Peace Corps Journals

Белая Мечта

Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00

Kazakhstan YouTube Videos matching query: "peace corps" "Kazakhstan"

2012-02-09 08:14:20

	Белая Мечта A performance of "Белая Мечта" (White Dream) in Russian Sign Language by Aktobe, Kazakhstan resident Bota Ussenova seen here performing together with Peace Corps volunteers Jon Halpern and Aaron Bean.	From: animaminor Views: 1 0 ratings
	Time: 04:25	More in Travel & Events

A Rear View: Looking Back at the Work side of my time in Peace Corps Kazakhstan

Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00

Kazakhstan The Travels of Jim James

2012-02-08 20:11:51

I’m still trying to write about the last part of my exit from Kazakhstan but lately I’ve been having trouble finding the right words. Instead I will post some pictures from when I started in Peace Corps Kazakhstan through the time that I left. We ended up landing in Kazakhstan at about 1 A.M and spent [...]

athletic body diversity reference for artists

Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00

Kazakhstan Where in the world is Schanell??

2012-02-04 15:27:37

Reblogged from intergalactic messages: This is a photoshoot of various Olympic-level athletes by Howard Schartz and Beverly Ornstein titled “The Athlete”. Like many others I tend to fall into the trap of drawing the same body type over and over … Continue reading →

Do not read this post.

Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00

Kazakhstan Where in the world is Schanell??

2012-02-04 05:13:52

Oh golly! Hello my blog reading friends! I have been trying to write this darn blog post for like a week now. So I will break it up in PHASES, and publish the damn thing already… with spelling AND grammar … Continue reading →

A re-evaluation of sustainability

Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00

Kazakhstan Girl Meets World

2012-02-02 11:55:22

I´m working at an orphanage in a very third world country. My initial, American judgment is that the place is a dump – and really, it kind of is. The buildings are only 20 years old, but look several decades … Continue reading →

my new home

Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00

Kazakhstan Nomadic Development

2012-01-29 13:50:27

I realize it has been forever since I’ve blogged. I have no real excuses besides the eternal one of my blog being blocked here…I can get around it with a little ingenuity, but I’ve just gotten overwhelmed at the thought … Continue reading →

A few of my favorite things-Sarkand Edition

Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00

Kazakhstan Curiouser and Curiouser

2012-01-25 05:09:54

I wrote an entry a while back about my favorite things from my training village-Tuzdybastau. While those still make the cut, I also wanted to update. Looking back, it’s hard to narrow down my favorite parts of Kazakhstan because, while there were definitely some REALLY hard times, the good times were out of this world. [...]

You see rain. I see a free shower.

Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00

Kazakhstan Where in the world is Schanell??

2012-01-24 17:22:47

***Warning*** ***Items in this post may be very random, cause boredom, or just be completely irrelevant. *** Item #1 Favorite quote of the week: “Fitting in is the path to regret”. Like it. Most days I live by it. Item … Continue reading →

My Next Adventure

Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00

Kazakhstan Girl Meets World

2012-01-19 04:43:17

I thought I had a year to figure out life after Peace Corps. When I found out we were all leaving early, one of my first thoughts was: “Shoot! What am I supposed to do for 9 months?!” Coming home … Continue reading →

“Don’t panic (There’s nothing here to run from)”-Coldplay

Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00

Kazakhstan Curiouser and Curiouser

2012-01-17 04:06:38

The following was written on November 21, 2011. It just took me until now to post it. Tears welling in the back of my eyes. Throat closing. Chest hurts. Mind is spinning. Feeling nauseous. Not ready to say goodbye. Don’t panic. Don’t. Panic. I can only remember feeling this intensely two other times in my [...]

My dad said to kick you in the shin…

Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00

Kazakhstan Where in the world is Schanell??

2012-01-16 13:27:14

Dear Mom and Dad, I love you both dearly. You have taught me so much and have shaped me into the women I am today. Somethings you have taught me, however, I will bring up in this post only because … Continue reading →

Welcome to Bishkek: Ski Adventures

Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00

Kazakhstan NoraStan: Exploring Kazakhstan, Liberia, and Kyrgyzstan with Peace Corps and more!

2012-01-15 13:49:00

Greetings, intrepid blog readers!

I’ve been in Bishkek a week now, and wow, have I met a lot of people and done a lot of stuff! It’s been a whirlwind. Happy to report that my apartment is great, the research looks promising, I have tutoring starting this week to brush up on language, and I haven’t eaten anything too weird yet.

This weekend was a highlight of the trip so far. On Friday I attended the opening of a new American Corner at a local library and got to meet the US Ambassador. That evening I went to a dinner hosted by a new acquaintance from the embassy – Bishkek is a small world in a lot of ways, and I met plenty of people at the dinner who either work at the same university where I am based or have interests similar to mine.

On Saturday I went to the ballet with my fellow Fulbrighter Ailey and some new friends, an American couple and a Kyrgyz doctor. The ballet was, as always, a cultural experience. In particular, the norms of cell phone use during a performance are quite different in Kyrgyzstan. But the dancers were great, the music was good, and the setting was fabulous. See the picture of the outside of the building below…

The opera and ballet theater in Bishkek with New Year's tree

We topped off the evening with a few beers and a ride home from a female taxi driver. I know that there are plenty of women drivers in Central Asia, but it was still unusual for me to see a woman hanging out at the taxi stand. A highlight of my night was negotiating a lower price for the taxi. I’m going to do my best to spend all of your hard-earned tax dollars right.

Today (Sunday) was another good-luck, met-the-right-person sort of day. A new friend told me on Friday about a trekking group based out of Bishkek. They run trips every weekend, rent out gear, and have a nice mixture of locals and foreigners. This weekend, they happened to be running a cross-country ski trip, so of course I jumped on the opportunity. Actually, my friend Sally jumped on the opportunity for me and made sure there was space on the trip.

Skiers are rarely serious

As you can see from the photos, I did manage to join the group. Right now I am tired, a bit sore, but very, very happy. It was wonderful to get out of the city and to see the mountains that I can usually only glimpse on a clear day. We wandered about a bit getting used to the skis and the snow, and then we came around a corner and discovered a sledding hill. There were kids and some adults sledding on giant tubes, horses towing more tubes to the hill, and cars bearing small cooking stoves for tea. Naturally, we had to try the sledding. I was only able to handle about a run and a half before I was reminded that I don’t have the best history of safe sledding. I stopped then, but not without a bruise or too…

Post-sledding. How many types of transport can you count?

We headed back to the van eventually and then the day got even more interesting. The spot that we went to ski turns out to have quite a bit of importance; it hosts a national memorial complex. The story goes like this: in the 1930s, during the Soviet repression, 137 political dissidents were taken to this remote location and shot. They were buried in a mass grave that was hidden under a brick factory. The atrocity was witnessed by a young girl, whose father told her to never speak of what she saw. When the Soviet Union fell, the young girl have become an old woman, but she remembered the story and told about those that had been killed. The grave was exhumed, and the bodies were given a proper burial. Now a monument stands at their grave site; the original mass grave has also been preserved. It is a reverent but unsettling place.

Amongst those killed was the father of Chingiz Aitmatov, who is considered to be the premier figure in Kyrgyz literature and activism. He was well-known throughout the Soviet Union. Aitmatov died in 2008 (I believe) and was also buried at this site, not far from the new grave of his father.

A memorial statue for repression victims; in the background is the 2010 monument

As if this weren’t enough sorrow and remembrance for one spot, the complex also holds a memorial to and the graves of many of the individuals who died on April 7, 2010 during the anti-government protests. Of course, this meant that I had both a humanitarian and an academic interest in the site. It was a moving place. As we stood there, fog began to roll up the mountains, making everything just that much more eerie. The mountains disappeared into the clouds as the day wore on.

Visitors to the monument for the April 7, 2010 victims

I will admit that after looking at all these sites, we returned to our skiing. Heading up the hill at one point, we heard the call to prayer echoing from a nearby village. It was one of those classic incongruities of Central Asia: cold air, snow, skis, the mountains, and the lilting song of Arabic prayer.

The foothills where we skied today

To leave things on a slightly lighter note, I would like to report that the belief that women should not sit on bare concrete is alive and well in Kyrgyzstan. No matter that we were out skiing in the cold. No matter that we are hearty women. As soon as we sat down on a narrow concrete slab for lunch, the driver came over worried about our health. He brought one of the cross-country skis and insisted that we put it down between our butts and the concrete. Glad to know that a ski is proper protection for our ovaries.

Week two looms, I can only hope that I will have something as interesting to report
next time.

Around the Corner

Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00

Kazakhstan South of Siberia

2011-05-13 06:56:26

Greetings readers! Long time, no write. Summer here is a short 2 weeks away. This means of course no school, but also summer camps. We have a standard language camp at our school, but one that I am more excited … Continue reading →

Shorter and Sweeter

Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00

Kazakhstan South of Siberia

2011-07-19 04:43:57

Alright, its been forever, but here is an effort to start anew, with shorter and hopefully more frequent entries. Just returned from a whirlwind 3 weeks, first in Italy with the family and then in Almaty. Had a great time … Continue reading →

Man Camp Breakdown

Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00

Kazakhstan South of Siberia

2011-07-29 12:49:51

Returned just a few hours ago from “Man Camp.” Exhausted overall. Managing 20 teenage boys for 5 days took it out of me. Initially, I think it went really well. Big shout out to the crew who pulled it off: … Continue reading →

Ramadan

Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00

Kazakhstan South of Siberia

2011-08-01 14:52:58

Today marks the first of 30 days of fasting for the Muslim world. Many rise early to eat and drink before the sun comes up and gather following sunset to do the same. It is supposed to be a time … Continue reading →

09:43 A.M. Sat. Morning

Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00

Kazakhstan South of Siberia

2011-08-13 11:42:45

Good Morning, Brad! We want to inform you that your flat is gonna be cleaned today! Be ready, we will call you around 1 P.M. See you! Woke up to a beep and this text message this morning and 3 … Continue reading →

Back to School

Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00

Kazakhstan South of Siberia

2011-08-30 09:32:13

The day after tomorrow will mark my second first day of school in Kazakhstan. It will also mark the end of a great summer. Highlights included seeing the family in Italy, Man Camp, another camp up north, days at the … Continue reading →

Start of Fall

Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00

Kazakhstan South of Siberia

2011-09-09 08:44:34

Nothing like an unexpected giant bear-hug from a chunky fourth grader in the middle of a crowded hallway to start off the day… Went paintballing the other day for the first time with a group of friends. Man, it intense. … Continue reading →

Thoughts on the Shower in the Shower

Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00

Kazakhstan South of Siberia

2011-10-16 16:35:16

After moving about a month ago, there is something I just can’t figure out about my new apartment: how in the heck do you take a shower without getting water all over the place? This might sound like a ridiculous … Continue reading →

One Life Two Suitcases

Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00

Kazakhstan I was a PCV in Kazakhstan

2009-07-17 05:24:00

Man. Trying to figure out what to bring on my trip is almost as nerve-racking as thinking about going. Essentially, I'm trying to fit my entire life (or part of it) into two bags/suitcases. That's tough.

I'm leaving about 75% of all my stuff in storage, and making myself take only what I'll need. So why does it seem like I'll be needing so much?

For the last few weeks, I've been ordering a ton of stuff online; stuff that I've been told that I'll probably need. Probably. Well, I hope I'll need it since I'm paying for it and bringing it. That's the tricky part about packing. You never know what will end up being necessary and what will be forgotten/left at the bottom of your bag during the entire service. I hope I'm choosing wisely.

Right now, I think I'll be filling a large rolling suitcase, and a large duffel bag/hiking sack. I'm planning to attach the duffel to the handle of the suitcase, so I only need to pull the suitcase and not carry the second heavy bag on my shoulder. This will be good since I'll also have a big carry on backpack as well. Being scrawny, I need to be innovative somehow...

I'm already starting to wonder if all my purchases were worth it. I'm also starting to regret buying those (now) useless black heels a few months ago. I could have used that money to buy something that I'll actually be bringing with me. I wish I had thought about this before I bought them.

It's funny how regret works. It always seems like such a good idea at the time...

What's in YOUR bag?

Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00

Kazakhstan I was a PCV in Kazakhstan

2009-07-20 21:32:00

Less than a month left before I leave the USA for the next 27 months. Packing is one of the things I'm thinking about most, aside from feelings of sheer terror and nervousness. I mentioned earlier that I'll have a large rolling bag and a duffel.

So far, this is what I think I'll be taking:

Clothings:
1 pair shorts
1-2 pair light cotton summer cut-off pants
3 pairs jeans
2-3 long sleeve shirts
3-4 t-shirts
5 cardigans (I live in these things)
A bunch of tanks/shells that I can layer under my cardigans (both for work/casual)
2 pairs dark colored slacks
1 turtlenecks
2 light sweaters
1 knee length dress (for parties/getting sworn in)
1 hoodie sweatshirt

Shoes:
1 pair casual/dress shoes (used for both work and street)
1 pair of stylish waterproof/insulated winter boots (can wear with work slacks)
1 pair snow boots (hiking, long distance walking, whatever...)
1 pair sneakers
1 pair sandals
2 pair flip flops

Undergarments:
2 pairs of long underwear (top/bottom)
2 pairs of wool socks
15 pairs of normal underwear
Some normal socks (black/white)(quantity undecided)
3-4 bras (I figure it will be weird to go bra shopping there...)

Outerwear:
1 Ski Jacket
1 lighter waterproof jacket
1 zip-up sweatshirt

Technology:
1 netbook
1 external hard drive
1 external dvd/cd player
1 bag/purse to hold it all
1 Ipod
1 Camera

Other:
1-2 GRE Books

Tentative:
Fun Books...

This list doesn't include possible gifts for host families and toiletries...bleh. I'll probably end up changing the list too, depending on how much fits into my luggage. If I feel like it's crammed/jam packed, then I might downsize even more. I'm going to do a test-run pack tomorrow and see how it all fits. Here's to hoping.

It's my birthday and I'll cry if I want to!

Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00

Kazakhstan I was a PCV in Kazakhstan

2009-07-23 20:39:00

Well, actually it's not my birthday yet. But I will be 'celebrating' it during training in the next month or so. I'm not sure how I feel about that yet. This is the second birthday that I've had while abroad and among strangers. It's a bit lonely.

Last night I went to watch a play in the park. More than the show, I was awestruck by the setting sun and brightly lit city scape that could be seen from the hill I was sitting on. It made me realize just how beautiful my home could be and that I would truly miss it. Usually, I stress about what I should pack; leaving the people I care about; and the life style change that I will soon encounter. Yesterday, I felt sad about the place I would be leaving. In less than I month I will have to say goodbye.

Today, I feel like I might be coming on with a cold. Perhaps, due to the cold wind chill I felt by being next to a lake last night. Right now, I feel like crying. I haven't started yet and I probably wont start, but I still feel like doing so. Maybe it's because I went all sentimental the night before, and now I feel slightly ill. I'm not sure; I just know that I'm feeling a little homesick before I've even left.

I don't think this is weird. I'm sure other people are feeling the same way; every other trainee who will be departing for their designated country in the near future. I'm not panicky yet, but I've definitely begun to feel spurts of panic well up inside me, and I've been more melancholy as of late. Very melancholy. I'm still excited though. And scared. And nervous. And worried. And I feel like crying.

I keep telling myself that this is normal. Hopefully, I'll feel better tomorrow. There's always tomorrow.

A point to anyone who can guess which book/movie the last sentence is alluding to.

Splitting Headache

Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00

Kazakhstan I was a PCV in Kazakhstan

2009-07-27 18:09:00

I've been getting these splitting headaches for the last few days. I've also been feeling pretty crummy (physically) and thought I was catching a cold multiple times. I think this is my body's way of telling me that I'm stressed out, for obvious reasons.

I finally logged into my Rosetta Stone account today. 40 hours? Yeah...*cough* Not going to happen. But I told myself that I'd at least memorize the alphabet and try to get in a few basic phrases before I left.

I think it's funny that the PC email regarding Rosetta Stone said that I only had two weeks, in big BOLD letters, to warn me that if I didn't log in before then that I would lose my chance to use the program. Apparently, that's not the case, since I was able to log in yesterday and it has been well over the two week requirement. Technicalities are funny like that.

Currently, on my wait list of travel supplies are: an external hard drive, sleeping bag, duffel bag, and some more business casual clothing. I'm pretty much done deciding what I plan on packing, but I'm going to do one more run through next week. I can't believe I only have three more weeks in the states. The days/weeks are passing by at a rapid pace.

I'm finally used to my shorter hair now, although I'm still unhappy with the cut. It's annoying, but I figure that shorter will be easier to take care of. Plus, I have far more important things to think about right now. Like not freaking out anymore than I already am; packing the right stuff to take with me; learning a language that is wicked hard; spending time with the people I will miss.

As August peeks around the corner, I become more and more nervous about what I'm about to undertake. I'm so scared and excited at the same time. This will be life-changing (good and bad) and it's driving me crazy just thinking about it. Part of me wishes that I was already there, so I wouldn't have to think about going there anymore.

I need to stop reading other PC journals, because I think they are making me even more anxious. Thinking about how things could be is not helping these headaches go away. I know I'll just have to wait until I get there; leaving with preconceived notions isn't really helpful. Everyday, I tell myself "You can do it!".

Two weeks 'til Departure // Preparations and Thoughts

Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00

Kazakhstan I was a PCV in Kazakhstan

2009-08-01 20:07:00

As I look at the calendar, I realize that I'm still in a bit of denial. Can it really only be around two more weeks until it's time for me to leave the USA? Leave my home; city; loved ones; friends; job; culture; life? It's all happening too fast.

But another part of me knows that I'm ready. I mean, as long as the departure date looms near, I live in a state of limbo. The sooner I arrive in Kazakhstan, the sooner the next stage of my life can begin. Lately, I've been downloading the last episodes of my current/previous life, watching the loose strings and relationships come together as the finale attempts to satisfy all those who kept up with the story.

I don't think the end will be as all conclusive and gratifying as I had hoped, but when is it ever? Life is full of so many loose ends, I'm surprised that I haven't come apart at the seams. We keep trying to maintain ourselves and patch up the holes as satisfactorily as possible. It's when using this metaphor that I wish I had learned how to sew.

I've been trying to see as many friends as possible during my time left, and experiencing things around the city that I never really paid attention to before. I explored the area and took pictures like a tourist. Ate at places that I've always heard about, but had never gone to. Went kayaking for the first time and enjoyed the sun in local parks. Went to see a show and watched movies with friends.

So many things that I wish I had taken advantage of earlier. Oh, well. At least I'll be making even more (and probably more bizarre) memories in Kazakhstan. I'm looking forward to it, even though I'm terrified just thinking about everything that can go wrong. I keep telling myself that I shouldn't think about the negative before I've even left, but it's still hard not to worry. I'm just an anxious person, like that.

I'm a combination of fear/excitement/anxieties/expectations/readiness/laziness/craziness/doubtfulness/sadness/calmness/and everything be damned-ness.

As much as a talk about being afraid or anxious, I know that I'm ready. So ready to move on and out of limbo. Limbo isn't big enough for me. I want to explore the world.

With that being said, my preparations for departure are almost done. I have a few things that I still have to buy/take care of next week, but after that I'm pretty much just waiting to fly out to staging. Staging = orientation in D.C. and then off to Kazakhstan. It will be exciting to finally meet some of the people who will be sharing the PC experience with me and finally getting to the nitty gritty steps of becoming a PCV. It's been such a long damn road. It's crazy/exhilarating to finally see it leading somewhere. Hopefully, somewhere I'll be happy that I ended up being.

Here's a run down of what I think I'll be bringing; still tentative, but more definite than before:

Luggage will consist of 1 large rolling suitcase, 1 large duffel bag, 1 carry on/normal sized backpack, 1 laptop bag/purse.

Clothing:
1 pair shorts
2 pair light cotton summer cut-off pants
3 pairs jeans
2-3 long sleeve shirts
3-4 t-shirts
3 button up shirts
5 cardigans (I live in these things)
3-4 tanks/shells that I can layer under my cardigans (both for work/casual)
2 pairs dark colored slacks
1 turtlenecks
2 light sweaters
1 knee length dress (for parties/getting sworn in)
1 hoodie sweatshirt
2 pairs pajama pants

Shoes:
2 pair casual/dress flats (one for fall/winter, one for spring/summer)
1 pair of stylish waterproof/insulated winter boots (for work/casual)
1 pair snow boots (really snowy/cold weather)
1 pair sneakers
1 pair sandals
2 pair flip flops

Undergarments:
2 pairs of long underwear (top/bottom)
2 pairs of wool socks
15 pairs of normal underwear
Some normal socks (black)(quantity undecided)
3-4 bras (I figure it will be weird to go bra shopping there...)

Outerwear:
1 Ski Jacket
1 lighter waterproof jacket
1 zip-up sweatshirt

Technology:
1 netbook
1 external hard drive (loaded with movies/music)
1 external dvd/cd player
1 bag/purse to hold it all
1 Ipod
1 Camera
1 Kinetic Flashlight

Other:
Sleeping bag
1-2 GRE Books
1 pack batteries
Toiletries

Tentative:
Fun Books...

Except for the outerwear and some of the sweaters/pants, most of everything else is cotton and light weight. I'm going to pack everything up next week and try living out of my suitcase for a week to see if I feel like its too much or I need to switch some things out/in. Tip for getting as much into your bags as possible without cramming: Roll your clothes instead of folding them! You can fit a lot more in your bags! (usually...)

Pre-departure Jitters

Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00

Kazakhstan I was a PCV in Kazakhstan

2009-08-11 00:06:00

Holy Crap! One week and counting before I'm in D.C. for orientation. My body is a bundle of tense nerves and my mind can't seem to focus on any one thing for too long.

I'm all over the place!

Sometimes I feel like I'm prepared and ready to go. Other times I feel like I'm jumping into everything with a blindfold on and seem like I'm tripping over my feet.

I've been having these paranoid feelings for the last few weeks. What if I forget something important? What if I leave my paperwork at the airport? What if my luggage gets lost? What if my host parents are not so great? What if I can't grasp the language? What if everyone else is way ahead of me in preparation? What if I get sick?

What if...? What if...? What if?!

That's too many questions without enough answers. I keep telling myself that I wont get any answers until it just happens, but it's hard not to feel anxious about things. Sometimes being too prepared means that you aren't prepared at all. Yet, if I don't over prepare, does that mean I'm under-prepared? Where is the middle ground? Is there a middle ground? I don't think I've ever found it.

This last week has consisted of changing my postal address; letting banks know where I'm going; packing the last of my life away; spending time with friends; eating whatever I want; picking up the last of my supplies; getting rid of things; and worrying about whether I forgot anything or not.

I'm sure I'll have a freak out the morning of my flight and realize that I forgot one crucial thing. That's usually how it goes. Doesn't help that I have to be at the airport by 6:15am. I'll be exhausted and paranoid. Glorious. It's an all day flight.

Somebody better pinch me soon.

Staging in D.C.

Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00

Kazakhstan I was a PCV in Kazakhstan

2009-08-19 03:38:00

So I'm here.

Staging is in D.C. and it all happened a few hours ago. After an all day flight and getting to the hotel late last night, today has been full of orientation stuff. It was long and somewhat mind-numbing. It was a lot of information and my brain is like goo right now. Everything is all kind of tiring and overwhelming. I think everyone is just ready to be there. That, or high tail it back home.

We fly out tomorrow and my roommate and I just spent the last two hours re-packing and complaining about all the sh*t we brought. Seriously, why must we be at our destination (or almost there) before we realize that we packed a bunch of crap that we probably don't even need or can get in-country? I'm such a terrible trip packer.

The line that really hit me was: "Americans always pack enough for two years, instead of what they actually need for the journey." It's so true. I pack thinking that I need enough for the entire duration, when really I'll accumulate stuff while I'm there. Packing is a necessary hassle, but I'm paranoid that my luggage will be too heavy again. It's always such a pain to have to open your bag and swap stuff out in line while people are waiting behind you. I always feel their annoyance hit me in waves.

There are like 68 of us in the group; it's pretty big. Some of the people I've met seem really nice, but I haven't really spoken to everyone (there are too many) and it's hard to get to know some people in these kinds of settings. It's really easy to make snap judgments, but to be realistic, you know those opinions will change later. I mean, if you really get to know the person then you'll realize that deciding what someone is like just based on a few glances or sentences is too misleading. It was really interesting to see such a diverse group of people going to the same place, but I wont really know what anyone is like until I've been around them much more than I have.

I'm pretty excited about it. I know that everyone wont click and that I will probably only become really good friends with a portion of such a large group, but I'm really excited to just meet all these people. I mean, we come from all different backgrounds and walks of life, yet we will be doing similar things in our lives for the next two years. Similar experiences. Knowing you're not alone is comforting (if only even a little), because now I really know (because I can see/meet them) that I haven't been freaking out and questioning my decisions for the last few months alone. A lot of people are going through the same things, even if it's only during the beginning. I feel better. There are 68 people who either want to cry, or can't sleep because they are so anxious to begin this next phase of our lives. I'm both.

Tomorrow is going to be really crazy/exhausting/exciting/sh*tty. We're pretty much flying for 24 hours and arrive in Kazakhstan around 1:30am their time. We immediately ride some bus to a village outside the city and start training at 7:00am. I'm pretty WTF about the whole first day schedule. I wish we had a little more time to sleep/eat/re-discover our sanity. Plus we have to dress "professional" when we arrive, since we now represent the U.S. government. I'm pretty sure my ability to smile and laugh it all off will be hanging on by a thread the first day or two. I hope I can hold myself together and not offend anyone or seem completely out of it in front of the trainers and my new host family. That's exactly the first impression I need to give. "Oh, great. We have the cranky, zombie-like volunteer."

Note to my friends who know what my humor/sarcastic personality is like. This blog will probably not really exhibit much of that. I just learned today that I can be kicked out of PC for criticizing my program/host-country/family/co-workers/or PC itself in any way that may hurt its reputation or endanger any current program. So if anything really bad or just idiotic happens, I'll probably be sending out private emails instead of writing about it here. It would suck for someone to take things the wrong way (not understand my humor or something) and try to end the entire program. Not such a cool thing, but apparently it actually happened/s. Yeah, I know.

Oh well, tomorrow I'll find out what it's really all about. God, now I'm nervous.

Friends, wish me luck. Hope that I don't get served a sheep's head on the first night with my host family. That would just make my day after such a long journey. Isn't the eyeball and brain served to the guest of honor?

Yeah...I'll miss some things from the U.S. Care packages should all include food.

The last few weeks...

Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00

Kazakhstan I was a PCV in Kazakhstan

2009-09-13 11:39:00

September 9, 2009

I’m at the three week mark. Yeah. The honeymoon is over, but I’m still glad to be here, for the most part. Things have been both really cool and really awkward/uncomfortable. That will probably continue to be the case for all two years, so I better get used to it.

Training is pretty intense in this small town called Issyk. Like a mentioned before, we have 4.5-5 hours of language six days a week and then several more hours of NGO training afterward. It’s a lot of information overload and I’m still exhausted every night when I get home. I’m still sleeping like a baby. 9-10pm has become my new bedtime. This is strange for a night owl like me, but if you had my schedule, in addition to walking to and from school (40 mins each way), you’d be tired too.

I’m lucky that most of the people in my town are pretty nice, but I’m starting to forget the people who are in different villages. They tell us that all 65 people in the room during orientation (in D.C.) will be your friends for life, but realistically you will see maybe 10 of them on a regular basis during training, and probably 1-2 during your actual service. The people you get close to may even be from groups that arrived during different years (not from your incoming group). I assume it has to be greatly impacted by proximity, which is kind of sad when you think about it. The friends we have for life will really depend on circumstances, but we’re also all we have (for the most part) while we are working here in Kazakhstan. Realizing this makes me value having other trainees (and Americans) around during the training stage a lot more. At least we feel a little less alone at the beginning.

Only around seven more weeks and I’ll be on my own in the middle of who knows where! It’s pretty daunting to think about, so I mostly just immerse myself in the present. Memorizing enough Russian to get by and all the acronyms for different organizations is enough for the current week. We’ll tackle the next two years…when it finally smacks me in the face. Worrying about it is not going to help me cope with today, so I’m trying to stay relatively positive with my practical personality. Looking at pictures helps. I had a bunch of old pictures from just before I left the U.S. that made me pine for home, but I also uploaded a bunch of recent pictures from Kazakhstan. Remembering that I’ve done many memorable activities here helps me feel better about living somewhere unfamiliar.

There are a lot of things that I never would/could have done back in the States, so I’m thankful for the opportunity to experience new things in Kazakhstan. Not everything has been fun, but almost everything has been interesting. I’m starting to find a routine, but that doesn’t mean that something novel doesn’t happen on a daily basis. Today, I tried to haggle down the price of cucumbers with a man who did not understand one word I said.

We’re finally allowed to leave our villages/towns as well, which means that trainees can finally travel to other sites. I’m planning to visit Almaty (the biggest city in Kazakhstan, I think) this weekend, in order to have a casual day and eat some non-Kazakh cuisine. I’m ready for some food that’s not so bland and completely made up of carbs. I swear, I’m ravenous in the mornings, but by nightfall, I’m pretty tired of eating bread for every meal. Somebody pass me some Indian Tandoori Chicken or spicy Korean Hot Pot. I crave me some flavor.

I also need a few items that I desperately wish I had brought from the States. It’s kind of counter-productive that Peace Corps gives you one list of things you should probably bring, but then you have a new list of things you actually need once you arrive in country. If I could pack all over again I would, but isn’t that the case with almost everybody? We always wish we had packed “that” over “this” and still need “something else”.

Some of the things I wish I had brought more of are warmer clothing. It started to FREEZE about two weeks into our arrival. I’m cold ALL THE TIME and the school we’re at for about 10 hours a day has no heating or insulation. It’s super freezing outside and just plain freezing inside. Some days it’s not bad, but other days are just BAD. It’s only September and I’ve already busted out my winter ski jacket. If I end up in Siberia, I’ll probably die from the intense cold. I’m presently living in the SOUTH of Kazakhstan and I’m a human popsicle. If I end up in the North, I’ll probably get hypothermia.

One of my friends here and I always joke about gaining weight, just so we will have more blubber to keep us warm. We’re both scrawny girls who need about five layers of clothing to stay warm (indoors!). We’re both probably going to suffer greatly this winter from the cold. Send long johns and anything thermal if you want me to come back to the States alive.

Going off on a tangent, another fellow volunteer and I found a puppy on our way to school a few days ago and conducted our first animal rescue mission while abroad. Some kids put the puppy (only a few weeks old) in a stack of high barrels so it couldn’t get out and was stuck inside. It probably would’ve froze or starved if nobody saved it. My friend was about to jump the fence and grab it (it was crying like crazy), but a helpful Kazakh man beat her to it. It then started to follow some random people and we were both worried it would get hit by a car (we were right next to a busy street). Apparently, my friend wears her heart on her sleeve when it comes to animals, so it only took a few comments for her to scoop the puppy into her arms and bring it to school with us. That’s when we had to convince our language teacher to let us bring it into the classroom (he agreed-awesome!) and keep the dog quiet. Luckily, she slept most of the time and just made funny bear-like noises on occasion. She was a good puppy; we named her bear.

We kept the puppy quiet for the most part, but eventually everyone found out and the staff was super cool about it. I mean one look at the puppy’s face and most people were smitten. She was damn cute. We were planning to take it to some animal reserve place nearby, but they were under funded and it would be a somewhat complicated process. The puppy must have been the luckiest dog in Kazakhstan that day because some staff was like “Let’s take it to the Peace Corps office in the city! Just put her on the bus.” Everyone was pretty surprised and happy about that, although today we found out that the office can’t keep her and they are sending her to another city/town/village to be cared for.

Apparently animal rescues by volunteers have happened before. Why am I not surprised? The future of Bear is pretty vague at this point, but I think she’ll have a better chance of survival due to my friend who rescued her. There are tons of stray dogs here, I see about 20 on a daily basis and it always kills me a little bit inside to see them all either afraid of humans or starved for love (or literally just starving). For every one seemingly vicious dog, there are a 100 who are just hungry and abandoned. Many will probably not survive the upcoming harsh winter. I’ve already seen a few dead/starved animals lying around.

It’s hard to walk away from a tiny puppy that’s yelping at your feet (I’ve had to do it), but there are so many animals in need here that there is no way that a few volunteers can save them all. We don’t even know if we were able to completely save one puppy. What about millions? It’s just another harsh reality that I don’t like to dwell on (I adore dogs), but I’m starting to learn how to just walk away and harden my heart. But it’s still a bit painful.

I miss my dog back home, but I’m so glad he’s not here under such harsh conditions. The animal situation in Kazakhstan is just another one of those realities you have to grow accustomed to or you’ll never adapt to life here. It’s just one small piece/facet of a large number of hurdles that I’ll need to surpass in order to adapt to the culture and lifestyle. I wish the dog situation was kinder, but I can cope with it. I wish the food selection was more diverse, but I can eat it. I wish the friends I make now would always be around, but I’m capable alone. I wish I was more independent, but that will come with the language. I wish I was completely adapted now, but that’s not reasonable. Everything will take more time.

I wish the people back home will not forget me, but that depends on more than just me.

August 29, 2009

I’ve been in Kazakhstan for a week now. It feels like it’s been a month. I’m still somewhat in denial, even though there is nothing to deny anymore. I’m here. But I feel like part of me is still in the U.S.A.

I’m half here, adjusting to a whole new life and culture. Getting to know my new host family and learning Russian (very slowly). Navigating my way through a chaotic bazaar and trying to accept the male dominated social norms. I also have to wear business casual almost all the time/everyday…(yuck).

The food is repetitive and sometimes odd (for me), but I’ve been able to eat all of it and most of it is pretty good/okay. I haven’t gotten served a sheep’s head or anything, although it’s still a possibility. I’m trying to stay positive. If it happens, I’ll eat/try it. Maybe it will taste good and become a new favorite, although I’m really missing Indian food right now.

For the most part, the people I’ve met here have been pretty cool. Everyone is nice (most of the time) and people seem to be getting along well. I already knew coming in that not everyone would become best friends, but I’m glad that people can work together just fine.

I haven’t heard of there being any fights and we’re all trying to adapt at our own pace. It takes some people extra time, while others have jumped right into the Kazakh culture. I’m probably in the middle somewhere. I’m trying new things everyday and meeting many new people, but I’m also pretty overwhelmed by it all.

I miss the things/people/culture that I left behind; the more I experience the new one I’m faced with. Still, I don’t regret coming (yet) and everyday is busy. I’m never bored, but I’m always exhausted. I figure it will be like this for several more months.

Some days (like today), I feel like I’m dreaming. Like my body is here in Kazakhstan, but my mind is floating somewhere in limbo. Not exactly back in the U.S. but not wholly in Kazakhstan either. It’s like an out of body experience. I’m physically here, sitting in a language class for hours, or listening to a lecture, but my “soul-self” is sitting three seats away from me and watching my body just go through the motions. I think that reality has just not set in completely yet, even as I listen to my host family make “tomato jam” just outside my door. Sometimes I think I’m going crazy or wonder why I’m here in Central Asia.

I don’t regret it, but I do wonder. Maybe that doesn’t make sense, but that’s how it is.

The 4.5 hour language classes in the morning six days a week don’t help put my mind at ease. My head feels like it’s going to explode from all the information that’s being crammed into it (or falling out of it). Plus, we also have job training right afterward (with an hour lunch in between) for several more hours. I’m on autopilot half the time, even though I’m learning a lot. The first week is just hard and really, really overwhelming. I pass out every night; no problem with sleeping here.

My biggest fear right now is not learning the language adequately and failing to become an official volunteer. We get reassured that no one really ever fails, but it’s still a possibility. It freaks me out to no end to think that I could actually flunk out of Peace Corps and I’m paranoid when nothing seems to stick for more than a few minutes.

It’s good to relax sometimes and just not think about being in Kazakhstan, even though I can never fully escape the fact. I can currently hear my host sisters speaking in Kazakh outside my door and I’m sitting on a bed that feels like just a blanket over a few wooden planks. There’s not much comfort and privacy where I am, but I’m finding that I can live through it. I’ll definitely appreciate the “luxuries” that I had in America a lot more after two years of living in a place that frequently shocks or surprises you with how things are. For me, it’s a whole new world and way of life. For the people here, it’s just normal.

Plus, just because things are different, doesn’t mean that it’s all bad. The negative seems to stick with people the most when they travel, but I hope to find a lot more good during my service here. I have to. Seriously, how will I survive (stay sane) if I don’t look for the good in the situation? I’ve always been what you call a “cynical optimist”, but now I’m trying to just see the glass half full at all times, even if it’s full of kumis (fermented mare’s milk).

You really just have to keep an open mind and laugh things off. I’ve been laughing my @ss off since I’ve been here. Anytime that I can find humor in something I laugh. It keeps me sane and lets me roll things off my back a bit easier. No running water? Lol. Walking to and from school everyday when it’s a 40min. walk each way? It’s exercise! Lol. Eating mystery meats every night for dinner and have carbs coming out of your ears? At least you don’t have the runs! Lol.

Seriously, you have to stay light hearted if you are going to survive. Friends, you all know that I’m a pretty serious and a very practical person back in the States. Here, I use my practical nature to realize that I can’t be so serious all the time and have to just let things go. If I don’t, two years will feel like ten. Adapting well has been a life saver.

It’s no longer weird to see cows being herded across the street during busy traffic, or wild dogs wandering around every few seconds. I dodge the glass, garbage and debris that litter the streets (rarely are there sidewalks) and get to where I need to be. Being stared, yelled or honked at is nothing new, and I’ve met several young local kids named “Ramadan”. I still need to get used to the idea of communal bathing (banya), and not being able to talk to both genders without committing a cultural faux pas, but I’ll get over it. It’s all about adaptation, even if some things aren’t exactly ideal. I’ll learn to deal. Really, I have to. What other choice is there? Go home? Pssssshhhhhh. Nyet.

Right now, I’m fine. I’m not perfect, but I’ve been having some fun within all this madness that has been my first week in Kazakhstan. Hiking in the beautiful mountains tomorrow and ultimate Frisbee this afternoon. Socializing with fellow PCVs at the local café, and learning about the people I will be serving for the next couple years of my life.

It’s all just an experience. Good and bad; all of it. I’m here. I’m living it. Let’s see how far I get. Hopefully, pretty damn far.

I miss my friends and life back in the U.S., but I’m here now. I’m living in Kazakhstan (although it’s still a little weird to type/say/think/realize this). This is my life now. For now. But don’t forget me. I’ll probably have some wicked/weird/funny/crazy stories to tell when I get back. You know you’ll want to be there when I recall the time that I ate a sheep’s eyeball and (hopefully) kept it down without offending anyone. Yummy.

Rubber Bullets = Crazyness

Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00

Kazakhstan I was a PCV in Kazakhstan

2009-09-19 10:15:00

September 14, 2009

Interesting news from Kazakhstan…

So some stuff happened on Saturday of this last weekend. Big shock for all us trainees; apparently some people affiliated with Peace Corps got shot with rubber bullets after a fight. I heard 3-4 current volunteers and one technical trainer. Everyone is okay (for the most part), but some were hurt more seriously than others.

Many of us can’t believe that this happened in the quiet town that we live in. There were some crazy rumors going around and trainees were not informed of what really happened until this morning. Most of us are still a little confused and apprehensive about what this means regarding our future in this town. We have another month and a half living here.

I don’t think we’re in any immediate danger, but apparently the man who fired the shots is someone well connected in town. Charges may be pressed (even if nothing comes of it) and opinions of us (Peace Corps volunteers) in town may change. Hopefully, most people will maintain a positive outlook on us being here, but some may feel resentful or angry.

It’s hard to know and we have been warned to keep our guards up and to consider our actions/habits a bit more (especially going out at night in big groups). My host mom told me today (she works at the local government office) that I must always walk in a small group and not alone. Easier said than done on days that my organizational group (OCAP) is separated during practicum (NGO practice sessions) and I have to go home alone.

Young boys/men and older men tend to hang out in groups here and will often stare (sometimes shout comments) at us volunteers when we walk to and from the training facility. When they are drunk, it is even worse. I was at a café recently with some of the other trainees and at least three men kept saying random things to our group (one stopped by the table to address me personally) and some kept calling out “Devootchka” (young lady!) the entire time we were there. Another told my friend “I’ve never drank with an American! Come drink with us!” (This is common) and he declined quickly.

People here are generally nice, but when you include alcohol to the mix, the situation can change rapidly. It’s not strange to see drunken men during all times of the day/night clutching a bottle of alcohol and rambling/shouting about something or other. It’s usually not a big problem, but sometimes it can be disconcerting if you are alone or unsure of how to react to the situation.

I don’t know how big of a role alcohol played in the incident. I’m just glad that nobody was seriously hurt or killed. It would be crazy if someone got seriously hurt four weeks into training. Peace Corps is pretty cautious, so I’m sure my group would have been evacuated if something more serious had happened. I’m relieved that a bad situation didn’t end worse.

Just goes to show that insanity can occur at any time, and I’ve just been reminded of this fact. It’s probably good for me to be more aware of my surroundings. I’m warier. This is probably both good and bad in the long run. I’ll just have to live here longer and experience more before I can decide.

This is not such a happy post, but it’s definitely reality. I’ll take from it what I can and move on. I still think the town I’m in is relatively safe and the people are generally nice. But I know that I can’t become too comfortable and let my guard slip. I’m still new here and there is a lot that I still cannot do on my own. I’m pretty much a baby at this point.

Site Placements!

Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00

Kazakhstan I was a PCV in Kazakhstan

2009-10-17 07:47:00

October 2, 2009

So I just got back from a 3.5 day field trip to the lovely city of Taldykorgan. It’s a potential site for many volunteers and a really great site to be at (not too big or small).

OCAP OD (org. development) and OCAP YD (youth development) went together in a small group (others went to other potential sites/cities). I think I lucked out a little because my trip was only a 4-5 hour van ride, while some of the others were stuck on a train for 15-20+ hours to get to their destinations. I get motion sickness pretty easily, so I probably would not have been happy to be on any moving vehicle for that long. Some of the people I spoke to were really excited about it though, so it depends on the person.

My OD group got to visit a total of three organizations and spoke to someone from another one. The areas that they worked in were people with physical disabilities (someone from our group will go there), children with disabilities, a school, and an org. that helped other NGOs. It was mentioned that 4-5 volunteers will possibly be in Taldykorgan at the same time, so it is a good site if you really want site mates or have an interest in these areas/a joint project in mind and would like to collaborate with others.

The city has probably anything that a person would need, but it isn’t as huge as Almaty or Astana. There is a bazaar, several cafes/restaurants, some sort of mall-ish looking place, a central square, internet cafes, and I think a university and a few colleges. We met a lot of young motivated people who had excellent English skills as well, which was awesome. It was at a local English club and at the school we visited. In the future I hope to work with people who are just as motivated (during English club), if not just as skilled. You can teach/learn another language, but motivation is something that needs to be developed individually. It was great seeing people who seemed motivated and engaged in learning.

There were three current Peace Corps volunteers there when I went, and I had a chance to speak to all of them. If you ever get an opportunity to talk to a current PCV about their experiences and suggestions, I would definitely do so. It’s usually a very insightful and informative conversation about what your next two years might be like. Don’t take every single thing they say to heart though. Even if you end up at the same site or organization, every PCV’s experience will be different and one shouldn’t lock themselves into a box of “this is how it’s going to be” before even starting their own journey. I definitely enjoy talking to many different PCVs because all of them have a different personality and thus a different take on some of the same things. I think that’s more helpful in the long run; to get a wide range of individual thoughts regarding the very different lives of volunteers.

I celebrated my birthday while on this trip as well. Whoo! Another year older, and I find myself in Kazakhstan. I’m pretty sure I didn’t envision this while growing up, but I’m still glad to be where I am. It’s definitely strange where life ends up taking you, and who knows where I’ll be and what I’ll be doing on my next birthday. This year it was training to become a volunteer, next year it will hopefully be working on awesome projects at my permanent site. Of course, I could also just be struggling to get the smallest thing done, but I’m hoping for the aforementioned awesomeness.

October 11, 2009

So, I found out where I’ll be for the next two years! I’ll be in the lovely small city of Taldy-Korgan, working with a small grassroots disability NGO. I have absolutely no experience working with people with disabilities, but I’ll mostly be working on their organizational structure so it’s not “supposed” to matter. We’ll see how that flies, but it seems to be the norm regarding site placements. It really depends on whatever orgs have applied for a volunteer and whether PC thinks your personality/skills fit there or not.

I’ve been to this organization before and like the city that it’s located in, so I guess the element of surprise in that regard will be missing. I’m nervous about leaving the tightly structured environment of training and yet quite ready to leave the feeling of being in school again. Many trainees are ready to leave by the time that training is about to end (others check out mentally long beforehand or right after site announcements), but I think we’re also pretty nervous about being on our own and not having someone there to watch our backs. Training has been both a frustrating and informative experience, and I will probably miss it a lot once I’ve been at site for a few months. Old saying are usually true, you won’t miss it until it’s gone. Right now, I’m irritable, but in a few months I’ll probably remember training fondly as the time I was around fellow Americans and had predictable structure in my life.

Every country does it differently, but this year Kaz-21 was told about their sites during the 7th week of training. All 65 of us were shuffled into a school auditorium and all the regional managers went up on stage and called out the names of the volunteers in their region. I’m in the South, Almaty Oblast. I’m the only OCAP-OD in my region, although there is another OCAP-OD in the east, about 10 hours away from me. Most of us in the OCAP-OD group are several hours/days away from each other and will probably not be in contact very much during our service, unless some of us have/get regular internet.

I was expecting this to be the case, but it’s still sad to know that many of the people that you’ve grown close to will no longer be in your immediate life soon. In all honesty, I’ll probably only miss a small group of people that I’ve gotten to know, but that’s likely the case for most people. Reality: something that every volunteer should be prepared for, the fact that the few people you really care about during PST may be very far from you in the end. Even though you may not like it, the people in your PST group may or may not be the people who became your bosom buddies at the end of service. Really, it’s probably going to be the people you are close to in proximity for the next two years, regardless of your initial thoughts about them. This is not always the case, but it makes sense.

I’m looking forward to new experiences and hopefully getting a better idea of what the country is really like. We’ve been in a bubble during training, surrounded by other Americans and in a very structured environment. It’s going to be weird and it’s all happening in less than two weeks! We meet our counterparts from our orgs on the 28th or 29th. It’s going to be crazy! Wish me luck! :)

End of PST

Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00

Kazakhstan I was a PCV in Kazakhstan

2009-10-24 05:53:00

Ever since site placement, these last few weeks have been pretty hectic. Yesterday, I finally took my Russian language test and today we had our big training for the practicum (practice) organizations that we visited during almost all of PST. Tomorrow we have our last Russian language class, as well as our last wrap up training class. Tuesday, we leave our village/town and head to a sanatorium in the city (Almaty) called Kaktobe (I think) and meet our organizational counterparts. Apparently, we are supposed to do some sort of talent skit and give another presentation while we’re there. Joy…

The language test was pretty stressful. They told us about a week beforehand and we drilled a lot during class about how to talk about ourselves, our families, and other basic things like describing the town we live or places we’ve visited. The bad part is, a lot of the time the conversation can diverge from those topics and you may find yourself in a situation where you know what the interviewer is asking you, but you don’t know enough vocab to respond properly.

The woman who interviewed me was really nice and understanding about my lack of Russian skills, but it was still really stressful and disappointing. I know I can speak better Russian than I did in the interview, but I just froze and could not grasp even the most basic questions. I was frustrated and disappointed in myself, but I guess this will drive me to do better and learn more when I’m actually at site. You don’t get (or at least I didn’t) much exposure to Russian conversation during training, so even if you think you know something, when someone is actually in front of you speaking, it’s easy to blank out.

Other people either felt the same way, or thought that they did pretty well. We don’t find out our results immediately, because they record you and listen to the tapes again back at Peace Corps Headquarters (they came to our villages to do interviews). Other villages or groups (like EDU) may get tested up to a week before or after you; last I heard, the EDU trainees have not found out their results yet (they tested last week). It’s kind of frustrating, since you want to know how you did (good or bad), but from what I understand, even if you completely bombed, they wont send you home just for that. I think the worst that can happen is that they place you on language probation, and you have to improve your level by the next group training (IST) in March. I’m not positive about this, but it’s what I’ve heard, and makes me feel a little better about the whole ordeal.

The big organization training that happened today is another one of those stressful events that can give your stomach an uncomfortable ride. All throughout PST we were visiting practice organizations in our town and working with them to gain experience for our actual sites. We were told that at the end of PST, our OCAP trainee group was supposed to then present members of these organizations with a big training presentation, in order to help them gain some knowledge regarding organizational development.

Today all that stuff came together and now it’s finally over. It was a pretty big deal. All the regional managers, the director of PC Kazakhstan, the coordinator, all the NGO members, PC trainers, and the PC Youth Development group showed up to the event. It was a lot of people (although less than we were expecting) and most things happened without a hitch. That in itself is pretty ‘effing epic. There were so many places that something could’ve just exploded in our faces, but nothing like that happened during the training and we all did pretty well. I mean, it wasn’t perfect and things could always have been better, but nothing was terrible. I’m glad it went well, but more so, I’m so glad that it’s over!

All the big projects that we’ve been working on (language test & training) have finally come to an end, and training is pretty much over. After a few days of counterpart conference next week at the sanatorium, we will at last all part ways and head for our sites. I’m definitely ready to be done with training and get out of my current situation, but I’m surprised by how sad I also am about leaving the people that I’ve gotten used to seeing. It’s only been two months, but these people have become a big part of my life during that timeframe. I mean, they are the only ones who have any sort of notion of what I’ve been going through. Sure, most PCVs go through similar cycles and experiences, but I think that every group (example: Kaz-21), every village, every language group, every whatever has a unique experience that only the people in that group can truly understand.

Don’t get me wrong, there have been plenty of times that I have wanted to get away from these exact same people and thought that someone or everyone was irritating as hell, but that doesn’t mean that you want them gone from your life permanently. Some people maybe, but definitely not everyone, even if we have gotten under each other’s skin from time to time. It’s funny, I’ve gotten annoyed at these people on numerous occasions (probably the same for them), but I’ll also miss quite a few of them; even just having them around. When I think that this will be the last time that we walk home together or walk to language class together, I feel really bummed out. You go through a lot of crap during PST, but for the last two months, this is also when I’ve made good memories.

During my time in Kazakhstan, every time that I laughed so hard that I practically fell over, it was during PST. Every time that I had a thoughtful conversation, felt good about something, felt inspired, or felt reflective was during PST. At least, so far it’s all been during PST. I mean, I realize that it will probably be like this once we get to site, but it’s still sad to think about the fact that the café that you always went to with the people that you’ve laughed with, worked with, bitched with/about, lived and experienced a lot with will no longer be somewhere you can go. That, all the bullshit and laughter is finally coming to an end; at least with this particular group of people and in this particular place.

I think I’m even sadder because one of the trainees in my language group told me that he’s decided to early terminate today. You have to understand, if you get along with the people in your language group, they can become the people that you grow closest to. It’s because we see each other everyday for several hours in the morning and then only get together with the rest of our group in the afternoon for technical training. In this way, you really get used to having these people around and most of your laughs may come from hanging out with them. Classes are always ridiculous with my group and even if we got on each other’s nerves at times, the PST experience would not have been the same without them. Even if we weren’t best friends, I saw this guy almost every single day for hours on end and got along with him fine. We’re friends and after two months, I’ve gotten used to his goof-ball antics and weird sense of humor/interests. They define who he is and the group will not be the same without him.

When he told us his decision, my language group was hit hard because we have become closer during these last two months. We’re the ones who see him everyday and interact with him the most often. This is probably why it hit us so hard and it’s weird to think that one of us will be gone soon; maybe even tomorrow. When someone ETs, they get swept away by PC pretty quickly, so today might have been the last day that we really got to hang out and talk to our friend. It’s really sad and I don’t want him to go, but I respect his decision and wish him the best. Everyone who decides to ET has their own personal reasons for doing so, and I don’t think less of this person for making this decision. He did what was right for HIM, not us, Peace Corps, or his family/friends in the U.S. Sometimes that’s the hardest decision of all for people to make, because it is such a personal choice.

Today ended up being the final chapter for a lot of things and was also the day that many changes occurred. A girl had her site switched because the organization she was going to go to dropped out at the last minute. Her new orgs (she has two now) ended up being a better match for her since they are still in her interest area and in a better location, but it’s still pretty unexpected that an org. decided not to get a volunteer after already agreeing to have one. However, they had their reasons (pretty regrettable situation), and it all ended up working out in the end since PC was able to find a new site that matched the old one well. Things are just complex sometimes and can go in directions that are unpredictable.

Even though I am starting to realize how much I’ll miss some aspects of PST, I’m still very ready for it to end and to begin my two year service. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m nervous as hell (and I’ve already been to my site!), but I’m also super excited. Nervous and excited means that I’m really, really tense a lot of the time. Part of me already wants to be there and be one year into my service, because by then things will feel normal, instead of new and unknown. I’ve been having indigestion or something has been wrong with my stomach for the last few days (mostly nausea and the whole rock in gut feeling). With any luck, it’s because of tension and not some weird parasite or intestinal problem.

That’s the last thing anybody needs or wants when they are about to embark on the next chapter and next two years of their life; a worm in their gut. Even Murphy’s Law should take a break every so often.

Finally a volunteer

Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00

Kazakhstan I was a PCV in Kazakhstan

2009-11-09 09:02:00

November 7, 2009

So I am now an official Peace Corps volunteer. Huzzah! No more trainee status and I have already been at my permanent site for several days now. The organization that I work for is full of interesting and committed people, but I’ve already run into several hurdles in the last week, due to both the language barrier and the fact that my NGO is still pretty grassroots. They probably think that I can’t do much since it’s so difficult to communicate, but hopefully after a few weeks (maybe even months) we will be able to communicate better and it won’t be such a struggle over morning Chai and lunch to converse. The city I live in is beautiful and although I dread the coming winter, I know that it will not be as bad as what my friends in the North are experiencing. The people are nice and I have site mates within the city and a few in close villages. Although we are almost strangers at this point, I expect that will inevitably change by the end of two years.

Everything has been insanely hectic. We swore in with the ambassador on Saturday October 31st, and then were swept to the train station/busses/taxis etc. to start traveling to our final site destinations. There was no big celebration, it was almost like we swore in and then got pushed off a plane with our entire luggage and waved off for the next two years. That may sound a little extreme, but the logistics of getting 63 people to different parts of Kazakhstan was intense and there was a lot of confusion/annoyance amidst tears and sadness.

But we all made it! I was lucky enough to have a site placement that was not too far away, so a handful of us got to skip the long train ride and made it within a day. I visited a few host families (some of which you wonder how they were even selected) and ended up choosing a very nice family that lives in the center of town. It takes me about 30 minutes to walk to work in the morning and the same to walk back. It’s also located in a populated area, so I don’t feel as nervous about traveling alone. Some of the families were located more outside of town, so I would have to have taxied or bussed to and from work everyday. That can get kind of pricey, so I’m glad there was an option close by. It’s also creepy/dangerous for a young woman to walk around some of the more desolated areas, because there are a lot of opportunities for someone to catch you totally isolated.

My host family has been very nice to me so far, and I spend a lot of time each evening getting to know the mother and talking with her about various things. It can be somewhat exhausting (especially since this is the first week and many things have happened), but it is all a part of the bonding process and something that is initially necessary. Plus, you often learn a lot about the people you live with and about the town during these interactions. I’m very happy to be in Taldykorgan and it is definitely a great city to be in. I love walking around and seeing the fall leaves and all the small parks around the center.

Being Asian also helps me to blend in, and I don’t feel like I stick out too much when I walk around (at least not as much as I did in a village/small town). I was told that I look like a local and although some people still stare at me (maybe because the PC swearing in ceremony was on TV and I was introduced to an entire high school earlier this week), most people pass right by me without a second glance. This feeling of being just another face in the crowd is not something that I’ve felt since coming to Kazakhstan, so I’m thankful for this little break in notoriety while it lasts.

I’ve also started working, which has had its ups and downs. The language barrier is probably what will hit most volunteers the hardest the first few weeks or months and it’s a really hard obstacle to overcome. That’s why the first quarter for service is all about getting comfortable and finding out more about your organization and/or community. There is not much you can do when your vocab. consists mostly of fruits and veggies, so you do what you can and try to keep an open mind. Frustration has been my biggest enemy so far, and I have to keep reminding myself that it’s not supposed to be easy in the beginning. In fact, more often it is pretty damn hard and that’s just part of the adjustment process. No use getting all upset now, because it’s just going to get even more difficult.

It helps to write things down or talking to someone if you feel comfortable enough to do so. We had some issues regarding who was chosen for the peer support network earlier this week, but a few key volunteers took it upon themselves to voice their feelings and now the staff is working toward a resolution. Shit happens, and we all need someone that we trust to talk to when something finally punches us in the face. I think ‘giving up’ is not in most of our phrase lists at this point, but that doesn’t mean that people don’t feel like venting from time to time. It’s actually probably healthier to let it out to someone, rather then keep it all pent up inside. That’s how explosions happen, and no one wants to clean up that mess. It’s usually pretty gooey and can leave stains that never come out.

October 27, 2009

Today, I’m leaving my first host family and town, marking (essentially) the end of PST and heading to my organizational counterpart conference. I’m all packed up and sitting in my room with my luggage against the wall and waiting for a friend to help me lug all my crap down four flights of stairs and to one of the Peace Corps pick up points in town.

It wouldn’t be that bad if I only had all the stuff that *I* brought from the U.S., but include all the additional baggage that PC gives you during training, and you need about two extra arms/hands to lug it all. This year we got a few books, manuals, miscellaneous paperwork, a carbon dioxide detector, and a big ass/clunky/heavy water distiller (the most awkward piece of luggage you will probably own/have to carry while in Kazakhstan).

Luckily, I will not be alone when I travel to site after swearing in, so I’ll probably have someone around to help me carry/watch at least some of my crap. If you end up training it to some far off site all by yourself, good luck not getting your stuff stolen while asleep or dragging it with you to the bathroom. Hopefully, you’ll at least have your counterpart with you, but I’m not sure if that’s always the case, especially if you have your counterpart conference a week before swearing in (which EDU had happen this year).

The advice I got from a current PCV was to chuck all the paperwork I got during PST (because you will probably never read it again), and pack my distiller/other heavy things (i.e books) in my rolley-suitcase, so I could then pack clothing into the huge rice bag that the distiller came in. Then I won’t be carrying as much weight on my shoulders/in my arms, which can make a huge difference. Either way, as I set off to go to my final destination after PST, I find myself with a bunch of crap that I wasn’t expecting to have and really don’t want, even though I still find myself mentally clinging on to the thought “But what if I need/want it later?” The pack rat mentality can be a killer when traveling…

Winter Snow and Zombies

Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00

Kazakhstan I was a PCV in Kazakhstan

2009-11-22 17:04:00

Three weeks have passed since coming to site and the snow has already come and gone. However, the cold is here to stay and I've been warned that it will only get colder in the coming months. Not exactly what I wanted to hear, but I'm bracing myself for the "real" winter that is soon to come and counting my blessings because at least I'm not in Siberia. I can only imagine how freezing it must be for some of my fellow volunteers up north, especially for the ones who originate from places with warmer climates. From sunny and hot to frigid and icy can be a really rough transition if you are not accustomed to it.

I'm used to the rain and some snow (on occasion!), but none of my Northface stuff has been very useful here. Haha. I guess that's what I get for depending on gear made for the U.S. Northwest. I had to do some major wardrobe restructuring after I realized that my "winter" jacket needed to come out of storage at the end of September (still barely fall!). I ended up buying a new jacket, a few sweaters, and some wool socks at the bazaar, but still find myself wandering around the local markets in search of warmer stuff as it gets increasingly colder. Last week I bought this pair of long underwear/tights type of piece that you wear under your pants to keep warm (not warm enough…) and a big hat with ear flaps. I will have to take a picture of myself wearing the hat sometime, because I look ridiculous. It’s not as amazing as some of the headgear that people wear here though, and the most expensive hats are usually made out of real animal fur. Those are the ones that cost up to $100 U.S. dollars, but I wasn’t willing to cough up that much money when I could just get a synthetic one for less than half the cost of wearing a dead fox on my head. But even I’ll admit that the big traditional real fur hats look pretty damn cool. I just don’t think I could rock one like some of the other volunteers may be able to pull off.

Oh, well. At least my head is warm.

Too bad I didn’t have my new hat about a week ago, right about when I caught the plague that’s been wreaking havoc on volunteers all over Kazakhstan. The plague goes by many names, two of the most common being “The Flu” or the “Common Cold”. The first winter snow hit and then WHAM! A whole bunch of us went down for the count. Not only volunteers, a bunch of people at my organization and host family were sniffling and coughing as well. We probably all got it from each other and kept spreading it to new victims by not staying home to rest. That’s probably why PC sent out a notice about a week after I got sick telling volunteers to contact the doctor if they were feeling ill. No use spreading the germs to the still unexposed masses and dispersing the plague even further. I must admit that while I was sick and now a week afterward, I still think this “cold” that’s been going around is actually the beginning of a zombie onslaught.

Just think about 28 days or almost every other B-rated zombie movie that’s come out recently. It all starts out with some sort of sickness and then we all start to do the whole arms stretched in front of us, dragging our feet march of doom. I’m pretty sure that I’ve been infected, so by this time next week I should have the urge to devour some brains and dance with Michael Jackson (once he reanimates). These morbid (yet entertaining) thoughts are probably being encouraged by the fact that I’ve been reading World War Z in my spare time. As a result, I’ve almost given up hope that the world could ever survive a zombie outbreak in its current state, and so I might as well accept the fact that if it ever happened (don’t act like you’ve never thought about it) I’ll probably just be doing the moon walk with my infected brethren until someone decides to play hero with a golf club. It’s thoughts like these that keep me sane (if that makes sense) and eases the reality of getting sick (right after coming to site!); because otherwise it would just suck. Why not entertain myself instead of just remembering that I coughed my lungs out for two weeks?

Other than weird thoughts and the constant cold, I’m surviving by keeping myself busy. Winter is known to be a rather slow time for most OCAP volunteers, because a lot of organizations don’t have many projects going on during the winter and become more active in the spring and summer. Although there are little things that I’ve been trying to accomplish (like doing a technical training for my organization’s staff), I’ve also been helping out at a local school and will begin to look for secondary projects in the next week or so. There are a lot of organizations in the city I live in, so might as well use this lull time to explore the different types of resources that are available in my community.

I will never know the needs of my community if I don’t know what’s out there and what people are currently doing (or not doing), so I’m looking forward to going out and meeting people/discovering this kind of information. I already told my director, and she seems supportive of the idea so far. Hopefully, this doesn’t change and I can not only learn more about my community, but also positively spread the name of my primary organization, since I’ll be going around as their volunteer. This may be a great opportunity to possibly forge future partnerships or at least introduce my organization to other members of the community and visa versa. I’m looking forward to moving ahead with this and exploring my new home. It’s been three weeks and I still hardly know anything about the community I will live in for the next two years. That needs to change and I am both excited and willing to find out what opportunities lay ahead.

Wish me luck!

'Tis the Season

Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00

Kazakhstan I was a PCV in Kazakhstan

2009-12-14 10:22:00

I’m at the stage where I can’t believe that it is almost 2010. December is almost over and the New Year is approaching swiftly. I’ve been in Kazakhstan for about four months now. I have 22.5 more months to go. Thinking about it in months actually helps me rationalize the time I’m spending here. If I think about it in days or weeks, I’d be too overwhelmed. The first winter and holiday season is supposed to be the hardest. I’m not really a big holiday person in the first place, but that doesn’t make this initial winter any less daunting. I think about the festivities that people are taking part in back home and it makes me a bit sad. At the same time, I’ve met a lot of interesting people in Kazakhstan and even if they don’t become my “new best friend for life” (as I was told way back during orientation), we can at least help keep each other sane for the next several months.

Winter is pretty harsh for those of us who aren’t used to this kind of weather, but it’s not all just snow and ice. Well, actually it is, but you can do some pretty fun things on the ice. Last weekend, I went ice skating for the first time in my life. At first, I was so scared of falling and cutting myself that I could hardly do anything except inch forward step by step while hanging onto something. I had to grab onto some of the other volunteers who were a bit more graceful on the ice and the first 15 minutes were pretty ridiculous. I could hardly stand on my own, let alone move around. My ankles kept bending at a weird angle and I was worried that I would seriously injure myself if I let go of my friend Kyle. Haha.

I thought maybe it would help if I got a size smaller in skates and incredibly it improved my skating ten-fold. As in, I could finally stand on my own and move around. I tightened the skates around my ankles (almost to the point of being painful) to make my legs sturdier and easier for me to glide without bending all weird. It worked and I impressed myself (dunno about anyone else, ha) by not falling even once the entire two hours. There were a crap ton of close calls though. I grabbed onto friends for dear life so many times and instead of crashing to the ground together like Murphy’s Law would have predicated, we ended up spinning around a few times before coming to a stop. Christmas Miracle!

Depending on your site, there are often volunteers in organizations similar to Peace Corps (or sometimes vastly different) that may (or many not) speak English and be cool people to hang out with if you need the company. They are usually in a similar situation as us (from my experience) in that we have all been relocated to a place that has a very different language and culture than we are used to. You may or may not try to meet volunteers from other countries at your site (you may find that you just don’t clique), but my experience so far from interacting with some of them at my site has been mostly positive. I tend to stay away from groups that are trying to spread their faith (that’s just not what I’m looking for), but there are volunteer groups that are not affiliated with any official religions as well. Choosing to interact with another organization’s volunteers is every PCV’s personal choice, but we are definitely not the only global volunteers in Kaz!

After ice skating with the locals, some of the other international volunteers we met took us to an underground sashlik (pretty much grilled meat on a stick) place that none of us had ever been to. It was pretty hidden (down two flights of dark stairs), but ended up being a well lit restaurant with even a Christmas tree in the back of the room! Not many people were there (small place) but that made it even better and I will go there again. I love finding little niche-y places in cities or towns that not everyone knows about, but is even cooler because of that. Haha. Little corner places like this to hang out are much more interesting than the places that everyone always goes to and I’m glad to have discovered two additional aspects of the city I live in that I like. Cool niches and skating!

Work at my organization has been pretty slow, but that’s to be expected. We were told that winter is a lull period for most OCAP volunteers, probably due to the weather and number of holidays present around this time. My director also keeps leaving to attend seminars in other cities and hasn’t been around much for the last several weeks. When you work at an organization where your director makes all the decisions and is the driving force of the org, then you will probably have to take a backseat until he/she returns. It’s a good time to get to know your org, acquire more language skills, and look for possible secondary projects as well. I already have one of my secondary projects for this year (working at a local school and helping plan a summer camp), but I’m thinking about developing another one soon. By this I mean that I’m thinking about telling someone about my ideas soon and seeing if anyone else has an interest or if there is a community need for it. Sometimes we have grand ideas, but if no one supports them it’s probably going to be difficult to get them out of our heads and working on the ground.

Right now, I’m trying to decide whether I want to travel somewhere to celebrate with friends during the New Year, or stay a bit closer to home and just celebrate with those around me. Most of the people (everyone except one) at my organization are Muslim, so they don’t celebrate Christmas (neither U.S. Christmas or Kaz Christmas). In the U.S. we celebrate on the 25th but the Orthodox Christmas here is apparently January 7th. I work both days (since it’s not a major holiday for my org. members), so I don’t really know if I will do much for Christmas. New Years is also a little tricky, so I’m not exactly sure what’s going on. Someone at work called January 1st, international New Years, while the Kazakhstan New Years is celebrated at the end of March. Not sure what to do about holiday breaks. It all depends on what your workplace does and that can be really tricky.

Fun fact: I work with a three-legged cat with a harsh face that looks like a pirate.

For those of your who have not seen any pictures yet (mainly the random people who read this blog), I plan (emphasis on ‘plan’) to take some pictures of Almaty and Taldykorgan sometime this weekend. I don’t carry my camera around very often, so I’ve been lame about taking photos. I’ll try to get better about that sometime in the future.

The Holidays

Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00

Kazakhstan I was a PCV in Kazakhstan

2009-12-21 10:29:00

I see a quiet Christmas on the horizon. It’s a work day here and most volunteers either have plans to travel or no plans at all. Miss my friends and people back home, but I think I just miss the idea of Christmas more than the actual event. I have some sort of NGO party I’m supposed to attend on Christmas Eve, and a host family dinner in the evening for my host-dad’s birthday. The next day I work and then teach. I think I’ll probably have a small Christmas party or activity with the kids, and then go out for dinner with some other volunteers. The next day there might be another party or activity going on. Nothing big, but enough stuff is happening around the 25th that I don’t think I’ll be too lonesome.

I do wish I had brought more small souvenirs/gifts from the U.S. to give out though. Because I was dumb and didn’t think to bring more than just the initial gifts to give the two host families that I would live with at first, I didn’t think about possible birthdays or holidays that I would have to spend with them. So, now I have a birthday and a major gift-giving holiday back to back. Usually, people here celebrate Christmas on January 7th, but my current host family is Christian and seems to celebrate on the 25th as well. I don’t know what they do on January 7th or on the New Year. Guess I’ll find out soon enough.

We had a long holiday over the last week and I did a lot of things that kept me pretty busy. I’m tired now that I’m back at work, but it was nice to stay busy when some of my fellow volunteers were bored out of their minds. One day I went sledding with a fellow PCV and a South Korean volunteer. We ended up going with a big group of people (from many different countries) and it was my first time riding a sled. I wiped out quite a few times and pulled my arm the first time I went down. It was still a lot of fun though and I’m glad I went. We had a huge snow fight at the end of it all, starting out with just us three volunteers, but ending with everyone pummeling each other with snow. I got snow burn on my lower back (by getting dragged by two men down a steep hill and having snow thrown in my face) and was soaking wet by the end of the fiasco. People here are serious about their snow fights. Lesson learned. When I go back to the U.S., I’ll be a snow fighting machine.

Later, I made rice rolls for the first time and just hung out for a day in the city. Found out where a couple of key places are located, such as the autovaksal (main taxi/bus station) and the city stadium. Now I know where to catch a bus or taxi to visit another city or village, and when summer comes I’m going to go watch some football (soccer) games since the city I live in has its own team. Making food and just chilling also reminded me of what I would probably do with my friends back home. Sure, the conversation wasn’t exactly in English, but hey. I discovered that you can buy Korean soju here. For those of you who know what it is and like it, this is an exciting find. It was expensive, but affordable for special occasions. Not the best out there, but gotta take what you can get.

I also went bowling one day with two Korean volunteers and a local who works at the same University that another volunteer works at. It was fun (but expensive) and I found out that I am a terrible bowler. Like two gutter balls in a row AWFUL. I got a strike once though. Haha. Oh well, it was still fun and I’d go again. After all, I can’t get better if I don’t play. It’s just embarrassing to be so so bad. The others were sympathetic. Ha!

Later I visited a local Catholic church (I’m not Catholic) to see what it was like. I heard that there are an Irish and an American priest who reside there, so I wanted to meet them. I met the Slovakian and Irish priests, but the American was apparently out of town for the week. I also heard that they often made authentic Italian food and gave it out after service (cough*incentive*cough) but that didn’t happen the time that I went. Sad. But the service was interesting to observe and the people were nice. I’m not really the type who attends services, but I’ll probably go again once they finish the new church that they are building next to the old one. The new building is massive and looks to be made of all bricks. The current one seems to be in an old house but feels pretty cozy. I think they just needed a bigger place for all the people who attend and the space is necessary to expand their congregation. Apparently, a stained-glass artist is flying in from Italy to do the windows.

That was on Sunday though and I almost forgot to mention what happened on Saturday. Two other PCVs and I went to the nearby village of two other volunteers (actually the second lives like 10 minutes away) and ghostied. The host-mom of one of the volunteers cooked a large meal that was delicious. We mostly just ate and chit-chatted for awhile before heading back to the city. Afterward I took part in some much needed chill time and stayed home for the rest of the afternoon and evening. Sunday after church I zombied out for the rest of the day and decided that I would sleep early. I didn’t, but I did stay in.

Now that I’m at work, we’re talking about grants again and what’s going on during the holidays. The office is still freezing and I think I might have to put my winter jacket back on (in doors) in order to not freeze. I need to buy some gifts before my class tonight and I can’t believe that the 25th is this Friday. When did that memo go out anyway?

P.S. Becca! Wish I wasn't lame and went to see you. Hope you got back safe!

Wish List: ** by things that I need urgently!

0. **Sturdy Neutral Colored Umbrella (small/fits into purse)

1. **Warm, thermal, insulated clothing for the insane winter

2. **Thermal/Silk underwear to wear under regular clothing

3. **Good Floss. PC gives us the cheap Johnson’s and Johnson’s kind, but it is so coarse that I can’t even get it between my teeth. I’ve tried three times…

4. **Dry shampoo. I’ve been using Rene Furterer Naturia brand. You can get it online or at Sephora. Will try other good brands too!

5. *Safeway brand Cleansing Makeup Remover Towelettes (30 count) I need like 4-5 packs of these. Really cheap from Safeway; I also have a picture if needed.

6. *Pore Cleansing strips (those white nose strips that remove blackheads). Rite aid has cheap generic brand ones in small boxes that are good. Combo packs okay.

7. A shower puff. I can’t find one here, they don’t seem to exist!

8. Good body lotion. It’s really expensive and hard to find here for some reason

9. Big bag of Sour patch Kids. Bag of Reeses Peanut Butter Cups.

10. Jajangmyun (black bean noodle) ramen

11. Beef Jerky or Dried Squid (Yum!)

12. Some good (small/medium sized) spiral notebooks

13. Books. I really want to read Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.

14. Letters and pictures!!!

S Novom Godom! (With the New Year!)

Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00

Kazakhstan I was a PCV in Kazakhstan

2010-01-02 07:42:00

January 2, 2010

Happy New Years everyone! I hope that your holidays are going well. I can’t really believe that it’s 2010. We’ve already lost one of the 0s for this century. I don’t necessarily feel old; just that time is passing by more quickly than I anticipated. In some regards, I feel like the months are moving at a snails pace. On the other hand, I write this blog at the beginning of 2010. A year has passed and whatever I was doing before January 2nd 2010 has landed me in Kazakhstan until November 1st 2011.

I guess it’s not a full two years anymore. 22 months. One year and 10 months left. Sometimes I think it’s not so bad. But on bad days I question why I’m still here. It will probably question things recurrently throughout my service, but as long as the reasons why I’m staying outweigh the reasons why I’m not gone, I believe I can manage the next year and 10 months.

As the New Year approaches, I think about my past experiences, the people I’ve met, and the things that I’ve done. Although many of my experiences have not always been positive or easy, I am glad to realize that many of the experiences that gave me distress in the past are now just memories that make me either chuckle or nod my head in acknowledgement of the difficulties that have been overcome. Life can be harsh and not often fair, but I can’t say that I haven’t accomplished a lot or conquered a lot of obstacles.

Living in the present is hard. People always seem to run away to the future, or drown themselves in the past. Right now, I worry about my friends who just aren’t sure where they are going or dislike where they’ve arrived. I hope 2010 makes things a bit clearer for those of us who are trying to move forward in life without getting blindsided by too many doubts. Making decisions is a bitch and discovering what you want out of life is near impossible without trial and error. What is that saying that people like to tell themselves when they’ve made a choice to do something while still feeling unsure of their decision?

“There are two types of people in the world; people who think about doing something and then do it, and people who just think about it.”

Realistically, it’s more complicated than that. You can be the type of person who does things and then regrets their actions later or the type that never takes action and thus regrets their inaction. Neither really sounds appealing and nobody really knows what would have been the best choice in the long run (although we try to convince ourselves that the choice we made was the right one). I hope that whatever choices people make in 2010, they are decisions that will result in fewer regrets and lead to better opportunities.

Good luck.

Fighting the Good Fight

Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00

Kazakhstan I was a PCV in Kazakhstan

2010-01-07 13:32:00

The last week or so has been rough. Peace Corps and current volunteers make an effort to reassure incoming volunteers that the first winter and holiday season spent in country is the most difficult time for most newbs, but you never really ‘get it’ until you are feeling it. Although I had moments during training where I questioned my reasons for staying and wanted to go home, it usually came in spasms, and maybe because I don’t remember those times as clearly (as right now) it’s easy for me to remember the down periods during PST as being less intense, when perhaps the feelings back then were just as strong as the ones I’ve been experiencing recently. It’s hard to say. All I know is that lately I’ve been incredibly bummed.

It’s probably related to the fact that the holiday season has always been kind of a slog for me. I’ve had some good times with friends and such, but most of the holidays I remember have been huge let downs. This season was just a reminder that all my friends and family are in different countries and here I am in Kazakhstan with most of my closer friends 1-2 days away by train. That’s one of the problems with serving in Kazakhstan, it’s a massive country. You can’t just hop on a 2-4 hour train and be surrounded by your friends for special occasions. It’s always some sort of complicated, planned effort that involves money (long train rides can be expensive) and a lot of time. It’s hard to see people if they are more than a few hours away and then there is always the question of where people will stay and what you will do after they or you arrive.

This winter, I’m really missing my friends. I’m missing home. I suppose with the New Year staring me down in the face, I’m also more aware of the challenges that lay ahead. 22 months is still a long time. I’ve been having difficulties with work, home, culture, and the language. These are all issues that every volunteer faces (to varying degrees), but the weight of my problems came crashing down on me recently and I’ve felt incredibly burdened by life as of late. No worries, I’m not ready to jump ship anytime soon, but I admit that I have thought about it more in the last several days.

That’s normal, so I’m told. Let’s be frank…Serving as a volunteer in the Peace Corps is HARD. Living in Kazakhstan is CHALLENGING. And I’m often very LONELY.

There it is; the ugly truth. Ha. Now what to do about it? Seriously, I’ve already told you that’s it’s not always fun or rewarding (especially in the first few months), but now it’s time to think of ways to get past these obstacles. If I don’t it’s game over and I hate, hate, Hate, to lose. I’m a fighter, even though I don’t always want to be. But sometimes I need to convince myself. You have to be willing to overcome when the world pushes all this less than stellar crap onto your shoulders and it’s your job to handle everything accordingly.

Or, so I try to encourage myself. Really, the fact that I still have my perspective means that I’ll be fine (probably). It hasn’t been easy, but I’m here in Kazakhstan and that’s just the reality of it. Might as well prove to myself that I’m stronger than the situation. That’s always good for the ego and usually for self-growth, which is one of the reasons I joined the Peace Corps in the first place. Things look bleak, but I know I’ve had some good times and I’ve met some really interesting people too. As hard as things feel right now, if I let the circumstances drag me down; I’m at fault as well for allowing the bad to prevail.

I wouldn’t be much of a Buffy fan if I let that happen.

Wish me luck in fighting the good fight and getting past the hardships. Stay tuned.

Six Months and Packing List Hindsight

Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00

Kazakhstan I was a PCV in Kazakhstan

2010-02-16 16:43:00

It's been six months since I came to Kazakhstan and about four months since I arrived at site. I have a little over 20 months of my service to go. When I visit places like the Peace Corps Journals website, I always feel a bit weirded out by the blogs written by people who are anxiously wading through the application process or nervous about leaving for the first time. The ones who know which country they are going to, but are still home for another few weeks or months. I was in their spot not that long ago, yet I feel so detached from that period of the experience now. I'm done with waiting and training and now I'm here fulfilling my service. It's nuts how you get from point A to point B and once you are at point C, you wonder how you ended up so far from A. Life's like that.

I don't often think to myself 'Am I really in Kazakhstan?' so much anymore, but I do occasionally feel misplaced. Not that I shouldn't have been placed here in particular, but more that my mind can't comprehend why on earth I'm not in the U.S. going about my normal activities. It's common to experience feelings of doubt or confusion during your service. I often used to ask myself during training 'Why am I here?' It's essentially a rhetorical question, since no one can answer it but me and I know why I'm here. I wouldn't be here if I didn't know why I decided to join the Peace Corps. I'm not the kind of person that just makes a life-altering and self-sacrificing decision on a whim. That's just not me. Deep down I know why I'm here.

Although two of my good friends have left and decided that Kazakhstan was not the place that they needed to be, I'm positive that it's not my path to leave just yet. I joined the Peace Corps with the full intention of completing my two year service and no bout of loneliness or frustration is going to prevent me from completing what I set out to do. Hopefully, this determination will result in some wonderful memories, experiences, and positive personal growth, as well as leave me with some friends that I will keep after it's all over. I know it's hard. I wrote that it's difficult in the previous entry. I'm not always happy and I'm often frustrated about everything. BUT, I'm not without hope and there is still a lot that I would like to accomplish before I leave. Six months over? 20 more to go.

For those of you who are at the beginning of your experience, here are some parting words and a list of things that I wish I had brought. First off, remember that if you are heading to a large country, what you need and what you will want GREATLY depends on where you are placed. What people want and need in a remote village is a lot different than the needs of someone in a city. Same goes for being located in the north, south, east, west, etc. Kazakhstan is HUGE, so the circumstances may be more extreme here than in other countries. Just take that into consideration, and don't believe everything you read on those "Pack Lists" that PC recommends. Often those lists seem to be the suggestions of only one or a few PCVs regarding what someone should bring with them.

Here are my recommendations (note: I live in the south-east region of Kazakhstan). These are only the things that I wish I had brought or recommend:

More casual clothes. My PC list told me to bring a lot of business casual, but outside of training, I've rarely worn my slacks and blouses. I should have brought more straight-legged pairs of black or dark wash jeans and nice but casual sweaters and tops. Casual clothes that don't consist of t-shirts and pajama pants. People here like to look nice. I don't just hang around outside in sweats and a sweatshirt (inside yes, but never outside). You'll stick out in a bad way. By casual, I mean a stylish sweater or shirt, etc. over a pair of dark jeans and clean sneakers.

Solid/neutral colored turtlenecks for layering in the winter. Although I'm in the southern region, it still gets to be around -20/25 Celsius and it's pretty damn cold. I work at an organization with no heating in a very drafty building. Sometimes it's colder inside than it is outside and I wear my winter jacket indoors. Be prepared for this kind of possible situation (although I'm the only one at my location with an org. with no heat) and bring clothes you can layer for work.

STURDY-WATERPROOF-INSULATED neutral colored winter/snow boots that have good TRACTION so you don't fall on your ass all the time on the ice (happens to locals and foreigners alike, often). Brown or black, but probably black is your best bet in a lot of countries. Easier to match with all your clothes and most people in Kazakhstan seem to own black shoes. You can buy boots here, but good quality ones are expensive and no guarantee that they are waterproof (probably unlikely). If your org. is strict about the dress code or you are a teacher, you probably also want the boots to look okay with slacks and nicer clothing.

One summer/spring and one winter/fall dress. I brought a spring dress, but I forgot about all the weddings and birthdays that still happen in the winter. Plus, my summer dress is bright yellow and that tends to stick out a lot in December when all the other ladies are wearing dark and rich colors. You will probably be invited to a wedding or birthday or party or whatever while in Kazakhstan (especially during the holidays), so (if you are a woman or like to crossdress) I suggest packing at least two seasonally appropriate dresses.

One or two pairs of heels. I brought sandals, but didn't bring any dress heels and that was my mistake. I was always the one wearing winter boots with my slacks in the fall because it was too chilly for sandals but too cold for open-toed shoes. I should have brought a nice pair of black heels with me to wear on various special occasions, presentations, meetings, etc. but I didn't think I would need them. I ended up having to buy a pair here, which is okay, but the quality is lacking… Guys should bring a pair of black dress shoes, although they are pretty plentiful here. All the men wear them with jeans and slacks.

Good lotion, if you are picky about that kind of thing. You can get it here, but the good stuff is pretty expensive. Same goes for any other kind of cosmetic or brand that you can't live without. I have really sensitive skin and can use only certain brands of face wash and lotions, etc. I brought almost two years worth with me and I'm glad I did. I had room for it though. If you have reliable friends or family and your suitcase is stuffed, I would just bring a few weeks/months worth of supplies and have the rest mailed to you later. Also note that although you can buy a lot of different types of beauty products in Kaz, I've noticed that a lot of it is expired (at least the stuff I've seen at most bazaars and stores). Since I arrived, I've been using Dove shampoo that expired over a year ago. If that kind of thing bothers you, you also might want to bring your own products. But you may have better luck than me and find non-expired stuff at your site. I just know that at the village I had training at, and at my site, a lot of things I've seen were/are expired.

A sturdy umbrella. I'll put it plain and simple. All of the umbrellas I've used here, that a PCV can afford, SUCK. Like, you buy it and use it once and then it breaks. The quality is not up to par with the $10 umbrellas you can buy at any drugstore back home. So just bring your own cheap umbrella, because the ones here will probably last you a week at most.

Insulated long underwear. The good kind. Really, don't skimp and think the cheaper cotton or polyester versions will keep you warm. It's COLD here. Invest in some reliable and quality long underwear, because you'll probably be wearing it everyday in the winter. On that note, buy two pairs, because wearing the same pair 24/7 is kind of gross. Even if you wash it, it will take at least a day to dry (no dryers), so you'll want that second pair to wear to work in the morning.

If you dislike graph paper, bring your own notebooks, because almost all of the notebooks in Kaz have graph paper. I also haven't seen any spiral bound ones.

A headset/earbud with microphone for skyping. I realized early on in an internet café that yelling into the little pre-imbedded mic area on your laptop is lame and obnoxious. Also, no one else wants to listen to your friend talk about how hung over she or he is. Luckily, I did at least have a pair of ear buds, so people just heard me rebuke someone for going out on a Tuesday night. So yeah, a mic/headset…

A good purse or messenger style laptop bag in a neutral color. Backpacks tend to stick out and everyone stares if you walk around with one. All of the men here carry black messenger bags and the women carry a purse. So if you just buy a black/dark colored messenger laptop bag or a purse big enough to slip in your computer, than you can blend in a little better and that usually makes me feel a bit safer about carrying around my valuables late at night or in crowded places.

Water-proofing/anti-scuff spray for your shoes. Water-proofing is always a good idea (especially in the winter/spring with so much snow/slush) and people here are really big about having clean shoes, so wearing scratched up shoes is frowned upon or at least commented on. You can buy water-proofing spray here, but instead of clear spray, I've only found colored sprays. So if your shoes aren't the same shade? Well, I hope you like the color shown on the can…

I'll add more things as I think of them...

Being a Woman...

Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00

Kazakhstan I was a PCV in Kazakhstan

2010-02-25 13:10:00

Yesterday, I did two presentations on women's rights with two different groups of women (and maybe four guys) from the local university. They were all supposed to be 4^th year English students. Half of my presentation tried to explain the concept of women's rights and the second part described some issues that women in the (U.S.) workforce face. I spoke about issues like the wage gap, the glass ceiling, lack of certain opportunities and common stereotypes. About half the girls were interested and the other half seemed less than thrilled to be there. I think I spoke to around 30-40 people though, so I'm glad that some of the girls seemed to have an interest in the topic.

I think the most interesting lesson that I gained from the experience was that a lot of women don't really seem to mind if they are not fully equal to men. At least that's the impression I received. Many girls want a guy to take care of them (even if it's at the sacrifice of advancing themselves) and seem to believe that women belong at home first and then at work. One girl said that if women tried to advance their careers too much they would neglect their husbands and children, so it was frowned-upon because family comes first. When I asked them whether it was okay for women to make more money than their husbands, most said no and that they would refuse a promotion if they would be making more money than their husbands. The girls seemed to think that it would cause problems at home because their husbands would feel bad and men are supposed to make more money than their wives. It was a bit eye-opening for me, because I had the opportunity to find out what young educated girls in the city thought about being women in Kazakhstan.

I know it's ingrained in the culture here that men are more venerated (although some deny it or won't admit it directly). I see the difference in status everyday from experience and/or daily observations. Sometimes I know that I'm being treated with less respect because I'm a woman. It's a fact and it sucks. At the same time, I need to be aware that I'm coming from a very different culture and that my professional and social expectations as a woman are different than what the people here see as customary. I'm the outsider, and since I'm the foreigner in Kazakhstan, I'm the one with unusual views.

All I could do at the end of each presentation was explain that I was just giving the group some information and trying to get them to think about issues regarding women and their rights. Whether they embrace women's rights or want these rights to play a larger role in their daily lives is up to them to decide. In my opinion, no international body can just come to a country and force people to believe in universal human and/or women's rights. Whether human rights should be universal or not is not my place to decide for these people. I told them that I'm not trying to convince them of anything, because I can't force anyone to change their minds. I just wanted to talk about the issues (because they exist) and give them some information. After obtaining said information, it's their choice to agree, disagree, accept, or ignore any of the concepts that were presented. In the end, I just want people to start thinking about things. All I can do is inspire discussion and then people can make their own decisions and conclusions based on their individual feelings.

Culture is complicated like that sometimes. I didn't agree with a lot of the stuff that was said, but I just had to suck it up and instead of sharing my own opinion (since I'm the one coming from the outside who needed to learn about how people in Kazakhstan felt), I just asked the group questions; playing devil's advocate. They may not have liked it, but at least for those two hours, they were forced to think about women's issues. Even if they don't see a need for change, that's for them to decide. I'm glad that some of the students were interested in participating in a women's discussion club, although I hope only the active ones will come. I think for the first 1-2 sessions, even the girls who don't care (or are upset by women's rights) will show up (because it's free and a novelty), but if they distract the group I'll ask them to leave and eventually only the really devoted people will come. If I start calling on people randomly to weed out those who just sit in the back and play on their phones, people will start to dwindle. A small devoted group will be nice.

The teacher who is going to help me with the Women's Discussion group is going to collect schedules later and we are going to pick a day and time for next week. I'm not sure how things will turn out or whether people will react positively to something like a women's empowerment discussion group, but I want to at least try. I can't change an entire culture, but I can at least get a few girls thinking about stuff they may never have had a chance to discuss before. Of course this could also come and smack me in the face. Some people may not appreciate the fact that I'm trying to stir up conversation regarding topics that are controversial. Some people may even be angry or offended that I'm talking about women's rights and I could get some negative attention. I know there are several successful women's discussion clubs throughout Kazakhstan, but I'd be naive to think that everyone is happy about that. Even some of the girls that I spoke to didn't seem to be excited about the proposal, probably more interested in practicing English than the topic.

On the other hand, if I just sat around apprehensive about everything, nothing would get done. Change isn't easy to achieve. How am I going to empower local women and girls if I'm afraid of how some people will react? At the same time, I'm struggling with my own doubts and asking myself: 'What do you mean by empowering them? What if they don't want it? You are coming in with your American ideals… What do you think you are doing? What do you think you are going to accomplish?' I guess it all goes back to the whole thing about sharing information and getting people to discuss issues. Whether people embrace new concepts or not is not my decision. All I can do is…talk about it.

So that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to discuss things with my feminist American point of view and facilitate conversation regarding the many issues that women around the world face. In return, I'll learn from the women and girls in Kazakhstan about how they feel and what they think. It will be a mutual exchange of information and ideas. It's a discussion group. We are going to agree, disagree, debate, laugh, and struggle to understand one another, but hopefully come to an understanding after every session. I want it to be thought provoking and be a place where people can express their opinions freely. I'm probably expecting too much, but it can at least be fun and interesting, right?

Well, I guess we'll see. In other news, there is crazy amounts of ice here on all the sidewalks and it's almost impossible to walk anywhere without slipping. It's not as cold as it has been lately, but now there is a lot of rain and because it freezes overnight, the mornings are hell. There is also some flooding and the basement of my host family's house flooded last night. My tutor told me that it's not normal to get this much rain right now, so who knows what spring is going to look like. It's still cold enough that I'm wearing long underwear, snow boots, and my winter coat, but it's definitely better than it was a week ago. I just wish the damn ice would melt. I would actually prefer snow on the streets now, because at least snow has some grip and you don't need to ice skate to get anywhere. I'm always flailing my arms, trying not to fall, and pulling muscles as a result.

Come on spring. I've been waiting patiently…

Side Note: Today at work, this random woman came up to my desk, placed her daughter's homework in front of me and told me to correct it. If I remember correctly, she didn't even introduce herself. Well, at least she didn't ask me to tutor her daughter or teach her English. Those are the usual requests from strangers I get at work…

Things to Watch Out for in Kazakhstan #1: Dogs

Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00

Kazakhstan I was a PCV in Kazakhstan

2010-03-18 17:51:00

Garbage Dogs: are the stray dogs that hang out in town (usually in groups of 2 - 4) and survive by ripping open garbage bags (that sit in piles all over the city/town/village) to rummage through the filth for sustenance. Some people collect their stale bread to toss out to the neighborhood dogs, but most of the time their main form of nourishment seems to be from garbage and other unknown substances that can be found on the ground.

This is probably the biggest reason why people shouldn't touch stray dogs, aside from the fact that they may have rabies (or other nasties that humans can contract), because when making friends with a dog you must let it sniff you and this usually involves the licking of hands and nuzzling. Do you really want to touch that snout after it's been rummaging through contaminated garbage? Even if you wash your hands, you are still exposing yourself to some sort of disease and it's not like there are ample locations with hot water and anti-bacterial soap in Kazakhstan. Hand sanitizer doesn't seem like enough when you could have just touched Hepatitis or someone's old bodily fluids. Talk about unhygienic.

I know for some volunteers it will be hard to avoid sympathizing with the stray dogs at your site, but it's really for the best. I'm a dog fan as well, but the dogs in Kazakhstan are not your best canine friend waiting for you back home. They are hungry, not used to human affection, dirty, scared, and only thinking about survival. They may seem nice and unobtrusive as they go about their business on a busy block or cross your path on the street, but try not to pay too much attention to them. This may be a survival tactic, or maybe they are just used to being ignored, but making eye contact or looking at them for more than a split second is probably a bad idea. Beware even the really little dogs…

It's even worse if the dog has semi-owners or gets fed by people attached to a house or certain area. These dogs are not only fighting for their own survival, but protecting the people who feed it (or neglect it, whichever), making them more aggressive than the completely stray dogs. Every time that I've been attacked by a local dog for looking at it a second too long has been when I was looking at a dog that had "owners". People don't give a damn and will let the dog come at you. That, or they are nowhere in sight while their rabid dog attacks unsuspecting people on the street. For me, it's always the tiny dogs that seem to be the most aggressive. They will bark, snarl and snip at you. If you aren't careful, you might get bit and then there is a sequence of rabies shots to follow.

Locals have told me that the best way to scare an aggressive stray dog is to throw a rock at it or act like you are going to pelt it with something. These dogs have grown up being abused and neglected by people, so it's not surprising that they aren't like our pets back home (pampered and happy). These dogs are scared and will try to defend themselves from the humans that seem like a threat. Most of the time they are okay if you ignore them, but because attention is something new and usually negative (I've seen little boys abusing puppies here), the dog will react adversely if you look like you care that it exists.

I don't blame the dogs for being this way. After all, you are a product of your environment and these dogs just want to live in peace. People are usually not good to the dogs here (unless it's one of the rare purebred pets that I've seen people walking on a leash), and their attitude towards people reflect this. I've had to put aside my desire to pet or play with a random dog on the street, because in all likelihood, it would probably bite me. I love dogs and miss my buddy back home, but the dogs here don't love me. I'm not saying that all the dogs here are aggressive toward people or will not appreciate a good pat on the head, but do you really want to risk your health finding out which ones are nice or not? I know other volunteers who have made local dog friends by feeding them, but then it sort of becomes your dog, right? Most volunteers don't have time for steady pets.

If you really want a pet, I think most volunteers get/find them as puppies and raise them right from the beginning. It's different for everyone, but I'll probably never touch a random stray dog just because it's there (unless it's a puppy…) or take an adult dog home. Pets are a big responsibility, whether you are in Kazakhstan or the United States. I know people get lonely. Several volunteers have expressed the desire for a dog or cat once they get their own place. I look at the garbage dogs wistfully every time I see a particularly cute one and wish they weren't covered in disease. However, I'll probably never actually adopt one. I think. Unless I can convince myself to take the exceptionally cute mop-haired puppy that I see wandering around with its mother on occasion. All I have to do is wait until the mom isn't around and… Okay, bad thought. This is how it probably starts for those women who steal babies out of other people's grocery carts…

All in all, just watch out for the dogs. They may seem docile and friendly, but some can turn aggressive in a split-second and others are just dirty. Very dirty. So think before you look at one for too long because it's cute or think about bending down to let it sniff you. I've found that if I keep my head mostly looking straight and just look at them from the corner of my eye as I pass, they usually don't notice me ogling them. This would probably also work with people, but I haven't seen any ogle worthy guys yet. The dogs tend to beat them when it comes to adorableness. On a good note, it's puppy season! Spring! Hopefully, I'll have a lot more chubby, wet-nosed, wobbly, floppy-eared eye candy soon. It's like my own personal Kazakhstan version of Cute Overload. Squee.

But seriously, Watch Out for Garbage Dogs and "My Owner Doesn't Give a Damn" nut-job dogs that would eat your face if they could.

Beware the little dog with the big dog complex. They are the worst.

Spring has arrived.

Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00

Kazakhstan I was a PCV in Kazakhstan

2010-05-13 11:57:00

So it's been awhile since the last blog entry. This is probably because spring has finally arrived in Taldykorgan and I've been running around more, due to both Peace Corps and the fact that things usually get busier for OCAP volunteers and their organizations in the warmer months. Currently, I'm dealing with some serious hurdles regarding my service, but I'm working through the issues and trying to find solutions. Survival means being resourceful and being able to find things to do when your assignment isn't enough or problematic. It's easy to feel sorry for myself or be angry at the situation, but one way to move forward is to accept the circumstances and look for other opportunities to do meaningful work. That's what I'm trying to do right now, even when it's easy to get side-tracked by negative things that happen.

Now that I'm living alone I'm also eating a lot more fruit (but lacking in the hot meals department…). People keep telling me to eat vegetables, but that's hard to do when things are still a bit pricey. I'm told items will get cheaper by the end of June though, so I'm excited to bite into a cheap, ripe watermelon or peach come the end of next month. I've been craving fresh food, so this will be a welcome change from the winter. Every day will be a melon day for me. I know that I didn't mention vegetables except for writing that they are still expensive, but that's because I don't like vegetables very much; only in soups or with/in something else. As a result, I'm going to try to eat more veggies in the form of hearty soups, so hopefully I will get my daily intake more often this way.

My next big purchase is going to be a rice cooker. They aren't as expensive as I thought they would be which can be both a good thing and a bad thing. The good thing is that I can easily afford it. The bad thing is that it's probably a piece of junk and will likely break easily. We'll see. Having a rice cooker will probably improve my diet by a lot because I always undercook the rice when cooking it in a pot and often avoid the task.

Note: I bought the rice cooker. It is a piece of crap, but I have rice. Yay?

The stuff I just wrote about probably seems really boring, but these are the kinds of things a volunteer might think about after recently moving into their own place. No more host family to depend on for food and living essentials. You have to go buy all the stuff yourself and household items in Kazakhstan are strangely expensive. I guess it's because all of the stuff is imported from somewhere else, so they have to hike up the price to make a profit. You'll easily spend from $20-50 for a normal looking frying pan that isn't of good quality. If you want a decent sized pan that can fit more than a piece of bread, at some sites (like mine), you'll have to shell out at least $30. I wish I had brought a peeler.

Towels can also be quite expensive. Living in the south, a decent towel will cost you about $10. In the north or in remote locations $15. And that is on the cheaper side. For a really nice towel, it can cost up to $20-30. By nice towel, I mean like the towels in the U.S. You can get cheaper towels, but they feel like sandpaper and aren't of good quality. Also, the size of the towel matters. If you want a bath towel, expect to pay a lot more than a hand towel, etc. I really wish I had brought two decent bath towels with me from the U.S. Then I wouldn't have to buy towels of similar quality here for double the price.

Bed sheets and pillows are also crazy expensive. You might find a blanket or pillow left in your new apartment, but it's probably a good idea to buy your own sheets. I did, but sheets are crazy expensive here. Bed sheet sets, like the kind you can buy from Target or Wal-Mart for $15 bucks, are about $40-50 in Kazakhstan. Blankets (really thin and crappy quality) start from like $30 and so do small pillows. Sometimes you can find slightly discounted stuff at the bazaar, but it's the really cheap stuff from China that hasn't been checked and will probably give you cancer. Bringing a blanket and pillow might seem a bit extreme when packing your life for the next two years into two 50 pound bags, but I wish I had slipped one of those cheap bed sets into the side pocket.

I also had to buy things like bug repellent. There are some seriously nasty looking critters that like to hang out in my bath tub. They look like tiny leeches that are fast and apparently come out of the drain pipe. I usually just flush them back down the tub which is probably why they keep coming back. I should smash them, but they are quick. There are also these centipede looking, prehistoric creatures that hang out on the wall (also enjoy moist warm places) and are crazy fast. These things can get HUGE and freak me out because you can't really catch them, but they can hang out in packs. They are usually a bigger problem for people who live in houses or the ground floor of buildings. They are disgusting. They are worse than spiders with their long bodies and multitude of legs. Can't forget the black bugs with red markings on their backs that fly and look like ticks. Definitely not lady bugs, although there are a ton of them in the towns near farming areas. Maybe because of all the apples and aphides on those trees? My training village/town had an infestation of lady bugs. I prefer them to the blood sucking flies that apparently inhabit my apartment from time to time. I smashed one and it left a bright red bloody mark. Great. Not just mosquitoes, but blood sucking flies! Now I know why we got bug nets.

Even though spring has brought a lot of problems for my allergies, wallet and bug-phobia, I'm still glad for its arrival. Warm weather is great and I now remember why I brought so much sunscreen with me. It gets incredibly hot and sunny. I'm burned on my face, but I'm hoping it leads to a tan and I'm going to start wearing sunscreen starting tomorrow. By the end of the month, I'll probably have a standard farmer's tan and be several shades darker by the end of summer. I guess this doesn't bode well for skin cancer prevention.

I also welcome the introduction of ice cream soft serve venders around the town. Sure, my site seems to be dominated by people who sell only vanilla and strawberry (no chocolate), but I can deal with that. Too bad for the chocolate enthusiasts though. I'm also really into these small packaged cones for 50 tenge that volunteers sometimes call poverty cones. Probably because they look like the bare minimum of what a proper ice cream cone should look like and are damn cheap compared to all of the other fancy sprinkled ice cream bars. My site also sells these honey dew melon artificially flavored ice cream bars that are delicious, but leave you tasting melon for the rest of the day.

Around this time of the year is when a lot of people use vacation days and leave the country for the first time since arriving. Many volunteers have bought their tickets to go home (or other exotic places) and they are very excited for the opportunity to get away for awhile. I'm taking some annual leave in June and it has come right on schedule because I could really use the break and would like to see family and friends. When I leave it will have been about 10 months of life in Kazakhstan (including PST), which means in August it will have been one year since I arrived in country and started my training. November will signify one year as a sworn in volunteer. Travel this summer will be a nice breather and will hopefully leave me energized for the next several months before my next break. 10 months in country is a long time and I miss family and friends. Time for a break.

Packing List – Southern Region of Kazakhstan

Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00

Kazakhstan I was a PCV in Kazakhstan

2010-05-31 07:00:00

Notes: My site is Taldykorgan and it is considered a city, although locals say it is more like a big town. It is located in the Almaty Oblast, about 3-4 hours away from the city of Almaty. The Almaty Oblast is not the most southern region in the country, but it does not get as cold as the north. It's still cold though. Think Michigan or Massachusetts winters.

2nd note: I'm a woman, so my list is mostly aimed at other female volunteers, but some of the tips have no gender distinction and they can be read as just general packing tips. I'm also an OCAP volunteer that works with NGOs, but I also help out at a local school.

Things I brought that were useful (but I could have done better in hindsight):

Two pairs of dress slacks. 1 black & 1 brown. *I should have brought two black. You will have to dress in business casual throughout your PST, but what you wear after training is largely up to your organization and/or community school.

Three pairs of dark colored jeans. 2 black & 1 dark navy blue. *Women in my city wear a lot of tight clothing, so skinny jeans in cities and towns can be okay. My organization is fine with me wearing straight legged solid black jeans in the winter, since I usually wear them with high winter boots and a long sweater/jacket. I think women can get away with wearing jeans more often if they wear a nice shirt on top and look clean and presentable. It all depends on your director though.

A short sleeved and long sleeved button up dress shirt (both black). *Probably should have brought two more in another dark color like grey or navy blue. This is the norm during conferences and seminars and everyday wear (especially for teachers) for most volunteers, regardless of where they are placed.

Black socks. I've seen fellow volunteers with white socks and they always look filthy. It can't be helped; whites don't stay white in Kazakhstan for long.

A dressy looking scarf/shawl (black). Most of my clothing is pretty plain, so this was used to dress up a drab outfit during the winter and fall months. It also kept my neck pretty warm because shawls are usually thicker and blanket-like in shape.

Cardigans. About four of them. During the winter, it was so cold in my office that I had to wear my outdoor jacket indoors most of the time, but they were useful back in the fall and now in spring when it's warm enough to not need a jacket indoors, but still chilly enough that you can't always be sleeveless. It also gets really windy at my site and sometimes there are surprise rain storms that roll in.

Undershirts. About three black undershirts to wear under my dress shirts. These work great to preserve modesty (because lets face it, women are always flashing people their bras through the gaps between the buttons when wearing button up dress shirts) and can also be worn as a tank under a cardigan during the spring.

Sturdy bras and enough underwear to last me 27 months. You do NOT want to buy underwear or a bra in Kazakhstan. Trust me. Most likely you won't be able to try the bra on before you buy it (they are usually sold outside at the bazaar) or the quality is just really cheap and will fall apart on you anyway. It's better to just shell out the money and buy a good bra or two or three in America, rather than buy a crappy bra here and get cancer or lead poisoning from the cheap underwire.

Shoes. I brought four pairs of shoes and I wish I had brought more from the U.S. The shoes here are pretty bad quality for the price and most will fall apart on you after a few weeks or a month. I had to buy winter boots here (the ones I brought weren't warm enough) and the zipper broke the second week after I bought them. Similar things have happened to other volunteers. Boots that will last you more than a month are also not that cheap here. If you are going to have to spend $40-80 dollars for winter boots in Kazakhstan, only to have them fall apart in a few weeks/months, you might as well spend $100-150 on a good pair of boots in the States and use them all 2 years. Also, the shoes that volunteers can afford here are ugly. Really, really ugly. Think rhinestones and/or glitter and/or fake Gucci symbols on everything. Everything. It's also hard to find nice non-heeled boots, so you won't break your neck walking on the ice. Yes, there will be lots of ice.

Flip flops are also very useful for when you are staying at an iffy place and/or need to protect your feet while in the shower or shared open banya/bathhouse. I've also seen men and women wearing flip-flops on the street now that it's warm out. I wouldn't recommend it though, it's pretty dirty outside and broken glass is all over the streets from beer bottles even in a relatively clean city like my site.

Silk sleeping bag liner. I didn't have enough space in my luggage for an actual sleeping bag, so I bought the silk liner instead. It's been surprisingly warm and useful when sleeping on less than clean beds/couches. It also works when the volunteers get together and there is a lack of blankets and sheets to go around. The liner is thin, but warm and fits into a little tiny bag the size of a mini umbrella. It was a functional alternative to a sleeping bag and easier to travel around with. Silk liners are kind of expensive though, because they are so warm even though they are thin. I don't know what a cotton alternative would be like. It would probably keep you clean, but not as warm as a silk or other insulated bag liner.

500 GB external hard drive. I have a pocket-sized Seagate one. Being able to hold so much data and exchange movies and music with other volunteers has been a lifesaver during slow periods. I came with only a few gigs of my own stuff, but I was soon able to fill the drive up with other media. You'll have a lot of time to do this during PST, which is the best time since you will all be separated afterward.

Small gifts from the U.S. for host families or local friends during the holiday. *I didn't bring enough though. I just brought enough for my first host family and not enough for my second or local friends. I regret it, because a keychain or American candy would have been more meaningful or important to people than local items they can get themselves. Crayons and coloring books are good for people with children, but just in case you family has older kids (or none), I think sticking with candies, t-shirts, key chains, scented candles, cups, or hats are good. Regarding candy, one volunteer I know brings jelly beans, because you can't get them here. I think most women would like scented candles or jewelry and men would like hats, key chains, or a t-shirt. Just be creative and thoughtful. You can get most of these items cheap at the dollar store, yet it's still equal or better quality than stuff here.

BIG bottle of hand sanitizer. You'll need it. Every volunteer who didn't bring enough regrets it. There will be several times during your service (almost all the time) where you will desperately want to wash your hands, but not have any water or soap to do so. There is never any soap and the water (if any) will always be cold. It will be even more useful if you get placed in a village with outdoor toilets and no indoor plumbing. If it's pitch dark at night in the middle of a -40C winter, you are not going to want to walk to the outdoor water pump to wash your hands.

This is more of a personal thing, but I'm also glad I brought a lot of hygiene products like lotions and cleansers. Although you can buy well known brands here made by Avon or Clearasil, they are usually expensive and I have no idea if they are the real thing or not (especially the products purchased from the bazaar). I have really sensitive skin, so I wasn't really willing to try out the different products here just to find out that they weren't real and/or made me turn into a red lobster-girl. I know some volunteers just buy their facial and body products in Kazakhstan, but for people with skin conditions, I recommend bringing your own several months supply and then have your family and/or friends send more later.

A nice dress for special events. You will probably be invited to a lot of birthdays, weddings, holiday parties and whatnot during your time here and it is expected that everyone who attends will be dressed up. Men will wear suits and women will go all out in dresses, nylons, and heels. *I only brought a summer dress, so I wish I had also packed a winter dress. I had to buy one here, but it's kind of blah.

Long shorts. Although you see some scantily clad women in cities and towns, it's always better to dress a bit more modestly than the locals. And although the young girls try to be sexy, not all of them are like that and most of the older women are pretty conservatively dressed. I don't recommend shorts that don't come close to your knees and/or have rips/tears. I went to Old Navy and bought two pairs of cheap, light cotton knee-length shorts that look good with a nice top for work, but can also be dressed down with a t-shirt. They've been really useful when it's been too hot for pants and are easy to wash because of the thin material.

Things that I wish I had packed:

Bath Towels. Bath towels are expensive here, so your host family might not be so willing to share or might not have enough of them to go around. Also, you idea and their idea of cleanliness may differ, so having your own towels is essential. I would say bring 2-3 medium sized towels that are easy to hand wash if need be.

Floss. The medical department will give you floss, but it's crap. It's the worst floss that I've ever tried using. I couldn't even get the stuff between my teeth. I had a friend send me some real floss from back home, but I should have just brought a few packs with me when I first came.

I bought a purse/shoulder bag during PST. I didn't think I'd need one, but I fit in more with a handbag, probably because all the women here carry one (even the children). It's also convenient not to have to always carry around my backpack (a dead give away that you are a foreigner) and just use my purse to carry the essentials to work and elsewhere. I only use my backpack during trips. As a result, it's a bigger purse. I can fit my netbook into it, as well as books and documents. Since I'm in a big town/small city the purse helps me blend in on the street, but if you are placed in a village it probably won't help you so much in that regard.

More clothes. I didn't bring a lot because someone told me that people tend to wear the same clothes for days on end and it's okay to wear the same thing for an entire week. I guess I did this in the winter, same sweaters (three layers), boots, and pants for days on end, with little to no variation. It was just too cold to care. But now that it's spring, I'm seeing people wear different clothes everyday and I assume it will be the same for the summer and fall months. Yeah, in the winter we all wear the same things to work because we're just trying not to freeze to death, but when your life isn't on the line, there is apparently more consideration for fashion. Go figure. If I wear the same thing all the time now, I'll get weird looks.

Layers for the winter. Sweaters. Turtlenecks. I thought I could buy all this stuff in country, but it's way cheaper and better quality to buy most of your clothes in the U.S. I should have brought around four different thick, dark colored turtlenecks and another 3-4 thick sweaters to wear over those turtlenecks. Make sure these layers are loose and comfortable, because you will be wearing 3-4 layers at a time. I usually wore long underwear, a turtleneck, a sweater, and then my winter jacket.

Thermal underwear. I don't think I took the whole "It's cold in Kazakhstan" thing seriously enough before I came. It's cold here. Really cold. I brought two pairs of long underwear, but they weren't thermal and not for extremely cold weather. Luckily, a lot of kind people have sent me REAL thermal long underwear in care packages, so now I'm prepared for the next winter. This winter I froze though.

An umbrella. I was told that you could buy an umbrella here, so I didn't pack one to save room. That was stupid. The umbrellas here fall apart easily and are of bad quality. Bring your own $10 mini umbrella from the drug store and it's better than the ones you can get here. I bought one and it lasted a week. My friend's lasted one day and it was gone. It does rain quite a bit in some areas, so I say bring one.

Mouthwash. I haven't been impressed with what I've been using here and there isn't a lot of variety. You can get the good stuff, but a small bottle is very expensive and it isn't in a volunteer's price range. I should have brought one or two large bottles of Listerine. The affordable mouthwash here just makes my mouth minty, but I don't think it actually kills bacteria like the packaging says.

Good toothbrushes. I could have easily brought enough for the entire two years (if you use each toothbrush for 2-3 months), but I didn't. I care about my teeth and the average toothbrush is expensive here. The affordable ones are not that good in quality (from my experience), so it's worth bringing some with you from America.

Anything that makes you happy (reasonably). May it be music, certain snack foods, photographs, a stuffed animal (some people bring childhood toys) or whatever else that isn't illegal or unreasonable to bring (you can't bring your parents or boy/girl-friend). You'll need help keeping up your spirits, so bring reminders of what makes you happy. Happiness is fleeting, so hang on to it.

Better to get in Kazakhstan:

A winter jacket. I brought one with me, a nice Northface ski jacket and it wasn't nearly warm enough for the fall, let alone the winter. I think most volunteers find themselves ill-prepared for the cold and end up having to purchase a second winter jacket in country. Might as well save yourself the time and trouble and just buy one here and dress like a local. One thing I've learned is that local people hate being cold, so jackets here are warm. You can get a decent one for $40-70.

Wool socks. Buying wool socks from the U.S. can be pretty damn expensive (like $20-30 dollar for one pair of wool ski socks) but you can buy handmade wool socks here and wear what the locals wear to keep their feet warm. The wool socks I bought here were just as warm as or warmer than the ones I bought in the U.S. and only a quarter of the price.

Medication, unless it is prescription. Peace Corps medical center will give you plenty of different kinds of generic medications to keep you well. No need to buy a lot of Tylenol or Ibuprofen before coming. They also supply Pepto-Bismol, nasal decongestant, allergy medicine (like Benadryl), chapstick and things like band aids. I bought a bunch of headache and stomach medicine before I came and it was a waste of money since I received the same stuff for free from Peace Corps.

If you use/need something out of the ordinary though, like a specific cream or something for a particular condition that you do not have a doctor's prescription for, then you should probably bring some along with you just in case it's not available in country.

Books. You can't really buy English books in stores, but the Peace Corps lounge in Almaty is full of books leftover by other volunteers and the more popular titles usually float between volunteers throughout the country. I would bring one book you really want to read for the long plane ride, but get most of your reading material in country for free. This will give you a lot more freedom regarding luggage weight and you'll be so exhausted during PST that you won't have time to read very much. It's after training that the lull periods begin to happen.

If you go to the first few entries of my blog you will also find a list of what I initially packed back in August 2009.

Good luck.

1 year and counting

Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00

Kazakhstan I was a PCV in Kazakhstan

2010-09-08 09:56:00

It's now been over a year in Kazakhstan and come November it will have been about 15 months of service. It has been a roller coaster of a ride so far with highs and very low lows. I survived one winter in one of the coldest countries that Peace Corps sends volunteers to and ate my weight in watermelon this last sweltering summer. After working at an organization that gave me problems from the very start and was a constant cause of stress, I was recently moved to a different organization within the same site. Lots of things have changed since I first arrived in 2009 and with 2011 just over the horizon, it's crazy to think that I have completed one year already, with 14 months to go.

I guess it's at this point that volunteer blogs go into hibernation. The shocks and novelty of the first year has been recorded and now it's a bit of the same old, same old events. It's not that things have necessarily gotten easier, it's that one gets used to the discomforts and issues that once seemed like such a big deal. Stray gangs of dogs roaming around some of the areas that I have to walk through? Psshhh. Just throw rocks at them. Old ladies shoving me around on the bus and plowing into me on the street? Just dodge them, they are like bulldozers. Men sitting around with beer bottles scattered about, leering and spitting as women pass them by? It's so normal that I would be shocked not to see them.

If things have gotten easier it's only because I've gotten used to my life here, not because the problems have disappeared or changed. In this way, I think my powers of adaptation have increased. You really do get used to the things that are such a culture shock when first arriving and that in itself is something notable to take in. I've figured out which foods I can eat and what foods make me sick an hour after intake. I figured out where to get shoe glue for when my flats fall apart or when I want to purchase a gift for one of the numerous holidays that people celebrate here. I've figured out which restaurants provide the most privacy for when I want to converse in English with friends and not nervously watch over my shoulder for blasted drunkards. I've figured out how the school schedules work and the seasonal calendar for most of the places I volunteer at. I've figured out a lot of things that I didn't know last year and that in itself makes this next year a little less daunting.

Human beings are kind of amazing; we often take a difficult situation and make it work even when there is the option of just dropping things and moving on. The ability and will to adapt is admirable and it's something that the Peace Corps experience really harnesses. Events that often gave me headaches for months are now just another fact of life here. Eta Kazakhstan. This is Kazakhstan. That's the way it is. In order to survive, you numb down and get used to it. There are good things and bad things. During the first year of service it's easy to let all of the bad things weigh you down, but now that I'm creeping up on my second year, I'm gradually beginning to appreciate the good things I will be leaving behind once my service is over. They may just be simple things like the clear night sky, watermelon in the summer, friends made, the funny way that no buildings here seem to be level, or the gratuitous number of billboards devoted to the President's image, but eventually it's these small recollections that will make me chuckle while remembering Kazakhstan. Simple joys and absurdities are what make this experience so memorable.

Volunteers in their second year often tell incoming volunteers that the second year is easier. I'm sure this depends on the circumstances, but I will be finding out if it's true for my situation soon. It's also strange to think about where I am in my service right now because a new group of Peace Corps volunteers recently arrived in Kazakhstan. They are the 22^nd group of volunteers for this country. I had the opportunity to see them a day after they arrived and it was definitely strange. It's like I had come full circle and was seeing all the same emotions that I felt a year ago reflected on their faces. It was discomforting.

I guess it was because I had so much that I could tell them (and I'm sure they wanted to ask), but it wasn't my place to do so (actually I don't think I was allowed to either) and every volunteer has to carve out their own experience. Where I am in my service is just so far away from them that it was hard for me to know what to say to the trainees without scaring them. What could I say when I wanted to be honest? It was better to say nothing or as little as possible. I'm pretty sure that they wouldn't want to hear about my experience anyway. When you first arrive in country everything is so new and nerve-racking (i.e. unstable) that all you want someone to tell you is that everything will be okay and that your time here will be worth it. The first few weeks/months a volunteer is in country, I think that it's better not to hear about someone else's horror stories, because the only one who can decide if Peace Corps is right for them is the individual volunteer.

I'm also at the point right now where I'm seriously thinking about what I will do after my service is over. With a little more than a year to go, this is the time when most volunteers are getting ready to apply to graduate schools. In a few more months it will be jobs and other programs (domestic and foreign). The next phase of my life is just around the bend, so it's inevitable that the trainees that still have more than two years to go are not at the same place. Simultaneously, I'm still excited for them to be here and I'm hopeful that the Kaz-22 volunteer being sent to my site in November will become a friend.

So many things will be changing soon. In a little over a month the volunteer group that came before mine will leave and so will a couple of friends. I'm at a new organization starting over with new people and new work place. A new site mate will arrive and the new school year means new kids to work with at the local schools. Quite a few of the friends I made here locally will also be leaving in a few months, moving on with their own lives. Greetings and goodbyes are just another part of life, especially for a traveler. All the transition that's in the air is both exciting and worrying. Such is life.

Glee

Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00

Kazakhstan I was a PCV in Kazakhstan

2010-10-18 05:22:00

Winter is fast approaching in Kazakhstan and it's already freezing on some days here. I can't wait until my last Siberian winter is over with and I can finally toss my huge coat or donate it to the next volunteer. Things are still relatively the same in Kazakhstan, but I'm in better spirits than I was a couple of months ago. I now work at an organization that caters to abused women and helps them find shelter or rehabilitate their lives. I'm still figuring out how things work and trying to understand the dynamic between co-workers. I've mostly been working on trainings for two of the younger employees, training them on general organizational skills. Topics like strategic planning, project design and development, and presentation skills. They are basic concepts for most office employees in the U.S. (maybe), but these methods aren't really practiced in most Kazakhstani NGOs.

In addition to my primary organization, I have recently started working with teachers from two local schools. I have two separate "Social Issues through Media" discussion groups, where I try to get people to talk about important issues that impact society. Unlike some of my experiences working with students, most of the teachers are pretty talkative and I can bring up more serious topics like teen pregnancy, contraception, family problems, homosexuality, domestic violence, etc. without having angry parents report me for polluting the minds of their kids. I've been using Glee as my medium.

Every session we watch about 20 minutes of Glee and then discuss things that came up during the show. For being entertaining and light-hearted, Glee addresses a lot of controversial issues in society, and is a fun and indirect way of getting the people interested in what's going on in their own society by watching the lives of the characters on the show. Before when I tried to start a Women's Club to talk about women's rights, nobody really had anything to say and people weren't really interested in the topics as much as they just wanted an opportunity to practice English with a native speaker. The group's previous setup held very little significance for the women and girls that I was working with and thus didn't have a sustainable impact.

I thought this through over the summer and was concerned about the lack of a place for people to come together and discuss issues that really do affect their society and as a result their own lives. That's when I started thinking about what I knew about human nature and also the culture in Kazakhstan. For one, it was hard to get any of the girls talking in previous sessions because nobody wanted to associate problems like domestic violence with themselves or people they knew. That's understandable, but nobody talks about their problems in general (it's always harasho in Kazakhstan!), and people rarely seem to honestly confide in each other, making it difficult to relate to other people's problems if it doesn't directly (or indirectly) affect them. Concepts like date rape and spousal abuse are appalling occurrences, but most of the women seemed so detached and uninformed about these incidents in their own society, that they didn't know what to say. That or they understood that the problems exist, but they felt nothing could be done about them, so why talk about it? It was discouraging, but the realistic thought process of many.

After my Women's Club idea pretty much crashed and burned (although clubs are successful to various degrees in other places), I sat in on an English lesson (by a fellow volunteer) based on the book Twilight. Women/girls in Kazakhstan seem to love Twilight; the story; the characters; and the concept. The girls spoke animatedly about why Edward was this or that, and predictably started defending him when the volunteer called Edward a freaky stalker that sparkles. I guess that's when I thought of using Glee.

People (in any culture) love talking about other people and often enjoy gossip. They also love charismatic attractive characters with lives and storylines that are full of juicy scandals. I mean, how else can shows like Gossip Girl and Vampire Diaries be so damn popular all over the world? Plus people in Kazakhstan love singing and dancing, and watching TV serials/soap operas. I thought maybe if the social issues that I wanted to discuss were portrayed by other people on screen, we could watch their complex lives unravel and then simply talk about it afterward, ultimately leading people into serious discussion. I was hoping that by watching Glee, people would be able to relate to the characters or at least like them enough to find it interesting to talk about some of the problems that Will, Kurt, Quinn, etc. are going through. It was sort of win-win because I love Glee and I was glad to find that it worked as a successful means of inspiring genuine discussion. In fact, the groups of teachers that I'm working with really enjoy the show.

I decided to work with teachers instead of students because they are usually more comfortable speaking and because some of the topics that come up on Glee, although okay for American teens, might not be appropriate for teens from a different culture. I guess I just didn't want to have a discussion about teen sexuality (2^nd episode) right off the bat or Kurt's crush on Finn with kids who think it's hilarious when I say "hello". Some of the teachers mentioned showing it to their students, but I told them that they should wait until they watch all of season 1 before they decide to do so. If the teachers want to discuss episodes like when they sang "Like a Virgin" with their students who are probably ages 7-17 then more power to them. But I think I'll leave that fine line alone…

Coincidently, all the teachers that I work with are women, so by default it is kind of like a women's discussion group. It isn't limited to just women's issues like last time, but last week we discussed contraceptives and teen pregnancy. Glee does a great job of bringing up important social issues and getting people interested in the lives (and problems) of the characters. A lot of the topics are what I wanted to cover in the Women's Club, so it worked out well. I get some locals really thinking (or at least talking) and they enjoy it!

I mostly work with young teachers as well, and I feel like their students will benefit more from the broadened insight and understanding of their local teachers than an American outsider. That is to say, if their teachers are more open-minded and thoughtful about social issues, then the teachers have a better chance of passing these insights to their impressionable students. When I work with students, I always feel like there is a thin barrier between us, even if they enjoy speaking with me. The teachers are not only a source of everyday guidance for them, but also locals who understand how things work in Kazakhstan. It's not difficult to understand why they are much more qualified than me to try and create a sustainable change in the minds of local peoples at a much larger scale.

As of now, I've only been doing it for about four weeks, but it's been good so far. The teachers are engaged and enjoy the show. They find the conversation after each episode segment interesting (for the most part) and seem engaged with the topics being discussed. Attendance fluctuated from the first day to the second, but I seem to have two groups of hardcore participants that seem to look forward to the discussion group every week and have told me that it is a weekly highlight for them. I'm really glad that it seems to be a success so far and hope that it turns out to be as rewarding for them as it has been for me.

Noun: priming

Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00

Kazakhstan Where in the world is Schanell??

2012-01-08 16:02:08

Noun: Priming 1) the act of making something ready. I had a conversation recently with a special someone. He told me all about his vision for his life, and I couldn’t help but be amazed by his passion and enthusiasm. … Continue reading →

Peace Corps and Failure

Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00

Kazakhstan A Volunteer's Life and Travels

2012-01-08 06:35:00

I read this article while I was still serving in Kazakhstan about a month before I received word that the program was being suspended.

So many things in this article could be attributed to my service and probably just about every volunteer’s service. Failure is not something I necessarily thought about as being an everyday obstacle when I signed up for the Peace Corps. I felt like I had realistic expectations. I knew it would be incredibly difficult and challenging. It would be mentally, physically and emotionally draining. I also knew that success would likely be made in small steps, and I might not be there to see the benefits of my service. The real gains might be years down the road after I was long gone. But knowing all of that, I didn’t really consider that failing, on a consistent basis, would also be a huge part of my service. Now failure can be big or small, and in the Peace Corps it definitely runs the gambit. Some things are minor and there are others that are the definition of epic failures.

The reason I found this article to be so important, was because it makes it clear that failure is a part of being in the Peace Corps but also that failure is okay. As Americans, we are brought up with the mindset that we must succeed, at everything. When we say we are going to do something, we do it. Failure is not an option. So going into the Peace Corps with that same mindset only to be slapped in the face with reality definitely takes you by surprise. I’ll say it again. Failure is a huge part of the Peace Corps. My first organization was, well, an EPIC, EPIC failure. On paper sounded like a rock star org., or so I was led to believe. In actuality, it was me and one other person who was my director/coworker/counterpart all rolled into one, but I can only count a handful of times that I actually saw her and we “discussed” work related projects. This organization was pretty much only on paper, and I had a hard time determining what I could do to fulfill my obligations as a Youth Development volunteer. My director wanted me to do things but couldn’t tell me the purpose of the org. What were the goals? Where was the focus? It’s a youth org so what’s the target age group? Do we want English clubs? Projects about healthy lifestyles? The answer I kept getting was “you do whatever you want to do”. In theory, that kind of flexibility is pretty awesome and something I love, but not having anyone to work with made it pretty impossible. I still worked as a part of this org and I needed the support and help of the “staff” a.k.a. my director. I got the feeling that she just wanted me to run the org and do everything. All the trainings, all the work, everything. And that just didn’t work. I could do everything, but how would that help her in the end? It wasn’t sustainable. I eventually ended up moving to a new org a few months later after my director and I had a pretty nasty exchange. She really didn’t quite understand the focus and goals of the Peace Corps, and it was best for everyone that we just part ways.
This was my first experience with failure as a VOLUNTEER. I emphasize that because I experienced quite a few during training when I hadn’t officially begun my service. My situation with my org was not unique by any means. There were several other people who experience similar situations and plenty of volunteers before us who also went through the same thing. In America, this wouldn’t happen. The org would have been vetted much better. Actually, it would never have been created in the first place. Non-profits have to have quite a few things before they can register for non-profit status. The main thing is a mission statement which is more or less the goals and focus of your org. What do you do and who are doing it for. My org didn’t even have that. All it takes to be an org in Kazakhstan is filling out some forms, so really anyone can be an org…on paper. Whether the org actually functions is a whole different story.
Anyway, back to my point. I was really disappointed during the first few months. I didn’t have a place to work and mostly sat at home feeling like I had made the worst decision of my life. I put grad school on hold to travel half way around the world and sit around watching TV. I was not a happy camper. I did move to a new org eventually, and things got better. But there were still failures. All the time. I lost track of how many projects or ideas never came to fruition for one reason or another. You come to accept that 9 times out of 10 things don’t work out. You stop letting it get you down so much and you just move on to the next idea, because eventually, one of those ideas does work. Even when something does happen, it usually turns out a little, or a lot, differently than you planned. Which is another thing. Forget the planning because more often than not, nothing goes according to plan. So you might as well just throw that away right now. For example, we had a Halloween party back in the fall. We talked about it with the kids and they were supposed to plan it. We had one the previous year so they were familiar with what it would be like. 2 days before the party nothing had been done. Not a single sign had been made. No decorations or games had been prepared. It was a nightmare. We scrambled trying to make it all happen. I had been in service long enough to know that somehow it would come together. My site mate hadn’t been a volunteer that long and was still worried it would be a huge disaster. I still had a few doubts, but I had also come to learn that somehow things just magically get done in Kazakhstan. So we bought a few things for the games, but the majority of the planning was left up to the kids. When the day of the part arrived, we still weren’t sure if it was going to happen. We arrived in the gym and nobody was there yet. A few minutes later, some of the 10 grade girls walked in with decorations and signed they had made at home and one of the coolest scarecrows I’ve seen. Another group brought apples and buckets for “bobbing for apples” and toilet paper for our mummy wrap game. Thanks to my 2 amazing, former site mates, we already had face paint and candy. Somehow it all managed to come together, and the party was a bigger success than I had imagined. There was a little structure problem with starting the games and keeping things organized, but like I said, it never quite happens the way you plan so just throw the rulebook out. It actually was better than anything I could have planned. So many kids showed up to the part y and had a blast. It was definitely one of my favorite experiences of my whole service. Did it go exactly as planned? Absolutely not. But it was still a giant success and one of my fondest memories.

Which bring me back to the original point about failure. Definitely there are many failures in Peace Corps. It’s a part of life and it’s absolutely a huge part of Peace Corps. There are also many, many things that don’t turn out quite like you hoped. This is another important lesson that I learned in the Peace Corps. Just because it doesn’t turn out the way you planned, doesn’t mean it was a failure. So much of the Peace Corps is about being flexible and making adjustments. As Americans, we often have a very set view about what is considered a success. If something doesn’t turn out exactly the way you planned, it’s not successful. That logic really doesn’t work in the Peace Corps. There were so many times things didn’t work out the way I planned, and no one knew the difference except for me. It’s all about making adjustments and adapting to ever changing situations.
Failure happens. It’s what you do with the failures that more important. Do you dwell and wallow? Or do you learn what to do differently and move on to the next thing?
Peace Corps will give you a beating like nothing else will, but you will learn to be resilient if you stick it out long enough. You can learn to endure any situation that may be thrown your way. It’s definitely a roller coaster ride. That was true until the end. My service was cut short. It was a complete shock and totally out of my control. To me this felt like the ultimate failure because I hadn’t served the full 2 years. Having been home now for a little over a month, I don’t feel that I was a failure for not completing the full service. I had time to let it settle and reflect on all the things I had done instead of all the things I wanted to do that never happened. Looking through pictures I took made me proud of the time I spent in Kazakhstan. It still makes me sad to think about all the people I left behind. Sometimes I miss the kids so much it hurts. I spent a lot of days after I left site thinking about them and worrying what would happen to them. Of course, they were just fine before we came and they’ll be fine after we are gone. But I thought about how much they opened up to us and how much they changed while I was there. I remember them telling my site mates and me about all these dreams and goals they had, and how many of them said their parents didn’t support them. I wondered who would encourage them to go be a fashion designer or dancer now that we were gone. One of the greatest things I was able to do was encouraging the kids to go after the things they wanted no matter how far-fetched they may seem.
After I got back to the States, I found out that one of the girls who had taken a test that would allow her study abroad in America for a year, had made it to the final round. (if you're curious she is the red head in the bottom picture) When I left site, none of the kids who took the test had a received a call for an interview, and I assumed that none of them had made it to the next round. Hearing that news after I was forced to leave early was by far the greatest moment of my entire service. I said way back when I started that if the only thing I accomplished was helping a student get to America to study, it would all be worth it. I’ll find out in April if she was accepted. If she was, she’ll be somewhere in the US by July, and come hell or high water, I’ll do whatever it takes to see her. Even if she doesn’t make it, words cannot express how proud I am. This took 3 years, the collaborative efforts of 4 volunteers, and some amazingly talented and motivated kids. This is a huge deal for the school and the community. I don’t think anyone from my town had ever taken that test much less studied abroad in America during high school. If nothing else, it’s proof that they are capable of achieving those dreams if they want it bad enough. That desire was always there. The talent was always there. It just took a few Americans to bring it out and make them believe that it is possible. Hearing that one of my students may be in America next year is the greatest success I could have asked for. All the failures and disappointments make this one success all the more memorable and that much more special.

Peace Corps is always saying, “It’s the toughest job you’ll ever love”. I’m not one to like corny slogans, but this one is absolutely perfect. Peace Corps is by far the most challenging thing I’ve ever faced. I still have a lot of life to life, but I’m betting that it will stay that way. I haven’t hated any job more while simultaneously loving it. No other experience has given me that amount of growth. I learned more in 15 months than many people learn in a lifetime, and I’m still learning from all the experiences. I’m glad I decided to stay even when I thought I had made the biggest mistake. It turned out to be the greatest thing I’ve ever done.

P.S. Go read the article I posted at the top. It's really amazing.

brief insecurity

Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00

Kazakhstan something about sonia

2010-07-26 16:51:00

While delighted to meet my fellow volunteers, I am also slightly terrified that they are all extreme outdoorsmen/women. Who run marathons, speak five languages, play guitar and spend their summers deworming orphans in subsaharan Africa. I mean, it's wonderful if they do. But I would feel a bit less...earthy.

Verb: to commit.

Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00

Kazakhstan Where in the world is Schanell??

2012-01-05 01:02:29

If I were to publish a dictionary I would define the word commitment as follows: to commit 1) to decide to bind oneself to something ….similar to a ball and chain, peanut butter stuck on the top of your mouth, gluing … Continue reading →