doing pretty well in regards with missing TV shows and movies, but that bit of information is one you can’t just dangle in front of my face like that! That’s like saying (and I hope at least some of you get this reference) ‘Found out what the numbers mean and why Walt is so special…’ when the person on the receiving end of information is in outer space. Not cool. ;) If you don’t have an immediate way for me to find out said information on my own, then just steer clear of saying things like that. Haha.

Starting an English club tomorrow. Absolutely scared shitless. Didn’t really think I’d be starting work less than a week after moving here permanently. But I guess I am. My counterpart Rahat Eje and I are thinking about starting a dance club, an American cooking club – which will be abdan interesting since no one here likes the majority of American food! – and maybe even a movie club. We’ll see how any and/or all of those work out. Also, if you (Amy and other theatre people, this is for you!) know of any good shows to do for young people, or at least with an ok English ability, PLEASE send me the scripts. Either by post or by email. I’m hoping to start a theatre troupe in the next two years and any and all help would be greatly appreciated.

Rahat Eje asked me today while we were walking around the village, ‘Do you have any ideas for your secondary project?’ and I literally just blanked. I have no idea what to do. I know I don’t have to decide right this second what I’d like to work on while I’m here, but most people at least have an inkling as to theirs. I guess only time will tell on this one. Who the hell knows what I’ll end up doing?

Another request for you friends out there: Do people want to email me some of their favourite recipes from home? I seriously want to do a bit of cooking for myself while in country and try new things – I’m already amazed at how much my taste buds are changing out of necessity – but my cookbook is a bit limited. Send me your favourites that you think I could make here in country, or if they’re THAT amazing and there are ingredients you don’t think I can get my hands on… Care packages! Haha. Tamashaw (‘just kidding’ in Kyrgyz). But only kind of.

How’s everyone doing with life? How are B’s fightin’ against the ‘Nucks? Last time I checked they were 0-2. Still the same? To my babes in Boston, seriously wishing them ALL THE LUCK in the world. How’s BabySkip faring during her first summer? Lose enough sleep yet? How was the new X Men movie? Decent? James McAvoy gorgeous as ever? How does it feel being finished with your first year of grad school? Epic? Only how many more to go? ;) Who has some really awesomely epic book recommendations for me? Also, does anyone know who was officially cast as Peeta for The Hunger Games movie? It wasn’t that kid from Weeds, was it?

I feel that this entry’s going to be a short one ‘cause my brain is completely jumbled with far too many feelings, emotions, languages, logistics, plans, etc. and can’t think properly. I also have kichene homework to prepare for tomorrow’s English club.

Missing you all and hoping that your summer is off to an amazing start. Love you.<3

This is going to be a short and sweet one, but I just have to get this out before I literally go insane. Just left Steve’s house where we watched this incredible surf documentary. Now, I’m sure you’re thinking ‘A surfing documentary, are you havin’ a giraffe? How’d you take it seriously?’ But let me tell you – it’s stunning. It is a beautiful amalgamation of insight into the culture of a bunch of different countries as well as an IMMENSE display of cinematography. Photogasm right here on that one. And the only words in the film were absolutely incredible that I can’t get over them. They’re so true and accurate.

‘Someone who is now long dead once wrote: “The world is a book and those who don’t travel only read one page.” What no one tells you is that the book is no easy read. There is one thing that I can say: Whatever it is you’re looking for – beauty, salvation, enlightenment, danger, or just to disappear – this will only be a fraction of what you’ll find… I’m only trying to read the whole book.’- Taylor Steele’s Sipping Jetstreams

And that’s honestly enough said. I want to read the whole book. Now. I want to take pictures. I want to experience. I want to see. I want to do. I want to be. Are my two years up yet?

Саламасыэдарбы!

Holy shenanigans on a stick. Not only has it been forever and a day since I’ve updated, but I’ve also finally arrived (at least for a short visit) at permanent site! I am currently sitting in my new room in the boonies of Talas in a village called Kyzyl Jyldyz. When I say I’m in the boonies, I MEAN IT. In the amount of time it took me to get about 300ish miles (I’m totally guestimating on that number, btw), I could’ve gotten from Omaha to Chi-town. Or from NYC to Edinburgh. Or from LA halfway to NZ. Yes, you heard me correctly folks, it took about 7.5 hours (a marshrutka and two taxis) for me to reach my site. The traveling here was an experience in itself. OMG. And THANK GOD Mel C was with me for it. I am not entirely sure I would’ve been able to handle it by myself or with anyone other than her. Haha.

The following is the exciting tale of my first adventure into the wiles of Talas oblast. Nothing is fictional. There may be slight exaggerations for the story factor, otherwise it’s the truth, the whole truth, so help me God.

So, this morning, I wasn’t quite feelin’ the vibe for what was supposed to be a really epic day: the day we meet our permanent site host families. Had to be in Kant by 8 am, which means I had to be up by 6 (which really means I adjusted my alarm twice to get up somewhere thirty minutes past) and out of the house by like 7.15. NOT a fan. Still the same ol’ Sarah – hate getting up early. Even after the 6 months of constant ‘Rise and shine’ in Africa, I still loathe getting up in the morning. I guess it really is an inherent, genetic trait. :p But I did it anyways if not only because I absolutely had to.

Anyway, all the trainees then head back to the Issyk-Kul hotel (everyone remember that place from the first few days in-country?!) for the matching ceremony and for the signing of our leasing contract thingies. Blah, blah, blah, we go through all the logistics of what’s about to go down, then we all get into circles based on oblast: volunteers on the outside, family members on the inside. We’re then supposed to go around the circle and USE OUR LANGUAGE (read: epic failure) to find out who our host families are. I can hear each and everyone of you laughing right now. And don’t worry, so were we.

Once we get into our circles, I see this adorable little old lady [OMG, Grandma, she is SO like you in so many ways! She’s honestly about less than 5 ft tall and has so much enthusiasm for life. Also, she’s a doctor, pretty sure she works in an ob-gyn? Not makin’ this up.] standing in front of me with this huge grin on her face. And because she’s standing in front of me, I ask her the designated question, she answers and then BAM! She’s my apa. The cute part of this whole story is that supposedly, the second I walked into the room and she saw me her ‘motherly instincts’ kicked in and she knew that I was her ‘daughter.’ She has since told numerous people about this feeling and experience in the time that I’ve known her, including the head of the local government, my director at school, and everyone else to whom she can tell the story. The crazy life in K-stan continues.

After signing our contracts (dear LORD was that a nightmare!), Mel, her apa, my apa, and I all head out on our way to Talas. We walk out of the hotel where I’m expecting there to be a taxi or something to take us home. Oh, how wrong we were. Despite the fact that Melis and I had shit tons of luggage – we were supposed to bring about half our stuff with us so that way we don’t have to carry twice as much when we move back here in three weeks – we head toward the main road. Trying to take deep breaths, Mel and I try to convince ourselves we’re waiting for a hired car or a taxi to show up. Wrong again.

I would like to take this opportunity to try as best as I can to describe what it’s like to ride on a marshrutka… Alright, everyone needs to picture themselves those little short, mini-bus lookin’ things; the ones that have like about 12-14 seats in them. Now, for those of you who have ridden on a dala dala, imagine the number of people on a full one of those, but then switch it to the mini-bus. It’s madness and 99% of the time, extremely packed. And to finish off the mental picture to continue the story, I’d like you to add me with a giant roller duffel and then Melissa with another one into a full marshrutka. Everyone get it? Yeah, needless to say, we were NOT liked on that ride.

A part of me would like to say that the ride was relatively short and that we didn’t have to go very far. But that would be a lie and I promised I’d tell the truth. We rode the marshrut for about… oh, like 45-50 minutes. And THEN after we got off, we had to lug everything and then walk about a mile and a half-ish in order to get to the bus/taxi station place. Elapsed time thus far: ~1 hour and 30 minutes. But once we got there, was it easy-peazy lemon squeezy from then on? Жок! [that’s ‘no’ in Kyrgyz]. We found a taxi, but he wanted to find another passenger that was headed our way so he could fill his little mini-van to capacity. Therefore, the apas, Mel, and I were forced to wait inside the taxi for roughly an hour before he found someone. When the other passenger showed up, I knew it was karma comin’ to kick my ass: a woman with two small children (like, under the age of 3). Luckily, she turned out to be lovely and the kids were really well-behaved. Thank goodness for small miracles, eh?

So, two and a half hours after we set off to go ‘home,’ we finally head in the direction of Talas. However, Melis and I are soon to find out that our driver pretty much HATES US. Or at least, that’s what it seemed like with the number of sudden stops, incredibly sharp turns, and numerous near-death experiences. And this was all before we even got close to the two mountain passes we had to go through in order to get where we were going. Let me tell you about the mountain passes – they’re gorgeous, but scary as shit when you feel your life is in the hands of a chain-smoking speed racer. The first mountain pass takes us about an hour and a half (my whole concept of time is just fucked nowadays; thank God for watches) to traverse. We text a bunch of people over the course of the drive with silly things like: ‘Well, it’s been good knowin’ you. See you on Saturday… if we make it.’ Mountain range 1 conquered. We stop for lunch and then are on our way again.

I would like to stop at this point and make a small interjection as to the quality of the ride we had. Our driver, as kind as he was, provided us with a few tunes for our journey. However, it just so happened that the CD only had SIX BLOODY SONGS ON IT. I kid you not we listened to that blasted thing about 3218012 times. If I were in need of having a Kyrgyz song repertoire, I’d definitely be 5 songs ahead of the game (the last one was ‘Grenade’ by Bruno Mars). If I never hear those songs again, it’ll be too soon. Now back to your regularly scheduled storytelling…

For some reason, Mel C and I were naïve enough to think that Mountain Range Uno was the divider between the Chui and Talas oblasts, but we were wrong (like we were a lot over the course of the trip). We drove for another few hours before finally getting to the swanky ‘gate’ alerting us that we were entering the Land of Manas. Another hour or so before we arrive in Talas ‘City’ (that’s what they call it, but it’s so unlike any other ‘city’ I’ve ever seen…) where our driver stops on the side of the road and says ‘Alright, that’s it; you guys have gotta get out.’ The apas were not havin’ it, saying that they paid for him to take us all the way to our villages, but he was adamant that he wasn’t going to. Mel’s apa even called him a jaman bala (which translates to ‘bad boy’). Hilarious high point of the day. We finally get out of the taxi and lug our bags to another one. This guy takes us to Mel’s house, drops her off, and then heads in the direction of my house. However, about 20ish minutes after we’re on our way, HE stops and starts tryin’ to find us another car to take us the rest of the way. My life, right? Finally he comes back and starts talkin’ with the apa who convinces him we’ll pay him a bit more to take us the rest of the way, yet when we start off, two of his buddies ask for a lift and then get in. That puts us at 4 passengers (plus my insane amounts of shit) in a VW GOLF. Yeah, itty bitty living space.

But in the end, I guess everything worked out for the best as I’m currently snuggled in my new bed typing this. And while typing it out, I noticed that it by no means conveys the insanity and silliness of the day. I guess we’ll just chalk it up to being lost in translation. :) We’ll see how the next few days go with heading to school for the first time, teaching a lesson with a random teacher (my counterpart isn’t here for the week!), meeting numerous head honchos in the village, getting my lay of the land, and meeting some of the nearby K-18s. Madness. I’m going to be knackered when I get back to Kengesh on Saturday! Fo’ sho’!

Today (12 May), I was introduced to most of the ‘important’ people around the village and went to work for the first time. Since my counterpart is still in Bishkek for Peace Corps stuff, she wasn’t around to help introduce me to everyone at my school. However, we had discussed things before I left and decided that I would work with the other English teacher and observe his classes instead. He is seriously a great guy. His language skills are pretty awesome, so I’m considering myself incredibly lucky to have two amazing English speakers as my coworkers!

Watched one of his classes – so bloody different to the system I’m used to; let’s hope they’ll be open to switching things up once I’m here for good! – and then was set to watch another one when he was told he had to teach two classes at once! Get ready for Adaptable Sarah, guys. Not only did I have to take a class on my own (it wasn’t super formal, but daunting in itself!) but for some reason, I taught an English class IN KYRGYZ. *facepalm* What was I thinking? Luckily the kids weren’t too judgmental and I think they learned a little bit, even if it was just the Kyrgyz equivalent for interrogative words (Who? What? How many?, etc.). So excited, yet fucking terrified about what’s to come in the next two years. Wish me the best.

How is everyone? Haven’t heard from a bunch of you. Some of you are in Rio and Peru, so I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt on that one, but the rest of you? Were you swept away by the hundreds of tornadoes ranging across the country? Or just bogged down in almost being with finished with school? No matter the case, I hope you’re doing amazing things with life and that things are going well. What’s everyone planning to do over the course of the summer? Who’s the ‘main’ headliner at Lolla this year? Who’s going on special trips? Any wild and crazy adventures planned?

Mom and Dad – I mailed letters to you yesterday (Tuesday, 10 May). Be prepared to get them some time in August or September. Haha. Grandma and Grandpa – I’m working on yours! Been crazy busy and only have time to send about one or two letters at a time. Yours should be on the way soon! Let me know who else (other than you, Nat, I’m workin’ on yours too!) is in the mood for some snail mail!

Miss and love you all so much. <3

PS – I have discovered my permanent address (or at least what they told me to write down today at the post office). It is as follows. I’ll put it in both English and Kyrgyz so that way if you want to make labels to ensure it gets to me, you’ll be able to! Talas Oblast Талас ОблусуManas Rayon Манас РайонуKyzyl Jyldyz Village Кызыл Жылдыз Айылы30 Bokonbaev St 30 Боконбаев КочосуHippity Hop Сара Хопкинс724002 724002

That seriously took almost 30 minutes to work out, thanks to the Russian language button on my comp. Problem was havin’ to find all the letters on the keyboard! Only thing is (AND THIS IN IMPORTANT): with the word Кочосу, you must put a line through the Os, so it kind of looks like… Oh, what’s it called? A circle with the line through it. Θ That! Haha. Does that make sense? Since I’m using the Russian function and the necessary Os are Kyrgyz letters only, I can’t type it out. But you all get it, right?

Yet another cow update: I found the regurgitated sock in our lawn this morning. It was manky. Now I know it happened as opposed to just inferring. I brought this fact up at dinner a few minutes ago and my jenge (host sister-in-law) lost her shit when it fully registered. Oh well, I guess I’m officially initiated into the Kyrgyz way of life. Didn’t take long, did it? Only a month. In hindsight, it’s pretty hysterical. Another act of initiation: while I was peeling potatoes, carrots, and onions earlier, I sliced my finger with a gi-hugic knife. My jenge saw it, did a little gasp, and then just laughed at me. I was laughing at me too, so it wasn’t that bad. Then she told my apa who laughed at me as well. I really am just a bundle of laughs in this country.

It’s starting to heat up here in good ol’ Kengesh. Now I wish that I had prepared more for summer clothing as opposed to the winter stuff. Let’s hope that wherever I’m put for my permanent site will be a bit cooler than this (sometimes I don’t know where I get off saying this – I lived in Africa for six months during their summer, this should be a piece of cake!) or at least can get myself adjusted to things rather quickly. I seriously dominated at packing for this adventure. NOT. In desperate need of more of my t-shirts and cooler dress/business clothes. Basically, I should’ve packed an entirely different wardrobe than I did. Isn’t that always the case? And remember me in Africa? Same thing now – totally already tired of these clothes; wish I had ways of flaring up the same outfits over and over again. Thoughts? I have to mix things up, but also maintain a level of professionalism.

This coming Wednesday, the trainees are having a giant disco (it’s really like a ‘dance,’ but we love calling it a ‘disco’ so much that it’s just stuck). Not to toot my own horn, but the only reason we’re having it is ‘cause I brought it up in a trainee advisory committee meeting – yeah, I somehow managed to get myself on a board like that, thousands of miles away from home; some things never change… ;) I had said that despite the fact that while most of the time everyone loves their language groups within the villages, most of the trainees absolutely LIVE for the days when we’re all allowed to be together on our Hub Days. Also, since this coming week is supposedly the ‘toughest week out of PST,’ I thought that it would be good if we had a complete brain-dead event where we could all be together and blow off some steam. I’m looking forward to it, but at the same time am not. Dances have never really been my thing. Don’t get me wrong – I am PUMPED to be able to bust a move [OMG, can I please be back at Kendwa Rocks or Paje By Night shaking my ass to ‘The Waka Waka Song’?!], I just worry that it’ll be another one of those times where I think it’ll be awesome, but then somehow end up on the sidelines the whole time. *shrugs* Better not overanalyze it before it happens, otherwise I’ll ruin it!

Was TOTALLY in a zombie mood yesterday. Was a complete waste of life and watched Shaun of the Dead and 28 Days Later (for the first time – LOVED it; Cillian Murphy’s Irish accent?! YES PLEASE!) and then finally started Max Brooks’ World War Z. The book itself is really, really good. Ben was right: if you were to replace zombies with another ‘real’ epidemic such as Ebola or something equally as scary and fast-spreading, the story itself is an incredibly telling tale about how international politics and organizations work with one another. I guess we all need those moments/days when we bust out the completely unordinary and weird to get away from everything in real life. And for me, yesterday, that was the zombie apocalypse. That’s just the way it goes, right?

Totally random thought of the day: I’ve been thinkin’ a lot about tattoos recently. Don’t worry, Mom, I won’t come back with another one! :p But just thinking about what I’d like to get when I return home. Either, an add on to one I already have, or a completely new one to kind of symbolize what the next two years of my life are going to bring. One of the chicks in my village (she’s from Chi-town, so amazing to have around!) is this amazing artist and we’ve all kind of commissioned her to make a K-19 tat for us once we’re all finished. I’m really excited to see what she has to come up with, ‘cause if it’s awesome (which I’m sure it will be), I’ll be getting it. Although, I’ve also been thinking about tweaking one or two of the ones I have now. First – my peace symbol. I really do think that I want to either add the word ‘Peace’ (in my handwriting) in Cyrillic, Arabic, English, and maybe Swahili? Or somehow incorporate the PC into it. Or, my other thought is to have the lyric from JM’s ‘Wheel’ (‘I believe that my life’s gonna see the love I give returned to me…’) circling my right wrist ala the cuz’s tat. Again, these are just things I’m batting around at the moment. Who knows? I could have a bomb-ass epiphany within the next 26 months and completely change my mind.

Someone needs to help a sister out (mainly Tif and everyone I’ve ever known that has gone or worked at a summer camp). WHY CAN I NOT REMEMBER ANY GAMES OR ACTIVITIES WE DID TO ENTERTAIN THOSE GIRLS?! I have seriously racked my brain for weeks trying to remember any sort of ice-breaker or energizer, but cannot think of any! For example, all the trainees went to an orphanage yesterday (on Saturday) to clean and play with the kids. Someone asked if anyone had any other games that we could start up, and I knew that somewhere in the back of my head was a plethora of games, but I could NOT recall any of them. It’s seriously starting to piss me off. My memory of anything in the past is just shocking these days! I mean, those were such huge parts of my summers for so many years and I can’t recall any of them? Are you havin’ a giraffe?! Anyone want to email or FB message one or two? I’d very much be in your debt.

I must take this time to extend an apology to my Chicago Blackhawks. I’ve heard through the grapevine that you have made it to game 6 in this round against the ‘Nucks. That’s DEFINITELY a relief; I honestly thought it was going to be a four-game-and-we’re-out kind of playoffs. BUT, you’re proving me wrong and I am sending you ALL MY BEST VIBES for your game tonight/tomorrow early morning for me. Force them into a game 7. We’ll be on home turf for this game, you KNOW the UC will definitely be a fucking Madhouse on Madison this time around. Don’t let ‘em down. Wishing you seriously the biggest amount of luck. [OH. I thought everyone who knows hockey would appreciate this: I was watching Russian MTV today and this music video came on where the dude looked like a cross between Matthew Morrison and PATRICK KANE. I nearly lost my shit and instantly thought of his silly mullet and all his craziness. Life, right? Also, for those of you who were worried, I am pleased to report that even in Russia there is the Teen Mom/16 and Pregnant program on MTV. Yes, you can be immensely relieved at this news.] Ri, Theresa, and Kristen: I hope your boys are doing better than mine. Have they already made it through to round 2? Update: WE FORCED THEM INTO GAME 7! OMG. YESSSSSSSSSSS! Words cannot describe. BRB – DYING. And in OT, too?! If I had been watching, I legit would’ve been having a heart attack. Maybe it’s better for my health that I’m not in the States to watch them go through all of this…

Turns out that I find out where my permanent site will be on 4 May. That’s INCREDIBLY soon. Like ‘a week from Wednesday’ soon. And then like the week (or is it two weeks?), after I get to spend a week at my new host-family’s house getting the lay of the village and working with my counterpart and all. Let’s all hope that placement goes well (I’m so gunning for Talas at the moment, to work with my language teacher, but am not hedging my bets yet) and that the current PCVs have summer camps that I’ll want to help with to ease my transition into things. I’m sure it will. :) It’s all happening incredibly fast, ‘cause then after that, we’ve got two weeks until swearing in. Then we’re on our own. Two years starts 1 June. Crazy as, right? None of this really seems real. I feel like in a few weeks I’ll be done with this adventure and be coming home. But then I realize that I’ve only been gone for like a month and that the two years is just beginning.

I was talking to the Kengesh Mafia – yes, we are that lame; it seriously makes sense with our personalities and the way we’ve interacted with the other groups – about this earlier and we are all SO PUMPED for the stuff that we’re planning on doing together after our service. Penthouse in Vegas. Hangin’ at The Rat on the University of Miami campus. The Reservoir in NYC. Hangin’ with Brycey B and MC in Chi-town. Road tripping to see everyone. But then we all have to stop and remind ourselves that we’ve still got a shit ton of time left before we’re able to do any of those things. I guess it’s good to have goals and exciting things in mind to keep us all going, right?

So, I heard through the grapevine that DW was sodding amazing. [Poor Elisabeth Sladen, btw! Seriously, who would’ve thunk that that would’ve happened to Sarah Jane?! Who’s going to watch after K-9?!] Speaking of the whole sci-fi, Russell T Davies brainchild family, what’s the latest update/air date for the new TW mini-series? Any more news on what it’s going to be, who’s going to be in it (Freema and/or Mickey, maybe?), and why the hell Gwen’s going to be bringing her CHILD to help her fight aliens? These are the silly things that plague my mind while I’m supposed to be paying attention to tech session on the art of teaching vocab to non-English speakers. Great way to spend my time, eh? Haha.

Dad and/or G’pa: why are you not here to play Milles Bornes with me? I’ve been itching to play it for MONTHS, but don’t have the patience to teach it to anyone. I want somebody whose ass I can kick – with them actually trying – but know of no one. Sigh. Why doesn’t everyone on the planet know how to play French, car-racing card games from the 60s?

Well, team, I think that’s all my brain can handle at the moment. It’s about half 9 in the evening and I’m slowly fading, but have yet to eat dinner. Gotta love when your brain has completely shut off and yet you have to struggle through another language before you can hole yourself up in your room and either a) do your homework or b) read a zombie book and fall asleep. Btw, I’m sure you all know which one I’ll be doing this evening, right? Haha. UGH, my hair SO needs to be washed, but highly doubt it will be tonight. Maybe tomorrow after class? Fingers crossed for me, folks. Sending you all my love from this mingin’ girl in K-stan.<3

PS – Before I go, this lyric from ‘Awake My Soul’ by Mumford & Sons (I SODDING LOVE THEM!) has been on a constant loop in my head: ‘As bodies we will live, as bodies we will die, where you invest your love, you invest your life…’

I’m not entirely sure that this entry will have much coherence, but just roll with it. Fairly certain, as well, that it may or may not make a lot of sense. Important things since the last update:

- I’m having MASSIVE amounts of American food withdrawal. It’s never hit me this hard before, seriously. But I would seriously push down small children for the ability to have a nice bacon cheeseburger. Not even lying. Or little things like Doritos/Baked Cheetos and popcorn as snack-like things? Bring. That. Shit. On. The worst part: I’m very quickly using up my stash of goodies (only ONE bag of ChexMix left!). ‘Cause I haven’t quite worked myself up to the point where I can ask my host-family for hot water to bust out my cinnamon oatmeal or my EasyMac. Yeah, judge me. Dare you. - Found out today at lunch that I have to CONGRATULATE SKIPPY! Holy balls, I am so proud of you and excited to meet her. Tell her AuntieHop says hi from Kyrgyzstan! :) Once life calms down a bit, I want to see about a bazillion pictures ASAP. Also, give my best to the NewPapaSkip. - Someone tell me: is Stones into Schools worth reading? It’s the second Greg Mortenson book (the guy who wrote Three Cups of Tea) and I’ve heard that it’s pretty much identical to TCoT and not quite sure if I want to spend my time reading the same thing all over. Help me out?- I’m pretty sure that Mom already posted this on your wall, but Diana, seriously thank you so flipping much for taking me out to dinner my last night in the States. I very much needed that last dose of family; I wasn’t quite ready to give it all up for two years yet. It was SO NICE to shoot the shit with someone who has the same sense of humour and downs margaritas like I do and who makes me eat silly fried pickle chips. I’m not sure you quite understand how much those letters and whole ‘goodbye-package’ really meant to me and that it’s SO NICE to have those reassuring words when I’m having a shitty day. Thank you sososososososo much. Honestly. I am so excited for you and what’s goin’ to happen in September. Wish I could be there, but know I’m thinkin’ of you and wishing you THE best of luck. <3- Hey, remember that cow I talked about last time? The one who had a baby? Well, I’m fairly positive, that said bovine ATE ONE OF MY SOCKS OFF THE CLOTHES LINE. I mean, I’m sure it’s a little bit my fault’ cause it was a green sock and it was within its reach, but come on, cow! Note to self: don’t let it happen again. Or if it does, make sure it’s the other half to that pair. *facepalm* KWA, I guess. - I also heard today that my boys are like 0-3 with the ‘Nucks for Round One. WHAT THE ABSOLUTE EFF?! What the hell went wrong? Anyone who’s watched the games, tell me what the fuck’s up? Is it just lack of a strong line or cohesion with the group? Or did the ‘Nucks just infinitely step up their game and we just couldn’t handle it? Hope the next two playoffs I miss won’t be like this. Jesus Christ.

What else has gone on in my life? So much has happened and yet so little out of the ordinary… We had our site placement interviews last week and I am absolutely clueless as to where I’m going to end up. I told them I was relatively open to go wherever. Only stipulations were things like: internet about once a week, I don’t need it daily, by any means; relatively close to volunteers (hopefully they’ll be good ones!); and I found out that my language teacher that I have right now is going to be a counterpart for a PCV, so I called and said that if I were to be put in Talas – where she’s from – that I’d want to be partnered with her. Talas, for everyone that’d unaware (which I’m assuming is most of you), is on the western edge of the county and apparently is one of the most isolated places to go, especially during winter. I guess there’s like a giant mountain pass between the main city and Bishkek that is basically impassable during the winter. Or you’ll just end up seeing parts of Kazakhstan if you really need to get to the capital in the winter months. Haha. Also, there’s like an unspoken rule that only certain types of personalities, ones that can handle the isolation and whatnot, get put in Talas. I don’t know why exactly, but I keep having this feeling that that’s where I’m going to end up. Don’t think I’m too fussed, so long as there will be bomb volunteers around that I can lean on if needed.

OMG – I JUST REALIZED! Doesn’t Water for Elephants come out this weekend?! Shut the front door. If this is accurate, I’m going to need a review (that doesn’t give away too much) ASAP. And let me know if RPattz continues to be as gorgeous as ever. Seriously, that boy… Yum. Jess, I know one is coming for this and for the beginning of DW (also this weekend, right?), but if someone wants to give a brief email/FB review, I’m totes down with that as well. Also, if someone has the soundtrack to the new version of Jane Eyre – composer Dario Marianelli, the same guy who did Atonement – pleasepleaseplease find a way to get it to me. I have one track and it’s stunning.

I’m trying to rack my absolutely-fried brain if there’s anything else I should be taking this time to tell you. Host fam’s fine. We’re heading into the ‘hardest week of PST’ next week – not excited about that one at all. Keep me in your thoughts and fingers crossed for me. Language is still kickin’ my ass. Just finished a bomb-ass candy cane that Ms Elliott gave me before I left; it was delicious, for those of you that were wondering. Write to me; let me know what’s going on in YOUR lives. Keep me updated. I am really trying to rack my brain, ‘cause I am going through procrastination mode. Do NOT want to bust out the homework (even thought it’s NOT a lot!) and finish it for tomorrow’s language class. Yuck. Anyway, you know I love you all and am thinkin’ of you. <3

PS – Also, if anyone feels so inclined to send me swanky stickers that they think I would put on my water bottle, I’m TOTALLY willing to receive thoughs. Haha. It can be a silly as a sticker of the Sears/Willis Tower. Or one from the UK or New Zealand (*cough*Ffi/Jess and Kathryn*cough*), that works too. At the moment, it’s quite bare with only the Oz flag, the Tanzanian flag, and the SCUBA flag. Lame. ;)

**WARNING: This somehow turned out to be quite a long entry. I apologize in advance. I guess I had more on my mind than I previously thought!**

I have officially discovered one of THE MOST AMAZING feelings on the face of the planet. You might think I’m exaggerating, but I assure you, I’m not. Over the course of the past few days, I’ve been going through some massive homesickness – it happens to everyone, I’m not too worried about it – and this evening, it’s only mild. The reason: I washed my hair. It wasn’t even a fully body wash, it was literally head flipped over a bucket and pouring water over it. BLISS-FUCKING-FUL. I can deal with the not bathing for like a week at a time, seriously, I can; it’s just the greasy-ass hair gets to me. And here’s another thing: I think someone should do a study as to the effects/correlation between cleanliness and happiness, but my mood instantly brightened after I finished washing my hair. And the same when I banya-ed last weekend. Maybe it’s just the realization of and sudden appreciation for all the wonderful little things, but it’s one of my favourite things I’ve experienced. :) Just thinking about this now cracks me up – I cannot WAIT to see Christina’s reaction when I come in to have my hair cut in two years. Hahahahaha. Dying.

Another thing I’ve come to realize is that I sincerely love the fact that I have a relatively big family back in the States. Like, I am so not kidding about this one, guys. Granted I might not see them as much as I would like – silly me, for always jaunting around trying to ‘save the world’ – I love them with my entire being. But despite the fact that I don’t live with them, they’re still mine. They’re still my brothers and sister and I would not change that for the world. I was looking through pictures on iPhoto (I should seriously stop doing that, it is making me miss home likeitismyjob!) and those three blue-eyed beauties (along with Mike, I guess… ;)) consistently make me smile. For example, looking at a picture of Em, I just giggle to myself about all of the wonderfully blonde things she’s done. I think that’s one of the things I’m having the most difficulties coming to terms with: that I’m living with a relatively small host-family (whom I very much adore – my apa asked me yesterday if I was drunk because I was in my so-tired-I’m-giggly-and-giddy phase) while everyone else has lots of little tykes to play with all the time. Also the fact that I’m more than likely not going to see my own siblings for two years, making them 23 (ew, Mike, I do NOT like that!), 13-ish, 11, and 9. Trippy shit. What kinds of personalities are they going to have? Are they still going to think I’m awesome? What are they going to be doing with their lives? What kind of shenanigans will I have missed? I was already nervous enough about them growing up as it is, and how they’d turn out, before I left for the Peace Corps, let alone now… And yet I wouldn’t give any of ‘em up for the world nor can I imagine my life without them or the big family I pretend to see myself with in the future.

[Oh, before I forget, I’ve definitely been in a snail mail writing mood, so I need whomever wants snail mail from K-stan to somehow message (either by email or FB) their address and I’ll get on it. Also, if you’re in the process of sending me stuff, know that letters are the best option of actually getting to me before my swearing-in date on 1 June, whereas packages and the like are better sent when I get my permanent site address in a few weeks. The length of time it takes something to get here is relatively similar to how it was in Africa (letters – a few weeks, packages – a bit longer), so be advised. I really do love getting mail, especially as internet probably won’t be all that easy to get if I’m in the middle of nowhere in a blizzard. Everyone gotten the hint yet? ;)]

Another random tangent: had a massive epiphany today while talking to K-18s about permanent site placement. I think, if I were to ever become a teacher, I honestly think it would be with younger kids. I don’t know why. And this thinking might COMPLETELY change after I get ‘settled’ into my secondary school in June. I just feel that I’m too goofy and out-there to really be a steady and consistent teenage-ish age teacher. If that makes sense at all. I mean, I’ll teach whomever I have to, but I think I like the constant inter- and reaction that littler kids give you when you’re teaching. This might be biased because of the amazing experiences I had in Africa, but it could also be that I’m finally figuring out things about myself and what I want to do with my life. What do you guys think? Am I better suited to teach kids my own mental age (sometimes that of about a four year old) or the older thought where you can possibly get them in their brain-molding stage (totes channeling John Elliott on that one!)?

Also, did my boys COMPLETELY fuck up their chance in the playoffs? Last time I checked, they had just lost a game and were 8th seed… Any hope for them to reclaim themselves before it’s playoff time or are the REIGNING STANLEY CUP CHAMPS going to get fall short this time around? Just so everyone that knows hockey and reads this knows: I am currently rocking my Steeger Leafs shirt today. And even had my picture taken with one of the other PCTs ‘cause his girlfriend lives in Toronto. Yeah, life is entertaining.

Speaking of photos, I really wish that I had consistent enough internet access so I could upload a few pics from the last few weeks (there aren’t THAT many, just one or two of which I’m really proud) and let two episodes of Fringe finished loading off iTunes. Anyone with mad computer skills want to start sending me hard drives or something filled with movies and current TV so I can keep myself updated? More so new release movies than old ones – quite a few PCVs have HDs from which we can jack things. LOVE it.

This afternoon, when a huge chunk of the PCTs (and a few K-18s) came to our ‘stadium’ for an American Play Date, I got to talking with one of the other PCTs – ironically, he graduated from LUC four years before I did – about academia. I know, I’m totally that dork, but the guy is mad fucking brilliant. He got his Masters from the University of Kent (but did it in Brussels?) in like international conflict res analysis or something. Totally right up my alley as his general focus was Is/Pal (HILARY!). Anyway, we were talking about geeky/vital literature I should read on the subject and his thoughts on European v. American teaching methods, etc. when we got to the point of my story. All of this and talking to this kid makes me SO excited to get back to school. Of course, the whole thought of having to write a 5k word essay like twice a month – if not more – terrifies me, but the act of learning and being in such awesome places completely captivates me. Especially if it’s a subject I can’t stop learning about/love/feel is so important. I also asked him his thoughts on getting a Masters v. jumping straight into a PhD, like had been recommended to me before, really got my brain excited for what could happen after the Peace Corps. Anyone have any thoughts or feelings on the subject?

As of right now, I think that’s all that’s going through my head. I have a few days before I actually get internet on the 13th-ish, so I’ll probs add a few things here or there before then. Know I love you all.<3

PS – Seriously, WHEN IS THE SOUNDTRACK FOR CATCH ME IF YOU CAN GOING TO COME OUT?! I’m going CRAZY with only a few promo/stolen tracks from the show. I need some more Norbert singin’ jazz/blues and Aaron Tveit completely KILLING it in every song he sang (aka ‘Goodbye’ – it’s pretty much on repeat my entire life). Mom, seriously, as soon.as.you.get.it, can you please send it to me?! Along with H2SiB and DrZ? And whatever else? PPS – (Updated at 10.05 p on 12 April 2011) My family’s cow had a baby last night. I’m kind of in love with it. Can someone figure it out so that I’ll be able to have one when I get home? That’d be great, please and thanks. :)

Talk about effing surreal. I’ve been with my family in the village of Kengesh for a little under a week and let me tell you – what a flipping almost-week it’s been.

My family is a little out of the norm in terms of how many people are in it and their ages, but at the moment, I think they’re pretty swanky and they’re all mine. I’ve got my apa and ata (mom and dad), apa’s youngest son and his wife (31 and 22 respectively), and then me. There’s a little part of me that wants to be able to run around the house and outside with a bunch of little brothers and sisters and have them shout (lovingly) at me when I get my Kyrgyz wrong. But at the same time, I’m kind of embracing the alone time that my family is letting me have. Whether that’s because I’m not being outgoing enough and making an ass of myself or they’re realizing that I need space/adjustment and I’ll break out of my shell soon enough. Who knows? They’re also AMAZING at helping me with my homework and shouting the alphabet at me so I can learn it phonetically. Like I said at the beginning of the entry, it’s only been a little under a week, and I’ve got two months with these people, we’ll be besties/family by the end of this, don’t even sweat it. :)

The weather here is bordering on the edge of bipolar. Yesterday it was GORGEOUS. Like, mid- to high-60s, allowing the PCTs and I to run around with a bunch of kids in t-shirts and shorts (so much fun, btw). But today, I woke up to it SNOWING. And as it’s about 5 pm now, we’ve accumulated about an inch, inch and a half. Not only is Kyrgyzstan the size of Nebraska, but it even has the janky weather that can’t make up its mind! Haha. Seriously kicking myself over the lack of woolen socks/wardrobe choices I decided to pack for this adventure. Note to self: need more warm tights, better socks to put over said tights, and scarfs/kikoys.

SO fucking ready for my shower/bath/washcloth+bucket cleaning in a few hours. You have NO IDEA. My hair is so mingin’. The twisty bangs bein’ bobby-pinned back has become a staple for me (along with a few other PCTs) in terms of hairdos. Also include the braids and giant hair poof/bun/pony tail. And of course, who’s the dumbass that forgot to pack real-sized bottles of shampoo and conditioner and is therefore rationing off her tiny travel bottle of Herbal Essence? That would be this kid. Well done, Hopkins. You’re off to a great start. Aaaaaaand, just realize that despite the fact that Mom and I bought a swanky quick-dry towel, that it was not packed. Yeah, I really am rockin’ this whole Peace Corps thing. *face to the palm* I don’t so much mind the act of not bathing, but I think that coming from our Western ideology where cleanliness is a top priority to one where it’s a priority, but doesn’t need to happen daily (that probably didn’t come out right) is really making this more difficult. I mean I’m sure I smell a little bit – hello, deodorant! – but having to interact with other Americans and needing (at least for right now until our mentalities switch to more Kyrgyz-dominated) to at least come off as ‘clean’ is wearing thin.

The Kyrgyz language itself is fucking hard. I have no idea what I thought was going to happen when I got here, but this wasn’t it. The whole having to figure out grammar rules along with new alphabets and vocab is daunting. There’s a part of me that appreciates the methodology behind what they’re trying to do, but the other part of me is screaming: ‘Just let me run around like an idiot and make mistakes. I don’t necessarily need to know how to conjugate words to create 3rd person negation depending on whether the word ends in a vowel or consonant to survive in the country!’ I did fine while I was in Jambiani just picking up the language verbally as and when I needed it then getting corrected when I got something wrong. I couldn’t tell you what the ‘right’ way of learning a language is, but the frustration of not picking it up quickly enough makes me think. I wish that I could take a picture of my notes to show you the madness. Haha.

The food here is so different. I can totally see why the PC10 (Peace Corps 10) is going to be such a bitch for girls. The diet consists of a lot of bread and starch, think potatoes, with lots and lots and lots and lots of tea. Also, things here have insane amounts of onion in them. I think this experience is either going to make me fucking love onions or I am going to be THE BEST onion picker-outer ever. No jokes. Combine all of that with the smaller amounts of physical activity the winter/weather allows people and one can understand why volunteers fluctuate with weight. Haha. If anyone knows or has thoughts and ideas about indoor exercise routines or has exercise DVDs they want to ship my direction – DO IT. No, seriously. I don’t even care what kind – ab work, gluts, cardio… I don’t care. SEND IT. Slash hook a sister up via email. Maybe this’ll be the perfect excuse for me to really get my ass in gear in terms of getting fit. *fingers crossed*

Ah, the snow has finally stopped. Thank goodness. Now when I run out to take my banya (shower) I won’t completely freeze my arse off. This will definitely be an interesting one to add to the list. Thanks to my extensive amount of camping adventures (Tif and Mom, you seriously do not know how much I thank you for making me do all that stuff!), the outhouse wasn’t that big of a surprise. My thighs are going to be BOSS by the time 27 months has gone by, just sayin’.

Know I’m thinkin’ of you all. Some days more than others, but I’m getting by. Keep thinking of me. Sending you all my love – and trying to send all of this cold weather your direction so that I can get on with life and stop wearing a zillion layers everywhere – and well wishes. <3

PS – Skippy: HOW MANY MORE DAYS?! I am SO excited for you it isn’t even funny. I demand a picture ASAP. Got it?PPS – If anyone has been trying to get a hold of me via phone or text message, the reason I haven’t been responding is because I no longer have a phone. It was nicked while I was using the internet in Bishkek. Literally snatched right out of my bag as my back was turned. T.I.K. ;) So, that’s two BlackBerries down, both of which were stolen in developing (is that the PC term nowadays?) countries. I really should learn, don’tcha think? Next time, next time; it’ll stick next time. Just hold tight until I get my phone here in K-stan and then I’ll do the pass-around-the-number thing. Be patient! Haha.

Alright folks, it’s ‘end’ of Day Four – as in it’s 7 pm and have just finished dinner and am ready to pass the hell out, but have been advised against it for at least a few more hours to help adjust to time zone jumps and jetlag – and my mind is about ready to explode. In a good way, obviously. But no, seriously, I have digested SO MUCH information over the past 96 hours: policies, procedures, names, acronyms, rules, etc. Crazy stuff. Despite the fact that all of our brains are maxed out, PST (pre-service training – keep track ‘cause I’ll probably be lazy and use these more often then spelling them all out) has been tolerable due to our seriously immense group of people. The K-19s are an amazing group of people. The size of our group is significantly smaller, almost half, than the K-18s – 70 something to our 43 – but we make up for it in our general craziness and enthusiasm (Mom!). I really hope that the dynamic continues to stay like this, because I would not mind having these people be the ones that I consider family for the next two years and probably the rest of my life. I laugh all the time. Literally – ALL. THE. TIME. I think that’s been one of the things that’s been most helpful in my ‘adjustment period’ (if you can even call it that having only been here for four days). Our group takes my mind off on all the stuff I left at home and we’re all together in our tweaking about the next 730-ish days. So incredibly grateful.

We’ve already started learning the Kyrgyz language with a very jump in and sink or swim kind of attitude. Luckily most of the PCTs (Peace Corps Trainees) and I are so eager and nervous about the language that we don’t really mind. I mean, we are meeting our host families TOMORROW (OMGeezy!) and it’s highly unlikely they’ll be fluent in English, so it’s our turn to get our shit together and attempt, even if it’s hysterically embarrassing to watch, to speak Kyrgyz. It’s hard to explain a close equivalent to the language itself, the closest I can get is: a combination of Turkish, Arabic, Russian, and a tiny bit of German. I know, random, right? But it’s true. And I consider myself very, very lucky to have studied both German and Arabic – it has helped dramatically in terms of pronunciations and sounds of certain letters. Let’s hope it continues (insha’allah). However, one of the things that’s really kicking my ass is the fact that my brain has bits and pieces of so many languages rolling around in my head that when I’m given something by one of our teachers, I automatically say ‘Asante sana.’ Note to self: Swahili is NOT Kyrgyz. Nor is ‘La ahtikelum…’ (‘I don’t speak…’ in Arabic). ;)

As I mentioned before, tomorrow is host family day. Can I just say that I’m incredibly nervous to meet them? I’m not so much nervous about them as people… Ok, I’m lying, I am a little bit, but more so the language barrier and the extreme difference in cultures. While I’ve lived in other countries before, I’ve never done any type of homestay experience. I’ve always been with other English speakers who interacted with people who spoke another language. I’ve never been in the position to have to do the awkward charades over dinner the first night or the grunt and point to understand what certain objects are. Daunting, but still exciting at the same time. Let’s hope that my family has a sense of humor and are ok me making a complete ass of myself in front of them. I’m assuming they will be as most have had trainees in their houses before. Fingers crossed on this one. Haha.

[Ri: I’m currently listening to ‘Goodbye’ as I type this and am literally bouncing in my skin anxiously waiting for the cast soundtrack and drooling over how beautiful(ly talented) AT is. <3]

And since my brain is overfilled, as I said before, I think that this might be the wrap-up of the first ‘real’ blog entry from K-stan. I don’t know what my interwebz access will be like after tomorrow (we’re going into Bishkek to an internet café so people have a chance to let friends and family know how they’re doing), but will write and update when I can. Be patient with me. :)

Miss you all loads. Anyone who wants to send me left over Girl Scout cookies or seven hundred pairs of wool socks is more than welcome to. Haha. See my previous entry for the address. Just kidding though. I’m doin’ fine and not craving anything major. HOWEVER, I LOVE getting snail mail letters. Like, fo’ shiz. It’s one of my favourite things on the planet. I’d love you about a gazillion times over if you wrote me a letter and let me know what’s goin’ on in your lives. And once I master the Cyrillic alphabet, I’ll even attempt to write back (a sentence or two) in Kyrgyz. Yeah, you know you’re ready for that.

The adventure really starts tomorrow. Keep me in your thoughts. Will update you guys when I can.<3

Here we all are. In the waiting area at JFK four hours before our flight to Istanbul. Talk about fucking surreal. It seriously doesn’t feel like I’m hours (well, days really) from getting to this place that I’ve been thinking and hearing about for MONTHS. It doesn’t feel real that I’m going to be with all 43 of these people pretty much every day for the next three months and by the end of this they’re going to be my ‘family.’ Completely unreal.

The past like week has been insanely rough, I’m not gonna lie. So much to the point that I really don’t think that I’ll be able to write about it just now for fear of me just drowning my computer and one of the other PCVs who’s sitting next to me. Awkward, right?

I also wish that I could come up with a much better entry to have as my exceptional ‘last one from the States,’ but apparently, my only 7 hours of sleep in the past 3 days is kind of kicking my ass. And it’s only going to get more awesome when I won’t sleep through my flight to the ‘Bul (10 hours) and then a gihugic layover and the swanky 6 hours to Bishkek getting in at a BEAUTIFUL 2 am. And THEN to make it even more awesome – we have to go straight to work a few hours later. BAM! We’re awesome.

Scared shitless about what’s ahead, but at the same time excited. Everyone’s relatively awesome, so hopefully it won’t seem like torture being with them EVERY DAY. Haha. Just kidding, it’ll be awesome. Ready to get my ass kicked.

Everyone keep me updated on your lives. Seriously. I want to know. And I’ll try to do the same with the blog, but you know the whole internet in rural areas thing. ;)

OH! And before I forget (which I totally did already):

Kyrgyzstan Кыргызстан

722140, Kant City ин. 722140, г. Кант

97 Lenina Street, RUPS ул. Ленина 97, РУПС

Mailbox #22 аб. ящик № 22

Sarah Hopkins

SEND ME STUFF!

<3

[This was originally posted on 17 Feb, but I took it down because I it apparently upset people and made me come off as quite unsympathetic and pompous, which wasn’t my intention at all. Hopefully this time around it all makes sense…]

This morning I had to look through my email to find an address to which I need to send my Kyrgyzstan visa application (of course, it's not there). But while scanning emails, I found a link to a .pdf the PC sent to help the families and friends of PCV when they're getting ready to leave. In it, there's a huge section about readjusting to life back in the States once their two years is over. There's a section that the PC has highlighted from an essay someone wrote about returning home (seriously, this is exactly what I would write, except infinitely more eloquent and well-written).

'The problem is this notion of home. The word suggests a place anda life all set up and waiting for us; all we have to do is move in. Buthome isn’t merely a place we inhabit; it’s a lifestyle we construct(wherever we go), a pattern of routines, habits, and behaviors associatedwith certain people, places, and objects all confined to alimited area or neighborhood. We can certainly construct a homeback in our own culture, just as we did abroad, but there won’t beone waiting for us when we arrive….

In other words, no one goes home; rather, we return to our nativecountry and, in due course, we create a new home. This conditionof homelessness is perhaps the central characteristic of the experienceof reentry, and the confusion, anxiety, and disappointment itarouses in us are the abiding emotions of this difficult period.To put it another way, the trouble with reentry is that you suddenlyfind yourself in transition when what you expected was to simplypick up where you left off (though, of course, neither the placewhere you left off nor the person who went overseas exists anymore).Even when they’re expected, transitions are troublesome;when they’re not, they can be genuinely debilitating.

Your self-esteem isn’t helped, meanwhile, by the fact that no oneseems especially interested in what you’ve been doing for the lasttwo years. You have just gone through what may be the seminalexperience of your life (certainly of your life to-date), an experiencethat has transformed your view of the world and your own country—and changed you profoundly in the process—and yet your familyand intimates somehow aren’t bowled over. You have so much toexplain, but alas, their capacity to absorb is not nearly matched byyour need to recapitulate; they’re filled up before you’re even halfempty. The typical returned Volunteer is a catharsis waiting (not sopatiently) to happen.

This dynamic only adds to the returned Volunteer’s growing crisisof identity. With no present role, your sense of self—and of selfworth—is embodied in the sum of all the experiences you’ve hadin the Peace Corps; you are what you have been through in thelast two years. But if nobody wants to hear this, then how can theyknow how you’ve changed and who you’ve become? And if theydon’t know who you are, how can they value or even like you?Another frustrating dimension of readjustment is the sudden returnto anonymity. While Volunteers often complain about living in a fishbowloverseas, their every move the subject of intense scrutiny andstill more intense speculation, they nevertheless enjoy being thecenter of attention and interest; it makes them feel special, evenimportant. Speaking the local language, for example, makes celebrities—even heroes—out of Volunteers, as does being the firstAmerican ever to teach at the King Hassan II Elementary School orto ride the local bus from Song Kwah to Phu Banh. Now, no one looks up when we enter a room or squeals with delight when we start speaking Swahili. Our every move has more or less the samenovelty value as everyone else’s every move. We aren’t special anymore—and we miss it.

Something else we miss, acutely, is the intensity of the Peace Corpsexperience. Even when it was difficult—indeed, especially when itwas difficult—the experience of living and working among an alienpeople had an almost palpable richness about it. We could practicallyfeel ourselves growing and maturing, being stretched beyondwhat we thought were our limits and forced to come up with morepatience or tolerance or persistence than we thought we had inus. We knew we were being transformed. And this was immenselystimulating and sustaining. Back home, life is easy and predictable;our character no longer gets a regular workout…’- Taken from the Handbook for Families of Volunteers, Peace Corps literature.

I thought this might help show a little insight as to what I’m kind of experiencing having come back from Africa and more than likely what I’ll be dealing with once I get back from K-stan. I might be a bitch when I get back and seem different to you, but please stick with me. I love each and every one of you and sincerely appreciate everything you’ve done for me. Thank you so much for stayin’ in my corner and rooting for me, no matter what. I wouldn’t be here without you.<3

This morning I had to look through my email to find an address to which I need to send my Kyrgyzstan visa application (of course, it's not there). But while scanning emails, I found a link to a .pdf the PC sent to help the families and friends of PCV when they're getting ready to leave. In it, there's a huge section about readjusting to life back in the States once their two years is over. There's a section that the PC has highlighted from an essay someone wrote about returning home (seriously, this is exactly what I would write, except infinitely more eloquent and well-written). For those of you that get pissy at me when I say that I don't want to be back in America and I feel more at 'home' overseas, THIS IS WHY. Now, leave me alone about it; it's normal feelings and they're TOUGH to deal with.

'The problem is this notion of home. The word suggests a place and

a life all set up and waiting for us; all we have to do is move in. But

home isn’t merely a place we inhabit; it’s a lifestyle we construct

(wherever we go), a pattern of routines, habits, and behaviors associated

with certain people, places, and objects all confined to a

limited area or neighborhood. We can certainly construct a home

back in our own culture, just as we did abroad, but there won’t be

one waiting for us when we arrive….

In other words, no one goes home; rather, we return to our native

country and, in due course, we create a new home. This condition

of homelessness is perhaps the central characteristic of the experience

of reentry, and the confusion, anxiety, and disappointment it

arouses in us are the abiding emotions of this difficult period.

To put it another way, the trouble with reentry is that you suddenly

find yourself in transition when what you expected was to simply

pick up where you left off (though, of course, neither the place

where you left off nor the person who went overseas exists anymore).

Even when they’re expected, transitions are troublesome;

when they’re not, they can be genuinely debilitating.

Your self-esteem isn’t helped, meanwhile, by the fact that no one

seems especially interested in what you’ve been doing for the last

two years. You have just gone through what may be the seminal

experience of your life (certainly of your life to-date), an experience

that has transformed your view of the world and your own country—

and changed you profoundly in the process—and yet your family

and intimates somehow aren’t bowled over. You have so much to

explain, but alas, their capacity to absorb is not nearly matched by

your need to recapitulate; they’re filled up before you’re even half

empty. The typical returned Volunteer is a catharsis waiting (not so

patiently) to happen.

This dynamic only adds to the returned Volunteer’s growing crisis

of identity. With no present role, your sense of self—and of selfworth—

is embodied in the sum of all the experiences you’ve had

in the Peace Corps; you are what you have been through in the

last two years. But if nobody wants to hear this, then how can they

know how you’ve changed and who you’ve become? And if they

don’t know who you are, how can they value or even like you?

Another frustrating dimension of readjustment is the sudden return

to anonymity. While Volunteers often complain about living in a fishbowl

overseas, their every move the subject of intense scrutiny and

still more intense speculation, they nevertheless enjoy being the

center of attention and interest; it makes them feel special, even

important. Speaking the local language, for example, makes celebrities—

even heroes—out of Volunteers, as does being the first

American ever to teach at the King Hassan II Elementary School or

to ride the local bus from Song Kwah to Phu Banh. Now, no one looks up

when we enter a room or squeals with delight when we start speaking Swahili.

Our every move has more or less the same

novelty value as everyone else’s every move. We aren’t special anymore—

and we miss it.

Something else we miss, acutely, is the intensity of the Peace Corps

experience. Even when it was difficult—indeed, especially when it

was difficult—the experience of living and working among an alien

people had an almost palpable richness about it. We could practically
feel ourselves growing and maturing, being stretched beyond
what we thought were our limits and forced to come up with more
patience or tolerance or persistence than we thought we had in
us. We knew we were being transformed. And this was immensely

stimulating and sustaining. Back home, life is easy and predictable;

our character no longer gets a regular workout.

These losses—of home, self-confidence, and independence—are at

the core of readjustment and all but guarantee that most returned

Volunteers are not going to pick up where they left off. What’s
worse, the typical Volunteer suffers these losses alone and largely
in silence. For two years, throughout all the excitement and frustration

of culture shock, pre-service training, settling-in, and beyond,

we were supported by other Volunteers going through the same

experience we were. Now, suddenly and precipitously, we’re on

our own. We have our family and friends about us, and they are

sympathetic, but they don’t really understand. '

- Taken from the Handbook for Families of Volunteers, Peace Corps literature.

So, guys, I know you 'get it,' but you don't. But I still love you for attempting. Coming back from something like this, I feel, is a bit like grieving: everyone goes through it, and outsiders can be sympathetic, but it's something you have to deal with alone. In your own way and time.

<3

WARNING: This post might seem a bit incoherent, but at least consider it a post, will you? :p

So, before I left Africa, Rasmus stole my flashdrive so that he could load it up with a ton of awesome Reggae music. I am now the proud owner of tunes by such gods as Morgan Heritage and Richie Spice, among others. But, the one that has really meant the most to me and has made me the most homesick for Jambiani is the track that Shakira did for the World Cup this year: affectionately known as ‘The Waka Waka Song.’ Words cannot express how much this song hits me. Honestly, the moment it comes on, I get the most vivid picture of it coming on at that ill-fated, yet wildly momentous Full Moon Party and just jumping up and down to the chorus with all of those beautiful people who were with me. It is one of the best memories I have and rethinking about it not only comforts me, but it breaks my heart as well. It wouldn’t be that bad, I don’t think, if I weren’t so close to heading back to the States after so flipping long away from home, you know? Obviously excited about going home and seeing all of my friends and family, but at the same time, I’ve LEFT my new friends and family back in Jambiani. I’m *so* not ready to go back to America. My brain just isn’t in it anymore.

It sounds incredibly melodramatic, but I feel as if I’ve left a giant chunk, if not the entire thing, of my heart in Africa. Toni and I had one of our wonderful heart-to-hearts before I left and we both agreed that once you spend a large amount of time on the continent, you’re pretty much there forever. I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that some day (inshaallah) I will be back there doing something. It’s in my blood. The kids, people, environment, and way of life get under your skin. As much as they all help you to become a ‘better person,’ or whatever the fuck you want to consider yourself after having done something like this, they have such a hold on you once you leave. Seriously. My little Mwinyi and Babou are too precious to me; I can only imagine what it’s going to be like when I go back and see them once they’ve ‘grown up.’ This whole concept of having your heart in one place and your head/body in another is incredibly off-putting; does that mean that I’m not going to be able to fully delve into the Peace Corps? Will I be able to learn Kyrgyz while my brain is still thinking in Swahili? I know that once I get there and I find my feet I’ll be totally fine, but it’s the pre-departure time when your brain overanalyzes everything and hypes you past the point of sanity.

I know, I knowWhen I compliment her, she won’t believe meIt’s so, it’s soSad to think that she don’t see what I seeBut every time she asks me:‘Do I look ok?’I say:

When I see your faceThere’s not a thing that I would change‘Cause you’re amazingJust the way you areAnd when you smileThe whole world stops and stares for a while‘Cause, girl, you’re amazingJust the way you are…You know, you know, you knowI’d never ask you to changeIf perfect’s what you’re searchin’ forThen just stay the same

I think I should make a habit of posting songs that seem to influence me, as I do it so bloody often. Haha. This one’s ‘Just the Way You Are’ by… good ol’ Bruno Mars. [Although, I’ll be honest, I got hooked on it after I saw it in Glee – the one episode this season that has made me sob uncontrollably. Good GOD, Chris Colfer is amazing and Kurt/Blaine are the only reason why I continue to watch this shit show.]. I’m sure that by me posting these lyrics, everyone is like ‘Oh, great, another girl with self-esteem issues…’ Well, yep, I have ‘em; have for quite a while, but I’m workin’ on it. And silly songs like these are the little baby steps that I’m taking in order to fully ‘find’ myself. And it’s also the hopeless romantic in me that’s holding out for the person who can say/sing this type of thing to me. Conversely, this could also be a shout-out to all of the amazing people who have constantly said this type of thing to me and had me ignore them. As much as I don’t seem like I believe you, it means the absolute world to me that you say this to me. Keep going; it’ll get through my thick skull eventually. I don’t think I could’ve done this all without you. <3

Yesterday was brutal. I was a mess. Currently typing this in the Jo-burg airport waiting (seven hours) to catch my flight to Sydney. And all I can think about is Haines and Dulla and my Mighty Mighty Jambiani.

I break into tears pretty much at the drop of the hat, but then one of the vols had to go and post this picture and I fuckin' lost it. Wow, does this feeling hurt...

Both Dulla and Toni said to me before I left that they were 100% sure that they'd see me back in Jambiani again. God, I hope they're right. It would hurt too much if I were to disappoint them.

Currently am too numb and exhausted to type much more. Maybe after I catch up on all of my movies (thank you 14 hours of free movies, Qantas!) and am shoved back into culture shock mode.

<3

You look at me with uncertaintyYou look at me with urgencyYou look at me with fear in your eyesLike you’re about to fall away

But don’t be afraid to change your colours nowI’ve known you’ve all summerAnd you’ve rose above it allI see you hesitate to fall downBut it’s a pretty good view from down here too

And when the wind takes youIt takes me tooWhen you change coloursI’ll change mine tooTry not to thinkAnd I will try tooWhen you let go,I will let go too

Knew you when you were green and smallLike a feather on a wing soloYou know I will miss you when you are goneBut don’t be afraid If you just can’t hang on…

The cold air is pushing hard on youI know what you say, I can feel it tooYou’ll go through changes,I’ll go through them too…

Yet another random tangent about how music affects me. We can thank this week’s tangent to the wonderful, ever-talented Josh Groban and his cover (?) of ‘Changing Colours.’ Obviously, the lyrics are above; the bolded and underlined are the ones that make me catch myself and stop to think. It seems that it’s a song of comfort, and words cannot describe how much I need that song of comfort right now. As I’ve mentioned several times previously, I’m absolutely terrified about what’s going to happen within the next two months (OMG, exactly that on my birthday…). But with this song, as silly as it may sound, I can imagine someone in my corner, rooting for me. I can imagine a boyfriend/friend just sitting me down and saying, ‘Look, I know you’re scared and unsure about things, but that’s ok. You’re allowed to struggle and fall, so long as you don’t take it too hard and you pick yourself up after. I’ll be with you every step of the way; that’s what I’m here for – to be your calm through the storm.’ I also think this song accurately describes the normal progression of life: starting timid and shy, but then letting go and changing colours, making leaps and bounds to become a new, better person. Like I said, I know it sounds silly, but sometimes I really do need those stupidly vivid pictures like this that come with certain songs. Cases in point: ‘Edge of Desire,’ ‘Never Think,’ ‘Nicest Thing,’ and ‘Wheel.’

I’ve already started having to mentally prepare myself for what is going to end up happening on Friday. I can honestly say that I have NO fucking idea what’s going to happen, other than my being an emotional wreck. I don’t know that I’ll be able to say goodbye to Dulla, Toni, the kids, and the boys (with one in particular). I’ve been with these guys for four months, practically every day – I just don’t feel that I can properly walk away from something like that. These people have become my family, my rock away from home, and knowing that I have to leave them with no certainty that I’ll ever see them again (despite how much I want to), is just heart-wrenching. I got lucky last summer when I was here the first time, as I kept in touch and made a decent enough impression for them to want me to come back, but there was once again that fear that that goodbye would be the end. They’ve all been so instrumental in who I’ve become as a person, that I can’t bring myself to say goodbye! I don’t want it to seem like I won’t try and keep in contact with them, ‘cause God knows I do, I love these guys with my whole heart, I just don’t know the likelihood of that happening; everyone’s lives continue on. The same can be said for the few vols that have weaseled their ways into my life as well (you know who you are!) – there is a very low chance, unless we bust ass and MAKE it happen, that we’ll be nothing more than really awesome Facebook buddies. This is me being pessimistic, obviously, ‘cause I’m only going to get as much out of it as I put in, but while on the having-to-say-goodbye-and-losing-friends track, I’m just going to roll with it.

There’s one guy in particular that I’m so confused about saying goodbye to – we kind of had a fling (if you can even really call it that) while I’ve been here. Like, it’s been nice and fun while it’s lasted, but what do you say to end that? Knowing that there won’t ever be anything more? And with my trains of thought as they are, I don’t even know how genuine he is/was about the whole thing! Alright, I’m going to sound like an uber-bitch when I say this, but it’s kind of true: sometimes with the guys here, and the relationships that may or may not occur, there is an ulterior motive at work. I’d like to HOPE that said guy wouldn’t do something like that and that he’s genuinely interested in me, but there’s always that little niggling feeling at the back of my head. I can’t honestly say that I want to continue anything long-distance, especially what with all the shit I have to deal with when I go back to the States – reverse culture shock, more goodbyes (harder ones!), and getting ready for PC. Sorry, buddy, but you just won’t be my priority. But how does one get that across in a nice way while saying goodbye all at once? Sometimes I feel like I just want to ignore the whole problem and hope that it’ll all just go away, but I know it won’t and that’s probably the worst possible thing I could do… I’ve never had to do this before and I feel that no matter what I’m do I’ll be doing the wrong thing and botch it all completely.

Words cannot describe how much I love every single one of you and cannot wait to see your smiling, beautiful faces when I get home. Pay attention to that last entry so we make sure to see each other before Kyrgyzstan! <3

Hello my lovely, lovely friends and family! I now have a tentative plan for my trip to Oz/NZ and the five weeks I shall be in the States before departing to the unknown of Kyrgsrueiwoabjklt-stan. :) Please pay attention and start planning accordingly, 'cause obviously I want to see each and every one of you as much as humanly possible. Haha.

Continuation of Holiday

30 Jan - 3 Feb: Sydney.

3 - 6 Feb: Melbourne.

6 - 16 Feb: Auckland/random places in NZ.

Back in the States

16 - 25 Feb: Omaha.

25 Feb - 1 (or 2) March: Chi!

1 (or 2) - 8 March: G'ma and G'pa's!

8 March: Williamsburg - ELLIOTTS!

9 - 14 March: DC - Caps/Hawks, Ri, and assorted family members.

14 - 17 March: NYC

17 (hopefully early enough!) - 19 March: Chi.

19 - 25 March: Omaha.

Hopefully this all makes sense. And as I said, it's all tentative, as we (Mom and I) haven't actually looked at tickets and such yet.

<3

HAPPY NEW YEAR! Who has any fun stories from New Year’s Eve? Come on, someone keep me updated on everyone’s fun, partying lives!

It’s quite weird to think that it’s already 2011. Where the hell did 2010 go?! I feel like I don’t remember any of it! Which is sad and quite embarrassing, because quite a number of important things happened over the year! Another tattoo, tons of amazing concerts, stellar trips, graduating from uni, back to Africa, wonderful memories and friendships… I mean, who could forget John with my mom and bestie (yes, I did cry during ‘Edge of Desire’ during the encore)? Or laughing my arse off at Tyler Perry’s Madea? Or seeing my mates from Edinburgh? Or the many crazy nights in Chicago with The Birches or at Madonnarama with my Disney crew? Forcing Kathryn to take me to Hobbiton for my birthday – nothing better! ;) It astounds me that so much has taken place in the span of 365 days. And I am sincerely, utterly grateful for every single one of those three hundred and sixty-five (it wasn’t a leap year, was it?) days. I really have been, and continue to be, so lucky and privileged to have been able to do the aforementioned things and to go to these amazing places.

And, to think, so much more is to come in the next few months and over the course of two years! MOM COMING TO AFRICA IN FOUR DAYS! [I know it sounds incredibly silly and childish to be so excited about your mother coming to visit, but she really is one of my best friends and I’ve missed her so much over the past four months! Can only imagine the kind of havoc we’ll wreak on Jambiani once she gets here. PUMPED.] Another birthday (an odd number one! L) in 21 days. A jaunt over to Oz and NZ – friends, plays, and Hobbits? Yes, please! Tazer and Laichs with Risa in DC. Norbert (hopefully/FINALLY!) in NYC. Traveling to say goodbye in Georgia, Chicago, Virginia, DC, etc. Heading to Kyrgyzstan for the Peace Corps waaaay too soon. There’s so much in need of being crammed in once I get home. Everything is happening so quickly; too quickly for me to really get myself mentally prepared for whatever is ahead. I know I keep harping on this fact; it’s just all catching up with me now, catching me off entirely guard. At this precise moment in time, I’m scared absolutely shitless about what’s going to happen in March. Like, actually crying about it while I type this. I’m scared. I know you’re tired of me saying this over and over, but I’m terrified.

There’s a quote from a book that I talked about a few weeks ago (Night Train to Lisbon) that I feel fits my inability to really articulate how much everything I’ve done and will do means to me. ‘Of the thousand experiences we have, we find language for one at most and even this one merely by chance and without the care it deserves. Buried under all the mute experiences are those unseen ones that give our life its form, its colour, and its melody.’ So, even though I’ve experienced (and will continue to do so over the course of the next 27 months, and the rest of my life) all of these monumental things, it’s the little things that really shape and influence me. The days when nothing outstanding happens are the ones that actually mean the most. Finding out who we all are through the little things; growing inch by inch, day by day. And now that that’s written, I have absolutely no idea if it even makes sense, but I’m rollin’ with it anyway. ;)

Today was the first day back to nursery school for me. It was definitely a weird experience to walk into my classroom at Kikadini and NOT have my normal kids in class since all of ‘em (but one – poor Muza!) moved up a class. I don’t know how teachers handle that, year after year. You get so attached and used to your kids and then they’re gone! It doesn’t seem fair. I’m not sure I could do that every single year. I have so much more respect for the teachers I’ve had in the past and all of my friends who are now teachers. You all are amazing at letting go! How do you do it? Any suggestions for me for my near future? I guess this should act as practice for my job in Peace Corps, eh? Even though it’ll be with high school students (dear God, save me already) instead of ickle ones. Think that will make it easier or harder to say bye at the end of each school year?

Anyone who knows me knows that I am a bookworm. To the nth degree. Almost embarrassingly so, but that’s just me. Haha. Anyway, I think it’s about time that I update everyone on my latest reading endeavors and offer book suggestions for everyone. Get ready; there are quite a few (which is what happens when you have nothing to do for two weeks but lay in the sun and read).

The Eight by Katherine Neville – this is one I reread ‘cause I love it so much. It’s kind of like The DaVinci Code, except not at all. Haha. Think a chess set, that when played correctly, uncovers a dark secret. Phenom. Promise.The Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett – LONG. Was an alright story, but really only finished it so that I would know what’s going on in the miniseries (if I ever get the chance to see it). Baking Cakes in Kigali by Gaile Parkin – I thought it was going to be better than it was. Love the concept of hearing from the ‘survivors’ of the Rwandan genocide and how they ‘move on,’ but overall story wasn’t great.Hornet Flight by Ken Follett – MUCH better than PotE. Definitely a page-turner. Complete historical brain fluff, but still a good read.Savage Garden by Mark Mills – this was a bit of a slow read for me without a real climax or ending; had great potential, but then just kind of puttered off…Half of a Yellow Sun by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie – Moving, fictional story that takes place during the Kenyan (maybe? The one where Biafra is created for a short amount of time?) civil war. Ending was abrupt, but decent. Didn’t think it deserved the acclaim of being written by this generation’s Chinua Achebe, though.The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova – already spoke about this one; still makes me glad to be a lover of history.The Writer’s Tale: The Final Chapter by Russell T Davies and Benjamin Cook – fun, geeky ready that every Doctor Who fan should read. Actually also a surprisingly informative read about the concept of writing.Eclipse by Stephenie Meyer – reread, which made me surprisingly (somewhat) side more with Jacob than Edward. Maybe I’m slowly being disillusioned to the whole franchise? Haha. Night Train to Lisbon by Pascal Mercier – reminded me quite a bit of Shadow of the Wind, except not nearly as amazing. No climax. Only worthwhile because of a number of passages that made one really stop and think.A Weekend With Mr Darcy by Victoria Connelly – SERIOUS brain candy. The title says it all: two women go to a Jane Austen conference and find love. Hey, I needed one of these while I was here, right?Revolutionary Road by Richard Yates – fantastically written book that overturns the myth of Paradise in Suburbia during the late 1950s. Film stayed incredibly close to the book, which I like. And with Kate and Leo as the leads – perfect casting.Currently reading: Three Cups of Tea by Greg Mortenson and David Oliver Relin – about 200 pages in and not quite sure how I feel about it yet. Admirable and exciting, but there are little things about this guy that just piss me off. We’ll see what happens when I finish it!

Looking back, I really wish that I had written down the length of each of these books. ‘Cause last summer, when I was here for two months, I read 12 books; this year, after three months, I’m only on book 13, yet a few of the above books were in the 900 – 1000 page range. That makes up for the fewer NUMBER of books completed, right? And I have a good chunk more books to read before I leave/head back to the States. Fahrenheit 451, Fugitive Pieces, The Blind Assassin, The Motorcycle Diaries, and I’m trying SO HARD to leave Water for Elephants to reread on the way home. ‘Cause I love that book and want it fresh in my head for the gorgeousness of RPattz in the film (even though I won’t be able to see it!). ;)

Brain has lost its coherency. More as it comes – probably after Mom arrives, though! <3

PS – Listened to the soundtrack to 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee last night while I couldn’t sleep and words cannot describe how excited I am to see my friends in this at OCP, come February. No joke. And how much I want someone to rig the system so that I get to be one of the guest spellers. Haha. Skank (or Chris!), get on that for me. ;)

A few things have been on my mind quite a bit lately. One of which is the notion of people back home forgetting about me while I’ve been over here. [Yep, you can definitely thank Mr John Mayer for this little emo-fest. Culprit: Edge of Desire and the line, ‘There, I just said it: I’m scared you’ll forget about me…’] There are a select few who tell it (that they miss me and want me to come home) to me often, but I sometimes wonder about their sincerity. It’s not as if I doubt it, I just wonder if they’re saying it to make me feel better, since I obviously AM missing them, or if they genuinely mean it. Like, do they randomly think about me, who I’m with, or what I’m doing? Do they get random flashes throughout the day of stupid shit that we’ve done that reminds them of me or see things and think ‘Aw, Sarah…’? ‘Cause I know that happens to me every so often, like I mentioned in the previous entry. I don’t mean to come off as selfish, honestly, I don’t. You guys know me, unless I’m on stage, I do not like exorbitant amounts of attention. (Sometimes you wouldn’t think that about me, would you?) I’m just genuinely curious about what it’s like on the other end of the spectrum when people are gone.

I feel as if my life is at a standstill, where I’ve diverged from ‘the path’ we’ve all started on over the past few years, and everyone else has just barreled right passed me, leaving me in the dust. Part of me thinks that when I go back, they’ll be so far ahead and I’ll frantically try and catch up, but then not quite make it before heading off to Kyrgyzstan. And I know that peoples’ lives naturally progress and I can’t ask them to put their whole entire lives on hold while I figure my shit out, I just feel ostracized and alone because of it. And when you’re already thousands of miles away from everything you know, being pushed further is never a fun thought.

Sometimes I feel that some of the relationships and friendships I have in my life right now are so incredibly one-sided. I try so hard to keep in contact and touch and interested and yet there’s hardly anything in return. Is it because they don’t care? Or they have more important things to do? Or they’ve honestly forgotten that I’m no longer an immediate part of their lives? Or is it because they’re scared/nervous/intimidated/unsure that I’m doing something different with my life; going against the ‘normal’ path of life after finishing uni? If the last one is the case, isn’t that something you’d want to actively try and keep track of? Learn about it as much as you can, be excited for that person and try and come to the point in your own life where you’re as comfortable or enjoying exactly what you’re doing. I don’t know, maybe that’s the idealist/hippie in me, but I just feel like we all should be learning from each other and feeding off experiences of others and yourself, to try and become the best person possible. If there’s something that I’m doing that you want to do, DO IT! Life is too short for you to just continue on placating yourself in order to do the ‘right’ thing all the time. If you want to go geek out at Hobbiton in Matamata, New Zealand ‘cause you’re a huge LOTR fan – GO! If you want to volunteer in a small African village with a bunch of gorgeous, precocious children – DO IT. What’s stopping you?

Toni and I had a discussion about this the other day, in terms of readjusting to everything and knowing how to interact with people. She thought that one of the reasons why she got into so many quarrels with her friends when she last visited home was because their priorities were no longer the same. They all had ‘grown up’ in the sense that they had aged, but they were all obsessed with completely different things: the friends are infatuated about the swanky car, spoiling the kids, making the most money at your job even if you hate it, etc. Whereas Toni, having lived in Africa for two years now, thinks about things that her friends could care less about – footballs for the kids on the beach, markers and coloured pencils, how ridiculous it is to spend £60 on a pair of shoes. Is this making any sense?

I really do love and miss those people I’ve left at home with my whole heart. I’m enjoying what I’m doing here, but obviously still wondering about life back home. Does that mean that I’m weird or too attached and haven’t been able to let go as quickly?

On a seriously more silly, light-hearted note, I am DYING wanting to know what’s going on with Fringe. My friend Ben gave me up to episode four of season three off of his hard drive (of which I only have two more ‘new’ episodes to watch!), but everyone else is now waiting for number 10, which isn’t until JANUARY! Four days before my birthday, to be exact. I would normally be alright with this fact – as I really can deal with the lack of pop culture/TV/whatever – but this season is getting SO GOOD. And my recent rediscovery of Tumblr as shown me what happened in episode 9. Oh. My. God. Are you havin’ a giraffe?! That conversation happens and I’ve missed it? Poor Peter and Olivia! And there are rumors that there may not be a fourth season? Yeah, not ok with that. Why do I always catch on to the good stuff when it’s on the brink of no longer existing? Sigh. Well done, me.

And how was Matt Smith in his first ever Doctor Who Christmas Special? Did he deliver? Were Rory and Amy in it? Aw, how was Michael Gambon as Scrooge?! I SO wish that I didn’t have to wait until February to see it. Haha. Oh well, I’ll get over it (hopefully). I guess I’ll just have to listen to Eleven’s Theme on iTunes over and over to suffice until then. ;)

Well, that was enough of a geek fest for you all, I’m sure. I apologize for that, I just had to get it out, even though I don’t know any of you that even know what the hell I’m talking about. Haha. Here’s me hoping that all of you had the very best Christmases – what swanky stuff did you get? – and missing you oodles!<3

Who would’ve thunk it that I’d be writing this entry, the day before Christmas Eve, after just having walked the beach, talked to my rasta boys, and gotten a sunburn? Three months already, too! Crazy how life works out, eh? And just think: some of you poor saps are freezing your arses (yes, I realize I just wrote that the British way; I blame my incessant hanging-out with Toni…) off in Chi and Omaha and DC and wherever else you may be while you’re reading this. Not to rub it in or anything. ;)

I’ve definitely been going back and forth a lot recently between being severely homesick and then loving the hell out of this place. Days like this, where I wake up whenever I want (or whenever rasta boyfriends need to get hold of their girlfriends who don’t have working phones so I have to play messenger), experiment with making yummy milkshakes, and then take three-hour long walks on the beach while hanging with friends, remind me just how much I love this place. Seriously, I don’t think I could be in the more perfect place for this particular moment in my life, as cliché as that sounds. I just need the pace and the whole mentality of Jambiani right now. I need to be able to joke with the boys about how rubbish my Swahili is; to give the Masaais a hard time about how hard they try and pump mzungus to buy their jewelry; to see the smiling faces of the kids as they shout your name while you’re walking around the village; to just sit in the sand and read a book, thinking about absolutely nothing.

With that all being said, that doesn’t mean that I don’t have days where I desperately want to go home, just so I can have a large glass of cold, skim milk (oh my God, that with a warm Christmas cookie right out of the oven? Yes, please!) or just so that I can text a friend something insanely stupid after a night out and have it not cost a trillion dollars. It’s really hard to explain – I feel like a giant pendulum going from one extreme to the other. And not being able to articulate why this experience of being away from home has been more trying than any others is maddening as well. I just can’t do it. I’ve been away from my friends and family for longer than four months – um, hello, Edinburgh? – so why is this time so difficult? I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I’ve been doing ordinarily mundane things during a day and then had an incredibly vivid flash of something/someone in Chicago or at home. I’m going to be an optimist and say that I’m like this because I’m missing my family and friends at this festive time of year, as opposed to me not being able to handle the separation. Gotta knuckle down and toughen up before good ol’ Kyrgyzstan comes my way.

Speaking of Kyrgyzstan, oh, the Peace Corps and I are going to have some good times with one another, I can tell. Luckily, my trip to Dar and the US Embassy wasn’t a COMPLETE waste, as my application has been sent off (barely) for my new passport. However, the visa I need for Kyrgyzstan is proving to be the problem, one that no one can really tell me a definitive answer on how to solve said dilemma. And, of course, since we’re America, everything’s now shut for the holidays until 29 December. YES. I either get to a) go to Pretoria, South Africa and find a Kyrgyzi (seriously, what the hell is the shortened version of this country’s name?!) embassy and do it there, b) wait until I get back to the States in the middle of February and just do it while I’m visiting DC – however that brings everything quite close to the deadline of my departure date, never a good thing – or c) somehow come up with another option that doesn’t require me to come back to the States early and do it there. Never a dull moment, huh?

OH! Guys, seriously, pay attention. So, I’m reading this book (it’s number 10, so far), called Night Train to Lisbon. The copy which I’m reading is actually quite rubbish – isn’t the whole point of an editor that you don’t have any typos?! I mean, come on! – but parts of it have really made me stop, put the book down, and really think about what I’ve just read. One of the lines that has really gotten to me is this one: ‘Given that we can live only a small part of what there is in us – what happens with the rest?’ RIGHT?! How awesome is that? Like, of all the decisions we make day after day, what happens to those paths that we don’t take? And if we turned back time to take that other path, would we still turn out the same people? I don’t know, this is just the silly stuff I think about when I have no vols here to look after. Haha.

And because I’m feeling quite type-y, I am now going to make you all suffer through a list of things I miss the most right now. You’ll more than likely laugh/roll your eyes at some, if not all, of these things, but deal with it.

FRIENDS AND FAMILY – Obvious. I cleaned out my iPhoto library over the past few days and God, have we had some amazing times. I miss each and every one of you like it’s my JOB. SKIM MILK – Seriously, powdered milk just doesn’t cut it when you need to make yourself a proper cup of tea or coffee.TWIZZLERS – Lavy, you need to cut it with the reminders about these things. I actually salivate when you mention them.MAC & CHEESE – As juvenile as it sounds, I could go for a box of good ol’ Kraft right now. Ri, get it ready for DC.DECENT BEER – Love me some Kili, but Meleeny, you’ve gotta hook a sister up when I come home.DOCTOR WHO – I’m actually crying on the inside because I’m missing the Xmas special. And the fact that I read Russell T Davies behemoth of a book about his experiences writing the show (it was actually fascinating!) doesn’t help.SNOW – Yeah, not kidding. I know I’m more than likely going to get my fair share in Kyrgyzstan, but I could definitely go for a pile of snow right now.A PHONE THAT DOESN’T DRIVE ME NUTS – After my BlackBerry was nicked, I got a replacement phone. It works, which is really all I need it to do, but it drives me mental; it’s rubbish!CLOTHES – I was tired of the clothes I packed about two weeks into this whole ordeal. Haha. I would pretty much give my right arm for a pair of flats or Chucks, skinny jeans, another of my t-shirts, and one of my cardigans. Yes, please.TURKEY – When you go both Thanksgiving and Christmas without havin’ a giant turkey, something is wrong. Plus, where’s the fun of it when you can’t chuck the carcass out a second story window? ;)GUM – No jokes. It gives you that little kick of sugar and helps the oral fixation.BEN & JERRY’S – Cookie Dough, Half Baked, Brownie whatever. YES.ITALIAN FOOD – Pesto pasta, bruschetta, fettuccini alfredo, breadsticks. Basically, a trip to Olive Garden is in order for whomever wants to come. Fab 4?PINKY’S – You better bet your bottom dollar that I’m going to stock up on these when I hit NZ in February. Kathryn, get ready. Or be prepared to send me packages to Kyrgyzstan. Haha.HAWKS GAMES – No matter how shit they may or may not be doing right now, there’s nothin’ like being at the Madhouse on Madison.

I’m sure there are other things, but my brain is quite content at the moment (either that or it just doesn’t want to work).

Missing you all and wishing you the very merriest of Christmases. Enjoy your family time and know I’m thinking of you! And if you don’t hear from me before the New Year, have a BLAST! Have a shot for me (Disney peeps in Chi!) and ring in the best 2011!<3

PS – as long as this may be, everyone needs to convince me that I need to purchase a Kindle (with what little money I have left) for my PC service. The book-nerd in me will just not go along with getting ready of physical books… Gigi, this is all you!PPS – How’s Josh Groban’s new album?

Yesterday, one of the vols with whom I've become quite good friends - and one of the girls who endured the events of the Full Moon party with me - asked me how I managed to readjust to life back in the Western world after all of my previous time in Africa. It was such a good question, which furthered into a really good, thought-provoking discussion. It was really quite difficult for me; I don't know if any of you remember how I was last August, but it was far from an easy task. Especially with all of the bullshit that surrounds life in retail during the Holiday Shopping Season (The House of Mouse will forever be tainted to me because of my life in Zanzibar).

Basically, I told her that it's not going to be a quick fix; you're not going to be able to shut off and ignore all of the things you've done, places you've gone, people you've met, and once-in-a-lifetime experiences you've had. It's just impossible. In fact, if you were able to do so, I would personally think that there's something wrong with you. To have gone through that much only to throw it away instantaneously in exchange for a swanky new phone or the hottest fashion items of the season. I believe it all comes down to not being incredibly hard on yourself as well as not jumping down other peoples' throats and blaming them for being 'insensitive, materialistic, etc.' It's not their fault that they weren't with you in the sweltering heat, in a small classroom - devoid of desks, chairs, and school supplies - with a bunch of rambunctious 6 year olds shouting at you in Swahili. You can't recreate that for someone who is living in the middle of London or Chicago or wherever, no matter how vividly you may or may not be able to describe it.

In my case, last summer, it took me a month and a half to two months to really 'get over' my reverse culture shock. And that was with insane amounts of journaling and numerous tearful conversations with my mom and best friends. I can only imagine how difficult it's going to be for me this time around, having been gone for twice as long and only having about four weeks in the States before heading off to Kyrgyzstan for twenty-seven months. I feel that it could be that case that I'll get home (to where in the States I have no fucking clue) in the middle of February and be hit with all of the American-ness, retell my stories to all of my friends and family - already I'm dreading that; can't they all just read my blog and look at my (at the moment nonexistent) pictures on FB and connect the dots instead of me rehashing the same story 30+ times? I know I've said before that reading the blog is NOT the same as me spinning my tale with my own goofiness, but a girl can only recount her random nights dancing with rastas in rasta bars so many times - and then a few weeks later be forced into an emotional goodbye with my mom and brother only to be shipped off to the other side of the world.

With that conversation this morning, my brain hasn't really been able to let it go. I'm definitely going through a stage where I am starting to freak out about my decision for March. I haven't been able to go to the American embassy in Dar yet in order to get my visa and PC passport figured out. [And for those very few of you who know that I was in Dar for three days this week, don't assume that I got to do anything useful while I was there. I was there because one of our vols had to go to the hospital for a really terrible corneal ulcer. Never a full moment in my life, eh? There were some good things to come from that trip though. Hello, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part One and then BACON; real bacon.] And it's not as if they're very helpful in being open and accessible when you need them. Closing on Tanzanian/Islamic holidays, in addition to American ones, AND only being open insanely obscure hours (weekends not included) is not very conducive to young volunteers who can only leave project over the weekend. Thank you, America.

I'm also quite worried that I haven't given myself enough time to breathe. Ending one large chunk of project/life and then jumping right into something that will be harder and longer than the previous. Will that be enough for me to take a fucking breath; to catch up on sleep and jetlage before acquiring copious amounts more? Will it be enough time for me to talk with all of my friends and catch up on the past four months of their lives before scuttling off and not seeing any of them for two more years? Will I have enough time to get my 'family fix'? I won't even dwell on the tangent regarding my grandparents, because it's depressing and will definitely make me start sobbing, even though it honestly never leaves my thoughts. Will that four weeks be enough time for me to sift through all of my experiences and mentally prepare myself for learning another language, being on my own - in a former Soviet country, no less! - and take on this huge task of teaching and molding young Kyrgyzi (is that how they're described?) minds? Talk about daunting... Am I really cut out for this?

Side note: The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova. YES. This is the kind of book that makes me love the fact that I have a history degree. And makes me desperately want to go back to school for another degree so I can delve that deeply into research and learning and experiencing. If you've not read it yet, it's a fabulous book. Not quite sure how I feel about the ending, but that's beside the point. READ IT.

Know that I'm seriously missing each and every one of you. Enjoy the snow and cold for me - I seriously wouldn't mind jumping in a giant snowdrift right now to cool off! You're all in my thoughts every day and can't wait to hear everything about your individual hijinx. :) I hope you all have a bloody amazing holiday season; wish I could spend it with you.

All my love from that tiny island of Zanzi.

<3

Dearest and darlingest friends, I have just a small plea to make to all of you. If, and I know this is a big if - especially with the economy as it is and families of your own - you were planning on being stud muffins and thinking of getting me Christmas presents, could we tweak that idea? There isn't much I'm really going to need for my upcoming expedition to the wiles of Kyrgyzstan, so this might be a smidge more useful for your time and money. Instead, could you maybe put together a bunch of school supply kits for the nursery schools where I work? These kids are the most amazing kids on the planet and what better to spend your money on, instead of silly things I'm not going to be able to take in a few suitcases with me!

Here are a list of items that are greatly needed and appreciated:

PencilsErasers (both large and the kind one can put on the end of pencils)Coloured pencilsPencil sharpenersStickers (fun, silly, glittery ones)Construction paperChalk (white and coloured)GlitterMarkers (fat Crayola and skinny ones)Paints (face and poster)White and lined paperColouring books (for boys and girls - try, however, to stay away from Barbies and magic-y stuff)Scissors (for both kids and adults)And whatever else you can think of, I guess. Just please remember that it is a Muslim community, so everyone's quite conservative; which means you might want to stay away from Transformers or Bratz items... ;)

I know it's a LOT to ask, what with the prices for shipping things to Africa and it would take at least a month to get here, but it would mean a lot to me and these kids, as well as acting as your good deed of the year. Haha.

Also, on a completely unrelated note: Fringe. Totes hooked. John Noble is brilliant. Show is wonderfully, unrealistic brain candy. And seriously, when did Joshua Jackson get attractive? I'm fairly certain he's gotten much better-looking since his Dawson days... I mean, come on, dude's a lefty. What more can I say? Haha. I know it happens in almost every cop drama where there's a male and female lead, but the tension between Peter and Olivia? Definitely a proponent. JJ Abrams, your brain-children have taken over my life. And I kind of enjoy it.

All my love and best wishes.

<3

Remember last time when I wrote about that acronym ‘AWA’? Yeah, words can’t really express how much that statement can sum up my life over the past weekend. I wish that I could just say ‘Full Moon Party in Nungwi’ and everyone would know exactly what I meant, but I can’t. Haha. So my train of thought (and nothing is left out) is all organized, I need to write out bullet points and then go from there. Deep breath.

Flavia’s jigger and Chris’ tropical ulcer Van ride up northFull Moon PartyPost-Full Moon PartyStop at the Police Station

Now, that might not look like the most interesting weekend, but once I divulge the happenings then you’ll understand. Basically, once a month one of the resorts up north in Nungwi throws this kick ass party to celebrate the full moon. A bunch of tourists go, but there’s also always a good chunk of locals that like to check it out. It’s a great way to let loose, dance, have fun with your friends, etc.

Anyway, so Toni and I (well, mostly Toni and Rasmus) organize it so that all of the vols go up for the weekend. Right before it’s time to leave, one of the vols Flavia asks me whether or not she has a jigger in her toe. FYI – a jigger is a worm that somehow gets through the soft tissue of your foot and just hangs out there. If it stays in there long enough it lays eggs and then dies. Very awesome. Needless to say, I tell her yes, ‘cause I’m 99.9% sure that that’s what it is, despite her fiancé trying to tell her differently. So, I ask one of our cooks Fadhili if it is, he says yes, and then he proceeds to get it out. Not as gross as it sounds, just definitely not something you see back in the States. Then her fiancé Chris starts looking at this thing he’s had on his leg for quite a while – which I about a week before this had said was lookin’ like my tropical ulcer did and that he should get it checked out – and said that it was hurting him. ‘Cause we were all in doctor-playing modes, Flavia and I start trying to care for his leg. Let’s all remember back to when I talked about mine; had to cut the scab open and squeeze all the shit out of it. He wasn’t impressed. And THEN (right before we were all set to leave) he decided that maybe he wants to go to Dr Hamza. Well-timed, sir. ;)

After all of the shenanigans were over we were on our way. Our van was deemed the party van, purely because of the sheer amounts of crazy (people) that were in it. Quick breakdown: two Germans, one Brit, one Swede/fake-Brit, two Aussies, and an American. Yeah, it was nuts. The van ride up was just epic. Everyone was in a goofy mood, so we were all jamming – and I mean that literally; there was even water bottle microphone singing! – to people’s iPods and just being pretty much idiots. Range of songs to which were listened: ‘What’s Love Got to Do With It?,’ ‘Girls Just Wanna Have Fun,’ ‘Run This Town,’ and some good ol’ Whitney Houston.

Once we finally arrived Friday evening, it was just in time for everyone to drop their stuff at respective lodgings and then regroup for dinner. Pretty calm dinner and walking around… Yeah, no, I totally lied. I forgot that after dinner a group of us went to this beach bar and continued to knock back some drinks. Yeaaaaah. Forgot about that one. Haha. It was good times. Totally learned more about people than I really needed to and found out that I am forever destined to be like people’s best mates and never anything more (not that I’m bitter or anything…). Checked out a Rasta bar but didn’t stick around for long – for some reason I just can’t quite make it past 2 am anymore. Called Ri, got a semi-update about how ridiculously awful my boys have been doing while I’ve been gone. [Although Tazer’s Hatty and then their subsequent win in Vancouver (right? Crawford’s almost-shutout of 7-1?) are starting to redeem themselves. Keep it up! Aaaand they lost to San Jose. Well done, guys.]

Saturday day itself is quite lazy: laying in the sun and swimming in the most beautifully clear water ever. Don’t know why I didn’t dive; in hindsight, I totally should’ve! After lunch – which I didn’t mind, but I guess everyone else found it terrible? You can so tell my standards no longer match other people’s or what they used to be – we all headed off to our respective hotels ‘cause we were all knackered and wanted to be ready for the party that evening. Had a GLORIOUS two and a half hour nap before getting my shit together, taking a shower, and getting dressed (yes, like a female!) for the night’s events. Finally got to Kendwa Rocks – the hotel where the party was to take place – and ordered our dinner. While waiting, we partook in silly antics some of us cooked up before we left for the weekend. For example, I had to say ‘That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard!’ before I started a drink and right before I took the last sip. Someone else had to do a chest pop every time the word ‘drink’ was said. And only a select few were in on it, so whenever it happened, we would all burst into a fit of giggles. The English speakers tried to teach some Germans and Dutch people how to play Ring of Fire and that ended up being quite… interesting/entertaining. Some people were a bit sullen for unknown reasons, but then after a few drinks were consumed, everyone started to loosen up. I know I did – as I don’t normally do splits on the middle of beaches. Haha. I don’t know exactly what flicked the switch, but around half 12 everyone hit the dance floor. So. Much. Fun. Excellent jams, just kickin’ it with friends and one of our students from Jambiani – a story in itself… – and totally just enjoying the night!

However, since all good things must come to an end, around 2 o’clock one of the vols comes up to me and she’s like ‘Greer’s bag is gone.’ I’m fairly certain that you could’ve knocked me over with a feather when that was said. For one, that means a vol’s bag was stolen, but in addition, MY Blackberry (I knew I shouldn’t have gotten one of those to take with me to Africa!), small digital camera, some cash, and my sweater were all put in there for safe keeping as well. Without really reacting, I just peaced out to go sit on the beach and just stare at the water. Two of the vols came out after me, but weren’t overbearing, just kind of silently sitting down next to me and letting me just process through it out on my own. And when I was finally ready to face the situation, they pulled me into a hug. Head back into the party only to be told the real kicker to the situation: the keys to the car in which we rode were in the bag as well. Which meant that we were unable to get into the car to get back to our hotels, not like we would be able to get into our rooms, ‘cause a bunch of us had locked our room keys in the car for ‘safekeeping.’ Isn’t it funny how karma works? Drunken frantic running around trying to figure out what next to do ensued. Taxi was taken back to Nungwi, where I burst into a fit of hysterical laughter, grab two of the girls, and literally run straight into the ocean, fully-clothed. It just needed to happen. We had talked earlier about doing a midnight swim anyway, and half 2 in the morning, after all of this shit seemed like the perfect time to do it. :) But then again, it once again came back to kick us in the ass, ‘cause when Greer, Ben, Jess, and I headed back to our hotel, we were told that the manager herself was at the Full Moon Party, so we’d have to wait until she got back for us to ask for spare keys. Are you havin’ a giraffe? So, the four of us jumped into a hammock, a couch, and two pulled-together chairs and slept outside – with the MILLIONS of mozzies whining around our heads – for two hours, the time now being 5 am, until someone came back to the hotel. When that happened, we had a chat, as much of a chat as you can have to someone who only speaks kiSwahili, only to find out that THERE ARE NO SPARE KEYS for our rooms. I promise I’m not making this shit up. So, all four of us, the three girls all shivering because of our wet clothes and the cold of the night, got to crash in some random room for another two hours before we had to get up for breakfast and try to get all of our stuff out of our respective rooms in time for check out. Greer left earlier ‘cause she had to get back to her hotel and find HER spare key, as well as get to the police station, if you can really even call it that, to file a police report. Which meant that when Jess and I woke up, since our dresses were still wet, we had to take the sheets off of our beds and make couture kanga gowns out of them in order to not be naked while going to eat. I seriously wish I had had my camera so that I could’ve taken a picture in all of our ridiculousness. Long story short (too late), got into our rooms, got our stuff, checked out, thanked the guys working profusely, and then headed to the other hotel.

When we got there, we found out that since we didn’t have the key to the car we left in Kendwa, we were going to have to wait for a fundi – handyman – to be driven out from Stone Town so he could break into the car and then hotwire so we could return it to its owner. Oh, have I forgot to mention that both of the cars we took up to Nungwi were rented and that we were going to be charged a fortune if anything happened to them?! Yeah, adding to the drama. So, we’re all sitting around, waiting for news and the latest update only for Toni and Rasmus to roll up and then hand over the small clutch in which I had everything the night before. BUT the only thing that was in it were the car keys (weird, right?) and the key to Greer’s hotel room. It’s funny how things work out, eh? We all finally get into the car around 2 pm, but before we can head back to town, we have to make a stop at the police station, so Greer can amend her police report to include my camera and the cash that I had in my clutch. The asshole police officer won’t let her, so I have to go in and file my own police report. Dude was a dick to us, asking us why didn’t we include it to begin with and why had we waited until just then to report it instead of first thing in the morning. Luckily Rasmus was with us so he used his Swahili charm to tell them that we were volunteer teachers and it wasn’t our fault, blah, blah, blah. But that took a good 30-45 minutes before we could actually head to Stone Town to drop off the cars and have lunch before heading back to Jambiani. Had a delicious meal at Lukmann’s, although that’s always the case. Brooded out the window all the way back from Stone Town, had dinner when we got back to Grand, and then basically crawled into bed and slept until it was time to get up for nursery school.

Exhausting weekend, that’s for sure. And in hindsight, I enjoyed most of it. There are parts I’d obviously like to forget (some more obvious than others), but when it all comes down to it, the things that I lost were just material objects. Granted they were a bit pricey, but all of the pictures from my camera were already on my computer and my Blackberry only had numbers and texts that needed to be saved, nothing more. At the end of the day, that isn’t the stuff that really matters. Everyone is safe and sound at home, no one was hurt, we all have hilarious anecdotes from the experience and we’ve become (mostly) fast friends because of it. Definitely an AWA moment, but now that it’s over, it’s quite hysterical. I’m sure reading this is not going to be as entertaining as it will be to actually hear it from me ‘cause I’ll be able to add funny random tidbits of information. But until I get a chance to see all your beautiful, smiling faces, this will just have to do.

In the mean time, I need phone numbers from pretty much everyone and their brother. Either FB message them to me or text them to my American number. Won’t necessarily be able to answer your texts, but I will get them. Have a new, working phone at the moment, so I’ll use that through the rest of my travels until I get back to the States and use my old one.

Know that I love and miss you all! <3

Despite how much I’m able to journal and blog about what I’m feeling on a daily basis, I’ve come to the conclusion that I physically have NO IDEA how to tell people about myself in a formal, professional way. I’m currently wracking my brain trying to figure out how best to ‘introduce’ myself to my host country staff for the Peace Corps so they can better place me once I get there. Talk about nerve-wracking. I have a hard enough time writing flipping cover letters and resumes ‘cause I always feel as if I’m bragging or I have the problem about not being formal enough and trying to infuse such things with my personality and humour (which I guess you’re not allowed to do?). How is a document on a computer screen going to fully explain how I can place six degrees of separation with practically any actor and then tell you where they dry clean their clothes or that I have the utmost love and respect for the people in Jambiani and other villages on the island of Zanzibar? I just don’t think it’s possible and that frustrates the hell out of me. Or everything I write comes out as short and detached with no feeling behind it; saying that I have a strong academic interest for 15th-18th century British history or about the Crusades does not really describe how much I loathe the TV show The Tudors because they’ve bastardized one of my favourite historical figures ever or the inexplicable love I have for the movie Kingdom of Heaven because of the way Ridley Scott has portrayed both ‘sides’ of the story.

In other news, as you might have noticed my recent change of Facey-B status, I have a new acronym that has taken over my life. AWA. It’s the new TIA, I swear. Firstly, let me clarify that we all know what ‘TIA’ stands for: This is Africa. It is usually used when something has happened, such as the electricity going off for a good chunk of your day, and you’re resigned to the fact, simply because it cannot be helped. Example: ‘Aw, damn, I’m in the middle of a cold shower after a long (extremely) hot day’s work, and the electricity in the whole village has gone off, leaving me soaping my hair in the dark… TIA.’ Alright, so we’ve got that settled so we can move on to the new one and the one that has really come to embody my life within the past few days. AWA = Africa wins again. Usage is very similar to TIA, except for the fact that using it seems to be a bit more negative that if you were to say TIA. Having heard it from a Canadian VSO member the other day, it’s become quite apparent in my life.

Now, I’m sure I’m overreacting and being dramatic, but whatevs. The other day I went to the local clinic (an experience unto itself; Mom, you may or may not be shocked when you see it) to get my leg checked out. On Wednesday morning I had woken up with a blister on the outside of my calf, not knowing what it was or where it had come from. I let my body try and deal with it naturally; expecting that I had just burned it somehow or it was a spider bite or something. Anyway, after it had done its thing and started to ‘heal,’ it continued to get red and the skin around the scab was getting quite hard. Toni – my boss and current roommate – said that I should get it checked out because it looked very similar to the tropical ulcer she had on her foot earlier this year. After good ol’ Dr Hamza checked it out, sure enough, it was the beginning of a fabulous tropical ulcer. Basically, it’s a bug/parasite/thing that gets into a wound and seals it self in, the infection spreading underneath the skin. Pleasant, eh? Yeah, try going to a clinic in the middle of rural Africa and having the doctor use a small razor blade to cut off the scab and then squeeze out all of the ‘sluff’ (as Toni and I call it). With no warning or painkillers. Yeah, that was definitely a fun experience. NOT. And then to have it done again yesterday for my ‘check-up,’ living the good life, I am. Haha. As of right now I’m healing fairly well – seeming to have good vibes from the doc himself. I now have a legitimate excuse for not doing my cycling every other day with one of the local dudes and not to get up for early morning runs. Yesssss.

My mind is currently all over the place. It’ll definitely be interesting to try and refocus my brain to finish my aspiration statement in the next 30-45 minutes before running off to have dinner with the rest of the volunteers (who are a right trip this time around). Maybe after John Mayer finishes this amazing rendition of ‘Belief’ – from his Where the Light Is DVD – I’ll put on some Madge – her Confessions tour DVD, for Joe, if you even read this anymore – and jam that way. OH! Before I forget, everyone who knows my mother needs to help convince her that she and I need to go to Melbourne while in Australia so that we can try and see good ol’ Philip Quast as Mr Banks in Mary Poppins. It needs to happen. No jokes. And I need to see Meggie while I’m there. Obvious Yodel love night. ;)

Keep me updated on everyone’s lives! What were you all for Halloween? How was Bonfire Night? What is everyone doing for Thanksgiving? How freezing is it in the good ol’ UK and US of A? I’m dying of heat, but loving that I can sit in the sun and tan when friends in Chicago are suffering the rain and cold (has it snowed yet?).

Miss and love you all!<3

Talk about throwing a monkey wrench into the equation that is my life. Guess who was pretty much offered a job with GAA (my internship since January) to help set up a community library in a rural village outside Moshi in Tanzania. That’s right, this kid. And if I hadn’t already accepted Peace Corps, I completely would’ve jumped at the chance to do it. Is life/fate trying to tell me something by my boss asking me when he did? Or is it just really shite timing? After I was finally coming to terms with my decision and getting completely comfortable with the idea of picking up life and resettling it in Kafrakifrangipanistan for two years, this big ‘un hits me upside the head. In the end, I’m still going with the PC, since I already told them yes – although, to be fair, I haven’t actually started filling out any of the paperwork – but it doesn’t help that my brain goes into overdrive and starts overanalyzing whether or not I made the right decision. And something else has been weighing heavily on my mind recently – the fact that I get too attached to people too quickly. I’m not sure that I 100% thought about the implications of doing a ‘job’ like this one (in Zanzi): I meet, interact, and live with pretty much a different group of people every few weeks. Me being the type of person that I am, I definitely latch on to people with whom I get along for the need of some semblance of distraction from missing home and/or friends. For example, I was with this awesome Kiwi for three weeks and we just got on incredibly well, adding a swanky Brit into the mix for two of those weeks. When both of those girls left, I felt as if little bits of me were leaving with them. Good Christ, that sounds so cheesy. But when you’re me, it’s just inevitable – I haven’t gotten to the place in my life where I can detach myself so easily from everyone and just side with those that’re going to be constant for me – in this case: Toni, Dulla, and the random kids/students. I’m finding it really difficult.

The other day while sitting in nursery school with the kids, I realized how utterly absurd primary/nursery school is in the States. Is it really that necessary for every single student to bring their own box of 24 crayons to put in their own Hannah Montana/Transformers (if that’s what the cool kids are even bringing to school nowadays) school box?! I’m currently teaching a class of over 30 students and they ALL share a tub of broken crayons and they do just fine. And they each only have one pencil and writing book as well. It baffles me how materialistic and individualistic the US is/has become. It’s no longer about the act of learning and community and being together, but who has the most pimped-out pencil or desk accessories. As underprivileged as schools like the ones where I’m teaching are, the students are still learning. And they’re learning a foreign language from a bunch of crazy mzungus at the ages of 6 and 7 (which is definitely not an easy task, that’s for damn sure)!

The past couple of days have definitely been hard for me. Just haven’t been in the right headspace for much, lately. Don’t know if it’s the issue of not having a constant group of friends that changes or if I’m going through massive America-withdrawal or scared about the future. Who knows? I sure don’t.

Miss and love you all.<3

Well, I think I’ve made my decision. I’m absolutely flipping terrified. But I’ve been reminded that that’s completely normal for as big of a decision as this is, yet I can’t seem to shake how different my life is going to be from March onward. I have made countless pros and cons list, cried buckets loads of tears, spent far too much of Mom’s money making her ring me to discuss my options, lost sleep over this, have gotten myself sick stressing, and have had an hour long conversation with one of the besties (please know how much I appreciated that! <3) going back and forth. And I think I’ve come to a conclusion. *deeeeeep sigh*As much as it’s going to affect those around me, I think I’m finally accepting and getting comfortable with my decision – I’m sure you can figure it out based on this entry alone – but I’m really hoping that everyone will understand that I need to do this for me. I think I really need this as a way to figure out 100% who I am, the kinds of things I will or will not stand up for (ew, preposition at the end of a phrase...), meet and experience fabulous people and cultures, and how I cope with everything. Using my year abroad in Scotland and my two adventures in Africa as jumping points and comparisons, I’m not nervous so much about going somewhere SO different (although, let’s be honest, I’m scared shitless), but the length of time I’ll be gone is twice as long as any I’ve done thus far. Big steps. It’ll be a change. Only an idiot wouldn’t comprehend that. I think one of the things that has scared me the most about making this choice has been how ‘grown-up’ this makes me feel. Only grown-ups start making these kinds of decisions, basically setting the ball rolling for how the rest of their lives are going to start shaping. [And I know that those of you who are super close to me are going to roll your eyes at this next sentence, but bear with me.] My life at this precise moment in time can pretty much be explained through the lyrics of one John Mayer – yep, here come the eye rolls – from ‘Stop This Train’: So scared of getting older; I’m only good at being young. I really think that’s part of the reasons I haven’t been able to so readily say ‘HECK YES, LET’S DO THIS!’ I feel like once I’ve said yes, that’s it, my childhood/youth is over, despite being only 22 (23 when I officially head out) and having so much life left to live. It’s going to be hard to come back after this and totally revert to the girl who willingly lets Grandma scratch my back, Grandpa make ‘faffles’ with lots of syrup every morning, who can work at the Disney Store (as hellish as it was) just because she loves watching Disney movies so much. At the same time, though, another JM lyric comes to mind that I think will really help me find peace with this decision: I believe that life’s gonna see all the love I give returned to me. That pretty much sums up something I’ve always said; it’s part of the reason behind my infinity symbol. Not that I’m expecting someone to praise me or shower me with money and gifts once I return from service, but just knowing that I’m doing something to ‘help’ (hopefully) so many people – whether it’s by doing a silly dance and making a person smile or if it’s developing a clean water system for a village – I’m hoping to be build up a store of good karma. And we all know how karma works... But having said that, if you just so happen to marry rich (*cough*Tazer*cough*) and have extra money that you need to do something with, I’ll gladly let you hire me to run your NGO or charity. ;)Please be patient with me as I use this place to vent my frustrations, tweak about my fears, and be excited about what’s to come for me in the next three years. Also, if you don’t agree with my decision, please keep it to yourself. I honestly don’t think there will be many, if any, of you, but just in case... I’ve been hard enough on myself as it is and this is my turning point: I’m doing this for me. As much as I value your opinions, I don’t need you to tell me how to live my life. Encouragement and well wishes would be MUCH more widely appreciated. Anything to help my transition would be great. And just know, when I get back from Africa, I’m going to need to spend as much time with most of you as humanly possible. ‘Cause let’s face it: how many of you, other than Mom and maybe Mike or Dad, will actually truck your ass out to Kyrgyzstan to come visit me? Miss and love you all.

<3

So, the other morning, after being 'stood up' for my training session with one of the local guys (I'm biking with one of the lads every morning to a - stay in shape and b - train for Kili if that's what Mom and I decide to finally do), I started writing in my journal and this is what came out:

Pretty much had a mental breakdown last night (6 Oct). I was checking my email when I saw one from the Peace Corps. I opened it, of course, and not to sound melodramatic, but my heart literally stopped and my life has since changed. They've already decided where they want to place me: Kyrgyzstan, teaching secondary level English. Oh, and I would leave on or around 25 March, 2011. Do you realize how flipping soon that is?! It might be October now, but that basically means that once Mom and I are finished with whatever we're doing at the end of Jan - whether it's climbing Kili or going to visit Kathryn and friends in Sydney and NZ - I have less than a month and a half to legit say goodbye to everyone (friends, family, etc.) and to pack up my life for three years. I mean, I figured this day would come, but actually having it become a reality and to see so much of my life in such a short span of two lines of text... It's fucking mental, man. I feel like Melina: I'm not 100% sure that I'm ready for this (even though I'll more than likely accept the invitation and say yes), plus who says 'Oh, no thanks!' to the Peace Corps?! You just don't do it.

I called Mom just sobbing and I've gotta say that she took it like a champ. It canNOT be easy to hear your child freak out that much and learn that she's going to be so far, in the middle of nowhere, for so long. But then again, she's always been like that; she's always put Mike and me above herself and always been supportive and stuck with us through thick and thin.

I am so fucking confused and frustrated about the whole thing. Peace Corps has given me SEVEN DAYS to make this life-altering decision. Are you having a laugh?! I can barely decide what I want to cover in my lesson plans for my students today! It's not as if I'm unhappy that they've let me in or that they've placed me so quickly, it's how impersonal and nonchalant the invitation seemed to be; how easily they just cast away 2.5 years of my life and how they didn't think much of it. I don't know. I have a LOT of soul-searching to do in the next four or five days. I really, really wish that I could talk to certain people about this face-to-face and just panic/sob and talk it out with them before deciding. Being in paradise/Africa is really not conducive to the discussion and making of life-changing choices.

With something like this looming over me, it really makes me want to say forget the hardships of climbing Kili (although if I don't do it in Jan, I do want to do it eventually!) and go have the chance to see Kathryn one more time before I have to settle down in a rural, Soviet-esque village for almost 27 months.

Thoughts, anyone? I could really do with some discussion. I know at the end of the day it's pretty much wholly my decision, but I'd like to get your thoughts...

Oh, on a more positive note: Zanzi is lovely. Today's definitely a lay in the sun with a book and do nothing day. And it couldn't be nicer or more well-needed. All of that will change with the coming of a new week and all of the kids and lesson work we have to do. Fun, eh? :)

Miss you all.

<3

Well, chaps, I have finally made it to Nairobi after about a gatrillion hours in airports and on numerous planes. Sleep total since Sunday evening: about four hours. And it's now Wednesday, 29 Sept, 2010 at 5.12 p and I have to wake up in about 12 hours to make my flight to Zanzi. Don't you just love it when mothers schedule your flights for ridiculous times? ;)

And since I have no ability to sleep on flights, I ended up watching abooooout 6 films? They, and my reactions to them, are as follows:

Sherlock Holmes - even though I despise Jude Law, I'm pretty much hooked on the franchise. And the fact that Stephen Fry was just announced to be attached to the sequel (PLEASE, let it be Professor Moriarty!) makes me even more excited.Date Night - had seen it before, but Tina Fey and Steve Carrell never cease to impress me.Avatar - Sam Worthington. Enough said.Iron Man 2 - I was on a Robert Downey Jr binge. Haven't seen the first one, so obviously had no idea the background for any of this shit, but RDJ can really do no wrong. Unless it's Less Than Zero, which was just... wrong.How to Train Your Dragon - blissful brain candy. And who wouldn't want to listen to a whole movie where you get to hear the Scot-ness of Gerry Butler and Craig Ferguson? Ok, so there were about 5, although I feel as I'm forgetting one, so that list could vary. Right now, just kind of vegging out in the hotel, getting ready to order room service for dinner, watch last night's Glee (BRITNEY! Thank you, Wi-fi!), and maybe an episode of Supernatural. Who knows? Hopefully the next update or two will be a little less Western/consumerist and a bit more about re-adjusting to life back in Africa.

Miss you all.

<3

Yeah, so I forgot to let you guys all know where you can send me snail mail (which I absolutely adore) while I'm gone. At least until I leave Africa. And then we'll reevaluate the situation. Haha. :)

Ms Hoppy (or however you may know me...)

c/o Timo or Megan Lehmann

PO Box 3422

Shangani

Zanzibar

Tanzania

<3

So, I'm currently sitting in my swanky Chi apartment, next to mi madre, surrounded by all of my stuff that's getting packed up within the next two days. Today has been completely non-productive at all, so tomorrow - yeah, it's going to be absolute hell. Putting everything you own in either two-ish suitcases and/or boxes to be driven home, it is incredibly unnerving.

I've been trying the best way to describe my feelings right now and I'm having a hard time. Like, I'm absolutely ecstatic about heading back to Jambiani and being with Toni, Dulla, and all my little kids again. I really am, you please have to believe me. But I've gotten to the point in my life where I feel as if I have a 'life' here in Chicago. I have a steady, reliable (most of the time - with last night as one of the exceptions) group of friends. I have been working at this wonderful internship since January and have met some amazing people through it. I'm worried that life isn't going to be the same as it is right now. I'm not 100% sure that I want it to be, even, but right now, it's comfortable. It's where I am in my life and I'm OK with it. And the next time I'll be back in Chicago for an extended period of time, it will be three years from now and I'll have been through more life-changing experiences than I ever thought a person could go through.

Heading back to Zanzibar for 5 months, working as a liaison between the volunteers and African Impact.Hoping to summit Kilimanjaro with Mom.Going somewhere with the Peace Corps for 27 months doing who knows what. Wish I could be more coherent at the moment, but I'm just completely overwhelmed. Plus I'm watching Forrest Gump. Once I finally get my act together (hopefully at least once more before I head to the airport) or once I get overseas, I'll try writing again.

And I'm ready to be back here in a few days. Good lord, it's beautiful.

<3